Men’s Divorce Podcast: My Wife Says She Wants A Divorce

Men’s Divorce Podcast: My Wife Says She Wants A Divorce

In part 1 of a four-part series, Cordell & Cordell CEO/Managing Partner Scott Trout and divorce attorney Drew Williams discuss the steps a man should take after finding out his wife wants a divorce.

Divorce catches many guys off-guard, and that shock can contribute to costly mistakes that have long-lasting ramifications. Mr. Trout and Mr. Williams provide tips and strategies to help guys facing divorce ensure their most important assets are protected.

After listing to this episode, you will have a much greater knowledge of the road that lies ahead in divorce and have the information necessary to make educated decisions about your future.

Click the link below to listen to the full episode. Also make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or whichever podcast app you prefer.

The post Men’s Divorce Podcast: My Wife Says She Wants A Divorce appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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What Motivates a Collaborative Divorce Attorney?

What Motivates a Collaborative Divorce Attorney?

Divorce should be more than going through the legal process — it should be a time to set goals and create a vision for your new life.

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Some Nuts and Bolts of the Collaborative Divorce Process

Some Nuts and Bolts of the Collaborative Divorce Process

The collaborative divorce process is gaining recognition in the U.S. and many other countries. It is an alternative to the litigious divorce process. It provides an opportunity for a divorcing couple to resolve divorce issues outside of court in a private and confidential setting with the assistance of professionals. Here are 5 Nuts and Bolts […]

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How to Have a Collaborative Divorce

How to Have a Collaborative Divorce

The collaborative divorce model offers many advantages. Collaborative divorce is a modern, sensible non-adversarial dispute resolution option. It is different from mediation, or litigation.

The post How to Have a Collaborative Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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9 Marital Problems Only Women Face

9 Marital Problems Only Women Face

Frustrated Woman.jpg

 

There is one thing every married couple will tell you…marriage is hard. Whether it’s the first few months or year twenty-five, men and woman who are invested in their marriage all know the big and small things that push their buttons and make marriage downright tough at times.

While researching marital problems I was caught off guard by all the articles I found that pointed out the things women could/should do to make their marriage better. Hmmm, I thought, what about men, do they not have a responsibility to work on the marriage also?

Then my mind wondered to how often problems in a marriage are caused by men alone. Out of curiosity I emailed ten married women friends and asked, “What does your husband do that drives you crazy?” And, the responses I received were all things I’ve heard in the past when counseling married couples.

Based on that, I’m going to go out on a limb and say, there are things that are common to men that negatively impact a wife and, as a result, damage the marriage. Maybe men should put some thought into changing these behaviors? What do you think?

Below are 9 Marital Problems That Only Women Face

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

1. He never attends the kid’s school activities.

Four out of the ten woman I emailed listed this as one of the things their husband never does. My friend Julie said, “On top of that, he couldn’t tell you the names of the children’s teachers and would probably have a hard time telling you the names of their schools.”

This made me wonder if some fathers out there aren’t understanding the value of fatherhood. Especially in this day and age when fathers are more hands on with their children. Are men who don’t make their children’s school activities a priority devaluing their role in their children’s lives or, are they devaluing the importance of those activities?

Whatever the reason, some of these men need a talking to. They need to get their ass in gear and become involved in their child’s school activities. Why? Because they are fathers and that is what fathers should be doing.

2. He is still attached to his mother’s apron strings.

Two friends had this on their list. Amanda said, “I swear, we’ve never taken a family vacation without his mother. If we go out antiquing on a Saturday afternoon we swing by and pick up his mother!”

Jennie shared this story, “We decided to buy our first home. He HAD to have his mother’s input on our buying budget, what neighborhood would be best to buy in and how many bedrooms we should look for. I finally stood back and let him and his mother go house hunting together.”

These guys aren’t still attached to their mother by their apron strings. They’re still attached by the umbilical cord! Can you say, “Mama’s boy?”

These guys are either driven by guilt or had domineering mothers and are afraid of the backlash if they don’t include their mother.

There are men who love their mother and, out of guilt will include their mother where she shouldn’t be included. A good mother will recognize this tendency in her son and not allow it to carry on for a prolonged period of time. Then there are the domineering mothers who feel they should be number one in their son’s lives.

If you are dealing with a domineering mother-in-law and a fearful husband, get thee to a marital therapist!

3. He expects too much of her.

My friend Rose wrote, “He expects me to take time out of my job to take the kids to the doctor, to their school activities, to take care of EVERYTHING concerning the home, the automobile and whatever else may come up in our daily lives. His excuse is, “I make more money than you so you should be the one to lose time from work.”

Ouch! I know how important Rose’s career is to her. She may make less money but that is no reason for her husband to dismiss what is important to her. And, it is certainly no reason to dump more responsibility on Rose!

Rose needs to set boundaries, have an intensive discussion with her husband about who is responsible for what and stop doing it all just because he makes more money.

4. He reneged on how many children they would have.

This one is sad in many ways. Emily and her husband had discussed how many children they would have before marrying. When the time came to talk about child number three her husband shut down the conversation and informed her he was done fathering children.

You can’t force someone to have another child if they don’t want more. Not if you love them anyway. And, it is possible, after becoming a parent to change one’s mind about how many children they want.

Life can look vastly different after marriage and parenthood than it did during the planning stages. This is a situation where Emily is probably going to need to validate his feelings about another child and sacrifice her desire for one more.

I suggest Emily wait and see what happens as time goes by. As the two children, they have now grow, her husband may begin to long for another child also. If not, this is a situation in which Emily is going to have to respect her husband’s desire to have no more children.

5. She wants more sex, he doesn’t.

Connie wrote, “We have sex, on average, twelve times a year. I long for sex at least once a week. Any discussion with him about the difference in our levels of desire turns into him shutting down and telling me “it’s not about me, it’s about him.”

I wouldn’t classify Connie’s marriage as sexless but, it is definitely sex starved…for Connie anyway. I don’t think Connie asking for sex once a week is asking for too much. I also don’t think that Connie’s husband is investing enough concern over the fact that his wife is feeling rejected sexually.

These two need to be in therapy and, Connie’s husband needs to see a Urologist to find out if there is a physical reason for his lack of desire for sex. This is a husband who either has a physical problem or a psychological problem that is interfering with his ability to engage in a normal sex life with his wife. The underlying issue needs to be addressed!

6. He is a slob.

I have very little to say about this. If he is a slob, it’s because he has been allowed to get away with being a slob. If you’re picking up after him, he has no reason to pick up after himself.

I know for many of you neat-freak types, this is a hard one. But how is he supposed to become self-sufficient if you keep doing everything for him? Don’t worry; I have a solution for you! When your husband drops his dirty clothes next to the hamper instead of in the hamper, or at the side of the bed, or on the living room floor, wad them up, stuff them on his side of the closet, and close the closet door. There!

Now you don’t have to look at them anymore! Of course, he won’t notice the giant pile of clothes on the closet floor, but he will notice when he finally runs out of clean stuff to wear. When he asks you where his clothes are, say: “Oh, I only wash clothes that make it into the hamper. Anything that wasn’t in the hamper I figured wasn’t dirty, so I put it back in the closet. On the floor.” This works. I know from experience.

7. He thinks housework is women’s work.

According to my friend, Andre, her husband watches games on the weekend while she cleans house. He plays golf while she uses her Saturdays off work to take the kids for haircuts or to buy new shoes. Refer to #6 for a cure for this problem.

Although it won’t be easy, if the house becomes dirty enough and the kid’s hair becomes too long, when he mentions you slacking on your “women’s work,” tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you’re on strike until he moves his ass and beliefs into the 21st century and starts pulling his weight.

8. He doesn’t share his feelings and thoughts.

I suggested my friend Bromliegh get herself and her husband into therapy. There are many reasons men clam up and refuse to share their feelings and thoughts. Some of which are marriage and relationship killers. That problem is an entirely other article. So, if you’re having this problem, therapy is where you need to be.

9. He is obsessed with sports.

My friend Leah is a true, football, baseball and basketball widow. It’s so bad at her house the only time they take a family vacation is to travel to a sporting event.

Leah’s husband’s involvement in sports is excessive by any measure, and his indifference to her emotional needs is selfish. He needs to understand that his sports fixation makes Leah question his loyalty, and that to rebuild their relationship he needs to limit his involvement. He entitled to watch and play sports, but he can’t let them dominate his life to the extent that his wife feels neglected.

They need to come together and honestly express to each other how sports became more important than the relationship and work out a schedule where they are both getting what they need. Leah is going to need to give him time with his sports and television, he is going to have to push back from the television and spend quality time with his wife and children.

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legal rights for women during divorce

11 Legal Rights for Women During Divorce

legal rights for women during divorce

 

If you are going through a divorce, or are about to go through a divorce, you have many important legal rights. The Constitution, the U.S. Supreme Court, as well as the laws of many states, guarantee you a number of rights and protections.

Your ex-spouse may try to “run you through the wringer.” However, you have legal rights, which can prevent him from doing that. Some of the many legal rights, which frequently arise in divorce cases, include:

11 Legal Rights for Women During Divorce

The right to notice and opportunity for a hearing 

The Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution says that no state can deprive you of life, liberty, or property without due process of law. The Supreme Court has held that this means that, before a court takes any action against you, the court has to notify you, and the court has to give you an opportunity to present your argument in court. Thus, a court cannot grant your ex-spouse a divorce, or make any ruling regarding custody, visitation, property division, or alimony, without first notifying you and giving you an opportunity to respond.

The right to a neutral decision-maker

The Supreme Court has also held that the “due process” clause guarantees you the right to a judge who is neutral. Thus, if you have a judge who is biased (for example, is your ex-spouse’s relative or friend) then you have the right to ask that the judge recuse himself from your case.

The right to file your divorce petition for free, if you can’t afford the filing fee

Most states require you to pay a filing fee when you file your divorce petition. But, in Boddie v. Connecticut, the Supreme Court ruled that the state cannot deny you the right to a divorce if you can’t afford to pay the filing fee. So, if you want to file for divorce and can’t afford to pay the fee, ask the court clerk for a “pauper’s affidavit” which will allow you to file for free.

The right to remarry someone of another race

In Palmore v. Sidoti, the mother, who was white, divorced her husband, and obtained custody of their three-year-old daughter. The mother then remarried an African-American. The trial court then changed custody of the child to the father; the trial court held that, because of the “social consequences of interracial marriage,” it was not in the child’s best interests to grow up in a household with a stepfather of a different race.

The Supreme Court reversed the trial court. The Supreme Court ruled that the trial court could not take the race of the stepparent into consideration when awarding custody. The mother had the constitutional right to marry anyone regardless of race. So, it the mother married interracially, the trial court could not penalize the mother for her marriage, by removing the child from her custody.

The right to custody of your children if your ex-spouse dies

The Supreme Court has stated that, if your ex-spouse dies, the state must return your children to you, unless a court rules that you are an unfit parent. A court cannot rule that you are an unfit parent unless the court first gives you notice and a hearing.

In many states, you cannot be denied custody simply because you are a woman

In much of the nineteenth century, the husband was considered the “head and master” of the household, and the husband would automatically obtain custody of the children when the parties divorced. Then, in the late nineteenth century, many states changed their laws and created the “tender years doctrine,” which held that courts were to prefer the mother in child custody cases.

Since the 1970s, many states have passed laws stating that the predominant consideration in custody cases is the “best interests of the child,” and that a court may not prefer to award custody to either parent because of the gender of that parent. The Supreme Court, however, has not yet ruled on this issue, and the laws vary from state to state. It would be wise to consult an experienced family attorney to see what the law in your state says on this issue.

If a third-party, who is not a parent, seeks visitation with your child, the court must give your decision “special weight.”

In Troxel v. Granville, the Supreme Court held that parents have a “fundamental right … to make decisions concerning the care, custody, and control of their children.” Troxel held that a consequence of this right is, if someone other than a parent seeks visitation with a child, the court must give the parent’s decision “special weight.” This holding often comes into play when grandparents seek visitation.

This does not mean, however, that a court may never award visitation to a non-parent. The Supreme Court did not specify exactly how much weight a trial court must give to a parent’s decision; the Court said, “We do not, and need not, define today the precise scope of the parental due process right in the visitation context.” However, Troxel makes clear that a court may not award visitation to a non-parent simply because the court believes visitation would be in the child’s best interests.

The right to have your case heard in a state with which you have some contact

In general, you must have some contact with a state, in order for a court of that state to have jurisdiction to hear your case. The state in which your case may be heard depends in part on the issues being adjudicated.

Granting of a divorce – which state may hear the case?

A court may grant a divorce decree if either spouse resides in the state where the petition is filed. Thus, if your husband files a divorce petition in his state of residence, the court may grant him a divorce decree even if you have no connection with the state. See Williams v. North Carolina. However, the court may not adjudicate financial issues, or custody issues, unless you have some type of contact with the state.

Adjudication of financial issues – which state may hear the case?

The Supreme Court has held that, in a divorce case, a court may not adjudicate financial issues (for example property division and alimony) unless the defendant has “minimum contacts” with the state. In Kulko v. Superior Court, the father, who lived in New York, bought his daughter a one-way plane ticket to California, where the girl’s mother lived. The mother then filed a motion in a California court. In the motion, Mother asked the California court to modify Father’s financial obligations which had been entered in the original divorce decree.

Father’s only connection with California was that he had bought his daughter a one-way plane ticket to go there. The Supreme Court held that Father’s buying his daughter an airline ticket to California was not enough to give a California court jurisdiction to rule on financial issues related to the divorce. In the Supreme Court’s view, Father did not have minimum contacts with California.

The Supreme Court has not precisely defined “minimum contacts”, and the law on minimum contacts is highly complex and takes up the space of many law school lectures and textbooks. However, other Supreme Court cases have said that in order to have minimum contacts with a state, a person must have “purposefully avail[ed] [her]self of the privilege of conducting activities within the forum State,” and “the defendant’s conduct and connection with the forum State [must be] such that he should reasonably anticipate being haled into court there.”

So, in order for a court to have jurisdiction to rule on financial issues in your divorce case, you must have purposefully availed yourself of conducting activities with the state, and your conduct and connection with the state must be such that you should reasonably anticipate being haled into court there. (The Supreme Court has also held that, if you do not have “minimum contacts” with a state, a court of that state may still hear financial issues in your divorce case, if you are served with the summons when you are present in the state.)

Adjudication of child custody and visitation – which state may hear the case?

The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA) governs the venue for child custody decisions. The UCCJEA is state law, not federal law, but, because all fifty states have adopted the UCCJEA, then your rights under the UCCJEA are similar anywhere in the country. The UCCJEA is highly complex, and cannot be fully discussed here. However, to sum it up, the UCCJEA says that a court may not make a child custody determination unless at least one of the following is true:

  • The state is the child’s home state on the date the case was filed or was the child’s home state less than six months before the case was filed, but a parent or person acting as a parent continues to live in the state; or
  • No other state has jurisdiction, or a court of the child’s home state has declined to exercise jurisdiction, and
  1. The child and the child’s parents, or the child and at least one parent or person acting as a parent, have a significant connection with the state other than physical presence, and
  2. Substantial evidence is available in the state concerning the child’s care, protection, training, and personal relationships.
  • All courts of states having jurisdiction have declined to exercise jurisdiction; or
  • No court of any other state has jurisdiction under the above criteria; or
  • An emergency exists.

Also, if any court has made a child custody determination, that court has “continuing, exclusive jurisdiction” over any future cases involving custody of the child. “Continuing, exclusive jurisdiction” means that no other court may modify or change the child’s custody decree unless a court determines that the child, the child’s parents, and any person acting as a parent do not currently reside in the state.

NOTE: The above description only scratches the surface of the UCCJEA. There are other provisions of the UCCJEA that may allow, or not allow, to hear your particular case. If you have further questions about the UCCJEA, consult an attorney.

Know Your Rights and Protect Them!

If you are in the process of a divorce, and you believe that a court has violated any of your rights mentioned in this article, speak up and assert your rights. Your ex-husband may want to trample on you, but courts and legislatures have determined that you have the constitutional right not to be trampled on.

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6 Things You Should do if You Want a New Year’s Divorce

6 Things You Should do if You Want a New Year’s Divorce

Happy New Year! By the end of next week, I will probably have received at least half a dozen phone calls from prospective new clients eager to get a New Year’s divorce. It happens every year. In the past, I thought it was simply a matter of timing. Unhappy couples wanted to get through the […]

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gatekeeper mom

4 Reasons To Avoid Being a Gatekeeper Mom Trap During Divorce

gatekeeper mom

 

Do you find yourself having difficulty letting go and relaxing about what your children do while they are with their other parent? Focusing too much on your children’s time or activities at your ex’s house can potentially damage your relationship with them and undermine their connection with both parents. When a parent communicates anxiety and becomes too vigilant about custody exchanges (or parenting time) they may be taking on the role of a gatekeeper.

What is a gatekeeper mom?

According to child custody expert Robert Beilin, P.h.D., a gatekeeper is a term  often used in a negative way to describe how parents (usually a mother) attempts to control their children’s time with the other parent. Since traditionally mothers tend to be gatekeepers, this article will focus on mothers but the term could apply to fathers as well.

According to author Kerri Kettle, the term “gatekeeper” is generally brought up in child custody cases. Kettle, an attorney, advises mothers to beware of being a gatekeeper and to avoid adversarial interactions with their ex. After all, it could lead to additional legal costs and have a negative impact on children. She writes, “If you think you might be acting a little like a gatekeeper, try saying “yes” more often than saying “no” for a while. Start with something small, like giving up a few hours of your custodial time for a special occasion or simply not asking questions about what happened at their dad’s house.” She also advises parents that they will save legal fees by being a cooperative co-parent.

Let’s face it, it’s easy to see how a parent could slip into the gatekeeper role. After my divorce, I had trouble adjusting to our co-parenting schedule and I found myself overly concerned about what my children did when they were with their father and the amount of time they spent with him. It took several years for me to realize that this was my way of trying to gain control over the situation. While I never did anything consciously to sabotage my children’s relationship with their dad, my questions, and concerns about their activities with him didn’t demonstrate confidence in our parenting plan.

Further, children have a way of sensing tension and worry and so a mother’s fear or concerns about time spent away from her may be a red flag that heightens their anxiety. Without awareness, a parent could be bringing undue stress on your children without intending to. My research shows that the two variables that had the most negative impact on children of divorce into adulthood were limiting their access to both parents and experiencing high conflict between their parents post-divorce.

A crucial aspect of healing after divorce is realizing that you can’t control what goes on with your ex and so need to respect the decisions that he makes regarding his time with your children.  You can’t change him and are wise to let go of unrealistic expectations. For instance, you might not approve of him taking your eight-year-old to a movie rated PG 13 – but in the end, it’s not going to make or break their emotional development. So it wouldn’t hurt to simply let it slide sometimes.

On the other hand, if you have legitimate concerns about activities that your kids participate in with their father, it’s a good idea to send him a friendly, business-like e-mail expressing your concerns. Divorce expert Rosalind Seddacca CCT writes, “If you’re intent on creating a child-centered divorce that strives for harmony between you and your ex, you need to initiate the conversation and model win-win solutions. If your ex doesn’t want to cooperate, that’s when your patience will certainly be tested. Look for opportunities to clarify why working together as co-parents as often as possible will create far better outcomes for your children.”

Eileen Coen, an attorney, and trained mediator states that one reason mothers tend to be gatekeepers is that trust is often lost in a marriage. Other reasons cited by Coen are economic and a lack of confidence in their ex’s parenting skills. However, she cautions us that on-going conflict between parents is the primary reason why mothers are gatekeepers – making it virtually impossible to have adequate, healthy parenting time with their children.

Studies show that kids benefit from access to both parents. There is evidence that cooperative co-parenting actually reduces conflict between divorced parents – which has a beneficial impact on children into adulthood. Scheduling appropriate parenting time for both parent’s post-divorce and keeping lines of communication positive can be a challenge but it’s paramount to building resiliency in your children. When a parent takes on the role of gatekeeper, they communicate discomfort and anxiety to their children and diminish their sense of belongingness with both parents.

Joan Kelly, a renowned researcher who has conducted decades-long studies on divorce, found that the more involved fathers are post-split, the better off the outcomes for children. Children benefit from strong relationships with both parents post-divorce. According to Linda Nielsen, author of Between Fathers and Daughters, the child’s relationship with their father is often the one that changes the most after marital dissolution. Sadly, Dr. Nielsen notes that only 15% of fathers and daughters enjoy the benefits of shared parenting.

There are many compelling reasons why mothers are wise to encourage their children to have strong bonds with their father post-divorce. Studies show that these reasons include: Better grades and social skills, healthy emotional development, higher self-esteem, and fewer trust issues. Lowered self-esteem and trust wounds are especially a concern for girls who may be more vulnerable to the breakup of the family home because they are socialized to be nurturers and caretakers. Your kids may also have better access to extended family members and therefore intergenerational support if they spend close to equal time with both parents.

Here are 4 Reasons to avoid the gatekeeper trap:

1. Your children will gain trust in both parents and feel more confident about their relationships with both of you.

2. You will build trust in your ex’s ability to effectively parent your children.

3. There’s a possibility you’ll have the added benefit of more leisure time – when you can relax and worry less about your children’s well-being.

4. You’ll create a new story for your life built on reclaiming your personal power rather than letting your divorce define who you are or the choices you make.

Focusing your energy on what’s going on in your home and encouraging your children to have a healthy connection with their father will pay off in the long run. Another important reason to avoid being a gatekeeper is to respect your child’s and ex-spouse’s boundaries. When your children are with your ex, honor their time together and try not to plan activities or partake in excessive communication with the other parent (phone, text, etc.). Since parental conflict is a factor that contributes greatly to negative outcomes for children after divorce, keeping disagreements to a minimum is a key aspect of helping your child become resilient. You owe it to yourself and your children to avoid playing the role of a gatekeeper.

More From Terry:

Follow Terry Gaspard on Twitter,  Facebook, and movingpastdivorce.com

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5 Items To Consider Discussing At A Divorce Attorney Consultation

5 Items To Consider Discussing At A Divorce Attorney Consultation

If you’re considering divorce that will mean consulting a divorce attorney. Below are 5 issues you should make sure to discuss during an initial consultation.

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women need to know about divorce

What Women Need To Know About Divorce

women need to know about divorce

 

While everyone comes to the decision to divorce via their own personal path, and every divorce is unique to its own set of circumstances, women often face concerns that are specific to them. And things women need to know about divorce.

If you’re facing a divorce – whether you are the spouse who’s instigating the dissolution of your marriage or not – understanding the basics of divorce can help you make better-informed decisions and help you better protect your rights throughout the divorce process.

What Women Need To Know About Divorce

Choosing the Right Divorce Attorney

Whether you are contemplating a divorce, are facing a divorce, or fear that divorce is imminent, you need an experienced divorce attorney on your side. The outcome of your divorce will affect you and your children’s future significantly, and you don’t want to leave anything to chance.

When searching for a divorce attorney, look not only for someone with considerable experience, skill, and knowledge but also for someone with whom you feel comfortable working very closely. In the course of the divorce process, you’ll need to share the private details of your marriage, and choosing a compassionate, understanding divorce lawyer is a great place to start.

The Primary Elements of Your Divorce

While every divorce is indeed unique, certain issues must be resolved before any divorce is final. These include:

Your Child Custody Arrangements

The primary concern of most divorcing parents is their children. Mothers have traditionally been their children’s primary caregivers throughout their marriages, and if you are facing a future in which your children won’t be living with you 24/7, it can be especially difficult. The fact is that more and more fathers are fighting for and receiving enhanced visitation schedules – and even 50/50 custody.

While it’s almost always in your children’s best interests to spend a considerable amount of time with both of their parents, this fact does not mean that you should give up on your plans to be the primary custodial parent. It does, however, mean that you’ll need to work closely with your dedicated divorce attorney to help you obtain custody arrangements that work for you and your children.

The court’s primary goal is always to do what’s in the best interests of the children involved, but this goal is quite vague, and the court has considerable discretion in the matter. If you’re moving toward divorce, it’s never too early to start thinking carefully about your child custody goals and how best to achieve them.

The Division of Marital Property

After child custody arrangements, the division of your marital property is generally the most important divorce concern. Marital property typically refers to the property, assets, and debts that you and your spouse acquired as a married couple. In your divorce, these assets will generally be divided in a manner that is considered fair – if not exactly equal.

Again, however, the court has vast discretion in this determination. The division of your marital property is an extremely important consideration that will likely affect your finances well into the future, and it should be given the careful legal attention that it deserves.

Spousal Support

Spousal support refers to what you may know as alimony. Confusingly, it can also be referred to as spousal maintenance in certain states. Traditionally, women receive alimony more often because women are more likely to have stalled or left their own careers to run their homes and to raise their children in support of their husbands’ careers. Spousal support is by no means a certainty, and it is usually just a temporary measure to help the spouse with fewer assets get up to financial speed post-divorce.

Spousal support is most common after a long marriage, but many different variables can play a role. While there is no guarantee that you will receive spousal support, it can play an important role in your ability to move forward after your divorce, and you and your divorce lawyer should explore this potentiality.

The Issue of Fault

Divorce can be complicated by any number of intervening factors, and many women have questions about specific concerns. For example, the issue of fault often comes up. If your spouse was having an affair, spending down your marital assets, or engaging in any number of other nefarious activities, it may have played a critical role in the dissolution of your marriage.

Most states are No-Fault divorce states, which means that courts don’t take either spouse’s fault in the matter into consideration. This being said, however, the presiding judge in any given divorce proceeding always has wide discretion when it comes to the important decisions, and as such, your spouse’s actions may be factored into the outcome of your divorce. Again, it’s a complicated issue that requires the professional legal counsel of an experienced divorce attorney.

Your Divorce

Divorce is one of life’s most difficult challenges, and it requires a good deal of heartache and hard work. If you’re facing a divorce, do yourself and your children a favor by working closely with an experienced divorce attorney who will help protect your rights while aggressively advocating for an outcome that works for you.

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