decision to divorce

Let Intuition Guide You In The Decision To Divorce And Beyond

decision to divorce

 

You have been unhappily married for quite some time and the possibility of divorce has crossed your mind.

You have been evaluating the pros and the cons of staying with your husband and it is a tough call. You feel miserable but it can feel so right at times…

Now what?

Read on for helpful tips on how to use meditation and tap into your intuition to guide you in making this difficult decision with poise and confidence.

Leaving the love of your life is no small task

Deciding whether to leave an unsatisfying marriage or sticking it out is no small task. It’s a major decision, as big as getting married, if not more. Therefore, it should not be made in haste or in the heat of an argument.

In addition to taking the time to evaluate your relationship, you need a peaceful and quiet mind, so that your inner wisdom can bubble up and guide you into taking the right course.

Unfortunately, we are often consumed by obsessive thinking. The truth is that solutions cannot come into a mind that is cluttered with thought patterns of fear, anger, victimhood, revenge or any negative emotion. So, the first step is to quiet the mind.

Let Intuition Guide You In The Decision To Divorce

Cultivate a peaceful mind through meditation

The best way to quiet the mind is through meditation. Meditation is a highly effective tool to heighten awareness and restore a sense of serenity and inner peace.

The word meditation conjures up all kinds of images, but the truth is that you do not have to stand up on your head chanting mantras nor lay on a bed of nails. You are not required to embrace beliefs that may conflict with your own. These mysterious associations may scare some people, but this does not need to be the case.

Meditation is essentially quieting the mind. Turning off the inner chatter that torments us with thoughts of the past and fear of the future.

These ceaseless thoughts steal our attention from living in the present moment, where the action is. Where things happen. Where ideas flow. Where change takes place.

Most of us have so much clutter revolving in our heads that we are convinced we cannot turn off our minds. Especially when we are in unhappy situations that consume our attention.

Yet meditation is not about instantaneously drawing a blank for hours at a time. You start by slowing down your thoughts until you eventually feel the bliss of serenity. And once you experience that peace, you will be hooked. You will never get enough of it.

Meditating is easy

The easiest method of meditation is to sit comfortably with your back straight, close your eyes and follow your breath. Focus your attention on your in-breaths and out-breaths for five to ten minutes. If thoughts arise while you’re meditating, release them and return your attention to your breath.

That’s it!

In time you can increase the duration of your meditation sessions, or try more sophisticated techniques.

As you can see, meditation is simple, free, needs no fancy equipment and can be practiced anywhere at any time.

There are countless styles of meditation. Choose the one that’s right for you. Experiment with different techniques until you discover the one that hits the spot.

You may switch styles at different times, depending on your mood and circumstances. Feel free to play on your own, and create a routine that will make you feel refreshed, alert and alive.

Learn new techniques and meet kindred spirits

Jumpstart your meditation practice! Take a class or go on retreat and meet fellow meditators who can support you on your practice. Pick up a book or browse online. The Internet is full of resources, including guided meditation videos to help you get started. Check out Simple Habit, a free meditation app to get you meditating in five minutes!

One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Tara Brach, has fantastic information on her website, including guided meditations and comprehensive meditation FAQs. Her peaceful demeanor and soothing voice will have you in the zone in no time.

Brach’s beautiful teachings have been instrumental in my spiritual evolution and can support you, too, as you transition from an unhappy marriage to an awakened life.

Like many people, you may be skeptical that you can meditate. Anyone can meditate, including you. And once your mind is quiet, you can let your intuition do its job and guide your decisions and actions in every situation.

Intuition: your internal guidance system

As you stand bewildered on a fork on the road wondering what to do, realize that you have an internal guidance system that knows the solution to every problem and the answer to every question. It’s called intuition.

Intuition is your inner sage. It is often referred to as the sixth sense or the “still small voice” within. Intuition is that hunch that nudges you to turn right when you know you’re supposed to turn left, only to avoid an accident or a traffic jam.

Intuition directs you to call a friend, only to learn this person was in danger or need, and your call was heaven sent. Perhaps it convinced you to walk into an unfamiliar store where you found an elusive item you had been long searching for.

Intuition is always active and available to guide you, anywhere, anytime. And it responds to your requests for assistance. It will help you discover the right answer every time, if you let it. It will show you the way.

When you follow your intuition and surrender to its guidance, things go smoothly and unfold in perfection.

Step back and get out of your own way 

Perhaps you have not enjoyed the full benefits of intuition up to now because you were not in tune with its power. We are conditioned to rely exclusively on our reasoning minds, and to reach our solutions from the (limited) pool of knowledge that we have. So we knock ourselves out over-thinking the solution to our problems when, in reality, we would do ourselves a favor if we stepped back and allowed intuition to step in and reveal the answers.

You have the gift of intuition 

You may think that intuition is a faculty possessed only by psychics or saints. But everybody has the gift of intuition, whether or not they realize it. That includes you.

Some people may appear to have a keener intuition. They seem to mysteriously know things hidden to the rest of us. That is because these people have made a habit of listening to it, trusting it and following where it leads.

You can cultivate your intuition and fully enjoy its benefits, too. Unleashing the magic of intuition is easier than you think. It merely requires you to get out of the way and let it do its job. It is releasing your ego’s need to control every outcome and welcoming the possibility that your path will reveal itself at each junction on the road.

Follow these steps to wake up your intuitive powers:

  • Quiet your mind
  • Meditate for a few minutes and clear your mind of obsessive thoughts and negative emotions. Negative emotions block the flow of intuition.
  • Ask the right question to get the right answer
  • Articulate in your mind the problem you are seeking to solve. In order to get the right answer, you need to pose the right question.
  • Ask the question from a place of integrity and make it your intention to attract the best solution for the highest good.
  • End with this affirmation from Florence Scovel Shinn:“I am always under direct inspiration; I make right decisions quickly.”
  • Let the answers come
  • Release your query and allow the answers to come to you without forcing them. Sleep on it, as the saying goes. I prefer to do this exercise before going to sleep, and the answer often comes in a dream or a thought that pops up when I wake up in the morning.
  • Listen for the messages
  • The answers will come to you, but you can only notice them if you are open and receptive. Use active awareness and pay attention!
  • While it would be convenient if they appeared on a billboard addressed to you personally, your responses can arrive in in a variety of ways, many of them surprising.
  • They can come in the form of a thought or idea. They can appear as an image, a mental picture, a word or a song. Your answers can be delivered in a call from a friend or a random encounter with a stranger. You can receive a subtle sign or be struck with a major epiphany.
  • Learn to trust your intuition
  • Intuition is the opposite of the reasoning mind. Very often your intuitive hits will defy common sense. We run into problems when we try to second guess our intuition. Or when we become attached to an outcome and are unwilling to consider that there’s a better way out.
  • Get rid of the graspingness. Do not fight your intuitive leads and see where they take you.
  • Act on your intuitive hits
  • If you feel prompted to do something, go for it! Your surprise blessing may be waiting for you, or a wave of favorable unforeseen events may ensue. I am not suggesting you engage in reckless conduct, but if a seemingly harmless idea pops up, what do you have to lose?
  • At first glance, this may seem senseless to you. But questioning intuition will neutralize its efficacy. If you can’t bring yourself to trust the unknown, start with smaller decisions.
  • As you strengthen your intuitive abilities and begin to honor and follow your leads, you can delegate larger matters until you stop resisting and permit yourself to go with the flow. You will then move through life with the confidence that you’re always in the right place at the right time and taking the correct action.

Let intuition guide you in the divorce decision and beyond

Rely on your intuition to guide you as you end your relationship with your husband as it exists today. It will advise you whether to leave or stay. It will reveal to you the actions you need to take to repair your struggling marriage or will show you the way to the door.

Your intuition will become your most trusted adviser in every area of your life. Your inner sage will point the way to freedom and fulfillment. You will know in your heart the next steps to take.

Your inner sage will direct you to your ideal home, your next career or job or the training you need to reach your goals. Your intuition will introduce you to new people and will counsel you who needs to go. And just as important, it will intervene and nudge you when you’re heading the wrong way.

As you continue to activate your intuitive faculties, you will discover that they will always be working for you, even without your asking.

Do you trust your intuition? Have you listened to it as navigate the waters of marital turmoil?

Share your answers in the comments below!

Note: Excerpt adapted from the book Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist? by Sonia Frontera

The post Let Intuition Guide You In The Decision To Divorce And Beyond appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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order of protection

4 Things You Need To Know About An Order Of Protection

order of protection

 

Otherwise known as a restraining order, an order of protection is a legal document that limits the contact one individual can have with another. The laws pertaining to restraining orders are different in each state. In the state of New York, an order of protection is an order from the court that tells a person the amount of contact he or she can have with another person. It also states what he or she is not allowed to do to the other person.

The amount of contact allowed will depend on the case. In some cases, there will be some contact permitted, while in others, no contact will be allowed at all. An order of protection is meant to limit the behavior of the person who may threaten or harm to another individual.

Both family courts and criminal courts possess the power to institute an order of protection. Your divorce lawyer can assist you in this legal process.

How Is an Order of Protection Obtained?

Start by contacting your divorce lawyer, so they can help differentiate which orders of protection will work best for your specific circumstance. You will need a professional attorney to back you up in court.

An order of protection in a criminal court will be issued against this person who has committed a crime. Should they commit this crime, contact the police immediately. The terms and conditions of the order of protection will be determined in the Criminal Court.

To get an order of protection through a Family Court, you must have a particular relationship with the individual whom you are issuing an order against. Specifically, here are the relationships we mean:

  • Spouses (either current or former).
  • A family member who is blood-related or related by marriage.
  • Individuals who have had children together.
  • Having a current or former intimate relationship (this is more than a casual relationship, but does not have to be sexual. The court will determine the state of the relationship when given the details).

Make sure that before filing a case in court, you contact a legal professional that has your best interests in mind.

How Long is The Order of Protection Valid?

Initially, you may receive a temporary order of protection. When the case comes to an end, the court may issue a final order of protection. This may last anywhere from one year to several years depending on the case.

What Can I Do if an Order of Protection is Violated?

Violating an order of protection is against the law. Violation is considered a crime and should be reported to the police. You should contact your divorce lawyer in Plainview right away if your order of protection has been violated.

Can The Details of an Order of Protection Be Changed?

The court who issued the order of protection can make changes according to the details of the case. The court may add or limit child visitations. The court may also change the wording in the order such as changing “refrain from” to “stay away” or vice versa. The order can also be extended if needed.

Who Can Help?

Legal professionals can help you in filing for an order of protection. With the help of a top-quality attorney that specializes in family and matrimonial litigation, you can have all bases covered. You should not have to live your life in fear or discomfort with the looming thought that you’ll have to deal with a particular individual. So do not feel ashamed to reach out for help because you do have options. With the help of a divorce lawyer, you can ensure that you are getting as much space as you need.

The post 4 Things You Need To Know About An Order Of Protection appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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6 Good Reasons to Consider Hiring a Divorce Mediator

6 Good Reasons to Consider Hiring a Divorce Mediator

When a couple decides to divorce, they may decide to resolve their divorce issues outside of court using a neutral divorce mediator as a facilitator. A mediator can help them navigate through their divorce discussions.  

The post 6 Good Reasons to Consider Hiring a Divorce Mediator appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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bad outweigh the good in your marriage

Does The Bad Outweigh The Good in Your Marriage?

bad outweigh the good in your marriage

Does the Bad Outweigh the Good in Your Marriage?

 

Does every situation, no matter how seemingly trivial, evolve into a fight?

Do you or your spouse continually refer to hurtful events in the past?

Is all the respect gone from your relationship? Do you feel it is impossible to bring that respect back?

Have your goals and directions changed but your spouse stayed the same?

Is your spouse no longer encouraging your independence and individual growth?

Have you and your spouse both changed so much that you no longer share moral, ethical, or lifestyle values?

Have you and your spouse lost the art of compromise? When you disagree, are you unable to create a path together that is acceptable to both?

Do you and your spouse have a basic sexual incompatibility?

Do you find yourself no longer attracted to your spouse?

Despite help from a professional therapist, marriage educator or coach have you stopped making love, continued to argue and seen no change in the dynamics between the two of you?

The above questions focus on the negative aspects of the marriage. You can’t say for sure that you are ready for divorce without first taking into consideration any positive aspects.

Conflict and frustration due to marital problems can skew our view of the benefits of marriage, especially when compared to some of the negative aspects of divorce.

Have you considered the following and come to terms with the changes divorce will mean in each situation?

Post Divorce Parenting and Isolation:

If you have a child have you taken into consideration the possibility of becoming the primary caregiver on a day to day basis? For the custodial parent, divorce means parenting on your on for the majority of the time. It is an intense responsibility; truly single parenting is the hardest job one can do so think carefully before voluntarily taking on that responsibility.

On the other hand, if you are to become the non-custodial parent have you considered the pain to both you and your child of no longer being part of their daily life? For non-custodial parents, divorce means a part-time, every other weekend relationship with children. This should be your most important consideration before taking any steps toward divorce.

Divorce doesn’t only end the marriage; it changes relationships that were established due to the marriage. Will you miss your in-laws, neighbors, if you have to move, and any friends who could be considered his /her friends?

The Downside of Being Newly Single

Have you given any thought to the solitude and loneliness that come along with being newly single? It takes time to rebuild a life, in the beginning, there will be more solitude and time to yourself. If you are someone who doesn’t like time alone make sure you have a good support system of friends and family in place before moving on to divorce.

If you can honestly say that you’ve taken all the above into consideration and are sure you are ready for the next step then, you are at a point of acceptance which is a significant sign that it is time to divorce.

The post Does The Bad Outweigh The Good in Your Marriage? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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9 Issue that Will Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process

9 Issue that Will Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process

Changing your estate plan, qualifying for a mortgage and going back to work may be things you face post-divorce. The sooner you start to address these issues, the better off you will be.

The post 9 Issue that Will Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Does an Expert Witness’ Opinion Depend on Who Hired Them?

Does an Expert Witness’ Opinion Depend on Who Hired Them?

If a divorce case goes to trial, the experts brought by each party may have different – if not diametrically opposing – views. How does this happen?

The post Does an Expert Witness’ Opinion Depend on Who Hired Them? appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Divorce Narrative: What is yours and why does it matter?

Divorce Narrative: What is yours and why does it matter?

All of our narratives play an important role in shaping our behaviors and relationships moving forward.

The post Divorce Narrative: What is yours and why does it matter? appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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5 Reasons You Should Have an Attorney Review Your “Do it Yourself Divorce”

5 Reasons You Should Have an Attorney Review Your “Do it Yourself Divorce”

Even if you and your spouse have the best intentions and full financial disclosure, there are several reasons why your self-prepared marital settlement agreement should be reviewed by your own attorney before you sign it.

The post 5 Reasons You Should Have an Attorney Review Your “Do it Yourself Divorce” appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Make Your Divorce Easier

8 Smart Family Lawyer Tips to Make Your Divorce Easier

Make Your Divorce Easier

 

When I started as a family lawyer over 13 years ago, I was as new to the divorce process as anyone else. Having now been involved with hundreds of cases, some more difficult than others, I’ve learned some sage advice to give my clients. Divorce is by no means an easy thing to go through, but there are some things that you can do to make the process a little bit simpler and easier for you.

Here Are 8 Smart Lawyer Tips to Make Your Divorce Easier:

Observe Proper Timing

Divorce is as important as a couple’s decision as getting married is. You can’t force someone to get married the same way as you can’t just force a divorce on your spouse (setting aside special circumstances). It is best to talk things through before filing for a divorce so your partner won’t drag the process just to get back at you.

Open Your Own Bank Account

Ideally speaking, you should have your own bank account even when you are married but if that is not the case, then you should get one; whether you are getting divorced or not. Know that in cases of joint accounts, your spouse can drain your account without your consent so it is better to avoid this situation, to begin with, by having your own.

Ensure That You Have Time for a Divorce

Getting a divorce can eat up your time and the changes will be hard for you, your ex, and the children. By making sure that you have the time to devote to a divorce, not only will it make the process easier and faster but you will also have time to allow yourself and loved ones to transition into your new life. I’ve seen many cases where, although a divorce is needed, the timing causes havoc far beyond the existing marital issues.

Your Divorce Rationale Letter Should be Lawyer-Reviewed

If you are the one filing the divorce, you might be compelled to explain why to your spouse in writing. Because of guilt, raw emotions and history with your spouse, you might say things that can hurt you later on so it is better to have your lawyer review your letter to ensure it doesn’t contain anything that can be used against you.

Begin with a Lawyer and Lawyer Meeting

Most divorce cases are negotiation proceedings so having your lawyers meet in the beginning makes sense to minimize communication issues later. A lawyer to lawyer meeting like this often results in a win-win divorce with no need for dramatics.

A Second Opinion Won’t Hurt

A divorce is a one-time thing so it follows that you cannot make mistakes with it and end up with an even bigger problem. This is why a second opinion matters. Your lawyer will also usually welcome a second opinion from a respected colleague.

Ask for Relief When You Have Multiple Reasons to Do So

Filing a motion for every little thing and for the smallest of things will just annoy the judge, your spouse, your spouse’s lawyer, and your lawyer too. It is best to wait until you have a few things to address.

Expect that the reason for the Divorce Won’t Affect Who Gets Child Custody

It doesn’t matter if you are divorcing because your spouse used up all your money or you caught your partner cheating. Know that child custody goes to which parent has better means and ability to take care of any child from the marriage.

Going through a divorce will forever change your life, your ex’s and your children’s lives. How you go about it, can play a large role in how you persevere throughout the process and how you manage to turn the page and live your best life moving forward. From my experience, following these tips, the divorce process will be smoother and you’ll be better for it.

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Gray Divorce: Is This The New Divorce Trend?

Gray Divorce: Is This The New Divorce Trend?

Take this as an opportunity to live out your very own passions and desires. Be selfish. You are no longer a “we and us” but a “me and I.”

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