Exactly How Narcissists Screw With Your Mind, Toxify Your Body And Destroy Your Life

Exactly How Narcissists Screw With Your Mind, Toxify Your Body And Destroy Your Life

 

Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending and many people are shocked at how hard it is to recover and reclaim your mind, body and life.

Obsessive thoughts can continually haunt them so they feel like they have been taken over by a hideous emotional virus.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain how this happened, as well as how to take your power back to not only emerge from this as healed, whole and vibrant …

But also, completely inoculated against this ever happening to you again in the future.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending.

Being hit by a narcissist is akin to being hit by a freight train. So many people are shocked to discover that they simply cannot get up off the ground and just get on with life anymore.

I know that is likely to have been your experience as well.

And, it is terrifying how much your brain feels scrambled.

The obsessive thoughts continually haunt you and you feel like you have been infected with a hideous emotional virus that literally takes over your nervous system and ability to function.

In addition to this, so many areas of your life may be under siege and falling apart.

Narcissists commonly destroy people’s lives and literally rip them to pieces emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. The effects of this also impact everyone and everything that is dear to you.

This is a total breakdown experience that no one could even begin to imagine unless they have been through it themselves.

Alright, so before we delve deeper into exactly how narcissists destroy your life, as well as how you can recover from this, I want to thank all of you for supporting my Thriver Mission.

And, if you haven’t yet subscribed I’d like to remind you to please do. Also, please give this episode a thumbs up if you enjoy it.

Now let’s go deeper with this information today.

 

How Do Narcissists Get In?

Narcissists are highly skilled at infiltrating your mind, emotions, soul and life.

How do they do this?

I really hope that you are ready to hear this with openness and the desire to heal from narcissistic abuse for real. Because the truth really does set us free, when we accept it.

100% I validate that narcissists are predators who are on the lookout for sources of supply, meaning they are after what they can take from people. And it is shocking what they do. Yet, it is a fallacy that a narcissist can abuse just anybody.

As was the case in my life, and so many others, we did not, as yet, have a solid enough Inner Identity to have powerful boundary function. Meaning the ability to trust ourselves, speak up, say no when necessary, and be emotionally whole and powerful enough to do the necessary due diligence before letting somebody into our life.

This provided a way in. It was a crack in our integrity of self. Narcissists are skilled at identifying where your boundaries aren’t solid and capitalising on this.

This is how narcissists do this – they sum you up and they fact find. They know how to discover what it is that you feel still hurts in your life, what is missing, or whatever it is that you believe you can’t generate for yourself.

Now, all the narcissist has to do is position themselves as the granter or saviour of this “missing piece”. Then we feel like we can trust them. Then we even feel like we need them. We may even feel like this is the person we’ve been waiting for our entire life.

This creates a powerful chemical connection to this person.

This is one of the most confronting things that I had to face myself. Yet, it was what finally emancipated me from not just the trauma of my abuse symptoms but granted me the confidence and power to know I would never allow abuse in the future.

What were my susceptibilities, fears and insecurities that made me a prime target for narcissists, and allowed them to get in through my boundary gaps?

The following … I was too trusting of people. I didn’t do my necessary due diligence to firmly ascertain their true character before letting them into my heart, bed, body, businesses and finances.

I was scared of backing my inner warning bells and having the difficult conversations that meant that I might be susceptible to people reacting to my questioning, or boundaries, or rights, meaning that they could reject, abandon or punish me for speaking up.

So many people who have been soul penetrated by narcissists have also carried the fears of C.R.A.P.

I am certainly not alone!

The members of this community, who have become successful Thrivers, have also done their inner inventory and devoted the time and effort to heal up those parts of themselves, like my own, that made them highly susceptible to unscrupulous people who did not have their best interests at heart.

A dear friend of mine, Cheryl, also suffered some “gaps” that narcissists were able to slip into her life through. Because she didn’t believe she could be safe and uphold boundaries on her own, unconsciously (like so many of us) she wanted somebody big, strong and assertive to do that for her.

As a result, the people who came into her life, were not a rock for her, they turned out to be a hammer instead.

These people were not relieving Cheryl of her inner insecurities, rather they brought her the evidence of them.

It’s so important to understand that this doesn’t mean Cheryl was blaming and shaming herself for being abused, just as she wasn’t excusing narcissistic behaviour.

Rather it granted her the true solution!

By realising this susceptibility, this granted her the personal power to heal these parts of herself to stop handing power over to people who were hurting her. After healing these parts, Cheryl discovered that she no longer felt any attachment or a need to try to change these people, so that they would love and care for her.

Rather, she felt a complete disconnect from them, and absolutely no desire to be with them anymore.

Thus, breaking free into a completely different love and relationship trajectory.

Cheryl is now in a relationship with a beautiful man, who reflects back to her the care, love and power that she has now been able to take full responsibility for and establish within herself. By becoming her own rock, she received the matching partner.

We may not have realised the following, because it has been our “normal” – that we may have unconsciously been trying to get somebody to love us to take away the pain.

Yet, as a match for our unhealed Inner Being, they were only ever going to supply more of the same pain.

This is what narcissists do.

 

How We Have Been Programmed to Be Exploited

The sensible, healthy adult thing is to do what Cheryl did, heal oneself up in order to achieve the healthy outcome – taking your time to get to know people before committing your emotions, soul and resources to them.

Sadly, so many of us have been indoctrinated into the “fairy tale illusion”. We have been conditioned to be emotionally reckless; believing that getting caught up in the moment is the right thing to do.

I often jokingly say that I used to put more effort into choosing a pair of shoes than a love relationship.

In many ways, this was true and very frightening!

I was incredibly susceptible to love bombing and someone purporting to be the provider of what I wanted. If a potential partner was tall, charismatic, and intelligent and seemed to empathise with me feeling unseen, unheard and unsafe, then I really used to believe that I’d hit the jackpot!

We believe in love at first sight! We believe in an instant bond with our soulmate!

But what we may not realise is these deep chemical attractions can be a deep inner part of us desiring the resolution of our childhood wounds. The wanting of our mother or father to do it differently than what they did.

Here is the grand dichotomy in all of this – the person who appears in our life, who we feel chemically bonded to, is offering the promise of taking away the pain of our unresolved childhood wounds. Yet, as it turns out, they end up being the person who delivers an even more severe level of the trauma of our childhood wounds.

At first, we are not initially awakened enough to realise what is really going on, and why we are experiencing such a powerful chemical hit and attraction. Generally, we simply fall straight into this relationship, because it feels so “right”.

Plus, people in your life are telling you to get out there and meet somebody new. You may feel the stigma of being un-partnered or unmarried. Maybe you feel like your biological clock is ticking away and you need to find somebody to settle down with to start a family.

Or maybe you have seen your ex-partner move on quickly and feel the desperate injustice that you haven’t been able to yet.

It is only conscious and evolving people who will tell you the truth. A healing hiatus is needed with yourself, to change your inner love code and the relationship patterns that have been playing out, so that you can go forward into life experiencing a completely different reality.

And what it takes is this: to become at one, whole and fulfilled within yourself first.

Sadly, our programming has always kept us separated from the taking back of our power with radical personal responsibility, to get out of this terrible pattern.

Rather, we have been programmed to be victims and blame people who have hurt us, and then try to change them so that they can love us healthily.

And, we can jump up and down and exclaim that it is disgusting that people behave like this. But in no way does this allow us to heal and get better and get out of these patterns. All it does is further entrench us in them.

And when it doesn’t work, we may try to find somebody else to take the pain away. And then discover that often we are falling into the same pattern and meeting the same person, just with a different face.

If you are sick and tired of these quick fixes which don’t provide durable happiness, you may be ready to understand that only one truth will suffice. You must turn inwards to heal your relationship with yourself, and only you can do that.

One of the benefits of narcissistic relationships, as brutal as they are, is that they bring us to our knees to realise this. And this is where personal catharsis can begin.

The real truth is, as adults we are responsible for our own boundaries, it is not anybody else’s job. We are not children anymore. If we hand our power away and blindly expect somebody else to look after our well-being, emotions, boundaries and life-force, then we are highly susceptible to being not just taken advantage of, but also horribly abused and even desecrated.

Such is the case with narcissistic abuse.

 

How The Damage Deepens

Because the narcissist purports to be the person who will finally love us like no other and grants us our wholeness, this creates a powerful and quick bond.

Sooner or later the mask will drop. The mirage can’t continue, and the narcissistic behaviour starts to appear.

Far from being the saviour of our deficiencies, insecurities or things in our life that we feel like we can’t generate for ourselves, the narcissist now switches and starts attacking these things.

So, the person who was loving, romantic and truly was seeing you and being there for you, now starts emotionally and literally criticising, rejecting, abandoning and punishing you.

He or she will start messing with your head and emotions and start sucking resources from your life. The entitlement becomes apparent; the relationship becomes less about you and so much more about what the narcissist is or isn’t getting.

By remaining attached, you will be trauma bonded beyond description, fighting with insanity trying to get sanity, safety and comfort. Yet, every time you try to force the narcissist to be healthy, they will line you up and damage you even more ferociously.

Now you’re on a sinking ship, trying to salvage what you can, whilst the toxic levels of trauma and stress in your being reach a critical mass, breaking down your nervous system health, sanity and emotional structures until you literally feel like you are crumbling.

Your capacity to be able to deal with virtually anything becomes severely diminished.

Narcissistic abuse, before awakening to the truth, is a one-way trip to your personal demise, on so many levels and can even become extremely dangerous for you personally, as well as seriously impacting those you love.

What is the lesson in this?

At the Quantum Truth level, the message is clear – “Let go and heal”, that’s what this soul contract was always about.

 

How To Reverse This

There is no way you can engage with a narcissist and get relief and emancipation from this.

True evolution from this is an inside job.

The narcissist is not your solution. You are, and this requires detaching, facing and doing the necessary healing within yourself.

This is a make or break deal.

If you really get this now and understand, please pause this video and write below, “I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour now!”

This is vital, because the breakdown either continues and increases, or the breakdown transforms into an incredible breakthrough of personal evolution – where you can heal and claim your true essence which is: self-love, self-worth and the sanctity of your own soul, emotions and life.

I hope that this has helped you understand how the narcissist has, or does, rip your life apart, and has started to grant you the hope that there is a true solution to get up and out of this.

I really want you to know that there is a definitive way to heal and release yourself from all of the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, as well as never being susceptible to having your soul, heart and life torn to pieces again.

It is such a beautiful feeling when you realise that you have made it through to this level!

I can’t wait to help you get there!

The best way that I can help you get there, is by you joining my Free Masterclass. If you didn’t make it, you can watch the replay, by clicking this link.

I can’t recommend enough that you do this!

Because in this free event you will learn about the exact step-by-step process, which has proven successful for thousands of people from over 120 different countries, to help you make a full Thriver Recovery too.

And, if you enjoyed this video please give it a thumbs up and please know that if you subscribe to my channel, you will be automatically notified when my two new episodes are released each week.

And as always, I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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The Only Thing Stopping You From Living Your Best Life

The Only Thing Stopping You From Living Your Best Life

 

Virtually every person wants healthy love, good health and vitality, success and rewarding feelings whilst doing their life mission and vocation.

Yet, even after dearly wanting these things and even yearning for them, why can it be a struggle to achieve them?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I will explain to you, in real detail, exactly what is keeping you separated from the life of your dreams.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today I want to have a conversation with you that I know could really help.

If you are new to this community, I hope with all my heart that this conversation will allow you to understand how to be able to start accessing your best life after narcissistic abuse.

If you have been a member for a while, this episode may be a powerful reminder of the truth for you.

This is about how to create the life that you were born to live. Maybe a more incredible life than what you ever believed was possible.

Okay, so just before we get started, I also want to tell you about my next upcoming Free Masterclass. This is my most powerful resource in regard to connecting you with how to live your best life, and it’s happening in just a few days’ time.

To sign up for this Quantum Healing Event click this link. 

Okay so now let’s get started …

 

How Your Life Really Unfolds

It can be difficult to initially realise how powerfully you are creating your own life. Yet, it is a vital understanding if you want to change the life that you are living.

Aligning with your best life requires these components – your thoughts to match your desires, and your Inner Being programs to match them as well.

Your heart knows what you want, and the feelings in your heart are the part of you which is most closely connected to your soul. At a deep heart/soul level, we all know our highest potential. We know what we want and who we wish to be.

In a general sense, for most people, this is healthy and fulfilling love relationships, good health, vitality and to be aligned with one’s purpose – meaning having a fulfilling vocation that contributes to the world in meaningful ways.

Yet, many people struggle to achieve such a life.

Why is this?

When our heart’s desires don’t come to fruition, it is because our soul truth, thoughts and subconscious programs aren’t aligned.

To begin to explain why, I want to share with you the understanding that you are creating your life from your emotional frequency (feelings), not from what you think. Meaning that what you feel about any topic in your life is what will be true for you, rather than what you are trying to think about it.

Also, these feelings (already pre-programmed beliefs) on any topic in your life determine how you interact with the entire Field on this topic – which is the people, situations and events in your experience related to it.

If your emotional inner composition is healthy, empowered and embodied in deservedness on this topic, then so it will be.

If your emotional inner composition is unhealthy, disempowered and struggling with related traumas on this topic, then so it will be.

It is very normal to believe that an outside force is the cause of our distress, struggles, and difficulties. Or even that a Higher Power is not allowing us to have what our heart desires, yet this is actually not the case.

I promise you this is not about blaming ourselves for not being able to obtain and retain our heart’s desires. Rather, this is a deep inner Quantum Law understanding that frees you to access and amend your inner programs that have been unfolding in your life, often unconsciously, in ways that have not been serving you.

By understanding that the generation of your creations are within you, you can take your power back, heal within and start accessing trajectories of emotions, thoughts and opportunities that you didn’t have access to previously.

Which is so much easier than trying to change the billions of other people on this planet, or the trillions of outer events and situations that are not part of you, to get a different life experience.

When I finally understood this, and stopped trying to change or negate everything and everyone else, and simply turned inwards to do the work inside of me, a whole new universe opened up.

And I know it will for you too!

 

Your Higher Power is Ready to Partner With You

Since becoming a Thriver, I know in every cell of my being that my Higher Power wants for me exactly what my heart wants for me, and it’s only my inner composition, my subconscious already programmed beliefs, that may be in disagreement with this.

I know this to be the case when something feels painful, funky or confusing for me.

This is how you will know when you have conflicted beliefs with your desires – they don’t feel clean, easy or like a “done deal”. You may even feel like your desire could never be possible for you.

And you might try really hard to think your way beyond this. Yet, it can feel unthinkable to think in ways that you can’t feel as true for you yet.

The reason is because the brain follows the body, it’s not the other way around.

I want you to think of it like this, your heart is your True Self saying “Hello” to you. Now, knowing this, your real job is to get your inner composition, meaning your subconscious beliefs, onto the same page.

Once you do, your aligned emotions and thoughts, which organically flow on from this, will provide you with the inspiration, motivation and positivity to go after and create your goals.

And when your inner composition is aligned with your heart’s desires, this is backed by all of your Higher Power (your superconscious/God/Lifeforce itself) to provide you with all of the opportunities, synchronicities, and even miracles (people, situations and events) to work with you to bring your dreams to reality.

 

Being Disconnected From Your Best Life

If your body has stored painful traumas (by association) with any topic in your life, then you are not in emotional agreement with this topic.

Let’s take for example the topic of “love”. No matter what your head is trying to think, if you have suffered trauma, disappointments and anguish in relation to love, those are exactly the associations that are formed as belief systems and stored in your subconscious programs, in regard to this topic.

The body wins every time because it is your emotional resonance that creates the reality. This is what stored subconscious programs do – they unfold the validity of the stored belief system to the letter.

For happy and healthy realities to physically manifest in your life, your belief systems (associated feelings) and real-life application (thoughts and actions) must become a direct match.

Essentially, the first vital ingredient is that your feelings must be clear, empowered, peaceful and inspired. If there are existing traumas, especially if they have been painfully impactful, then just trying to think your way into healthier belief systems is usually impossible to do.

This is because the logical part of your mind isn’t in contact with your emotional and limbic systems, where not only is your childhood programming stored, but also your continued adult trauma experiences, as well as the deeper less obvious programs of your ancestral belief systems, gender, race and collective human painful traumas as well.

 

How Do You Change Your Emotional Resonance?

If you have an understanding of Quantum Tools, and know that you can do healing work directly on your Inner Identity, you will access a simpler way to connect to your best life, rather than gruellingly trying to think your way into it.

Trying to formulate remedies for painful Inner Identity beliefs, means not releasing or reprogramming them, which equals remaining hostage to the continued and repeat trauma experiences in your life.

In relation to the thinking part of trying to change our life, a huge human tendency is to try to learn how to be different to change our Beingness.

During my Thriver Recovery, I understood something incredibly profound – I already was organically aligned to my best life, with all the resources available within me. I was also already capable of accessing everything that I required in The Field (all of life) to unfold the life of my dreams.

I didn’t have to learn how to be somebody different to get these things. Rather, I needed to unlearn the traumas, false beliefs and lies I had absorbed, to be free to become my natural Beingness.

I know that this may sound ridiculous and counterintuitive to everything you’ve ever learnt, however when you start going Quantum and are prepared to do the work directly on your inner emotional composition, the old struggles and confusion melt away, and a new clarity, power and ecological wholeness rises up from within.

Then you will see how everything that is your life will be touched powerfully and productively.

Let’s look more deeply at all this in the next section …

 

It’s The Feeling You Really Want

When I began to heal, for real, I was astounded at the irony of the following …

I’d been trying to get and do all sorts of things in order to feel okay about topics in my life, yet when I instead started working on the feeling first, and got that right, then the doing and getting followed my new aligned Beingness effortlessly.

Let me explain.

If you are trying to make the Getting and the Doing negate the feelings of empty Beingness, then you are trying to create your life with mere logical willpower.

The cognitive part of our brain has no access to The Field – the interconnected Higher Consciousness of all solution, possibility and expansion.

Logical brains are only processing information at a tiny forty bits per second. This is in stark contrast to the forty billion bits per second which our subconscious programs, our feeling centres, are generating, which are activating our Inner Identity and its connection to the entire Field.

What part of you do you think is making your life happen?

It is the part of you that is not logically conscious. What’s going on with you beneath your level of consciousness is what really matters.

Many people are dismayed that Law of Attraction principles don’t work for them. The reason they don’t is because if you have experienced significant trauma then your blocked up, fearful programs are super-glued in place.

The more impactful your traumas have been, the greater the power of these painful programs is to stunt you from living your best life.

And, the more that you try to overcome them with “positive thinking”, the more the almighty power of these programs will push back and reinstate themselves even harder. This can literally make you feel like you are going crazy!

The effective way to address these inner programs is to bypass the thinking mind, and go straight into the feeling centre of the subconscious programs and release the traumas and painful belief systems there, and then replace them with the truth of who you really are.

My Thriver methods to heal (NARP) do this very effectively, because once released from the trauma energy, you learn how to bring down your Higher Power (which wants exactly what you want for you) into the space where the trauma once was.

This shifts you immediately into a different Beingness – the ecological oneness, harmony and your highest potential on the topic that you’re working on. And you certainly don’t have to experience it physically for your Inner Identity to recognise that “it just is”.

After the Beingness is anchored inside, another grand irony occurs, you no longer “need” this thing to happen in your life in order for you to feel whole, at peace, and at one with it.

Which takes us to the next topic …

 

If You Need it Then it Will Not Come

I found in my own life, that until I shifted out the traumas and inner beliefs that were keeping me separated from what my heart desired, I was trying to fill up from the outside in order to reach a state of wholeness.

It didn’t work!

True miracle and the coming of something happens because you are already being it. The real-life experience, the confirmation, comes after the Beingness has been established.

I discovered that the most powerful manifestation of all is this: when you have the feeling of wholeness and beingness, you don’t need to get or do anything in order to feel at home with yourself and your life. From this place you are free to create joyously without attachment to outcomes and without the fear of never getting it, or losing it if you do.

This doesn’t mean that you’re never going to create! Rather you are free to create more than you ever have been able to in your entire life!

One of the most exciting things about Quantum Freedom Healing is that the inspiration and the ability to be more and create more, just organically comes.

All we need to do to create this, is to keep focusing on any dense emotional energy in our body, release it and bring in our Higher Power to replace it, which is exactly what the process of Quanta Freedom Healing does.

In my previous “Law of Attraction Life” I was forever trying to visualise and hold the vision and keep the thoughts of what I wanted in my life going. I always had to be at it and would work on it often. I was forever trying to catch my thoughts and feelings if they went off track.

Yet now, because I simply release trauma on any topic in my life that is not working out for me, my Beingness is organically changing. I don’t have to keep working on my alignment. It just is!

Now there is nothing to keep monitoring and trying to manage or hold. I simply Become and then it comes! That is what be-come really means!

I love living free of neediness, and continually putting in the effort to try to feel whole. It’s just much easier to focus on releasing trauma to become whole, solid and peaceful inside.

 

What is Stopping You From Having the Life You Really Want?

I hope that you can truly understand that the only thing between you and your heart’s desires are your internal blocks and limiting beliefs (traumas).

But the great news is, that we now have the Quantum Tools to address this!

My Thriver Healing methods are completely focused on bypassing your logical mind, and going straight into your Inner Identity to reach, load up and release the traumas and opposing beliefs that have been holding you separated from the life of your dreams.

This is why I am beyond excited to invite you into my next Free Masterclass www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass so that you can learn exactly how to release your blocks, and come into alignment with the life that you were born to live. The one that your soul is speaking to you about.

You can do this by clicking this link.

Please also share this video with people who you know are not living to their fullest potential and dearly want to.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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Narcissists Are Predictable! 10 Things All Narcissists Say

Narcissists Are Predictable! 10 Things All Narcissists Say

 

Narcissists would like to think that they are unique. But they’re not.

It’s astounding how narcissists say the same things and it’s actually FREAKY!

In this Thriver TV episode I share with you how virtually all narcissists behave in certain situations, how they will react, and the exact (or close enough) words that commonly come out of their mouths.

I also explain what you can do to not be affected by this ridiculousness!

 

 

Video Transcript

 

I remember over a decade ago, when I started reaching out to people about my narcissistic abuse experience, people commonly said, “That’s exactly what the narcissist said to me too!”

Narcissists would like to think that they are unique. But they’re not.

They are in fact incredibly predictable, and that’s what I want to share with you today – how virtually every narcissist will behave almost identically, in the following situations.

So, watch on to find out how they do!

Okay, so before we get started, I would just like to say that I am extremely excited to share with you that I have released my next Free Masterclass, which is coming up in only a few days.

After watching this video, you will know just how this Masterclass can help you regarding getting clear and healing from narcissistic abuse, which you may not have been able to achieve before taking this free class.

You can register for this Quantum Healing Event by clicking this link. 

Now, let’s get into this juicy topic for today, regarding the ten things that virtually all narcissists say.

#1 When Asked For Your Needs To Be Met

“It’s always all about you!”

When trying to negotiate with the narcissist, a lot of what you’re asking for is just common decent behaviour.

You are not asking for the narcissist to fly to the moon for you.

As examples, if you asked to be spoken to nicely, or to be allowed to know the narcissist’s plans and how they may affect you (simple human requests) the narcissist will take umbrage and tell you how unreasonable, and even selfish, this is.

This is where you can feel like you are going crazy, trying to get a child in an adult’s body to understand that a healthy relationship requires care and consideration for one another.

The narcissist simply does not get this, even about basic things, let alone the extreme bad behaviour that he or she does act out.

When you heal for real from narcissistic abuse, I promise you that you will deeply embody that it is healthy for you to speak up for what you need, and know that you deserve to have your needs heard and met by another healthy adult.

And, you will never accept less than this again.

#2 When You Are Leaving Them

“You will never find anybody like me!”

Other variations to this expression are, “You will never find anybody who loves you as much as I do” and “You know that you can’t live without me.”

It’s not until we heal that we realise how ludicrous this really is – we don’t want to ever find anybody like them again and live the torturous life that we’ve been having!

Yet, when you are still emotionally enmeshed with the narcissist, one of their greatest tactics to keep you hooked as supply is to make you feel dependent and helpless without them.

It’s about having you believe that your life going forward on your own will be one of terrible loss.

I promise you that when you go through your Thriver Healing process, you will discover that this is totally not the case! Rather, you will be thrilled that you are free, and you’ve left all of this pain, confusion, and abuse behind.

And you will become self-generative – meaning happy, confident and whole in your own skin.

#3 When Being Confronted

“Here we go again!” (Accompanied with a sarcastic eye roll).

Other variations of this one are, “You are crazy” and “You are the only person I ever have this trouble with.”

This is invalidation at its finest. This is how the narcissist can make you start to doubt your own sanity and believe that there is something wrong with you.

Invalidation of your feelings and being unwilling to meet you and talk about what concerns you is painful enough, yet narcissistic abuse takes this to another level.

Narcissists know how to not just invalidate you, but to also demean your character and sanity at the same time.

It’s little wonder that so many people feel like it must be their fault and suffer terrible assaults on their self-esteem and personal identity.

I really want you to know that my Thriver Healing process, that is the NARP Program, transforms you to a wholeness and self-validation which means you will no longer try to get understanding from somebody who refuses to give it to you.

Rather, if you have confronted somebody deficient in resources to be humble, real and to engage in healthy communication with you, and they are unable to, then you will disengage, move on and create healthy relationships with those who can.

#4 When Treating You Horribly

“But I love you!”

When this happens it feels so crazy, because it could be said when the narcissist is telling you all the things that are wrong with you.

Or whilst the narcissist is telling you that he or she is going to leave you.

It could even be said to you amongst the most horrendous insults, name-calling, and so much worse.

As many people discover, these words hold very little weight when the actions simply don’t match them. Additionally, the narcissist is capable of horrific discards and even replacing you with fresh and new supply at a moment’s notice.

Of course, someone who really loves you doesn’t behave like this!

This I can assure you, after going through your true recovery from the inside out, you will know what real love is. No longer will you be emotionally dismayed that somebody does not have the resources to love you genuinely. This is because you now have solid and real authentic love already going on within yourself.

This is an absolute truth that we discover after Thriver Recovery – you will never accept a level of love below the level that you have been able to establish in your self-partnering with yourself.

You will no longer agonise about someone’s lack of capacity to love you. It’s just not a match for who you are now.

This is when real love that is genuine and wholesome can and will come into your life.

#5 When Confronted For Adulterous Behaviour

“You have jealousy issues!”

Generally, the narcissist will start attacking you with counter-accusations if you are getting close to catching them out.

The narcissist is totally invested into proving that you are wrong, and they are above reproach.

He or she does this by trying to get you to doubt yourself and start to believe that maybe you are insecure and don’t have a right to believe or think the things that you do.

After healing yourself into being a whole and empowered individual, you will know what you do and don’t deserve in your life. You will be willing to take a stand to lose it all to get it all, meaning that unless there is proof there is no truth.

And if there is no truth then you move away, heal and start to generate healthy, trustworthy and genuine relationships instead of ones filled with deception and betrayal.

#6 When You Want Accountability

“You are damaged from your past!”

If you ask the narcissist for clarification, he or she is likely to tell you that you have trust issues as a result of the problems that you’ve experienced in your past. And of course, the narcissist purports that this has nothing to do with his or her behaviour now.

Many of us, who have been narcissistically abused, are good people who take personal responsibility. It is very usual for people like us to try to fix ourselves to try to make our relationships better.

The narcissist may capitalise on this, especially if we don’t know how to create healthy boundaries, honour ourselves and leave if these boundaries are not respected.

This I can assure you, whilst healing from narcissistic abuse with NARP (the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program), you will know that your boundaries and truth reside in the present. You will also know that the past has absolutely nothing to do with you knowing your values and your rights today.

NARP grants you the potential to never be derailed again from stating and knowing what your boundaries are with a narcissistic individual.

#7 When Using Circular Arguments

“Stop raising your voice!”

Another version of this is, “I’m not talking to you until you speak to me respectfully!”

Narcissists have all sorts of nasty tools in their arsenal to make you feel like your head is spinning in an argument with them. They refuse to stay on topic and use all sorts of defensive comments and nasty projections that are so violating, that it is usual for you to lose all emotional stability.

Then, when you get triggered and angry, the narcissist goes from bait to switch and turns it all back on you.

Those of us who have been abused by narcissists know exactly how epically maddening this is.

During Thriver Recovery, you go through a powerful evolution where you know how to stay only on the topic and refuse to go down rabbit holes with the narcissist (which is where he or she loves to take you).

Then, if the narcissist won’t comply, you detach, detox from him or her and take what is necessary to the next level. When you know how to no longer be triggered and have your facts straight and in line, it is far easier to defeat the narcissist than you might think.

#8 When Gaslighting You

“They know who you are!”

The narcissist will tell you how selfish, immoral and nasty your character is and how other people have found you out and are even talking about your defectiveness behind your back.

This is the narcissist projecting his or her disowned inner parts onto you and making out that these disordered things are coming from you.

Because you do have a good character, it is beyond devastating to be accused of things that are not what you do and also frustratingly know that they are actually how the narcissist behaves.

After healing for real from narcissistic abuse, you will no longer get hooked in by this.

Because you are now totally comfortable in knowing who you are, and are no longer attached to what other people do or don’t think about you. You know that the people who are meant to be in your life will know you for who you really are, and the ones that don’t are totally entitled to their opinion.

It’s not important what other people think about you. It’s important what you think about you.

#9 When Breaking Promises

“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”

Narcissists don’t like to comply. They have no desire to be a team player or do things for you that would make you happy (unless there is an agenda attached).

It’s much more preferable to the narcissist to use promises to manipulate you, to get what they want, and to let you down and hurt you when he or she wants to lash out and punish you.

Then the narcissist will twist it all back on you and make it your fault, telling you that your expectations are unreasonable.

During your Thriver Recovery, statements like this will no longer affect you. You will know that they are utter lunacy because real healthy people not only want to commune, care and assist those they love, they also have the emotional resources to do so.

#10 When Abusing You

“You make me behave like this!”

This is the classic narcissistic way of not taking responsibility for horrible behaviour and blaming you for it.

If you believe it, you will try to change your reactions and responses to have a better relationship with the narcissist. However, you will discover that none of this works; the narcissist will still behave terribly regardless of what you try to amend or do differently.

As a result of healing from the inside out with NARP, you will no longer be scapegoated for someone else’s disgraceful and abusive behaviour. Never again will you take responsibility for it. Rather you will leave, heal yourself back to wholeness, and enter and maintain relationships with people who would never have the capacity to behave like this.

Healing From All Of This!

It is eerily freaky how narcissists say the same things!

You may wonder how this is possible. Really, this is simply the product of a disordered Inner Self who refuses to take personal responsibility and suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Until we know better, of course we argue with this behaviour and try to sort it out to make this person see sense and behave decently.

But to no avail!

I hope you can understand that these types of behaviours are narcissistic defence mechanisms that can’t be reasoned with.

This is why you have to find another way, a way that works.

To explain in detail what I have been touching on in this video, I have just opened up my next Free Masterclass where we go through exactly how to create your true Thriver Recovery.

I will show you how it’s done.

So, come join my next Free Masterclass by clicking this link.

Also please share this video with others who you know are suffering from the insanity of narcissistic abuse.

And as always, I look forward to answering your questions and your comments below.

 

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When Narcissists Are Hurting The People You Love … How Do You Help Them?

When Narcissists Are Hurting The People You Love … How Do You Help Them?

It is can be disturbing and devastating to watch a loved one struggling with a narcissist.
 
You may have a child whose partner is a narcissist and you feel isolated and powerless to help them.
 
Or you may have a parent, sibling or friend who is experiencing narcissistic abuse and you don’t know what to do.
 
There is a way to help them, other than lecturing and trying to get them to wake up. In this episode, I’m going to explain to you exactly how to do this.

 

 

Video Transcript

So many of you have often asked me, how can I help my child who is now isolated and controlled by the narcissistic spouse?

Or maybe your sister, brother or dear friend is hopelessly enmeshed with a narcissist abusing them at work, in a love relationship or even in a friendship.

You may be beyond concerned that the person you care about isn’t waking up to this and seems to be slipping further and further away from you.

Maybe you have grandchildren that you don’t see anymore because of a narcissistic in-law.

How can you help the person you love who is deeply in the clutches of narcissistic abuse?

In today’s TTV episode I explain to you the only way I know that works and does work to help your loved ones recover from this.

But before we get started on this episode, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who have subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet done so please do, and also give this episode a thumbs up if it resonates with you.

Okay, so now on to this very important information.

 

The Deeper and Necessary Understanding of Quantum Law

There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing the people whom we love suffer. There is nothing more frustrating and unjust than seeing them ripped away from us by a pathological narcissist.

What is doubly frustrating is the more we try to talk sense to the person we love, the more they can pull away from us and even side with the narcissist.

You may be agonising over why this is happening, but what I always like to do is to just get down to the pure truth of things – which is this:

Whichever way we are powerfully emotionally vibrating about anything (including somebody we care about), is exactly the experience that we will have in our personal experience.

Let me put it to you simply. If you feel that someone in your life is being emotionally smashed, abused and isolated from you, then that is the experience you will continue to Quantumly generate in your life.

This is especially true if you see this person as broken and powerless.

Now, before you think that I am blaming you for the experience that they are having, please hear me out. I am not blaming you in any shape or form, I am just explaining how energetic law and true manifesting takes place.

It is a human and beautiful part of our nature to deeply care for, be concerned about and have compassion for those whom we love. Yet, when you understand Quantum Law, you will realise that this is not necessarily helping those you love get better and get away from toxic circumstances.

Rather, it contributes to them being deeply stuck.

To truly help those you love requires a deeper understanding of Quantum Law, which I am beyond inspired to share with you.  In order to be able to help, you need to know the actual steps to Quantumly – which means for real – help the person who is not, at this point, helping themselves.

So, let’s dive in and get started.

 

Step Number One: Acceptance

The greatest barrier to us trying to change our life experience, including the experience of others we care about, is resistance to what is happening in the present moment.

Of course, from the human perspective, we judge what is happening to them as ‘wrong’. Yet, by doing so, we are not understanding the grand design deeper truth of their soul’s evolution and journey.

I personally believe 100% that there is a reason for ‘all of it’, meaning that anyone’s personal evolution is about calling forth and participating in the experiences that are going to make their unconscious programs conscious, and lead them inwards to healing and resolving what is necessary in order to generate a different life experience.

That is exactly what happened to us regarding our own narcissistic abuse which then led us to entering and activating our Thriver Recovery.

When you can take the evolutionary high road of understanding that what your loved one is going through is a necessary transaction for their own personal awakening and evolution, then your deepest wish is not so much for that experience to be removed or brought to an end, but for their soul to awaken and become empowered, self-loving and self-defining within the experience.

And, when you truly love another, then you will bless the experience and not make it so personally about yourself.

How often have we wanted to try to force somebody to change in order for us to feel better?

Usually, if we are honest with ourselves, this is the case. It is understandable and even intensely loving towards others, yet it defies getting a positive result from Quantum Law, as much as trying to defy a natural law such as gravity would be.

It is impossible to generate a change in your life experience by trying to change something outside of you, including somebody you love, in order for you to feel better.

What is much more likely to happen as per Quantum Law – so within, so without – is that this person you are trying to rescue from their situation will supply you more evidence of the inner emotional experience that you are already having. Namely, them not being well.

There is only one way to change your experience of anything or anyone, and that is to find the way to feel better about ‘what is’ so as to create the base foundation to go emotionally inward to then create a different experience that will spill out and have an influence on the outer experience.

This starts with acceptance.

A powerful mantra that you can say often in regard to this person who is being abused by a narcissist is, ‘I bless and accept your experience as sacred. No matter what it looks like, I know that it is offering you the highest possible evolutionary path that your soul yearns for.’

 

Step Number Two: Shifting Your Emotional Response

You have to know that trying to go in and change things, whilst you feel devastated for this person, is not going to work.

If anything, you run the risk of pushing them further away from you and more into the arms of the abuser.

There is a better way to deal with this, and the great thing is that it is activated by working on the only person that you do have the power to change – yourself. And, you can be totally available for this mission.

This is how it works …

By fully understanding and accepting that the way that you create change for yourself and others you care about, is by changing yourself. This doesn’t mean changing the way that you interact with them, even though this is a natural by-product of this … rather it means completely changing your inner emotional composition about this person and what they are going through.

Let me explain to you what I mean with this example.

A NARP member called Gail was devastated that her daughter who was married to a narcissist, was becoming more and more isolated from her and the rest of the family.

To add insult to injury, Gail’s daughter had three children under the age of ten whom Gail adored. Her ability to visit her grandchildren was getting reduced, as she continually received opposition and excuses. Gail knew that her daughter was being twisted and turned against her and her husband by her daughter’s husband.

Gail wrote into me asking me what she could do. I related to her the only solution I have ever known to work. I invited Gail to join NARP and start using the healings to target the traumas in her body regarding what her daughter was going through and how it was impacting Gail.

Gail put in the hard work with NARP and kept moving these terrible traumas in her body and shifting them out, until peace replaced the previous fear and anxiety.

Gail reached the place which we all do, on any topic in our life, when we work with the Quanta Freedom Healing processes of NARP; where the trauma was released, truth entered.

Gail realised that her daughter was going through a soul growth lesson with this man, and she also realised that everybody involved including the children, herself and the family were also going through their own personal evolution as a result of this.

Gail knew that her true power to assist in this solution was to accept that everything was in perfect and divine order, and then to powerfully contribute by shifting herself to ‘feel’ and ‘know’ that her daughter had an infinitely wise Inner Being who could also wake up to the truth.

The more Gail did this work, the more she was able to let go and allow, and keep working on herself to hold her daughter in this emotional vibration.

What happened next is what happens next in virtually every circumstance – Gail’s daughter approached her only a few weeks later. She asked her mother for help to take herself and the children in because she was divorcing her husband.

The spell had been broken.

Gail’s daughter also started working with NARP so as to detox the narcissistic husband out of her system, parent and create healthy powerful boundaries.  By doing this, he lost the advantage of her previous fear to abuse her with. She also set up powerful parallel parenting plans.

I know 100%, because I’ve seen it happen so many times in other people’s lives as well as in my life with my own son Zac, that if Gail had stayed in the same emotional devastation that she was previously in, none of this would have happened.

If you want your life to change regarding the people you love, then you need to become the change that you seek, from the inside out.

 

Step Number Three: Replace Blame and Resentment With Love

One of the most vital transitions you need to go through to help the people whom you love is to stop blaming and shaming them. It’s very common and of course understandable, to be angry and upset with this person you love for turning their back on you or siding with the narcissist against you.

Many people get confused regarding boundaries versus resentment. To help somebody awaken and re-enter your life, and their own life healthily, you must engage the power of love. Which means seeing and holding them in love without any personal hurt of your own being involved.

You may have to work really hard at this with NARP in order to shift out all vestiges of blame, resentment and hurt.

Remember, love heals, resentment hinders.

This does not mean drop your boundaries. If the person whom you love is infiltrating and damaging your boundaries, then enforce them, lovingly and directly and honestly.

That is what real love does. You are not loving another honestly by forfeiting your boundaries and hurting yourself to try to make them happy or love you. That’s a false love economy.

Let me share with you the following example.

Don is another NARP member who was doing the inner work regarding his son being in business with a very toxic narcissist determined to keep him away from Don and the family.

Yet, his son would come to Don to borrow money because of his business losses. The interactions went like this, every few months or so Don’s son made contact, but it was only about money. At all other times, he refused to be in contact with the family.

Before working with NARP, Don used to grant money to his son to try to stay in contact, yet after working with NARP and losing his trauma about what was happening with his son, Don started saying ‘No’.

Predictably all contact stopped and was unanswered when Don and his wife would reach out.

However, Don kept working with NARP as instructed to release all his guilt and obligation and trauma and just kept bringing in the highest possibility of resolution, which was his son awakening into his own infinite inner wisdom, thus evolving beyond the abuse.

It’s what happened – Don’s son left his business partner, returned to the family fold and started taking legal action against the narcissist.

 

Having to Work With This Differently

Until you understand Quantum Law, you may think that what I am talking about is some new-age fluffy theory.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Our own awakening is to realise how intrinsically and powerfully our own emotional energy is connected to the entire field; especially to those we are bonded to through love.

I know that so many of you in the community are reporting to me that you are really ‘getting it’. There is such a big difference between receiving information and fully embodying it as truth. The latter is what grants you power.

If you are really getting this, I want you to pause this video and write below ‘the cells of my body really get this!’

Until now you may not have realised that through your care and concern you have actually been adding to the situation rather than resolving it. This is why you need to learn to go about this in a different way, and I know that you will be stunned and shocked (beautifully) when you start working at this from the inside out.

In the only way that can truly work – Quantumly.

I can’t recommend enough becoming a NARP member to help those who you love. The wonderful by-product is that, not only will you discover how much you can genuinely assist them, you will also discover your own unlimited expansion, resolutions and breakthroughs that previously only seemed to be a life dream.

To become a NARP member click this link.

And, if you enjoyed this video, and would like to be notified each time a new episode is released, then make sure that you subscribe to receive all of my updates.

Also, please share this episode with those you know who are agonising over what is happening to the people they love.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Top 6 Traits Narcissists Look For In Their Victims

Top 6 Traits Narcissists Look For In Their Victims

 

Narcissists know how to target people.

They know what to look out for.

Many people think that narcissists can con anybody and start to destroy their lives. This isn’t true. There are many people who the narcissist will quickly ascertain are not on their snack list.

In today’s TTV episode I share with you the top six traits that narcissists look for in their victims.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists hunt.

They know what they are searching for in regard to their victims. They are looking for lovely people with certain characteristics, which really means people who are not necessarily nice to themselves.

Narcissists need narcissistic supply very quickly. They can’t provide their own internal energy source and need to strike rapidly. This is why narcissists are incredibly skilled at knowing who to strike and how.

By you knowing the six traits that narcissists look out for in the people that they hone in on, it means you can shore up these susceptibilities within yourself so that you will no longer be on a narcissist’s menu.

Okay, so just before we investigate these six top traits, I’d like to thank all of you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel. If you haven’t yet done so please do. Also, if you like this video please make sure that you give it a thumbs up and share it with your communities.

Okay so let’s get started on this very important information.

Trait Number One: Unhealed Traumas

The number one universal tactic for a narcissist to enmesh with another, such as a love or business partner, friend, neighbour or even in regard to a family of origin narcissist trying to retain another family member for supply – is this:

Find the ‘need’ and propose to be the grand supplier of it.

Narcissists question potential intimate partner targets to find out what is still hurting them or missing in regard to their previous love life.

If you say that you were treated like you didn’t matter, the narcissist will supply the information to make you believe that to him or her you will completely matter. If your previous traumas have been about adultery, the narcissist will profess to be 100% monogamous.

The list goes on and on.

In a business context, the narcissist will purportedly have the smarts, experience, confidence and contacts that you don’t have.

When a family member is ready to pull away and walk away, the narcissist may pretend to be the caring, considerate person that the other family member has craved all their life.

If you feel empty, disappointed, powerless or ineffectual in some area of your life, you are susceptible to being duped and abused by a narcissist pretending to be the saviour of this trauma.

Of course, we all have things that we desire, yet if we are not taking personal responsibility to heal those feelings within ourselves, we will be needy. We will grab an outside solution rather than doing the inner work to become an emotional healing solution to ourselves.

This means we can make risky choices, rather than take our time to ascertain the character of people and ensure that our boundaries, values, body, heart, mind and property have been granted the healthy due diligence to keep them safe.

When we are whole, we don’t rush things. When we are empty and needy we become reckless to try to get relief from our inner emptiness and anxieties about the future.

This is where narcissists come in.

Trait Number Two: Not Honouring Your Inner Being

Narcissists know how to test people’s boundaries. When a narcissist targets you as a potential source, they are trying to find out whether or not you honour yourself, your values and your truth.

Because if you are in your power, as soon as the narcissist starts violating your boundaries and mining you with their own self-serving agendas, you will put an end to the relationship.

A person aligned with living their values and truths will not be a match for such behaviours.

Narcissists can easily test your boundaries, especially if he or she has been able to hook up quickly with you, and infiltrate your time, emotions and life. At this point, you may already be feeling an emotional dependency on this person as the provider of the love, approval, security or survival that you haven’t yet resolved within yourself.

This now means that you don’t want to lose this person.

You may even believe that this is THE person who will be your salvation and bring you wholeness.

Now the narcissist is going to start saying or doing things to test your boundaries to see how far he or she can go. The actions start not matching the words. He or she will start acting entitled, selfish and inconsiderate.

He or she may make a disparaging, nasty comment about you or someone or something that is important to you.

Where there was previously support, the exact opposite starts becoming evident.

You may even start experiencing obscene violations of your values and rights that start tearing your soul apart. At some point in your relationship with the narcissist, these horrific experiences are inevitable.

If you start acquiescing to try to keep the peace, or even fight back because this has hurt you, rather than create ultimate boundaries, pull away and know what you will or won’t have in your life – the narcissist will now know that he or she can violate you, mine you and get what he or she wants.

Identically, upon meeting a narcissist, he or she has ways of testing your boundaries and seeing if you are going to do your due diligence and take your time to assess his or her personal character or not.

If you start automatically trusting and gravitating towards a narcissist, despite the warning signs that your Inner Being is absolutely supplying you with (this happened to all of us), then the narcissist has a green light to proceed.

From this point things can only get worse.

Trait Number Three: Not Having Your Own Whole Life

One part of being that injured gazelle at the edge of the pack, able to be picked off by a predator, is not having a whole, happy and productive life.

You see, this is how it goes – narcissists need to create dependencies.

If you feel lonely, empty and have simply been going through the motions waiting for something to change outside of yourself, or for somebody to turn up in order to start granting you a happy productive life, you are at risk. That someone who you want to be the saviour of this emptiness is someone who you will struggle greatly to let go of – no matter how badly he or she treats you.

If, when you start connecting with somebody at a healthy pace, you don’t retain your own life, happiness, and purpose then this person becomes your ‘everything’.

This is dire; it is unhealthy co-dependent attachment. It means that this person’s choices, values and life will become your own, no matter how abusive and disordered they may be.

It also means that this person can monopolise your emotions, time and life very quickly.

In stark contrast, retaining yourself, your life and your values is one of the greatest safeguards in regard to not being taken in and down by a narcissist. He or she will not tolerate it and will need to leave your experience.

Trait Number Four: Not Being Willing to Lose It All to Get It All

If you are not prepared to love yourself first and foremost, then you are susceptible to being abused by somebody who you are trying to get your own sense of worth and love from.

A healthy life in regard to interpersonal relationships must start with self-love. Meaning, if someone starts treating you in unhealthy and abusive ways that you love yourself enough to pull away and align with the self-love, ‘I love myself enough to know longer endure abuse’.

Generally, narcissists do something inappropriate, uncaring or even abusive early in the relationship. Or you may discover information or questionable activities about this person that just don’t add up, or point-blank expose him or her to be not a nice person.

If you make excuses to stay attached, and if you are not prepared to pull away and create safety around the sanctity of your soul and life-force by declaring the truth of your values and what you will and won’t accept in your life, the narcissist knows that he or she can be a monster and you won’t leave.

The narcissist knows you will stay attached trying to change them in order to try to have a happy life. This provides the narcissist with copious amounts of narcissistic supply – the drama and attention he or she gets from knowing how severely you are affected by them. He or she also now has you as a target to beat up and to offload their inner demons onto.

If you are a person who is willing to lose it all to get it all, meaning lose another person rather than lose yourself, you will never be susceptible to a narcissist. You will leave as soon as things start to feel and become ‘off’. You will set the limits as to what you will and won’t accept, and you will very quickly see that the narcissist does not have the resources to genuinely meet you healthily.

If you are presently healing to get into this newfound True Self Power, you will finally get out of the clutches of narcissistic abuse and start to carve out the life that is reflective of your True Self.

Naturally, to be solid enough on the inside to do this requires doing the inner work on your original traumas in order to become whole. Otherwise, you may capitulate and keep handing your power away.

Trait Number Five: Trying to Change Other People to Stop Them From Hurting You

Narcissists seek out people who are co-dependent. These are people who make other people’s business their business in order to try to feel loved, safe and happy.

Narcissists make a mess.

They are often edgy, irresponsible, live high on the hog, and show little respect for rules, finances and responsibility – after all it is about feeding their insatiable False Self in order to feel significant, regardless of the cost.

If you are someone who is covertly controlling, meaning taking responsibility for other people who don’t take responsibility for themselves, in order for you to feel safe on the inside, then you are a perfect match for a narcissist.

He or she wants somebody to mop up the messes. He or she wants someone to keep the fires burning while the narcissist pursues new supply outside of the home. He or she wants somebody to hang around and stay focused on the narcissist regardless of how badly the narcissist behaves.

We may believe that it is caring to look after irresponsible and out-of-control people, but really this is an attempt to try to get people to be stable and safe so that they can love us and look after us healthily.

As children, we may have been connected to unsafe others, trying to fix things for them so that they would be safe. The truth is we had no other option. As adults we do, and we can never fix other people’s behaviour to get our own source of love, approval, security and survival.

We only ever achieve these things by letting go of people who we believe need fixing, and turning inwards and fixing the real reasons why we have had the tendency to do this and stay connected to abuse in painful relationships.

Trait Number Six: You Are Not Self-Partnered and Loving Yourself

When the narcissist starts behaving in inappropriate and abusive ways, and you stay attached to him or her instead of pulling away to look after yourself, the narcissist knows that he or she has become the centre of your universe.

Now the narcissist can keep hurting you, mining and taking from you, and know that you have been secured as a source of supply while this takes place.

When you stay, which means tolerating things that you never believed you would tolerate, the narcissist has full permission to relax and drop the mask even further.

He or she may realise that even if caught out with adultery you won’t leave.

This is soul destroying for you, when you realise that your bottom line is almost completely extinguished, or even non-existent now.

This is the reason why being self-partnered is the number one step to take, to start pulling away, healing, bringing yourself back to wholeness and wellness and being impervious to abusers in the future.

It is the absolute foundation of healing in the Thriver Way in order to create a full recovery of not just your abuse symptoms, but also your abuse patterns.

If you are not self-partnered, meaning you are committed to loving yourself enough to heal and create yourself as a whole and healthy individual who is no longer susceptible to abuse, then your life will be dictated by other people’s values and choices rather than your own.

Narcissists know how to look out for this to ascertain where people are in regard to being anchored in their own being as self-love to themselves or not. People who have been assigning other people as their source of love, approval, security and survival are clearly not self-partnered.

If this is the case, narcissists know that they can easily slot into that position, enmesh with people, and start taking over their soul and life.

How to Recover From These Six Traits

I hope that going over these top six traits that narcissists look out for in their victims has helped you understand just how you may have been susceptible to narcissistic abuse.

Most people are extremely aware of the symptoms that they are suffering, and that they have been abused, but do not realise the real rectifications that are necessary to graduate out of the pain and trauma to evolve yourself beyond handing your power away to abusers again.

If you need further clarification and understanding on exactly how this has played out in your life then I invite you to join me in my free webinar where you will start to understand exactly how you can heal from not just your abuse symptoms, but also the abuser’s ability to hurt you, and, going forward, the fears of getting involved with any narcissistic people in the future.

To gain this vital understanding and training please click this link.

And, if you liked this video please give it a thumbs up and share with the communities and people who you know can heal as a result of this information.

Also, please remember to subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new video is released.

So, I hope that this video was insightful for you and I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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The Easiest Way To Identify Toxic People

The Easiest Way To Identify Toxic People

 

Discover the easiest and most powerful way to keep yourself safe from toxic people.

For anyone who has been narcissistically abused, especially if you are terrified of it happening again, this information is invaluable.

In this first Thriver TV episode for 2020, I want to explain to you how to ensure that the people you connect with in your life are healthy, rather than toxic.

As well as exactly how to achieve this!

 

 

Video Transcript

Welcome to 2020 and I hope that you have had a wonderful holiday break.

For our first Thriver TV episode this year I want to help you create an abuse-free year and life going forward.

If you have been able to leave the narcissist in your life and you feel fearful of connecting with toxic people in the future, I really want you to know – toxic people who are effective at being toxic are not immediately recognisable.

The ones that aren’t high functioning can be easy to detect. They could be overtly inappropriate, arrogant and quite frankly dysfunctional. These generally are the ones who are not the most dangerous.

Toxic people who are very capable of infiltrating people’s lives and smashing them to pieces are not like this, they are generally consummate actors who are extremely good at winning people’s trust and hearts.

So how do you identify those people?

In today’s video, I’m going to explain to you exactly how you will not only suspect these people but flush them out in a way that keeps you totally safe.

But, before I do, I want to thank all of you who have supported the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I’d like to remind you to please do so. And, if you enjoy this episode, please give it a thumbs up.

Okay so let’s take a deep dive into how to identify toxic people.

 

Are You an Injured Gazelle or a Robust Bison?

You may wonder what animals have to do with this. As an analogy, they can explain a lot regarding how a narcissist targets an individual.

My analogy regarding an injured gazelle is this: it is a person who has gaps, who has susceptibilities to being ensnared and taken down by a predator.

Whereas, an individual who is a robust bison is too solid and anchored in its integrity, in its own body and energy, to be susceptible.

Please note it simply is not true that anybody can get abused by a narcissist.

Let me explain.

If you are feeling empty on the inside and carrying previous hurts that you haven’t yet reconciled, you can be as susceptible to a charming con-person coming into your life pretending to be the saviour of your emptiness, fears, or what is missing, as you would be to diving into a mirage if you were dying of thirst in the desert.

I promise you that I’m not saying this to victim shame you. I am saying this to help empower you, just as this total understanding about myself and my own life helped me awaken to understand that I did have power in these situations and that I had handed it away.

I now know as a recovered and Thriving individual – when you take personal responsibility to heal and resolve your previous traumas, and accept the gift of your own evolution and have become a solid emotional source to yourself, then there is no need for you to let people come into your life immediately.

You will take your time to get to know them, and assess their character before merging with them in ways that puts your heart, emotions, body and even resources on the line.

If a narcissist cannot find a way to infiltrate your life and snare you as a source of narcissistic supply to start mining your energy and resources quickly, it’s not worth the effort. There is much easier prey to target and feed on.

It truly is up to us to heal ourselves up from being an injured gazelle with a limp at the edge of a pack to becoming a robust bison who will never be a target.

Now let’s examine how this works in regard to identifying a toxic person.

 

By Being Yourself Powerfully You Repel Toxic People

The true way that you will recognise whether someone is toxic or not, before it is too late, is because you simply don’t want to play with them, or they leave your experience because they can’t get you to.

What I mean by this is the following: you will be anchored in your integrity, unafraid to ask the difficult questions if something doesn’t feel right, you will be able to speak up and lay boundaries and say ‘no’ if something feels uncomfortable for you.

Also, and above all, by standing in your rights, by taking your time to get to know somebody before letting them into your heart, body, bed, finances, and home, you will see behaviour that is ‘off’ in regard to a toxic person.

They may try to test your boundaries to see if you really mean them. They may have conversations with you that are not respectful about allowing you to be a solid, mature individual taking your time.

Narcissists cannot stand not getting the instant hit of narcissistic supply. They need to escape their own tormented energy at every opportunity by entering into and enmeshing with, and then draining, somebody else’s.

If a narcissist can’t get you to ignore your boundaries, hand over your rights and the bounty that he or she is after very quickly, they may try to guilt you into it. They may bait you, threaten you with abandonment, or appeal to you by claiming that you are making a terrible mistake and risk losing a golden opportunity by taking your time.

If you have healed yourself up to become a solid, mature, adult human being in your own body, you will know that this is baloney. And there is no way that you will capitulate to it.

It is then that the narcissist will unravel and just disappear.

It’s game over. You have asserted your True Self and True Life that the toxic person is no match for and therefore as per Quantum Law – so within, so without – this person simply cannot be in your experience, and won’t be.

Does it even matter whether or not you identify that this person is a toxic individual and that you have dodged a bullet?

No!

You are simply living your life powerfully and authentically from the inside out.

If you haven’t yet healed your original traumas and unmet wounds that are not allowing you to be a whole individual integrated in your own body healthily, then you may mistake this as you being abandoned, or unworthy of this person.

Or maybe you obsess that it is something that you have done wrong, and you should have let your boundaries down, rather than risk losing them. Maybe you will now go after this person and reel them back in.

Can you see how important it is to do the essential inner work on yourself so that you are no longer susceptible to handing away your power and betraying your own values and truths and putting yourself in grave danger with a sociopath?

I hope so, because the understanding I just shared with you is everything.

 

The Truth About Identifying Toxic People

The truth is that you can’t identify toxic people in a way that will keep you safe because your focus on them is not the way to achieve this.

If you haven’t as yet turned inwards to discover what your gaps are and what you need to heal within yourself, no matter what you try to learn about toxic people in order to remain safe from them, they will identify your gaps, charm you and infiltrate your life, just as they have always done to people.

The deeper truth is this, toxic people come into our lives as the real outer life evidence of our already unmet, unhealed existing inner wounds. The reason that these people come into our real-life experience, is so that our unconscious traumas can become conscious, so that finally we can turn inwards, meet them, release them and go free from them.

It’s a much better, healthier and more fulfilling system if we realise the truth about this, and self-partner to do the work that we’ve always needed to do. That way, no longer will we be the injured gazelle with a limp at the edge of the pack, or a ripe target for a predator looking to steal our soul, energy and life.

So, here is the truth – you are not going to identify toxic people.

It’s actually impossible.

Rather, you are simply going to ascertain and work with the only being that you are able to control – yourself. Then you will become healthy and whole and powerfully magnificently impervious to toxic people.

Do you understand this?

If so, write below, ‘I am going to heal and become magnificently impervious to them!’

It’s Time To Become Impervious.

I know that in all of my episodes I am really saying the same thing, over and over, just in different ways.

But I have a feeling that this particular episode may really finally hit home for you!

If this is the case, then you may be ready to do the inner work to clean up your previous traumas and gaps, to leave behind your abuse patterns and fear of abusers forever.

And I mean forever!

If it is your time, and there is no time other than now … then come with me, heal and start becoming another Thriver in this incredible community, by joining my revolutionary healing program the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program – NARP, by clicking this link.

And, if you like this video please give it a thumbs up and make sure that you are subscribed to my channel so that you will be notified as soon as each new video is released.

And as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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Want to resolve your Texas family law case outside of court? Remember these rules of engagement

Safety, Substance Abuse and Mental Health: Helping yourself through a Texas family law case

Originally published by The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC Blog.

Family law cases are among the most difficult of all areas of the law because of how intimate the subject nature is. True, you may not be worth millions of dollars like a multinational corporation but your family case deals with subjects that are more important than money. Your marriage, your children, your personal behaviors and that of your spouse are all relevant in a family case. While an investment banker’s work habits may require some embarrassing information to be disclosed in a trial, nothing compares to having to discuss your marriage to a room of strangers in a divorce trial.

Sometimes the material that is relevant in a family law case is more than just intimate or embarrassing. On occasion there is subject matter that relates to family violence, the safety of your children and even mental health disorders that become a huge part of family law cases. In these situations, you need to be able to know what to expect to encounter when dealing with problems associated with matters that are best kept private but are nonetheless relevant to your current family law case. Whether you are concerned for the well-being of your kids, yourself or even your soon-to-be ex-spouse I want to share some tips on how to handle these sorts of circumstances in your own family case.

What to do when you are worried about the safety of your children

If you find yourself worried about the safety of your children there is no time to waste in attempting to do something to remove those concerns from your life and theirs. Imagine being in a position where you had suspicions or thoughts about a hazard in your child’s life but did nothing to remedy that hazard. The next thing you know, something bad happens to your child and you end up blaming yourself for having identified a problem but having done thing to stop that problem from impacting your child.

This happens all too regularly with family law cases, I am afraid to say. For some reason our instincts as parents are inhibited by all of the hoopla associated with a family law case. This is ironic because at the core of what you are doing, no matter if it is a divorce or child custody case, is a desire to improve the lives of your children. The best advice that I can give to you is that you can improve your child’s life by addressing any concerns regarding safety immediately after you learn about them.

First and foremost, concerns about your child’s safety should be addressed by police and Child Protective Services (CPS). It is probable that the police will contact CPS anyways, but you should see to it that the police are aware of any concerns that you have for your child’s well being. If your child comes home from their mother’s house and tells you that her friend is acting inappropriately, your first step should be to talk to your child about any incidents that have occurred. Next, contact the police if that voice in your head tells you to. Better to be safe than sorry.

You need to know that if your spouse has a history with CPS, that will be an especially relevant bit of information that will need to be discussed with the judge. Family violence is a serious subject as judges want to, above all else, keep your children safe. Any words that you or your spouse use towards one another that could be construed as violent or threatening can and will likely be brought up again.

What does this mean to you on a practical level? Well, for starters, you need to get into the mindset that anything and everything that you say can be recorded and documented. This means those words can be taken out of context, potentially, and used against you and to the advantage of your spouse. Meaning: choose your words carefully. Especially choose how you text and email your spouse. Take a moment before responding to a particularly mean or nasty email to consider how your response can be utilized against you by your spouse.

Next, certainly never put your hands on your spouse for any reason. Even if you are justified in touching your spouse do not do it. Remove yourself from any situation that may rise to violence, animosity or anger. It is not worth it to you to be involved in any discussion that is heated. Use your attorney to convey difficult messages if you don’t believe that your spouse can be respectful of you and your opinions. Even if you are merely defending yourself, it can be a disaster to your case if you were to injure your spouse (especially if you are a man).

One thing that I have seen in recent years is people fighting over cell phones. Grabbing for a phone to see if someone has contacted your spouse or for any other reason can be dangerous. Mostly because those sort of actions can quickly escalate and lead to further use of violence or at the very least coarse language. Nothing contained in that phone is worth potentially losing time with your kids over- or even going to jail for. Be aware of your surroundings and do what you can to de-escalate any situation that you believe could lead to heated tempers.

Is protective order relevant to your situation?

A lot of clients ask about protective orders at the beginning of a child custody or divorce case. The thought being that one could potentially serve the purpose of de-escalating potentially dangerous situations. A protective order can serve a purpose when family violence has occurred in the home recently and that the violence is likely to continue but for the obtaining of a protective order.

If you get a protective order against your spouse that can be severely detrimental to his case in a divorce or child custody matter. You would need to decide whether or not to pursue a protective order that protects you and your kids or just you. While in today’s world we do not ordinarily consider these situations all that often, the fact is that men can be abused, as well as women. Think about all the information we are told about how women are reticent to come forward with details about abuse that they have suffered. The same can be said for men. Men are typically even less willing than women to come forward with details about abuse that they have suffered.

Handling issues regarding mental health in conjunction with a family law case

These are two subjects that come up all the time in family law cases. In some cases they are the primary reasons why there are child custody issues or circumstances that have led to discussions about divorce. Whether your spouse has been diagnosed with having a mental impairment or other mental health difficulty, or you suspect him or her of having a condition like this, mental health problems shine through brightly in many family cases.

Do you suspect your spouse of being bi-polar, having anxiety or being depressed? Some clients of mine in the past have commented that their spouse must be bi-polar considering how hot and cold he/she is. One minute they could be having a conversation together, and the next minute that same spouse could have grabbed a knife to attack our client. Behavior like this that is inconsistent and aggressive can be downright dangerous.

Another problem that clients frequently run into are issues related to a parent’s inability to take their medications as prescribed. The result is comments that relate to how good a parent your spouse might be when he or she is taking their medication, but if that medication is not taken as prescribed your spouse may be the most disagreeable person on earth. It is understandable to not want to take medication when those medicines cause you to feel out of sorts, but that concern needs to be balanced against the desire to keep your safe.

Finally, you need to speak to your attorney about your own history involving drugs and alcohol. The reality for many parents is that if there is a history of drug or alcohol abuse, you probably do not want to share those details with anyone. However, the worst thing that you can do is to keep that history a secret until a mediation or hearing date. Having your lawyer blind-sided by an opposing attorney who disclosed a history of drug and alcohol abuse is not a good plan to have.

Beware of back and forth bickering

Sometimes it is inevitable that you and your spouse will get into an argument. That happens even in the best functioning of marriages. Those arguments usually go nowhere and just leave everyone involved stressed to the max and angry that the discussion was ever started in the first place. Many times, we can see these discussions/arguments happening ahead of time and it takes a little bit of self-control to simply avoid them altogether.

There is nothing more awkward and potentially detrimental to your case to get into an elaborate game of bomb throwing in a courtroom. It typically will happen like this: both you and your spouse have allegations that the other acted inappropriately, was emotionally abusive or generally did something that was harmful to the kids. You then use your time on the witness stand to defend yourself and then hurl a few bombs her way.

What this ends up being is a back and forth game of unsubstantiated allegations. Instead of using your time productively to testify credibly for yourself and against your spouse, you are going to alienate your judge and distance yourself so far from the facts of your case that you may have trouble getting back on track. I have seen this happen many times in other cases and even in my own cases. Emotionally it may be satisfying to fire back at your spouse when he or she makes allegations against you, but in the long run that sort of behavior rarely if ever turns out to work to your advantage.

The people in your life that you trust are there to be your support system

We all have moments in our lives that require the support of others. Whether it is during a difficult family law case, a death in the family or the loss of a job, we cannot always be at our best. It is during those times that we rely on others to prop us up and support us. With that said, keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with doing so. At some point in the future it is likely that you can repay that person by being there for him or her when they need you.

Remember, also, that your mental and physical well-being matters. Staying in a marriage for the sake of your kids is noble, but ultimately self-defeating. Your kids deserve a parent who is at their best. You cannot be at your best when you are involved in a marriage that is emotionally

unfulfilling or worse yet- violent. We will discuss this topic when we pick up where we left off today in tomorrow’s blog post.

Questions about family law cases in Texas? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan

The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan would like to express their sincere appreciation for your interest in today’s blog post. We post articles like this every single day in order to share some of the knowledge that we can have gained through serving people in our community just like you.

In order to speak to one of our licensed family law attorneys about your case, please do not hesitate to contact us today. A consultation at our office is absolutely free of charge and can go a long way towards helping you better understand your circumstances and how to help your family and yourself.

Curated by Texas Bar Today. Follow us on Twitter @texasbartoday.



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Divorce Tip Tuesday: The Aftermath Of Divorce From a Narcissist

Divorce Tip Tuesday: The Aftermath Of Divorce From a Narcissist

The Aftermath Of Divorce From a Narcissist

If you’re divorced from a narcissist you know that the conflict has continued after your divorce was finalized. Divorce doesn’t put an end to the irrational behavior of a narcissist. In fact, divorce ramps it up and causes him to become worse.

And his ramped up narcissistic behavior can have you constantly spinning your wheels, living in a state of increased stress and responding in ways that aren’t healthy for you.

If you don’t learn how to respond to your narcissistic ex’s irrational behavior in a productive way, it can have severe emotional and physical consequences. And, most women don’t know how to respond to and process the constant conflict experienced after divorce from a narcissist.

3 Mistakes Women Make After Divorce From a Narcissist

1. Have Unreasonable Expectations

  • They expect him to be reasonable and rational.
  • They expect him to care about their situation.
  • They expect him to do what is in their children’s best interest.

2. Believe They Can Fix the Problem

Narcissists target empaths, empaths are natural problem solvers and fixers. If you were married to a narcissist you probably spent years trying to fix the problems in the marriage. If you’re divorced from a narcissist, you’ll have the same inherent urge to fix the conflict between the two of you. It is, after all, the way you’re wired. How do “fixers” try to fix the conflict? Below are 2 examples.

  • They justify their position. They believe that if they defend and justify their position on an issue or their needs they will eventually make him understand and “come around.” Nothing could be further from the truth! Trying to get him to understand their point of view on any issue is just added work and stress to an already untenable situation.
  • They roll over and play nice doggy. They believe that if they give respect they will eventually get respect. What they don’t realize is, by playing nice doggy they are showing the narcissistic ex that they are vulnerable…that they need something from him. All this does is open the door for more emotional punches from the narcissist!

3. Fail to Understand the Emotional and Physical Harm Done by His Narcissistic Behavior

Narcissists are conflict generators. In the aftermath of divorce from a narcissist, if a woman doesn’t respond to the narcissist’s behavior in a manner that is healthy for her, she doesn’t have the opportunity to process her emotions and recover before the next onslaught of conflict.

She’ll find herself in a constant state of hypervigilance. She’ll be constantly on guard because she knows he will cause another conflict for her to deal with. She lives her life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Living in constant state of fear and hypervigilance does both physical and emotional harm to the victim of a narcissist. What she is actually dealing with is trauma on an ongoing basis and, if not relieved can turn into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

What are the Symptoms of Ongoing Trauma?

Physical

  • Pain disorders
  • Fatigue
  • Somatoform disorders
  • Problems sleeping
  • Menstrual problems
  • Gastrointestinal problems, just to name a few.

Emotional

  • Unhealthy coping strategies. Working too much as a distraction. Using drugs or alcohol to relieve stress.
  • Anxiety and panic attacks.
  • Depression and agitation.
  • Irritability
  • Compulsive/impulsive behaviors

In other words, if a woman isn’t responding to an irrational, narcissistic ex in a healthy manner she’ll end up with far more problems than a bully of an ex.

Below are 4 tips for healthy responses/interactions with a narcissistic ex. 

1. Communicate Via Email Only

No in-person communication, text communication or phone communication! It’s acceptable to nod and say hello if in the presence of the ex but keep all communication about post-divorce issues strictly to email. Doing so gives you written proof should any issues turn into legal problems.

Using email also gives you the opportunity to back away from the computer and not respond immediately. To gather yourself emotionally and your thoughts. Remember, you don’t want to get drawn into conflict, you want to avoid conflict. The best way to do that is keep a rational head and not engage or allow him to push your buttons.

2. Lowered Expectations

If you expect the worst from someone you’re not going to be upset when that is what you receive. Expect NOTHING from a narcissistic ex!

3. Stop Trying to Fix Things

You aren’t MacGyver. You’re not going to be able to fix a problem you aren’t causing no matter how hard you try or how much faith you have in yourself to tackle that task. He is never going to negotiate fairly with you. He is never going to return respect, no matter how much you shower him with. Please, for your own wellbeing, stop believing that if you can only say or do the right thing, he’ll change. He won’t!

4. Check in With Your Emotions

It’s important to stay mindful of your emotional state. If you’re living in a constant state of stress and fear make sure you are doing what needs to be done to take care of yourself emotionally. If you’re feeling overwhelmed you may need something as simple as time away from the kids and stressors, you may need to seek help from a therapist in processing your stress.

When dealing with a narcissist after divorce it’s important that you choose your battles. If you choose wisely you’ll find yourself engaged in very few battles. don’t feed his need to control you via conflict by responding in an unhealthy manner.

For more resources, check out these articles:

The post Divorce Tip Tuesday: The Aftermath Of Divorce From a Narcissist appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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How To Let Go Of What Doesn’t Serve You In 2020

How To Let Go Of What Doesn’t Serve You In 2020

 

Let 2020 be the breakthrough year of your life, that not only releases you from a painful path but also sets up your True Life – forever.

I want you to have an amazing 2020. And I know that for you to achieve this, you have to let go of all that is no longer serving you.

This can be terrifying! Letting go of familiar outer props, that you have been hanging onto, can feel like you won’t survive or may even die!

In this Thriver TV episode, I share with you exactly why you may still be stuck and hanging onto people and situations which do not serve you and explain how to powerfully and easily let go and clear the space, to allow and accept into your life who and what does serve you.

 

 

Video Transcript

Let’s drill down today. Let’s get very clear on what it takes to make incredible changes in your life.

The first thing you must realise is, to do so, you have to let go of what is not serving you.

This is the most important component if you want to have an extraordinary life, living at your highest potential.

The great news is we now have the processes and the powerful Quantum tools to be able to achieve this – in record time, and in relatively painless ways.

And that’s what this TTV episode is all about – setting up your 2020 to be your best year ever.

Before we get started, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and supporting the Thriver mission. If you haven’t yet done so, please do, and please make sure that if you enjoy this video that you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s get started on leaving the pain of 2019 behind and creating 2020 as your best year ever!

 

Making the Hard Decisions

I want to get very clear with you. You can’t have your cake and eat it as well. What I mean by this, is this: if you want to create new habits, trajectories, people, situations and opportunities in your life, it is impossible to do this whilst you are still clogged up with the old toxic ones.

Quantum Law is absolute – what you are being is what you are receiving. And what you are being pertains to what and who you are experiencing in your life.

You can’t change what you are experiencing until you change who you are being.

Now here is the important part. Most people think that they can change their being by changing what they do. In some cases this is very true, however, if you have suffered significant trauma, then no amount of doing will generally overcome the triggers of trauma and powerlessness that is dictating the composition of your being.

In fact, it’s like trying to put a cart in front of a horse, because in doing so, you are going to be stuck in the lower toxic levels of how your being is feeling. As this video progresses this will become more and more clear for you.

It’s really important to understand that one of the reasons why it has been terrifying and almost emotionally impossible to give up our poor choices, is because these choices have been attempts to numb out and self-medicate the trauma that we are feeling in our Inner Being.

These choices could be things like eating addictions, smoking, wasting time on social media and binge movie watching, drinking excessive alcohol, and victimised blaming and shaming of others. And a host of unlimited ways that we can use to try to alleviate the inner trauma that we are feeling – including being around toxic people, and even running back into the arms of an abuser.

The truth is to change your life these choices have to go. This is something you need to get very clear about, because, as I said before … you can’t have your cake and eat it as well. You can’t drive a brand-new Ferrari into a garage where a rusty old wreck is blocking its path.

You have to let go of the old order of the life that isn’t serving you, to be able to generate the new order of the life that gloriously will.

 

Letting Go of the Old Order

You may have noticed that when you have tried to let go of something or someone who is not serving you, that inevitably another addiction or destructive choice will become activated in your life.

This is because the inner trauma that is driving your choices of trying to numb out with addictions and distractions, has not been healed yet. Interestingly, the addictive or destructive choices are a direct match for already existing trauma in your Inner Being that has not yet been healed.

Inner toxicity generates external toxic choices. The brain follows the body always.

Most people believe that a person’s outer choices regarding, food, alcohol, drugs, or other unhealthy pastimes is the issue. It isn’t. This is simply a self-medication choice regarding the unmet unhealed trauma that is driving that choice.

When you understand that letting go of the choice for real requires healing the cause of the painful choice, then you can understand why a failure to do that will mean you unconsciously replace it with another destructive choice (like meeting and connecting with another narcissist).

Truly letting go requires going so much deeper than merely attempting to control a symptom. True healing requires turning inwards to access and meet the real reason as to why you have been holding onto things that don’t serve you.

To make 2020 your breakthrough year means that you need to let go of the reasons why you are stuck in self-defeating choices.

By doing so you will be able to eliminate the old order that isn’t serving you, and finally create the space within you to accept and allow the new order to flow fully into your being and life.

The Terrible Addiction to Cigarettes as a Powerful Example

I want to talk to you about my previous addiction with cigarettes. The reason being, this turned out to be my biggest ‘what wasn’t serving me issue’ that I ever had to let go of.

I used to smoke seventy cigarettes a day, and this was even after successfully leaving two narcissists.

I felt helplessly connected to cigarettes. I made copious excuses regarding cigarettes not being mind-altering substances and that somehow, I could preserve my health and fitness even as a heavy smoker. I also used to tell myself that I could be doing much worse things, like still being connected to toxic people.

Yet, I was destroying myself, and nothing that I tried to do to get myself away from cigarettes worked. Not smoking cessation treatments, not hypnosis and not willpower. In fact, no quit program, pill or strategy that I had ever tried was successful for me.

Finally, it dawned on me that this terrible grip of cigarettes actually had nothing to do with cigarettes at all.

Cigarettes were my last outer crutch that I was using to try to give me comfort in regard to some unmet, unhealed trauma within me.

Finally, I knew what to do. I courageously went No Contact with cigarettes. I threw them in the bin and removed all traces connected with them.

I then positioned myself deep in the bunker of my couch and got ready. Previously, if I went without cigarettes for even half an hour I would burst into tears. And of course I did, as soon as the first screaming trauma arose within me that I could no longer use cigarettes to shove back down again.

I breathed, opened my body and fully felt this trauma. I used Quanta Freedom Healing (Module Number One of NARP) to draw all this terrible trauma out of myself, load it up, release it and go free from it.

I brought in Source Energy to replace where the trauma once was (which is the Higher Source component in NARP, which heals what we logically can’t heal) and continued to do so each and every time a trauma arose within me.

I went nowhere and saw nobody. I resided on my couch, wailing out these wounds, until finally after three days none remained.

I emerged exhausted, yet completely empty of any urge for a cigarette. I finally felt whole within my Inner Being without them. I have never capitulated and have not had one since. I have never had any urges or desire to have one. In fact, the thought of a cigarette completely and utterly repulses me and always has from that day forward.

Why?

The reason is simple – because I no longer have the existing inner traumas that required self-medicating with cigarettes. And what the main trauma was, was a terrible loneliness and terror, a belief that ‘no-one is coming to help me or save me’.

Cigarettes had been my dummy. They had been my crutch, something in my mouth as my connection to ‘something’, to know that I was not alone when this trauma was activated.

Of course, this trauma had been activated! I had been narcissistically abused and had felt incredibly isolated and unsupported within it.

The trauma of ‘no one is coming’ had actually been in my DNA from birth. I was born with it. It had been deep traumatic past life experiences as well as genetic beliefs that I had taken on from my ancestors, as well as the collective human experience. I had also experienced these traumas in childhood.

As a result of needing to stop smoking cigarettes in order to save my life, thankfully I was able to release myself from the real issue – this terrible existing trauma and painful belief that had been wedged in my Inner Being for eons.

One that had not only kept me stuck in a self-destructive pattern of toxic self-medicating but also a trauma pattern of attracting people or loneliness that was the exact match for the painful belief of ‘no one is coming’.

I hope you are understanding that the exact same healing premise goes for any unhealthy situation, person and choice that you are struggling to give up. There is a reason that you are doing this.

I promise you that the traumas holding in place your compulsions to stay attached to things that are not serving you are deep and primal and powerful. And until you know how to find them and remove them from your Inner Being, they well have incredible power over you.

 

Trying to Think Yourself Into the New Order Doesn’t Work

The old way of trying to let go of, and change our choices that are not serving us, can be incredibly painful and arduous. This requires intense willpower that usually isn’t sustainable.

When you understand how your emotional choices are created, you know that they are all to do with feelings. Not what you are thinking. Our logical brain is not connected with our limbic and emotional centres. Our logical brain is the servant not the master of these centres.

This is why when we have traumatic belief systems driving us to self-medicate with unhealthy choices, we can come up with all sorts of excuses to justify our behaviour. This is the perfect example of the brain following the body and being a servant to it.

We may say, ‘Just one more time, this will be my last’, ‘I’ll get started on this tomorrow’, ‘It’s okay that I gave in and did this, at some point, I will stop myself from doing it’ or, of course, we may just beat ourselves up mercilessly and hope that by blaming and shaming ourselves, we can somehow get ourselves into shape.

Tomorrow never comes. The state of your Inner Being is the state of your Inner Being, and the power of your Inner Being and traumatic beliefs are Almighty.

Your emotional limbic system controls forty billion bits per second in regard to the processing centres of you that creates your life. This means your feelings and thoughts and choices regarding who and what you will include in your life experience, and who or what will be drawn from the external towards you to fulfil your life experience.

In comparison, your logical brain only has the power to influence forty bits per second.

I hope that this puts things totally in perspective for you. If you are trying to overcome your addictive painful and powerless choices that have come about as a result of trauma accumulating in your Inner Being, with mere thinking, then it is likely that you are fighting a fruitless battle.

It may feel near impossible to let go of the people, patterns and things that are not serving you. Even if you desperately want to, because these things have been hurting you all of your life.

 

Shifting Through Your Breakdowns to Breakthroughs Quickly and Painlessly

I hope you understand by now that the true solution to let go, and change your life, is to meet and shift your inner trauma that has been generating your painful choices.

How can you do this?

You need to use an effective tool that can access your subconscious and load up your trauma energy and release it from your being, just as you would remove a rusty old wreck from a garage before you drive your new Ferrari into it.

Because if you don’t, the best you will ever get is trying to manage and create a new program in your life, whilst the old existing trauma is still having its way with you. It just doesn’t work!

This is where body healing modalities come into their own power. They are effective, and much more powerful for treating trauma symptoms and programs than any research, learning or cognitive or logical therapy ever will be.

You may wish to access things like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), kinesiology or the like, or you may simply go straight to the source of my Quantum Healing Program, known as NARP, which has been more effective for healing people from traumatic relationships than any other healing tool I know of on this planet.

And I say that humbly, this is exactly what the real-life evidence states.

 

Shifting Yourself Powerfully Into the New Order

To implement a new order of the life that you want, it is much easier and more direct to work on your Inner Being directly by releasing the responsible trauma out of it. Then filling the space where that was with Source Energy – which is life force, creation, God, your higher self, your superconscious, whatever a Higher Power means to you.

This heals what you logically can’t and means that you quickly and powerfully integrate what you haven’t been able to resolve yet.

The shifts are astounding and somatically felt in your body as real.

You literally emerge within minutes from the person who you were being, into the person who now is aligned with the healthy choices on the topic in question.

In no way does the shift take you decades of therapy. It is a complete false premise that healing yourself requires going through such a logical, minutely incremental, and often completely ineffectual system.

Letting go of what doesn’t serve you, and becoming what does, have absolutely nothing to do with learning anything new. The truth is you can only achieve your True Self and True Life, by unlearning all the traumas and the false beliefs that you have taken on. You can only do this by effectively releasing them out of your being, by letting them go.

Which you will easily achieve when you adopt a higher healing technology, that has been a much-needed upgrade for our human condition for a very long time.

I hope that you are getting excited about the truth, that you have the ability to let go of your previous painful patterns through the breakdown of the old order into the breakthrough of the new.

This new order is your natural and true state; it is who you are already programmed and coded to be without the infection of your inner traumas.

Your Higher Power wants for you, your Highest and Best expression of your life – meaning the only life that would truly gratify you. The components of your True Self and True Life – these things are seeking you as much as you are seeking them.

They are merely waiting for you to release the rusted old wreck that was in your garage, to clear the space to accept the divine entering of your Ferrari.

Do you want to start accessing the shifts, out of your old order, into your new one, quickly and powerfully?

If you do, and you want to access my powerful system to do this, as well as an incredible support community that will help you all the way, you can do this by clicking the link at the top right of this video.

And by doing so, you have taken a step directly onto the path of completely resurrecting your 2020 as your new year and not only that … your new life.

One that enters new trajectories that you simply couldn’t access before and bears no resemblance to the life that you left behind.

It is my greatest joy and mission to show you how to do this, just as I have done for every aspect of my life that was holding me back and hurting me – including abusive people, addictions and terrible patterns and choices.

If you really get this and want to go free, and come with me, then write below, ‘It’s my time, I deserve this, I can and will claim my new life in 2020’.

Let’s take a stand together, okay? To access my Quantum Healing Program NARP which will shift you from what is not serving you, to what totally is, please click the link at the top right of this video.

And I just want to say I’m sending you so much love for this holiday period and New Year.

2020 is going to be the best year ever for us Thrivers. Especially those of us consistently NARPing.

And for those of you already NARPing, looking for your next empowering, expansion steps, look out for the new upgraded Version 2 of my Empowered Self Course.

It’s coming real soon!

Happy New Year!

 

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build emotional intimacy

8 Questions That Help Build Emotional Intimacy In Relationships

build emotional intimacy

 

Part of being human means having emotional needs.

We want to be loved and to give love.

We want to feel we belong and have a sense of purpose. We want to feel self-esteem and respect from others.

These are some of the most common needs, but individuals have emotional needs unique to them. In a healthy relationship, both of you understand the other’s primary emotional needs, and you both work to respond to them because you love and respect your partner.

In order to get your emotional needs met in a relationship, you should discuss those needs with your relationship partner. It’s imperative that you each know the other’s emotional needs in order to meet those needs.

Below are questions that you and your partner can use to open up a line of communication about emotional needs. What they are, whether they are being met and, if not, what needs to change.

Questions That Help Build Emotional Intimacy In Relationships

1. Am I responsive enough to your emotional needs?

We can’t expect anyone person to meet all our emotional needs, even our love partners. Sometimes we have needs that are beyond the scope of any one person to handle.

But we can ask our partners to be responsive to our needs and to honor them. There are some emotional needs your partner might be happy and willing to meet, but he or she is simply not aware of them. It’s your job to enlighten your partner.

There might be needs that they aren’t able to meet. Discuss the emotional needs you have where you’d like more from your partner. Speak honestly and specifically about what you are each willing to offer the other, and discuss alternatives for getting your needs met without your partner if necessary.

2. What should I say to you when I need more from you emotionally?

It’s hard to hear the words, “I need more from you. I need more love, more affection, more respect, and more intimacy.” We all want to feel like we’re enough, that we are appreciated and accepted for all that we do and give to our partners.

But you can’t intuit all your partner’s needs, and you might not be able to understand or relate to some of them. Even so, your partner should feel comfortable expressing those needs and asking you to respond to them. How can you make that request safe and easy for your partner?

3. Do I give you enough emotional space?

One of your emotional needs might be autonomy and freedom. Perhaps you need less emotionally than your spouse does. Needing emotional space doesn’t mean you don’t want to be intimate or close with your partner.

You can balance the need for closeness with the desire for space. Ask each other if you have enough emotional space. If not, exactly what kind of space do you need, and how can your partner support you in this need?

4. What could I do to make you feel more understood?

Even if we can’t meet all of our partner’s emotional needs, we can strive to empathize with him or her. We can listen and show we care. We can acknowledge the efforts at meeting his or her own needs (for self-esteem or independence, for example) or in reaching out to another support person to help.

We can let our partners know they aren’t in this alone, and that we acknowledge and understand their feelings and desires.

5. Do you feel free to express your emotions with me?

Some of us are more expressive with our feelings than others. We laugh and cry easily and have little difficulty saying what we feel. Others don’t feel so free to express emotion, especially painful emotions.

Or we might express our feelings in unhealthy ways, such as anger or withdrawal. In a love relationship, we need to feel safe expressing our deepest emotions, especially those that are painful or shameful.

We need to know that our loved one will treat our feelings tenderly, without judgment or criticism. Find out from your partner whether or not he or she is completely at ease with you in expressing emotions. If not, what is holding him or her back?

6. Do you have any negative emotions about our relationship you need to express?

We might hold back when expressing our emotions because we fear the reaction of our partners. Maybe they will be hurt or angry. Maybe they won’t understand. Maybe they’ll diminish how we feel.

If either of you are harboring negative emotions about the relationship, you need to discuss these and get to the root cause. When communicating negative emotions, speak kindly and constructively. When listening, set aside defensiveness. If negativity exists for one of you, it is an issue you both need to resolve.

7. What from your past has shaped your emotional needs and reactions?

So many of our emotional reactions and triggers are shaped by our childhood experiences. How you were parented and the environment in which you grew up can have a profound effect on your emotional well-being as an adult.

Your significant other can’t fully understand you and your needs until he or she knows something about how the past has shaped your outlook and behaviors. Share with each other the positive and negative events that have contributed to your particular emotional needs.

Would you consider yourself a highly sensitive person, and if so, how can I support you?

A highly sensitive person (HSP) is one who feels things more keenly than the average person. You notice more subtleties in the environment, feel overwhelmed by too much sensory input, and are easily affected by other people’s moods.

You have a rich inner life and enjoy creative pursuits. You also need time alone to recharge and get relief from too much stimulation. Highly sensitive people are extremely conscientious and try hard to please others.

If one or both of you are highly sensitive, you will need to have a special understanding of the traits of HSPs and what they need in order to feel comfortable and thrive. This is particularly true for the non-sensitive, as many of the HSP traits might seem overly sensitive or needy. However, this trait is perfectly normal and has many positive qualities. Find out how your highly sensitive partner needs your understanding and support.

8. What other ways do you have for dealing with your emotions if I feel overwhelmed by them?

When emotions run high during conflict or during times of difficulty or pain, both partners might be flooded with emotion and have little reserve to offer each other. If you are accustomed to turning to your spouse or partner for emotional support, then you need an alternative plan when you are both feeling overwhelmed.

If one of you loses a job, there’s a death in the family, or you have financial difficulties, you both might need outside support to see you through. What is your emotional back-up plan if your partner can’t handle your emotions in a particular situation?

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