Self-partnering is more than escaping the pain of being single or being overly independent and forgoing relationships in order to be an island to yourself.
Being self-partnered is an essential key to achieving a healthy relationship with self, life, and others.
Self-partnering is hugely important for everyone, to be safe and healthy in their own body, able to live free of abuse and abusive patterns, and truly generate the life and love that they were born to live.
There is a big buzz around the world about the term self-partnering at the moment. You may have heard that Emma Watson came out and talked about how happy she is as a single person being self-partnered.
I also just did an interview for Elle Magazine about this term.
I am thrilled about this, knowing that more people are starting to understand self-partnering and explore how personally gratifying and healthy it really is.
Self-partnering is hugely important for everyone, to be safe and healthy in your own body, able to live free of abuse and abusive patterns, and truly generate the life and love that you were born to live.
In this Thriver TV episode I’m going to explain to you exactly why self-partnering is so vital for you to understand, as a member of this community.
But before we dive into this vital information today, I want to say thank you to all of you who have subscribed to my channel, for supporting the Thriver mission and I’d like to remind you that if you haven’t yet done so, please do. And also make sure that if you enjoy this video that you give it a thumbs up.
Okay so on to this episode…
How We Were All Taught Not To Self-Partner
Our world, communities, and forebears taught us the very opposite of self-partnering. The messages we received were that certain emotions that we experience are unpalatable and we were supposed to try to avoid them and shut them down, at all costs.
In times of emotional distress, which is always a signal to turn inwards and understand and heal something within, we were taught to do the exact opposite.
What we have instead done in times of emotional distress is try to numb out – self-medicating by grabbing somebody or something else to try to fix how we feel. Or project our inner pain onto someone or something else as a way of trying to get relief from it.
None of these things have proven helpful or healthy. In fact, they are just as disastrous as it would be to ignore a leaking roof and think that our possessions and furniture aren’t going to get wet, or our motor car’s grinding engine and think we can just continue driving it.
Self-partnering is the act of coming together with our true Inner Being and being able to process our emotions towards our own healthy self-integration. Self-avoiding, self-medicating and self-abandoning doesn’t allow us to integrate with ourselves. Rather it further creates disintegration with our Inner Being, which is the core of how our entire life goes.
Self-Separation Is A Match To Narcissists
If we are not self-partnered, we are as susceptible to abusers as an injured gazelle on the edge of a pack is to a predator. We aren’t solid, empowered and whole. Because we haven’t processed our inner fractures – our painful beliefs, traumas and emotions to wholeness, we are susceptible to an abuser coming into our life pretending to be the saviour of the broken parts of ourselves.
This is what narcissists are famous for and skilled at doing – picking off people who are not self-partnered, as supply and food.
And if we are not self-partnered, we will cling to these people trying to force them to partner us healthily when they don’t have the resources to do that. And if we do find and connect with healthy partners, then there is enormous pressure that we can place on them trying to fulfill our emotional requirements for us, instead of allowing space in the relationship to breathe, so that it can be whole and healthy.
Not being self-partnered truly is the definition of co-dependency – the requirement of somebody outside of ourselves to give us ourselves, rather than turning inwards and healing ourselves to wholeness.
Make no mistake, narcissists are also desperately co-dependent. They require people to feed on to get significance and narcissistic supply in order to avoid the pain of their self-annihilating and severely damaged Inner Being.
The Myths About Self-Partnering
People may think that being self-partnered means that you’ll be an island to yourself and that you won’t need anybody else in your life.
This is a complete fallacy, but I understand it because I used to believe it myself.
I promise you with all my heart that if you are doing the essential work to become self-partnered, in your own body, on this planet, it will mean that your relationships will improve in unprecedented ways.
The reason is that as a whole, healthy person you have done the vital inner work on yourself to release trauma and come home to yourself. This means that you show up in completely and different ways that are vastly more healthy than what you used to.
What you will discover is that the negative self-talk melts away and all of the resentment, regret, and anger of your past melts away. Profound gratitude, joy, and excitement for your life begins, and this is regardless of what you have been through or suffered in your personal history.
You won’t be needy of approval. This is because you have become a source of love and approval to yourself. Now you can take your time to get to know people, and your energy isn’t frantic or desperate around them.
It also means that when things start to feel unsavoury or not quite right, you can have difficult conversations and lay boundaries to see if people have the resources to step up and meet you at a healthy, safe level of relationship or not.
And if they don’t, you will no longer cling like a person on the edge of a sinking boat, thinking that this person is required for you to feel safe and whole.
You already are safe and whole.
What you will also discover is that the people who do come into your life will start to reflect more of your inner self-partnered wholeness.
So within, so without, like attracts like. We are in a completely vibrational universe whereby the people and situations that do come into our life are the perfect matches for the state of our Inner Being.
When we do the integral work on our Inner Being, we discover resources and people that will genuinely support and integrate with us in healthy ways, come into view. We start being attracted to these situations and people, whereas before, they were invisible to us.
And we lose the attraction toward the people and situations that were the previous representations of our inner broken parts.
My experience with being self-partnered is the manifestation of beautiful and joyful relationships. I have been able to be a lot more honest in my relationships. I am more particular in my relationships. I have met and connected with the most incredible people who have beautiful souls and hearts as a self-partnered person. I experience deep intimate relationships at a level of honesty, trust and kindness that is a far cry from my previous battles with wounded people whilst I was trying to survive my own wounds.
I am so excited about people understanding that self-partnering is the foundation for all relationships that you will have in life.
Self-Partnering, The Path To Self-Love
Of course, we were brought up to try to get love outside of ourselves, because we thought that the only way that we could BE love, was to GET love.
We didn’t realise that we already are pure love when we turn inwards with self-devotion, compassion and kindness, rather than the self-annihilating criticisms and conditional love that we believed were necessary to try to force ourselves into shape to somehow deserve love.
This is what I love so much about the Thriver processes to heal – by turning inwards, meeting our Inner Being with the intention to heal ourselves to wholeness, and with the use of profound Quantum tools, we can load up our traumas, release them and bring in Source to replace them. This is the love of our higher power, our higher self and our superconscious, which is us. It Is Who We Really Are. These forces are also our highest and best integration with life and others.
I know with my previous internal traumas I was always struggling and battling to try to find the way to love myself. I would go to seminars and I would read books and I would do affirmations and all sorts of spiritual practices daily, yet all of these things were simply processes that I was trying to do in my mind in order to teach myself to love myself.
When we self-partner and meet and be with our Inner Being unconditionally, with the full intention to excavate and release all the false beliefs, traumas and lies we have been told, and keep bringing in who We Really Are, then we know the truth. Self-love is not something that we learn, and it’s not something that is meant to take a lot of effort to keep reinforcing and remembering.
We can’t ‘do’ self-love. Self-love is who we are and our organic beingness when we lose the traumas and false beliefs that have disconnected us from our essential being.
When coming back to our True Self, as self-loving people, a huge shift occurs. We gravitate to accept and generate life with healthy resources and people. We stop trying to turn crumbs into cookies, because we feel so empty and alone. Part of our organic shift into self-partnering is realising that in our coded DNA, when we remember who we truly are, we know that we are never separated from the whole.
At the subatomic level we now know scientifically that everything and everyone is interconnected as one, there is no separation.
When we experience this as a coded knowing, as an emotion deep within our Inner Being that just is, we are no longer out of the fold, trying to do whatever it takes to be loved and accepted. This, sadly, has made us highly susceptible to abusers, as well as staying with them even when the abuse is horrific.
Our old model of life contained false beliefs such as it is narcissistic and wrong to focus attention and healing on yourself to become love because it is self-absorbed. This has caused broken people to keep choosing and participating in broken relationships, as well as hurting themselves and others.
We thought that it was loving to self-sacrifice and to hurt ourselves in the pursuit of helping and loving others. Nothing could be further from the truth. If we don’t love ourselves there is an impossibility to generate loving relationships with others, and to inspire others to create a life with you that is loving.
If you agree, I want you to pause this video and write below, ‘I’m going to self-partner so that I can start loving myself and then others more healthily!’
What Is Self-Partnering?
To put it simply, self-partnering is the BEING with ourselves (our emotions) unconditionally … warts and all.
Then, from there, the deeper even more evolutionary way to self-partner is to make it your greatest mission to free yourself by unlearning all the lies and false beliefs that you have been taught. You can do this by shifting out your trauma, so as to burst forth into the being you truly are – someone who has the experience of life and love going right.
Here are some statements to determine whether you are self-partnered yet.
Love spending time with yourself.
Are capable of fun and enjoyment on your own.
Are extended and radiant in life.
Are your own greatest supporter.
Speak to yourself lovingly.
Validate and are with your own feelings in times of need.
Dedicate time to being with and working on yourself.
Step up and are your own soother and healer when necessary.
Are your own best friend, companion and lover.
Make devotion to your Inner Being a high priority.
None of these states are possible if you are not prepared to self-partner.
In stark contrast you will:
Dislike spending time alone.
Not feel joyful when alone.
Feel scared to connect to and be out in life.
Demand more of yourself.
Criticise and shame yourself.
Seek self-medication choices to avoid painful feelings.
Seek outer stimulation and people to try to feel better.
Self-abandon in times of emotional distress.
Be your own worst enemy.
Dismiss and not take care of your own wellbeing.
Connect to abusive people trying to force them to love you.
I really hope that this Thriver TV episode has inspired you to understand exactly why self-partnering is not just a preferable thing to do, it’s the only thing to do to start generating the life of your dreams.
If it’s your time to become self-partnered then join me, I will show you exactly how to do it by clicking this link.
And if you enjoy this video and you would like to see more, please subscribe to my channel so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please remember to give this video a thumbs up if you liked it and share it with people that you know it can help.
And as always I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.