Self-Partnering Is The Key To Living An Abuse-Free Life

Self-Partnering Is The Key To Living An Abuse-Free Life

 

Self-partnering is more than escaping the pain of being single or being overly independent and forgoing relationships in order to be an island to yourself.

Being self-partnered is an essential key to achieving a healthy relationship with self, life, and others.

Self-partnering is hugely important for everyone, to be safe and healthy in their own body, able to live free of abuse and abusive patterns, and truly generate the life and love that they were born to live.

 

Video Transcript

There is a big buzz around the world about the term self-partnering at the moment. You may have heard that Emma Watson came out and talked about how happy she is as a single person being self-partnered.

I also just did an interview for Elle Magazine about this term.

I am thrilled about this, knowing that more people are starting to understand self-partnering and explore how personally gratifying and healthy it really is.

Self-partnering is hugely important for everyone, to be safe and healthy in your own body, able to live free of abuse and abusive patterns, and truly generate the life and love that you were born to live.

In this Thriver TV episode I’m going to explain to you exactly why self-partnering is so vital for you to understand, as a member of this community.

But before we dive into this vital information today, I want to say thank you to all of you who have subscribed to my channel, for supporting the Thriver mission and I’d like to remind you that if you haven’t yet done so, please do. And also make sure that if you enjoy this video that you give it a thumbs up.

Okay so on to this episode…

 

How We Were All Taught Not To Self-Partner

Our world, communities, and forebears taught us the very opposite of self-partnering. The messages we received were that certain emotions that we experience are unpalatable and we were supposed to try to avoid them and shut them down, at all costs.

In times of emotional distress, which is always a signal to turn inwards and understand and heal something within, we were taught to do the exact opposite.

What we have instead done in times of emotional distress is try to numb out – self-medicating by grabbing somebody or something else to try to fix how we feel. Or project our inner pain onto someone or something else as a way of trying to get relief from it.

None of these things have proven helpful or healthy. In fact, they are just as disastrous as it would be to ignore a leaking roof and think that our possessions and furniture aren’t going to get wet, or our motor car’s grinding engine and think we can just continue driving it.

Self-partnering is the act of coming together with our true Inner Being and being able to process our emotions towards our own healthy self-integration. Self-avoiding, self-medicating and self-abandoning doesn’t allow us to integrate with ourselves. Rather it further creates disintegration with our Inner Being, which is the core of how our entire life goes.

 

Self-Separation Is A Match To Narcissists

If we are not self-partnered, we are as susceptible to abusers as an injured gazelle on the edge of a pack is to a predator. We aren’t solid, empowered and whole. Because we haven’t processed our inner fractures – our painful beliefs, traumas and emotions to wholeness, we are susceptible to an abuser coming into our life pretending to be the saviour of the broken parts of ourselves.

This is what narcissists are famous for and skilled at doing – picking off people who are not self-partnered, as supply and food.

And if we are not self-partnered, we will cling to these people trying to force them to partner us healthily when they don’t have the resources to do that. And if we do find and connect with healthy partners, then there is enormous pressure that we can place on them trying to fulfill our emotional requirements for us, instead of allowing space in the relationship to breathe, so that it can be whole and healthy.

Not being self-partnered truly is the definition of co-dependency – the requirement of somebody outside of ourselves to give us ourselves, rather than turning inwards and healing ourselves to wholeness.

Make no mistake, narcissists are also desperately co-dependent. They require people to feed on to get significance and narcissistic supply in order to avoid the pain of their self-annihilating and severely damaged Inner Being.

The Myths About Self-Partnering

People may think that being self-partnered means that you’ll be an island to yourself and that you won’t need anybody else in your life.

This is a complete fallacy, but I understand it because I used to believe it myself.

I promise you with all my heart that if you are doing the essential work to become self-partnered, in your own body, on this planet, it will mean that your relationships will improve in unprecedented ways.

The reason is that as a whole, healthy person you have done the vital inner work on yourself to release trauma and come home to yourself. This means that you show up in completely and different ways that are vastly more healthy than what you used to.

What you will discover is that the negative self-talk melts away and all of the resentment, regret, and anger of your past melts away. Profound gratitude, joy, and excitement for your life begins, and this is regardless of what you have been through or suffered in your personal history.

You won’t be needy of approval. This is because you have become a source of love and approval to yourself. Now you can take your time to get to know people, and your energy isn’t frantic or desperate around them.

It also means that when things start to feel unsavoury or not quite right, you can have difficult conversations and lay boundaries to see if people have the resources to step up and meet you at a healthy, safe level of relationship or not.

And if they don’t, you will no longer cling like a person on the edge of a sinking boat, thinking that this person is required for you to feel safe and whole.

You already are safe and whole.

What you will also discover is that the people who do come into your life will start to reflect more of your inner self-partnered wholeness.

So within, so without, like attracts like. We are in a completely vibrational universe whereby the people and situations that do come into our life are the perfect matches for the state of our Inner Being.

When we do the integral work on our Inner Being, we discover resources and people that will genuinely support and integrate with us in healthy ways, come into view. We start being attracted to these situations and people, whereas before, they were invisible to us.

And we lose the attraction toward the people and situations that were the previous representations of our inner broken parts.

My experience with being self-partnered is the manifestation of beautiful and joyful relationships. I have been able to be a lot more honest in my relationships. I am more particular in my relationships. I have met and connected with the most incredible people who have beautiful souls and hearts as a self-partnered person. I experience deep intimate relationships at a level of honesty, trust and kindness that is a far cry from my previous battles with wounded people whilst I was trying to survive my own wounds.

I am so excited about people understanding that self-partnering is the foundation for all relationships that you will have in life.

 

Self-Partnering, The Path To Self-Love

Of course, we were brought up to try to get love outside of ourselves, because we thought that the only way that we could BE love, was to GET love.

We didn’t realise that we already are pure love when we turn inwards with self-devotion, compassion and kindness, rather than the self-annihilating criticisms and conditional love that we believed were necessary to try to force ourselves into shape to somehow deserve love.

This is what I love so much about the Thriver processes to heal – by turning inwards, meeting our Inner Being with the intention to heal ourselves to wholeness, and with the use of profound Quantum tools, we can load up our traumas, release them and bring in Source to replace them. This is the love of our higher power, our higher self and our superconscious, which is us. It Is Who We Really Are. These forces are also our highest and best integration with life and others.

I know with my previous internal traumas I was always struggling and battling to try to find the way to love myself. I would go to seminars and I would read books and I would do affirmations and all sorts of spiritual practices daily, yet all of these things were simply processes that I was trying to do in my mind in order to teach myself to love myself.

When we self-partner and meet and be with our Inner Being unconditionally, with the full intention to excavate and release all the false beliefs, traumas and lies we have been told, and keep bringing in who We Really Are, then we know the truth. Self-love is not something that we learn, and it’s not something that is meant to take a lot of effort to keep reinforcing and remembering.

We can’t ‘do’ self-love. Self-love is who we are and our organic beingness when we lose the traumas and false beliefs that have disconnected us from our essential being.

When coming back to our True Self, as self-loving people, a huge shift occurs. We gravitate to accept and generate life with healthy resources and people. We stop trying to turn crumbs into cookies, because we feel so empty and alone. Part of our organic shift into self-partnering is realising that in our coded DNA, when we remember who we truly are, we know that we are never separated from the whole.

At the subatomic level we now know scientifically that everything and everyone is interconnected as one, there is no separation.

When we experience this as a coded knowing, as an emotion deep within our Inner Being that just is, we are no longer out of the fold, trying to do whatever it takes to be loved and accepted. This, sadly, has made us highly susceptible to abusers, as well as staying with them even when the abuse is horrific.

Our old model of life contained false beliefs such as it is narcissistic and wrong to focus attention and healing on yourself to become love because it is self-absorbed. This has caused broken people to keep choosing and participating in broken relationships, as well as hurting themselves and others.

We thought that it was loving to self-sacrifice and to hurt ourselves in the pursuit of helping and loving others. Nothing could be further from the truth. If we don’t love ourselves there is an impossibility to generate loving relationships with others, and to inspire others to create a life with you that is loving.

If you agree, I want you to pause this video and write below, ‘I’m going to self-partner so that I can start loving myself and then others more healthily!’

 

What Is Self-Partnering?

To put it simply, self-partnering is the BEING with ourselves (our emotions) unconditionally … warts and all.

Then, from there, the deeper even more evolutionary way to self-partner is to make it your greatest mission to free yourself by unlearning all the lies and false beliefs that you have been taught. You can do this by shifting out your trauma, so as to burst forth into the being you truly are – someone who has the experience of life and love going right.

Here are some statements to determine whether you are self-partnered yet.

You:

 Love spending time with yourself.
 Are capable of fun and enjoyment on your own.
 Are extended and radiant in life.
 Are your own greatest supporter.
 Speak to yourself lovingly.
 Validate and are with your own feelings in times of need.
 Dedicate time to being with and working on yourself.
 Step up and are your own soother and healer when necessary.
 Are your own best friend, companion and lover.
 Make devotion to your Inner Being a high priority.

None of these states are possible if you are not prepared to self-partner.

In stark contrast you will:

 Dislike spending time alone.
 Not feel joyful when alone.
 Feel scared to connect to and be out in life.
 Demand more of yourself.
 Criticise and shame yourself.
Seek self-medication choices to avoid painful feelings.
 Seek outer stimulation and people to try to feel better.
 Self-abandon in times of emotional distress.
 Be your own worst enemy.
 Dismiss and not take care of your own wellbeing.
Connect to abusive people trying to force them to love you.

I really hope that this Thriver TV episode has inspired you to understand exactly why self-partnering is not just a preferable thing to do, it’s the only thing to do to start generating the life of your dreams.

If it’s your time to become self-partnered then join me, I will show you exactly how to do it by clicking this link.

And if you enjoy this video and you would like to see more, please subscribe to my channel so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please remember to give this video a thumbs up if you liked it and share it with people that you know it can help.

And as always I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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7 Steps To Getting Healthy After Narcissistic Abuse

7 Steps To Getting Healthy After Narcissistic Abuse

 

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most devastating things you could ever go through.

However, this does not have to be a life sentence.

There are steps that you can take to rise up and out of abuse symptoms, and into your true and new healthy relationship with self, others and all of life.

Today, in this a very special Thriver TV episode, I have the absolute joy of sharing with you the seven steps that myself, and many other Thrivers in the community, have used to not just merely survive abuse, but to truly enter the life of our dreams.

 

 

Video Transcript

After being narcissistically abused there is a necessity to get healthy .…

Because you are probably going through the worst time in your life, you may feel like you’ve lost your life force, your well-being, your hope for the future, and possibly even your will to try to move forward and rebuild your life.

I know, 100% you may feel like your life is over, and you can’t even imagine what it would feel like to be healthy again.

I promise you that how you feel, and what your life looks like, isn’t going to be your reality for the rest of your life, if you work on these seven points that I’m going to be sharing with you today.

But, before I do, I’d just like to take a moment to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver mission, and if you haven’t yet done so please do, and also if you like this video please make sure to give it a thumbs up.

Okay so let’s start off by having a look at the first step to reclaiming your health after narcissistic abuse.

 

Step Number One – Start Self-Partnering

Self-partnering is vital. In fact, it’s crucial. And the reason that it is so foundational for Thriver recovery after narcissistic abuse is because it puts us back inside our body. Here we find and reverse all the unconscious reasons that led us to be narcissistically abused in the first place.

Initially, it is a very hard pill to swallow – understanding that we can be very susceptible to narcissistic abuse as a result of suffering a disconnection from ourselves. One that is extreme enough that unknowingly we are trying to seek the missing parts of ourselves, from outside of ourselves.

However, the truth does set us free. Because when we understand that there was a fracture within us, we can take our power back and heal it.

If we are not fully anchored in our body, being an inner emotional experience of knowing that we are lovable and worthy and as an adult capable of generating our own security and survival, then we are seeking these essential commodities from other people to try to feel whole on the inside.

Ironically, this lack of inner wholeness has nothing to do with how intelligent, capable or accomplished we are. These are emotional gaps within us, that often cause us to overcompensate and be even more practically high functioning than most people.

Narcissists know and sense these gaps within us. They know how to appear as the saviour of these parts of ourselves that we seek from the outside, whilst mining and sucking dry our capabilities and resources.

When we are not in our body, self-partnered, and integrated as a whole emotional source to ourselves, we dismiss our inner warning signs and we may even rationalise away the traumatic feelings of being abused. We are also likely to cling to the person who is the source of the abuse, trying to get them to change what they are doing so that we can feel safe and whole.

To rectify all of these patterns of being codependently abused by others requires self-partnering. It means rather than look to the outside to solve our problems, heal our wounds, and take away the pain, we realised that the work has to be done between us and ourselves, within ourselves.

When we turn within with the right intention toward our Inner Being, we are moving out of Wrong Town, and back home to ourselves.

I want you to repeat after me, ‘I am here for you. I will love and accept you – wounds and all. I am here to help you heal with everything I have, and I am never leaving you again.’

This is when we make the switch from living life ‘from the outside in’ to living life ‘from the inside out.’

It’s the only way to heal and Thrive.

 

Step Number Two – Engage Self-Devotion

It’s one thing to know that we have to turn inward and start becoming a source of self instead of trying to get others to give us ourselves … but it’s another to know how to start treating ourselves nicely.

I really want you to understand that you need to let go of trying to blame and shame and punish and criticise yourself into shape.

Can you see how, if you have been doing this – treating yourself with conditional love, and harsh expectations, why you have drawn into your life and tolerated someone who has been reflecting back how you have been treating and talking to yourself?

Self-devotion means this: ‘I am going to talk to myself lovingly the way that I would talk to a small child I adore.’

After narcissistic abuse you are healing, and you require your own tenderness and kindness. You need to be able to say to yourself every day, ‘I am proud of you, I love you and I’m here to support you all the way. You will get through this.’

And in times of triggers and fears, this is about learning how to be kind, supportive and present with yourself, and teach yourself how to breathe, while remaining in your body. The times when we make our most self-annihilating decisions are when we self-abandon.

Thriver self-devotion means not running away from these feelings anymore and making choices that only hurt you more – such as attempting to self-medicate with abusive people, terrible food choices, active addictions, mind-numbing distractions and all sorts of things that take you away from becoming your best lover, supporter and healer.

When we are doing these things to ourselves, we are not in control of our own lives, and we are highly susceptible to being controlled by people who hurt us.

Thriver self-devotion can also mean becoming extremely healthy with self-care, good nutrition, healthy exercise, regular sleep and maybe seeing a holistic practitioner who can help get your mineral and vitamin levels balanced and healthy again.

I want to share with you this vital fact – we will never tolerate a level of abuse that is beyond what we are capable of doing to ourselves. If we ignore the calls for help from our Inner Being, self-abuse ourselves with terrible choices, and continue to criticise and blame and shame ourselves, as well as feed ourselves with toxic food, then the identical treatment from the outside is what is familiar and what we will tolerate.

Treating ourselves with love, respect, devotion, and tenderness reverses all of that.

 

Step Number Three – Taking The Healing Time

A big mistake that many people make is trying to just get on with life.

I know that as a result of narcissistic abuse, you may have lost a great deal of ground, years, resources and the like. It’s very usual to try to just get up and get on with it again, and many people are shocked to find out that they just don’t have the capacity within themselves to achieve that.

This happened to me too. I had always been a doer, a high achiever who believed that my value and ability to be accepted depended on my accomplishments. After narcissistic abuse, I was forced for the first time ever in my life to place my soul and Inner Being as the number one priority. And I wasn’t going to survive until I did.

What I discovered, as a result of fully dedicating myself to healing and knowing that that was my greatest mission in life, was to repair my relationship with my Inner Being, in order to create true relationships with life and others.

This was the first time in my life that I understood how to get life right at the core base level where I needed to.

You will too, when you accept what I did – that it’s time to put your outer life on hold. It’s time to say ‘no’ to things and people outside of yourself and say ‘yes’ to you and your Inner Being. By doing so you will discover that you can self-partner and self-devote and start truly healing within your own being in order to change yourself.

Then the changes in your life will follow automatically.

I liken this to being a bird with broken wings, going into the bird hospital to spend the appropriate amount of time there, who then comes out and soars high in the breeze with the world literally at its feet.

This is exactly what you have to look forward to if you take this necessary hiatus and treasure your healing time. All of your real life does depend on it.

 

Step Number Four – Meet The Trauma In Your Body

We are so blessed in this space-time reality, right here right now, to be able to have the Quantum tools to bypass our logical brain, meet the trauma in our body, load it up, release it and replace it, so that we can literally shift out of who we were being, into the Being who can actualise the life, love and interpersonal relationships that work.

The old paradigm was about trying to manage the trauma in our body without ever living free of its effects, whilst trying to survive having the thoughts, feelings, people and situations that simply matched our already existing trauma.

Clearly, living trauma free is so much easier, cleaner and more powerful and so much more fulfilling.

This is where my NARP program comes in. You may have seen the incredible results that NARP regularly produces for the members of this community. The reason for these results is that these people, by releasing the trauma from their Inner Beings, opened up space to allow organic well-being that is naturally coded into all of us, namely life force itself, to enter.

Meaning that the old battle with trauma and its symptoms such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, fibromyalgia, agoraphobia, adrenal malfunction all simply melt away. Which means our natural life force fills the space where the trauma once was – joy, creativity, inspiration, and excitement for the future and complete closure from the past, regardless of the age of the person, how much they have suffered or what they have lost.

This is what you can look forward to if you are willing to meet, and do the work, on the trauma in your body.

 

Bonus Step Number Four – Say ‘No’ To Your Old Patterns

This is where you need to get very clear with yourself. You may have released the trauma, but now you need to have boundaries and clear definitions regarding what it means to start experiencing your new life, which may be a life that you have never been able to access before.

So, for example, if your patterns used to be having unavailable people in your life who treated you like you were invisible, then it’s vital that you start showing up with the key people in your life asking for what you need.

It is also going to be vital to do the work on releasing the fears and traumas of being invisible, and knowing that you deserve to have healthy, connected, more committed relationships in your life.

Then you will see who will meet you at the more evolved level of relationship that you are now taking a stand for directly, honestly and lovingly. And in many cases, those who do have the resources will step up and meet you at this higher level of relationship as a reflection of the higher relationship that you are now living between you and yourself.

And, if there are people in your present life who don’t have the resources for communion and connection and intimacy or existing people who refuse or don’t have the resources to meet you there, then you will let go and move on as a fully integrated individual with yourself to be the generative force of taking a stand for what your reality is now.

We can’t continue to participate in our old programs and patterns and believe that the universe will deliver us a different reality. It just doesn’t work like that. What you accept is what you will get, point-blank.

 

Step Number Five – Expand Yourself

Comfort zones are never comfortable. If we stay stuck in comfort zones, then we are not growing. Of course, we stay in a comfort zone because we have a fear of expansion. And there may be many traumas deep in your DNA, which are even survival programs, such as ‘if I try to expand to be fully myself, I may fail or I may be targeted, or even annihilated.’

You may think I am kidding, but I’m not. I can’t tell you the amount of people I have worked on with Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) who have come up with these deep powerful programs which are stopping them from moving forward into the life that they really want to live.

The easy and powerful way to defeat these is to use Quantum tools to go inside and find these opposing limiting beliefs, load them up and release them and replace them. Then you will easily flow into your desires with confidence and without the powerful emotional resistance that has been holding you back.

As a Thriver, I love to expand. This is one of the most powerful ways I’ve challenged and grown myself by stretching into areas, trajectories, and experiences that I could never access in my previous reality because it was riddled with trauma.

I can’t tell you the joy it is to get free on an inner level so that you can fully shine, glow and expand on any level. Because this is where the juicy, incredible stuff in life really is.

 

Step Number Six – Connect To Your Purpose

One of the most beautiful things that we can ever do to live a healthy life is to connect to our true mission and purpose.

All of us are here for some divine purpose. I totally believe those of us who have gone through narcissistic abuse are here for an incredible purpose. We are all angels, spirits who have been submerged into an experience of extreme darkness and trauma, in order to release the trauma out of our Inner Beings, not just for ourselves but for all of humanity.

When we actualise our true mission of meeting and releasing the trauma, we clear the space for who we really are to start flowing through us, as us. It is then that the connection to our mission comes. It is seeking us as much as we are seeking it. When we get ourselves, our old traumas and limitations, out of the way, that is when we connect.

It is incredibly usual for Thrivers who do the work with NARP, to start getting the inspiration within them about what it is that they truly feel passionate about doing. Many Thrivers within this community, just like myself, have found that calling. It may be similar to what I do, helping others to awaken and recover from abuse for real, and for others, it’s a completely different track.

What is vital to understand is that connecting to that truth is not possible when we’re stuck in surviving the trauma inside of us. We may think that the mission will take away the trauma, but it’s the other way round. When we take full responsibility and address the trauma ourselves, then the mission comes.

Because when that trauma is released, all of the energy that was trapped trying to survive the trauma is freed up to become pure creativity, mission and service.

This is the exhilaration and pure miracle of yourself that you will start experiencing as a result of this step.

 

Step Number Seven – Become Love

I believe that one of the greatest joys of Thriver recovery from narcissistic abuse is to reach the becoming of love. What I mean by this is the return to the truth.

We come home, we understand the truth about the illusions we have been fed, and the need to wake up from them. The knowing that we are all souls on journeys to release ourselves from the darkness and the trauma, to move into the truth and the light of Who We Really Are.

It is from this place of living without trauma that we see the truth that all of this, no matter how it looks, was all meant to be. To have the experiences required to lose those false aspects of ourselves, the lies, the false beliefs, the taking on thinking that we were unlovable, defective or unacceptable, and knowing that everyone who is hurt or hurting others, is still stuck in that lie.

From this place, we have acceptance, gratitude, and compassion for those still stuck in the trance. And we know that our greatest purpose, regardless of what our individual specific missions are, is to be love and to see the truth. It’s then that we let go of our righteousness, demonising and judging which only helps to cement our victimisation and powerless states.

To become love, without fear, is the coming home to the truth. This is where we are set free and we get to experience heaven on earth as we are, right here, right now.

It’s only then that the pain ends and the beauty of our life starts to unfold as the new and true belief systems that we’ve worked hard to heal ourselves back to.

If it wasn’t for the narcissistic abuse happening for us, we would never have had to effort so courageously and consistently to bring ourselves home to the truth.

I hope that these seven steps have helped inspire you to know where you are heading, and the incredible evolutionary gifts that you can claim, with Thriver recovery, after narcissistic abuse.

So, if this is where you want to go, you can get started by working with my NARP program. Join me on this incredible and spectacular journey of self and life, by clicking the link at the top right of this video.

And, if you are already a NARP member, and you are looking for the next steps after abuse to claim your highest and best life, then I’d love to introduce you to my Empowered Self course, which is going through a very powerful upgrade very shortly, which you will receive free of charge as a result of being a member.

You can check out the details of this course also by clicking this link.

Okay so I hope that this video has inspired you, and if you like my videos and you would like to be notified each time a new one is released then please subscribe to my channel. Also remember to give this a thumbs up if you liked it.

Please also share with the people you love so that you can help them wake up out of the human trance as well.

And as always, I am totally looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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3 Ways To Get Any Narcissist To Leave You Alone

3 Ways To Get Any Narcissist To Leave You Alone

 

Many people will tell you that a narcissist will never stop harassing you and this could be your experience too.

It was mine until I discovered three powerful ways to get ANY narcissist to leave me alone.

In this Thriver TV episode I am going to share with you exactly what to do to get a narcissist completely and permanently out of your life.

And if you are co-parenting or this person is a family member I will share how to get them to detach and stay away from you.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today is a very cool day. Because we’re going to talk about three incredibly powerful ways that you can get any narcissist to leave you alone.

Maybe you are not at this stage of wanting a narcissist to leave you alone, but if you are, this episode is totally for you. And even if you aren’t, I hope that by the end of the episode you will be ready to activate these three wonderful tips that I’m sharing with you today.

Okay, so before we get started, I’d like to thank all of you who are so wonderfully supporting the Thriver mission by subscribing to my channel and remind those of you who haven’t to please do. And, if you like this episode make sure you give it a thumbs up.

Okay, so on with this episode!

 

Why Do We Need Narcissists To Leave Us Alone?

The reason we need narcissists to leave us alone is because there is nothing to gain from trying to engage with a narcissist.

You can’t talk sanity into insanity. The more you try to reason with a narcissist, make a deal with them, try to plead with them, or lecture and prescribed to them, in other words grant them any of your energy whatsoever, it just makes matters worse. The only way to regain your sanity, soul, and life and win against a narcissist is to withdraw all of your energy, and focus on your own healing.

That’s when you will get free from this horrible experience and evolve and elevate yourself into your True and New life.

But, what if a narcissist won’t leave you alone? What if he or she seems hellbent on pestering you, continuing to abuse you and just won’t stop doing it?

So many people think and report that a narcissist will never stop doing what they’re doing to them, but I promise you this is not true. There are surefire ways that you can get a narcissist to leave you alone, regardless of ties that you think may bind you for life to him or her, such as sharing children together.

So, let’s check out how to do this.

 

Number #1 – No Contact

No Contact is not just essential to get a narcissist to leave you alone, No Contact is also vital to grant yourself the space to start healing from a narcissist.

No Contact is easier said than done. We all know how difficult it is to stay away from and repel the narcissist’s hoovering attempts and stop the ways that he or she can trigger you into breaking no contact, and all the other sneaky tactics that narcissists use to get your attention and ego feed from you.

This is where number three and number one are deeply interconnected, and I’m going to be explaining more about number three when we get to it. Suffice it to say that when you master how to emotionally manage yourself successfully enough to keep No Contact with a narcissist, then he or she runs out of the fuel to keep abusing you with.

Narcissists need a payoff for their efforts and the prize is always narcissistic supply. If a narcissist knows that he or she affects you, then the narcissist believes that he or she is significant, and that is the exact fuel that keeps the narcissistic cruel, malicious, attention-seeking, punishment cycles continuing.

Please know this: there is no greater insult to a narcissist than when they are no longer gaining any attention, energy or reaction from you.

It’s so important to understand that an energy exchange with a narcissist does not need to be physical and literal. Even if you are checking up on the narcissist, without him or her knowing, there is a psychic phenomenon occurring whereby the narcissist is still receiving your emotional energy through the ethers.

If you still feel emotionally hooked in, affected and traumatised by the narcissist – which is evident if you are still obsessing about him or her, then the narcissist is still getting energetic narcissistic supply from you. This grants the narcissist the fuel that allows him or her to continue violating you.

Again, this is exactly why number three, which we are going to talk about soon, is so vital.

 

Number #2 – Anti Fear

I love anti fear. It’s beyond powerful.

This is the next step up from true No Contact, and number two also requires the self-dedication to step number three.

Anti fear means that you have purposefully eradicated every part of yourself that has been buying into the illusion that the narcissist has power over you and is, on their own, capable of annihilating you, making your life a living hell, or destroying everything that you thought your life could be.

When we go Quantum, and wake up out of the trance, we realise the truth – that the narcissist is a deep soul experience causing us to meet outside of ourselves the fears and insecurities that were all along buried in our subconscious interior.

A startling thing happens when we stop trying to manage the fear by battling the narcissist (which of course breaks rule number one No Contact, literally, emotionally and energetically) and instead turn inwards to manage (which really means eradicate) the fear that we are feeling inside of ourselves.

This creates a massive shift in consciousness. Without our internal trauma, we see things clearly as they are, as the truth of the matter. We become wise; we know that the narcissist is in fact an insecure, powerless individual inciting and using our own fear against us.

We sense a deeper power and presence that rises up within us that applies to all of Life itself.

This is … that there is a benevolent, solid, all-loving force that is positioned to unfold what is right, true and wholesome when we understand how all of life works. If we are being self-partnered then all of Life follows.

By releasing ourselves from our inner traumas and fears, we know how to show up, we stop dimming down, playing safe and handing our power away trying to appease narcissists so that they stop hurting us.

Rather, we rise up and stay true to our values and our boundaries regardless of what somebody else is or isn’t doing. We are no longer scared of other people. We are willing to lose it all to get it all. We understand that living outside of our own personal integrity never ends up going well. And we know that when we align with personal integrity and be what we wish to receive from life that we produce our most powerful and complete results.

The shift is miraculous.

This integrity centred living is so authentic and powerful, the effect it has on a narcissist is as annihilating as shining a bright light onto a vampire. The narcissist as a false self can only operate in the shadows; they can only do what they do when they are using your fear, heartbreak, guilt, and insecurities against you.

When you emerge solid, confident, powerful and unemotionally expressing facts, without any of the previous trauma derailing you emotionally, that is when narcissists come undone.

Here is the fact that you need to know: if a narcissist cannot have the upper hand emotionally and energetically against you, and can no longer emotionally derail you, then they have lost the fight.

Without you acting out of your dishevelment the narcissist becomes painfully aware of their own. This is when it is time for the narcissist to exit the scene, no matter the cost, and take their disordered self into another environment whereby they can extract narcissistic supply and significance again.

Since working to help people become empowered against narcissists, I have been amazed and thrilled to see previously relentless narcissists, submit, capitulate and hand over whatever is necessary to get out of the lives of people who show up powerfully without fear.

Absolutely this happens regularly in this community with property and custody settlements, with the people who work with NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program).

Narcissists are broken children in adults’ bodies trying to bully and intimidate their way into position; they are no match for someone powerfully embodied in an adult body.

 

Number #3 – Energetic Detox

This is the underpinning to all of it. The most powerful way to get a narcissist out of your life, and to completely leave you alone, is by detoxing him or her out of every vestige of your inner being.

This is because of the absolute Quantum law – so within, so without.

When this person doesn’t exist for you, for real emotionally, this person will not exist for you.

Can you imagine what it will be like when you don’t even think about this person?

Can you imagine what it would be like if somebody brought their name up and you had zero emotional reaction at all and the topic is something you don’t even care about?

Can you imagine bumping into this person and you feel nothing at all and by the time you have crossed the road, your mind is thinking about all the things that you need to get done today?

I can assure you, no matter how enmeshed you feel in the thoughts of the narcissist, and even if this has been going on for years or even decades, that 100% when you do the inner work to detox yourself from a narcissist, you will go completely free.

People ask me in disbelief all the time, ‘How can you not think about the ex-narcissists in your life?’ My answer is this, “I did the inner work. I loaded up, released and replaced every single thing about those people that hurt me, or that I was obsessing about. That’s how. Then nothing about them existed anymore.”

You may think that this is not possible until you start doing this work and discover just how possible it is.

You may think that if you are co-parenting, or that you have a business with the narcissist or that if this is a narcissistic family member that you need to see at functions, that this is impossible.

Yet, regardless of the situation, when you detox this person out of your inner being, you will discover how this person will dissolve out of your experience.

The narcissist detaches, moves away, gets another job, is brought to justice, and stops harassing whilst co-parenting. You name it, it is possible. Life has unlimited ways to start matching your inner being.

So I hope that this Thriver TV episode has explained to you the three most powerful ways that you will get a narcissist to leave you alone.

Less is more – less combating the narcissist and more doing the feeling and empowering work on yourself.

Do you understand?

If you do, write below, “You get less of me, and my inner being gets more!”

Are you ready to be done with this and get a narcissist out of your life? If so, come with me on your incredible journey of self, by clicking this link.

And, if you want more of my episodes please make sure that you subscribe to my YouTube channel so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.

Please also share this information with your communities, especially those people who are deeply enmeshed and stuck in the trauma with narcissists who won’t leave them alone.

As always, I look forward to connecting with you in your comments and questions below.

Oh and … It’s the first event of my Oz tour tomorrow …  Sydney I can’t wait to see you all – I’m so excited! There is still time for tickets for Melbourne and Brisbane – to which you can get your tickets here: melanietoniaevans.com/oztour

 

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How To Deal With A Smear Campaign Without Losing Your Sanity

How To Deal With A Smear Campaign Without Losing Your Sanity

 

Being smeared by a narcissist can be traumatising.

It is devastating to have someone who you wanted to love and trust, think so poorly of you and make terrible accusations against you.

Matters are even worse when the narcissist’s lies have caused horrible fallout with those you love and care about, and you may even have had to defend yourself against authorities.

You could be completely forgiven for almost going insane.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, you will learn how to deal with the narcissist’s smear campaigns, so that you can survive them, emerge intact, and even take your power back to levels far beyond the ones you’ve experienced even before being smeared.

 

 

Video Transcript

Being smeared by a narcissist is beyond painful for many reasons. A narcissist’s opinion is always going to be skewered and cruel. When the cracks have appeared, or at the end of the relationship regardless of everything you have tried, given or sacrificed and suffered, none of it will prove to be good enough.

You will be demonised, pure and simple.

Is there anything more painful than somebody you loved turning on you and treating you like the enemy?

Maybe only that now, other people in your life such as family and friends, also believe that you are a monster.

How do you survive this? How do you retain your sanity? How do you not take on these brutal criticisms and smearing, as a possibility that you are the bad person you are being made out to be? How do you not feel intense shame and pain?

Today we can go through this, all of those questions plus more so that I can help you learn how to deal with the narcissist’s smear campaigns without losing your sanity. And, also so that you can regain your life and make it bigger and better than ever before.

But before we get started I’d like to thank each and every one of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission, and I’d like to remind you that if you haven’t yet done so please do. And, if you enjoy this video, please make sure that you give it a thumbs up.

Okay so let’s start peeling this back and working out what is really going on.

Bringing Our Greatest Fears To Life

Today I want to bring to you, right from the get-go, a radical truth about narcissistic abuse that will change everything for you.

The narcissist at the deepest level of Quantum Truth is helping you to awaken, and to resurrect a necessary part of yourself.

Many of those who’ve been narcissistically abused, have for most, if not all of our life, suffered the susceptibility of worrying about what other people think about us.

First of all, that starts with the people who we want to love us. We are mortified, horrified and heartbroken if they think badly of us. The truth is we have invested more emotional energy into what these people think of us than what we think of ourselves.

We possibly never realised that we were seeking love and approval through these people’s actions and behaviours towards us. Of course, this was our normal because up until Thriver recovery, we may not have realised that to come home to feeling safe, loved and whole in our own body is the work that we must do between us and ourselves.

Narcissists smash us with the words, actions, and behaviours that create the feedback that we are unlovable, and not worth caring for. If we are not solid enough inside, knowing our own lovability, worth and value, then we believe them. We believe our identity and maybe our entire life depends on what this person does or doesn’t think about us.

So we fight to change their minds. We try to justify, explain, improve and earn our worth and lovability from them.

This is the perfect scenario for a narcissist because they keep us attached to them whilst gaining the release of their own inner torment onto us, as well as masses of narcissistic supply – attention that offers them the significance to know that they exist.

Being Unaffected By Smearing

It’s so important to know that there are people who have been connected with a narcissist, and yet don’t react when a narcissist starts discrediting them. The reason they don’t react is because they are solid on the inside; they know who they are. They know that they are lovable and worthy and valuable.

Even if they had hopes that this person could be loving or helpful in their life, they know that their own inner identity in no way depends on that being the case. Because this abusive person doesn’t match the relationship of self that they have within themselves, it’s easy for them to disconnect and walk away.

In short, they don’t agree with this person’s version of them and in no way need to change it either.

Here is the next thing I have seen with these people – when the narcissist tries to smear them and discredit them, the person doesn’t react and doesn’t try to disprove the narcissist’s accusations. If there is any legal necessity, they simply provide the information calmly, clearly and solidly without having any terror being ignited within them about being persecuted. This is when the narcissist’s attempts at destroying the person’s credibility, support systems or life, falls entirely to pieces.

Extremely quickly in fact.

Many of us were not initially able to be like this. Because this is not the case for people who have fractures in their inner identity, meaning that they don’t know their own worth and value. These are the people who react and get thrown into a terrible terror of what other people think.

This is exactly the person I used to be. I was incredible fuel for a narcissist’s smear campaign. I was horrified about what people might think of me, and terrified about people turning away from me or turning against me. I even had feelings in my body that were so extreme, that I felt that if people thought I was a bad person, I would be annihilated.

I promise you this, when we wake up to what’s really going on, we know that the solution will never be about trying to do anything ‘out there’ to change the fact that you are being smeared, because that’s not where the problem is.

The real problem is that the narcissist is feeding off your terrors of persecution, which are fanning the flames of the smear campaign that the narcissist is using against you, and the smear campaign is not going to stop until you eliminate the fuel.

The fuel is the fearful beliefs that you have been carrying inside of you as a part of the human trauma experience.

Persecution Programs

It’s a very rare individual who has been abused by a narcissist who isn’t carrying inner persecution programs. In fact, I’m not sure that I’ve ever met any of these people.

Persecution programs go like this, ‘if people don’t think I am a good person, and they think that I’ve done the wrong thing, then they will … leave me, exile me, hurt me, attack me, or even annihilate me.’

How do you know if you have persecution programs inside of you? The answer is simple, say those statements to yourself and listen to how your Inner Being responds. If you feel anxiety, shortening of breath, a dense feeling of dread, or even a white-hot terror, then you are carrying inner subconscious persecution programs.

This makes you a target for narcissists to mess with you. This means that they can project their disordered self and their behaviour all over you, turn the tables, and blame you for everything they do and keep you hooked into them while you are fighting for truth and sanity.

How do you get out of this terrorising, traumatising toxic web? There is only one way out – to turn inwards and find and release your persecution programs from within yourself.

When you do that you will be astounded at the results. The first thing you will discover is that you have less emotional charge on what the narcissist thinks about you, and even what others are saying about you.

Quite literally you won’t care.

And this is when you will anchor deeply into the true emancipation on this topic, which is ‘what other people think about me is none of my business. What I think about me is my business.’

You will see that the more you know who you are at a deep inner cellular knowing (which becomes completely organic without your effort when you release the trauma within you) that other people automatically follow. Those who don’t have the resources to agree with your version of Self, simply melt out of your experience, and the people who do will come back to you.

Like so many others, my persecution programs were horrific and I know that if I hadn’t done the inner Quantum work to completely eliminate them, I would still be in the living hell that I was stuck in with my persecution programs.

You see, even before the narcissist, I used to have the weird and awful experience of being accused of things that I would never even consider doing. It was just that, with the narcissist, it was brought to a level that was so severe that I had no idea how I was going to survive it. And I wouldn’t have survived it if I didn’t turn inwards and finally face the terrors that I had always carried inside of me.

The freedom from all of this is life changing and there is certainly no way that I could put myself out there on the world stage, in the way I do, if I was still carrying persecution programs.

Losing The Insanity and Gaining Your True Self

The thing about narcissistic abuse recovery is we think that by doing the inner work we are only going to lose the pain of the insanity and the torment that we’ve been suffering.

But Thriver recovery is so much more than that. What is really happening here is that we are losing our old self which isn’t effective in relation to who we want to be and what we really want to achieve.

After working through Thriver recovery you will experience moving into your new and True Self, who is the self you were always intended to be.

Can you imagine the freedom and power you will step into when you are no longer worried about what anybody thinks of you?

Can you imagine how it feels to be in your body walking this planet as your True Self?

Can you feel what it would be like to appear in front of anyone at all with nothing to prove or hide, simply being you, powerfully and freely?

These are only some of the powerhouse evolution graduations we receive by cleaning up all of our insecurities and the deep terrors that narcissists target and smash up to the surface for us. And I say ‘for us’ because until they reach critical mass we were able to continue on without having to address these inner traumas.

I know the inner work seems daunting, perhaps a waste of time and something that we would rather not do, however, if you want your life to be the life that you were born to live, there really isn’t a choice. The crazy thing is, once we start doing the inner work, the results are so incredible that it becomes addictive and extremely pleasurable to do.

If you are suffering smear campaigns, my heart goes out to you in spades, because I know exactly how traumatising this is. This is why I am so committed to reaching out to you so that you can find out how to quickly turn this all around, and take your life, your sanity and your future back in ways that will thrill and astound you.

Let me show you how to do this by clicking this link.

Also, if you want to see more of my episodes please make sure that you subscribe to my channel, so that you are notified every time I release a new video.

And, I am so excited because my Australian tour starts next week. There are still some limited tickets left. You can secure yours by clicking this link melanietoniaevans.com/oztour

And, as always, I’m looking forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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When You Are No Longer A ”Match” For A Narcissist…

When You Are No Longer A ”Match” For A Narcissist…

 

Narcissists can be intensely formidable and it is incredibly normal to want to try to combat them, get them brought to justice and stop the terrible rampage that they may be inflicting on you and others.

If you’ve tried EVERYTHING you can to STOP their behaviour and nothing is working.  I really want you to understand that being a MATCH for a narcissist doesn’t work.

You would have to stoop to their level and SELL your SOUL.

There is a better way. A REAL way to get up and out of narcissistic abuse and even DEFEAT narcissists.

It is this… Becoming NOT a MATCH for them.

Come with me today in this episode and I will explain exactly WHAT that is, HOW to do it and WHY it works.

 

 

Video Transcript

Would you love to no longer be a match for a narcissist?

I promise you that being a match for a narcissist is not what you want to be because this leaves you highly susceptible to them.

There is no matching a narcissist in a traditional sense, meaning being able to have it out with them and win, unless you’re a narcissist yourself. You would have to be as underhanded, pathological and malicious as they are.

There is a much more EFFECTIVE way…

The best way to overcome a narcissist and get free from one is to become NOT a match for them any longer.

In today’s TTV episode, I’m going to explain to you exactly how to achieve that.

But before I do, I’d like to thank everyone who has subscribed to my channel and the Thriver mission, and if you haven’t yet done so, I’d love you to. And if you like this video please remember to give it a thumbs up.

On to today’s episode!

 

The Misconceptions About Being A Match

If you were to take law of attraction literally, you may believe that being a match for a narcissist means that you are like a narcissist – meaning conscienceless, pathological and certainly not a nice person.

This is not what makes you susceptible to narcissists at all.

What does make you susceptible to a narcissist is carrying inside you the identical traumas that match what a narcissist will deliver into your life.

The premise, that our greatest unresolved fears will come to pass, is very true.

Quantum truth is as absolute as gravity. Whatever our emotional composition is, in regard to any topic in our life, equals our belief systems about that topic.

Our belief systems are our subconscious programs that are connected to all of the Field, which means all of life.

This means that whatever we believe deep within our inner identity becomes a reality. It plays out to the letter regardless of what we would really like to experience.

Many of our belief systems were formed preverbally. They were taken on from our ancestors in our DNA and from our childhood before we could choose what we wanted to believe. It’s really useful to understand belief systems as this – when a deep emotional experience occurs, a belief is created to match this experience.

This means that when you were a child having an experience of feeling abandoned, unloved, unworthy or invisible, and it was deeply emotionally impactful for you, then your beliefs were formed as painful in relation to the topic of ‘love’ with crucial people in your life.

Can you see now that if you were to have the painful inner beliefs, ‘the people who love me hurt me, leave me, ignore me, discard me, lie to me, or deem me unlovable and unworthy’ that this would be a perfect match for a narcissist to be the exact deliverer of the evidence of these inner painful beliefs?

To rise above being a match for a narcissist means understanding what being ‘a match’ really means and doing the work on yourself at an inner level so that you aren’t.

 

What and Who You Will Accept Into Your Life

I promise you that what and who you have been accepting into your life represents your inner belief systems on any particular topic.

This is not victim blaming. This is about helping you take your power back to heal the only entity you ever have the power to heal and change, which is yourself.

The problem with the ‘victim blaming’ model, people who believe that any focus on healing ourselves is further abusing us, is that there is no ability to change and heal our own life. If we want to remain a victim (as I once did too) it is impossible to have any centre of influence over other people to change them in order to have a different life experience – thus being victimised and hurt continues.

In my own life and in the thousands of lives that I’ve been deeply involved in with Thriver Recovery over the past 10 years, in every case where people’s lives transformed miraculously from painful interpersonal relationships, to healthy and fulfilling ones, it happened because of this…

They took the radical personal responsibility to change their Inner Being.

I promise you this, when you no longer have the inner belief systems that equal the painful beliefs that have been evident via terrible and horrible interpersonal abuse, you will no longer unconsciously choose and align with or stay with the people who hurt you.

You won’t be chemically attracted to them, and you won’t fall for them feigning to be the saviour of any of your unhealed, susceptible parts, which is exactly what narcissists do.

When a narcissist questions you to try to uncover your insecurities, so as to know how to pretend to fix them, you won’t hand them any. Because you won’t have those parts anymore.

You won’t be needy, reckless or dismiss your Inner Being when it’s sending you warning signs (which it always does) because you are solid, healed up and are self-partnered with your own self-love and self-worth.

I also promise you this, when you are firmly committed to healing and evolving yourself, you understand that you will never accept a level of love that is beneath the level of love that you have for yourself.

I am not saying this to blame or shame you, I’m telling you this to help you take your power back. Because the truth is this – becoming unmatched with narcissists is not some pure fluke, and it’s not something that happens because something in our life has come to save us from them.

It happens because we turn inwards to actualise the greatest mission of our life, which is to heal and evolve ourselves.

 

When We Are Unmatched We Have No Desire To Play Their Game Anymore

You may wonder why you are so triggered by a narcissist. This is because the narcissist is hitting you in the most painful areas of your emotions, which are your painful belief systems.

They are ripping your old, existing wounds open over and over again.

This is what makes the narcissist’s behaviour so painful, personal, and emotionally impactful.

When you have no matching inner beliefs in regards to the narcissist’s antics (which are the attempts to hook you, control you and hurt you to mine your energy, attention, life-force and resources) you truly will be completely emotionally detached from them.

Here is the complete irony – we think that fighting back and trying to get accountability and justice is the answer to becoming unmatched and free from narcissists. But it isn’t. Narcissistic abuse is a deep spiritual, energetic, soul, inner belief system phenomenon. There is nothing logical about this.

Even if you are only just discovering that you’ve been narcissistically abused, the quickest way for you to access and begin true healing is to understand the truth about this…

Narcissistic abuse is a powerful wake up call to turn us inwards to heal ourselves. Narcissists come into our life as the evidence of our already existing traumas that we haven’t healed yet.

Narcissists can do this because we believe that they are the promise of the love, approval, security and survival that we haven’t yet anchored into solidly and emotionally within ourselves.

This is why there is zero release, solution, emancipation and salvation of your soul and life if you continue to stay focused on trying to combat the narcissist.

This is why if you are determined to hang onto your victimisation, you will remain powerless.

Yet, when we turn inwards something incredible happens. The blame and shame that we once had for ourselves turns into the fascination of self-partnering with our Inner Being. We start to understand the truth of exactly why our life has taken the shape that it has, as well as HOW to change it.

We realise that this actually wasn’t even to do with the narcissist and that this person in our life was only a catalyst, to force us to finally turn inwards to be the saviour of ourselves.

Quantum Law, so within so without, means that our life will unfold to the letter in relation to our inner existing belief systems. No one else can reprogram our inner belief systems for us. It’s our requirement, our job and our biggest personal mission, not just for ourselves but for everyone and everything that we touch as well.

 

What Are We Really Breaking Free From?

This is the thing, we have always thought that we were trying to get free of toxic people, but what we are really working to get free of is our own limiting painful inner beliefs and then the freedom happens all by itself.

I really hope that this episode has made a lot of sense to you and inspires you to do the deep inner work to become unmatched from narcissists.

Is it finally ‘enough is enough’ for you?

Do you want to stand up and say ‘It’s time to change me!’?

If so, I want you to write that in the comments below.

And I’d love you to come with me so that I can show you exactly how to achieve this. You can get started by clicking this link.

And if you enjoyed this video and would like to see more, please make sure you subscribe to my channel, and please hit the like button if this resonated with you, and share with your communities and friends so that they too can discover the truth regarding how to heal from abuse for real.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Should You Go No Contact With A Family Member?

Should You Go No Contact With A Family Member?

 

My heart goes out to you if you are faced with this very difficult question.

Maybe you are being abused by a family member and no matter how much you have tried to reason with them, stop the nastiness, or even withdraw for a while … things just aren’t getting better.

And maybe you have the beliefs that ‘family is forever’ and ‘blood is thicker than water’.

How can you protect yourself and stop getting hurt? How can you regain your lifeforce, and NOT feel guilty about saying ‘No More!’ to this person?

I promise you there is a way, where you won’t feel like you are doing the wrong thing, because when you get CLEAR, you will lovingly and powerfully offer that family member a chance to make THEIR choice. And you can do this GUILT FREE.

Find out how in this very important Thriver TV episode, which I know, if you are suffering from family narcissistic abuse, will help you so much.

 

 

 

Video Transcript

Today’s Thriver TV focuses on a very big question.

Many of you are suffering abuse from a narcissistic family member.

You may believe you can’t go No Contact because as we were all brought up to believe – family always sticks together, and we are responsible and have obligations to them.

Or maybe, understandably, you are forever hopeful that you can finally have the relationship with this family member that you have always wanted.

In today’s TTV episode I want to take you through this, how to know when you may need to go No Contact with an abusive family member, and what that looks like, as well as how to do it guilt and pain free.

And, if you don’t have to go No Contact, what that looks like too.

So just before we dive in, I would love to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission, and I’d love to remind you to like this video if you enjoy it!

Okay, let’s begin…

Why Are Family Relationships Deemed Harder To Disconnect From?

So many people say, ‘This is my mother, father, brother, sister or even child, HOW can I turn my back on them?’.

I can assure you that there are countless people in this Community who have laid the ultimate No Contact boundary with abusive family members, even with their own children.

It doesn’t mean that they are bad people for abandoning key family members. It means they finally realised that this person was destroying them, as well as the people and missions that were important to them.

They also understood that in no way was their involvement with this person helping them to wake up, take responsibility or get better.

Let me put it to you this way – imagine someone drowning in a toxic vat of poison, and you jumped in to try to get them out of it, and they had no inclination to leave the vat and instead just wanted to pull you deeper into it with them.

Is your sense of loyalty and love for them, or your desire for their loyalty and love worth destroying yourself for?

The fact that you are watching this episode probably means that you have already tried everything over the years to pull them out of this stinking toxic vat, but nothing has worked. And, the more you have tried, the more you are getting repeatedly slimed and infected as well.

I know you may not think you have a choice.

The ONLY choice you need to make is to live a wholesome truly healthy life. There is no other choice than that.

I promise you there will be a way that your empowered choice will grant the abusive family member their own choice, and that is – either get on board with being respectful – or don’t.

And the result will mean that you can be free to take your precious soul energy back for yourself and the people and missions in your life that are healthy. Those being the ones that will respond and come with you on this incredible journey of life.

 

The Thriver Quantum Truth

If you love a toxic person then you truly have a responsibility to be a living example of health to them – which is ‘I will not experience your abuse anymore. This is where I draw my line’.

That is the only way you will help them heal (if that is possible), because NOW if they want to remain connected, they will need to be a respectful decent person around you to do so.

If you honour yourself in honourable ways then you honour all of the Field, including all others.

You are not honouring anyone, and certainly not yourself, by allowing another’s abuse into your life.

I promise you that with key people in my life, including my own son, I had to lay the ultimate boundary, ‘This is what I will accept and what I won’t and there can’t be any more contact unless we meet at a healthier place’.

The most effective way to teach people how to treat you is to be lovingly and totally honest – tell difficult people that you want a more loving, closer relationship with them, and if it’s not possible then you will disconnect. And mean it. Words aren’t enough. Boundaries mean following through with action.

Unless you are TRUE to your own soul and are the steadfast guardian of it, you are never whole enough to truly love, honour or contribute to anyone else’s life anyway.

How can you be, when you are diminished, victimised, unloved, unrecognised, unappreciated and resentful?

 

My Journey With Family Members

I knew after previously suffering narcissistic abuse and continually staying attached trying to change people and being re-traumatised, almost fatally, that I was NEVER going to experience that again … even from my own flesh and blood.

Was I just ‘able’ to logically get to this level of being prepared to ‘lose it all to get it all’ and follow through?

Hell NO!

Once upon a time I was riddled with guilt, the fear of smearing and what people would say, and the terror of being alone and losing key family members that I had wanted a loving relationship with all my life.

I had a lot of shifting on painful, stuck beliefs to do. And I diligently did that work with NARP and later my Transforming Family of Origin Wounds Program (which follows on from NARP as a powerful clean-up of family trauma).

After doing this work and honouring my soul by speaking up about what I needed and being prepared never to compromise myself again, if respect and decency were not forthcoming, key relationships in my life transformed beyond description.

Some others have left my life without pain or regret. We just are not a match and that is okay.

I’ve let go of any ‘what ifs and regret’ with Quanta Freedom Healing. I’m free to be me, and they are free to be whatever their version of life is as well.

 

Downscaling Unhealthy Expectations

Okay, the most important thing you need to start understanding is not even about the family member – it truly starts with you.

There is an ACCEPTANCE you need to reach and get clear about.

If people don’t have the resources, they don’t have the resources.

You may want your mother to truly love, connect with you and share and listen to you from the heart as you have seen how other people have that with their mothers. BUT … maybe your mother is not capable of that.

Maybe she had a difficult childhood. Maybe she has never been connected to vulnerability in her heart or the ability to be deep, caring and compassionate with anyone. Maybe she only ever knew about survival and practicalities, because her generation didn’t embrace empathy and emotional connection.

When we feel like we have missed out, we need to accept they may NEVER be able to grant what we want in the way that we feel we need it from them. This means we need to come home to be the loving parent and inner supportive, caring force that we never received, to ourselves.

This is one of the reasons why NARP has been so successful for not just healing people in this community from abusive love intimate partners, it also reaches back into the trauma from our families, and clears this – from our parents and ancestors that caused us the disconnection from not loving and being whole within ourselves.

Life is bountiful and plentiful, there is love and wholeness everywhere. We suffer when we believe our source of these things has to come from specific sources. It is an incredibly liberating human graduation when we realise that this is a lie that has kept us victimised and traumatised.

You can set yourself free from this.

Understanding this was huge for me.

It truly changes everything.

 

Laying Your Boundaries With Family Members

If you have been healing your traumas from childhood and know that you can downscale your expectations healthily and be at peace with family member relationships then this is great.

However, if you know there are still behaviours that cross your boundaries and hurt you, then there is more work to do.

This starts by being very clear about what you will and won’t accept in your life and having the inner deservedness to know you can generate these things regardless of what other people do or don’t choose to do.

People don’t have to agree with your boundaries and truths for you to live them.

And no matter how much people may try to guilt you, manipulate you or abuse you to get you to drop your boundaries, your true power comes from living them anyway.

Here is where we champion ourselves or remain victims to others.

Are you able to walk your truth regardless?

Are you able to anchor into the Creation of your True Life, rather than keep handing your power away to others, even if you lose these people?

These are very important questions – because when you lay boundaries (truthfully and lovingly is best – more about how to soon!) you cannot be attached to outcomes.

Boundaries are NOT to make anyone do something. They are only about giving them options.

Rather, boundaries are about YOU DOING something – taking back your life and control – making your decisions about how your life goes.

It goes like this: ‘You can join me if you like, and not if you don’t. Either way, I am walking this truth regardless’.

It is normal to be terrified about having honest, difficult, self-honouring conversations. Confrontations are hard yet an incredibly rewarding thing to do.

When you get to this level, you will no longer ever be abused. If you don’t want to work on yourself to get to this level of development, you will always continue to be susceptible to abuse.

At this level of self, your life will shape into disappointing family members stepping up to meet you at this higher level of respectful communion and love, or they will leave your experience, causing your life to open up, generate and accept REAL loving and genuine connections in all areas, even if that has never been previously possible in your life.

Do you believe your soul evolution is going to get handed to you on a silver plate? Think again … it isn’t, the relationships you need to transform, or leave, were always meant to be the most painful ones that you could imagine. How else were you going to become a full source to self, generating your life with life and others powerfully and healthily?

 

Laying Your Boundaries With Family Members

If you can’t downscale expectations and be at peace with the way a family member behaves or treats you, then it’s time to show up honestly.

If you have terror about doing that or are not prepared to honour yourself in the decision they make – then there is inner work to do.

Ultimately, to grant them the opportunity to be respectful, you do need to be willing to lose it all to get it all.

And possibly more than once to see if it is real. They may decide to meet you ‘this’ time at your needs, yet the actions don’t meet the words in the future. Then you go back to No Contact unless they choose to take responsibility and show up respectfully.

And … you need to mean it.

Can you see how this is THEIR choice and not yours?

You are simply living your life truthfully and lovingly (love always starts with healthy self-love and devotion). You are healing, growing and evolving yourself out of painful family toxicity and leading the way for your future generations.

You are breaking the cycles of abuse.

You are being the change that you want to live in your life, and see in this world and in all families, from the inside out.

That is not just your Soul Right it is your Soul Contribution to ALL others.

Can you understand that if we all took that level of radical personal responsibility that there would be no more abuse or abused people in the world?

Let’s go back to the vital understanding – If you honour yourself, you honour all of Life in honourable ways.

Now do you understand why? Especially with KEY people in your life?

If so – write ‘I get it’ below.

Are you ready to join myself and other countless Thrivers who live this life of empowered personal responsibility and receive wonderful genuine interpersonal relationships?

If you have had enough of abuse at any level, including from family members, find out HOW we do this by clicking this link.

And if you enjoyed this video make sure you give it a thumbs up and share with the people you love and your communities so that they and their families can also break free from abuse.

I’m so looking forward to answering your comments and questions about this very important topic below.

 

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Am I Being Trauma Bonded? 4 Ways To Know

Am I Being Trauma Bonded? 4 Ways To Know

 

Trauma bonding feels like love, it feels like you will die without someone and that you won’t get over the fact that you can’t have a happy and healthy relationship with this person.

I promise none of this is true.

I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist.

Today, I want to share with you the four ways to know that you are trauma bonded, as well as how to free yourself from the deadly grip of being trauma bonded to someone who is destroying you.

 

 

Video Transcript

Trauma bonding is terrifying for people.

If you are trauma bonded you will experience the feelings of wanting to stay connected and fix a relationship, regardless of how much this person is hurting you.

And, this may shock you and stun you.

You may be tormented beyond measure thinking – ‘Why do I love you so much when you abuse me like this?’

It feels like love – yet I promise you it is not.

In today’s TTV episode I am going to explain to you the four ways that you can know you are trauma bonded and how to get out of this terrible powerless state.

Okay, so before we look at these, I’d just like to thank everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do so. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

So, now, let’s look at how you know that you are trauma bonded.

Sign #1: Making Excuses for Abusive Behaviour

Truly, when you are making excuses and justifications for someone’s terrible behaviour then you are trauma bonded.

This could include focusing on the small things that are very basic common baseline requirements in any relationship, such as:

‘She tells me at times that she loves me.’

‘No matter how many times he leaves, he always comes back to me.’

‘We can sometimes laugh and have fun together.’

However, there could be things going on like horrific verbal and mental abuse, affairs, physical threats and violence – or whatever it is that means that you are being abused.

Cognitive dissonance is common amongst abuse victims, and can include excusing someone’s poor behaviour because of feeling sorry about their childhood, or believing that it is your duty to help them or fix them.

The roots of trauma bonding may make you feel terrified to let a person go. You could feel dependent on them, and that losing them would be too excruciatingly difficult to bear. This could be because you feel like you may not be able to survive alone.

Maybe you feel like you will never again meet someone who you feel so connected and attracted to and you simply have to try to make this work.

Or maybe you don’t want to ever let go of the possibility of the relationship that you always wanted with this person, even though they don’t have the resources and you continue to be abused by them.

Whichever way it goes, if your emotional self is telling you one truth ‘I am anxious, depressed, sad, angry, hurt and traumatised’ and yet you keep making the excuses mentally to stay in the relationship, then this is a sure sign that you are trauma bonded.

Sign #2: As the Abuse Intensifies You Move Toward That Person Instead of Away From Them

You may be horrified to discover that when this person lashes out and does horrific things to you that you try to fix things.

Rather than have the ability to pull away and look after yourself, you may take responsibility and apologise, or even beg and promise that you will never again do whatever the supposed crime was that you committed.

You may throw all your rights and boundaries out the window to give this person exactly what they want from you so that they won’t leave you.

Or maybe you find yourself agreeing to any condition that is demanded in the hopes that they will stop hurting you and love you instead.

Or possibly, you can pull away at times yet when the situation is out of control, you are the one who is trying to keep the peace, hold things together, find solutions and salvage things – despite inwardly knowing that things don’t and won’t get better.

Despite your efforts, any reprieve is temporary and the issues happen again, usually with more intensity and increased frequency.

Sign #3: When Disconnected From This Person You Feel Like You Are Dying

If things do get so bad that you have to leave, and you are trying to stay away to save your life, or you are discarded and this person refuses to reply to your efforts at contact and you feel like you are dying – this is a sure sign that you are trauma bonded.

Being trauma bonded creates a hugely powerful peptide addiction to this person. Heroin addicts have stated that getting off a narcissist is ten times harder than getting off heroin. Once you read and understand my publication on peptide addiction, you will understand why this is the case.

When we feel like we are dying without a person, naturally we believe it is because we love this person so much. Or we feel indebted to them and guilty or responsible for their wellbeing. But any of these bonding emotions to abusers are not true.

Rather, it is because of the chemical addiction to the trauma we have received that is now hardwired through our system.

We realise these emotions don’t make logical sense. It doesn’t make sense because these obsessional feelings are happening deep within our cellular being, beneath the level of cognitive understanding.

This is why we exclaim in complete distress, ‘How can I love someone like this, when I hate what he/she has done to me?’

‘Why can’t I stop obsessing and feeling responsible for him/her?’

‘Why can’t I just let go and get on with my life?’

It is because of the peptide addiction that has infiltrated your being – which is a serious side effect of being trauma bonded.

Sign #4: When This Person Does Something ‘Nice’ You Experience Hope and Relief

There is an incredible phenomenon that happens with trauma bonding. It’s a chemical endorphin that is experienced as ‘the high of relief’.

This happens when he stops being abusive for a moment and cuddles you and tells you everything is going to be okay.

It can happen after being caught out cheating and he breaks down, tells you he has a problem that he wants your help with and promises never to do it again.

It can happen when rather than criticise and yell at you she stops and asks, ‘What can I do to help you today?’

Or maybe, rather than tell you all the things she doesn’t like about what you have or haven’t done, she comes home and has a normal conversation with you.

It is at these times you heave a sigh of relief. If the abuse has been horrific, these moments of reprieve may be in such stark contrast that you feel like you have won the jackpot.

You may feel there is hope.

You may feel blissy on chemicals that feel like love.

The feelings of heightened relief are exactly the trauma bonding feelings people have to any addiction – the relief from the pain of the actual thing or person that IS the addiction.

For example…

Poker machines – the payout grants relief from the lost money.

Cigarettes – the puffing on a cigarette stops the terrible pangs of nicotine withdrawal.

A narcissist – being ‘nice’ or even just stopping the behaviour grants relief from abuse.

The ‘high’ is an addictive endorphin.

What Is Trauma Bonding Really and How Do You Heal From It?

Trauma bonding is being connected to someone through your internal wounds.

When we have unhealed unconscious inner parts, they play out by us becoming attached to the exact people who play out these parts with us.

For example, my primary unhealed terrors were about abandonment and not being able to survive as a woman on my own.

The abusive people I picked seemed to be men that would never abandon me (engulfers) and also they appeared powerful, protective and capable (seemingly capable in the world).

What I faced again and again was being abandoned by these men (emotionally or literally), or me having to separate from them because the trauma of staying became bigger than that of leaving.

When I was unhealed, the trauma bonding was so extreme that I did feel like I was dying and would often return.

I also lost a great deal of resources and suffered terrible financial abuse in these relationships – bringing to life all of my terrible fears of survival and security.

I clung on and tried to force these men to fix these terrors for me, but they were never the saviours of these wounds – they were the messengers of them.

Until I let go of these men and turned inwards to heal my inner traumatised parts, I was powerless to stop the terrible addictions and traumatising I experienced through trauma bonding.

Today, after healing these parts with NARP, I experience healthy happy relationships that are kind, supportive and healthy, and I have absolutely no trouble in walking away from anyone who represents abuse because I feel whole, safe and powerful within.

I want the same for you too – and know what a huge difference in your life and relationships it will create once you get there.

I so hope this video has helped.

Okay, if you want to start getting aligned with these truths to boost and actualise your recovery out of the pain and into truly healthy, wholesome and fulfilling connections, then I’d love to help you.

You can start this journey today by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Afraid Of What The Narcissistic Will Do Next? – Do this

Afraid Of What The Narcissistic Will Do Next? – Do this

 

One of the scariest things about narcissists is that you have NO idea what he or she will do next.

When cracks have appeared in your relationship, or you have separated, then abuse from a narcissist can REALLY heat up.

You may have already experienced the cruel, terrible acts that are designed to hurt you deep within your soul, life and emotions, and threaten everything that you love.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to help you understand the TRUE way you can predict a narcissist, as well as finally keep yourself SAFE from one.

 

 

Video Transcript

I know it can be terrifying to wonder what the narcissist will do next.

You may be going through this right now.

People all the time want to know: ‘Will he do this?’, ‘Is she likely to do that?’ and ‘Because this happened, does it mean this will happen?’

Narcissists can be very predictable, even though we believe they are unpredictable.

We know there are certain behaviours that they are really prone to do.

Today, I am going to tell you what it is that you can do, so that you will get free of every fear of what the narcissist will do next.

In fact, the information I am sharing with you, in this video, will get you to the point where you say ‘who cares’. And when you get to this point … you’ll have nothing to fear.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s get started on today’s episode!

 

What IS the Narcissist Going to Do Next?

It is when we try to work out what narcissists are going to do next by observing them, looking them up on social media, asking people about them, and watching out for them, that we can go SO wrong!

Likewise, it is Wrongtown even just obsessing about what has happened and wracking our brains about what could happen next.

Why?

Because the answer is NOT to be found in ANY of these places.

What do narcissists ALWAYS do?

This…

They do THE thing we fear is going to hurt US the most.

You may think this is crazy, yet I promise you, from the ten plus years that I have been working with people every day to overcome narcissistic abuse, as well as deeply investigating my own narcissistically abusive relationships, I KNOW that what I just said is the absolute truth.

Narcissists don’t have their own Identity – they are a False Self.

When relationships with narcissists crack, they try to keep punishing you for not appeasing their False Self. They also want to retain you for narcissistic supply, hoping to affect you to enforce their own significance.

Therefore, the greatest insult to a narcissist is for you to not grant them any energy or attention whatsoever, and to move on with your life.

So, to combat this, the narcissist is going to go for your ‘gap’. Meaning what hurts and what will get you emotionally triggered, reacting and granting him or her narcissistic supply again.

 

What You Find ‘In There’

To take your power back and get impervious to what the narcissist will do next, step number one is to stop observing and researching him or her (or narcissism in general) to try to work out WHAT will happen.

Instead – turn inwards to observe and research yourself.

I promise you the answer is in there.

But before you start doing this inner work, I want to convince you a little more about why this is necessary.

Think about your life with the narcissist and what this person triggers off within you.

Is it not the things that have been in repeat in your life that are painful for you in this relationship with the narcissist?

Things like blaming you for issues; telling you that you are defective, no good or selfish; smearing you; not trusting in and believing you; not recognising you or loving you for who you are; controlling and being possessive of you; or treating you like you are invisible.

Because these are likely to have been your ‘normal’ struggles, and it is not until you go within that you may realise that these things have been in repeat. These unhealed wounds may have been painfully evident in childhood and then continued on throughout your adult relationships.

My unhealed wounds were about being controlled, distrusted, betrayed and engulfed by people. I also had terrible terrors of abandonment and not being able to survive on my own without a man.

All of these patterns were prevalent and hugely triggered and brought to life in my narcissistic relationships.

What did the narcissists in my life do next, when things went south?

This…

They betrayed me with smearing and abandonment, and they attacked my security. ALL of my biggest fears!

What happened before my Thriver Recovery, both times, when these fears were triggered? I went into a frenzy of terror, dread, heartbreak, righteousness or rage. I obsessed, retaliated, handed power over and each time got crushed even further by them.

Even when the narcissists didn’t continue the crushing, the chip had been planted inside me; I crushed myself.

Yet, the same narcissists did different things with different people, according to each person’s own fears – I promise you this is the truth.

 

You Can’t Change Them, You Can Only Change Yourself

The next way we can go straight into Wrongtown is by thinking ‘Okay, now that I know the narcissist does what I fear, I’m going to try to stop the narcissist doing that.’

Maybe if I call the narcissist out, he’ll stop.

Maybe if I appeal to her, she will cease doing this.

Maybe I should try to make a deal…

Or threaten back with something…

Or try to inform others so that the narcissist is exposed and held accountable.

All of these equal ‘how to lose’. In fact, it will only energise what you fear and make it more likely to happen to you.

Be honest, you have already tried some, if not all, of these things (plus more). You know it doesn’t help matters.

This I want you to know with all of my heart: the experience of narcissistic abuse is an absolute energetic phenomenon, which is teaching you that you and your fears are front and centre with this person.

I’ll put it to you simply.

What you fear is what the narcissist will smash you with.

It is when you conquer YOUR FEAR, and not the narcissist, that the experience of narcissistic abuse and the narcissist can and will exit your life.

I promise you, relief and freedom happened in my life, and have happened for Thriver after Thriver in this community, once we had done the inner work to become Anti-Fear.

What does Anti-Fear mean?

It means having no emotional charge of fear on the previous fearful topic, regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

 

How Is It Possible to Become Anti-Fear?

You may think it is madness to try to become fearless about something that is being triggered right NOW by the narcissist’s obscene behaviour – or the threat of him or her doing it in the future.

You may also believe it is IMPOSSIBLE.

Yes, it is impossible if you keep your focus on the narcissist.

Yet, it is TOTALLY possible when you accept that the INNER GAME is the only one where you can have true power in these situations.

Generally, when people have exhausted every other possibility, and have nothing to lose, they start to apply the Inner Game tactic and then realise how powerfully it works.

How is the Inner Game played?

By taking all focus off the narcissist and going inwards to the traumas within, which are fearful and triggered. By doing the deep healing on these traumas and their origins, so they simply don’t exist anymore.

Like Gina, who was previously terrorised and traumatised by her ex Greg, who was stalking her. By doing the Quantum inner work on the terror of being ambushed and hunted and powerless, that had existed long before Grant, Gina FINALLY felt completely fearless out in life – regardless of what the hell Grant tried to do.

Grant predictably approached her again. She walked straight past him without any feeling whatsoever other than the slight annoyance of ‘Why waste my time?’

Gina shrugged off any residual emotions within minutes. She had graduated. He never approached or attempted contacting her again.

Then there was Katherine. Andrew was belting her with his solicitor and threatening to take the house and full custody of the children. Katherine was so paralysed with fear she could barely eat or sleep.

Katherine turned within to do the work on her terrors of losing her children and her home, and emerged feeling solid and calm on the inside. She stood down her solicitor, sought another one, and felt safe and inspired.

Within three months Katherine was awarded 70 per cent of her property settlement and the majority of shared custody.

Katherine simply kept working on her fears, presenting evidence that her highly motivated lawyer asked her for, and showing up calmly and clearly. The entire time she was willing to accept whatever the outcome was.

In court she had no pangs of fear or anxiety. The narcissist unravelled for all to see, and was reprimanded by the judge.

Then there was Stewart, who was being terrorised by Kristy his ex-wife. She took him back to court every few years – always after more money. The resentment he felt about this was so heavy that he felt crippled to try to meet anyone else or pursue any career advancement.

When Stewart took his focus off resenting Kristy and turned it inwards to heal himself, he found and released many traumas regarding other people using him for their own agendas and him never being allowed to be happy.

After shifting out all of these traumas, he stopped hurting and started dealing with his life. He had the inspiration to go forth and just be himself, regardless of what Kristy would decide to do.

He got a promotion and a girlfriend. He stopped thinking about the repercussions with Kristy.

After this, Kristy never took him to court again. And, as it turned out, she met a new partner and lost all urge to do so.

Are these miraculous turnarounds a coincidence?

If they are, then the thousands of shifts I’ve seen in the past ten plus years are too!

Of course they are not! It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

 

It’s Counter-Intuitive, But It’s the Only Way

Something inside of you may be resonating with KNOWING what I am saying is the truth. Your cells have the ability to feel and know when something is!

Or maybe you are so exhausted and emptied out with trying everything else to get out of the fear and pain of narcissistic abuse, that you would be willing to bang two fishes over your head if you thought it would help!

I know it is terrifying to take your focus off the narcissist and put it fully into healing the triggered parts of yourself.

I know it feels like the LAST thing you should be doing.

Yet, I promise you that when you start doing it, you will notice the fear drop away and something else open up.

Then you will see the real life shifts in your life that happen as a result.

And then you will KNOW 100 percent that what I am explaining here to you is the truth – the only truth that was ever going to stop this horror and grant you your true, abuse-free, new life.

This you need to be very clear about – reaching this state is not a logical job.

It’s an inside job – which is not logically achieved.

You can’t think your way into this; you need to heal your way to it.

So if you just know now this is the way, or two fishes seems like an option, it is perfect timing for you…

Because I have recently opened up my next Masterclass, which is a profound healing event that when last held was attended by thousands of people from over 100 different countries. Both during and after the event, we received hundreds of messages and emails saying that, humbly, the event was truly phenomenal.

To join up to this free, healing event please click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Why You Can’t Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

Why You Can’t Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is hard and sometimes you can struggle with symptoms such as constant obsessing, feeling powerless, broken, anxious, depressed and like your lifeforce has gone missing?

Also suffer conditions such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Fibromyalgia or some other nasty.

In this Thriver TV episode, I explain why you haven’t been able to recover and what is necessary to recover.

I promise you that you can heal for real, you just haven’t known HOW to yet.

 

 

 

Video Transcript

Are you struggling to recover from the symptoms of narcissistic abuse such as constant obsessing, feeling powerless, broken, anxious, depressed and like your lifeforce has gone missing?

Maybe you are suffering conditions such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Fibromyalgia or some other nasty?

So many people ask the questions ‘Will I ever recover?’, ‘When will the pain end?’ and ‘When will I get this person out of my mind?’

These are all valid questions and the truth sadly, in contemporary therapy is that these conditions go on for a long time, if not indefinitely.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to explain to you – point-blank – why you haven’t been able to recover and what is necessary to recover.

Okay, before we get started, thank you for subscribing and your Thriver Mission support. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s begin…

Am I Defective or Unable To Heal?

I know you may have been experiencing these feelings. Once upon a time, I did too. At times it feels like ‘I am getting there’ and then there is the sliding back down into the abyss and wondering why you aren’t getting better.

I know this is not because you are lazy. So many people who have experienced narcissistic abuse are people who don’t shy away from personal development. You may have been trying to get better in many different ways.

You not getting better is NOT because you can’t recover. I promise you that you can. It’s because the ways you have been trying to recover aren’t working.

Let’s have a look at where we think we should be doing which doesn’t work.

 

Researching Narcissism and Narcissists

I can’t emphasise enough the 90/10 rule.

How this rule works is this: ninety percent energy and focus is spent on self-recovery and only ten percent on learning about narcissists.

And this rule should only go on for the first month or so. After then it should be all about self-recovery.

Yes, initially, learning what narcissist are and what they do is important. Yet it is a total illusion that researching and learning all there is to know about narcissists will heal you – it doesn’t.

ALL you need to know about the narcissist is this: a narcissist is a false, empty self with dire insecurities, who needs to feed their insatiable false self with other people’s energy and stuff.

They are not capable of feelings and love the way we are. They don’t seek a relationship for the reasons we do, and healthy relationships are not possible with them.

The REAL truth of narcissists, or for that matter anyone, is this: If we don’t share the same values with people – such as kindness, honesty, authenticity, empathy, and teamwork – then this person is not someone we can have a happy, healthy life with.

If we try to change people, narcissist, or non-narcissist, then truly we are abusing ourselves and will remain stuck in disappointing and painful relationships.

So, no matter what you are going through with your trauma or the narcissist – including co-parenting, property disputes, heartbreak, feeling addicted and trauma bonded, and suffering all the narcissistic abuse symptoms – your ONLY hope out of this for REAL is to turn inwards to heal yourself.

Only then will you be able to align with the TRUE Life that will bring you happiness, safety and decency, and leave behind the one that doesn’t.

Is it hard? Absolutely. But it is near impossible without doing the inner work. Research will NOT get you there. And even if you do leave the relationship, you will struggle to leave healthily and rebuild and heal.

Narcissists will keep coming into your life and be a blight upon your Inner Identity and soul until you do the self-recovery work. This means you stop looking outwards at WHAT happened to you and come inwards to heal WHY it happened.

 

Researching Your Trauma Symptoms

It is 100% NOT true that you will have C-PTSD (Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) or other nervous system, anxiety or physical disorders, that have happened to you through narcissistic abuse, for life.

Yes, they are terrible … totally.

I also had trauma symptoms that I was told were incurable and so would need anti psychotics for me to cope.

I promise you this was a lie. I’m not blaming the doctors who told me this – they had been indoctrinated into believing this was true.

One of the main reasons why you aren’t recovering is because you are choosing to believe what other victims of narcissistic abuse and contemporary therapists are telling you…

That you can only hope to try to manage the symptoms; that you will need coping strategies and possibly medication; and that it will take years, maybe even a lifetime of therapy, to function and maybe heal.

I urge you to take your power back and to choose NOT to believe what you are being told.

You have the power to decide your truth going forwards, and you have the power to heal at your core so that there aren’t ongoing trauma symptoms to battle and manage.

If you join ‘survivor’ groups and PTSD groups, then you are cementing your victimhood. You become what you choose to believe about yourself – that you are sick and that you are a victim.

Yes, you have been victimised and at present you are sick, but when you release the trauma that is driving these states out of your body, you just won’t be.

Joining and believing in victimised groups is one of the surest ways you will delay or completely forgo true healing.

In that orientation you may feel some comfort in shared victimhood, but if true healing and release from the pain and abuse programs and patterns is your goal, there are better options for you.

 

Trying to Force Justice or Accountability

Another way to severely stunt recovery is to believe that you can’t heal until the narcissist is brought to justice.

This will completely delay your healing.

The Laws of Life work like this: if we require anything outside of ourselves to change for us to be whole, we have handed our power away and change doesn’t happen.

Yet, if you decide to make it your personal mission to heal yourself and become whole, regardless of what is or isn’t happening (without conditions), then you will reach unconditional wholeness on the inside.

Then you will graduate into knowing the Powerful Quantum Creator you really are, seeing the shift on the outside that matches your inner state of wholeness.

It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

 

Not Getting the Trauma Out

Before people start working with energetic body healing, they may or may not know why it is necessary.

It’s necessary to release trauma, because it’s the toxic infection inside us that is not allowing us to be whole, real and healed.

If you have ongoing, unhealed trauma inside you, it affects your entire emotional, mental and physical systems. You are diminished and use up vital lifeforce trying to survive the trauma.

This is the state of being in Survival, rather than being free to enter into the Creation of your Life.

Because the trauma is so painful, often we can’t bear it and we may need to self-medicate with prescription drugs, excessive exercise, meditation or spiritual practices.

Or we start ‘searching’ or ‘researching’ to try to dull the anxiety and stop the depression hitting.

Or we may take up other addictions such as smoking, drinking, eating, working excessively or social media.

If we constantly HAVE to do these things – and we believe we do – it is because they are only managing our symptoms. They are NOT healing us.

We can’t release trauma mentally, logically or cognitively. It can’t be contacted, loaded up or reprogrammed by our cognitive mind. It just isn’t possible.

Energetic body healing is the new science to deal with trauma.

Interestingly, at first it is really counter-intuitive to do. It involves contacting our feeling centres, which most of us were trained out of doing.

Yet, when we re-connect and come home to ourselves within, it becomes the most natural, soothing and powerful process to do. And RIDICULOUSLY easy!

Okay, so now I’m inviting you to this process, to learn more about it and to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself. The system that allows you to find, load up and release your trauma, and to start living free from it and heal in all areas of your life – not just narcissistic abuse.

So, come heal with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link to the free Healing Workshop – replay available.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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10 Lessons Learned From 10 Years In Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

10 Lessons Learned From 10 Years In Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

 

Today is an exciting day for Thriving!

Because I am sharing with you my compendium of the ten top lessons that I have learned over the last ten years in narcissistic abuse recovery.

You may already know and embody these lessons – or you may not have started yet.

Either way, if you start working with and aligning with these lessons, not only will you achieve recovery from narcissistic abuse in ways and time frames that will stun you…

You will also open yourself up to receive the life of your dreams.

Truly… These changes will infiltrate your life in incredible ways.

 

 

Video Transcript

I’m so excited about today’s Thriver TV Episode, because in it I get to share with you the ten most important lessons that I have ever learned for narcissistic abuse recovery.

These are important lessons.

They are vital lessons.

They saved my life.

They allowed me to heal from the unhealable and Thrive. Also, they have set the basis for thousands of other people, just like you, to do the same.

And I can’t wait to share them with you.

But before I do…

Thank you if you have subscribed to my channel, I am so grateful for you supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do.

If you like this video, make sure to give it a thumbs up!

Okay, let’s get started.

 

Lesson #1 – It Is Impossible to Think Your Way Out of Trauma

You need to know this more than anything – thinking, talking, researching and filling your brain with more information does not stop obsessive thinking.

Obsessive thinking is a by-product of being traumatised. And the more you try to think your way OUT of it, the more traumatised you become. This is because the only thinking you have access to is the thinking ABOUT it.

The brain follows the body. It is the servant of it, not the master.

I have done many Thriver TVs about Quantum Healing and why it is the true way to heal for real, but suffice to say here, if you think ‘more thinking and information’ helps you, you are heading more deeply into Wrong Town.

There is another way – a true way to heal. This ‘true’ way is at the level of the body, working on your nervous, somatic and emotional systems at their core, where the trauma that is affecting your entire life is stored.

I want you to understand this: when the trauma is healed at its core there is NO trauma left for you to manage with thinking.

Both the body and the mind will completely calm down, creating space for relief, calm, power and new directions.

 

Lesson #2 – If You Remain Victimised, More Victimisation Comes

This lesson, at the start of recovery, is a tough one to accept but is so necessary.

Initially, I was totally a victim. I hadn’t realised that I needed to heal me. I completely blamed him and I thought my life was beyond repair. I thought I was finished.

In this state, and whilst going on abuse forums and communicating with other people about how bad narcissists are, I was denying my own love and healing back to wholeness.

When I stopped banging on about narcissists and made MY healing my greatest priority, I found many unhealed parts of myself. Aspects of myself that not only had allowed me to unconsciously accept him into my life, but had not allowed me to leave and look after me.

Healing those parts of me was what took all the abuse symptoms, fears and traumas away.

All the painful things that would have been my lifelong legacy, if I remained a victim.

I healed and evolved beyond them all!

 

Lesson #3 – Once the Trauma Is Inside You It Is Yours to Be Responsible For

This lesson is intertwined with Lesson #2, and like Lesson #2 can be challenging to accept initially.

It is this… As an adult, there is no-one coming to save you.

The people who have hurt you are not going to fix what they did, and no outside force is going to magically take the pain away.

Any external relief will be fleeting and temporary.

This means regardless of how the trauma got there, who put it there, and even what it is, the only way true recovery can happen is if you meet your Inner Being and start releasing your trauma.

When I finally GOT this, I realised how liberating it was to stop waiting for anything else and I just got down to the real mission that was my life – tending to the healing of my inner self, which is where my entire life unfolds from.

That changed everything. The pain went, and real life began.

I realised how disempowering it had been, trying to make other people provide me with self-soothing, love, approval, security and survival. I finally knew I had the power to generate these things within me!

 

Lesson #4 – It Was All Meant to Be

The more awakened we become, the more we come to this realisation: ‘I understand now why that happened.’

This understanding comes very quickly once we start healing from the inside out.

Virtually every time I accessed ‘what hurts’ in my dedicated Inner Thriver Recovery, I found a trauma and a false belief that came from my past.

The ‘ahhas’ came thick and fast, allowing me to know that the narcissist was the ‘messenger of my wounds.’

He represented the delivery of exactly the parts of myself that were still unhealed. The ways that I was hard on myself; the ways I didn’t self-partner. He brought to light my greatest terrors to do with love, safety, security and survival.

In my relationship with him, I got to see how I would dismiss myself and my health in order to not be abandoned by him. I realised how my previous abandonment wounds had led to me drastically abandoning myself.

Once I had healed these parts within, I become the happiest, healthiest version of myself that I could ever imagine. I was finally self-partnered, whole, solid and safe in my own body and in my life.

 

Lesson #5 – The Value of Your Soul is Everything

Before Thriver Recovery my identity’s value was NOT about my soul.

It was about outer things such as the relationship I was in; how much security I had; and what I owned. And it was completely about what other people thought of me.

When myself and my life were smashed into oblivion by narcissistic abuse, all that was left was me with me. It was then, after turning inwards to save my own soul by letting go of all the trauma within, that I was reborn.

I emerged knowing the truth – that I had the ability to be whole in my own soul, regardless of what I did or didn’t have.

Once achieving this became my highest mission, things started unfolding in the most miraculous ways to grant me more wholeness.

I have seen in my own life, and now in the lives of countless others, that when your soul is your highest priority, then all else in your life comes back online. It heals and starts to flourish – even including your children.

When you value your Inner Being, which is the seat of your soul, then all of Life and Creation (Source) honours you completely, too.

 

Lesson #6 – Releasing Judgement to Be the Solution

What are people’s inner values and truth?

Have they developed from Oneness, authenticity and feeling safe and secure within their own Being? Or are they about separation, distrust, hiding out and acting to try to survive?

How many children grew up not being whole on the inside and therefore became damaged children in adult bodies?

Is there peace and love, or rage and fear driving a person’s actions that they may be deeply unconscious about?

I learned to drop judgement, pain and resentment about other damaged people, and instead concentrate on cleaning up my half of the road.

The best we can all do now is to heal our own Inner Being, knowing that this assists the healing of the whole.

The more you judge and condemn, the more it hurts you and is not a solution to the issues. It only helps hold them in place. If you are still carrying trauma, you are spreading the infection to others and you will remain a potential victim and target of it – instead of easing it.

However, by healing your own Inner Being and inspiring others to heal theirs, there is a movement away from being abused. This helps release the entire abuse pattern, for you and for your future generations.

 

Lesson #7 – We Can’t Heal Our Children if We are Unhealed

Before I understood this truth about Thriver Recovery, I desperately tried to rescue my son instead of healing myself.

The result was that he pushed back and pulled away.

My energy was damaged and toxic to be around, and I was not leading the way for him.

When I finally let go of trying to heal and control him, and took full responsibility for my own healing, he started to get well too.

Additionally, to this day, every time I do a Quanta Freedom Healing shift on myself (NARP) I have the intention that my healing is also his healing.

The results are miraculous. Where I go, he follows.

 

Lesson #8 – People Love You How You Love Yourself

I used to believe that people would love me the way I loved them.

My life was about people-pleasing and handing away my rights and power to try to make them provide me with love, approval, security and survival.

A great deal of my previous victimisation was about ‘How dare you treat me so badly after what I gave you!’

Then I woke up out of the trance and understood that what we accept is what we will get. That people mirror back the way we think about and love and treat ourselves.

You will never accept a level of love lesser than the level you love yourself.

When you heal the foundational relationship, which is the true relationship in your life, the one you have with your Inner Being, then you will have and maintain relationships with other whole healthy people.

 

Lesson #9 – Nothing Stops Until You Stop Participating

We think we are saying ‘No’ to something by pushing back on it and wrestling with it.

I was a chronic over-participator.

I would argue, defend, lecture, prescribe, try to fix, and roll around with abusers, trying to do everything to make then change so that I could have a healthy and happy life.

If you relate to this, pause this video and put your hand up to being a chronic over-participator in the comments below.

I learned that to have a healthy and happy life, I needed to STOP participating and simply state my values and truths. That I needed to pull back into them and just BE them, and only allow these values and truths into my life.

No more judgement, anger or trying to change others. Rather, my life became – that is their truth; this is my truth – and if it’s not a match that’s fine!

Then true freedom to BE me became possible.

It will for you, too.

 

Lesson #10 – There Is No Outside

This lesson is pretty Quantum – and so powerful when you work with it. It allows you to take full responsibility for your life to eternally grow and generate powerfully.

As Neale Donald Walsch said in his book Conversations With God, ‘I only send you Angels.’

I learned to accept that everyone in my experience was showing me an aspect of myself.

If they hit a trigger within, it was an unhealed part.

When narcissists co-create painful or disappointing events with you, they expose for you the evidence of a painful belief for you to heal and break free from.

And if people reflect back to you love, kindness and benevolence, these are healthy beliefs that you are starting to have about yourself, life and others.

When we use the contextual field as a tool for self-awareness and actualisation, then life has richness, depth and meaning as well as exciting growth possibilities and directions.

However, please don’t think in this self-reflection that you won’t address your outside world. You will, but in more effective ways than you ever have before.

Maybe your growth lesson is about overcoming your fear that others have power over you. What this means is that you can release yourself from that inner fear and start showing up, having difficult conversations, laying boundaries and even taking decisive action against someone when they don’t honour your expressed boundaries.

Doing this is an act of self-love.

Quantum self-actualisation is not fluffy new-age woowoo. It is about becoming the most authentic, real, empowered, effective and loving person you can be.

Okay, so I hope this video has helped.

If you are already working with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), you are anchoring into these truths, which come into full organic realness when you lose your inner trauma.

If you are struggling with your narcissistic abuse recovery, the embodiment of these ten lessons will grant you powerful and fast relief.

To embody and start living by these lessons, you can join me and the Thriver Tribe by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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