How Narcissists Keep You Sick, Traumatised And Helpless

How Narcissists Keep You Sick, Traumatised And Helpless

 

Many people are shocked by how sick, traumatised and helpless a narcissist makes them feel.

Even if you have completely gone No Contact, it’s as if the abuse lives on inside of you – like some terrible virus.

And, of course any contact or news can be like a new batch of poison coursing through your Being.

What is going on here?  How can we get out of this?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you a very important story that is all our stories. It is my greatest wish today, that this story offers you an incredible opportunity to understand deeply what being sick, traumatised and helpless really is about…

As well as how to HEAL from it for REAL

 

 

Video Transcript

I know that you know what it feels like to be stuck in the continual obsession of someone hurting you.

It feels like they are under your skin, crawling around inside you – and your brain is frantically trying to find some solution to the psychic infiltration; the terrible sickness that has infected you.

I remember feeling like this.

I see people still stuck in this every day.

In today’s Thriver TV, I’m going to share with you an important, real-life story that just happened.

This story is not just this lady’s – it’s yours and mine and everyone else’s who has been narcissistically abused. We are truly all in this together.

It is my greatest hope today that this story brings you the answers, peace, and power to get out of feeling sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist, forever.

All right, so before we get started I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for subscribing to my channel and helping support the Thriver Mission and way to heal. If you haven’t as yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video please give it a thumbs up!

 

A Beautiful Person Who Is Hurt

I talked to such a lady a few days ago. A friend of mine – a lovely kind, giving, caring lady. She is in her sixties, and she adores her children and her grandchildren. This is a lady who loves unconditionally; who would give the very clothes off her back for other people.

Yet she is plagued, infected and suffering every day with the trauma of the narcissists in her previous and present life.

Since childhood she has lived through a father and other family members abusing her narcissistically.

She was the child who looked after her siblings; who helped raise them, protect them and care for them within a family that was toxic and abusive.

Devastatingly, the present narcissist in her life is her brother. One of the siblings she gave her devoted care, attention and support to. She literally raised him.

Her brother has it all – seemingly. The perfect, abundant, successful life. But he completely disregards my friend – this beautiful lady, who is renting, on welfare and has numerous health afflictions. Despite this, the brother attacks my friend constantly, bad-mouthing her to other family members and even her own children and nephews and nieces, whom my friend loves and cherishes.

Every day the obsession of wanting her brother to repent and stop smearing her plagues her. She wants her brother to wake up and recognise what she did for him. And apologise, love her, support her and stop desecrating her. My friend can’t stop herself checking in with family members about what has been said and what is going on with this brother’s functions and events.

So many of us know this story – giving everything we had, and then some, to care for and love a person, only to see them run off into the sunset with the goodies, while we are left behind broken and shattered on the ground in pieces.

My friend is strong and such a survivor, yet the feelings of being sick, traumatised and helpless remain. She admitted today that a couple of years ago the trauma had got so bad she wanted to give up, and that presently she is feeling like she is battling every day to get up and get on with it because her health conditions have become so acute.

She has been through so much and it hasn’t destroyed her, yet is only ‘surviving’ the end goal?

I don’t believe it is at all, because I know there is another way, and if we don’t find it, then we stay sick, traumatised and helpless, and our life continues to break down.

 

The Truth About All Of This

My friend is spiritual; she is a really beautiful soul. She is the usual type of person that I see get devastated by narcissistic abuse every day – good people. People who are giving, loving and caring, who believe that being ‘a good person’ is enough.

It’s not.

Well, not in the context we thought it was.

To be a good person means that we must be good to ourselves first. And the truth is no one taught us the truth about this. In a world where power over was the programming we received – the needs of a few catered to at the expense of the needs of many – we were brought up to believe in the self-sacrificial model of ‘Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.’

Did this work? No it didn’t!

It actually defies all Quantum Law – because if we believe this model works, then we will give and give until it hurts and then when we don’t receive the love, approval, and validation from these people, we feel incredibly hurt.

And if these people turn on us and start smashing us, as narcissists do, then we become traumatised.

Which is exactly what this lady, very understandably, is.

In Quantum Law – so within, so without – the absolute truth is the outer universe responds to us in the exact way that we create our inner universe. It also means that the choices we make in our outer universe will correspond directly with our inner universe.

In short, the only way to honour The Field (everyone and everything) in honourable ways is to align with and be true to our own emotional resonance and inner knowing for ‘Self’. Giving and staying attached to people who are not healthily respecting us hurts. And if we continue this, we get more hurt.

People do not treat us as we treat them, they treat us as we treat ourselves. We, in effect, train people how to treat us with our own self-love, respect and healthy boundaries.

If we pull away from abusive people, heal our inner emotional state, which can only be performed by us, then these people will either rise to meet us at a healthy level of relationship or they leave our experience.

Either way we are living congruently to Inner Quantum Truths.

For my previous self and this lady, if we have the beliefs ‘I haven’t got rights’; ‘I can’t speak up or I’ll be criticised, abandoned, rejected and punished (C.R.A.P.)’, then we disconnect from the needs of our Inner Being and start tuning into and catering to everyone else, trying to get them to love and respect us. Yet, because we have self-abandoned, they don’t. We will stay attached trying to get the love and approval from Sources who have no capacity to give unconditionally.

The astounding thing is, even if people do show up in our life, supporting and granting us love and approval, we may feel guilty and obligated and revert back to the old programs of ‘giving to stay safe whilst trying to get love’, rather than being able to accept love and support healthily.

Our Inner Love Code may not be aligned with healthy relationships – this becomes especially apparent in intimate love relationships usually – and we get deeply distraught in unhealthy ones.

I will say this – the most beautiful, empathetic souls are the ones who suffer the most. They are the people most likely to be abused, who feel the most devastated by abuse and who struggle greatly to see the truth.

When you are in this victimised state of knowing what a good person you are and being dismayed by the behaviour of others, this is the dialogue that of course happens:

‘I want you to suffer for not loving me and understanding what you have done to me’ (And then there is the horrific guilt of knowing that you are a good person but can think like this!)

And…

‘I can’t stop thinking about all the terrible things you have done to me, and the horrible things you say to people about me.’ (Because I can’t stand people not thinking I am the lovely, giving, kind person that I am.)

(Oh gosh – personally this was one of the HARDEST things I had to heal from narcissistic abuse. But the freedom was sooooo vital in doing so!)

When we haven’t yet understood the truth, come inside, self-partnered and healed our inner beliefs, we are stuck in this terrible victimhood – with no relief.

That is a total formula for staying sick, traumatised and helpless.

 

The Insidiousness of Persecution Programs

Beautiful people who carry deep inner persecution programs have this in common. They are:

• Kind and genuine with high integrity.

• Very concerned about what other people think about them, often apologising or over-explaining for things they don’t need to.

• Very attached to needing people to know that they have a good character.

These people often do the over-checking in, the making sure, the being scared to assert their rights and needing permission to be themselves. It could be termed as over-consideration.

In stark contrast, narcissists act over-entitled without consideration.

These are the people I often see really stuck in being traumatised, sick and helpless at the hands of narcissists.

Let’s investigate deeper beliefs; core primal survival beliefs about this.

There are deeply embedded traumas within us that we all carry in our cells.

The history of humans has been brutal. We now know through the studies of neuroscientists and epigenetics, that trauma is passed on from generation to generation. If you believe in past lives and that we are a soul evolving to free ourselves of trauma lifetime to lifetime, then you can appreciate that we may have come from terrible histories where we were persecuted, and even have energetic memory within us that makes it terrifying to try to have rights, a voice and be ourselves.

I can’t tell you how many people, including myself, who used to freeze, panic and would always hand power away rather than stand in their truth, and all because of terror and carrying these following inner traumatic subconscious programs…

‘If people don’t believe in me, I could be persecuted and die.’

‘If I don’t prove myself to people, I am not safe.’ And…

‘If people think badly of me and I don’t get them to see the truth, I am going to be put to death.’

Please know inner subconscious programs are not logical – they are deeply felt somatic experiences that are emotional-based and run our lives.

This is the inner topography of so many nice people who have been brutalised by narcissists horrifically.

If you suffer emotionally from a narcissist smearing you, I want you to say these beliefs to yourself, go back to them on the video, or check them out on the blog transcript and sit with it, and see if your body responds. Can you feel emotional charges within you that resonate with them?

If so, you are carrying them.

And that’s important to understand, because your almighty subconscious, which generates 40 billion bits per second of processed information in your life as opposed to your logical mind that only operate 40 bits per second, is running your life on autopilot. By the time we are 35 years of age, 95% of our life is controlled by these programs no matter what we try to think.

It’s only by going inside and addressing them that they stop doing what subconscious programs do – play out in real life to the letter.

 

How to Heal from This

If we were to look at being sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist from the victim perspective, we could say my friend’s trauma is because her brother is a revolting person.

That’s certainly been her human story.

When I asked my friend what would help her feel better and well, she said to me, ‘Everyone understanding what a good person I am and my brother not being able to lie about me anymore.’

And then she said, ‘Him coming to me apologising and telling me he loves me.’

I looked this lovely lady straight in the eyes and I said to her, ‘The way things are, that’s not going to ever happen and it’s not even meant to happen?’

She looked at me in horror.

I said, ‘The real question I have for you is, “What is it within you that needs these things to happen for you to be healthy and whole and at peace?”’

She looked at me in astonishment.

I shared with her my story and how I used to feel the same as her and how I ended up as a victim a millimetre off death.

I then asked her to have an open mind and heart to hear what I was going to say next – I set the intention that her soul, not her logical mind, would hear me.

And then I took a deep breath and unleashed it in one big outpour.

This is what I said:

• You probably have been through lifetime after lifetime of being kind and loving to people, and being smashed no matter how loving you were.

• Before you came down ‘this time’ as your soul evolution, which is the real reason you are here, you wanted to heal from this – you wanted to come home inside your body to navigate your True Life from your Inner Being.

• Your brother and all the other narcissists in your life have been belting you to bring forth the unconscious wounds from your past lives and genetic family trauma history to do with ‘Other people have power over me and I don’t have my own rights and truth.’ and ‘My life is in the hands of what other people believe about me and how they treat me.’ that were already inside you.

• You are now in a time of evolution where you can release yourself from all the trauma that has accumulated within you, which is bringing you to your knees, and all the painful beliefs that have formed around these traumas, so that you fill with Source, became your True Self and go free.

• Then you will no longer have the obsession about your brother’s behaviour, and you won’t require anything from him or anyone else in order to feel whole.

• By achieving this soul graduation, your brother’s smear campaigns will fall over; people will come to you and your children, who have been suffering at his hands, will also heal and disconnect from him.

• You will discover from this evolution of yourself that this wasn’t about him at all. It was always about freeing yourself from the traumas within to go forth into life in empowered safe ways, no longer tiptoeing around people or being with broken people trying to get them to love you.

Her eyes were as big as saucers.

She was in tears as she said, ‘I know what you are saying is true.’

Okay, let’s just stop right here everyone – YouTube Thrivers. Can you feel this inside to be your truth too? My intention today was that this episode also spoke to your soul – just like every episode I do.

If your soul resonates, I want you to write below: ‘I know this is what has been happening FOR me and not TO me as well.’

Okay, so, I thought to myself, ‘My goodness, I’ve just smashed this lady with so much information!’

She asked me, ‘What do I do now?’ I said, ‘Heal’ and I gave her my link to my 16-day free course.

This is the text I received from her: ‘Hi Melanie, thank you for all your information. So much to read and take in. All so real and true. Loving it!’

And I’ve received more nearly every day!

I am so thrilled that she could be on her way to healing and freeing and saving her health, life and soul, and not have to keep coming back lifetime after lifetimes suffering these people so as to heal.

The buck can stop for her here!

This is what I want for all of us. To awaken, go within and heal at the cellular subconscious level, where we need to, rather than stay sick, traumatised and helpless trying to battle this logically, which simply doesn’t work.

So if you’ve had enough of the pain – enough is enough – then my pledge to you is that I will do everything in my power, as my life’s mission, to help you break free into the life and love that you deserve – instead of this painful nonsense we all can get trapped in.

It all starts here, as it did for my friend, by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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7 Signs You Are Going To Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

7 Signs You Are Going To Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

 

Narcissistic abuse recovery can be confusing.

It is not always a straight line!

And … I know you need support and information from people like myself who have been through it, to know WHAT to EXPECT.

That’s why in Today’s Thriver TV Episode I wanted to share with you seven signs to help you know that you ARE on track with recovery.

I also want to help those of you who are not doing Thriver Recovery yet, to get clearer about what REAL recovery looks like and how to start aligning with it.

Wherever you are at – this episode will bring you validation, clarity and much needed answers!

 

 

Video Transcript

I love today’s TTV Episode because I know it will give you hope, and that’s so important because in narcissistic abuse recovery it’s not a straight line, and that can be confusing.

We may come so far and then think we have gone screaming backwards – but in fact we haven’t.

It is my greatest hope today that this episode will demystify recovery for you and help you know what it means to be on track. Also, to powerfully get you on track, I am granting you a NARP Version 3 Goal Setting Statement with each of the seven points.

Okay, before we get started, thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.

 

#1 You Come Home To Being In Your Body

Such a big part of abuse symptoms is dissociation. The truth is, if we didn’t have a parent modelling for us how to process our troubled emotions through to calm and safety, our unhealed emotions became trapped trauma within.

As trauma builds, it may be impossible to withstand the painful feelings inside, so as a coping strategy from a young age we may have learned how to ‘check out’ and not ‘be’ in our bodies.

Absolutely as adults when we experience the emotional assaults of narcissistic abuse, that we haven’t processed through to completion and healing yet, the levels of inner trauma are so great that we become dissociative. We may be so checked out that we feel numb and spaced out and possibly can’t even feel our extremities and body parts.

Our life coming back online is about being able to reconnect with and get safe and solid in our bodies. The more we start releasing trauma when we turn inwards to self-partner, the more we can bring in Source to where the trauma once was. We start navigating our life from our truths and values inside us, rather than handing our power away to others.

After being dissociative, if you are doing the essential inner work to release your trauma and heal, you may start ‘feeling’ like yourself again. You will become aware of body parts and emotions and feelings inside of you.

A large part of our essential healing is becoming more able to be with our feelings and name them.  The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) helps you do this powerfully – creating a safe way to reconnect inside, release trauma and heal yourself from the inside out.

To get back into our bodies, even though at first it seems highly uncomfortable, means that our life starts to reflect the glory and success of Life and others partnering us, just as we are now doing for ourselves.

And we discover, after a time, just how comforting, empowering and loving it feels, as well as completely natural, to be with ourselves self-partnered in our own body.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement that goes with this is: ‘I return into my body, release my trauma, and nestle into my values and truths.’

 

#2 Having Self-Compassion and Healthy Self-Talk

One of our greatest realisations after narcissistic abuse, is that the outer critical condemning person was often mirroring our own internal critic. How we were never good enough, hadn’t done enough and couldn’t live up to our own conditional standards.

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is a profound journey to realise that self-criticism, self-rejection and self-abandonment is no way to heal, get better and do better. When we start to become conscious of being our own lover and supporter, we start to gather wholeness, courage and capacity to change from the inside out.

This is a huge turnaround from the shame and blame we continually inflicted on ourselves, which contributed to us accepting bad treatment from other people because it mirrored the way we used to treat ourselves.

It is so true – we accept the level of love at the level we love and accept ourselves.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I now support and speak to myself lovingly. It’s my love that my inner being seeks the most.’

 

#3 You Accept and Settle Into the Healing Process

We can carry all sorts of inner beliefs about not being lovable or worthy of love or anything good until we are ‘perfect’. That is a ridiculous and false premise that has been a part of ingrained human conditioning that in no way serves us.

When you start loving and accepting yourself – flaws, wounds and all – you will discover something very powerful: your healing is much easier, because you no longer have conditions on it.

When we have accepted that we are all wounded and imperfectly perfect, and take responsibility for healing our wounds and releasing ourselves into happier, healthier higher trajectories of living – to benefit ourselves and the All – this changes everything about our healing.

Then you can check in with yourself about what to do to love and hold yourself in times of need. You can work with NARP healing Modules and self-care practices, rather than trying to push and force yourself into shape.

By supporting ourselves with unconditional love, and being in the joyous process of eternal evolution, we get to experience the right support, information, miracles and synchronicities as well as unconditional love from others in our life.

We realise the process of evolving ourselves and self-love right now is the key, not the destination of being ‘healed’.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I accept that I am in an eternal process of evolution with no requirement. I simply get happier, healthier and more whole and serve others and Life in Higher Ways.’

 

#4 You Start To Love Your Own Company and Peace and Tranquillity

Abusive situations are full of highs, lows, and drama. We may not realise that we are or were carrying all sorts of crisis consciousness patterns, keeping us unconsciously stuck in situations where we needed to fight battles and put out fires.

Because of our unhealed inner trauma, drama allowed us to self-avoid because we didn’t know how to be alone with our unresolved feelings, beliefs and inner traumas.

However, when you purposely turn inwards to self-partner and meet your emotions to release trauma and bring in the Light to heal, you will start to adore peace, calm and tranquillity.

This is when you will start to see the joy and value in the small things, nature, and Life itself.

No longer will you have the stomach for issues, turmoil, and drama.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I settle into the richness of peace and stillness, from where all opportunity is born.’

 

#5 You Feel Great and Then A Massive Trigger Goes Off Inside You

I really wanted to include this one, because it can be so deceiving. When a trigger goes off inside us, many people think that they have gone backwards in their recovery.

This is not true! These triggers can happen often in narcissistic abuse recovery such as in the time of breaking No Contact. This has happened to many of us after days, weeks, months or years.

There could be, of course, other triggers rather than breaking No Contact that go off for you such as when the ex-narcissistic partner gets a new partner, your kids get involved with a new step-parent, or the narcissist takes you to court. The list is endless.

Or maybe it is a feeling, a trigger that gets set off within you for no logical reason.

Please know this is totally on cue for your recovery. What it means is that now, after reaching a certain level of your evolution and healing, the next BIG wound that is ready to go has appeared for you to unpack it. This happens so you can go UP even higher and freer into your True Self and True Life.

If you feel like the trauma is so big that it’s a 10/10 in intensity – I promise you that if you meet it, release it and bring in Source to replace it (the NARP process), that the graduation, great feelings and bursting forth into your empowerment on the other side is a 10/10 as well.

That’s all you have to do!

These times, during absolute breakdown, are where your greatest acceleration in healing takes place. But only if you meet the trauma in your body and do the inner work, rather than get dragged into your head and ‘stinking thinking’ about it.

These are golden breakdown/breakthrough times of HUGE power and healing!

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By meeting my trauma as it arises, I burst free into the higher trajectories of my soul’s dreams.’

 

#6 You Drop the Need to Attach to a False Identity

Before narcissistic abuse, most of us were inner identified with labels and achievements. We may have believed we were only as good as the security we had, what we achieved, what our last pay cheque was, how we looked, what people thought of us – the list goes on and on and on.

After we are narcissistically abused, very often the things that our previous identity used to be reliant on are wiped out. Many of us have had so much stripped from us, including our security, resources and health.

This means that we are left with only one thing to turn towards and value – our soul.

From here you make the transition into living free from conditions, achievements and outcomes in order to be whole.

When our Identity is no longer reliant on what we have or become, and is generated on the state of our Inner Being without props, this changes everything. Because we finally go about the healing of our shattered feelings instead of trying to get something from the outside to try to fix them.

Once we achieve this, which NARP powerfully does, then the doing and getting become effortless because it is an expression of who we are already Being.

We also no longer do the clinging to people and things, because we know that everything other than the worth and wholeness of our own soul is transient.

This is the true personal freedom that many of us never glimpsed, let alone experienced, until going through Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By valuing and healing my soul, I know Who I Am and create more of myself with freedom and joy.’

 

#7 You Have Made Yourself Your Greatest Mission

Many people try to ‘get’ to ‘be’ until we realise the Quantum Law of so within, so without. This is perfectly understandable. We simply didn’t realise that life is about becoming an integrated, functional whole Being and that once we realise this our life mission will unfold.

What we are seeking to be and do is seeking us just as much – but we have fractures and false beliefs and traumas in our way that are not allowing this Source to flow through us as us.

We may also have the mistaken belief that what Source/God/Creation wants us to do is not what we want to do. This is completely a false premise because this higher benevolent force is you, and once aligned with it you will be flourished and nourished beyond your wildest dreams. You will be living the only life that was truly going to gratify you – the life you were born to live – if you only get yourself out of the way.

I don’t know of any force more powerful for you to align with your True Self and True Life of gifts and aspirations than narcissistic abuse recovery– as myself and countless Thrivers in this community have done.

Virtually all of us before recovery were trying to find our missions out there in life, not realising they were inside us ready to flow out once our traumas were out of the way.

Our soul urge coupled with all of Creation is too big not to happen, once you clear your trauma and fill with the Light that is you and your mission.

The healing of your soul is your biggest and most important job – and all else comes from that.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By assigning me as my greatest mission, my true mission outflows from me effortlessly.’

I so hope this video has helped.

Okay, if you want to start getting aligned with these truths to boost and actualise your recovery beyond your wildest dreams, then I’d love to help you.

So partner with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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3 Things You Can Do To Ease The Terror Of Narcissistic Abuse

3 Things You Can Do To Ease The Terror Of Narcissistic Abuse

 

 

I know the terror of narcissistic abuse – just like I know you do.

Like being a deer in the headlights, paralysed, not knowing where to turn, or maybe even what is up or down.

Very few life circumstances can make us feel as terrorised as when a narcissist strikes out to hurt us.

It’s beyond excruciating. However, we aren’t powerless.

There are three key things that you can start doing right now to get relief and access calm, solution and even miracle with what you have been trying, but fruitlessly, to deal with. And it’s my greatest mission to show you how in today’s Thriver TV episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today is the day I want to address the terror.

That horror of narcissistic abuse, when the narcissist does unspeakable things, where your stomach churns and ice runs through your veins as you realise that this person is capable of God knows what…and you have no idea what terrible thing is going to happen next.

I know you know at this stage of the abuse it feels like you have been hit by a bomb, and it’s almost a given you will be suffering regular panic attacks and can’t think straight.

Because of this, in today’s Thriver TV I want to help you not only survive the terror but emerge healthy, sane and victorious with my THREE TOP TIPS.

Now, before we get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s get right into it…

 

Number 1 – Anchor Into Knowing the Narcissist Has No TRUE Power To Hurt You

This can be so hard to comprehend at first because it seems that the narcissist is all powerful and can crush you, hurt you and rip your life apart with their deceptions, actions and minions. And you may very well be experiencing exactly that right now.

However, there is a deeper truth going on – narcissists are False Selves who cannot generate their own power. They are only able to operate by triggering our primal survival programs – things like the fear of abandonment, annihilation, not being able to survive – and then using this energy against us as metaphoric bullets to shoot us with.

Narcissistic abuse is a spiritual, psychic, energetic phenomenon. What we believe to be the surface system of life doesn’t apply here. In fact, narcissistic abuse and its effects take us into a deep dive into the Quantum World, showing us the reality of our unconscious, unhealed parts that narcissists unearth, expose and attack with full ferocity.

In the normal cognitive understanding we have of life we believe, ‘This is happening to me from this outside source and I have to negate, change or stop what they are doing in order to be safe.’

Narcissists, however, are ‘smoke and mirrors’. There is NO actual person there. This ‘disorder’ (narcissism) is powered up inside the narcissist by your primal and survival terrors. The narcissist is only a catalyst, feeding off your fear in order to line you up and project onto you his or her inner tormented parts. If this person wasn’t in your life doing this, another one would have presented themselves – because the true, sole (and soul) purpose of a narcissist and narcissistic abuse is to free you from your primal terrors so that you can reintegrate as your True Self.

Here is the rub: when our primal and survival terrors no longer exist, the narcissist is fed no energy psychically from you to be able to continue. Without narcissistic supply – your emotional energy – their actions against you fall flat and they are no longer possible. It is like fearlessly looking at a dragon roaring and then seeing that under the mirage there is really a broken, disordered, powerless child, who has no desire to take responsibility for his or her wounds and is firmly in the business of trying to destroy everyone else by using their own fear and pain against them.

When you understand this and do all you can to let go of your internal fear and pain, creating your solid and calm Inner Being instead, no matter what anyone else is or isn’t doing, you will see how powerless narcissists really are.

I promise you I have known exactly what it is like to be lined up and brutalised by a hugely vindictive, cunning narcissist, and to be completely traumatised by what he was doing. When I stopped trying to change or end what he was doing, and rather turned inwards to release my fears, wounds and gaps that were being pummelled by his actions, then incredible things happened. All of a sudden I had the inspirational answers on the correct action to take, people came to my side aiding me in generating more calmness, solidness, safety and the resurrecting of my life. His attempts to dismantle and punish me fell over.

This happened because of my shifted Beingness, just as it does for all the Thrivers in this Community who have worked on shifting their Beingness.

I know that this is one of the hardest things to accept with narcissistic abuse – that no amount of action will help. Recall what happened when you did act and try to stop the terror of what was happening when you were in extreme terror. You know – it didn’t work.

When we embrace and start working with narcissistic abuse at the Quantum Level, we know it is a soul war and we know exactly how to start winning – by working on our deep Inner Being, emancipating our soul from fear and pain. And from that place all else follows.

 

Number 2 – Let Go

To get up and out of narcissistic abuse and into our True Self and True Life there is a calling for a Quantum Soul leap. Some people take their time to get it (kicking and screaming) and others let go and just do it. Please know I was firmly in the first category!

This Quantum Leap is LETTING GO!

Letting Go is massive and it really is the number ONE thing that we humans struggle to do. When we are in the midst of the absolute terror of narcissistic abuse, realising the betrayals, how this person has been able to discard and replace us as if we never existed – as well as maliciously tried to annihilate us; how this person has no care towards us and the people and things we care about; and of course, also, smashed or stole so much of the dreams that we thought our life would be – the terror and pain is massive.

We have invested so much and we have probably lost so much, including resources, years and health. We may have believed that the investment was far too great to walk away from, and yet the harder we hang on the more we lose ourselves with this sinking ship.

Things keep getting WORSE; they don’t and won’t improve.

The reason why this happens is because our soul, Source and all of Life is working FOR us, hitting us as hard as it needs to LET GO; to get out of Wrong Town where we compromised our True Self, our values and our highest and best self-generative lives, and got attached to False Selves.

This is not the calling we are here for. This is not a position where we can be our True Selves, connected to real genuine love for ourselves, life and others, and generating our true soul calling and highest aspirations and soul dharmas.

Our soul and Source is always generating the experiences that will bring us home, if we stop resisting and clinging to ‘what we know’ that isn’t serving us, out of fear. When we let go, we come home to ourselves and then self-partner and align directly with the only life that was ever going to truly gratify us – the one where we are Being our True Self and True Life.

Another way to understand letting go is ‘acceptance’. This was huge for me, as I know it has been for so many of you. I was firmly embedded in the terror of narcissistic abuse, watching everything I worked for my entire life going down the drain. I was deeply identified with material and outer aspects, believing these were my Identity. I clung to these things, desperately.

When I had my breakdown on my bathroom floor, I finally realised these things were not me and that what was me was the state of my soul. I realised that the gift in my breakdown was to lose all the illusions that I thought were me, to integrate with my soul and then build a real life from there.

Thank goodness I did that and now live life from the inside out.

If it wasn’t for my letting go of all the toxic energy of fear, pain and emotional losses from narcissistic abuse and then starting to fill with Source, I would not have realised my incredible ecological connection to knowing that I’m flourished and nourished by Life and my Higher Power. It took me letting go and purposefully healing myself, to start experiencing Source and Life partnering with me too.

Before then my life has always been a ‘disconnected struggle’.

I consistently see that when people healing to Thriverhood also do this – accept the truth of their situation, let go and start to fully heal – they quickly leave the terror behind and start moving forward into fearless and healthy trajectories.

And the narcissist becomes powerless to affect them.

 

Number 3 – Release the Terror Cellularly

Number 3 is always going to be my highest suggestion – because it works so powerfully. It is, however, very useful to know the other two tips beforehand otherwise you may wish to try to hang on to the terror.

This is normal – we have been led to believe terror keeps us safe, yet it doesn’t. Terror that is left to run rampant inside you is causing all sorts of issues with your functioning. Fight, freeze and flee and the regular chemical doses of adrenalin and cortisol shut you off from the part of your brain that has contact with higher reasoning, your Higher Power, innate wisdom and the ability to attract and cogenerate support and miracle with the Field (Life).

Leaving the terror inside you means you are vibrating as emotional terror and you are metaphorically seeping blood out into shark infested waters. It feeds the narcissist energetically and psychically, allowing him or her to keep attacking you.

If you don’t believe me, I can assure you I have seen the evidence when clients in session let go of the fear and pain, then immediately receive a text message from the narcissist whom that they may not have heard from in months.

Narcissists feel the drop of the feedline and often try to hook it up again.

Truly, the greatest goal is to RELEASE and go FREE of the terror.

It’s when we do this that we understand the terror is not JUST what is happening right here and now. The narcissist has targeted and hit significant unhealed trauma in your body. Many of these were already there – including pre-birth.

These are unresolved wounds in your energy field that are epigenetic traumas (inherited from your ancestors), past life traumas (which are the unresolved abuse and fear patterns that have been going on lifetime to lifetime), and collective human traumas (those that are programmed into all of us as part of the human experience). Additionally, we have unresolved childhood traumas, that we experienced when very young, and all our accumulated adult, this-lifetime traumas, that we have suffered along the way.

When the terror hits via an effective catalyst – the present narcissist – these traumas get fully activated and resurface from our Inner Being. They can be so BIG and MULTIDIMENSIONAL that you can barely function.

It literally WIPES us out.

This is what happened to me, as I know it has to you too.

The trauma can be so overwhelming that THIS time, and maybe for the first time in our lives, it is now ‘game over’. No matter how tough or strong we are, we just can’t get up and get on with it anymore. Trauma, in the way of terror, has reached critical mass. We can no longer go forward without unpacking it.

Fortunately, I discovered that there are ways to go inside, load up and release this trauma cellularly so that we can finally live free of it – all of it. Not JUST this lifetime trauma, but all the accumulated traumas we have within us. Hence why there is an ability after narcissistic abuse, if we do the Quantum Inner Work, to Thrive more than we ever have previously.

People often ask on my blogs and in my YouTubes, ‘Yes, but how do I heal?’ Many of you have worked it out, but others still don’t know.

This is the answer: we heal by releasing our traumas from within and replacing them with our Higher Power which is True Source. When this happens we break away from traumas, false beliefs and False Selves forever.

The tool to do exactly this is Quanta Freedom Healing, which is the energy healing component in the NARP Program which has ten specific healing Modules to completely purge you of the trauma of abuse – this life, multidimensional selves and epigenetic traumas – to set you free.

It’s the exact work that I and countless other Thrivers in the Community used to heal. It literally healed within us, in many cases, what nothing else ever could or did.

You can learn more about this healing system and how to lose all your terror, pain, the susceptibilities to being abused, including the way you hand power away and all attachments, longings, obsessions and addictions towards any narcissist in your life, by signing up to my free 16-Day course.

And make sure that when you sign up that you enter my free workshop with me, which you will be notified about, because there you will get to experience a Quantum Healing for yourself, where literally together we shift terror and pain directly out of your cells. Many people report after my workshop instant relief – and I’d love you to feel this too.

So, to get started click this link.

I love how all of you are getting so involved in the intentions that you are sharing with me on my blog and YouTube comments, so how about today we say this – ‘I’m Letting Go of the fear and the pain NOW’.

If you are with me – write that below!

Because it’s time. It’s your time to heal and be free and it’s my life’s mission to help you achieve this.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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Watching Narcissistic Abuse Videos Won’t Heal You

Watching Narcissistic Abuse Videos Won’t Heal You

 

Have you become addicted to watching videos on narcissism and narcissists?

Were you told this too?  ‘Research as much as you can about narcissists and narcissistic abuse because knowledge is power.’

I took this advice.  But WHY did I get sicker and sicker? WHY couldn’t I STOP going back to him?

And, even though I would get relief when researching, WHY did all my symptoms return soon after?

The answer is: What I was doing WASN’T working.

If this is true for you too, then in today’s video you will discover EXACTLY why seeking information on narcissists and narcissistic abuse becomes an addition and how to break it so you can HEAL for REAL.

 

 

Video Transcript

Okay, today’s TTV episode may hit you hard, but that’s my job – to help you wake up just as I had to do for myself to heal for real.

Let’s get straight to it – watching narcissistic abuse videos won’t help you.

In this video I’m going to explain why this number one mistake that people make on their recovery journey, actually causes more damage than good. How it sucks the life out of you and completely compromises any chance of true recovery.

Watch on to discover why…

Now, before we get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

If you are already feeling resistant, or possibly even angry with me for saying that watching narcissistic abuse videos won’t heal you, please know that I’m going to do these following things on this video:

1) Validate that initially, yes you do need to understand what a narcissist is and what they do

2) Talk about your need to protect yourself against narcissists, which ironically is NOT about learning all about them, and

3) I’m going to explain to you exactly what will help you get well and, at the same time, inoculate you from any chance of narcissistic abuse in the future.

 

The Real Purpose About Narcissistic Abuse Information

Okay, so let’s start by going over why watching videos about narcissists only initially helps you.

The reasons are:

• So that you can put a name to this phenomenon,

• So you know that you aren’t going mad, and

• So you know you are not alone in this.

Also, it helps us to comprehend that we are not dealing with normal people who are going to wake up, stop doing what they are doing and work with us towards the common goal of mutuality, kindness, harmony and solution.

Information about narcissists delivers us the hard-hitting truth that we are dealing with a virus, a deep soul sickness – narcissism – which means this ‘person’ does not think and operate in ways that we do. They are disordered deeply within their inner being and survive by extracting narcissistic supply from others, which means they are sucking their victim’s lifeforce and resources and this is not going to stop. We are confronted with the ghastly truth – that our only hope of salvation is to get away and stay away.

And even though we may logically understand that this is our only hope, this is much easier said than done. It’s not until we take our journey deeper that we realise that information on its own is not enough.

To recover for real requires this cut off point: I realise what I have been dealing with (the broad strokes are enough) and now I need to get down to the business of saving my soul.

Truly, our recovery is that serious a task.

 

What Continued Immersion In Narcissistic Videos Creates

Let me be very straight with you about what I define ‘narcissistic videos’ as. They are videos about narcissists without handing the reflection and power back to us.

When we have serious abuse in our life, it is a wakeup call to do something much deeper – to investigate and then heal the root causes so that not only are we NEVER going to go through this again, we can enter patterns of relationship and love that ARE healthy and fulfilling.

Without exception, watching videos on narcissistic abuse after initial evidence gathered is the least effective way to heal, and I will explain to you why.

 

The Extraction From Narcissists Which Is NO Release From Them At All

It’s so interesting how so many people in abuse forums scream from the rooftops ‘educate yourself about everything there is to do with narcissists’, purporting that this will help people leave narcissists, stay away and get better.

I know this isn’t true and I cringe when I hear it. It is just a deeper immersion and embedding in it all.

We may think information about narcissists, narcissism and narcissistic abuse is fascinating, which it is, just as you may think knowing all you can about narcissists will protect you from one in the future. It doesn’t – countless narcissistic abuse experts experience one narcissist after the next.

Focusing on anything or anyone outside of what is REALLY going on inside of ourselves is a sure-fire way to stay out of touch with our own healing truths, values, boundaries and inner development beyond our wounds and old pattern of handing our power away. Staying out of touch with our ‘self’ means continuing to unconsciously conjoin with and barrel into the exact traumas and people who bring these traumas again and again.

This isn’t DESPITE of what we know about them, it is BECAUSE our entire focus is ALL about them.

It’s a massive life Quantum Law principle – wherever your focus and emotional energy (good or bad) goes, is what you will choose to attract and be attractive to.

So within, so without.

You may think that you are vehemently saying ‘No’ to something in your life, but you are in fact soaking all your cells over and over in victimised/abused peptides and creating chemical inner processes that your Inner Identity believes to be the ‘truth’ of Life. Namely abuse, the symptoms of abuse and the vileness and evil of narcissists.

These beliefs in your Inner Identity set your subconscious to manufacture trajectories that match the composition of your Inner Identity to the letter. Your experiences then continue to show you that you were ‘right’.

People who incessantly study narcissists and narcissistic abuse wonder why they continue to experience narcissists and narcissistic abuse, just the same as they wonder why any relief gained from doing it is temporary, yet the trauma and the pain and mental anguish soon returns. The temporary relief is because their addiction to this information is being fulfilled, but then what has not been addressed and healed again resurfaces – like a festering wound that is being covered over and ignored.

I understand why we do this – it’s a lot more comfortable initially to point our finger at ‘what’ happened to us and by ‘whom’, than it is to go inside and meet our own traumas.

 

The Powerlessness Of Focusing On The Outside

Haven’t we all been trained like this – to look to the outside?

I know personally before my Thriver Recovery I used to complain constantly about people who did the wrong thing to me.

My gossip sessions on the phone to girlfriends used to go like this: ‘I can’t believe that my neighbour let their friends park this car across my driveway. After everything I do for her. I’m a good person, I treat her with respect and I would never do that to her. How dare she treat me like that!’

And on and on and on and on I’d go like a total powerless victim.

Then I’d watch out my window studying how many times her friends came over, where they would park their car, if it was on my driveway – it became a daily obsession for me.

I’d be on the phone to a friend, ‘Hang on’ I’d say, ‘I hear a car pulling up. I’m going to see if they are doing it again, blocking off my driveway.’

Here’s what I know as a Thriver today. If you park across my driveway or violate me in some way, I know that I’m responsible for my boundaries and wellbeing and you’re not. So, I will speak to you and ask you to move your car or whatever else it is that I need you to do. And if you don’t, then I will take it into my hands to enforce my boundaries in the clearest, calmest way possible.

And, if I get terrified and squirmy on the inside and don’t do what I know I need to in order to take responsibility for my own life, then I will go within myself and use NARP Modules to clear out any terror, fear or insecurity, the feelings that mean I’m handing my power away to outside forces and not being a generative Source to myself.

By going within myself and using NARP Modules, I know I will be emotionally secure, fearless and clear enough to DO what I know I need to do as a calm, mature, powerful, authentic adult.

The old me before my Thriver Healing Trip used to squirm, cringe, not lay boundaries, be terrified of speaking up, and constantly avoided my own self-development by focusing intently on everything about THEM.

Why? Because I was not yet taking responsibility to meet my own inner traumas to develop beyond them.

Now here’s the thing that may blow apart your normal human understanding when people are acting like rubbish and take you to the full Quantum Understanding that is the Truth that will change your life forever…

That women blocking my driveway was a SYMPTOM of something deeper – the real SOURCE of the issue was my unhealed parts that were at that time incapable of laying boundaries and being a self-generative Source, regardless of what other people were or weren’t doing. And, if this woman hadn’t turned up in my experience showing me how I needed to heal my boundary function, someone else would have taken her place. (The truth was, this stuff was going on in my life everywhere!)

I promise you with all of my heart that narcissists and narcissistic abuse are the same…

They bring the evidence of the trauma we need to turn inwards to, and heal, in such an accentuated way there is NO missing it.

It wasn’t until I fully dedicated to quitting focusing on the problem and meeting and healing these parts instead that I was able to create a healthy abuse-free life.

How many times have we done this – focused on the problem and not know how to ‘be’ the solution?

How many times have we heard someone in our life whine and complain about someone when they haven’t even spoken to them?

A girlfriend of mine has often said how her housemates don’t help in the house. My response is: ‘You need to speak to them’. Her normal response is: ‘What’s the point they won’t listen’. And she just gets angrier and angrier.

I know that the housemates are all SYMPTOMS of my girlfriend’s inner unhealed beliefs ‘I am not important’ and ‘everything is up to me’. Until she goes directly to the CAUSE that is generating these symptoms – these beliefs playing out to the letter – nothing will shift. She will have all the excuses and justifications to stay stuck in this pattern and will keep handing her power away giving all her energy and to the problem – them.

Are you getting this?

You may think that these examples have nothing to do with narcissists and narcissistic abuse, but I promise you they have EVERYTHING to do with it.

The following section of this video will help you understand even more…

 

Education Is Not The Answer – Becoming The Solution Is

When, for over a decade, you have been in narcissistic abuse communities and worked with helping people recover their souls and lives to Thriver status (as I have), these are the kinds of powerless conversations you regularly hear from people who haven’t stopped researching narcissism and the symptoms of narcissistic abuse.

They commonly say things like this:

‘There are so many narcissists on the planet, who can I trust?’ And, ‘I would never risk opening myself to another love relationship again.’ and ‘I have the symptoms of narcissistic abuse which means that I will probably suffer PTSD for the rest of my life.’

Despite all their intent research, these people can’t open their heart to connection and unity with others intimately and they are struggling with everyday anxiety, depression and triggers.

And I promise you with all my heart that these people continue to experience narcissist after narcissist in their life, because narcissism and narcissistic abuse lives on inside of them as their everyday reality.

These are the people who have been led to believe that educating themselves about narcissists and narcissistic abuse is the answer – but it’s not. It is only miring them deeper in the problem, without granting them a solution.

The solution, clearly and obviously, is this:

Healing yourself. This means going within to find and release the original traumas, insecurities and false beliefs that are not allowing you to be a powerful, healed, solid, self-generative source that is impervious to narcissists and detoxed of the abuse symptoms. Your traumas will disappear automatically when you heal in this way because gloriously you are freeing yourself to create a higher, better and more authentic life than the one you had access to previously when you were still carrying unhealed unconscious parts.

Which is exactly what myself and countless Thrivers have done, to not only heal from narcissistic abuse symptoms but also be free of all the hooks, obsessions, pulls and binds that were keeping us in the abuse dynamic. Then narcissists lost all power against us as we became our authentic selves, showing up in authentic, powerful ways that innoculated us against being taken in or down by narcissists.

In NO way did we achieve this by researching and learning all we could about narcissists.

We emancipated ourselves by deeply and devotedly turning inwards to discover and heal all those parts of us that were wounded and susceptible.

Did this help?

Are you realising now that what you have been told to do is getting you in deeper and not out?

Are you a serial narcissistic abuse video watcher and still suffering massive symptoms like I used to also?

If so, write ‘I’m getting OUT now!’ below

If you are ready to go within, unravel and heal and truly get free of EVERYTHING to do with narcissists and narcissistic abuse and begin your REAL LIFE, then hold my hand and let’s go on this ride together.

It starts today by clicking this link to become the empowered adult you were always meant to be. 

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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Peace After Narcissistic Abuse Is Possible (Even If You Can’t Go No Contact)

Peace After Narcissistic Abuse Is Possible (Even If You Can’t Go No Contact)

 

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most deadly and disgusting real-life horror stories that anyone could go through.

It triggers such feelings of powerlessness, rage, betrayal, devastation and shock that we wonder how we are going to stay vertical and breathing, let alone get through it.

How on earth could you feel peace after what happened to you?

I discovered how powerful the key component of PEACE is in narcissistic abuse recovery, how to embody it, become it, and how this not only rendered the narcissist powerless against me but also kicked my life off into a rebuild of abundance and wellness that surpassed my wildest and most sought after dreams.

This is why I am DARING To bring you the information regarding PEACE in this Thriver TV episode because I know it is a ground-breaking healing key for you too.

 

 

Video Transcript

I remember many years ago when I went online and tried to get support from other people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

I discovered I was entering something akin to a battlefield; injured people screaming in agony everywhere. Peace certainly wasn’t a thing. It seemed like no one had it, and much less knew how to get it.

Peace wasn’t a priority, even though I’m sure everyone deeply wanted it. Instead, people were sharing their war stories with each other, getting angrier and more devastated about what narcissists had done to them.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to talk to you about PEACE, and how it is the number 1 commodity to go for, as well as how when you make peace ‘everything’, then everything else will follow.

I am also going to help you know how to achieve it, after narcissistic abuse, regardless of who the narcissist is in your life is, and even if you can’t go No Contact with this person.

 

Why Is Peace Everything?

It’s because, at Quantum Reality, everything in your outer Universe is responding to your Inner Universe. When we start awakening to this, we know our inner emotional state is exactly the template for how our outer life will go.

The old beliefs we had as humans are: ‘If I change what is going on outside of me then how I feel on the inside will change’. Wrong-town! This is especially flawed when dealing with narcissists. If you try to battle them from an inner place of devastation, heartbreak and white-hot fear, then what the narcissist will dish up to you is even greater abuse, providing more of these inner states.

When we become conscious, we know that we are self-generative Beings, and IF we achieve peace on the inside, then narcissists start to lose their power over us.

We are no longer triggered. We respond in ways that don’t feed them energy, or we refuse to respond at all. We take calm action against what the narcissist is trying to do, or just let the attempt melt away on its own accord.

We can lay clear solid boundaries where necessary and stop trying to appease the narcissist, strike a deal and keep them ‘sane’ (which only allows them to abuse and take from us more), because we are no longer giving in to their disordered threats, demands, accusations and grandstanding.

We stand tall instead.

We also start to experience from all of Life, connected to this situation, the RIGHT people showing up to grant more of the peace that we have established on the inside. We find that as a result of taking care of and supporting our own emotional state and bringing it to peace, that life and others start to support us as well.

It seems like a miracle, but it’s not. It’s simply Quantum Law, so within, so without.

Before you say, “Melanie here is this new-age woohoo crap that is not logical!” I really invite you to not take my word for it. Instead look deeply at your own life and be honest with yourself. From fixing a household item to a disagreement with anyone, were the results favourable when you felt agitated and out of sorts? No! It was only when you calmed down (went for peace before the issue was solved) that you got real results.

Neuroscientists are now proving that when we are in emotional trauma we don’t have access to the part of our brain required for solutions. They also believe that there is no access to thoughts or The Field (unfoldings) that are of a healthier version than that of the trauma.

The bottom line is, I personally don’t care what proof there is, or what I could be researching. To me truly that’s all a waste of time, but be my guest if you wish! My suggestion is, rather, simply start making ‘peace’ your priory before outer events shift and then see them shift, sometimes instantly… and you will be living the truth of this Quantum Law, and THEN you will believe it.

If you want to experience what I’m saying and if this resonates with you, I’m running a workshop this week that will help you with releasing the traumas that are not allowing you to feel inner peace. You can register for the next available workshop by clicking here.

 

A Deeper Look At Peace

I want to explain to you what establishing peace in the face of trauma ISN’T.

It’s not:

  • Giving up and giving in.
  • Condoning and allowing someone’s poor behaviour.
  • Apathy or non-caring.

Rather, establishing peace in the face of trauma IS:

  • Bringing one’s power back to self (this is the only place it resides).
  • Aligning with and creating your healthy life regardless of what someone else or isn’t trying to do to you.
  • Caring about your life and your application to it, as well as what is true and real, in profound and powerful ways.

Interestingly, a lack of inner peace (having the trauma remain within) creates the very opposite of the results we want (ironically which is, of course, is resolution and then inner peace).

This is because the feelings and thoughts of needing accountability and justice and not being able to feel any peace unless this happens, only mean more victimisation and lack of closure keeps happening.

How interesting it is, in the way the human experience has been set up (which we all missed because we weren’t taught it) that the state, the feeling of ‘peace’, must proceed the events that bring peace.

RELIEF comes before RESULT.

It’s not the other way around, and this is why we need to go for the peaceful emotion first.

 

What Does Peace Really Mean?

  • It means this no longer triggers me.
  • It means being trauma-free.
  • It means no matter what my outer life looks like, and what is going on, I am connected to myself peacefully. I’m in acceptance that all of this is unfolding perfectly for my highest good and greatest self, and I am safe.
  • This means not being attached to any particular outcome at all.
  • This means not needing any particular outcome to occur in order to be peaceful because you already are.

I know getting there is a BIG CALL after narcissistic abuse. MASSIVE!

If you had told me to ‘just be like this’ after narcissistic abuse, I probably wouldn’t have been responsible for the swear words I would have said to you.

Fortunately, you know that I have been through it and that I too was at the brink of total destruction from this, and I came back. The reason is: because I know how to go for and ‘be peaceful’ under every circumstance now. And since doing this, finally, for the first time in lifetimes, my life has filled with abundance and joy, and my life works. Whereas before it never did.

The one simple formula I have that creates this with every topic in my life that hurts me, confuses me, or challenges me, is: I do Quanta Freedom Healing on it. I release all associated trauma and painful beliefs out of my inner being on that topic and bring in my superconscious self which KNOWS what to generate and do for my highest best.

Then I think, feel and operate in healthy ways on that topic, because I am at peace about it.

That’s it! That’s what I do!

So, now that I hope I’ve inspired you to get to peace no matter what, I really hope I can answer some of the burning questions that you may have.

 

How To Get Peace When Enmeshed With A Narcissist?

You may still be living with a narcissist, working with one, running into a family narcissist at gatherings, or have one as a neighbour. And of course parallel-parenting with one.

You may have heard everywhere how vital No Contact is and how it is so hard to heal without it. This is where Modified Contact comes in, which is about detaching as much as possible and not granting any emotional energy to the narcissist at all, regardless of how much he or she tries to trigger you by baiting you with insults, threats, bad behaviour or parading new supply in your face.

Absolutely, having the narcissist still in your face takes things to another level, yet please know after the psychic vandalization of narcissistic abuse, even if you never see the narcissist ever again, he or she is living on inside you anyway. You are not free of the narcissist, at all, until you learn what I am about to tell you, which is the ‘peace component’.

The only way to get peace is this:  Resolve everything within yourself that the narcissist triggers.

This following orientation is required to shift away from ‘I am going to retaliate and try to stop you assaulting/hurting/degrading me’, to ‘You are trying to get attention from me to feed your significance with any method possible. I NOW cut off that energy supply by giving you NOTHING.’

And, ‘Thank you for triggering within me a past, generational or childhood trauma that I haven’t found and released yet.’

And, ‘Now that I can track, heal and live free of this trauma, you have just handed me the next key to not just release myself from your garbage, but also the fears and traumas that have always held me back in some way.’

So, this is the deal, rather than latching onto trying to belt the narcissist around the ears to get ourselves to a state of peace, we go inwards, find the associated triggered trauma, release it and bring peace in instead.

Then truly, what the narcissist is saying to you and trying to do to you becomes as insignificant as a slug that you just stepped over on the pavement and continued walking past.

Yes, the narcissist may pop, and up the ante. But then calmly and clearly you report any threats or physical acts and mean it. No more are you going to get shoved around. You are not buying into abuse, you refuse to participate with it, and you will not tolerate it.

When you become ‘anti-fear’ and embody peace and strength, wait and see how powerless the narcissist becomes.

Naturally, getting away from abuse and not having abusive people in your life is the goal. Then this level of powerful, peaceful detachment creates the space to get your new life started, look for another profession or know that now this family member can only approach you with respect, or you grant them nothing anymore.

Or maybe the narcissist, now that you are prepared to forge your own life calmly and powerfully, just disappears and leaves your experience anyway. (Trust me this happens a lot!)

Profound huh? And profoundly true. You just have to live it to find out.

 

Getting To Peace Under the Most Horrific Circumstances

I know with all my heart how terrible it has been for many of you suffering such losses, including possibly the custody of your children. Things that are so beyond painful that it seems impossible to reach a state of peace.

I talk about, in my free Quanta Freedom Healing workshop, how Dot in her 70s had not seen her children or her grandchildren for 32 years because of a narcissistic ex-husband alienating them for her.

After working NARP Modules, and releasing the unspeakable trauma about this, which had haunted Dot her whole life, her estranged son contacted her out of the blue, and now she is connected to all her family lovingly. Was this a coincidence? No. What happened was finally Dot reached peace with ‘what is’ on that topic, and then it could shift.

The same happens when we have health and financial devastations with narcissists.  Myself and so many Thrivers, who were burning in hell in the horrific traumatisation of losing everything we had worked years of our life for, and then suffered the added injury of being unable to rebuild because of our health, experienced incredible and miraculous healing and reinstating of wellness when we released our trauma and came to peace with ‘what is’ on these topics.

I wrote this testimony from our beautiful member of the NARP Community, Anki,in my book You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse on page 202, “I am a totally different person. I was told at fifty years of age that I had chronic, untreatable diseases, leaving me with no ability to function and work, yet after only three months of going through NARP, I am now working and exercising again. After losing everything to a narcissist, I had no idea how I was going to provide accommodation for myself and my son. Now I have my own place near my work, in nature with forests and a lake near my door! The shift in my son’s as well as my other children’s health has been nothing short of miraculous as well.”

Okay, I hope that this has inspired you, even in the face of the most horrible pain and circumstances that there is hope.

In fact, I want to hold your hand and take you through an actual shift that releases trauma and grants you peace and a shift right now (or as soon as there is a time convenient for you).

Please join me in my free workshop and we will go through a Quanta Freedom Healing together which has allowed myself and so many others worldwide, establish peace, healing, and resurrection where nothing else has worked.

Click here to sign up for the next available workshop.

I so look forward to our conversation about this so important topic here …

 

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How To Uplevel Every Area Of Your Life In 2019

 

I can’t believe that we have nearly finished 2018!

Where did this year go?

When the holiday period comes, and we prepare for New Year many of us get to thinking about our life … with these sorts of questions.

Did I achieve what I wanted to?

What does my life look now?

Am I happy with how my life is going?


Am I with the people I want to share a happy and healthy life with?

We all want to create the life of our dreams and get to the states and results we wish to live …

But how can we REALLY do that?

Especially if you’ve been abused and feel you’re missing so many parts of yourself and your life.

Time goes sooo fast now, and I really believe we need to know the answer to this … otherwise, one year rolls into the next (and the next) and we may not feel like we are making REAL progress.

That’s why today I wanted to give you some very Quantum, straight awareness and directions as to what it takes to let go of the life we were living and step quickly into a life that brings us freedom, abundance and joy.

I think you’re going to love it!

 

 

Video Transcript

This is what happens when we draw closer to the completion of each year … we reassess. We think about the year that has just been. Maybe you feel pleased with how far you have come, or you may still wonder why you are stuck and in the same position.

Maybe you did experience great progress … or may you had stop/start results.

Whichever the case, the truth is that we all want the best out of life. We all wish to expand forward onto the trajectories and experiences that please us.

And what we understand when we start Thriving is that the only life that does please us is the one that has broken free from our old fearful and limiting patterns.

But how do we do this?

I believe the partial answer to this is knowing we must take personal responsibility to change our life because nothing or no one is coming to save us from our previous patterns. This is the job that we have to perform ourselves.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, explaining the fastest way through to changing our lives for the better. I have known for a long time that when we release trauma and replace it with the Light (which is done in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) that we automatically start expanding beyond our Old Self and into our New Self.

And today … I want to unpack more about this for you!

 

How Do We Change – Really?

Chemically, physiologically and spiritually how do we change and what is the total key to this? If we aren’t yet a being who is aligned with happiness, success and health, we haven’t yet been able to tap into the abundance and flourishing and nourishing of Lifeforce, which truly wants the highest and the best for us too, if we can get ourselves out of the way.

If this is you, it doesn’t mean that you are a failure, or that you have been doing something wrong. What it means is that you haven’t yet known the direct way to do this. There is an old saying ‘nothing changes if nothing changes’ And, there is another, that goes like this, ‘we can’t do the same actions that haven’t worked and expect a different result.’ Well today, very soon, I am going to explain to you EXACTLY how to do something different powerfully that will change your entire life, very quickly beyond description.

Before I do that, I want to explain to you what unconsciousness is.

 

The Truth About Unconsciousness

What is unconsciousness? It is being stuck in the same cycles and pain and not taking our power back by realising that we are the generative source of our own experience. It is the experience of being a victim and looking outside of ourselves and blaming other people and situations for the way our life is. This is the epitome of fruitlessly trying to control, change or fix the billions of situations and people on the planet to try to get a different result, rather than attending to the only person we do have power over, which is ourselves.

When we know that this is the way home to ourselves and an incredible life, we know that this place within is the seat of our creative True Self power. It is here that we have a literal powerhouse of an inner universe connected to an outer universe.

The connected inner and outer is the entire experience that we know to be our life. When we wake up out of unconsciousness into consciousness, we know this to be the truth.

 

How Our Inner Universe Works

Let’s check out how our Inner Universe works. It is like this: we have an experience and then experience a perception which is our interpretation of that experience. The perception that we have is unique. Ten different people could witness the same thing and have ten completely different emotional responses to that experience. These depend on already established belief systems.

These beliefs systems are what the Inner Identity ‘truth’ is about this experience. This depends on the health, or otherwise, of the Inner Identity’s composition on this topic.

As an example, last week’s Thriver TV episode was regarding smearing. If someone’s Inner Identity is carrying the epigenetic, past life, and childhood traumas of being persecuted, scapegoated and even annihilated as a result of someone else’s opinion of them, then the perception of smearing is very painful, personal and even feels life-threatening.

If someone’s Inner Identity does not carry these traumas, or if this person has already done the work to release and heal the traumas of persecution, then smearing will not affect them. They will easily detach, know it doesn’t need to be accepted as personal truth and carry on with their lives without fear, regardless of what other people think of them.

It’s so important to realise that these are NOT logical decisions, these are triggered (or not) emotional responses depending on the formation of our Inner Identity (it’s health or otherwise) regarding any topic that could potentially trigger us.

Now back to how our Inner Universe generates our experiences …

Here is the thing that when we become conscious, we start to understand. By being whatever frequency we are Being (meaning feeling emotionally regarding any experience we have) we are now vibrating at that frequency.

Emotions are energy in motion. We are now energetically on the Life trajectory that matches exactly where we are emotionally Being. If our emotions regarding the experience are painful, fearful and feeling unsafe, then the people who are hurting us now have us within the frequency range to keep hurting us. We are on the same playing field with them.  The people and situations of a higher True Self vibration that could grant us relief and solution are not available on this emotional trajectory. We are completely shut off from these.

Likewise, we don’t have access to thoughts, ideas and inspirations that generate relief and solution. The only thoughts within this range of consciousness are the ones that match the fear and pain we are currently undergoing.

And think about this, because MORE pain and fear is getting generated in our experience because of being connected to a Field of people and events that match the fear and pain we are emotionally vibrating at, more bad stuff happens. Then we try harder to change, fix and stop what is happening outside of us, from THIS state of pain and fear, which just makes matters worse and worse.

And there you have in a nutshell the experience of narcissistic abuse, being stuck in the bowels of hell, where everything escalates into more pain and fear. Of course, it feels like there is no way out! But really narcissistic abuse is showing us in massive technicolour, in a way that we can’t miss it, how life from the outside-in doesn’t work and that if we wish to change our life, we need to start living it from the inside-out.

There is the necessity to step into the True Power of who we really are, rather than rolling around in ridiculous sand pits of trauma with False Selves.

 

How We Used to React to Pain and Fear

We must attend to the true universe where this is all happening which is your Inner One. And this means completely changing the way we used to react to traumatic triggering and being aware of why we used to react in the ways we used to.

I will explain it to you. We get triggered, and then we feel emotional pain and fear. We then start thinking the thoughts that match the pain and fear, and we also make choices that match the pain and fear.

These are some examples: We think and fear the worst about other people and what may happen. We mentally and emotionally beat ourselves up. We try to numb out the inner pain with junk food, alcohol, cigarettes, toxic relationships, unhealthy sex … all the things that may grant us some momentary relief that numb out the pain temporarily, yet which break down the integrity of our Inner Identity even more, ultimately manufacturing more pain and fear and therefore the vicious cycle intensifies.

As a result, our life doesn’t change, the painful patterns in our Life don’t change, and zero transformation has taken place.

Do you want to stop doing this? I promise you that when you understand the following and apply it you will, and your life will change very quickly for the better.

 

How To Change Your Life From The Inside Out

Here is the formula to change your entire Life, truly (I’m not kidding).

 

1.The painful trigger hits

Of course, this is going to happen, because we always have inner trauma, especially originally before doing the inner work, that is not serving us that we need to release and heal beyond in order to change our life.

So … you need to stop not wanting that to happen and fully accept it is necessary. Pain is inevitable, it’s the gateway to something greater. Suffering is optional and only happens when we are unconscious and try to avoid our painful triggers.

Say instead this to yourself: “I bless and accept this feeling”.

 

2. Know you are going to go straight into unconsciousness

Recognise you are going to want to do what you have always done, grab the self-medicating, self-avoiding choice to drown out the pain and/or start thinking the worst, overreact, or self-abandon and hand your power away.

You may try to force someone or something else to change in order to feel better.

However, you can make a commitment to yourself to NOT do any of this anymore.

Instead say this to yourself: “I now commit to turning inwards to heal what is really going on here.”

 

3. In the height of the trauma attend to it

When you are fully peaking in unspeakable trauma, if you no longer self-avoid, self-abandon or self-medicate to try to run away from it, and be fully with it instead, to load it up, release it and bring in love and power where that pain and fear once was, then you will change your Inner Identity and your matching brain synopsis wiring in powerful and instant ways.

You literally have this hot spot of opportunity to generate lifetimes of evolution on that topic, to live totally free from the old trajectories you were unconsciously stuck on, and to access brand new ones that are organically connected to the wellbeing of Life, in minutes.

I’m not kidding. This is how powerful Quantum Healing really is because you literally dissolve away (let go of) the Old self and bring in your True Superconscious self on that topic. This literally changes your Inner Identity, your mind and your Life, instantly, rather than it taking forever to achieve.

You may think this sounds far-fetched, too easy and even ridiculous. Once upon a time, I would have thought that too. So, I invite you to park that belief and experience this for yourself.

If you have something that is stuck in your craw that you know is really hurting you and incredibly fearful and painful, please come with me, hold my hand and do my free workshop with me, where you get to face and release this thing, from your Inner Identity in a Quanta Freedom Healing session with me, powerfully and effectively.

And you will know when its cleared because you just won’t feel like that anymore and then you will see your Outer Universe shift, often in record time, in alignment with your newly created Inner One.

So, what you have got to lose?  And what new incredible Quantum Self have you got to gain?

Click here to register your spot for the Workshop.

And I’m so looking forward to a Quantum rousing discussion about all of this (because it is fascinating!), as well as answering your questions, on how you wish to create your incredible True Life in 2019.

 

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4 Key Stages Of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

 

I’m really excited today about talking to you about the 4 Key Stages to Healing after narcissistic abuse, because I believe there needs to be some much-needed awareness around this. I would like to put under a microscope why the old stages of healing are flawed and why they don’t grant victims of narcissistic abuse true evolution and healing, compared to the revolutionary Thriver Way to heal which does.

The old systems and the new Thriver stage of healing after narcissistic abuse are in agreeance about these 4 main stages of recovery yet their reasons and the way they are carried out are very different.

Let’s investigate.

 

Stage 1: No Contact

Absolutely, No Contact (or strict Modified Contact such as in the case of parallel-parenting) is the number one thing anyone who has suffered narcissistic abuse needs to do to have any chance of recovery. This vital first stage to healing after narcissistic abuse is so that a person can get off the battlefield where they are sustaining trauma after trauma and start to learn how to heal.

What I find missing in this step of contemporary recovery, is the deeper understanding of what No Contact really is.

It can’t just be physical No Contact.

Narcissistic abuse is a spiritual/energetic/psychic phenomenon. Narcissists are energy vampires and they are getting an energy feed off you with ANY emotional energy you grant them in any shape or form.

After being traumatically abused, the abuse lives on inside you as if it has a life of its own. Even if you have gone No Contact it’s likely that you will still feel like you are in the thick of abuse, plus there is also a chemical addiction withdrawal to the narcissist going on which is horrific. This is your body and brain trying to force you to reconnect back to the source of the peptides (emotional cocktails) that your cellular being is hooked on.

The standard No Contact stage of healing after narcissistic abuse includes these issues: a belief that staying away physically should be enough to get well, and the non-recognition or treatment of the peptide addiction, meaning that the victim suffers horrific addictive pulls to the narcissist (even if just as obsessive thoughts) that feel almost impossible to overcome.

In standard No Contact, where the mental, emotional and psychic connection to the narcissist is not being addressed and released from within ourselves, the breaking of No Contact is usual, in fact probable. Additionally, if there is not enough emphasis on blocking all contact, and letting go of all involvement, interest or checking up on the narcissist whatsoever, there is a real danger to get hooked back in.

What is really required is knowing how vital all of these actions are because of the energetic, emotional component that needs to be dissolved.

I have also found that there is a lack of preparation or treatment for the inevitable after-shock that hits victims hard, means they feel worse when out of the relationship than they did in it (due to a fully activated peptide addiction) and this can be a real danger time where they go back or break down making future recovery even more arduous.

In contrast, the Thriver Way to do No Contact addresses what is required for No Contact to hold and be as it is intended to be – grant the space to heal.

This can only work if we treat the feelings of addiction by quickly getting into our bodies to start becoming a sound, comforting and more solid source to ourselves so that we can get through the horror and out to the other side.

First of all, we need to accept that the enmeshment with a narcissist primarily is emotional and physical. This is no less than a psychic takeover and even though physical distance is vital, if we don’t get the emotional and psychic aspect of it right we are prone to break no contact, and/or remain traumatised, terrified, heartbroken and keep handing the narcissist our pain and fear to defeat us in court or with other matters, severely diminishing our ability to get on with and generate our True Self and True Life.

In no shape or form does just a physical No Contact create a Thriver Recovery.

Thriver No Contact entails a removal of ALL energy. Which means no physical contact (or very strict modified contact through 3rd parties if necessary).

No Contact also means NO checking up, asking people about or stalking on social media.

What is really required is a letting go of all common threads and connections.

This person is also blocked in every way possible so that we are never expecting a contact, and if this person finds a way to contact you don’t respond and then block that line of contact again, or take out an intervention order which means ‘Do NOT contact me.’

What is also vitally necessary is: strict No Contact with one’s own mind. ‘I am not going to think about this person, instead, I will use the NARP Modules to come into my body and release the trauma from inside me associated with these thoughts’.

By adopting this self-devoted practice, the obsession and pulls start melting away very quickly, and we become empowered on these topics and areas we were continually thinking about.

By addressing the deeper issues with narcissistic abuse and having the emotional Quantum tools in place to deal with these deadly enmeshments, as well as addictive feelings and pulls, generally a much more powerful and straight line of recovery and dealing with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse occurs.

If there is a slip up on breaking No Contact, the tools and processes are in place to be able to find the associated trauma that was generating that momentary powerlessness inside, release it, and then go up higher into an even more powerful state of self than previously.

 

Stage 2: Taking Radical Personal Resposibility

After narcissistic abuse, there has been so much projected onto you that it is usual to feel defective and wrong. You were probably convinced that you were to blame for a great deal of the relationship.

It truly is such a relief when we DO discover information about narcissists that helps us realise that there is a name for this insanity and that we are not going mad!

You will have absolutely no argument from me whatsoever that this is a very important part of the healing process, but I want you to know with every fibre of my being, in no way is this the complete answer to recovery.

This second stage of recovery after narcissistic abuse is one we have to get very clear about because if we assign focus and blame to narcissists and keep looking outwards, we are going to be in for a very hard time.

In no way does doing this heal your traumatised Inner Being or abuse programs.

Demonising narcissists doesn’t make you well.  That’s like taking poison every day and hoping the other person will be exterminated.

In the Thriver Way to heal the following is what we embody as our truth:

‘If the trauma is inside my Being, then I am the only person, as an adult, who can take the responsibility to heal it. It is only me who can meet it and do the work inside my Inner Being no matter who did this, how it got there or what it is about.’

And …

‘I am my own saviour and no more am I going to be stuck in the powerless victimisation of trying to force damaged others to fix me. In my Thriver Life I am going to become a self-generative source of my own healing and Thriving regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing … and SO it IS!’

I really want you to know that is freedom, because no longer do you have to wait. You CAN start getting better now!

There are HUGE differences between the words ‘Responsibility’ and ‘Blame’. As Thrivers we are not taking the blame! Rather, we are taking radical personal responsibility (our power back) to FINALLY heal our lives.

Now let’s look at the 3nd key stage of healing after narcissistic abuse.

 

Stage 3: Start Releasing the Trauma

The third of the key stages of healing after narcissistic abuse is very important. Especially, once we have detached and got some space from the narcissist, the almighty peptide addiction is going to hit VERY hard.

This is when people can feel like they are losing their mind. I wrote about in my book You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse, when Kevin felt like he was madly in love with his ex-partner because he couldn’t stop missing her, and how Margaret literally felt like she was losing her mind when she finally got out.

I remember all those years ago when I did (on one occasion) get very clear that I needed to go No Contact, stay away and keep away, and my therapist told me “This is wonderful you have broken through, you get it!”

Yet, nothing could have been further from the truth. Before long, my body chemically (because of not getting its hit of the chemicals it was addictively craving: abuse, victimisation and the horror of powerlessness) had me thinking about him again. Wanting to reconnect, wanting to get closure, justice, reconciliation, his love (the list goes on and on).

Because I didn’t yet know how to get the trauma out of my cells in order to have space for real recovery, which is wellbeing and the resolution of my broken and traumatising belief systems and wounds, I was defaulting back to what my entire cellular being was hooked on … him … and the emotional charges he produced within me.

Of course, I broke No Contact repetitively.

Most people in the contemporary way of trying to recover do that often too.

And here’s the thing, we know we are clogged up with more trauma than we can handle. We can barely eat, sleep or function by the time we are either cruelly discarded or we have somehow crawled away because finally, the horror of staying has become worse than the terror of leaving.

Yet, we may believe what we were contemporarily told to do, which is ‘talk it out’ to people about what happened to us.

Yes, it’s so important to come out of the shame of our shadows and share and know that we’re not alone. But what we do need to know is this: sharing our war stories with others who are also sharing their war stories means we get further cemented in our war stories.

And this is very tempting, because other people in your life who have no idea of the deep soul violation of narcissistic abuse truly get sick of hearing about it. They can’t possibly understand what it is like or what you are going through.

Yet, even though you have this avenue through Abuse Forums and the general consensus which is: ‘spend years talking about it to detox it’, neuroscience now shows us that this is fact reinforcing brain pathways that are victimised.

And, they are right! Devastatingly, the real-life proof is there for all to see. Abuse Forums are full of people who have been there for years, whose Inner Identity is fully identified in telling their story over and over again, with no shift into a healthy life whatsoever. These people are not getting well, in fact as time goes on, they get sicker.

This is the truth in regard to our inner healing necessity – unless we get a shift in our subconscious (Inner Identity) to become a different self, the peptide addiction to negative emotions remains unchecked and increases over time. Whatever peptide, large emotional doses, the cells of our body receive, as each cell divides the number of docking points to receive that exact emotional cocktail multiply.

As a result, these people are ‘abuse victims’ disintegrating rather than getting the shift that would integrate them back to themselves and up and beyond their abuse patterns.

The Thriver Way to release trauma from abuse is completely different, and it’s a way of releasing your woundedness that works for real.

It involves using the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program and applying the Quanta Freedom Healing Modules within it to access the traumas in our subconscious programs (that exist throughout our entire cellular network). By doing so we load up the toxicity of these traumas, release them from ourselves, create space and then replace them with our Higher Self (our Superconscious) that can heal what our limited cognitive mind doesn’t have the power to.

This provides a real shift into relief and peace inside, and then our brain follows, which means that because we have become different, we automatically think differently. (The brain follows the Inner Being/body always.)

There are two incredible benefits of doing this third stage of recovery after narcissistic abuse, releasing the trauma in a way that works and cuts out all the ongoing regurgitation and cementing of further victimisation.

Firstly, the pain, trauma and addiction start to dissolve immediately, as does the abuse symptoms that we are suffering such as PTSD, fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, adrenal fatigue and the like. This happens because our cellular being starting to shed trauma starts resetting our entire Being to healing and well-being.

Then, the second incredible benefit is that we are no longer ‘dissolving’ and further ’disintegrating’ as a self. Rather, as a result of locating and releasing not just the present-day traumas, but also the epigenetic, past life and childhood ones, that are all the unconscious reasons we are still in repeat abuse, we are integrating back to self.

This means we have started evolving beyond our previous abuse program and patterns.

Without our traumas corrupting our True Self, we start emerging as self-partnered and self-generative and no longer seeking love, approval, security and survival outside of ourselves.

This means we now show up authentically, we no longer hand power away trying to get people to love us and be safe. We became a self who knows there are plenty of resources and people in life to generate with and we can leave alone those people and things that are not a match for our new and healing solid Inner Identity.

 

Stage 4: Ensuring You are Never Abused Again

This fourth stage of vital recovery after narcissistic abuse was contemporarily about learning all there is about toxic people and narcissists to try to avoid them in the future.

If only this worked!

I can’t tell you the amount of people I’ve met over the years who have been taken down by subsequent narcissists despite being incredibly learned experts on everything there is to know about narcissists.

This is the thing, all our brain pathways form around our Inner Identity beliefs. If we still have faulty and traumatised ones, our mind will come up with thoughts that dismiss the ‘gut warning’, make excuses and reconnect us with the exact match of the still existing painful belief.

Take for example my second narcissistic abuse experience. Here is was a world narcissistic expert, yet I was taken in by a very cunning altruistic narcissist who appeared to be all the things that the first narcissist wasn’t.

Yet, he did a very cruel abandonment trick very early in the relationship, where my three-year-old wound (that I hadn’t healed to completion yet) was fully activated and clung to him and handed power over. From that moment on I was in an abusive relationship making excuses.

Since healing that wound, I have graduated many times from that being the case again (running towards someone being cruel and horrible) and now this pattern doesn’t exist in my life.

The other thing we may fall into the trap of doing is believe that defences and being FULLY on guard is the way to go.

I want you to imagine this: closing the shutters down on a house when it has terrible mould and toxins trapped inside. Everyone just gets sicker within those metaphoric four walls! And that’s what happens, people report that there is no way they will risk trusting someone and getting into a relationship again. They don’t trust people, life and themselves and it’s a terrible way to live.

Life has lost joy for them.

It’s horrible and painful.

Or if people DO venture out and try to open up to love again, without doing the inner work, exactly the thing they think they are protecting themselves from ends up in their life again. And of course, this further cements the inner traumas that have not been healed yet.

In stark contrast, when we commit to a Thriver Recovery our real job is to get the mould and the toxins out from within our dwelling (our Inner Being) and then be so empowered, radiant and authentic that no False Self can ever take us down again.

And I promise you they can’t, when we have no fears or painful programs that they can use against us.

 

What True Recovery Looks Like

The wonders and joy of the Thriver Way of recovery is that we have committed to our inner work and the releasing and up-levelling of our previous traumas and subconscious painful programs into healthy and empowered ones. This becomes a wonderful self-devoted lifestyle.

In this way of living, we want development, expansion and freedom. We have stopped trying to learn about, lecture and prescribe to, navigate, or fix and change the billions of other people in the world.

Instead, we work on the one person we can, ourselves, to break out of co-dependent patterns that are the perfect match for narcissists in toxic relationships with them.

I love that as Thrivers we are creating a different way of being, feeling, thinking and living for ourselves, our children and our future generations.

Truly, this does create a reality free of abuse.

I hope you have enjoyed this article the 4 Key Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse, and that it has cleared up the difference between the old and new paradigms of healing for you.

Maybe you have been in this Community for a while, accessing my informational resources, yet you know it’s time to start the real inner work to transform at the only level it can really take place and hold, within your Inner Being.

If this is you, then my highest recommendation is to take a look at the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program which to date has helped 20,000 people from all over the world not just survive abuse, but thrive in their new abuse-free lives.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions about this article.

 

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Are You Afraid To Go Inside?

Are You Afraid To Go Inside?

 

In my opinion, the BIGGEST thing that stops people from healing the Thriver Way is the NORMAL terror of going inside to meet their wounds.

Why wouldn’t you be terrified of doing this?

Emotional pain hurts … it can feel overwhelming, insurmountable and like it will never end … and if you DO go into it that you possible WON’T be able to function.

We have been encouraged, all our life, to avoid our emotional pain at all costs.

However, by the time we have experienced narcissistic abuse, does this work?

Does any amount of distractions, substitutes, positive thinking or even dedicated Law of Attraction work stop the anguish?

Do our nervous systems and mental and emotional conditions such as anxiety, depression, PTSD and fibromyalgia … as well as our emotional heartbreak, feelings of loss and inability to feel solid and trust life, self and others in the future, get better as a result of trying to escape our hurting Inner Beings?

The short answer is – No! Absolutely not!

And, you may already realise this, yet are still terrified about going inwards to meet your emotional pain.

I get that – I was once EXACTLY the same!

This is why today, I really wanted to bring this very important episode to you, to take you on a journey into the deep understanding of our emotional Inner Being.

And HOW it is possible to meet, hold and let go of our emotional pain so that we can not only break free from the abuse in our life but also enter into new trajectories that bring us love, joy and purpose.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today’s topic is a very important one and one that I am really passionate about talking to you about.

This is the deal – we have all been taught to terminally self-avoid and self-abandon. We are told not to feel our feelings. The good ones are okay but not the bad ones. We are supposed to ignore them, numb them out, run from them and do anything possible at all to distract ourselves from them.

But does it work? Do we get better as a result of doing this?

Let’s look at this logically. What would happen if we had a car engine that started grinding and making noises? Would we just keep driving it until the car engine seized or blew up?

Of course not!

If we had a ceiling dripping water, would we pretend it isn’t and just carry on, until the leak gets worse and our furniture and carpet is ruined?

Of course, we wouldn’t!

If we suffered a physical gaping wound, would we refuse to treat it until it turned gangrene?

No!

So why on earth do we think that emotional wounds screaming out to get our attention is any different?

I get it that none of us enjoy feeling painful feelings … because they hurt. And … what we have been taught about them certainly doesn’t help. Messages like ‘If you turn inwards you will relive that trauma and it could make it impossible for you to function.’

Now, especially with the healing processes we have available, self-abandoning our emotions is a totally false premise that I want to help you get past today.

I hope you understand as a result of this video, your entire life depends on this.

 

The Truth of Your Inner Being

I want you to imagine this: a young child – your son or daughter – calling out you “Mum (or Dad), I am sad. No one loves me, I hate myself, I’m no good. I don’t deserve to exist, I am all alone” (all NORMAL unhealed traumas that are a part of the human condition) and you pushed this child aside and said “Go away. Not listening. And now I’m going to turn to this TV, social media, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, food or abusive person that I am trying to make love me, no matter how badly they are abusing me, so that I don’t have to listen to you and I can try to feel better about myself.”

How on earth do you think this child is going to react to this? Of course, he or she would feel even more abandoned, sadder, and more unlovable, defective and damaged.

The anxiety, depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders and fibromyalgia, and assorted nervous system, mental and physical disorders are all going to get worse.

It’s the same as … the unattended to car engine getting closer to seizing, the water coming through the ceiling increase, and the physical wound that hurts is starting to get a nasty red tinge around it.

And, add on the feelings of being totally invalidated and made to feel completely unimportant.

Are you starting to understand what you are doing to your Inner Being?

I know what I used to do to mine. I used to tell her to shut up, and that she was a failure and I tried to bully and punish her into shape.

And, rather than turned inwards to love, hold and heal her back to wholeness, I tried to assign False Source to do that. How often was I hurting her with even more abuse with pathological, cruel, controlling and abusive False Lovers as well as crippling self-medication choices like cigarettes, alcohol and workaholism?

All the time …

So, was it any wonder that eventually, because I wasn’t turning inwards with the love and devotion we should have for any child– including our own Inner Child – that she completely broke with an adrenal and psychotic blowout?

This is the thing … we all vow and declare that the state we are in is because of what other people have done to us, yet I promise you that the conditions we remain stuck in are because the one person that your Inner Being is waiting for hasn’t shown up yet – YOU.

How BAD does it have to get before your Inner Being finally gets your attention?

How BAD does to have to get before you stop using the wrong people, addictions and distractions to try to NUMB out the inner screams, only making them WORSE.

Are you aware that not only are the screams getting louder, but your life is also breaking down (like the car engine, celling and gangrenous wound) and you have to use even more energy trying to self-avoid and self-abandon to survive?

This ‘metaphoric can’ does not get any better by kicking it down the road. It can only heal if you turn around and pick it up and deal with it.

 

How Your Wounds Project Into Life

I was like so many of us, I thought that turning inwards to meet my pain was the wrong thing to do. Instead, I was all pumped up on Law of Attraction stuff – ‘Don’t focus on what hurts and instead just focus on the good stuff and create THAT.’

Yet doing that was totally ignoring my inner wounds and traumas, the young unhealed parts of myself that dearly needed ME.

It took me a while to understand – point blank – NO ONE else is coming.

Yet, people did come – the wrong people – exactly the people who confirmed more of my inner wounds, the feelings of being unlovable, being terrified to assert myself, the inability to speak up, say ‘no’ and lay healthy boundaries. The terrors of not being able to leave people who were hurting me, in order to be my own source of love, approval, survival, and security.

Via these people, this was my unmet parts, the unconscious meeting me in a conscious way. My unhealed shadows were projecting out into life, representing who I was attracted to, who was attracted to me, and how I would miss these things, conjoin with the messenger of my wounds and continue rolling around with them, trying to make these people change so that my inner feelings and traumas could change.

Wrong Town!

I promise you, I had studied my traumas cognitively to death for decades. Then when that hadn’t worked to change the patterns in my life, I had practiced positive affirmation for further years, diligently and consistently. I had mediated on visions of what I wanted, and I had journaled about ‘my future true life’ to the point of getting callouses.

Yet, I was dismayed to find again and again that I landed back at square one.

Let’s examine all of these strategies, deeply. The inner dissecting of my wounds was simply my emotional Inner  Being receiving logical information – not the love, support and healing she needed. And with the affirmations and journaling, she was simply being told how she should be without any recognition of how she was. She was completely invalidated and her wounds were never met and healed.

And, so, the trauma lived on inside of me.

No amount of dissecting, positive thinking affirmations and journaling was going to heal these parts. And this is where we can get so caught up in personal development. Yes, it is better than ignoring that we have issues and continuing to drink, eat, smoke or use self-hatred, abusive sex and toxic people to try to self-medicate. Yet, it still constitutes self-abandonment and self-avoiding. We are still only using bandaids to try to manage our wounds, because we still haven’t gone inside to fully self-partner and love ourselves enough to feel them and then let them go.

You may wonder like I did, why the pain always returns, the patterns don’t change, and we have to up the ante on all our self-development practices to try to survive our wounds.

Now you may be starting to understand why.

 

If You Don’t Go Within, You Go Without

Narcissistic abuse, for myself, as it has been for so many of you too, is a ‘game over’ proposition. Now we have internal wounds so activated that we can’t drown them out anymore. This is when I discovered no amount of my old coping strategies were going to cut it.

I started to understand that Law of Attraction processes for severe trauma are completely ineffective for most people – including myself.

You can’t park a Ferrari in a garage that is clogged up with a rusty old wreck.

You can’t put ice-cream on top of poop (as the late Debbie Ford famously said).

In neuroscience terms, when severe trauma is activated, the brain can only think in the range of the trauma. Neuroscientists are now researching and proving this; there are very real chemical reasons why trying to think our way out of ‘what hurts’ is impossible.

Because we are not getting better, and the trauma is still screaming inside us, doesn’t mean we are defective any more than it means we should try to keep ignoring it.

It means that we haven’t realised yet what we need to do to meet our traumas, the right way, to heal for real.

Quantum Scientists believe there is an inner Universe inside of us generating the Universe outside of us. I totally 100% agree.

This inner Universe is our emotional composition – our beliefs and feelings regarding every topic in our Life. Whatever hurts tells us that we have a trauma in place causing a false belief that is generating traumatic experiences in our lives and will continue to do so, on that topic, until reprogrammed.

Yet by ignoring this (as we were taught to do) we powerlessly run around trying to learn about and change everything outside of ourselves in order to get a different inner experience (feel whole, loved and safe).

Can you see how this is completely back the front now?

If we don’t go within, we go without.

If we don’t tend to this fragile, ever powerful creative part of ourselves, our Inner Being, we will always come up empty.

 

What Happens When You Turn Inwards

How do we heal our traumas for real?

Turn inwards.

With love …

This means recognising the true purpose of trauma coming up inside us, as the glorious CORRECT signal to let us know that an adjustment is required to come back to health – just like the grinding engine, the dripping roof and the painful physical wound. Can you imagine if these signals were not present and we didn’t know? Are they not a blessing in disguise?

So rather than condemning, demonising and vilifying our bad feelings, we can accept them with love.

Repeat after me this statement first – “I hate my negative emotions’ – (if you are already a Thriver you know you won’t even go there and say that to yourself) …

Okay, if you did say this – how did it feel in your body?

Be really honest.

Now say to yourself, “I bless and accept this feeling. Now, gloriously I can go inwards to hold, feel, load up and let go of this trauma, bring in the Light, heal this and expand beyond this pain and painful pattern into the next highest and freer version of myself.”

How does this feel in your body?

Okay, I want you to scroll down and write what these statements brought up for you.

As I am telling you time and time again, if you want to heal from narcissistic abuse, you must get out of your head and into your body and start healing there – it’s the only way

How do you think we got into this mess in the first place – I promise you it was because we were totally out of our body, and NOT integrated and there was no one home!

Do you understand what the opposite of integration is?  It’s disintegration … which is exactly what narcissistic abuse is, and it’s time to end that!

And we can end it, we have the super tools and we have the ways. We are all coded in our DNA to heal for real. Tragically we were trained out of this – but I can help you reconnect back to it – just as I and countless people in this community have been.

These people and my previous self, like you, were terrified about turning inwards, yet found when we did it the right way, that the relief was indescribable … and we wondered why on earth we hadn’t done it sooner.

I promise you that most people, even at their first Quanta Freedom Healing experience, even if abuse and trauma are all they have ever known, feel real somatic, relief, hope and love for themselves, as a result of turning inwards the right way.

But, don’t take my word for it, you really need to experience it personally to know that what I am saying is true.

Join me in my free workshop with me holding your hand and heart, connecting you lovingly with yourself and showing you how to load up and release your wounds and make room to bring in the good stuff, granting you a shift – which is instant healing.

You can reserve your spot in my next free healing workshop here.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The 5 Traits That Make You Susceptible To Narcissists

The 5 Traits That Make You Susceptible To Narcissists

 

Narcissists know how to target, charm and ensnare people.

Soooo many of us, despite being smart, capable and even highly successful people in so many areas of our lives, were taken in.

And … so many of us shook our heads, threw our hands up into the air and exclaimed –

“WHY is this happening to me?!”

I was there, and I know you, more than likely, have been as well.

Why DIDN’T we see it coming?

How on earth did we let ourselves be BLED DRY of our time, energy, money, resources and health?

How was it possible that we stayed attached to these people who spoke to us, and treated us in the WORST ways we could ever imagine?

I promise you there are deeper REAL reasons for this, that are impossible for you to discover, learn and free yourself from … until you get deeper.

These things aren’t obvious or logical, and looking around in your outer life will not grant you any clues.

You will only discover them if you turn inwards to your inner landscape.

Which is exactly what today’s video is about – taking you on a journey inwards to identify the 5 traits that capable, lovely and intelligent can people have, making them easy and tasty targets for narcissistic predators.

 

 

Video Transcript

My work is always about empowering you so that you take your power back and become a force who is not susceptible to narcissists. This isn’t possible just by finding out information about them and staying clear of them. The truth is narcissists haven’t just infiltrated your life now, additional ones could turn up anywhere in your life.

There is a wonderful expression that I love, ‘When we are no longer afraid to walk under ladders, there will no longer be any ladders on our path.’ I want you to understand our job is NOT to look out for narcissists and avoid them. That would mean we can’t be out in life conjoined with living. It would mean you are afraid, on the lookout, shrinking, holding back and not being you.

And the worst thing of all is, you are dreading coming across another narcissist which is always a sure-fire way of getting involved with one again. Whereas, if you don’t give a crap about running into one and you are fully and powerfully yourself, it no longer even matters who is a narcissist or not.

People say to me “This person is undermining me at work. Are they a narcissist?” My response is “So what if they are? Lose your fear, show up, confront, be transparent and be powerfully yourself.”

Other people say, “My boyfriend does this to me, and I’m really scared that I’m dating another narcissist.” This is how I feel about that …  I don’t care whether anyone’s boyfriend’s middle name is Satan or Stanley. What I care about and what you need to care about is, ‘What are your values?’ State them and be clear. Stand for them. If he can’t rise up to meet you at that level genuinely (and your body knows the truth on this when you see his actions and if the cycles keep repeating) leave and live your life aligned with these values. Then you will share a life with someone who is capable of delivering them.

Other people say, “The ex is being hell with co-parenting, and she is ripping me to shreds, how can I protect myself against this?” My answer to that is: “Do what you normally wouldn’t do. Release all fear from inside of you, stop trying to walk on broken glass, cut deals and appease her. Stand powerfully in truth and deliver it and create your truth for you and your kids no matter what she chooses to do or not do.”

Can you see that there is a theme here? It’s all about taking our focus OFF them and putting it firmly ON to changing the one person we have the power to change, which is ourselves. We are not going to change narcissists and unconscious people, but we sure as heck have the ability to change our part in this, which are the reasons why we are tolerating less than the life and treatment we were born to live. And, we can stop completely self-abandoning and self-avoiding everything that our inner being, the true guide to our life, is screaming at us.

We are going to do an exercise together, now, which is feeling some statements in your body.  If it feels strong, real and warm in your body, it’s the truth. If it brings you anxiety, confusion and fear then its Wrong Town, it’s a false premise. If you want to heal from narcissistic abuse and empower yourself against them, you need to take this journey out of your head and into your body, asap, without exception.

Repeat this after me: “I am going to learn all I can about narcissists, look out for them, avoid them and stay safe from them.” How does that feel in your body?

Now say this statement, “I am going to heal and develop every part of me that hands power away whilst accepting painful relationships to try to get love, approval, security or survival. I declare I am going to heal and become my OWN true Source directly with My Higher Power and the healthy components of Life. Never again will I accept a False Source into my life.”

How does that feel in your body? I want you to really feel what is going on for you, inside you.

Please pause this video and post your response below, after feeling your answer.

In my book, You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse, I share the nine main susceptibilities that I believe make us targets and food for narcissists. Today, I want to share with you 5 of these main susceptibilities. These are really big, and it’s not negotiable to ignore them if you want toxic people to stop hurting you.

 

#1 Unhealed Existing Trauma

A susceptibility is if you have already existing unhealed trauma from previous abuse. I know this has been the case for many of us, in fact all of us, until we clean it up.

Within our subconscious are the programs on every topic, as a literal powerplant manufacturing approximately 95% of our entire life by the time we are around 30 years of age (according to neuroscientist Bruce Lipton).  If your Beingness is that of an unhealed abuse victim, you will unconsciously seek out and be with more of the same.

This is the way that our unhealed wounds get our attention, by projecting their energy out into The Field (Life) which then draws to us exactly the evidence of what is unhealed within us. The inner creates the outer always. And the outer is the manifestation in the seen world of Life and our soul in concert making conscious what has been unconscious, in the unseen world, so that we can go to it, release it, and live free of it.

Don’t we all know a person who has never done the inner work, and no matter how lovely they are, just keeps meeting their same patterns with a different face? I was one of these people too! Maybe that’s also your story.

 

#2 Lack of Boundaries

Point blank, if you self-abandon your inner being when you know you need to speak up, you will people please, go along with other people’s versions of life, and try to make the unhealthy deals of ‘giving to get’ (narcissists love cashing in on this) to try to get your needs met.

By not speaking your truth and living aligned with it, you have automatically positioned yourself as a victim to life, instead of a healthy generator of it. This was huge for all of us, handing our power away, going along, walking on broken glass and trying to have unhealthy people look after us, instead of looking after ourselves.

Like so many of us, I used to have total inner terror about saying my truth. I was deeply embodying the traumas of the fear of CRAP (criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment) and you can add to the A in there also the fear of annihilation. I literally couldn’t think straight or put two words together when I needed to look after me. I know so many of you are the same, and I promise you this makes us absolutely susceptible to narcissists.

Narcissists will push and nudge our boundaries bit by bit to see what they can get away with. And to our absolute distress, we discover our levels of tolerance to abuse are huge because of these unhealed previous traumas, and our inability to have healthy boundaries. Of course, we hope that someone else will look after them for us, but guess what? That doesn’t happen, we don’t get rocks to protect us, we get hammers that smash us until we heal and look after these boundaries ourselves. My NARP Program is all about healing and reversing these traumas, as well as all the ones that make us susceptible to narcissistic abuse.

 

#3 You Believe You Have to Earn Love and Approval

Narcissists can sniff this a mile away because it means they can twist it back on you and you will keep jumping through the hoops that get higher and higher trying to prove to the narcissist that you are a decent person who does have integrity.

Simultaneously the narcissist behaves atrociously getting away with all sorts, blaming you for it and you stay attached trying to change their idea about you, hoping they will finally treat you like a human being instead of like a piece of trash.

Can you see how twisted this is and how much it keeps us in the game? That is until we learn the vital Quantum lesson, so within so without, ‘the only person who needs to think well about me is me, and then all of life that is healthy will follow’. Meaning, ‘I won’t give a damn if someone else doesn’t, and I will easily attract and sustain relationships with people who mirror back what I already think about myself.’

The way we heal this one is to go back, find and release our original traumas (which NARP does) where we suffered conditional love, and felt like we weren’t worthy of love unless we made other people feel a certain way about us. In short, we may have never felt good enough to be loved, regardless of what we did or didn’t do for people. This is a terrible inner identity recipe to get hooked into narcissists.

 

#4 You Have a Heightened Need for Security

If you are over responsible and capable and need order, sensibility and security in your life, you may be used to cleaning up other people’s disasters and poor behaviour so that you can feel safe. The old original programs for this (which I promise you are underneath this incredibly painful co-dependent pattern) are things like:  ‘You are sick and unhinged, but if I make you better, then I can survive.’

Can you see how dangerous this is with narcissists? If we are like this, we are like honey to toxic bees.  We stay attached to them whilst they do all sorts of loose and unaccountable behaviour (narcissists are a law to themselves), and we go into overdrive trying to keep authorities from the door, the roof over our heads and the issues from escalating.

It’s not until we pull away and start healing this terrible compulsion within us that we stop doing that, hooking up with ridiculous out-of-control people, rather than generating our own solid, healthy life in co-creation with other real, genuine and healthy people.

 

#5 You Are Really Hard on Yourself

I want you to be very clear about this, that the following is an old and false platitude: ‘People treat us how we treat them.’ No, they don’t, they treat us how we treat ourselves!

It’s Quantum Law. There is no outside. If you treat yourself with criticism, disdain and contempt, that is how people will see you and relate to you too, especially the key people in your life.

Be clear, narcissists are narcissists. They behave like they do because of their unmet, unhealed inner trauma that they have no desire to resolve, and they are not magically going to be nice to you, once you heal your relationship with yourself.

Rather, you will no longer accept treatment from anyone beneath the level of love and support that you have established with yourself.

It’s like being a healthy person who no longer has any attraction to junk food. It’s just not you anymore.  You just don’t choose it or participate. And you no longer kid yourself that a greasy burger is all of sudden going to become a healthy buffet. Narcissists will be firmly off your menu and really repulsive to you.

Can you see how cleaning these 5 susceptibilities up (there is so much more about this in my book as well) would change everything about your inner relationship code, which is who you are attracted to who, who finds you attractive and how you show up with people?

I promise you narcissists pick their targets. They sense and sniff out people who are people pleasers, stuck in previous traumas, hand their power way and are over responsible and acting out co-dependent fixer behaviours.

These are the people they can attach to, mine and abuse.

When you heal, uplevel and clean this up, not only will you become a boundary boss you will also be a radiant beast who has no fear of anyone anymore because you know all you have to do is be yourself!  And, if that doesn’t fly with certain people, so be it! For every false door that closes, two true ones open, I promise you!

That is how spiritual, Quantum compensation works!

So, if this powerfully resonates with you, and I know with a lot of you it will, let’s get started… right here by connecting to my free 16-day deep inner healing course which includes a healing workshop with the super-tool Quanta Freedom Healing, a set of comprehensive eBooks and so much more.

And, if you want to see more videos make sure you like and subscribe, so you get notified as soon as each new video is released.

So, until next time, keep smiling, keep healing and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do.

 

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The Best Way To Find Closure From Narcissists

The Best Way To Find Closure From Narcissists

 

If you have ever tried to get closure with a narcissist, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Trying to get a ‘sorry’ is ridiculously impossible …

Remorse is not forthcoming … and,

Making amends is unheard of.

Unless of course, the narcissist has no other option other than to appear accountable (for their own agenda).

However … as we all so disastrously discovered, the remorse and proclamations to change simply don’t hold weight.

Rather, everything goes back to ‘narcissistic business a usual’ very quickly.

And, of course, we may want to hold the narcissist accountable ourselves, through people we jointly know, or authorities, or even by hoping karma enters the scene and delivers the narcissist’s just deserts …

Yet even THAT doesn’t seem to happen!

Today, I want to talk to you about another way to get closure … The Quantum Way that will finally grant you EXACTLY what you need to be released from what happened, gain peace and resolution and move on.

 

 

Video Transcript

I remember a very funny meme that I once shared that went gangbusters. You may know it, it’s a picture of a skeleton sitting on a park bench with the caption ‘Waiting for a narcissist to apologise’.

It’s hilarious and so true if you are wanting a genuine apology, remorse and atonement for the horrible things that narcissists do, the obscene conscienceless behaviour and pathological lies and deception that they are famous for, then you will be waiting an eternity.

There is zero closure to be had directly from the narcissist and don’t be fooled if eventually you do get an apology, because when you reconnect with the narcissist you will discover that not only was the misdeed never truly recognised and significant to them at all, but also the same behaviour continues. You were simply being told what you wanted to hear for the narcissist’s agenda.

If we have got past believing, hoping or wishing for the narcissist to be genuinely accountable, which is a HUGE relief when we do, I still strongly advise against getting trapped into wanting justice to be served.

Meaning, either the narcissist be held accountable by family and friends or the law, or for karma to strike him or her down with the rightful payback of what they did to you.

 

Handing Your Power Away

Trying to hold a narcissist accountable via outside forces is a step up from clinging to the narcissist, lecturing, prescribing and trying to force them to get it.  However, it still means that your life will be on hold. It means that you are stuck in the illusion of conditional living which is: ‘The quality and capacity to generate and create my life is reliant on conditions outside of me.’

This is a direct contradiction to Quantum Law, so within, so without, which is THIS personal truth for all of us: ‘I have the power to unfold my life from inside of me, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing’.

If we do stay stuck in trying to get the narcissist to validate our experience by apologising and atoning, then as understandable as this is, what we are REALLY saying is: ‘My life experience is now in your hands. I can’t go on healthily until you repair what you have done.’

Now please don’t mistake me, in an ideal world YES, people should do this. They should understand how they have hurt people, have a conscience and do whatever they can to repair that hurt.

But, do we live in a world where this was a part of our childhood curriculum? Were humans taught the fundaments of emotional intelligence in the important foundational years where most of all our human programming took place, and how to honour our inner beings and then the inner beings of others healthily from a very young age?

No! Maths, spelling, grades and sport were deemed more important. And, we live in a world where acquisitions and superficiality are focused on and revered, not the way we treat ourselves and others. If we want to jump down and get all righteous about the way people should be awake and treat others, we are doing that on the wrong planet. That’s our powerless, victimisation talking and no one in that model is happy because they are continually disappointed by people’s unconscious behaviour and lack of accountability. (I know this for a fact because I used to be one of them!)

Narcissists are unconscious, it’s all about what they are or aren’t getting and their hurt, no one else’s. They hold everyone else responsible for needing to grant them what they want, to try to feel okay, whilst they operate with their thoughtless, conscienceless behaviour towards others. The narcissist doesn’t take responsibility for their own hurt, let alone the hurt they inflict on you.

How can they when they refuse to recognise and heal their own?

Of course, when someone violates us, it can hurt. It especially hurts when we are holding another person responsible for our own levels of self-love, approval, security and survival. It can feel intensely personal, because this surfaces our deepest wounds, fears and insecurities: such as ‘You didn’t love me’, ‘You lied to me’, ‘You cheated on me’, ‘You deceived me’, ‘You treated me cruelly’, or whatever it is that hurts us so much.

When we are in our own lack of self-partnering and not being these commodities to ourselves, the terrible feelings equate to, ‘This means I must be unlovable and can’t have what is real and true, or live a kind and decent life.’

When we have assigned someone else as the keeper and provider of our identity, and they are not supplying the goods, of course, we feel traumatised and out of control. We feel like we need to make them change, step up and stop doing what hurts and take away our hurt.

This all equates to disastrously handing our power away.

What you want to feel, which is ‘whole’, is never going to come from a false source who doesn’t even have the capacity to be real or whole within him or herself.

Your suffering can’t stop if this is where you are. It means that you have not yet stepped into your true power, which is being an unlimited being, able to harness and create with the entire unlimited potential of your life experience.

 

Growing Up Your Unhealed Parts

Can you understand what these powerless and dependent feelings are really about? They are about feeling like a child on the inside, trying to get a person (metaphoric parent) to grant us what we need to be whole. As children, it was so, so true that if we didn’t have someone loving us safely, kindly and honestly, we couldn’t feel lovable, kindly treated and safe. And we were mega-dependent because we didn’t have the resources yet to ‘be’ and co-generate these things ourselves.

However, as an adult, we can consciously choose to do the inner work, the reprogramming inside our own inner identity. We can realise that once the trauma is inside our own inner being that only we can choose to be responsible for healing it and that no-one else can do this for us.

People can help show us how to do this, but ultimately this was always about establishing a healthy, whole, loving relationship between us and ourselves, as the template for every relationship we then accept and create going forward.

This inner work is exactly what myself and others achieved though Quanta Freedom Healing in the NARP Program.

I promise you, personally if I hadn’t, I would be that skeleton waiting on the park bench for the narcissist to make amends. There is no way I could have gone on and had the life I do.

When we commit to the inner work, we shift into the understanding that 100% we accept that with this person we can’t have a safe, kind and honest relationship. It’s just not possible, because the sanctity of ourselves, and our emotions and identity aren’t respected and honoured. Yet we can become these things to ourselves and then cogenerate them with healthy others and life opportunities.

As kids, we couldn’t leave the parent who was not conscious enough to help our inner identities grow up healthily, but as adults, we can leave the metaphoric parent damaging us this time.

Make no mistake, the hallmarks of narcissistic abuse are unacceptable. Things like pathological lying, conscienceless behaviour, and inability to recognise your feelings and needs and apologise for bad behaviour or make amends. These are all intensely damaging behaviours to be around, that destroy the sanctity, the trust and respect of relationships, as well as your relationship with yourself.

When we do the inner work on our young childhood wounds, those unhealed parts that didn’t feel whole, safe and loved, we no longer take other people’s unconscious behaviour personally. Instead, we recognise they don’t have the capacity to be healthy, and we are relieved to have got the lesson and the healing from them.

Now, we are deeply invested in our own growth and development, expanding into life in glorious ways, able to generate with who and what is healthy and leave alone who and what isn’t.  It’s such a relief to no longer be putting our pearls in front of swine to be smashed.

Then, we stop being dependent on unhealthy others, trying to force them to take away our pain and grant us our wholeness, because we already have it. We are fully emancipated when we no longer try to change broken, unconscious people into whole people so that we can finally feel loved and safe. We already are our own life raft; we are no longer clinging on to them to try to stop drowning.

The intense wake-up call of narcissistic abuse drives us to do that inner work because it’s too painful not to do it.

Then we have stepped in personal truth and our healthy alignment where we can bless and let go of abusive people, keep releasing and healing our wounds and become more and more of a match for the people and situations who do represent our True Selves.

The truest closure we can even have with a narcissist is this: ‘I don’t need any closure from you at all, because I am now lovingly self-partnered and being my True Source generating my own life. ‘

I want this for all of us, and I can help you anchor into this power and truth, just as myself and so many others have achieved. You can get started today, by signing up to my free 16-day deep inner healing course which includes a healing workshop with the super-tool Quanta Freedom Healing, a set of comprehensive eBooks and so much more. To access these, just click the link on the top right of this video.

 

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