Cognitive Dissonance – How Narcissistic Trauma Bonding Creates It

Cognitive Dissonance – How Narcissistic Trauma Bonding Creates It

 

You may or may not know what Cognitive Dissonance really is.

It is the confusion of having justifications for staying bonded to somebody who is hurting us.

In other words, emotionally it is feeling horrific to stay, yet you find that you are under the spell of the narcissist no matter how badly he or she is treating you.

Many people don’t understand the real truth about why Cognitive Dissonance takes place, or the real reasons for it.

That’s what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about, explaining to you exactly why you are stuck in Cognitive Dissonance, and how to break free from it forever.

 

 

Video Transcript

Trauma bonding is a narcissistic abuse phenomenon. It makes it incredibly difficult to break away from somebody who is hurting us.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Why would we stay with somebody who is really bad for us and who is ripping our life and soul apart?

How have we been able to reconcile and justify what is happening to us, in order to stay?

The reason that we do this is because we are suffering from Cognitive Dissonance.

And today I can explain to you what that REALLY means in this Thriver TV episode.

But before we get into the truth about why we stay attached, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission.

And, if you agree with my philosophies, and haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love you to please do so, and please also pass my videos on to those in need.

Okay, so now let’s do a deep dive into what Cognitive Dissonance really is.

 

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

Cognitive Dissonance means we are experiencing two opposing ideas that are creating confusion.

A simple example of this would be the thoughts of, “I want to stay home and relax, but I’d really like to meet up with friends tonight”.

In the case of narcissistic abuse, an example of Cognitive Dissonant thoughts could go like this, “He/she is so abusive. I need to leave to save myself” with “He/she is only behaving like this because of a horrible childhood. I should stay and fix this”.

The Cognitive Dissonance creates the excuses for not pulling away and taking care of ourselves.

Other forms of Cognitive Dissonance can be “reasons” such as, “I know this relationship is meant to be, and I am going to stay and see it through” or worse still, “He really is a great guy, it’s me with all the problems, and I know I make him act like this” or “If I love him enough, I know I can heal him” or “I’m the only person that truly understands her. I can’t leave her, it’s my duty to stay and love her with everything I have”.

We decide to make our choices aligned with these reasons, even though our Inner Being is screaming “Wrong Town! I am breaking down!”

Why do we do this?

Why do we go with a version of truth in our head rather than listen to our emotions which are the Soul Truth of our entire life?

Because we are trauma bonded.

What does that mean?

Let’s investigate.

 

The Real Truth About Trauma Bonding

I have written a great deal about trauma bonding in the past, and there are so many ways that the narcissist behaves, which trigger us into our unhealed histories and insecurities and hook us into trying to resolve them with the person who is hurting us.

You can read more about trauma bonding here (Trauma Bonding – Is It Love Or Something Else).

Yet, when we get deeply underneath all of this, we understand the bottom line of what is really going on. It’s to do with our subconscious belief systems in relation to any topic in our life. These are the driving force of our life that hooks us up with the people, situations and events that exactly match those beliefs.

If our Inner Identity holds the belief, as a result of a traumatic past, generational wounds or painful and devastating childhoods and future adult relationships, of “Love hurts” or “The people who love me leave me/replace me/invalidate me/annihilate me” (and the list goes on and on) then this is what we continue to experience in our life.

Narcissists are famous for delivering this.

And of course, understandably, we have also formed the Inner Identity beliefs of, “I am not worth loving”, “There must be something wrong with me”, “I am incapable of getting love or my life right”. So naturally, we continue going through this over and over again.

Neuroscientists now know that our subconscious controls 40 billion bits of information per second throughout our entire systems, whereas our logical mind only controls 40 bits per second.

What do you think is pulling the strings of your life? Your almighty subconscious or your conscious thoughts?

Okay, so at this point, you may be wondering what all of this has to do with trauma bonding and Cognitive Dissonance?

Well, everything!

Your mind will come up with all the excuses and justifications to create the validity of the traumatic program.

The brain, with its limited power, defaults to agree with the powerhouse of the already existing subconscious programs.

As revolutionary neuroscientist, Dr. Joe Dispenza says, “The brain follows the body always”.

 

How Do You Escape Trauma Bonding and Cognitive Dissonance?

I will share with you how I achieved this.

I completely embraced that the Inner Belief systems I had in relation to love and relationships were filled with pain. All of my life I had felt unloved, unlovable and unworthy of love.

And of course, I’d been attempting to cover this up. I’d been trying to be worthy of love with all my might, by trying to be what I needed to be for others to love me.

Additionally, I realised that I had been making the excuses and justifications to stay with people who hurt me, and I tried to change and fix them, rather than let go and heal myself.

To rectify this, once and for all, I knew my life going forward had to be an inside job.

It was all between me and me. Focusing on anybody else was not going to give me my emancipation from this.

Most people, before understanding the deeper truths, when attempting to heal from Cognitive Dissonance try to address the problem at a level that it doesn’t exist.

They try to do it logically. The problem exists in the subconscious, not in the cognitive mind.

The issue is not the thoughts that are the “reasons” you are staying attached. These thoughts are a symptom of what is going on in the subconscious programs. Unless the subconscious programs are addressed, the thoughts will keep coming back, because the brain is following the body.

It doesn’t matter how much we talk, research and even get cognitive therapy, we may be able to hold healthier decisions for a short amount of time, yet the powerhouse of the 40 billion bits per second will have its way.

A deep shift has to happen on the inside of you, within your Inner Identity, and then your brain will follow.

Are you having the epiphany yet about why you are coming up with reasons and justifications for staying attached, or breaking no contact, or trying to go in and get accountability even though you know you can’t? Despite knowing how much extra pain it brings every time you do it?

Is it becoming clear to you what is really going on deep within you beneath the level of your conscious understanding?

If you really do get it now, I want you to stop this video and write below, “Bingo! I get it!”

That’s essential if you are going to break free from this.

You can’t know the following that I’m about to share with you, until you get to the other side of this, but I promise you it is true.

Organically, without these traumas, you are a whole, self-generative, self-honouring person who would no sooner be connected to painful and traumatic love, than a health-conscious person would eat a greasy hamburger.

I hope that this has truly helped.

Okay, so if you have had enough of the pain, and you know it’s your time to become healthy on the inside, then that’s precisely the healing work I provide.

All you need to do to get started is click this link. 

And, if you enjoyed this video please give it a like, and share with people who you know are stuck in justifications that are keeping them bonded with people who are hurting them.

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Your Biggest Breakdowns Are Your Biggest Lessons

Your Biggest Breakdowns Are Your Biggest Lessons

Believing there are ‘lessons’ to be learned from narcissistic abuse can appear to be controversial and unlikely for some people.

I used to be horrified about believing that there was ANY lesson for me in my times of terrible breakdowns.

However, when I discovered and decided to fully embrace my lesson I was able to mine the gold out of the deepest darkest time of my life.

It is my greatest wish that the information in this video can start to do the same for you too.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today’s Thriver TV episode is a truth bomb that I know can really help you.

It’s about understanding that your biggest breakdowns are in fact your biggest lessons. And I know that you may be opposed to the word “lessons” in this context.

But lessons learned are so worth it. They deliver us to a truly loving and prosperous life.

And that’s exactly what today’s TTV episode is all about.

But before we get started on this, thank you if you have subscribed to my channel. And if you haven’t yet, then please do, to become involved in supporting the Thriver Mission.

Alright, so let’s get going on today’s lesson about why our breakdowns are such incredibly valuable lessons.

 

The True Questions

When we don’t understand the lesson (a.k.a. the gift of the experience that we’re going through) we are stuck in questions of, “How can somebody do this?” and “How can somebody be so terrible?” But I really want you to know any question which is about “them” and is looking “out there” is not going to grant you salvation, healing or your breakthrough.

I have shared Pema Chodron’s famous quote so many times, “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know”.

Narcissistic abuse is the total experience of being in the bowels of hell, rolling around with our greatest fears and traumas feeling completely powerless and paralysed. Usually, when we try to fight back and get out of it, we find that it doesn’t work.

The narcissist escalates their behaviour. We are shocked to discover that authorities and even family and friends can’t and don’t help us. In fact, it seems like everywhere we turn the narcissist is defeating us.

Our souls and lives are being ripped to shreds.

Yet, if you start to embrace the wisdom of Pema Chodron, you will enter a dimension of a higher truth – that at a Soul level this was meant to be.

And a release from this situation will only come for you when you have learned the lesson.

How do we know what the lesson is?

The lesson can only be revealed as a result of self-partnering.

When you take your focus off the narcissist and turn inwards and self-enquire with a question such as this, “What feelings are triggering me now that represent the parts of myself that I haven’t yet healed?”

Another way to term this question is, “What trauma is this person bringing up for me, that I have previously experienced in my life?”

This question is also powerful … “As an adult I can be responsible for my own Soul and Life. Therefore, why am I still handing away my power to others so that they may grant me love, approval, security and safety?”

I know it’s really scary to look at this stuff.

At first, when I was deeply victimised, I was horrified by any questions like these, because there was no way I wanted to think I needed healing because clearly, he was the one who was completely disordered.

But what I learned, on my life-and-near death journey, was that trying to force him to be accountable or obtain justice for what he had done to me, wasn’t happening, and my efforts weren’t healing me or granting me a fabulous life.

They just kept me so stuck in the trauma that it was nearly killing me.

And I was to discover that this was EXACTLY how it was meant to be.

It was only when I let go of trying to do all of that and turned inwards to self-partner that I connected with the only power in the situation – knowing the only person I could heal and change was me.

Once orientated in this essential partnering with self, I started to come out of complete desecration and move towards profound healing. Even more incredibly than I ever believed was possible.

Why?

Because I was embracing the lesson in my breakdown.

Which was … this is happening FOR me and not TO me, to help me understand the parts of myself that I deeply need to self-partner with and heal.

 

Your Breakdown is Your Signal

In a world of fear and judgement, we have been conditioned to traumatise ourselves even more during the traumatic times of our breakdowns.

Rather than embracing them, to hear what they have to teach us, we try to do everything to self-avoid our painful feelings, leading to our own precarious self-abandonment.

I love these analogies which I have shared often – if you had a car and its engine was grinding you wouldn’t just keep driving it and pretend it’s not happening. Doing so would be at the peril of your motor dying.

If you had a roof that was leaking you wouldn’t ignore it, because your whole roof could cave in and destroy all of your home and belongings.

Yet, when we start to feel painful emotions and go through difficult and tumultuous experiences with others, we don’t go to the root of the problem.

Let’s go back to the car. Depending on the problem, something in the engine may need adjusting, or even replacing.

In regards to the roof, it may need some serious reinforcement so that it can have integrity again.

Identically, when we receive the signals of our painful emotions, we may have inner beliefs that require adjusting or even replacing, so that we don’t continue being enmeshed with people who hurt us.

And, it may be time to get very clear about our rights, values and limits and lay powerful boundaries which say, “No more!”

Yet, our human conditioning has been about missing the lesson. It’s been about wrestling with people and trying to change and fix them and force them into being the people who will make us feel safe, loved and happy.

By looking out at the narcissist and learning all about him or her, and not doing anything about addressing the lesson you are meant to learn for yourself, your own evolution and consequent relief is impossible.

What is the Lesson?

This is the lesson that myself and so many other Thrivers have embraced; to ultimately have a direct path through to our emancipation, liberation and freedom from abuse as well as all of the horrible symptoms that go with it, mentally, emotionally, directly and financially.

“This actually isn’t about you. You were only a catalyst. It’s about me. It’s about me becoming a self-generative force whereby I can now finally self-partner, release and heal myself. By releasing the trauma of you and my previous experiences, as well as the false beliefs that have been impregnated within me regarding myself, life and others, I will become a whole person regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing. Then I will no longer choose or remain with people in my life who don’t add to my self-generative wholeness. I will let them go and allow them to live life according to their own beliefs and truth. And I will be free to choose and participate with the people and situations who will add to my already established wholeness.”

That’s the entire lesson of narcissistic abuse.

 

How Bad Does it Have to Get?

Our soul has one grand purpose. To evolve us. To bring us home to Love and Truth. Which means releasing us from the trauma that is the human condition so that we can claim our True Self and True Life.

When you become Who You Really Are (living your life with reduced trauma) you naturally know how to generate your life in a way that works.

Our Soul and Life, acting in concert are always ingeniously generating the validity of our present existing beliefs, and supplying us with the evidence of those as per our emotions and real life events.

In essence, as Buddha famously said, “If you want to know what is going on in your inner world, look at your outer world”.

When you self-partner and go inwards to do the deep Quantum reprogramming of your Inner Being, you will start to understand that it is the painful and funky feelings on any topic in your life that are letting you know that your inner programming isn’t aligned with what you really want.

It means that you have sustained traumas that are still wedged within you, on these topics.

If we have taken on or experienced trauma in our past lives, generational histories, childhoods and as adults (they are in repeat if unhealed) then we will have absorbed the emotional beliefs of, “love equals pain”, “the people who love me hurt me”, “I am not good enough to be loved” and so much more.

These emotional beliefs generate the validity of themselves to the letter. We will choose and be chosen by the people and situations that represent them.

And this hurts, profoundly. We are ripping these traumas open over and over again and adding to them. They become increasingly compounded and toxic until we reach our breakdown.

Which is exactly what narcissistic abuse is – the highest lesson to let us know that it’s time to heal.

For myself personally, I didn’t turn inwards and start self-partnering until I nearly died. I was left with only the last bit of my Life Force. That’s how bad it got for me. It’s my greatest desire and mission to help other people turn inwards to heal before it gets to that point.

Because it’s not easy to come back from that.

 

How to Apply the Lesson

The first step is to accept that this is happening “for” you and not “to” you. This is the opportunity to let go of the false person and false life that you have been living with him or her.

Your subconscious is a powerful generator that organises the trillions of chemical and electrical processes in your body that keep you healthy and alive. These are things that your logical brain can’t comprehend let alone execute.

It’s important to understand that this almighty powerhouse is directing your life, beneath the conscious surface of what you know as your reality. Your connections, attractions, interactions, and manifestations are a direct hit of your inner belief systems, on any given topic.

There truly is nothing else to do, if you want to heal for real, other than face and release every inner part of you that is inflicted with the beliefs that match the trauma this person is bringing to your life.

The absolute truth is this – the narcissist is the living evidence of your already existing internal traumas.

I want you to know that being impregnated with trauma is not your fault.

It’s an unfortunate, sad and brutal part of the human experience. Our ancestors carried an enormous amount of trauma. We were brought up by people who were still holding onto their own unresolved trauma. As children, we had no resources to be able to release ourselves from trauma, let alone extricate ourselves from the people who delivered it to us.

But as adults, we can take power back. We can accept the lesson. We can make good of it.

We can fight the good fight.

We can emerge victorious from these old breakdowns, by taking the lesson and turning it into the grandest newest breakthrough that we’ve ever experienced.

And we can lead the way for others and our future generations to do so as well.

The following is the glory of this lesson – one person at a time, we can heal, and change humanity in our world.

And, now, as a result of Quantum Tools, it is totally possible for us to do so. No longer does healing from narcissistic abuse have to take years or decades. We have a straight-line path to be able to achieve it now.

If this episode deeply resonates with you, I can put you in direct contact with how to actualise your breakthrough today.

You can do this by clicking this link.

So, to sign off, I hope that this truth today, as hard as it is, has helped truly set you free.

And as always I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How Do Narcissists Treat Their New Supply?

How Do Narcissists Treat Their New Supply?

 

When a narcissist replaces you, it may be so excruciatingly painful that you feel like you’re going to die.

You may wonder, “Are they in love?”

And, “Is it possible for them to have a successful relationship together?”

This Thriver TV episode will grant you some much-needed relief, truth, and perspective about all of this as you discover the real truth of how a narcissist will treat the new supply.

 

 

Video Transcript

It is so painful, initially, to be replaced.

Excruciatingly painful!

It may even be so painful that you feel like you are dying. I promise you I understand, I’ve been there!

And, of course, you may be agonising wondering how the narcissist is treating the new Supply. Are they happy as a couple? Is there a possibility that this relationship can really work?

I’m going to answer these questions and many more in today’s Thriver TV episode.

But before I do, I’d like to thank you if you have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, please do. And if you enjoy this video please remember to click the like button.

Alright, let’s dive into today’s episode.

 

The Honeymoon Period

Narcissists love bomb.

In the pursuit of narcissistic supply, narcissists are over the top. They get off on exclamations of desire, piling on the compliments, and incredible gestures of care and gifts.

From the outside, it can appear to be about “love” or even “infatuation”. Infatuation is definitely a lot closer to the mark than love, yet the reason why narcissists go after new Supply so convincingly is not at all romantic.

It’s purely about securing an object to self-medicate with.

I know that this can be a bitter pill to swallow, yet it’s very helpful to understand the truth of what our relationship with the narcissist was, to not have any envy about their future relationship(s).

It’s not personal – the way that narcissists objectify people as a source of supply. It’s not because these people are unlovable, rather it is because the narcissist is not capable of genuine love.

Genuine love is not about securing people as a supply source to be used. Genuine love, from one healthy adult to another, is about sharing power and love and granting care, affection and love without an agenda.

As beautiful and attentive and caring as the narcissist appears to be, there is a deep, dark agenda attached, which is, “you are being groomed so that I can secure you in order to prop up my False Self and help me survive my inner gnawing emptiness. You mean no more than this.”

Yes, things can look incredible between a new loved-up narcissistic couple on social media, and even from what you hear via other people. And the narcissist may cruelly tell you how in love they are with this new person.

But it will only be for a certain period of time.

Many people like to keep up pretences. Certainly, narcissists live within fictitious scripts, and even partners of narcissists are usually in denial of how things have switched and become so awful. They were so convinced and convincing of others that this person was their “soul-mate” that it becomes hugely shameful to admit that this is not the case.

Before you go through your Thriver Healing journey, you may stalk the two of them on social media, or ask other people about them, trying to find out if their relationship is working or if the cracks have appeared.

I want you to know from the bottom of my heart the following: there is no salvation or healing in this pursuit.

It is complete and utter Wrong Town, that will keep you stuck in the trauma and won’t allow you to be released from it.

The irony is, no physical or logical evidence is going to give you relief from this. The only relief that comes is from your healing within yourself, to find, release and reprogram the original wounds within you that have been keeping you trauma bonded to the narcissist.

It’s also really important to find and release and reprogram the extreme trauma that goes with being replaced.

One day, this is exactly the path the new Supply will need to take for his or her own healing. Because this person is extremely likely to be discarded and replaced just as you were.

It’s quite incredible, how in this community, there have been Thrivers narcissistically abused by the same narcissist, who are now wonderful friends within the community healing with NARP!

 

The Fall From Grace

This is how it goes with all narcissists and their new partners – the initial honeymoon period of love bombing idealisation starts to crack.

You see, at the beginning, the narcissist childishly declares that this person is the “best thing since sliced bread”. He or she to the narcissist is the shiniest, most incredible new Supply. This feeds the narcissist’s ego monstrously, granting them a massive hit of narcissistic supply.

But this is not based in reality. Sooner or later this person is not going to fulfil the narcissist’s insecure ego continually. When the high levels of initial narcissistic supply start to decrease, the narcissist will start feeling the familiar feelings of inner anxiety and rage again.

Narcissists always project these self-annihilating inner feelings onto somebody else and make them that person’s fault. Intimate love partners are common targets. They are also easy targets when the narcissist has secured this person as narcissistic supply. We hang around for the abuse.

So, just as it happened to you, the new partner is going to start becoming terribly confused and shocked when this previously “perfect” and “adorable” person starts to get sullen, moody and even inappropriate with their behaviour and comments.

This is the beginning of the devaluing cycle. And, as soon as the new partner starts to question it, not bow to it, and no longer grants the compliments, admiration, sex or adoration that they previously were supplying, the “iffy” comments will escalate to becoming more severe and devastating, and even lead into the discard phase.

The narcissist may say that he or she is having second thoughts. Or withdraw the commitment. Or choose some other action, display or tactic to create incredible fear and confusion for the new source of supply.

The narcissist may even decide to punish the new Supply by trying to hook up with you, the old Supply, and create a horrible triangulation situation.

All of this is incredibly common. In fact, it is usual for narcissists to do this. Don’t take it as a compliment if he or she hasn’t done this. It’s certainly not a compliment to be treated as an object for somebody’s self-serving soulless agendas, just as it is not a compliment to be used as a punishment tool against somebody else at whim, only to be discarded again.

 

The Cycle of Violence

Drama is what narcissistic relationships are all about.

The more compliant and gentle the new supply is, the less drama will be visible to all. However, the drama will still take place. The more triggered and reactionary the new Supply is, the more the cracks will be apparent, and the relationship is likely to go through many breakups as well as many episodes of reuniting.

That is until the new Supply is completely clear and free of any desire or compulsion to reconnect with the narcissist, or the narcissist has mined them to the point of complete brokenness and decided that there is nothing more to gain.

The same goes for all narcissistic relationships.

Even if the partner is quiet and compliant and keeping the home fires burning while the narcissist is being a narcissist, which means being selfish, loose, unaccountable and reckless, the narcissist is still likely to take them through the cycles of idealisation, devalue and discard.

Idealisation happens when the new Supply is leaving or has had enough, and the narcissist needs to hoover him or her back into the relationship to retain narcissistic supply. Such as for the convenience of what this person does for them – providing the veneer of the perfect life or to keep paying the bills and mopping up the messes, etc.

Or, the narcissist is charming them in order to manipulate them into handing something over.

Further into the relationship, the devaluing happens virtually at all other times, when not needing to idealise. This is because the narcissist is constantly suffering the horrific inner emotional traumas regarding themselves, needing to project them onto the new Supply.

Then the discarding happens to punish the new Supply for not appeasing the False Self adequately (which of course is impossible to do).

The discarding could even be done on the side, allowing the narcissist to feel vindicated for being treated “so badly”, by taking lovers, prostitutes, or seeking sexual supply from past partners or even friends of the new Supply.

The new Supply may know nothing about this.

And, to the outside world, all may seem well.

Unless you are living within the four walls of their homes, you really have no idea how other people’s lives are actually going.

 

Your Healing In All of This

You may be focusing much of your energy on what is going on between the narcissist and the new Supply. I understand this. Before my Thriver Healing journey I did this myself.

The trauma from this is horrific. If you are honest with yourself you know how rank this feels in your body. You know how much this is draining your life force and making it almost impossible for you to function.

When the traumas in your body are screaming at you, they’re telling you that you are adding to them and not healing them.

I promise you this … when you let go, and take on your healing journey with NARP, you will start to emerge from this with incredible relief and know there is nothing here to envy.

No money, lifestyle or even privileges are worth anyone’s soul being desecrated.

The love that you thought you should have received, that possibly this person is now getting from the narcissist, does not exist!

There is nothing real to gain or have!

And please know, you are further along your evolutionary path than the new Supply. You are in the prime position to turn inwards and heal, so that you can claim your True Self and True Life.

The new Supply still has to wait for this relationship to finally blow up into pieces that simply cannot be put back together, or to drag themselves out of there shaking and quaking and barely alive.

Or, they stay, and get their soul sucked out of them.

The best thing you can do for you, and for all people who have been through narcissistic abuse, is to claim your healing, and become a shining force of inspiration for those who are still stuck, if they seek you out.

Which is exactly what myself and other Thrivers in this community do.

I hope that this has helped and inspired you to heal for real from this.

If this video has helped grant you relief, I’d love to hear from you about how it has helped, by pausing this video and writing to me below.

So, if you have had enough of the agony of wondering about the narcissist and the new Supply and going through the crippling feelings of that, it could be time for you to start healing with NARP.

You can check out NARP by clicking this link.

I really hope that this video has given you the hope that there is a way to get out of this trauma.

So, if you enjoyed this video, please hit the like button. And remember to share it with people who you know are terrorised by the narcissist moving on to a new partner.

If you would like to be notified each time I release a new video, please remember to subscribe.

And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Life With The Narcissist Was Never Meant To Be

Life With The Narcissist Was Never Meant To Be

 

Ending a relationship with the narcissist can be devastating for your heart and soul.

I completely understand, because once upon a time, I felt this pain so significantly that I thought I would never recover.

The reason was that I was completely convinced that this relationship was meant to be – it wasn’t! Today, I know a completely different truth.

A truth, that ended up being even more gratifying, fulfilling and incredibly revolutionary for me.

I hope that the information that I share with you, will help set you free into relief, and your power and glory as well.

 

 

Video Transcript

I know that being with the narcissist can feel so right!

And, the struggle in these relationships is so gut-wrenching and confusing, because this person feels “so meant to be”.

Yet, I promise you that this is NOT the truth.

And, rather than this being such a devastation and disappointment to you, it is my deepest wish that today’s Thriver TV episode brings you incredible relief and freedom instead.

As well as the power to be able to let go and move on into your True Self and Life.

Okay, so before I get into this really important information, I’d like to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver mission. And remind you, if you haven’t yet done so, please do. Also, make sure that if you like this video that you give it a thumbs up.

Okay, so now let’s get started on this episode.

 

Why Does the Bond Feel “So Right”?

In many ways, the connection in the journey with the narcissist was meant to be (I’ll explain more about this later) … but this doesn’t mean that this person was supposed to LAST in your life.

It also doesn’t mean that you were meant to succeed in creating a healthy, happy and safe relationship with this person.

Relationships are such a powerful contextual field. The greatest lessons, evolution, and healing that we will ever experience, absolutely happens with people who are impactful in our life.

This may be a parent, or some other significant family member, such as a sibling who we would dearly love to have a beautiful relationship with.

Narcissists come in many shapes and forms, including intimate partners and spouses, as well as impactful people like business partners or bosses or even friends.

Or the narcissist may be someone who intimidates us, such as an authority figure or even a neighbour.

One thing is for sure, this person is not someone who we can easily dismiss, walk away from or just “get over”. Generally, narcissistic abuse comes with lots of entanglement, pain and heartbreak as well as the fear of repercussions.

Often, there is a lot on the line.

And, it is incredibly normal, when entangled with a narcissist to have the feeling that this is “meant to be”. That somehow you are meant to make things right and fix this relationship.

Or, your life will be impossible if you somehow don’t sort this out. It may be because you feel there is so much to lose if you don’t; all the things that you have worked so hard for all of your life, your property, resources, children, or the hope of love that you always believed that you could or should be receiving from this person.

Your connection to the narcissist may be fraught with necessity, obligation and responsibility. Or just downright fear.

But does this mean that the issues are meant to be brought to reconciliation with this person?

Or, really, is this journey forcing us to be released from our fears and limitations and truly anchor into honouring our own soul, regardless of what somebody else is or isn’t doing?

 

Your Inner Truth

We have been taught to assess our life logically. To look at our goals and what it is that we wish to achieve and then generate that life with the available resources that we have in life.

Maybe that is what you have been trying to do with the narcissist.

You may be trying to make this person act sanely, sensibly and decently. You may be lecturing and prescribing to them and trying to assert boundaries and even hold this person accountable.

Yet the twists and lies continue to abuse you and break you and your life apart.

When this happens, your Inner Being starts to disintegrate.

Which means that emotionally you become a wreck. You start to experience anxiety and depression, and even panic attacks triggered by not knowing what is going to happen next.

You are also battling the fact that somehow, it’s all spun back on you and made out to be your fault.

And, like myself (as well as all of us) realising the insanity of trying to make sense of this, whilst trying to explain fundamental basic human decency to someone who refuses to “get it”, is mental.

It’s also intensely emotional. We get sick. We break down. And then everything in our life that matters, as well as the people we love, start to break down as well.

Is it worth it?

Of course, it isn’t, and deep down, if we are honest with ourselves, we know this. Yet, it can feel impossible to let go of the belief that somehow we are meant to work this out, and/or “this is meant to be”.

I really want you to know, as compelling as this feels, it is not the truth. Your mind would love it to be the truth because this is the version of life that you’ve decided needs to be fulfilled, yet your Inner Being is screaming at you to wake up to just how traumatic and wrong this is.

I promise you that the truth of your life is coming from your emotional Inner Being. That is the part of you that is your God Self. It is your truth. Your truth is not what your mind would like it to be. And, until you start the self-partnering journey of healing from the inside out, as a Thriver Recovery, you may not have realised, yet, how true this is.

I know I certainly didn’t.

 

Are Other People Supposed to Grant us Safety, Love and Happiness?

I was determined and incredibly focused on fixing my marriage and making what I had convinced myself was “meant to be”, work.

I believed he was meant to love me. I believed he was meant to get well, treat me well, and be the man who I had decided was needed for me to be safe, loved and happy.

I was wrong.

I was horribly wrong.

And I hadn’t realised until my Thriver Recovery, that this had been a false premise that I have been hanging onto my entire life – that certain people needed to be a certain way, and treat me in a certain fashion in order for me to be happy and whole.

I hadn’t realised that this had caused me to hand my power away, so many times, in many areas of my life. In business, friendships, family relationships and even with authorities, as well as drastically in love relationships.

I had been defining myself from people outside of myself, rather than truly knowing how to be self-definitive and self-generative within myself.

And the reason, I hadn’t as yet “got it” was because my relationship with me wasn’t as yet healed.

As soon as I started to turn inwards to attend to the loving and the healing of my screaming, traumatised Inner Being back to wholeness, the entire truth started to drop into place.

As well as the reclaiming of myself, whereby I knew that he wasn’t meant to be my saviour. He was my messenger, forcing me to become my own healer and saviour.

Then, finally, everything in my life started to become healthy, safe and happy.

 

Your True Life After Narcissistic Abuse

I really want to share with you what your True Life looks like, and what is possible if you detach from the narcissist, turn inwards and start doing your Thriver Healing.

It is a life where you are connected to yourself deciding who and what is a match for you from the truth of your Inner Being, rather than looking out at people regarding who you should be or how you should behave.

You are able to be authentic, truthful and firmly grounded in what is or isn’t right for you.

Plus, you can back yourself enough to have the courage to speak up, have the difficult conversations, ask for clarification where necessary, and risk people not agreeing with you, or liking you as your authentic self.

Then, no more are you rolling around with disrespectful, painful and abusive people trying to get them to love and accept you or provide you with security or survival.

You can wake up every day of your life feeling safe in your body, safe in life and excited about being able to healthily make your choices, as well as have the inner solidness and integrity to know how to disengage, let go and walk away from those and that which doesn’t match your truth and limits.

The beauty of your True Self and Life is that it is no longer precariously poised on what a certain person is or isn’t doing, regardless of who this person is and “who” they are supposed to be in your life.

Rather it is being generated from WHO you are Being.

What you will discover, as a result of having a congruent, authentic and honest relationship with yourself, is that your life itself starts becoming congruent and aligned with the truth of you.

Your relationships up-level, they become anchored in honesty, integrity and care.

Your missions, purpose and opportunities increase.

Synchronicity starts to partner with you authentically. You’re in the right place at the right time and open to new possibilities.

You are so much more able to easily avoid the wrong turns in your life because no longer are you trying to turn crumbs into cookies.

You have expanded and opened up to a plenty and an abundance mindset, rather than a poverty and limited consciousness.

I can’t tell you the release you will experience when you will finally burst free into this trajectory that is your True Self.

I want you to know, with all my heart, that it was my recovery from narcissistic abuse that delivered me to that place.

Without having had been brought to my knees, and forced to release my traumas, limitations and previous abuse patterns, I would never have arrived there.

Because up until then, I had never had to face and heal these things.

This is what Thriver Recovery is all about; it is about meeting and releasing the trauma that has been horrifically triggered within you, to finally go free from it.

That is when you will know how “meant to be” this journey is.

If you understand what I’m sharing with you in this episode, I want you to pause this video and write “The truth of why this was meant to be, has set me free!”

 

In Conclusion

I absolutely validate that you are initially going to be feeling the incredible pain, heartbreak and even intense addiction to the narcissist.

And, I want you to know that these hideous, all-consuming feelings are so common with narcissistic abuse.

But, I also want you to know that there is a true healing solution for them that will grant you relief and clarity and power very quickly if you dedicate yourself to your Thriver Recovery.

In my free webinar, I can connect you to exactly how to achieve this, as well as allow you to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing directly in your body, to understand how this profound healing system can work for you.

I invite you to connect to my free webinar by clicking this link.

So, I really hope that this episode has explained to you what is really meant to be as a result of your connection to the narcissist.

Namely, you finally coming home to yourself.

And I can’t wait to help you get on this trajectory.

Okay, so, if you liked this video, please hit the like button and also share it with the people who you know need this information.

Also, if you want to see more of my new episodes please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.

And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How I Deal With Triggers

How I Deal With Triggers

 

It’s really normal to not enjoy your emotional triggers – after all, they are painful!

Nearly all of us were told to “think about something else” and try to distract ourselves from them.

However, after experiencing the extreme trauma of abuse and toxic relationships, it’s not that simple to do.

Many of us, myself included, have had the absolute breakdown experience of so many crippling emotional triggers that life simply can’t go on as it used to.

This is why it is my absolute pleasure to share with you exactly how I deal with my triggers, so that I can inspire you to come up and out of pain, and be delivered to the other side too!

 

 

Video Transcript

Today I want to deeply share with you how I deal with my emotional triggers.

And this is really important because it is our triggers, which are handing us our salvation.

Mind you, it took me decades of pain to work this out. Before then, as a result of trying to avoid my triggers, I was forever stuck in emotional fear, pain and reaction and the ongoing traumatising events that were my life.

Thank goodness I discovered that there is a completely different way to deal with this! A way that works, and it is my absolute joy to share that with you today.

But before I do, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t as yet done so, please do. And, if you enjoy this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.

Okay, let’s dive into today’s episode!

 

The Old Consensus About Emotional Triggers

Human conditioning has taught us to try to ignore and escape any painful emotional trigger. Meaning if we feel dense or painful energy inside our body, to try to do everything possible to get away from that feeling.

Many of us had the messages, since being very young of, “Try not to think about it!” Or we were talked out of our bad feelings, by people who also were experts at talking themselves out of their own bad feelings, and therefore did not have the capacity to validate ours.

Yet, we know that when we are told to ignore what we feel or to pick up some distraction, or what we are feeling isn’t true for us, that this doesn’t feel good.

Life experience has also shown us that the inner bad feelings usually keep coming back.

It’s so interesting now when I introduce people to the Thriver Way to heal for real from abuse, they may initially feel horrified about turning inwards to self-partner and meet their feelings.

And why wouldn’t they, after being indoctrinated into believing that emotional triggers should be avoided at all cost!

Even Law of Attraction principles declare that the way through to a happy and healthy life is to ignore the bad feelings and just focus on the good and try to create new neuropathways as a result of doing that.

Many of us, who tried gallantly to achieve this, found out that the painful triggers, that were often in repeat, didn’t go away no matter how hard we tried to think our way out of them.

And, what was extremely painful was that the triggers would often explode from inside of us at random times. They may have caused us to hand power away to other people because of being derailed emotionally. They may have caused us to lash out at people who we love simply because we were feeling overwhelmed within ourselves.

Also, they could make the creation, expansion, and solution of our life incredibly difficult for us because we are continually plagued by painful feelings that are taking up all our energy trying to survive them.

Then, of course, we have to come up with even more extreme strategies to try to escape the inner pain that is going off inside of us, especially after suffering the incredible trauma of narcissistic abuse.

When you are suffering the triggers of feeling anxiety, depression, powerlessness, helplessness, or even panic attacks, until you learn how to handle your triggers in a self-partnered way, you are susceptible to trying to find something outside of yourself to try to switch the trigger off.

This could mean that you go for food, cigarettes, alcohol, shopping, excessive device time, hooking up with people who hurt you, and all sorts of unhealthy and even desperate measures to try to get out of the pain.

It’s only when you get in your body and can be present healthily with your triggers that this can stop.

 

Turning it Around By Turning in

It wasn’t until I experienced my complete breakdown/breakthrough experience with narcissistic abuse, and being left with my shattered Inner Being, without any outer props left to go to, that I started to get a grasp on the truth of this.

I needed to turn inwards.

And so I did, with this declaration, “Inner Being I am here for you and I am never deserting you again”.

I realised my emotional triggers, which were the signals of my inner traumas, had become “my normal” but this was in no way natural. It’s not who I really was as my True Self.

It’s not our fault that we have had so many traumas impregnated into us from the outside – our past lives, our ancestors, childhoods, and the human collective experience of limiting painful beliefs about gender, age, race, religion or whatever it may be.

And of course, people who were dealing with their own extreme levels of trauma. Hurt people hurt people.

Trauma, sadly, is a part of the human experience. We have all been infected to some degree.

After being narcissistically abused the trauma within you is activated to such an extreme level that it reaches critical mass. At this point life simply cannot go on as normal, and it is virtually impossible to be able to cognitively think our way out of the pain.

Often, researching and learning all we can about abusers and our abuse symptoms will not ease it either.

When I turned inwards, I discovered so many painful fractures that were programmed beliefs and painful emotional experiences, in regard to myself, life and others.

The truth was I did not feel safe in my body, and this was the battle with anxiety, depression, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

How on earth can we feel good in our body after experiencing significant trauma? How can we feel safe?

Even before I developed the profound inner healing tools of Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) to heal myself, I started to understand that rather than try to get relief from the outside, that the only true relief needed to be between me and myself.

I learnt to say to myself, “I bless and accept this feeling”.

I want you to imagine having an emotional trigger go off inside you, and rather than abandon yourself by trying to disconnect from it, or blaming yourself for having it, I want you to open your heart and breathe and say to yourself “I bless and accept this feeling”.

Now feel the effects of that in your body.

It would be usual for you to start feeling some relief because your Inner Being heaves a sigh of relief knowing that you have finally showed up for him or her.

The illusion is that your Inner Being has wanted something or somebody else to take away the pain, but your Inner Being has actually been waiting for you to turn inwards to self-partner and integrate and love him or her back to wholeness, all along.

Being willing to do this, and validate the feeling as being blessed and something that you accept starts to reverse all of those beliefs that we’ve taken on from our forebears – that our feelings are invalid and not deserving of our attention and love, which really means that we have been deemed invalid.

I hope you understand that your emotional inner state is Who You Are.

It’s where your entire life is being generated from. Hence, in order to get life right, this part of you requires your devotion and self-partnering.

 

Why Are Triggers So Fantastic?

You may think that I’m crazy by saying triggers are fantastic!

Yet, I know, 100% that they are.

I now know that all of my triggers are happening “for” me, and not “to” me. What I mean by this is when a trigger goes off inside of me, this is the signal that allows me to know that a part of me is not aligned with my desires, my True Self and my Soul’s True Destiny.

It’s like a GPS signal that is telling me I’m off course.

And I love this, even though once upon a time, of course, I detested it!

Since being aligned with my Thriver Life and having the profound Quantum Tool, Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) I’ve been supremely dedicated to addressing the triggers that arise within my Inner Being, and loading them up and releasing and freeing myself from them.

This has allowed me to release my subconscious from those old painful programs, and replace them with my superconscious self, which is my highest potential on any topic, by bringing that down into the space where the old trauma once was.

This system of healing, completely bypasses the mind which tries to work it all out (usually unsuccessfully) and creates a shift somatically in our visceral emotional centre, in such a way that it doesn’t have to be understood logically in order to be experienced.

What I discovered is that when the trigger is gone, a resounding peace replaces it.

And this “thing” that I’ve been struggling with, regarding myself, people, situations or events, starts to heal and resolve.

I also discovered that the most incredible synchronicities, opportunities, and even miracles start to appear that completely match the positive shift that I’ve just had in my body.

This I know with every ounce of my being; that the composition of our Inner Being is directly connected with all of the resources of life that are entering our experience, as our experience.

When we shift, it shifts.

When your Beingness is changed, you have changed. This is so much more effective than trying to think your way into a new way of Being.

My everyday experience, before self-partnering with my triggers, was trying to negate painful feelings in my body, with all sorts of personal development. This was only at best managing my still existing trauma, and not healing it.

And when my efforts would slip, my addictions would start to take over. All of this was exhausting, especially because I was still battling ferociously the evidence of my unhealed triggers that were coming to me via people and situations.

Since discovering and working with the truth about triggers – “I bless and accept you as a signal of something that I can shift, release and replace in order to go up to the next higher level of my True Self” my life experience has changed beyond description.

I hope you are really getting this.

Okay, once again, when imagining having a trigger going off inside, I want you to repeat the declaration after me. Let’s say this together … “I bless and accept you as a signal of something that I can shift, release and replace in order to go up to the next higher level of my True Self”.

How does that feel in your body?

Does it feel like relief? Does it feel like truth?

I want you to pause this video and write how it feels for you below.

Okay, so I really want you to know that I totally validate that at the start of your narcissistic abuse recovery journey there are lots of triggers to address.

Initially, there is a lot of work to do to release and reprogram your Inner Being from intense toxic trauma that is making it difficult for you to function. This is why having an effective tool to be able to meet, hold, load up, release and replace your triggers certainly makes it so much easier.

If everything that I’ve talked about today resonates deeply with you, you can get your true healing journey started by clicking this link. 

So, I hope this video made sense to you, regarding a new, empowering and radically transformative way to work with your triggers, and please share with the people who you know it could help.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Rebuild Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse (No Matter How Much You’ve Lost)

How To Rebuild Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse (No Matter How Much You’ve Lost)

 

There are so many losses after narcissistic abuse.  It can be daunting to lose yourself, your health, family and friends as well as resources and finances.

Today, I share how to rebuild your self, health, important relationships and financial prosperity after narcissistic abuse.

Regardless of how old you are, how damaged you feel, how much you have lost and even if you believe that recovery and rebuild is impossible.

I promise you it is possible when you know how.

 

 

Video Transcript

Losses are extreme with narcissistic abuse.

Loss of health, life force, resources, prosperity, and the energy, inspiration and hope to go forward and generate a new future.

I know how devastating this is, and I promise you I’ve been there on all these levels.

However, I want you to know there is a way to rebuild your life after narcissistic abuse. Myself, and so many others in this Thriver Community have achieved this spectacularly, against all odds and even despite so-called unhealable medical diagnoses.

By watching this video hopefully, I can inspire you to know that there is a wonderful life available for you after narcissistic abuse, no matter how much you have lost.

Today, we are going to look deeply at the different losses and how you can rebuild from them.

But before we do, I’d like to thank all of you who have supported the Thriver mission by subscribing to my channel. If you haven’t yet, please do. Also make sure that you hit the like button, and if you enjoy this video, share with others who you know it can help.

Okay so on to this episode!

 

Loss Of Self

After narcissistic abuse it is usual to feel like you’ve lost your life-force and your well-being.
You may even believe your life is over, and can’t imagine what it would feel like to be normal or healthy again.

Of course, initially we want things to change in our circumstances, such as the narcissist to be held accountable, or for some good fortune to turn everything around, or even for a wonderful person to come into our life to pick us up and save us from all of this trauma and devastation.

Maybe you just want to wake up from the nightmare that has become your life.

But the truth is no one is coming, and your Inner Being, which is the foundational basis of your entire life, is waiting for you to turn inwards and be your own rescuer.

And of course, initially you feel like you don’t have the health, sanity or inner resources to save yourself.

Yet, the total irony is we can’t recover and rebuild ourselves until we do turn inwards with the intention to be our own saviour.

Self-partnering is vital.

In fact, it’s crucial.

And the reason it is, is because it puts you back inside your body.

You may think that the anxiety, depression and trauma is a result of what has happened to you. Yes it is, however, it is continuing and not being resolved, if you don’t turn inwards to meet these conditions and heal yourself back to wholeness.

That is exactly what self-partnering is about, and it is the very first essential step of Thriver Recovery. In fact, it’s what the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is all about – learning how to turn inwards to find, load up, and release all of the trauma that is generating your trauma and abuse symptoms, and replacing this with your Highest Source, which creates the shift to heal you.

This process can’t happen without self-partnering.

As a result of self-partnering, you will organically start shifting into the knowing that you are lovable and worthy, and as an adult capable of generating your own security and survival.

This is when the prior abuse trauma from the narcissist and the narcissist’s attempts to derail and terrorise you will all melt away.

I promise you that these capacities don’t come from outside of you, they need to be healed up from inside of you.

By doing so you will evolve beyond the fractures, trauma, and anxiety of having handed your power away to abusive people who did not have your best interests at heart.

 

Loss Of People

Inevitably, as a result of narcissistic abuse, relationships in your life may get smashed to pieces.

It is horrifying how narcissists have the ability to smear you, discredit you and turn people in your life against you. You may have lost family members, friends, associates and maybe even been alienated from your own children.

I know that this is beyond cruel, and my heart goes out to you if you have experienced these dreadful things.

And I really want to inspire you to know that staying stuck in the terrible trauma and victimisation will only mean that these circumstances can’t shift in your life.

It is completely understandable why you would be stuck in these feelings, and I totally validate you in that place, but there is a much more effective solution and way to deal with this.

With myself, and so many other people that I have helped achieve true healing with NARP, we discovered that when we released the trauma of these terrible injustices, smearing and alienation that we suffered, our Inner Being shifted, and then the outer started to shift to match this.

This is how powerful we are – we are Quantum Creators from the inside out.

People come back. The narcissist gets caught out. Loved ones return.

All sorts of miracles happen. I promise you this with all my heart.

There are numerous people in this community who have been reunited with people and their children who they were alienating from (some for decades), as a result of letting go of all the pain, resentment and heartbreak with NARP modules.

The complete and utter irony is, when you are at peace and only feel love in your heart without pain regardless of the outer circumstances, that’s when the outer circumstances powerfully shift.

This is the secret to changing our life, including our most important relationships. When we use Quantum Tools to achieve this, it becomes powerfully possible.

 

Health Losses

So many of us have been devastated by terrible health conditions as a result of narcissistic abuse. Trauma creates this. Eventually, not just your emotions break down, but also your physical being.

I know so many people, myself included, who were given shocking diagnoses as a result of the breakdowns of narcissistic abuse. So many of us were told that our emotional, adrenal, or mental breakdowns as well as PTSD, fibromyalgia, adrenal malfunctions and nervous system disorders, such as agoraphobia, could never be truly healed and at best, we could only hope to manage them with medication and strategies.

This is not true recovery; this is simply trying to exist with the trauma generated symptoms of abuse still active within you.

Now myself, and so many others, know that there is a true recovery solution for our abuse symptoms. Namely, releasing the trauma from within your Inner Being that is generating these symptoms.

When you do this, you allow well being to enter the space where the dis-ease once was, and you have the ultimate potential to get well.

Maybe, even more well than you have been in your entire life, even before abuse.

This is the resurrection that is totally possible for you … truly.

Myself and so many others have achieved this, fully. We no longer suffer any narcissistic abuse trauma symptoms.

 

Financial Losses

A big part of narcissistic abuse is financial abuse. It is a widespread devastation in this Community.

So many people ask, “How DO I get over the financial abuse?”, “How can I leave when I am financially dependent on the narcissist?” and “How will I ever rebuild my life again?”

Financial abuse can be a dreadful injury in our life, and I promise you it was initially a massive challenge for me. Originally, I just wanted to somehow get up off the ground and rebuild what I lost. But the more I tried to do that, without facing my inner healing, the more powerless I felt.

I just didn’t have what it took to get up and get going again, and I wasn’t meant to. Because the time had come where I needed to deeply investigate and heal the reasons why I had suffered such financial devastation at the hands of abusers.

Something incredible happened when I started to clean that up. I felt relief, I felt wholeness inside that was no longer reliant on me having to have a certain thing or be a certain way.

It was just an organic peace. And from that place, with newly formed and anchored-in belief systems regarding my ability to be a generator of prosperity, with all of the healthy components of life, I started to blossom.

I was able to start actualising a rebuild from complete and total financial devastation. Solutions and assistance came. Support came. Opportunities and synchronicity and even miracles started entering my life granting me the abundance that I was already feeling in regard to loving and accepting myself unconditionally, regardless of what I did or didn’t have in my life.

I have seen so many Thrivers in this community rebuild their lives financially after narcissistic abuse, as a result of releasing and healing their internal financial traumas with NARP.

Many of these people were in midlife and beyond. Some of them had not worked for decades, and were even left with zero finances or shocking debt as a result of the abuse.

Yet, they were able to come back in ways and timeframes that were astounding, once the trauma was released and Life Force, in abundance, was able to flow through them as them.

And I know, as a result of deeply working on your Inner Being with my Quantum Tools in NARP, that you will have exactly the same opportunity to turn it all around.

 

How Our Losses Are Deeply Interconnected

I completely and utterly believe that a relationship with self, health, others, and finances is all deeply interconnected.

To holistically become healthy, whole, self-generative and flourished and nourished by Life Force itself, as well as being able to abundantly expand and express our mission and purpose on this planet, all of these areas of our life require our inner attention.

These are the four areas that we commonly experience grave loss in as a result of narcissistic abuse, and the good news is that we can directly address them to heal them beyond description.

You see, there is an incredible radical compensation that occurs after narcissistic abuse, when we turn inwards, to claim and activate the healing of Self. What wasn’t right, resets to becoming healthier than we could ever imagine in our wildest dreams.

That is the Thriver Way!

And I can’t wait for this to be your Thriver reality as well.

If this is what you want for you, take the stand with me by pausing this video and writing below “It is my time to reclaim my self, soul and life!”

Okay, so now, you can check out my NARP program, that will activate deep healing for you, by clicking this link.

If you haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love you to please do it, so that you will be notified about each new episode when it is released.

Please also share this video with the people who you know have experienced terrible loss as a result of narcissistic abuse. The people who you know need hope and a solution.

And as always I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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The Only Thing Stopping You From Living Your Best Life

The Only Thing Stopping You From Living Your Best Life

 

Virtually every person wants healthy love, good health and vitality, success and rewarding feelings whilst doing their life mission and vocation.

Yet, even after dearly wanting these things and even yearning for them, why can it be a struggle to achieve them?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I will explain to you, in real detail, exactly what is keeping you separated from the life of your dreams.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today I want to have a conversation with you that I know could really help.

If you are new to this community, I hope with all my heart that this conversation will allow you to understand how to be able to start accessing your best life after narcissistic abuse.

If you have been a member for a while, this episode may be a powerful reminder of the truth for you.

This is about how to create the life that you were born to live. Maybe a more incredible life than what you ever believed was possible.

Okay, so just before we get started, I also want to tell you about my next upcoming Free Masterclass. This is my most powerful resource in regard to connecting you with how to live your best life, and it’s happening in just a few days’ time.

To sign up for this Quantum Healing Event click this link. 

Okay so now let’s get started …

 

How Your Life Really Unfolds

It can be difficult to initially realise how powerfully you are creating your own life. Yet, it is a vital understanding if you want to change the life that you are living.

Aligning with your best life requires these components – your thoughts to match your desires, and your Inner Being programs to match them as well.

Your heart knows what you want, and the feelings in your heart are the part of you which is most closely connected to your soul. At a deep heart/soul level, we all know our highest potential. We know what we want and who we wish to be.

In a general sense, for most people, this is healthy and fulfilling love relationships, good health, vitality and to be aligned with one’s purpose – meaning having a fulfilling vocation that contributes to the world in meaningful ways.

Yet, many people struggle to achieve such a life.

Why is this?

When our heart’s desires don’t come to fruition, it is because our soul truth, thoughts and subconscious programs aren’t aligned.

To begin to explain why, I want to share with you the understanding that you are creating your life from your emotional frequency (feelings), not from what you think. Meaning that what you feel about any topic in your life is what will be true for you, rather than what you are trying to think about it.

Also, these feelings (already pre-programmed beliefs) on any topic in your life determine how you interact with the entire Field on this topic – which is the people, situations and events in your experience related to it.

If your emotional inner composition is healthy, empowered and embodied in deservedness on this topic, then so it will be.

If your emotional inner composition is unhealthy, disempowered and struggling with related traumas on this topic, then so it will be.

It is very normal to believe that an outside force is the cause of our distress, struggles, and difficulties. Or even that a Higher Power is not allowing us to have what our heart desires, yet this is actually not the case.

I promise you this is not about blaming ourselves for not being able to obtain and retain our heart’s desires. Rather, this is a deep inner Quantum Law understanding that frees you to access and amend your inner programs that have been unfolding in your life, often unconsciously, in ways that have not been serving you.

By understanding that the generation of your creations are within you, you can take your power back, heal within and start accessing trajectories of emotions, thoughts and opportunities that you didn’t have access to previously.

Which is so much easier than trying to change the billions of other people on this planet, or the trillions of outer events and situations that are not part of you, to get a different life experience.

When I finally understood this, and stopped trying to change or negate everything and everyone else, and simply turned inwards to do the work inside of me, a whole new universe opened up.

And I know it will for you too!

 

Your Higher Power is Ready to Partner With You

Since becoming a Thriver, I know in every cell of my being that my Higher Power wants for me exactly what my heart wants for me, and it’s only my inner composition, my subconscious already programmed beliefs, that may be in disagreement with this.

I know this to be the case when something feels painful, funky or confusing for me.

This is how you will know when you have conflicted beliefs with your desires – they don’t feel clean, easy or like a “done deal”. You may even feel like your desire could never be possible for you.

And you might try really hard to think your way beyond this. Yet, it can feel unthinkable to think in ways that you can’t feel as true for you yet.

The reason is because the brain follows the body, it’s not the other way around.

I want you to think of it like this, your heart is your True Self saying “Hello” to you. Now, knowing this, your real job is to get your inner composition, meaning your subconscious beliefs, onto the same page.

Once you do, your aligned emotions and thoughts, which organically flow on from this, will provide you with the inspiration, motivation and positivity to go after and create your goals.

And when your inner composition is aligned with your heart’s desires, this is backed by all of your Higher Power (your superconscious/God/Lifeforce itself) to provide you with all of the opportunities, synchronicities, and even miracles (people, situations and events) to work with you to bring your dreams to reality.

 

Being Disconnected From Your Best Life

If your body has stored painful traumas (by association) with any topic in your life, then you are not in emotional agreement with this topic.

Let’s take for example the topic of “love”. No matter what your head is trying to think, if you have suffered trauma, disappointments and anguish in relation to love, those are exactly the associations that are formed as belief systems and stored in your subconscious programs, in regard to this topic.

The body wins every time because it is your emotional resonance that creates the reality. This is what stored subconscious programs do – they unfold the validity of the stored belief system to the letter.

For happy and healthy realities to physically manifest in your life, your belief systems (associated feelings) and real-life application (thoughts and actions) must become a direct match.

Essentially, the first vital ingredient is that your feelings must be clear, empowered, peaceful and inspired. If there are existing traumas, especially if they have been painfully impactful, then just trying to think your way into healthier belief systems is usually impossible to do.

This is because the logical part of your mind isn’t in contact with your emotional and limbic systems, where not only is your childhood programming stored, but also your continued adult trauma experiences, as well as the deeper less obvious programs of your ancestral belief systems, gender, race and collective human painful traumas as well.

 

How Do You Change Your Emotional Resonance?

If you have an understanding of Quantum Tools, and know that you can do healing work directly on your Inner Identity, you will access a simpler way to connect to your best life, rather than gruellingly trying to think your way into it.

Trying to formulate remedies for painful Inner Identity beliefs, means not releasing or reprogramming them, which equals remaining hostage to the continued and repeat trauma experiences in your life.

In relation to the thinking part of trying to change our life, a huge human tendency is to try to learn how to be different to change our Beingness.

During my Thriver Recovery, I understood something incredibly profound – I already was organically aligned to my best life, with all the resources available within me. I was also already capable of accessing everything that I required in The Field (all of life) to unfold the life of my dreams.

I didn’t have to learn how to be somebody different to get these things. Rather, I needed to unlearn the traumas, false beliefs and lies I had absorbed, to be free to become my natural Beingness.

I know that this may sound ridiculous and counterintuitive to everything you’ve ever learnt, however when you start going Quantum and are prepared to do the work directly on your inner emotional composition, the old struggles and confusion melt away, and a new clarity, power and ecological wholeness rises up from within.

Then you will see how everything that is your life will be touched powerfully and productively.

Let’s look more deeply at all this in the next section …

 

It’s The Feeling You Really Want

When I began to heal, for real, I was astounded at the irony of the following …

I’d been trying to get and do all sorts of things in order to feel okay about topics in my life, yet when I instead started working on the feeling first, and got that right, then the doing and getting followed my new aligned Beingness effortlessly.

Let me explain.

If you are trying to make the Getting and the Doing negate the feelings of empty Beingness, then you are trying to create your life with mere logical willpower.

The cognitive part of our brain has no access to The Field – the interconnected Higher Consciousness of all solution, possibility and expansion.

Logical brains are only processing information at a tiny forty bits per second. This is in stark contrast to the forty billion bits per second which our subconscious programs, our feeling centres, are generating, which are activating our Inner Identity and its connection to the entire Field.

What part of you do you think is making your life happen?

It is the part of you that is not logically conscious. What’s going on with you beneath your level of consciousness is what really matters.

Many people are dismayed that Law of Attraction principles don’t work for them. The reason they don’t is because if you have experienced significant trauma then your blocked up, fearful programs are super-glued in place.

The more impactful your traumas have been, the greater the power of these painful programs is to stunt you from living your best life.

And, the more that you try to overcome them with “positive thinking”, the more the almighty power of these programs will push back and reinstate themselves even harder. This can literally make you feel like you are going crazy!

The effective way to address these inner programs is to bypass the thinking mind, and go straight into the feeling centre of the subconscious programs and release the traumas and painful belief systems there, and then replace them with the truth of who you really are.

My Thriver methods to heal (NARP) do this very effectively, because once released from the trauma energy, you learn how to bring down your Higher Power (which wants exactly what you want for you) into the space where the trauma once was.

This shifts you immediately into a different Beingness – the ecological oneness, harmony and your highest potential on the topic that you’re working on. And you certainly don’t have to experience it physically for your Inner Identity to recognise that “it just is”.

After the Beingness is anchored inside, another grand irony occurs, you no longer “need” this thing to happen in your life in order for you to feel whole, at peace, and at one with it.

Which takes us to the next topic …

 

If You Need it Then it Will Not Come

I found in my own life, that until I shifted out the traumas and inner beliefs that were keeping me separated from what my heart desired, I was trying to fill up from the outside in order to reach a state of wholeness.

It didn’t work!

True miracle and the coming of something happens because you are already being it. The real-life experience, the confirmation, comes after the Beingness has been established.

I discovered that the most powerful manifestation of all is this: when you have the feeling of wholeness and beingness, you don’t need to get or do anything in order to feel at home with yourself and your life. From this place you are free to create joyously without attachment to outcomes and without the fear of never getting it, or losing it if you do.

This doesn’t mean that you’re never going to create! Rather you are free to create more than you ever have been able to in your entire life!

One of the most exciting things about Quantum Freedom Healing is that the inspiration and the ability to be more and create more, just organically comes.

All we need to do to create this, is to keep focusing on any dense emotional energy in our body, release it and bring in our Higher Power to replace it, which is exactly what the process of Quanta Freedom Healing does.

In my previous “Law of Attraction Life” I was forever trying to visualise and hold the vision and keep the thoughts of what I wanted in my life going. I always had to be at it and would work on it often. I was forever trying to catch my thoughts and feelings if they went off track.

Yet now, because I simply release trauma on any topic in my life that is not working out for me, my Beingness is organically changing. I don’t have to keep working on my alignment. It just is!

Now there is nothing to keep monitoring and trying to manage or hold. I simply Become and then it comes! That is what be-come really means!

I love living free of neediness, and continually putting in the effort to try to feel whole. It’s just much easier to focus on releasing trauma to become whole, solid and peaceful inside.

 

What is Stopping You From Having the Life You Really Want?

I hope that you can truly understand that the only thing between you and your heart’s desires are your internal blocks and limiting beliefs (traumas).

But the great news is, that we now have the Quantum Tools to address this!

My Thriver Healing methods are completely focused on bypassing your logical mind, and going straight into your Inner Identity to reach, load up and release the traumas and opposing beliefs that have been holding you separated from the life of your dreams.

This is why I am beyond excited to invite you into my next Free Masterclass www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass so that you can learn exactly how to release your blocks, and come into alignment with the life that you were born to live. The one that your soul is speaking to you about.

You can do this by clicking this link.

Please also share this video with people who you know are not living to their fullest potential and dearly want to.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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When Narcissists Are Hurting The People You Love … How Do You Help Them?

When Narcissists Are Hurting The People You Love … How Do You Help Them?

It is can be disturbing and devastating to watch a loved one struggling with a narcissist.
 
You may have a child whose partner is a narcissist and you feel isolated and powerless to help them.
 
Or you may have a parent, sibling or friend who is experiencing narcissistic abuse and you don’t know what to do.
 
There is a way to help them, other than lecturing and trying to get them to wake up. In this episode, I’m going to explain to you exactly how to do this.

 

 

Video Transcript

So many of you have often asked me, how can I help my child who is now isolated and controlled by the narcissistic spouse?

Or maybe your sister, brother or dear friend is hopelessly enmeshed with a narcissist abusing them at work, in a love relationship or even in a friendship.

You may be beyond concerned that the person you care about isn’t waking up to this and seems to be slipping further and further away from you.

Maybe you have grandchildren that you don’t see anymore because of a narcissistic in-law.

How can you help the person you love who is deeply in the clutches of narcissistic abuse?

In today’s TTV episode I explain to you the only way I know that works and does work to help your loved ones recover from this.

But before we get started on this episode, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who have subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet done so please do, and also give this episode a thumbs up if it resonates with you.

Okay, so now on to this very important information.

 

The Deeper and Necessary Understanding of Quantum Law

There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing the people whom we love suffer. There is nothing more frustrating and unjust than seeing them ripped away from us by a pathological narcissist.

What is doubly frustrating is the more we try to talk sense to the person we love, the more they can pull away from us and even side with the narcissist.

You may be agonising over why this is happening, but what I always like to do is to just get down to the pure truth of things – which is this:

Whichever way we are powerfully emotionally vibrating about anything (including somebody we care about), is exactly the experience that we will have in our personal experience.

Let me put it to you simply. If you feel that someone in your life is being emotionally smashed, abused and isolated from you, then that is the experience you will continue to Quantumly generate in your life.

This is especially true if you see this person as broken and powerless.

Now, before you think that I am blaming you for the experience that they are having, please hear me out. I am not blaming you in any shape or form, I am just explaining how energetic law and true manifesting takes place.

It is a human and beautiful part of our nature to deeply care for, be concerned about and have compassion for those whom we love. Yet, when you understand Quantum Law, you will realise that this is not necessarily helping those you love get better and get away from toxic circumstances.

Rather, it contributes to them being deeply stuck.

To truly help those you love requires a deeper understanding of Quantum Law, which I am beyond inspired to share with you.  In order to be able to help, you need to know the actual steps to Quantumly – which means for real – help the person who is not, at this point, helping themselves.

So, let’s dive in and get started.

 

Step Number One: Acceptance

The greatest barrier to us trying to change our life experience, including the experience of others we care about, is resistance to what is happening in the present moment.

Of course, from the human perspective, we judge what is happening to them as ‘wrong’. Yet, by doing so, we are not understanding the grand design deeper truth of their soul’s evolution and journey.

I personally believe 100% that there is a reason for ‘all of it’, meaning that anyone’s personal evolution is about calling forth and participating in the experiences that are going to make their unconscious programs conscious, and lead them inwards to healing and resolving what is necessary in order to generate a different life experience.

That is exactly what happened to us regarding our own narcissistic abuse which then led us to entering and activating our Thriver Recovery.

When you can take the evolutionary high road of understanding that what your loved one is going through is a necessary transaction for their own personal awakening and evolution, then your deepest wish is not so much for that experience to be removed or brought to an end, but for their soul to awaken and become empowered, self-loving and self-defining within the experience.

And, when you truly love another, then you will bless the experience and not make it so personally about yourself.

How often have we wanted to try to force somebody to change in order for us to feel better?

Usually, if we are honest with ourselves, this is the case. It is understandable and even intensely loving towards others, yet it defies getting a positive result from Quantum Law, as much as trying to defy a natural law such as gravity would be.

It is impossible to generate a change in your life experience by trying to change something outside of you, including somebody you love, in order for you to feel better.

What is much more likely to happen as per Quantum Law – so within, so without – is that this person you are trying to rescue from their situation will supply you more evidence of the inner emotional experience that you are already having. Namely, them not being well.

There is only one way to change your experience of anything or anyone, and that is to find the way to feel better about ‘what is’ so as to create the base foundation to go emotionally inward to then create a different experience that will spill out and have an influence on the outer experience.

This starts with acceptance.

A powerful mantra that you can say often in regard to this person who is being abused by a narcissist is, ‘I bless and accept your experience as sacred. No matter what it looks like, I know that it is offering you the highest possible evolutionary path that your soul yearns for.’

 

Step Number Two: Shifting Your Emotional Response

You have to know that trying to go in and change things, whilst you feel devastated for this person, is not going to work.

If anything, you run the risk of pushing them further away from you and more into the arms of the abuser.

There is a better way to deal with this, and the great thing is that it is activated by working on the only person that you do have the power to change – yourself. And, you can be totally available for this mission.

This is how it works …

By fully understanding and accepting that the way that you create change for yourself and others you care about, is by changing yourself. This doesn’t mean changing the way that you interact with them, even though this is a natural by-product of this … rather it means completely changing your inner emotional composition about this person and what they are going through.

Let me explain to you what I mean with this example.

A NARP member called Gail was devastated that her daughter who was married to a narcissist, was becoming more and more isolated from her and the rest of the family.

To add insult to injury, Gail’s daughter had three children under the age of ten whom Gail adored. Her ability to visit her grandchildren was getting reduced, as she continually received opposition and excuses. Gail knew that her daughter was being twisted and turned against her and her husband by her daughter’s husband.

Gail wrote into me asking me what she could do. I related to her the only solution I have ever known to work. I invited Gail to join NARP and start using the healings to target the traumas in her body regarding what her daughter was going through and how it was impacting Gail.

Gail put in the hard work with NARP and kept moving these terrible traumas in her body and shifting them out, until peace replaced the previous fear and anxiety.

Gail reached the place which we all do, on any topic in our life, when we work with the Quanta Freedom Healing processes of NARP; where the trauma was released, truth entered.

Gail realised that her daughter was going through a soul growth lesson with this man, and she also realised that everybody involved including the children, herself and the family were also going through their own personal evolution as a result of this.

Gail knew that her true power to assist in this solution was to accept that everything was in perfect and divine order, and then to powerfully contribute by shifting herself to ‘feel’ and ‘know’ that her daughter had an infinitely wise Inner Being who could also wake up to the truth.

The more Gail did this work, the more she was able to let go and allow, and keep working on herself to hold her daughter in this emotional vibration.

What happened next is what happens next in virtually every circumstance – Gail’s daughter approached her only a few weeks later. She asked her mother for help to take herself and the children in because she was divorcing her husband.

The spell had been broken.

Gail’s daughter also started working with NARP so as to detox the narcissistic husband out of her system, parent and create healthy powerful boundaries.  By doing this, he lost the advantage of her previous fear to abuse her with. She also set up powerful parallel parenting plans.

I know 100%, because I’ve seen it happen so many times in other people’s lives as well as in my life with my own son Zac, that if Gail had stayed in the same emotional devastation that she was previously in, none of this would have happened.

If you want your life to change regarding the people you love, then you need to become the change that you seek, from the inside out.

 

Step Number Three: Replace Blame and Resentment With Love

One of the most vital transitions you need to go through to help the people whom you love is to stop blaming and shaming them. It’s very common and of course understandable, to be angry and upset with this person you love for turning their back on you or siding with the narcissist against you.

Many people get confused regarding boundaries versus resentment. To help somebody awaken and re-enter your life, and their own life healthily, you must engage the power of love. Which means seeing and holding them in love without any personal hurt of your own being involved.

You may have to work really hard at this with NARP in order to shift out all vestiges of blame, resentment and hurt.

Remember, love heals, resentment hinders.

This does not mean drop your boundaries. If the person whom you love is infiltrating and damaging your boundaries, then enforce them, lovingly and directly and honestly.

That is what real love does. You are not loving another honestly by forfeiting your boundaries and hurting yourself to try to make them happy or love you. That’s a false love economy.

Let me share with you the following example.

Don is another NARP member who was doing the inner work regarding his son being in business with a very toxic narcissist determined to keep him away from Don and the family.

Yet, his son would come to Don to borrow money because of his business losses. The interactions went like this, every few months or so Don’s son made contact, but it was only about money. At all other times, he refused to be in contact with the family.

Before working with NARP, Don used to grant money to his son to try to stay in contact, yet after working with NARP and losing his trauma about what was happening with his son, Don started saying ‘No’.

Predictably all contact stopped and was unanswered when Don and his wife would reach out.

However, Don kept working with NARP as instructed to release all his guilt and obligation and trauma and just kept bringing in the highest possibility of resolution, which was his son awakening into his own infinite inner wisdom, thus evolving beyond the abuse.

It’s what happened – Don’s son left his business partner, returned to the family fold and started taking legal action against the narcissist.

 

Having to Work With This Differently

Until you understand Quantum Law, you may think that what I am talking about is some new-age fluffy theory.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Our own awakening is to realise how intrinsically and powerfully our own emotional energy is connected to the entire field; especially to those we are bonded to through love.

I know that so many of you in the community are reporting to me that you are really ‘getting it’. There is such a big difference between receiving information and fully embodying it as truth. The latter is what grants you power.

If you are really getting this, I want you to pause this video and write below ‘the cells of my body really get this!’

Until now you may not have realised that through your care and concern you have actually been adding to the situation rather than resolving it. This is why you need to learn to go about this in a different way, and I know that you will be stunned and shocked (beautifully) when you start working at this from the inside out.

In the only way that can truly work – Quantumly.

I can’t recommend enough becoming a NARP member to help those who you love. The wonderful by-product is that, not only will you discover how much you can genuinely assist them, you will also discover your own unlimited expansion, resolutions and breakthroughs that previously only seemed to be a life dream.

To become a NARP member click this link.

And, if you enjoyed this video, and would like to be notified each time a new episode is released, then make sure that you subscribe to receive all of my updates.

Also, please share this episode with those you know who are agonising over what is happening to the people they love.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Let Go Of What Doesn’t Serve You In 2020

How To Let Go Of What Doesn’t Serve You In 2020

 

Let 2020 be the breakthrough year of your life, that not only releases you from a painful path but also sets up your True Life – forever.

I want you to have an amazing 2020. And I know that for you to achieve this, you have to let go of all that is no longer serving you.

This can be terrifying! Letting go of familiar outer props, that you have been hanging onto, can feel like you won’t survive or may even die!

In this Thriver TV episode, I share with you exactly why you may still be stuck and hanging onto people and situations which do not serve you and explain how to powerfully and easily let go and clear the space, to allow and accept into your life who and what does serve you.

 

 

Video Transcript

Let’s drill down today. Let’s get very clear on what it takes to make incredible changes in your life.

The first thing you must realise is, to do so, you have to let go of what is not serving you.

This is the most important component if you want to have an extraordinary life, living at your highest potential.

The great news is we now have the processes and the powerful Quantum tools to be able to achieve this – in record time, and in relatively painless ways.

And that’s what this TTV episode is all about – setting up your 2020 to be your best year ever.

Before we get started, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and supporting the Thriver mission. If you haven’t yet done so, please do, and please make sure that if you enjoy this video that you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s get started on leaving the pain of 2019 behind and creating 2020 as your best year ever!

 

Making the Hard Decisions

I want to get very clear with you. You can’t have your cake and eat it as well. What I mean by this, is this: if you want to create new habits, trajectories, people, situations and opportunities in your life, it is impossible to do this whilst you are still clogged up with the old toxic ones.

Quantum Law is absolute – what you are being is what you are receiving. And what you are being pertains to what and who you are experiencing in your life.

You can’t change what you are experiencing until you change who you are being.

Now here is the important part. Most people think that they can change their being by changing what they do. In some cases this is very true, however, if you have suffered significant trauma, then no amount of doing will generally overcome the triggers of trauma and powerlessness that is dictating the composition of your being.

In fact, it’s like trying to put a cart in front of a horse, because in doing so, you are going to be stuck in the lower toxic levels of how your being is feeling. As this video progresses this will become more and more clear for you.

It’s really important to understand that one of the reasons why it has been terrifying and almost emotionally impossible to give up our poor choices, is because these choices have been attempts to numb out and self-medicate the trauma that we are feeling in our Inner Being.

These choices could be things like eating addictions, smoking, wasting time on social media and binge movie watching, drinking excessive alcohol, and victimised blaming and shaming of others. And a host of unlimited ways that we can use to try to alleviate the inner trauma that we are feeling – including being around toxic people, and even running back into the arms of an abuser.

The truth is to change your life these choices have to go. This is something you need to get very clear about, because, as I said before … you can’t have your cake and eat it as well. You can’t drive a brand-new Ferrari into a garage where a rusty old wreck is blocking its path.

You have to let go of the old order of the life that isn’t serving you, to be able to generate the new order of the life that gloriously will.

 

Letting Go of the Old Order

You may have noticed that when you have tried to let go of something or someone who is not serving you, that inevitably another addiction or destructive choice will become activated in your life.

This is because the inner trauma that is driving your choices of trying to numb out with addictions and distractions, has not been healed yet. Interestingly, the addictive or destructive choices are a direct match for already existing trauma in your Inner Being that has not yet been healed.

Inner toxicity generates external toxic choices. The brain follows the body always.

Most people believe that a person’s outer choices regarding, food, alcohol, drugs, or other unhealthy pastimes is the issue. It isn’t. This is simply a self-medication choice regarding the unmet unhealed trauma that is driving that choice.

When you understand that letting go of the choice for real requires healing the cause of the painful choice, then you can understand why a failure to do that will mean you unconsciously replace it with another destructive choice (like meeting and connecting with another narcissist).

Truly letting go requires going so much deeper than merely attempting to control a symptom. True healing requires turning inwards to access and meet the real reason as to why you have been holding onto things that don’t serve you.

To make 2020 your breakthrough year means that you need to let go of the reasons why you are stuck in self-defeating choices.

By doing so you will be able to eliminate the old order that isn’t serving you, and finally create the space within you to accept and allow the new order to flow fully into your being and life.

The Terrible Addiction to Cigarettes as a Powerful Example

I want to talk to you about my previous addiction with cigarettes. The reason being, this turned out to be my biggest ‘what wasn’t serving me issue’ that I ever had to let go of.

I used to smoke seventy cigarettes a day, and this was even after successfully leaving two narcissists.

I felt helplessly connected to cigarettes. I made copious excuses regarding cigarettes not being mind-altering substances and that somehow, I could preserve my health and fitness even as a heavy smoker. I also used to tell myself that I could be doing much worse things, like still being connected to toxic people.

Yet, I was destroying myself, and nothing that I tried to do to get myself away from cigarettes worked. Not smoking cessation treatments, not hypnosis and not willpower. In fact, no quit program, pill or strategy that I had ever tried was successful for me.

Finally, it dawned on me that this terrible grip of cigarettes actually had nothing to do with cigarettes at all.

Cigarettes were my last outer crutch that I was using to try to give me comfort in regard to some unmet, unhealed trauma within me.

Finally, I knew what to do. I courageously went No Contact with cigarettes. I threw them in the bin and removed all traces connected with them.

I then positioned myself deep in the bunker of my couch and got ready. Previously, if I went without cigarettes for even half an hour I would burst into tears. And of course I did, as soon as the first screaming trauma arose within me that I could no longer use cigarettes to shove back down again.

I breathed, opened my body and fully felt this trauma. I used Quanta Freedom Healing (Module Number One of NARP) to draw all this terrible trauma out of myself, load it up, release it and go free from it.

I brought in Source Energy to replace where the trauma once was (which is the Higher Source component in NARP, which heals what we logically can’t heal) and continued to do so each and every time a trauma arose within me.

I went nowhere and saw nobody. I resided on my couch, wailing out these wounds, until finally after three days none remained.

I emerged exhausted, yet completely empty of any urge for a cigarette. I finally felt whole within my Inner Being without them. I have never capitulated and have not had one since. I have never had any urges or desire to have one. In fact, the thought of a cigarette completely and utterly repulses me and always has from that day forward.

Why?

The reason is simple – because I no longer have the existing inner traumas that required self-medicating with cigarettes. And what the main trauma was, was a terrible loneliness and terror, a belief that ‘no-one is coming to help me or save me’.

Cigarettes had been my dummy. They had been my crutch, something in my mouth as my connection to ‘something’, to know that I was not alone when this trauma was activated.

Of course, this trauma had been activated! I had been narcissistically abused and had felt incredibly isolated and unsupported within it.

The trauma of ‘no one is coming’ had actually been in my DNA from birth. I was born with it. It had been deep traumatic past life experiences as well as genetic beliefs that I had taken on from my ancestors, as well as the collective human experience. I had also experienced these traumas in childhood.

As a result of needing to stop smoking cigarettes in order to save my life, thankfully I was able to release myself from the real issue – this terrible existing trauma and painful belief that had been wedged in my Inner Being for eons.

One that had not only kept me stuck in a self-destructive pattern of toxic self-medicating but also a trauma pattern of attracting people or loneliness that was the exact match for the painful belief of ‘no one is coming’.

I hope you are understanding that the exact same healing premise goes for any unhealthy situation, person and choice that you are struggling to give up. There is a reason that you are doing this.

I promise you that the traumas holding in place your compulsions to stay attached to things that are not serving you are deep and primal and powerful. And until you know how to find them and remove them from your Inner Being, they well have incredible power over you.

 

Trying to Think Yourself Into the New Order Doesn’t Work

The old way of trying to let go of, and change our choices that are not serving us, can be incredibly painful and arduous. This requires intense willpower that usually isn’t sustainable.

When you understand how your emotional choices are created, you know that they are all to do with feelings. Not what you are thinking. Our logical brain is not connected with our limbic and emotional centres. Our logical brain is the servant not the master of these centres.

This is why when we have traumatic belief systems driving us to self-medicate with unhealthy choices, we can come up with all sorts of excuses to justify our behaviour. This is the perfect example of the brain following the body and being a servant to it.

We may say, ‘Just one more time, this will be my last’, ‘I’ll get started on this tomorrow’, ‘It’s okay that I gave in and did this, at some point, I will stop myself from doing it’ or, of course, we may just beat ourselves up mercilessly and hope that by blaming and shaming ourselves, we can somehow get ourselves into shape.

Tomorrow never comes. The state of your Inner Being is the state of your Inner Being, and the power of your Inner Being and traumatic beliefs are Almighty.

Your emotional limbic system controls forty billion bits per second in regard to the processing centres of you that creates your life. This means your feelings and thoughts and choices regarding who and what you will include in your life experience, and who or what will be drawn from the external towards you to fulfil your life experience.

In comparison, your logical brain only has the power to influence forty bits per second.

I hope that this puts things totally in perspective for you. If you are trying to overcome your addictive painful and powerless choices that have come about as a result of trauma accumulating in your Inner Being, with mere thinking, then it is likely that you are fighting a fruitless battle.

It may feel near impossible to let go of the people, patterns and things that are not serving you. Even if you desperately want to, because these things have been hurting you all of your life.

 

Shifting Through Your Breakdowns to Breakthroughs Quickly and Painlessly

I hope you understand by now that the true solution to let go, and change your life, is to meet and shift your inner trauma that has been generating your painful choices.

How can you do this?

You need to use an effective tool that can access your subconscious and load up your trauma energy and release it from your being, just as you would remove a rusty old wreck from a garage before you drive your new Ferrari into it.

Because if you don’t, the best you will ever get is trying to manage and create a new program in your life, whilst the old existing trauma is still having its way with you. It just doesn’t work!

This is where body healing modalities come into their own power. They are effective, and much more powerful for treating trauma symptoms and programs than any research, learning or cognitive or logical therapy ever will be.

You may wish to access things like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), kinesiology or the like, or you may simply go straight to the source of my Quantum Healing Program, known as NARP, which has been more effective for healing people from traumatic relationships than any other healing tool I know of on this planet.

And I say that humbly, this is exactly what the real-life evidence states.

 

Shifting Yourself Powerfully Into the New Order

To implement a new order of the life that you want, it is much easier and more direct to work on your Inner Being directly by releasing the responsible trauma out of it. Then filling the space where that was with Source Energy – which is life force, creation, God, your higher self, your superconscious, whatever a Higher Power means to you.

This heals what you logically can’t and means that you quickly and powerfully integrate what you haven’t been able to resolve yet.

The shifts are astounding and somatically felt in your body as real.

You literally emerge within minutes from the person who you were being, into the person who now is aligned with the healthy choices on the topic in question.

In no way does the shift take you decades of therapy. It is a complete false premise that healing yourself requires going through such a logical, minutely incremental, and often completely ineffectual system.

Letting go of what doesn’t serve you, and becoming what does, have absolutely nothing to do with learning anything new. The truth is you can only achieve your True Self and True Life, by unlearning all the traumas and the false beliefs that you have taken on. You can only do this by effectively releasing them out of your being, by letting them go.

Which you will easily achieve when you adopt a higher healing technology, that has been a much-needed upgrade for our human condition for a very long time.

I hope that you are getting excited about the truth, that you have the ability to let go of your previous painful patterns through the breakdown of the old order into the breakthrough of the new.

This new order is your natural and true state; it is who you are already programmed and coded to be without the infection of your inner traumas.

Your Higher Power wants for you, your Highest and Best expression of your life – meaning the only life that would truly gratify you. The components of your True Self and True Life – these things are seeking you as much as you are seeking them.

They are merely waiting for you to release the rusted old wreck that was in your garage, to clear the space to accept the divine entering of your Ferrari.

Do you want to start accessing the shifts, out of your old order, into your new one, quickly and powerfully?

If you do, and you want to access my powerful system to do this, as well as an incredible support community that will help you all the way, you can do this by clicking the link at the top right of this video.

And by doing so, you have taken a step directly onto the path of completely resurrecting your 2020 as your new year and not only that … your new life.

One that enters new trajectories that you simply couldn’t access before and bears no resemblance to the life that you left behind.

It is my greatest joy and mission to show you how to do this, just as I have done for every aspect of my life that was holding me back and hurting me – including abusive people, addictions and terrible patterns and choices.

If you really get this and want to go free, and come with me, then write below, ‘It’s my time, I deserve this, I can and will claim my new life in 2020’.

Let’s take a stand together, okay? To access my Quantum Healing Program NARP which will shift you from what is not serving you, to what totally is, please click the link at the top right of this video.

And I just want to say I’m sending you so much love for this holiday period and New Year.

2020 is going to be the best year ever for us Thrivers. Especially those of us consistently NARPing.

And for those of you already NARPing, looking for your next empowering, expansion steps, look out for the new upgraded Version 2 of my Empowered Self Course.

It’s coming real soon!

Happy New Year!

 

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Understanding The 4 Levels Of Trauma Inflicted By Narcissists

Understanding The 4 Levels Of Trauma Inflicted By Narcissists

 

Narcissistic abuse creates terrible levels of trauma that is so impactful that it affects every area of your life.

There are four levels of trauma that narcissists inflict and these are virtually consistent for everyone who has been abused by someone of this calibre.

In this video I share with you what it is like to lose our grip on reality, be horrifically betrayed, lose the ability to trust, and suffer terrible financial and health devastation.

Which, I know, is very likely to have been your experience! And I care about that deeply, because I know your life doesn’t need to remain devastated.

This is why, I also explain to you exactly how you can resurrect yourself from these four levels of trauma into a life that is not just recovered, but truly Thriving.

 

 

 

Video Transcript

Interpersonal relationship problems can be very traumatic.

Interpersonal relationships with narcissists take trauma to extreme levels.

The trauma sustained from narcissistic relationships is so impactful that it literally floods our Inner Being with survival programs that activate terror, horror, helplessness and powerlessness.

When we are crippled with these emotional states, it is virtually impossible to function, let alone access either the solutions or the ability to rebuild our life.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to explore the four levels of trauma inflicted on us by narcissists, what it does to us, and the way to heal from this and resurrect our life.

Because I promise you in all these four levels of trauma inflicted by narcissists, are four resurrections that will elevate and evolve your life in ways that will literally hand to you your True Self and True Life.

But before we start this deep dive, I would like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I would love to invite you to please do, as well as like this video and share it with others who could benefit.

Alright, let’s get started …

 

Level Number One: Reality Is Skewered

The first level of trauma inflicted by narcissists is that you start to lose grip on the truth. You don’t know what is real and or what isn’t anymore. You want to believe in the good in people, and you want to believe that what they are telling you is the truth. This person is looking you straight in the eye, possibly even telling you what you want to hear and what you want to believe in, yet the real-life evidence that keeps emerging is the opposite.

You want to believe this person, and if deeply enmeshed with a narcissist, your literal security and future, let alone emotional stability, probably depends on it.

When we are trauma bonded to somebody, meaning staying attached even when our security, health, emotions and emotional state are suffering, it means that you are now actively engaged in cognitive dissonance. And it means you are having to come up with excuses and justifications in order to rationalise the emotional trauma that you are experiencing, and why you are staying.

This means, whilst ignoring your intuition, which is trying to warn you that things are unwholesome, unsavoury and unsafe, you may be telling yourself things like, ‘I’m sure it will all work out in time’, ‘Surely he or she isn’t manipulating me’, ‘No matter what happens I’m positive I can deal with it’, or all the other elaborate lies that we tell ourselves. I know myself, as well as so many others who ignored the painful inner screams of their intuition, did so at a very hefty price, especially where narcissists are concerned.

Resurrection Number One: Becoming Self-Partnered Brings Truth and Power

The Thriver message, recovery and healing path in all of this, is to come home to yourself and be self-partnered to the level where you are healing your Inner Being, aligning with your intuition and starting to live in truth, backing your own values and healthy needs, regardless of what other people are doing. Many of us, never really knew what that was, until requiring Thriver recovery from narcissists.

By turning inwards to meet and start releasing your wounds with complete self-love and self-devotion, powerfully creates you being self-partnered.

To have the experience of discovering what being self-partnered really means, I’d love you to join me in my free webinar.

If you haven’t yet done it, I can’t suggest it enough because you’ll start feeling what self-partnered is. You’ll see the link to that with this video.

Level Number Two: Feelings of Betrayal Are Triggered

After being lied to by narcissists, and horrifically abused by them, we feel deeply betrayed. This is an incredible trauma activated within us, that can even destroy our faith in interpersonal relationships altogether.

This is a fracture to the very fabric of your Inner Being which of course profoundly desires connection. Yet, how can you risk connecting, and letting somebody deeply into your inner world and emotions ever again?

Maybe, after being narcissistically abused, and feeling soul raped at this level, you may feel it would be impossible to trust another human being again.

I completely understand this, because I used to feel like this too.

Resurrection Number Two: Becoming a Source To Yourself

I want you to know though, with all of my heart, there is a way to heal all of this. It starts with understanding one of the greatest lies that we have all been fed, as human beings, in regard to relationships.

We believed that it was other people’s responsibility to give us our own wholeness, meaning our own levels of love, approval, security, and survival. As children, this was very true, that was our parents’ or guardian’s job. Sadly, many of our adult caretakers were brought up in less than emotionally healthy environments and may never have been whole and healthy enough themselves to be able to effectively do that job.

It’s incredible to see in our world that the most important education of all, how to be a healthy, emotionally whole person, imparting and granting this essential human foundation to one’s offspring, is not the number one curriculum on this planet. It’s not even a subject that is taught on this planet.

Via narcissistic abuse, this make or break deal fractured our inner relationship with ourselves as well as the ability to create healthy ones with others. Now, we have the opportunity to wake up to the truth — that recovery requires healing our relationship with our Self to establish the love, approval, security, survival, wholeness, and capacity that we need to be for ourselves.

Then we will no longer hold people responsible and cling to them, as we did as children, trying to make these people grant us ourselves.

I found personally, as well as in the lives of so many Thrivers who have worked with NARP, that as a result of releasing our traumas and returning back to our True Self state, we understand the greatest truth of all — our levels of love, approval, security and survival really have nothing to do with other people or whether or not they could betray us. All along, this was really about how we were betraying ourselves, unknowingly, by putting the generation of our truth, value and our entire life into the hands of others, as we did as of course we did as children when we had no choice in the matter.

As adults we do have a choice; we can heal and develop to fully take on this responsibility for ourselves.

Then we know nobody can betray us unless we’re betraying ourselves.

 

Level Number Three: Loss of Resources

Narcissistic abuse is not just painful, it’s usually materially incredibly expensive. The amount of money and resources that gets thrown away trying to survive these relationships is horrific. Narcissists are like a black hole that suck not just energy, health and sanity, they also gobble up finances — literally.

It is extremely common as a result of narcissistic abuse to lose much if not everything you have worked your whole life for, up to that point.

This happened to me, and it happens to more people than you could even imagine. Many people believe that this means that they will never be able to rebuild and that their life will never be the same. It’s understandable why people think like this because narcissistic abuse often happens to people in midlife and beyond.

Naturally, if we have been very attached to achievement and accomplishments as our core identity, the trauma that we suffer through material loss is devastating. More than it just being an ego injury, it also may trigger within you the white-hot terror of not believing that you are going to be able to survive.

This was definitely the case for me. The horror was so bad, I thought I would die.

Resurrection Number Three: Truly Valuing Yourself

The necessary shift out of the trauma of all of this is to wake up to another profound truth, that the value of my soul was far greater than the perceived value of my accomplishments.

Personally, I was never going to rebuild anything in my life if I didn’t start from the bottom up, which was understanding that I was valuable and worthy as a human being, as I was, regardless of what I did or didn’t have.

It wasn’t until I was willing to love, approve, accept and partner with myself, traumas, financial devastation and all, that life itself and all of the resources in life could begin to do so as well.

The gift in my resurrection from shocking financial trauma was being able to finally anchor into the truth that I am safe and whole, and flourished and nourished by all of life simply because I exist. In no way did healing my beliefs at this core level make me delusional or lazy or entitled. Rather, it allowed me the ability to feel inspired and flowing without fear, without the necessity to try to produce material wealth in order to feel worthy or as a requirement to survive.

It also allowed me to accept opportunities, support and abundance in droves from life itself, matching my newly established healthy belief systems.

Finally, for the first time in my life, it allowed me to rebuild my life from a place of joy, purpose and inspirational creation without conditions on the outcomes.

Losing everything I had, to finally heal my fractured survival beliefs, was more than worth it.

The reason I am sharing my profound personal soul experience with this, is because I know, regardless of your survival struggles, exactly the same is true for you too.

I have seen so many beautiful people in this community, who statistically did not have the supposed qualifications, and were not at what is considered to be a financially productive age, start generating greater prosperity and abundance than they ever had previously.

All as a result of finally honouring their Inner Being first.

 

Level Number Four: Devastated Health

It is beyond traumatic to suffer the health symptoms of narcissistic abuse. Things like anxiety, depression, CPTSD, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue and any of the emotional, nervous system and physical breakdowns, all brought on by the horrific stress of abuse and living non-aligned with our soul truth.

Maybe as a capable, resourceful person, with a previously very high tolerance to stress, you were shocked to discover that this time around you couldn’t just pick yourself up off the ground and get on with It.

The effects of narcissistic abuse are like slamming into a brick wall. When life can no longer go on as normal, this is when things need to change. And the only thing that can change is the change that you make within yourself.

I know for myself, that I had always been high functioning and treated my body like a machine, to get things done, and certainly not as something to honour, connect with and love.

Resurrection Number Four: Release the Trauma Generating the Symptoms

Sadly, traditional abuse recovery purports that certain nervous system conditions such as PTSD are conditions that we will have for life.

Nothing is further from the truth.

PTSD and other nervous system disorders are all symptoms of trauma accumulated in our Inner Being at levels so extreme that parts of us break. However, when we turn inwards and release the trauma causing these conditions, then as the trauma goes the condition heals, and often this happens very quickly.

Like so many others, I was told I would never heal and recover from my abuse symptoms and would have to manage them for the rest of my life with antipsychotics.

I know, likewise, there are many of you in this community who had similar diagnoses, who are now living completely trauma-free and are Thriving.

Thank goodness, like those of us who don’t wish to live a disintegrated life, I didn’t accept that diagnosis, or I would never have self-partnered, turned inwards and freed myself from these inner traumas. And I would never have realised the ability to continue doing the same for the rest of my life, on literally any topic that is generating any less-than state.

I am now mentally and emotionally and physically the healthiest in my 50s than I’ve ever been in my entire life, even way before being abused. And I have the absolute joy of seeing so many of you, who are doing the inner work in this community, enjoying and shining your radiance as well.

This is what I wish for all of us, even if it feels like it’s a million miles away for you right now, the reality of profound, unprecedented healing from the inside out.

Okay, I hope that this episode has spoken to you. I know that these four levels of trauma are consistent virtually for everyone who has been narcissistically abused.

If this did resonate with you, and you want to resurrect your life and all these four areas in spectacular ways, then come with me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos please make sure that you subscribe to my channel, and if you liked this video click like and make sure you share it with others so that they can also wake up to the truth.

And as always I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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