Afraid Of What The Narcissistic Will Do Next? – Do this

Afraid Of What The Narcissistic Will Do Next? – Do this

 

One of the scariest things about narcissists is that you have NO idea what he or she will do next.

When cracks have appeared in your relationship, or you have separated, then abuse from a narcissist can REALLY heat up.

You may have already experienced the cruel, terrible acts that are designed to hurt you deep within your soul, life and emotions, and threaten everything that you love.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to help you understand the TRUE way you can predict a narcissist, as well as finally keep yourself SAFE from one.

 

 

Video Transcript

I know it can be terrifying to wonder what the narcissist will do next.

You may be going through this right now.

People all the time want to know: ‘Will he do this?’, ‘Is she likely to do that?’ and ‘Because this happened, does it mean this will happen?’

Narcissists can be very predictable, even though we believe they are unpredictable.

We know there are certain behaviours that they are really prone to do.

Today, I am going to tell you what it is that you can do, so that you will get free of every fear of what the narcissist will do next.

In fact, the information I am sharing with you, in this video, will get you to the point where you say ‘who cares’. And when you get to this point … you’ll have nothing to fear.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s get started on today’s episode!

 

What IS the Narcissist Going to Do Next?

It is when we try to work out what narcissists are going to do next by observing them, looking them up on social media, asking people about them, and watching out for them, that we can go SO wrong!

Likewise, it is Wrongtown even just obsessing about what has happened and wracking our brains about what could happen next.

Why?

Because the answer is NOT to be found in ANY of these places.

What do narcissists ALWAYS do?

This…

They do THE thing we fear is going to hurt US the most.

You may think this is crazy, yet I promise you, from the ten plus years that I have been working with people every day to overcome narcissistic abuse, as well as deeply investigating my own narcissistically abusive relationships, I KNOW that what I just said is the absolute truth.

Narcissists don’t have their own Identity – they are a False Self.

When relationships with narcissists crack, they try to keep punishing you for not appeasing their False Self. They also want to retain you for narcissistic supply, hoping to affect you to enforce their own significance.

Therefore, the greatest insult to a narcissist is for you to not grant them any energy or attention whatsoever, and to move on with your life.

So, to combat this, the narcissist is going to go for your ‘gap’. Meaning what hurts and what will get you emotionally triggered, reacting and granting him or her narcissistic supply again.

 

What You Find ‘In There’

To take your power back and get impervious to what the narcissist will do next, step number one is to stop observing and researching him or her (or narcissism in general) to try to work out WHAT will happen.

Instead – turn inwards to observe and research yourself.

I promise you the answer is in there.

But before you start doing this inner work, I want to convince you a little more about why this is necessary.

Think about your life with the narcissist and what this person triggers off within you.

Is it not the things that have been in repeat in your life that are painful for you in this relationship with the narcissist?

Things like blaming you for issues; telling you that you are defective, no good or selfish; smearing you; not trusting in and believing you; not recognising you or loving you for who you are; controlling and being possessive of you; or treating you like you are invisible.

Because these are likely to have been your ‘normal’ struggles, and it is not until you go within that you may realise that these things have been in repeat. These unhealed wounds may have been painfully evident in childhood and then continued on throughout your adult relationships.

My unhealed wounds were about being controlled, distrusted, betrayed and engulfed by people. I also had terrible terrors of abandonment and not being able to survive on my own without a man.

All of these patterns were prevalent and hugely triggered and brought to life in my narcissistic relationships.

What did the narcissists in my life do next, when things went south?

This…

They betrayed me with smearing and abandonment, and they attacked my security. ALL of my biggest fears!

What happened before my Thriver Recovery, both times, when these fears were triggered? I went into a frenzy of terror, dread, heartbreak, righteousness or rage. I obsessed, retaliated, handed power over and each time got crushed even further by them.

Even when the narcissists didn’t continue the crushing, the chip had been planted inside me; I crushed myself.

Yet, the same narcissists did different things with different people, according to each person’s own fears – I promise you this is the truth.

 

You Can’t Change Them, You Can Only Change Yourself

The next way we can go straight into Wrongtown is by thinking ‘Okay, now that I know the narcissist does what I fear, I’m going to try to stop the narcissist doing that.’

Maybe if I call the narcissist out, he’ll stop.

Maybe if I appeal to her, she will cease doing this.

Maybe I should try to make a deal…

Or threaten back with something…

Or try to inform others so that the narcissist is exposed and held accountable.

All of these equal ‘how to lose’. In fact, it will only energise what you fear and make it more likely to happen to you.

Be honest, you have already tried some, if not all, of these things (plus more). You know it doesn’t help matters.

This I want you to know with all of my heart: the experience of narcissistic abuse is an absolute energetic phenomenon, which is teaching you that you and your fears are front and centre with this person.

I’ll put it to you simply.

What you fear is what the narcissist will smash you with.

It is when you conquer YOUR FEAR, and not the narcissist, that the experience of narcissistic abuse and the narcissist can and will exit your life.

I promise you, relief and freedom happened in my life, and have happened for Thriver after Thriver in this community, once we had done the inner work to become Anti-Fear.

What does Anti-Fear mean?

It means having no emotional charge of fear on the previous fearful topic, regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

 

How Is It Possible to Become Anti-Fear?

You may think it is madness to try to become fearless about something that is being triggered right NOW by the narcissist’s obscene behaviour – or the threat of him or her doing it in the future.

You may also believe it is IMPOSSIBLE.

Yes, it is impossible if you keep your focus on the narcissist.

Yet, it is TOTALLY possible when you accept that the INNER GAME is the only one where you can have true power in these situations.

Generally, when people have exhausted every other possibility, and have nothing to lose, they start to apply the Inner Game tactic and then realise how powerfully it works.

How is the Inner Game played?

By taking all focus off the narcissist and going inwards to the traumas within, which are fearful and triggered. By doing the deep healing on these traumas and their origins, so they simply don’t exist anymore.

Like Gina, who was previously terrorised and traumatised by her ex Greg, who was stalking her. By doing the Quantum inner work on the terror of being ambushed and hunted and powerless, that had existed long before Grant, Gina FINALLY felt completely fearless out in life – regardless of what the hell Grant tried to do.

Grant predictably approached her again. She walked straight past him without any feeling whatsoever other than the slight annoyance of ‘Why waste my time?’

Gina shrugged off any residual emotions within minutes. She had graduated. He never approached or attempted contacting her again.

Then there was Katherine. Andrew was belting her with his solicitor and threatening to take the house and full custody of the children. Katherine was so paralysed with fear she could barely eat or sleep.

Katherine turned within to do the work on her terrors of losing her children and her home, and emerged feeling solid and calm on the inside. She stood down her solicitor, sought another one, and felt safe and inspired.

Within three months Katherine was awarded 70 per cent of her property settlement and the majority of shared custody.

Katherine simply kept working on her fears, presenting evidence that her highly motivated lawyer asked her for, and showing up calmly and clearly. The entire time she was willing to accept whatever the outcome was.

In court she had no pangs of fear or anxiety. The narcissist unravelled for all to see, and was reprimanded by the judge.

Then there was Stewart, who was being terrorised by Kristy his ex-wife. She took him back to court every few years – always after more money. The resentment he felt about this was so heavy that he felt crippled to try to meet anyone else or pursue any career advancement.

When Stewart took his focus off resenting Kristy and turned it inwards to heal himself, he found and released many traumas regarding other people using him for their own agendas and him never being allowed to be happy.

After shifting out all of these traumas, he stopped hurting and started dealing with his life. He had the inspiration to go forth and just be himself, regardless of what Kristy would decide to do.

He got a promotion and a girlfriend. He stopped thinking about the repercussions with Kristy.

After this, Kristy never took him to court again. And, as it turned out, she met a new partner and lost all urge to do so.

Are these miraculous turnarounds a coincidence?

If they are, then the thousands of shifts I’ve seen in the past ten plus years are too!

Of course they are not! It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

 

It’s Counter-Intuitive, But It’s the Only Way

Something inside of you may be resonating with KNOWING what I am saying is the truth. Your cells have the ability to feel and know when something is!

Or maybe you are so exhausted and emptied out with trying everything else to get out of the fear and pain of narcissistic abuse, that you would be willing to bang two fishes over your head if you thought it would help!

I know it is terrifying to take your focus off the narcissist and put it fully into healing the triggered parts of yourself.

I know it feels like the LAST thing you should be doing.

Yet, I promise you that when you start doing it, you will notice the fear drop away and something else open up.

Then you will see the real life shifts in your life that happen as a result.

And then you will KNOW 100 percent that what I am explaining here to you is the truth – the only truth that was ever going to stop this horror and grant you your true, abuse-free, new life.

This you need to be very clear about – reaching this state is not a logical job.

It’s an inside job – which is not logically achieved.

You can’t think your way into this; you need to heal your way to it.

So if you just know now this is the way, or two fishes seems like an option, it is perfect timing for you…

Because I have recently opened up my next Masterclass, which is a profound healing event that when last held was attended by thousands of people from over 100 different countries. Both during and after the event, we received hundreds of messages and emails saying that, humbly, the event was truly phenomenal.

To join up to this free, healing event please click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Why You Can’t Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

Why You Can’t Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is hard and sometimes you can struggle with symptoms such as constant obsessing, feeling powerless, broken, anxious, depressed and like your lifeforce has gone missing?

Also suffer conditions such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Fibromyalgia or some other nasty.

In this Thriver TV episode, I explain why you haven’t been able to recover and what is necessary to recover.

I promise you that you can heal for real, you just haven’t known HOW to yet.

 

 

 

Video Transcript

Are you struggling to recover from the symptoms of narcissistic abuse such as constant obsessing, feeling powerless, broken, anxious, depressed and like your lifeforce has gone missing?

Maybe you are suffering conditions such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Fibromyalgia or some other nasty?

So many people ask the questions ‘Will I ever recover?’, ‘When will the pain end?’ and ‘When will I get this person out of my mind?’

These are all valid questions and the truth sadly, in contemporary therapy is that these conditions go on for a long time, if not indefinitely.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to explain to you – point-blank – why you haven’t been able to recover and what is necessary to recover.

Okay, before we get started, thank you for subscribing and your Thriver Mission support. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s begin…

Am I Defective or Unable To Heal?

I know you may have been experiencing these feelings. Once upon a time, I did too. At times it feels like ‘I am getting there’ and then there is the sliding back down into the abyss and wondering why you aren’t getting better.

I know this is not because you are lazy. So many people who have experienced narcissistic abuse are people who don’t shy away from personal development. You may have been trying to get better in many different ways.

You not getting better is NOT because you can’t recover. I promise you that you can. It’s because the ways you have been trying to recover aren’t working.

Let’s have a look at where we think we should be doing which doesn’t work.

 

Researching Narcissism and Narcissists

I can’t emphasise enough the 90/10 rule.

How this rule works is this: ninety percent energy and focus is spent on self-recovery and only ten percent on learning about narcissists.

And this rule should only go on for the first month or so. After then it should be all about self-recovery.

Yes, initially, learning what narcissist are and what they do is important. Yet it is a total illusion that researching and learning all there is to know about narcissists will heal you – it doesn’t.

ALL you need to know about the narcissist is this: a narcissist is a false, empty self with dire insecurities, who needs to feed their insatiable false self with other people’s energy and stuff.

They are not capable of feelings and love the way we are. They don’t seek a relationship for the reasons we do, and healthy relationships are not possible with them.

The REAL truth of narcissists, or for that matter anyone, is this: If we don’t share the same values with people – such as kindness, honesty, authenticity, empathy, and teamwork – then this person is not someone we can have a happy, healthy life with.

If we try to change people, narcissist, or non-narcissist, then truly we are abusing ourselves and will remain stuck in disappointing and painful relationships.

So, no matter what you are going through with your trauma or the narcissist – including co-parenting, property disputes, heartbreak, feeling addicted and trauma bonded, and suffering all the narcissistic abuse symptoms – your ONLY hope out of this for REAL is to turn inwards to heal yourself.

Only then will you be able to align with the TRUE Life that will bring you happiness, safety and decency, and leave behind the one that doesn’t.

Is it hard? Absolutely. But it is near impossible without doing the inner work. Research will NOT get you there. And even if you do leave the relationship, you will struggle to leave healthily and rebuild and heal.

Narcissists will keep coming into your life and be a blight upon your Inner Identity and soul until you do the self-recovery work. This means you stop looking outwards at WHAT happened to you and come inwards to heal WHY it happened.

 

Researching Your Trauma Symptoms

It is 100% NOT true that you will have C-PTSD (Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) or other nervous system, anxiety or physical disorders, that have happened to you through narcissistic abuse, for life.

Yes, they are terrible … totally.

I also had trauma symptoms that I was told were incurable and so would need anti psychotics for me to cope.

I promise you this was a lie. I’m not blaming the doctors who told me this – they had been indoctrinated into believing this was true.

One of the main reasons why you aren’t recovering is because you are choosing to believe what other victims of narcissistic abuse and contemporary therapists are telling you…

That you can only hope to try to manage the symptoms; that you will need coping strategies and possibly medication; and that it will take years, maybe even a lifetime of therapy, to function and maybe heal.

I urge you to take your power back and to choose NOT to believe what you are being told.

You have the power to decide your truth going forwards, and you have the power to heal at your core so that there aren’t ongoing trauma symptoms to battle and manage.

If you join ‘survivor’ groups and PTSD groups, then you are cementing your victimhood. You become what you choose to believe about yourself – that you are sick and that you are a victim.

Yes, you have been victimised and at present you are sick, but when you release the trauma that is driving these states out of your body, you just won’t be.

Joining and believing in victimised groups is one of the surest ways you will delay or completely forgo true healing.

In that orientation you may feel some comfort in shared victimhood, but if true healing and release from the pain and abuse programs and patterns is your goal, there are better options for you.

 

Trying to Force Justice or Accountability

Another way to severely stunt recovery is to believe that you can’t heal until the narcissist is brought to justice.

This will completely delay your healing.

The Laws of Life work like this: if we require anything outside of ourselves to change for us to be whole, we have handed our power away and change doesn’t happen.

Yet, if you decide to make it your personal mission to heal yourself and become whole, regardless of what is or isn’t happening (without conditions), then you will reach unconditional wholeness on the inside.

Then you will graduate into knowing the Powerful Quantum Creator you really are, seeing the shift on the outside that matches your inner state of wholeness.

It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

 

Not Getting the Trauma Out

Before people start working with energetic body healing, they may or may not know why it is necessary.

It’s necessary to release trauma, because it’s the toxic infection inside us that is not allowing us to be whole, real and healed.

If you have ongoing, unhealed trauma inside you, it affects your entire emotional, mental and physical systems. You are diminished and use up vital lifeforce trying to survive the trauma.

This is the state of being in Survival, rather than being free to enter into the Creation of your Life.

Because the trauma is so painful, often we can’t bear it and we may need to self-medicate with prescription drugs, excessive exercise, meditation or spiritual practices.

Or we start ‘searching’ or ‘researching’ to try to dull the anxiety and stop the depression hitting.

Or we may take up other addictions such as smoking, drinking, eating, working excessively or social media.

If we constantly HAVE to do these things – and we believe we do – it is because they are only managing our symptoms. They are NOT healing us.

We can’t release trauma mentally, logically or cognitively. It can’t be contacted, loaded up or reprogrammed by our cognitive mind. It just isn’t possible.

Energetic body healing is the new science to deal with trauma.

Interestingly, at first it is really counter-intuitive to do. It involves contacting our feeling centres, which most of us were trained out of doing.

Yet, when we re-connect and come home to ourselves within, it becomes the most natural, soothing and powerful process to do. And RIDICULOUSLY easy!

Okay, so now I’m inviting you to this process, to learn more about it and to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself. The system that allows you to find, load up and release your trauma, and to start living free from it and heal in all areas of your life – not just narcissistic abuse.

So, come heal with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link to the free Healing Workshop – replay available.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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10 Lessons Learned From 10 Years In Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

10 Lessons Learned From 10 Years In Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

 

Today is an exciting day for Thriving!

Because I am sharing with you my compendium of the ten top lessons that I have learned over the last ten years in narcissistic abuse recovery.

You may already know and embody these lessons – or you may not have started yet.

Either way, if you start working with and aligning with these lessons, not only will you achieve recovery from narcissistic abuse in ways and time frames that will stun you…

You will also open yourself up to receive the life of your dreams.

Truly… These changes will infiltrate your life in incredible ways.

 

 

Video Transcript

I’m so excited about today’s Thriver TV Episode, because in it I get to share with you the ten most important lessons that I have ever learned for narcissistic abuse recovery.

These are important lessons.

They are vital lessons.

They saved my life.

They allowed me to heal from the unhealable and Thrive. Also, they have set the basis for thousands of other people, just like you, to do the same.

And I can’t wait to share them with you.

But before I do…

Thank you if you have subscribed to my channel, I am so grateful for you supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do.

If you like this video, make sure to give it a thumbs up!

Okay, let’s get started.

 

Lesson #1 – It Is Impossible to Think Your Way Out of Trauma

You need to know this more than anything – thinking, talking, researching and filling your brain with more information does not stop obsessive thinking.

Obsessive thinking is a by-product of being traumatised. And the more you try to think your way OUT of it, the more traumatised you become. This is because the only thinking you have access to is the thinking ABOUT it.

The brain follows the body. It is the servant of it, not the master.

I have done many Thriver TVs about Quantum Healing and why it is the true way to heal for real, but suffice to say here, if you think ‘more thinking and information’ helps you, you are heading more deeply into Wrong Town.

There is another way – a true way to heal. This ‘true’ way is at the level of the body, working on your nervous, somatic and emotional systems at their core, where the trauma that is affecting your entire life is stored.

I want you to understand this: when the trauma is healed at its core there is NO trauma left for you to manage with thinking.

Both the body and the mind will completely calm down, creating space for relief, calm, power and new directions.

 

Lesson #2 – If You Remain Victimised, More Victimisation Comes

This lesson, at the start of recovery, is a tough one to accept but is so necessary.

Initially, I was totally a victim. I hadn’t realised that I needed to heal me. I completely blamed him and I thought my life was beyond repair. I thought I was finished.

In this state, and whilst going on abuse forums and communicating with other people about how bad narcissists are, I was denying my own love and healing back to wholeness.

When I stopped banging on about narcissists and made MY healing my greatest priority, I found many unhealed parts of myself. Aspects of myself that not only had allowed me to unconsciously accept him into my life, but had not allowed me to leave and look after me.

Healing those parts of me was what took all the abuse symptoms, fears and traumas away.

All the painful things that would have been my lifelong legacy, if I remained a victim.

I healed and evolved beyond them all!

 

Lesson #3 – Once the Trauma Is Inside You It Is Yours to Be Responsible For

This lesson is intertwined with Lesson #2, and like Lesson #2 can be challenging to accept initially.

It is this… As an adult, there is no-one coming to save you.

The people who have hurt you are not going to fix what they did, and no outside force is going to magically take the pain away.

Any external relief will be fleeting and temporary.

This means regardless of how the trauma got there, who put it there, and even what it is, the only way true recovery can happen is if you meet your Inner Being and start releasing your trauma.

When I finally GOT this, I realised how liberating it was to stop waiting for anything else and I just got down to the real mission that was my life – tending to the healing of my inner self, which is where my entire life unfolds from.

That changed everything. The pain went, and real life began.

I realised how disempowering it had been, trying to make other people provide me with self-soothing, love, approval, security and survival. I finally knew I had the power to generate these things within me!

 

Lesson #4 – It Was All Meant to Be

The more awakened we become, the more we come to this realisation: ‘I understand now why that happened.’

This understanding comes very quickly once we start healing from the inside out.

Virtually every time I accessed ‘what hurts’ in my dedicated Inner Thriver Recovery, I found a trauma and a false belief that came from my past.

The ‘ahhas’ came thick and fast, allowing me to know that the narcissist was the ‘messenger of my wounds.’

He represented the delivery of exactly the parts of myself that were still unhealed. The ways that I was hard on myself; the ways I didn’t self-partner. He brought to light my greatest terrors to do with love, safety, security and survival.

In my relationship with him, I got to see how I would dismiss myself and my health in order to not be abandoned by him. I realised how my previous abandonment wounds had led to me drastically abandoning myself.

Once I had healed these parts within, I become the happiest, healthiest version of myself that I could ever imagine. I was finally self-partnered, whole, solid and safe in my own body and in my life.

 

Lesson #5 – The Value of Your Soul is Everything

Before Thriver Recovery my identity’s value was NOT about my soul.

It was about outer things such as the relationship I was in; how much security I had; and what I owned. And it was completely about what other people thought of me.

When myself and my life were smashed into oblivion by narcissistic abuse, all that was left was me with me. It was then, after turning inwards to save my own soul by letting go of all the trauma within, that I was reborn.

I emerged knowing the truth – that I had the ability to be whole in my own soul, regardless of what I did or didn’t have.

Once achieving this became my highest mission, things started unfolding in the most miraculous ways to grant me more wholeness.

I have seen in my own life, and now in the lives of countless others, that when your soul is your highest priority, then all else in your life comes back online. It heals and starts to flourish – even including your children.

When you value your Inner Being, which is the seat of your soul, then all of Life and Creation (Source) honours you completely, too.

 

Lesson #6 – Releasing Judgement to Be the Solution

What are people’s inner values and truth?

Have they developed from Oneness, authenticity and feeling safe and secure within their own Being? Or are they about separation, distrust, hiding out and acting to try to survive?

How many children grew up not being whole on the inside and therefore became damaged children in adult bodies?

Is there peace and love, or rage and fear driving a person’s actions that they may be deeply unconscious about?

I learned to drop judgement, pain and resentment about other damaged people, and instead concentrate on cleaning up my half of the road.

The best we can all do now is to heal our own Inner Being, knowing that this assists the healing of the whole.

The more you judge and condemn, the more it hurts you and is not a solution to the issues. It only helps hold them in place. If you are still carrying trauma, you are spreading the infection to others and you will remain a potential victim and target of it – instead of easing it.

However, by healing your own Inner Being and inspiring others to heal theirs, there is a movement away from being abused. This helps release the entire abuse pattern, for you and for your future generations.

 

Lesson #7 – We Can’t Heal Our Children if We are Unhealed

Before I understood this truth about Thriver Recovery, I desperately tried to rescue my son instead of healing myself.

The result was that he pushed back and pulled away.

My energy was damaged and toxic to be around, and I was not leading the way for him.

When I finally let go of trying to heal and control him, and took full responsibility for my own healing, he started to get well too.

Additionally, to this day, every time I do a Quanta Freedom Healing shift on myself (NARP) I have the intention that my healing is also his healing.

The results are miraculous. Where I go, he follows.

 

Lesson #8 – People Love You How You Love Yourself

I used to believe that people would love me the way I loved them.

My life was about people-pleasing and handing away my rights and power to try to make them provide me with love, approval, security and survival.

A great deal of my previous victimisation was about ‘How dare you treat me so badly after what I gave you!’

Then I woke up out of the trance and understood that what we accept is what we will get. That people mirror back the way we think about and love and treat ourselves.

You will never accept a level of love lesser than the level you love yourself.

When you heal the foundational relationship, which is the true relationship in your life, the one you have with your Inner Being, then you will have and maintain relationships with other whole healthy people.

 

Lesson #9 – Nothing Stops Until You Stop Participating

We think we are saying ‘No’ to something by pushing back on it and wrestling with it.

I was a chronic over-participator.

I would argue, defend, lecture, prescribe, try to fix, and roll around with abusers, trying to do everything to make then change so that I could have a healthy and happy life.

If you relate to this, pause this video and put your hand up to being a chronic over-participator in the comments below.

I learned that to have a healthy and happy life, I needed to STOP participating and simply state my values and truths. That I needed to pull back into them and just BE them, and only allow these values and truths into my life.

No more judgement, anger or trying to change others. Rather, my life became – that is their truth; this is my truth – and if it’s not a match that’s fine!

Then true freedom to BE me became possible.

It will for you, too.

 

Lesson #10 – There Is No Outside

This lesson is pretty Quantum – and so powerful when you work with it. It allows you to take full responsibility for your life to eternally grow and generate powerfully.

As Neale Donald Walsch said in his book Conversations With God, ‘I only send you Angels.’

I learned to accept that everyone in my experience was showing me an aspect of myself.

If they hit a trigger within, it was an unhealed part.

When narcissists co-create painful or disappointing events with you, they expose for you the evidence of a painful belief for you to heal and break free from.

And if people reflect back to you love, kindness and benevolence, these are healthy beliefs that you are starting to have about yourself, life and others.

When we use the contextual field as a tool for self-awareness and actualisation, then life has richness, depth and meaning as well as exciting growth possibilities and directions.

However, please don’t think in this self-reflection that you won’t address your outside world. You will, but in more effective ways than you ever have before.

Maybe your growth lesson is about overcoming your fear that others have power over you. What this means is that you can release yourself from that inner fear and start showing up, having difficult conversations, laying boundaries and even taking decisive action against someone when they don’t honour your expressed boundaries.

Doing this is an act of self-love.

Quantum self-actualisation is not fluffy new-age woowoo. It is about becoming the most authentic, real, empowered, effective and loving person you can be.

Okay, so I hope this video has helped.

If you are already working with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), you are anchoring into these truths, which come into full organic realness when you lose your inner trauma.

If you are struggling with your narcissistic abuse recovery, the embodiment of these ten lessons will grant you powerful and fast relief.

To embody and start living by these lessons, you can join me and the Thriver Tribe by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Preparing To Leave A Narcissist – 7 Things You Must Know

Preparing To Leave A Narcissist – 7 Things You Must Know

 

Leaving a narcissist can be terrifying. You know it’s not going to be easy and not going to go well.

Have you left and so have already suffered the threats and horror of what the narcissist is capable of doing?

Are you thinking of leaving, but the thought of it terrifies you?

These questions and more are answered in this video!

 

 

Video Transcript

Leaving a narcissist is one of the hardest things you will ever do.

For a start, you are NOT well.

It is likely that you are suffering from all sorts of anxiety disorders such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Generally, at the time of leaving a narcissist, it’s because things are so traumatising that you have no choice.

Please know getting out is not the end of the trauma. In fact, it usually brings on an escalation of your traumas, which is why, today, I wanted to share with you the seven top things you must know when leaving a narcissist.

Okay, before we get started, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up!

Okay, I want to start off with one of the most important things you need to understand regarding leaving a narcissist.

 

Number 1 Aftershock

This is one of the BIGGEST, if not the BIGGEST, understanding you need to know.

When you leave you are not going to feel better because you have left. Maybe you will – but it’s extremely rare.

The reason being is that you have been cellularly trauma bonded and peptide addicted to the narcissist.

Once your ‘drug dealer’ of these terrible peptides is gone, your body will start screaming out for them. Also, when you are stuck in the survival battles with the narcissist, your attention is diverted from the horrible cellular addiction that your body is hooked on.

It is only when the silence comes that your peptide addiction can hit with full force.

This aftershock can be WORSE than the feelings you had IN the relationship.

You can feel an insane compulsion, powerful addictive pulls and even like you will DIE without this person.

Also, this is a time when people feel like it’s love – ‘I must love this person to feel this terrible without them’. But please know that is NOT the truth.

Maybe you have had many failed attempts at staying away and keep going back (as I did too). This is often the case until you start healing the peptide addiction and breaking free from it.

If it has been AWFUL for you to try and survive, feeling like you can’t COPE and are DYING without this person, then the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the most powerful and fastest solution I know of to help you address this.

And if you haven’t yet left, NARP is the BEST way to start preparing for the Aftershock when you do leave – because aftershock is the #1 thing that can derail you, more than anything.

 

Number 2 The Narcissist Has No Care For Your Future

You really need to know that the narcissist is not going to make your job of ‘moving on’ easy. He or she will want to punish you and make you suffer. As far as the narcissist is concerned, you were the one who did the wrongdoing and he or she is the victim.

If you are walking away, you are the enemy and this means you need to be brought down, demeaned, smeared and desecrated, as much as possible.

So many people, myself included, were astounded at how this person can become the greatest enemy you have ever been up against.

The relentless belting may be so terrible that it feels like you will break – or that you have to go back to the narcissist to stop it. You may even feel like you will never survive it.

You need to know that all hell could and probably will break loose and that you will not be able to predict what is to come and how it will manifest. Therefore you need to be calm, cool and rational.

When I left narcissist number one, I was totally unprepared. I had no idea what I was up against and that I should have prepared first.

If you start getting triggered, panicked and distressed, the narcissist will have you exactly where he or she wants you and will keep firing missiles at you.

The more you try to get decency, clemency, and care from this person, the more they know you are affected and the harder they will ramp up the abuse. The more you engage with them, the worse it will get.

Don’t, under any circumstances, try to bargain and create deals or get understanding.

You must remember this – as soon as it starts. Detach, don’t engage, keep healing and do WHATEVER it takes with your healing to be calm, clear and succinct – NO matter what is thrown at you. And if you DO all this, you will see how the narcissist loses all power to annihilate you.

In fact, he or she will lose all power to have ANY effect on you.

 

Number 3 Plan Your Escape

Know thy enemy and be smart.

This is essential.

Don’t tell the narcissist that you are leaving. Set up bank accounts. See your solicitor. Don’t tell anyone who may tell the narcissist your plans. Have somewhere to go and get your possessions out of the home, before the narcissist knows what you are doing.

Do not leave anything behind that the narcissist can hold onto, to hook you back with.

Make sure that all credit cards, or finances that could be taken from you, are disconnected. Please know that whatever you can’t disconnect will make you vulnerable and a potential target of the narcissist’s wrath.

If you are frightened for your safety, calmly and intelligently express this to the authorities and get ready to act with an intervention order in the event of threats.

 

Number 4 Go No or Modified Contact

You don’t have to tell the narcissist you are leaving – and as I just expressed, it is better that you don’t.

Actions speak louder than words.

Once out, it’s time to block the narcissist. Don’t take contact from him or her. If you have businesses or children together, get the ball moving with setting up a parenting plan and third-party channels of communication.

Detaching and healing is VITAL now, and continued contact will not allow you to do that. Make sure the people around you know that you will not be in contact with this person, other than through other channels and that you need them to respect this.

 

Number 5 Don’t Want or Look Out for Accountability or Change

When I finally got away and stayed away from my two narcissistic experiences, not wanting and looking out for accountability helped so much.  I NO longer believed there was ANY hope of change.

When you have been dealing with someone who is capable of what narcissists are – pathological lying, deflection, nil accountability, malicious acts and horrifically abusive situations – remember that these people have crossed the line.

They are damaged goods. They can’t and won’t heal. It’s just not going to happen.

You need to REALLY mean No Contact – which means I am no longer hanging out for you to tell me you love me; that you are going to fix this; that you will change and we can get back together.

NO! Those days are gone – no matter what you say, what crocodile tears you put on or what promises you make!

You need to face facts. How many times has that happened already and you’ve ended up in exactly the same horrific place?

Shut the door and MEAN it!

Of course, you are going to have feelings and urges to return. Of course, the feelings of broken dreams and dismay come up. But NOW your resolution is between you and you. If you take this to the NARP Modules, those feelings will pass very quickly, and you will emerge strong and no longer susceptible to going back or accepting a hoover attempt.

 

Number 6 Detach From The Smearing

A narcissist will do their best to dismantle your support forces and discredit you to the main people in your life. This will be your family, friends, colleagues, boss and maybe even the authorities.

The smearing may be so vicious, that you start getting abused by proxy by people enlisted by the narcissist. It might even be the police or other agencies, that the narcissist has arranged to investigate you.

There is a golden rule with this – let go of the fear of what other people think of you and heal this terrible trauma within yourself. I can’t emphasise this enough, because being persecuted is one of the most terrible human fears that we can feel.

I got slammed with this. Many of us have.

I was so traumatised by the smearing, that I thought that I was going to die. It wasn’t until I released all of the trauma inside, that I was able to deal calmly and succinctly with the authorities, and I was no longer affected by what family, friends and colleagues thought.

The smear campaigns fell over.

Previously when I was triggered, it just got worse and worse. The more I tried to prove my innocence, the less credible I appeared.

When I let go of trying to fight back and just worked on myself, the whole thing dissolved away. I promise you, with all of my heart, that the same will happen for you.

 

Number 7 Value Your Soul Above All Else

Over the last ten plus years, I have been deeply connected with thousands of people’s recovery after leaving a narcissist, and I want to finish with this message.

Value your Soul; your Inner Self.

Deeply learn to come home to you and make ‘you healing you’ your greatest priority.

Are you prepared to put your soul’s worth in front of bricks and mortar?

Are you prepared to be an example of ‘not succumbing and tolerating abuse’, rather than staying with the narcissist, so that your children don’t have a broken family?

Are emotional feelings and soul truths your priority now? Or are you staying because you think you should ‘have’ certain things – at a horrible soul expense?

Are you going to stay because of your fears, limitations or insecurities? Or are you going to commit to growing and developing yourself to be the source of love and approval and security and survival you need to be non-reliant on the narcissist and go forth and create your True Life for yourself? Do you want to be a positive and true example to those you love?

I want you to know that there is an infallible Universal Law that goes like this – when you honour you, life will honour you – with more abundance love and joy than you could imagine.

 

Phenomenal Support

For those of you needing to leave, or struggling to leave, I SO hope that this Thriver TV Episode has helped you.

I want you to know, with all of my heart, that you don’t need to do this alone. Myself and many other Thrivers had to go through it – obscene trauma, battles, aftershock and fallout with narcissists – and we are here for you.

We know how to get through this, and we know the best way to successfully leave and then resurrect your life, as well as rendering narcissists powerless against you.

Many people in our community are getting through this process EXTREMELY successfully and PAINLESSLY. Winning custody and settlements, and even having narcissists fully capitulate to give them what they want.

They do this because they are diligently working with NARP, their Inner Being powerful weapon, and they are in the NARP Member’s Forum, where the best minds in the work in abuse recovery are there to help you with unlimited 24/7 access – so any time that you are in need.

This all comes for free as a part of your NARP Gold Membership.

Also, please know I sponsor 10% of all NARP Programs to people in financial distress, because I don’t want anyone in need, who can’t afford NARP, to go without.

Mind you NARP is so affordable, it only costs the price of 2–3 counselling sessions. Also, it has a full money-back guarantee.

But if you can’t afford this, then you can apply for sponsorship with my support team at support@melanietoniaevans.com. If you are accepted, it means that you can start NARP and have all of its support structures at NO cost

Okay, so in closing, I really want to say this to you…

In the ten years plus that I have been doing narcissistic abuse Thriver Recovery work, I promise you there is a night-and-day difference between the people who don’t work with NARP and those who do. In fact, so different it seems like you are living in a different universe, and this is why I always bang on about NARP. It is my strongest suggestions for you.

It saves souls and lives and will grant you the most incredible life you could imagine on the other side. It is your solution, that you’ve been searching for.

So check out NARP and get all the right help, by clicking the link at the top right of this video.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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7 Signs Your Parent Is Narcissistic

7 Signs Your Parent Is Narcissistic

 

Many people in this community have been narcissistically abused as a child and my heart goes out to you if this has been your plight.

Today, I share with you the seven top signs I believe typify a narcissistic parent and how their behaviour can affect you as an adult.

The binds and trauma may still be present between you and your narcissistic parent – whether he or she is alive or not, and so it is my deepest wish that this video gives you answers, relief and a true solution to your pain.

 

 

Video Transcript

Maybe you do not realise that your parent was a narcissist because what you experienced as a child was your ‘normal.’

Or perhaps you do know.

Truly, it can be terribly devastating for those who did suffer a narcissistic parent, and my heart goes out to you if that is you.

In today’s TTV Episode I want to share with you the seven signs that I believe are indicators your parent is a narcissist – what these signs look like and how having a narcissistic parent may have affected you.

At the end of this episode, I also want to share with you hope … A knowing that even if abuse is all that you have ever known, you can heal from this.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s look at this…

 

Number 1 Invalidation

Sadly, a narcissistic parent is self-absorbed and only interested in their own thoughts and feeling. It is common for this parent to not listen to you, not care what you are feeling, and to either force their will upon you or ignore your appeals to them, regardless of what is going on for you.

Because of this, you grew up believing that your thoughts, feelings, and desires were unimportant and, if expressed, would only bring further invalidation and disappointment.

This means, as an adult, you will tend to fit in with others, submerge your own needs, and you won’t speak up to express either your own needs or your values.

Maybe you have found it extremely difficult to even know what your values and needs are.

 

Number 2 Instability

Narcissistic instability means that one minute your parent could be engulfing and fawning over you and the next they are triggered, angered and even verbally or physically violent – and certainly emotionally malicious.

As a child, you may not have known what this parent was going to be like on a day-to-day, or even minute-to-minute basis.

Because there was be no rhyme or reason to your parent’s behaviour, and therefore nothing you could have done to predict or negate the outburst, as a child you learnt that ‘love’ was unstable and even dangerous.

If this is what you experienced, it is likely that you have suffered the anxiety of not knowing how to be safe in life in your own body, and especially with people who are close to you.

This means you might try to read people’s energy to be safe, and try to please them and calm them down to survive.

It can also mean you run towards abusive people, trying to fix them to make them love you and look after you, rather than detaching yourself and getting away from them.

As a child, you had to do all you could to keep your parents around and to survive with them.

 

Number 3 Exploitation

Commonly, a narcissistic parent will use a capable or attractive child to further their own cause of gaining narcissistic supply.

Rather than wanting their children to succeed for the child’s sake, this parent makes it all about themselves – the fulfilment of their own ego, complete with the admiration and envy of others.

Often a child will be pushed into a direction, with high demands and pressure, that the child may not necessarily want to do or perform. This child is the golden child, who receives a ton of attention and energy, yet is being exploited for the narcissist’s own need to feel significant.

This child loses his or her personality, dreams and wishes, and becomes a mere extension of the narcissistic parent. And when he or she doesn’t perform that role, is punished or downgraded.

If this happened to you, you will have embedded within your Inner Being programs of conditional love. This means that you will be very hard on yourself. Also, you may find it very hard to relax and take time out, because you are always trying to get the job done and done right.

You may believe that people will only ever love you for what you can achieve, and not for who you are.

 

Number 4 Manipulation

Guilting is a very common weapon used by a narcissistic parent. This parent may remind you constantly of what they do for you and how ungrateful you are if you don’t abide by their demands.

The guilting can turn into abusive shaming, if this parent has set upon you as the scapegoat – meaning blaming you for the state that parent is in or the way the family is.

Maybe you were compared to a sibling, and insulted regarding how you didn’t measure up to him or her.

This will cause the adult you to be susceptible to being blamed for other’s problems, which they refuse to take responsibility for themselves. You may also find yourself taking the blame, feeling shameful and guilty, and trying to fix things that are not your fault.

 

Number 5 Neglect

The neglect of a narcissistic parent can come in many different shapes and forms. Common are the ignoring of the needs of their children – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.

When it is all about the narcissistic parent, then others are unimportant. It’s narcissistic selfishness and self-absorption. A narcissist’s primary driver is narcissistic supply, which means getting attention and acclaim from others.

It is very common, whilst the parent is seeking supply through career, socialising, self-indulgence or pastimes, that the child will be left with the other parent or even, from a young age, on their own.

Also, many narcissists suffer from the secondary addiction (narcissistic supply being the first) of substance abuse. Addicts are unavailable parents. Narcissistic addicts are doubly so.

If this was your plight, then you learned from an early age that your life was up to you. You found it difficult to trust others and let them in. You may struggle to delegate, let people in or play team with others. You most likely hold the belief, ‘It’s always up to me. Others don’t support me.’

Or, you may crave attention and affection so much that you are highly susceptible to bonding with and trusting people far too quickly, rather than taking your time to get to know them.

 

Number 6 Superficiality

The narcissistic parent may have a completely different persona in public to within the home.

People think the narcissistic parent is lovely and has a beautiful nature; that they love and adore their family. Little do they know the truth of what goes on behind closed doors when ‘others’ are not around.

Image, pretences and having others envy and think that the narcissist has the ‘perfect’ life, is all part of a False Self constructing a False Life.

If you experienced this as a child, you may be hard on yourself regarding how you appear to others and believe that people will only accept you if you are ‘perfect’.

You will have gone through the devastation of being treated like an object, so as to present a perfect image, rather than as a blood, flesh and soul human being with feelings.

You may get into relationships with people who objectify you, and you may even do this to yourself (rather than connect to your own true feelings and needs).

 

Number 7 Control

If a child wants to express their individuality and seems to be breaking away from the family mould, then there are methods that a narcissistic parent may use to exert control.

One of them is demeaning the child’s worth, dreams and wishes, to stop him or her succeeding in breaking free. Another is to express jealousy and hostility with anything that the child wants to do away from the family. This can be directed at friends or this child’s love partner.

By keeping the child stuck and minimalised, the narcissist gets to boost his or her own insecure ego.

Another method of control can be to wrap the child up in duties and chores or a family business, or even family commitments, so that they can’t have a life of their own.

The guilting and demanding of service from a child can continue even when the narcissist is elderly, keeping the child bonded throughout their adult life.

If this has been your experience, it is likely that you feel obligated and tied to the burden of looking after others and don’t feel free enough to pursue your own dreams and goals. You may believe it is selfish to do so.

It is NOT true that You Can’t Heal!

If this video related to you, I so hope it has validated what you have been through.

I want you to know, with all of my heart, that it is NOT true that it will take decades (or a lifetime) of therapy to recover from the terrible traumas you suffered as a child.

Likewise, it is NOT true that it will take years and years for you to learn how to BE different in relationships, or for you to have healthy, reciprocal relationships of kindness, love and trust, where you can get your needs met (as well as keep healthily loving others)!

It is also NOT true that you are stuck with a narcissistic parent and the hooks that they have in you for the rest of your life.

If this has been your struggle, please come with me and let me show you how you can break free in the fastest, most guilt-free and direct way you could ever know possible.

I promise you it IS possible, and today I can help you start by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Narcissistic Abuse Is A Journey… But It Doesn’t Take As Long As You Think

Narcissistic Abuse Is A Journey… But It Doesn’t Take As Long As You Think

 

I don’t subscribe to narcissistic abuse recovery being a long drawn out process, simply surviving the effects of it, AT ALL.

Maybe you’ve been told that to heal from Narcissistic Abuse is a LONG hard road that could take you many years and even decades? And even then you will need to manage your symptoms – possible for life?

In today’s Thriver TV episode I want to help you heal – REALLY heal!

So, join me on a journey where you’ll experience deep soul mantras that will start to set you free in times and ways you never thought were possible.

 

Video Transcript

I know it is really normal to believe that recovery from narcissistic abuse is going to take you a really long time.

People will tell you that; people report this all the time.

And the reason they do, is because if the trauma from narcissistic abuse remains inside us, then it takes a long time to move past the insidious effects of it, and that’s if we can at all.

But there is a better way to do this journey of recovery.

A faster, more direct way that works. And this is what I want to talk with you about today.

It’s the way I recovered and thrived from symptoms and life events that seemed unhealable. It is also the Thriver Way that so many people, thousands in this Community, have successfully used as well.

It’s about mind and heart perspectives.

It’s about truths that set you free.

And these truths are everything.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now, to get started, I want to share with you the understanding of trauma and what it really means, along with how to switch to a Quantum understanding of it, to be in the driver’s seat to heal for REAL!

 

The Trauma of Abuse and What It Really Is

The trauma from abuse is horrific, and the trauma from narcissistic abuse is arguably the worst of the worst. It feels like a terrible black ink permeating your mind and emotions, which literally eats our soul alive.

When this horrifying trauma strikes, people are shocked that they can’t just ‘get up and on with it,’ like they possibly could do in the past.

What is this trauma really about?

It is about every inner survival fear and insecurity that any particular human can carry being FULLY activated, separating us from our True Self and Life.

The more power we hand away to False Selves (narcissists), rather than partnering directly with our Inner Being and all of Life in Quantum connected ways, the more we feel separated and cut off. We feel controlled by the narcissist, and everything we do is at the whim of what this False Source is or isn’t doing.

These people don’t provide us wholeness, solidness and safety. Instead, they bring to conscious life every unconscious fearful, limiting and generational past life and human collective wound that has been unmet and unhealed within our subconscious programs and psyches.

As human beings, these have all been a part of our human experience.

And it is these inner parts that they hook us in with, terrorise us with, and keep ripping us to shreds with.

These are the exact reasons we stay enmeshed and addicted to narcissists. It is why we are unable to let go, create healthy boundaries and render these people incapable of continuing to hurt us.

Here is the thing … when we don’t understand the truth that sets us free, then we are in for a long, hard road to recovery.

I really want to share with you this following truth. It is fundamental to you starting your recovery, or resetting it, in a way that will provide you a direct, straight line out to the other side – to your emancipation from pain and then Thriving.

Please repeat this after me.

‘This person in my life has found and is targeting and smashing the EXACT wounds that are holding me separated from my True and Thriving Life. If I stop making it about THEM, and make it all about ME and turn inwards to fully own, claim, release and heal from these wounds, then this person will have NO power over me.’

Feel this in your body.

It is the absolute cellular truth that your Inner Being KNOWS it is the truth. And you can only align with this truth if you are prepared to get out of blame and shame, looking outwards and working through your ego – which adores keeping you separated from yourself.

What we just said together is a coming home statement, which means you get into your body and start working with the one entity that you can control – you. They open you up to taking your life and your power back.

Now let’s move on to the next fundamental understanding of trauma that will set you free.

 

The Purpose of Trauma

To set the scene for this understanding, I really want you to know that Source/Creation/God wants for you EXACTLY want you want. Additionally, your soul wants to set up all the conditions to help you align with BEING the actual being who can generate this in your life.

The system of ‘so within, so without’ means that your inner composition needs to have the corresponding belief system to be able to experience what is desired as your real-life experience. Subconscious programs are absolute. They generate with life the validity of the belief system to the letter, without any preference or condition.

So, what this means is: the things in our life that aren’t working, including HORRIBLE abuse, must have a corresponding inner trauma connected to it.

If you want to remain victimised, you won’t want to accept this truth – which is totally understandable (I used to be there too!). But what this means is that there is no way out of the agony of more victimisation, powerlessness, and pain. And this is why I am so passionate about you Going Quantum and finding a way to free yourself from the victimisation, the pain and the ongoing trauma that DOES WORK.

This is done by knowing that the trauma you are feeling, which the narcissist is smashing mercilessly, is the signal of the internal beliefs and fractures that are the barriers to your True Self and True Life.

It is powerful beyond measure when we stop condemning the trauma and instead KNOW that every emotional trigger felt is granting us our greatest emancipation opportunity. It is your key to freedom. You are being led UP and OUT of what you are currently experiencing. But not only this, it is opening you up to the ongoing possibility of emancipation from established patterns and further limits in your future.

I ADORE this next mantra, which I really want to share with you because it encapsulates perfectly what I’ve just been saying. So, repeat after me:

‘I bless and accept this trauma as Divine and so meant to be, because I know that it going off in my body is letting me know exactly what to turn towards, load up and release to emancipate and exalt my life way beyond the life I am living. Because of this trauma becoming consciously known, I CAN claim my True Self and Life free from these wounds and limits.’

Okay … breathe and feel this cellularly in your body. Your body knows it’s true, if you open up, breathe and allow this statement to soak through you.

I promise you that is my credo – I adore and embrace all my triggers. I love them. I know their purpose. I know that my soul and all of Creation is totally geared to flourishing me with my True Self and Life. And what this means is that anything that is NOT just that, will come up as dense, painful energy to release and live free from, so that I can make inner space to experience Who I Really Am.

I know it can seem really tough, but it’s so important to bless this time and honour it. Because, truly, you are not just shedding months or years of trauma, you are releasing generational, childhood, past life and collective traumas.

Without this method, it will take you lifetimes to release all these accumulated traumas…

If you ever could.

You are also releasing trauma for humanity itself. Each time you shift, you are freeing the collective from internal programmed wounds.

We are on Divine assignments here, and I promise you that when you embrace it and bless it, you are on your way to fast-track recovery.

Now I want to talk about why breakdowns are vital.

 

Breakdowns Leading to Breakthroughs

If you were to build on an allotment on the site of an old, broken-down house, the most effective way to do this would be to demolish and rebuild.

The same applies with the emotional traumas in our life.

Of course, it is terrifying to let go of what we know and to allow the breakdown/breakthrough process to happen through us.

Yet, I want you to know, with all of my heart, that night-time is it’s darkest just before daybreak.

It is when we are in the worst possible breakdown, thinking that we cannot handle any more pain and darkness, that we are totally on the cusp of the breakthrough – IF we let the breakdown energy of the old GO.

As humans, this has been our greatest struggle – to recognise the divine order that is always generating wellbeing, if we get ourselves out of the way.

We miss these breakdown opportunities. We freeze, hang on to the horrific inwardly triggered trauma, create defences around it, and even fight to righteously reinforce it in our lives. We have all the reasons why we should hang on to the trauma.

This is akin to being taken down a rapid river and not going with the ecological flow, but trying to stop the process, only to get smashed disastrously against the rocks.

Triggered trauma is your breakdown – it is telling you ‘This is NOT your True Self and True Life’. If you meet this trauma, feel the energy of it in your body, and then release it, accepting your breakthrough, then you fill where that trauma once was with Source. This is the shift in Quanta Freedom Healing and the main Quantum Healing component in NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program).

The breakthrough happens within (in your Inner Universe) before it happens without (in your Outer Universe).

This means your emotions regarding the trauma must FIRST shift before the situation in your life can.

How do we know that we have successfully midwifed a breakdown to the beginning of our breakthrough?

We know because the feelings of negative emotions, victimisation and powerlessness are gone and replaced with feelings of peace and inner calm. You may even sense that ‘everything is in perfect order, no matter what it looks like’.

People may think it is ‘magical thinking’ that a shift on the inside will change your life and how narcissists react to you.

But to think like this truly is NOT realising the grand ramifications of the shift you achieve inwardly.

When you become different, your life becomes different. And this has nothing to do with what other people are or aren’t doing, because what has changed is HOW you respond to them as a different being.

As the Quantum Creator of your Life, you are always generating your life to the letter as per your beliefs, choices and actions – whether unconsciously or consciously. Narcissists in our life experience are giving us the evidence, in hardcore brutality, of what we must clean up.

When you shift to inner calm – your beingness WITHOUT that trauma – and make this inner calm your highest priority, you will discover your emotional triggers become significantly reduced or even non-existent.

You stop being derailed by your wounds. You cease to react in ways that hand the narcissist the narcissistic supply that incites them to keep wanting to abuse you for more narcissistic supply.

By cutting off narcissistic supply, and building your own inner integrity and power, you take back your power. And then you discover that you have aligned with all of the Field on that topic you were previously struggling with.

All of a sudden solutions and support show up where there was none. The right ideas, inspirations, people, synchronicities, information and events will come into your life experience to support you and to add to your wholeness and freedom (because you are BEING that BEING on the inside).

When you live this way of life consciously, you know these are not opportunities to be missed.

This is beyond powerful.

Okay, let’s anchor into this Quantum Truth by repeating the following mantra together.

‘I know that when I am in my darkest, most painful times, if I pledge to meet it and release it and bring in my Light to replace it, that I will powerfully and quickly transform to a New Self, generating the Life that I was always meant to live. And so it is amen!’

Now, after feeling that statement in your body, I would love you to pause this video and tell me in the comments below how this feels for you? Does it feel congruent in your body, or do you have some doubts and questions still?

 

The Way to Thriver Recovery

The three perspectives and understandings I’ve just shared with you, in my opinion, are the biggest and most impactful – they change everything about recovery.

It doesn’t mean that the road to recovery is always a straight line and always easy.

Absolutely it’s inner self-work; it takes effort and full, loving self-commitment. But the results are not just amazing – they are life-giving. They promise, hold and then deliver the only life that was ever going to truly gratify us – a life of living free of our limiting beliefs and wounds.

I feel so blessed every day that I have the best, most gratifying and glorious job helping people achieve a way of life, which narcissists have forced us to find, so that we can save our souls.

Furthermore, I personally live this life every day as a complete Quantum lifestyle.

It’s the only life I’ve ever found that really works – and it continues to bring me such joy every day. So much joy that my heart can barely hold it all.

I want that for all of us.

Those of you already NARPing – if you require assistance to get your Thriver Recovery going, please come into the Private NARP Member’s Forum. Here you have unlimited, free lifetime support from the best Quantum Abuse Recovery Specialists in the world.

To access this please click this link.

And, for those of you ready to start NARPing, because you want this True Life too, please check out the complete Program now by clicking this link. 

I so hope this video has helped.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Narcissist Who? Becoming Apathetic To An Abuser

Narcissist Who? Becoming Apathetic To An Abuser

 

It’s a beautiful day when you feel NOTHING for an abuser and it’s called ‘You are NOT my reality’.

We all WANT to get there, and I know that includes YOU!

You can be forgiven for believing, because of how traumatic, painful and devastating the abuse is, that it will be IMPOSSIBLE to get there.

I once believed that too … but I promise you this is NOT true.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to help you understand EXACTLY how to get to this place of complete EMOTIONAL FREEDOM from abusers, that myself and so many Thrivers enjoy.

 

 

Video Transcript

I LOVE it when we get to this powerful place…

‘You are NOT my Reality.’

People ask me all the time, ‘Will I ever be able to stop thinking about this person?’ and ‘Will I ever have an attraction like this to someone else?’ and ‘Will I ever be able to get him or her out of my system?’

I want you to know the answer is a resounding YES.

And today in this Thriver TV Episode I’m going to tell you exactly how to achieve this.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my Channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

So let’s start off with how you WON’T achieve this – just so you don’t waste your time.

 

Willpower Will Not Stop You Thinking About A Narcissist

If someone tells you to NOT think about something, the very act of trying NOT to think about it usually makes you think about it.

In fact, it is the same for any energy we try to put into opposition to something – meaning an ‘anti-movement’ where we actually feed energy to the thing that we DON’T WANT.

People say all the time, ‘I’m over that now!’. Believe me, when you hear this it is a sure-fire way to knowing that they aren’t over it at all.

Here is the deal with the way our subconscious traumas work – they control our mind. The brain is always following the body. The reason is that we are thrown into survival programs – those parts of our brain trying to keep us safe, are repeatedly thinking about the trauma living on inside us that is still hurting us.

This also relates to peptide addiction, meaning that we are literally addicted to the painful thoughts that we are having. It is because our brain wants to keep manufacturing the feelings, the emotions, and the somatically felt chemicals that match the trauma.

So around and around we go, continually thinking about what happened to us, how it could have been different, why we didn’t or couldn’t ‘whatever’ and, of course, the possibility and fear of it happening again.

In this state, we are locked down in survival and don’t get to ‘go free’ to find the space inside and outside of ourselves for creation.

It’s exhausting. Burning all that mental and emotional fuel on our past – the constant re-living of it and the trying to push over or through it. Is it any wonder our adrenals are stressed and that we don’t seem to have any energy, joy or inspiration?

This is the bottom line – if when you think about something you still feel the emotional charge in your body, then you will keep thinking about it. This is because your brain is being directed by your cellular being to do so. Your cellular being – your subconscious programs and nervous systems –controls 95% of your life. Trying to NOT think about this is like trying to stop a tsunami with a few sandbags.

If you don’t get to the bottom of why you think and feel the way you are, then the only way to escape the constant thoughts and feelings of the trauma and to get free, is to pick up addictions to numb it out or to take medication.

And generally we still keep getting driven back to abusers, as we try to get them to take away the trauma for us.

So how do we turn it all around … for REAL?

Make It All About You

Because we are usually the type of people who commonly get targeted and hooked in by narcissists, we have made a career of making it all about OTHER people.

This is our normal.

‘If I just check in with you and make you happy and provide you with what I need to, to prove my worth and lovability, you will provide me with love, approval, security and survival.’

Because we aren’t able to anchor into our own rights, values, deservedness and self-generative power, we hand away our own lifeforce as we try to make someone else love us.

Those of you already NARPing and Thriving, will get what I am about to say – which is a really radical way of looking at narcissistic abuse. In fact, it is counter-intuitive to what most narcissistic abuse people will tell you.

Here it is…

THIS is NOT about the narcissist – this is ALL about YOU.

When we look at things from a deeper, Quantum soul and spiritual perspective – everything happens for a reason.

Everything is happening FOR you.

The situations that come into our outer life are showing us what is going on in our inner life. The further we are out of alignment to our True Self and True Life, the more the situations, the evidence of misalignment, hurt.

When we come home and start making the decisions that honour our True Self and True Life, the pain and situations stop.

Yet no-one can bring us home but ourselves. And it’s our job to do this, as adults, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing.

Yes, what is happening is awful, and narcissists are terrible and do disgraceful things. However, us making it ALL about ourselves is NOT excusing them … it’s simply acknowledging the truth.

I got to evolve myself GLORIOUSLY by really believing and accepting this truth, and it is the basis of tens of thousands of personal resurrections that I have had the joy of witnessing and continue to see emerge in this community every single day.

The narcissist’s ‘purpose’, at a deeper, wider, soul-evolutionary level, is to bring all the ways that we are not as yet self-partnered within ourselves smack bang into our conscious, like a sledgehammer.

 

Waking Up In Order to Heal

Here are some of MY greatest gaps which narcissistic abuse put me firmly on my BUTT to heal, if I was to have any chance of living, let alone Thriving.

  • The ways in which I was so self-critical and self-punishing. (He reflected that back, and then some!)
  • My inability to connect with, be with and soothe myself. (When I was distressed, he mirrored this by abandoning or punishing me harder.)
  • My terror of speaking up because of my unhealed fears of criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment. (I had no voice and stayed with the narcissist, trying to keep the peace continuously – even when everything was screaming inside of me not to.)
  • My fears and terrors of not being able to survive on my own. (My greatest fears in this department were brought to life by him.)
  • My fear of other human beings and believing ‘I’m not safe in life’. (I ended up with crippling agoraphobia and a psychotic/adrenal breakdown because of this marriage.)

My list goes on and on.

Here is the thing – these traumas were already in my energy field before narcissistic abuse. Many were inherited, past life and collective female wounds, that were further supplemented in childhood trauma because our childhoods match our pre-birth traumas. Then, in my adulthood, they all blew up into a massive crescendo.

Why?

Because my soul wanted to make the unconscious conscious so that I would finally WAKE UP and free myself of these traumas.

We may think narcissists are using us for narcissistic supply, which they are doing, but WHAT if we, at a soul level, are using the narcissist as the instrument to deliver the evidence of what we need to heal?

And what an astounding instrument they are!

Narcissists have an UNCANNY ability to zone in on EXACTLY what it is that we have missing within ourselves.

My stuff was about not loving, seeing or embracing me, and these beliefs were ones that he supplied me in spades! He seemed so TOUGH and STRONG – ‘Finally I’ll feel safe in life with you by my side!’ Plus his façade was one of ‘wealth’ – ‘Thank God I’ll never be destitute!’

Then, as narcissists do, he turned back on me ALL these gaps, my issues, with ruthless ferocity. And my response was to cling on as I tried to resurrect the original ‘saviour’.

Of course, in my situation, the narcissist abandoned me, both literally and mentally. He turned on me physically, emotionally and sexually, leaving me SOOO unsafe. And the financial abuse I went through left me desecrated.

Need I say more?

My story is your story. This lure and switch game is what EVERY narcissist does. But I promise you – this is still about YOU.

Here’s the important part…

When you heal, you will no longer cling to someone hurting you, because you will be whole and full of self-love and self-worth. You won’t need to.

When you are already SAFE in life within yourself, you will never tolerate being with or enduring people who are unsafe and abusive.

When you become a self-generative force, who knows how to create a life with other available healthy components, regardless of what any other person is or isn’t doing, you will let go of unhealthy ones.

Not only are narcissists reflecting back to us perfectly the physical, real-life evidence of our inner unhealed shadows – they are also engaged in a spiritual contract with us. If you let go of holding them responsible for your unhealed parts and turn inwards to do the work to evolve yourself, the soul contract is completed and the narcissist leaves your experience.

I promise you this is true.

You may say, ‘But I’m tied up in co-parenting.’

I can assure you that there are people in my community who very successfully parallel parent with the same narcissists who used to make their kids and their lives hell. They are able to do this because their soul contract with this abuser has been healed and completed.

These people are unaffected by the narcissist, and their kids are doing an amazing journey with a healthy evolving parent leading the way.

The stories of ‘this hell will never end’ are NOT true – no matter what you may logically think, what abuse forums may tell you, or even what anyone still not awake to their soul contract will tell you.

What IS the true determinant is ‘where your soul is up to’ (see, again, it’s ALL about YOU!). When you get on board with what your soul wants to be up to – your healing, growing and evolving beyond your traumas and painful subconscious programs to come home to Who You Really Are – then there is no need for the hard grist to keep happening.

 

Just Having Too Awesome A Time

We know we are graduated when we are deeply immersed in the embodied understanding that ‘Your abuse brought me to my own glorious evolution’, and this becomes our focus.

Personally, I’m so grateful narcissistic abuse happened FOR me because if it didn’t I wouldn’t be living the astounding life that I do.

I feel AMAZING. And I love unpacking ANY trauma that does arise, because I know, on the other side of it, my relationships with me, life and others will be much more amazing.

I never had ANY of that before narcissistic abuse. In fact, when I look back at the person I was, even before being abused, I don’t recognise her.  I used to hand power away, was always scared, never spoke up, put my faith and trust in others – often with really bad consequences – and subjugated my values over and over, all to try to be loved.

Was I happy and Thriving before my Thriver resurrection? No! I was merely surviving and I truly did believe life was hard, lonely, unsafe and hard work.

Now I ADORE Life.

So please, those of you who write in and say, ‘I’m sorry Melanie for what you went through’, I love your compassion, but there is no need to write this. I promise you, I would go through it ten times over, if necessary, to feel and live the way I do now.

Can you see why I’m so passionate about this topic? It’s because I know that all this awaits every single one of you – no matter what your circumstance – IF you make your situation all about YOU.

Because, then, like me, as you start releasing trauma by doing the inner work of purposefully evolving yourself – which is what my NARP Program was created for – then you will start LOVING your life too.

If you want this please write below, ‘I am creating MY awesome Life, and you are NOT my reality!’

You WILL see the joy and the beauty, and you WILL have feelings of love and wholeness and happiness, simply because you exist.

Things will start coming into view, and you will start flowing forward into your life as your True Self, experiencing things that you once only dreamed about.

This is what happens for all Thrivers in this community, who start releasing their inner trauma and painful programs. They reset back to Wellbeing, which is who we are all naturally coded to be. It is your organic state, no matter what your life looks like now.

Abuse and painful programs all dissolve away, along with the people and situations who represent them and all your connections, emotional or otherwise, to them.

Narcissists are ONLY the catalyst. If they hadn’t shown up to do the job on you, someone else would have had to come along to fill their shoes.

Have you ever wondered why narcissists KEEP coming?

Now you know why. It’s because you have been missing the soul contact – the necessary turning inward to do the work to evolve yourself beyond what is being triggered off in you.

When you do this, I promise you it will be: ‘Narcissist who?’ and ‘Woohoo, what is next to create and experience in my life?’

THAT’s the life myself and other Thrivers live.

Join us – seriously. I can show you how to start claiming your soul contact graduation today – by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Why Is This Still Happening To Me? Overcoming Your Critical Recovery Blocks

Why Is This Still Happening To Me? Overcoming Your Critical Recovery Blocks

 

I know you may be FRUSTRATED! Recovery can be like that.

You may be thinking…

WHY on earth do I still have narcissists coming into my life?

WHY can’t I stop breaking No Contact?

WHY do the same issues keep popping up in my life, no matter how hard I try to overcome them?

Today’s Thriver TV Episode is about peeling all of this back, so that you can learn EXACTLY why these things are still happening to you and how to put an end to these pesky and painful in repeat things in your life – once and for ALL!

 

 

Video Transcript

Are you in the frustration of ‘Why Is This Still Happening to Me’?

Things like the narcissist not leaving you alone, the court cases still happening, or continually breaking No Contact.

Or maybe you are clear of that particular narcissist, but others keep cropping up in your experience.

Today’s Thriver TV is about ANY pesky thing in repeat that you want to be done with. Today I am going to explain to you exactly why this keeps happening to you, as well as how to break the pattern of repeating everything in your life that you don’t want to.

Okay, before we get started, thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now, on to the episode!

 

You’ve Missed Something

Today’s episode is Quantum. It’s about radical personal responsibility – which means understanding that we are the generative source of our own experience.

If we stay unconscious and refuse to understand or accept this, then we are powerless to change the patterns and occurrences that are painful for us.

A lady I know is going through yet another disastrous breakup with a highly narcissistic man. With the last one she said, ‘I didn’t deserve this! I have no idea why this should happen to me. I didn’t ask for it!’ Now she is saying exactly the same things.

A friend of mine, who also knows this lady, agrees with me – that another narcissist is likely to be her reality in the future.

It’s not that we wish this for her – quite the contrary. And it’s not that she isn’t a nice person, because she certainly is.

Why we think this will happen is because she has within her Inner Being a heap of unhealed traumas. Traumas from her childhood and beyond that she has continually run from, kept busy to avoid, got over all ‘too easily’, and because she drinks and socialises to ease her inner pain.

The bottom line is – she’s never dealt with her unhealed traumas.

And true to Quantum Law – so within, so without – the unmet, unhealed traumas within her subconscious keep meeting her consciously via abusers in real life.

This is NOT her fault – that’s definitely not what we are saying – it just is what it is. She’s right – she didn’t consciously ask for this life or choose it, but her subconscious, unhealed trauma programs are choosing the same experiences over and over again.

I remember how I felt overwhelmed with grief and victimhood when I was smack bang in the absolute trauma of narcissist number two, having to face the fact that he was a narcissist. In my initial helplessness I was consumed with the thought, ‘How on earth did this happen to me again?’

It was my son’s wisdom that pulled me out of unconsciousness and back onto my soul mission of evolving myself. Zac said to me, ‘You’ve missed something that you need to heal Mum, and when you find it and do this, you are going to be bigger and better than you ever have been, and even more able to help people heal from abuse.’

He was right. I found and released myself from deep, abandonment terrors that I had missed, and survival fears of not being able to survive in life on my own.

You may ask, ‘How did you find them and heal them?’ And the answer is… The same way we all can – go inwards to ‘what hurts emotionally RIGHT now’ and use NARP as the Quantum Tool to find and release those traumas.

That truly is what we can do to resolve these things. To realise the truth as Buddha described it: ‘If you want to know what is going on in your inner world, look at your outer world.’

And if we STILL have things happening repeatedly that hurt, we missed the message.

We have missed something INSIDE.

Analysis Paralysis

I’m so fortunate in that I get to sing to you the same song day in and day out – because it helps me remember it too.

It’s this: ‘If anything in your life isn’t working then just go inside, find and release the corresponding trauma and you and your life will get well.’

Our logical brain does not want to accept this. It thinks it can’t be that easy.

Imagine if every blog I wrote just had that above solution and then I wrote ‘The end’.

Your replies would have been: ‘but…’ ‘but…’

As the former self-proclaimed ‘President of Over-analysis Anonymous’, I understand. Until I went Quantum and lived this way, with full dedication, I used to struggle with this concept myself.

If you relate to over-thinking, please let me know in the comments below. What would your title be in the Over-Analysis Anonymous Club? I’m President, who are YOU?

When we have things haunt and plague us that continue to belt us up, it is incredibly frustrating. More than this, we also may have hopelessness and helplessness attached. We may think we are doomed, that this is never going to stop, and that we are possibly defective and incapable.

I promise you all of these things are NOT true. It is your mind grabbing hold of the painful subconscious programs, and making stories that are in alignment with them.

Things like the lady I spoke of previously, whose internal program is: ‘I am unlovable and unworthy, and the people I love hurt me.’ To stop this story continually playing in her head, she keeps busy and keeps socialising. People may think that taking this approach is a healthy option, but subconscious programs will never change until we meet them lovingly and heal them. Up until then they simply continue to do what subconscious programs do – create in life the validity of the program, to the letter.

But let’s say we are NOT in denial, but neither are we directly addressing the trauma within with a simple and powerful shifting tool like Quanta Freedom Healing. We may get stuck in the ‘analysis paralysis’ of trying to sort things out by looking outwards instead of inwards.

You may spend hours researching, trying to work out ‘them’ – these people and situations that you are doing repeat dances with. You may blame certain people, or genders or ‘types’, and try to work out how to avoid them or change them. And all the time you are doing this instead of addressing your internal subconscious, heat-seeking missile programs.

The problem is our logical mind wants to understand everything. It wants to chew it over, toss it around and then come up with an answer.

When we Go Quantum, we simply shift out dense energy in our body, without even needing to know anything about WHAT it is, and then effortlessly be-come what we seek to live.

The shifts that have happened within us go WAY beyond what our logical mind could have grasped, let alone assimilated.

There is a vast difference between ‘thinking’ something and ‘embodying it and being it’. The irony with Going Quantum is that it is infinitely more powerful than what our logical mind can produce – and a thousand times simpler to create.

 

The Steps to Overcoming Your Critical Road Blocks

Step 1: Stop Looking to the Outside

When we Go Quantum, we know ‘there is no outside’ – meaning that everything and everyone who is in our experience is responding to our belief systems and how we are showing up in life. It is fruitless trying to change the 7.7 billion people in the world rather than work with the one person we do have power over – ourself.

Step 2: Go Inside and Do the Work There

I promise you, when you live this way of life whenever anything triggers you, or is problematic, or is a blind spot, you can ask yourself: ‘What is it within me that I can shift that is calling this forth into my experience?’

Please know this is not discounting other people’s bad behaviour or their inappropriate natures, when applicable. But by shifting you, you will completely change the way that you deal with them.

People like this are in the world and part of life, but when you shift it means that you can show up assertively, trusting your inner truth and creating boundaries, and you are able to say, ‘No.’ Hence the repeat experiences of handing your power away to people who aren’t honourable will completely leave your experience.

Do you see how none of this is to do with assigning blame to ourselves, and instead is about taking back our power?

Step 3: Leave Behind Victimisation and Dismay

If we want a comfortable, feathered nest to exist in, this planet isn’t it. Here we need to man and woman up and be in our authentic power to have a healthy, happy life. We are here to transcend our fear, our victimhood, and to be enlightened.

Narcissistic abuse and all the traumas that we need to face and release, in order to get vertical, breathing and functioning and THEN move towards Thriving, keep calling us forward into a conscious lifestyle of necessity. We are challenged like this so that we continually release the darkness from within and bring in more of the Light – which is our True Self and True Life.

It may seem like hard work, but as far as I am concerned, and I’ve lived both lives, there is far more work and time involved in staying unconscious trying to live and survive with our wounds.

We can get stuck in the blame and shame and dismay and frustration of having the same wounds come up again and again – I’ve had it happen too. But truly there is nothing else to do other than to ask, ‘What have I missed?’ and to dive inside and go find and shift it out.

Sometimes we will snap the core of the trauma off immediately; sometimes it may take multiple goes. But the great news is that we have the Quantum Tools to help us to get clear and live free with new, healthy patterns.

Okay, so I hope that this has given you hope, clarity and power, no matter where you are on your journey.

Those of you who are NARPers and feel that you are stuck and struggling with something in repeat, please come into the NARP Forum so that myself and the best minds in narcissistic abuse recovery can help guide you to find ‘what you have missed’.

Those of you who are not NARPers, I would love you to check out NARP so that you can learn more about this extraordinary Quantum Way of Life, which means living an abuse-free life – your True Life as your True Self.

To join me please click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The Definitive Guide To Going No Contact With A Narcissist

The Definitive Guide To Going No Contact With A Narcissist

 

Going No Contact can be excruciatingly difficult to do.

Narcissists are curly – they are very capable of manipulating, duping or guilting you into succumbing, and feigning the remorse necessary to get you back into the relationship.

Maybe you are feeling the intense trauma of loneliness, panic and longing … so much so that you can’t stop yourself caving in and making contact again.

Please know this is NOT your fault. You just haven’t learnt the rules and the HOW to deal with this yet!

It is completely usual for most people to break No Contact repeatedly. That is until they know the information that I am going to share with you today.And this is my greatest wish today, that this Thriver TV episode grants you the vital information to KNOW what an empowered No Contact looks like and HOW to do it.

I want you to be able to break away, stay away, and start your Thriver healing journey for REAL.

 

 

Video Transcript

Going No Contact with a narcissist can be such a difficult thing to do.

It’s not just difficult on an emotional level. Many people don’t know the practical steps to take to make it happen, and this is why I wanted to create today’s TTV episode for you – to help you understand and get clear about how to do No Contact as well as hold it.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my Channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

So … let’s dive in.

 

You Don’t Need to Explain That You Are Ending Contact

People ask me all the time, whether you need to tell a narcissist it’s over. My answer is this: if you do, make it the final statement and then block and delete immediately.

The danger, if you don’t immediately cease communication, is that the narcissist will throw a hand grenade at you – something that hurts you, hooks you back in, and gets you defending or justifying yourself.

You want to avoid this at all cost!

Going No Contact means that you have had enough. It means that you know there is no point going around in a three-ring circus of arguments with the narcissist anymore. It means that you know you have no choice other than to end the relationship, because it is not getting better, resolution isn’t ever going to be reached and that there is simply no point in trying – because nothing works.

More than this, No Contact is an act of self-love. It means, ‘I love me enough to save my life and my soul for this torture, devastation and destruction.’

In fact, what it really means is, ‘I am going to stop destroying myself.’

Going No Contact without explanation is absolutely fine. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Block and Delete

This is where we need to stand up to ourselves and not leave any lines of communication open. There will almost definitely be times when we will think, ‘I wonder if he or she is missing me; if he or she will get in touch’. Yet, truly, I want you to know, with every fibre of my being, our job in recovery is to release these thoughts and not to get mired down in them.

My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) Healing System helps you powerfully achieve the release (if you are diligent about doing inner work with the Modules when these times strike).

When you know you have done No Contact to save your soul, you will know that it’s time to take the stand with yourself to block and delete this person. With all the technology now available, you have the ability to do this. And if you are not sure how, you can Google it.

Trust me. Block and delete is a great thing for you to do for yourself. You don’t want to be wondering every time you receive a phone call, email or a text message, ‘Is that him or her?’

Don’t answer unregistered numbers or random text messages. Just delete!

 

Vital Boundaries with Social Media

When you are serious about going No Contact, this means no stalking their social media. You have decided you can’t have this person in your life anymore, and your mission is to heal and create your own life.

There is no purpose or value whatsoever in looking on social media to see what he or she is up to. I’ll give you this tip: all of us who have recovered from narcissists have gone through being replaced with fresh and new supply. Until doing your Thriver healing work, of course, this can be excruciatingly painful.

You obsessing, trying to find out about what is going on in your ex’s life, researching the new partner and all the other things that can go on, are one of the surest ways to traumatise yourself and delay your healing into your incredible Thriver Life of real love and relationships.

Make sure you block all this person’s accounts so that you can’t see what they are up to. Also, block other people connected closely to him or her, or unfriend them, which leads me to the next section.

 

The Narcissist’s Friends, Family and Pets

The real questions here are: ‘Can you still see these people without having the need for any conversation about the narcissist?’ and ‘Are you concerned about what news may get back to the narcissist?’

I know you may be in the same social circles. Or maybe people from the narcissist’s life have been in your life for many years and you have close relationships with these people. Maybe you have been very close to the narcissist’s children, or even their pets.

I understand deeply the trauma of leaving people behind. I have had to do it myself. There is generally a great deal of loss involved when leaving a toxic, narcissistic relationship – both practically and personally.

However, this I know for sure, we have to be willing to lose it all to get it all – we have to LET GO. It is the hardest thing to do, but it is the only way that we get to reclaim our life, our soul and start generating our True Life.

Be very clear, to go forward there can’t be the muck – the conversations, the checking in, the staying connected by proxy. Yes, you may have to start again, but what a start it will be. Honour what your soul really needs – a complete detox of the narcissist – and you will be filled with glory, beauty and truth.

My suggestion is to break ties, as much as possible, and don’t get caught up in the anger or retaliation of ‘Why should I have to do that?’. It won’t serve you well. Only YOU making the moves that look after your soul and health will.

 

Keeping No Contact

It’s usual for a narcissist to try to get you to break No Contact.

Be aware that this will be attempted by getting to you through your ‘gaps’.

The narcissist may send a message to you, from someone else, about something sweet and lovely. A delivery of flowers may arrive. He or she will only be trying to appeal to your sentimental nature.

This could push your buttons, and you may feel guilty if you don’t reply.

Alternately, you may receive word of smearing and accusations, which the narcissist knows will make you irate and retaliate.

Or there could be a seemingly innocent request, through someone else, that you think is harmless.

The narcissist could send a message that he or she is sick or desperately needs your help; or that they have ‘seen the light’ and are willing to get help.

The list of ways a narcissist can hoover you back, goes on and on.

If you still have parts within you that you need to shore up, that are susceptible to being manipulated, you will be triggered.

My strongest recommendation in these times is to get very clear – if this person is a narcissist and meets the criteria that I share in this article Are You With A Narcissist? then they are not going to magically morph into a healthy, safe person for you to reconnect with.

Time and time again I hear reports from people who capitulated and went back hoping that things would be different, only to discover that things got worse.

To not fall for the hoover, it is vital to turn inwards to heal the triggers that are haunting you. You can then go free and be even stronger and more resolute about continuing to detox this person and move forward.

 

Enforcing No Contact

I love it when people get tough with narcissists.

When we are done, we are done.

And when we are done, we need to mean it. Yes it hurts; yes it is disappointing; and of course there is a whole lot of angst, uncertainty and fear in creating our new life. But when we know that going back is never an option – we mean it.

Myself and many others have had to get to the point where if stalked and confronted it’s like, ‘I am calling the police’. Meaning – you have by word or action told this person you wish no contact from them and that they are compromising your boundary.

You have the right to put an intervention order on someone who is harassing you, making you feel uncomfortable and is not respecting your personal self and your ‘no more’.

This is the thing… Narcissists feed off fear, like sharks do from blood. If you are not scared and stand up and enforce your boundaries, narcissists cannot be in your space. They will take their narcissistic behaviour somewhere else.

 

Being Fearless Moving Forward

People purport that narcissists never stop terrorising them.

This is NOT true

As Pema Chodron said, ‘Nothing ever leaves our experience until it has taught us what we need to learn.’

If you are stuck in trauma, unhealed beliefs, and fear, then yes the narcissist will keep terrorising you.

If you are diligently working on healing your inner trauma and belief systems, that the narcissist has made conscious for you, then he or she will leave your experience.

Your goal is to heal all of this so that you live authentically and without fear.

What does that mean?

It means this…

So WHAT if he or she tries to stalk me?

So WHAT if he or she looks up my social media?

So WHAT if he or she tries to smear me?

So WHAT if he or she does a drive by?

If you just keep releasing with NARP everything that is triggered, stay cool and calm, and get on with being yourself and doing your life, then it will all melt away.

Then you will heal and be free. And I promise you that the narcissist not getting any narcissistic supply from you – physically and even vibrationally (oh yes, please know that does feed them) – means they will have to go and hassle someone else.

 

For More About No Contact…

I really hope this TTV episode has helped you with how to navigate No Contact. If you haven’t claimed it already, please know that my 16-Day Course has a comprehensive guide on How To Do No Contact, where you can learn even more.

And it’s my totally FREE gift to you! No Contact is a vital piece of your recovery.

To claim, please click on this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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All You Ever Need To Know About Narcissists

All You Ever Need To Know About Narcissists

 

There is so much that we can learn about narcissists.

WHO they are, WHAT they do and WHY they do it.

Then there is all the narcissistic terminology to get our heads around – like triangulation, idealise, devalue and discard, and narcissistic supply and injury.

But today I want to condense this all down and let you know, in regard to a TRUE powerful and fast recovery, there is SO MUCH LESS that you need to know.

In fact, all you need to know about narcissists to fully embrace, embody and work with; to get away, stay away and get your True Self and True Life going, is ridiculously simple.

Find out WHAT that ONE thing is in today’s Thriver TV Episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

If you Google ‘narcissist’ there is so much that comes up. There is every topic imaginable about narcissists – narcissistic supply, their entitlement, why they pathologically lie; and all the catchphrases that go with them, such as smearing, triangulation, idealise, devalue and discard. The information goes on and on and on.

People get really into this information – and it can be fascinating. People also get addicted to this information.

The worse part about doing all this research is that people can avoid their evolution, emancipation and the claiming of their True Selves and True Life because of the information.

I find it very sad, when narcissistic abuse experts only talk about the narcissist, leading people into the belief that this will give them relief, healing, and wholeness – whereas it doesn’t at all.

Often it just makes people even more obsessed about narcissists, instead of them being their own healed and whole, powerful, self-generative force.

Today we are going to drill straight down to what you need to REALLY know about narcissists to get your great life.

Before we get started, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and if you haven’t yet subscribed please do. Also, if you like this video, please hit the like button.

Okay, let’s get to it.

 

What You DO Need to Know About Narcissists

There is only ONE thing you need to know about narcissists and it is THIS…

This person is not YOUR chosen Truth.

You may ask what that means?

What it means, is that this person does not have the character and the shared values to join with you in a productive, happy, sane and healthy life.

You may say, ‘It can’t be that easy and literal’. But I promise you it is. However, until we develop and heal ourselves to know that it is – it certainly doesn’t seem that way.

You see, the problem is that when we believe in scarcity, obligation, necessity, neediness or that we have the power to change people, we will try to look for the ‘loophole’. We hope that if we just learn more about someone who cheats, lies and abuses, then we may be able to cut a deal with them, fix them, survive them or completely reform them.

Quantum Law is very literal: ‘Whatever you tolerate in your life is your reality.’ Yet you may say, ‘But I don’t tolerate it. I am on to this person about their behaviour.’ However, you may not have realised just yet that Quantum Law looks at ‘tolerate’ very differently than our limited human viewpoint does.

In Quantum Law ‘tolerate’ means ‘entertain as your reality’. Anything that we grant emotional energy to IS our reality. The energy can be either good or bad. It’s the intensity that we are giving it that makes it ‘our reality’. If you are jumping up and down about the terrible behaviour you are receiving from the narcissist, which you declare is not your reality, the emotional energy you are expending on it is making it absolutely ‘your reality’. In Quantum Law you are in it, and therefore tolerating it. This is your reality.

The same applies even for non-narcissistic behaviours. Maybe you have someone in your life who wants to watch TV all the time, but you like to get out and about and do stuff.

If you believe you HAVE to make it work with this person, because someone else may not turn up as nice as them, then your only choices are to either force them to change against their will or get frustrated and upset with them because they don’t spend enough time with you. Or you will have to start enduring the boredom of watching a lot of TV to try to connect more.

Someone who watches TV constantly, while you love activities, is not your chosen reality either.

Can you see how senseless and unhappy the situation is? Just as it is pointless enduring a relationship with someone whose values of lying, being conscienceless, self-absorbed and malicious are not a match for your values of decency, honesty and harmony.

Can you see that trying to force this person (the narcissist) to change to make you safe and happy, or putting up with their behaviour to not be alone, is even more crazy than the previous TV watching example?

Truly, researching into everything about narcissism makes about as much sense as knowing everything there is about someone being addicted to TV.

Does it matter? Does learning all about narcissists and narcissism grant you any power to change it? No!

Does any understanding of it give you resolution with this person in your life? No!

Does your intricate knowledge of it give you the beliefs, inner solidness and development to let go of this person and live a life without this? No, it doesn’t.

In fact, all this research and learning about ‘them’ takes you further away from you be-coming your True Self and True Life and no longer living painful relationship patterns anymore.

 

The Real Need – to Know and Develop Stuff About Yourself

Let’s get really clear about this – if we don’t know our true values and limits, and don’t know how to say ‘No’ to characters and behaviours that are not healthy – it is because we received traumas and painful beliefs as children, from genetic wounds, past lives and our adulthood that made ‘abuse’ and ‘trying to survive within it’ our normal.

Until we resolve our inner Love Codes, which apply to all our relationships, we will not know how to be a solid source of our values to ourselves. Then things like peace, kindness, support, honesty, and the ability to pull away, look after ourselves, self-soothe and stay aligned with our values and truths, no matter what other people are or aren’t doing, will not be our reality.

It’s these internal fractures that make you logically say that you want ‘honesty, fidelity, genuineness, kindness and loyalty’ – all the things that narcissists aren’t – yet you stay hooked to them and can’t let go of them.

This is all a replay of the regression back to our powerless states as children – the infantile regression of ‘If I don’t stay attached to this person I will die, regardless of how they treat me’ and the past life terrors of ‘There are no other options than this. Without this person, I can’t survive; I will be annihilated or persecuted if I don’t submerge myself and give them what they want.’

Our Inner Beings are timeless, they don’t have the logical input to state ‘Hang on that was then, this is now – I am an adult living in a society where I can have rights and options.’ Rather, our nervous systems and emotional decisions are hijacked by unresolved previous trauma.

It’s all unfinished business, and the only way to heal it to completion is between you and your Inner Being – meaning going inwards to release and up level these traumas from where they reside.

Then, and only then, do we move beyond the trap of the powerlessness, of staying attached for literal survival to someone who is destroying us. When you start aligning to your True Self, the person you are without these old trauma patterns, you will become a force of survival directly through yourself and the unlimited permutations of all of Life.

 

Your Values

A really powerful exercise to do to help you uplevel, is to connect to and write down your values. If you are not sure what your values are, write out all the things that have hurt you in the past – the patterns of bad treatment you have received – and then write down the opposite.

So, your list of values will probably be something like mine: honesty, fidelity, truthfulness, kindness, respect, validation of feelings.

Pause this video, connect to which ones are true to you, write them below and share them with all of us.

Now let’s get very clear, words on their own aren’t that powerful. It’s the action that makes them so. The action required here, for you to live your reality and be the generative force of what you do wish to receive, is to no longer tolerate what are not your values.

You shape your life from your inner power and truth, when you can take the actions to align with your truths. What you tolerate will be your reality. What is not your reality are things you no longer fight with, roll around in or live with. You detach and move away.

Like a stinky carcass on the side of the road it’s, ‘Ewww not for me!’

You don’t prod it and try to bring it back to life!

Okay, so here we start looking at your REAL development – which you will NEVER get to if you are stuck in finding out everything you can about narcissists. That’s Wrong Town. Right Town is the turning inwards to ask yourself these questions:

‘Why am I handing away my power by tolerating people and things that are less than my values?’

‘Why am I making excuses for staying instead of walking away and saying, ‘If this rises up to meet me at my values I may look at this, but if it stays the way it is currently I never will.’

And, ‘Why am I choosing to hang on to the hope that someone’s character can be different, when they don’t have the capacity or desire to change?’

When you go deeply inside, the right way, you will find painful beliefs and traumas that have been causing you to stay, make excuses and roll around in this stinky carcass.

 

The Deeper Truth About Why You Are Stuck In It

As I discussed in my two part series – The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – belief systems are incredibly powerful. We know we have painful belief systems, which are causing us to play out in life what doesn’t serve us, when we can still feel existing trauma within our bodies on certain topics.

Here is the deal… You may have pulled away from someone who is a liar, malicious and self-absorbed – saying this is NOT my reality (I won’t stay attached to it anymore) – yet you find that future relationship possibilities are not going well. You may be triggered by people’s behaviour that represents the same pattern, and be filled with the dismay ‘these people are everywhere’.

You may feel despondent because humanity seems flawed, and you can’t seem to escape the terrible reality of painful, unwholesome relationships being in your life. You may think this is as good as it is gets; or maybe that you are going to have to accept things like this to not be alone.

Or maybe you just keep calling out these awful things and stay terminally alone – rather than risk being abused again.

These are all the by-product of internal traumatic beliefs playing out – things like ‘The people I love hurt me, lie to me, cheat on me, abuse me, betray me…’ Of course the list goes on and on.

Our subconscious beliefs do what they do – they play out to the letter – especially if they have big emotional trauma energy connected to them. As far as I am concerned, interpersonal trauma is massive. It carries powerful emotional content, hence why it is almost impossible to recover from it logically.

So how do we know that we still have painful inner beliefs having their way with us – even if we are strong enough to leave someone who is not our ‘values’?

We know because:

  • What they did to us still triggers a lot of trauma energy in our body when we think about it.
  • We will have, come up, a lot of what happened to us, emotionally.
  • We see the evidence of these traumas still in our life.
  • We greatly fear this happening to us again.

 

Be-Coming Someone Different

I promise you these trauma and painful beliefs are still our reality – if they are still in our Being. If we ‘be’ something (in our Being), then it ‘comes’. This is why we need to ‘be-come’ someone different. And there is only one place to be-come different – on the inside of ourselves.

And this is exactly where my Thriver Healing processes come in – the reprogramming of the trauma energy and belief systems that are hurting you. The reprogramming is so that the traumas no longer exist, and you evolve beyond them into different Love Codes and relationship trajectories.

This creates the following states:

  • You know your values and align with them.
  • You no longer tolerate less than these values.
  • You are no longer carrying unresolved trauma regarding the violation of these values.
  • You can truthfully ask for what you want, lay boundaries and walk away from people who can’t meet you at your level of truth.
  • On your own you are solid and whole, living the truth of these values of self-care, self-love and self-respect to yourself.

Okay, so after all of this understanding today, I’m interested to know where you have shifted to. Is knowing all you can about narcissists still an obsession or addiction for you, or is that information, now, as appealing as a stinky carcass?

Please let me know in your comments below

So if it’s time for you to start the real inner work – to sort this out in ways that are more powerful and faster than you yet know – please join me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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