Pissed Off Father Video at Judicial Council Goes Viral

California Can’t Ignore Family Court Crisis

​An articulate hippie father, who lost custody of his 11 month old child , while he had no prior criminal history, ended his quote about the realities of civil rights violations in family courts to California’s Judicial Council like this: 
” I was afforded no presumption of innocence, no jury and no due process”, a complaint echoed by people in family courts daily. Judges are so numb to hearing complaining about their failure to apply the law, they no longer listen, and they are never disciplined. 

The father ended his speech with the following quote: 

“The State must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and any deprivation.”

While the quote has been widely used, it has been slightly modified, but it essentially describes exactly what is going on in family courts as judges fail to properly apply child support for the best interest of children and act more in the best interest of themselves and their favored lawyers. 

This is one of the best public comments available, The father articulately  explains what is happening in family courts and it is not only happening to fathers , it is happening to mothers too. Our children are in crisis with court involvement. 

The father then called out the judges sitting on the Judicial Council, including Patricia Lucas, the ” legal advisor” and described violations of laws and separations of powers. He noted, violations done under the Child Support:

“In what way shape or form can you sit here with a straight face and maintain that the judiciary is   independent, or impartial when you have crawled into bed with the executive branch  for money? “. 

“Worst of all this  corruption is done under the guise that it is in the best interest of our children. Well I got a Newsflash for you………

90%  of all homeless and runaway kids come from fatherless homes, 32 times the average 
85% of children who show behavior problems come from fatherless homes, 20 times the average 
80% of rapists with anger problems , 14 times the average 
71% high school drop outs , 9 times the average” 

” So when the family courts take our children and drive ( parents) into poverty through the racketeering and corruption that is in labeled as being in the best interest of our children, , excuse me when I say ……I  DON”T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT”. 

This is another brave parent who is speaking up and ringing the bell about the millions of families being separated in our family courts for money, and by corrupt judges. We need more people speaking up and not just at the border, This is happening everywhere in America. The judges who are letting it happen need to be held accountable. 

This post is dedicated to Santa Clara County general counsel Lisa Herrick, who has taken it upon herself to contact the media ” in the best interest of children”,  while protecting the corrupt family court judges,  court appointed lawyers,  and experts. It is also dedicated to Judge Patricia Lucas,  who was present at this public comment where,  she was personally  blasted by father Scott Largent who has had his child taken from him in Santa Clara County courts, for no reason. This is how Judge Lucas managed the court that took the child, and kept that child from Largent for two years with the help from corrupt private lawyers like Heather Allan, and corrupt public lawyers like Lisa Herrick and  Santa Clara County District Attorney Jeff Rosen.

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back to school divorce tips

Transitioning Your Kids Back To School After Divorce

back to school divorce tipsAs the summer is beginning to wind down a new school year is approaching too quickly. Between living in two different places to trying to figure out the new shared time schedule, your child is experiencing a slew of changes.

Stability should be the most important concern you have for your child as you both take on this upcoming academic year.

These are four tips to help you and your kid wrangle the post-divorce changes before tackling the school year together.

Communicate with your ex and your kids

Instead of living as a family, your kids are splitting time between you and your ex, so communicating with everyone is crucial. This includes staying in contact with your ex. Put your feelings aside and don’t play games, because at the end of the day, the most important person is the child and their well-being.

Share information with each other and coordinate schedules so you can both be in the loop. It is important to keep consistent house rules for the kids to follow. Although one parent may want to seem like the carefree more relaxed parent, this does not benefit your children in the long run. They are experiencing so much change because of the divorce, so consistency and stability is crucial during this time of adjustment.

This separation does not only impact you and your ex, but your kids too. Communicate with your children and make sure they are doing okay. Talk to them about their feelings and how this split could be affecting them. Open communication can better assess how they are handling this change and counsel them through any roadblocks and problems they might be experiencing.

Keep a calendar

Your time is being split between your work schedule and sharing time with your kids, so dates can get confusing. Navigating these different schedules becomes increasingly difficult once the kids go back to school.

Using Google Calendar, smartphone calendars, or a planner can be helpful to organize everyone’s schedule. Dance recitals, science fairs, sports practices, and school assemblies are just a few of the many events dads need to keep track of.

It is important to share this calendar with both parties so everyone has the information they need. Whether it is figuring out the carpool schedule to remembering parent-teacher conference, it is necessary to keep both households in the loop.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Update the teachers

The word family just became a lot more complicated in your children’s lives. Let the teachers know what the situation is. You do not need to give them details, but updating them on the family dynamic and schedule differences keeps the teacher informed of the changes going on in their students’ lives.

They can keep an eye out for behavioral inconsistency or academic problems if issues were to arise. Sometimes teachers might even give the student two sets of textbooks, so they do not have to worry about hauling them to both parents’ houses.

Split the school supplies

It is impractical for both parents to buy two sets of school supplies. Financially, it is unnecessary, and the child will end up with a pile of supplies they do not need. It is best to share the list and the price with your ex. The money will not be split exactly, but this is a good way for Mom and Dad to share and compromise.

It is smart to buy extra supplies of the basics such as pens, pencils, folders, etc., so the kids do not have to carry everything to both houses.

Your children’s well-being and their academic development should be your priorities. Both you and your spouse need to put your adversities aside for the benefit of your children. From focusing on their studies to improving their social development, these four tips will help you and your kids stay organized and maintain healthy relationships.

The post Transitioning Your Kids Back To School After Divorce appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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anger

Anger: What To Do When It Gets The Best Of You

anger

 

As you recover from your divorce and move on with your kids, there is one all-too-common emotion that causes you way more headaches than you need.

Anger.  Being ticked off.  The persistent rage that will not leave you but could jeopardize your future relationships.

To start with, there is something that you must remember.

Anger is a thief. Don’t let it rob you of your chance to move on.

You work hard to maintain the things you love. Think about it. You probably keep your house or apartment nice and cozy, and you probably have homeowner’s insurance to protect it in case something happens to it. Your beloved heirlooms and the mementos you treasure are probably tucked away with the greatest of love and care.

You wouldn’t leave your door unlocked and invite a thief in to destroy those things in your home that you love, would you?

Heck no! Those things are yours. You worked your ass off to safeguard the things that give you joy and comfort.

So, why on earth are you leaving the door to your life and the door to your happiness open, inviting anger in on a daily basis? Just as a thief will break into your home, wreck it, and take away everything that is dear to you, so will Anger.

It’s time to lock the door and install one of those baller home security systems. It is time to protect one of the most precious things that anger will rob you of, your happiness and chance to heal.

Anger = other people’s stupid stuff trying to control you.

Why let it?

When you are ticked off at something, our body is all too happy to let us know it. Your blood pressure, breathing, and heart rate increase because your adrenal glands are being set into “fight or flight” mode.

This physiological reaction may have served Neanderthals when it was time to fight off whatever prehistoric beast threatened their survival, but that same anger that disrupts your calm. Why let it control you like that?

The fact that your ex didn’t treat you right, the fact that the marriage is ending or has ended, and the fact that the ex and his lawyers may still be doing stupid stuff is just that. They are only facts, but they are not indicators of how you are obligated to react because of them.

Do you remember the delightful “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow?

 “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”

“Your attitude about the problem” is your anger. The stupid stuff that you are reacting to doesn’t have to disrupt your peace of mind. How you choose to react to the problem—in this case how you choose to react to the facts (the events that are making you angry), is what makes the difference between navigating this process with less drama and stress for yourself, or letting all the madness drag you down and leave you exhausted.

You’re better than getting pissed off at something that you cannot control in the first place. It’s time to focus on the things you actually can control.

And the first step to leaving the anger behind you? It’s simple.

If anger does not serve you, then let it go.

Some years ago, I was sweating my butt off in a hot yoga class, frustrated that I could not get into a backbend because my arthritis decided it didn’t want to play nice, my stomach churning because of the third argument I had had with my boss that week, and my heart sinking because a man who I had been seeing and who I really liked had called the night before to break up with me. I was a knot of rage that afternoon in the yoga class.

“If it does not serve you, then let it go.”

Although the yoga teacher probably meant it for the students to be kind and patient with themselves, reassuring them the back bend would happen when the body was ready for it, those words stuck. And I remember bursting into tears.

It wasn’t about being upset about not being flexible enough during that moment in time.

It was about not letting the fact we were inflexible cloud our ability to just be and move on.

It was about understanding that if a negative emotion was not going to improve our lives, then we needed to show it the door.  There is no place for anger holding us hostage.

The next time you start to feel anger about the divorce drama, do the following.

1.When your pulse starts to quicken, take a step back.

2. Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths.

3. Remember that whatever BS is coming your way does not have the power to piss you off.

4. Remember that if the anger is not contributing to your well-being, then breathe that negativity out.

5. Inhale in the fresh air and focus on the beautiful life and calm that will be your guide.

6. Carry on, because you have waaaaayy too many awesome things going on to waste your precious emotional energy on anything toxic.

What struggles do you experience when it comes to dealing with divorce anger? What steps have you taken to kick it to the curb?

The post Anger: What To Do When It Gets The Best Of You appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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We Are Q- Next Stop Silicon Valley Divorce Mob

Silicon Valley divorce lawyers who have hijacked children, separated families, stolen homes and raided retirements of thousands, will now join the Q Wall of Shame. Lawyers can decide if they will continue to remain silent, or call out those who disgrace the legal profession while working in Silicon Valley’s family courts. 

Cops, court workers , government lawyers, underground lawyers and retired judges have been stealing public and private money for decades. Victims often are run out of Siliocn Valley in shame. or bankrupted,  while the worst lawyers and firms continue to profit like the glory days of Wall Street.

Family Court Judges who separate families have been caught cheating on their payroll affidavits and government lawyers have buried and suppressed evidence to cover judge crimes against  Silicon Valley families. 

Secret court recordings, video and leaked documents, along with actual court files have uncovered the most sinister criminal enterprise in California’s history , Siliocn Valley’s divorce mob. 

Deputies have secretly recorded the most disgusting court hearings,  and meetings with family court staff who took children from their parents for no reason other than money.  Drones have captured criminal activity on the court’s new lavishly landscaped patio areas. 

All this will revealed and Silicon Valley’s Divorce Mob will be exposed in a new documentary series that will launch with a special fall tour. 

Q members are organizing a special tour bus that will take visitors on a tour much like those given of  celebrity homes  in Beverly Hills. This tour will wind through the Silicon valley neighborhoods, business, offices  and restaurants  to show the life  of the most dangerous criminals operating an enterprise known as Silicon Valley’s Divorce Mob. 

The tour will begin at the family courthouse, where court dockets and files will serve as the guidebook history.  Visitors will be treated to a special You Tube Video premiering on the tour that will feature suppressed evidence, illegal recordings and surveillance video that catches the criminals in the act. 

The tour will wind through San Jose’s Rose Garden areas, and posh Los Gatos neighborhoods, passing the overpass where a young Oracle worker jumped to her death when she was unable to pay her legal bills and was subjected to paying to visit her own children.

Anonymous interviews will tell how Siliocn Valley lawyers sexually assaulted and harassed their clients, one , even promising favorable rulings in a probate case in exchange for sex.  Another telling clients to lie in court. 

The tour will wind through Santa Clara and Stanford Universities, taking in  the infamous dumpsters and law libraries , the scene of many crimes, and where the mob began to form over 30 years ago. 

Offices of the worst lawyers and so called court experts will be scheduled for  Flash Protests, where tour visitors will be able to call out members of Siliocn Valley’s divorce mob and encourage boycotts of businesses who support them. 

Current Scheduled Stops include the neighborhoods, offices and hangouts of : 
Criminally indicted lawyer Valerie Houghton
Daniel Jensen, divorce lawyer of La Doris Cordell, clean up lawyer
Divorce Attorney Rebekah Frye,  lawyer of the client who  committed suicide on hwy 101
Minor’s Counsel, BJ Fadem openly transgender minor counsel who abused children
Nicole Ford, failed domestic violence advocate and political climber
Elise Mitchell, racist bully at the bench, child abuser
Divorce Consultant and lawyer, Michele Hales, money launderer, crook
Referee, Nat Hales, money laundering, conversion, constructive fraud
Divorce Lawyer, Walter Hammon, child stealer , and crook
Hoge Fenton, law firm that protects that covers up attorney misconduct and fraud
Mc Manis Faulkner, law firm most investigated for fraudulent bill padding and mail fraud
Self Proclaimed Civil Rights Lawyer, James Mc Manis, most sued for malpractice , campaign fraud with Judge Persky
Divorce Donelle Morgan, disgorgement and conversion queen 
Divorce lawyer Bradford Baugh, kingpin of mob, pedophile ring operator, money launderer, money laundering , fraud , filing false documents, judge bribes.  
Intero Real Estate offices, judge kickbacks , and low or no cost home loans for mob. 
Divorce Lawyer Elizabeth Goodley, woman abuser and crook
Settlement Conference Officer Sharon Roper, illegal recording master
Divorce Lawyer Sharon Roper, master forger and fraud
Retried Judge Mary Ann Grilli, payroll affidavit fraud, kickbacks to Bradford Baugh and Valerie Houghton
Judge James Towery, former chief trial counsel state bar, sex abuser , harasser, kickback taker.
Retired prosecutor Sinunu- Towery, San Jose Rose Garden coverup lawyer
Leslie Packer, child abuser 
Teri Johnston, child abuser
Ken Perlmutter, child stealer 
Minor’s Counsel Heather Allan, child abuser and separates families for profit
John Orlando 
Divorce lawyer and former prosecutor, Hector Moreno, improper governmental activity
Garrett Dailey, divorce case rigger in Sixth District Court of Appeals
Judge Manuokian, expense account cheater 
James Butera, CPA, fraud , conversion, disgorgement, conspiracy
Jack Peth , CPA, fraud, conversion
Megan Thompson, CPA, pretty crook
Michael Thompson, CPA, old crook, back pocket of Bradford Baugh
Marilyn Moreno, over biller and liar 
Lynne Yates Carter, money laundering, conversion, fraud, bill padding 
Kathryn Schleophorst , mole, snitch and Emede’s kickback queen
Michel Jones, child abuser 
Susan Stahl , child abuser 
Los Gatos boy Scouts, pedophile protectors
Los Gatos police , DUI ticket fixers and domestic violence concealers 
Fleming, Family Court Service kidnapper
Travis Krepelkha , crook and bad dresser 
Offices of good lawyers driven to suicide, or stroke, (Boscovich)
Law Offices of Nat and Michele Hales,  fraudulently collected money, corrupt motive 
Michael Reedy, conversion, fraud 
Richard Roggia, money laundering, false documents, fraud, conspiracy 
CPA offices of Michael Thompson who conspired with Bradford Baugh to steal retirement accounts. 
CPA offices of James Butera , who has worked with Bradford Baugh to hide millions of dollars in child support hearings. 
School where Owner of the A’s baseball team’s daughter works as she tries to get out of paying child support. 
Golf course where vocational examiner Tim Harper engaged in crimes
Homes of 49ers charged with domestic violence and sexual assault, with video of Swat raids. 
Neighborhoods  of Judges Takaichi, Grilli . Towery, Pegg, Lucas, Arand, and Persky, who falsified payroll affidavits. 
Neighborhood of JAMS attorney Gallagher who profited from her husband, Judge Danser’s  ticket fixing. 
Santa Row Neighborhood of Nat Hales, who offered favorable probate rulings for sex favors. 
Los Gatos Boys Scouts who harbored alleged pedophiles. 
Saratoga High School that covered up domestic violence and child abuse of Audrie Pott. 
Homes of Los Gatos Little League volunteers who  bribed judges
Los Gatos Police Department that helped divorce lawyers  steal homes and kids. 
Offices of  Heather Allan who separated more families after minor’s counsel appointments. 
Offices of Elizabeth Goodley who assisted Bradford Baugh in harming clients and stealing money.  
Santa Clara County District Attorney  Jeff Rosen’s offices and locations where he took bribes and hid campaign contributions, caught on film. 
Offices of the most crooked law firms: Hoge Fenton, McManis Falkner 
Offices of government lawyers who knew and were silent
Offices of victim services employees who had heated affairs. 
Offices of Orange Title Company, Intero Real Estate, and banks that gave judges free and low cost Silicon valley Homes. 
Headquarters of Facebook, Oracle, Western Digital, Netflix, DigiDesigns,  Paypal, Google, Yahoo, Apple and other Siliocn Valley companies that helped hide money, secreted domestic violence,  violated privacy laws and harmed children. 

Tour will take two hours and visitors will receive collectables outlining the history of Siliocn Valley’s divorce mob. Email us if you want someone added to the Mob Tour.

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Probation Department Employee Uses Foster Kids to Dig Holes in Silicon Valley

Dick and Shirley Cantu built a hillside house on Cypress Way, just down the road from Steve Wozniak, one of the most famous residents in  Los Gatos, California.

The Cantu’s were connected to Santa Clara County’s probation departments and juvenile courts, and bragged to neighbors  about misusing their government positions to bring foster kids onto their property to dig holes. Dick Cantu was not shy in reporting  how much money he saved having kids in the  care of the government do work on his home. 

Cantu was also rumored to have high jacked truckloads of dirt that was being delivered to neighbor’s homes , and illegally dumping that dirt  in a manner that eventually caused his pole house to start learning over.

David Yamasaki , the court CEO, took palm trees and landscape materials for his home, and did so with impunity as the Santa Clara County District attorney, Jeff Rosen, frequently failed to do his job.

Misuse of local courts and government employees is nothing new, and such conduct is improper government activity that is criminal in nature, and that serves to harm children.

District attorneys like Rosen who consistently fail to investigate public integrity issues put children and families in harms way.

Bad government workers often fail to act as mandated reporters to report child abuse. These same people turn the other way, or remain silent when their coworkers establish customs and policies that waste tax payer money.

Kids for cash was one scandal that showed how judges, lawyers and complicit  county workers acted in complex criminal schemes that harmed kids for profit.

This same conduct exists in nearly every large county in the country, where a free press often fails to hold elected judges and politicians accountable.

San Jose Mercury Karen De Sa exposed the conduct of Santa Clara County workers drugging foster kids, yet even after this exposure, no government workers were indicted or held accountable for the harm they caused children and tax payers.

In 2004 Judge William Danser was indicted for fixing traffic tickets in the local courts, for people associates with the Los Gatos police and the Los Gatos Little League.

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why i didn

The Great Surname Dilemma: Why I Didn’t Change My Name

why i didn't change my last name

 

I wasn’t born Sally Donovan. In fact, my given first name, of Italian descent, only holds a place on legal documents. But shortly after I got married I became a Donovan. I have been asked several times after my divorce, why I don’t take the steps to change back to my maiden name? There are those of course, who also ponder why I changed my name in the first place.

Well, shortly after marriage I had contemplated not changing my surname for many obvious reasons, and the first one being, it’s really kind of a pain in the butt! But I did make the legal leap knowing my husband and I wanted to have children together one day. In my opinion that meant we would be drafting a new member to our “team”. If nothing else, a team looks better with a great uniform, and rocking a unifying team logo, right?

For me, having the same name on my jersey as my all-star teammates, my children, was important. In the “sport” of raising kids into independent, functional members of society (man, there should be a Stanley Cup of sorts for that final win) I’m still, along with their father, co-captain. But who’s kidding who, I do have days when I want to trade a teammate or two, but I digress.

“But it’s HIS name.” I’ve been told.

My name is not the property of anyone else.

It does not belong to “him”, it is mine and has been established, carried, written and identified as me for the majority of my adult life. Quite sure that falls in the possession is 9/10th of the law category. It is MY name.

Now, this is the part that will make some people wrinkle their foreheads in question. The connection I have with my last name and his will always be positive, regardless of what transpired and resulted in the end of my marriage. That connection equates to the unequivocally best part of my life, my children. Yeah, rationality does odd things to your mindset sometimes.

My life took another twist when I decided to go public with spewing my unsolicited thoughts, oh, I mean writing and publishing blogs and books. I contemplated changing my surname again as this would be the time to do it before I establish myself as an Author.

After some thought, I realized to go back to my maiden name was a regression in a way. I have grown and turned into someone else since my childhood years. I will forever be grateful and proud to be an Arcuri. That is my foundation and was my initiation to sarcasm and “thick skin” way of life by the way. However, I’m not that little girl anymore, so it did not feel right going back.

Divorce is a MAJOR life transition. With transition comes change, which may or may not include, in name, on top of everything else (sigh). It is a personal choice, and like everything else that comes with divorce, more complicated as a Mom because of that darn affinity with those kids. Regardless of what you do, your identity is just that, yours. Don’t be swayed by others, perception, or short-lived thinking. Just be YOU.

In discussing my nom de plume at the breakfast counter with my oldest daughter, Thing 1, she provided a view that came from sheer simplicity. (Adults, let us learn from this approach). She blatantly said, “What do you mean. You are Sally Donovan – what other name would you use?”

So despite the changes and challenges divorce brought me, my name stuck. And if I am being totally honest here, I also kind of think it’s a kick-ass last name. I guess if the shoe fits….this gal, Sally Donovan, has no issues wearing it.

The post The Great Surname Dilemma: Why I Didn’t Change My Name appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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divorced dad activities

Fun Summer Activities For Divorced Dads

divorced dad activities

Divorce is never an easy undertaking. Family bonds feel broken and children are confused. Divorce can strain the relationship kids have with their fathers.

It is important for dads to come up with ideas for activities that allow them to not only have fun, but to stay connected with their children after going through so much change.

Summer is the perfect time for dads and kids to strengthen their bonds while also having fun.

Here are five enjoyable activities divorced dads can partake in with their kids.

Go to a baseball game

Baseball is the ultimate summer sport to watch and a great way for a child to bond with their dad. Whether it’s a ballpark hotdog or some homerun fireworks, there is always something to enjoy.

This can be a relatively inexpensive outing with some cheap upper tier stadium seats and a great view of the stadium. Dads have the opportunity to bond with their kids by teaching them about this old sport. Staying up late and watching your favorite team go into the 10th inning establishes a lifelong memory between a father and their child.

Weekly breakfasts dates

During and after the process of a divorce, a child might have a harder time opening up and communicating how they feel. They are constantly surrounded with change in their developing lives. New routines, new living situations and a change in parenting are a few of the many transitions a child is facing.

Creating a sense of normalness and a routine can be beneficial during this time of change. That is why weekly breakfast dates can be an important activity for a father and child to partake in. This date can be turned into a weekly routine and a way for a child’s life to feel more stable.

Having a conversation over a stack of chocolate chip pancakes and a glass of orange juice creates an outlet for communication which is essential in a kid’s evolving life.

Gameday Coffee is a charity organization dedicated to helping dads build stronger relationships with their kids. The organization is based on the simple premise that small gestures from fathers, such as sharing a cup of coffee, can make a profound impact on the lives of their children.

“It’s quality time,” said Cordell & Cordell CEO Scott Trout. “… That’s something that is not just useful, but intentional and purposeful, and I think that’s part of being a great dad. … It is getting into a routine of an intentional and purposeful relationship with your kid.”

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Go to the water park

Summer and water activities go hand in hand. Waterparks are a nice way for everyone to cool off during the heat-filled months of June through August. Whether you float down the lazy river together or race on the waterslides, these heat-quenching activities allow for some fun memories to be made.

If waterparks are not bountiful venues near you, a trip to the community swimming pool or even fun in the sprinklers are some great alternative options. These fun experiences are a good way to tire out the kids while making lasting memories.

Go to the movies

Coming up with new and exciting activities can be difficult. Sometimes the scorching weather can be too much to handle and deters you from wanting to venture outside. That is why the air-conditioned movie theaters are always an easy activity to partake in. Sitting next to each other in the oversized plush theater seats and sharing a tub of popcorn is fun and relaxing.

If you want to save some money, turning your living room into a home theater is a good option. You can always count on Netflix, On-Demand and Hulu to be stocked with the new and old must-see movies.

Go on a bike ride

No matter what age your child is, a bike ride is always an enjoyable summer adventure to participate in. You and your child have the opportunity to explore different bike trails or urban scenery.

If your kid is too young to ride a bike, there are plenty of other options including bike trailers and rear-mounted child seats. Even teaching your kid how to ride a bike without training wheels is a fun and memorable father-child bonding experience.

If your child is capable of riding on their own, biking on trails or sidewalks are enjoyable adventures to engage in. This exercise-enabling activity not only fosters a bond between a father and child, but a positive memory as well. It is also a great way for you to

It is crucial for dads to maintain a healthy and positive relationship with their children. It can be difficult for a child to communicate and open up about their feelings, but with these five fun summer activities, a dad can have a more hands-on relationship with their children.

The post Fun Summer Activities For Divorced Dads appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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file for divorce in august

Back To School Divorce: 4 Reasons Parents File For Divorce In August

file for divorce in august

 

What do August and March have in common? In most parts of the United States, the two months don’t even have similar climates, so your answer might understandably be “nothing much.” But according to a study conducted at the University of Washington, Americans file for divorce in August and March more often than any other months.

The study analyzed all of the divorce filings in Washington from November 2001 to December 2015; the state has pretty open divorce laws, which made it easy for the researchers to gather the data. What they found was a clear peak in both August and March and a dramatic drop as the year wound to an end, especially in November and December.

While the numbers are certainly intriguing, they mean very little to researchers until the “why” behind them is answered. But, I think I’ve come up with a few answers to the why. See below.

4 Reasons Parents File For Divorce In August

1. Too Much Time Together

Nothing can put more stress on an already bad marriage than summer vacations and long holiday weekends. If you didn’t like your spouse in April, you’re going to like them even less in August.

2. Fall Routines

One of the biggest reason people file for divorce in August is due to the children’s schedules. Once school is back in session, a regular routine is put into motion that helps kids adjust and cope with a divorce. This is also helpful for parents who need to meet with a mediator during school hours to get the necessary paperwork completed. With the routine and distraction of school, children tend to handle the news of a divorce much better.

3. Time Before the Holidays

The hardest part of going through a divorce is that first holiday apart from your ex-spouse. In August you have a few months to figure out a holiday plan for your family and process the loss of your marriage before you are bombarded with imagery of happy families and joyous get-togethers.

4. Timing for Taxes

In California, if you file for divorce, you are required to have a six-month cooling off period before the dissolution is final. This works nicely with end-of-year taxes, so you can still file jointly together as married if you wish. However, if you want to file separately, that may be an option as well. Talk with our Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, and we can help you determine your options and the financial implications of each.

5 Tips For Supporting Your Child And Their Back To School Routine:

If you are filing for divorce after a long summer of less than marital bliss keep in mind that your children are headed back to school at the same time their family is coming apart. For that reason, we’ve put together a few tips to help you help your child adjust to their new school year as the child of divorcing parents.

1. Listen to Your Children’s Concerns

This will be their first school year since the divorce, so things are bound to feel different for them. Don’t discourage them from venting. Instead, let the kids open up to you whenever they feel they need to. Listen to their worries and ask open-ended questions that encourage them to talk further. Always show an interest in how their day went, and remind them that whenever they feel uncertain or afraid, you are there to listen.

2. Create a Comfortable Routine

The importance of routine cannot be emphasized enough. Try to cultivate and maintain a predictable school routine that the children can rely on. You will want to talk with them and your former spouse about school bus schedules, what to do if any of the kids become ill at school, and what the pick-up and drop-off routines will be if they enroll in after-school activities. Having answers to these questions can decrease their anxiety by eliminating unpredictability as much as possible.

3. Develop an Effective Way to Communicate with your Ex

There are a lot more logistics to manage with children once the school year starts, and logistics usually requires communication. Talk with your former spouse to determine a way to share calendars (there are helpful online tools available for this) and remember how important it is for the kids to see both of their parents at important school events, concerts, and extracurricular activities.

Talk with your ex as best you can about how key school-related issues like parent-teacher conferences, field trips, and prom will be handled, and remember that consistency is usually best for children when it comes to expectations like grades, driver’s ed, school night curfews, etc.

4. Meet Your Children’s Teachers, Coaches, and other Trusted Adults

Your children’s teachers are there to help, so don’t feel compelled to hide your recent divorce or separation from them. Even if the kids don’t tell them first, they will certainly notice if there are any post-divorce struggles like depression, impaired classroom performance, or acting out. Ideally, you and the other parent should meet with the teachers to discuss the situation and create a communication plan if adjustment problems do end up surfacing.

5. Keep School a Safe Place

During a divorce, and immediately after, there is a lot of uncertainty for children at home. So they often turn to school to be a stable and safe place for them to socialize and concentrate on things other than their parent’s divorce. Children, particularly older children, derive a lot of support and identity from their peer group. So it’s important to remember not to let negative feelings, arguments, or miscommunications with your ex play out at your child’s school, or in front of his/her friends.

Your friends, family, and even your children’s teachers all have vital roles to play in helping your kids adjust. Let them help. And above all, keep listening to your children. It is important for them to know that when they need to be heard, you are there.

The post Back To School Divorce: 4 Reasons Parents File For Divorce In August appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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10 Ways To Make New Summer Memories On A Single Mom’s Budget

new summer memories

 

One of the hardest parts of becoming a single mom was having to tell my kids that we could no longer afford things that had always been part of our life. That first summer seemed like one endless “No!” that came one after another. By our second summer, I learned to not only be more creative about making fun memories but also to cherish the time I did have with our split custody schedule.

Here are 10 of our favorite low and no-cost ways to make new summer memories.

1. Pajama Days. Spend the whole day in your pajamas, read bedtime stories when you wake up and make breakfast for dinner.

2. Find a Local Swimming Hole. Forget expensive water parks & find a local swimming hole. State parks generally charge a small admission fee for an adult. Not only will you save money on just getting in, but without concession stands and souvenir shops around every corner, there are far fewer things to say no about. Pack a special picnic, grab a quilt, and you’ll have much more fun than if you had spent the day standing in line.

3. Camp Mama. Swap days off with another single mom. You can reduce your childcare costs dramatically by finding another single mom who you can swap childcare with. You keep her kids on your day off or vacation day and she does the same on hers. A small splurge on craft supplies or a dollar movie is far less than a day of camp. You take one day off and get childcare for two days and help a friend in the process.

4. Cook Together. Making homemade bread figures, decorating cookies, or making ice cream only cost a few dollars and keeps kids busy for hours. If you feel the sink with extra bubbles, younger kids love being allowed to wash the dishes, too.

5. Read a Chapter Book Out Loud. Bedtimes are later and extra TV time seems to just happen. Take advantage of the extra time to read a family adventure book. If your kids are too young to take a turn reading, check out the audiobook at the library. If the book you chose has been made into a movie, celebrate by watching it together when you are done.

6. Living Room Camp Out. Nothing thrills my kids more than for us to drag our mattresses out into the living room and for me to sleep with them. Sometimes we watch a movie, play a game or make flashlight finger puppets. They also love for me to tell them stories about themselves when they were younger.

7. Stargazing. Check out a book on constellations or do a quick search online. Just before bedtime, grab a blanket and head for the edge of town. There is nothing quite as memorable as laying on your back together in a field looking for pictures in the star. Cloud watching can just as much fun!

8. Brown Bag Dinner. On nights when I was too exhausted to cook for dinner, I found that letting the kids pack dinner in their lunch box and heading for the playground made the whole thing an adventure. If you stay till dark, you’ll have won their hearts forever.

9. House Swap. This summer we are swapping houses with another single mom in a town just a few hours away. ( I bet you have a Facebook friend or two you could ask.) Without the cost of a hotel at peak rates and having to eat out, I can give my kids a fun vacation. Lay out expectations before you go and this is a great way for two families to help each other.

10. Play together. Chances are your house has been tense and less peaceful recently than you would have wished for your kids. Nothing lifts my own spirit like the sound of my kid’s laughter and nothing breaks my kids out of a funk like Mama having fun. Break out some water guns, play flashlight tag, or teach them your favorite card game and just enjoy your kids.

The post 10 Ways To Make New Summer Memories On A Single Mom’s Budget appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Public Comment Epidemic Spreads to San Mateo: Which is California's Worst County to get Raped In?

Judge Swope: Domestic Violence By Proxy

Ouch!  For months Santa Clara County has been leading the charge on public comments and the Battle of the Bench.  Millions of dollars were spent and La Doris Cordell used all the collateral she had trying to keep Judge Persky on the bench, claiming a recall would be  a threat to the judiciary. Cordell, Persky and the hundreds of judges and lawyers who thought Perksy should stay on the bench were out voted. They lost. 

Hey LaDoris Cordell: A greater threat is letting dumb judges off the bench and letting them make public comment. In San Mateo Judge Swope did just that, trying to promote another crony judge. 

The problem for Judge Swope, and San Mateo County,  is reverse public comment; where folks can sit in the comfort of their home and blast government websites and social media sites in a manner to criticize the speaker. That was what happened when San Mateo’s county government got involved in the business of free speech. Reverse Public comment that they can not remove ! 

Swope is a hypocrite. Known for being exceptionally corrupt, and rumored to have kids he couldn’t control. Swope has raised his own children who are  a menace to society, complete with drug and other criminal like problems.

Swope maintains he is the foremost authority on the law, as he separates children from parents in family court. 

San Mateo is horrendous where public records and court files are concerned. A snarky staff is less then helpful and Steve Wagstaff, corrupt to the core,  is still milking favors at the State Bar that get his prosecutors out of trouble. Just like shady old Jeff Rosen in Santa Clara County. 

San Mateo and Santa Clara County have tied for an annual award from victim support groups. The counties are tied in two categories: 

Worst county to get raped in. 
Worst county to marry a pedophile in. 

A final vote will be announced by September 15, 2018. 

To vote, and tell a story to support your vote. Please post a comment below, or send an email to : caljohnqpublic@gmail.com, or cast your vote in public comment below. 

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