Can Narcissists Really Move On Like Nothing Happened?

Can Narcissists Really Move On Like Nothing Happened?

 

Going through the agony of seeing the narcissist has moved on like you don’t exist can feel like a knife going into your heart.

Seeing the narcissist and new supply can evoke feelings of worthlessness, obsession and jealousy.

Discover why the narcissist is behaving this way and how you can heal for real from this in this Thriver TV episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

It certainly appears as if he or she has…

Sailed off into the sunset with the new supply. The big bounty – which probably used to be yours –looking all loved up, enjoying all that life has to offer.

The narcissist will tell you that they are happy to see the last of you and that their new life is SO much better.

You, on the other hand, can barely crawl out from underneath your bedclothes, and feel like you have been blown to pieces by a landmine.

Is it true?

Has the narcissist moved on like nothing has happened?

Are they capable of this? And what does it really mean?

The answers that you receive in today’s Thriver TV episode may shock you because they most likely will not be what you expect.

 

Okay, before we deeply investigate this, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video, give it a thumbs up!

Deep breath now and let’s plunge in!

 

The Questions and Devastation On Your Mind

Of course, it is emotionally devastating to believe that someone has moved on from you as if you never existed.

To us, that equals – ‘I wasn’t meaningful to this person’. And that terrible question, which initially threatens the very fabric of our Inner Identity – ‘Did this person even love me?’

As well as all the insidious things that we can think about ourselves regarding ‘not being good enough’ and ‘what does the new supply have that I don’t?’

Okay, if this is you please pause the video and let me know in the comments below what it is that you are feeling.

Yet, truly we are applying all these questions and thinking to the normal human equation of things – which narcissists simply don’t fit into.

 

Can Narcissists REALLY Move On Like Nothing Happened?

I’m going to drop the bombshell on you immediately … the answer is YES. The narcissist can and does move on like nothing happened.

This is not because you are unlovable or unworthy of love.

I know you might think that, and you always will if you hold other people’s character, actions and behaviours as the barometer of your worth – which naturally we need to address and heal!

The REAL reason being – nothing REAL did happen.

And the reason that nothing real happened, is because the narcissist is not a real person. He or she is a fictitious character; a False Self playing life as a stage play of their life to feed their ego (False Self).

When the play isn’t turning out how the narcissist needs it to – to gain enough narcissistic supply (attention and significance) – the narcissist needs to exit stage right and walk onto another stage as quickly as possible.

Here is another bombshell – you are MEANINGLESS to the narcissist when you are no longer the chosen self-medication fix to feed their ego.

That isn’t an insult and it doesn’t mean that you are meaningless. It’s actually a severe limitation of the narcissistic personality. Them not being real, means others are not real either. Other individuals are merely inanimate objects to the narcissist; extras who have a necessary role in a particular play at a particular time. This was you.

I personally know the total agony of wondering incessantly, ‘Can he REALLY move on so fast as if nothing happened? And ‘Was I that meaningless to him?’

My heart goes out to you with a big cyber hug, if you are going through this. And I want you to understand HOW to get free from the place you are in very quickly and powerfully – by inviting you into a radical way to accept the truth and heal.

I promise you that I am not granting you the truth to shame you, blame you or make you feel worse.

I am telling you this truth to help empower you, set you free and heal you.

I know of people who have waited years for the narcissist to return to them – and have never accepted the discard.

That is a living hell – and you truly can start to heal and access your personal heaven.

Now, let’s continue to peel this back…

 

When the Narcissist Hoovers You Back In

When we understand the motivation of a narcissist, who uses people as props to feed their ego, this explains the hoovering phenomenon.

Narcissists are famous for circling back to you and telling you that they miss you; that he or she made a mistake, still loves you, wants to work things out, and so on and so forth.

Or they will incite an argument with you, whereby you get upset and hook in and he or she then smooches up to you again.

This will make your head spin: ‘Hang on, you moved on. You were with a new person or at the very least told me you didn’t love me. You wanted to be away from me and now you want to get back with me?’

Many a person has fallen for it. I did too. And it leads to more pain, even worse abuse, and harder discards.

Why does the narcissist do it?

They do it because they feel needy for the ego feed of knowing that you still want them, or perhaps because the new supply is not turning out as well as expected.

The real truth is that narcissists are greedy for ego feeds and are indiscriminate. With ‘tortured love’ there is lots of drama and emotional energy to mine. Many narcissists will have sex with their Exes with zero regard for the new supply.

Isn’t it interesting that you thought you were meaningless and worthless? If we are using the measuring stick of integrity, loyalty and monogamy, this means the new supply is also.

Who does the narcissist really love?

No-one.

The narcissist’s allegiance is with one entity only – his or her False Self; the relentless Master who requires insatiable feeding of significance. And not only at a current or former partner’s expense –at the narcissist’s too.

Can you imagine the insanity this sort of life creates?

Can you imagine lying and having to triangulate effectively? Sneaking around covering tracks and living with the possibility of being found out and their life exploding at any moment.

Welcome to the narcissist’s ‘normal’ world, which is forever cracking, breaking, burning people out and needing the ‘up and leave and begin again’ effort to survive.

 

If You Are Not Hoovered Again

I know that initially this can be terrible for you.

You may feel after the narcissist has moved on with someone else like, ‘What is so wrong with me that I am no longer being hoovered?’.

This is what I believe is the absolute truth about narcissists – they deliver to us the THING that hurts the most. This is both because they have identified it and because narcissists in our life provide an incredible opportunity for us to heal our unhealed parts, that they painfully trigger.

My greatest recommendation to you is to take this as a blessing (the silence) and use the opportunity to turn inwards and heal what you are feeling. Then, I promise you, you won’t give two hoots about who the narcissist has run off with.

I promise you also that when you do the inner work – just as I did on the reasons why I was assigning another person as my level of lovability, worth and value, and came home to being a beautiful, full source to myself – the pain and the longing will totally go.

And … after you do the inner work … you will no longer accept any hoover attempts (if they do come) any more than you would nail yourself to the back of a burning door.

I assure you, if you start NARPing you will know exactly what I mean!

 

Personal Happiness Is Determined By Growth

Anyone can look like their life is AWESOME on social media.

BUT … are they at peace and do they feel whole within?

Are they able to be real, honest and communicate healthily in relationships, in order to create healthy partnerships of mutuality?

These are questions we can investigate when reflecting on the narcissist and also about ourselves.

People who refuse to turn inwards and process and heal their previous relationship pain to completion – meaning healing previously unintegrated and unhealed parts – are stuck in the same cycles, going through the same relationships, just with different faces.

As much as people try to get a person that is going to be different ‘this time’, it doesn’t happen.

Narcissists don’t take time out to reflect. They don’t heal. They don’t learn from their mistakes.

The narcissistic motto is: ’You are my life to provide me with ego attention and significance and let me mine you so that you fulfil all of my needs And when you stop playing that role, I will punish and discard you.’

This is not a relationship.

You NEVER had a REAL relationship with this person.

It’s a dictatorship – no matter what wrapping it appears to be disguised in. Sooner or later any new supply is going to see the mask fall and come face to face with the terrible trauma of what their relationship is really about.

And, of course, they are likely to go through the same journey of denial again and again, as they try to make each relationship that never was, be real.

That is until they realise the same truth that you are FACING now – what this is REALLY about is turning inwards to love and heal yourself back to value, worth and wholeness.

It never is anyone else’s job to grant us that!

 

The Shift In Perception

When I removed myself from my narcissistic relationship, I lost almost everything I owned. My life went from being financially secure and successful, from before meeting him, to being significantly diminished.

Here he was now living in the home I had bought us, living the high life, and making a ton of money in a business that I had set up for him.

Did I feel cheated, defiled, ripped off and destroyed? Yes, initially, I did.

Was I suffering agoraphobia so badly that I couldn’t even walk out my front door without having a panic attack? Was I so crippled that I could barely function? Yes!

Was the ex-narcissist romancing women, wining, dining, buying new and better cars and having a wow of a time? Yes!

With Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), I let go of my envy, pain and fears about money and possessions. I let go of the need for bigger and better things in my life. Instead, I focused on finally healing my Inner Being as my highest mission.

I valued my soul above all else.

Then an incredible inner peace and love came, as I released more and more trauma. Everything started to fall into place. Yet I no longer needed it to be so in order for me to be happy and whole; I was JUST Being happy and whole!

Then I understood the truth. The absolute devastation of all the pain of a False Life with a narcissist had forced me to my knees to finally turn inwards and partner with myself.

The rest is history.

I am THRILLED beyond measure that this happened FOR me.

Is this resonating with you? Are you feeling a shift in perception? Can you sense that what I am saying is the truth? Are you already living from the Thriver perspective? Pause this video and let me know in your comments below.

 

Time To Get the Real Thing

Now, here is the thing for you … it’s healthy for you to not jump straight into another relationship. If you try to, you know it is likely to be a terrible experience.

Why – because your soul knows that the opportunity you really want, more than anything, is to heal, evolve and grow towards the sustainability of fulfilling relationships that ARE real.

The narcissist can’t have real relationships.

False, broken, unfulfilling relationships are what he or she, living excessively from the False Self, is doomed to have. However, YOU can have REAL relationships if you are willing to do the work.

Relationships where you will experience being valued at the level that you value yourself.

Relationships where you will know and connect to people with true characters, kindness and conscience.

But this only becomes possible through growth and healing.

If you don’t do the work to come home to the knowing of your own self-love, worth and fullness within, then you will always seek it from outside of yourself.

I promise you that when you get determined to get off this terrible ride of painful, unsustainable relationships onto REAL and HEALTHY relationship trajectories, you will know that being discarded and ‘not mattering’ were actually powerful gifts to you.

They forced you to get REAL. To REALLY partner with yourself with devotion, love and purpose; to repair the relationship with yourself to become a completely different person going forwards.

You will become a person who is no longer being unconsciously a broken, unhealed child within an adult’s body, trying to find a parent. Rather, you will heal up to become a solid, self-loving adult in your own body, seeking and accepting other whole and healthy adults in partnerships.

And I’d love to get you started on exactly that path – the one away from pain and resentment towards health, love and excitement for what you can create in your life.

So, let’s do this together. Click this link to get started accessing my FREE empowering resources.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Conquering Self-Sabotage – How To Achieve Anything You Want Out Of Life

Conquering Self-Sabotage – How To Achieve Anything You Want Out Of Life

 

Self-sabotage is like a runaway train. It’s those strong urges that make us create excuses and justifications.

We are our own worst enemies at times.

WHY do we self-sabotage when we know these choices are NOT what we want in our life?

Find out the answer in this Thriver’s Life episode and stop going through the utter frustration of giving in to self-sabotage urges, that you know HURT you, and be free from them FOREVER…

 

 

Video Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series … the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

Can I just be really straight with you? This is Thriver’s Life after all – we cut to the chase here!

We are our own worst enemies.

When you understand Quantum Law – and that you are the generator of your own experience – you know that the only thing between you and your goals is yourself.

This is not damning or blaming ourselves…

It’s exciting because it puts the power back where we can do something about it.

Today, I am going to talk to you about our number one biggest issue – self-sabotage. And I am so excited to talk to you about HOW to OVERCOME it as well.

But before I do, I’d just like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up.

Okay, let’s get this Thriver Life episode rolling.

 

Knowing Self-Sabotage Inside Out

I feel totally qualified to talk to you about this today – because I used to be the self-sabotage Queen!

I was highly addictive.

Definition being – not able to withstand emotional distress and grabbing self-medication outside of myself to try to numb the inner emotional pain.

That, in a NUTSHELL, is what self-sabotage is.

It is about making a choice to avoid our feelings that doesn’t help our feelings, but only adds more trauma to them.

Self-sabotage is a HUGE issue within this community, because most of us have suffered from lack of inner wholeness and solidness; have had difficulty to self soothe and heal our emotions (be released from inner trauma); and have therefore been highly susceptible to being traumatised and hooked onto people and things that are not healthy for us.

This is what I used to do when emotional pain hit – I would try to get comfort either from the very people who were hurting me or the other narcissist in my life – ‘cigarettes’.

Included in my ways to self-avoid were also junk food and alcohol.

Then there was workaholism.

On the surface, it would seem that this ‘go-to’ was healthy. But nothing is healthy when it’s out of balance, and certainly when it’s being used as a way to self-avoid feelings and to self-abandon inner trauma – rather than heal it to completion.

To be in balance and healthy needs these components:

  • Emotional Wellbeing
  • Spiritual Wellbeing
  • Physical Wellbeing
  • Financial Wellbeing
  • Mission and Purpose Wellbeing
  • Restorative Wellbeing
  • Connective Wellbeing with self, life and others.

All of us have areas of ourselves to work on – that is the glory and grace of evolution!

All of us have areas that we self-sabotage in.

I suggest that you write these down, journal on them and be honest with yourself. Be really honest. Which of these areas in your life do you self-sabotage?

 

Claiming Your Power to Change Self-Sabotage

Again, I’m going to be really straight with you.

You are not going to give up self-sabotage tendencies if you refuse to give up blame and shame (of others or yourself). Or if you wait for someone else to rescue you, atone or be brought to justice. Or if you refuse to take the responsibility to do the necessary inner work to heal and change yourself.

Also, regardless of your age or circumstances, if you stay dependent on others for your Wellbeing, and hold them responsible for it, you won’t get better.

Yes, absolutely others can help and assist, and will, but only if you are willing to heal and help yourself first.

I can’t express to you enough – the wonder of how ALL of life will start nourishing and flourishing you in the most incredible ways when you make overcoming your traumas and healing yourself your highest mission.

As your own powerful Quantum Creator, who is creating ‘more of’ your inner beliefs and alignments in your outer world every moment of every day, it’s advantageous to take radical and personal responsibility to know this: When life works, it is reflecting where you are at with that topic. When life doesn’t work, it’s reflecting where you are at with that topic.

Things are definitely not working optimally in our life when we are self-sabotaging.

So, let’s now dissect self-sabotage.

 

The Characteristics of Self-Sabotage

Darling Thriver, I know you know when you are self-sabotaging.

You know you didn’t want to sleep in when you made a commitment to move your body with exercise.

You know that putting something off or having the discussion that you know you need to do, is causing more pain for you now.

You know that when you are doing an addictive thing it is undermining your health, Being and the values that you have for yourself.

You know when you are indulging in trash talk, how terrible it feels for you – instead of staying aligned with Who You Really are on a topic.

You know you didn’t want to break No Contact.

I virtually always knew when I was doing self-sabotage … and I know you do too.

Why do we do it?

Because we are giving in to trying to soothe the trauma with a quick-fix – which we know won’t durably work – rather than face and heal the trauma.

Self-sabotage is like a runaway train. The strong urges make us create excuses and justifications; often insane reasons that we know are lame. When we are explaining why we are going to make a bad choice to someone, it is usually ourselves we are trying to convince the most.

Then if that fails, we can come up with an old personal favourite of mine – ‘That’s okay, I’ll get back to where I need to be tomorrow’. I applied this to continuing to see the narcissist, smoking a cigarette and having a blow out with alcohol.

You may do this too!

Of course, tomorrow never comes!

 

How to Powerfully Overcome Self-Sabotage

A previous client of mine gambled – heavily. Disastrously.

In every area of her life, she was doing well – yes this was her self-sabotage, self-medication and self-destruct, whenever she experienced internal emotional trauma.

In her earlier years, marijuana was her go-to. But she got clear and healed this completely with Quanta Freedom Healing.

This lady was a NARPer (member of The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program), and I gave her the explicit instruction that when the addiction hit hard, that urge to go gamble, that her adult self needed to take charge, in the EXACT moment, and march herself off to a NARP healing.

There she could meet the inner urges and trauma, whilst they were fully energised in her body, release them, go free from them and reprogram them ON the SPOT – instead of giving in to them.

She had already achieved that with marijuana. Her massive shift out of all urges and addiction to being stoned happened, after a month of bingeing, in a healing with me in the EXACT moment of the terrible urges and breakdown.

After just one hour of healing, she has never had any tendency to smoke again, despite decades of pot addiction.

How is this possible?

I can assure you it is. And the reason is because all of her unconscious traumas, that had been driving the addiction, were fully active in her body. That’s what urges are – traumatised screams inducing the feeling of needing the choice of addiction to numb them out.

The addiction is not the issue. It’s the unhealed inner traumas driving the need to self-medicate.

Yet she hadn’t done this in a NARP healing right at the MOMENT of the urge with gambling. And I knew 100% that if she did – she would heal that addiction, too.

 

The Steps to Heal the Traumas Driving Your Self-Sabotage

How do we come out of the fog and into the driver’s seat to stop giving in to our self-sabotages?

Step #1 – Be honest with yourself.

Call it out – instead of being led down the garden path by the excuses.

I’ll give you a simple example…

Let’s say there is a block of chocolate in the house and you feel the urge to eat it – and you know if you start you will eat the whole block.

If you are a NARPer you have two choices:

Give in and loathe yourself afterwards – which just sets up the peptide addiction to do it AGAIN (your body will chase the powerful surge of self-loathing peptides in the future)…

OR … admit to yourself that you are self-sabotaging your health goals and do…

Step #2 – Take yourself firmly by the hand to a NARP Module and meet the trauma in your body and shift it out.

You will find origins of all sorts of things that hurt you; that are causing you to self-medicate excessively with sugar.

After doing a NARP Module, you will find you have NO urge to go for the chocolate. You will feel whole and satisfied on the inside and will have decreased urges for excessive chocolate in the future.

Okay, maybe you will need to meet this trauma in your body several times before all urges of this traumatic self-medication choice are gone … but I promise you, if you do, it will go.

And you will emerge stronger, more healed and more whole, growing in personal integrity, integration and evolution, knowing that you can look after yourself to create all of that and more.

NARP Module work is the ultimate self-soothing. It not only calms your emotions, it completely transforms and reprograms them!

Now let’s just get clear about this final thing … Step 3

Step #3 – Understand that dealing with your trauma is the last thing you will want to do, and the relief and the joy of doing so will only be after you have done the Module work.

However, the more you train yourself to do this, as a way of life, the easier it gets to do.

Truly! Every, and I mean EVERY, area of your life can and will heal when you meet self-sabotage at its core by targeting…

‘The traumas in my body that are causing me to not do this (the thing that will serve you )…or to do that (the thing that doesn’t serve you).

It is no exaggeration to say that stopping self-sabotage may be a life and death choice, when it comes to narcissistic abuse. With this understanding, you will eliminate breaking No Contact, reacting and feeding them supply, or being terrified about standing up and creating boundaries.

I hope now that you realise just what a powerful tool and application that you have learnt today is – for EVERY area of your life that you wish to break free in.

I adore this healing journey. I am a completely different being from my previous self – in the positive – and I know you will be, too.

To learn more about trauma, how it is controlling your life and how to live completely free from it to create the Life and Self of your dreams, please click this link if you are not yet working with NARP.

And if you are a NARP member, you may want to consider checking out my Empowered Self Course, which takes your graduation and evolution to even more accelerated levels.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

Okay, so after narcissistic abuse recovery, let’s evolve as far as we can, with grace and grist.

Why?

Because we CAN!

 

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Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome: Could This Be You?

Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

 

Narcissists are masters of disguise and narcissistic abuse is a form of thought control, it’s emotional manipulation of another person into handing over their mind and will, and thus their thoughts, desires for the narcissist’s personal gain.

A woman suffering from narcissistic abuse syndrome is often disconnected from her own emotional pain. She tends to obsess over her own failures after years of buying into the flaws her narcissistic partner identified in her.

Her mind is often spinning, preoccupied with trying to sort the confusion — the effects of the use of tactics such as gaslighting and word salad on her mind, with intent to distort her reality and impose his own — seeking an explanation for why the narcissist is so miserable, why he treats her the way he does, why he’s so insecure, why they cannot communicate, why he still doesn’t “get” what she’s trying to tell him, and so on.

In other words, what the victim of narcissistic abuse syndrome feels and thinks about herself, life and the narcissist, in most areas, mirrors to some or greater extent what the narcissist wants her to think, believe, feel.

Not every woman involved with a narcissist will suffer from narcissistic abuse syndrome. Those who are in long-term marriages or relationships are more apt to suffer the repercussions of the narcissist’s attempts at controlling, gaslighting and manipulation.

The result of being on the end of narcissistic abuse is the development of PTSD like symptoms. Some of the symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome are as follows.

Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

Cognitive

  • confusion
  • nightmares
  • uncertainty
  • hypervigilance
  • suspiciousness
  • intrusive images
  • poor problem solving
  • poor abstract thinking
  • poor attention/ decisions
  • poor concentration memory
  • disorientation of time, place or person
  • heightened or lowered alertness
  • increased or decreased awareness of surroundings

Behavioral

  • withdrawal
  • antisocial acts
  • inability to rest
  • intensified pacing
  • change in social interactions
  • loss or increase of appetite
  • hyperalert to environment
  • increased alcohol consumption
  • change in usual communications

Emotional

  • fear
  • guilt
  • grief
  • panic
  • denial
  • anxiety
  • agitation
  • irritability
  • depression
  • intense anger
  • apprehension
  • emotional shock
  • emotional outbursts
  • feeling overwhelmed
  • loss of emotional control
  • inappropriate emotional response

The end result of a relationship with a narcissist is a slow, insidious, breaking down of the self-esteem of his victims until there’s next to nothing left, at which point, the narcissist will frequently throw his partner out in order to look for someone new and full of life to make his next target. Leaving his victim an emotional wreck wondering what she did to destroy their once “perfect” relationship.

Victims are not only spouses. They can be coworkers, employees, children, or friends of narcissists. When the narcissist is the victim’s mother or father, it’s a difficult spot to be in, as most children (even grown children) find it almost impossible to leave the relationship. And the abuse continues for years.

If you think that you or someone that you love is struggling with narcissistic abuse syndrome, it’s important that you seek help. Not only should you make a conscious effort to put the narcissist out of the picture, but you should seek some treatment from a certified professional trained in treating PTSD.

4 Ways to Deal with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

Educate Yourself

Learn all you can about narcissistic abuse. Don’t learn all you can about the narcissist. Knowing what makes him tick, won’t undo the damage he has done. Focus on the symptoms you’re experiencing and the tools you need to utilize to help you heal.

Respect Your Boundaries

The key to setting boundaries with a narcissist is to stick to them. You will want to communicate clearly and directly each time. If you make a mistake and find that you “lose it” or say something wrong, just keep practicing and be accountable for your behavior.

Assert Yourself

Know what you want and fight for what you want. Don’t engage in power struggles with your narcissist. In fact, don’t engage with your narcissist at all. The best way to be assertive with a narcissist is to go completely no contact.

Get Help

Get support, seek therapy, and figure out how to move forward with your life without the narcissist partner involved. You don’t need to stick it out with him; it’s your life, and they don’t own it.

Prioritize your own happiness and sanity. In many cases, you might not have a choice, so when you do – get out, now.

The post Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome: Could This Be You? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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15 Things You Give up in a Relationship With a Narcissist

15 Things You Give up in a Relationship With a Narcissist

If you have experienced emotional abuse from a narcissist, it is okay for you to feel like you deserve better. It’s also okay to not know what better is, or what you deserve.

The post 15 Things You Give up in a Relationship With a Narcissist appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Chronic Health Conditions After Narcissistic Abuse? Watch This

Chronic Health Conditions After Narcissistic Abuse? Watch This

 

Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is almost synonymous with narcissistic abuse.

So is adrenal malfunction, Fibromyalgia and a host of other nasties.

Tragically many people, as a result of sustaining so much trauma, break down into terrible chronic illnesses.

Are you wondering how on earth you are going to survive your physical conditions and somehow rebuild and have a healthy and happy life?

It is my greatest heartful wish today that you watch this Thriver TV Episode so that you can have some hope. Chronic illness, in most cases, does not have to be your life sentence.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissistic abuse creates grave issues for your health.

Stress is a huge contributor to illness because when you are at dis-ease, your inner environment is at its most rampant for disease to occur.

Also, how hard is it to try to do the things that necessitate good health when you are in a battle zone trying to survive?

Naturally, you are not likely to eat and sleep well and do healthy things to maintain a healthy equilibrium.

What health issues does narcissistic abuse cause?

Can these health issues be healed?

If so, how?

All of this and more will be answered in today’s Thriver TV Episode.

Okay, so before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay … let’s continue!

 

What Happens to Your Levels of Stress When Abused?

I believe, in our evolving world now, it is incredibly naïve of us if we believe that stress isn’t a major condition affecting our health – including physically.

From the Quantum and Thriver Healing perspective, it is toxicity, namely stress, that generates the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, including health issues.

When you are being belittled, degraded, confused, manipulated and mined, you will experience a decline in vital life-force.

What does that really mean?

It means that you start to lose self-belief, self-worth and the knowing of your internal compass in the world. Reality becomes skewed and it’s difficult to be safe – not just in your environment and with the person abusing you, but maybe with many other aspects of your life as well.

You may feel incredibly alone in this experience, and even unsupported and misunderstood by the people you used to have safe connections with.

You may wonder, ‘Who can I trust?’

And as you become more isolated, you may even start to blame yourself: ‘Is it me with all the problems?’

Here we have the breakdown of the fabric of your foundations as a human spirit, in your own body, in the world.

Memories of your past are traumatic; your present is full of anxiety and depression; and your future is daunting and overwhelming. You have no idea who you will be or how you will end up, going forwards.

Those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse, usually report that it was the most stressful time of our entire life.

Truly, unless you have been through this, you couldn’t even begin to imagine it.

 

What Are the Physical Effects of Stress?

We start to realise in and after narcissistic abuse that we are having incredibly different feelings and visceral experiences inside our body.

It’s akin to having a horrible virus inside us. It feels like a black ink is running through our veins and we are stuck inside ourselves – feeling oddly disconnected from and unable to connect with our outer world.

We also feel unable to access our desires and dreams, and maybe even connect with those we love and care about.

And … maybe everything we try to do to shake this horrible soul dread, that has taken hold inside, just isn’t working.

But what is really going on chemically within us for these obscene feelings to become so all-consuming?

 A lot is now understood by neuro-scientists about the effects of trauma on our chemical and cellular selves. We now know that events that traumatise us, create brain synopsis messages and the hard wiring of fear and powerlessness. These feelings then generate more of the same and cement the continuation of the traumatic emotional ‘rushes’ that we feel.

We then suffer a peptide addiction to the terrible emotions that are traumatising us such as ‘fear’, ‘heartbreak’, ‘powerlessness’ and ‘victimisation’. All of these emotions have their own corresponding peptide that becomes sought after by our body’s cells, which in turn have become addicted to the ‘rushes’ of pain (even though they are destroying us).

Painful emotional peptides, which literally hurt us physically as our cells receive them, destroy our cells’ capacity to absorb oxygen and nutrients. This then creates an environment where our entire being is prone to dis-ease.

Our body biology is all out of whack, and our immune systems start to malfunction.

Ironically, when we are stuck in deadly peptide addiction, generating more internal trauma, then we make choices that add to the toxicity.

To try to escape the trauma that we are feeling in our bodies, we are prone to pick up drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, or other addictive substances or behaviours, to try to numb the pain. This then causes more damage to our Beings and only adds to the trauma.

Our actions and addictions may include looking up the Ex on social media, being addicted to information about narcissists, or ranting on abuse forums to other victims. There may be some relief in the moment – which truly is about your addiction to victimisation getting chemically fulfilled – but then the pain comes back again, twice as strong.

Obsessive thinking about the trauma, talking about it and researching it, only compounds and cements the trauma, and fulfils the chemical addiction of being a traumatised victim.

Like all addictions, the fulfilment level is ever increasing, as is the urge to self-medicate with thinking, talking and researching. But it’s like picking a scab that never heals and always grows back bigger.

Sooner or later your Inner Identity has embraced your situation as a victim as the absolute truth for you.

This is why abused people, even decades after the actual abuse, keep breaking down more and more as the years go on. If you have been on contemporary abuse forums and have read people’s posts decades after narcissistic abuse, you will know what I am saying is true.

Even trying to ignore the trauma by distracting yourself is not healthy. Unattended to trauma is as faithful as housework – it only piles up, increases and does push-ups in the background while waiting for a gap to burst through!

Of course, the strain of the unattended and growing trauma within you is making your interior toxic and is taking you towards breakdown. This is because trauma that is not addressed, will start to express itself more than emotionally and mentally – it will appear physically.

Already the nervous system is affected, because the emotional/visceral and nervous systems, where trauma impacts and accumulates, are all deeply inter-related.

The nervous system starts breaking down with things like Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), panic attacks and agoraphobia. Anxiety and depression are also by-products.

Then the dis-ease moves into the body. Fibromyalgia can set in as well as adrenal malfunction, hair loss, and other associated break downs. Terrible auto-immune diseases are common, as are even more serious diseases, which can take hold as your cellular and immune systems degrade because of the unhealed trauma – the literal toxicity – inside you.

It is, in fact, extremely common for those suffering narcissistic abuse to have to get to the point of body breakdown before they are ready to heal.

After all, most of us have been very capable of simply ‘getting up and getting on with it’ until this point!

 

The Truth About the Ability to Heal from Chronic Health Issues

Sadly, our medical profession is in the business of treating symptoms of abuse but not actually curing the cause of these symptoms.

You may have been told that you will have C-PTSD for life, or that any cure will be very gradual and will take years.

This is simply NOT the truth.

The same goes for the host of other emotional and physical conditions that you may be suffering, as a result of narcissistic abuse.

Over the years people have asked me this question: ‘If it was the stress of this person that caused me to get so sick, then why didn’t I get better after I left this person?’

It can be shocking to us that even when we get away from an abuser we still don’t heal.

That used to shock me, too.

Why is this the same for all of us?

Because if the trauma that has wedged within you, remains, you are facing a lifetime of trying to survive and manage the trauma – instead of living free from it.

The trauma has to be healed, for real, to get better – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and physically. There is no other way.

I and so many people within this community suffered incredible disorders that we were told we would NEVER recover from.

My personal diagnosis was that I would need anti-psychotics for the rest of my life; that I would never again function as normal, and my brain and body would never repair.

All of that was a complete lie.

When I released and replaced the traumas from within me that were responsible for my dis-eases, I started to heal in ways that I couldn’t even imagine.

Within months my symptoms were completely gone and I had evolved into higher states of health and confidence and expansion than I could have ever dreamed of.

It is another lie that you will need to be institutionalised into a system of medication and therapy for years or decades to survive what happened to you.

 

Please Be Inspired

I couldn’t even begin to tell you the thousands of incredible stories of healing and resurrection on all levels, including of course physically, within this community.

There are very few Thrivers who have NOT received health improvement, healing or complete remission of previous conditions, after using NARP to release the trauma of the abuse they suffered.

And if that was not possible, because health was just too far gone, these Dear Souls have been able to reach a peace of Self, that they couldn’t previously access.

What is consistent for anyone who experiences narcissistic abuse, is that under the stress of the abuse we BREAK down.

Yet, in most cases, we CAN come back from that.

Just like Frances…

Who was with a narcissist in her late 40’s.

She had a breakdown due to his affairs and triangulation. Things were so bad, even her beloved sons abandoned her. When Frances was diagnosed with serious stomach cancer, she knew she had to heal.

Frances broke away and addressed, released and uplevelled her internal trauma with NARP, until she felt nothing for him, even though he lived in the same neighbourhood.

Her sons returned to the mother they had always loved, but who they previously couldn’t watch destroy herself.

Frances, six years on, is cancer free and has a new and beautiful husband, vocation and home. Her life is a testament to completely changing her life from the inside out.

Then there is Nancy, who at 61 years of age and had only ever known abuse, even as a child.

Nancy was diagnosed with severe Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), an auto-immune disease, which when she was in abusive relationships would flare up to almost intolerable levels that even her most powerful medications could not ease.

After only a year of committing to do the inner work with NARP, Nancy reported that not only was she was free of her painful and narcissistic relationship patterns, but that all the symptoms of RA had either reduced tremendously or disappeared entirely.

And then there is Anki…

Who was suffering from the several chronic illnesses of Fibromyalgia and severe ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis), a devastating multi-system disease that causes dysfunction of the neurological, immune, endocrine and energy metabolism systems.

Anki was housebound, almost always in bed, and could only crawl to the bathroom. She couldn’t stand or walk because her muscles were too weak.

She would also suffer exhaustion or fever from the smallest of things like brushing her teeth or washing her face. Certain lights or sounds knocked Anki out for days.

Anki couldn’t work or even leave the house.

She was told she would never be able to work again and would only get worse; that she would never recover. Anki, at the time, was 47 years of age.

But all this was before Anki started healing with NARP. In less than two months, she felt totally different and could take walks outside. Also, Anki started working part-time.

After five months Anki was off much of her medication, some of which she had been on for 25 years!

Within 18 months Anki was working fulltime, was completely medication free, and was exercising and walking for up to an hour a day. Her diagnoses/chronic illnesses were taken away from her medical journal by her doctor.

 

You Are Worth Your Healing

Okay, so I really want you to know, with all of my heart, that regardless of your abuse situation, when it started, who it was from, and what chronic conditions you may have had (even for life), the healing path for you is IDENTICAL to my healing path and that of all the other Thrivers.

Namely – get the trauma out and start to see the healing begin – which is what the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) does.

I’d love you to learn more and experience exactly how to do this in my FREE Masterclass.

You can do this by clicking this link – FREE Masterclass on Wednesday, 16 October 2019.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist

What Personality Traits are Narcissists Attracted To?

Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist

 

I’m going to say that narcissists are attracted to everything they aren’t. If you want to feel wealthy you dress well, act superior and surround yourself with wealthy people. You may not have money in the bank, but your lifestyle says WEALTHY.

We all know there are certain traits missing in the narcissist’s makeup. The narcissist knows this also so, he is going to be attracted to those who, as he needs, make him look good. The narcissist is an empty shell but, they are intelligent enough to know that if they are going to appear likable and become socially accepted, they must attach themselves to someone whose skirt tails they can ride.

Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist:

  • Intelligence.
  • Being empathetic and compassionate.
  • Having humanitarian interests.
  • Showing heart.
  • Able to express empathy and compassion.
  • High moral compass.
  • Sincerity, warm-heartedness and inner beauty.
  • Being genuinely concerned about the wellbeing of others.
  • Emotional maturity.
  • Friendliness and a love for life. Positive mental attitude.
  • Spirit- an open and happy spirit.
  • Success and achievements.
  • Hierarchy or societal place on the ‘social ladder.’
  • Resources- materialistic blessings or achievements.
  • Unique talents, gifts, and abilities.
  • A genuine care for others, animals and the world.
  • Shyness and insecurities.
  • Someone easily shapeable.
  • Inner beauty.
  • External beauty and someone they can ‘show off.’

You’ll notice, grouped in with those traits is, shyness, insecurities and easily shapeable. That’s the key, they want someone who appears to have it all together on the surface but struggles with self-esteem issues, codependency issues and will to change to please the narcissist. They want a woman to reflect well upon them, but they also want one they can manipulate.

I remember being constantly complimented by my ex because of my volunteer work, my looks, my chosen career, and my love of animals. On the other hand, he was very interested in family of origin issues I dealt with and how those had impacted me.

I made the mistake of confusing his interest with caring and concern. I know now that what he was doing was arming himself with ammunition to use when we got to the manipulation phase of our relationship. Feigning interest in issues you find difficult to deal with is all part of the manipulation game they play.

How Does a Woman Keep from Being the Victim of a Narcissist?

Below are some questions you need to ask yourself. Protecting yourself from a narcissist has a lot to do with how secure your boundaries are and how much bad behavior you’ll accept in a relationship.

Have you ever ended a relationship because the other person was too selfish? 

Or, do you make excuses and blame yourself for not giving enough in the relationship?

Do you have clear boundaries that you enforce about what types of behaviors you will or will not tolerate from a romantic partner?

If a relationship began wonderfully, but quickly goes downhill, do you stay in it hoping that it will improve?

Does being “in love” trump being treated well?

Do you put up with being devalued?

Do you make excuses for the other person’s bad behavior? They don’t really mean it. They had a hard day.

If the person’s behavior turns abusive do you leave immediately?

If you answered yes to any of these questions or, you’re unsure how you would respond in the situation, you’re exactly the type of woman a narcissist is attracted to. You’re the woman who will hold on when she should have let go. You’re the woman who’ll find herself trying to recover from narcissistic abuse and wondering what the hell happened to that wonderful man she fell in love with.

Don’t be that woman!

Bottom Line:

If you find yourself in a relationship with a man who makes you feel uncomfortable or regularly manipulates you into doing things you don’t want to do, he is probably not right for you. Whether he is a narcissist or not, it’s imperative to learn to trust your gut and not accept bad behavior regardless of how you feel about a man. That is what will keep you from ever becoming the victim of a narcissist.

The post What Personality Traits are Narcissists Attracted To? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Afraid Of What The Narcissistic Will Do Next? – Do this

Afraid Of What The Narcissistic Will Do Next? – Do this

 

One of the scariest things about narcissists is that you have NO idea what he or she will do next.

When cracks have appeared in your relationship, or you have separated, then abuse from a narcissist can REALLY heat up.

You may have already experienced the cruel, terrible acts that are designed to hurt you deep within your soul, life and emotions, and threaten everything that you love.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to help you understand the TRUE way you can predict a narcissist, as well as finally keep yourself SAFE from one.

 

 

Video Transcript

I know it can be terrifying to wonder what the narcissist will do next.

You may be going through this right now.

People all the time want to know: ‘Will he do this?’, ‘Is she likely to do that?’ and ‘Because this happened, does it mean this will happen?’

Narcissists can be very predictable, even though we believe they are unpredictable.

We know there are certain behaviours that they are really prone to do.

Today, I am going to tell you what it is that you can do, so that you will get free of every fear of what the narcissist will do next.

In fact, the information I am sharing with you, in this video, will get you to the point where you say ‘who cares’. And when you get to this point … you’ll have nothing to fear.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s get started on today’s episode!

 

What IS the Narcissist Going to Do Next?

It is when we try to work out what narcissists are going to do next by observing them, looking them up on social media, asking people about them, and watching out for them, that we can go SO wrong!

Likewise, it is Wrongtown even just obsessing about what has happened and wracking our brains about what could happen next.

Why?

Because the answer is NOT to be found in ANY of these places.

What do narcissists ALWAYS do?

This…

They do THE thing we fear is going to hurt US the most.

You may think this is crazy, yet I promise you, from the ten plus years that I have been working with people every day to overcome narcissistic abuse, as well as deeply investigating my own narcissistically abusive relationships, I KNOW that what I just said is the absolute truth.

Narcissists don’t have their own Identity – they are a False Self.

When relationships with narcissists crack, they try to keep punishing you for not appeasing their False Self. They also want to retain you for narcissistic supply, hoping to affect you to enforce their own significance.

Therefore, the greatest insult to a narcissist is for you to not grant them any energy or attention whatsoever, and to move on with your life.

So, to combat this, the narcissist is going to go for your ‘gap’. Meaning what hurts and what will get you emotionally triggered, reacting and granting him or her narcissistic supply again.

 

What You Find ‘In There’

To take your power back and get impervious to what the narcissist will do next, step number one is to stop observing and researching him or her (or narcissism in general) to try to work out WHAT will happen.

Instead – turn inwards to observe and research yourself.

I promise you the answer is in there.

But before you start doing this inner work, I want to convince you a little more about why this is necessary.

Think about your life with the narcissist and what this person triggers off within you.

Is it not the things that have been in repeat in your life that are painful for you in this relationship with the narcissist?

Things like blaming you for issues; telling you that you are defective, no good or selfish; smearing you; not trusting in and believing you; not recognising you or loving you for who you are; controlling and being possessive of you; or treating you like you are invisible.

Because these are likely to have been your ‘normal’ struggles, and it is not until you go within that you may realise that these things have been in repeat. These unhealed wounds may have been painfully evident in childhood and then continued on throughout your adult relationships.

My unhealed wounds were about being controlled, distrusted, betrayed and engulfed by people. I also had terrible terrors of abandonment and not being able to survive on my own without a man.

All of these patterns were prevalent and hugely triggered and brought to life in my narcissistic relationships.

What did the narcissists in my life do next, when things went south?

This…

They betrayed me with smearing and abandonment, and they attacked my security. ALL of my biggest fears!

What happened before my Thriver Recovery, both times, when these fears were triggered? I went into a frenzy of terror, dread, heartbreak, righteousness or rage. I obsessed, retaliated, handed power over and each time got crushed even further by them.

Even when the narcissists didn’t continue the crushing, the chip had been planted inside me; I crushed myself.

Yet, the same narcissists did different things with different people, according to each person’s own fears – I promise you this is the truth.

 

You Can’t Change Them, You Can Only Change Yourself

The next way we can go straight into Wrongtown is by thinking ‘Okay, now that I know the narcissist does what I fear, I’m going to try to stop the narcissist doing that.’

Maybe if I call the narcissist out, he’ll stop.

Maybe if I appeal to her, she will cease doing this.

Maybe I should try to make a deal…

Or threaten back with something…

Or try to inform others so that the narcissist is exposed and held accountable.

All of these equal ‘how to lose’. In fact, it will only energise what you fear and make it more likely to happen to you.

Be honest, you have already tried some, if not all, of these things (plus more). You know it doesn’t help matters.

This I want you to know with all of my heart: the experience of narcissistic abuse is an absolute energetic phenomenon, which is teaching you that you and your fears are front and centre with this person.

I’ll put it to you simply.

What you fear is what the narcissist will smash you with.

It is when you conquer YOUR FEAR, and not the narcissist, that the experience of narcissistic abuse and the narcissist can and will exit your life.

I promise you, relief and freedom happened in my life, and have happened for Thriver after Thriver in this community, once we had done the inner work to become Anti-Fear.

What does Anti-Fear mean?

It means having no emotional charge of fear on the previous fearful topic, regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

 

How Is It Possible to Become Anti-Fear?

You may think it is madness to try to become fearless about something that is being triggered right NOW by the narcissist’s obscene behaviour – or the threat of him or her doing it in the future.

You may also believe it is IMPOSSIBLE.

Yes, it is impossible if you keep your focus on the narcissist.

Yet, it is TOTALLY possible when you accept that the INNER GAME is the only one where you can have true power in these situations.

Generally, when people have exhausted every other possibility, and have nothing to lose, they start to apply the Inner Game tactic and then realise how powerfully it works.

How is the Inner Game played?

By taking all focus off the narcissist and going inwards to the traumas within, which are fearful and triggered. By doing the deep healing on these traumas and their origins, so they simply don’t exist anymore.

Like Gina, who was previously terrorised and traumatised by her ex Greg, who was stalking her. By doing the Quantum inner work on the terror of being ambushed and hunted and powerless, that had existed long before Grant, Gina FINALLY felt completely fearless out in life – regardless of what the hell Grant tried to do.

Grant predictably approached her again. She walked straight past him without any feeling whatsoever other than the slight annoyance of ‘Why waste my time?’

Gina shrugged off any residual emotions within minutes. She had graduated. He never approached or attempted contacting her again.

Then there was Katherine. Andrew was belting her with his solicitor and threatening to take the house and full custody of the children. Katherine was so paralysed with fear she could barely eat or sleep.

Katherine turned within to do the work on her terrors of losing her children and her home, and emerged feeling solid and calm on the inside. She stood down her solicitor, sought another one, and felt safe and inspired.

Within three months Katherine was awarded 70 per cent of her property settlement and the majority of shared custody.

Katherine simply kept working on her fears, presenting evidence that her highly motivated lawyer asked her for, and showing up calmly and clearly. The entire time she was willing to accept whatever the outcome was.

In court she had no pangs of fear or anxiety. The narcissist unravelled for all to see, and was reprimanded by the judge.

Then there was Stewart, who was being terrorised by Kristy his ex-wife. She took him back to court every few years – always after more money. The resentment he felt about this was so heavy that he felt crippled to try to meet anyone else or pursue any career advancement.

When Stewart took his focus off resenting Kristy and turned it inwards to heal himself, he found and released many traumas regarding other people using him for their own agendas and him never being allowed to be happy.

After shifting out all of these traumas, he stopped hurting and started dealing with his life. He had the inspiration to go forth and just be himself, regardless of what Kristy would decide to do.

He got a promotion and a girlfriend. He stopped thinking about the repercussions with Kristy.

After this, Kristy never took him to court again. And, as it turned out, she met a new partner and lost all urge to do so.

Are these miraculous turnarounds a coincidence?

If they are, then the thousands of shifts I’ve seen in the past ten plus years are too!

Of course they are not! It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

 

It’s Counter-Intuitive, But It’s the Only Way

Something inside of you may be resonating with KNOWING what I am saying is the truth. Your cells have the ability to feel and know when something is!

Or maybe you are so exhausted and emptied out with trying everything else to get out of the fear and pain of narcissistic abuse, that you would be willing to bang two fishes over your head if you thought it would help!

I know it is terrifying to take your focus off the narcissist and put it fully into healing the triggered parts of yourself.

I know it feels like the LAST thing you should be doing.

Yet, I promise you that when you start doing it, you will notice the fear drop away and something else open up.

Then you will see the real life shifts in your life that happen as a result.

And then you will KNOW 100 percent that what I am explaining here to you is the truth – the only truth that was ever going to stop this horror and grant you your true, abuse-free, new life.

This you need to be very clear about – reaching this state is not a logical job.

It’s an inside job – which is not logically achieved.

You can’t think your way into this; you need to heal your way to it.

So if you just know now this is the way, or two fishes seems like an option, it is perfect timing for you…

Because I have recently opened up my next Masterclass, which is a profound healing event that when last held was attended by thousands of people from over 100 different countries. Both during and after the event, we received hundreds of messages and emails saying that, humbly, the event was truly phenomenal.

To join up to this free, healing event please click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Narcissistic Rage Explained

Narcissistic Rage Explained

 

When you are on the receiving end of narcissistic rage it is SHOCKING, terrifying and confusing.

Do you feel like you are continually walking on broken glass?

And / or are being punished mercilessly for something that you have apparently done?

Find out what narcissistic rage is all about in today’s Thriver TV and discover a way to deal with it if you are the one in the firing line.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissistic rage can be terrifying. It can be hot or cold – meaning explosive or smouldering.

Either way, you know you are going to feel the repercussions immediately, later, or both. These are horrifying and heartbreaking, and so often seem senseless.

Today, in this video, I want to explain to you what narcissistic rage is, why it gets set off, and how to survive it.

However, firstly, I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give this a thumbs up!

Let’s get started.

 

The Fragile Narcissistic Identity

It can seem unfathomable that narcissists SO easily react with anger, defensiveness, the silent treatment, deliberate neglect, malicious insults and attacks.

These are all acts of narcissistic rage.

But why do they happen on a hair-line trigger? Why do narcissists take umbrage or respond in ways that most adults just wouldn’t?

It’s because their Inner Identity is not grown-up or healthy. Instead, it is severely stunted in emotional childhood immaturity with a False Self overlay.

Because of traumas suffered earlier in life, the narcissist has created a fictitious character as him or herself. Someone who is grandiose, special, above reproach and entitled to preferential treatment.

All of these identity constructs are necessary to protect the narcissist against how he or she really feels about their own Identity – damaged, unworthy and unlovable.

The ‘hair-line trigger’ is any comment, behaviour or action of another that penetrates and cracks this very flimsy False Self veneer.

When the narcissist is high on narcissistic supply and filled up, then he or she is more robust emotionally. Yet, if he or she is low on narcissistic supply and already suffering the bubbling up of their damaged inner Identity, without the self-medication of a feed of superiority from the outside, then the hair-line trigger becomes like a minefield, ready to explode with any wrong step.

It’s at these times that the retaliations of a narcissist, to any perceived emotional threat, is the most active.

 

Hot and Cold Narcissistic Rage

Hot narcissistic rages usually go off immediately, or very soon after, the apparent violation the narcissist suffered.

This person could be verbally and even physically abusive and threatening. The intensity of a hot narcissistic rage can be terrifying, and even disastrous, to everyone it affects.

Cold narcissistic rages are stealthier, premeditated and planned. Examples are the engineering of abuse by proxy or an elaborate smear campaign against you.

Being the recipient of cold narcissistic rage is the grave experience of being meticulously targeted for revenge. This can be drawn out, incredibly traumatising, insidious and hard to pinpoint and combat.

 

Hiding and Expressing Narcissistic Rage

Many narcissists are skilled at hiding narcissistic rage when they need to. Their life experience has taught them that allowing their true personality to erupt, or to sulk and be childish, does not procure advantages with new targets or people, who they are trying to actively manipulate or mine.

Narcissistic rages are more commonly unleashed on close intimates, such as family, lovers, spouses and maybe friends or work associates, who are in some way bonded, indebted or dependent on the narcissist.

It can be incredibly frustrating for close intimates to live with narcissistic rage on a regular basis, whilst the narcissist maintains such cordial and charming relationships with others.

In short, narcissists will rage at people who they have hooked to them and who hang around for it. Also, they may continue to attack people who they feel have insulted their False Self, even after separating with them.

Now let’s look at what can trigger narcissistic rage.

 

Denied Entitlement

The narcissist’s False Self needs to uphold being ‘more special’ than others.

If the narcissist is not the centre of attention when socialising, this can trigger a rage.

So can the narcissist not getting what he or she wants.

The narcissist’s demands, when unmet or denied, even if unreasonable, selfish, inhumane or totally warped, can trigger a rage.

An example could be you not stopping everything to greet the narcissist at the door.

If something or someone else is made a priority, it can bring on a narcissistic rage.

An example of this may be when someone else is ill and requires attention. Or the mentioning of someone else who is special, instead of attributing that title to the narcissist.

 

If Critiqued Or Questioned

The narcissist’s False Self, within its superior self-construct, is beyond reproach.

Even constructive suggestions to a narcissist can trigger a narcissistic rage.

Certainly, any form of questioning of the narcissist’s decisions, motives, actions or behaviours is stepping on very dangerous territory.

Trying to show or teach a narcissist something, often threatens their sense of superiority and so can trigger a rageful episode.

 

Made To Be Like Everyone Else

One of the narcissist’s greatest horrors is to not be the omnipotent being that their fictitious character needs to imagine itself as.

The huge gap between feeling ‘super-human’ and like a ‘normal-human’ gets closed with a thud, when the narcissist has to do the mundane, everyday things that every responsible adult does.

Things like: turning up on time, keeping your word, paying your bills and taxes, doing the right thing.

These deeds, unless providing narcissistic supply, are appalling to the narcissist. And if there is pressure enforcing ‘normality’, a terrible ego injury can occur, bringing on a narcissistic rage.

 

When Confronted

Narcissists absolutely screw up. They break rules and laws and pathologically lie. They cheat, manipulate, violate and abuse, and have no concern for how their actions affect others.

Naturally, people who are suffering the results of this are going to confront the narcissist and try to hold him or her accountable. This is one of the times when narcissistic rage will be the most obvious.

If you try to back a narcissist into a corner, he or she will come out swinging, using a host of out-of-bounds defence mechanisms.

The conscienceless arsenal that the narcissist uses cuts hard and brutally into your psyche, and leaves you feeling like you are being torn to emotional shreds. You feel like you are losing your mind.

Why is the narcissist so disastrous to your health at this time?

Because he or she is trying to switch the blame and is fighting with every available tactic to maintain his or her idolised image.

 

If Called Out

One of the most sure-fire ways to trigger the narcissist’s rage is to call him or her a narcissist. This never goes well!

If you try to lecture and prescribe to the narcissist about their damaged self, their wounds, their dysregulation and issues, then be prepared to be set upon.

The greatest threat to the narcissist’s False Self is for the charade to be exposed. You are inciting punishment and retaliation when you do this.

 

Warning Signs and the Flushing Out of Narcissistic Rage

After meeting a narcissist, they will hide the immature narcissistic rage part of themselves from you as long for as they need to.

So how do you pick it? And what are the warning signs?

Generally, it starts by you feeling in your own gut that something is not quite right. It could be a way they looked, a slight reaction, or a few words they said.

I have found that by asking people about their life and other people, delusions of superiority can be noticed. They may talk down about other people. Perhaps when you are out with this person, they treat restaurant staff with disdain.

If something isn’t right, it’s important that you question it. Get to the bottom of it, with solidness, poise and integrity. If you do this, I promise you the narcissist will be rattled and will unravel into defences that are immature and uncalled for. Or they will burst into a narcissistic rage right in front of you.

I share this following example often, because it is such a good one.

Some years ago, when on a date, my date was rubbishing his work colleagues. When he asked me how he thought our date was going, I told him that my values didn’t include talking about people in such a derogatory way.

I said it calmly and clearly without fear.

He then flew into a complete rage. A narcissist was well and truly flushed out, and I was overjoyed that I had dodged a bullet.

 

If You Are Being Abused With Narcissistic Rage

Narcissists use narcissistic rage to control and manipulate you; to make you acquiesce and do what they want, drop your boundaries and hand over your rights and power to them.

The narcissist is also using you as their dump master to offload their emotional trauma onto – their inadequacies, self-loathing and deranged inner feelings – to try to relieve themselves of them.

It’s vital that you stop trying to combat, fix or change the narcissist.

There is only one true solution to escape narcissistic rage and all the other abusive things that a narcissist does…

Detach.

Pull away and start taking care of yourself.

For you, this means healing all the fears and inadequacies inside you, which the narcissist has been ripping open and using against you to suck your life-force and keep you hooked.

When you do the RIGHT inner work, you will escape these hooks, breakaway, get well and create your Thriver Life.

You will also render the narcissist powerless in lining you up and continuing to make your life a living hell.

Which is exactly the work that I teach people how to do – it’s my mission in life to help get you there.

If you have had enough of narcissistic rage, don’t wait any longer, come with me and I’ll show you how to break away, heal and become completely impervious to the narcissist’s attacks.

We can do this together in my next Masterclass, which I have just opened up. The last one of these mega healing events had over 7000 attendees, and we had hundreds of emails during and after the masterclass telling us how informative, healing and life-changing it was.

Okay, so to start getting relief, answers and the healing you dearly desire, click this link to the Masterclass.  

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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transforming your life during and after divorce

5 Tips For Transforming Your Life During And After Divorce

transforming your life during and after divorce

 

Waiting for something awesome to happen simply means waiting. Absent movement and change, nothing awesome happens. Sadly, we often forget that without struggle there is no change. We as humans generally don’t change our habits, lifestyle, mindset or anything unless something hits us smack in the face.

Therefore, while divorce is undoubtedly a life changing event, recognize your power over the situation, your choices involved in the situation and hit the process back by using the time for self-awareness, self-love, and learning to truly be there for the only person we have control over- ourselves.

Divorce is certainly a difficult time but made more difficult by our self-loathing and self-beliefs. The rejection, the pain of being left, the fear of losing friends, family, and the only identity we feel we have is scary. But stepping back and taking the time to focus on you isn’t selfish, it’s necessary if this process and struggle is to provide you anything positive in your life moving forward.

If there was ever a time to be self-absorbed, this is it. Use this process as a time to figure out YOU.  What do YOU really want- not what others want for you or from you. Doing this will not only reflect compassion and care for yourself, but it will also teach you or assist you in learning the relationship we should all have with ourselves and often don’t and never do absent pain.

Too often in times of pain, we are inclined to substitute that pain with other people, places and things and only to end up in the same sad place we started, often more wounded and feeling less in control. Recognition of our responsibilities to ourselves and our ability to have a positive relationship with ourselves is the truest gift we can give ourselves.

To step back and find your true happiness alone gives you the power to be truly happy with others in the future.  Most of us, up until divorce or death, accept our place in the world without a thought as to whether we are true to ourselves and happy in this place. It’s just the place we envisioned for ourselves because of our own initial beliefs and outside influences showing us what happiness looks like. This is the time to reverse this for good and learn to be your own best friend.

Obviously I am aware that everything in this article is easier said than done. But for me, I have learned that almost every day I will face something that triggers my lack of self-love or will show me an area of myself that I haven’t learned to embrace and love. Every single day something in our life will occur that challenges our own belief system and until we learn the tools to lean on and take that control back, every single day belongs to someone other than the only person who will never leave us- ourselves.

Therefore, while there is certainly no easy and clear path to self-love (or I haven’t found it yet), there are certain mindsets and actions to practice during this difficult time that can transform your life moving forward.

Tips For Transforming Your Life During And After Divorce

1. Don’t Obsess on Your Weaknesses. Focus on Your Strengths:

For most people, if they receive one insult and ten compliments in a day they will focus on the one insult. When you feel that happening, step back, write a list of 5-10 things you know you do well or that you know are your strengths.

2. Focus on Yourself. Be Self-Absorbed:

During divorce and separation, our roles as parents change. The kids are no longer with us every day, every night, every weekend or every holiday. As painful as this is, and believe me I empathize very much as to missing our children, rather than using the time to socialize more and throw ourselves into a dating frenzy, take some time alone.  While socializing is certainly important, it continues our reliance on someone other than ourselves to validate our existence and importance and gives away our control over our happiness once again.

3. Be Determined To Gain Power Versus Focusing on the Loss:

It is incredibly easy when any relationship ends whether by divorce, death or even the end of a friendship, to blame yourself and engage in the “I’m not good enough” game. See that mindset for what it is – a game of self-defense and a means to make justify inaction. You get power in any situation or struggle you overcome if you focus on that aspect. It is, of course, easier to be a victim, convince yourself it’s your fault and you are unworthy, but remember that this is on you.

It’s safer to lay down and hide from our feelings, but it’s incredibly powerful and positive to learn to love ourselves even when it feels like no one else does.

4. Decisions vs. Conditions:

Practice recognizing the choice you have in the outcome of life. The choices we have daily to make ourselves happy.  See that for most of us we rely on the perception of “conditions” because it’s safer.  If we don’t see our actions and beliefs as choices but rather as conditions, we can theoretically have someone other than ourselves to blame.

Again, the risk in pain is there because we are owning our choices but the risk of gain and true happiness in our true selves can only come from seeing that most of our life is made up of choices, not conditions imposed on us like some life sentence.

5. Smile:

Smiling in the mirror at the one person who will never leave you is the biggest source of comfort.  We have absolutely no control over how anyone feels about us, looks at us, or views us.  Showing ourselves a tiny bit of self-love with a simple smile in the morning can go a long way.

Showing the world we love ourselves openly is not narcissistic but in fact, is showing the world of our ability to love others as well.  In other words, if we can’t smile at ourselves we certainly can’t expect anyone else to smile back.

The post 5 Tips For Transforming Your Life During And After Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Why You Can’t Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

Why You Can’t Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is hard and sometimes you can struggle with symptoms such as constant obsessing, feeling powerless, broken, anxious, depressed and like your lifeforce has gone missing?

Also suffer conditions such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Fibromyalgia or some other nasty.

In this Thriver TV episode, I explain why you haven’t been able to recover and what is necessary to recover.

I promise you that you can heal for real, you just haven’t known HOW to yet.

 

 

 

Video Transcript

Are you struggling to recover from the symptoms of narcissistic abuse such as constant obsessing, feeling powerless, broken, anxious, depressed and like your lifeforce has gone missing?

Maybe you are suffering conditions such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Fibromyalgia or some other nasty?

So many people ask the questions ‘Will I ever recover?’, ‘When will the pain end?’ and ‘When will I get this person out of my mind?’

These are all valid questions and the truth sadly, in contemporary therapy is that these conditions go on for a long time, if not indefinitely.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to explain to you – point-blank – why you haven’t been able to recover and what is necessary to recover.

Okay, before we get started, thank you for subscribing and your Thriver Mission support. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s begin…

Am I Defective or Unable To Heal?

I know you may have been experiencing these feelings. Once upon a time, I did too. At times it feels like ‘I am getting there’ and then there is the sliding back down into the abyss and wondering why you aren’t getting better.

I know this is not because you are lazy. So many people who have experienced narcissistic abuse are people who don’t shy away from personal development. You may have been trying to get better in many different ways.

You not getting better is NOT because you can’t recover. I promise you that you can. It’s because the ways you have been trying to recover aren’t working.

Let’s have a look at where we think we should be doing which doesn’t work.

 

Researching Narcissism and Narcissists

I can’t emphasise enough the 90/10 rule.

How this rule works is this: ninety percent energy and focus is spent on self-recovery and only ten percent on learning about narcissists.

And this rule should only go on for the first month or so. After then it should be all about self-recovery.

Yes, initially, learning what narcissist are and what they do is important. Yet it is a total illusion that researching and learning all there is to know about narcissists will heal you – it doesn’t.

ALL you need to know about the narcissist is this: a narcissist is a false, empty self with dire insecurities, who needs to feed their insatiable false self with other people’s energy and stuff.

They are not capable of feelings and love the way we are. They don’t seek a relationship for the reasons we do, and healthy relationships are not possible with them.

The REAL truth of narcissists, or for that matter anyone, is this: If we don’t share the same values with people – such as kindness, honesty, authenticity, empathy, and teamwork – then this person is not someone we can have a happy, healthy life with.

If we try to change people, narcissist, or non-narcissist, then truly we are abusing ourselves and will remain stuck in disappointing and painful relationships.

So, no matter what you are going through with your trauma or the narcissist – including co-parenting, property disputes, heartbreak, feeling addicted and trauma bonded, and suffering all the narcissistic abuse symptoms – your ONLY hope out of this for REAL is to turn inwards to heal yourself.

Only then will you be able to align with the TRUE Life that will bring you happiness, safety and decency, and leave behind the one that doesn’t.

Is it hard? Absolutely. But it is near impossible without doing the inner work. Research will NOT get you there. And even if you do leave the relationship, you will struggle to leave healthily and rebuild and heal.

Narcissists will keep coming into your life and be a blight upon your Inner Identity and soul until you do the self-recovery work. This means you stop looking outwards at WHAT happened to you and come inwards to heal WHY it happened.

 

Researching Your Trauma Symptoms

It is 100% NOT true that you will have C-PTSD (Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) or other nervous system, anxiety or physical disorders, that have happened to you through narcissistic abuse, for life.

Yes, they are terrible … totally.

I also had trauma symptoms that I was told were incurable and so would need anti psychotics for me to cope.

I promise you this was a lie. I’m not blaming the doctors who told me this – they had been indoctrinated into believing this was true.

One of the main reasons why you aren’t recovering is because you are choosing to believe what other victims of narcissistic abuse and contemporary therapists are telling you…

That you can only hope to try to manage the symptoms; that you will need coping strategies and possibly medication; and that it will take years, maybe even a lifetime of therapy, to function and maybe heal.

I urge you to take your power back and to choose NOT to believe what you are being told.

You have the power to decide your truth going forwards, and you have the power to heal at your core so that there aren’t ongoing trauma symptoms to battle and manage.

If you join ‘survivor’ groups and PTSD groups, then you are cementing your victimhood. You become what you choose to believe about yourself – that you are sick and that you are a victim.

Yes, you have been victimised and at present you are sick, but when you release the trauma that is driving these states out of your body, you just won’t be.

Joining and believing in victimised groups is one of the surest ways you will delay or completely forgo true healing.

In that orientation you may feel some comfort in shared victimhood, but if true healing and release from the pain and abuse programs and patterns is your goal, there are better options for you.

 

Trying to Force Justice or Accountability

Another way to severely stunt recovery is to believe that you can’t heal until the narcissist is brought to justice.

This will completely delay your healing.

The Laws of Life work like this: if we require anything outside of ourselves to change for us to be whole, we have handed our power away and change doesn’t happen.

Yet, if you decide to make it your personal mission to heal yourself and become whole, regardless of what is or isn’t happening (without conditions), then you will reach unconditional wholeness on the inside.

Then you will graduate into knowing the Powerful Quantum Creator you really are, seeing the shift on the outside that matches your inner state of wholeness.

It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

 

Not Getting the Trauma Out

Before people start working with energetic body healing, they may or may not know why it is necessary.

It’s necessary to release trauma, because it’s the toxic infection inside us that is not allowing us to be whole, real and healed.

If you have ongoing, unhealed trauma inside you, it affects your entire emotional, mental and physical systems. You are diminished and use up vital lifeforce trying to survive the trauma.

This is the state of being in Survival, rather than being free to enter into the Creation of your Life.

Because the trauma is so painful, often we can’t bear it and we may need to self-medicate with prescription drugs, excessive exercise, meditation or spiritual practices.

Or we start ‘searching’ or ‘researching’ to try to dull the anxiety and stop the depression hitting.

Or we may take up other addictions such as smoking, drinking, eating, working excessively or social media.

If we constantly HAVE to do these things – and we believe we do – it is because they are only managing our symptoms. They are NOT healing us.

We can’t release trauma mentally, logically or cognitively. It can’t be contacted, loaded up or reprogrammed by our cognitive mind. It just isn’t possible.

Energetic body healing is the new science to deal with trauma.

Interestingly, at first it is really counter-intuitive to do. It involves contacting our feeling centres, which most of us were trained out of doing.

Yet, when we re-connect and come home to ourselves within, it becomes the most natural, soothing and powerful process to do. And RIDICULOUSLY easy!

Okay, so now I’m inviting you to this process, to learn more about it and to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself. The system that allows you to find, load up and release your trauma, and to start living free from it and heal in all areas of your life – not just narcissistic abuse.

So, come heal with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link to the free Healing Workshop – replay available.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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