The Spectrum: From Echoism to Narcissistic Personality Disorder



Live from Belmont Library MA: The Spectrum: From Echoism to Narcissistic Personality Disorder
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book

WHY RETHINK NARCISSISM?

People ask, “Why rethink narcissism?” and sometimes they get a little confused from the title that somehow I’m talking about how great narcissism is – that’s not what this book is about at all. In fact, it draws on many of the most promising and recent research findings that we have in understanding narcissism and includes my own research in helping people understand narcissism in a different way, which gives you a much clearer path through all of this than we’ve ever had before.

THE NARCISSISM TEST

If you haven’t already done so, I suggest you go to The Narcissism Test on www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-narcissism-test and take the brief online version of the measure my colleagues and I have developed (The Narcissism Spectrum Scale) to see where you or your loved ones score (if you want to take it as if your loved one was taking it; many people have).

Here’s the fifth in this series of unseen video snippets, where I share some bitesize pieces of information on the subject of narcissism. The paperback version of my critically acclaimed book Rethinking Narcissism, with updated material and resources was just released on July 5th, so if this subject interests you, you can buy the book here!
tinyurl.com/j4t7hmh

“The first and major rethink I had to do, which is really the first 3 quarters of Rethinking Narcissism..is about how we understand what’s bad about narcissism. Most of us when we think about the word narcissism or narcissist, what we picture are vain, preening, primping, boastful braggarts, reality TV types, Donald Trump gets thrown around a lot. That is what comes to mind. The problem with that image, which is really a stereotype about bad narcissism, is that a lot of narcissists could care less about looks or fame or money and some can be extremely quiet. If that’s what you are looking for, that particular image, you’re going to miss all kinds of signs of trouble in a relationship that have absolutely nothing to do with those things…”

“I’m a recovered echoist. Most people who have been raised by extremely narcissistic parents are vulnerable to this. I learned to echo my mother’s narcissism. The other thing I wanted to do was empower people who struggle in this way. There were no words for this.

Just a quick story: there was a study done one of the researchers who takes apart healthy and unhealthy narcissism put this grid together where in one grid somebody was high in healthy narcissism with rose­ colored glasses, low in extreme narcissism, in another grid they were high and both. Then there was this one group where people were low in extreme narcissism and low in healthy narcissism and it was empty. That’s not a thing somehow. We wanted to fill it, and that’s how I developed the narcissism spectrum scale which unlike most spectrums that move from degrees of awfulness up, it starts at zero with a lack of healthy narcissism and in the center we have healthy and then at the far end is where you find people who are addicted to feeling special in various ways: people with narcissistic personality disorder. ”

To learn more about echoism, narcissistic personality disorder, and the narcissistic spectrum, read my internationally acclaimed book, Rethinking Narcissism. tinyurl.com/j4t7hmh

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BUY THE BOOK

If you like what you’ve heard learn more from the book, the link to purchase in the USA is tinyurl.com/qz7tyuf or the UK is amzn.to/1M5BLct

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Understanding Narcissism and Sociopaths

Understanding Narcissism and Sociopaths

Introduction

In today’s rapidly evolving world, psychological terms like “narcissist” and “sociopath” have become a part of our everyday vocabulary. Their depiction in popular media has led to a certain level of confusion, with these terms being used interchangeably and even inaccurately. This article aims to shed light on the true meanings of narcissism and sociopathy, their similarities, differences, and the signs to look out for in real-life situations.

Exploring the Overlapping Territory

When we delve into the realm of personality disorders, we encounter two distinct disorders: narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder, which is associated with sociopathy. While both disorders fall within the “Cluster B” group in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), they are not interchangeable. It is essential to understand their unique features to effectively identify these disorders in our lives.

Recognising Traits and Identifying Warning Signs

  1. It’s a Matter of Degree Individuals can exhibit certain traits of these disorders without meeting the full diagnostic criteria. For example, a person may display self-centred or callous qualities without being severely entrenched in those traits. Recognising these traits helps act as an early warning sign and allows for timely intervention.

    Real-life Example: Lisa has been dating John for a few months. She notices that John often exhibits self-centred behaviour and lacks empathy towards others. While he doesn’t meet the full criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, Lisa recognises the importance of addressing these traits in their relationship.

     

  2. Impression Management: The Art of Deception Narcissists and sociopaths are adept at presenting an appealing facade to the world, making it challenging to discern their true nature. Their ability to manipulate, charm, and make others feel special is unparalleled.

    Real-life Example: Mark, a charismatic and successful businessman, is known for his charming personality. He effortlessly gains the trust of others and often uses his charm to manipulate them for his own benefit. Only those who closely observe his behaviour can recognise the underlying narcissistic tendencies.

     

  3. Spotting the Right People to Manipulate Individuals with narcissism and sociopathy possess an uncanny ability to identify vulnerable, trusting individuals who see the best in others. This skillful manipulation can go unnoticed until significant harm has been inflicted. It is important not to disregard our instincts and critically evaluate the motives and actions of those around us.

    Real-life Example: Emma, a compassionate and empathetic person, often finds herself attracting manipulative individuals. One such person, David, skillfully targets Emma’s kindness and uses it to exploit her emotionally and financially. Recognizing the signs of manipulation helps Emma break free from David’s control.

     

  4. Looks Can Be Deceptive Contrary to popular belief, narcissists and sociopaths do not possess an obvious physical appearance that distinguishes them from others. They can easily blend into society, concealing their true intentions and maintaining a polished facade.

    Real-life Example: Kate, a successful businesswoman, is known for her sharp wit and impeccable style. She appears confident and well put together, but beneath her glamorous exterior lies a narcissistic personality, manipulating and exploiting those around her.

     

  5. Breaking the Stereotype While men may be more commonly associated with narcissism and sociopathy, it is crucial to recognize that women can also exhibit these characteristics. People who appear kind and pleasant on the surface may possess a complex nature and hidden motives.

    Real-life Example: Sarah, an elderly woman in the neighbourhood, is highly respected and admired by everyone. However, few realise that her seemingly kind personality conceals her manipulative and emotionally abusive behaviour towards her caretakers.

     

  6. Hidden Crimes and Misdeeds Not all acts committed by individuals with narcissistic or sociopathic traits are overtly criminal. Their wealth, status, and privilege often shield them from conventional forms of conviction, despite engaging in reprehensible behaviour.

    Real-life Example: Robert, a successful businessman, consistently mistreats his employees, creating a toxic work environment. His subtle acts of harassment and abuse go unnoticed by the law due to his influence and power.

     

The Complexity of Identifying Narcissism and Sociopathy

Understanding the intricacies of narcissism and sociopathy is no easy task. These disorders manifest on a spectrum, and individuals can exhibit varying degrees of the associated traits. It is essential to approach these situations with empathy and sensitivity, as many people find themselves entangled with individuals possessing these personality disorders.

 

With a discerning eye and a commitment to self-care, we can navigate these murky waters more effectively. By educating ourselves about the signs, we can protect our emotional well-being, maintain healthier relationships, and support those who may find themselves entangled with such personalities.

 

Remember, being informed is the first step towards making more informed choices.

 

If you suspect a family member, partner or ex is narcissistic

Access specialist therapeutic support to make sense of your experience and heal those invisible wounds with our specialist counsellors.

Book an initial consultation today

The post Understanding Narcissism and Sociopaths appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.

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Shifts Happen – Series 3 – Session 11 – My Energetic Prosperity Flow

 

Money flow and financial freedom. How do you make this work in your life?

What is Financial Quantum Abundance, and how does it differ from traditional thinking about and trying to come up with solutions to your money problems?

How can you turn your life from financially broke to buoyant, for REAL and quickly, even when nothing else you have ever tried has worked?

Today, I want to introduce you to the Quantum Power of being In partnership with your Higher Unlimited Self, where there are no limits or non-possibility, including finances. That’s what today’s lesson is about: “The Streets are Lined with Gold”, no matter how your life seems right now.

In the live global session today, Shifts Happen Members unanimously stated this was the MOST helpful and powerful session to date! As such, I am very excited to share it with you!

In this session 3 of Series 3, I talk about how the flow of “money out” and returning “money in” may not be in harmony with Quantum Law for you. This can make it incredibly difficult to increase your money flow, instead seeing a decline in how much money you have to go around.

No matter how hard you work or try.

Whereas, with a few simple Quantum tweaks, it can make all the difference!

I hope that this Shifts Happen Session will help relieve your fear around money, and help you understand how to use it as a Quantum accelerator into abundance.

Financial opportunities can be unlimited and plentiful in your life when you know how to access the Quantum Field of Money Flow!

Most people don’t understand energetic prosperity flow.

They either treat money wildly, with full abandonment, or hold and horde it.

The Laws of The Universe, regarding energy out and energy in, are so important to apply here – especially Quantum Law so within, so without.

 

 

Over-spending and too much money out

Over-spending can be generated from an inner feeling of emptiness, “I feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied. I need ‘more’ to try to take away these painful feelings.”It is about “If I just have this or that I will feel better about myself”, it’s about trying to self-medicate.

With people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it is an entitlement, “I’ll have what I want when I want it” and usually these people are good at sending your money if you let them! Entitled overspending is a highway to hell for all concerned. The narcissistic person is always coming up empty – never feeling satiated no matter what they get, and other people get financially decimated!

Over-spending to one’s detriment is not innerstanding Quantum Truth, we never wanted anything in our life other than for the reason to feel good. Feeling good in an inside-out job. We can add awesome stuff to a great inner core, but outer stuff will never grant it!

Poor money flow with overspending could be about rebellious self-sabotage. It could be an overcompensation for having been controlled, limited, or preached to about saving, there is not enough money to go around, and being careful with money – which felt like Wrong Town to your soul and this has been your reaction.

Either way, the consequences could severely limit your ability to have financial flow and freedom.

 

Hoarding and too little money out

If you are hanging on to money, this causes stagnation. It happens because of fear. “I need to hang on to money for a rainy day. I’ll be sensible with it, just in case.”

This is hoarding money – it’s stuck energy, it is like the pond that is stagnant water. Life force can’t exist there, only toxicity does.

How you flow with money has so much to do with your health (it’s very closely related). Stuck energy with money can translate into your body and literally start to break it down. Many of my clients and students over the years, sorting out their money flow, made incredible differences as to how their bodies started to flow and produce their healing.

Hanging on to your money is about “lack”. It’s a belief “I don’t have enough”, or “I may not have enough to get by.”

One of the ways that this is demonstrated is by not paying your bills on time. Hanging on to the last minute or the red notice. God/Source/Creation interprets your emotional offering (which is where your entire life is generated from) as “I don’t have enough money to pay the bill.” Therefore, you start manifesting issues in your life from your energy, which brings about the experience of “not having enough money.”

You may have observed that every time you go into lockdown with fears about money, things happen that you need to pay money for.

That is why!

Think about this flow of life force – plants give us oxygen, we give them carbon dioxide, and together, we have a beautiful synergy of life force being shared. They feed us, we feed them.

If you hold off on paying your bills, you are not flowing with the giving to others that creates the support, assistance, and services that everyone, including you, requires. By supporting others, you create a greater life force for them, which in return grants your life force.

By blessing others with money payments, you are blessing yourself!

This is all to do with prosperity. It’s a prosperous ecology. It’s all connected. It’s Unity Consciousness – It’s Oneness.

Let’s look at being in debt, and not addressing this. You are constantly in the fear and pain of “Being in debt”. It’s on your mind, you fear it and you feel stuck. Yet, if you heal that stuck feeling away, courageously face what you need to, and get a consolidation deal in place, paying a comfortable amount, on automatic payments, then you are free to start creating financial flow.

Another way you can stagnate by hoarding money is by not investing in yourself to create financial flow and prosperity. Spiritual and physical health are paramount. You are Spirit in a Physical flesh suit. Both are imperative. Investing in clean filtered water and organic food, free of toxins means that YOU can function, flow, and expand. Releasing and healing from your fearful and painful limiting beliefs and traumas is essential too.

Yes, this costs money. However, by assembling your food from farmer’s markets and eating cleanly, you could save money from fast food, processed food, and eating out. You can grow your food from seeds. Quantum therapy, is far less expensive and much more effective than contemporary therapy. You get very fast and effective results, unleashing you into your prosperity generation.

Many of you are already there!

You can learn incredible prosperity skills from the internet. Information and training are freely available to all now.

If you think “I can’t afford this” regarding investing in yourself, then you stagnate.

Your “self” is the engine of financial flow. Would you believe you could travel, expand, and experience new frontiers in a broken-down, un-serviced jalopy? Of course not!

Many people, who don’t invest in themselves, spend money on things that damage themselves instead. Toxins and addictive pastimes destroy their energy force.  Have you noticed this?

What would happen if they switched this around and invested in themselves?

 


 

The Spiritual Malady of Poor Money Flow

This is important to understand. It’s not so much the habit of too much or too little outflow, but rather what is creating this.

It was a spiritual issue at first, way before it became a practical issue. Because beliefs create behaviors. It has to do with our inner emotional wiring.

There is a great strain on Planet Earth to do with “needing money to survive”. To have to pay for every organic basic living aspect of our life, as if someone else owns these things, when earth’s people should be free to access them for necessary survival, is unthinkable to more evolved societies.

It’s literally programmed insanity.

Yet, until we are birthed into 5D Unity Consciousness, which may take some time, we need to upshift to healthy prosperity beliefs to survive and thrive here.

This starts with embodying the healthy belief that “Source/God/Creation flourishes and nourishes me because I exist”. This doesn’t mean you sit on your behind, just believing all is well. The expression “God helps those who help themselves” springs to mind.

You can work on internal healthy beliefs, plus play your role in the Unity Consciousness partnership with God/Source/Creation. It’s about partnering with Source, and Your Inner Being, as your dedication to yourself, and then moving forward outwards in the World.

The limiting beliefs that are rife in fearful Separation Consciousness are, “God and I are NOT one.” “I am meant to suffer and be punished.” “I don’t deserve anything good.” “There is not enough for everyone and I don’t have a place at THAT table.”

Those are FALSE beliefs. Please know, as has been Quantumly explained again and again – flow, plenty and expansion, and more than enough-ness is the TRUTH. The truth is right in front of you – everywhere. Plants are God Godding. One plant reproduces itself with hundreds of seeds.

If you have bought into Separation and Lack Consciousness, and if the trauma of this remains unhealed in your Inner Being then you will have a compromised prosperity flow. “I am disconnected from Prime Source. I am not filled with Light. I am not taken care of. I am out in the dark, on my own trying to survive.”

This puts you in too much outflow, or hanging on and hoarding. Overs-spending is trying to self-medicate away that Separation Consciousness pain. Underspending is trying to avoid feeling it.

It is not trusting that Source/God/Creation is a constant flow of energy.

Working on your Source Beliefs (Series 1 of Shifts Happen helps a lot) to come home to the trust in the bounty of Source/God/Creation – the inspirations, opportunities, synchronicities, and miracles – that equate to God is ever-present and always on time. We never go without – unless we are in opposing beliefs and traumas.

You are never limited and stuck unless you believe you are.

 

What Does Prosperity Flow Look Like

It’s a belief that prosperity is an energy and like all energy is unlimited and plentiful when you expand, open up, and shift up into your heart space with abundant beliefs.

“There is more from where that came from”. This is a plenty mindset, not one of lack.

If you pay your bills joyfully, on time, or even before the due date – the signal you send to God/Source/Creation which is always producing more from the sponsoring emotions is “I have more than enough to go around.”

This creates more.

If you try to do this, but you are still in internal fear, it won’t work. You need to do the inner work so that it is a genuine, emotionally supported act. (There is no fooling Quantum Law.)

I learned this truth years ago. I have had times in the past where I had no idea where the next amount of money was coming from, but it always did as a result of blessing my bills and paying them in fearless faith.

Since going Quantum, not only did I come back from financial devastation at 46 years of age (again as a result of abuse) I ten-fold recouped my life in a few short years. Working with prosperity-flow had a lot to do with this!

This is what I did – I healed and sorted my inner beliefs that had created financial devastation. Lack of belief in Source, poor boundaries, and terrible financial beliefs (all the things we have been working on in Shifts Happen!)

Then, I had the urge to buy my first property after financial decimation. I had very little money. A broker found me a mortgage deal with the repayments being offset for a year. With the money I earned, I started renovating this place – much of the work done myself to improve the property value.

Then I secured a second loan to buy the apartment next door. I rented out the first apartment as an Airbnb to afford to renovate the second place. Again, I lived in the place and did a lot of the renovation work myself. Often, I had no reserve money in the bank. At the same time, I was working online full-time building MTE. Much of the renovation work I did was after hours.

I repeated this formula for a third property. I sold one of the properties for a profit and leveraged the other properties to buy a very expensive three-story luxury property on two waterfronts that had an outdated interior. I renovated that property and then sold it for a large profit,

That is how I made a small fortune.

I promise you nearly every time I committed myself to an intuitive expansion move – I would be hit by terror. Everything was on the line! But I shifted. I used Quanta Freedom Healing to load up and release my fears and blocks and bring in more Light.

Then I would feel free, inspired, and open to channeled directions. I’m not saying it was always easy. There were times of great challenges and things going wrong, but because of my inner work, I was able to turn every breakdown into a breakthrough.

I made some mistakes. I wasted money on some of these mistakes. Yet my beliefs are of “plenty”. I thoroughly believe and have worked on my Inner Being with Quanta Freedom Healing™ shifts to know “The Prosperity that is mine by Divine Right can never be taken from me”, and, “Whatever I lose will return to me many-fold.” Therefore, I have no regrets and no pain over anything that happened to me in my past.

My energy is free for the now and the future.

And I made some master moves that created miracles. I can’t take the credit for these moves because they came from my channel after doing Quanta Freedom Healing™. The one that blew me away, was I was trying to sell the big house that had crazy mortgage payments attached. Interest rates were about to skyrocket – everyone knew this. I was trying to get out – just in time.

The sale was stalled. It was stuck, and I went into fear. I knew with interest rate hikes I would not be able to afford the repayments and very soon people were not going to pay big money.

I did a Quanta Freedom Healing™ on this. Fear dissolved, and I felt that familiar peace, tingling, and “Everything is in perfect and divine order without needing any outer evidence” feeling. Then 5 minutes later whilst making a cup of tea, my internal voice said “Call the agent and tell him the price has gone up 150,000 dollars.” I unquestionably followed the voice’s suggestion.

I had NO Idea how or why that could work and didn’t even analyze it.

My real estate agent argued with me – vehemently – he was nearly yelling at me! He said “I have people deliberating! They are going to run.”

I said “Just do it, my intuition told me to do this! Do it!”

That night he rang me back with the sale, and it was unconditional. One of the interested parties jumped, they thought I was about to either put the price up again or take the house off the market!

Had I not Quantumly shifted myself within, there is no way that outcome would have happened!

 

My Conclusion about Prosperity Flow

It’s energetic. The best results are from unlocking yourself and not stagnating. This is about letting go of money, moving forward using money to make money, and having healthy beliefs.

And letting go of fears that arise. There could be many that are specific to you. As a woman you may feel like “I need a man to create and provide money for me”, or “I can’t be successful and be in a relationship as well”, and for any sex, the blocks that are causing you to stagnate may be many, but with Quanta Freedom Healing™ we can blast them out and get you flowing!

__________________________End of Transmission______________________

 

💟SHIFTS HAPPEN MEMBERSHIP ~ to receive the healing for this session, ascend and reap 5D rewards in all areas of your Life, EPICALLY, with your Global Soul Tribe! www.youcanthriveprogram.com/join

 

I look forward to your comments and questions below.

Much Love Mel xo

 

 

 

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Malignant Narcissism: What It Is & 3 Ways to Cope



Malignant Narcissism: What It is & 3 Ways to Cope
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book

Malignant narcissism has been a popular subject recently, with the term being tossed about almost as much as the word narcissism itself, *especially* in the political arena www.change.org/p/trump-is-mentally-ill-and-must-be-removed. But few people understand what it really means, its relationship to official mental health diagnoses (ie, the DSM’s narcissistic personality disorder), the true signs of danger, or what steps they can take when they suspect a partner or friend displays such perniciously narcissistic traits.

To clear up some of the massive confusion, in this video, I bust some widespread myths, provide a simple definition of malignant narcissism, and describe three important steps you can take when you see it.

To learn more about recovery and more easily spot even subtle narcissism at the start of a relationship, read my internationally acclaimed book, Rethinking Narcissism. tinyurl.com/j4t7hmh

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

**note: Otto Kernberg elaborated on Malignant Narcissism but it’s Eric Fromm who coined the term**

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What’s the single greatest danger of covert narcissism?



What’s the single greatest danger of covert narcissism?
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book

Calling someone a covert narcissist doesn’t—or at least *shouldn’t*— imply that they’re any sneakier or more manipulative than the average narcissist. It also doesn’t have anything to do with hiding abusive behaviors (another widespread myth). There’s no evidence of any such pattern in clinical research (reports from mental health professionals) or social psychological research (the study of traits and personalities).

The term, *covert narcissism* (aka hypersensitive or vulnerable), was coined to capture the pattern in narcissists who aren’t loud, vain, chest-thumping braggarts but—as their partners discover soon enough—are just as arrogant and argumentative as people with the prouder, more outgoing brand of *extraverted* narcissism (aka overt or grandiose).

The “covert” in covert narcissism refers to the grandiosity inherent to all narcissists. Covert narcissists may be quiet or shy (and often are) but inside—in other words, *covertly*—they still harbor overblown visions of themselves and their future: dreams, for example, of one day being discovered for their remarkable creativity or intelligence or insight. What’s different about covert narcissists is that because they’re introverted, they don’t advertise their inflated egos. They agree with statements like *I feel I’m temperamentally different from most people *and *Even when I’m in a group of friends, I often feel very alone and uneasy*.

Many researchers have complained that covert is a misleading label, and I agree. Narcissists can be open or quiet about their grandiosity and often vacillate between feeling happily inflated and abjectly deflated; covert and overt traits coexist in all narcissists to one degree or another.

For that reason, in* **Rethinking Narcissism,* (www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book) I introduced the term *introverted narcissist* instead. Covert narcissism is just another way of describing introverted, vulnerable, or hypersensitive narcissists.
To add to the confusion, neither ‘narcissism’ nor ‘narcissist’ are diagnoses or disorders. Narcissism is a trait; narcissists are people who score well above average on measures of that trait. They may or may not be disordered.

The easiest way to understand all narcissism is to think of it as *the drive to feel special*, or stand out from the other 7 billion people on the planet in some way. Narcissists, then, are people so addicted to feeling special that they become more and more willing (the higher they are in the trait) to do whatever it takes to get their “high,” including lie, steal and cheat (just like any severe substance abuser).

This rethink helps explain the variety of narcissists, too.
Since there are many ways to feel special, narcissism comes in a multitude of forms. People can feel special by believing themselves to be the most intelligent or beautiful person in the room (extroverted), the most misunderstood or emotionally sensitive (introverted), or even the most helpful or caring person in the room (a new type, called *communal narcissism*).

The more addicted any narcissist is to feeling special, the more likely they are to become disordered, displaying the core of pathological narcissism, or **Triple E**, as I call it: *exploitation*—doing whatever it takes to feel special, regardless of the cost to those around them; *entitlement*—acting as if the world owes them and should bend to their will; and *empathy impairments*—becoming so fixated on the need to feel special that other people’s feelings cease to matter. At this end of the spectrum, we find narcissistic personality disorder (or NPD).

And herein lies the answer to the question. Built into the definition of NPD is *manipulation *(exploitation). The more severe the disorder, the more likely that exploitative style is to become abusive. That means *anyone* with NPD can become abusive over time. And abuse is dangerous.

Disordered narcissists (those with NPD) can be calculating about hiding their abusive side, whether they’re extraverted, introverted, or communal because *all disordered narcissists *are by definition manipulative. Here’s the followup video where I describe what covert abuse is youtu.be/AqA8o7F0U98

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

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The Most Powerful Way to Protect Your Kids from Pathological Narcissism



The Most Powerful Way to Protect Your Kids from Pathological Narcissism
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book
www.drcraigmalkin.com –for free newsletter

So many people write in with questions about how they can protect their children from parents or relatives with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or other personality disorders.

They’re terrified, with good reason, that even if their ex or other relative isn’t physically abusive, their self-involved behaviors, lying, and manipulation will hurt their children emotionally.The good news is that you have far more power to protect your children than you may realize.

We already know from research what drives pathological narcissism–and we know even more about what protects children emotionally from traumatic experiences we may not be able to prevent–and for many of us, that means mitigating the damage our children may suffer at the hands of a partner we ourselves left precisely because of their abusive or neglectful nature.

In this video I describe:
— the one approach guaranteed to protect your children emotionally no matter what adversity or emotional–and even physical– danger they face
–the type of parenting mostly likely to promote that approach
–the strategy you need to prevent yourself from becoming more narcissistic if you’re the child of a narcissistic parent.

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

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The Simplest Way To Spot Narcissistic Personality Disorder



The Simplest Way To Spot Narcissistic Personality Disorder
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book

People often get confused about what precisely counts as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). (By the way, it should never be capitalized when you’re using the full name of the diagnosis.)

Here, I explain in simple terms, what the core of all pathological narcissism is, based on decades of research. I also help you understand the difference between narcissism, narcissist, and NPD (they’re not the same concepts), and the problems with looking for a *lack of empathy* as a core feature. *Psychopaths* lack empathy; narcissists, even those with NPD, have empathy * impairments*, which can be confusing for their loved ones who see flashes of empathy. Hence the whole struggle “are they a narcissist (with NPD) or aren’t they. Just because you see moments of empathy doesn’t mean the person you’re with isn’t a pathological narcissist.

Remaining focused on the core of all pathological narcissism, what I call EEE, or Triple E, can help you remain vigilant to the most important signs that narcissism has tipped into the range of disorder and isn’t merely a trait anymore. And that can help you better understand what you’re seeing.

And about Triple E: I’d like to clarify something. In the video, I stumbled a bit (I do these videos extemporaneously, in one take, for efficiency) in describing exploitation. What I meant to say, simply is that exploitation is doing whatever it take to meet our needs, no matter what the cost to others.

You can see how exploitation is such a core part of disordered narcissism. In fact, together exploitation and entitlement (or EE, in the research, which is where I got the inspiration for EEE), account for just about every destructive behavior pathological narcissists demonstrate.

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

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Thriver TV Special : Thriver Talk With Anita

Thriver TV Special : Thriver Talk With Anita

I’m so delighted to introduce Anita, one of the bravest and strongest members of our Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.

I have known Anita for a couple of years now, as a student of mine as well as a program member. And it has been an absolute honour and joy to witness her journey through the incredible traumas she has faced.

For many of you, it may be difficult to imagine what Anita has lived through. She has endured an abusive relationship with her narcissistic mother and has gone through the incredibly tumultuous and painful experience of a divorce with a narcissist.

But not only did she survive… she excelled in the face of it all. She and her dream team of lawyers achieved a powerful court case win despite enduring multiple obstacles.

So, to begin her story, let’s start with her narcissistic mother. All of it exploded in 2020 when Anita had been stuck in quarantine in Guatemala. She got back home, and two weeks in, her mother passed away from a stroke. Of course, this was a traumatic experience for Anita, but it was also made so much worse by what her mother did in her will.

It took Anita a while before she could understand why this was. With the help of an incredibly dear friend who saw through the situation, Anita got the NARP Gold package and dove right in.

Despite not quite understanding what NARP was or what it was doing, Anita went through it. And it was through it that she had a breakdown that enabled all the memories of her ritualistic abuse to return. For almost an entire year, she was in the valley of the shadow of death, feeling sick to her bones all the time and wanting to die every second.

But from here, something amazing happened. Anita started to use NARP to shift her life in her favour. She shifted her focus towards her trauma and set her mind to creating the optimal conditions for a successful court case.

Through trial and error, she eventually found the right mix of shifts to honour her values and truths. And it’s what separates her from most “victims”… she was unafraid of fighting back and honing her power – through her shifts – to reclaim her life and legal victory!

 

 

Video Transcript

Mel:
Welcome, dear friends, to this Thriver TV story. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

And I have the absolute joy and pleasure of introducing Anita, one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. She’s a dear friend.

I’ve known her for a couple of years as a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program member. She’s also been a student of mine, and I just love her to pieces. And Anita, thank you for coming forward and sharing your story.

Anita:
Well, thank you for inviting me, Mel. It’s a real honour. Thank you.

Mel:
And I know, Anita, that there are so many details of your story from the narcissistic mum, which we’re going to go into, and your experience of ritualistic abuse, which is a topic that a lot of people don’t want to talk about. And I’m thrilled that you are talking about it because you’re not the first person in this community who’s come forward with that trauma.

And also, you went through a tumultuous, painful divorce from a narcissist. But you ended up being able to create and win a really powerful court case. And you had your dream legal team.

But anyway, okay, I digress. Well, so the situation with your narcissistic mum kind of all exploded in 2020. Share with us what happened there.

Anita:
Yeah, I’d been locked down in Guatemala, where I worked with cacao. I got back. I quarantined with my mother. And then, two weeks in, she died of a stroke. And I was very traumatized by what she’d done in her will, which was distinctly narcissistic, shall we say. And a very dear friend of mine, who was already on the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, said, “Anita, it looks like your mother was a narcissist.”

And he very, very kindly bought me the NARP Gold package. And so, I diligently started doing the shifts, even though I didn’t understand what I was doing. I went through all the shifts, and that’s how I started working with NARP initially.

Mel:
So, the original stuff you were working on with NARP, were they to do with your mum, ex-husband, or a combination of both?

Anita:
At the time, it was just the stuff coming up with my mother. And the recognition that I’d been abused by her all my life and that there was a name for it, and it was called narcissistic personality disorder. I just thought she was an evil distortion of what a mother should be, but it was a relief to be able to put a label on it, so to speak, and find other people had been victims of that sort of behaviour.

Mel:
Exactly. Coming into our community is an eye-opener for many people because it’s like, “Oh, my gosh, this isn’t just my story. This is so many people’s story as well.” Okay. Because she passed away. So, when you started doing the modules, what happened to you?

Anita:
So, when I started doing the modules, there wasn’t much happening initially. I had to go through a fairly big breakdown for the modules to start working. And that breakdown involved a very acrimonious divorce with my former husband, where he announced that he was going to help himself to half of my property. He stole my business and took away pretty much everything of value to me.

Mel:
Very typical.

Anita:
Fairly standard with that sort of personality.

But I hadn’t realized that he was displaying all the attributes and qualities of a narcissist. So, I had a nervous breakdown. And then, from there, all the memories of the ritual abuse came back. And I went through a year of the valley of the shadow of death, as I like to call it, where every single second of the day, I just wanted to die.

The memories were so painful that every single cell in my body felt sick, and I was on the verge of ending it all when one of the NARP programs popped up in my inbox, and I thought, “This is my last chance, saloon. It’s either this or not being here.” Yeah.

Mel:
When we first connected, I remember you had that spark of life and hope. You are a slither of what you are today. You could see that there was this beautiful, amazing woman who was hanging on her last thread. And I’ve seen this a lot with people from ritualistic abuse who are activated into it, and the trauma is so huge. But you had it all going on everywhere.

The mum, the ritualistic abuse, the husband, the ex taking your property, taking your business, taking every part of you. So, okay, what happened next?

Anita:
Yeah. Well, I would look on the NARP Community Forum and see thrivers and NARPers having these spectacular court wins, and I thought, “How the hell am I going to get there? This is just impossible. How am I going to get from here, where I am now, in this place of just absolute desolation, fearing that I’m going to be made destitute, unable to engage with the legal process?” I was even unable to speak about it because I was so traumatized. “How am I going to be able to get from this place to a spectacular court win?” It just seemed beyond me.

So, I just kept shifting. My biggest breakthrough was a shift where I suddenly thought, “Oh, my God, I’m going to target the trauma in my body that’s generating the blocks and obstacles to my engaging with the legal process.”

Yeah, and it was like, bam, everything shifted. I was able to operate from a place of analysis and logic and deduction, as well as a kind of soul sermon if you like. I mean, that one shift cleared away so much and enabled me to operate from a position of power and ownership in this divorce process.

And then, from there, I became more and more adept at steering the course of the shifts and tailoring them to create the conditions, if you like, and attract the right people so that I’d be able to honour myself, honour my values and truths, which I’d never actually known what they were in the first place. So, it was like a multidimensional process as well, focused around the court case.

 


 

Anita:
So, all this stuff just came flooding in. It was like, “Oh, my God, I am worth something. Oh, my God, my business is worth something. All that equity that I put into that business that he’s stolen, that was worth something. My rights, my truths, my values they’re valuable to me.

And in honouring them, I’m honouring my soul and my soul path, and the creator of which I’m part of creation.”

It was multi-dimensional. It was a huge and even further spiritual awakening. So it made it more engageable, if you like, this court process, knowing that it was part of a bigger spiritual picture.

Mel:
That’s so well put. And it’s so true. And all of our ascension and healing and well-being, including finances represents the sole value. It’s the health, it’s the mental, it’s the emotional, it’s the spiritual, it’s all of those things combined.

So, what was the outcome in court? I know when you told me, I’m just like, what? That’s so cool. And witnessing stuff happening, like a big shift. And people listening to this, I know, because out in the normal non-quantum world, what happens is people are like, well, you can’t beat narcissists in court since the court and solicitors and judges are a part of the narcissistic system.

And it is, even for normal things, it can be awful. But in line with the quantum law of so within-so without, when we shift on the inside, massive things happen. So, yeah, explain what happened.

Anita:
Yeah. So I went from a place of being unable to engage with the process, even speaking to my solicitor about what had been going on, and trying to explain that I was with a psychopathic narcissist and everything was not going in my favour. We had a financial dispute resolution. It was like a second hearing. And I got pasted. I was painted as a greedy, grasping woman who wanted to keep every single penny from the marriage, and he was painted as this poor kind of trodden-over husband.

Anyway, I couldn’t have felt more battered, so I had to crawl off and do more shifts. And I thought, no, this doesn’t feel right. This isn’t aligned with my soul truth. And despite what my solicitor told me, she said, “Oh no, you’re just going to have to go to give him 50% of the property.” I said, “No, this does not feel right and is not aligned with my soul. No.”

Mel:
You are supposed to instruct your solicitor, not the other way around. And we fall for that stuff all the time. So yeah, keep going.

Anita:
So I sacked her.

Mel:
Yeah. Good.

Anita:
I found through a friend a spectacular lady who was described as lethal, and she certainly was. She prepared me a magnificent case, and I hoped it wouldn’t get to a final hearing, but the other half wanted a final hearing. He wanted his day in court. He wanted to annihilate me.

So she had recommended a barrister, who was an absolute super sleuth. And I have to say, I called in my perfect legal team. Now, he’d read my case notes because he was diligent, and he was like, “Something’s not right here.” So we went into the final hearing, and we broke for lunch. I had to give my evidence. I was just about to go up into the witness box.

And what had happened before that was that in real-time during the court, they’d uncovered that my former husband was concealing his assets, and he’d been lying and perjuring himself in court. And so I got an amazing deal. I didn’t have to give evidence in the end, his solicitors came back and said, “Right, okay, we have to make a deal,” because he was screwed.

So I was just in shock. I couldn’t believe it. I broke down in tears. It was just the most amazing, miraculous thing that had ever happened. And I was thinking, I’m going to need a miracle to sort this shit out. And I got one. Yeah, I got one.

Mel:
And Anita, we see it all the time. We see that an internal shift can be an outer thing. And that’s what you were listening to when people said, “Well, I had this miracle.” We’ve had cases where the narcissist broke down and couldn’t get to the court, and the judge decided without them, and the most incredible synchronicity has happened. So I’m so thrilled.

So what I love about that is you honoured yourself. When we’re in the fear and when we’re in the trauma and we don’t feel like an authority, and we don’t have value, we’re not listening to that inner voice. And when that solicitor said, “Well, you’ve got to take that deal,” we’re in fear and trauma, we just do that. We go along, and we end up getting throttled.

But you’ve done enough to have a shift inside you to listen to your guidance and stand in it and move with that. And then that moves universes. And that’s exactly what happened. So when did your friend recommend the new solicitor who was ruthless? Was it after you shifted and chose to go your own way?

Anita:
Oh, that was my choice. It was like I had this internal sat nav, a moral compass aligned with my soul, that was getting stronger and stronger and stronger, like a strongly beating heart. And I felt like I had to honour it, regardless of what solicitors were saying, regardless of what the judge had said. It was like I had to honour myself.

It felt very empowering doing that and discerning that my current solicitor was very mediocre and calling in someone who was powerful, incisive, who was intelligent, and who was strong. And I did that through shifting and through intention setting.

Yeah. And always I was going back to the forum. I was getting inspiration from the community, just reading about successes. I was getting inspiration from-

Mel:
And for people, that’s our global community, the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program Community Forum, a private community where all members can get coaching and support 24/7/365. But yeah, they’re amazing in there.

Anita:
Yeah. So I mean, I would say to all NARPers, take a moment to be still and go inside and feel into what your truths and your values are. And if it doesn’t feel right to you, regardless of what a judge is saying, a solicitor is saying, or anyone else is saying, it’s got to feel right to you.

And if it feels right to you, then there’s a way to be able to get the support that you need and call it in. Please work with your shifts to get to the place of honouring your soul and your values, whatever they are and however they’re expressed in the material world, whether that’s your property, your business or your child.

Mel:
Yeah, very good. Beautiful share. It is so important not just to accept or believe that you’re up against a narcissist; you’re going to get throttled, and there’s nothing you can do. It’s just not true. These people get quite powerless, and they unravel when we step into our power, and that’s what’s so exciting. They’re not as tough as what they make out to be at all.

So, Anita, like the breakdown, I want to talk a bit more about that.  I want you to share with people how bad it was and how you felt when you were in that place.

Anita:
That was possibly the toughest period of my life. I didn’t think I was going to get through it. I didn’t think I’d be here now. Every single cell in my body felt like it was sick. I just felt like I was dying a million times across all my lifetimes and into my soul. It was horrific and inescapable. I couldn’t escape from this torment and the memories that were coming up.

My inner world was on steroids and acid. It was quite horrible. I mean, I can look back on it now and kind of laugh about it, which is a testament to the amount of inner work that’s taken place.

But when I came back to doing some deeper work with NARP, I was literally at the Last Chance Saloon. I thought, “If this doesn’t work, I’m going to end it because I can’t bear being in this body anymore. I can’t bear it.” It was just horrific. And I had done some great work with some amazing shamanic healers.

Mel:
I remember you saying.

Anita:
Yeah. I’ve trained and qualified as a shamanic practitioner myself, so I knew what was going on on a multidimensional level, and even then, it was just unbearable. Although I say, without that, I guess I would’ve been even more confused. So, at least I had that perspective and the shifts as well to be able to clear all this stuff out of my body.

But yeah, MTE Support were amazing. I know at the time you had Violet, and I reached out to Violet several times, and she was like a lifeline. She knew intuitively how to support me and what to say. Honestly, those MTE members were like angels during that time. All I did for a year was maybe lie on my bed and shift. That’s all I could do. I could barely leave the house. I was in a state of very, very deep depression. And looking back on it now, it was like a different lifetime.

Mel:
So, how did it start feeling different? What happened?

Anita:
My internal world shifted, and that was reflected in my external world. My external world had, for pretty much all of my life, been very haphazard and chaotic, and I started to see more structure. This is all taking place at the same time as the court hearing, so I was able to bring more structure into my life.

I was able to show up for myself more and make choices that were based on a deeper soul level rather than informed by trauma, bad habits, patterns, or addictions.

Mel:
I remember back then the battles that you were having with certain decisions, as we can all do before we start healing enough that are self-sabotage and self-harming, which align with how we’re not valuing ourselves, and you started to come out of that.

It’d be so interesting to show people the pictures, the photos of the Anita I met, and the glowing beautiful creature that you are now because you are. You’re just stunning. It’s like two different people.

Anita:
Yes, I agree with you. I just want to say to all the NARPers out there who are struggling with addictive patterns and behaviours that I had all the addictions except for heroin, crack, and gambling. I was addicted to alcohol, substances, sugar, dairy, and nicotine. I was addicted to a party lifestyle, sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

Just all the stuff. I mean, at the time, I didn’t realize that what I was trying to do was to distract myself from my inner world. Like I said, I want to say to all the NARPers out there, with the shifting, I noticed that these addictions were diminishing. I would reach for them less. It was as if my body didn’t want them, my soul didn’t want them, or I didn’t need them. And gradually, it’s almost as if they began diminishing of their own accord.

So I didn’t have to use my will or force myself into refusing these patterns. It was as if the internal battle had just vanished. There just wasn’t even a battle anymore. It just wasn’t even a thing, which was such a wonderful reward. And I’d made space for other things to come in. I’d made space for nourishing interests and hobbies and people to come into my life. And so I started to be able to choose that.

Mel:
I know some of the people you’ve connected with who are gorgeous in your world, in the U.K., and the stuff you do, and they’re stunning people.

Anita:
Yeah. And so rather than connecting, again, with abusive people or parasitic people or people who didn’t value me, I was connecting with loving and genuine people – people who valued me, and who saw me and who understood me.

I’ve also noticed that when I’ve reconnected with old friends, I say friends in the loosest possible term, and they haven’t aligned with this new version of me, they’ve fallen away very quickly, which is great.

Mel:
Which is great. Yeah, because it’s hard to bring people up to your level. It’s much better if they’re at your level or you’re growing together, which I love. Anita, honestly, I’ve always with you felt like, even though we’re around the same age, I felt like a bit of a mother hen.

No, I do because I’ve always loved you and seen you in your battle and seen who you are. And also, you reminded me of myself years ago. It’s not about me. It’s about you. But years ago, when I was on death’s door, and I thought I could never recover from my breakdown, and I’d been plagued with addictions all my life, although, after hearing your list, I think you had a better crack at it than I did, I think you’re right up there on the queen of addictions.

But mine were bad, too, so I saw so much of my journey in you. And I’d had some massive big trauma on just very deep sexual levels, too, which you’ve had at a much worse level. So it’s heartwarming for me to see because it was death/rebirth for you.

And what’s so exciting about you is that you are such a gifted, incredible lady. If I were in the U.K., I would attend your workshops. I seriously would. And I want to give you a big plug because Anita is… Please explain what you do.

Anybody in the U.K., we’ll put Anita’s details up so that you can connect up if you want to, and I would suggest it. So what do you do? Explain it to people.

Anita:
Yeah. So, I am a cacao ceremonialist. Cacao is the ancestral medicine of the Mayan people. And cacao has got the most wonderful, wonderful healing benefits. Cacao was there for me on my healing journey with NARP because cacao brought me into my body and allowed me to connect to the earth and also to connect to higher dimensions as well. But most importantly, she’s a medicine of embodiment.

And there were times when I couldn’t get up in the morning. I’d open my eyes and think, “Oh my God, I’m here again.” And the thing that got me out of bed was that trip to the blender to make my cacao.

I know I’ve segued, but I felt it important to share how instrumental cacao was in my healing journey.

So, I’ve been working with cacao since 2014. I serve cacao at ceremonies, and I also work as a shamanic practitioner and energy healer, sharing cacao in my one-to-one healings. And I also make chocolates. I’m very well known for the chocolate that I make, which is made in sacred space and is divinely delicious.

Mel:
You’ll have to send me some to Cape Trib. I want to try some of your chocolates.

I’m going to try some of your chocolates.

Anita:
Okay. It’s a date.

Mel:
I’ll buy some. Yeah, you have to send me some. I’d love to try them.

Anita:
Yeah, for sure. Yes, I will.

Mel:
If chocolate’s healthy, I’m all over it.

Anita:
Yeah, well, they’re healthy chocolate. So here’s a dish of my chocolates. We’ve got Radha and Krishna’s Love Garden, which is that one. That is a cardamom chocolate with crystallized ginger, pistachio and banana.

And we’ve got tantric breakfast, which is… I know. Do you fancy a tantric breakfast?

Mel:
Sounds exciting. That sounds dangerous, actually.

Anita:
Which is cayenne chocolate with a handmade brittle of cashew nuts and maple syrup, vanilla and dates.

Mel:
So you make these?

Anita:
I make those, yes. Yeah.

Mel:
Oh, my gosh.

Anita:
And they are plant-based, so they’re made with coconut milk powder, they’re made with maple sugar, and they’re made with coconut sugar. So, there’s no dairy, no cane sugar, and the base is ceremonial grade cacao, so they’re also a medicine. Yeah.

Mel:
Oh, my goodness. So look at you now that all this trauma’s out of your cells and all this creativity that bursts forth. And this is what I love so much about people who go through the dark dungeon of narcissistic abuse. To get out of it, you must let go of the trauma and get the light in.

And then when that source light comes in, you activate into soul mission and purpose. I’m so proud and excited for you. I love the stuff that you are getting out there and doing in the world now. And you’re an inspiration, Anita, and I hope that you can be an inspiration to other people still in the dark breakdown in the bowels of hell.

You and I have both been there, so Anita, what would you say to people who have come across my work? They’re looking at this community, who are in those dark places. What could you share with them?

Anita:
I’d love to say, invest in yourself. If you value yourself, but at the same time, you feel that you are disempowered and that you have no control over your life, coming to NARP is the most fantastic way to break through lifetimes.

We’re not just talking about this lifetime but also about ancestral stuff and other lifetimes. So, regardless of whether you resonate with that, this is what the shifting is all about. So we’ve got DNA codes literally in our blood, and doing the quantum healing helps to dissolve these habits and patterns that have been holding us back from being the very best versions of ourselves. And yeah, do it. Yeah.

Also, these shifts allow you to come into your body and start to make peace with your body. For many of us who’ve experienced abuse, the body is a very unsafe place to be. It’s been the platform for trauma. We don’t trust our bodies. They’ve heard other people, felt pain, and are carriers of pain. So, doing these shifts is a really beautiful way.

Engaging with the whole NARP and Quantum Freedom healing process is the most wonderful way of returning to your body and making peace with your body, learning to trust your body again, taking ownership of your body and beginning to love yourself. And that was one of the biggest takeaways that I had. Loving my body, loving myself and taking ownership of my body and my whole being.

Mel:
And you’ve become such a goddess who’s in her heart and body. When we first met, of course, you were traumatized, disconnected, disassociating and couldn’t even feel.

You’re now an embodied goddess, and I’m sure anybody looking at you and listening to you can hear it. It’s coming from your soul now.

Anita, thank you so much, darling, for coming on and for being such a special dear friend in my life and a fellow traveller. I love you to pieces.

Anita:
Oh, thank you, Mel. Thank you so much. It’s such an honour. Thank you.

Mel:
And how can people contact you if they’re in the UK to experience your cacao stuff and your products?

Anita:
Yeah. So the website is coming soon. I’ve mainly been involved in the divorce for the last two years, so the website’s been on the back burner. So, currently, I’m doing everything from my Instagram while the website is under construction. So, I post my stuff on my Instagram, and once my website is up, I’ll be posting on my website. So, if people want to reach out to me on Instagram and also take a look at my work, I’ve got a card here.

Mel:
Yeah. You need to bring it over in front of your face, so yeah. Okay. I’ll tell you what, honey. We’re going to put it up. We’ll put it up. What’s your Instagram handle?

Anita:
My Instagram handle is my name, anitabrulee_sacredhearts.

Mel:
Beautiful. Beautiful. So we’ll put that up with this interview as well, and people can find out more about cacao and get on to you, and that’s exciting. All right, honey. Thank you so much for taking this time this morning.

It’s your morning, it’s my evening, but it’s always awesome to hang out with you. And every time I see you, you look more and more beautiful, truly.

You are age-reversing. You look ten years younger than the last time I saw you. You do.

Anita:
Oh, gosh. Well, I’ve been doing the medical medium food – so lots of celery juice and healing foods. That, combined with shifting, has been amazing.

Mel:
All things are healthy, and I love it when we put combos together. It’s just so powerful. All right, gorgeous girl. Thank you, and I hope everybody watching this can be inspired to know that it’s never the end. And I love what I believe, that if you are still alive, source, God, creation hasn’t finished with you yet, and you are a perfect example of that, Anita.

Anita:
Thank you, Mel. Love you.

Mel:
I love you, too.

If you wish to access profound healing through the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, which is now even faster and more effective with the Speedy Shifts Module additions, and be a lifetime member of our incredible Private Community, which grants you 24/7/365 support, join HERE.



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59 Ways To Disarm A Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be a daunting task. Their self-centeredness, manipulation, and need for constant admiration can create toxic dynamics in relationships and cause emotional distress. However, there are strategies that can help in disarming a narcissist and managing their behavior effectively. In this blog post, we will uncover 59 lesser-known tips to disarm a narcissist. From understanding their psychology to setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and using assertive communication, these strategies can empower you to navigate the challenging terrain of dealing with a narcissist. So, let’s dive into these insights and learn how to protect yourself and maintain your sanity while dealing with a narcissist.

59 ways to disarm a narcissist

 

  1. Set clear boundaries: Narcissists tend to push boundaries and manipulate others for their own gain. Setting clear and firm boundaries is essential in disarming a narcissist.
  2. Use empathy: While narcissists lack empathy themselves, using empathy can be a powerful tool in disarming them. It allows you to connect with them on a human level and defuse their defensive mechanisms.
  3. Avoid engaging in power struggles: Narcissists thrive on power struggles and will often try to engage you in one. Refuse to participate and maintain your composure.
  4. Be assertive, not aggressive: Aggressive behaviour can trigger narcissistic rage, making the situation worse. Instead, be assertive in expressing your needs and feelings, without attacking or belittling the narcissist.
  5. Document interactions: Keep a record of interactions with the narcissist, including any manipulative behaviour or abusive incidents. This can serve as evidence and help you stay grounded in reality.
  6. Practice self-care: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Make sure to prioritise self-care and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist.
  7. Avoid feeding their ego: Narcissists have an insatiable need for attention and validation. Avoid feeding their ego by refusing to shower them with excessive praise or admiration.
  8. Challenge their false beliefs: Narcissists often have inflated and unrealistic beliefs about themselves. Challenge their grandiose notions and encourage them to see reality more objectively.
  9. Recognize their vulnerabilities: Beneath their façade, narcissists are often deeply insecure. Recognize their vulnerabilities, but do not enable or pity them.
  10. Be prepared for their manipulations: Narcissists are skilled manipulators and may try to gaslight or distort reality. Be aware of their tactics and stay grounded in your own truth.
  11. Don’t take their behaviour personally: Narcissists’ behaviour is not about you; it’s about their own deep-seated insecurities. Don’t take their insults or criticisms personally.
  12. Set consequences for bad behaviour: Narcissists need to understand that their actions have consequences. Establish consequences for their bad behaviour and follow through with them.
  13. Limit contact if possible: If the narcissist is not someone you are required to interact with, consider limiting or cutting off contact to protect yourself from further harm.
  14. Don’t expect them to change: Narcissistic personality disorder is deeply ingrained and difficult to change. Don’t expect the narcissist to suddenly become self-aware or remorseful.
  15. Use the grey rock technique: The grey rock technique involves being unresponsive and emotionally neutral when dealing with a narcissist, depriving them of the attention they crave.
  16. Seek professional help: If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or struggling to cope with their behaviour, consider seeking therapy or counselling for support.
  17. Avoid falling into their trap of blame-shifting: Narcissists often try to shift blame onto others to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Refuse to accept unwarranted blame and hold them accountable.
  18. Stay true to your values: Narcissists may try to manipulate you into compromising your values or beliefs. Stay true to yourself and hold onto your integrity.
  19. Use humour strategically: Humour can sometimes diffuse tension and disarm a narcissist, but use it strategically and avoid sarcasm or mockery, which can provoke their rage.
  20. Keep emotions in check: Narcissists feed off emotional reactions, so try to keep your emotions in check when dealing with them. Stay calm and composed.
  21. Recognize their need for control: Narcissists have a strong need for control and may try to manipulate or dominate others. Refuse to be controlled and assert your autonomy.
  22. Don’t apologise unnecessarily: Narcissists are known for their lack of accountability and may try to shift blame onto you. Avoid apologising for things that are not your fault or taking unnecessary blame.
  23. Don’t engage in circular arguments: Narcissists are notorious for circular arguments that go nowhere and only serve to frustrate and exhaust you. Avoid getting caught in these traps and disengage.
  24. Validate their emotions, not their behaviour: While it’s important to acknowledge their emotions, do not validate or condone their harmful behaviour. Make it clear that their behaviour is unacceptable.
  25. Use the “broken record” technique: The broken record technique involves calmly repeating your boundaries or statements without engaging in further arguments. This can help you stay focused and not get pulled into their manipulations.
  26. Practice self-compassion: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally taxing, so remember to practise self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and prioritise your well-being.
  27. Educate yourself about narcissism: Understanding the dynamics of narcissism can help you navigate the situation more effectively. Educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder and its traits.
  28. Don’t expect them to validate your feelings: Narcissists often lack empathy and may not validate your emotions. Seek validation from other sources and do not rely on them for emotional support.
  29. Keep your expectations realistic: Narcissists are unlikely to change or suddenly become remorseful. Keep your expectations realistic and focus on protecting yourself rather than changing them.
  30. Be prepared for smear campaigns: If you stand up to a narcissist, be prepared for them to launch a smear campaign against you. Stay calm, maintain your integrity, and avoid engaging in their tactics.
  31. Recognise their need for admiration: Narcissists crave constant admiration and validation. Recognize this need, but do not feel responsible for fulfilling it or becoming their source of validation.
  32. Avoid getting pulled into their drama: Narcissists often create drama and chaos to gain attention and control. Avoid getting pulled into their drama and stay focused on your own well-being.
  33. Practise assertive communication: Assertive communication involves expressing your needs and feelings clearly and respectfully, without aggression or passivity. Practise assertive communication when dealing with a narcissist.
  34. Don’t let them project their insecurities onto you: Narcissists often project their own insecurities onto others, blaming them for their own flaws. Do not accept their projections and stay true to your own reality.
  35. Seek support from a therapist or counsellor: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging, so seek support from a therapist or counsellor to help you process and cope with the situation.
  36. Avoid falling into their pity trap: Narcissists may try to gain sympathy and pity by playing the victim. Do not fall into their pity trap and remain grounded in reality.
  37. Keep important information confidential: Narcissists may try to extract information from you to use against you later. Keep important information confidential and do not disclose more than necessary.
  38. Stand up for yourself: Narcissists may try to intimidate or belittle you. Stand up for yourself and assert your boundaries assertively.
  39. Practice self-assertion: Self-assertion involves recognizing and advocating for your own needs and wants. Practice self-assertion when dealing with a narcissist.
  40. Limit your emotional investment: Narcissists are notorious for their emotional manipulation, so limit your emotional investment in the relationship. Protect yourself from their toxic behaviour.
  41. Avoid getting pulled into their pity party: Narcissists may try to garner sympathy by playing the victim or exaggerating their suffering. Avoid getting pulled into their pity party and remain objective.
  42. Don’t engage in their one-upmanship game: Narcissists may try to constantly one-up you or compare themselves to others to boost their ego. Avoid engaging in this game and refuse to participate in their need for superiority.
  43. Set clear and firm boundaries: Establish clear and firm boundaries with the narcissist to protect yourself from their manipulations. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries.
  44. Practice self-care: Dealing with a narcissist can be draining, so prioritise self-care. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
  45. Avoid feeding their ego: Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. Avoid feeding their ego by not constantly praising or validating them.
  46. Don’t try to change them: Narcissists are resistant to change and may not be open to feedback or criticism. Accept that you cannot change them and focus on managing your own reactions and emotions.
  47. Use assertive body language: Your body language can convey a lot. Use assertive body language, such as maintaining eye contact, standing tall, and speaking confidently, when dealing with a narcissist.
  48. Don’t engage in their blame game: Narcissists often blame others for their mistakes or shortcomings. Do not engage in their blame game and refuse to accept unwarranted blame.
  49. Keep your cool: Narcissists may try to provoke you or push your buttons to get a reaction. Practise emotional self-regulation and keep your cool in their presence.
  50. Recognize their manipulation tactics: Narcissists may use various manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or love-bombing. Recognize these tactics and do not fall for them.
  51. Hold them accountable: Hold the narcissist accountable for their actions and behaviours. Do not let them escape responsibility or make excuses for their harmful behaviour.
  52. Don’t try to compete with them: Narcissists often see life as a competition and may try to compete with you in various aspects. Avoid getting caught in this competition and focus on your own path.
  53. Keep evidence of their behaviour: If you need to confront a narcissist or seek legal action, keep evidence of their behaviour, such as emails, texts, or recordings, to support your case.
  54. Limit contact if possible: If the narcissist is not a close family member or someone you must interact with regularly, consider limiting or cutting off contact to protect yourself from their toxic behaviour.
  55. Avoid trying to rescue or fix them: It’s not your responsibility to rescue or fix a narcissist. Recognize that their issues are deep-rooted and beyond your control.
  56. Don’t fall for their charm: Narcissists can be charming and charismatic, but it’s often a façade. Do not fall for their charm and be wary of their manipulations.
  57. Keep conversations focused: When communicating with a narcissist, keep the conversations focused and avoid getting sidetracked by their deflections or diversions.
  58. Don’t take their insults personally: Narcissists may use insults or put-downs to belittle you. Do not take their insults personally and recognize that it’s a reflection of their insecurities.
  59. Use assertive “I” statements: When expressing your feelings or needs to a narcissist, use assertive “I” statements, such as “I feel” or “I need,” to avoid sounding accusatory and to assert your boundaries clearly.

 

 

How many can or do you use?

Note: It’s important to remember that dealing with a narcissist can be complex and challenging, and it’s always best to seek professional help and support if needed. These tips are not intended as a substitute for professional advice, but rather as general strategies to disarm.

The post 59 Ways To Disarm A Narcissist appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.

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Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide

 

Introduction

Welcome to our comprehensive guide on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). In today’s selfie-obsessed and celebrity-driven culture, the term “narcissism” is often used to describe individuals who appear excessively vain or self-centred. However, in psychological terms, narcissism goes beyond self-love and encompasses a complex set of behaviours and attitudes. People with NPD are in love with an idealised, grandiose image of themselves, which allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. This inflated self-image manifests in self-centred, arrogant thinking, a lack of empathy, and an excessive need for admiration. In this guide, we will delve into the signs, symptoms, and different types of narcissists, as well as provide practical tips for dealing with them.

 

Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

 

Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. It goes beyond arrogance or vanity and involves an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique and can only be understood by other special individuals. They consider themselves too good for anything average or ordinary, constantly seeking association with high-status people, places, and things. Furthermore, narcissists often exaggerate or fabricate their achievements and talents, emphasising their own greatness in every aspect of life, be it work, relationships, or family.

 

Living in a Fantasy World

To uphold their grandiose self-image, narcissists create a fantasy world built on distortion, self-deception, and magical thinking. They construct self-glorifying narratives of unlimited success, power, attractiveness, and ideal love. These fantasies serve as a shield against inner emptiness and shame. Narcissists ignore or rationalise away facts and opinions that contradict their fantasies, reacting defensively or even with rage when their bubble is threatened. This denial of reality makes it challenging to have constructive conversations with narcissists.

 

Constant Need for Praise and Admiration

A narcissist’s sense of superiority functions like a balloon that requires a constant stream of applause and recognition to remain inflated. Occasional compliments are insufficient for their insatiable ego. They depend on others to provide unwavering affirmation, surrounding themselves with individuals who are willing to cater to their obsessive craving for admiration. However, these relationships are one-sided, with the narcissist focusing solely on what the admirer can do for them. Any interruption or reduction in attention and praise is perceived as betrayal.

 

Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists expect preferential treatment due to their belief in their own exceptionalism. They genuinely think that whatever they desire, they should obtain effortlessly. They demand automatic compliance from the people around them, considering others as mere tools to fulfil their needs. They devalue those who fail to meet their expectations, viewing them as useless. Defying a narcissist’s will or requesting something in return can lead to aggression, outrage, or the cold shoulder.

 

Exploitation of Others

Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to identify with the feelings of others. They view people as objects meant to serve their needs, often taking advantage of others without guilt or shame. This exploitation can range from oblivious behaviour to intentional malice. Narcissists disregard the impact of their actions on others and remain largely unaffected even when confronted. Their primary concern revolves around satisfying their own needs and desires.

 

Demeaning and Intimidating Behaviour

Narcissists feel threatened by individuals who possess qualities they lack, especially those who exude confidence and popularity. They respond to these perceived threats with contempt, putting others down to neutralise the threat and elevate themselves. Demeaning, intimidating, and bullying behaviour becomes their defence mechanism. 

 

Check out our free video workshops for more information on Narcissism.

 

Envy of others

They may feel intense jealousy or envy towards people they perceive as more successful, attractive, or popular than themselves. This envy can lead to a sense of resentment or bitterness towards those individuals, and may cause them to engage in behaviours aimed at bringing those individuals down or sabotaging their success.

 

Different types of narcissists

There are different types of narcissists, but they all share a common trait of a grandiose sense of self-importance. Some types of narcissists include:

The overt narcissist: This type of narcissist is easy to spot because they’re loud, brash, and in-your-face. They’re often successful in business or politics, and they love to talk about their accomplishments.

The covert narcissist: This type of narcissist is more difficult to spot because they’re quiet, reserved, and seem humble. They often play the victim and use their “sensitivity” to manipulate others.

The communal narcissist: This type of narcissist is focused on being seen as a good person who helps others. They often work in the helping professions, such as nursing or social work.

The malignant narcissist: This type of narcissist is the most dangerous. They’re vindictive, cruel, and have no empathy for others. They’ll do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if it means hurting others.

 

Dealing with a narcissist: Coping strategies

 

Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, but there are coping strategies that can help. Here are some ways to deal with a narcissist:

 

Set healthy boundaries

 

Narcissists have a tendency to try to control others. Setting healthy boundaries can help you protect yourself from their power plays.

 

Don’t take things personally

 

Narcissists are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. It’s essential not to take things personally when dealing with a narcissist.

 

Look for support and purpose elsewhere: It’s important to have a support system outside of the narcissist’s influence. Look for friends, family, or support groups that can help you cope with the narcissist’s behavior.

 

Don’t argue with a narcissist

 

When attacked, the natural instinct is to defend ourselves and engage in a heated argument. However, arguing with a narcissist is often an exercise in futility. They excel at twisting words, diverting blame, and manipulating the situation to make themselves look superior. Engaging in an argument only gives them more ammunition to belittle and demean you.

 

Instead, choose your battles wisely. Ask yourself if the argument is worth your time and energy. Is there a possibility of reaching a resolution? In most cases, it’s best to disengage and protect your own emotional well-being. Narcissists thrive on conflict, and refusing to engage can take away their power.

 

Seek support from trusted individuals

 

Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and overwhelming. It’s essential to surround yourself with a support system of trusted individuals who understand the dynamics of narcissistic behaviour. Seek out friends, family members, or support groups who can offer empathy, validation, and guidance.

 

Sharing your experiences with others who have faced similar challenges can provide a sense of relief and validation. It reminds you that you’re not alone and that your feelings and experiences are valid. Trusted individuals can also offer insights and strategies for coping with the narcissist’s behaviour effectively.

 

Prioritise self-care and well-being

 

When dealing with a narcissist, it’s crucial to prioritise your own well-being and practice self-care. Narcissists thrive on manipulating and exploiting others, draining them emotionally and mentally. To protect yourself, make self-care a priority.

 

Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. This might include hobbies, exercise, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing personal goals. Nurturing your own well-being helps you maintain your emotional resilience and strength in the face of narcissistic behaviour.

 

Additionally, set clear boundaries to protect your time, energy, and emotional space. Establish limits on how much interaction you have with the narcissist and what you’re willing to tolerate. Communicate these boundaries assertively and consistently enforce them. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish but necessary for your own mental and emotional health.

 

Seek professional help if needed

 

Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, and in some cases, it may require professional intervention. If you find yourself struggling to cope with the effects of narcissistic behaviour or if your well-being is significantly impacted, seeking therapy or counselling can be beneficial.

 

Our counsellors are experienced in dealing with victims of narcissistic abuse and we can provide guidance, support, and coping strategies tailored to your specific situation. Therapy can help you gain insight into the dynamics of the relationship, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and rebuild your self-esteem.

 

Check out our full playlist on YouTube about narcissistic abuse

 

Conclusion

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be complex and emotionally draining. However, by understanding the traits and patterns of narcissistic behaviour, setting healthy boundaries, seeking support, prioritising self-care, and potentially seeking professional help, you can minimise the negative impact of the relationship and regain control of your life.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect, empathy, and kindness. By prioritising your well-being and surrounding yourself with positive influences, you can build a fulfilling and balanced life free from the toxic effects of narcissism.

 

 

*Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, please contact your local emergency services or a mental health professional.*

If you need help dealing with a narcissist

If you are concerned that you or someone you know may have narcissistic personality disorder, it’s important to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. This may include a psychologist, psychiatrist, or a qualified and experienced counsellor who has experience working with victims of narcissistic relationship.

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FAQ’s

 

  1. Question: How can I differentiate between someone who is confident and someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?
    Answer: While confidence is a positive trait, narcissistic personality disorder involves an excessive and unrealistic sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration. Look for signs of grandiosity, exploitation of others, and a pattern of demeaning behaviour to distinguish NPD from healthy confidence.

  2. Question: Can narcissistic personality disorder be cured or treated?
    Answer: Narcissistic personality disorder is a complex and challenging condition to treat. Most individuals with NPD do not seek treatment themselves, as they often lack insight into their own behaviors. However, therapy and counselling can help those affected by NPD, such as providing coping strategies, support, and tools for rebuilding self-esteem.

  3. Question: Is it possible for a narcissist to change their behaviour?
    Answer: While change is possible for some individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, it is typically difficult due to the deeply ingrained patterns of thinking and behavior. Genuine change often requires a strong desire for self-reflection, willingness to seek help, and long-term commitment to therapy. However, it is important to remember that change ultimately lies in the hands of the individual with NPD.

  4. Question: Can a narcissistic individual have healthy relationships?
    Answer: Building healthy relationships with a narcissistic individual can be extremely challenging. Their lack of empathy, constant need for admiration, and tendency to exploit others make it difficult for them to sustain mutually fulfilling relationships. It is essential to prioritize your own well-being and consider setting boundaries or seeking professional guidance when dealing with a narcissist.

  5. Question: Is narcissistic personality disorder considered a mental illness?
    Answer: Yes, narcissistic personality disorder is classified as a mental illness according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). It falls under the category of personality disorders, which are characterised by enduring patterns of behaviour, cognition, and inner experience that deviate from cultural expectations and cause distress or impairment.

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