What’s Behind the Narcissist’s Mask?

What’s Behind the Narcissist’s Mask?

A new study reinforces what many of us who deal with narcissists already know:

1) Narcissists tend to be less trustworthy, less loyal, less accountable and less remorseful than others

2) Narcissists tend to be more deceptive, more manipulative, more antagonistic and more vindictive than others

In some cases the gap is huge. Drawn from a study of 14,000 people, an analysis of 403 participants with distinct traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder found that narcissists are six times more likely to be deceptive, four times more likely to lie, and three times more likely to be antagonistic and vindictive than non-narcissistic people.

The study is a portrait of the many ways narcissists tend to posture and shape themselves — while at the same time using others — to shore up a fragile sense of self.

For example, the study found the following percentages of narcissists who do the following behaviors, compared to non-narcissists:

Narcissists Non-narcissists
Point out others’ mistakes, no matter how minor 73% 7%
Strongly believe they are superior to most people 84% 3%
Prefer to associate with people who are successful or popular 84% 7%
Cast aside anyone who doesn’t live up to what they want 69% 5%
Change their appearance, personality and opinions to be accepted 62% 18%
Seek to be the center of attention 80% 10%
Endlessly seek reassurance they are liked 60% 16%
Become defensive when given negative feedback 61% 32%
Refuse to acknowledge or admit when they are wrong 67% 16%

“Being a narcissist is likely to be a tiring and draining endeavor, emotionally and psychologically. It’s like wearing a mask all the time,” said the study’s author, Ilona Jerabek.

Here are three ways to cope with the manipulation and pretenses used by narcissists:

1)  Don’t expect them to change. They may change behavior from time to time, but someone with narcissistic personality disorder is unlikely to change their personality. What you see is what you get.

2) Don’t take their blaming and lack of accountability personally. Their actions are designed to gratify themselves and keep others from seeing their flaws. It’s all about them, not you, so how can it be personal?

3) Do ask yourself: “At what cost? There is nearly always some cost when dealing with narcissists. Only you can decide whether the cost in any given situation is worth it.

 

Photo by Mike Focus



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The Stalking Narcissist – Will They Ever Leave You Alone?

The Stalking Narcissist – Will They Ever Leave You Alone?

 

Being stalked is horrible.

If you are going through this right now, it is likely that you feel high levels of anxiety, and it’s really difficult for you to settle into getting on with your life.

What is this person doing when they are stalking you?

Are they gathering information on social media to use against you?

Are they following you to try to perform a ‘hoover’ on you?

Do they want to threaten … or even hurt you?

Whatever it is, ABSOLUTELY one the most disconcerting and frightening things about narcissistic abuse is STALKING.

So … what is our way out?

I promise you there is a Quantum answer that is so big and powerful it does bring absolute freedom, and I can’t wait to share it with you in this new episode!

 

 

Video Transcript

Being stalked is one of the most terrifying things we can experience from a narcissist. I totally get how shattered, violated and scared you feel if you are going through the horror of this right now.

Being stalked, or even the threat of stalking incites feeling agoraphobic about going anywhere or doing anything in case the narcissist is following you.

You don’t know where he or she could turn up and what drama could ensue.

Maybe, you feel totally fearful about having any social media accounts. Maybe you know that the narcissist has used methods and people to hack into your information or find out details about you to use against you or terrorise and dismantle your life.

Of course, the prospect of anything like that is terrifying.

All of this is especially terrible when we know that we are dealing with jealous, controlling narcissists. These are the ones who are the most likely to be vindictive, poisonous and even dangerous.

And I also get how after being stalked and not knowing whether or not we are being – that we may be in constant paranoia wondering if we still are being stalked. We don’t know whether it is safe to come back out and if we do what will be fed to others, used against us in court or flung in our face. Or if joint-parenting, how the stalking of our information may be used against us with our children or incite further abusive interrogation of our children.

Additionally, you may suspect the people who come and see you or talk to you are actually minions of the narcissist. You don’t know who or what to trust. Gang stalking can be a very real phenomenon with narcissists, whereby their stories about you have incited other people to cyber stalk and bully you or attack you in your everyday life operations.

And all of this can hang around for years making your life feel terrorised, diminished and drastically unsafe. I promise you unless I had found the solution to this, I too would be completely minimalised. In fact, I know I would never have survived.

Okay, what I really want to do in this Thriver’s TV episode is to empower you to know HOW to be your authentic and powerful self, no matter what the narcissist is or isn’t doing regarding stalking you. This is vital, because the way to break through this all comes back to Quantum Law – so within, so without. In fact, one of the times that we need to break through into our true authentic selves the MOST is when we are under the threat of stalking.

Some people may tell you to threaten a narcissist back to stop them stalking you or attempt to expose them and bring them into accountability. I have to say, in all the time I have been a part of this incredible community, I am yet to see enough evidence that this is effective to even consider recommending it. In stark contrast, I have seen people trying to get even and ‘one-up’ the narcissist come off incredibly badly because no level of doing that will ever be effective when we are coming from the inner emotional container of trauma. I talk about this in my video How To Outsmart A Narcissist The Right Way.

Traditionally narcissists feed off your energy as a shark does blood and get energised to attack you. There is a much better way to overcome the narcissist’s stalking.

This is it: Not give a crap.

Meaning, heal to the empowered level where you have the healthy beliefs ‘all of life supports me’ and ‘my radiant, authentic self is impervious to abuse – just as a result of being myself.’

People ask me often as to whether or not I am perturbed about the ex-narcissists stalking me online. Both of these men were very vindictive men – but the truth is I don’t care if they look my stuff up constantly or not at all. I’m not worried about them having a crack at me, or any narcissist having a go at me for that matter.

Because there is just a simple philosophy – ignore the nasty behaviour and if a boundary is crossed – simply enforce it. This means to block a person who is being abusive or take out an intervention order if necessary.

If smearing or minions happen (and there was plenty of that!), I now know what is important is, I believe in me and what I am doing, and what any particular person does or doesn’t think, is none of my business.

If we are immobilised with fear, the narcissist has won. It means we shrink, hide, defend and become paralysed in expressing our true self and true life. It means the narcissist still owns our soul and therefore life-force.

I love that when we become ‘anti-fear’, truly we get to live the Quantum Law, the freedom of so within, so without.

We get to see how powerless narcissists are against people who no longer have fear, no longer grant them narcissistic supply and quite frankly couldn’t care less about them.

Narcissists have to take their energy elsewhere because there is not the payoff of narcissistic supply anymore – which is: ‘I affect this person hugely. Therefore, I must be significant.’

In a practical sense when a narcissist is stalking you – when you are firmly in No Contact, and you have proof and report it all calmly and clearly, you will do really well in a legal sense. You will be able to get an intervention order in place.

When you are terrorised, have scanty facts, and come across as deranged and/or paranoid, you will not do well at all. You will simply come away from a courthouse or the police feeling even more vulnerable, unsafe, alone and unsupported.

Over the years, so many people have said to me, ‘I know he/she is watching me and trying to find out things about me. I can’t be on social media or do anything at all publicly anymore.’  This is my answer to that: Your greatest goal is to love your life and not care less. Be you, live loud and proud and big and truthfully and authentically. Clear yourself of your trauma and fear and because of narcissistic abuse, emerge as your truest and highest self, and you will see narcissistic people run for the shadows to escape your light just as a vampire can not stand daylight.

And I truly believe this is the case regardless of your circumstances. Even if you are going through custody and property settlements and even if you are parallel parenting. Of course, block the narcissists from your life on social media etc. This is about boundaries, but don’t dim down, repress yourself or shut down.

That is exactly the energy where the narcissist has you and can torment the hell out of you – energetically and literally.  Don’t feed him or her emotional energy in the way of fear, defenses and resentment. Instead get to total detachment and indifference. That is where your true power lies.

Back in my times of being in absolute terror and the emotional fear and horror of being stalked I finally, finally realised that I had to live on my feet and clear all the trauma I could about this.

So purposefully and determinedly I imagined what it would feel like to have him follow me, approach me, be anywhere I was, and I shifted and shifted out the trauma with NARP until I felt absolutely nothing about it whatsoever.

That is when it stopped! That is when the total terror campaign ended. It’s Quantum Law – it couldn’t have gone any other way – so within, so without.

I also worked solidly on all the faulty and painful beliefs that in truth I had carried all my life (which were, of course, Quantumly replaying!) such as:

I am not safe in life.

People can destroy me

If I don’t hide, I will be annihilated.

I am now so grateful I was stalked by a narcissist and suffered insane levels of fear, in order to find and face and heal these traumas with NARP. In reality, they had been haunting me my entire life, not allowing me to shine in my life as myself.

This is the gift you truly have to look forward to when you do the same.

Is this ringing bells for you? Is it resonating deeply and clearly inside you? I hope so because the truth has a way of doing that!

Please know you do have the power inside you to create your inner Universe in the way that your outer universe will respond.

When the people who used to hurt you can no longer energetically connect to you, they are removed, because Quantum Law – so within, so without, is as absolute as gravity.

It’s the only place our true power is.

Does this help?

So, if you know its time to get off your knees, heal all of this and live on your feet as your true self with no more fear – I’m going to show you exactly how to achieve this.

To get started you can sign up to my free 16-day recovery course, which includes an invitation to a healing workshop with me (where you will feel an immediate shift and relief), a set of eBooks and lots more. To access these, just click the link on the top right of this video.

And if you want to see more videos make sure you like and subscribe, so you get notified as soon as each new video is released.

So, until next time… keep smiling, keep healing and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do

 

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Parent-child relationship problems: Treatment tools for rectification counseling

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