Self-sabotage is like a runaway train. It’s those strong urges that make us create excuses and justifications.
We are our own worst enemies at times.
WHY do we self-sabotage when we know these choices are NOT what we want in our life?
Find out the answer in this Thriver’s Life episode and stop going through the utter frustration of giving in to self-sabotage urges, that you know HURT you, and be free from them FOREVER…
Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series … the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.
Can I just be really straight with you? This is Thriver’s Life after all – we cut to the chase here!
We are our own worst enemies.
When you understand Quantum Law – and that you are the generator of your own experience – you know that the only thing between you and your goals is yourself.
This is not damning or blaming ourselves…
It’s exciting because it puts the power back where we can do something about it.
Today, I am going to talk to you about our number one biggest issue – self-sabotage. And I am so excited to talk to you about HOW to OVERCOME it as well.
But before I do, I’d just like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up.
Okay, let’s get this Thriver Life episode rolling.
Knowing Self-Sabotage Inside Out
I feel totally qualified to talk to you about this today – because I used to be the self-sabotage Queen!
I was highly addictive.
Definition being – not able to withstand emotional distress and grabbing self-medication outside of myself to try to numb the inner emotional pain.
That, in a NUTSHELL, is what self-sabotage is.
It is about making a choice to avoid our feelings that doesn’t help our feelings, but only adds more trauma to them.
Self-sabotage is a HUGE issue within this community, because most of us have suffered from lack of inner wholeness and solidness; have had difficulty to self soothe and heal our emotions (be released from inner trauma); and have therefore been highly susceptible to being traumatised and hooked onto people and things that are not healthy for us.
This is what I used to do when emotional pain hit – I would try to get comfort either from the very people who were hurting me or the other narcissist in my life – ‘cigarettes’.
Included in my ways to self-avoid were also junk food and alcohol.
Then there was workaholism.
On the surface, it would seem that this ‘go-to’ was healthy. But nothing is healthy when it’s out of balance, and certainly when it’s being used as a way to self-avoid feelings and to self-abandon inner trauma – rather than heal it to completion.
To be in balance and healthy needs these components:
- Emotional Wellbeing
- Spiritual Wellbeing
- Physical Wellbeing
- Financial Wellbeing
- Mission and Purpose Wellbeing
- Restorative Wellbeing
- Connective Wellbeing with self, life and others.
All of us have areas of ourselves to work on – that is the glory and grace of evolution!
All of us have areas that we self-sabotage in.
I suggest that you write these down, journal on them and be honest with yourself. Be really honest. Which of these areas in your life do you self-sabotage?
Claiming Your Power to Change Self-Sabotage
Again, I’m going to be really straight with you.
You are not going to give up self-sabotage tendencies if you refuse to give up blame and shame (of others or yourself). Or if you wait for someone else to rescue you, atone or be brought to justice. Or if you refuse to take the responsibility to do the necessary inner work to heal and change yourself.
Also, regardless of your age or circumstances, if you stay dependent on others for your Wellbeing, and hold them responsible for it, you won’t get better.
Yes, absolutely others can help and assist, and will, but only if you are willing to heal and help yourself first.
I can’t express to you enough – the wonder of how ALL of life will start nourishing and flourishing you in the most incredible ways when you make overcoming your traumas and healing yourself your highest mission.
As your own powerful Quantum Creator, who is creating ‘more of’ your inner beliefs and alignments in your outer world every moment of every day, it’s advantageous to take radical and personal responsibility to know this: When life works, it is reflecting where you are at with that topic. When life doesn’t work, it’s reflecting where you are at with that topic.
Things are definitely not working optimally in our life when we are self-sabotaging.
So, let’s now dissect self-sabotage.
The Characteristics of Self-Sabotage
Darling Thriver, I know you know when you are self-sabotaging.
You know you didn’t want to sleep in when you made a commitment to move your body with exercise.
You know that putting something off or having the discussion that you know you need to do, is causing more pain for you now.
You know that when you are doing an addictive thing it is undermining your health, Being and the values that you have for yourself.
You know when you are indulging in trash talk, how terrible it feels for you – instead of staying aligned with Who You Really are on a topic.
You know you didn’t want to break No Contact.
I virtually always knew when I was doing self-sabotage … and I know you do too.
Why do we do it?
Because we are giving in to trying to soothe the trauma with a quick-fix – which we know won’t durably work – rather than face and heal the trauma.
Self-sabotage is like a runaway train. The strong urges make us create excuses and justifications; often insane reasons that we know are lame. When we are explaining why we are going to make a bad choice to someone, it is usually ourselves we are trying to convince the most.
Then if that fails, we can come up with an old personal favourite of mine – ‘That’s okay, I’ll get back to where I need to be tomorrow’. I applied this to continuing to see the narcissist, smoking a cigarette and having a blow out with alcohol.
You may do this too!
Of course, tomorrow never comes!
How to Powerfully Overcome Self-Sabotage
A previous client of mine gambled – heavily. Disastrously.
In every area of her life, she was doing well – yes this was her self-sabotage, self-medication and self-destruct, whenever she experienced internal emotional trauma.
In her earlier years, marijuana was her go-to. But she got clear and healed this completely with Quanta Freedom Healing.
This lady was a NARPer (member of The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program), and I gave her the explicit instruction that when the addiction hit hard, that urge to go gamble, that her adult self needed to take charge, in the EXACT moment, and march herself off to a NARP healing.
There she could meet the inner urges and trauma, whilst they were fully energised in her body, release them, go free from them and reprogram them ON the SPOT – instead of giving in to them.
She had already achieved that with marijuana. Her massive shift out of all urges and addiction to being stoned happened, after a month of bingeing, in a healing with me in the EXACT moment of the terrible urges and breakdown.
After just one hour of healing, she has never had any tendency to smoke again, despite decades of pot addiction.
How is this possible?
I can assure you it is. And the reason is because all of her unconscious traumas, that had been driving the addiction, were fully active in her body. That’s what urges are – traumatised screams inducing the feeling of needing the choice of addiction to numb them out.
The addiction is not the issue. It’s the unhealed inner traumas driving the need to self-medicate.
Yet she hadn’t done this in a NARP healing right at the MOMENT of the urge with gambling. And I knew 100% that if she did – she would heal that addiction, too.
The Steps to Heal the Traumas Driving Your Self-Sabotage
How do we come out of the fog and into the driver’s seat to stop giving in to our self-sabotages?
Step #1 – Be honest with yourself.
Call it out – instead of being led down the garden path by the excuses.
I’ll give you a simple example…
Let’s say there is a block of chocolate in the house and you feel the urge to eat it – and you know if you start you will eat the whole block.
If you are a NARPer you have two choices:
Give in and loathe yourself afterwards – which just sets up the peptide addiction to do it AGAIN (your body will chase the powerful surge of self-loathing peptides in the future)…
OR … admit to yourself that you are self-sabotaging your health goals and do…
Step #2 – Take yourself firmly by the hand to a NARP Module and meet the trauma in your body and shift it out.
You will find origins of all sorts of things that hurt you; that are causing you to self-medicate excessively with sugar.
After doing a NARP Module, you will find you have NO urge to go for the chocolate. You will feel whole and satisfied on the inside and will have decreased urges for excessive chocolate in the future.
Okay, maybe you will need to meet this trauma in your body several times before all urges of this traumatic self-medication choice are gone … but I promise you, if you do, it will go.
And you will emerge stronger, more healed and more whole, growing in personal integrity, integration and evolution, knowing that you can look after yourself to create all of that and more.
NARP Module work is the ultimate self-soothing. It not only calms your emotions, it completely transforms and reprograms them!
Now let’s just get clear about this final thing … Step 3
Step #3 – Understand that dealing with your trauma is the last thing you will want to do, and the relief and the joy of doing so will only be after you have done the Module work.
However, the more you train yourself to do this, as a way of life, the easier it gets to do.
Truly! Every, and I mean EVERY, area of your life can and will heal when you meet self-sabotage at its core by targeting…
‘The traumas in my body that are causing me to not do this (the thing that will serve you )…or to do that (the thing that doesn’t serve you).
It is no exaggeration to say that stopping self-sabotage may be a life and death choice, when it comes to narcissistic abuse. With this understanding, you will eliminate breaking No Contact, reacting and feeding them supply, or being terrified about standing up and creating boundaries.
I hope now that you realise just what a powerful tool and application that you have learnt today is – for EVERY area of your life that you wish to break free in.
I adore this healing journey. I am a completely different being from my previous self – in the positive – and I know you will be, too.
To learn more about trauma, how it is controlling your life and how to live completely free from it to create the Life and Self of your dreams, please click this link if you are not yet working with NARP.
And if you are a NARP member, you may want to consider checking out my Empowered Self Course, which takes your graduation and evolution to even more accelerated levels.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
And, as always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.
Okay, so after narcissistic abuse recovery, let’s evolve as far as we can, with grace and grist.
Because we CAN!