Conquering Self-Sabotage – How To Achieve Anything You Want Out Of Life

Conquering Self-Sabotage – How To Achieve Anything You Want Out Of Life


Self-sabotage is like a runaway train. It’s those strong urges that make us create excuses and justifications.

We are our own worst enemies at times.

WHY do we self-sabotage when we know these choices are NOT what we want in our life?

Find out the answer in this Thriver’s Life episode and stop going through the utter frustration of giving in to self-sabotage urges, that you know HURT you, and be free from them FOREVER…



Video Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series … the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

Can I just be really straight with you? This is Thriver’s Life after all – we cut to the chase here!

We are our own worst enemies.

When you understand Quantum Law – and that you are the generator of your own experience – you know that the only thing between you and your goals is yourself.

This is not damning or blaming ourselves…

It’s exciting because it puts the power back where we can do something about it.

Today, I am going to talk to you about our number one biggest issue – self-sabotage. And I am so excited to talk to you about HOW to OVERCOME it as well.

But before I do, I’d just like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up.

Okay, let’s get this Thriver Life episode rolling.


Knowing Self-Sabotage Inside Out

I feel totally qualified to talk to you about this today – because I used to be the self-sabotage Queen!

I was highly addictive.

Definition being – not able to withstand emotional distress and grabbing self-medication outside of myself to try to numb the inner emotional pain.

That, in a NUTSHELL, is what self-sabotage is.

It is about making a choice to avoid our feelings that doesn’t help our feelings, but only adds more trauma to them.

Self-sabotage is a HUGE issue within this community, because most of us have suffered from lack of inner wholeness and solidness; have had difficulty to self soothe and heal our emotions (be released from inner trauma); and have therefore been highly susceptible to being traumatised and hooked onto people and things that are not healthy for us.

This is what I used to do when emotional pain hit – I would try to get comfort either from the very people who were hurting me or the other narcissist in my life – ‘cigarettes’.

Included in my ways to self-avoid were also junk food and alcohol.

Then there was workaholism.

On the surface, it would seem that this ‘go-to’ was healthy. But nothing is healthy when it’s out of balance, and certainly when it’s being used as a way to self-avoid feelings and to self-abandon inner trauma – rather than heal it to completion.

To be in balance and healthy needs these components:

  • Emotional Wellbeing
  • Spiritual Wellbeing
  • Physical Wellbeing
  • Financial Wellbeing
  • Mission and Purpose Wellbeing
  • Restorative Wellbeing
  • Connective Wellbeing with self, life and others.

All of us have areas of ourselves to work on – that is the glory and grace of evolution!

All of us have areas that we self-sabotage in.

I suggest that you write these down, journal on them and be honest with yourself. Be really honest. Which of these areas in your life do you self-sabotage?


Claiming Your Power to Change Self-Sabotage

Again, I’m going to be really straight with you.

You are not going to give up self-sabotage tendencies if you refuse to give up blame and shame (of others or yourself). Or if you wait for someone else to rescue you, atone or be brought to justice. Or if you refuse to take the responsibility to do the necessary inner work to heal and change yourself.

Also, regardless of your age or circumstances, if you stay dependent on others for your Wellbeing, and hold them responsible for it, you won’t get better.

Yes, absolutely others can help and assist, and will, but only if you are willing to heal and help yourself first.

I can’t express to you enough – the wonder of how ALL of life will start nourishing and flourishing you in the most incredible ways when you make overcoming your traumas and healing yourself your highest mission.

As your own powerful Quantum Creator, who is creating ‘more of’ your inner beliefs and alignments in your outer world every moment of every day, it’s advantageous to take radical and personal responsibility to know this: When life works, it is reflecting where you are at with that topic. When life doesn’t work, it’s reflecting where you are at with that topic.

Things are definitely not working optimally in our life when we are self-sabotaging.

So, let’s now dissect self-sabotage.


The Characteristics of Self-Sabotage

Darling Thriver, I know you know when you are self-sabotaging.

You know you didn’t want to sleep in when you made a commitment to move your body with exercise.

You know that putting something off or having the discussion that you know you need to do, is causing more pain for you now.

You know that when you are doing an addictive thing it is undermining your health, Being and the values that you have for yourself.

You know when you are indulging in trash talk, how terrible it feels for you – instead of staying aligned with Who You Really are on a topic.

You know you didn’t want to break No Contact.

I virtually always knew when I was doing self-sabotage … and I know you do too.

Why do we do it?

Because we are giving in to trying to soothe the trauma with a quick-fix – which we know won’t durably work – rather than face and heal the trauma.

Self-sabotage is like a runaway train. The strong urges make us create excuses and justifications; often insane reasons that we know are lame. When we are explaining why we are going to make a bad choice to someone, it is usually ourselves we are trying to convince the most.

Then if that fails, we can come up with an old personal favourite of mine – ‘That’s okay, I’ll get back to where I need to be tomorrow’. I applied this to continuing to see the narcissist, smoking a cigarette and having a blow out with alcohol.

You may do this too!

Of course, tomorrow never comes!


How to Powerfully Overcome Self-Sabotage

A previous client of mine gambled – heavily. Disastrously.

In every area of her life, she was doing well – yes this was her self-sabotage, self-medication and self-destruct, whenever she experienced internal emotional trauma.

In her earlier years, marijuana was her go-to. But she got clear and healed this completely with Quanta Freedom Healing.

This lady was a NARPer (member of The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program), and I gave her the explicit instruction that when the addiction hit hard, that urge to go gamble, that her adult self needed to take charge, in the EXACT moment, and march herself off to a NARP healing.

There she could meet the inner urges and trauma, whilst they were fully energised in her body, release them, go free from them and reprogram them ON the SPOT – instead of giving in to them.

She had already achieved that with marijuana. Her massive shift out of all urges and addiction to being stoned happened, after a month of bingeing, in a healing with me in the EXACT moment of the terrible urges and breakdown.

After just one hour of healing, she has never had any tendency to smoke again, despite decades of pot addiction.

How is this possible?

I can assure you it is. And the reason is because all of her unconscious traumas, that had been driving the addiction, were fully active in her body. That’s what urges are – traumatised screams inducing the feeling of needing the choice of addiction to numb them out.

The addiction is not the issue. It’s the unhealed inner traumas driving the need to self-medicate.

Yet she hadn’t done this in a NARP healing right at the MOMENT of the urge with gambling. And I knew 100% that if she did – she would heal that addiction, too.


The Steps to Heal the Traumas Driving Your Self-Sabotage

How do we come out of the fog and into the driver’s seat to stop giving in to our self-sabotages?

Step #1 – Be honest with yourself.

Call it out – instead of being led down the garden path by the excuses.

I’ll give you a simple example…

Let’s say there is a block of chocolate in the house and you feel the urge to eat it – and you know if you start you will eat the whole block.

If you are a NARPer you have two choices:

Give in and loathe yourself afterwards – which just sets up the peptide addiction to do it AGAIN (your body will chase the powerful surge of self-loathing peptides in the future)…

OR … admit to yourself that you are self-sabotaging your health goals and do…

Step #2 – Take yourself firmly by the hand to a NARP Module and meet the trauma in your body and shift it out.

You will find origins of all sorts of things that hurt you; that are causing you to self-medicate excessively with sugar.

After doing a NARP Module, you will find you have NO urge to go for the chocolate. You will feel whole and satisfied on the inside and will have decreased urges for excessive chocolate in the future.

Okay, maybe you will need to meet this trauma in your body several times before all urges of this traumatic self-medication choice are gone … but I promise you, if you do, it will go.

And you will emerge stronger, more healed and more whole, growing in personal integrity, integration and evolution, knowing that you can look after yourself to create all of that and more.

NARP Module work is the ultimate self-soothing. It not only calms your emotions, it completely transforms and reprograms them!

Now let’s just get clear about this final thing … Step 3

Step #3 – Understand that dealing with your trauma is the last thing you will want to do, and the relief and the joy of doing so will only be after you have done the Module work.

However, the more you train yourself to do this, as a way of life, the easier it gets to do.

Truly! Every, and I mean EVERY, area of your life can and will heal when you meet self-sabotage at its core by targeting…

‘The traumas in my body that are causing me to not do this (the thing that will serve you )…or to do that (the thing that doesn’t serve you).

It is no exaggeration to say that stopping self-sabotage may be a life and death choice, when it comes to narcissistic abuse. With this understanding, you will eliminate breaking No Contact, reacting and feeding them supply, or being terrified about standing up and creating boundaries.

I hope now that you realise just what a powerful tool and application that you have learnt today is – for EVERY area of your life that you wish to break free in.

I adore this healing journey. I am a completely different being from my previous self – in the positive – and I know you will be, too.

To learn more about trauma, how it is controlling your life and how to live completely free from it to create the Life and Self of your dreams, please click this link if you are not yet working with NARP.

And if you are a NARP member, you may want to consider checking out my Empowered Self Course, which takes your graduation and evolution to even more accelerated levels.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

Okay, so after narcissistic abuse recovery, let’s evolve as far as we can, with grace and grist.


Because we CAN!



How To Trust Your Gut And Make The Right Decisions


Have you been bamboozled when finding out your gut was wrong? Such as the times when you thought the worst, overreacted and it WASN’T true.

And have there been times when you ignored your gut, and been desecrated by a narcissist?  That has happened to ALL of us!

Do you want to find a way out of all of your inner turmoil?!

In this Thriver TV episode, I’m going to give you the answers – a way to know what your intuition is really about, and how to use it to make decisions that will lead to your happy, safe and prosperous life.



Video Transcript

How can you trust your gut and make the right decisions?

This is such a great question.

So many of us, having ignored our gut and kicked ourselves afterwards with ‘I knew that, but I didn’t listen.’

Or the opposite has happened. Our gut has gone off, firing warnings, and we have followed it only to find out we were wrong. We were triggered unnecessarily and emotionally overreacted.

How on earth do we know what to listen to?

How can we make the right decision based on our gut?

I’m going to give you the complete and easy answer today – I promise you.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.


Never Assume

This is Rule Number One.

If we are fearful, we will assume.

If we are lazy, we will assume.

If we have not yet fully learned to show up as the guardian of our soul, backing our own person, we will assume.

Let me explain…

Let’s say your gut fires off a warning, and you don’t listen to it.

This happens in our interactions with narcissists all the time. Something feels off, weird and unsavoury.

Yet we assume, ‘It’s okay. There is nothing to this and even if there is, I’m probably overreacting. Whatever it is, I’ll be able to deal with it anyway.’

WRONGtown – as we all painfully discovered.

It was horrifying for you, you were smashed and your worst niggly fears became fully blown, real life traumatisation.

Now let’s go to the other extreme… You are triggered into a panic, and you feel like you are being lied to or something is seriously not right.

You may fly into fully blown defences and reactions.

Then you discover your fears were unjustified. Nothing was wrong.

WRONGtown again!

So HOW can you trust your gut and make the right decisions?

You may be thinking… Hang on, if I can’t trust my intuition what is the purpose of it?

I’m about to explain to you EXACTLY what the purpose is.


The Prompt to Be Your Authentic Self

Your most powerful way to trust your inner cues – is to SHOW up.

What does that mean?

It means use your inner gut feeling to GET real and authentic. It means ask the difficult questions, investigate and expand out into the world, as your values and truth, generating more of yourself.

Let’s talk about that icky feeling you feel when you are being lied to or something is off, or a person is abusive.

DON’T rationalise or justify the feelings away. Don’t assume.

Ask questions. Investigate. Google the person. Confront calmly and squarely. Ask for proof. Do it with decency and respect, but be determined to find out what you need to.

If this person is cheating or lying, either you are likely to find that out, or you will be met with all the defences that a dodgy person would use.

In my life moving forwards, after narcissistic abuse, I made a firm commitment to myself that I would never again ignore my inner cues and not get to the truth.

I have found that if I am honest, decent and show up, asking for explanations to trust this person, that honest people will supply what is necessary – which of course grants trust in the future.

I have found that dishonest people will either twist, turn and project or tell you more lies (and get easily found out).

It is easy to drop these people and walk away if you are willing to lose them rather than risk losing yourself again; if you are willing to stick to what your gut is telling you…

‘No proof NO truth’.

Which of course MUST mean ‘The DEAL is OFF’. (‘Off’ being the operative word. If it smells like crap, it usually is!)

If we stay connected after that – we TRULY are abusing ourselves.

Okay, so the second example…

You overreact and then discover that your gut was WRONG all along.

What was this about?

This is an unhealed inner wound being triggered off within you.

How do we know it is an unhealed wound?

Generally, this is because we feel powerless, helpless and hugely emotional. We can be panicked, needy, and even feel out of control.

But let’s just say that this trigger is REAL – a warning that someone is doing the wrong thing. You will STILL have NO power, if you go in and try to get the truth whilst you are in this state.

Whenever you are in the peptide chemical cocktail of a huge, unhealed inner wound, you have forfeited all calm and powerful sensibility, and simply CAN’T get to the truth.

In this state, we are wounded inner vulnerable children in adult bodies, who can and will only hand power away.

As I know I have mentioned to you many times before, the greatest barrier to your healing and getting your power and life back with narcissistic abuse, is emotional derailment – meaning unhealed wounds being triggered within.

Because in this state you will always co-generate with people more of the wound, rather than the solution to it.

And when this wound is in the second category (your gut was wrong), often you will co-generate more of the wound with OTHER people in your life – the people you love and want to generate healthy relationships with. Or you meet a new person who you get triggered by and overreact and may even push them away.

Either way, if this is something REAL or NOT, triggers feel terrible.

But to GET to the TRUTH and have positive unfoldment occur, you must have emotional sobriety and calm and inner solidness.

There is no other way to learn to trust yourself.


The Inner Healing to Be Able to Show Up

So now let’s just check in with where we are up to at this stage.

You have received the emotional trigger, which means ‘NOW I need to SHOW UP’ – meaning ‘I need to check in, confront, investigate, ask for and find out the truth – calmly, clearly and succinctly.’

If you can’t do this calmly, because you are emotionally derailed or are terrified about asserting yourself in this way, then there is a whole heap of stuff going on in your subconscious programs that needs to be addressed.

I promise you this – your problem is not about failing to be able to trust other people to look after you. Your real problem, which was my previous problem too, is that you don’t trust yourself enough to look after you.

This is one of the biggest truth-bombs I’m ever going to tell you.

So I’m going to repeat it again – your REAL problem is that you don’t trust yourself enough to look after you.

If you really get this, let me know by writing – ‘truth-bomb’ below in the comments.

You have to heal that up.

NARP (The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) is an amazing way to do this, and it is the number-one secret weapon for all the people who are Thriving in this Community. If you know currently you are NOT able to show up calmly and clearly, I can’t suggest my free webinar enough for you to learn about what NARP will heal for you.

Now let’s check in again: you get the trigger, you need to show up, which you can now do because you are healed enough to do so honestly, directly and without fear. Now I’m going to share with you the next and final step.


Make Decisions Based About ‘Who You Are’

As a result of showing up fearlessly, you will receive feedback.

You will get information that will either confirm that your trigger was accurate or that your trigger was indeed a wound that you need to start taking full responsibility for and healing.

Either way, you are defining and redefining your life according to the truth of Who You Really Are.

So what is your truth?

You get to decide.

How do you decide?

As per your values.

Your values are what you choose to participate with and what you choose to stop participating with.

If your values are honesty, truth and kindness, you no longer participate with individuals who invalidate your feelings, lie to you, project blame or refuse to be real and honest with you.

If you have been self-partnering and working on your fears of showing up and being authentic, you will be anchored in inner solidness and will no longer need to hand your values away. No longer will you try to get crumbs of love, approval, security and survival.

You know that you are now the Creator of your truth, rather than a victim of your environment.


The Real Purpose of Your Intuition

Okay, so the sequence…

The gut signal goes off. You make sure you are anchored in your body and have released the trigger enough to be calm and fearless.

Then you show up honestly and determinedly, receive feedback, and then make your decisions based on your truth and values.

This is what ‘trusting your gut and making the right decision’ was always about REALLY.

Can you see the TRUE process was always about developing you to TRUST and BACK yourself?

I promise you that when I worked this out, all the PRESSURE was off trying to determine whether my intuition was right or wrong. Instead, I just got down to the real inner work – developing myself enough to SHOW UP authentically.

Can you see the EMPOWERING difference?

Okay, if you want to start getting aligned with these truths to boost and actualise your recovery beyond your wildest dreams, then I’d love to help you.

So please partner with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link to my free healing workshop. 

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.



10 Things To Look Forward To After Narcissistic Abuse

10 Things To Look Forward To After Narcissistic Abuse


After narcissistic abuse we can feel that life will never be good again.

We crave for something new and different.

Today, I’m going to share with you ten beautiful Thriver Gifts that come naturally to you when you heal from the inside out.

These include learning what it means to love, support and approve of yourself while no longer accepting toxic people in your life, how to be present in the Now and have a greater connection to Source accepting that everything is perfect just as it is, and experiencing being open-hearted and authentic, therefore uplevelling relationships so that life just gets better and better!

Also, for those of you who are NARPers, I share with you some of my favourite Goal Setting Statements to help you anchor deeply into these Ten Thriver Gifts!



Video Transcript

For many of us in the world, today is Mother’s Day.

I’d love to take this opportunity to say Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful mother, Lorraine, as well as all the lovely Mothers in our Thriver Community.

I know that this day can be quite a painful day for many of our Thriver Tribe, because you may be estranged from your mother or even your children. If this is the case, please feel a big, warm hug from myself and the MTE Team. I want you to know how special you all are and how loved by us.

Today, I want to focus on some positive things as my Mother’s Day gift to all of you – including the lovely guys in our community. This is information regarding the ten greatest things that we get to look forward to after narcissistic abuse. I hope you will find this information inspiring, regardless of where you are on your journey.

Also, I want to share powerful statements for those of you NARPers using the Goal Setting Modules as well as a BIG acceleration with the new Thriver’s Life Modules in NARP Version 3.

So, before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s jump in.


Number 1 – Loving, Supporting and Approving Ourselves

We discover through our brokenness and associated victimisation after narcissistic abuse, that the more we try to get love, approval and support from others, the less we get it and the more broken we become.

It may seem that other people are not ‘getting’ what we have been through. Family, friends, systems and legal personnel turning away and not helping is beyond horrific.

However, truly, this is all part of the divine plan, because we are meant to be stripped back to leave us no option other than to turn inside – to go to our Inner Being and Inner Child and do what we have always needed to do – to come home to love and accept ourselves.

Little did we know that this is the template that will bring ‘more’ from others.

After healing the Quantum Way and accepting the Energetic Law of so within, so without, we realise the real reason we were susceptible to narcissistic abuse was not because we were bad people but because we had been unknowingly ‘bad’ to ourselves.

If we aren’t self-partnered we try to blame and shame ourselves into shape. We are our own worst critics. We apply conditional love such as ‘I will only love and accept you if (and then comes the never reachable list of conditions)’.

We didn’t realise that what we are really battling is the inner critical parent; the inner narcissist. This meant that we accepted levels of love and pain at the same levels of painful love that we were treating ourselves with.

After narcissistic abuse and we go inside to release our trauma, we return organically to our True Self state of natural love, acceptance, support and kindness to ourselves. No longer do we struggle to get to these states because of wounds holding us separated from them – we just come home to them.

We know that loving and accepting ourselves IS natural when we are unwounded; it’s organically who we are. From there we get the pleasant shock of discovering just how possible it is to accept and love being in our bodies, on this planet and in life itself.

Everything starts from within.

Many people ask me what are the NARP Modules to achieve this. The answer is every NARP Module brings about this shift, however, Modules 7 and 10 especially grant boosts to get there.

The Goal Setting statement that goes with this is: I love and accept myself unconditionally without limits. It just is.

I also suggest you do the Source Healing and Resolution Module work to target and clear the traumas in your body that are not allowing you to love and accept yourself.


Number 2 – Being Present in the Now

Crisis consciousness is synonymous with narcissistic abuse. When we are traumatised, many parts of our brain and Being become dysregulated. We are thrown into states of hyper- or hypo-arousal – that is we are either too over stimulated to perceived threats or we shut down and are unable to interact because our willpower and belief in ‘Self’ has collapsed.

This means we are frozen in the traumas of the past and the fears of the future, and unable to be present and functional in the present. In our previous existence of trying to manage our traumas with medications and strategies, they still existed and it was exhausting having our energy tied up trying to survive our wounds. It meant that we were always trying to stay one step ahead of what could happen.

When we release the traumas and deep survival programs that narcissistic abuse brings up, we can deeply just BE and discover a surprising thing – the mind stops overanalysing everything.

Also the previous energy tied up in trying to manage and survive your inner wounds is released as pure creative energy. This means you have the inspiration, knowing and excitement to be yourself and do wonderful things in life.

You also discover that without your logical mind in the way, you are open to receive Infinite Intelligence – the direction, answers and guidance from a much deeper, wiser, expanded part of yourself. Your True Self who you organically are without your traumas.

Module 1, 3 and 8 in NARP are powerful steps to get into the Now as your natural state without battling to try to stay there.

The appropriate Goal Setting statement is: I release myself from the past to know I am blessed and safe right now. Without my trauma I can just Be.

I also highly recommend a Source Healing and Resolution Module to clear the traumas of ‘My over-active mind’, which will free you from the traumas pulling you out of your Being to be safe in your body.


Number 3 – A Greater Connection to Source

Whether we are religious, spiritual or simply acknowledge that there is an unseen force in all of life that keeps our heart beating and masterminds the beauty of nature surrounding us, the following applies: when we detach from False Sources for attempted soothing and love, and start filling ourselves with our Higher Power of lifeforce and wellbeing instead, we discover what it is to be truly nourished and flourished by All of Existence.

After releasing the traumas that were making us dependent, needy, broken and contracted, and opening up our hearts and mind to something bigger than us, we discover how incredible life becomes when we are connected to ‘the Field’ of Quantum possibility which allows life-force and wellbeing to flow through us.

This connects you to trajectories where you organically experience synchronicity, love, support and incredible connections that just can’t be conjured up by your cognitive self. This is because our left-brain limitations can’t comprehend the permutations of how things energetically line up and the intricacies and perfection of the symphony that we all are – wave functions interconnected with each other and everything.

Without our traumas we start to experience Who We Really Are – not self-disconnected from the All, but a part of this greater system of Life, fully loved and accepted, knowing ourselves as Source knows us – inherently worthy of our highest and greatest life.

This connection, which is a spectacular by product of Thriver Recovery, shows us that what our soul seeks is just as determinedly seeking us – and easily becomes our life when we get the trauma of ourselves out of the way.

Modules 7 and 10 in NARP specifically caters to this beautiful alignment in our life.

The Goal Setting statement is: I now open up to receive Source flowing through me as me. I see myself in all my glory and truth as Source knows me.


Number 4 – No Longer Accepting Toxic People

When we come home to being whole within ourselves, we are no longer needy for junk. Just as Don Miguel Ruiz explains in his book The Mastery of Love about the Magical Kitchen, if we have a beautiful well-stocked kitchen to prepare and make delicious nutritious food, we would not accept a dodgy deal of being controlled by someone just so that we can partake with them in greasy pizza.

When we are self-generative, we no longer accept bad behaviour from toxic people. We already feel whole and full and so we can say ‘No’, not take it personally, stop trying to turn crumbs into cookies, and cease trying to fix and change people so that they can soothe our wounds and make us happy.

Instead, we can affirm our values and truths and let go to allow them to have their journey with whatever and whoever it is at their level of development, whilst we take full care for our own journey.

The NARP Modules which assist us to generate this level of personal power and inner solidness are Modules 2, 4, 5, 6 and 9.

The Goal Setting statement is: I bless and let you go. I devote now to healing me and connecting to the Life, people and situations which is my truth.


Number 5 – Being Able to Be Open Hearted and Authentic – Safely

When we were narcissistically abused, of course we felt we had to hide, shut down and protect ourselves from toxic and bad people.

When we went inside to heal the traumas that were unconsciously allowing us to be susceptible to these people, then we emerged feeling impervious to them.

My motto is to be powerful and graceful, simultaneously and, as I learnt in my recovery, that in no way do we need to shut down and be secretive or defensive in order to be safe. All we need to do is be ourselves, no longer being derailed because of fears and traumas.

This means being lovingly heart-centred and direct. It means speaking up if you need clarification, asking for what you need honestly, and no longer handing your wounds to people hoping that they can ‘fix’ them for you.

The bottom line is, if you are doing the work to address your traumas as your first and foremost mission, in order to get honest, solid and whole in your body, then you can fully be yourself shining a bright light no longer dancing around other people wounds, get sucked in by or dimming down and hiding out.

When we were previously doing these things, we were like injured gazelles at the edge of a pack ready to be picked off by a predator. The strongest, most buoyant boundary beast won’t be touched, and, in fact, we become bright lights of authentic power with Source flowing through us.

This is far too powerful for energy vampires to be near.

All the NARP Modules will help you get to this place.

The Goal Setting statement is: As my True Self I am impervious to all that is not my truth, worth, reality and values.


Number 6 – Uplevelling Existing Relationships

After taking on the journey to heal from narcissistic abuse, if we are doing it for real we get very honest about how we have been showing up in ways that have cogenerated the experience of disappointing and painful relationships.

We start to investigate, without judgemental and with fascination, how we have been people pleasing, not laying healthy boundaries, handing our power away in order to try to be loved, or being indirectly passive aggressive because we don’t believe in our worthiness enough to speak up for our needs and be honest about what our values and truths are.

Like so many of us, this was huge for me too. I went from being completely stuck inside, feeling like I had no rights, voice or value in so many of my critical relationships, to understanding I needed to show up differently and be honest. The transformations in my life were incredible. Some relationships ended; others raised up into evolutionary relationships. And my relationship with my family and son evolved in record time with such love and beauty. I was able to use my ‘anchored in my body’ skills, truth and authenticity in intimate love relationships – with the beautiful results that I live today.

From this incredible graduation of self, regarding boundaries, authenticity, relationships and love, we have the courage and skills to create and generate new relationship as well as vastly improve existing ones.

The NARP Modules for this are Module 2, 3 and 6, but in reality all of them.

The Goal Setting statement is: I now show up healthily and honestly in my relationship to generate my true value. I do this with power, grace and kindness.


Number 7 – Being Self Generative and Then Experiencing Even More in Life

The dire pain of narcissistic abuse, and even before narcissistic abuse, is that we can feel alone, unsupported and unloved by life and others. Most of us have gone through extreme periods of feeling like this. What we discover is that if we try to hook up with people to ease these feelings, we continually suffer rejection, toxicity and abuse, which leaves us feeling even more empty and unfulfilled.

This is because we are looking for love in all the wrong places.

Whether you are religious, spiritual or neither, I promise you there is only one place to feel ‘filled’ from and that is Your Super Conscious/Higher Power – whatever this Higher Power is to you – it could just be Life-force. I love this about the Quanta Freedom Healing. Every time we release a trauma and bring in Source to replace where that trauma was, we fill with MORE wholeness, love, wisdom and True Self.

We organically reconnect back to our true essence – which is a part of the Whole and is ALL these things.

In this state we feel incredible love, belonging and acceptance just as we are.

The loneliness is gone and the emptiness is filled. Because we have turned inwards to self-partner and self-heal, we have become our greatest lover, supporter and healer and, coupled with the almighty power of our Higher Self (Source), we now have the partnership of love that we have wanted all of our life.

Then we discover the miracle of so within, so without – that when we are releasing fear and pain (trauma) and filling continually, situations and people naturally come towards us to add more to that fullness.

We find that relationships, support, synchronicities, possibilities, opportunities and miracles start arriving. With our now established self-loving and self-respecting boundaries we can investigate these potentials fearlessly, mindfully and sensibly.

All the Modules relate to this point, because the complete NARP system is delivering you to be self-generative. Doing the healings is profoundly self-generative.

The Goal Setting statement is: By becoming my True Self, The Field naturally grants me more of me.


Number 8 – Expanding Beyond Previous Comfort Zones

When we are traumatised we are shut down and can’t take action. We are limited in our lives and seem to keep generating at the same level of disappointing limitation with no access to a bigger, richer and more fulfilling field of possibilities.

In releasing our traumas, we know ‘growth’ means growing past where we used to be.

I used to be so agoraphobic that I had to stick to a very small number of safe places and routines to avoid massive triggers going off. I know you can probably relate. Yet when I met and released these triggers within me, I had space inside and outside to move and grow and explore. Plus I was determined. I knew I could confront and release any triggers inside me with Quanta Freedom Healing. Now I never have to hide, shrink and contract. And why would I want to? That wasn’t the real me!

One of the greatest joys of Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse is the unlimited expanding that is possible. Life begins to fill with a richness and possibilities that you may never have known existed.

Finally we understand that the only limitations to our life have been the blocks (traumas) within ourselves. When these go, a whole new world and life opens up.

I adore how unlimited, expansive and miraculous my life has become, and I adore watching so many of you NARPers also living the same expansion that bares no resemblance to your previous traumatised self.

This is what I want for everyone.

For those of you NARPers ready for this level of accelerated expansion, my suggestion is the Empowered Self Course.


Number 9 – Knowing How to Lose It All to Get It All

When we are full, we know that we have unlimited permutations and continual generation of more from The Field. There is no lack. We know that if something doesn’t work out there is more from where that came (The Field). We also know that when we stop participating and say ‘no’ to something and are prepared to go without before the real thing shows up, it is the universe signalling in powerful ways to supply us a graduation that we have never accessed before.

This is where we know we win either way – either that the person or situation will step up to meet us at the level of our values and truth or they leave our experience and the real thing will enter.

You must know this – if you tolerate something it IS and WILL be your reality. If you are willing to lose it all to get it all, then you are honouring and creating your True Self and True Life.

All of the NARP Modules help you reach this level of development.

The Goal Setting statement is: I release all that is not me and open the space within and without for it to enter my life.


Number 10 – Accepting That Everything is Perfect

Acceptance is key. Without it we can’t create our grandest and truest life. This is one of the most powerful mantras to ever adopt – This is happening for me and not to me. What this really means is: Thank you for signalling within me the understanding of another trauma I can now release and live free from.

This is powerful Quantum growth. This is the ability to bless everything, no matter what it looks like, and to work with it in the most positive and powerful way regardless of whatever anyone else is or isn’t doing.

This is the thing. When we give up the notion of trying to control and change other people and things in order to have a great life, and go inside when we are triggered to resolve our Inner Being back to peace and solidness, then we KNOW what wisdom we have gained, what action to do (or not to do) and which direction to take.

And it all unfolds beautifully. In fact, it means our life just gets better and better. Our growth, relationships and success all heal. We stop having to experience the same painful patterns and traumas over and over again because we are resisting the triggers of blaming ourselves and others for feeling that way, and therefore missing the Healing Graduation opportunity.

This is all perfectly and exactly what our soul intended. We understand this when we wake up from the trance, see the magnificent bigger Quantum Picture and start working with it.

All the Modules in NARP allow you to achieve this level of acceptance because that is exactly what you are using the Modules for!

The aligned Goal Setting statement to help you get on board with this powerfully is: I accept that life is working FOR me, in all circumstances, to deliver me to my greatest joy and truth.

Do you know how powerful gratitude is? Wait and see what it will do for your life. The ultimate gratitude is the acceptance of this truth.


For those of you who have not as yet started the inner work to step onto the Thriver Recovery path, I’d love to explain more to you about it with an invitation to sign up for my free resources. These resources will help you understand how true inner healing works and how to start actualising it.

You can get started with me by clicking this link. 

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

Okay … just before I close off. I’d love to ask you for your feedback about these ten blessings regarding Thriver Recovery – where you are with them (no matter where that is). Also I would love you to ask any questions that you may have about them. And for all you NARPers, please let me know if you want extra direction with the ten Thriver expansions.

Please write your comments and questions below, as I love answering them for you!



How To Know If You Are Thriving After Abuse

How To Know If You Are Thriving After Abuse


Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

I get asked all the time by people, ‘How do I know if I’m Thriving?’ ‘How do I know if I’ve made it?’

In today’s The Thriver Life Series episode, I’m going to help you clear up all the confusion about this and let you know exactly how to tell if you are Thriving!

I remember I used to ask the same thing, but truly I was asking myself these questions from the defunct beliefs of perfectionism and conditions on myself, rather than the true sense of Thriving.

What is really beautiful, is that I have seen time and time again when people start applying the real laws of Thriving, they, like I have, start bursting free into joy, personal power and happy onward and upward progress.

Okay, so before we unpack today’s episode, I just want to check in with you, if you haven’t already subscribed to my channel, if you love my videos, make sure that you do, and leave a like if you enjoy this one.

And thank you for being my subscriber, because just recently I reached the 100,000 subscriber milestone, which is so exciting! Please know how grateful I am for your support for the Thriver Mission.



If you prefer – read the transcript below …


The Answer to ‘What Thriving Is’ (straight away!)

Unlike most of my videos where I like to string you out for the answer, let’s just get to it – Thriving is this: being the master of continually working with and uplevelling your life.

So now that you have the true answer – what does it really mean?

In the simplicity of what ‘Thriving’ really is there are certain things that it definitely isn’t.

It doesn’t mean feeling great all the time.

It doesn’t mean getting it right all the time.

It doesn’t mean never having setbacks.

And thank goodness it doesn’t mean that we must be all sorted and healed and have everything perfectly in order to be successful at being a human and generating our Thriver life.

Rather, what it does mean is that we know how to work with the Laws of a Life in order to be in synch with a Higher Power, which will always flourish and nourish us with a constant stream of wellbeing if we know how to be aligned with it.


How Do We Align With ‘Thriving’?

There are several Quantum Truths that we need to accept and get integrated within us to truly Thrive, and I deeply recommend Narpers if you struggle with any of these to do Module work on them to release all and any traumas not allowing you to be aligned with them.

Once you do release the opposing traumas, you will be thrilled beyond measure to discover that these Laws of Life just ARE your inner coded DNA truth when you no longer have traumas taking you away from them.

These Thriver truths are:

  • Any trauma within me, once it is in my being, can only be released and resolved by me. Waiting for others to do this for me means I remain victimised by them. Now I take my power back by turning inwards to be my own healer and emancipator.
  • I accept that all triggers coming from within or without are an inner signal showing me a trauma, that once released, will allow even more space within me for wellbeing to enter.
  • The more I release trauma from within, the more wisdom, humility, love, power and success I become.
  • The only person holding me back from Thriving has been me (specifically my inner wounds) and all that hurts and disappoints me is the conscious evidence of these wounds.
  • The only power I have is deciding and becoming who I am regarding that person or thing – then it will either shift to meet me or completely leave my experience. Either way, I go free.
  • When I work on my wholeness and need nothing to be whole, people and things rush into my experience to further fill me.
  • If I trust me, then there is no necessity to fear others. I simply honour my truth and show up honestly and authentically in my calm and true power. All false sources are exposed under such a bright light.
  • When my being is ready to shed the next big survival trauma from within me, which can’t come with me up to the next level of my higher evolution, I am going to have repeat painful events from The Field (Life) to being this trauma that needs releasing to my attention and/or I am going to be triggered hugely into old panic, fear, pain and feelings of powerlessness. I accept and welcome this as the process of my evolution.
  • The real (and only) question regarding trauma is: ‘Am I going to go unconscious and into my head trying to battle this at the identical level of consciousness that matches the trauma, or am I going to remember the truth – that life is happening for me and not to me, meet it in my body, load it up and release it to replace it with my Higher Self?’ By doing the latter I no longer stay mired in it and evolve beyond it.


How Thriving Has Been Glorified

It’s so interesting that people think Thriving is a bed of roses, and people who don’t feel like they have reached some mystical land of ‘I’ve arrived!’ say to me ‘I’m not Thriving yet’. (Please know I used to be the same!) However, this I now know – if you are rolling up your sleeves and meeting your Inner Being and doing the work of releasing and replacing you trauma, as far as I am concerned you are Thriving.

Why? Because this means you are breaking out of the ridiculous human paradigms that we were taught, which is trying to think our way out of emotional traumas, never resolving them and then trying to live our life with the still existing trauma patterns within us, only being able to generate life at the same level of these traumas.

I understand that many of you, especially early on in your Thriver journey, may be shifting out lots of wounds with NARP, and find that initially when you shift a big trauma out that another one comes up, to be released, not far behind.

Yet, if you are going inwards, your statement to yourself is this: ‘I won’t accept living with embedded internal trauma anymore and I will do whatever it takes to free me from these chains. I know I must fight the battle to ultimately win the war. I know I have to meet and walk through and release the dark night of my soul in order to mine my gold that has been trapped within me all along. I’m prepared to do that. I know I haven’t gone through this painful life for nothing. I know there is a grand reward for me on the other side of this, when I get to unpack my trauma and live free of it.’

As a committed Thriver I want to share this with you – don’t want all your trauma gone today or tomorrow, and don’t believe you aren’t Thriving until it’s all gone.

Many of us started our Thriver commitment to ourselves with tons of trauma that we brought in from the human collective, past lives, epigenetically inherited trauma, our childhoods and the continuation of more accumulated identical adulthood trauma.

So much accumulated accentuated trauma that it finally got to the tipping point when we simply could not deal anymore. Finally, we were at the make or break point where we either turned inwards to heal, or we felt like we weren’t going to make it.

I know many of you, like me, had no choice other than to be on our couches or beds hiding from the world, meeting and releasing our wounds that we ultimately discovered were not, at the core, about the narcissist.

We discovered that the narcissist was a catalyst smashing these wounds up to the surface, to make them so unbearably intense that there was no avoiding them anymore, so that we could finally know them and heal them. We realised that not only were we freeing ourselves from the insane abuse and hooks of a particular person, we were ultimately finally addressing the emotional fractures which had been holding us back from our highest potential all along.

This is what Thriving is. We self-partner. We turned inwards. We no longer deny ourselves our own love and healing by fruitlessly trying to change someone or something else in order to heal.

We know finally that this is between us, our Inner Being and our Higher Self. This is the coming home to integrate this Holy Trinity, and if we don’t, we don’t evolve, rather we continue to disintegrate.


Releasing Our Conditional Perfectionism

Wailing out our wounds can’t be about ‘I’ll get it all done so that I can be perfect.’

Doing the Thriver inner work in its truest essence is about this – loving our True Self, our Inner Being enough to release him or her from trauma and bringing in the light to fill where those false beliefs and painful emotions were.

Thriving means simultaneously rejoicing in the transformational shifts that happen within and without whilst being fully accepting and lovingly devoted to going toward, loading up and releasing all and any further traumas that arise.

Imagine if you were a tiger with your cubs, you would adore seeing their development yet be truly committed to protecting them at any turn that is necessary.

This is the inner truth of Thriving – we are dedicated to consciousness, meaning we are grateful and observant of how we are showing up differently and doing things differently than we used to. As a result of shifting out our trauma, we are becoming a New Self, generating a New Life and we can rejoice in the miracle of this.

Yet we don’t use this as a spiritual bypass, such as: ‘I need to hold this feeling all the time! What do I need to stay here always?’

Nooooo … as Thrivers we are not scared to roll in the mud. In fact, we relish it!

We love our development and expansion every time a new trauma arises, knowing that we now have yet another opportunity to midwife our next breakdown/breakthrough to emerge as an even Higher and more Actualised Self than we were before doing so.

Thriving has nothing to do with how much trauma you still have on board, it has only to do with whether you are on this path or not.

Does this make sense? How do you feel after hearing what Thriving really is today?  I’d love to read your comments and answer any questions you may still have below.

If you want to take Thriving on with both hands and start living this way of living that we were all born to live, and truly you couldn’t give me all the tea in China to give this way of living up – you can join with me and thousands of people within this community who are Thrivers, starting today, by clicking on this link.

I so hope today’s video has granted you illumination and inspiration!

Also, whilst I am in LA, I am holding some events where I would love to see you if you can make it.

You can find out all the details by clicking here.

Many of you have asked if I can go to other parts of the USA whilst I am here on my book tour. I am returning to Melbourne next week but will be back at a later date visiting more cities.



Will Narcissism Tear Our World Apart?

Will Narcissism Tear Our World Apart?


Even AFTER doing so much work to recover from narcissistic abuse – we may realise a chilling fact …

Narcissism is ‘everywhere’.

And worse than that – we GET that world leaders, organisations and systems are infiltrated with narcissistic agendas which threaten to topple us and our world.

Is this a hopeless situation?

Is there anything we can do to stop this?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to explain exactly WHY our planet is in the grips of narcissism, what it REALLY means, and how we CAN turn this around.

I have heard your cries for help on this, and I know – as a result of the healings I have done on myself as well as thousands of others who have battled with our ‘narcissistic world’ – that there ARE powerful solutions to not only lose the feelings of DREAD and POWERLESSNESS … but to also …

Be a part of the personal and collective shift MIDWIFING what we are all waiting for …

Heaven on Earth.

If you desire to be a conscious, expanded Being doing all you can for evolution itself, I can’t wait to share this episode with you.



Video Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

When we start to understand what narcissism is and how much of it is in our world, even after we have significantly healed from it, it can be very confronting.

We may also believe that narcissism operates at the highest levels within our communities, corporations, ministries and governments. That there are leaders, organisations and systems that are not ‘for the people’.

Globally we see individuals and groups, who fulfil their personal agendas with the entitled approach of instant gratification, to produce power, prestige and wealth, without care or concern for others or the environment.

How do we have items on our shelves in supermarkets that are filled with known poisons, have no nutritional value and don’t even resemble ‘food’?

Why are we plagued with so much cancer and toxic overload illnesses that once upon a time never existed?

How has planet earth been raped and mined to the point of depletion and desecration when there are alternatives available?

How is it that we have legal and criminal systems that protect the accused and penalise victims?

Why is it that grave fighting between gender, race, religion and countries, with domestic violence and warring upheaval, still exits en masse?

How is it that the arms used to defend each other from getting killed or taken over from each other (I’m sure if evolved aliens were watching us, they would think that this is the most pathetic issue of all), IF laid down would free up enough money and resources to feed, house and clothe our entire planet?

What’s sadder, is in our present state of consciousness, most people would believe that is a ludicrous notion!

Atrocities, cruelty and barbaric acts have been a part of our world forever, and it’s tragic that these acts continue, even in so-called civilised countries where sanctions and punishments are administered for such crimes.

Have these punishments worked? The simple answer is “No, they haven’t.”

I know many of you feel traumatised when looking at world leaders who display narcissistic traits wondering what on earth the world has come to, to allow such people in office.

What is our world coming to? Are we in the grips of narcissism that could threaten to take us all down? Is it narcissism that is causing all the problems?

I really do believe that it is, because it is only through malignant pathological self-absorption that the needs of the few could be prioritised at the expense of the many, as well as nil regard for the planet’s health and ecology.

Are we are going to be constantly struggling with an unwell planet and sick people, the ones perpetrating the abuse, and the ones damaged by the abuse where the cracks and results are going to become more and more obvious?

Or, perhaps we will see the disastrous results of a narcissist in charge whose ego runs amok, and all sensibility goes out the window, potentially triggering catastrophic events.


Separation and Global Narcissism

May we go deep into the REAL truth about why humankind can act like this, and how this all became possible?

I’d really like to because I think it explains a lot, everything actually.

I believe this all began with programmed false beliefs regarding ‘separation’.

This is how it starts:  You are told that you are separate from ‘God’ and need to earn the right to be loved and approved of enough to make your way back ‘home’. As your own self, you are ‘not enough’ because you are smaller than God and carnal (essentially defective in some way).

At the Quantum Level of Truth, this is a lie. You are already are connected, and a part of Source/Creation/Higher Intelligence (God) and you can never be separated, you can only live the experience of believing that you are.

Why do I believe this with every cell of my Being? Because I believe the evidence is overwhelming. This Higher Intelligence (call it what we will) is always with us and responding and granting us EXACTLY what we ‘want’ meaning the inner emotional beliefs and emotions that we have on every topic on our life.

This unconditionally loving force is NEVER absent, and ALWAYS unconditionally ‘gives’ to us with ZERO judgement whatsoever.

If we are ‘being depressed’ then more things come from The Field for us to be depressed about. If we are ‘being committed to our self-partnering and healing’ this Force grants us the evidence and people from The Field that also starts partnering with us genuinely.

And the truth is, our Life is ‘answered’ with this Force every millisecond of our life according to our Being. Why? Because this Force and us are One.

Hence why this Force sees you and meets you and NEVER abandons you. That would be like this Force abandoning itself which is impossible.

When you’ve had the experience of living aligned with the truth (The Source/Life/God is ever-present and connected to you) or held hostage with the lie (you are separate from Source/Life/God), the difference in your Life is like day and night.

When people finally release the false separation trauma from within, they have the knowing that they are loved and approved of by Source/Creation/Higher Intelligence (God) simply because they exist. It’s then that profound Divine love rushes in, organically, as a natural state, once the false beliefs are out of the way.

They also organically remember the truth that was always coded into their DNA, that God (All of Everything) is not a lesser, needy, petty God that demands and has requirements. (What could God want when God is all of it anyway?)

Far from this wisdom leading to insolence, disconnection and hubris, we start to a feel, think and act as people do when they feel loved, approved of, included, and safe in the fold of Universal Love. We become able to express our true loving nature without being shackled with shame, guilt and admonishment and requirement.

When we know God/Source/Creation, and we are One, we become integrated, loving caring, wholesome human beings, and we start acting in Godly ways, with our Higher Source’s love and truth expressing through us as us.

Narcissists are completely disconnected from their Oneness with a Higher Power.  They believe they are on their own and need to lie, manipulate and maneuver to get their needs met or they have succumbed to the illusions of a petty, vengeful God, needing to exact wrath on others who don’t agree with this particular God’s man-made projected requirements.

Narcissist’s mirror this illusion and believe that they can be their own God, and tyrannical as well.

If we believe we are separated from Life/Source/God or that Life/Source/God is angry, vengeful and punishing, then we can’t feel unconditionally loved and accepted. Therefore, we are not good enough, just as we are, to love and accept ourselves either.

Because the false premise of ‘separation/rejection’ is internalised between self and self, others (because we are all connected at the Quantum Level, ‘so within, so without’) start mirroring back to you your exact separation beliefs about God and yourself, and don’t appear to love and accept you either.

As a result, who can you trust? Can you trust yourself? What masks and strategies do you need to adopt to try to navigate your life now?

Can you just be yourself? Not the way you feel you can’t.

The cracks of ‘separation’ are running through most of humankind’s lives in multiple areas.

I want you to feel into this Separation Illusion that has been created.

“If I am not lovable or acceptable as my Real Self, then I need to create a False Self, a fictitious character, who is not who I really am, to try to get my share of love and acceptance as well as necessary security and survival.”

Hence the topography of separation gave rise to narcissists.

It also created victims of narcissism, people who were handing over the truth of their Real Self to try to be what everyone else wanted them to be in order to be loved, accepted and safe.

And there is a vital truth here, the more you are disconnected from the Oneness that really IS, the more it hurts. It’s not your natural coded state to live as.


The Quantum Way to Heal the World

The real issue is NOT narcissism, that is the symptom.

The real issue is the defunct separation consciousness that brings narcissism into being. Therefore, no calling out of narcissists, criminal punishments or political or economic reform is going to solve the issue.

Only a spiritual shift in consciousness can and will.

To truly heal, begins when we turn inwards to self-partner and release the internal trauma that has kept us separated from Oneness, namely Source/Life/Creation/God, and ourselves and others.

And I’m not the only person advocating this with my Thriver Movement. Many spiritual teachers, as well as Quantum and Neuro Scientists, are now talking about releasing our trauma to change our consciousness.

I like to think of this as, ‘letting go and letting God’, meaning allowing this higher organic consciousness of Oneness to enter us and our lives, connecting us up healthily and happily to all that we previously felt separated from. Especially our belief in, love and approval of ourselves which is vital to be able to be a healthy, whole, actualised person in life.

The insane irony is that everyone, without exception, does what they do to try to feel ‘wholeness’ within, yet it was always there all along.

We are now in a Golden Age of fast emerging Higher Consciousness, with spirituality and science combined on the forefront of teaching us another way to heal, from the inside out the Quantum Way.

It’s so interesting, this summer there have been numerous riots on Melbourne beaches. Yet it has never happened whilst I’ve been anywhere near the beach, and I have no fear of going to the beach.

I’m ‘yinging’ whilst that stuff is ‘yanging’, I’m on a totally different frequency to it. When we understand that our Inner Universe is connected to the All, and is unfolding the experience of our Outer Universe for better or worse, we know that we need to get better on the inside to do and experience better.

Imagine if everyone did that.

Imagine if everyone healed and remembered these inner DNA coded truths.

I am adored because I exist.

I matter because I am connected as One with all matter.

I am immortal, eternal and infinite.

I am already home and connected because nothing and nowhere else exists.

And of course, ‘so within, so without’.

Imagine if ENOUGH of us do this, despite what other specific individuals choose to do or not do.

I believe we would turn this ship around and steer it clear of the rocks.

I’m all for that, and I hope you are too.

The first step is to sign up to my 16-day free course which includes a ton of free resources, as well as a workshop with me, where you will experience the subconscious reprogramming super-tool Quanta Freedom Healing – which fast-tracks healing from abuse more than anything else I know.

Get free access to my 16 day recovery course here.

I’m so looking forward to answering your comments and questions regarding this episode and exactly how one person at a time we can change ourselves to help change our world.

And remember, after narcissistic abuse recovery, gloriously we take it further!


Because we CAN!



How To Stop Seeking Validation From Others

How To Stop Seeking Validation From Others


I don’t know about you, but I personally know what it used to be like …. to NEVER feel good enough.

Maybe you relate to this too:

Trying to keep the peace, going along and pleasing other people so that you can feel accepted.

Believing that how OTHER people see you is everything …

And suffering the exhaustion of trying to live up to THEIR standards to get some crumbs of their love.

That was me until I understood how much trauma and a mess ‘seeking validation’ really gets us into, and how it strips our self-esteem and personal power.

It certainly DOESN’T build it up!

And …. horrifyingly … how it makes us SOOOOO susceptible to narcissists.

In fact, it is ONE of our WORST ‘emotional gaps’, as the other side of the MAGNET, which allows narcissists into our life and keeps us attached to them!

If you are suffering from never feeling good enough, being invisible and other people not validating you –  even ABUSING you instead …

And you want to know how to heal from this and start generating true validation effortlessly, then this episode is a must watch for you.



Video Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

It’s so interesting when we understand that ‘seeking validation from others’ is one of the most serious ‘gaps’ we can have on the inside that makes us susceptible to narcissists.

And, like all our inner emotional fractures, this can be our normal as it is for most people. We have all grown up in a world of trying to feel whole from the outside in, rather than knowing how to generate our self-fullness from the inside out.

Some people may even think being filled with self-worth and self-love is ‘narcissism’, believing this would be like being self-absorbed to the detriment of others. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth.

The more we investigate what ‘seeking validation’ is all about, the more we realise that this is another one of those two sides of the same coin thing, that narcissists and co-dependents both suffer from, which can cause them to bond together.

Narcissists are not likely to change what they do regarding seeking outer validation, but we can. With self-awareness and dedication to our inner work, we can move up and out of these trajectories of toxic relationships by healing and changing ourselves.

Being freed from the need for validation is one of the most empowering things we can ever achieve, in order to have healthy relationships with ourselves, others and Life, and I can’t wait to share with you why!

Let’s look at the ways that we can seek validation from others, how narcissists do this also, and the results, and how to release ourselves from it.


Trying to Please Others to Be Loved

It is impossible to be all things to all people. I really love this expression, ‘If we try not to upset everyone else, we will only upset ourselves.’

The Co-dependent Model of trying to please others to be loved is this: ‘If I give you enough of what you want, then you will grant me the love, approval, survival or security that will help me feel whole.’

The results of this are you are feeling emptied out, taken advantage of and not respected. It doesn’t bring the love, approval, survival and security you wish to achieve, and can even be a recipe for staying attached to abuse.

The Narcissistic Model of this is: ‘I will tell you what you want to hear so that I continue doing what I do, or give you enough, at times, so that I can keep you hooked and manipulate you for my own agenda.’

The results of this are abuse, power plays, unhealthy dependencies and control.


The solution is to heal ourselves enough so that we can live aligned with our true values. This means saying ‘No’ when our Inner Being knows it is not healthy for us to give. It means allowing others to become empowered by doing for themselves rather than keeping them enabled to stay sick, dysfunctional, powerless and able to mine other people.

It means that we stop handing power away to people so that they will like us, and start generating healthy relationships with other adults of shared power instead.

It also means addressing the compulsion inside you to fix and give to unhealthy others in order to be loved.

Module 6 in NARP is very powerful to get these specific Inner Identity shifts achieved.


Needing Attention and Compliments

In this social-media age, it can be very alluring for people, when they feel empty on the inside, to try to get compliments and attention from others in order to feel worthy and whole.

The Co-dependent Model is to do this to try to alleviate feelings of self-doubt, not being good enough and feeling unattractive. Believing that one’s worth is tried up in these things, rather than unconditionally loving and accepting ourselves.

The results of this are any compliments or responses received you won’t trust, and if you don’t receive enough to feel temporarily better about yourself, then you will feel even more unacceptable than you did previously.

The Narcissistic Model of this is an attempt to gain much needed narcissistic supply, the attention and acclaim that allows them to know that they exist. A narcissist may also be scouring for new drug dealers, meaning new supply, who they can hook up with.

The results of this are a brief high, that becomes a low again, needing even more attention in the future to come up and out of self-rejection. New sources of supply will be mined if acquired or used to punish an existing love partner who is not appeasing the narcissist’s False Self adequately.


The solution is to be very honest with yourself when feeling empty and having the compulsion to get attention from others. Turn inwards to yourself instead.

If you are a NARP member, approach, hold and load up those parts inside that feel unworthy or not good enough to be loved and accepted. Let them go and bring in the Source Healing to this, which allows you to know that you are loved, held and adored beyond measure by all of Existence unconditionally, simply because you exist.

Know that if you want to become a better self aesthetically, that is perfectly okay, but rather than trying to punish and admonish yourself into shape, work at this lovingly, supporting and partnering yourself no matter what, throughout the process.


Over Achieving to Gain Love

If you were made to feel invisible when you were young, you may believe that you must be ‘exceptional’ in order to be seen and valued by others.

You may try to tell lengthy stories to people so that they like you. Or, you may believe that you have to tell them about your accomplishments. Maybe you believe that you need to be intellectual, stimulating, mesmerising or funny for people to like you.

Or maybe you think you are ‘too much of this’ or ‘not enough of that’ because people told you that when you were growing up and try to adjust yourself accordingly.

There is an old saying, ‘When you stand in front of the crowd naked, the crowd will roar its approval’. This means that you are perfect as you are, and when you get totally okay with accepting who you are without trying to twist yourself into all sorts of shapes to be liked by others, then people will just organically like you also.

The Co-dependent Model of this is: ‘I am not enough as I am and therefore need to be what appeals to other people in order to be accepted and loved by them.’

The results of this are people don’t gravitate to you, and you feel even more alone and invisible. If they do, your relationships are superficial and not deep and trustworthy.

The Narcissistic Model of this is: ‘If I can be exactly what other people want me to be, then I can get them to trust me, and I can have this person eating out of my hands.’

The results of this are the co-dependent/narcissistic union of a toxic and abusive relationship.


The solution is to check in with yourself to see if you are trying to put on a mask in order to be accepted. Be very aware that your goal, to set yourself free, is to be yourself, rather than trying to create a performance to be accepted by others.

Go deeply inside to heal those parts of you that don’t believe that your authentic self is acceptable, so that you can just relax, be you and emerge as yourself feeling whole and calm no matter what other people are or aren’t being.


Placing Your Worth In ‘Stuff’

If we believe that we are only as good as our last paycheck, what acquisitions we have, how we dress, what we achieve, and how other people view our ‘level of success’, then we are in for a very hard time.

Maybe we had parents who were hard on us, trying to make us successful. Perhaps we were brought up with material values where our parents put more emphasis on achievements, money and ‘stuff,’ than human emotions and seeing the worth of who we are as people.

The Co-dependent Model of this is: ‘I’m not going to be loved, accepted or chosen unless I am a,b,c,d,e.’ (The list will depend on the person.)

The results of this are a very precarious position for our Inner Identity because there will always be someone better, we could lose stuff at any time, there is great pressure to get ‘stuff’, and ‘stuff’ is always becoming outdated and needs to be upgraded. Plus, we will attract people who love us for what we have, and not who we are.

The Narcissistic Model is: acquisitions and ego feeds take them away from their terrible inner feelings, for a time. They use these things to self-medicate, and wield power and influence over people, and therefore must have them, even at the cost of all else.


The solution is one that many people in this community are faced with.  Narcissistic abuse is synonymous with heavy financial loses, and most of us ended up losing virtually, if not everything, regarding our finances, possessions and properties.

This means that we need to let go of having our Identity wrapped around such things and for the first time in our lives (usually) turn inwards and value our soul and Inner Identity health more than anything else.

When we do this, a massive shift occurs. We accept ourselves and our value just for being our self. And then, anything we build onto that in a material sense is simply more of who we are being. In no way is our Inner Identity reliant on it any anymore.


Trying to Change People’s Minds About Us

If we are accused of doing things that we don’t do and couldn’t consider doing, we can be appalled and terrorised by the thought of people, especially someone we wish to love us, thinking terrible things about us.

This is one of the biggest recipes for abuse, staying connected to someone who is projecting their character on to you whilst trying to get them to think decent things about you, and believing that your Inner Identity depends on them “getting it”.

The Co-dependent Model of this is: being hugely susceptible to trying to convince people that you are kind, loving and good, despite them purporting the exact opposite.

The results of this are discovering this person doesn’t stop projecting their disowned unacceptable parts on to you. In fact, it only gets worse, and you get destroyed in the process.

The Narcissistic Model is this: he or she will be triggered by any version of you (real or imagined), that isn’t aligned with their own False Self above reproach version. This happens often on a hairline trigger.

The results of this are you walking on broken glass continually, trying to organise yourself and your life, unsuccessfully, around someone else’s malfunctioning personality and abusive behaviour.


The solution is in understanding: ‘What other people think of you is none of your business. What you think about you is your business.’

Constructive criticism is one thing that we can all benefit from, yet, having people attack your character and you trying to defend yourself against that is entirely another.

When you heal the broken parts of you that were blamed, scapegoated and made to feel fearful of authority, as well as being criticised, rejected, abandoned and punished (CRAP) by others when you were young and defenceless, then you can have a solid Inner Identity that doesn’t have to agree or argue or justify against anyone’s opinion of you.

You will know it is an indication of them, not you, and you can refuse to play with them anymore.



Please know seeking oneself from the outside is incredibly painful and equals ‘how to lose’.

We may not realise that it is an attempt to defy Quantum Law, ‘so within, so without,’ and it doesn’t work.

If you feel empty and deficient in self-love and self-worth, then no matter how much you try to get validation from others, you won’t. You will always come up empty.

And please know, in no way are you establishing self-validation about your life being an island, meaning you being the only source of self to yourself.

In stark contrast, when you are filled with your own self-love and self-worth as a result of healing the beliefs of ‘being nourished and flourished by all of Existence for being you,’ and cleaning up all the painful inner invalidation wounds as a child,  then you will feel whole and full, and genuinely validate and love others in healthy ways also.

No longer will you subconsciously be doing it to try to get approval. You will simply be doing it unconditionally as an outpour of yourself.

Have you ever noticed this following truth about life?  When you no longer need something and are being that yourself, then it comes in abundance?

It’s true, you will start choosing and cogenerating relationships with other healthy people who also have the resources to healthily connect and validate you and you will easily leave alone those relationships that don’t.

I hope this has helped a lot, and given you great food for thought on this topic!

And I’m so looking forward to answering your comments and questions regarding this episode and exactly how to achieve glorious self-validation.



How Narcissistic Abuse Led Me To Claim My True Self

How Narcissistic Abuse Led Me To Claim My True Self


Absolutely, narcissistic abuse is arguably one of the WORST things we could ever go through.

It’s devastating … horrifying … soul-shattering.

And in the depths of it, I know you may be feeling like I once did also …

That there may NOT be a way out, or to rebuild after being taken down to the lowest place we could ever imagine going.

This is why I wanted to share this The Thriver’s Life episode with you today … for those of you not yet starting to feel the sun shining through the storm clouds … and if you are still struggling when you feel engulfed by fear and pain.

I totally believe that narcissists bring us to our knees to face those parts of ourselves we would rather not see, hold and heal – those inner parts that are our deepest fears and most fragile insecurities.

When activated by the narcissist, these parts make us feel like we are going crazy, send us into spins of panic, and can leave us feeling like we are literally going to die.

Today I share with you the 3 BIG ones that narcissistic abuse activated for me – those unhealed parts, that until I healed them, were never going to allow me to radiate and fully BE my True Self.

And because I DID Heal these parts, these areas of my life are now far more healed and whole than I ever believed previously possible.


Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series … the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am for narcissistic abuse. I know many of you are already there, and I know 100% that there are many of you that feel like you will never be. I once felt the same. However, it was exactly this understanding that narcissistic abuse was happening ‘for’ me and not ‘to’ me that lead me into being able to create such an incredible Thriver Recovery from it.

There are two distinct ways that people perceive narcissistic abuse. The first is as something to try to ‘go’ through, and the second is as an experience to determinedly ‘grow’ through. It is the second version that I want to talk to you deeply about today.

I’d like to start off by sharing with you what I believe all relationships in our lives are about, and to explain this clearly I’d like to tell you what I believe they are not. They are not about getting love, approval, security and survival from another person, which sadly is what many people seek relationships for.

I believe they are about having reflected back where we are in relation to these things with ourselves. Because there are, I believe, four main components to be our True Self. These are being healthy, whole sources of love, approval, security and survival to ourselves. When we are these things we know how not to self-abandon, self-avoid and give our power away.

We know how to be True Sources rather than cling to False Selves such as narcissists and False Sources such as addictions, to try to self-medicate the pain away and feel whole. Instead, we are able to be sourcing, generating and creating instead with the healthy aspects of life.

That is what a True Self having a True Life existence is.

It doesn’t mean we get it perfectly right all the time, or that we will always have smooth sailing.  What it does means is when we are triggered from within or without, we know something is ‘off’, and we can heal that part of ourselves to springboard into the next highest version of ourselves.

When committed to True Self function, absolutely we hit some rocky patches within our own evolution, yet these also become the glorious grist and releases us into even higher expressions of ourselves and life. What is there not to love when we live this way? All of it is perfect.

In Quantum Law, so within, so within, there is no ‘outside’. This means every person we meet is an aspect of ourselves allowing us to recognise where we are self-aware and growing (awake) and where we are not (asleep). Missing this is a sure-fire way to get out of relationships thinking we have left the painful relationship dynamic behind, only to find ourselves face to face with it again, with a different face, and usually in an even greater intensity than we previously experienced.

Why? Because our soul is efforting through the experiences it chooses, to make the unconscious conscious so that we can wake up and bring the light into these dark inner places.

I have no doubt at all that narcissistic abuse is the ultimate experience to help us wake up because there is no missing the anguish and trauma it brings front and center to our consciousness.

Over the last 10 plus years, I’ve seen two main groups of individuals who have been narcissistically abused. The first category of people are ‘going’ through the experience, and sadly usually stay traumatised, reduced and battling to try to manage their inner fully activated wounds that have become chronic mentally, emotionally and physically. The second group of people are ‘growing’; they have decided this is the turning point (enough is enough) to fully meet their wounds, do the inner work and free themselves from the patterns in their life that had unconsciously allowed the handing of their power over and experiences of horrific abuse.

Initially, I had no idea there was option two, because literally no one was talking about it.  Now thank goodness I do, because I discovered the truth that not only saved my life but also provided me with the most incredible amount of joy, freedom, personal power and expansion into being and doing a life that I never had access to before my Thriver Recovery.

I discovered the way, because of narcissistic abuse, to claim my True Life.

After narcissistic abuse, the trauma is so great, the pain doesn’t end if we don’t claim our True Self. And we can’t just ‘go on as normal’ if we don’t. We are now terrified, traumatised, and barely functioning and coping, because our inner operating systems have been shattered into many pieces.

We don’t know who we are anymore, or who and what we can trust.

If we don’t turn inwards to heal, we remain victimised and traumatised whilst trying to protect ourselves against the billions of people and situations which are happening ‘out there’ rather than making the true healing changes at the only place we ever can control, ‘in there’.

True Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse is not for the faint-hearted, yet it’s a journey that makes our life so much more light-hearted when we achieve it. I think the real question we all face when we have been narcissistically abused is this: “How hard does it have to get before we wake up?” For many of us, it gets pretty bad. The experiences we go through, before waking up, do keep smashing us.

The narcissistic abuse experience is a powerful soul one, beyond comparison, because it shows us in every which way we could imagine how any energy expended on the outside makes our situation worse.

The narcissist gets energised and attacks us and hurts us more every time we try to make them accountable. People believe us less when we try to get them to realise what is happening to us. Authorities and legal personnel become more ineffective in our life, and if we look to anything on the outside for our salvation, everything breaks, cracks apart, falls flat and completely turns its back on us, until we do the one thing that will work, which is: turn inside and heal ourselves.

When we wake up and start to take back our power, the real and necessary questions are these: ‘As the Quantum Powerful Creator I am of so within, so without, what on earth is going on in my Inner Universe for this to be happening to me?” And… “How, therefore, do I change me to change all of this?”

I want you to understand I know that if you are not yet on the Thriver’s Path, you may feel daunted at taking personal responsibility to heal your inner wounds, or even feel offended by hearing that you need to. Once upon a time, I did too. Our human conditioning has tried everything it can to stop us from turning inwards and claiming our power. It has made us believe that this means the narcissist gets off the hook and that we are taking the blame and somehow saying we asked for this and that it was our fault.

This is exactly what the ‘victim shaming’ argument is about.

I used to believe it too. I remember years ago, in the throes of narcissistic abuse, a woman at a spiritual workshop said to me, “If it’s that bad why are you still with him? What part of you is attached to blaming him, rather than you working out what you need to heal so that you do leave him?”

I was adamant she had no idea what she was talking about. Now, because of being brought to my knees and finally doing the inner work that she was pointing at, I know she was right.

We are also taught that there is no way that we can go inside, claim and heal our wounds. We are told that the trauma will be too great, and it will take us out. We are told there is no way to do this and we must just manage our wounds instead. And of course, world systems that benefit greatly from keeping us sick and alive would say that.

Quanta Freedom Healing now proves all of this wrong. You only need to go through any of my forums or blogs to see the overwhelming evidence of people, like myself, who now live free from their previous unspeakable wounds.

The following is the three big things that I woke up to in order to start claiming my True Life. By sharing these, I hope they deeply assist your awakening toward your True Self and Life also.


Terrors of Abandonment

By being cruelly and abruptly abandoned mentally, emotionally, physically and literally, I was confronted with the fears and insecurities that I could not survive on my own, and that I was unworthy of love and replaceable.

My fears of abandonment were so huge that at times I felt like I was literally going to die without this person.

At these times, rather than having my own level of healthy self-love and inner wholeness to fall back on, I could not detach or recognise that being discarded so cruelly and unhealthily was, in fact, a tactic to hook, hurt and control me. I played straight into it. This, of course, led to further abuse, because I tolerated even more abuse to try to stay connected, instead of pulling away to look after myself.

I had to deeply hold and look at this or I was going to die.

So, I did.

After healing the deep fractures within my inner being which had set me up to be like this (long before the narcissist appeared in my life as an adult) I became a loving, true source to myself who knows how to generate her own life and survive.

As a result, I now can easily let go of those who abuse and pathologically lie, deceive or manipulate and know that I am my own source of love, who does not need to bargain with or cling to abuse for her survival.


Accepting Objectification and Minimalisation

As a result of not being recognised or connected to as myself by narcissists, and instead, being sexualised, objectified and treated as irrelevant or unimportant, I had to deeply look at the fractures within me generating this and accepting it as ‘okay’.

What I discovered were so many ways that I wasn’t accepting myself and not giving myself the space and power to truly shine. Instead of doing this I was shrinking and disappearing to feel safe.

There were many responsible beliefs deep in my DNA regarding this, such as ‘men can’t accept my True Self’, ‘I can’t be a shining light in a man’s presence’, ‘If I am my powerful self, I will be punished and even annihilated’, ‘It has to be all about other people or they will reject me’ and so many more.

I had to deeply hold and look at this or I was going to die.

So, I did.

After healing the deep fractures within my inner being which had set me up to be like this (long before narcissists appeared in my life as an adult), I was able to be more of myself in the presence of men than ever before. (Please know this one is still in progress, and I am putting much more effort into getting totally free of this one, even as we speak now!)


Financial Abuse and Loss

By being financially abused and losing all my security, I was confronted with my worst fears that I was unsafe and unless I had a certain amount of security, and a man looking after me that I would not survive.

I had to deeply hold and look at this or I was going to die.

So, I did.

As a result of coming face to face with my greatest survival terrors and being granted the opportunity to heal them. It was then that I stepped into my True Self function on this topic, which was that my worth and security was, in fact, ME and my connection with my Higher Power and all of life.

If it hadn’t been for narcissistic abuse, I would never have been set free from these deep and powerful security traumas and would have spent my life locked into fear, playing it safe and handing power over to others so that they could look after me.

I would never have been able to expand into the world as my own financial force, as I do now because I am emotionally free to.


Your Emancipation From Primal Terrors

Okay… I so hope this has granted you some deep and empowered inspiration to use your narcissistic experience as the springboard to catapult your incredible release and healing into your True Life and True Self trajectories, that are waiting for you to align with.

And I’m so looking forward to answering your comments and questions regarding this episode and exactly how you can achieve this!

And remember, after narcissistic abuse recovery, gloriously we take it further!


Because we CAN!

Lots of love, bye bye.



The 3 Phases Of Deservedness

The 3 Phases Of Deservedness


Deservedness applies to all of us, whether we are still in the heavy trauma of narcissistic abuse, or if we have recovered enough to ask ‘What’s next?’.

There are 3 things I believe we all want.

To be our True Self.

To have a True Life

To experience True Love.

Are these things just far-fetched concepts that are unrealistic?

Certainly, after being narcissistically abused we may barely be able to put one foot after the other and stay vertical, let alone believe in having a FABULOUS life.

Does living this way mean our lives will be wonderful all the time?

Or … does it take more than that?

I certainly believe it takes more, yet the birth into these ways of being are totally tangible and achievable for all of us when we know what they are and how to access them.

And that is what Today’s The Thriver’s Life episode is all about.



Video Transcript

Before I get started on this week’s episode, I want to mention that I just received the first copy of my soon to be released book ‘You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse’, and you can see the picture of it on Facebook or Instagram. The links to these are in the description of this video.

And to celebrate the release of my book, we have lots of exciting announcements that I am going to be sharing with you over the next few weeks. The best way to stay up to date is to make sure you are subscribed to my New Life Newsletter and following me on Facebook and Instagram where we will be posting all these exciting announcements.

Okay, on to today’s video!

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

Today’s topic is such a lovely and expansive one, and I have the absolute joy of delivering my first ever video to you from my new home!

I love this place and what is awesome is I am literally a stone’s throw from the beach, just around the corner from awesome cafes and surrounded by friendly, beautiful people. I really couldn’t ask for more.

And today I want you to know that deservedness applies to all of us. Those of us still in narcissistic abuse trauma, and those of us looking for the next steps after releasing ourselves, because deservedness is key to a happy, healthy life.


What is the Truth About the Life We Are Born To Live?

Let’s get really real about this, we all want to be our True Self, have our True Life and experience True Love. But maybe we have never understood what this really means. It all seems like a lovely concept but are these things attainable? Do they exist? And what exactly are they?

I’d love to share with you what I think it all means. I believe it means aligning with what Creation truly wants for us, which is our highest and best, the real deals that will gratify our heart and soul because they are aligned with our truth.

I don’t believe that there is any force declaring you are doomed, you are damned, and you are meant to live a painful, terrible life. I really believe in a benevolent force, whether we want to call it Creation, God, Life-force or Wellbeing, which is ready to nourish and flourish us beyond measure if we just get ourselves out of the way; meaning lose the trauma that is stopping this almighty force of abundance and love flowing through us as us.


Why Has It Been Such a Struggle?

And, I know … believe me, I know … after narcissistic abuse, we may really struggle to believe this because we feel victimised, terrorised and soul raped to the point where nothing seems abundant, good, healthy or even remotely flowing.

Why has this been the case? I really believe this has been our experience because before we got here we said ‘Bring it on, let’s embody and bring up all this trauma that myself, my ancestors, the collective and humanity have been carrying. Let’s get it all up into my consciousness so that I can claim it, feel it, let it go and liberate myself and others from it.’

Those of us who have been narcissistically abused, we are here on angel’s work, and it’s no small feat.

As the saying goes, ‘there is nothing else to do’ but to do the work. Namely, find and release the trauma and open ourselves up to have the Light enter us (which is exactly what Quanta Freedom Healing helps us perform in record time and startlingly direct ways) so that we can have the birthright of wellbeing and abundance flowing through us.

Which brings me back to the meat of today’s topic, deservedness. So much of the human condition has been about shame and lack of deservedness. In fact, it has been a heavy part of our conditioning to believe that we are less than, should stand at the end of the line and that resources are limited, and others deserve more than what we do.

Yet, in Quantum Law which is the absolute truth of things, there are no limits, there is plenty, and everyone deserves. It’s conditioned scarcity thinking that has set up separation, fear, depravity, self-sabotage, me versus you and even narcissism. ‘If I don’t control, manipulate and take, then I won’t get my stuff, someone else will take it from me.’

All of this defies the true laws of Creation and is a part of the sickness that our world and humanity has been plunged into. At the quantum level, everything is One, which means that you are Creation itself. You are the Oneness of all that is. How can you not deserve when you are already All Of It? In fact, the ultimate blasphemy is to see yourself as small and less than and not deserving of what it is not just your birthright to have but who you actually are.


Vital Inner Identity Alignment

Let me explain to you how manifestation works at the purest quantum level. If your Inner Identity does not embrace a certain belief about yourself and life, then this ‘thing’ will not be in your experience. It’s a Law as absolute as gravity – so within, so without – because you are the Quantum Creator of your reality; that’s how powerful you are.

The real question is, are you going to claim your power? Are you going to do the rearranging at the inner level, or try to battle your outside circumstances with the still existing inner painful beliefs? I hope you are starting to understand by now that the former track will change your life forever and the latter only cements you deeper in the pain.

There is no amount of doing that can overcome a defunct, pointing in the opposite direction, being.

The painful thing is most of our inner identities by the time we have got to patterns of disappointing relationships and/or narcissistic abuse clearly don’t organically have healthy, wellbeing beliefs. In fact, they are the exact opposite. How do we know this? Because our important and impactful relationships, that we stay attached to and roll around in, are always reflecting back to us the state of our Inner Being.

Okay, let’s examine where our inner identities are at. And please I don’t want you to judge yourself or feel helpless, because you certainly aren’t. If you have the courage, awakening and self-responsibility to accept where you are at, then you are already on your way home. Then it’s a matter of landing this plane by rolling up your sleeves and doing the work. Today I’m going to give you some answers regarding exactly how to do that – to get yourself into health and deservedness, and tapping into the stream of joy, well-being and plenty that is yours by Divine Right.


Who Is Your True Self?

Let’s start off with True Self. Who are we as this person? Let’s get very clear that living as your True Self does not mean that you are a perfectly sorted person always having a magical life. What is real about being a True Self is that you have got real. You are no longer living in illusions, delusions and denial. You see the truth. You start to accept all of it as a blessing. You know it is all in perfect and divine order, and it is all happening for you and not to you, and there are no mistakes. You know the benevolent life-force is leading you home through whatever means necessary IF you get the gift and stop resisting and hating your awakening (which is usually painful because that’s the only way it gets our attention).

Then, when we take the gift and awaken, we can stop trying to change the billions of people and circumstances in the world and instead tend to the quantum machine of Oneness that exists inside us to forever reprogram our personal experience from this point forward.

At True Self level our orientation is to get deeply self-partnered and instead of trying to fill our emptiness and self-medicate away our pain with outside people and substances, we release our trauma and replace it with Light, which is our True Self, True Life and True Love.

And we start living truthfully, no longer bargaining with, clinging to, fixing and trying to change people to feel loved, safe and whole. We bless and release all that is not our truth, without resentment (which has to be released) and with an open heart of compassion, wishing them the best, we have a whole heap of available beautiful space within to accept who and what is aligned with our authenticity, values and healed deservedness.

Then we see how our alignment and choices and open-hearted truth starts to unfold real, blessed and enriched soul-gratifying results.

That’s True Self.

Do you want this?

Did we come here to live under a guise of denial and delusion, or are we prepared to walk through the fire of our own traumatised consciousness to get to the other side, the only Beingness that was ever going to truly gratify us?

I’d love you to pause this video and scroll down and give me your thoughts on this. Honestly …


How Do You Access Your True Life?

Alright, let’s move on to creating our True Life, which is only possible if we are prepared to live as a True Self, which is so ironic because most people try to put the cart in front of the horse and wonder why they continually aren’t getting anywhere, or even keep getting squashed.

Let’s just reiterate what True Self is – realising everything is happening for you and not to you to wake you up, and that all of Creation adores you, and that when you lose your trauma that then you will see yourself as Creation does as more and more of it flows through.

Then you can target and release the beliefs of lack of deservedness such as: it is greedy and selfish to flourish and prosper, others deserve this more, other people will miss out if I get the good stuff etc. Additionally, we may also be carrying all sorts of beliefs about being bad, wrong and defective and can’t have the good stuff because of not being good enough to deserve it.

And maybe we think we need to do the spiritual self-sacrifice model, ‘I can’t accept abundance for my life’s work, and even though I give all my time and energy to others, my house and car are cracking up around me, not to mention my personal health!’ Boy, do I know a lot of spiritual people like that who are entrenched in literal past life vows of poverty believing that this would get them to divinity.

Divinity is right here right now, and it is about wellbeing and space in our cells and being a generator of expansion, positivity and abundant blessings for self and others. And allowing others to know that they too can rise and show others the way out of the pain and darkness.


The Generation of True Love

Now True Love … this is big for many of us in this Community. How many of us have settled for second, third or less best? Or think we are aligned and then discover we aren’t and stay regardless, instead of being alone and waiting for our true aligned connections. How many of us have had such low deservedness that we don’t know how to generate the love and connections that really are a match for our True Self?

Life truly is a series of choices. The incoming stream is always there, and the mechanics of life are always quantumly responding to our choices. Yesses mean, ‘okay that’s your level of self’, and no’s without any additional energy on that choice means ‘okay that isn’t a match for your inner identity.’ Every well placed ‘no’ (without anger, victimisation and resentment) is an up-level to a greater and higher value of your Inner Identity composition and set point, where things and people of higher value enter you stream.

How do we get into this flow of wellbeing? By letting go of the snags (traumas) within you that are keeping your enmeshed in recreating the past that has hurt you, and healing and step into your higher level of deservedness.


Where Is Your Inner Identity At?

Okay, I’d like you to follow these instructions in your own time. Get out your journal and ask yourself ‘Where am I with my deservedness to be my True Self?’ Listen to how this feels in your body because this is how your Inner Identity communicates with you. Rate yourself out of 10.

A 0/10 means I am nowhere near my deservedness, and a 10/10, means I’m there. Repeat these questions with ‘True Life’ and ‘True Love’ and be really honest with what your body reveals. If you are not a 10/10, then you have trauma blocking your organic, true flow of wellbeing on these topics, that is yours to have IF you get your trauma out of the way.

Those of you working with NARP, you can use the Goal Setting Module (GSM) and set the goal ‘I deserve and am open to fully receive the highest expression of my True Self, True Life and True Love’. You may want to work on these separately or all together to start clearing your trauma blocking this.

Get prepared for incredible breakthroughs by doing so! They will blow your mind!

Those working with the Empowered Self course you can start working these desires and goals into your expansion Module work.

And please ask any questions you want regarding this, and I look forward to our very rich and lively discussion about this ground-breaking topic!

And remember, after narcissistic abuse recovery, gloriously, we take it further!


Because we CAN!

Lots of love,

Bye Bye.



Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin


All of us want this.

We want to feel free, happy, whole and healthy.

After narcissistic abuse being comfortable in our own skin, as your natural state of living, may seem like a very big stretch to get to.

Yet, I am here to help you believe that it is possible.

In fact, in today’s The Thriver’s Life episode, I want you to understand it is probable.

When you adopt what I am going to share with you today.



Video Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series, the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

This is such a relevant topic for me right now, and I really want to share my experiences around this topic with you, as my deep desire that this will inspire you.

I put this topic together as I was sitting in a café in Western Australia. And I’m filming now from the beautiful little porch connected to my present Airbnb place.

I’m travelling alone at this time and relishing the opportunity to truly, truly be with me. This is essential because Thriving and expansion are about being whole, being able to generate your own happiness first and foremost, regardless of what is or isn’t happening in your life.

This information is important for you, because after we have been involved in narcissistic abuse, absolutely we lose ourselves. When we have been enmeshed in relationships with false selves we experience people who pathologically lie, who compromise our values and who use us for their own egoic gratifications.

As a result, we lose our souls. We become disjointed, anxious and unhappy. Previous behaviours and lies cause us to be on edge and distrust, and we lose the ability to know what we can or can’t trust.

It’s a process to come back. It takes self-dedication.

So, what does getting comfortable in our skin look and feel like?

How do we achieve it?

To me, the first thing to get there is the hugest. It’s acceptance and knowing that there is a gift in everything that happens without exception. If we want to embrace loving ourselves, then we need to understand the entire system of Creation adores us too. This is the Quantum Way that changes everything, accepting that everything is happening FOR us and not TO us.

And this is regardless of ‘what’ has happened or continues to happen.

Because here is the thing, no matter what shock, disappointment or painful event occurs, there is a glorious evolutionary opportunity in it. There is something happening outside of us to trigger and release something inside of us. All roads lead to ‘home’, meaning helping us to awaken, release our false selves, which are the traumas and beliefs that aren’t our truth, and embrace and become more of who we really are, which is our highest potential when we live trauma free.

I want you to do this with me right now, think of something or someone that is very painful and has hurt you. Now say to yourself (if you still think like this), ‘What a waste of time and a terrible, horrible thing that was. I regret it and have no idea why I needed to go through that.’

Take note of how this feels in your body. Does it feel awful? Or does it feel like warmth and relief? When you project yourself into the future, do you feel comfortable, blessed, relieved, healthy and blissful in your own skin now? Or do you feel angry, ripped off, devastated and disjointed?

Listen to your body, not what your head would like to think. Your inner being, your emotions know the truth that is in store for you.

A previous girlfriend comes to mind. After her last relationship, she didn’t go within, and she had no idea or desire to look at what it was within her that she needed to heal. She said repeatedly, ‘I have no idea what that was about or why I had to go through it.’ Her current relationship is now even more disappointing, with her still playing out her wounds that were never addressed in the relationship she had ‘no idea about.’

Our soul is ingenious, it turns up the message louder and louder until we wake up. If we don’t wake up, we have as many repeating lifetimes as necessary of the same pain until we do. We are all going back home to consciousness, meaning being happy in our own skin. It’s not a matter of ‘if’, it’s a matter of ‘when’.

Until we awaken, there are two things we do other than go inwards to process our wounds and get the gift. (Which I promise you, used to be my gig too.)

The first is obsess.

Obsessing equals thinking about it over and over again despite not getting any relief or true embodied peace and answers, namely a shift from the old order (pain) to the new order (liberation).

This then leads us to try the only other option we may think we have when we get sick of our own ‘stinking thinking’.

Self-avoidance and self-medication.

Self-avoidance means burying it, keeping busy and not thinking about it.

Self-medicating is done by attempting to find something or someone to take the pain away.

Neither of these things will lead you home to yourself. They will not generate you becoming comfortable in your own skin.

When we understand that the brain follows the body and not the other way around, we know that trying to think our way out of terrible inner feelings, our traumas and fears, is not the way to go.

The reason being is that our trauma associated neuron pathways only have access to the thinking within the range of the trauma. Higher consciousness is not available when we are triggered into survival programs. The only thinking that is available is outer focused, ‘If I can attack, run from or change my environment, then I will survive.’

However, this does not effectively (in any way at all) deal with the complexities of our emotions and inner subconscious programs.

When we understand the Quantum Truth of ‘so within, so without’, and that our life is unfolding according to the composition of our inner identity, we know there is only one place to do the work to get a shift and change our emotions and then our life, and that it is inside of us.

Most of you know I went through a relationship breakdown recently. Even though I am in the process of opening up to loving someone else deeply again, there is also the incredible journey of connecting back to me, and the joy and love of life, meaning being genuinely happy in my own skin. I know its not anyone else’s job to give me that. I know that if I needed someone else for that, I would have no possibility to be a whole person connecting with other whole people in this incredible journey of life. Being in Bali with my girlfriends was beautiful, and now a deeper level of appreciation and love for life, my soul, my journey and my future is taking place.

Time alone is such a powerful time to fully meet, breathe into and load up and release with Quanta Freedom Haling everything that is not my True Self. In my morning walks along the beach, or any time really, while I am alone, I do this as soon as dense energy arises for me.

This includes all past toxicity, traumas and disappointments, as well as any need for validation or truth, and the shifts I am processing bring in of more and more of my own higher consciousness, that heals what I logically have no ability to.

As always, the shifts felt are incredible. They are liberating, expansive and joyous. Things have changed dramatically from years ago when I didn’t have either the awakening to realise how vital inner trauma work is or have Quanta Freedom Healing as the powerful tool to achieve it.

Years ago, I was so agoraphobic I couldn’t leave my front door. Nowadays in record time I go wherever and experience anything I want, more and more joyously, releasing any new wounds that appear, so that I can be freer and freer.

These days and for so long now, I know that being happy in my own skin is not about ‘I’ll do this or that and then I’ll get happy.’  Yes, I am getting my hair and nails done whilst I’m travelling, eating beautiful foods and sipping on delicious cocktails whilst watching some of the best sunsets in the world, yet that is not what is giving me happiness.

These are things that I can connect to and feel blissy about because there is enough space in the cells my body, freed of trauma, to have life-force and wellbeing, which is our natural state without trauma, flowing through me to connect to the beauty and joy all around me.

This is the biggest joy that organically arises as a result of being dedicated to purposefully meeting and releasing our inner traumas to become ‘happy in our own skin’. It’s a deep gratitude and thankfulness for the opportunity to have experienced a painful emotional triggering so that we can find and release more parts of ourselves that are not in alignment with our True Self, to open up more and more space to allow in what is.

I want you to do this with me right now, think of something or someone that is very painful and has hurt you. Now say to yourself ‘This person or thing is truly an A.I.D. in my life, an angel in disguise as an abuser, granting me the opportunity to free myself into my grandest self and life even more.’

Take note of how this feels in your body. Can you feel the truth of this? The truth feels like relief. It feels like warmth. It feels like expansion. It feels healthy and right.

Listen to your body, not what your head would like to think. Your inner being, your emotions know the truth that is in store for you.

Please know this – I live this lifestyle determinedly.

Why wouldn’t I, when I know that no matter what, I just become happier, more whole and more able to connect to situations and people who represent more of this love, joy and wholeness?

I hope that you can deeply feel what I am talking about today.

I’d love you to connect to my travel pics on Instagram so that you can vibrationally feel the joy and expansion that can be yours too!

Okay … I’m very excited to answer your comments and questions regarding this episode!

And remember, after narcissistic abuse recovery, gloriously, we take it further!


Because we CAN!