How To Talk To A Narcissist Without Going Insane

How To Talk To A Narcissist Without Going Insane

 

How do you talk to a narcissist without going insane? The easy answer would be NOT to talk to them.

But sometimes we can’t go No or Modified Contact. Maybe you work with this narcissist. Or perhaps they are a family member, who you need to see at functions. Or possibly you are still hooked in, trying to work through things and you are not quite ready to call it a day.

I understand … this happens.

So, with all of that in mind, I want to help you get very clear in this article – WHY talking to a narcissist can make you feel like you are going insane, and how to navigate things so that you don’t. 

Why Narcissists Get Under Your Skin So Much

This is why talking to a narcissist without going insane is so difficult – they simply don’t have the same agenda with conversations that normal people do. In fact, normal, non-narcissistic people simply don’t have agendas with conversations. They just have conversations.

The narcissist’s agenda is disordered. It is to get control over you; to avoid accountability; to manipulate, mine, dump pain and anger, affect, trigger and get an ego feed by significantly affecting another emotionally (obtaining narcissistic supply).

Therefore, a conversation with a narcissist is not just a conversation.

It is an exchange with an unwholesome, false self-agenda attached to it. When the narcissist is in the love-bombing stage, unfortunately our false self, our ego, is attached and running with it.

Meaning our unhealed, unresolved parts, which don’t subconsciously believe that we are worthy or lovable, or worth validating or being cared for, gobble up the manipulative compliments and promises like any starving man or women would.

Yet, something inside knows this is unwholesome. Something feels a little off, but of course we ignore it. We want to believe that this person is our Source of love, security or survival, and absolutely, in our defence, we may have no idea that people like this exist and therefore what we were really walking in to.

Over time, not only do we see this ‘oh so delightful’ person lose so much of their ‘previous genuineness’. We also come face to face with the verbal onslaughts, twists and turns and, quite frankly, overt lunacy that goes with a narcissist’s conversations.

I call it the narcissistic three-ring circus, and at least one of those rings is a total freak show.

Let’s have a look at the conversation methods that I wrote about in my article ‘Are you with a narcissist’.

  • Avoidance: Refusing to recognise or acknowledge the incident as real or important to you.
  • Excuses: Making up stories or reasons for the behaviour that are not genuine or valid excuses.
  • Accusations: Blaming someone else for the wrongdoing.
  • False Apology: Saying a ‘sorry’ that is not a genuine apology and expecting you to accept it.
  • Ignorance: Claiming you never said that; that was never discussed; or the narcissist never said that.
  • Confusion: Creating antics over trivial points in the conversation to shift and confuse the focus.
  • Projection: Stating ‘what you did wrong’ regarding the particular topic, by using ammunition from the past that has nothing to do with the present incident.
  • Using Allies: Quoting people, real or imagined, to back their ‘story’ of excuses or to discredit you.
  • Shutting down: Unwillingness to have a conversation or abandoning the scene to avoid scrutiny.
  • Shifting Focus: Responding with displeasure to your body language or the tone of your voice to steer the conversation away from the wrongdoing.
  • Persecution: Stating how bad your accusations are, and what a terrible person you are to accuse them.
  • Denial: Stating that it was incidents in your past, and it is your fears and insecurities which cause you to make these accusations.
  • Discrediting: Stating that you are such a negative person and always look for the ‘conspiracy theory’ in your conversations.
  • Threatening: Citing abandonment or punishment if you continue with the accusation.
  • Entitlement: Demanding that you recognise the positive things they have done for you and that it’s unfair for you to focus on the negatives.
  • Lying: Stating they did grant explanation and reassurance, or did the credible thing when these actions were not forthcoming.
  • Condemnation: Continuing the story of ‘I did do the right thing’ and then being incensed at you for calling them a liar.
  • Justification: Stating ‘I did it’ because of your behaviour and because you make me do these things.
  • Triggering: Using a maiming comment, related or unrelated, to incite you to anger and shift blame.
  • Competition: Stating all the things that they are not happy about with you, as a ‘tit-for-tat’ retaliation, rather than addressing the issue at hand.

These are all elaborate defence mechanisms that are so COMMON amongst narcissists. As you read through this list, you may recognise many or all of these tactics. They are out-of-bounds behaviours that mean you are dealing with someone who is personality disordered and drastically unhealthy to be having conversations with.

The truth of the matter is this – if you are trying to have a sane, reasonable conversation with a sick person, you are going to get sick.

It DOES drive you mad.

 

Changing Expectations and Rules of Engagement

Here’s the thing, once you know you are dealing with a narcissist you have to completely drop any expectations you would have in normal human interactions.

This person is not going to get it.

You are not going to get understanding, harmony or resolution.

This person does not want to play ‘healthy team’ with you.

This person does not have win-win in mind. Rather, they are out to get what they want at your expense.

If you cater to this person and give them what they want, this is not going to earn you clemency, decency or favours. In fact, it will only make matters worse, because if you give an inch they will take a mile.

Nothing you say, argue or fight for will make one scrap of difference – so it really is key for you to stop doing this.

 

The Switch – Make It About Your Truth, Not Changing Them

There is a very simple rule in dealing with anyone who is abusive or insane – stop worrying about what they are saying and doing, and get very clear about who YOU are Being and what you are Doing.

This CHANGES EVERYTHING!

Let me explain…

I’ll give you this example regarding what one of my clients was dealing with. Frances was quite frankly a psychotic narcissist, who was constantly trying to stalk and agitate Graham at every opportunity.

She contacted his family and friends, smeared him, and did everything in her power to affect him.

He used to buy into it. He used to meet her and try to reason with her, which was really just about her guilting, blaming, dumping anger, and horrifically abusing him – to the point where he admitted that one night he was so distraught he nearly drove off the road and into a tree.

By doing the inner work with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), Graham released the traumas that were keeping him hooked into her, traumas that were mostly about HAVING to be the good and right guy for her.

Then he was able to see her disorder; to know that nothing he did could ever appease her, fix her or save her. He went No Contact and ended up putting an intervention order on her. He took her belongings to her mother’s house and severed all ties.

Graham’s truth had become: ‘I deserve and will only engage in healthy, adult relationships of respect.’

Another one of my clients, Barbara, whilst co-parenting with Tony, had long ago realised he was a narcissist. So rather than be dragged down with his horrible treatment of her and the children, she did the inner work on all of her triggers, which used to get shaken up by him.

As a result, Barbara managed to get Our Family Wizard, as the only way that they would communicate, approved through court, and was effectively parallel parenting with Tony. How she achieved this, was that when he tried his knee jerk reactions, with ridiculous narcissistic attempts to disrupt the parenting plan, Barbara’s responses were firmly in her power. They were all about her and not about him.

She would say, ‘I am not prepared to do that. This is what I am prepared to do.’ And then would say no more, regardless of how he reacted. Without any feed or attention from her, he stopped the ridiculous antics.

When we become FULLY our truth, without being derailed by narcissists, we are usually shocked at how easy it is to get their CRAP to stop. But it wasn’t EASY for us to get there!

For all of us, we have had so much fear regarding ‘being ourselves.’

I know for myself, my previous terror used to be: ‘What will these people do to me and my life if I don’t appease them?’

In this global, on-line business, there have been times when narcissistic people threaten and attack. Not often, but occasionally it does happen. Interestingly enough, this doesn’t come from narcissists but from victims of narcissistic abuse, who want me or my team to fix everything for them and then attack us abusively when we can’t!

When this happens, as much as I feel for them, and I’m very disappointed we couldn’t co-create their healing with them, I am clear – I’ll be me, have boundaries and will not tolerate abuse.

If there is any fear about their reactions with my boundaries, I meet that fear in my body, shift it out with Quanta Freedom Healing, and completely honour my truth and rights for an abuse-free life.

I also protect the space of this community with this solid self-truth and determination.

No more is it about – trying to fix, smooth over, appease, cajole or play it safe with these people. And it is certainly not about trying to get them to get it and change.

Those days are gone.

I hope you understand; it needs to be the same for you. Narcissists push us into our truth and power and boundary function, so that we can end these ridiculously insane, brain and soul-twisting conversations, where narcissists can truly make mincemeat out of our minds and insides.

It’s then that we can lose our fear and walk straight, solid and sane lines, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

Then you will realise how powerfully you can create your life, once you are anchored into the internal integrity that all of Life, Source and Creation GETS and backs – when you GET it and back it.

I promise you that narcissists are powerless in the face of that.

If this article resonates with you powerfully, I’d love you to come with me and get out of fear and into your truth – where you are no longer affected, triggered and participating.

You can do that by joining me here and getting started on my 16-day free course, which will help you get empowered and free from all the internal reasons why you have felt trapped in the insanity.

And I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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Crush These Fears And Never Be A Target For Narcissists Again

Crush These Fears And Never Be A Target For Narcissists Again

 

Standing up for yourself against a narcissist can trigger the terrifying fears of CRAP – meaning the fear of being Criticised, Rejected, Abandoned and Punished.

Many people experience a white-hot fear of trying to speak up, their brain turning to mush and an overwhelming feeling of terror rising inside, that leaves them speechless and a quivering wreck. Maybe you have never asked for what you needed in personal relationships, for fear of being abandoned, or are afraid to speak up at work in case you lose your job or that promotion?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’m going to take through some steps so that you can crush these subconscious fears and step into your power to become a healthy source of ‘self’, willing to lose it all to get it all.

It’s not that scary when you turn inwards and start to work through these subconscious beliefs. Because you WILL see the results of the Life you want to live unfolding!

 

 

Video Transcript

Today we are going to talk about CRAP.

The version of CRAP that we often talk about in this Community – how we can hand our power away because of the fear of being Criticised, Rejected, Abandoned and Punished.

This is a terrible human problem that all people who get taken in by narcissists suffer from. And these fears make us HUGE glowing targets for narcissists.

Today we are going to learn how these traumas are derailing our ability to be impervious to narcissists. I promise you when you clean these fears up, narcissists can’t and won’t target you. It just won’t be possible.

Before we get started, however, I want to say how grateful I am to my existing and new subscribers for supporting the Thriver Mission, and if you haven’t yet subscribed please do. Also, if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up.

Alright, let’s get moving into this episode…

 

How We Get Set Up For This

I want to share with you this story about Megan because her story is a lot of people’s story.

As a little girl Megan had a dominating, non-available mother. When Megan asked her mother for something, her mother told her not to interrupt whilst she was doing the housework, for example. When Megan’s mother asked Megan for something, and Megan didn’t automatically comply, she yelled at her or would smack her.

As an adult Megan worked for Henry. Henry often told Megan she needed to work back late. He never granted her extra pay and, as his personal secretary, he was incredibly demanding of her. Unreasonably so. And whenever anything went wrong, she got the blame.

Henry, as you probably guessed, was a narcissist.

Megan was exhausted. Her health wasn’t great and she had no social life. When Megan felt upset or angry with Henry’s demands, she imagined what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t ever formulate the right words. When she thought about saying something to him and standing up for herself, her brain went to mush and she felt a terrible, anxious feeling inside of her.

It felt unthinkable to try to stand up for her rights, and the truth was – inside her – it literally felt terrifying.

When Megan told her friend Cindy what was going on, Cindy told her she was being treated atrociously and needed to do something. Yet Megan had every excuse why she couldn’t speak up and she shouldn’t risk it.

Megan was stuck in the program of: ‘If I try to have my own rights, I will be criticised or punished.’

Then there was Donald…

As a baby his mother was a fall-down drunk; a single mother who would pass out and leave him crying for hours unattended.

As an adult, Donald struggled to maintain love relationships. In his relationship with Amanda, she demanded more and more from him, and she had absolutely no consideration for Donald’s needs.

The truth is Donald never asked for what he needed or wanted. Whenever he thought about saying something to Amanda about her unfair treatment and exploitation of his time, effort and money, he felt like she would not hear him (and may even leave him). He really believed he had to keep her happy to have this relationship – even though it seemed as though there was no end to her demands.

Donald’s inner subconscious programming went like this: ‘If I need something from people, I will be abandoned.’

For all of us, as little people, if we didn’t make the transition into being whole, healthy adults, knowing it’s okay and healthy to connect to, share and speak up for our values and truths; that we are worthy enough to have them fulfilled by healthy people and aspects of life, we will not have the inner subconscious beliefs to know:

  • I am of worth and value to myself and therefore I have the right to honour me.
  • If people don’t value my values, boundaries or self, and criticise, reject, punish or abandon me, then they are NOT a match for me. I can and will let go, move on and generate healthier realities.
  • People don’t treat me how I treat them; they treat me according to the beliefs and power I have anchored into myself.
  • When I get clear and clean on the inside regarding my worth, power and truth, then all of Life-force will support these beliefs, just as I support myself in them.

 

The Releasing of the Traumas Generating the Fear of CRAP

Megan came for Quanta Freedom Healings to deal with her pounding migraines. These were a manifestation of the trauma trapped inside her, appearing to get her attention so she would turn inwards and heal herself.

The trauma was coming from her being abused and was a replay of the unhealed trauma from when she was abused by her mother as a child.

And this is the thing, the trauma energy we still have stuck inside us from our past creates beliefs that later play out to the letter. Bosses can absolutely serve up the same patterns as parents in our life – as authority figures who we feel dependent on for our survival. That is until we become a healthy source of ‘self’.

In the session, Megan deeply understood that nothing changes if nothing changes. That her trauma would further compound and she would continue disintegrating if she stayed with Henry making excuses and doing nothing. The only way out for her was to face and deal with the situation.

In real time, in real life, Megan needed to lay boundaries and then, if her boss couldn’t meet her healthily, walk away and get another job.

Knowing this was her goal, to achieve this she had to confront the traumas that were not allowing her to powerfully do what she needed to do.

When we turn inwards and target the trauma relating to whatever we need to heal, we can get quite a shock as to what and how much trauma may be there. Then we realise ‘It’s no wonder my situation has been so difficult!’

The subconscious is the keeper of all knowledge and energy. And when we do go inwards to start working with it, our revealed body wisdom is both fascinating and extremely accurate.

Megan had multiple traumas wedged in her subconscious, such as: female collective pain body trauma, ‘As a woman I have no rights’; and past life traumas of, ‘If I speak up I will be put to death’, as well as traumas about not having a voice or rights, which she had taken on genetically from ancestors.

It was no surprise that with all of this trauma in Megan’s energy field (in her DNA makeup pre-birth), that she had been born smack bang into an environment where AGAIN she had no voice and rights – with her Mother.

So we can see the continuation on Megan’s timeline of being locked into these beliefs and playing them out with prominent people in her life. And this was Megan’s pattern with her two previous husbands as well.

When these traumas were released, and Source brought in to transform them, Megan came back to her True Self state (our natural state when we are without our traumas and false beliefs). She became a Being who was anchored in having worth, rights and a voice. She also knew that Source had her back whenever she was authentically herself – because she was Source (True Self).

She requested a meeting with Henry and his boss, the three of them together. She directly and truthfully spoke about her concerns, what wasn’t working for her, and what she required to continue working for Henry.

Megan had Gone Quantum with this. She knew ‘as the generative Source of my own experience, all will unfold for the highest and best that will match me and support me no matter how this goes.’ She had no concern whatsoever about how this would turn out. She was truly invested in evolving herself and breaking out of this terrible pattern of handing her power away and being abused. A pattern that had plagued her for lifetimes.

In the meeting Henry unravelled, as narcissists do when exposed with a whopping great light of truth. He was brought undone in front of the big boss. Megan was relieved of her duty with Henry and granted another position in the firm that was higher pay and with much better conditions.

It turned out to be her dream job.

This is the power of Life supporting us in the most miraculous of ways when we support ourselves with Quantum evolution from the inside out.

Donald was doing NARP and had a couple of healing sessions with me after realising that Amanda was a narcissist who was destroying him. When targeting the traumas that were not allowing him to honour himself, the subconscious trauma of being a baby abandoned, appeared.

As always, these abandonment traumas ran deeply – through previous pre-birth trauma experiences and genetically acquired beliefs, all amounting to: ‘The people I love leave me to die’ and ‘If I give them everything they need, they might never leave me.’

This had played out to the letter with Donald’s mother and love partners. He never dared put any pressure on them about his needs, and he gave and gave despite their terrible physical and emotional abandonment of him.

After clearing these traumas of being abandoned, he graduated within himself into new and powerful True Self beliefs on this topic.

He then knew he couldn’t care less whether Amanda abandoned him or not, because as the self-generative source of his own experience, Donald was never going to abandon himself again.

He laid it on the line to Amanda – about who he was and what he needed to continue the relationship with her. She did what narcissists do, unravelled, twisted, turned, threw blame, name-called, insulted and then, when he refused to hook in or argue and was walking out the door, she launched at him and started hitting him.

Donald left and then came and picked up his stuff later. He was finished with her. Amanda pleaded and begged in emails and text messages for him to come back. He blocked her and never looked back.

No more was this woman a match for his previous Love Code of being with self-absorbed people who had no consideration for him whatsoever.

Donald, true to form, after his shift from the painful Love Code to a healthy one, had zero attachment, addiction or attraction to Amanda.

For all of us who do this inner work, it becomes unthinkable to be with the narcissist anymore!

Within six months Donald was in a relationship with a lovely lady, Becky, with whom he has rights and a voice. Becky cares for and loves him. For the first time, probably for lifetimes, Donald has reached a loving and healthy love trajectory.

 

The Graduation Out of CRAP into Health

Let me outline for you here the steps on how to do this:

  • Know we have to change ourselves on the inside to make a change on the outside.
  • Turn inwards and face the traumas that are not allowing you to speak up, stand up and confront and generate what you need. If you just walk away without doing this, you will be presented with exactly the same pattern again.
  • Know that when you Go Quantum you have to be prepared to lose what you have, to get what is your True Self and True Life
  • No one else ever needs to get your boundaries – only you do. Then you will know who represents your True Self and True Life and who doesn’t.

 

I know that moving past the fears of C.R.A.P. can seem like the scariest journey of your life – but I can’t tell you the graduation, expansion, joy, power and life-force that awaits you on the other side.

Do you relate to Megan or Donald? Does this make sense? Do you realise that there is a way out of this?

If so, please share this below.

Are you ready to stand up, lose these fears, state and walk your truth, and generate it powerfully – regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing?

Can you feel how this is the place where true freedom, power and life begins?

I hope so because it does!

And you can start connecting to this powerful, fast and joyous journey of your True Life here – by clicking this link to my free 16 Day Recovery Course.

Also, please know I have a special free live Masterclass coming up next Tuesday called How To Live Trauma Free & Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse… I’m really excited about! If you’re still feeling hurt, lost or struggling and want to get on the true path to healing and thriving then I highly recommend that you join me. You can reserve your spot here.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part Two

The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part Two

 

I am totally passionate about ending our suffering and healing for real from narcissistic abuse.

In Part Two of this series, I am going to explain more about Quantum and Consciousness Science, and how I realised the three keys to heal from abuse on the day I had decided to give up on Life!

Together we take a deep and wide dive into Quantum Healing – what it is, how it works and the results it achieves.

I will also share with you how I found the answers, which were previously elusive, due to my total frustration of having a chronic condition that NOTHING was healing.

It is my greatest desire after this Part Two episode, regardless of how severe your traumas are and how broken you feel, that you can sense a light calling you forward, just as my epiphany did for me.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today’s Thriver TV is Part Two of this series, and I’m really excited to take this conversation even deeper and wider than we did last week.

So to recap what we went through last week… We went over the reasons why you may not have been able to heal yet, despite your efforts to try to get relief from the excruciating symptoms of narcissistic abuse.

We also looked at the new science – Quantum and Neuro Science – and the reasons why introspection and taking your awareness inside is how to get to the core of your abuse symptoms, to be able to tend to them, so that you can get out of the terrible loop of having the ongoing management of your internal trapped traumas.

What is so exciting is that now we have the ability to release and live free of our trauma, and not just recover, but Thrive beyond the state of self and life that we experienced before abuse, even if abuse is all we have ever known.

Today we are going to look at the following three aspects of Part One more deeply: why we can, how we can do it, and the way to achieve this!

Before we get started, however, I want to thank you all for having the courage to subscribe to my channel and be a Thriver. The world needs this awareness to break out of old paradigms of being continually sick and traumatised after abuse, so that we can be something so much greater. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.

Okay, let’s kick off Part Two.

The Power to Change at Our Core

Dr. Bruce Lipton upholds that the truth about genes holds the key.

Bruce maintains that pivotal to this shift in thinking is the ground-breaking insight into the function of genes. It was always believed that our genes have predispositions to turn off and on, created from our inbuilt genetics and situations in life that we have no control over.

We now know that this is not true – genes respond according to their environment. The environment outside of us in itself means nothing. It is our perception of the environment that is the TRUE environment – that’s what creates the ‘environment’ that our cells are housed in. It’s all going on in our body.

WE are the petri dish!

It’s all to do with our consciousness. And our consciousness, our perceptions, are all to do with our already existing subconscious beliefs.

If we change our beliefs, we change our consciousness. Then we change our cells and we change our life.

It’s an inside out job.

If we stay stuck in the powerlessness of our consciousness, affected by what other people are or aren’t doing, then we remain a victim to our life – the things and people that we have absolutely no control over.

However, as new science tells us, if, regardless of how our life looks, we take our focus inside ourselves and do the inner work to change our consciousness, then we become the masters of our biology and therefore our entire life.

We literally become different and we make different choices. We stop wrestling with what doesn’t serve us and we have empowered boundaries. We stop being derailed through our wounds and triggers. We know what to do to unfold a new truth, because of a new subconscious program operating inside us.

We may think that changing our consciousness must mean we have to think positively in the face of the painful events and traumas that we are facing, but it doesn’t work that way. We have all tried that very unsuccessfully with our abuse trauma!

Bruce says about this, ‘People hear about “positive thinking”, but when they attempt to put it into practice it doesn’t work because there is a step missing. The mind runs the biology, but the important thing to recognise is that there are two parts to the mind – the conscious and the subconscious – and the subconscious mind is over a million times more powerful than the conscious mind.’

He says, ‘If you tell a child it’s average and that’s the program, the child cannot exceed average because the brain will say, “this doesn’t make sense”. So no matter how hard that child tries it will unconsciously create average.’

The same applies for the painful traumatic beliefs we are carrying within us about relationships such as ‘The people I love hurt me, ignore me, treat me as invalid; they use my kindness for their own purposes.’ Or we may have the belief ‘If I don’t give other people what they want I will be criticised, rejected, abandoned, punished or even annihilated.’

We all know that that C.R.A.P.! Hence why we must go inwards with an effective method to change the program.

The Three Vital Steps to Heal

I want to share with you the incredible revelation I had that started the Thriver Movement. It happened on what I thought was the worst day of my life. I had been given a ‘There is no way to heal this; you can only medicate it with anti-psychotics’ diagnosis after my psychotic and adrenal breakdown.

I didn’t want to continue living, yet a voice in my head kept at me and at me with ‘there is another way’.

Anyway, many of you have heard this story so I’ll get right to the point. To try to shut down that voice in my head, in desperation, I ended up on my bathroom floor, put my hands up and screamed out, ‘Help me, I can’t do this anymore.’

An epiphany happened. Not just a regular everyday epiphany – rather a mind-blowing one that explained ‘everything’. It was a complete 180-degree turn away from my previous beliefs about how victimised I was, and how what had been dealt to me (the destruction of my entire life and self) was such a terrible fate.

I was shown there was a REASON for all of this. Again, not just a simple reason – rather a ‘the meaning of life’ reason. The reason being so that I could finally face my unmet, unconscious traumas and finally go free to be Who I Really Was.

Later I was to discover, through my whole Quantum Thriver Journey, that I am not alone in this. It’s in fact happening FOR all of us.

There were so many crystal-clear understandings that happened in the moments that followed on my bathroom floor. Maybe the incredible irony is that you have to be completely out of your mind to be able to receive the truth.

In amongst this, I was given the Three Key Steps to Heal.

These steps were:

Number 1: Acceptance of what had happened

Previously I had refused to accept losing both who I thought was the love of my life and everything that I thought was my life. I had been a total victim, and all the therapists and online forums had told me exactly that too.

However, I knew now that if I remained a victim and did not accept that all of this was happening FOR me instead of TO me, that I would never be able to get free of the trauma or get well.

Number 2: Turn inwards to heal myself

I understood that my current trauma and devastated life had come about because of not being healed and whole within myself. I had constantly self-abandoned. I was an expert at trying to shame and blame myself into shape, and reaching for distractions – keeping busy, overworking and using other addictions and unhealthy people and situations to do anything other than face, soothe and heal my own feelings.

None of my previous strategies worked anymore, and I was out of options to try to avoid the pain. There was only one place left to go – inside.

I knew my Inner Being needed me desperately, not False Sources, and only by going inwards could I heal the unhealable, change myself and forever change my life.

Number 3: Find, release and reprogram my trauma and belief systems

I knew I had to go inside with love and self-devotion to find my traumas and limiting beliefs, and be able to reprogram them back to wholeness.

Even though I didn’t know how to do this yet, I saw with absolute clarity the system of ‘so within so without’ and how our inner universe relates directly to our outer universe, and that to change our life the composition of our Inner Being needs to change first.

Then I was catapulted into a vision of the future where I saw and FELT myself Thriving – being more expanded, whole, loving, wise and powerful than I had ever imagined myself to be – even before abuse.

From that day forwards I totally fell into line with Number 1 and Number 2, and was on the search for how to achieve Number 3. Even though this epiphany in no way healed me, and there was tons of inner work and releasing trauma and subconscious reprogramming that I needed to do, I did have a massive immediate shift.

I gave up blaming myself and others. I released the shame of where my life had gone to. I knew this was about healing me and it was MY quest. I stopped holding the narcissist responsible for my life. Instead, I turned inwards and committed to the rebuilding of my soul from the ground up.

Even though I still had tons of trauma, my Inner Being heaved a sigh of relief. I had made this commitment to her, ‘I love you. I am here and I will do everything in my power to heal you, and I am never leaving you again.’

Now that I had shown up for myself, without any medication at all, which I was told I would need to even function, the psychotic episodes completely ended, forever.

Yet this was only the beginning. There was still so much more to come…

The Real Healing Breakthrough

Me surviving after being only 80 pounds and told I would never be normal and would need anti-psychotics for the rest of my life was already a miracle. I was medication free, determinedly self-partnered, and completely soul dedicated. Nothing was more important than fulfilling my quest of healing my Inner Being.

The future vision and the ‘knowing’ of being trauma-free kept calling me forward. I had researched many subconscious healing modalities, trying almost every one of them you can think of – EMDR, EFT, Body Code, The Reconnection, The Journey – the list goes on and on.

I found the most effective for me were Kinesiology and Theta Healing, which I studied and was certified in. These modalities, combined with past timeline regression therapy, which I had been practicing for decades previously, became a combined healing system that I called ‘Holographic Healing’.

The results for myself and other people with trauma symptoms were crazy good. So good that in a few short months after working on myself with Holographic Healing, I was completely free of CPTSD, fibromyalgia and adrenal stress. In many ways, even though I had been wiped out in nearly every area of my life, I had never felt so emotionally content and happy.

I still had, however, a persistent condition of agoraphobia. The narcissistic relationship had included stalking, threats, and terrible occurrences. Even though I felt fantastic in safe, closed spaces, in open spaces where I was vulnerable, the trauma that arose was sometimes horrific. I tried everything to heal this. I spent thousands of dollars on credit with every subconscious healer that was recommended to me – but the agoraphobia wouldn’t shift.

That was the case, until another miracle moment.

I was in Koh Samui on holiday and stuck in the confines of the hotel perimeter because of agoraphobia. This was 18 months after my bathroom floor awakening. I had had enough of it. I really wanted to heal this condition.

One night I started thinking about a documentary I had watched where Dr. Joe Dispenza and Dr. Candace Pert talk about how the chemical manufacturing part of our brain – the hypothalamus – produces ‘peptides’. You may have seen my Thriver TV Episode about this – and if not I highly suggest you do because it’s a key understanding. The link to the episode is here for you – The Answer To Narcissistic Abuse No-One Is Talking About – Peptide Addiction.

Anyway, the very shortened version of peptide addiction is this: science has now proven we literally get physiologically addicted in our cells to an emotion that we are receiving huge rushes of. Mine was fear – specifically ‘I’m not safe in life’.

As I thought about this documentary something CLICKED big time for me. I got it – the penny finally dropped – I just somehow KNEW that if I could feel that emotion in my body, target the traumas that were generating that emotion, use a visualisation process and intention to load up all the core causations reasons (meaning the original traumas and attached belief systems) and let them go, that I would be instantly freed from ‘I’m not safe in life’ and I would be completely healed from agoraphobia.

So I opened my heart and mind, and as I started taking dictation from a much higher source than me, I knew this was IT. My heart was pounding with excitement. There it was – a combination of Theta Healing, Kinesiology, Quantum multidimensional truths, timeline work, and other stuff I didn’t think I knew. Yet as I was writing it down, I knew I DID know it.

I was shown how multiple traumas are stored in the subconscious energetically – collective human traumas, past life trauma, trauma from our family’s genetic history and from our childhoods, including in utero before we are born, and then of course as adults.

I literally saw how these traumas lodge within our subconscious, and I was shown the intentions and visualisations as codes to unlock them and release them.

I was also shown that there are three compartments of the subconscious that require cleaning out for a full healing to take place. And with these releases, I was shown the corresponding integrations with the superconscious – which is Source – that is necessary to move each part of ourselves into the Light; into our Higher Potentiality connected with the Field so that we can actualise and be-come our True Self in regard to any topic that is targeted.

As I applied the first ever Quantum Freedom Healing to myself, I found and released dozens of past life, collective and childhood traumas. Then after searching inside and finding absolute no more parts of me that were attached to this trauma, I walked out into the main street of Chaweng Beach.

I started playing in life like I never had before. I was free, I was extended, I was radiant, I was connected to everything and everyone with joy. I had never ever felt those feeling before. Then I remembered the vision on my bathroom floor, when I was catapulted into the future – it was exactly THAT feeling.

Later, back in the hotel room, I thought to myself, ‘If I hadn’t been given this process, HOW on earth would I have ever found this?’ No therapy, including subconscious healing modalities, which were the most powerful, had ever taken me inwards to my Core Identity with such laser-like intensity, drawn the multiple traumas out of my cells from all the necessary subconscious compartments, and integrated me with the Oneness of myself and the Field to provide a fully experienced cellular body shift that completely short-circuited a deadly physiological peptide loop that my body had been addicted and trapped in.

How many decades of therapy would it take to get to that, what had just been achieved in only two hours?

Would it have even been possible?

I don’t believe it would.

The Inner Then Outer Shift

Humbly, I really want you to know Quanta Freedom Healing is not my creation. I was blessed, as a very unlikely messenger, to have this happen through me from a Higher Source that is much more intelligent than me. I could never have come up with that stuff myself! At first, I thought this gift was just for me, but I’ve known for a long time it’s for all of us. And such a gift it was to me!

As I kept using Quanta Freedom Healing on any trigger that came up for me, extraordinary things started to happen, and very quickly:

• Family, friends and colleagues who had turned away from me, turned back with love.

• The Universe was leaving me directions and ‘love notes’ every day to grant me the next step to my healing.

• Every day support, love, blessings and literal miracles were showing up, ranging from a free gift from a shopkeeper to incredible business and mission opportunities.

• The relationship with my son, which seemed shattered beyond repair, did a full about face and we were reunited. He healed miraculously from severe substance abuse and depression.

• A peace, love and wholeness that I didn’t even know existed, continued to build.

• Opportunities, synchronicities and miracles started to abound. Ways to come back and rebuild my life that I would never have dreamed of, just started showing up abundantly. And…

• I joyously followed my soul calling, and before I knew it my vocation was a global narcissistic abuse recovery expert – which truly is the job of my dreams, because I get to save lives and souls every day.

I had come home – finally – for the first time in lifetimes.

Thank God I had finally woken up from the trance – to shed the layers of false beliefs and traumas that have been inflicted on all of us on this planet.

This I now know is the simple meaning of life: if we have anything that hurts there is a corresponding trauma inside us, and when we find it and release it everything heals.

That’s ALL we have to do to claim our True Life.

You really do need to ‘Go Quantum’ to start experiencing the incredible fast results of this. Myself and Thrivers who do the inner work, live this as ‘our normal’. You will only begin to understand how powerful and capable you are of enlisting all of Life to co-create with you, when you get aligned in your Quantum consciousness. It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without – as absolute as gravity.

For more information regarding this, you may want to do some research on the Double Split experiment to see just how our own brand of consciousness affects how life shows up in our experience. This is what Quantum Science teaches us: at the subatomic level, beyond the atoms of our cells, we exist as pure waves of energy, a consciousness that is interconnected with the entire Field.

By living this we start to be-come Who We Really Are. Not just a little separated person having to unconsciously battle life – rather a connected being in the Oneness doing our life consciously.

The Results of Inner Healing the Quantum Way

These are the following:

1) You heal for real

There is no longer the need to have to manage trauma and the horrible symptoms and obsessional thoughts that go with that. It all melts away.

2) The narcissist becomes powerless against you

Committed NARPers regularly have unprecedented property settlement and custody wins. Often the narcissist completely capitulates and grants what is fair, because they can’t stand being in your empowered energy without being able to hook you. Doing the inner work to detox a narcissist from every vestige of your Inner Being is the only way to win against a narcissist that I have ever seen work.

3) You don’t need to learn how to be-come, it just happens

The old paradigm of healing was that we needed to unlearn something and then retrain ourselves to learn a new way of being. This generally took years, if not decades, researching into the ‘what happened with whom and what effect that had on us’.

This equals ‘analysis paralysis’ that only drip feeds, at best, any change to our subconscious programs and, at worse, cements deeper into our Inner Being our belief about being a victim and defective.

With Quanta Freedom Healing there is absolutely no need to know or research your story. It doesn’t matter how, with whom or when the trauma happened. Literally, by accessing the body’s wisdom and power, which is always unfolding the next wound to be released, you simply load and release the dense energy in your body and the belief system that was wrapped into that trauma disappears also.

There is zero need for you to even know what the trauma or belief was for you to be completely free of it. (However, don’t be surprised if total answers and concrete knowing arises as a product of your True Self connection to yourself!)

Then, as a result of the part of the process that brings in your Superconscious self, filling the space where the wound was, you automatically be-come the new and True Self. The person who knows how to be organically wise, conscious, self-loving, self-respecting, powerful and yet grace-full, whilst serving the Field in the highest and most honourable ways.

This shift of something that may have taken decades contemporarily to achieve previously – if it ever was possible – can happen within half an hour on any topic in your life, which is the duration of a Quanta Freedom Healing.

This may seem too good to be true, but I promise you once you start Going Quantum you will know exactly what I am talking about.

4) Your Life expands and heals in multiple areas

Naturally, we initially do the Quantum Inner Work to get relief from current trauma and fear. However, when cleaning out all that the narcissist has triggered, you will realise how the limiting beliefs and traumas were holding you separated from the things in life that you deeply desired.

The things that ironically you had attached to the narcissist, to try to gain through him or her, instead of generating through Self.

For the first real and authentic time, your confidence starts flowing, joy emerges, the ability to lay healthy boundaries comes online, inner knowing, wisdom, inspiration and intuition start to arise from within, and your life’s dreams and goals all come into view.

The areas of your life that were lacking, now can all heal and produce the results your heart has always desired.

That has been my experience, on steroids, as a result of Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), which I do any day that I feel dense, unwanted energy in my body. Sometimes I may do as many as three healings a week. Other times I may not do one for a couple of weeks.

The triggers I have in my life are miniscule now – because I have released so much trauma. Yet, absolutely back in the day, I was in the deep dark trenches of meeting and releasing my trauma for much longer periods. But why wouldn’t I be? Look at the results now.

If I hadn’t done the work, I know 100% I would be back in my next lifetime having to face all of this again. I wanted this evolution – we all do. As Dr. Joe Dispenza says (I think it went something like this!), ‘We are all going to evolve. The real question is “when?” Will that start now or be in thirty years’ time, or a hundred more lifetimes?’

It all starts by turning inwards and taking on the three keys to heal for real: 1) accepting this happened for a reason, 2) turning inwards to ourselves with love, and 3) using processes to release trauma and reprogram our subconscious programs.

When we take on the ‘three keys’, the results are fast and effective. It’s the new science and the way we can be free of our wounds, our old beliefs and the horrible diagnoses we have received – as well as our fear, pain and abuse patterns.

As Thriver Sophie said, ‘After years of therapy I have had more success with Melanie’s healing in less than 2.5 weeks than all those 15 plus years combined.’

Linda, in a few short weeks after being discarded by a narcissist and hospitalised for a suicide attempt and severe depression, said this, ‘After spending weeks in hospitals from crippling depression and hopelessness, Melanie’s work has changed my life so much for the better. My condition has improved so much since finding her. There are not enough words to describe what a difference she has made in my life. I am from New Mexico and have done a lot of energy work there, but nothing I have ever experienced compares to the life changing miracle that Melanie has given me.’

Lisa said this, ‘The NARP program is nothing short of phenomenal. Embarking on the journey that is NARP has opened up my world, brought both sides of my brain back into harmony, and I have never felt so empowered and liberated. This is sheer breakthrough and these are super tools.’

Humbly, these stories are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the life-changing and life-saving testimonies that flood into MTE every day as a result of NARP. You don’t have to look far in my social communities to read them for yourself.

Lisa’s right, these are super tools, and I feel so blessed that we all live in a time to be a part of this exciting paradigm shift, a return to truth, a Quantum Leap in our own healing evolution.

So, if you want to dive in and Go Quantum and start experiencing these results for yourself, I would love you to join me in my brand new two-hour masterclass – Heal Your Abuse Trauma and Claim Your True Life.

This event is the beginning of your True Self and True Life if you want it!

And it’s totally FREE.

You can do so by clicking this link.  I can’t wait to see you in there with me!

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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8 Signs You Are Suffering From Narcissistic Abuse

8 Signs You Are Suffering From Narcissistic Abuse

 

Many people are not sure whether or not they are suffering from narcissistic abuse. Cognitive dissonance and the confusion that goes with abuse can have a lot to do with this.

Today I want to grant you eight signs to know that you are suffering narcissistic abuse, so that not only can you have clarity, but also you know where to go from here.

If this is your first time dealing with narcissistic abuse, you may not realise that by the time you’re suffering these eight signs things are serious, and if you don’t get clarity and start making decisions to protect yourself it’s going to get much worse.

Those of you who are going through this again, like myself and many others did twice or more, we really need to face up to the facts about what toxic relationships look like and who we need to be to get out of them and stay out of them.

This is exactly what today’s article is all about – the awareness and solutions to empower you up and out of narcissistic abuse. Please know this article is about absolutely any narcissist in your life – all the signs apply to any toxic relationship such as a spouse, lover, family member, neighbour or friend. Anyone.

 

Number 1: Your Relationship Is Not Kind, Caring Or Sane

Now, this is where we need to get really clear. Toxic relationships can be very confusing at times, making it difficult to know ‘who is who in the zoo’. This happens because a toxic person will spin it back on you, blame you and will not be accountable.

I really want to say this about the first of the eight signs that you are suffering from narcissistic abuse: if someone hurts you and is not capable of a genuine apology, and you keep hanging out with this person, they will continue to hurt you. They will never be remorseful and, of course, will continue the same behaviour.

We do need to understand what out-of-bounds behaviour is. It can range all the way from name-calling to physical abuse; to mental abuse and pathological lying; to having no regard for your property or the people you care about … the list goes on and on.

I have included here a link to my article Are You With a Narcissist?  so that you can get very clear about what narcissistic behaviours are.

If you are in a relationship with a person who repeats out-of-bound behaviours that are violating and hurtful, first of all know our Inner Being always registers this! This means you are being abused. If this person makes false or non-existent apologies, has no respect or care for your feelings, blames you for the problems, and even smears you to others telling them you are the bad guy or girl and that it is he or she who is being abused, then this is absolutely narcissistic.

The Truth About This

People either have a decent character or they don’t. We are not going to change who people are – it is us who needs to change for us to have any chance of a healthy, loving and happy life.

That entails letting go of our connection to someone like this, healing ourselves by doing the inner work, and getting very clear about our own self-love, self-worth, boundaries and how to generate real, loving and responsible adult relationships in the future.

A person like this simply does not have the resources to grant us this – but we can.

Now let’s look at the second sign that you are suffering from narcissistic abuse.

 

Number 2: You Are Dealing With Immature Behaviour and Give Up Pieces of Yourself To Comply

A hallmark of narcissistic relationships is this person gets bent out of shape on hair-line triggers that mature adults just don’t get upset about. Also, they believe they are entitled to and expect preferential treatment, and can be nasty, demanding, punishing and even explosive if they don’t receive it.

You discover that there are certain things you just can’t naturally or normally talk about. Likewise, there are things that you would normally be free to do, that may be unacceptable or risky now.

Maybe if this person doesn’t get their own way, they will abandon you or threaten to leave you, and again you start doing things outside of your comfort and value systems to stop this happening.

Often your inner being is screaming ‘no’ when the narcissist asks for something, but you know what could take place if you don’t comply, so you give up your time, resources, and even life, trying to keep this person happy, which ironically doesn’t work and the walking on broken glass doesn’t stop either.

The Truth About This

You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t, and it doesn’t matter how many shapes you twist yourself into, they are still not happy.

You will never make this person happy, and it’s not your job to either. Your true soul mission is to align with the truth of your soul and then you will serve others and life in holistic and healthy ways. By staying with someone like this, not only are you being destroyed but you are also hurting the people who care about you. By staying with them and trying to please them, you are enabling this person to continue being an abuser.

No one wins in the healthy stakes in this dynamic.

Okay, so the third sign that you are suffering from narcissistic abuse is this…

 

Number 3: You Are Angry, Disjointed and Are Behaving In Ways That You Normally Don’t

I believe a good indication that you are being narcissistically abused is seeing the discrepancy with how you feel with this person in relation to your everyday dealings with other people.

If you know that you have integrity, can listen, have empathy, are capable of having sane conversations and get along with most people in your life, and yet there is ‘this’ person who brings out the worst in you – this is generally because your boundaries are being violated and the normal modes of human operations don’t stand.

The circular arguments you are having make your head spin, because they go around and around on unrelated tangents – points that make no sense. Narcissists use these tactics when confronted, or they argue with you to manipulate you into something unwholesome:

Toxic people:

  • make excuses for their behaviour.
  • minimise an incident altogether.
  • accuse someone else of wrongdoing.
  • confuse you with antics or trivia to take you off the subject.
  • use allies, real or fabricated, to back up their argument.
  • use ‘tit for tat’ behaviours relating to something you did in the past.
  • state how disloyal your accusations of them are.
  • discredit your observations, owing to your ‘unstable’ past.

And the list goes on and ON! You feel like your head is spinning and the frustration, pain and trauma is beyond intense.

The Truth About This

Please get VERY clear about this – when you are enmeshed with a sick person, you get sick.

If you are experiencing these type of instances in your relationship, it is time to pull away, get away and heal. You may not realise it, but what you are doing is granting what this person wants – the drama and significance of knowing they can hook you in and affect you so much. It’s called narcissistic supply. You need to cut this off to have any chance of getting your soul and life back.

 

Number 4: You Find Yourself Trying To Prove That You Are A Good Person

Because the narcissist is regularly accusing you of all the things that they are and do, such as lacking integrity and love and care for people, being unfaithful, lying, making it all about yourself, wanting to use people for your own gain, etc., naturally you will be incensed and try extremely hard to prove and convince them otherwise.

You will be shocked at the allegations regarding things that you don’t do and aren’t capable of doing, which, in actual fact, you know are what the narcissist does.

You may have said in total shock and horror to the narcissist, ‘Do you have a mirror?’ or ‘You have no idea who I am’ or ‘If you really think that about me, why are you with me?’

The Truth About This

This is another deadly hook that narcissists can get us enmeshed with them on. If we believe that our integrity, character, wellbeing and safety is dependent on what other people think of us, then we are really susceptible to this narcissistic behaviour.

To truly heal we need to detach from other people who have warped versions of us and then heal inside to get to the solid place of knowing. It’s only our version of ourselves that is vital. And when we are true to our ‘self’, who and what is healthy will follow, and those that don’t we will easily leave alone.

 

Number 5: You Are Mopping Up the Messes

Being connected with a narcissist has lots of drama, rough edges and quite frankly means that disasters are always looming.

Narcissists usually aren’t good with detail, accountability or sensibility. They fly high, seeking narcissistic supply and acclaim with not much thought for ‘doing the right thing’. It’s normal to have all sorts of things pop up as a result of the narcissist’s loose and non-accountable behaviour, which of course is always someone else’s fault.

If your life is connected with one of these people, it is usual that you will be paying their fines, sorting out their messes and dramas, and even lying for them to cover their tracks.

It’s like this analogy – as you are watering their back lawn trying to keep it green, yours gets parched, turns brown and dies.

The Truth About This

This is how narcissists roll, and this is what happens to the sensible, well-meaning, responsible people who narcissists like to recruit into their lives.

Know that when you are emptied out you will be discarded and the narcissist will then find some other good, responsible person to take on the mopping-up task for them.

One of the greatest gifts of our recovery, when we walk away from people like this and do the inner work, is we learn how to be responsible for ourselves and generate lives with people who take responsibility, and we stop enabling people who don’t.

By walking away, healing and re-starting our life with self-responsibility – being left to ‘mop up messes’ won’t happen to us again.

 

Number 6 – Your Boundaries Are Being Disintegrated

In a relationship with a narcissist you will find it difficult to speak up, stand up for yourself or hold boundaries. And when you try to do so, you are criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished.

To try to minimalise the trauma and mayhem that breaks out – you start to give up on trying to assert your needs.

Or maybe, because you have dissolved into so many feelings of powerlessness, helplessness and despair, you find yourself begging or pleading for your boundaries to be respected. Discovering that the narcissist has zero empathy for you and won’t comply, takes you down into an even deeper place of helplessness.

The Truth About This

It’s extremely common for people with poor boundaries to get involved with narcissists. When we get away and start healing and recovering our True Selves, we can become someone who has a healthy boundary function.

Then we know going forward that it isn’t about other people getting our boundaries, rather it is about us knowing our values, limits and truths; and if people can’t respect that, then these people can’t be in our life – no matter who they are.

For most of us this is our most important recovery work – because when we were young we weren’t able to establish and develop our inner truth, values and needs.

 

Number 7: You Feel Addicted, Disjointed and Manic

A perverse addiction happens with narcissists. There are many reasons we get trauma-bonded to them, and I’m sharing these resources on trauma bonding and peptide addiction to help you understand what it is all about.

Trauma Bonding – Is It Love Or Something Else?

The Answer To Narcissistic Abuse That No One Is Talking About  – Peptide Addiction

Suffice to say, before you understand what is going on with you physiologically – meaning within the cells in your literal body, which is hijacking 95% of your feelings, thoughts and your nervous system – you may feel manic and unable to stop trying to contact or hook back up with the narcissist, even when you know how much you continually get hurt by doing so.

We can be horrified with how addicted we are to someone who treats us so terribly. It just doesn’t make logical sense, hence why you really need to look at these resources above that I have provided you with.

I have had ex-heroin addicts tell me that getting off a narcissist is ten times harder than getting off heroin. After going through the horrifying narcissistic addiction myself, which nearly claimed my life, I can see what they mean.

The Truth About This

It is of course very serious when it gets to a stage where we simply can’t talk ourselves out of doing the actions that we know are putting ourselves back into the fire to get burnt again.

Deep inner healing in our subconscious is so necessary to start shifting out the trauma; to be able to be in our inner beings with ourselves, self-soothing, looking after ourselves and no longer handing power away in ways that are dangerous and possibly even tragically self-disintegrating.

 

Number 8: You Are Suffering Abuse Symptoms

Things are now very serious. When our emotional Inner Being has been screaming out for our attention and we haven’t as yet pulled away and turned inwards to heal and tend to our own soul and life-force, then physically we start breaking down for our soul to fully get our attention.

It is likely that anxiety and depression, and even greater issues like fibromyalgia, adrenal issues, PTSD and agoraphobia, start to develop. You lose interest in the activities, people and self-care, which used to grant you energy, as the toxic person in your life takes up more and more of your energy and focus.

As we get stripped away more and more, and keep handing our power, energy and attention away only to become less and less, the shame and pain becomes so great that we may start hiding out from the world, lying to people, covering up and feel even more isolated in our traumatic feelings and symptoms.

The Truth About This

How bad does it have to get before we awaken to the truth?

If we stay things get worse. And if we leave and don’t attend to our inner healing, things get worse.

We may lose a lot by leaving, as many of us have, however, by leaving we can achieve the greatest gain – finally turning inwards to integrate with ourselves so that we are in a position of wholeness and can be in control of our choices and have the power to look after ourselves and create a healthy, happy and truly loving life.

 

In Conclusion

Okay, please know this – there are varying degrees of narcissism and there also are people who can just be clueless and selfish but not necessarily afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

If someone in your life does not share your values and doesn’t care for your feelings, then this is not a healthy relationship for you. As soon as we try changing other people, it’s time to pull away and say to ourselves and them, ‘This is who I am and what I need for us to continue.’

The person then either steps up, because they wish to change and meet us there or doesn’t – and if they don’t, we care and love people enough, regardless of who they are, to let them have their version of life for themselves – even if it is not what we want.

But the real question is: Are YOU whole enough to walk away if they don’t or can’t meet you where you are at?

That’s the Thriver development that we all need to do if we are to be whole and safe and powerful regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

That’s my favourite personal inner work, and I love to help others get there too – hence why I’m inviting you now to join me in my 16-day free course, which you can access immediately by clicking this link.

Or if you think you are ready to truly ready to heal for real from abuse, I’d love to guide you every step of the way in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.

Please share this article with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Ignore A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You

How To Ignore A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You

 

When a narcissist acts up – it can be brutal! They say and do things that are conscienceless, malicious and horrifically nasty.

Believe me I KNOW how hard it is NOT to react! I used to FIGHT BACK nearly all the time.

But it didn’t work.

And I know, like me, that your reactions don’t bring RELIEF or SOLUTION, and instead you just feel more broken and traumatised and like you are going mad.

This is why learning how to IGNORE a narcissist is not just healthy; it may even SAVE your Life.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists are nasty people. They know – specifically – how to get to you.

We know this – you have been through it or are going through it. The absolute devastation of getting hit with such low blows that you can’t help but be triggered to react.

And we may think we are sticking up for ourselves and that we are not letting the narcissist get away with it by reacting. But no positive results are forthcoming.

In fact the more we react, the more we hand power over and the more the narcissist gets the feed to keep punishing us.

I will go as far as say when you continue to react you are putting yourself in such critical positions that it could empty you all the way out to your demise. It could literally take you all the way to the end of your life as you know it – and even your life itself.

This is why learning how to ignore a narcissist is one of the most powerful tools you will ever have. Not just to save your life, but also to render the narcissist powerless and to create the room for your real, abuse-free life to begin.

Today I’m going to give you everything I’ve got to both empower you and give you the confidence to do this.

Okay, so before we get started I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s start with one of the greatest motivations you could ever learn regarding the narcissist’s disordered psyche…

 

Being Ignored is the Narcissist’s Greatest Fear

To combat narcissists effectively begins with understanding that their model of the world is not the same as ours.

Narcissists do not wish to obtain togetherness, harmony and solution – they are all about getting narcissistic supply. This means the attention that allows them to know they are ‘significant enough’ to exist. Attention from others coupled with other people’s BIG emotional content and focus, to the exclusion of all else, grants the narcissist A-grade narcissistic supply.

To the narcissist this means: ‘For good or bad right now, I am the centre of your Universe.’

In contrast, if you have your own identity, interests and life, then this is a great ego injury and so the narcissist needs to pull you off these things and back onto them.

Of course, at times the narcissist will feign ‘care and niceties’ to get your energy and focus back, but if that isn’t working or appropriate for them to do, then it will be whatever and however your attention can be harvested. Targeting and smashing your weak points, the things that hurt you the most, is a powerful way to achieve this.

If and when we heal, no longer react, let go and finally exit this crazy and painful game of keeping attached to someone who is sucking our life-force and continually retraumatising us, then…

We deliver the most terrifying reality to the narcissist: ‘You no longer exist or have any power over me.’

Let’s check out EXACTLY how to get there!

 

Realise the Truth About ‘The Punishment’

When we haven’t yet healed our own Inner Identity to the point of actively knowing – ‘It isn’t important what other people think about me or do; it is important what I think about and do.’, we hand our power away to life and others rather than being in our own power centre.

If we are not yet safe and anchored in our own bodies about our truths and values, and are still dependent on other specific people validating and approving of us, we can be targeted and punished by others. We then live by the false and dangerous premise of ‘My life is dependent on how this person thinks about me and treats me.’

Oh gosh, don’t narcissists get their hooks into us in this place? Just like a lion can attach to an injured gazelle at the edge of a pack.

We may not have realised that we are always teaching people how to treat us and love us. When we allow abuse by staying around to receive it, no matter how much we may jump up and down about it, what we are actually saying is, ‘that’s okay’. Whatever we tolerate DOES and WILL become our reality.

Narcissists are highly intuitive beings who find and belt up on people’s unhealed wounds. The same narcissist will punish people differently depending on the person. In the case of one of my ex narcissists, he punished me with engulfment and control and constant accusations. He was always stalking me and micro-managing me. However, his next partner experienced him detaching, disappearing and throwing other women in her face.

How interesting all of this is!

My inner subconscious wounds concerning love were: ‘People who love me control and judge me and don’t trust me.’ Her inner wounds were: ‘The people who love me leave me for others.’

I would never tolerate for a millisecond someone who went missing in action and threw affairs in my face – so of course, he would never have used this tactic to punish me, keep me coming back for more, and extract narcissistic supply from me.

And I know one hundred percent that someone like her would never have tolerated being stalked and smothered for a moment either.

Is the penny dropping? Are you getting this? It’s vital you understand, otherwise you will always be looking for your solutions and healing where it simply does not exist.

Why on earth would you even consider trying to work out why and how a narcissist is punishing you, when he or she is plasticine and can morph into any shape or person to fulfil the quest of obtaining narcissistic supply?

The answers, solutions and healing can only be obtained from inside of you. It’s the only place relief and solution exists, and you do this by working out YOUR wounds, what the narcissist is triggering off within you, and then healing them.

This is not about blaming ourselves or saying, ‘Okay, so if I didn’t have wounds the narcissist can’t punish me.’

If you didn’t have wounds you would not be with a narcissist – you would have flushed out him or her and detached yourself as soon as the abuse started. You would say, ‘not my reality’ just as I would have if I had had women thrown in my face (and what the next women would have done with someone engulfing her). If we don’t have wounds on the topics narcissistic use nastily against us, we just DON’T PLAY!

The only reason we stayed connected was because we had wounds specific to our past and emotional injuries that the narcissist could hook us and hurt us with whilst extracting narcissistic supply.

When we have done the inner work to be whole and anchored in our own body and clear on our values, truth and Self, we don’t tolerate anyone loving us any less than the level we treat ourselves.

Is the narcissist’s motivation, and the part we play, clearer to you today, perhaps more than ever before?

This is NOT about the narcissist. This is about healing ourselves and taking our power back so that we no longer connect with people who will destroy our lives, hearts and souls.

If you do get this, and you are past the ridiculous notion that healing ourselves and taking our power back is about ‘victim blaming’, I want you to write below ‘I get it. My salvation is not about the narcissist, it is about healing ME!’

Now let’s get onto the physiological reasons why ignoring the narcissist – making it NOT about them but all about you – ABSOLUTELY equals taking your power back.

 

Self-partnering – The Essential Connection Back to Self

At first we may be motivated to ignore the narcissist because we know that this hurts them a lot more than trying to ‘make him or her get it’, ‘be accountable, atone or apologise’ or ‘pay for what they have done’.

Please know all of these things – trying to bring a narcissist to justice – are fruitless and re-traumatising unless you have detached, healed and are simply living your truth with powerful boundaries and in no way needing specific outcomes in order to be ‘whole’.

So we may be settled on the idea that ignoring the narcissist is the best way to hurt him or her the most, and at first this can help you do this. But truly, if you use ‘ignoring the narcissist to self-partner and heal yourself’ as your greatest motivation, before long you truly won’t care less about what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

The relief and healing you feel will make you incredibly motivated to keep going with what you are now engaged in – namely love and dedication to your own development, healing and growth. You will start to feel the love and wholeness you have been searching for your entire life, just in all the wrong places.

As Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolt, the world’s leading expert on trauma, tells us: to start moving into safety within our own Being and away from trauma reactions only happens when we take our attention inside us. This activates the areas of our brain associated with ‘interoception’. Dr Van Der Kolt believes that we can’t get the parts of our brain that can integrate and heal from extreme trauma as well as anxiety, depression and feelings of powerlessness – all synonymous with narcissistic abuse – on line if we don’t go within.

I totally concur, and as myself and so many Thrivers have discovered, it was when we took our attention off the narcissist and fully turned inwards to make it about healing and rescuing ourselves from all the horrific traumas activated by narcissists, an incredible transformation, emancipation and liberation occurred within ourselves and then in our outer lives. And this is exactly what the healing power of NARP facilitates for us.

 As Pema Chodron famously said, ‘If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart…’

This is where it is crazy, thinking that focusing everything we have on narcissists and not ourselves is going to help. It doesn’t. It just keeps us bleeding out and our lives further disintegrating. Such is the path of victimhood.

Okay so you may say, ‘Sure Melanie, but how can I detach and ignore the narcissist when my life is fully under siege; when the things and people that I care about the most are under threat?’

Okay, let’s look at this.

 

The Power in Letting Go and Letting God/Source/Life Take Care of Things

For most mere mortals, like me and you, initially it is almost impossible not to react to a narcissist’s cruel behaviour when the punishment CLEARLY does not match the supposed crime. Especially if you are like me, a high-powered, passionate person who has specific beliefs about life and others, and how people should treat each other with integrity.

I used to be one of those people who HATED injustice vehemently. For me, to sit back and shut my mouth when something was blatantly ‘wrong’, ‘unfair’ or ‘ridiculous’ was unthinkable.

But I learned, oh boy I learned, that this righteousness, when it comes to narcissistic abuse, is totally Wrong Town.

Rather than ‘me’ trying to control, fix things and bring the narcissist to justice, I had to learn to step aside, let go and let a Bigger, much more Intelligent, Force than me take over.

You may want to accuse me of being all woohoo or even religious, or trying to get you to have blind faith in ‘another’ power. What I am talking about here – for me anyway – is Quantum. It’s not just ‘Source’, it is your ‘Higher Power’; it’s the Field that you are intrinsically connected to.

Quantum Scientists like Dr. Joe Dispenza and Brice Lipton are on the forefront of helping us rise from our previous victimhoods into our Quantum Power, by showing us that when you address your subconscious, which as Dr. Lipton states is processing 40 million bits per second as opposed to our conscious mind which can only process 40 bits per second, that we are working with the most powerful processor of all that is connected to all of Life in our experience as our Life.

This is where narcissistic abuse pushes us to step out of doing Life the way we used to – ‘from the outside in’ believing that Life was happening ‘to’ us instead of ‘through’ us – to discover the powerful Quantum Creators we really are. And what this means is that when we address and change our inner beliefs and programs, then we change our emotions, our feelings, our actions and our world.

We also signal the entire Field differently in the way that it responds to us. We start to access trajectories of experiences and opportunities that we simply didn’t have access to before our inner shift.

Finally we understand the truth. That the way our subconscious was programmed meant that unconsciously we would collude to ensure that these programs played out to the letter. Because that is the purpose of the subconscious – to fulfil the physical, lived reality of the inner program. That is until we awaken and go within to address the very core of what is really going on – which is ALWAYS inside of us.

Myself and so many others have discovered, usually because we have tried everything else to no avail, that when we let go of what the narcissist was doing and trying to control and went inside to meet and release the trauma and the terror within, triggered by the narcissist’s punishment, that not only did the trauma and terror go, the narcissist’s terror campaign also dissolved into nothingness. They stopped being able to do to us what they were previously doing.

It may seem like a miracle – yet it’s Quantum Law – so within so without. When we change our inner state FIRST, then the outer MUST follow.

With everything I have seen over the last ten plus years, I know narcissistic abuse is an energetic phenomenon that can only be addressed this way. It’s the only way we can properly detach, heal and break free for REAL.

And, maybe like me it took a lesson so hard and absolute as narcissistic abuse to truly find your real Quantum Power and change your entire life beyond description for the rest of your Life.

That is exactly what the path of ignoring the narcissist and fully turning inwards to yourself, incredibly and magnificently, produces.

And don’t for one minute think that this means you will be lazy and won’t act or protect yourself or get your life going – that’s not true. Because when you do clear the trauma and get safe and powerful in your body, then all that energy that used to be bound up and crippling you with trauma, is freed up and available for powerful creation – regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

That is when you enter and become your own personal nirvana and powerhouse of life-force.

That is Thriving.

Are you ready for this? Have you had enough of being enmeshed in the punishment of narcissists and the punishment of your ongoing thoughts and obsessions and trauma – if you have already got away?

If so, enough is enough. It’s time. Join me to learn a better way to heal your Core Identity – a powerful, direct way that REALLY works. You can start accessing this information and true relief today by clicking here.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Respond To The Silent Treatment Without Losing Your Mind

How To Respond To The Silent Treatment Without Losing Your Mind

 

I remember those times…when he’d stonewall, wouldn’t speak, turn his phone off or disappear, and I would be in agony regarding how to respond to the silent treatment.

I know so many of you know this too; the absolute devastation of not just being abused, but then completely switched off from – as if you don’t exist.

So, how do we know how to respond to the silent treatment?

If you too have been through the feelings of despair, betrayal and the intense and uncontrollable panic of being discarded in this way…or if you are sick of the waiting around for days, weeks or even months before this person wants to talk (aka hoover you in again), then this article will help you a lot.

Before we get into this, however, I just want to remind you if you haven’t already, to sign up my free New Life Newsletter because, on top of the information I am sharing with you today, you will also gain much clarity and power in regard to dealing with the narcissist or any toxic person in your life – including the ones that do ‘the silent treatment’ with you!

 

The Torture of Having Our Focus On Them

I am not exaggerating when I tell you I have met people who haven’t heard from a person for years and live their life every day in the hope that they will.

I also know of people who are intermittently ignored, discarded, and then re-hooked with when the narcissist feels like it only to be discarded again like yesterday’s rubbish when the narcissist returns to the current partner, family member or spouse.

Of course, this person, in hope of the narcissist ‘coming back’, is only being used for narcissistic supply when other sources were too problematic or, as far as the narcissist was concerned, they should be punished.

Trying to work out someone else is Wrong Town – it means we lose power, hand our energy to someone we have no control over and become more disconnected, emptied out, traumatised and therefore out of control.

How to respond to the silent treatment does not include trying to work out whether or not someone ‘loves’ us, ‘misses’ us or has ‘any idea what they have done to us’ – please know I used to be a Master at this! If doing this, it means the state of relationship we are having with ourselves lies precariously with someone else. With all of our focus on them, we deny ourselves exactly what we need – the essential self-partnering to love and heal ourselves back to wholeness.

Can we please get very clear on this? If we are, as grown adults, traumatised and terrorised by how someone else isn’t loving us, caring about us and committing to us, it means we have some very deep work to do to heal our own relationship within – meaning our own levels of love, care and commitment to ourselves.

When you are discarded, ignored and given the silent treatment by a narcissist, this is a hot-spot time to feel emptiness, panic, rage, hurt and pain with no way of relief. The narcissist will only come back in when they know you have suffered intensely (and it suits their agenda).

Truly this is by soul design. This is happening FOR you and not TO you. There was never going to be a happy ever after in this relationship, whether the narcissist was ignoring you or not. This relationship, at your soul level, is not about the narcissist loving, caring and committing to you – it is and was always meant to be about you finally having NO choice other than to come home to do this for yourself.

 

Why Your Head Spins

When narcissists employ the silent treatment, it can be because they have performed a final discard – meaning there is no more narcissistic supply to gain from you. Maybe they have sucked out all they can and now you are too broken and unwell to supply more. Maybe they have found someone else who they feel they can gain more from.

Maybe you ended the relationship and they know that you’ve woken up from the trance and are no longer food on the table for them. If there is NO narcissistic supply to gain, after a few attempts, narcissists move on – they must.

If you are being invalidated by the silent treatment whilst still in the relationship and don’t know if there is still a relationship or not, the narcissist is likely to be using the silent treatment tactic for one or more of the following reasons.

  • She/he knows it affects you horrifically.
  • The time ‘away’ is being used to pursue, investigate or indulge in other narcissistic supply.
  • She/he feels a significant ego feed from receiving your calls, texts and emails and not responding. ‘I can affect you this much because I am IMPORTANT.’
  • To gather evidence about you, in the form of your messages, to show to other people regarding how ‘crazy’ and ‘bad’ you are.

If you are caught up in this, you will feel like you are losing your mind! And that’s the way the narcissists wants it, because it vindicates them. It makes them more entrenched in their delusion that they are the victim and it’s you with the issues, while he or she plays the ‘martyr’ who needs to pull away.

Naturally, the obscene thing that the narcissist did that preceded their silent treatment, when you stood up, asked for accountability or challenged them, is conveniently dismissed.

That in itself is enough to make your head spin!

Please know, I intimately understand the horrible injustice of all of this and how abandoned, devastated and betrayed we feel by someone who has not only the propensity to invalidate our feelings constantly by not caring about us enough to be kind and decent, but who in our deepest times of requiring resolution and communication to work towards our true desire of a healthier relationship, will COMPLETELY check out and desert you.

That’s what the silent treatment is all about – punishing you for upsetting the narcissist’s game: ‘I am not here FOR you or to grant you anything; I am only here for what I can TAKE from you.’

We Have to Stop Abandoning Ourselves

In this section I want us to understand how to respond to the silent treatment.

If it’s not a healthy relationship – we don’t respond at all.

I want to help you be very clear about what a healthy relationship looks like. It is two people who care about each other and want to work towards solution. They don’t jump ship as soon as they are questioned or the other person requires emotional support and understanding.

Healthy relationships aren’t the toxic ones that narcissistic abuse brings – they don’t go around and around in circles without ever truly resolving and evolving things to higher levels of connection.

I know how confusing it is in a narcissistic relationship when this person is convincing you that you are the problem, and you feel so emptied out, fragmented and traumatised that you have no idea which way is up or which is down. And I know that when we feel like this, we feel so soul-shattered that we can’t even begin to understand how we will ever feel whole and healthy again.

This is especially horrific when we are abandoned with the silent treatment.

In Thriver recovery this is one of the most important mantras we can ever understand: It is the time when I feel so abandoned by someone that I need to turn inwards and no longer abandon myself.

This is the truth about all our triggered wounds. It is not what someone has done to us nearly as much as what that action has triggered off within us that needs our own healing.

And I promise you with all my heart that trying to force the person who has done ‘that thing to us’ to do it differently or to change equals a big fat ‘how to lose’. They won’t change and, even if they do, another silent treatment/discard is coming, at the whim of their self-absorbed conscienceless ego, while the state of our soul remains in their malicious, unpredictable self-serving hands.

This is powerlessness. We are precariously reliant on someone who has the power to regularly and randomly abuse and hurt us. This is identical to playing out our life as a powerless child dependent on an adult ‘doing the right thing’ and if they don’t still being connected helplessly anyway.

In relation to a narcissist – there isn’t even any ‘one’ there to love you.  a False Self who is only serving their own ego feed. You are wanting someone to care about you who doesn’t even exist.

However, when we do turn inwards to find our inner underdeveloped parts that are handing their power away and heal them up to wholeness (which is what my NARP Program powerfully does) then the game is over.

We don’t need to precariously cling to someone hoping they will love, care for and commit to us.

Why not? Because FINALLY we have come home to do this for ourselves.

This is the SIMPLE definition of wholeness – ‘I love, care for and commit to myself regardless of what you are or aren’t doing.’

THAT is Thriving…

The Golden Opportunity Of Silent Treatment

Many a narcissist has been blind-sighted by NARPers who uplevel and heal (on the quiet) when the narcissist has disconnected from them.

Jane’s story demonstrates exactly that. Jane had been ditched and reconnected with more times than she could count over the last five years. When Jane confronted Brendan about questionable messages on his phone, that were under the name of a man but seemed like those from a woman, Brendan accused her of paranoia and broke away…again…

Jane could not contact him, and she was shattered. She apologised, she begged for forgiveness by text messages and emails and she even rang and talked to one of his best friends, trying to get the message passed on, but he would not reply to her. In desperation, she drove to his house, but he wouldn’t open the door.

Let’s just get this straight – over the past few years Jane had discovered numerous affairs and even been contacted by other women – she had every right to be ‘paranoid’.

Jane, when she found her way to this Community, TOTALLY felt like she was losing her mind. She couldn’t eat sleep or function. Jane was encouraged to start NARP.

With everything she had, Jane detached from thinking about Brendan and got firmly down to the inner work on herself.

Jane was astounded to find that the triggers that Brendan was hitting within her were huge childhood and epigenetic already existing wounds of not feeling loved, valued and worthy of someone’s commitment to her. These were the REAL and deep reasons that Jane had been putting up with the crumbs and abuse of ‘love’ her whole life. Finally, she had enough of these painful patterns.

After two weeks she was emotionally ready to block and delete all means of contact with him – which she did.

Two days later Brendan appeared on her doorstep. She didn’t answer the door. She felt nothing but repulsion and anger towards him. The thought of being with him made her feel ill. She told him to leave or she would call the police and have him removed.

She meant it.

After a couple more failed attempts Brendan left her alone. Not long after that another woman contacted her on social media and told her about the affair she had been having with Brendan for the last six months.

Jane was relieved to finally be healing the pattern of abusive, non-committal, pathological lying partners in her life (narcissists) and never looked back. Today in her new abuse-free life she is Thriving – having purged herself of not only all emotional and psychic connections with Brendan, but also her original traumas and fractures that were not allowing her to become a source of love, care and commitment to herself, and then to generate that with a genuine other.

Jane, today, is the happiest and healthiest she has ever been and is in a wonderful position to trust herself, be empowered and connected to a healthy and real relationship. Without the inner work, Jane wouldn’t have had the inner resources to say ‘yes’ to healthy and ‘no’ to unhealthy.

I was Jane…I was bonded to narcissists, also letting them back into my life helplessly no matter how they treated me. So many of us have been there! Whenever we are doing this, as we do with narcissists, it’s because we are unconsciously tied up in the situation emotionally. It has absolutely nothing to do with the logical mind.

If we don’t get to the deeper reasons and free ourselves we just don’t get free.

It took Jane two weeks of daily healing with NARP to get clear and free – that is how fast it can happen.

With narcissist number one, it took me eighteen months of everyday torment to finally let go of the devastation of his ‘silent treatment’. With narcissist number two it took me three days. This was solely because I was able to address my triggered inner wounds with NARP.

Please know, knowing how to respond to the ‘silent treatment’ is your Golden Opportunity to not just stop losing your mind, but to really heal YOU so that your heart and mind gets freed into trajectories with Life that are affirming your newfound self-partnered love, care and commitment to yourself.

Can you imagine what a beautiful day it is when you couldn’t care less if the narcissist ever hoovers you again or not?

Can you imagine how powerful it is when you don’t have any longing, pulls or desire to ever want to be with someone like that again?

Can you imagine how incredible it feels, when hoovered by a narcissist, to feel like you would prefer to be nailed to the back of a burning door than EVER be with him or her again?

Can you imagine what it feels like to never again think this person is worth your oxygen, let alone ANOTHER round of your verbal or emotional energy?

You betcha it’s AWESOME!

It’s also MORE than possible to achieve. If you do the inner work with NARP, it’s inevitable.

I know when I was mired in the trenches of despair with this, I would have crawled across a paddock of broken glass if I thought relief would be on the other side.

Now, I am so happy that other people don’t have to do this, because the solution is here for you at your fingertips. I’d love to explain it to you and, more importantly, SHOW you how this works by you signing up to my free workshop.

You can do that here.

Or…if you have been thinking about NARP for some time and today’s article really has inspired you with ‘enough is enough’ and ‘there really is nothing else to do’, you can get started on your first powerful Module 1 experience today by clicking here.

Also as a P.S. today, I want to share with you that I have had the incredible surprise of being nominated for the Kindred Spirit Awards 2019 – Personality of the Year!

This magazine showcases new healing modalities, shares insightful interviews with the leading lights of the Mind Body Spiritual world and is the UK’s go-to guide for spiritual and compassionate living.

What I am so humbled and thrilled about is that helping people Heal for Real from Narcissistic Abuse is gaining such world-wide recognition. I would adore your support in voting for me, which is SO about voting for the movement to end abuse/abused cycles in our world.

You can vote for me and the Thriver Mission here:
ONLINE: Go to kindredspirit.co.uk/%20vote/
VIA FACEBOOK: Go to the KS Facebook page: facebook.com/kindredspiritmagazine
The voting lines close on 30 June 2019.

Thank you Dear Thrivers!

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Stuck In The Cycle Of Toxic Relationships? Do This!

Stuck In The Cycle Of Toxic Relationships? Do This!

 

Toxic relationships are mind-bending. They go around and around in the same disastrous circles – without resolution.

Chances are you have experienced this – or are still suffering the anguish of trying to change, survive and fix these patterns that just don’t seem to stop.

How can you get clarity and direction and UP and OUT of toxic relationships for real?

When CAN a toxic relationship transform into a healthy one – and HOW can we make that happen?

Find out WHAT is necessary to end the patterns of toxic relationships in our lives, to a level where we know we will NEVER suffer another one.

Watch today’s Thriver TV episode to discover out all these answers and MORE!

 

 

Video Transcript

Are you stuck in the cycle of a toxic relationship?

Let me explain what one of those is. It is a relationship that doesn’t reach resolution. It goes around in the same painful, confusing and destructive circles.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’m going to explain why the usual means of trying to deal with a toxic relationship doesn’t work, and why many people after finally leaving a toxic relationship find themselves in another one again.

We are also going to discuss what it takes for a toxic relationship to transform into a healthy one, and when it can’t.

And today, we are going to go straight to the truths about how to get clear and leave the patterns of painful relationships behind, forever, regardless of the toxic relationship that you are dealing with.

Okay, so before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

If you are still in a toxic relationship, maybe you are hoping or trying for things to be different…or putting up with the toxicity hoping that something will change so that you can get out … and it’s likely you are regularly questioning your sanity and if you are the problem.

Would you like it if this got cleared up today?

I think you would, so let’s get started on the exact steps you need to apply to get relief and clarity and be able to start generating healthy relationships in your Life.

Please note this video is in a general sense about love relationships, but the principles absolutely relate to any narcissist in your life, as you will see. So regardless of who the narcissist is please watch until the end.

 

Releasing Blame

Toxic relationships are steeped in blame, with either one or both parties holding the other responsible for whatever they believe the relationship and they as an individual need.

This is a false premise that never works because in toxic relationships this essential ADULT, taking personal responsibility, is sadly missing: ‘I am the generative source of my own love, approval, survival and security, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.’

And this boils down to the way we all need to be willing to live if we want to be a free and actualised human being: ‘If you are incapable, unavailable or unwilling to meet me at healthy levels of my values and truths then I WILL do this without you for myself.’

The deeper meaning of this is: ‘I’d love you to come on this journey with me expressing what is important to me, but if you don’t wish to, then I free you to seek what works for you whilst I go forth creating with what and who is my truth.’

I totally understand that you may be suffering or have suffered someone who refuses to be a team member capable of being caring and considerate – or who can’t or didn’t speak to you without demeaning or abusing you. Or someone who did or does have horrible addictions that made them non-functional, unhealthy or unsafe to have a relationship with. You may be with or experienced someone who lies, steals and cheats and has done malicious conscienceless things to you.

Naturally, it is very easy to blame these people for the state of our outer life and how we feel on the inside.

If we are NOT clear about what our values and truths are regarding how we wish our life to go, and are holding someone else responsible for the levels of love, approval, survival and security we feel on the inside, regardless of how our outer life looks, we are going to hold other people responsible for granting us what we think we need to feel ‘whole’.

It’s Wrong Town, it doesn’t work, and it is a sure-fire recipe to get ourselves enmeshed in toxic relationships that grant us exactly what brings even more brokenness to our inner and outer lives.

 

Getting Clear On Your Values

Confusion will reign when you aren’t living in alignment with your values and are enmeshed in toxic relationships with people who are NOT a match for your values.

This confusion will come regardless of what you ‘want’ from this person – ranging all the way from small things to big things – reflecting where you are NOT yet whole within yourself.

Let me explain with these following examples.

Michelle was married to Geoffrey. They had very little in common. He wanted to stay home, she wanted to explore and experience life. When they went out to dinner, there were no discussions that stimulated her. He could only talk about limited things and forever went over and over the same old stories. She dreaded any time with him by themselves because she always felt like she wanted to scream.

The more Michelle pushed Geoffrey the more he resisted. He didn’t want to join her on expeditions and do things. He liked to relax at home. He didn’t want an expanded life – he liked to keep things simple. The arguing reached the point of becoming toxic, with both parties degenerating into blaming and shaming the other.

Each one of the couple were trying to get the other person to change to their values in order to make the relationship happy.

Now, let’s check out Ian who was in a relationship with Tina and was constantly trying to get her to stop drinking and not coming home. She admitted to having affairs, but he kept taking her back.

The fights were ripping them apart. Tina accused him of being jealous and stifling, pushing her to run away, and he accused her of having commitment issues because of the abuse she had suffered from her father.

Around and around and around they went, suffering from time to time the utter destruction of Tina’s blowouts.

Ian was seriously self-abandoning himself by allowing and accepting serious value compromises in his life. He was trying to change Tina into being monogamous, addiction free and emotionally available so that he could be happy and safe.

Tina didn’t need to change a thing since she could be all of these things in the relationship because Ian stayed with her.

It’s so important to understand, whether you are in a relationship with a ‘Geoffrey’ – someone who is not abusive, yet is not aligned with your values – or a ‘Tina’ who is a train wreck, that someone’s character is their character, you can’t change people – only they can change IF they want to.

Let’s now get REALLY real…

 

When It’s Toxic Through and Through

We may be in relationships that are never going to become healthy, which means either that person is trying to force us into being someone that our values and character cannot become or vice versa. Narcissists do this with us a lot. They are never happy and they demand more and more unreasonable commodities from us – excessive attention, unwholesome sex, money, resources, undying unhealthy devotion, loyalty, secrecy…whatever it is.

These unhealthy demands cause our Inner Beings to scream out ‘No’ and we baulk, try to resist or fight back. If we cave in, we just get emptied out more and more, heading all the way to our demise, and then become very sick.

Of course, these are toxic relationships that have no hope of repair.

When we are with someone who doesn’t want to change, and it means we can’t be happy with WHO they are and WHAT they do as they ARE, then this is a toxic relationship that has no hope of reform.

I’ve done it like most of us have – chosen partners, friends and business associates and continued on with them, even when it’s clear they don’t have values of integrity or empathy for others, are incapable of remorse and taking personal responsibility, and display awful narcissistic self-absorbed, conscienceless and destructive behaviours to the detriment of others.

Truly – WHAT was I thinking?! Any excuse I made to hang on and try to make this unmakeable deal work just ended up making matters worse and worse. Whatever I thought I could salvage or gain got stripped away, and then some.

And the results of my choices betraying my own values; were always painful. If you sleep with mangy dogs, you get fleas! (Please animal lovers out there – this is an expression – no disrespect to dogs!)

As I’ve said before, you can’t make a crocodile roll over while you scratch its tummy and expect it to play fetch with you. People without integrity and a good character can’t just ‘become’ good people. They are who they are.

Just like, if you want a healthy partner with great values about nutrition, stop trying to force someone to give up the couch, TV and ice-cream. Can you accept who they are? If not move on.

In the extreme cases, such as it is with narcissists, in no shape or form should we continue to accept people whose actions show a distinct lack of healthy values and character. There are no happy endings to that choice.

 

When You Are Hooked In

I hope by now you are understanding how futile it is to try to change someone into being who you want them to be so that you can feel ‘whole’.

There are several deep Quantum (absolute) outcomes regarding this tactic.

• When you try to change others, they won’t grant you the change you seek. But they will grant you more of your own lack of wholeness, which is fuelling your toxic dance with them.

• They will blame you for why they behave the way they do.

• They will bring up any ‘dirt’ they have on you about what you are or aren’t doing, which will take the argument down any number of rabbit holes which lead to more non-resolution.

• You are enabling their bad behaviour because they still have you connected, and you are feeding this behaviour with your attention on it. Their life carries on – there is no reason for them to have to change.

This is the very truth about toxic relationships!

 

Toxic Relationships That Can Change

I really want you to be very clear about this, so you don’t live in false hope. If this person has a flawed character, such as in the case of a narcissistic – capable of pathological lying, malicious acts, and the inability to be remorseful or accountable or make amends genuinely, you are wasting your time.

You aren’t going to have any choice other than let go, heal and be very clear about the calibre and character of person you align yourself with in the future.

Let’s go back to the story of Michelle and Geoffrey. Michelle did the inner work on herself to define and align with her true values, and she got really clear about the life that she needed to live to gratify the truth of her soul – this required a partner to join her in her adventures, expansion and personal growth.

Lovingly and truthfully, she shared with Geoffrey her truth and asked him if this was something he would like to work towards and live as well.

His honest answer to her was that it was not what he wanted for his life. It was sad but they agreed to split up and do so amicably.

Another example is Peter who wanted his partner Joy to be more open and honest with him, rather than shutting him out. She was unreliable and would break plans at the last minute, including holidays and time spent together. He felt like he was always second best in her life.

After fighting about this for some time, and then detaching from her and doing work on himself with NARP to heal his toxic relationship pattern within that allowed him to connect to unavailable women without honouring himself, Peter got clear and solid and asked Joy for what he needed to continue a relationship with her – consistency, communication, sticking to plans and making him a priority in her life.

He was totally at peace with whichever way it would go, because he knew whatever the outcome – he would be free of the toxic pattern and living his truth.

Joy realised he would end the relationship if she didn’t step up, so she agreed to. However, her actions did not match her words and shortly after Peter ended the relationship with her. Within months he was dating a new woman who, before committing to her, he had ascertained by her actions that she was reliable and available.

And then there is Patricia and Grant. Grant gambled a little too heavily and then when money was needed for added expenses Patricia found she was carrying the load. For years they had argued about this, with Grant insisting he was entitled to downtime with his mates and Patricia being resentful and overwhelmed because she seemed to be the only responsible adult in the relationship.

Patricia committed to NARP healings to clear the pattern of relationships with addicts in her life and got very clear that she no longer wanted to include building security and creating goals with a gambler. She told Grant her truth – that if he wished to continue gambling that was fine, he could, but she wasn’t going to have it in her life and she would leave him.
Grant didn’t believe her.

Patricia moved out straight away and started making plans to divorce.

He then knew she meant it.

Grant told her he was quitting, but she didn’t move back in until she saw the clear evidence. He went to Gamblers Anonymous, took up playing squash on that night he normally gambled, and kept showing her how serious he was. They reunited and Grant never gambled again, and started to love his new physique, levels of fitness and having more available money to enjoy holidays and special occasions with Patricia.

 

The Formula to End ALL Toxic Relationship Patterns

This is regardless of who this person is – which includes friends, family, ANY one at all.

• Stop holding this person responsible for your happiness, wholeness of security – as an adult that is YOUR job.

• Let go of your focus on them and do the inner work to get very clear on your values and what you require in your Life to live your True Life.

• Heal within yourself the traumas you have that cause you to attach, stay in and make excuses for staying in toxic relationships (NARP assists you to achieve this).

• If this person has an indecent character, stop wanting or expecting any requirement from them, go No Contact or Modified Contact, do what you need to legally, and heal and move on (NARP also assists with this incredibly).

• If this person has a decent character, STOP arguing with them and tell them lovingly and truthfully what you require from them to continue a relationship with them.

• If they don’t wish to be this person, bless them and lovingly release them so that you both can be free to live a life that is aligned with your separate truths.

• If they do agree to step up into the life values you have, see if their actions match the words – words alone are cheap.

• If they are trying to become your values, be honest. Is this something that they are enjoying and benefiting from? Are they doing this only because of their neediness and fear of losing you, but really resent having to be different?

And finally, ALWAYS, ALWAYS work on your Inner Being enough to be able to be your alignment to your True Self and Life no matter what anyone else is or isn’t doing.

Then you will be whole within, meaning you can say ‘No’ to who and what is not your truth and hang out to connect with and co-generate ‘more of WHO you are’ with the real deal people and things…and, by calmly and clearly using the formula above, leave if things become toxic.

Can you see that this Is not just the most loving gift you can grant to yourself; it also LOVES and honours everyone else as well?

We have no right to change people to be who we want them to be. That’s not love, its control, regardless of who they are or what they are or aren’t doing.

You will find, when you give this up, how people who do have healthy inner commodities come into your life easily because that is WHO you are now Being authentically inside you.

Are you ready for this? Is this what you really want – a Life and relationships that work?

If so, write below ‘I free myself and those who are not a match for me NOW’… and really mean it.

Do you have any idea how once you address this pattern inside you, that everything in your life can start falling into place?

Hold my hand and I’ll show you how! This process begins by clicking this link which takes you straight to my free inner transformational course.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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The Answer To Narcissistic Abuse That No Is Talking About – Peptide Addiction

The Answer To Narcissistic Abuse That No Is Talking About – Peptide Addiction

 

WHY it is so hard too let go of abusers.

WHY  can’t we stop thinking about them …

And …

WHY it has been so DIFFICULT to get over narcissistic abuse and get well.

When you understand peptide addiction you will realise you are NOT mad, failing or hopeless.

Rather, your body is just doing what all of ours do when they receive large rushes of emotions regularly.

Also …  the best bit about today’s Thriver TV episode is that it may be JUST the key for you to understand HOW to break your Peptide Addiction and no longer suffer the hooks, addiction and obsessions about the narcissist.

Forever …

 

 

Video Transcript

Peptide addiction is one of the most vital things to ever realise about narcissistic abuse recovery. Truly, this may be one of the most important videos of mine that you ever watch.

Why?

Because it will grant you the answers, relief and the true solution that maybe no-one has told you about until now.

Firstly, knowing about peptide addiction explains why the addiction and obsession to a narcissist are so extreme.

It also allows you to know you aren’t going mad or failing. The relief is; finally, you know that the reason why you can’t get over this isn’t that you are defective or stupid, which is how we’ve all felt.

It also explains exactly why victims of narcissistic abuse who are not shifting and healing out of peptide addiction, progressively get sicker and sicker, and why when severe trauma is involved time does not heal these wounds.

Okay, so truly all of that normal progressive deterioration that comes with narcissistic abuse, even after no contact, can end right here because, in today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to explain to you exactly what peptide addiction is to you, point blank, as well as precisely how to heal from it. This means that you can reset to wellbeing and freedom and not only get completely clean of the narcissist but also the painful patterns of abuse and unfulfilling relationships in your life.

Many of you through my work already understand peptide addiction, and some of you may not. It’s kind of weird that I haven’t done a video specifically on this topic before, because it really does deserve its own episode.

There is severe trauma bonding that occurs with a narcissist, but no matter which way we slice it or dice it, if we understand peptide addiction and how to effectively heal from it, every aspect of our trauma bonding melts away, and we heal and evolve beyond abusers and abuse. We also heal from all the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, such as PTSD and adrenal malfunction, and the other associated nasties.

So, let’s dive in!

 

What Are Peptides?

Peptides are the regular doses of a particular chemical release, an amino acid chain that is created by our hypothalamus (a region of the forebrain involved in emotional activity) that the cells of our body receive.

There is a peptide for every emotion, good or bad, that is manufactured by our hypothalamus depending on our emotional perception of an event in our life. Our brain wiring fires off the signal to our hypothalamus which then manufactures the corresponding chemical to release into our bloodstream.

Our perception of any event is, of course, personal and will relate to our already existing belief systems, our already established Inner Identity composition, on any particular topic.

This means that ten people could view one identical event, and all have a different emotional perception and subsequent brain peptide manufacturing and distribution result.

For example, one person whose Inner Identity regarding her self-love and worth and ability to generate her own life is whole and solid, may be abused verbally by someone. Her perception and peptides that are distributed relate to self-love, inner determination, and self-devotion. She rejects this person’s attack on her, by pulling away and detaching and not being involved with them anymore. Her life goes on healthily.

Another person is abused by someone. Due to their already existing unhealed wounds and relationship patterns, this sets off huge triggers within them relating to feelings of betrayal, rejection, and the threat of abandonment.

As long as this person is not yet a healed and whole generative source to themselves, they are hooked into other people trying to get them to provide it for them, and when a particular false assigned source doesn’t, then big feelings of powerlessness, victimisation, and other nasty emotions occur.

These are the chemical peptides being manufactured by the hypothalamus that are being distributed.

The greater the emotional content in our perception the larger the dose of peptides that are manufactured and distributed throughout our Being to be absorbed into our cells.

Now let’s have a look at the next piece of this puzzle.

 

The Quality of Peptides

We are literally becoming, cellularly, the quality of the rushes of emotional doses, the peptides, that we are regularly receiving.

We feel our peptides, somatically, literally.

Good peptides that add to our True Self, which are loving, self-honouring and authentically about us living our truth from the inside out, feel great.

Letting go of our trauma and resolving our previous wounds leads to being solid, safe, honest, whole and self-generative. Like the first example given regarding the inner chemical response to being ‘abused’ this is the ability to feel great and whole no matter what anyone else is or isn’t doing.

These peptides are of high quality. They feel wonderful in our body. They increase our cell’s ability to absorb nutrients and oxygen. Many Thrivers, including myself, who healed from a victimised peptide addiction to self-honouring peptide manufacturing, start looking younger, healthier and more radiant than we have our entire life.

Nasty peptides that all come with not releasing internal trauma and reliving more of the same trauma and being hooked into abusers trying to change them in order to feel whole, safe and healthy, which doesn’t happen, gives us large doses of negative victim peptides that feel terrible in our body and diminish the cell’s ability to assimilate nutrients and oxygen.

So, in summary; high-grade peptides mean healing, wellbeing and personal integration, and low-grade peptides mean progressive sickness and personal disintegration.

Now let’s look at how we get hooked into internal painful peptide manufacture.

 

How Are Peptides Addictive?

Peptides are as addictive as any synthetic drug known to man. Studies with rats have found that after receiving regular doses of peptides, they became so addicted that these rats would forgo all self-care and even food and water to obtain the peptide. The quality of the peptide was irrelevant, good or bad; it made no difference.

The deadly loop of peptide addiction works like this:

The cells of your body which receive a peptide when regularly splitting, double the receptor docking points to receive that specific peptide. This means if you are experiencing large emotional doses of anger, victimisation, betrayal, heartbreak etc., then as time goes on you are being hardwired more and more to ‘want’ more of those specific emotions.

It’s so important to understand this Quantum Truth, the cells of your body are unconditional, they have absolutely no preference regarding the grade of peptide they are hooked on.

All cellular addictions work like this: your cells progressively need more and more of the peptide to fulfil them. This means you will think more about the terrible events that create these awful feelings and you will have all sorts of reasons and excuses to hook into and up with the abuser again. This is all to do with obtaining more of the ‘drug’, the peptides, that this person provides. They are the ‘drug dealer’ for your cells.

Now here’s one of the crazy and awful things about peptide addiction, if you break free from the abuser and don’t think about them for a while, your addicted cells have a plan to get their fix again. A small amount of the peptide has been stored in your cells, and is secreted into your bloodstream, reaches your brain and triggers you into thinking about that trauma again.

Bingo! The brain fires off the electrical signal, the hypothalamus manufactures the peptide again, and the cells are back in business!

So now do you understand why the bad feelings and thoughts feel so powerful and hard to escape and why you might be constantly tempted into breaking no contact?

Do you understand now, in regard to any addiction in your life, why your brain comes up with every and any reason to just have ‘one last hoorah’?

Can you see this is an actual physiological thing happening in your cells and that you are not defective, useless and going mad?

I so hope this information helps you. If it does, please let me know in the comments below.

The truth that most people aren’t telling you about, which neuroscientists and Quantum Teachers know, is that your brain follows your body. It is always organising itself around the thinking that will fulfil the already existing programs and addictions within your cells. This is why we can’t ‘think’ our way out of our emotional traumas and inner subconscious programs.

Because our brain agrees with them!

So how do we get out of this terrible all-encompassing physiologically addictive loop?

 

Healing from Peptide Addiction, and Therefore Narcissistic Abuse

The healing has to take place cellularly, in your Inner Being. It’s the only way to get well. The shift doesn’t and can’t happen logically.

The first step is always this, detach from and leave alone the source of the drug. No Contact or strict Modified Contact with the abuser is needed.

Then it’s time to face and detox our cells from this terrible addiction. We do this by doing the inner work to hold, load up and let go of the traumas we are feeling. The terrible feelings of victimisation, powerlessness, resentment, heartbreak and all those feelings that come with the victimisation of not yet being a healed whole source to ourselves and handing away our power and selves to abusers.

When we use the NARP Modules to clear these traumas, what happens is we are cleaning up and detoxifying from all the related traumas on our timeline that are the beliefs and perceptions generating these horrible peptides.

Once this happens, our cells lose their previous distribution and start receiving large doses of Source (the wellbeing/Lifeforce that heals what we can’t) that fill the cells where the trauma peptides once were. As the old cells die off, new ones are produced with more and more docking receptors to receive Source-generated True Self peptides.

And our thinking starts to align with this because the brain is following the body. Additionally, wound by wound, because we have been releasing causation core traumas, and their beliefs, and shifting into Source truths on these topics, our old victimised clumps of brain wiring is released and starts to form new and healthy beliefs, perceptions and therefore feelings.

You literally become a New Self who could no longer be hooked up into abuse, any more than a healthy person could digest greasy hamburgers every day. It’s just not you anymore.

I’m incredibly passionate about helping people heal and detox from their peptide addictions. Many of us including myself had naturally very addictive beings and have been hugely susceptible to this.

This I promise you, the solution is easy, and relief comes very quickly just by applying an energetic tool that can release cellular trauma. That’s what all of my inner transformational work is about, deeply and powerfully changing ourselves from the inside out.

If this really spoke to you, and I know for many people understanding peptide addiction is the exact key needed, please join me in dissolving this deadly cycle once and for all.

I’m going to help you get out of this nightmare that has been hijacking your entire being, and please know the longer we leave our peptide addiction unhealed, the more and more ingrained and hardwired it becomes in our Inner Identity.

But you can start reversing it today by clicking this link.

And, if you liked this video, click the Like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share with your communities, so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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Why Narcissistic Abuse Hurts So Much

Why Narcissistic Abuse Hurts So Much

 

The pain of narcissistic abuse is beyond description.  Unless you have been through it, you can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like.

We find ourselves looking out into a life that we no longer recognise, having unspeakable inner trauma, with no idea whatsoever how we are going to stay vertical and breathing – let alone ‘deal’.

Nothing seems to make sense and everywhere we look, and everything we try sets off even more surges of pain.

Do we even know who WE are anymore? I know, initially I certainly didn’t …

Why is the pain so horrific? Why does it feel like it may never end?

And why don’t any of the things that used to bring relief work anymore?

Today I’m going to give you the 100% TRUTH about this. And I know this truth will FINALLY set you free.

If you are exhausted with the battle of trying to survive this unspeakable HURT … this is a much watch episode for you.

Because within it – is the solution …

Watch Today’s Thriver TV ….. to discover how to get up and out of the pain … forever.

 

 

Video Transcript

In this Thriver Tv Episode, I’m going to take this really Quantum and really deep. Today you are going to learn the truth.

Is the pain of narcissistic abuse to do with losing a person in our lives and what we thought they offered? No! Is the pain of narcissistic abuse about losing ourselves? That’s closer, but that answer is No as well.

Today, by watching this video you will learn exactly what the pain of narcissistic abuse IS about, and you will know exactly how to get yourself up and out of it in time frames that will astound you.

And, I know from my own recovery experience, as well as working with thousands of other people over the last 10 plus years that even the most crippling of emotional agonies can start dissolving away, very quickly when we know how to reverse the condition of narcissistic abuse effectively.

Okay, now before I go any further into this powerful and deep Quantum information today, make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

The pain of narcissistic abuse is not just like a normal relationship breakdown and breakup. The pain is obscene.

 

Why the Pain Is Horrific

Why is it so bad? Why doesn’t time seem to heal and why do we feel like we may be getting better and then continually, to our despair, back-slide down into the pain again?

Can you relate? If so, I want you to let me know how bad narcissistic abuse feels or has felt for you, by giving it a rating out of 10 and writing your rating as well as any other comment you’d like to share in the comment section below.

Okay, let’s get straight to the Quantum Truth of narcissistic abuse. There is so much more to it than what is obvious, it’s a psychic and soul phenomenon that goes way beyond what we may have ever experienced before.

This isn’t just about heartbreak, disappointment and loss, it’s so much more. This is feeling like your soul has been polluted beyond repair. You have no idea how you are going to survive the shards of trauma coursing through you like white-hot pokers, or how you can exist in a world that you no longer recognise, or know how to operate in.

Nothing makes sense anymore, and everything hurts. Every memory, every person, thing or situation by association, every task you try to do, every direction you try to move into, every level of existence that you try to be at. These are all the symptoms of a terrible soul sickness.

Let’s go back to the original questions that I opened this Thriver TV with. It may seem like we lost this person and what they have to offer, but truly that is only the surface level truth. It may seem like we lost ourselves in this toxic relationship. Yes, we did, but there is a deeper much more profound truth to come which is this:

We lost our connection with Source.

Which means that we have no ability to be in contact and flow with Life-force, Wellbeing, Creation, Love, Expansiveness or any of the good stuff.

There is no access to Heaven because we are living in Hell.

 

The Consequences of False Sources

Why has this happened to us? Because we have taken the turn into Wrongtown by assigning a False Source as our True Source, by holding another person responsible for our ‘self’, meaning our fullness of love, approval, security and survival.

When we are not Sourcing ourselves correctly, we can’t live life in our power centre from the inside out. We are instead empty on the inside and dependent on someone or someone else filling the hole for us.

Can you imagine the panic we would feel if we needed an oxygen tank from someone to breathe and they withheld it from us? Of course, we would flail around, and go crazy, trying to do everything we could to get it, until of course we would run out of air and die.

As children, we were adopting all sorts of strategies in order to get our essential ‘oxygen supply’, the love, approval, support, and survival that our Inner Identity craved to develop, and become a whole, healthy, self-actualised adult.

If strategies were needed, such as giving to get and seeking approval through accomplishments or appeasing others even when it was self-abusing to do so, we survived our childhood but didn’t heal our ‘hole’ inside to become ‘whole’.

As adults, the narcissist identified where our existing ‘holes’ still are, appearing to be the answer to filling our inner fractures with their presence and gifts, and we soaked it up like a parched field on a rainy day.

Now, that the narcissist has positioned themselves as our Source of love, approval, security, and survival which are still precarious and unsteady within us, we are enmeshed with an emotional and deep soul dependency to the narcissist.

They have become the promise of the parent that didn’t do it right last time, and even more than this, unconsciously the narcissist has even become our answer for salvation, our God. We have handed our power completely away to this person.

 

Remaining Unhealed

And we may not logically have assimilated any of this yet because so much of it is going on at deep levels of our Inner Being. This is about the young, underdeveloped child wanting to be held and integrated to power, wholeness, and confidence by someone else, which didn’t happen in the first place, and not knowing yet that this job now, as adults, can only be activated and achieved by ourselves.

It’s so interesting because we know that narcissists use people as narcissistic supply, we are the drug dealer to them. But when we have assigned them as our Source, then they are our drug dealer too, in powerful and deadly ways.

And, just like the oxygen tank, or drug that a junkie desperately needs, if it is withheld, or that person demands terrible conditions to be met for you to get it, or threatens to give it to someone else, the pain now soars up and off the Richter scale.

You will literally feel like you are going mad with the trauma, or that you will die.

Or if the narcissist does hand over the apparent love, approval, security, and survival that you crave, all the things that you have not as yet healed and shored up within yourself, there will be a terrible price to pay for accepting it and staying hooked on it. You can bet with every fibre of your being that the narcissist is brokering a deal with terrible agendas in their favour only, and there is no care, empathy or concern for you in this whatsoever.

Here is the deal: This False Source is giving you rubbish, only annihilating false commodities that are designed to destroy you, rather than fill and heal you, whilst the entire time the narcissist is breaking you down further and further to plunder, steal and suck dry from you all that he or she can get.

You may as well be rolling around with a blood-sucking vampire and believe its healthy and pleasurable.

There is no sanity, relief or repair coming from the narcissist, at all. It gets worse! As the abuse deepens, we get even more disconnected from True Source, and more and more focused on trying to get this False Source to do the right thing by us.

Now let’s go into the deep Quantum Truths.

 

What Staying Connected To False Sources Does

The more we are disconnected from Sourcing Self directly through True Source, the more it hurts. The more we try to force False Source to be our True Source the more we get destroyed.

Think, trying to relieve anxiety with cigarettes.

Think, trying to get confidence and relief with alcohol.

Think, trying to get love or approval from a narcissist.

Is this starting to make sense? If so, please let me know in the comments below.

The fact is, we can’t get wholeness from people or things outside of us because the path to True Source is between us and ourselves.

The path is within.

The more we seek it without the things and people we choose to ‘fix’ us only smash us with our feelings of emptiness, yearning, anxiety, feeling lonely, alone or abandoned, fearing annihilation, and feeling like life is too painful to exist in.

Narcissists ramp all this trauma up to a level where there is no avoiding the truth, ‘The more, False Source, I try to get my wholeness from you, the more you will destroy me.’

The pain tells us POINT BLANK this person is a False Source, meaning that we are looking for solution and salvation in the wrong place. Narcissists have no inclination or desire to make us feel healthy, wanted, safe, loved, or secure.

And this may be hard to accept, but I promise you it is the absolute truth, it is not the narcissist’s job to grant us these things. It must come from within. It has to be our own job.

When we haven’t yet accepted this and taken on this essential journey of self, the pain is horrific, because this is the dynamic that we are trapped in, the very basis of co-dependency, trying to control the uncontrollable, which is anything and everyone but ourselves, and ending up more controlled by it and hence more out of control.

Yet, when we are triggered into panic, and stuck in the dependency illusion of a False Source being our Source, it’s compelling, it’s addictive, and we can’t seem to stop ourselves going back in time and time again, even though it’s beating us up terribly.

And, as a result, our fractures get worse. We feel less whole, more powerless, more broken, more traumatised and more helpless. This is the dire and deadly addiction of having assigned a False Source as your Source.

Think of a scale of a diagram. One end we have ‘at one with True Source”. This is known as and feels like, peace, wholeness, confidence, the ability to meet self, self soothe, trust in and align with a Higher Power’s design in life.  And knowing that by managing and aligning self with this Higher Source, and showing up authentically, no matter what other people are or aren’t doing, that you are generating your life experience successfully and abundantly. Additionally, you know that everything in life no matter what it looks like is happening for your higher evolution and greatest joy.

Then on the other end of the scale, we have complete disconnection from True Source and enmeshment to False Sources, which means addictions and powerlessness, generated from being connected with toxic habits and people to try to get relief, love, safety, and wholeness.

It would be like pouring battery acid into your car instead of gasoline and expecting it to drive.

Now, are you starting to understand, and deeply feel cellularly within you, why the pain of this is so horrific?

 

How To Connect To True Source

Okay so to finish off, False Source means we get the rubbish, we are having the experience of being in a toxic wasteland, losing lifeforce, with nothing good to replenish it, whilst suffering excruciating pain.

True Source means being connected to lifeforce, health, wellbeing, the honouring of self, leaving alone what is not for a match for us and cogenerating exciting and loving possibilities with what and who is.

How do we get there? This is how: drop False Sources like a hot potato, turn inwards and meet our Inner Being, and do the work there on releasing all the traumas that are not allowing us to be whole.

As the wounds clear, the light of Source floods in, and you get to know the truth, organically you are already connected to and working directly with the flourishing and nourishing of your True Self and True Source, its just you had so much stuff in the way you weren’t to know this.

And, the more and more trauma that leaves, the more Source can then flow through you as you. That takes the pain away. It goes.

The pain was formerly there letting you know you were is disintegration, rather than integration. It was showing you that you were dissolving, rather than evolving back to remember Who You Really Are.

Once you return to your True-Self state, then the pain has no need to be the signal anymore, nor does the narcissistic abuse symptoms regarding health, finances or any area of your life.

Repair comes and gains momentum very quickly.

This is Thriving! This is the reality I and so many thousands of people, live in this Community as a result of healing our traumas with NARP.

And to show you exactly how this process works, I’m inviting you to come over to my 16 Day free course, where you will find answers, relief and the steps to release yourself from False Sources and start generating life with True Source instead.

Okay, so if you liked this video, click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe and so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share with your communities, so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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The Best Way To Stop Feeding The Narcissist Energy At Christmas

The Best Way To Stop Feeding The Narcissist Energy At Christmas

 

My heart goes out to all of you at Holiday Season who are dealing with narcissists.

Because this is the time where they tend to act out BADLY …

When narcissists can’t isolate, organise and regulate people to get narcissistic supply, they can suffer terrible narcissistic injuries that cause them to lash out.

A narcissist’s worst nightmare is others getting attention, and them being reminded of their own defectiveness.

 

Holiday time delivers that to them in SPADES!

So what can you do to minimise this horrible time?

How can you enjoy your Holiday Season regardless of what the narcissist does or doesn’t do?

 

 

Video Transcript

Well, here we are. Coming into one of the biggest hotspots if not THE biggest for narcissists to act out.

Holiday Season!

This is when the focus and attention isn’t all on them. In the holiday season, narcissists have difficulty in isolating, controlling and regulating people enough to get adequate narcissistic supply, the attention they need to feel ‘alive’.

People are busy, others are around … the narcissist is not the centre of their intimates’ universes.

Additionally, narcissists don’t like Christmas for this reason: because they can’t feel the happiness and connection that other people do. They truly feel like they are a fish in a fishbowl looking out at festivities that they can’t genuinely participate in.

This is such a reminder to the narcissist of their own defectiveness, and it can also bring the haunting memories of their dysfunctional family of origin at Christmas time.

And this is the deal when narcissists suffer a narcissistic injury, a kick to their fragile False Self, they get nasty, cruel and don’t give a damn about how that affects other people. In fact, according to the vindictive ego, the more it affects people, the better. As far as the narcissist is concerned, if they can’t enjoy this time, why the hell should anyone else either?

Today, in this Thriver TV episode, just before Christmas Time, I want to grant you the number one arsenal you have to survive a narcissist and not be in the fiasco of being back in their clutches for narcissistic supply.

It’s the Big D word – DETACH – and this means stop arguing, justifying or expecting. In fact, make the narcissist null and void this Christmas, truly! And as we go through these points, you will understand why Detach is your best Defence!

Let’s have a look at what narcissists commonly do at Christmas time and your EMPOWERED response to deal with it.

 

Don’t Expect Anything From The Narcissist

The narcissist is not going to happily assist with proceedings. Don’t ask them to get or do things because there will be absences, delays, excuses and false promises, anything that it takes to push your buttons, hurt you and get you to react. Don’t fall for it. Do it yourself without them and don’t be angry about it. Enjoy the process.

Then be prepared for the inevitable accusations about you not including them in the festivities. Darn straight you are not! However, don’t bite, argue, explain and justify. Say nothing and get on with it. Don’t respond to anything you get labelled as. The best you can hope for is that the narcissist takes off to get narcissistic supply elsewhere, and if they are not getting a rise off you, they will.

 

Gift Inconsideration

Narcissists are selfish and entitled, they really don’t care about other people. If the narcissist has been bothered to get gifts for other people, which is highly unlikely, they are usually lazy and thoughtless choices or ones that are totally about them for their pleasure, not the other person’s. (Mind you if the narcissist is a love bombing narcissist, at the beginning the gifts may be over the top. Again as their version of what they think that person should have rather than as a result of tuning in to what the other person wants).

It’s critical to not expect a narcissist to act like a normal person especially at Holiday Time. Do not confront them about their non-existent or selfish present giving. Because as soon as you poke this bear with a stick, it lashes back with excuses, projections, minimalising, guilting, tit for tat and blame throwing.

Also, realise that the narcissist is likely to make a song and dance about other people’s supposed selfish and poor present giving, specifically regarding what they get.

Detach, ignore, ‘speak to the hand’, grant this no energy.

 

How Narcissists Behave In Group Settings

Narcissists traditionally make the atmosphere as uncomfortable as they can, when they can’t be the centre of attention. Other people shouldn’t be getting energy and life-force when the narcissist can’t. How dare they! So, the narcissist will work on what could turn the tables the most.  Would it be them exiting the scene without warning? Maybe making an inflammatory statement that gets people arguing against each other would be better? This one can be tricky if other people get involved. If you have a family onside with how the narcissist is, then you could all detach and ignore the narcissist and refuse to get sucked in.

Regardless, of whether other people know to do this or not, you need to. If the narcissist is not getting a feed or attention again, he or she will have to go and get narcissistic supply elsewhere.

 

The Disappearing Act

Narcissists can do the hugely nasty thing that narcissists are famous for at Christmas time, devalue and discard. It’s a favourite time for them to do it.

He or she may make promises for Christmas and then disappear. Or he or she could create a huge fight and dump you just before Christmas or even on Christmas day.

It’s vindication for them to cause others to be grief-stricken so that they, like the narcissist, can’t enjoy Christmas either.

Let the narcissist go, because what choice do you have? If you accept unacceptable behaviour like that again, then you are only signing up for more cruelty. If the narcissist is low on other narcissistic supply, he or she is likely to return as if nothing happened. If he or she has got new narcissistic supply that won’t happen until that goes bad for them.

Whatever the deal, we all must get well enough and do our inner healing enough to permanently detach from being treated like this and know that we are better than being someone’s object being used as their drug when they feel like it and then their punching bag the next.

We deserve better.

 

The Hoovering Hitlist

Narcissists can be very prone to hoover old sources of narcissistic supply at Christmas. It is no compliment to be on the narcissist’s hoovering hitlist. It’s never about ‘love’ or ‘you’, it is about them punishing someone else, or fulfilling their own agenda to get much needed narcissistic supply.

If this happens to you, an ex-narcissist in your life makes contact with you, block, delete and ignore. Don’t fall for it.

 

How To Deal With a Narcissist At Christmas Time

Let’s get very clear about the rules of detachment. It means no energy. You don’t get sucked in, to try to defend, explain, justify, lecture, prescribe or even get decency or reform.

The narcissist uses holiday time to act out, hook you, hurt you and punish you, so don’t let him or her do it.

And be prepared, because this could be the end. Lots of narcissistic relationships go down at holiday time. This can be when the ultimate explosion happens when the narcissist leaves or has an obvious affair or does something else that is so horrible you know it has to be the end.

Wouldn’t it be better to end things on your terms, in empowered ways, where you say ‘no more’ to abuse? Because it’s pretty much a sure thing at Holiday time you are going to see it.

Please know I stand for you. Like me and so many others in this community, you deserve the best life and holiday times with many more to come. So many of us dreaded and hated festive times as narcissistically abused people, but I promise you in the future whether single or partnered you will love and enjoy holiday seasons and festivities again more than you ever have when you get past this rubbish. And your life will fill with enjoying celebrations with whole, beautiful and healthy people who care about each other and connect genuinely. Yaya!

And myself and the MTE team are here for you, to help you when you lean in to get help to heal the Thriver Way.

So, to go deeper than just my videos and blogs, so that you can get this level of support from myself and my team of Thrivers, you can sign up to my free 16-day course.

And the great thing is, you possibly have time to really commit to your healing now.

Click here to get immediate access.

And please share this with anyone who you know needs help with a narcissist at Holiday time.

So, cheers to a narcissist free Holiday season!

And myself and the MTE team wish all of you beautiful Thrivers a Merry Christmas.

 

 

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