Why Do Narcissists Lie So Much?

Why Do Narcissists Lie So Much?

 

Sooo many people have wondered why narcissists lie so much!

It is gut-wrenching to be with someone who pathologically lies.

About small things, big things and things that they don’t even need to lie about.

Does a narcissist know they are doing it?

Do they intend to do it?

Why do they do it even when it is not necessary to do it?

What would it take for them to stop doing it?

There is an old expression that goes around abuse communities – ‘If a narcissist’s lips are moving, they are lying.’

It’s not always true – but sadly often it is.

Today’s article answers the question ‘WHY do narcissists lie so much?’ – and how you can detect it and start to live a life where truth, honesty, and safety are your constants.

Before we get into this information today, I’d like to thank all of you who have supported the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my blog, and if you haven’t yet done so, please do.  Also, if you like this article make sure you give it a like and share it with others.

OK on to today’s article.

 

What Constitutes A Lie?

I just want to start off by getting very clear about what is or isn’t a lie.

We all know there are times that we are not 100% truthful to people. We don’t lie as much as narcissists do, but maybe at times, we do lie a little. We may tell someone that their outfit looks lovely when we really think they shouldn’t be wearing it. We could tell people what they want to hear to keep the peace, or we may even lie by omission and simply leave out facts that we don’t want people to know about.

I personally believe, as we evolve into an authentic True Self, that we do become more honest. Meaning we become more willing to say the truth to people to help give them genuine feedback, that possibly another outfit (in our opinion) many be more suitable, or we will reflect back to them their blind spots in perceptions or behaviours to help them heal and grow.

Often ‘not telling the truth’ is something we think we are doing to not hurt someone else’s feelings, but usually, if we are brutally honest with ourselves (which is what Thriving is all about – leaving our self-delusions behind) we know that really we are ‘lying’ to try to avoid having uncomfortable confrontations with others – and risk being criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished by them.

When we start healing and thriving healthily, we know that honesty and integrity really do serve ourselves and everyone else in the highest ways, because if you love and care for someone you are going to have an authentic relationship with them. After all, in virtually every case, the power of truth does set everyone free.

When lies are intended to not just ‘spare confrontation’ but are used to cover up pathological behaviour, then they are even more horribly impactful.  Things that the other person would not be thrilled about – such as cheating, embezzling, smearing and manoeuvring things for one’s own self-serving benefits – are all the types of lies that narcissists are famous for.

And … discovering the ‘love’ that you thought you were sharing with a narcissist was a lie – is beyond devastating.

Lies severely damage relationships – period.

They destroy communion, connection, and trust. After knowing you have been lied to, how do you know what is real or what isn’t? Many of us even discovered after being lied to and catching out lies, that we became paranoid, that we started stalking, checking up and reading and looking into things we normally would not have.

It’s a shocking way to live.

Yet even if lies are NOT big things – and it is mere embellishments that are found out – this is also very disturbing and causes a lack of trust, respect, and connection.

Narcissists exaggerate. They insert their own delusional version of things. Generally, things that make them more significant, dramatic and noticed.  And these things often bear little resemblance to facts – it is their fictitious rendition of how they would have liked something to be, or what is necessary for them to get attention (narcissistic supply) from people.

Let’s look at WHY they lie as easily as taking their next breath.

 

A False Self’s Life

When a person submerges their True Self, believing they can’t get their needs met by being this person, the only option is to recreate themselves as someone else.

This ‘someone else’ is a False Self, a fictitious character who is being a person and living a life that isn’t the truth.

This is the number one reason why narcissists lie so much.

Because of stepping outside of this integrity and authenticity, one’s self and life becomes distorted. The default brain wiring is on ‘stories’, ‘make-believe’ and ‘delusional excuses’.

Many times, a narcissist doesn’t know that they are lying, because their reality is so far off-tap that they don’t know what is real or not anymore.

Narcissists embellish stories. They exaggerate. They lie about themselves being more unique, better, more dramatic, accomplished, interesting and the like. They do this to get attention, favours, trust, and empathy – all valued aspects of narcissistic supply and positioning for gain.

Sometimes they lie to protect themselves from narcissistic injury – truths that the ego simply can’t handle. Things like, ‘It was my decision to leave the relationship’ after someone else dumped them, or they walked away from their job after being replaced … or whatever it may be.

At these times, because the truth is too much of a threat to the damaged insecure self-image, the narcissist has adopted the lie as a necessary buffer.

Another example of when the narcissist believes their own lies is when he or she projects onto you – these are the times when a narcissist blames you for everything that he or she does and sounds so convinced that it is you doing these things. The reason is because the narcissist thoroughly believes it is you doing these things.

There are reasons for this.

The narcissist’s severely disowned inner self which is beyond reproach – never wrong and never to be held accountable – the inner core that the narcissist is actually disgusted with, is projected outwards onto someone else. This disowned damaged part is then externalised and the narcissist beats it up mercilessly through you.

The truth of the matter is this – living in unconsciousness brings delusions – the greatest being the constant lying to oneself and being stuck in unconsciousness as a result.

 

When the Narcissist Does Know He Or She is Lying

 A narcissist lies so much because in reality he or she is a drug addict.

The drug of choice is the constant unstoppable need for narcissistic supply – attention, acclaim, energy and stuff that feeds the False Self and keeps a narcissist from falling into the all-consuming black hole inside themselves of defectiveness and nothingness that is always threatening to eat them alive.

Like any addict who needs their drug, lots of lying is involved. A narcissist can’t tell people their TRUE motives, they have to create fabrications to get what they really want.

Like telling someone they are their newly found soul mate and the love of their life – simply to get a hit of sex.

Like telling someone that they have all this experience and qualifications, that aren’t real, to get involved in something that will benefit them.

Like stating ‘I care about you and what can I do for you?’ when this is really about getting the ego feed of you telling them how wonderful they are.

Or … sidling up to people with compliments and granting attention to promote one’s own advancement.

These are the things that a narcissist is having to work at every day – it is the only way to regulate enough constant narcissistic supply.

The narcissist is deeply aware of his or her defence mechanisms and beliefs of ‘having to have the upper hand’ and ‘me versus you’ in order to survive. Because the narcissist knows he or she thinks and behaves like this, they believe everyone else also does this.

The narcissist doesn’t trust anyone.

At the times when the narcissist does know they are lying, and constructs the fabrication, there is always the perfect excuse constructed to do this. The narcissist deems themselves deserving of lying because of what has been done to him or her, or whatever they believe their entitlement may be.

They also imagine that if they don’t get in first, that you will. They believe that you are out to get them.

The truth is narcissists don’t think there is anything wrong with lying – it’s just a way of life. They don’t feel bad about it or guilty – rather they are just terrified of being caught out for REAL, which is people discovering the crippled inner defective self that is hiding beneath the fictitious omnipotent False Self.

 

How To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Lies

There is only one way to make ourselves no longer susceptible to narcissistic people and how and why the narcissist lies so much.

I’m going to be really straight with you about this – as I had to be with myself – STOP … lying … to … yourself.

This is what I mean by this.

Stop being with someone who has shown their hand at being a pathological liar (not to mention all the malicious things that narcissists do) because I promise you real and healthy people just don’t do this.

Stop ignoring the terrible feelings in your body that allow you to know you are trauma bonded, you know this person is not healthy for you, is severely damaging you, and yet you are trying to find justifications and excuses to find a way to make it work with them.

You know how it goes, we all did when we ignored the screams of our Inner Being and continued regardless. We paid a shockingly, hefty price.

I promise you that when you listen to, and start to honour, support and align with the truth of your Inner Being, all of life and the healthy supportive resources of life will do so with you too.

It’s Quantum Law – so within so without.

I know it is the hardest thing to do initially – to face the truth.

But we know, deep in our core, in our true selves that this person is not real, doesn’t have the capacity to be safe and is destroying us.

And the reason we do hang on is because we don’t know yet that we can be REAL for ourselves – we can be True Selves, generating truth, safety, power, honesty, and decency with other people.

We can BE authentic and have our needs met.

We CAN come out of the trance of hiding and dimming down, handing our True Selves away trying to get others to be REAL for us.

I know it is easier said than done, and that is exactly why I created a step-by-step healing process that not only allows you to go free, but fully supports you to lose your trauma, reignite your True Self and start navigating and creating your life from that place – which is what True Thriving is about.

You can access the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Course, known as NARP, by clicking on this hyperlink.

So, I hope that this article has helped you a lot, and if you enjoy my blog please make sure to subscribe to my free newsletter below so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.

Also please make sure you share this with somebody who you know is being lied to.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

Read More –>

How Narcissists Use Sex As A Weapon

How Narcissists Use Sex As A Weapon

 

Let’s talk about the horror of sex with a narcissist. Even if you feel like the sex was (or is) great, there really is a much more sinister game going on.

Why does sex with a narcissist come with so many highs and lows? Why do you feel so empty, used, and even violated after sex with a narcissist?

What is really going on in the sexual, energetic and soul exchange with a narcissist?

I can’t wait to help enlighten you, as well as help you know how to escape a narcissist’s sexual clutches, and detox yourself from their sexual pollution.

 

 

Video Transcript

For today’s Halloween special, I want to talk about something that is gruesome.

Sex with a narcissist!

Why is it so unwholesome? Because narcissists use sex as a weapon against you.

This can happen powerfully and quickly, or be an induced trauma-bonding over a period of time. Whichever way it happens it can feel almost impossible to break free from.

Many people report ‘the sex is so great’ and find it incredibly hard to break away and stop being abused. Others may not believe the sex is great, but still be bonded energetically through sex to the narcissist.

Today, I want to talk to you about the psychological, physical and also deadly… yes, deadly… psychic ways narcissists can use sex as a weapon against you.

So, watch on to find out…

Okay, so just before I get into this episode, I would like to thank everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do so. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright. On to it, sex … and what that means with a narcissist!

 

Why Is Sex What Many Narcissists ‘Hunt’?

Many narcissists are very sexually active and hunt people sexually. This is true for narcissists in and not in so-called committed relationships.

Via sex, narcissists are able to gain A-grade narcissistic supply – which means having people show them masses of attention and being controlled by what the narcissist is or isn’t doing. If a narcissist is the centre of someone’s Universe that is a prime position – because it means he or she has secured attention and energy that the narcissist can then regulate with ‘I want you now’, ‘I don’t want you now’ games.

The narcissist’s total necessity to stay emotionally functional requires getting the significance from others that can keep self-medicating away the trauma of their broken insecure inner self. Sex is a powerful tool to secure a constant supply of valuable narcissistic supply.

Sex is not just a ‘connecting’ mechanism for narcissists; it works for many non-narcissistic people as well.

We all know that sex can take involvement with someone to another level. For most women, this starts a deep chemical, cellular and emotional bonding process, where she will feel ‘coupled’ and start desiring a deeper relationship with that person. She may start believing in and wanting a commitment and a life-partner relationship.

Men, when being drawn into a narcissist’s sexual net, can be mesmerised by the narcissist’s sexual performance which is designed to provide the attention, compliments and fantasy that makes him feel sexually met and gratified, as well as providing the possibility for lasting love.

To gain narcissistic supply through sex is generally very easy for a narcissist to do. The winning formula is this: identify what someone has missing in their life emotionally or some past grievance or unresolved hurt, pretend to be the remedy for that, and many people will automatically trust you and even be extremely attracted to you.

This formula is especially powerful to snare unsuspecting females who have been hurt and struggle to find someone who they believe they can trust. The narcissist feigning ‘a saviour’ to them, appears to be their dream come true in spades.

For men, often it is the sexuality and aesthetics – the physical beauty – as well as interest in and care for him that lures men into sexual relationships with narcissists. It’s very interesting that men who are captured sexually by narcissists may not have started off considering a relationship with this person, but discovered that very quickly they found themselves in one.

This is because, once a narcissist connects sexually, they have more ability to induce trauma bonding and get control over their prey.

The Emotional Sexual Hooking Game

Being in a sexual relationship with a narcissist is not trustworthy, soothing or secure.

Rather, your sexual times are mingled with all sorts of insecurity and lack of safety.

You may wonder who they are talking to when their phone rings and they walk off around a corner. Or a trigger goes off within you when they start texting or engaging in social media on their computer.

You may question your own paranoia, but if you are honest with yourself, you know something feels off.

The narcissist may be all loved up with you one minute and then verbally and even physically disregarding, or even discarding you the next.

Maybe the narcissist has told you they are re-evaluating the relationship or don’t know whether they want to be in it anymore. The narcissist possibly, at times, goes missing in action.

Yet … at other times this person seems to not be able to get enough of you, including under the sheets.

Possibly there have been affairs you have discovered with exes or new targets, or porn involvement or you have caught him or her on internet dating sites.

Then the narcissist will convince you that it is all a mistake, or it didn’t happen or even appear to take responsibility and apologise – if that is necessary to snare you back in.

Or he or she will offer ONLY as much as it will take to retain you, which in advanced stages of narcissistic abuse isn’t much, and then you are having sex with the narcissist again.

WHAT is going on here?

I promise you that this is trauma-bonding. This is not how healthy, safe, kind sexual relationships go at all.

The narcissist knows that if you are suffering unease, uncertainty and trauma, and then he or she gets back together with you, the relief of that rollercoaster ride is such a HIGH, that it feels like LOVE.

It’s not love. It’s abuse, and it’s terribly unhealthy because what happens is that you chemically start to chase the ‘relief’, the high, and start tolerating greater dips down and down into the ‘lows’ to try to recapture that sense of ‘relief’.

If this is what you are going through, (as I promise you I once was too) you are severely and dangerously addicted to a person who can and will destroy you.

You’ve lost your boundaries as well as your self-worth bargaining chips.

Once you are hooked and traumatised and suffering from dire emptiness within and craving the narcissist to fix it, the narcissist can start relaxing on behaviour, allow his or her mask to drop and abusively demand even more compliance and acts to satisfy the narcissist’s insatiable and insane control and takeovers.

This could include having you accept sexually degrading acts like threesomes, getting you to agree to an open relationship, and even worse things.

Maybe now sex is withheld purposefully to punish you.

At this point, you need help to recover – badly.

Sucking Your Soul

Without going all Harry Potter Dementor-ish, I really want to offer my opinion about this.

If you are having sex with a False Self, who is a No-Self, you are getting your soul sucked out of you.

Narcissists don’t make love, they don’t have the ability to connect with you soul-to-soul, because they have divorced themselves from their True Self, which is the gateway to soul health.

Self-love, humanity, oneness and a connection with their Higher Power has all been obliterated by the narcissist’s False Self takeover. What is left is a relentless, unappeasable black hole. No matter what you do or give, it will never be enough.

Sex with a narcissist is only performed by them to self-medicate away the inner screams of their catatonic, disowned severely damaged Inner Being, and to feed the False Self with importance. Or to manipulate you to give them something that you normally would not.

To a narcissist you are no more than a masturbation and self-acclaim tool. The sex is not about you, or the union, and never will be.

This is why sex with a narcissist, no matter what happens in the act, leaves you feeling empty, and even violated afterwards.

True Intimacy means ‘in-to-me-see’. It is a sharing of one’s complete self with trust and love with another. A narcissist is never going to let you in or share his or her True Self with you. You are having sex with a fictitious character who is not soul connected with you at all.

In fact, the lack of soul health that the narcissist suffers from means that this False Self is stealing energy from you to buffer up the False Self, the narcissist’s core identity that can’t create and maintain energy of its own.

Sex provides a very direct way for you to be mined for your psychic and energetic resources. You are literally being pillaged of your soul energy.

You may have noticed that after sex with a narcissist you feel exhausted, drained or even unwell.

Now you know why.

How To Protect Yourself

Getting sexually involved with a narcissist is damaging on multiple levels.

Once they have infiltrated your body, not only are they sucking your soul and sanity, it is also likely that they will try to get their tendrils into other aspects of your life, such as your finances, resources and contacts, as well.

As a player in the dramatic stage show of the narcissist’s life, with them positioning themselves as the leading star, you could become entrenched in the drama of it all.

You may be used as sexual punishment against one of the narcissist’s other supply objects, be included in a traumatic love-triangle, or be the next dramatic discard and ‘lunatic’ that the poor narcissist has suffered from … all of which gains him or her wonderful compassion and supply from others.

I have said it so many times, and I will say it again, not everyone can get taken in by a narcissistic person.

If we are too eager to trust and connect and don’t do our due diligence to ascertain someone’s character accurately, then we are potential targets.

If we feel empty, needy, and unloved or unlovable we can be as susceptible to being love-bombed and complimented into being the next supply, as a dying person in a desert will dive headlong into a mirage.

Yes, narcissists love the thrill of the chase and to snare, take control and have people be submissive to them – but they are short sprinters. They need a payoff quickly – just like a lion does when he strikes upon a limping gazelle at the edge of the passing herd.

A narcissist has limited energy to expend to secure new supply. He or she is not going to keep trying if you have been tested and found out to be a robust bison. Meaning, you are not needy, falling for the love-bombing or found out to have scanty or non-existent boundaries (I promise you narcissists work it out pretty quickly).

Take your time to get to know someone. Let go of the beliefs that sex is how you will get someone to commit to you, or that if you don’t hand over sex, someone will discard you. None of that applies for decent and whole people seeking decent whole relationships.

And above all, be full and healed and developed enough within yourself to feel inwardly secure, full, self-assertive and honest, before becoming sexually involved with anyone.

Then you will flush out a narcissist by not caving into their demands to enmesh and hook up quickly. You will retain your interests and life whilst dating respectfully. You won’t jump to someone else’s beck and call, and you will honour yourself by questioning something and saying ‘No’ if your boundaries are pushed and something feels uncomfortable.

The bottom line being – you are TOTALLY prepared to lose someone else from your life than risk putting your soul and life in jeopardy.

Healthy love in NO WAY carries those risks!

I promise you that when you have all of that in place, narcissists will unravel and expose themselves right in front of you, or will disappear as quickly as they appeared. ‘No food for me here’ is their total understanding.

The Sexual Truth About Narcissists

Sadly, narcissists are damaged and polluted beings.

Not only is it common to run the high risk of sexually transmitted diseases, because of their non-discriminant sexual behaviour, they are also intensely toxic energetically when you combine your sexual energy with theirs.

If you have already been intimately narcissistically abused, is it worth the risk again?

If you know you have work to do to never get taken in by a narcissist again – then please check out my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), which is the complete healing and training package to reprogram your Inner Love Code so that this can’t happen again.

And if you know you need to detox from the terrible sexual addiction to, torment with and traumatising emotional and psychic pollution from a narcissist, then please consider NARP to get this done. Humbly I don’t know of any tool that works so powerfully to achieve this, and in record time.

You can find out more about NARP by clicking this link.

Also, I am so excited to share with you that I am going to be hosting my Premier Live Events in Australia. They’re in my home country.

Early December this is happening, and myself and the MTE Global Team will be hosting these in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane where we are going to birth your recovery, by sharing with you the most potent and powerful tools (humbly) there are in the world for people to recover from abuse.

So, I would so love to see you there so you may join in these events with a support person, so that they understand more deeply what your recovery is about and what you are going through. Or maybe bring friends and family who you know have gone through abuse as well, who could benefit from this.

And, for a limited time, I’m offering a $100.00 discount off tickets.

I’m so excited about this, I can’t wait– so click this link to find out dates and to secure your tickets.

And I am so looking forward to connecting with you in your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

What Does The Narcissist Really Think About You?

What Does The Narcissist Really Think About You?

 

Have you ever asked yourself, “Does the narc even care about me?” Or “When are they going to contact me?” and “Are they sorry for all the chaos, heartbreak and terror they have caused?”

The REAL question we all want to know is this –  “What does the narcissist REALLY think of me?”

In this Thriver TV episode I’m going to deliver the truth regarding this question.

Remember –  the truth really will set you free.

 

 

Video Transcript

This Thriver TV may be hard for you to hear.

But it is powerful to understand this, and truly it will help you detach, pull away and heal.

It will also stop you going for and trying to get from the narcissist what doesn’t exist.

So, buckle in, and come on the ride with me – where the truth will set you free.

But before we start I want to thank you if you have already supported the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and if you haven’t yet, please do! Also, if you like this video give it a thumbs up.

Now let’s get going on today’s episode.

 

How Narcissists Think of People

If you don’t already know this – please know that how the narcissist thinks about you is NOT personal – even though it deeply feels as if it is.

A narcissist as a No-Self (not a functioning authentic True Self) does not connect to your humanity. You are not a flesh and blood person to him or her, you are an object; a necessary tool to use to extract and feed off narcissistic supply.

With the narcissist’s empty insecure inner self, he or she needs constant feedback, and the necessary attention to know that he or she exists.

At the start of the relationship you were likely to gush and supply tons of attention, acclaim and praise.

Then, as the relationship deteriorates, when anguished, triggered and abused, you react intensely and emotionally. This grants energy to the narcissist, which supplies them with the feedback, ‘I can affect another SO much, I DO exist, I AM significant!’

This is gold to a narcissist, just as much as gushing over them is.

In fact, it is a compliment to a narcissist to know how much someone is devastated, distraught and even suicidal because of them.

And in any capacity of a relationship with a narcissist, whether it be a family member, work colleague, boss, or friendship etc., the narcissist receives a hit of significance every time you dance around their wounds gingerly, take on their abuse as the dump master and try to appease, bargain, reason with or earn their approval.

ANY attention feeds their False Self.

Because the narcissist’s inner landscape is so drastically unconscious, when you are connected to a narcissist, their inner torment becomes your fault, and as far as he or she is concerned you deserve to be uncomfortable, distressed, paying penance or grovelling.

The narcissist’s catch-cry is, ‘If you pay for how I feel, then I will feel better.’ But it’s a bottomless pit, it never changes and they don’t feel better no matter how much you suffer.

 

How Can They Be Like This?

Please know our mind-set to start recovering from their abuse can’t be this – ‘Why are they like this?’

If you are trying to understand narcissists from a normal human construct, then you will be forever tormented by what they have done to you.

How they think is not normal.

It is not about mutuality, win-win or caring about another soul’s needs and feelings.

It is a complete one-way trip, all about the False Self, without the resources to BE different.

It is what it is.

When we Go Quantum – which is the only way to heal for real from narcissistic abuse – we understand the true nature of things.

This… that ALL relationships come from the integral relationship every person is having with their own Inner Being.

Narcissists HATE their own Inner Being profoundly.

They believe it to be insipid, powerless and ineffectual. This is why they purposefully divorced it, threw it to the side and assigned a False Self – a fictitious character – to take its place.

If this is how they view themselves, how do you think they COULD view you?

People can only engage with another, in the way they engage with their own TRUE Inner Beings.

You, like the narcissist’s Inner Being, don’t exist as a worthwhile or valued entity.

The narcissist is relentless with their own Inner Being – they literally despise its feelings and insecurities. They ignore it, don’t listen to it, refuse to have empathy for it, and will never hold, love or heal it.

It is only a ‘thing’ to be treated with contempt whilst they go after whatever it takes to self-medicate the pain away and try to feel worthy of being alive.

You, identically, are only being used as a tool to get stuff, acclaim and significance. The narcissist despises your real self, and finds it totally irrelevant and a pest yet needs you as ‘the object’ to get things.

It’s no different to how they really feel about themselves.

 

What Do You Really THINK of YOU?

This is where we start to turn this whole thing around – from the most horrible breakdown process of our ENTIRE life, to the profound breakthrough our True Self and Life was always waiting for.

It’s about waking up to these incredible truths we were never taught.

  • People do not treat us as we treat them. We accept and connect with their treatment of us at the level that we really feel about and love ourselves.
  • Our own level of love, approval, security and survival as adults, is not another adult’s job to provide for us – this is the relationship we must develop with ourselves. Then we will generate MORE identically healthy relationships.
  • We have the ability to be whole and healthy regardless of whether other specific people have the resources to love us or not.
  • There is an entire world of possible people to establish healthy relationships with, and our existence and survival is never reliant on abusive people getting their act together.

And ultimately…

  • What we develop as truths between us and ourselves is exactly the life that will start generating and laying boundaries of truth for ourselves, and will also determine the life that is no longer appropriate for us and that we refuse to continue engaging in. (That power was within us all along.)

I really want to share with you the profound understandings I had about myself that caused me to be the other half of narcissistic relationships and kept me hanging on whilst being HORRIFIED that he didn’t REALLY love me.

And what I knew I had to change and heal WITHIN myself if I was to have different relationships with people going forward.

I believed at some deep level:

  • I was wrong, bad and defective and didn’t deserve to be treated well.
  • I was forsaken by God because of the above.
  • Life was hard and I was always battling something.
  • If I didn’t do everything perfectly, I would be punished and penalised.
  • No matter how hard I tried I was not good enough to be loved.
  • I was not worth my own tenderness, care, and consideration, and instead self-criticised to force myself to take action with things.
  • My faults (insecurities and fears) were unacceptable, and therefore I needed to disown them, cover them up and pretend they didn’t exist.
  • When things went wrong in my life, it must be someone else’s fault, because after all my faults were always hidden and covered up. (I was totally a victim.)

I am honest about these things because I want to help you wake up, just as I did, and realise that this really isn’t even about the narcissist. And certainly, if you make it about them you are in Wrong Town with no way out of the pain.

Let’s all say this mantra together:

‘I now know how you think about me, it’s exactly the way I have been thinking about myself. And I know that when I heal my false beliefs and trauma that have been inflicted on me by people, by you, and even perhaps long before you, and by the human condition itself, I will no longer have any bond, feelings, and pain connected with you whatsoever.

Instead, I will have my evolution into a whole new relationship paradigm where I will connect, accept and have relationships with people who think about me the way I think and feel about me. As it has always been.’

Can you feel the way home?

Do you REALLY know what it is now?

Can you see the total ‘meant to be’ gift in this?

Do you understand this was always about your glorious soul and life evolution all along?

I want you to open the cells up in your Being and soak this in.

Let your cellular wisdom tell you the truth – it knows.

I want you to Re-member who you really are – that is what your coming home, coming back together is – remembering.

These truths are already coded into you, as the spectacular being that you are, waiting for you to awaken again.

Let me know how this feels in the comments below.

 

What the Narcissist Really Thinks About You Is Totally Unimportant

Do you understand now that we have been granting way too much energy and dependence on the narcissist?

I know it’s normal and excruciatingly painful to go through what has happened to you. But the utter truth is that he or she was a catalyst to help us wake up to the only foundational relationship anyone can ever have.

The one with themselves.

I promise you with all my heart that when you make your inner self-relationship your entire mission as the centrepiece of your life, you will not just get out of the torment and pain, you will come home to the greatest confidence, joy, life force and love that you could ever imagine experiencing.

It is so NOT true that narcissistic abuse leaves you forever diminished.

It is so NOT true that recovery takes decades and is gruelling.

In fact, when you have the process to find the exact false beliefs and traumas that brought this human trauma experience on unconsciously, and heal those, you will emerge evolved and free in ways and in a time frame that you could not even imagine yet.

Join me and I will I show you how this is possible, as well as connect you to the exact solutions to get the true inner work done.

You can do this by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

Don’t Fall For The Love Bomb! What It Feels Like To Date A Narcissist

Don’t Fall For The Love Bomb! What It Feels Like To Date A Narcissist

 

Narcissists like to love bomb! They like to shower you with gifts, turn on the charm and move things on very quickly.

When it comes to dating a narcissist how do you NOT fall for the love bombing?

How do you know the difference between love-bombing and real healthy attention and consideration?

Find out if there is a way to tell the difference between someone who is genuine, attentive and generous and a wolf in sheep’s clothing in this episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

What does it feel like to date a narcissist?

Heady. Exciting. Intoxicating.

(Before being healed up of course…)

How does all your sensibility go out of the window?

Why does it feel like you are on The Love Train Express, on a one way track, even though you sense there is something terribly dangerous about this?

Don’t real people show up as loving, genuine, trustworthy and caring as well?

You bet they do, and in today’s Thriver TV Episode I am going to explain to you what dating a narcissist is like, as well as what it is like to date a DECENT, loving and genuine person who is showing up interested in you and attentive towards you.

As well as HOW you can put this to the test!

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do.

And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let this episode begin!

 

The Feelings of Dating A Narcissist – When We Don’t Know!

What goes on with the narcissist and us when love-bombing happens?

The narcissist’s manoeuvre:

I’m going to try to hook up with this person. I’ll ask questions. I’ll find out what they are looking for and what they feel hurt about in their past. Then I’ll appear to care deeply about them and be everything they have been searching for.

The unsuspecting target’s feelings:

Oh MY GOD! This is the person I’ve been dreaming about, visualising and putting up on my vision board. He/she has arrived!

The narcissist’s manoeuvre:

I know this person is trusting and believes me. Now I’m going to snare this person quickly. I’ll take over their heart and infiltrate their body, soul and life. Heck, I’ll even connect financially with them as soon as they allow me to.

To get them to give me the key to the fortress, I’ll make them think I’m taking my time and have great respect for them. That is if sex and chemistry doesn’t get the better of them.

The unsuspecting target’s feelings:

Oh MY GOD! This person is everything I have ever wanted; I’m so attracted to him/her and he/she is so sweet and considerate. This is it – this is my beloved. There is no point wasting time, I know he/ she is the real deal and would never hurt me. I’m in!

(Mind you, this person’s intuition, their Inner Being, is dinging warning bells. Yet that niggly feeling is pushed aside by the over-enthusiastic reckless neediness to enmesh.)

The narcissist’s manoeuvre:

I’m SO high on new narcissistic supply that I am getting off on this. I know this person thinks we are crazily in love.

The unsuspecting target’s feelings:

Oh MY GOD! I feel so in love and attracted to this person I can’t even see straight.

That, in a nutshell, is a classic narcissistic love bomb. It is no more complicated than that – find out what a person craves and pretend to be it.

This is why narcissists get new supply in the time it takes to boil an egg.

The odd person reports that they didn’t feel head over heels when love-bombed. They didn’t feel the big chemical reaction to the narcissist – yet they still got hooked in because of some neediness within, like: ‘I’ll be on my own if I don’t accept this person’, ‘This person has the contacts, intelligence, wisdom, spirituality, money or lifestyle that I need to be happy, whole and safe’ and the list can go on and on and on.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when we believe it is about ‘love’, that connections with narcissists are a dual interior subconscious game of neediness and supply. The narcissist NEEDS significance and someone else’s energy to survive, and we NEED what is missing in ourselves and our lives to try to feel whole.

Hence, why our connection with a narcissist ends up being as painful as anyone’s relationship is with a drug dependency that is killing them.

We don’t believe there is any other option than the narcissist, who originally appeared as our saviour to ourselves – until we realise that our entire lesson with narcissists is to let go, detach, turn inwards, heal and become a FULL source to self.

The narcissist who will never become a source to self believes that people are just objects and that they are dispensable sources, when necessary, that can be mined from virtually anywhere.

It’s true there are many unhealed people who feel empty about something on the inside.

 

Dating Fearlessly

Please hear me when I say to you – it is SO not true, that it will never be safe for you to date because narcissists are everywhere.

Yes, narcissists are everywhere – that is totally true, and so are great people who you can have healthy, fulfilling relationships with.

Your future relationships are never about what other people are or aren’t doing (oh gosh I promise you this).

Rather, they are about WHO you are BEING.

Beingness is not something you can just logically decide – it’s the work you do inside yourself to heal, so that you can show up, not CARING who other people are, because you know who YOU are, what YOUR values are and how powerfully (and not needily) you can take your time to get to know people and put yourself (and them) to the test.

I really want you to discard the ridiculous romantic notion that love is all about being swept off your feet into an instant relationship.

Fairy-tales, sitcoms, novels, plays, advertising and blockbuster movies have made us believe this – but truly, if you want to be safe, healthy and happy then you need to GROW UP and take your time when dating.

If you do, you have narcissistic repellent working powerfully in your favour from the get-go.

Narcissists HATE to take time; they need narcissistic supply to survive – like yesterday.

If you can get it through to yourself TO TAKE YOUR SWEET TIME to get to know someone, rather than be like my previous self who used to put more thought into buying a pair of shoes than I did into choosing a relationship, then watch on – because we are not going to leave any stone unturned.

Your Criteria to NOT Fall For the Love Bomb

I want you to ask yourself these questions:

  • Is your life whole enough, as a single person, to NOT need a relationship to feel happy and have a fulfilling life?
  • Do you feel like you are established as your own generative source of love, acceptance, survival and security – and no longer feel like an empty, broken child in an adult’s body looking for a partner to be a pseudo parent for you?  (I know that is such a tough question and one I want you to get really honest with yourself about – because it is NO one else’s responsibility to give you your happiness and life – it is yours.)
  • Are you healed beyond the beliefs ‘all the good ones are gone’, ‘I have to accept who turns up because there may not be another’ and ‘if I have a connection of (whatever it is) with someone, I may never experience that with someone else again’?
  • Are you healed and truly over the trauma of your past relationships?
  • Are you very clear on what you will and won’t accept and, so, will not compromise yourself because of neediness and feelings of lack?
  • Are you prepared to ask for what you need and want? And will you, respectfully without resentment, walk away if this person does not meet your values and truth, and accept that you are just not a match for them – regardless of what stage the relationship is at?
  • Have you evolved past the beliefs of ‘going on dates with the wrong people is annoying, terrible, disappointing and a waste of time’?
  • Are you healed beyond capitulating to other people’s demands even if it means you lose this person?
  • Are you able to accept someone discarding you because you didn’t go along with their version of dating (such as having sex too soon), without blaming yourself and wondering what is wrong with you?
  • Do you now accept that what comes up via dating grants you the perfect opportunity to heal beliefs and release even more trauma, show up in truth with healthy boundaries and become an even greater generative force of true, healthy love?

I promise you, I used to be a ‘No’ in all these areas. Today I am a ‘Yes’ because I know not just healthy love depends on it – my life literally does.

I worked my BUTT OFF with the inner work to get myself there.

Okay, so I’d love you to be honest and share with the entire community below – how many do you score a ‘yes’ out of these ten questions I just asked you?

I promise you this…until you stop dating trying to find someone to heal you, or deciding that you could never date ever again because you are too broken, and instead heal yourself in your key inner areas to become whole, not only will you date effectively, you will have a total blast doing it – no matter how many narcs you initially come across.

I also promise you that once the Quantum Mechanics of so within so without, get clear so that you are solid within and taking wonderful and powerful care of the sovereignty of your soul – the seas will part, the narcs will all get washed away, and great people will start flowing towards you.

Before then, you will be susceptible to a love-bombing narcissist. If you are starving or dying of thirst, you will eat crap on a stick or drink your own urine if you have to. With a narcissist who was originally wrapped in glamour, you’ll see that when the mask falls you will be left with the chilling truth of who they really are.

The total solution is to heal you, then you will never accept that again, and you won’t put yourself in a position to even start a narcissistic relationship.

When you heal, you will put as much thought, time, diligence and care into a relationship decision as you would any other impactful life decision – even more so – and certainly more thought than purchasing a pair of shoes.

The Difference Between Love-Bombing and Real Healthy Attention and Consideration

I love that I get to live so many experiences for myself AND this community.

Sometimes I feel like a crash-test dummy, in a good way!

‘Love’ has certainly been a journey for me, full of richness and experience, and I am very blessed to have enjoyed being able to have my heart open to receive new relationships even after narcissistic abuse.

EVERY relationship since the two N’s, has been a wonderful step up for me in certain areas.

You may ask what the difference is between decent caring people who are lovely and being love-bombed.

I promise you I KNOW the difference. And the reason I was able to enter a healthier relationship trajectory was because I was DIFFERENT enough to attract and accept this into my life.

My current partner of just over a year is a lovely man. From the day I met him, I felt a familiarity, a soft warm feeling. It was like putting on an old sweater that I adored. It was a feeling like ‘coming home’. It wasn’t the high anxiety, blood pumping ‘thrill’ of hanging out with a narcissist.

(Which for a long time I have been quite repulsed by!)

In the past, leading up to this man, I had been adamant about NOT being with men that were at all love-bomby! Because I knew how narcissistic that can be. I have to laugh about how the Universe says, ‘your wish is my command’ as I had been experiencing ungenerous relationships.

Meaning they were NOT romantic or caring, even though I was clear (previous love-bombing or not) with what I wanted, ‘I want romance. I want to feel like a revered woman. I want to MATTER!’

From day one I received flowers every time my partner picked me up on a date. He would send me beautiful thoughtful messages, including poetry. I was being beautifully romanced.

I still am to this day.

And I was totally allowing things to unfold whilst sizing him up, as well as evaluating how I was Being in this.

A dear girlfriend asked me ‘How do you know this isn’t love-bombing?’ My answer was ‘Because if I am busy and can’t get to his text, he waits respectfully until I do. And if I have other plans, and can’t meet up, he is totally understanding with this’.

This man was NOT needy, pushy, demanding or sulky. He was being a real romantic steadfast man. He respected my space and never encroached on it.

He didn’t play ridiculous ‘let’s throw caution to the wind in the name of passion’ games.

And, I was not giving up my life to completely fall into his arms. As it turned out, he didn’t want that either. We took our time through a friendship and courting process to get to know each other, as two whole people seeking another whole partner, to share a life with, rather than to self-medicate with or take away our emptiness and loneliness.

We remained platonically dating for three months before the relationship deepened.

In those three months, I watched and waited, as did he.

The other values I was very clear about included consideration for people, and one’s word being backed by real action, or taking responsibility if not possible (such as when stuff happens).

He has integrity. He is a really good person at his core.

I was clear on what character and kindness looked like and I was totally prepared to say ‘Okay, if he isn’t it, this has been a beautiful exercise in developing a relationship for both of us, and the next man will be even better.’

I truly believed that with all of my heart.

I still do, and if for whatever reason we decide our journey together wasn’t compatible with what we wanted any more, then that would all be totally okay too.

Right now, it is wonderful.

The Only Relationship That Creates All Others

I know there is a lot going on in this episode, and I hope that it can truly and deeply help you.

You know I am always banging on about the inner work, and that is because I know without it, after narcissistic abuse, just how hard it is to heal our fractured relationship with ourselves and life, let alone be powerful, solid and wise enough to engage in healthy relationships with a non-narcissistic intimate other.

What I love about truly cleaning up the relationship that we have with ourselves and feeling whole and satisfied in our own body and in life, is that we are no longer dependent and needy in relationships.

That is when we are TOTALLY free enough to choose and engage in ones that ARE healthy.

I can’t tell you what a relief it is to get there, and I know it will be for you too.

If it’s time for you to put an end to the narcissistic madness and fear, please click this link to start your trek on your true love path today.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.  And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

How To Spot A Female Narcissist Before It’s Too Late

How To Spot A Female Narcissist Before It’s Too Late

 

Typically, narcissistic women will set out to snare new supply – by using their appearance and overt sexuality.

The narcissistic woman is deeply insecure and empty on the inside, and more interested in maintaining her looks and what she can get from people, than their feelings or needs.

She can be caring and cunning too – being everything you want her to be.

Discover more differences AND the similarities between female and male narcissists in this Thriver’s TV episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

This Thriver TV Episode is one you men want and may really need to understand – because many a narcissistic woman has been able to dupe a decent, generous, caring man, emptying him out of his emotions, resources and sanity.

But this episode is also applicable to gay women and both genders regarding both friendships and business matters.

Absolutely, female narcissists exist. Narcissism is not gender specific, and this is what Today’s Thriver TV episode is all about. So stick around to find out how to spot a female narcissist, as well as how to protect yourself from one.

Okay, before we dive in, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and if you haven’t yet, I’d love you to – and also please hit the like button if you enjoy this video!

Now let’s get started…

One For The Guys?

I know that some men think I only talk about male narcissists in my videos and blogs. Please know this is SO not true. Narcissism is narcissism and the behaviours are scarily similar between every narcissist, regardless of sex and who they are in your life!

Also, I want you to understand that the way to heal, for real, from any narcissist is identical.

This applies regardless of your gender, who the narcissist was in your life, and even how the abuse happened. In our wonderful Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) Community, there are many men (straight and gay) healing from the devastation of narcissistic relationships – including of course with women!

So even though this TTV Episode may seem like it is one for the guys, it is for all of us, just as every publication I do is NOT gender specific.

Now let’s get down to it.

The Same Behaviour of Narcissistic Women and Men

The following is CRUCIAL to understand…

There are very few differences between the characteristics of narcissistic men and women, because when a person is operating from a False-Self interior they behave in almost identical ways.

And … I totally don’t want this TTV to be about demonising women, just like I am not in the business of demonising men. We need to understand that certain character traits are necessary to define a narcissistic person of any gender.

Just because a woman cares about her appearance does not automatically define her as a narcissist – just like a man who cares greatly about his professional image and financial success, as many women do too, is not automatically a narcissist either.

Now let’s look at the behaviours of narcissistic women that are IDENTICAL to those of men – including the one definitive distinguishing characteristic of a terminally narcissistic person – ‘I will NOT take the responsibility to meet and heal my wounds, and work on myself in order to change my behaviour and life.’

Both female and male narcissists, seeking people to mine attention, acclaim, sex, power, contacts, resources and the like, do these identical things:

  •  Size up their targets and know how to appeal to exactly what THAT person wants to hear and receive.
  • Fact finds a person’s weak spots (their insecurities).Offer support, validation, and care, which this person feels they don’t receive from others, and then turn the tables and start attacking these weak spots with criticism, nasty action and abandonment tactics.
  • Pretend to be supportive of the people, passions and things in your life, and then start discrediting and sabotaging them.
  • Need constant ‘ego-feeding’ with stuff, attention, significance and their version of respect and acclaim.
  • Punish mercilessly when the False Self is not fed adequately.
  • Do the push-pull game: ‘I reel you in and then I cast you out.’
  • Can take out masterful smear campaigns against you.
  • Are controlling, possessive and insecure, and react in rageful ways that mature adults simply don’t.
  • Can strip you bare emotionally, mentally and financially.
  • Commonly position the children against you and attempt child alienation.
  • Project blame and argue with you in circular ways that leave your head spinning.
  • Refuse to be durably accountable. Apologies take far too long if they do come, and then don’t hold weight or last. The narcissist continues to re-offend.
  • Harbour and keep bringing things up to punish you with – despite saying they were resolved in the past.
  • Play tit for tat – delivering punishments that do not fit the supposed crime (except in their own heads).
  • Make you feel you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. This person can never be appeased.
  • Toss you into the gutter without a second glance, when they cannot get what they want anymore or you have been emptied out.

Awful, isn’t it?

I promise you, in the ten plus years I’ve helped people from all over the world achieve Thriver Recovery, these things happen to EVERYONE at the hands of a narcissist – no matter the gender or the sexual orientation.

So, if you truly think that ONLY women do this, or you think the same about men, think AGAIN!

Okay, now let’s get down to the DIFFERENCES.

What Characterizes A Female Narcissist?

The things that I am talking about now are the typical narcissistic female characteristics. Mind you, not ALL narcissistic women fit this description.

Please note, in some cases I am describing the characteristic with ‘him’ being the recipient. Yet this applies to gay female narcissistic relationships also.

The most obvious difference between a narcissistic woman and a man is the way in which she will snare new supply – by using her appearance and overt sexuality.

In the case of heterosexual relationships, men are very visual and sexually enticed, and narcissistic women know that their attractiveness, being flirtatious and having a willingness to grant him sexual attention is a great asset. Naturally, this can and does also work with gay women.

(The same can be said for male somatic narcissists, gay or straight, who use their physical beauty to snare potential mates.)

Traditionally, the difference between narcissistic men and women is that highly effective narcissistic men will use power, success and resources to capture new supply because they know it works!

In a woman’s DNA, ‘security’ is attractive to her. In a male’s DNA, it is ‘procreation’ with a physically appealing mate.

Now, because a female narcissist is inherently a female, who suffers from security fears, as well as being intensely entitled, her target is likely to be a nice, successful, hardworking guy, who is generous to a fault and wants to be a good provider.

This suits her high-maintenance and very expensive lifestyle – granting her all the right products and accessories to maintain her ego-necessary beauty, as well as grant her the significance that her False-Self craves.

Maybe he doesn’t have a lot of money, but she is after something – connections or some sort of security; maybe even a free, temporary roof over her head, until she is on her feet and can find better supply.

It is very common for narcissistic women to upgrade from one partner to another.

The expression ‘beauty is skin deep’ applies. The narcissistic woman is deeply insecure and empty on the inside, and more interested in maintaining her looks and what she can get from him, than his feelings or needs.

All of this becomes more and more obvious after she has captured him.

Being Everything You Want

Regardless of whether a narcissistic woman appears in your life as a potential romantic partner, business associate or a friend, she will be charming and caring.

She will demonstrate how loyal she is – she appears to be committed and caring; a team member who has your back.

It is SOOO usual for her to go over and above the call of duty to show she cares about YOU as a PERSON.

Like all narcissists, it is an act.

It’s a powerful act.

She knows how to use her feminine wiles to incite people to care about her, as well as how to work out what role people want from her.

Is it someone with the smarts and credentials to help in business?

Is it someone to help look after children or loved ones?

What food do people like to eat?

What help do they want around the house?

What deep and personal thing do you need to talk to someone about and feel supported with?

Who can you call at any time of day to feel that someone genuinely cares about you?

In the case of romance – what are your deepest desires and fantasies?

It’s not surprising that the recipient of a narcissistic woman initially believes they have met the dream friend, business or love partner of their life.

She’s smart, capable, a wonderful asset to have around, and seems to genuinely love and care about you. Everyone in your life loves her as well. She makes certain of it.

However, like all narcissistic façades, the cracks appear – sooner rather than later.

The brittle, easily triggered, possessive, insecure creature emerges. She becomes critical, entitled, selfish and demanding.

Whoever lets this woman into their life starts becoming her emotional punching bag – bit by bit being blamed for her self-torment and anything that goes wrong (which is plenty).

The sad truth is this: a narcissistic woman (like narcissistic men) is a ’professional parasite’; a bottomless pit, who can never be made happy no matter what anyone gives her.

Are There Warning Signs?

This I want you to understand about narcissistic women (as well as ANY other narcissist you come across) – there are NO warning signs!

They show up appearing lovely, wonderful and genuine! But lovely, wonderful and REAL genuine people also turn up like this!

So, how DO you tell the difference?

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again – NO narcissist walks into your life, sticking their hand up announcing that they are a sociopath about to rip your life apart!

You recognizing a narcissist has NOTHING to do with them.

It has EVERYTHING to do with YOU!

I promise…

These are the relevant questions you need to ask yourself. Have you…

 Taken your time to get to know someone – their character and WHO they really are – before letting them into your life, business matters, home, heart, bed and body?

 Asked the difficult questions when things feel off?

 Requested proof and done investigative research on someone’s credentials if you DON’T fully believe them?

 Laid boundaries and said ‘no’ if a request feels uncomfortable to you?

 Kept seeing the people and doing the things that are your life, when a new person comes into your life?

 Got clear about what abuse is and what it isn’t?

 Confronted, stated your truth and stuck to it, even if someone has tried to manipulate you?

 Walked away from someone who is abusive, regardless of what hope you had for them in your life?

 Known your own worth and value, regardless of what someone else has or hasn’t been or done?

I’m going to be straight with you, if you can’t honestly answer these questions as ‘yes’ then you are susceptible to narcissists from both genders.

If you are honest with yourself – you will KNOW exactly why.

If you CAN answer these questions as ‘yes’, then NO narcissist will get past your boundaries. She (or he) will EASILY be flushed out or will disappear before risking something happening.

That is when YOU will have distinguished whether someone is a narcissist or not – BEFORE you get damaged. When you see them unravel in front of you or sneak off back into their shadows because they can’t both hang out with you and stay in the shadows at the same time.

Then you will say, ‘Oops there goes another one!’

If you aren’t in your power in this way, then the ONLY time you will spot a narcissist is when it is too late. They are already under your skin, entrenched in your life and creating havoc – like a terrible parasitical disease.

And you will only find out because their mask fully drops.

Do you understand NOW – REALLY? If so, I want you to pause this video, and let me know by writing, ‘I REALLY get it!’ below.

If you do the inner work, then you won’t care whether someone is a narcissist or not – because you will be a True Self; someone who is impervious to ANY narcissist – regardless of whether they are female, male or an alien!

I promise you I NEVER look out for narcissists. I couldn’t care less who is or isn’t one. No longer do I try to fruitlessly work out the other billions of people on this planet. How stressful, exhausting, traumatising and what a total waste of time that is!

All I have to BE is supremely authentic, truthful and powerful within myself. Man, it’s liberating. It’s awesome! It’s such a relief to just BE myself!

I got there with Inner Work, the REAL way.

The real inner work doesn’t take decades, and it’s not hard, gruelling and awful.

I promise you – that is NOT the truth!

My healing process to achieve personal liberation and power is direct and happens in record time.

Truly, your Inner Being can’t wait to be free of the pain and the crap you once believed!

So, guys and girls come join me to learn more about the true way to be safe, powerful and free from narcissists, by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

Can Narcissists Really Move On Like Nothing Happened?

Can Narcissists Really Move On Like Nothing Happened?

 

Going through the agony of seeing the narcissist has moved on like you don’t exist can feel like a knife going into your heart.

Seeing the narcissist and new supply can evoke feelings of worthlessness, obsession and jealousy.

Discover why the narcissist is behaving this way and how you can heal for real from this in this Thriver TV episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

It certainly appears as if he or she has…

Sailed off into the sunset with the new supply. The big bounty – which probably used to be yours –looking all loved up, enjoying all that life has to offer.

The narcissist will tell you that they are happy to see the last of you and that their new life is SO much better.

You, on the other hand, can barely crawl out from underneath your bedclothes, and feel like you have been blown to pieces by a landmine.

Is it true?

Has the narcissist moved on like nothing has happened?

Are they capable of this? And what does it really mean?

The answers that you receive in today’s Thriver TV episode may shock you because they most likely will not be what you expect.

 

Okay, before we deeply investigate this, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video, give it a thumbs up!

Deep breath now and let’s plunge in!

 

The Questions and Devastation On Your Mind

Of course, it is emotionally devastating to believe that someone has moved on from you as if you never existed.

To us, that equals – ‘I wasn’t meaningful to this person’. And that terrible question, which initially threatens the very fabric of our Inner Identity – ‘Did this person even love me?’

As well as all the insidious things that we can think about ourselves regarding ‘not being good enough’ and ‘what does the new supply have that I don’t?’

Okay, if this is you please pause the video and let me know in the comments below what it is that you are feeling.

Yet, truly we are applying all these questions and thinking to the normal human equation of things – which narcissists simply don’t fit into.

 

Can Narcissists REALLY Move On Like Nothing Happened?

I’m going to drop the bombshell on you immediately … the answer is YES. The narcissist can and does move on like nothing happened.

This is not because you are unlovable or unworthy of love.

I know you might think that, and you always will if you hold other people’s character, actions and behaviours as the barometer of your worth – which naturally we need to address and heal!

The REAL reason being – nothing REAL did happen.

And the reason that nothing real happened, is because the narcissist is not a real person. He or she is a fictitious character; a False Self playing life as a stage play of their life to feed their ego (False Self).

When the play isn’t turning out how the narcissist needs it to – to gain enough narcissistic supply (attention and significance) – the narcissist needs to exit stage right and walk onto another stage as quickly as possible.

Here is another bombshell – you are MEANINGLESS to the narcissist when you are no longer the chosen self-medication fix to feed their ego.

That isn’t an insult and it doesn’t mean that you are meaningless. It’s actually a severe limitation of the narcissistic personality. Them not being real, means others are not real either. Other individuals are merely inanimate objects to the narcissist; extras who have a necessary role in a particular play at a particular time. This was you.

I personally know the total agony of wondering incessantly, ‘Can he REALLY move on so fast as if nothing happened? And ‘Was I that meaningless to him?’

My heart goes out to you with a big cyber hug, if you are going through this. And I want you to understand HOW to get free from the place you are in very quickly and powerfully – by inviting you into a radical way to accept the truth and heal.

I promise you that I am not granting you the truth to shame you, blame you or make you feel worse.

I am telling you this truth to help empower you, set you free and heal you.

I know of people who have waited years for the narcissist to return to them – and have never accepted the discard.

That is a living hell – and you truly can start to heal and access your personal heaven.

Now, let’s continue to peel this back…

 

When the Narcissist Hoovers You Back In

When we understand the motivation of a narcissist, who uses people as props to feed their ego, this explains the hoovering phenomenon.

Narcissists are famous for circling back to you and telling you that they miss you; that he or she made a mistake, still loves you, wants to work things out, and so on and so forth.

Or they will incite an argument with you, whereby you get upset and hook in and he or she then smooches up to you again.

This will make your head spin: ‘Hang on, you moved on. You were with a new person or at the very least told me you didn’t love me. You wanted to be away from me and now you want to get back with me?’

Many a person has fallen for it. I did too. And it leads to more pain, even worse abuse, and harder discards.

Why does the narcissist do it?

They do it because they feel needy for the ego feed of knowing that you still want them, or perhaps because the new supply is not turning out as well as expected.

The real truth is that narcissists are greedy for ego feeds and are indiscriminate. With ‘tortured love’ there is lots of drama and emotional energy to mine. Many narcissists will have sex with their Exes with zero regard for the new supply.

Isn’t it interesting that you thought you were meaningless and worthless? If we are using the measuring stick of integrity, loyalty and monogamy, this means the new supply is also.

Who does the narcissist really love?

No-one.

The narcissist’s allegiance is with one entity only – his or her False Self; the relentless Master who requires insatiable feeding of significance. And not only at a current or former partner’s expense –at the narcissist’s too.

Can you imagine the insanity this sort of life creates?

Can you imagine lying and having to triangulate effectively? Sneaking around covering tracks and living with the possibility of being found out and their life exploding at any moment.

Welcome to the narcissist’s ‘normal’ world, which is forever cracking, breaking, burning people out and needing the ‘up and leave and begin again’ effort to survive.

 

If You Are Not Hoovered Again

I know that initially this can be terrible for you.

You may feel after the narcissist has moved on with someone else like, ‘What is so wrong with me that I am no longer being hoovered?’.

This is what I believe is the absolute truth about narcissists – they deliver to us the THING that hurts the most. This is both because they have identified it and because narcissists in our life provide an incredible opportunity for us to heal our unhealed parts, that they painfully trigger.

My greatest recommendation to you is to take this as a blessing (the silence) and use the opportunity to turn inwards and heal what you are feeling. Then, I promise you, you won’t give two hoots about who the narcissist has run off with.

I promise you also that when you do the inner work – just as I did on the reasons why I was assigning another person as my level of lovability, worth and value, and came home to being a beautiful, full source to myself – the pain and the longing will totally go.

And … after you do the inner work … you will no longer accept any hoover attempts (if they do come) any more than you would nail yourself to the back of a burning door.

I assure you, if you start NARPing you will know exactly what I mean!

 

Personal Happiness Is Determined By Growth

Anyone can look like their life is AWESOME on social media.

BUT … are they at peace and do they feel whole within?

Are they able to be real, honest and communicate healthily in relationships, in order to create healthy partnerships of mutuality?

These are questions we can investigate when reflecting on the narcissist and also about ourselves.

People who refuse to turn inwards and process and heal their previous relationship pain to completion – meaning healing previously unintegrated and unhealed parts – are stuck in the same cycles, going through the same relationships, just with different faces.

As much as people try to get a person that is going to be different ‘this time’, it doesn’t happen.

Narcissists don’t take time out to reflect. They don’t heal. They don’t learn from their mistakes.

The narcissistic motto is: ’You are my life to provide me with ego attention and significance and let me mine you so that you fulfil all of my needs And when you stop playing that role, I will punish and discard you.’

This is not a relationship.

You NEVER had a REAL relationship with this person.

It’s a dictatorship – no matter what wrapping it appears to be disguised in. Sooner or later any new supply is going to see the mask fall and come face to face with the terrible trauma of what their relationship is really about.

And, of course, they are likely to go through the same journey of denial again and again, as they try to make each relationship that never was, be real.

That is until they realise the same truth that you are FACING now – what this is REALLY about is turning inwards to love and heal yourself back to value, worth and wholeness.

It never is anyone else’s job to grant us that!

 

The Shift In Perception

When I removed myself from my narcissistic relationship, I lost almost everything I owned. My life went from being financially secure and successful, from before meeting him, to being significantly diminished.

Here he was now living in the home I had bought us, living the high life, and making a ton of money in a business that I had set up for him.

Did I feel cheated, defiled, ripped off and destroyed? Yes, initially, I did.

Was I suffering agoraphobia so badly that I couldn’t even walk out my front door without having a panic attack? Was I so crippled that I could barely function? Yes!

Was the ex-narcissist romancing women, wining, dining, buying new and better cars and having a wow of a time? Yes!

With Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), I let go of my envy, pain and fears about money and possessions. I let go of the need for bigger and better things in my life. Instead, I focused on finally healing my Inner Being as my highest mission.

I valued my soul above all else.

Then an incredible inner peace and love came, as I released more and more trauma. Everything started to fall into place. Yet I no longer needed it to be so in order for me to be happy and whole; I was JUST Being happy and whole!

Then I understood the truth. The absolute devastation of all the pain of a False Life with a narcissist had forced me to my knees to finally turn inwards and partner with myself.

The rest is history.

I am THRILLED beyond measure that this happened FOR me.

Is this resonating with you? Are you feeling a shift in perception? Can you sense that what I am saying is the truth? Are you already living from the Thriver perspective? Pause this video and let me know in your comments below.

 

Time To Get the Real Thing

Now, here is the thing for you … it’s healthy for you to not jump straight into another relationship. If you try to, you know it is likely to be a terrible experience.

Why – because your soul knows that the opportunity you really want, more than anything, is to heal, evolve and grow towards the sustainability of fulfilling relationships that ARE real.

The narcissist can’t have real relationships.

False, broken, unfulfilling relationships are what he or she, living excessively from the False Self, is doomed to have. However, YOU can have REAL relationships if you are willing to do the work.

Relationships where you will experience being valued at the level that you value yourself.

Relationships where you will know and connect to people with true characters, kindness and conscience.

But this only becomes possible through growth and healing.

If you don’t do the work to come home to the knowing of your own self-love, worth and fullness within, then you will always seek it from outside of yourself.

I promise you that when you get determined to get off this terrible ride of painful, unsustainable relationships onto REAL and HEALTHY relationship trajectories, you will know that being discarded and ‘not mattering’ were actually powerful gifts to you.

They forced you to get REAL. To REALLY partner with yourself with devotion, love and purpose; to repair the relationship with yourself to become a completely different person going forwards.

You will become a person who is no longer being unconsciously a broken, unhealed child within an adult’s body, trying to find a parent. Rather, you will heal up to become a solid, self-loving adult in your own body, seeking and accepting other whole and healthy adults in partnerships.

And I’d love to get you started on exactly that path – the one away from pain and resentment towards health, love and excitement for what you can create in your life.

So, let’s do this together. Click this link to get started accessing my FREE empowering resources.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

Narcissistic Rage Explained

Narcissistic Rage Explained

 

When you are on the receiving end of narcissistic rage it is SHOCKING, terrifying and confusing.

Do you feel like you are continually walking on broken glass?

And / or are being punished mercilessly for something that you have apparently done?

Find out what narcissistic rage is all about in today’s Thriver TV and discover a way to deal with it if you are the one in the firing line.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissistic rage can be terrifying. It can be hot or cold – meaning explosive or smouldering.

Either way, you know you are going to feel the repercussions immediately, later, or both. These are horrifying and heartbreaking, and so often seem senseless.

Today, in this video, I want to explain to you what narcissistic rage is, why it gets set off, and how to survive it.

However, firstly, I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give this a thumbs up!

Let’s get started.

 

The Fragile Narcissistic Identity

It can seem unfathomable that narcissists SO easily react with anger, defensiveness, the silent treatment, deliberate neglect, malicious insults and attacks.

These are all acts of narcissistic rage.

But why do they happen on a hair-line trigger? Why do narcissists take umbrage or respond in ways that most adults just wouldn’t?

It’s because their Inner Identity is not grown-up or healthy. Instead, it is severely stunted in emotional childhood immaturity with a False Self overlay.

Because of traumas suffered earlier in life, the narcissist has created a fictitious character as him or herself. Someone who is grandiose, special, above reproach and entitled to preferential treatment.

All of these identity constructs are necessary to protect the narcissist against how he or she really feels about their own Identity – damaged, unworthy and unlovable.

The ‘hair-line trigger’ is any comment, behaviour or action of another that penetrates and cracks this very flimsy False Self veneer.

When the narcissist is high on narcissistic supply and filled up, then he or she is more robust emotionally. Yet, if he or she is low on narcissistic supply and already suffering the bubbling up of their damaged inner Identity, without the self-medication of a feed of superiority from the outside, then the hair-line trigger becomes like a minefield, ready to explode with any wrong step.

It’s at these times that the retaliations of a narcissist, to any perceived emotional threat, is the most active.

 

Hot and Cold Narcissistic Rage

Hot narcissistic rages usually go off immediately, or very soon after, the apparent violation the narcissist suffered.

This person could be verbally and even physically abusive and threatening. The intensity of a hot narcissistic rage can be terrifying, and even disastrous, to everyone it affects.

Cold narcissistic rages are stealthier, premeditated and planned. Examples are the engineering of abuse by proxy or an elaborate smear campaign against you.

Being the recipient of cold narcissistic rage is the grave experience of being meticulously targeted for revenge. This can be drawn out, incredibly traumatising, insidious and hard to pinpoint and combat.

 

Hiding and Expressing Narcissistic Rage

Many narcissists are skilled at hiding narcissistic rage when they need to. Their life experience has taught them that allowing their true personality to erupt, or to sulk and be childish, does not procure advantages with new targets or people, who they are trying to actively manipulate or mine.

Narcissistic rages are more commonly unleashed on close intimates, such as family, lovers, spouses and maybe friends or work associates, who are in some way bonded, indebted or dependent on the narcissist.

It can be incredibly frustrating for close intimates to live with narcissistic rage on a regular basis, whilst the narcissist maintains such cordial and charming relationships with others.

In short, narcissists will rage at people who they have hooked to them and who hang around for it. Also, they may continue to attack people who they feel have insulted their False Self, even after separating with them.

Now let’s look at what can trigger narcissistic rage.

 

Denied Entitlement

The narcissist’s False Self needs to uphold being ‘more special’ than others.

If the narcissist is not the centre of attention when socialising, this can trigger a rage.

So can the narcissist not getting what he or she wants.

The narcissist’s demands, when unmet or denied, even if unreasonable, selfish, inhumane or totally warped, can trigger a rage.

An example could be you not stopping everything to greet the narcissist at the door.

If something or someone else is made a priority, it can bring on a narcissistic rage.

An example of this may be when someone else is ill and requires attention. Or the mentioning of someone else who is special, instead of attributing that title to the narcissist.

 

If Critiqued Or Questioned

The narcissist’s False Self, within its superior self-construct, is beyond reproach.

Even constructive suggestions to a narcissist can trigger a narcissistic rage.

Certainly, any form of questioning of the narcissist’s decisions, motives, actions or behaviours is stepping on very dangerous territory.

Trying to show or teach a narcissist something, often threatens their sense of superiority and so can trigger a rageful episode.

 

Made To Be Like Everyone Else

One of the narcissist’s greatest horrors is to not be the omnipotent being that their fictitious character needs to imagine itself as.

The huge gap between feeling ‘super-human’ and like a ‘normal-human’ gets closed with a thud, when the narcissist has to do the mundane, everyday things that every responsible adult does.

Things like: turning up on time, keeping your word, paying your bills and taxes, doing the right thing.

These deeds, unless providing narcissistic supply, are appalling to the narcissist. And if there is pressure enforcing ‘normality’, a terrible ego injury can occur, bringing on a narcissistic rage.

 

When Confronted

Narcissists absolutely screw up. They break rules and laws and pathologically lie. They cheat, manipulate, violate and abuse, and have no concern for how their actions affect others.

Naturally, people who are suffering the results of this are going to confront the narcissist and try to hold him or her accountable. This is one of the times when narcissistic rage will be the most obvious.

If you try to back a narcissist into a corner, he or she will come out swinging, using a host of out-of-bounds defence mechanisms.

The conscienceless arsenal that the narcissist uses cuts hard and brutally into your psyche, and leaves you feeling like you are being torn to emotional shreds. You feel like you are losing your mind.

Why is the narcissist so disastrous to your health at this time?

Because he or she is trying to switch the blame and is fighting with every available tactic to maintain his or her idolised image.

 

If Called Out

One of the most sure-fire ways to trigger the narcissist’s rage is to call him or her a narcissist. This never goes well!

If you try to lecture and prescribe to the narcissist about their damaged self, their wounds, their dysregulation and issues, then be prepared to be set upon.

The greatest threat to the narcissist’s False Self is for the charade to be exposed. You are inciting punishment and retaliation when you do this.

 

Warning Signs and the Flushing Out of Narcissistic Rage

After meeting a narcissist, they will hide the immature narcissistic rage part of themselves from you as long for as they need to.

So how do you pick it? And what are the warning signs?

Generally, it starts by you feeling in your own gut that something is not quite right. It could be a way they looked, a slight reaction, or a few words they said.

I have found that by asking people about their life and other people, delusions of superiority can be noticed. They may talk down about other people. Perhaps when you are out with this person, they treat restaurant staff with disdain.

If something isn’t right, it’s important that you question it. Get to the bottom of it, with solidness, poise and integrity. If you do this, I promise you the narcissist will be rattled and will unravel into defences that are immature and uncalled for. Or they will burst into a narcissistic rage right in front of you.

I share this following example often, because it is such a good one.

Some years ago, when on a date, my date was rubbishing his work colleagues. When he asked me how he thought our date was going, I told him that my values didn’t include talking about people in such a derogatory way.

I said it calmly and clearly without fear.

He then flew into a complete rage. A narcissist was well and truly flushed out, and I was overjoyed that I had dodged a bullet.

 

If You Are Being Abused With Narcissistic Rage

Narcissists use narcissistic rage to control and manipulate you; to make you acquiesce and do what they want, drop your boundaries and hand over your rights and power to them.

The narcissist is also using you as their dump master to offload their emotional trauma onto – their inadequacies, self-loathing and deranged inner feelings – to try to relieve themselves of them.

It’s vital that you stop trying to combat, fix or change the narcissist.

There is only one true solution to escape narcissistic rage and all the other abusive things that a narcissist does…

Detach.

Pull away and start taking care of yourself.

For you, this means healing all the fears and inadequacies inside you, which the narcissist has been ripping open and using against you to suck your life-force and keep you hooked.

When you do the RIGHT inner work, you will escape these hooks, breakaway, get well and create your Thriver Life.

You will also render the narcissist powerless in lining you up and continuing to make your life a living hell.

Which is exactly the work that I teach people how to do – it’s my mission in life to help get you there.

If you have had enough of narcissistic rage, don’t wait any longer, come with me and I’ll show you how to break away, heal and become completely impervious to the narcissist’s attacks.

We can do this together in my next Masterclass, which I have just opened up. The last one of these mega healing events had over 7000 attendees, and we had hundreds of emails during and after the masterclass telling us how informative, healing and life-changing it was.

Okay, so to start getting relief, answers and the healing you dearly desire, click this link to the Masterclass.  

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

7 Signs Your Parent Is Narcissistic

7 Signs Your Parent Is Narcissistic

 

Many people in this community have been narcissistically abused as a child and my heart goes out to you if this has been your plight.

Today, I share with you the seven top signs I believe typify a narcissistic parent and how their behaviour can affect you as an adult.

The binds and trauma may still be present between you and your narcissistic parent – whether he or she is alive or not, and so it is my deepest wish that this video gives you answers, relief and a true solution to your pain.

 

 

Video Transcript

Maybe you do not realise that your parent was a narcissist because what you experienced as a child was your ‘normal.’

Or perhaps you do know.

Truly, it can be terribly devastating for those who did suffer a narcissistic parent, and my heart goes out to you if that is you.

In today’s TTV Episode I want to share with you the seven signs that I believe are indicators your parent is a narcissist – what these signs look like and how having a narcissistic parent may have affected you.

At the end of this episode, I also want to share with you hope … A knowing that even if abuse is all that you have ever known, you can heal from this.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s look at this…

 

Number 1 Invalidation

Sadly, a narcissistic parent is self-absorbed and only interested in their own thoughts and feeling. It is common for this parent to not listen to you, not care what you are feeling, and to either force their will upon you or ignore your appeals to them, regardless of what is going on for you.

Because of this, you grew up believing that your thoughts, feelings, and desires were unimportant and, if expressed, would only bring further invalidation and disappointment.

This means, as an adult, you will tend to fit in with others, submerge your own needs, and you won’t speak up to express either your own needs or your values.

Maybe you have found it extremely difficult to even know what your values and needs are.

 

Number 2 Instability

Narcissistic instability means that one minute your parent could be engulfing and fawning over you and the next they are triggered, angered and even verbally or physically violent – and certainly emotionally malicious.

As a child, you may not have known what this parent was going to be like on a day-to-day, or even minute-to-minute basis.

Because there was be no rhyme or reason to your parent’s behaviour, and therefore nothing you could have done to predict or negate the outburst, as a child you learnt that ‘love’ was unstable and even dangerous.

If this is what you experienced, it is likely that you have suffered the anxiety of not knowing how to be safe in life in your own body, and especially with people who are close to you.

This means you might try to read people’s energy to be safe, and try to please them and calm them down to survive.

It can also mean you run towards abusive people, trying to fix them to make them love you and look after you, rather than detaching yourself and getting away from them.

As a child, you had to do all you could to keep your parents around and to survive with them.

 

Number 3 Exploitation

Commonly, a narcissistic parent will use a capable or attractive child to further their own cause of gaining narcissistic supply.

Rather than wanting their children to succeed for the child’s sake, this parent makes it all about themselves – the fulfilment of their own ego, complete with the admiration and envy of others.

Often a child will be pushed into a direction, with high demands and pressure, that the child may not necessarily want to do or perform. This child is the golden child, who receives a ton of attention and energy, yet is being exploited for the narcissist’s own need to feel significant.

This child loses his or her personality, dreams and wishes, and becomes a mere extension of the narcissistic parent. And when he or she doesn’t perform that role, is punished or downgraded.

If this happened to you, you will have embedded within your Inner Being programs of conditional love. This means that you will be very hard on yourself. Also, you may find it very hard to relax and take time out, because you are always trying to get the job done and done right.

You may believe that people will only ever love you for what you can achieve, and not for who you are.

 

Number 4 Manipulation

Guilting is a very common weapon used by a narcissistic parent. This parent may remind you constantly of what they do for you and how ungrateful you are if you don’t abide by their demands.

The guilting can turn into abusive shaming, if this parent has set upon you as the scapegoat – meaning blaming you for the state that parent is in or the way the family is.

Maybe you were compared to a sibling, and insulted regarding how you didn’t measure up to him or her.

This will cause the adult you to be susceptible to being blamed for other’s problems, which they refuse to take responsibility for themselves. You may also find yourself taking the blame, feeling shameful and guilty, and trying to fix things that are not your fault.

 

Number 5 Neglect

The neglect of a narcissistic parent can come in many different shapes and forms. Common are the ignoring of the needs of their children – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.

When it is all about the narcissistic parent, then others are unimportant. It’s narcissistic selfishness and self-absorption. A narcissist’s primary driver is narcissistic supply, which means getting attention and acclaim from others.

It is very common, whilst the parent is seeking supply through career, socialising, self-indulgence or pastimes, that the child will be left with the other parent or even, from a young age, on their own.

Also, many narcissists suffer from the secondary addiction (narcissistic supply being the first) of substance abuse. Addicts are unavailable parents. Narcissistic addicts are doubly so.

If this was your plight, then you learned from an early age that your life was up to you. You found it difficult to trust others and let them in. You may struggle to delegate, let people in or play team with others. You most likely hold the belief, ‘It’s always up to me. Others don’t support me.’

Or, you may crave attention and affection so much that you are highly susceptible to bonding with and trusting people far too quickly, rather than taking your time to get to know them.

 

Number 6 Superficiality

The narcissistic parent may have a completely different persona in public to within the home.

People think the narcissistic parent is lovely and has a beautiful nature; that they love and adore their family. Little do they know the truth of what goes on behind closed doors when ‘others’ are not around.

Image, pretences and having others envy and think that the narcissist has the ‘perfect’ life, is all part of a False Self constructing a False Life.

If you experienced this as a child, you may be hard on yourself regarding how you appear to others and believe that people will only accept you if you are ‘perfect’.

You will have gone through the devastation of being treated like an object, so as to present a perfect image, rather than as a blood, flesh and soul human being with feelings.

You may get into relationships with people who objectify you, and you may even do this to yourself (rather than connect to your own true feelings and needs).

 

Number 7 Control

If a child wants to express their individuality and seems to be breaking away from the family mould, then there are methods that a narcissistic parent may use to exert control.

One of them is demeaning the child’s worth, dreams and wishes, to stop him or her succeeding in breaking free. Another is to express jealousy and hostility with anything that the child wants to do away from the family. This can be directed at friends or this child’s love partner.

By keeping the child stuck and minimalised, the narcissist gets to boost his or her own insecure ego.

Another method of control can be to wrap the child up in duties and chores or a family business, or even family commitments, so that they can’t have a life of their own.

The guilting and demanding of service from a child can continue even when the narcissist is elderly, keeping the child bonded throughout their adult life.

If this has been your experience, it is likely that you feel obligated and tied to the burden of looking after others and don’t feel free enough to pursue your own dreams and goals. You may believe it is selfish to do so.

It is NOT true that You Can’t Heal!

If this video related to you, I so hope it has validated what you have been through.

I want you to know, with all of my heart, that it is NOT true that it will take decades (or a lifetime) of therapy to recover from the terrible traumas you suffered as a child.

Likewise, it is NOT true that it will take years and years for you to learn how to BE different in relationships, or for you to have healthy, reciprocal relationships of kindness, love and trust, where you can get your needs met (as well as keep healthily loving others)!

It is also NOT true that you are stuck with a narcissistic parent and the hooks that they have in you for the rest of your life.

If this has been your struggle, please come with me and let me show you how you can break free in the fastest, most guilt-free and direct way you could ever know possible.

I promise you it IS possible, and today I can help you start by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

How To Defeat A Psychic Energy Vampire

How To Defeat A Psychic Energy Vampire

 

I know that psychic vampires can be terrifying. They are REALLY hard to PICK. And … if they get their hooks in … devastatingly DANGEROUS.

Are you sick of having this happen to you? Do you know how to get clean, clear and DEFEAT them?

Sadly, most people don’t know how to … and what they have been told, just doesn’t work!

This is why I created this TTV episode. To explain the TRUTH about HOW they get in, and what to do, so it NEVER happens to you again.

 

 

Video Transcript

Are you sick of having people in your life suck the life-force out of you?

Is this something that has been a struggle for you? It certainly was for me.

Do you want to keep struggling with this and the fear of energy vampires? Or do you want to find a way out of this nightmare?

I promise you there is a way to take your lifeforce back.

Keep watching…

Because I’m going to tell you what is REALLY going on when an energy vampire hooks in, and how you can shape up, get away, stay away and be impervious to them.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now let’s get into it!

 

Stop Looking Out For Them

You may think I’m mad saying this…

But I promise you I’m not – even though once upon a time I would have thought so too.

Defence is Wrongtown with energy vampires. It actually makes you more susceptible to them and easier for them to infiltrate you and start feeding from your energy.

Offence is the BEST way to beat them.

I know you may have been learning everything you can about energy vampires to try to defeat them – but I’m going to tell you, in the nicest possible way I can – STOP. DOING. THAT.

Why?

Because when you do that, you leave your territory to go searching ‘out there’ for someone who could be your threat. Meanwhile, you have left yourself totally alone ‘in there’.

And it is ‘in there’ where you are susceptible to infiltration, damage and theft. There are not only ‘gaps’ – you are now completely unattended and exposed.

Imagine your house with broken doors and windows, and you start roaming the streets looking for people who may try to rob your home. Wouldn’t it be much better to fix your doors and windows?

Wouldn’t it be much better to be ‘in there’, doing the inner work to shore up your gaps and develop yourself to be impervious to energy vampires in the first place?

You bet it would!

In fact, it is the only way you will EVER be safe.

To neglect your own self-discovery, inner work and development – whilst you learn everything about psychic vampires to protect yourself – is a total waste of time.

Psychic vampires don’t put their hands up and announce their arrival – ‘Hello, I’m a psychic vampire about to desecrate your life!’

Rather, they scrutinise you to find out what gaps you have ‘in there’. They then infiltrate and act out what you want to see and hear, all the while taking full advantage of what they find.

And they do it with such masterful precision that you DON’T see the warning signs until it’s too late.

I know this may disturb you – but it shouldn’t. Not at ALL!

It should EMPOWER you.

So, now, let me explain how psychic narcissists DO infiltrate – and then how they simply can’t.

 

How a Psychic Vampire Gets Their Hooks In

I want to use this example…

Cindy meets Joel.

Joel is a psychic vampire on the hunt for a new target – someone who he can enmesh with; get narcissistic supply from; self-medicate with and suck dry.

Cindy doesn’t trust people, and because of this is on the lookout for narcissists.

Joel shows up being how he is with most people when he first meets them – charming.

He is skilled and knows exactly how to test out new sources – to see if they can be hooked.

Joel works out pretty quickly that Cindy is distrustful of men. He asks some empathetic questions about her life and feigns total consideration and care.

Because Cindy has felt so hurt in the past, and has never healed this hurt within herself, she wants someone in her life who is genuine, caring and real. With love so drastically MISSING in her life, Cindy is CRAVING it. Him ‘being gentle, caring and kind’ is as appealing to her as an oasis is to a parched woman in the desert.

So Cindy gravitates to Joel, opens up and tells him what has happened with men in the past.

Bingo!

Joel has all the information he needs. He expresses a story where ‘he went through the same’ and explains how he just can’t believe people would behave like that and how he would never do it himself.

The crazy thing is – Cindy thought she had learned everything she could about energy vampires. She believed she could pick a narcissist at 100 paces.

BUT the narcissist, Joel, picked her. Picked her off, actually. And so easily it was CRAZY!

HOW could he?

This is how…

Cindy was unhealed from her previous narcissistic experiences.

She had not gone ‘in there’ to do the work to be shored up and impervious.

Cindy was still carrying the following beliefs:

‘People who love me hurt me.’

‘I can’t trust the people I love.’

‘I’m not able to be safe with love partners.’

Now please understand, LOGIC has nothing to do with these inner unhealed traumas.

Get this … Before her date with Joel, Cindy was on the phone to her girlfriend, Katie, telling her how she knew she would never fall for a narcissist again; that she had watched every YouTube video on it, read every article and all the experts had told her what to look out for.

BUT … and it’s a huge BUT…

Her painful inner belief systems, that hadn’t yet been healed up, meant that she could ONLY connect with the LITERAL match to them.

It was inevitable. It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

I did it, you did it, we all did it. And many of us are massively intelligent, learned and researched.

So, it all gets back to ‘in there’.

 

There Are No Warning Signs!

Where were the red flags?

There WEREN’T any!

Of COURSE, Cindy doesn’t see the narcissistic warning signs such as:

  • An over inflated ego.
  • Making it all about himself.
  • Being triggered about ridiculous things that most people don’t get upset about.
  • Being controlling, exploitative, unreasonable, refusing to take responsibility for his behaviour, and so on and so forth.

Within two days Cindy, completely believing she had met her dream man, is in Joel’s bed.

Within two more weeks he has moved in. Just the way a narcissist likes it – quickly securing supply, as the payoff for their efforts.

And he had expertly manoeuvred all this so that it wasn’t even his idea. He crafted this by feigning being happy to wait for sex for as long as it took; he would give her time to trust him … blah, blah, blah.

Convinced he was decent, respectful and trustworthy, without EVER getting to know him or waiting to see WHO he REALLY was, Cindy flung open her door, bed, body and heart to him herself!

Of course, the results were terrible for Cindy. Within six months Cindy has Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), fibromyalgia and has lost half her savings to him.

A year later she was too sick to hold down her job and was fighting to save her home.

Why didn’t Cindy leave, before it got this bad, when his mask dropped and she had started to see BIG ‘warning signs’ – irrational selfishness, refusing to take responsibility and his horrible knee jerk reactions?

Because she had gaps that he had well and truly hooked into and exploited, which meant she kept clinging on trying to make him go back to ‘Beautiful Joel’.

After all he had become the saviour of her soul, which she was not to herself yet.

This is the most powerful ENERGY TIE we will ever have with an energy vampire. Not being whole and healed yet is the EXACT reason they can get in, remain in our life, dig in and suck.

Now let me show you what being impervious to a psychic vampire looks like.

 

How to Defeat a Psychic Vampire

Here is another example…

Joel, having discarded Cindy in the gutter and run off with all that she previously had, re-emerges and is on the sniff again.

He meets a woman at a café. Let’s just call her Jean.

Jean used to be a true food source to narcissists. Co-dependent, clingy, unhealed and carrying a ton of beliefs that made her a match for abusers. Beliefs like ‘I can’t survive without a man’, ‘Other people are much more powerful and know more than me’ and ‘If I don’t comply I’m going to get smashed’, as well as a bunch of others and with big, bad abandonment terrors thrown in.

In the past, as a result of nearly dying, she got to work on herself. BIG time. In fact, she worked diligently on herself every day for months, because there was NO way she was going to go through it again.

Okay, so here she is out at a café, innocently working on her laptop, when a charming, good looking man sits down next to her.

‘Hi’, he says.

She replies with, ‘How are you going?’

Joel flashes a killer smile and asks Jean what she is writing.

She tells him that she is writing stuff to help people recover from abusive relationships.

Joel asks her if this is about personal development.

Jean smiles back and says, ‘Yes’.

With some more chit chat, Joel asks Jean if she had herself been abused and this is why she does this work.

Jean says, ‘Yes’.

He says, ‘You poor thing that must have been horrible.’

Jean says, ‘It was amazing. I’m so happy it happened FOR me.  My life is so much better because of it.’

Joel looks at her like she has two heads.

He starts doing a double-take, trying to work out where her ‘gap’ is, so that he can appear to be ‘the saviour’ of an unhealed wound (insecurity) she may have.

It’s obvious he is rattled.

Jean, is now observing him thinking, ‘How hilarious, this guy is a narc.’

He can’t find her ‘gap’, so he starts telling her how he loves personal development.

Jean is having fun with him now, asking him questions about the teachers and books he professes to know, because it is plain to see he is full of BS.

Both Joel and Jean know he is sounding like an idiot.

He looks at his watch and tells Jean he is running late and leaves.

Jean is nearly crying with laughter on the inside.

The entire time during their exchange, she couldn’t have cared less if he was decent, a narcissist or an alien. She had simply been herself.

Okay, so maybe this is MY story … I promise you I have had that happen!

 

The Moral to This Story.

Please don’t think I am better than anyone else here, because I purportedly know how to pick an energy vampire.

I am not.

The only reason I’m not concerned, EVER, about people being narcissists or not, is because I know that NO energy vampire (False Self) can infiltrate, if I’m being my True Self.

What is a True Self?

Someone who is fully committed to releasing themselves from inner trauma to be Who They Really Are.

When you do this, you WILL be whole and full on the inside.

You won’t NEED anyone to ‘give you yourself’.

There will be ZERO compulsion to take emotional risks.

You will realise that when you are healed up on the inside and are no longer driven by your inner emotional wounds, akin to being a broken inner child seeking a parent to fix you, you make really healthy choices.

Including speaking up when something feels off, asking difficult questions and setting boundaries, if necessary.

You will firmly know that you are totally prepared to lose people in your life, rather than lose yourself again.

You may not pick a narcissist immediately, like I did in this example. But who cares! I don’t care whether a narcissist shows their true colours immediately or down the track.

And neither will you after doing the real inner work. Because if you are fully YOU, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing, then how could you not be TRUE to you?

You will take your time to get to know people. You will ascertain people, before they get into your bed, heart and life. You will get to know their values, character and background before committing. You won’t do business deals with people, without making sure contracts are drawn up and signed.

Remember Joel with Cindy and how fast he moved on her and got in?

Narcissists need to do that – they don’t waste time with people they can’t hook. They need a food supply quickly. Think of a predator in the wild. They don’t tackle a robust bison; they take on a limping gazelle at the edge of a pack.

Clean up your limp.

Become a bison who is solid, emotionally self-sufficient, totally unafraid of anyone, and robust enough to show up truthfully.

If you have done the inner work, you will be in your body, totally connected to your inner cues and gut messages. These are prompts from your Higher Self and the Divine, who are partnering with you, always to grant you the truth.

But if you are researching around ‘out there’, doing everything that you can to learn about narcissists, and you haven’t even started to self-partner and come home to yourself, are you going to listen to ‘in there’?

Or, are you going to keep making excuses for other people, be ruled by your unhealed wounds, emotional emptiness and recklessness, and hand your power away?

Please know I’m not saying HOW it IS to shame you. Rather, I’m telling you this, as I needed to do with myself, to wake you up to the truth and to EMPOWER you.

Who do you want to be – a robust bison or an injured gazelle?

And are you willing to do whatever it takes to play your BEST Offence Game?

If so, put down your fruitless narcissistic research and instead fully dedicate yourself to healing yourself.

Robust bison or limping gazelle? Be honest, who are you right now and who do you want to become? Let me know in your comments below.

All right, let’s do some Bison Training to defeat energy vampires by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

Is Your Friend A Narcissist? 5 Ways To Know

Is Your Friend A Narcissist? 5 Ways To Know

 

Do you have a friend who leaves you feeling drained, uncared for and even EXPLOITED?

Is the relationship one-sided, with you holding the SHORT end of the stick?

Maybe this person is just selfish and needs a talking to – where you are honest about what is going on for you, and what you really need to have a healthy and happy friendship with them.

Maybe you are too scared to do this or you don’t know how to start the conversation (or even want to have it).

Maybe you know deep inside that talking with them will never work, and would only make matters worse – because this friend is a NARCISSIST.

How can you know? In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’ll help you know and HOW to deal with them.

 

 

Video Transcript

Over the years many of you have asked me, ‘Do you think my friend is a narcissist?’

Or maybe you wonder if some of your peers, or even your bestie, might be just a tad (or a lot) narcissistic.

I haven’t done this Thriver TV episode before, but I really think that it is now time to deeply investigate how to know whether or not your friend is a narcissist and what to do if he or she is.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.

#1 Puts Other People Down

One of the sure-fire ways to know that your friend is a narcissist is when he or she trashes other people behind their backs.

We all know that talking about people, especially for us women, is usual. But there is a big difference between discussing people with empathy and awareness and simply being derogatory, accusatory and nasty.

Does your friend seldom have nice things to say about people? Are they lovely to people’s faces and really happy to get what they can from them, but then pull apart their character, relationships, work-life, or anything else they can dig their teeth into, as soon as these people are not there?

If you are really honest with yourself, do you sometimes think, ‘I wonder what you say about ME when my back is turned’?

Be aware that this person might gush all over people at times, but this is during the idolising stage – the period when the narcissist’s ‘subject’ is granting them copious amounts of narcissistic supply and is the next best thing since sliced bread. It only lasts for a short length of time.

And, yes, this could be you if the friendship is new. But give it time, sooner or later you will become the person who is no longer ‘wonderful’ and is, therefore ‘terrible’.

#2 Is Entitled and Exploitative

Narcissists push boundaries – period. They feel they are entitled and they like to take. This can be very confusing with a narcissistic friend, who makes out that they are super-generous.

It could be with their replies on Facebook, their offers of support and their supposed generosity, love and care for others. Yet, if this person is narcissistic, they will expect renumeration for their efforts. At the very least attention and recognition.

Yet usually there is more…

If the narcissistic friend is parasitical, then in return for their efforts they may wish favours for free. Your time and resources or lunches, coffee and drinks, at your expense.

How do we know when a narcissistic friend is playing this game? They sit back. They let you pay. They don’t initiate picking up a bill themselves. In their head, they believe they are entitled to whatever they can get because they have earned it from you.

They don’t thank you – they just expect. And they don’t discuss reciprocating.

I have found that high-character friends not only speak up, but usually will also fight you in their offering to grab a bill! They also insist on delivering what is gracious and fair in the future. They don’t EXPECT!

A narcissistic friend’s entitlement could extend to many aspects of your life, whereby they will help themselves without the filter of checking in and seeing if it is okay or not.

Asking permission, or returning favours, especially when there is no audience or narcissistic supply to achieve, is not a narcissistic friend’s deal.

Also, they generally want to make plans with you on their time and will not put themselves out when it’s not convenient for you. Yet they expect you to drop everything for them.

But where is this person when you really need their assistance?

#3 Drains the Hell Out of You

At first, when this friend came into your life, there was their ‘I’m so nice’-bombing or some sort of exciting mutual shenanigans (narcissists love drama!), as a reciprocation of energy.

But now things have settled in beyond that initial period, you have possibly discovered that spending time with this person exhausts you. You may even feel ‘slimed’ after being with or listening to them.

Meaning that they dump a whole heap of toxic energy on you and suck your good energy dry.

Does this person, every time you get together, tell you another story about their victimisation?

Is this a person who has no respect for, and may not even ask about what is going on in your life, making everything absolutely about them?

Every time you try to talk, do they interrupt, take over and leave you feeling like you have to fight for air-time?

Narcissism is an energetic physic phenomenon. Truly, these people are soul vampires. If you are hanging out with someone like this, then it is unhealthy for you.

#4 Doesn’t Want Your Advice

Naturally, when someone you care about is always having dramas, issues and battles with people and life, you want to help them. And just as much as you don’t want to see them going through this stuff, which is soooo self-imposed, you also don’t want to have to keep listening to the same ‘crapola’ over and over!

Therefore, it would be normal for you to intercept with some good, old-fashion solutions to the issues at hand.

Maybe, if you have already Gone Quantum, and you know that life works from the inside out, you are trying to get this person to go within and heal the part of themselves that keeps playing out the same painful beliefs and victimisations, again and again.

But your words go through one ear and out the other.

This person doesn’t listen, butts in, doesn’t get it, or simply tells you what you need to hear so you think they may do something about it – to shut you up, so that they can keep banging on about themselves.

Yet each time you talk with them, nothing has changed. It’s the same drama; you are being dumped on all over again; and this person has not given one ounce of credence to your advice, let alone their own personal development and growth.

So repeatedly you get the same stories, complete with the same toxic, in-repeat, energy sliming you.

#5 Gets Nasty When You Have Had Enough

This last bit is how you TRULY know if this friend in your life is a narcissist or not.

What do narcissists do when they are presented with a boundary?

They do EVERYTHING they can to get under it, around it or to blow it up, and if they can’t they attack the person laying it.

The following is how to set a REAL boundary with a narcissistic friend:

‘(Friends name), I now love me enough to desire healthy relationships. I haven’t been honest with you about some things in our friendship that haven’t been working for me. It affects me when you do (what they do), and I know that for our friendship to continue I need to receive (what it is that you need) from you. Are you willing to look at this and work in with me, so that we can have a healthier friendship together? Because I know I can’t continue unless we can.’

I promise you if this person is decent, cares about you and has the resources to be conscious – they will own it, be apologetic and work in with you. They will want to change.

They may even thank you for helping them see something that they didn’t realise they were doing.

If this person is a narcissist, however, stand back and watch the three-ring-circus come to town.

Excuses. Justifications. Denial. Accusations. Even ATTACKS on your character and person. This is all about trying to get you to take the boundary down, eat it and choke on it, apologise and spin back to being a compliant, workable energy supply again.

And when you refuse to…

He or she may just be so ‘called out’ that they will do the famous ‘Poof, I’m gone’ narcissistic dump-and-run act. Which means, ‘I’ll block you on social media before you get to do it to me, and I’ll start smearing the heck out of you to anyone who will listen!’

Which is all to do with saving their precious ego.

Or maybe for a while you will be hoovered with attempted guilting, threats, appealing to your compassion – whatever it is that the narcissist thinks could get you re-hooked.

NONE of it will be about taking 100 percent responsibility and lifting his or her game.

I nearly cried laughing with an ex-narcissist friend, who a year after the showdown messaged me with ‘I have decided to forgive you!’

Typical (and hilarious!) non-existent narcissistic ownership!

Up-Levelling Friendships

We truly are WHO we connect with.

And what and who we tolerate is the level that our life will run at.

I know for many of you it is really painful to have to say goodbye to a person, or maybe even lots of people because you know they are narcissistic.

Try setting the boundary, and really mean it when you do.

You will have to be prepared to lose it all to get it all – there is no other way.

And, whenever you do this, you will have to be healed enough inside to truly move beyond victimisation to know that you ARE creating your life by setting the values and the limits that you desire as your life.

Then, I promise you, for every door that closes, ten more beautiful ones will open – when you truly get and actualise this.

To finish, I want to do a big shout out to this Community that it is soooo NOT true that my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is just for people healing from Intimate Partner relationships.

The healing in NARP is for any and every narcissistic person in our life, because it is all about us healing within us, and becoming what we need to be as the Creators of a clean, empowered and truly interpersonal healthy life.

Many NARP members are working the Program to heal ALL SORTS of narcissistic abuse. In fact any type of narcissist or toxic or difficult individual. They do not have to be diagnosed as narcissistic.

If you are ready to get your happy, healthy, loving life, then I’d love you to check out my Introductory Healing Offer which you can do by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>