What Happens When Narcissists Get Old?

What Happens When Narcissists Get Old?

 

An elderly narcissist without narcissistic supply can be very difficult to be around.

Maybe you are wondering if they will mellow with age or whether you are finally going to see Karma make amends for all the horrible things they have done to you.

What is the fate of an ageing narcissist?

Wanting to know this is normal and TOTALLY understandable!

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am excited to share with you the TRUTH about what is going on with narcissists as they age.

 

 

Video Transcript

People ask this question a lot.

They want to know…

‘Does their behaviour improve?’

‘Do they mellow or do they get worse?’

‘What is their fate as they age?’

These are all such great questions, and in today’s TTV episode I’m really looking forward to answering them for you.

But before I do, I want to thank each and everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, please do so. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s get started.

 

Unconsciousness Creates Big Cracks

This is what I believe about living unconsciously – lack of integration and peace with Self will show up in one’s life.

We know narcissists shove and plunder their way through life in conscienceless ways, taking by charm or force or manipulation other people’s energies and resources to feed their insatiable False Selves.

On the surface it may seem like they are having a wonderful time – prospering even.

But are they really?

I used to believe that the ex-narcissist in my life had it all, much of it at my expense, and was even thriving, whilst my life was stripped bare, with no hope of recovery.

Now I know what a grand illusion that was.

Because, after my own soul recovery and self-partnering to come home to me, I now know how agonising it is to be disconnected from Self and not being integrated and at peace.

And this is regardless of what stuff, results and successes are achieved.

For the narcissist – stuff and people are ‘things’, mere commodities, that are only attempts at self-medicating away the pain that is the narcissist’s constant inner trauma. But no achievements, people or things can ever resolve this trauma.

I love what George Carlin said, which supports this idea: ‘Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.’

This is the thing – the narcissist is always hungry and never satisfied. Their actions are the urges of a disordered egoic self that is insecure, empty and self-loathing. It is the ‘always trying to seek salvation’ from outside of self, rather than self-partnering and healing oneself back to inner wholeness.

It is a never-ending, fruitless hamster wheel with no way off, that they are on.

The narcissist has crossed the line into being out of alignment with inner authenticity.

He or she lies, schemes and has agendas. And every time the narcissist is not operating from a place of inner and solid truthfulness, he or she is damaging the integrity of their inner being even more.

The narcissistic personality grows in intensity, and as it grows so does the need for more lies and falsities, to cover a fictitious life.

The damage of a life lived out of integrity means that there is always another responsibility to avoid, bullet to dodge, scheme to hatch, and another source to groom because of the inevitable destruction of the current one.

 

Losing the Ability to Get Narcissistic Supply

Mining the acclaim, notoriety, attention, and energy from others, to buffer the narcissist’s empty inner self with significance, takes a lot of effort.

This is a delicate balancing act for a narcissist.

As a hugely insecure person, who requires a BIG feed of narcissistic supply to escape the inner torment of feeling unworthy, empty and insignificant, narcissists need to be effective when it comes to the amount of energy expended for the harvest reaped.

As narcissists get older, they start losing charm, energy and ways to get narcissistic supply.

When the glory days start fading into the background, and they lose their ability to garnish supply, narcissists traditionally take it out on the people who are still attached.

In relation to ageing narcissists, this could be their spouse or a child, who they have groomed to dump their anger on and have made responsible for their needs and abuse.

If this is your plight – I’d really love you to watch my video ‘How To Handle an Elderly Narcissist’ so that you can understand how to take your power back and heal from being abused in this way.

 

An Elderly Narcissist Without Narcissistic Supply

This really is the same as a sick narcissist who can’t get narcissistic supply. When they run low or empty, without their primary drug of choice – the attention and significance that self-medicates away the inner pain of being themselves – narcissists can become totally delusional, manic, unreasonable, abusive and, quite frankly, may go insane.

Their mask may drop completely, leaving their disorder front and centre for all to see.

He or she may throw all caution to the wind and attempt frenetically, and even pathetically, to try to get narcissistic supply.

It is a shock when you see an elderly narcissist unravel in this way, and become a shadow of their former fictitious self. And it is when they age that the truth always, eventually, comes out.

I believe we die as we live. A life authentically lived, shows the successful results even in declining years. Whereas a life lived as a False Self, ends up where it was always going to go – a fall from grace that never was real in the first place.

 

As Narcissists Age Does Karma Pay Them Back?

The answer to this question is ‘yes’. However, despite any acquisition or outer appearances, it is important to know that the narcissist’s karma – the intense emotional disintegration and pain from living a life out of alignment with self, life and others, is ever present.

One’s soul is not durably happy as a result of ‘getting’. Every soul can only reach wholeness as a result of ‘being’. The state of the inner beingness of a narcissist is disastrous; their emotions being ever reliant on the precariousness of obtaining narcissistic supply, are damaged and unstable.

As narcissists age, their out-of-alignment disintegration often extends to health issues as well as emotional and mental delusions. It’s also common for them to have financial disasters, as they lose the ability to hold up the house of cards that their life really was. Family and friends often turn away from them in droves – especially as the mask falls.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard exactly those reports.

Let me just share this true-life story that encapsulates all of this.

A friend of mine had a narcissistic father who was a high roller – throughout his life he owned Sunshine Coast penthouses, fancy cars and married several, much younger, women.

As an old man in his 80’s, he married a young Asian lady. This lady got him to build her a home overseas and then divorced him. She kept the lot.

He returned to Australia with Parkinson’s Disease and dementia, and was under surveillance in the nursing home because of his inappropriate, and often nasty, behaviour toward staff and other patients.

His phone was confiscated because he constantly went on dating and gambling apps.

This narcissistic man ended up with nothing but humiliation, shame, and failure, and his family only visiting him when it was absolutely necessary.

If you know of an ageing narcissist who has fallen from grace, please pause this video and share the information below.

 

Bringing Our Focus Back to Healing Ourselves Rather Than Focusing on Narcissists

Of course, I understand why you are asking this question about ageing narcissists.

Maybe you have an elderly narcissist in your life, who is driving you crazy.

Or possibly you have been hurt so much by a narcissist in your life, you are wondering how their life will turn out – and dearly hope it won’t be good.

But I really want to invite you to take your focus off the narcissist and firmly on healing yourself. And I’m asking you to do this so that you will not only break free from the terrible affliction of narcissistic abuse, and enter the trajectory of your True Self and True Life, but also so that your life will in no way be conditional on what does or doesn’t happen to the narcissist as he or she ages.

Truly he or she is in emotional hell every second of every day – there is nothing to envy here!

I know that you may be feeling like you too are in a total emotional hurricane, with no way out, and that your life could be horrific, on many levels, as you age. I promise you this doesn’t have to be your reality at all.

Unlike the narcissist, who is not going to turn inwards and start generating his or her only REAL emancipation and healing from emotional trauma, which is achieved regularly in this Community by doing the Quantum Inner Work – you can.

And once you do this, you truly won’t care less about what does or doesn’t happen to the narcissist. You will know that your highest mission is always about honouring your inner being and health.

When you get that part of it right, I promise you that you will no longer be shackled by the guilt, obligation, and pain that may have been allowing a narcissist to suck you dry.

It’s then that your True Self and True Life can begin – no matter what age you are or what you have lost as a result of narcissistic abuse.

To help you truly understand what I’m saying I want to share this resource, which I’d love you to watch: What To Do If You Feel Like You’re Too Old To Recover From Abuse.

 

Okay, so if it is time to heal, to let go of wondering and claim your resurrection freedom and joy – come join me.

Because I will show you how in time frames and ways that you did not even know were possible. To do this, simply click on this link. 

I so hope this video has helped.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Deal With Narcissistic Neighbours

How To Deal With Narcissistic Neighbours

 

It is frighteningly COMMON how often people suffer narcissistic neighbours!

I know this because many of you write in about it, and it has also happened to me!

What happens when you are living next to a deranged person who is NEVER happy, constantly complaining and even doing TERRIBLE things to you and your property?

How DO you stop these people ripping the sanctity of your home, hearth and health apart?

Does a narcissistic neighbour mean that you have to move home?

Or … can you defeat them and return your life back to HEALTH and PEACE?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you my journey regarding a narcissistic neighbour, and the sure-fire way I learned to deal with it, to help you get free of the horror and bullying of this kind of narcissist.

 

 

Video Transcript

One of the horrors that many people in this Community have experienced is Narcissistic Neighbours.

Maybe you are battling with one right now.

You are not alone … I have been through this too!

It’s awful because our homes are supposed to be our sanctity; our soft place to relax, unwind and recuperate. It’s delightful when we have lovely neighbours – people who we can connect to for support, community, friendship and even a helping hand when in need.

But what happens when you have the nightmare neighbour, whereby you can be perpetually on edge or even terrorised in your own home, literally?

How do you survive these people?

Can you turn it all around?

Or do you have to move to a new home?

Let’s get into it and find out in today’s TTV episode.

But before we do…

Thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.

 

Always Complaining

A common trait of narcissistic neighbours is their victim mentality, when they think that other people are always encroaching on them or doing the wrong thing by them.

They may state that your bins should not be placed where they are for garbage removal, because it affects them driving in or out or getting access to the mailbox.

They may complain that your pet walked across their lawn, without their permission.

If your child’s ball goes over the fence and lands in their garden, they may rant and rave about it – and even refuse to return it.

If you, or someone visiting you, parks across their driveway, even if they only overhang an inch or are there for a moment, this neighbour may knock on your door and blast you for it.

Your narcissistic neighbour may even go to authorities, such as the council or a body corporate, and make petty or fabricated complaints about you.

I used to live next door to a horrible narcissistic woman who would complain incessantly about everything on the unit block. Being her immediate wall-to-wall neighbour, I copped it the most.

The depth and breadth of her complaints seemed endless.

At the time, it seemed like this woman was showing up at my doorstep every day, complaining about something I had or hadn’t done. Even poor Tiggy, my cat, was targeted by her. She told me that he hunted birds, but he is seriously too well fed and lazy to be bothered.

I spent a great deal of my time on edge. Every time I saw her walk up the driveway I would feel the distress. This was especially true when I had someone over, in case they made a noise that she could hear.

But not only did I have to deal with these day-to-day complaints. She once tried to report me to authorities for several things, and often she would make unrealistic demands to try to get things done to her property for free. Quite frankly, she made my life a living hell.

It’s so interesting that people like this – especially narcissists – live by the rules ‘Do as I say and not as I do’.

Commonly, if not always, this type of person will be a serial offender themselves, doing similar or even worse things than what they are accusing you of doing.

This was certainly the case with my horrible neighbour, who constantly complained about any little thing out of place on my property whilst hers looked like a tip.

 

Sense of Entitlement

Narcissistic neighbours, like all narcissists, have all the justifications for what they accuse you of doing.

Maybe your nightmare neighbour regularly blocks your driveway, starts power tools up late at night, or dumps rubbish on your property. Or perhaps he or she plays loud music into the early hours of the morning or has raucous fights with their partner or family, which disrupt your peace.

Maybe this neighbour’s yard or front porch is full of rubbish and mess, and they don’t care about how it affects other neighbours.

Perhaps they have started erecting, building or modifying things on your joint boundary without your permission.

Possibly your narcissistic neighbour has a pet, who is creating damage or serious noise pollution and he or she refuses to do anything about it.

This neighbour may ask to borrow things from you and then return them damaged, saying that they were already like that (and that’s if they return the items at all).

The truth is narcissists don’t have a peripheral sense of others. They don’t care about other people and their comfort needs – it’s all about them and their own agenda.

 

The Malignant Narcissistic Neighbour

I know that some of you have had to deal with narcissistic neighbours with zero conscious and truly criminal intent, and my heart goes out to you.

Maybe your experience with a narcissistic neighbour has been so terrible that you have been physically threated, or suspect or know they have broken into your home. Maybe this sociopathic person has performed malicious acts designed to intimidate and harass you, or have even hurt your loved ones or pets.

Naturally, this could be terrifying and cause you a great deal of trauma and distress.

 

How Do You Know If Your Neighbour Is Narcissistic Or Not?

As Thrivers learning to be healthy, healed, authentic people in every area of our life – we need to raise up and get past the fear of confrontation.

Let me explain to you with this example.

Many years ago I had a neighbour who was constantly blocking my driveway. It disturbed me greatly, and I felt violated. If I was on the phone to a girlfriend, I would look out the window and tell her how terrible it was that this was happening to me.

But … was I being responsible for my own boundaries and wellbeing? NO, I wasn’t!

Back then I was terrified of confronting people and having the difficult conversations, because I was dealing with my own inner terrors of CRAP – the feelings that if I spoke up about my needs I would be criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished.

After doing the deep inner work to heal these fears, I knew it was my responsibility to knock on the neighbour’s door and have a conversation with that houseowner and ask for what I needed.

Nowadays, if I have friends in my life complaining about people in their life I ask them, ‘Have you gone to this person and told them honestly what is going on for you?’ Invariably they haven’t, and I know exactly why. They are terrified of asserting their truth and maybe pissing others off. Instead, they make excuses for not speaking up – just as I used to do.

But here is the thing… With anyone in our life – narcissist or non-narcissist – it is up to us to confront them and to be honest and solid about what we need, in clear and powerful ways.

This person may or may not respond healthily, however, by confronting them we grant them the opportunity to respond and for the situation to be rectified.

If the person is non-narcissistic, he or she will generally acknowledge you and work with you to rectify a situation. And in most cases the result will be wonderful.

People aren’t mind readers, and we need to get past the righteous belief that ‘people should just know what the right thing is to do’.

The truth is that it’s our job to teach other people how to treat us. People who don’t treat us respectfully are A.I.D.s (Angels In Disguise posing as thoughtless people). These A.I.D.s are awakening us to anchor into our own inner power of authenticity, self-respect, and truthfulness, in accordance with the care, value, and respect we should have for ourselves.

All of us as Thriving Adults have to be able to heal and mature ourselves up enough to speak up honestly and truthfully, and we must be prepared to have the difficult conversations.

 

What to Expect If Your Neighbour Is a Narcissist

After working on your inner terrors of NOT being able to put your best foot forward while speaking up for what you need (my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the Quantum Tool to help you breakthrough in this area) you will know whether this person is capable of working with you in harmonious ways or not.

Traditionally a narcissist will refuse to be remorseful or take responsibility. He or she may reject any notion that they did anything wrong, or that there is any need for them to correct or cease what they are doing. He or she will commonly throw back at you tit-for-tat comments about what you have been doing to them.

 

How to Keep Stepping Up to Combat a Narcissistic Neighbour

This is where the inner work is so important.

People ask me all the time, ‘How does doing “that” (whatever “that” is) work with this narcissist in my life?’

I want you to understand that the foundation to HOW we deal with ANY narcissist in our life is identical.

These are the steps:

  1. Know it is our own job to honour and walk our truth and boundaries, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing, and
  2. Go inside, self-partner and use NARP to address, release and reprogram the fears and traumas that the narcissist is triggering off within you – and then emerge fearless and emotionally solid to take action in your next steps.

By creating this inner foundation first and foremost, you are no longer able to being derailed and emotionally hijacked. You can be clear, systematic and methodical in how you challenge the situation.

When my narcissistic neighbour upped her anti and started pulling in authorities and neighbours to bully me, I knew I had to do something.

I knew I needed to Go Quantum.

So I did…

I stopped playing victim and complaining to everyone about her, recognising that this was an incredible opportunity for me to evolve into my own power and truth, and to generate my healthy life regardless of her attempts.

Below is what I did. It has helped clients and NARPers to combat their troublesome narcissistic neighbours as well, and I know it will help you too.

However, please note, without the inner work and keeping on top of purging and detoxifying all inner trauma triggered, this method may not, and usually won’t, work.

We have to get very CLEAR. It doesn’t matter what you are DOING to combat a narcissistic abuser in your life, if you are not taking care of your BEINGNESS, as your first point of action, then your results (so within, so without) will reflect MORE of your traumatised beingness and won’t reflect any of the doingness – regardless of how much effort you are putting into it.

Okay, having worked on yourself to lose the fear of your narcissistic neighbour, here is the powerful formula I followed.

First, I created an email regarding all her complaints against me. I then unemotionally listed her grievances and the dates and the times they were made, and copied in on the email the other owners and the body corporate.

I then wrote down what I was prepared to do to resolve the complaints and what I wasn’t prepared to do to comply. I made sure the tone I used was calm and logical.

For every unresolved point, I asked for her to respond to the group email with her suggestion for resolution.

I then hit send!

I enjoyed creating and adding to the list, sending a new email with each and every new grievance and threat she inflicted on me, each time stating what I wished for as resolution and inviting her feedback as a solution.

She was now exposed. Other eyes were watching. She had no suggestions for resolution, and suddenly she stopped complaining to me about things.

As well as this, the other owners, to whom she had been smearing me, came to me shocked by her behaviour and what she had been demanding and threatening. They apologised for believing all the horrible things she had said about me.

I then wrote another group email, regarding my grievances with her and asked for what I wished for as resolution and invited her input for a solution.

Again, nothing was forthcoming from her.

I was doing so many shifts on myself with the NARP processes about her – any time I felt any triggered emotion within – that it was no longer uncomfortable bumping into her on the apartment property. I was just simply going about my life, holding my head high, without feeling any dread about her whatsoever.

I was, by this stage, revelling in the opportunity for my up levelling inner solidness, boundaries and the knowing of how to live powerfully narc-proof. It was an exciting time for me!

She, on the other hand, switched from stalking and terrorising my every move to leaving me alone.

At the next Body Corporate meeting, I was armed with all the facts – my email correspondence and invitations to seek resolution, and her non-compliance with any of it.

She unravelled in front of everyone, as I unemotionally and factually read out the details. She got nasty and blamed her behaviour on her health problems. She had nowhere to hide.

Not long after that she put her house on the market, sold up and moved out.

Just another narcissist not getting narcissistic supply and not being able to operate as a narcissist. As with all narcissists, she had to get out. There is no other option.

My new neighbour is BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t ask for a more delightful lady to live next door!

See what happens when we change ourselves from the inside out and then show up in life as our New Self?

We generate a soul-graduation and then everything shifts to match that.

 

The Necessary Inner Shift Into Freedom and Power

This is the thing – narcissistic neighbours, like all narcissists, trigger off within us our unhealed terrors. And when this happens, they grant us the incredible opportunity to heal these terrors and evolve ourselves. The healing we generate means not just emerging safely from what we are going through, but also living free of these terrors forevermore.

I am so grateful for my narcissistic neighbour and her shenanigans. It was because of my time with her that I was able to release, heal and resolve my inner fears of authorities – being thrown out by my community and people, feeling guilty, bad or wrong for things I was or wasn’t doing, and also my terrors of trying to have my rights to my own privacy and life – whilst people were violating my boundaries.

I really want you to understand that every narcissist in your life is granting you a soul journey of incredible power, divinity and evolution – when you are prepared to turn inwards and do the work. This soul journey then allows you to enter the arena with a narcissist in a way that you have never before.

A way that works.

I know you may feel like the narcissist in your life is TOO bad for you to do this with. Yet I promise you that the person behind the mask will be powerless once you heal within you the traumas that they have been using as the bullets against you to keep firing at you.

This goes for ANY narcissist.

I so hope this video has helped.

Now, if you know it’s time to graduate, stand up and get powerful – I’m here to help you. Let’s make this happen together. All you need to do to get started is to click this link to my free 16 Day Recovery Course.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

Does this information about narcissistic neighbours resonate with you? Are you excited about up levelling and taking this newfound power on to combat any narcissist who is bullying you?

I’d love to hear about this in comments and questions below.

 

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Smearing – How To Defeat A Narcissist Who Makes You Out To Be Crazy

Smearing – How To Defeat A Narcissist Who Makes You Out To Be Crazy

 

One of the most painful aspects of narcissistic abuse is SMEARING.

Being discredited with any available information and even fabricated lies, is a horrible tactic that narcissists use to undermine your credibility and even to try to rip lives apart.

It’s completely usual for this to happen to you. Often after your relationship ends with a narcissist – and even during it – and certainly when problems arise within the relationship.

The feelings triggered within you may be so INTENSE that you may even feel like you are going to DIE.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I deeply and candidly share with you my journey with smearing – what I discovered and how I recovered QUICKLY in ways that ASTOUNDED me.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists smear, it’s just what they do.

And when they do, they will undermine your reputation and often state that you are the one with massive psychological problems.

And boy do we feel like saying, ‘Would you like to look in a mirror?’

Anyway, today’s Thriver TV episode is all about how to NOT come across as the crazy one and feed the lies, and how to not just survive a narcissist’s smear campaign, but to actually defeat all attempts to discredit you.

To do this, I’m going to share with you my personal story with smearing – because I know it will help you a lot.

And I know you will want to watch this, because chances are you have been, or are being, smeared.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now let’s get started…

The ‘Genuineness’ of the Smearing

It is unthinkable for anyone with a conscience to tell downright lies about another person. And it is deeply hurtful when someone does this against you, and with such conviction as narcissists do.

You may not have realised this about narcissists, but they literally believe in their own BS. I know it’s unfathomable but it’s true – the narcissist’s disordered thinking has them firmly convinced that it is YOU who is the culprit, crazy and the problem.

Deeply unconscious people, who refuse to take any personal responsibility for their feelings and behaviour, are skilled at automatically flicking their internal switch to projection. In fact, it’s an automatic response that they have no control over.

And then there is the hardened psychopath type, who can chillingly look people straight in the eyes and tell them the most horrendous lies about you – without flinching.

Either way, when dealing with a narcissist, they are highly believable. I promise you this, narcissists know how to smear people in expert ways. They are skilled at making the smearing sound balanced and non-judgemental, to the point where other adults think ‘surely no adult would say that unless it is true’.

Whereas, as highly agitated victims, when we try to retaliate with OUR truth of versions, we are angry, devastated and come across as non-balanced and incredibly judgemental.

Who are people going to believe?

I really want you to think about this – whether you are talking one-on-one with your sister or on a stand in a courthouse.

 

Being Triggered in Relation to the Smearing

Of course you are triggered! There is nothing more devastating and unjust than having someone spread horrible lies about you – especially when those lies are usually exactly what that person themselves did to you!

However, I really want to set you straight here. It’s incredibly important you understand the truth in this.

Your triggers are handing the narcissist bullets to keep shooting you with. They make you look crazy, and they make the narcissist’s job of ripping you apart easy, destroying your credibility and life. The harder you try to get people and authorities to believe you and see the truth when traumatised, the less likely it will happen.

It may just seem like such a horrible deal, but it’s PURE Quantum Law – so within, so without – meaning if you attempt anything whilst being in a level of trauma, the only results you will get are more things to traumatise yourself about.

We always get MORE of who we are BEING.

This is why the DOING is totally ineffectual.

I have seen people smashed repeatedly, when stuck in the premise of trying to thwart the outside with ‘doing’ whilst traumatised. Tragically and horrifically I have seen people lose everything, even their children, when trying to defend against narcissist’s smear campaigns.

I wish it wasn’t the case, and I wish such horrors didn’t happen – but they do.

Rather than stay in our victimised beingness, there is another way to tackle the smears and to emerge victorious, a way where we don’t suffer the complete and utter devastation.

And it all starts with healing beyond your triggers.

 

The Deeper Reasons This is Happening

Those of you who know my work, know that I believe in past lives.

Those of you who really know my work, know that I believe when traumas are in our life, this is showing us that we already have an existing and matching trauma trapped within our energy field – otherwise whatever that is happening would not be in our experience today.

And here is the key…

When you do inner healing work with NARP, it takes you directly to the matching core wounds in your genetic, past life, childhood and collective human trauma history, and then releases them so that you can finally evolve beyond that experience.

When it’s gone from the inside, it MUST leave your experience on the outside. And it does.

In my previous experiences, before Thriver Recovery, there was always someone wanting to take me down, discredit me or smear me … and I mean always. And it was the narcissist’s smearing and dismantling of my Life that was the Big Bad Wolf, and the thing that completely blew my house and life down.

Having departments, authorities, family, friends and colleagues, and even my son, side with the narcissist, was so traumatising that I thought I was going to die. I had no idea how I was ever going to win my life and key people back.

Of course, initially, I did the predictable. I tried to justify, explain, stop it, go into damage control – it was beyond terrible. I was being destroyed everywhere and nothing I was doing helped, instead I was losing out horrifically.

When I finally woke up to the truth, I stopped what I was doing because I KNEW I had existing persecution programs in my subconscious. I finally understood that these attacks upon me were showing up as the BILLBOARD evidence in my life, of my inner wounds, as a result of what had happening to me before.

Evidence SO big and obvious that there was no avoiding this truth anymore.

No longer was I going to suffer the devastation – I was on to it. I completely took my focus off what was happening on the outside, and with Quanta Freedom Healing went diligently and purposefully to the inside where I found these persecution programs. Programs where I had been tried and found guilty, and even put to death, and as a result I had a literal terror of anyone thinking badly of me.

This realisation made so much sense to me. Even as a little girl, I had been terrified of doing anything wrong, and what would happen to me if I did.

I want you to understand that collectively this is a REALLY common wound amongst narcissistic abuse sufferers, and it is a terrible wounding that narcissists can use to try to destroy you.

Now I want you to also understand a deeper truth here, something REALLY important…

Narcissists will ALWAYS deliver to you the EXACT wounds that you need to heal. The wounds that you need to heal to go free and have your Highest and Best life.

Even before the narcissist, this subterranean terror of persecution, which I had carried for many lifetimes, was holding me back. It had stunted me and hurt me in more ways than I can describe. It had caused me to people please, hand power away, not rock the boat, and had stopped me from being fully myself.

 

Shifting Out of Persecution Programs

As I diligently met and cleared all my inner fears of persecution, the following miracles started to happen without me DOING anything – they were generating from my BEINGNESS.

I discovered that I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me. I no longer felt like I was going to be court marshalled, executed or abandoned by people and Life when they didn’t believe in who I was.

I knew who I was now, and I also knew that Source had my back. I felt safe and anchored in my body, regardless of what other people were thinking.

It was a miracle; I had never felt this way before.

That’s when everything shifts … the inner feelings precede the outer change.

People started turning their back on the narcissist and coming back to me in droves. My key people saw the truth. He screwed up with them, and the police caught him out! He became exposed.

Justice came. But here is the thing – I hadn’t even needed it too, because I was at peace BEFORE it came.

And, true to Quantum Law, more things arrived to grant me peace.

All the smear campaigns and attacks stopped. Abruptly – they just stopped.

I discovered, going forward, that I was able to start speaking up, confront things, be myself. I no longer felt the angst of people judging me or believing I might be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. In fact, the releasing of the persecution programs is what has allowed me to be so easy and open and revolutionary in my presentations with you.

The bottom line is, I’m just being me. I’m not worried about being judged or what people think. No longer am I living in the internal terrors of the times of being stoned to death or burnt on a stake!

 

What You Can Do Right Now

I really want you to know this – when you release all your fears, as a result of healing your internal persecution programs, the narcissist has no power over you.

Can you understand and admit what you have been trying hasn’t been working?

Are you willing to look for and live a deeper way of life that IS the truth?

If so, please write below – ‘I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!’

I promise you, when you start living like this, you will wonder how on earth you were ‘doing’ life any other way other than from your own CORE.

Whether you are still carrying the traumas of past smearing that has ripped your life apart, or you are in the middle of a horrific smear campaign, I promise you that when you find and release the resident trauma within you, all of it will disappear.

I have seen families reunited after decades after people did this inner work – because those who had been turned against them come back into their lives. I’ve seen narcissists defeated in court cases regarding property and custody after people diligently worked on their Inner Universe first and foremost.

Can something in you sense this is true? Your cellular inner being always knows the truth, when you listen to it.

Please come with me and find out more about how to heal all the internal traumas that have been causing you so much pain, including your persecution programs. Let’s end these horrible smear campaigns once and for all.

To do this, click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How Narcissists React When You Leave

How Narcissists React When You Leave

 

Leaving a narcissist can be confusing, painful and terrifying.  Narcissists do not like being LEFT by someone – it is a BIG insult to their ego.

So, what does that mean? It means that the narcissist will try to get BACK at you – HURT you, CONFUSE you, cause CHAOS for you and they do this in many ways.

In this Thriver TV episode, I share with you the NASTY things I have seen narcissists do when people leave them so you can be prepared for any fallout.

This is information that you REALLY need to know if you are going to leave or have just left!

 

 

Video Transcript

Leaving a narcissist is not like leaving a normal relationship.

Of course, all relationship endings can be very painful. In any relationship breakup people may not behave nicely for a time, because of being hurt. But relationship endings with narcissists take it to another level and can be fraught with lots of confusion and trauma.

Okay, before we get started, I’d like to remind you, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do, and thank you so much if you already have. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s get going. Let’s have a look at what you could be up for.

 

#1 – False Promises and Crocodile Tears

It’s quite common with narcissists, when you leave, to suddenly become apologetic and remorseful, promising to be better, do better and to make it up to you.

With narcissists this is not about genuine remorse and love for you – it is purely about re-hooking you up for narcissistic supply.

This is where we have it get very clear – words are cheap, and behaviour is the determinant of whether someone is not just genuine, but also has the resources to change.

People don’t just change because they say they will. People change because they are genuinely remorseful and are genuinely prepared to be accountable; to do the inner work to heal the reasons why they behave so abusively in the first place.

This is a long, hard process of healing, and is in no way an overnight thing.

Please note, if a person shows NPD characteristic – see my blog Are You With A Narcissist – it really is my recommendation that the chance of this person changing is negligible or non-existent. In no way does their proclamation and apologies mean their behaviour will alter.

So many of us have got back with narcissists time and time again only to realise that all that did happen was the abuse cycles became worse.

 

#2 – They Tell You They Were Ending It Anyway

There are two reasons a narcissist will tell you they were going to leave anyway, when you say you’re leaving them: to preserve their ego, so that they get the final say, and to try to freak you out and into thinking that you’ve been the one discarded.

They do this to hurt you, and so you become righteous and distraught when trying to explain to the narcissist why it is your choice to leave and not the other way around.

If this happens, you will fall right back onto the hook, trying to get the narcissist to understand you. You will end up capitulating, giving away more of your rights so that you end up back under the narcissist’s control, again.

See this for what it is, and don’t fall or it!

#3 – Stalk and Harass You

This can happen when a narcissist doesn’t want to lose control of you and the narcissistic supply they get from you.

This is especially prevalent when narcissists are the controlling and jealous types. Their approach and contact is likely to vary from situation to situation and could range from begging, crying, and trying to bargain, through to abusive and even violent words, threats and actions.

Please know, if you are being treated like this that it is SO important to work on releasing your fear to create solid and powerful boundaries. It is every person’s right to live free of harassment and intimidation, and remember you DO have the ability to place an intervention order.

#4 – Punish You

If a narcissist turns to vengeance, you’ll definitely know about it.

This is when they are likely to take things from you that are precious and attack what is most important to you. They might help themselves to your money and take possession of your things; turn people against you; refuse to give up your pets; or cut you off from your finances.

Therefore, it is really important that you leave quietly. Plan carefully and make sure that you have all your things secured before the narcissist knows it’s over.

If you have seen this person act maliciously in the past, absolutely don’t give them the benefit of the doubt and think they would not be capable of doing the same again. A narcissist who feels scorned, because of being a conscienceless entity, is capable of some pretty dirty things.

Also, be prepared for the smear campaign that undoubtedly will follow – virtually all narcissists do this. The best thing you can do is not feed it and try not to defend yourself, unless it becomes legal. If you do need to defend yourself, then work hard at releasing all your fears about the smear campaign, and just walk a straight, calm and honest line. Narcissists’ smear campaigns fall apart when you do this.

#5 – Replace You Quickly and Let You Know About It

A hallmark of narcissists is that they move on very quickly. I jokingly say it takes a narcissist as long as it takes to boil an egg to be back on a dating site! We all know that real people, who really love people, just aren’t capable of doing that!

Of course, this can be intensely painful. Narcissists love rubbing their ex-partner’s face in it. Please note, replacing you is likely to happen whether you leave the narcissist or the narcissist leaves you.

It’s so important for you to heal all the terrible feelings that can come up regarding being unlovable and replaced. I promise you that when you do, you will totally feel nothing but compassion for the narcissist’s new partner, and relief that it is no longer you in a relationship with this person.

#6 – Being Prepared

Please know that narcissists know where to hit. What I mean by this is that it will be the thing that will hurt you, confuse you or hook you in the most that the narcissist will do. If completely ignoring you after you leave is what will hurt you the most, I promise you that is exactly what will happen.

Why?

Because that is just what narcissists do!

The greatest way to get through whatever ways the narcissist responds to the breakup, is to be prepared to turn inwards to the scared and confused parts inside of you; to tend to any feelings of guilt, abandonment and fear, and heal them back to wholeness.

By doing so you will be able to leave, keep away and start to heal and flow into your new, abuse-free life.

That is my greatest passion and joy – helping individuals achieve this for real. People just like you.

So to get your journey started with me, you can sign up to my free 16-day course by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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What A Narcissist Does At The End Of The Relationship

What A Narcissist Does At The End Of The Relationship

 

Breaking up with a narcissist can be one of the most devastating and traumatising times of your life.

So in today’s article, I want to explain to you what a narcissist does at the end of the relationship – and how that can affect you.

I really want you to be armed with this information so that you know how to emotionally and practically survive this difficult time.

 

Sense of Entitlement and Lack of Compassion or Consideration

What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship exposes their true colours – being a self-absorbed and entitled person who lacks empathy.

How does this translate in real terms?

You will be shocked at how this person will throw you metaphorically under a bus. They are not at all concerned about your welfare; how you will get through the breakup; or how you will move forward in the future.

If you haven’t already realised it, the narcissist’s thinking is: ‘It’s every person for themselves’. No-one is able to play that philosophy dirtier than a narcissist.

This ability comes with lacking a conscience and having the pathological entitlement to take whatever is not nailed down, literally.

When breaking up, so many people are shocked at how the split happened. Things like not being able to get back into their own home; how their possessions are taken away or hidden; how money goes missing from bank accounts; and the terrible lies that are spread about them to all and sundry.

These are things that normal humans, with a sense of humanity, just can’t do.

And they happen regardless of whether you are the one ending the relationship or the narcissist has discarded you.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed. If you suspect the end is coming with a narcissist, take the following necessary steps to protect yourself.

Leave when the narcissist is not around – take what is yours while you can still get at it. If you are leaving the house, know that you probably won’t be able to get back in – even if the house is in your name. So many people, myself included, were devastated to discover that the police just threw their hands up and said, ‘You need to see a solicitor because this is a civil manner.’

Many a narcissist knows this because it is not the first time they have played these games.

Seek legal advice as to where you stand in regard to your property, start creating your own bank account, and see a solicitor in private. Also, most importantly, don’t let people close to the narcissist in on your plans.

I’d like to grant you the link to this blog so that you have lots of resources to help you plan how to leave safely and healthily – Is there a right way to leave a narcissist?

 

Why the Narcissist Wants to Punish You

According to the narcissist, you are now a devalued, awful and horrible human being. This perception is regardless of whether you have left them or they have thrown you away (because you are too hard to extract supply from now, there is no more to take from you, or a more abundant source has turned up).

To a standard narcissist, life is either ‘black’ or ‘white’. You are either wonderful (supplying brilliant, idealised narcissistic supply), or you are a piece of dirt (you serve no purpose to them anymore) who needs to be discarded and treated like a piece of dirt.

(Some narcissists may be able to apply some shades of grey – but not many.)

It will be likely that you are classified and treated by the narcissist as a piece of dirt – and it doesn’t even matter whether you have had a life, family or allegiances with this person for the last 30 years or just months.

Narcissists will usually go after the money, property, businesses, pets and even the children. They know that the things and Beings that matter to you is where they can hurt you the most.

However, because narcissists have a disastrously unstable inner identity, all this nasty behaviour can change. Abhorring you can switch to adoring you on the turn of a dime.

This change often happens when the narcissist is low on narcissistic supply. But also it can happen when he or she has conjured up some sort of agenda to suck you back in to get your trust, before extracting something more from you and then pulling the rug out for under you again. This is known as hoovering, and it is a common and very serious threat when splitting up with a narcissist.

Of course, if you fall for it, as many of us have, you will only be brutalised further.

 

Switching the Truth of the Ending

Narcissists are great at conjuring their version of reality. If you leave a narcissist, they will tell you they were going to break up with you anyway. And to preserve their ego, they will tell other people they left you – that is unless there is wonderful narcissistic supply for them to glean as a result of telling people how horribly you left them. Generally, however, it is only the more covert-victim-type narcissist who plays this out.

 

Showing Off the New Supply

Narcissists are incredibly childish when it comes to new relationships. They idealise this person as the new source of narcissistic supply. In reality, however, this means the narcissist’s newest drug to take away the pain of the inner screaming demons.

There is one thing for certain – when a relationship ends, the narcissist starts scouting for a new source without delay. In fact, if they are the one who ended the relationship, they are likely to have been grooming someone even before the end came. It’s even common for narcissists to get engaged and married very quickly afterwards.

Usually, this new person is introduced to people immediately – even the narcissist’s children (who may have endured partner after partner) – and taken to major social events with friends, family and colleagues.

By comparison, normal, healthy adults usually take their time to get to know someone before introducing them to family and friends. They have more consideration for everyone concerned, including their new partner and themselves.

It’s also common for the narcissist to display photos on social media of how ‘loved up’ they are. ‘Instant relationship’ is the narcissist’s motto.

Narcissists can even be so cruel as to contact you and tell you how wonderful this new person in their life is. Who does that? Only someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder could have such a lack of empathy.

What is this about? I have no doubt, in some cases, it is to punish the ex-partner. Or maybe it is to prove to the world ‘I am a great partner no matter what he or she says’. And, of course, it is because a narcissist without narcissistic supply has to be alone with their own self-annihilating critic – which is their worse possible nightmare.

Naturally, the trauma from being replaced with ‘new supply’ is devastating for you. It’s one of the worst things anyone can experience. It is usual for people, who have been narcissistically abused, to be no-where near starting another relationship. Before Thriver Healing, some people have been sworn off relationships for decades, as a result of the trauma that impacted them so badly.

 

Being Discarded Like You Don’t Exist

This can be as painful as being replaced.

But, before I get into the details, I just want to make one thing VERY clear. If you have gone No Contact with a narcissist (discarded and turned your back on them) because of abuse, pathological lies, adultery (and the list goes on), you have NOTHING to feel guilty about.

You know how you tried to converse, reason and deal with this person to NO avail – and truly you were never going to be able to reclaim your soul and your life unless you made this move.

There is a huge difference between someone who goes No Contact for these reasons and how a narcissist does it. With a narcissist it is often a brutal act as a result of, for example, them being caught out doing something horrific or as a response to you trying to assert boundaries and rights.

What marks a narcissist’s behaviour compared to yours is that there is no trying to reason, work with facts or be accountable for anything – it is just ‘switch and ditch’ – and of course it leaves you reeling.

 

How YOU Can Rise Like the Phoenix Out of the Ashes

Now let’s get very clear about something.

I’m passionate about YOU healing. And for that reason, I don’t want you to use this article as a ‘sharing of war stories’ about what happened at the end of your relationship. That is NOT my purpose.

This article, as all of mine are, is about healing towards true solutions rather than staying mired in the trauma. Moving forwards and away from narcissists can only happen by investigating and healing the screaming traumas that have been ignited within you.

This is the thing… All of us in narcissistic relationships were treading water. We were walking on broken glass, suffering unresolvable issues that just would not stop. We were constantly trying to survive our life with another person, who simply did not have the resources to be a sane and healthy partner.

This is what I know about your soul’s mission to evolve – if you are living in a Life that does not represent your True Self and True Life, then the heat gets turned up until you get booted out of it. It is irrelevant whether you chose to leave or were left. You were NOT living life as Who You Really Are.

After the end of your relationship, the recovery work is about confronting the things within you that HURT that are triggered off in order to cross your threshold into your True Self and True Life.

When you start Thriver Healing and go inside and start releasing your traumas and False Beliefs, you will find all sorts of survival fears, such as abandonment terrors and false beliefs that were causing you to try to seek your wholeness, love, and approval from another source.

How you find these, is simply by going to ‘what hurts’ inside you when the relationship ends; all of the heartbreak, fear, panic and associated traumas that have been activated.

It truly is a complete illusion, that by focusing on the narcissist and what they are or aren’t doing, that your salvation comes. It doesn’t; it’s only created by going inside yourself and doing the work there.

I promise you, with all of my heart, that the end of your narcissistic relationship is where your True Self and Life can finally begin.

And I want to hold your hand and help you get to exactly where I am now – thriving, self-generating, completely able to forge my own life regardless of what specific people are or aren’t doing – and living the joy of having Life itself back me up and support me endlessly.

This is what Thrivers experience and I KNOW it is what awaits you too.

Please join me in my 16 Day free Recovery Course, where you will learn exactly what is deeply going on, how to get your power back and defeat the narcissist’s attempts to hurt and confuse you.

 

 

 

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When The Narcissists Knows You Have Them Figured Out … Run!

When The Narcissists Knows You Have Them Figured Out … Run!

 

Things get worse with narcissists when they know you have them figured out.

In fact, the most precarious times of pain, trauma and getting horrifically abused, is when you know what the narcissist is, and the narcissist knows that you are on to them.

This is when it is time to get out.

Why?

Read on and you will find out…

 

Falling Off the Pedestal

When narcissists are delightful, it is because of one of three things: you have been groomed as narcissistic supply; they are hoovering you to hook up narcissistic supply again; or they just downright want something.

At these times, it all seems to be working out with this person – either you believe he or she is ‘wonderful’, or you feel the relief that this person ‘has finally got what they are doing and wants to make amends’. Or perhaps you find yourself warming to the narcissist, tending to what they want, only to realise later that the deal, of course, has been brokered completely in the narcissist’s favour.

Naturally a narcissist’s mask falls, in time. It is impossible to maintain the illusion of a fictitious character indefinitely. Sooner or later, the narcissist will step on your toes in a big way. It could be verbally with nasty comments. Or practically through careless, thoughtless or even malicious behaviour towards either you or the things and Beings who matter to you.

Of course, you are triggered. Even the kindest of people, in the face of conscienceless, self-absorbed behaviour, would feel violated.

Then, understandably, you react. The narcissist dodges any accountability by trying to make excuses, minimalising your grievance, or by blaming you for whatever they have done. And this just triggers you more.

No longer are you a compliant source of narcissistic supply. Rather, you have become the ‘enemy’ who has just threatened the narcissist’s mirage of the False Self – ‘I am to be served without reproach, and continually treated as significant and superior’.

When you start questioning the narcissist – and taking a stand for being given an apology and them showing remorse or accountability – the narcissist begins to know that you have started to figure them out; that they are NOT this omnipotent figure that they would like you to believe they are.

Really, what you are doing is starting to call out the dysfunctional and malignant behaviour that is not healthy or acceptable. You are identifying the cracks. This means you are pointing a finger at their damaged and disowned inner self, around which the narcissist has erected the False Self, who guards this at all costs.

Now you are pushing on the narcissist’s hairline trigger to any perceived criticism. Dangerous rage and capacity is close to the surface, as the horrible by-product of a severely insecure and damaged inner self.

When you are devastated by a narcissist, they may not be able to keep charming and mining you for sex, resources, fawning or any other self-absorbed need in any given moment. But all is not lost for him or her. This is when Dr. Jekyll takes a back seat and Mr. Hyde fully appears. The monster is unleashed to punish you – terribly.

The narcissist has every twisted justification to line you up and smack you where they know it hurts the most. He or she has already worked out your weakest emotional points to use for these times – the ones which you will defend and argue back with them.

The disowned parts of the narcissist, which they don’t want to ever look at, own or resolve, are now hurtled at you with full force. Narcissists want relief, and they get this by offloading all over you the deeply triggered traumas within; the traumas that cause the maladaptive behaviour you have identified.

Of course, in the narcissist’s eyes, it is all your fault and this is why he or she hurtles into the argument any and every additional hand grenade. A narcissist wants to make sure you are hurt beyond measure and feel like you are losing your mind.

They then have you exactly where they want you – back to providing A-grade narcissistic supply: ‘Look how significant I am to be able to affect another person like this.’

 

The Worst Cases of Narcissistic Abuse

The most damage happens to the people who used to be like I was…

Wanting accountability and going after it like a bull-dog…

And deciding that the truth must be got to. This person should be remorseful. Things can be restored to a healthy state through my determined actions to ‘set things right’.

I have to say if you are operating within this framework with a narcissist like I was… Good Luck!

It simply DOESN’T work.

And this is why:

The narcissist has no intention of being accountable, pinned down or remorseful. The harder you try to get accountability, and make a narcissist act with decency, integrity and consideration, the more he or she will push back, tormenting you even more.

Narcissists are the epitome of the mirror reflecting back to us a BIG Quantum wake-up call.

The complete false premise that we can change other people to make ourselves feel better.

Quantum Law – so within, so without – means we can only change our inner state in relation to what is happening in our outer world. We need to adjust and up level from our own traumas and belief systems that are generating what is going on in our life. And then, when we do this, people will either rise up to join us at our new established boundaries and truth, or we leave the experience to go our separate ways into experiences that are our truth.

The longer we stay stuck righteously in trying to change a narcissist to get a change in our own emotional state and life, the more we get the true results of this Quantum Truth which is:

‘When I deny my own development and hold others responsible for my Self and Life – nothing changes. I only get more of my traumatised state.’

What we realise when we Go Quantum is:

‘This person was never meant to change. They were showing me what aren’t my values and truth. And by doing so they were forcing me to pull away, to heal within me what is necessary to create my Life for REAL.’

 

Naming a Narcissist ‘a Narcissist’ or Trying to Get Them to Heal

If you have named the narcissist ‘a narcissist’, or have gone down the path of trying to help them heal their childhood issues, which are causing their disordered behaviour, then you are right in the ‘annihilation pit’.

Now that the narcissist knows that you have really figured them out, you must be completely discredited and eradicated, one way or another.

My suggestion to you is: if you are calling a narcissist ‘a narcissist’ or saying that their inner wounds are causing their behaviour – make it your final comment.

Do not hang around thinking you are going to save this person from themselves.

If this person goes to therapy, they will not be going there for ‘their problems’. Instead, it will be about what you do to them so that they can get narcissistic supply from the therapist. Couple’s therapy is one of the most devastating and traumatising experiences anyone can have with a narcissist, because narcissists use the therapist and the sessions to switch the blame and issues onto you.

Before long, rather than the therapy getting anywhere near helping the narcissist and your relationship, you will be fighting even harder for your sanity and life.

And, to add insult to injury, the narcissist will be setting up elaborate smear campaigns to make sure you are the one who goes down. And while this is going on, he or she will be setting up bank accounts on the side, and all other levels of deceit, to make sure that he or she is still afloat when the ship sinks.

This ‘preparation’ usually includes sourcing the next source of narcissistic supply to have ready to jump ship onto.

And if you drown, that is perfect. As far as the narcissist is concerned, it means the evidence of their narcissistic ‘damaged inner self’ secrets disappears with you.

Another tactic, when the narcissist knows you have them figured out, is to mess with your head enough that you start believing that you are the problem, not them.

 

It’s Time to Get Off This Ride and Figure You Out (Heal)

Whichever way it rolls, it all comes back to the same Quantum Truth – the more you try to change someone to get your own sane, healthy, loving and happy life, the worse things get.

In this Wrong Town place you discover:

  • The narcissist doesn’t change, have compassion or do the right thing.
  • The people who you are smeared to don’t believe your side of the story.
  • You lose control over your emotions, life and health, and things start disintegrating everywhere you look.
  • It is all you can do to keep your life from overturning or being smashed against the rocks.

This is not your ride to be on – ever!

It’s time to get off.

Do you want to get off this insane, disastrous trip?

If so, please write below: ‘I’m getting off NOW!’

Okay, so how do you do that?

The answer is in fact very simple; the application itself is what takes devoted self-healing work.

The answer is this: stop holding the narcissist responsible for your life, and understand that it is impossible to CHANGE your life by CHANGING someone else’s.

You are the one who needs to change, as myself and so many others have had to do.

This involves letting go of the need for…

  • The narcissist’s remorse and apologies.
  • Repair of the damage they have inflicted.
  • Receiving any closure from anyone or anything outside of us.
  • Reliance on the narcissist for any aspect of love, approval, security or survival.
  • Justice to be done.

…in order for YOU to be HEALED and WHOLE.

If we need anything from outside sources to be healed and whole – then we are victims. We are not self-actualised. We haven’t taken our power back, and so don’t yet realise that we can heal and shift and start working with Life directly through our own truth, values, ‘self’, and healed and aligned belief systems.

I know it’s easier said than done, and that we can’t just switch into this mindset. This is where the RIGHT inner work is SO vital, because if you stay victimised, holding others and situations responsible for your Life then, you won’t receive compensation in the way of healing and your life getting going again, rather you will ONLY receive more events and problems that victimise you.

This horrifyingly is the case for most victims of narcissists – because they don’t know how to work with Quantum Law and heal for REAL yet.

No longer do we need to stay in that devastated place.

We DO have the ability to turn inwards and make the necessary ‘changes’ to heal ourselves – to release the traumas and false beliefs that we have been playing out with these people, unconsciously.

It’s then that we break free into trajectories to be safe, powerful and whole – regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.

That is Wholeness; that is THRIVING.

No longer is there the need to figure out narcissists or call then out at ALL. It never works anyway, which I hope you now really ‘get’.

This was always REALLY about figuring out, healing and freeing ourselves.

Life truly works by simply doing the following:

  • Dedicate to the right Inner Healing (This is TOTALLY necessary to be able to do the next steps.).
  • Define your values and truth, and live them.
  • If people violate your values and truth, ask them for what you need, whilst being willing to lose it all to get it all.
  • Then, if they don’t meet you through actions (words are cheap) at this level of your truth, walk away and keep generating your healthy, loving, sane and truthful life.

Of course, we struggle to do this until we heal. I did as well, but I certainly don’t now. And it is my greatest mission in life to help you SORT this out too!

You can do this by signing up to my free inner transformational resources, which grants you two free ebooks and my free 16-day course.

Also please join me in my FREE 2-hour Masterclass How To Live Trauma Free & Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse, which is coming up soon! (This event will give you a super-boost into understanding exactly what you need to heal and HOW to do it!)

And if you enjoyed this article, please share it with your communities to help them heal for REAL also.

As always, I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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The Simple Reason Why Narcissists Have To Hurt You

The Simple Reason Why Narcissists Have To Hurt You

 

Narcissists hurt you… a LOT.

In ways that seem senseless, cruel, barbaric and insane.

Why do they ALL seem to do this without any sense of remorse for the damage they cause?

We know narcissists are self-absorbed and lack a conscience, but what is really going on for them to be able to do to people the things that they DO?

 

 

Video Transcript

From our human framework it seems atrocious, horrible and unthinkable that narcissists hurt people like they do.

In fact, this can be one of the most painful things to try to recover from – WHY do they do that?

So, in today’s TTV episode I want to help you understand why narcissists do what they do. Also, I want to explain how we can protect ourselves against this.

Before we get started, thank you to all the new and existing subscribers, and if you haven’t yet subscribed I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.

Alright, let’s get going on today’s episode…

 

Hurt People Hurt People

You may have heard the expression ‘hurt people hurt people’ and think ‘that’s no excuse – there are people who are hurt who don’t treat people like that!’

I get that and I understand it. There are great people despite what happened to them, and there are people who are damaged and emotionally stunted, who do what they do. And they do this because of their model of the world, which they have established due to being traumatised.

There are two things I really do know, as a result of my own personal evolution. When I am in my most solid and whole place, even under stress, I am in the best possible position to treat others with kindness, love and respect, and…

When I am emotionally triggered and not well within, this is when I am the most likely to not be a particularly nice human being.

A person’s belief systems and emotional stability within, I believe, are the true gauge as to what they may or may not be capable of at their worst. Most of us can’t imagine being able to go to the pathological or malicious lengths that narcissists can. We simply aren’t capable of it.

However, when we were under siege in narcissistic relationships, and having our souls shredded, most of us said and did some things that we are certainly not proud of. It’s not just true that hurt people hurt people, it’s also very true that when you are around sick people, who are not taking any responsibility to face and heal their own inner demons, you don’t just hurt, you also get sick.

In regard to abusive people – I adore what Neale Donald Walsch says, ‘What is it within you that hurts so much that you need to hurt me?’

That question is the essence of what today’s discussion is really about.

 

A Narcissist’s Brutal Dumping

For those suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is a very disordered, delicate emotional balancing act going on. The inner True Self is damaged and disowned and is constantly bubbling up to the surface with feelings of ‘I am defective. I don’t belong. People don’t accept me, aren’t to be trusted, and will hurt me if I don’t get one up over them.’

This creates a state of constant anxiety, hypervigilance and the activation of internal survival programs. Because the true Inner Self is too damaged to generate a solid and healthy ‘self-identity’, the False Self is constantly in need of hits of self-medication. This is to try to feed the narcissist with energy to offset the inner self-damnation that is always threatening to engulf him or her.

This is ‘narcissistic supply’, and the ego is very exacting about what the quality of this needs to be. It needs to provide ‘Look at me. I am significant’.

It is such a small window of ‘correct attention’ that if you don’t supply the feedback that provides the narcissists with ‘entitlement above all others’, as well as acclaim, praise, recognition and the fawning that the narcissist’s ego may demand, then you will be punished.

Because a narcissist is not taking responsibility to do what is necessary for emotional trauma recovery – turn inwards to heal their inner wounds causing their dysfunction – they truly believe that the triggers going off within them are your fault. You are an extension of their ego – a tool with which they self-medicate, to try to save themselves from their own inner annihilation.

If this isn’t done adequately – which of course is an impossible job – then the narcissist’s erupting inner wounds will be your fault. He or she will tear into you without conscience, with the full brunt of the anger and trauma that he or she is presently experiencing.

Letting off this spew of internal trauma onto you grants the narcissist some temporary relief. But, of course, because nothing is ever resolved internally the same trauma and behaviour keeps coming back.

There is another piece to this. The narcissist recruited you because he or she believed you were A-grade narcissistic supply. The narcissist’s False Self is childish and loves to indulge in fantasies. Something about you was so idealised and put onto a pedestal that the narcissist feels convinced that you being their drug will grant them the self-medication – the ego feed – to keep the inner demons at bay. Of course, when this started to wear off, as all mature relationships do in the real-life necessity of two people cooperating and doing a workable partnership together, the narcissist starts hating that you are not the durable, self-medication object that he or she assigned you as.

Then, inevitably, the narcissist will start devaluing you and blaming you. He or she will start sourcing newer, fresher ego supply elsewhere.

Naturally, at this point, you wonder where the ‘wonderful’, ‘adoring’ person went… That person wasn’t ever in love with you. He or she was merely getting off on the narcissistic supply that you were providing.

 

The Divorcing From Humanity Within the Narcissist

When we ask ourselves ‘How are people capable of that?’, what we need to understand is that their connection to humanity, internally, has been disowned.

Our Inner Being is our connection to everything – ourselves, Source/Life/God and others. I believe that this is the holy trinity; that it is essential for us to realise this if we are to be an integrated and holistically connected to The Field Being. It must all start through ‘Self’ first.

If we are divorced from Self, as narcissists are, having buried their True Selves deep within, then we are doing what everyone does… Only being capable of relationships at the level of relationship we have with Self. We all see in others what we see in Self. We love others at the level that we love ourselves.

How much self-rejection and self-abandonment is there within a narcissist who declares, ‘I will not be me. I need to be a fictitious character instead.’?

How do narcissists see others? As fake. As people who are also in it for themselves, who are ‘objects’ – just as the narcissist’s False Self is – trying to manipulate people to get a slice of the good stuff.

To the narcissist, you are an object who requires controlling in case you get control of him or her.

The narcissist has no comprehension of your soul, and realness and feelings, any more than they do of their own.

People believe that narcissists get malicious delight out of shredding people’s souls, but I don’t really believe this is the case. They punish you for not helping them feel better. They don’t really think that you are capable of such hurt, and this is because when hurting, they have very little awareness of any self-love, self-soothing or self-care for themselves. Narcissists have severely stunted, or non-existent, empathy.

They just try to get up and go again by grabbing the next hit of narcissistic supply, significance, or an addiction to self-medicate – anything they can get hold of.

Sentimentality and emotional hurt, compassion, sensitivity, and remorse are not emotions that narcissists can understand, let alone access. The truth is that narcissists have zero comprehension of what they have done to you, and firmly believe they are the victim that you have treated terribly.

 

The Dark Side of the False Self

When there is only a False Self, there is no True Self taken into account. Then there is no True Self recognition in others outside of oneself either.

The False Self is the only entity – and it is all about the False Self.

Nothing else.

This is why a narcissist doesn’t care about how it affects you when playing with you like a cat with a mouse. ‘I’ll throw you away, then I’ll reel you back in – because if I get your tears, apologies, attention, and even anger, it feeds my ego and makes me know that I am significant enough to affect another person in this way.’

You will be pathologically smeared to others because it’s great fodder to get sympathy off people. If you lose face with family, friends or colleagues, or lose your job over it, so be it.

The narcissist may be toggling you with other lovers or stealing your resources and contacts behind your back. According to the narcissist, this is all fair game.

This is the product of the dire ‘separation’ illusion of narcissism and the False Self – which is the most dangerous fracture in all of humanity – not realising that at the Quantum level everything and everyone is interconnected.

Look at what our world does, as per its arrogance with our entire eco systems. It’s the same thing. The ego believes that it is all that exists and there is nothing and nobody else who should be worthy of consideration – as long as the ego is fed.

This is an insatiable black hole, just like the literal one in space, which sucks neighbouring celestial bodies up whole and then keeps going – because it is never ‘filled up’. The truth is there is nothing there to fill.

The terrible fate for the narcissist is the same: I’m going to be alone, no matter what, because I destroy everyone I am with, and even if I don’t I can never connect to care for and love them anyway. They are simply an object to serve my False Self, which can never achieve wholeness and peace.

 

The Real Truth – You Don’t Matter – And You Need To

Of course, initially when we realise we don’t matter – and that we weren’t loved and the relationship we endured with this person was because of this – it can feel intensely personal. We are shocked when we are treated without consideration and discarded or replaced, or even maliciously abused.

The truth is we either outlived our usefulness or the narcissist is now trying to hurt us horribly to get reactions that make him or her still get narcissistic supply.

The real truth is we didn’t matter, because the narcissist is not ‘matter’. They are a False Self, that is not real. Nothing matters other than the False Self. He or she is not capable of internally mattering or recognising this mattering in others.

Now here is the clincher and our incredible soul lesson in this: we need to matter to ourselves, regardless of whether we matter to a specific other.

If you get this, really get this, I want you to write below: ‘From today forward I MATTER to ME!’

If we try to get ‘us’ from False Sources, that is from anyone who is not ‘us’, then we are in very hot water. Wrong Town, in fact. Where the people we cling to and get hurt by are the people who are really reflecting back to us our own inner disconnection, divorcing and lack of self-partnering.

I promise you with all my heart, when you let go of the narcissist and turn inwards to face and heal your wounds of not feeling like you matter between you and you, and Source/Life/God and others, then you will never accept a relationship like this again. Rather, you will generate real, healthy relationships with people who do have the resources to matter to themselves and recognise that others matter also. And you will easily let go of people who you realise just don’t have these resources.

I want you to understand the total truth that can help us wake up – we cling to people who hurt us when they are not providing us with what we haven’t yet healed.

So, as the full circle with this Thriver TV episode, which all of mine really are, this is not actually about the narcissist hurting you – this is a given, that’s just what narcissists do. This is REALLY about your turning away from them and turning inwards to heal you so that you can stop being stuck in this pattern of hurting yourself.

Do you realise that as much as the narcissist is punishing you for not granting the perfect, ever-constant, narcissistic supply, you are holding the narcissist responsible for not giving you healthy love and inner solidness and peace? The insanity has got to stop. The narcissist is not going to take self-responsibility, but you can.

Okay, so to start healing from this pain and madness I invite you to join me on my 16-day course, where you will get relief and clarity – and it’s all free.

Come with me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Know If A Narcissist Is Finished With You

How To Know If A Narcissist Is Finished With You

 

I can understand totally how wondering if a narcissist has finished with you can haunt you.

And if we obsess about this, it can be very difficult to move on with our life.

Many people ask these things often…

  • Will the narcissist try to hoover me?
  • What does it mean when things suddenly go quiet?
  • What should I make of the narcissist contacting me now after (insert the timeframe from days to years)?
  • Could all the things that he or she did start up again?

So, how do you know if a narcissist is finished with you?

Or really is this even the right question for us to be asking?

 

Handing Our Power Away

I think a very important point to understand is that the question of whether a narcissist is finished with you doesn’t just apply when a toxic relationship is finished. When you are going through narcissistic abuse, often or even daily, you may wonder whether or not the narcissist is ‘finished with you’.

Let me explain…

You wonder if they are ‘finished’ with that bout of making your head spin or if there will be any reprieve from the lies, confusing behaviour, accusations, smearing and projections.

We all went through this – the clinging on; the trying to appease or minimalise their behaviour by us doing something different or lecturing and prescribing to them to try to get them to see sense and decency in amongst their nastiness and insanity … so that finally we could feel loved, safe and sane.

A powerful Quantum Truth of Life is: the more we try to control someone else in order to feel loved, safe and sane, the more we end up out of control and controlled by them.

And, even after the narcissist’s discharge of us or our trying to stay away and uphold No Contact, we can still be hooked into believing our ability to feel whole, safe and sane rests on their behaviour.

This is an illusion – it doesn’t.

When we are focused on what someone else is or isn’t doing in order to have our own inner solidness and Life, this is for a very important reason. Emotionally within we have unhealed parts that have assigned someone else to be our ‘Source’ of something. We feel dependent. We hope this person will stop what they are doing and instead grant us what we don’t yet know we are capable of generating ourselves (regardless of what they do or don’t do) – namely love, approval, security and survival (or all four). These are deep inner hooks we may not be aware of, even in the case of having no love or longing left for this person at all, yet still being hooked in by the nasty things they are doing to us. Or maybe we carry such guilt and obligation from our earlier programming that we can’t let go of trying to fix and help this person.

Wondering if a narcissist is finished with you, is such a common trap to fall into. However, I promise you that when you learn how to take your power back and heal the Thriver Way, you will know that your life is not reliant on what other people are or aren’t doing.

 

Trauma Is the Fuel

How can you stop wondering whether a narcissist is finished with you?

The answer is this: accept that the trauma of everything you have suffered and are suffering provides the grandest opportunity to turn inwards to heal yourself.

When you adopt the greatest mission of your life – to become a whole source of love, approval, security and survival – you won’t keep wondering if a narcissist is finished with you; you will be too focused on resolving and developing your own inner power.

Our consciousness is an incredibly powerful entity – an interconnected wave function that Quantum Science now knows is directly affecting our outer realities. I have said the following often in my blogs, YouTube videos and even in every response I grant to people looking for help…

The greatest understanding for your liberation, healing, and resurrection after narcissistic abuse is the Quantum Law of so within, so without.

If you can embrace that you are so powerful and magnificent that you affect The Field directly with your emotional resonance, then you know that to change your life you need to change your emotional resonance.

The goal of your entire life is to BE everything at an emotional level that you seek. Then you will be the person who chooses and engages with healthy people and situations, and easily distinguishes and leaves alone who and what isn’t good for you.

That is what taking your power back REALLY means.

I believe at the core of our spirit we are already whole. It is just the human experience collectively, generationally and through unconscious parenting created a pressure cooker of emotional trauma that we absorbed. And this causes dysregulation to our beliefs and subconscious wiring.

Trauma, when released, allows us to reset back to our organic, already existing inner coded wholeness – the knowing of Who We Are and How to BE in The Field.

How do we release our trauma to BE this?

Neuroscientists have proven that you can’t think and talk your way out of inner trauma; that you need to take your attention off your outer experience and into your inner experience to address it. By doing so you are in contact with and activate the areas of the brain and nervous system necessary to resolve your trauma.

Another startling thing happens when we do this – we create an inner relationship that puts us back in the driving seat of being our own Source. It means that we are so much less co-dependent on people providing for us what, as healthy whole adults, we need to generate ourselves.

Even before anything shifts, we start to feel the love, security, solidness and peace that ‘all is well’ in ourselves and our life, which we had always been searching for just in all the wrong places.

The truth is, as adults no one can provide us with this. We can only be-come whole and healthy emotionally and then share a healthy and whole life with healthy and whole others. When we ‘be’ it then ‘comes’ – that’s what be-come really means.

When we understand the Quantum Law of so within, so without, there is no option other than to be-come whole in the means of self-love, worth, security and survival – otherwise we don’t get people turning up to take care of this wholeness, rather they turn up representing the evidence that we are not yet whole.

If you are still questioning if the narcissist has finished with you, then you have not yet turned inwards to know and partake in the truth – your only true mission is to clean up within and then all you seek can and will follow.

 

Painful Beliefs to Up-level

Many of you lovely NARPers have expressed how much you are getting from my sharing of certain beliefs that we can heal for big evolution results.

If you know that you are still handing power away to the narcissist, even just by still thinking about him or her, you may want to check these beliefs and see if they can be felt in your body – meaning that the traumas generating these beliefs still exist there.

  • This person can derail my life.
  • This person can affect me.
  • I am missing this person and I still feel like I need them or want them in my life.
  • I need to be on guard because I am scared of what may happen or what I may do if this person contacts me.

Please know these are all incredible normal obsessions that we have when we are in No Contact with a narcissist – but they don’t serve us. They keep us stuck in a holding pattern of trauma and the victimised peptide addictions coursing and multiplying through our cellular being.

We don’t get well and we can’t seem to go forward in our life.

Here are some goal setting statements you may wish to use with the NARP Version 3 Goal Setting Module.

  • I am solid in my body, truth and power, impervious to what others do or don’t do.
  • I am my True Self with no need to change anyone’s behaviour or opinion towards me. My power lies in what I believe, am and do.
  • I lovingly partner with and adore me eternally. Real love, power, and safety become my reality everywhere.
  • I accept and release my triggers, fill with Light and keep evolving into grander, more abundant and joyful trajectories.

If you are determined to shift yourself on the inside into this level of personal evolution – I want you to write below, ‘By healing me – my True Self, Life and Love be-comes real’.

In the first group of belief systems above the narcissist is still living on inside of you, insidiously controlling, limiting and defining your life.

In the second group you are taking your power back by becoming the internal shift that you want your outer world to reflect.

Now let’s get to where this is REALLY all leading to.

 

Have YOU Finished With the Narcissist?

I love this question for a variety of reasons – the main one being that this is the real question you need to get very interested in.

Being finished with the narcissist means we are in No Contact and we are purging this person psychically, mentally, emotionally and physically out of our Being. We do this by addressing all the traumas they have triggered within us, releasing them and living free of them.

Then what we discover is that our inner unconscious programs were hooking us to these people. All our unfinished trauma histories in our beings, including collective, generational, past life and childhood traumas, are released and reprogrammed as well.

What this literally means is that energetically and emotionally we are no longer a match for this person. We are finished with a narcissist when they no longer mean anything to us.

The incredible irony is that when there is no longer any energetic energy to extract from us mentally, emotionally or psychically, then they are finished with us too – because there is NO narcissistic supply available for their efforts.

People may think this is just a grey rock thing. It’s not – it must be on so much of a deeper level than grey rock. Quantum Science now knows that consciousness is connected through unseen wave functions. And this means that the narcissist is getting a feed from you even if you have had twenty years of No Contact but are still stuck in the trauma of what happened to you.

That’s why a TOTAL emotional, subconscious and cellular detox needs to take place.

When we get very dedicated to our cellular trauma detox, this transition can start to happen more powerfully and quickly than we could have ever believed. Some people literally achieve it in weeks, even after decades of repeat trauma.

I really hope this blog has helped put all of your wonderings about knowing for sure if a narcissist has finished with you into deep Quantum perspective for you.

I’d love to help you achieve vital emotional and energetic detoxing, so you couldn’t care less if a narcissist is finished with you, because you are claiming your True Self and True Life with both hands – regardless of what he or she tries to do.

You can do this by signing up to my free inner transformational resources, which grant you two free ebooks, my 16-day free course, and a free workshop where you learn how to release your trauma and live free from it.

I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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The Narcissist Has No Power Over You

The Narcissist Has No Power Over You

 

Narcissists can leave you feeling overpowered, helpless and hopeless and wondering if you will ever feel safe and healthy again.

I understand these feelings as this is how I felt at the hands of narcissists too.

When we are in the middle of narcissistic abuse it is easy to hand over all our power to someone we believe is powerful but into today’s episode, I want to share with you why I believe that a Narcissist is NOT powerful and why Quantum truths will set you free.

The irony is that the WAY to do it has been there waiting for us all along, in an accessible place – we just may not have realised it.

 

 

Video Transcript

I know that narcissists seem all-powerful. Many people, myself included, have likened them to Terminators – relentless machines that just do not give up when they seem determined to destroy your life.

Today I’m telling you this is not the truth. There is a way where you can take your power back and know that narcissists do not have power over you.

If you are suffering the horrible, unspeakable trauma of what a narcissist has done or is doing to you, you really need to know what I am about to share with you.

This information literally saved my life. And I know it could save yours from almost certain destruction as well.

So … before we get started I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s move on into this information.

 

Some Quantum and Energetic Truths

Those of you who are logically based, you may find the following pretty woohoo. Once upon a time I would have too. Yet I will say this – when you have had enough of being defeated and smashed at every turn by a narcissist, you will try radical things to stop it.

This I believe and live with every part of my Being – so within so without.

Which means quite simply and succinctly: ‘If I change my inner emotional experience about something, then the experience must change in my outer experience.’

Why is this the case?

Because Quantum and Neuro Scientists are now proving what spiritualists have known for a very long time. That our consciousness is directly connected to everything and everyone as interconnected wave functions. Therefore, we are no longer a part of a random ‘separated’ Universe – we are Quantum Creators able to change our outer Universe by consciously adopting a new inner Universe.

I don’t know about you – I was always spiritual and very much in the belief of ‘interconnectedness’, however, I was never forced to truly ‘get’ this until narcissistic abuse. The reason I wasn’t was because NEVER in my life had I lived the experience of being attacked so mercilessly and cruelly in ways that were obviously without conscience – and therefore to me were senseless.

Why would anyone want to destroy someone’s life?

Why would someone want to bring another person to their knees with pathological lies and malicious acts and treat them with such contempt?

It defied everything that I believed to be ‘human’.

Like most of us, I tried to combat this is the human way. I was distraught, devastated and incensed and I tried to fight back. I went to authorities and friends, family and associates to tell them what was happening to me.

Yet I was powerless to make any headway with these people – they didn’t believe me. Even when I had proof, they didn’t believe me. I didn’t get any help from them. Instead I was distrusted and blamed by them, and I became further traumatised and abandoned. People thought I was the crazy one and that he was the abused one.

I was missing the biggest piece of the puzzle – so within, so without.

I didn’t realise that narcissists and narcissistic abuse is an energetic phenomenon of epic proportions showing us the utter Quantum Truth of matters – Our inner, unhealed, traumatised state is exactly what the narcissist continues to deliver to us.

Please know in no way am I invalidating what you have been through. Of course, you will be traumatised! I remember being so traumatised that even getting an hour’s straight sleep or eating a few mouthfuls of food was a major accomplishment. My life-force ended up so disturbed and dysregulated from narcissistic abuse that I had a complete psychotic and adrenal breakdown.

I need you to know in no way am I being glib or dismissive about the shocking mind-boggling trauma that narcissists inflict on us.

But rather than bang on about that, my mission and my job is to save your life-force just as I did my own. That is why I am here to help you awaken to the ONLY way we can do this, which is to release and up level beyond the trauma inside and become emotionally calm and clear regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing – and then narcissists can no longer be the experience of trauma in our life.

 

A Quantum Leap

A narcissist’s supposed unstoppable terror campaign can be shocking.

Judy had been divorced for five years from her narcissistic husband. She reported to the police still random suffering break-ins to her apartment (she had moved twelve times in the last five years), her tires being slashed, tracking devices put on her car, her technology, including bank accounts, being hacked, and every time she got a new job being fired unexpectedly because of covert smearing.

She said the narcissist had bombarded her with all sorts of horrific episodes that had left her beyond deranged.

Of course, to outside people it seemed like Judy was making all of this up and that she was suffering paranoid delusions. Many of us have experienced ‘things’ with narcissists that are stranger than fiction. Things that people can’t even fathom as believable.

This was the thing – I knew that it was possible for Judy to be suffering these attacks, and I also knew that if she continued being destroyed on the inside that she would be disintegrated on the outside and would forever remain powerless.

Many people like Judy, sadly, who are at this level of feeling smashed by a narcissist, are not responsive to doing inner work and releasing their highly activated trauma. And I understand why – I’ve been there. The more traumatised we are, the more we are in hyperarousal with our survival brain focused on trying to combat the outer world to try to get change and relief.

Yet, we have no power there – at all. The only power we have is inside, in the unseen world, the Quantum interconnectedness with what a narcissist is doing within the wave function of our visceral and emotional self.

Something in Judy clicked. Maybe when you already feel dead inside, hopeless and helpless, you know there is nothing else to do. I understand this because that was my experience too – I like Judy only turned inwards after exhausting every other option.

Most people who are ‘doers’ struggle with this – and quite understandably!

Judy started her NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) healings. She took all focus off what he would do next and worked the healings as if there was nothing else to do – and there wasn’t. She had no job, no friends and family supporting her (they had all turned away); no way to pay her bills and absolutely nothing to look forward to.

She was past the point of caring to try to ‘do’ anything – and so she got down to the job of attending to her Beingness.

Small things continued to happen to her, but she ignored trying to combat them. ‘What’s the point?’ she said. She went inside herself with NARP and released all the trauma that was being triggered within.

A little after a month, Judy couldn’t care less what he tried to do; she fully felt like ‘Life’ had her back and would work out in her favour. She was sleeping, eating and had a new job. She had no terror of losing her job, and she didn’t.

Not long after that, while doing a Quanta Freedom Healing with me, she told me nothing had happened – at all. Everything had stopped. We worked on her fear of it starting up again and she shifted into the inner space of ‘If it does, I’ll just go within and release that traumatised trigger as well – that’s all I have to do!’

That was the day the fear was completely gone. Judy had fully anchored into her Quantum Truth – ‘On every topic in my life I am the Creator if it. My inner experience generates my outer – always.’

She never experienced anything happening to her again.

I have seen over the last ten plus years, in thousands of cases, how this formula irrefutably works – it’s a Law as absolute as gravity. I have seen countless people in custody and property battles, and dealing with stalking, harassment, smearing and other obscene things, all get peace, resolution and an end to the narcissist being able to hurt them, when they go inside and embrace and release the corresponding trauma.

Of course, when we are flooded with trauma there may be things we think are happening that aren’t. Or maybe they are. It didn’t matter whether Judy was suffering all of these previous attacks for real or not. Trauma is trauma and when it is purged from our inner experience, then our real life experience shifts – no matter what the source of the inner experience was.

Belief In The Unseen

I know it can be hard to believe in a force that you can’t see. As I’ve mentioned, I used to be very left-brain focused as well.

However, think about this: How does your subconscious instruct your entire being to process billions of tasks in ways that your left brain can’t even begin to understand, and isn’t even consciously aware of happening?

Trauma experts and neuroscientists now know that the subconscious brain is responsible for 95% of the unfolding of your entire life experience by the time you are 35 years of age. Your subconscious is in your body; it is all going on in your visceral and emotional experiences. This is where your attention, focus and efforts need to be to change your life.

I totally agree with the experts, and this is why my healing system humbly works. It is what the Thriver Movement is all about – getting us into our Beings to get the real healing work done where it needs to be.

True healing is an inner, unseen, somatically felt journey that I created in a practical, step-by-step way. A journey where you don’t have to work any of it out, you just need to follow the instructions and try it for yourself.

If you have had enough of the fear and the pain of what the narcissist in your life is doing to you or the trauma continuing in your inner world, even if he or she is gone from your life, it’s time to release yourself

If you are with me, please write below, ‘It’s time to turn inwards and release myself NOW!’.

To start turning your fear into relief and personal power today, click the link at the top right of this video, to connect with my free inner transformational resources.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

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Is My Adult Child A Narcissist? When Helping Them Is Hurting You

Is My Adult Child A Narcissist? When Helping Them Is Hurting You

 

Is my adult child a narcissist? is one of the most devastating questions a parent can ask.

Some years ago, I went through this terrible trauma myself.

In today’s Thriver TV I want to help you realise what is necessary for you to know whether or not your child is narcissistic…

…and how to BE your most healthy and powerful, for all concerned, and possibly able to discover that your adult child isn’t narcissistic and is capable of being respectful and loving.

Regardless of the outcome, there is an even more powerful truth that you will need to watch today’s video to understand.

It’s my most heartfelt wish today, if you are struggling with the agony of your child being narcissistic, that this episode will help grant you peace, strength and direction.

 

 

Video Transcript

Many people in this Community have asked this question.

In fact, once upon a time I asked this question myself.

In Today’s Thriver TV Episode, I want to help you understand whether or not your adult child is being narcissistically abusive and, even more than this, I want to help you understand how you need to BE to help yourself regardless of the outcome.

Please listen up, because I know if this is your situation this episode is going to help you a lot.

Okay … before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s get started…

 

What We Thought WOULD Help

First of all, I want to address many of the false premises we often believe as parents that do not help our children in any shape or form.

The main ones are:

That we help our children by giving them all we can to help them.

It doesn’t help!

When we don’t allow our children to experience actions and consequences and disappointments, and by doing so allow them to become self-generative, they don’t have to take responsibility for themselves or get well.

Let me tell you about a father I know called Laurence who had his 23-year-old daughter Emily living with him. Emily, a highly intelligent and capable girl, had been through a lot due to Laurence and her mother’s breakup.

Laurence felt extremely guilty because of this. She lived with Laurence rent free, didn’t contribute any money to bills, and stayed at home all day because she said that she was too depressed to work.

Emily constantly demanded money from her father for cigarettes and her entertainment costs, which Laurence gave her every time she threw a tantrum to get her own way. It could be argued that Emily absolutely was acting narcissistically – the way she talked to her father and treated him was abysmal.

Nothing was changing and Emily did not have to be any different. She had a guaranteed roof over her head and could get pretty much anything she wanted.

Which brings me to the next point…

Our children are never going to be self-generative or respectful and grateful if we try to shoulder them and let them take the easy way out. We may believe that by taking the burden for them we are helping protect them and allowing them to get well. However, really what is happening is that we are holding our children back, just as a mother bird would be by not nudging her babies out of the nest.

When our children have never had to flap their wings and learn to fly for themselves, their self-esteem is diminished and they are held back from branching out, taking risks and growing.

For our children this means that they are likely to be depressed, feel inferior and incapable, and as a result lash out and take it out on the people closest to them.

I went through this too, with my son Zac. Whilst he was depressed, addicted to drugs and stuck at home, with me allowing him to be there and looking after him he didn’t get better. Of course, whilst this was happening I was still lecturing and prescribing – which were my futile attempts to try to get him motivated. It was when I forced Zac to move out at 19 years of age and I started working diligently on myself to stop seeing him as broken and hopeless, that he came into his power and light.

Truly, I was so close to believing he was a narcissist – and yet he is anything but. Rather he was sick and was being enabled by me to stay sick. Also, whilst my son Zac stayed at home, I was receiving the abuse from him that I didn’t yet understand wasn’t my reality.

When I became clear and stood into my power, values and truth for my life, he followed.

 

What Is Necessary When Suffering Trauma From Your Child?

How do you know if your child is narcissistic or not? The truth is you won’t know until you get clear on your own healing, solidness, values and truth.

And I really want you to know this from the very bottom of my heart. If you have an adult child who you suspect is acting narcissistically, you are not going to help them get well or make them start treating you decently and respectfully until you start respecting yourself and take a stand in your truth.

I have seen parent upon parent in this community, as I did myself for a long time too, try to stop the terrible trauma that their adult child was causing them when they themselves (the parent) were still broken and traumatised.

It doesn’t work … I have NEVER seen it work.

I really don’t think there is any time that Quantum Law is more important and more vital for us to get right than when we are dealing with the challenges and heartbreak we are suffering with our children.

Quantum Law is so within, so without.

What does that really mean? It means ‘be the change you want to see’. I think it would be fair to say that we want to see decency, respect and integrity from our children who are hurting us.

This means that you need to be this for yourself for this to show up outside of you as your experience in your experience – from anyone you are struggling with, including your child!

What would decency, respect and integrity to ‘self’ look like?

Let’s go back to Laurence and Emily. To Laurence these things would mean getting money for board and bills, and to only accept non-abusive communication. Also to lay down boundaries and time limits that Emily would need to honour otherwise she would need to move out.

We may not realise at the time that maybe it is our own guilt we are pandering to, or the fear of our children not loving us, rather than thinking about the consequences of enabling our children in their stuckness. Emily wasn’t getting well any more than any of our children do when we leave things the way they are, hoping something will change.

Quantum Law is absolute – nothing changes in your experience that isn’t pleasant until you change who you are being in the dynamic. Laurence wasn’t changing. He was doing the same thing – trying to make Emily change whilst he wasn’t loving and respecting himself.

How was she ever going to love and respect herself and him when he, as her parent, wasn’t being this for himself. She wasn’t and couldn’t. She continued smoking, drinking, refusing to work and contribute, and being abusive towards his father.

Because Laurence was being abused and drained of his lifeforce and resources, he got sicker and sicker. He started drinking as well, to numb out his pain. He couldn’t expand on his business ideas, and had unsuccessful dating experiences, all because he couldn’t be present and healthy in his Life as a result of Emily’s pressure and demands.

This is the deal with our adult children – if we allow them to stay sick we get sick and we drown with them.

There is only one way out and that is to lead the way. And it is only after we do this that we then see if they are narcissistic or not.

In the cases of my son Zac and Emily, they were never going to get well the way things were and neither were Laurence and I. However, I am so happy to report that Laurence and his daughter finally understood what I did.

It was several years after my situation with Zac that I helped Laurence get very clear on what was necessary. This is what I told him, ‘When you know that loving and respecting yourself is the most important thing here, then Emily will have the chance to move up and join you. Otherwise it can never happen.’

Laurence did a lot of work on himself with NARP to shift out of his terrible feelings of guilt and obligation, as well as the fear of losing Emily altogether. Then he calmly and clearly told her she had a month to get a job and that she would need to pay for board and bills from this date on.

She didn’t take him seriously and when the date came, Lawrence told her calmly and clearly to pack her stuff and leave. She called him every terrible name she could think of. He held his ground and did not capitulate. Emily moved in with a girlfriend, who naturally was not going to put up with paying Emily’s way.

Emily got a job in a café within a week. Every time she asked Laurence for money he said ‘No’. Emily stopped drinking and smoking and started saving for the things she needed and wanted.

Today, only three years later, she works as a successful graphic designer in her own business that she loves. She and her father have a great relationship.

When Emily moved out, Laurence said he would hang up or refuse to talk to her if she was abusive – and he did. Two years ago Emily thanked her father profusely for setting those boundaries with her and has apologised liberally for her past behaviour towards him. She loves and respects her father immensely. His door was always open to her when she was being like that!

Emily did a complete 180 degree turn on the way she used to treat her father, because he loves and respects himself.

Absolutely Laurence had to go through a great deal of discomfort and pain – he had to keep holding his boundaries and continually let go of his guilt and his wanting to rescue her. Look at the results – just as it was with my own son Zac. Walking our truth powerfully and calmly, and keeping working on ourselves inwardly with NARP, created the solid healthy inner and then outer template for our children.

Our children often follow and develop into where we go. Emily may have turned out to be narcissistic if Laurence had continued with his own powerless, co-dependent behaviour. As it turned out both he and his daughter ended up being whole, healthy, self-generative people.

Honestly, as parents it only takes us to lead the way.

 

When Your Adult Child Is a Narcissist

I do know many people within this community who devastatingly have suffered a child who is narcissistic. In the case of your adult child being this way it can be terrible, especially if they have children as well. Many a grandparent has had the grandchildren used against them horribly by their narcissistic adult children or step-children.

I want to share with you this story about Jeanee and David whose adult narcissistic daughter Marina was abusing them terribly.

Marina would use her parents constantly for babysitting duties for her four young children. Jeanee and David loved their grandchildren but struggled greatly with their daughter’s demands, accusations, anger and inconsistencies.

Often they went through the gut-wrenching times when Marina would threaten to never let them see the children again. The children, whilst in their grandparent’s care, would tell them what terrible things their mother had said about them. This broke their hearts, especially as Marina expected them to do so much for the grandchildren – things that she wasn’t taking responsibility to do herself.

There was never gratitude, just abuse for their love and efforts.

When Jeanee contacted me, she said that Marina had been difficult all their lives, and now that these four precious babies were in the mix as well it was literally killing her and her husband. I convinced Jeanee that the most important thing for her and her husband, as well as her grandchildren – and even Marina – was for her, Jeanee, to lead the way and get well.

Jeanee worked with NARP, letting go of the trauma within her that Marina was inflicting. She also did healings on her husband and her grandchildren by proxy. Jeanee felt calmer and more confident with what she was dealing with, and saw a bigger picture that she was working towards.

Jeanee started laying boundaries with her daughter, requesting she contact them ahead of time to make arrangements and to end the last-minute demands. And Jeanee stopped allowing her love for her grandchildren to allow her to be manipulated and abused. If they missed a doctor’s appointment or didn’t get to school on time, that was not her responsibility.

At times it broke her heart not jumping to Marina’s attention for her grandchildren, but she understood that often you have to lose the battle to win the war – and she was determined to be the model of love, truth and integrity that she wanted these little ones to become in their lives.

The inevitable happened. With the boundaries she set came Marina’s nasty efforts to rip the boundaries down. That didn’t work and so the next, quite common, thing happened – Marina pulled her trump card on Jeanee telling her she wouldn’t see the children again.

Through a torrent of tears Jeanee shared this with me, and I kept lovingly bringing her back to the Quantum Truth of so within, so without. I said, ‘If you look after emotion first, if you release all of this trauma from inside, the space opens up for positive and healthy change.’

Jeanee got to work, and that is exactly what she did. She got stuck into her NARP Modules daily to keep upholding her truth and strength. A week and a half later Marina contacted her asking her to look after the children. Jeanne responded by saying she would send Marina an email laying out the limits to this – the healthy boundaries Jeanee needed to have respected to be a part of Marina’s life.

Jeanee got an abusive email back from Marina, but rather than reply Jeanee went inwards again to release what this exchange had brought up within her. Two days later Marina sent her an email agreeing to the boundaries.

Jeanee to this day has to walk a determined line with Marina, and has also had to let go of any expectation of having a healthy and happy relationship with her. However, she sees her grandchildren regularly and she and her husband have them during school holidays for extended periods of time, which they love.

The grandchildren are all so much healthier since Jeanee’s shift, and I have no doubt that their grandmother’s dependable, empowered role modelling of aligned values, truth and respect is calling them to follow.

Can you imagine if this hadn’t happened? They would have had even more role models of trauma, powerlessness and victimhood.

 

The Ultimate ‘Lose It All To Get It All’

I remember once hearing the expression about enabling others to hurt us and take from us, is like watering their lawn whilst ours turns brown and dies.

Not only are we not teaching them to be self-generative and inwardly fulfilled, we are killing ourselves in the process. The truth is, if we stay sick and are sick in any dynamic, we are not in a position to help anyone and we only contribute to the toxic sickness.

In Emily’s case, Laurence had to risk her failing at looking after herself and leaving him for good. But something spectacular happens when necessity becomes a driving force – people step up. Something else extraordinary happens when we start to love and approve of ourselves and actualise what that really is in real-time – key people in our life start to love and approve of us unconditionally too.

In the case of Jeanee and Marina, Marina didn’t want to have full responsibility for her children. She needed her mother and was going to treat her as badly as her mother would allow it. When Jeanee no longer allowed that bad treatment, it stopped. More than this – as it is for all of us – when we release the painful trauma of the losses of those and that closest to our hearts, and reach the full resolution of being the example we wish to be, live and see in our world, calmly and lovingly, then we often receive these people and things back in our life.

Gosh, it’s huge. And when our children and grandchildren are concerned it takes everything we have – but what choice do we have when we break it all down and understand the deeper layers of the Quantum Truth of all of this?

If we want to be healthy and have a healthy world, and for our future generations to be well, there is nothing else to do but heal ourselves and lead the way.

So, I hope that this TTV had helped grant you some goals, direction, and power regarding your difficulties with your adult children.

Also please know there are beautiful people in this Community who have had no option other than to let go and go No Contact with their children. We may think that this would be a trauma that would destroy us, yet I promise you that the people working with NARP who have made this decision have been able to get to peace and free themselves to live their full lives. Such is the extent of detoxing from trauma that NARP creates.

It ALWAYS comes back to the same thing – heal ourselves and then all that is healthy can and will follow. We can’t make other people healthy – we can only lead the way by being that ourselves.

Is that clear – does it really make sense?

If so, I want you to write: ‘If my mission is my healthiness, then I inspire all of life in the healthiest of ways.’

If you are ready to make your inner and then outer worlds healthy, for you and your future generations, join me by clicking this link. Today you can start a deep dive into the step-by-step proven formula to make this happen.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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