Ending a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. It is not like a normal breakup.
If you do know what can happen, what to expect and how to prepare yourself, then you will get through this process much faster and more easily.
I can’t wait to share how to deal with the inevitable smearing, cruel discard, and unrealistic entitlement by the narcissist and how to protect your emotional, spiritual and mental self and your precious children.
Breaking up with a narcissist is not easy.
It’s nothing like the ending of a normal relationship.
If you don’t know what a narcissist is capable of, or what to expect, it will leave you reeling.
However, if you do know what can happen, what to expect and how to prepare yourself, then you will get through this process much faster and more easily.
That’s exactly what I want to help you achieve, by sharing this episode with you today.
If you really need this information, because you have already split up, or are in the split up process, or you know that you are heading towards it, please let me know in the comments below.
Okay, let’s get started on today’s episode!
This Person Won’t Care About You
For many of you, I know that this is a hugely difficult time during the coronavirus epidemic.
Many of you are still stuck with a narcissist even though maybe you were about to break up. Or you have broken up, even though you are still living together, or you know that you desperately need to break up.
Whichever case it is, or if you are still struggling in the aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist, I hope that this information can help you.
Let’s start off with how a narcissistic character rolls during and after breakups.
When dealing with a narcissist, even at the best of times, this person doesn’t think or operate like a normal human being. It’s not personal, they just don’t have the capacity to be any other way apart from it being all about them.
I can’t express to you enough how important it is to not get hung up on expecting decency, normality or sensibility when separating from a narcissist.
The narcissist is not concerned about your welfare, or how healthily you can move on after the relationship ends. According to the perpetual victimhood of narcissism, it’s actually you that has treated them abysmally and are to blame for everything.
The narcissist will want to punish you. He or she believes you need to suffer for what you’ve done.
None of this is based on rationale, and it’s not something that you can argue with the narcissist. Narcissistic reasoning can’t be reasoned with, all you can do is protect yourself against it.
When breaking up with the narcissist, make sure that you safeguard everything that you can. Many people have been shocked to discover money was taken out of bank accounts, furniture was removed and hidden, and personal items that were close to your heart were hijacked, never to be handed over.
I know that this is even more of a challenge during the times of this pandemic, but please think smart, and keep your cards close to your chest. Make your moves and secure your things in a way that the narcissist does not know about and be very careful who you tell and trust.
Narcissists are very good at keeping allies close to them.
The Inevitable Smearing
There will be incredible lies spread to all and sundry about the “terrible” person you are, and all the apparent bad things that you have done and are doing.
Not only will this information be fabricated, stretched or incomplete; it is likely to be a projection of what the narcissist did and is doing themselves.
I know this can sucker punch so hard that you wonder how you will ever recover from it. Yet, I really want to emphasise that this behaviour is completely normal for a narcissist. Expect it, and then it won’t be as much of a shock.
Let go of being mortified by these outrageous behaviours and actions, so that you don’t hook in trying to receive justice. If you react it is going to make matters so much worse for you.
It’s vital that you detach, keep releasing all of these intense feelings of trauma and injustice and keep as healthy and whole on the inside as you can.
This is the most powerful formula regarding being able to navigate what is necessary.
The less affected you are and the less you feed what is happening the stronger the position you’re in to get through this.
Being Discarded Cruelly
When relationships disintegrate in a narcissist’s life, he or she must change “the scene of the play” to appease and protect their ego.
This includes discrediting and devaluing you as now being unimportant and irrelevant. It also includes creating a “new script” and throwing the old one in the trash.
This means that you will be written out of his or her life as if you never existed.
I know of so many people, even after decades of being married to a narcissist, being discarded and treated with complete indifference and cruelty, and being completely shattered.
Especially after giving their heart, soul, allegiance and energy to this person for so long.
If this happens, please know as personal as it feels, it is just the way a narcissist operates.
My highest suggestion to you, rather than going through the agony of months or even years of the torturous emotions of this, is to turn inside and start healing and quickly get relief.
I promise you this works to get free of the most horrific trauma there is.
My NARP program will move you through the grief and devastation very quickly, which brings relief, as well as helping you be strong for what is coming ahead.
When a narcissist breaks up, he or she believes that they are entitled to as much as they can get their hands on.
This is no different to the narcissist’s behaviour and attitude anyway, which is completely self-absorbed.
Not only is the narcissist callous about how you will fare in the future, he or she believes (through any insane justification) that they should be getting the majority, if not all the goodies.
You will experience ridiculous settlement expectations and even barbaric solicitor-initiated demands.
Don’t try to cut a fair deal, because it just won’t be possible.
There are really only two options that you are left with, which is stand up and keep releasing the trauma that is being triggered and fight the fair fight legally, or be prepared to relinquish a great deal of what is rightly yours and walk away.
Only you know what will be right for you.
In the past I let go and relinquished and rebuilt, incredibly successfully, because I was able to take my soul, healing and freedom back.
However, with what I know now, I would have released the trauma and taken the narcissist legally through the courts.
I have seen so many wonderful and incredible results that Thrivers have achieved as a result of doing the inner work with NARP and then calmly and solidly taking legal action.
If you Google my name and the words “court”, “custody” and “settlement” you will find numerous resources on this topic to help you.
Throwing the New Supply in Your Face
This is one of the cruellest things that can happen, and it happens regularly with a narcissist, when your relationship ends with them.
He or she may make sure you discover the new love in their life, and paint a picture as if this person is so much better for them than you ever were.
To add insult to injury the narcissist will integrate with this person’s life and include them into theirs and quite possibly your children’s lives too, as if the life they had with you never existed.
Naturally, the trauma from being replaced with ‘new supply’ is devastating. It’s one of the worst things anyone can experience.
It is probable that you are experiencing so much trauma and shock that you couldn’t even think of beginning a new relationship. Unlike the narcissist who can move on in the time that it takes to boil an egg. It’s just what they do.
I promise you with all my heart that when you release and heal from these terrible inner traumatic feelings, you won’t care who the narcissist is with and you will be relieved that it’s not you.
NARP helps you get there very quickly and powerfully, and it’s a beautiful day when you reach this place! Take it from me. I went through this as well.
The Effect on Your Children
I know that so many of you are extremely concerned about the effect on your children, when breaking up with a narcissist.
This is a topic very dear to my heart, as it was a huge journey for me personally with my son Zac.
As a Mother, over the last decade plus, I have been deeply heart-connected to thousands of people abused by narcissists, regarding helping their children.
When breaking up with a narcissist this is a very difficult time for you and your relationship with your children, because of all the trauma that you’re experiencing. Additionally, the narcissist may be attempting to alienate you from your children.
At no time is it more vital to be able to heal and stay emotionally solid and strong. It may seem impossible to do so, especially when you feel such concern for your children as well.
I promise you that with intense and dedicated inner work it is possible.
I’d love to include several resources on this topic for you that are on the blog:
(For additional resources on this topic, all you need to do is google my name + children, and many more will come up for you.)
Dealing With the Aftershock
You may be stunned to discover that after leaving a narcissist, relief doesn’t come.
In fact, it is normal that the painful feelings and trauma will escalate and get worse before they get better.
People in your life may not understand this. They think … “Because you are away from this person, aren’t you supposed to be getting better now?”
Nothing could be further from the truth. What is more likely is that you will feel like you are having a cataclysmic breakdown.
In my article How to Leave The Narcissist With Your Emotions Intact I wrote this:
“‘Aftershock’ is a very real phenomenon after leaving a narcissist. When you are stuck in the fight with the narcissist you are in survival mode, and somehow that keeps you alive.
When you leave the narcissist, you will experience grave Complicated and/or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms. Not unlike a wartime survivor, the entire trauma has a chance to hit when you have got away.
The abuse from yesterday, last week, last month and last year now activates. You are also caught up in the intense mind-bending withdrawal of the addiction to the trauma.”
My greatest recommendation to you at this time is:
Don’t try to tend to your aftershock logically.
Our trauma comes from a much deeper, unconscious place within us that is operating below the level of the logical mind. It needs to be met at a body, somatic level, in order to be released from it.
So many people, myself included, found powerful and quick relief as a result of releasing the trauma from our cellular Inner Beings.
By removing the horrific panic, fight and flight, and all of the obsessive feelings including longing and regret, this grants an emotional platform to find a way up and out of the abuse and into our new and true life.
I promise you, just like coronavirus, this horribly stressful time CAN pass.
You will get through this, and myself and this community stand with you and for you to help you do that.
Those of you who are interested in learning more about NARP, and what Quanta Freedom Healing can do for you, I’d love you to join me in my upcoming free Masterclass which is on Wednesday the 29th of April, where you can learn the deeper Quantum Truths about healing for real, and how they have liberated thousands of people, just like you, into abuse free Thriving lives.
I can’t wait to join with you, for profound healing there!
And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.