Leaving a narcissist can be terrifying. You know it’s not going to be easy and not going to go well.
Have you left and so have already suffered the threats and horror of what the narcissist is capable of doing?
Are you thinking of leaving, but the thought of it terrifies you?
These questions and more are answered in this video!
Leaving a narcissist is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
For a start, you are NOT well.
It is likely that you are suffering from all sorts of anxiety disorders such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Generally, at the time of leaving a narcissist, it’s because things are so traumatising that you have no choice.
Please know getting out is not the end of the trauma. In fact, it usually brings on an escalation of your traumas, which is why, today, I wanted to share with you the seven top things you must know when leaving a narcissist.
Okay, before we get started, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up!
Okay, I want to start off with one of the most important things you need to understand regarding leaving a narcissist.
Number 1 Aftershock
This is one of the BIGGEST, if not the BIGGEST, understanding you need to know.
When you leave you are not going to feel better because you have left. Maybe you will – but it’s extremely rare.
Once your ‘drug dealer’ of these terrible peptides is gone, your body will start screaming out for them. Also, when you are stuck in the survival battles with the narcissist, your attention is diverted from the horrible cellular addiction that your body is hooked on.
It is only when the silence comes that your peptide addiction can hit with full force.
This aftershock can be WORSE than the feelings you had IN the relationship.
You can feel an insane compulsion, powerful addictive pulls and even like you will DIE without this person.
Also, this is a time when people feel like it’s love – ‘I must love this person to feel this terrible without them’. But please know that is NOT the truth.
Maybe you have had many failed attempts at staying away and keep going back (as I did too). This is often the case until you start healing the peptide addiction and breaking free from it.
If it has been AWFUL for you to try and survive, feeling like you can’t COPE and are DYING without this person, then the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the most powerful and fastest solution I know of to help you address this.
And if you haven’t yet left, NARP is the BEST way to start preparing for the Aftershock when you do leave – because aftershock is the #1 thing that can derail you, more than anything.
Number 2 The Narcissist Has No Care For Your Future
You really need to know that the narcissist is not going to make your job of ‘moving on’ easy. He or she will want to punish you and make you suffer. As far as the narcissist is concerned, you were the one who did the wrongdoing and he or she is the victim.
If you are walking away, you are the enemy and this means you need to be brought down, demeaned, smeared and desecrated, as much as possible.
So many people, myself included, were astounded at how this person can become the greatest enemy you have ever been up against.
The relentless belting may be so terrible that it feels like you will break – or that you have to go back to the narcissist to stop it. You may even feel like you will never survive it.
You need to know that all hell could and probably will break loose and that you will not be able to predict what is to come and how it will manifest. Therefore you need to be calm, cool and rational.
When I left narcissist number one, I was totally unprepared. I had no idea what I was up against and that I should have prepared first.
If you start getting triggered, panicked and distressed, the narcissist will have you exactly where he or she wants you and will keep firing missiles at you.
The more you try to get decency, clemency, and care from this person, the more they know you are affected and the harder they will ramp up the abuse. The more you engage with them, the worse it will get.
Don’t, under any circumstances, try to bargain and create deals or get understanding.
You must remember this – as soon as it starts. Detach, don’t engage, keep healing and do WHATEVER it takes with your healing to be calm, clear and succinct – NO matter what is thrown at you. And if you DO all this, you will see how the narcissist loses all power to annihilate you.
In fact, he or she will lose all power to have ANY effect on you.
Number 3 Plan Your Escape
Know thy enemy and be smart.
This is essential.
Don’t tell the narcissist that you are leaving. Set up bank accounts. See your solicitor. Don’t tell anyone who may tell the narcissist your plans. Have somewhere to go and get your possessions out of the home, before the narcissist knows what you are doing.
Do not leave anything behind that the narcissist can hold onto, to hook you back with.
Make sure that all credit cards, or finances that could be taken from you, are disconnected. Please know that whatever you can’t disconnect will make you vulnerable and a potential target of the narcissist’s wrath.
If you are frightened for your safety, calmly and intelligently express this to the authorities and get ready to act with an intervention order in the event of threats.
Number 4 Go No or Modified Contact
You don’t have to tell the narcissist you are leaving – and as I just expressed, it is better that you don’t.
Actions speak louder than words.
Once out, it’s time to block the narcissist. Don’t take contact from him or her. If you have businesses or children together, get the ball moving with setting up a parenting plan and third-party channels of communication.
Detaching and healing is VITAL now, and continued contact will not allow you to do that. Make sure the people around you know that you will not be in contact with this person, other than through other channels and that you need them to respect this.
Number 5 Don’t Want or Look Out for Accountability or Change
When I finally got away and stayed away from my two narcissistic experiences, not wanting and looking out for accountability helped so much. I NO longer believed there was ANY hope of change.
When you have been dealing with someone who is capable of what narcissists are – pathological lying, deflection, nil accountability, malicious acts and horrifically abusive situations – remember that these people have crossed the line.
They are damaged goods. They can’t and won’t heal. It’s just not going to happen.
You need to REALLY mean No Contact – which means I am no longer hanging out for you to tell me you love me; that you are going to fix this; that you will change and we can get back together.
NO! Those days are gone – no matter what you say, what crocodile tears you put on or what promises you make!
You need to face facts. How many times has that happened already and you’ve ended up in exactly the same horrific place?
Shut the door and MEAN it!
Of course, you are going to have feelings and urges to return. Of course, the feelings of broken dreams and dismay come up. But NOW your resolution is between you and you. If you take this to the NARP Modules, those feelings will pass very quickly, and you will emerge strong and no longer susceptible to going back or accepting a hoover attempt.
Number 6 Detach From The Smearing
A narcissist will do their best to dismantle your support forces and discredit you to the main people in your life. This will be your family, friends, colleagues, boss and maybe even the authorities.
The smearing may be so vicious, that you start getting abused by proxy by people enlisted by the narcissist. It might even be the police or other agencies, that the narcissist has arranged to investigate you.
There is a golden rule with this – let go of the fear of what other people think of you and heal this terrible trauma within yourself. I can’t emphasise this enough, because being persecuted is one of the most terrible human fears that we can feel.
I got slammed with this. Many of us have.
I was so traumatised by the smearing, that I thought that I was going to die. It wasn’t until I released all of the trauma inside, that I was able to deal calmly and succinctly with the authorities, and I was no longer affected by what family, friends and colleagues thought.
The smear campaigns fell over.
Previously when I was triggered, it just got worse and worse. The more I tried to prove my innocence, the less credible I appeared.
When I let go of trying to fight back and just worked on myself, the whole thing dissolved away. I promise you, with all of my heart, that the same will happen for you.
Number 7 Value Your Soul Above All Else
Over the last ten plus years, I have been deeply connected with thousands of people’s recovery after leaving a narcissist, and I want to finish with this message.
Value your Soul; your Inner Self.
Deeply learn to come home to you and make ‘you healing you’ your greatest priority.
Are you prepared to put your soul’s worth in front of bricks and mortar?
Are you prepared to be an example of ‘not succumbing and tolerating abuse’, rather than staying with the narcissist, so that your children don’t have a broken family?
Are emotional feelings and soul truths your priority now? Or are you staying because you think you should ‘have’ certain things – at a horrible soul expense?
Are you going to stay because of your fears, limitations or insecurities? Or are you going to commit to growing and developing yourself to be the source of love and approval and security and survival you need to be non-reliant on the narcissist and go forth and create your True Life for yourself? Do you want to be a positive and true example to those you love?
I want you to know that there is an infallible Universal Law that goes like this – when you honour you, life will honour you – with more abundance love and joy than you could imagine.
For those of you needing to leave, or struggling to leave, I SO hope that this Thriver TV Episode has helped you.
I want you to know, with all of my heart, that you don’t need to do this alone. Myself and many other Thrivers had to go through it – obscene trauma, battles, aftershock and fallout with narcissists – and we are here for you.
We know how to get through this, and we know the best way to successfully leave and then resurrect your life, as well as rendering narcissists powerless against you.
Many people in our community are getting through this process EXTREMELY successfully and PAINLESSLY. Winning custody and settlements, and even having narcissists fully capitulate to give them what they want.
They do this because they are diligently working with NARP, their Inner Being powerful weapon, and they are in the NARP Member’s Forum, where the best minds in the work in abuse recovery are there to help you with unlimited 24/7 access – so any time that you are in need.
This all comes for free as a part of your NARP Gold Membership.
Also, please know I sponsor 10% of all NARP Programs to people in financial distress, because I don’t want anyone in need, who can’t afford NARP, to go without.
Mind you NARP is so affordable, it only costs the price of 2–3 counselling sessions. Also, it has a full money-back guarantee.
But if you can’t afford this, then you can apply for sponsorship with my support team at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you are accepted, it means that you can start NARP and have all of its support structures at NO cost
Okay, so in closing, I really want to say this to you…
In the ten years plus that I have been doing narcissistic abuse Thriver Recovery work, I promise you there is a night-and-day difference between the people who don’t work with NARP and those who do. In fact, so different it seems like you are living in a different universe, and this is why I always bang on about NARP. It is my strongest suggestions for you.
It saves souls and lives and will grant you the most incredible life you could imagine on the other side. It is your solution, that you’ve been searching for.
So check out NARP and get all the right help, by clicking the link at the top right of this video.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.