Being a single mother is the most rewarding, yet most trying job placed on a woman. Add dating to the mix and you are ready to throw your hands up in the air and call it quits. Why?
Your child becomes the most important factor in the equation. You don’t want to transform your front door into a turnstile, creating and severing attachments that your child is forming. You also don’t want to place your child in an unimaginable situation by bringing the wrong person around. So what do you do?
How do you tackle the obstacle of dating while also protecting your children?
First, it is important that when dating someone new, they understand this about you and embrace it. Many ask if bringing up a child on the first date is a big “no-no” and the how/when it should be discussed and when the potential suitor should be introduced.
For me, when I used to do match.com, my dating profile said, “Delicious Mom.” I wanted them to know right off the bat that I’m a package deal. So I don’t think you need to hide the fact that you are a mom whatsoever. I don’t think it’s a big no-no whatsoever. I think if you dominate the conversation talking about your children and nothing else, then you aren’t really a woman you’re just a mom. You are more than that; however, I get the importance of your children.
So I’d say just be real and up front. There’s nothing to resist; there is nothing to hide. Going into this conversation like it is something wrong makes it like there’s this big speed bump in front of you that you have to get over. Just level it. Just be you.
Your children are the most important things in the world to you. There is nothing to apologize about, it’s just how it is. Talk about other things that are the most important thing in the world to you–living your truth, your heart, what brings you joy, just anything. Just be a woman and be all of you.
Then, when you are completely authentic and you’re not overcompensating, hiding, or just doing the dance, you meet someone that is just like, “the most important thing in the world to you, that’s awesome.” When you meet someone like that then there is just a fit.
There isn’t a specific “timeline.” I think when you are dating someone exclusively and not dating other people and you’re thinking “I wanna see where this goes with him.” That is the time when I would introduce them. I would introduce your children to him in a non-pressure way, maybe out on a playdate or at a park with other people.
When you’re all out at dinner and you’re all looking at each other, there is nowhere else to look. This can be really intense. There can be a lot of pressure on both of them. So, just make it easy and fun. See how everybody gets along in a very non-pressured way.
In my experience, when someone is a good person for you they tend to bring the best out in you and your children. I’ve also had a client who was dating this woman and his two daughters did not like her at all. Yet, when I looked deeper with him on the coaching call, she wasn’t actually a fit. This is just my opinion but they were bringing to light what he was unwilling to see in the first place.
As you love your most important things in the world, your children, you make room for you to be loved and room for another masculine figure to gift your son in this world.
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