Everyone bangs on about boundaries being essential but in truth, do we actually know what they are?
In child development, boundaries are about the safety net parents put around their child(ren) to protect them from harm and to help them develop within an environment where there is sufficient risk to promote growth whilst knowing there is a crash mat under them if/when they fall.
But how the fuck does this relate to our adult relationships?
One of our first lines of defence against harm, is protecting our body and environment.
This can include:
- Respecting our personal space
- What sexual acts we are comfortable with
- How often we have contact with another person
- How we communicate with people
- Touch (where, when, how)
This can often be the first boundary a narcissist will break as a test to see what they can get away with. It might be texting or calling you in the middle of the night. It could be a gentle push/slap. It may even be mentioning a risky sexual act. It could be a “favour” which is bordering on illegal. They may also use someone else to go around your boundary.
The narcissist is a master at by-passing your emotional boundaries. They use subtle language clues, gaslighting, projection, baiting, idealization, lovebombing and devaluation/discard. They are all designed to confuse and disorientate you so they can gain control of you. They are so subtle that you won’t even know what it is happening and before you know it, you are hooked.
1. You’re often emotionally exhausted after speaking to certain people
2. You don’t know how to say ‘no’
3. You are being abused
4. You give a lot, but don’t receive back
5. You seek approval from others
6. You have no privacy
Once the narcissist has ridden-rough shod over your physical and emotional boundaries, they own your soul. You are no longer your true self and have often become a stranger to yourself.
Your soul is pure love, joy and abundance. But the “post-narcolyptic” you is sad, miserable, bitter, untrusting and hateful. Carl Jung describes this as the divided self. In psychotherapy it is called incongruence. This separation from your soul or source or God (whatever term you wish to use) can cause physical pain and create karmic loops which are repeated until you break the cycle.
If you are ready to learn how to set some solid boundaries to protect yourself now, in the future and on every lifeline, book your 241 session now for just £39.