Going through the agony of seeing the narcissist has moved on like you don’t exist can feel like a knife going into your heart.
Seeing the narcissist and new supply can evoke feelings of worthlessness, obsession and jealousy.
Discover why the narcissist is behaving this way and how you can heal for real from this in this Thriver TV episode.
It certainly appears as if he or she has…
Sailed off into the sunset with the new supply. The big bounty – which probably used to be yours –looking all loved up, enjoying all that life has to offer.
The narcissist will tell you that they are happy to see the last of you and that their new life is SO much better.
You, on the other hand, can barely crawl out from underneath your bedclothes, and feel like you have been blown to pieces by a landmine.
Is it true?
Has the narcissist moved on like nothing has happened?
Are they capable of this? And what does it really mean?
The answers that you receive in today’s Thriver TV episode may shock you because they most likely will not be what you expect.
Okay, before we deeply investigate this, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video, give it a thumbs up!
Deep breath now and let’s plunge in!
The Questions and Devastation On Your Mind
Of course, it is emotionally devastating to believe that someone has moved on from you as if you never existed.
To us, that equals – ‘I wasn’t meaningful to this person’. And that terrible question, which initially threatens the very fabric of our Inner Identity – ‘Did this person even love me?’
As well as all the insidious things that we can think about ourselves regarding ‘not being good enough’ and ‘what does the new supply have that I don’t?’
Okay, if this is you please pause the video and let me know in the comments below what it is that you are feeling.
Yet, truly we are applying all these questions and thinking to the normal human equation of things – which narcissists simply don’t fit into.
Can Narcissists REALLY Move On Like Nothing Happened?
I’m going to drop the bombshell on you immediately … the answer is YES. The narcissist can and does move on like nothing happened.
This is not because you are unlovable or unworthy of love.
I know you might think that, and you always will if you hold other people’s character, actions and behaviours as the barometer of your worth – which naturally we need to address and heal!
The REAL reason being – nothing REAL did happen.
And the reason that nothing real happened, is because the narcissist is not a real person. He or she is a fictitious character; a False Self playing life as a stage play of their life to feed their ego (False Self).
When the play isn’t turning out how the narcissist needs it to – to gain enough narcissistic supply (attention and significance) – the narcissist needs to exit stage right and walk onto another stage as quickly as possible.
Here is another bombshell – you are MEANINGLESS to the narcissist when you are no longer the chosen self-medication fix to feed their ego.
That isn’t an insult and it doesn’t mean that you are meaningless. It’s actually a severe limitation of the narcissistic personality. Them not being real, means others are not real either. Other individuals are merely inanimate objects to the narcissist; extras who have a necessary role in a particular play at a particular time. This was you.
I personally know the total agony of wondering incessantly, ‘Can he REALLY move on so fast as if nothing happened? And ‘Was I that meaningless to him?’
My heart goes out to you with a big cyber hug, if you are going through this. And I want you to understand HOW to get free from the place you are in very quickly and powerfully – by inviting you into a radical way to accept the truth and heal.
I promise you that I am not granting you the truth to shame you, blame you or make you feel worse.
I am telling you this truth to help empower you, set you free and heal you.
I know of people who have waited years for the narcissist to return to them – and have never accepted the discard.
That is a living hell – and you truly can start to heal and access your personal heaven.
Now, let’s continue to peel this back…
When the Narcissist Hoovers You Back In
When we understand the motivation of a narcissist, who uses people as props to feed their ego, this explains the hoovering phenomenon.
Narcissists are famous for circling back to you and telling you that they miss you; that he or she made a mistake, still loves you, wants to work things out, and so on and so forth.
Or they will incite an argument with you, whereby you get upset and hook in and he or she then smooches up to you again.
This will make your head spin: ‘Hang on, you moved on. You were with a new person or at the very least told me you didn’t love me. You wanted to be away from me and now you want to get back with me?’
Many a person has fallen for it. I did too. And it leads to more pain, even worse abuse, and harder discards.
Why does the narcissist do it?
They do it because they feel needy for the ego feed of knowing that you still want them, or perhaps because the new supply is not turning out as well as expected.
The real truth is that narcissists are greedy for ego feeds and are indiscriminate. With ‘tortured love’ there is lots of drama and emotional energy to mine. Many narcissists will have sex with their Exes with zero regard for the new supply.
Isn’t it interesting that you thought you were meaningless and worthless? If we are using the measuring stick of integrity, loyalty and monogamy, this means the new supply is also.
Who does the narcissist really love?
The narcissist’s allegiance is with one entity only – his or her False Self; the relentless Master who requires insatiable feeding of significance. And not only at a current or former partner’s expense –at the narcissist’s too.
Can you imagine the insanity this sort of life creates?
Can you imagine lying and having to triangulate effectively? Sneaking around covering tracks and living with the possibility of being found out and their life exploding at any moment.
Welcome to the narcissist’s ‘normal’ world, which is forever cracking, breaking, burning people out and needing the ‘up and leave and begin again’ effort to survive.
If You Are Not Hoovered Again
I know that initially this can be terrible for you.
You may feel after the narcissist has moved on with someone else like, ‘What is so wrong with me that I am no longer being hoovered?’.
This is what I believe is the absolute truth about narcissists – they deliver to us the THING that hurts the most. This is both because they have identified it and because narcissists in our life provide an incredible opportunity for us to heal our unhealed parts, that they painfully trigger.
My greatest recommendation to you is to take this as a blessing (the silence) and use the opportunity to turn inwards and heal what you are feeling. Then, I promise you, you won’t give two hoots about who the narcissist has run off with.
I promise you also that when you do the inner work – just as I did on the reasons why I was assigning another person as my level of lovability, worth and value, and came home to being a beautiful, full source to myself – the pain and the longing will totally go.
And … after you do the inner work … you will no longer accept any hoover attempts (if they do come) any more than you would nail yourself to the back of a burning door.
I assure you, if you start NARPing you will know exactly what I mean!
Personal Happiness Is Determined By Growth
Anyone can look like their life is AWESOME on social media.
BUT … are they at peace and do they feel whole within?
Are they able to be real, honest and communicate healthily in relationships, in order to create healthy partnerships of mutuality?
These are questions we can investigate when reflecting on the narcissist and also about ourselves.
People who refuse to turn inwards and process and heal their previous relationship pain to completion – meaning healing previously unintegrated and unhealed parts – are stuck in the same cycles, going through the same relationships, just with different faces.
As much as people try to get a person that is going to be different ‘this time’, it doesn’t happen.
Narcissists don’t take time out to reflect. They don’t heal. They don’t learn from their mistakes.
The narcissistic motto is: ’You are my life to provide me with ego attention and significance and let me mine you so that you fulfil all of my needs And when you stop playing that role, I will punish and discard you.’
This is not a relationship.
You NEVER had a REAL relationship with this person.
It’s a dictatorship – no matter what wrapping it appears to be disguised in. Sooner or later any new supply is going to see the mask fall and come face to face with the terrible trauma of what their relationship is really about.
And, of course, they are likely to go through the same journey of denial again and again, as they try to make each relationship that never was, be real.
That is until they realise the same truth that you are FACING now – what this is REALLY about is turning inwards to love and heal yourself back to value, worth and wholeness.
It never is anyone else’s job to grant us that!
The Shift In Perception
When I removed myself from my narcissistic relationship, I lost almost everything I owned. My life went from being financially secure and successful, from before meeting him, to being significantly diminished.
Here he was now living in the home I had bought us, living the high life, and making a ton of money in a business that I had set up for him.
Did I feel cheated, defiled, ripped off and destroyed? Yes, initially, I did.
Was I suffering agoraphobia so badly that I couldn’t even walk out my front door without having a panic attack? Was I so crippled that I could barely function? Yes!
Was the ex-narcissist romancing women, wining, dining, buying new and better cars and having a wow of a time? Yes!
With Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), I let go of my envy, pain and fears about money and possessions. I let go of the need for bigger and better things in my life. Instead, I focused on finally healing my Inner Being as my highest mission.
I valued my soul above all else.
Then an incredible inner peace and love came, as I released more and more trauma. Everything started to fall into place. Yet I no longer needed it to be so in order for me to be happy and whole; I was JUST Being happy and whole!
Then I understood the truth. The absolute devastation of all the pain of a False Life with a narcissist had forced me to my knees to finally turn inwards and partner with myself.
The rest is history.
I am THRILLED beyond measure that this happened FOR me.
Is this resonating with you? Are you feeling a shift in perception? Can you sense that what I am saying is the truth? Are you already living from the Thriver perspective? Pause this video and let me know in your comments below.
Time To Get the Real Thing
Now, here is the thing for you … it’s healthy for you to not jump straight into another relationship. If you try to, you know it is likely to be a terrible experience.
Why – because your soul knows that the opportunity you really want, more than anything, is to heal, evolve and grow towards the sustainability of fulfilling relationships that ARE real.
The narcissist can’t have real relationships.
False, broken, unfulfilling relationships are what he or she, living excessively from the False Self, is doomed to have. However, YOU can have REAL relationships if you are willing to do the work.
Relationships where you will experience being valued at the level that you value yourself.
Relationships where you will know and connect to people with true characters, kindness and conscience.
But this only becomes possible through growth and healing.
If you don’t do the work to come home to the knowing of your own self-love, worth and fullness within, then you will always seek it from outside of yourself.
I promise you that when you get determined to get off this terrible ride of painful, unsustainable relationships onto REAL and HEALTHY relationship trajectories, you will know that being discarded and ‘not mattering’ were actually powerful gifts to you.
They forced you to get REAL. To REALLY partner with yourself with devotion, love and purpose; to repair the relationship with yourself to become a completely different person going forwards.
You will become a person who is no longer being unconsciously a broken, unhealed child within an adult’s body, trying to find a parent. Rather, you will heal up to become a solid, self-loving adult in your own body, seeking and accepting other whole and healthy adults in partnerships.
And I’d love to get you started on exactly that path – the one away from pain and resentment towards health, love and excitement for what you can create in your life.
So, let’s do this together. Click this link to get started accessing my FREE empowering resources.
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As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.