Many people are shocked by how sick, traumatised and helpless a narcissist makes them feel.
Even if you have completely gone No Contact, it’s as if the abuse lives on inside of you – like some terrible virus.
And, of course any contact or news can be like a new batch of poison coursing through your Being.
What is going on here? How can we get out of this?
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you a very important story that is all our stories. It is my greatest wish today, that this story offers you an incredible opportunity to understand deeply what being sick, traumatised and helpless really is about…
As well as how to HEAL from it for REAL
I know that you know what it feels like to be stuck in the continual obsession of someone hurting you.
It feels like they are under your skin, crawling around inside you – and your brain is frantically trying to find some solution to the psychic infiltration; the terrible sickness that has infected you.
I remember feeling like this.
I see people still stuck in this every day.
In today’s Thriver TV, I’m going to share with you an important, real-life story that just happened.
This story is not just this lady’s – it’s yours and mine and everyone else’s who has been narcissistically abused. We are truly all in this together.
It is my greatest hope today that this story brings you the answers, peace, and power to get out of feeling sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist, forever.
All right, so before we get started I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for subscribing to my channel and helping support the Thriver Mission and way to heal. If you haven’t as yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video please give it a thumbs up!
A Beautiful Person Who Is Hurt
I talked to such a lady a few days ago. A friend of mine – a lovely kind, giving, caring lady. She is in her sixties, and she adores her children and her grandchildren. This is a lady who loves unconditionally; who would give the very clothes off her back for other people.
Yet she is plagued, infected and suffering every day with the trauma of the narcissists in her previous and present life.
She was the child who looked after her siblings; who helped raise them, protect them and care for them within a family that was toxic and abusive.
Devastatingly, the present narcissist in her life is her brother. One of the siblings she gave her devoted care, attention and support to. She literally raised him.
Her brother has it all – seemingly. The perfect, abundant, successful life. But he completely disregards my friend – this beautiful lady, who is renting, on welfare and has numerous health afflictions. Despite this, the brother attacks my friend constantly, bad-mouthing her to other family members and even her own children and nephews and nieces, whom my friend loves and cherishes.
Every day the obsession of wanting her brother to repent and stop smearing her plagues her. She wants her brother to wake up and recognise what she did for him. And apologise, love her, support her and stop desecrating her. My friend can’t stop herself checking in with family members about what has been said and what is going on with this brother’s functions and events.
So many of us know this story – giving everything we had, and then some, to care for and love a person, only to see them run off into the sunset with the goodies, while we are left behind broken and shattered on the ground in pieces.
My friend is strong and such a survivor, yet the feelings of being sick, traumatised and helpless remain. She admitted today that a couple of years ago the trauma had got so bad she wanted to give up, and that presently she is feeling like she is battling every day to get up and get on with it because her health conditions have become so acute.
She has been through so much and it hasn’t destroyed her, yet is only ‘surviving’ the end goal?
I don’t believe it is at all, because I know there is another way, and if we don’t find it, then we stay sick, traumatised and helpless, and our life continues to break down.
The Truth About All Of This
My friend is spiritual; she is a really beautiful soul. She is the usual type of person that I see get devastated by narcissistic abuse every day – good people. People who are giving, loving and caring, who believe that being ‘a good person’ is enough.
Well, not in the context we thought it was.
To be a good person means that we must be good to ourselves first. And the truth is no one taught us the truth about this. In a world where power over was the programming we received – the needs of a few catered to at the expense of the needs of many – we were brought up to believe in the self-sacrificial model of ‘Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.’
Did this work? No it didn’t!
It actually defies all Quantum Law – because if we believe this model works, then we will give and give until it hurts and then when we don’t receive the love, approval, and validation from these people, we feel incredibly hurt.
And if these people turn on us and start smashing us, as narcissists do, then we become traumatised.
Which is exactly what this lady, very understandably, is.
In Quantum Law – so within, so without – the absolute truth is the outer universe responds to us in the exact way that we create our inner universe. It also means that the choices we make in our outer universe will correspond directly with our inner universe.
In short, the only way to honour The Field (everyone and everything) in honourable ways is to align with and be true to our own emotional resonance and inner knowing for ‘Self’. Giving and staying attached to people who are not healthily respecting us hurts. And if we continue this, we get more hurt.
People do not treat us as we treat them, they treat us as we treat ourselves. We, in effect, train people how to treat us with our own self-love, respect and healthy boundaries.
If we pull away from abusive people, heal our inner emotional state, which can only be performed by us, then these people will either rise to meet us at a healthy level of relationship or they leave our experience.
Either way we are living congruently to Inner Quantum Truths.
For my previous self and this lady, if we have the beliefs ‘I haven’t got rights’; ‘I can’t speak up or I’ll be criticised, abandoned, rejected and punished (C.R.A.P.)’, then we disconnect from the needs of our Inner Being and start tuning into and catering to everyone else, trying to get them to love and respect us. Yet, because we have self-abandoned, they don’t. We will stay attached trying to get the love and approval from Sources who have no capacity to give unconditionally.
The astounding thing is, even if people do show up in our life, supporting and granting us love and approval, we may feel guilty and obligated and revert back to the old programs of ‘giving to stay safe whilst trying to get love’, rather than being able to accept love and support healthily.
Our Inner Love Code may not be aligned with healthy relationships – this becomes especially apparent in intimate love relationships usually – and we get deeply distraught in unhealthy ones.
I will say this – the most beautiful, empathetic souls are the ones who suffer the most. They are the people most likely to be abused, who feel the most devastated by abuse and who struggle greatly to see the truth.
When you are in this victimised state of knowing what a good person you are and being dismayed by the behaviour of others, this is the dialogue that of course happens:
‘I want you to suffer for not loving me and understanding what you have done to me’ (And then there is the horrific guilt of knowing that you are a good person but can think like this!)
‘I can’t stop thinking about all the terrible things you have done to me, and the horrible things you say to people about me.’ (Because I can’t stand people not thinking I am the lovely, giving, kind person that I am.)
(Oh gosh – personally this was one of the HARDEST things I had to heal from narcissistic abuse. But the freedom was sooooo vital in doing so!)
When we haven’t yet understood the truth, come inside, self-partnered and healed our inner beliefs, we are stuck in this terrible victimhood – with no relief.
That is a total formula for staying sick, traumatised and helpless.
The Insidiousness of Persecution Programs
Beautiful people who carry deep inner persecution programs have this in common. They are:
• Kind and genuine with high integrity.
• Very concerned about what other people think about them, often apologising or over-explaining for things they don’t need to.
• Very attached to needing people to know that they have a good character.
These people often do the over-checking in, the making sure, the being scared to assert their rights and needing permission to be themselves. It could be termed as over-consideration.
In stark contrast, narcissists act over-entitled without consideration.
These are the people I often see really stuck in being traumatised, sick and helpless at the hands of narcissists.
Let’s investigate deeper beliefs; core primal survival beliefs about this.
There are deeply embedded traumas within us that we all carry in our cells.
The history of humans has been brutal. We now know through the studies of neuroscientists and epigenetics, that trauma is passed on from generation to generation. If you believe in past lives and that we are a soul evolving to free ourselves of trauma lifetime to lifetime, then you can appreciate that we may have come from terrible histories where we were persecuted, and even have energetic memory within us that makes it terrifying to try to have rights, a voice and be ourselves.
I can’t tell you how many people, including myself, who used to freeze, panic and would always hand power away rather than stand in their truth, and all because of terror and carrying these following inner traumatic subconscious programs…
‘If people don’t believe in me, I could be persecuted and die.’
‘If I don’t prove myself to people, I am not safe.’ And…
‘If people think badly of me and I don’t get them to see the truth, I am going to be put to death.’
Please know inner subconscious programs are not logical – they are deeply felt somatic experiences that are emotional-based and run our lives.
This is the inner topography of so many nice people who have been brutalised by narcissists horrifically.
If you suffer emotionally from a narcissist smearing you, I want you to say these beliefs to yourself, go back to them on the video, or check them out on the blog transcript and sit with it, and see if your body responds. Can you feel emotional charges within you that resonate with them?
If so, you are carrying them.
And that’s important to understand, because your almighty subconscious, which generates 40 billion bits per second of processed information in your life as opposed to your logical mind that only operate 40 bits per second, is running your life on autopilot. By the time we are 35 years of age, 95% of our life is controlled by these programs no matter what we try to think.
It’s only by going inside and addressing them that they stop doing what subconscious programs do – play out in real life to the letter.
How to Heal from This
If we were to look at being sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist from the victim perspective, we could say my friend’s trauma is because her brother is a revolting person.
That’s certainly been her human story.
When I asked my friend what would help her feel better and well, she said to me, ‘Everyone understanding what a good person I am and my brother not being able to lie about me anymore.’
And then she said, ‘Him coming to me apologising and telling me he loves me.’
I looked this lovely lady straight in the eyes and I said to her, ‘The way things are, that’s not going to ever happen and it’s not even meant to happen?’
She looked at me in horror.
I said, ‘The real question I have for you is, “What is it within you that needs these things to happen for you to be healthy and whole and at peace?”’
She looked at me in astonishment.
I shared with her my story and how I used to feel the same as her and how I ended up as a victim a millimetre off death.
I then asked her to have an open mind and heart to hear what I was going to say next – I set the intention that her soul, not her logical mind, would hear me.
And then I took a deep breath and unleashed it in one big outpour.
This is what I said:
• You probably have been through lifetime after lifetime of being kind and loving to people, and being smashed no matter how loving you were.
• Before you came down ‘this time’ as your soul evolution, which is the real reason you are here, you wanted to heal from this – you wanted to come home inside your body to navigate your True Life from your Inner Being.
• Your brother and all the other narcissists in your life have been belting you to bring forth the unconscious wounds from your past lives and genetic family trauma history to do with ‘Other people have power over me and I don’t have my own rights and truth.’ and ‘My life is in the hands of what other people believe about me and how they treat me.’ that were already inside you.
• You are now in a time of evolution where you can release yourself from all the trauma that has accumulated within you, which is bringing you to your knees, and all the painful beliefs that have formed around these traumas, so that you fill with Source, became your True Self and go free.
• Then you will no longer have the obsession about your brother’s behaviour, and you won’t require anything from him or anyone else in order to feel whole.
• By achieving this soul graduation, your brother’s smear campaigns will fall over; people will come to you and your children, who have been suffering at his hands, will also heal and disconnect from him.
• You will discover from this evolution of yourself that this wasn’t about him at all. It was always about freeing yourself from the traumas within to go forth into life in empowered safe ways, no longer tiptoeing around people or being with broken people trying to get them to love you.
Her eyes were as big as saucers.
She was in tears as she said, ‘I know what you are saying is true.’
Okay, let’s just stop right here everyone – YouTube Thrivers. Can you feel this inside to be your truth too? My intention today was that this episode also spoke to your soul – just like every episode I do.
If your soul resonates, I want you to write below: ‘I know this is what has been happening FOR me and not TO me as well.’
Okay, so, I thought to myself, ‘My goodness, I’ve just smashed this lady with so much information!’
She asked me, ‘What do I do now?’ I said, ‘Heal’ and I gave her my link to my 16-day free course.
This is the text I received from her: ‘Hi Melanie, thank you for all your information. So much to read and take in. All so real and true. Loving it!’
And I’ve received more nearly every day!
I am so thrilled that she could be on her way to healing and freeing and saving her health, life and soul, and not have to keep coming back lifetime after lifetimes suffering these people so as to heal.
The buck can stop for her here!
This is what I want for all of us. To awaken, go within and heal at the cellular subconscious level, where we need to, rather than stay sick, traumatised and helpless trying to battle this logically, which simply doesn’t work.
So if you’ve had enough of the pain – enough is enough – then my pledge to you is that I will do everything in my power, as my life’s mission, to help you break free into the life and love that you deserve – instead of this painful nonsense we all can get trapped in.
It all starts here, as it did for my friend, by clicking this link.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.