Let’s talk about the horror of sex with a narcissist. Even if you feel like the sex was (or is) great, there really is a much more sinister game going on.
Why does sex with a narcissist come with so many highs and lows? Why do you feel so empty, used, and even violated after sex with a narcissist?
What is really going on in the sexual, energetic and soul exchange with a narcissist?
I can’t wait to help enlighten you, as well as help you know how to escape a narcissist’s sexual clutches, and detox yourself from their sexual pollution.
For today’s Halloween special, I want to talk about something that is gruesome.
Sex with a narcissist!
Why is it so unwholesome? Because narcissists use sex as a weapon against you.
This can happen powerfully and quickly, or be an induced trauma-bonding over a period of time. Whichever way it happens it can feel almost impossible to break free from.
Many people report ‘the sex is so great’ and find it incredibly hard to break away and stop being abused. Others may not believe the sex is great, but still be bonded energetically through sex to the narcissist.
Today, I want to talk to you about the psychological, physical and also deadly… yes, deadly… psychic ways narcissists can use sex as a weapon against you.
So, watch on to find out…
Okay, so just before I get into this episode, I would like to thank everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do so. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Alright. On to it, sex … and what that means with a narcissist!
Why Is Sex What Many Narcissists ‘Hunt’?
Many narcissists are very sexually active and hunt people sexually. This is true for narcissists in and not in so-called committed relationships.
Via sex, narcissists are able to gain A-grade narcissistic supply – which means having people show them masses of attention and being controlled by what the narcissist is or isn’t doing. If a narcissist is the centre of someone’s Universe that is a prime position – because it means he or she has secured attention and energy that the narcissist can then regulate with ‘I want you now’, ‘I don’t want you now’ games.
The narcissist’s total necessity to stay emotionally functional requires getting the significance from others that can keep self-medicating away the trauma of their broken insecure inner self. Sex is a powerful tool to secure a constant supply of valuable narcissistic supply.
Sex is not just a ‘connecting’ mechanism for narcissists; it works for many non-narcissistic people as well.
We all know that sex can take involvement with someone to another level. For most women, this starts a deep chemical, cellular and emotional bonding process, where she will feel ‘coupled’ and start desiring a deeper relationship with that person. She may start believing in and wanting a commitment and a life-partner relationship.
Men, when being drawn into a narcissist’s sexual net, can be mesmerised by the narcissist’s sexual performance which is designed to provide the attention, compliments and fantasy that makes him feel sexually met and gratified, as well as providing the possibility for lasting love.
To gain narcissistic supply through sex is generally very easy for a narcissist to do. The winning formula is this: identify what someone has missing in their life emotionally or some past grievance or unresolved hurt, pretend to be the remedy for that, and many people will automatically trust you and even be extremely attracted to you.
This formula is especially powerful to snare unsuspecting females who have been hurt and struggle to find someone who they believe they can trust. The narcissist feigning ‘a saviour’ to them, appears to be their dream come true in spades.
For men, often it is the sexuality and aesthetics – the physical beauty – as well as interest in and care for him that lures men into sexual relationships with narcissists. It’s very interesting that men who are captured sexually by narcissists may not have started off considering a relationship with this person, but discovered that very quickly they found themselves in one.
This is because, once a narcissist connects sexually, they have more ability to induce trauma bonding and get control over their prey.
The Emotional Sexual Hooking Game
Being in a sexual relationship with a narcissist is not trustworthy, soothing or secure.
Rather, your sexual times are mingled with all sorts of insecurity and lack of safety.
You may wonder who they are talking to when their phone rings and they walk off around a corner. Or a trigger goes off within you when they start texting or engaging in social media on their computer.
You may question your own paranoia, but if you are honest with yourself, you know something feels off.
The narcissist may be all loved up with you one minute and then verbally and even physically disregarding, or even discarding you the next.
Maybe the narcissist has told you they are re-evaluating the relationship or don’t know whether they want to be in it anymore. The narcissist possibly, at times, goes missing in action.
Yet … at other times this person seems to not be able to get enough of you, including under the sheets.
Possibly there have been affairs you have discovered with exes or new targets, or porn involvement or you have caught him or her on internet dating sites.
Then the narcissist will convince you that it is all a mistake, or it didn’t happen or even appear to take responsibility and apologise – if that is necessary to snare you back in.
Or he or she will offer ONLY as much as it will take to retain you, which in advanced stages of narcissistic abuse isn’t much, and then you are having sex with the narcissist again.
WHAT is going on here?
I promise you that this is trauma-bonding. This is not how healthy, safe, kind sexual relationships go at all.
The narcissist knows that if you are suffering unease, uncertainty and trauma, and then he or she gets back together with you, the relief of that rollercoaster ride is such a HIGH, that it feels like LOVE.
It’s not love. It’s abuse, and it’s terribly unhealthy because what happens is that you chemically start to chase the ‘relief’, the high, and start tolerating greater dips down and down into the ‘lows’ to try to recapture that sense of ‘relief’.
If this is what you are going through, (as I promise you I once was too) you are severely and dangerously addicted to a person who can and will destroy you.
You’ve lost your boundaries as well as your self-worth bargaining chips.
Once you are hooked and traumatised and suffering from dire emptiness within and craving the narcissist to fix it, the narcissist can start relaxing on behaviour, allow his or her mask to drop and abusively demand even more compliance and acts to satisfy the narcissist’s insatiable and insane control and takeovers.
This could include having you accept sexually degrading acts like threesomes, getting you to agree to an open relationship, and even worse things.
Maybe now sex is withheld purposefully to punish you.
At this point, you need help to recover – badly.
Sucking Your Soul
Without going all Harry Potter Dementor-ish, I really want to offer my opinion about this.
If you are having sex with a False Self, who is a No-Self, you are getting your soul sucked out of you.
Narcissists don’t make love, they don’t have the ability to connect with you soul-to-soul, because they have divorced themselves from their True Self, which is the gateway to soul health.
Self-love, humanity, oneness and a connection with their Higher Power has all been obliterated by the narcissist’s False Self takeover. What is left is a relentless, unappeasable black hole. No matter what you do or give, it will never be enough.
Sex with a narcissist is only performed by them to self-medicate away the inner screams of their catatonic, disowned severely damaged Inner Being, and to feed the False Self with importance. Or to manipulate you to give them something that you normally would not.
To a narcissist you are no more than a masturbation and self-acclaim tool. The sex is not about you, or the union, and never will be.
This is why sex with a narcissist, no matter what happens in the act, leaves you feeling empty, and even violated afterwards.
True Intimacy means ‘in-to-me-see’. It is a sharing of one’s complete self with trust and love with another. A narcissist is never going to let you in or share his or her True Self with you. You are having sex with a fictitious character who is not soul connected with you at all.
In fact, the lack of soul health that the narcissist suffers from means that this False Self is stealing energy from you to buffer up the False Self, the narcissist’s core identity that can’t create and maintain energy of its own.
Sex provides a very direct way for you to be mined for your psychic and energetic resources. You are literally being pillaged of your soul energy.
You may have noticed that after sex with a narcissist you feel exhausted, drained or even unwell.
Now you know why.
How To Protect Yourself
Getting sexually involved with a narcissist is damaging on multiple levels.
Once they have infiltrated your body, not only are they sucking your soul and sanity, it is also likely that they will try to get their tendrils into other aspects of your life, such as your finances, resources and contacts, as well.
As a player in the dramatic stage show of the narcissist’s life, with them positioning themselves as the leading star, you could become entrenched in the drama of it all.
You may be used as sexual punishment against one of the narcissist’s other supply objects, be included in a traumatic love-triangle, or be the next dramatic discard and ‘lunatic’ that the poor narcissist has suffered from … all of which gains him or her wonderful compassion and supply from others.
I have said it so many times, and I will say it again, not everyone can get taken in by a narcissistic person.
If we are too eager to trust and connect and don’t do our due diligence to ascertain someone’s character accurately, then we are potential targets.
If we feel empty, needy, and unloved or unlovable we can be as susceptible to being love-bombed and complimented into being the next supply, as a dying person in a desert will dive headlong into a mirage.
Yes, narcissists love the thrill of the chase and to snare, take control and have people be submissive to them – but they are short sprinters. They need a payoff quickly – just like a lion does when he strikes upon a limping gazelle at the edge of the passing herd.
A narcissist has limited energy to expend to secure new supply. He or she is not going to keep trying if you have been tested and found out to be a robust bison. Meaning, you are not needy, falling for the love-bombing or found out to have scanty or non-existent boundaries (I promise you narcissists work it out pretty quickly).
Take your time to get to know someone. Let go of the beliefs that sex is how you will get someone to commit to you, or that if you don’t hand over sex, someone will discard you. None of that applies for decent and whole people seeking decent whole relationships.
And above all, be full and healed and developed enough within yourself to feel inwardly secure, full, self-assertive and honest, before becoming sexually involved with anyone.
Then you will flush out a narcissist by not caving into their demands to enmesh and hook up quickly. You will retain your interests and life whilst dating respectfully. You won’t jump to someone else’s beck and call, and you will honour yourself by questioning something and saying ‘No’ if your boundaries are pushed and something feels uncomfortable.
The bottom line being – you are TOTALLY prepared to lose someone else from your life than risk putting your soul and life in jeopardy.
Healthy love in NO WAY carries those risks!
I promise you that when you have all of that in place, narcissists will unravel and expose themselves right in front of you, or will disappear as quickly as they appeared. ‘No food for me here’ is their total understanding.
The Sexual Truth About Narcissists
Sadly, narcissists are damaged and polluted beings.
Not only is it common to run the high risk of sexually transmitted diseases, because of their non-discriminant sexual behaviour, they are also intensely toxic energetically when you combine your sexual energy with theirs.
If you have already been intimately narcissistically abused, is it worth the risk again?
If you know you have work to do to never get taken in by a narcissist again – then please check out my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), which is the complete healing and training package to reprogram your Inner Love Code so that this can’t happen again.
And if you know you need to detox from the terrible sexual addiction to, torment with and traumatising emotional and psychic pollution from a narcissist, then please consider NARP to get this done. Humbly I don’t know of any tool that works so powerfully to achieve this, and in record time.
Also, I am so excited to share with you that I am going to be hosting my Premier Live Events in Australia. They’re in my home country.
Early December this is happening, and myself and the MTE Global Team will be hosting these in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane where we are going to birth your recovery, by sharing with you the most potent and powerful tools (humbly) there are in the world for people to recover from abuse.
So, I would so love to see you there so you may join in these events with a support person, so that they understand more deeply what your recovery is about and what you are going through. Or maybe bring friends and family who you know have gone through abuse as well, who could benefit from this.
And, for a limited time, I’m offering a $100.00 discount off tickets.
I’m so excited about this, I can’t wait– so click this link to find out dates and to secure your tickets.
And I am so looking forward to connecting with you in your comments and questions below.