It is frighteningly COMMON how often people suffer narcissistic neighbours!
I know this because many of you write in about it, and it has also happened to me!
What happens when you are living next to a deranged person who is NEVER happy, constantly complaining and even doing TERRIBLE things to you and your property?
How DO you stop these people ripping the sanctity of your home, hearth and health apart?
Does a narcissistic neighbour mean that you have to move home?
Or … can you defeat them and return your life back to HEALTH and PEACE?
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you my journey regarding a narcissistic neighbour, and the sure-fire way I learned to deal with it, to help you get free of the horror and bullying of this kind of narcissist.
One of the horrors that many people in this Community have experienced is Narcissistic Neighbours.
Maybe you are battling with one right now.
You are not alone … I have been through this too!
It’s awful because our homes are supposed to be our sanctity; our soft place to relax, unwind and recuperate. It’s delightful when we have lovely neighbours – people who we can connect to for support, community, friendship and even a helping hand when in need.
But what happens when you have the nightmare neighbour, whereby you can be perpetually on edge or even terrorised in your own home, literally?
How do you survive these people?
Can you turn it all around?
Or do you have to move to a new home?
Let’s get into it and find out in today’s TTV episode.
But before we do…
Thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Okay, let’s dive in.
A common trait of narcissistic neighbours is their victim mentality, when they think that other people are always encroaching on them or doing the wrong thing by them.
They may state that your bins should not be placed where they are for garbage removal, because it affects them driving in or out or getting access to the mailbox.
They may complain that your pet walked across their lawn, without their permission.
If your child’s ball goes over the fence and lands in their garden, they may rant and rave about it – and even refuse to return it.
If you, or someone visiting you, parks across their driveway, even if they only overhang an inch or are there for a moment, this neighbour may knock on your door and blast you for it.
Your narcissistic neighbour may even go to authorities, such as the council or a body corporate, and make petty or fabricated complaints about you.
I used to live next door to a horrible narcissistic woman who would complain incessantly about everything on the unit block. Being her immediate wall-to-wall neighbour, I copped it the most.
The depth and breadth of her complaints seemed endless.
At the time, it seemed like this woman was showing up at my doorstep every day, complaining about something I had or hadn’t done. Even poor Tiggy, my cat, was targeted by her. She told me that he hunted birds, but he is seriously too well fed and lazy to be bothered.
I spent a great deal of my time on edge. Every time I saw her walk up the driveway I would feel the distress. This was especially true when I had someone over, in case they made a noise that she could hear.
But not only did I have to deal with these day-to-day complaints. She once tried to report me to authorities for several things, and often she would make unrealistic demands to try to get things done to her property for free. Quite frankly, she made my life a living hell.
It’s so interesting that people like this – especially narcissists – live by the rules ‘Do as I say and not as I do’.
Commonly, if not always, this type of person will be a serial offender themselves, doing similar or even worse things than what they are accusing you of doing.
This was certainly the case with my horrible neighbour, who constantly complained about any little thing out of place on my property whilst hers looked like a tip.
Sense of Entitlement
Narcissistic neighbours, like all narcissists, have all the justifications for what they accuse you of doing.
Maybe your nightmare neighbour regularly blocks your driveway, starts power tools up late at night, or dumps rubbish on your property. Or perhaps he or she plays loud music into the early hours of the morning or has raucous fights with their partner or family, which disrupt your peace.
Maybe this neighbour’s yard or front porch is full of rubbish and mess, and they don’t care about how it affects other neighbours.
Perhaps they have started erecting, building or modifying things on your joint boundary without your permission.
Possibly your narcissistic neighbour has a pet, who is creating damage or serious noise pollution and he or she refuses to do anything about it.
This neighbour may ask to borrow things from you and then return them damaged, saying that they were already like that (and that’s if they return the items at all).
The truth is narcissists don’t have a peripheral sense of others. They don’t care about other people and their comfort needs – it’s all about them and their own agenda.
The Malignant Narcissistic Neighbour
I know that some of you have had to deal with narcissistic neighbours with zero conscious and truly criminal intent, and my heart goes out to you.
Maybe your experience with a narcissistic neighbour has been so terrible that you have been physically threated, or suspect or know they have broken into your home. Maybe this sociopathic person has performed malicious acts designed to intimidate and harass you, or have even hurt your loved ones or pets.
Naturally, this could be terrifying and cause you a great deal of trauma and distress.
How Do You Know If Your Neighbour Is Narcissistic Or Not?
As Thrivers learning to be healthy, healed, authentic people in every area of our life – we need to raise up and get past the fear of confrontation.
Let me explain to you with this example.
Many years ago I had a neighbour who was constantly blocking my driveway. It disturbed me greatly, and I felt violated. If I was on the phone to a girlfriend, I would look out the window and tell her how terrible it was that this was happening to me.
But … was I being responsible for my own boundaries and wellbeing? NO, I wasn’t!
Back then I was terrified of confronting people and having the difficult conversations, because I was dealing with my own inner terrors of CRAP – the feelings that if I spoke up about my needs I would be criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished.
After doing the deep inner work to heal these fears, I knew it was my responsibility to knock on the neighbour’s door and have a conversation with that houseowner and ask for what I needed.
Nowadays, if I have friends in my life complaining about people in their life I ask them, ‘Have you gone to this person and told them honestly what is going on for you?’ Invariably they haven’t, and I know exactly why. They are terrified of asserting their truth and maybe pissing others off. Instead, they make excuses for not speaking up – just as I used to do.
But here is the thing… With anyone in our life – narcissist or non-narcissist – it is up to us to confront them and to be honest and solid about what we need, in clear and powerful ways.
This person may or may not respond healthily, however, by confronting them we grant them the opportunity to respond and for the situation to be rectified.
If the person is non-narcissistic, he or she will generally acknowledge you and work with you to rectify a situation. And in most cases the result will be wonderful.
People aren’t mind readers, and we need to get past the righteous belief that ‘people should just know what the right thing is to do’.
The truth is that it’s our job to teach other people how to treat us. People who don’t treat us respectfully are A.I.D.s (Angels In Disguise posing as thoughtless people). These A.I.D.s are awakening us to anchor into our own inner power of authenticity, self-respect, and truthfulness, in accordance with the care, value, and respect we should have for ourselves.
All of us as Thriving Adults have to be able to heal and mature ourselves up enough to speak up honestly and truthfully, and we must be prepared to have the difficult conversations.
What to Expect If Your Neighbour Is a Narcissist
After working on your inner terrors of NOT being able to put your best foot forward while speaking up for what you need (my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the Quantum Tool to help you breakthrough in this area) you will know whether this person is capable of working with you in harmonious ways or not.
Traditionally a narcissist will refuse to be remorseful or take responsibility. He or she may reject any notion that they did anything wrong, or that there is any need for them to correct or cease what they are doing. He or she will commonly throw back at you tit-for-tat comments about what you have been doing to them.
How to Keep Stepping Up to Combat a Narcissistic Neighbour
This is where the inner work is so important.
People ask me all the time, ‘How does doing “that” (whatever “that” is) work with this narcissist in my life?’
I want you to understand that the foundation to HOW we deal with ANY narcissist in our life is identical.
These are the steps:
- Know it is our own job to honour and walk our truth and boundaries, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing, and
- Go inside, self-partner and use NARP to address, release and reprogram the fears and traumas that the narcissist is triggering off within you – and then emerge fearless and emotionally solid to take action in your next steps.
By creating this inner foundation first and foremost, you are no longer able to being derailed and emotionally hijacked. You can be clear, systematic and methodical in how you challenge the situation.
When my narcissistic neighbour upped her anti and started pulling in authorities and neighbours to bully me, I knew I had to do something.
I knew I needed to Go Quantum.
So I did…
I stopped playing victim and complaining to everyone about her, recognising that this was an incredible opportunity for me to evolve into my own power and truth, and to generate my healthy life regardless of her attempts.
Below is what I did. It has helped clients and NARPers to combat their troublesome narcissistic neighbours as well, and I know it will help you too.
However, please note, without the inner work and keeping on top of purging and detoxifying all inner trauma triggered, this method may not, and usually won’t, work.
We have to get very CLEAR. It doesn’t matter what you are DOING to combat a narcissistic abuser in your life, if you are not taking care of your BEINGNESS, as your first point of action, then your results (so within, so without) will reflect MORE of your traumatised beingness and won’t reflect any of the doingness – regardless of how much effort you are putting into it.
Okay, having worked on yourself to lose the fear of your narcissistic neighbour, here is the powerful formula I followed.
First, I created an email regarding all her complaints against me. I then unemotionally listed her grievances and the dates and the times they were made, and copied in on the email the other owners and the body corporate.
I then wrote down what I was prepared to do to resolve the complaints and what I wasn’t prepared to do to comply. I made sure the tone I used was calm and logical.
For every unresolved point, I asked for her to respond to the group email with her suggestion for resolution.
I then hit send!
I enjoyed creating and adding to the list, sending a new email with each and every new grievance and threat she inflicted on me, each time stating what I wished for as resolution and inviting her feedback as a solution.
She was now exposed. Other eyes were watching. She had no suggestions for resolution, and suddenly she stopped complaining to me about things.
As well as this, the other owners, to whom she had been smearing me, came to me shocked by her behaviour and what she had been demanding and threatening. They apologised for believing all the horrible things she had said about me.
I then wrote another group email, regarding my grievances with her and asked for what I wished for as resolution and invited her input for a solution.
Again, nothing was forthcoming from her.
I was doing so many shifts on myself with the NARP processes about her – any time I felt any triggered emotion within – that it was no longer uncomfortable bumping into her on the apartment property. I was just simply going about my life, holding my head high, without feeling any dread about her whatsoever.
I was, by this stage, revelling in the opportunity for my up levelling inner solidness, boundaries and the knowing of how to live powerfully narc-proof. It was an exciting time for me!
She, on the other hand, switched from stalking and terrorising my every move to leaving me alone.
At the next Body Corporate meeting, I was armed with all the facts – my email correspondence and invitations to seek resolution, and her non-compliance with any of it.
She unravelled in front of everyone, as I unemotionally and factually read out the details. She got nasty and blamed her behaviour on her health problems. She had nowhere to hide.
Not long after that she put her house on the market, sold up and moved out.
Just another narcissist not getting narcissistic supply and not being able to operate as a narcissist. As with all narcissists, she had to get out. There is no other option.
My new neighbour is BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t ask for a more delightful lady to live next door!
See what happens when we change ourselves from the inside out and then show up in life as our New Self?
We generate a soul-graduation and then everything shifts to match that.
The Necessary Inner Shift Into Freedom and Power
This is the thing – narcissistic neighbours, like all narcissists, trigger off within us our unhealed terrors. And when this happens, they grant us the incredible opportunity to heal these terrors and evolve ourselves. The healing we generate means not just emerging safely from what we are going through, but also living free of these terrors forevermore.
I am so grateful for my narcissistic neighbour and her shenanigans. It was because of my time with her that I was able to release, heal and resolve my inner fears of authorities – being thrown out by my community and people, feeling guilty, bad or wrong for things I was or wasn’t doing, and also my terrors of trying to have my rights to my own privacy and life – whilst people were violating my boundaries.
I really want you to understand that every narcissist in your life is granting you a soul journey of incredible power, divinity and evolution – when you are prepared to turn inwards and do the work. This soul journey then allows you to enter the arena with a narcissist in a way that you have never before.
A way that works.
I know you may feel like the narcissist in your life is TOO bad for you to do this with. Yet I promise you that the person behind the mask will be powerless once you heal within you the traumas that they have been using as the bullets against you to keep firing at you.
This goes for ANY narcissist.
I so hope this video has helped.
Now, if you know it’s time to graduate, stand up and get powerful – I’m here to help you. Let’s make this happen together. All you need to do to get started is to click this link to my free 16 Day Recovery Course.
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Does this information about narcissistic neighbours resonate with you? Are you excited about up levelling and taking this newfound power on to combat any narcissist who is bullying you?
I’d love to hear about this in comments and questions below.