It should be a beautiful time to spend with family and friends, however, if there is an existing narcissist in your life this is rarely the case.
Holiday time is a HUGE hotspot for the narcissist to act out — by refusing to cooperate and help, attempting to drag everybody’s cheer into the gutter with them and maybe even pulling painful and malicious disappearing acts.
Why do narcissists do this? In today’s Thriver TV episode I will explain exactly WHY they do!
And I will share with you my top 5 tips about how to survive narcissists during the holidays, and it is my deepest wish that this information can grant you the happy holiday season that you deserve.
Narcissists are awful a lot of the time, and they’re especially terrible around festive times.
This is where they act out, try to destroy other people’s holiday cheer, hoover, disappear, reappear and do all sorts of crazy and kooky things.
This is why, with the holiday season fast approaching, I thought it best that I reach out to you with my top tips for surviving narcissists during the holidays.
Okay, so just before we dive in, I’d just like to say thank you to everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver mission, and if you haven’t yet done so I’d like to remind you to please do. Also, if you like this video please make sure that you hit the like button.
Alright, so on to today’s episode.
Tip Number One: Don’t Expect Cooperation
Narcissists love to let people down. It’s one of the ways they can punish people, and extract narcissistic supply by triggering people and gaining attention from them.
If you ask the narcissist to help you and do the right thing, such as pick up supplies or assist with organisation, even if it’s to do with your children, you may be setting yourself up for a fall and typical narcissistic abuse — which will come in the form of delays, excuses, false promises, and even absence.
I thoroughly suggest doing your own organisation, asking for nothing and letting go of any resentment over the fact that you’re not getting help and that the narcissist just can’t act like a normal cooperative person. And also don’t bite or give any energy to the narcissist accusing you of leaving them out of the festivities.
After all, this is just typically narcissistic that they will accuse you of that because — you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don’t!
Tip Number Two: Detach From the Moodiness and Antics
Holiday season is a very painful time for a narcissist. He or she can’t regulate people enough to be the centre of attention. Other people and family will be in the limelight. People will be connecting to each other and cheerfully doing so and that painfully reminds the narcissist of their own inner torment and inability to be genuinely happy.
The narcissist’s inner triggering may lead him or her to act out trying to impregnate everyone with their black mood. That horrible black ink that we all know about. They may try to incite an argument between people, or exit the scene or leave after creating a drama, to try to ruin everyone’s chance of having a good time.
Or at the very least he or she may say something unpleasant to their partner, or family member, that unsettles them and then leave the room or the house, without saying anything else to anybody, causing this person to be thrown into a spin.
These are only some of the nasty tactics that all narcissists can pull to try to offload their highly energised inner self-loathing and insecurities onto others.
It is imperative that you don’t fall into the trap of feeding the narcissist with the attention and energy that they are seeking by using these tactics.
Like a spoiled child, ignore this behaviour, get on with your festivities and commit your energy and attention to those you love. Let the narcissist have their own pity party and don’t reward bad behaviour with any attention.
Tip Number Three: Detach From the Selfishness and Entitlement
Narcissists at holiday time expect it to be all about them. They have their own set of rules, which are completely one-sided. It goes like this, ‘How dare you not grant ME full significance and consideration, yet I’m certainly not going to extend that to you.’
Narcissists are lazy and selfish in regard to gifting other people. If there is nothing to gain in the way of love bombing and mining supply, which is the case with already trapped intimates and existing family, the narcissist will either not bother with getting any presents for others, or spend very little money, time and consideration when doing so.
Or the present will be to do with what the narcissist wants for him or herself without bothering to check in with what you would like.
Yet, he or she will take personal umbrage if others don’t put enough effort and care into what the narcissist receives as a present.
Even if you have children together, it is still likely that the narcissist makes it all about him or her and not the children, or the grandchildren, at all.
There is no point in playing into the narcissist’s lopsided entitlement. If you do so the narcissist will lash back at you with excuses, projections, minimalisation, guilt, tit-for-tat and blame throwing.
There is only one way to deal with this — don’t.
Detach, grant no energy and just get on with your day.
I really want you to understand how vital this is. If you do understand I want you to pause this video and write below, ‘I retract all my energy and leave you to your own pity party!’
Tip Number Four: Have All Narcissistic Exes Blocked
Holiday time is a hotspot for narcissistic hoovering. You have to remember that there are many narcissists who are highly triggered and are now punishing their present partners. This means inciting an argument, disappearing, and hooking up with an ex.
Don’t be an easy meal on the narcissist’s hit list. As you can imagine, this has got nothing to do with missing you or having remorse for how they treated you in the past. There is nothing about this that means feeling sentimental about the love that you shared or anything of the like. This is simply about being used as a tool for the narcissist’s disordered, skewered behaviour.
I strongly suggest, that if you are estranged from the narcissist and you are still struggling with your recovery and your feelings about him or her, shore yourself up and be determined that you are not going to play any part in being used, and then abused and abandoned ever again.
Narcissists know that people are vulnerable and highly susceptible at holiday time, which provides them, when dishevelled and triggered, numerous ways to self-medicate at other people’s expense.
So make sure that you are not emotionally brutalised and maliciously triangulated in this way.
Tip Number Five: Be Prepared For the End
Many a narcissistic relationship can blow up and end at holiday time.
This may be the time when the narcissist lashes out and punishes you so significantly that you know you have no choice but to get out of this relationship. Maybe you discover that the narcissist has run off to another source of supply this time.
Maybe the scene in front of your family and in a group setting is so horrible, that there is no coming back from this. Maybe there are alcohol-fuelled events that are unforgivable. Narcissists don’t need alcohol to be nasty, but it certainly doesn’t help matters.
Also, know that the narcissist is capable of cruel discards and literal permanent abandonment at this time.
Or, the narcissist may have you waiting for them and believing that you were going to have festivities together, or even a holiday with him or her and then just totally disappears, leaving you high and dry.
All of these things get reported in this community regularly. It’s incredibly rare and even unheard of that holiday time with the narcissist goes well and healthily.
When narcissistic abuse hits levels where it is severely damaging our self, our resources and who we love, then it’s time to be really honest with ourselves. We have to let this person go, we have to say ‘no’ to them and start saying ‘yes’ to ourselves.
Saying ‘yes’ to ourselves means detaching from them and pulling inside of ourselves to heal all of the traumas that have been inflicted upon us by these toxic people, as well as all the reasons we were trying to hold him or her responsible for giving us happiness, health, safety and love. We have to start healing and learning how to grant that to ourselves.
Which is exactly what my Thriver recovery work is all about.
One of the great things about holiday time is that you may have more time to turn inwards and do your essential recovery work, to be able to get out of the pain, your trauma symptoms, and all connections and longings to a narcissist.
If you are ready to take your power in your life back, I want you to write below, ‘I’m saying no to you, and yes to me.’
And now, let’s get that started powerfully by clicking this link to the free 16 Day Recovery Course.
And … if you found this video empowering, and you’d like to see more of my videos, please subscribe to my channel so that you are notified as soon as each new one is released.
And also, make sure that you like this video and share it with your communities, your family and friends who may also be prone to suffering narcissists at holiday time.
And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.
And I wish all of you a safe, happy and abuse-free holiday time.