Narcissists would like to think that they are unique. But they’re not.
It’s astounding how narcissists say the same things and it’s actually FREAKY!
In this Thriver TV episode I share with you how virtually all narcissists behave in certain situations, how they will react, and the exact (or close enough) words that commonly come out of their mouths.
I also explain what you can do to not be affected by this ridiculousness!
I remember over a decade ago, when I started reaching out to people about my narcissistic abuse experience, people commonly said, “That’s exactly what the narcissist said to me too!”
Narcissists would like to think that they are unique. But they’re not.
They are in fact incredibly predictable, and that’s what I want to share with you today – how virtually every narcissist will behave almost identically, in the following situations.
So, watch on to find out how they do!
Okay, so before we get started, I would just like to say that I am extremely excited to share with you that I have released my next Free Masterclass, which is coming up in only a few days.
After watching this video, you will know just how this Masterclass can help you regarding getting clear and healing from narcissistic abuse, which you may not have been able to achieve before taking this free class.
Now, let’s get into this juicy topic for today, regarding the ten things that virtually all narcissists say.
#1 When Asked For Your Needs To Be Met
“It’s always all about you!”
When trying to negotiate with the narcissist, a lot of what you’re asking for is just common decent behaviour.
You are not asking for the narcissist to fly to the moon for you.
As examples, if you asked to be spoken to nicely, or to be allowed to know the narcissist’s plans and how they may affect you (simple human requests) the narcissist will take umbrage and tell you how unreasonable, and even selfish, this is.
This is where you can feel like you are going crazy, trying to get a child in an adult’s body to understand that a healthy relationship requires care and consideration for one another.
The narcissist simply does not get this, even about basic things, let alone the extreme bad behaviour that he or she does act out.
When you heal for real from narcissistic abuse, I promise you that you will deeply embody that it is healthy for you to speak up for what you need, and know that you deserve to have your needs heard and met by another healthy adult.
And, you will never accept less than this again.
#2 When You Are Leaving Them
“You will never find anybody like me!”
Other variations to this expression are, “You will never find anybody who loves you as much as I do” and “You know that you can’t live without me.”
It’s not until we heal that we realise how ludicrous this really is – we don’t want to ever find anybody like them again and live the torturous life that we’ve been having!
Yet, when you are still emotionally enmeshed with the narcissist, one of their greatest tactics to keep you hooked as supply is to make you feel dependent and helpless without them.
It’s about having you believe that your life going forward on your own will be one of terrible loss.
I promise you that when you go through your Thriver Healing process, you will discover that this is totally not the case! Rather, you will be thrilled that you are free, and you’ve left all of this pain, confusion, and abuse behind.
And you will become self-generative – meaning happy, confident and whole in your own skin.
#3 When Being Confronted
“Here we go again!” (Accompanied with a sarcastic eye roll).
Other variations of this one are, “You are crazy” and “You are the only person I ever have this trouble with.”
This is invalidation at its finest. This is how the narcissist can make you start to doubt your own sanity and believe that there is something wrong with you.
Invalidation of your feelings and being unwilling to meet you and talk about what concerns you is painful enough, yet narcissistic abuse takes this to another level.
Narcissists know how to not just invalidate you, but to also demean your character and sanity at the same time.
It’s little wonder that so many people feel like it must be their fault and suffer terrible assaults on their self-esteem and personal identity.
I really want you to know that my Thriver Healing process, that is the NARP Program, transforms you to a wholeness and self-validation which means you will no longer try to get understanding from somebody who refuses to give it to you.
Rather, if you have confronted somebody deficient in resources to be humble, real and to engage in healthy communication with you, and they are unable to, then you will disengage, move on and create healthy relationships with those who can.
#4 When Treating You Horribly
“But I love you!”
When this happens it feels so crazy, because it could be said when the narcissist is telling you all the things that are wrong with you.
Or whilst the narcissist is telling you that he or she is going to leave you.
It could even be said to you amongst the most horrendous insults, name-calling, and so much worse.
As many people discover, these words hold very little weight when the actions simply don’t match them. Additionally, the narcissist is capable of horrific discards and even replacing you with fresh and new supply at a moment’s notice.
Of course, someone who really loves you doesn’t behave like this!
This I can assure you, after going through your true recovery from the inside out, you will know what real love is. No longer will you be emotionally dismayed that somebody does not have the resources to love you genuinely. This is because you now have solid and real authentic love already going on within yourself.
This is an absolute truth that we discover after Thriver Recovery – you will never accept a level of love below the level that you have been able to establish in your self-partnering with yourself.
You will no longer agonise about someone’s lack of capacity to love you. It’s just not a match for who you are now.
This is when real love that is genuine and wholesome can and will come into your life.
#5 When Confronted For Adulterous Behaviour
“You have jealousy issues!”
Generally, the narcissist will start attacking you with counter-accusations if you are getting close to catching them out.
The narcissist is totally invested into proving that you are wrong, and they are above reproach.
He or she does this by trying to get you to doubt yourself and start to believe that maybe you are insecure and don’t have a right to believe or think the things that you do.
After healing yourself into being a whole and empowered individual, you will know what you do and don’t deserve in your life. You will be willing to take a stand to lose it all to get it all, meaning that unless there is proof there is no truth.
And if there is no truth then you move away, heal and start to generate healthy, trustworthy and genuine relationships instead of ones filled with deception and betrayal.
#6 When You Want Accountability
“You are damaged from your past!”
If you ask the narcissist for clarification, he or she is likely to tell you that you have trust issues as a result of the problems that you’ve experienced in your past. And of course, the narcissist purports that this has nothing to do with his or her behaviour now.
Many of us, who have been narcissistically abused, are good people who take personal responsibility. It is very usual for people like us to try to fix ourselves to try to make our relationships better.
The narcissist may capitalise on this, especially if we don’t know how to create healthy boundaries, honour ourselves and leave if these boundaries are not respected.
This I can assure you, whilst healing from narcissistic abuse with NARP (the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program), you will know that your boundaries and truth reside in the present. You will also know that the past has absolutely nothing to do with you knowing your values and your rights today.
NARP grants you the potential to never be derailed again from stating and knowing what your boundaries are with a narcissistic individual.
#7 When Using Circular Arguments
“Stop raising your voice!”
Another version of this is, “I’m not talking to you until you speak to me respectfully!”
Narcissists have all sorts of nasty tools in their arsenal to make you feel like your head is spinning in an argument with them. They refuse to stay on topic and use all sorts of defensive comments and nasty projections that are so violating, that it is usual for you to lose all emotional stability.
Then, when you get triggered and angry, the narcissist goes from bait to switch and turns it all back on you.
Those of us who have been abused by narcissists know exactly how epically maddening this is.
During Thriver Recovery, you go through a powerful evolution where you know how to stay only on the topic and refuse to go down rabbit holes with the narcissist (which is where he or she loves to take you).
Then, if the narcissist won’t comply, you detach, detox from him or her and take what is necessary to the next level. When you know how to no longer be triggered and have your facts straight and in line, it is far easier to defeat the narcissist than you might think.
#8 When Gaslighting You
“They know who you are!”
The narcissist will tell you how selfish, immoral and nasty your character is and how other people have found you out and are even talking about your defectiveness behind your back.
Because you do have a good character, it is beyond devastating to be accused of things that are not what you do and also frustratingly know that they are actually how the narcissist behaves.
After healing for real from narcissistic abuse, you will no longer get hooked in by this.
Because you are now totally comfortable in knowing who you are, and are no longer attached to what other people do or don’t think about you. You know that the people who are meant to be in your life will know you for who you really are, and the ones that don’t are totally entitled to their opinion.
It’s not important what other people think about you. It’s important what you think about you.
#9 When Breaking Promises
“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”
Narcissists don’t like to comply. They have no desire to be a team player or do things for you that would make you happy (unless there is an agenda attached).
It’s much more preferable to the narcissist to use promises to manipulate you, to get what they want, and to let you down and hurt you when he or she wants to lash out and punish you.
Then the narcissist will twist it all back on you and make it your fault, telling you that your expectations are unreasonable.
During your Thriver Recovery, statements like this will no longer affect you. You will know that they are utter lunacy because real healthy people not only want to commune, care and assist those they love, they also have the emotional resources to do so.
#10 When Abusing You
“You make me behave like this!”
This is the classic narcissistic way of not taking responsibility for horrible behaviour and blaming you for it.
If you believe it, you will try to change your reactions and responses to have a better relationship with the narcissist. However, you will discover that none of this works; the narcissist will still behave terribly regardless of what you try to amend or do differently.
As a result of healing from the inside out with NARP, you will no longer be scapegoated for someone else’s disgraceful and abusive behaviour. Never again will you take responsibility for it. Rather you will leave, heal yourself back to wholeness, and enter and maintain relationships with people who would never have the capacity to behave like this.
Healing From All Of This!
It is eerily freaky how narcissists say the same things!
You may wonder how this is possible. Really, this is simply the product of a disordered Inner Self who refuses to take personal responsibility and suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Until we know better, of course we argue with this behaviour and try to sort it out to make this person see sense and behave decently.
But to no avail!
I hope you can understand that these types of behaviours are narcissistic defence mechanisms that can’t be reasoned with.
This is why you have to find another way, a way that works.
To explain in detail what I have been touching on in this video, I have just opened up my next Free Masterclass where we go through exactly how to create your true Thriver Recovery.
I will show you how it’s done.
Also please share this video with others who you know are suffering from the insanity of narcissistic abuse.
And as always, I look forward to answering your questions and your comments below.