Have you become addicted to watching videos on narcissism and narcissists?
Were you told this too? ‘Research as much as you can about narcissists and narcissistic abuse because knowledge is power.’
I took this advice. But WHY did I get sicker and sicker? WHY couldn’t I STOP going back to him?
And, even though I would get relief when researching, WHY did all my symptoms return soon after?
The answer is: What I was doing WASN’T working.
If this is true for you too, then in today’s video you will discover EXACTLY why seeking information on narcissists and narcissistic abuse becomes an addition and how to break it so you can HEAL for REAL.
Okay, today’s TTV episode may hit you hard, but that’s my job – to help you wake up just as I had to do for myself to heal for real.
Let’s get straight to it – watching narcissistic abuse videos won’t help you.
In this video I’m going to explain why this number one mistake that people make on their recovery journey, actually causes more damage than good. How it sucks the life out of you and completely compromises any chance of true recovery.
Watch on to discover why…
Now, before we get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
If you are already feeling resistant, or possibly even angry with me for saying that watching narcissistic abuse videos won’t heal you, please know that I’m going to do these following things on this video:
1) Validate that initially, yes you do need to understand what a narcissist is and what they do
2) Talk about your need to protect yourself against narcissists, which ironically is NOT about learning all about them, and
3) I’m going to explain to you exactly what will help you get well and, at the same time, inoculate you from any chance of narcissistic abuse in the future.
The Real Purpose About Narcissistic Abuse Information
Okay, so let’s start by going over why watching videos about narcissists only initially helps you.
The reasons are:
• So that you can put a name to this phenomenon,
• So you know that you aren’t going mad, and
• So you know you are not alone in this.
Also, it helps us to comprehend that we are not dealing with normal people who are going to wake up, stop doing what they are doing and work with us towards the common goal of mutuality, kindness, harmony and solution.
Information about narcissists delivers us the hard-hitting truth that we are dealing with a virus, a deep soul sickness – narcissism – which means this ‘person’ does not think and operate in ways that we do. They are disordered deeply within their inner being and survive by extracting narcissistic supply from others, which means they are sucking their victim’s lifeforce and resources and this is not going to stop. We are confronted with the ghastly truth – that our only hope of salvation is to get away and stay away.
And even though we may logically understand that this is our only hope, this is much easier said than done. It’s not until we take our journey deeper that we realise that information on its own is not enough.
To recover for real requires this cut off point: I realise what I have been dealing with (the broad strokes are enough) and now I need to get down to the business of saving my soul.
Truly, our recovery is that serious a task.
What Continued Immersion In Narcissistic Videos Creates
Let me be very straight with you about what I define ‘narcissistic videos’ as. They are videos about narcissists without handing the reflection and power back to us.
When we have serious abuse in our life, it is a wakeup call to do something much deeper – to investigate and then heal the root causes so that not only are we NEVER going to go through this again, we can enter patterns of relationship and love that ARE healthy and fulfilling.
Without exception, watching videos on narcissistic abuse after initial evidence gathered is the least effective way to heal, and I will explain to you why.
The Extraction From Narcissists Which Is NO Release From Them At All
It’s so interesting how so many people in abuse forums scream from the rooftops ‘educate yourself about everything there is to do with narcissists’, purporting that this will help people leave narcissists, stay away and get better.
I know this isn’t true and I cringe when I hear it. It is just a deeper immersion and embedding in it all.
We may think information about narcissists, narcissism and narcissistic abuse is fascinating, which it is, just as you may think knowing all you can about narcissists will protect you from one in the future. It doesn’t – countless narcissistic abuse experts experience one narcissist after the next.
Focusing on anything or anyone outside of what is REALLY going on inside of ourselves is a sure-fire way to stay out of touch with our own healing truths, values, boundaries and inner development beyond our wounds and old pattern of handing our power away. Staying out of touch with our ‘self’ means continuing to unconsciously conjoin with and barrel into the exact traumas and people who bring these traumas again and again.
This isn’t DESPITE of what we know about them, it is BECAUSE our entire focus is ALL about them.
It’s a massive life Quantum Law principle – wherever your focus and emotional energy (good or bad) goes, is what you will choose to attract and be attractive to.
So within, so without.
You may think that you are vehemently saying ‘No’ to something in your life, but you are in fact soaking all your cells over and over in victimised/abused peptides and creating chemical inner processes that your Inner Identity believes to be the ‘truth’ of Life. Namely abuse, the symptoms of abuse and the vileness and evil of narcissists.
These beliefs in your Inner Identity set your subconscious to manufacture trajectories that match the composition of your Inner Identity to the letter. Your experiences then continue to show you that you were ‘right’.
People who incessantly study narcissists and narcissistic abuse wonder why they continue to experience narcissists and narcissistic abuse, just the same as they wonder why any relief gained from doing it is temporary, yet the trauma and the pain and mental anguish soon returns. The temporary relief is because their addiction to this information is being fulfilled, but then what has not been addressed and healed again resurfaces – like a festering wound that is being covered over and ignored.
I understand why we do this – it’s a lot more comfortable initially to point our finger at ‘what’ happened to us and by ‘whom’, than it is to go inside and meet our own traumas.
The Powerlessness Of Focusing On The Outside
Haven’t we all been trained like this – to look to the outside?
I know personally before my Thriver Recovery I used to complain constantly about people who did the wrong thing to me.
My gossip sessions on the phone to girlfriends used to go like this: ‘I can’t believe that my neighbour let their friends park this car across my driveway. After everything I do for her. I’m a good person, I treat her with respect and I would never do that to her. How dare she treat me like that!’
And on and on and on and on I’d go like a total powerless victim.
Then I’d watch out my window studying how many times her friends came over, where they would park their car, if it was on my driveway – it became a daily obsession for me.
I’d be on the phone to a friend, ‘Hang on’ I’d say, ‘I hear a car pulling up. I’m going to see if they are doing it again, blocking off my driveway.’
Here’s what I know as a Thriver today. If you park across my driveway or violate me in some way, I know that I’m responsible for my boundaries and wellbeing and you’re not. So, I will speak to you and ask you to move your car or whatever else it is that I need you to do. And if you don’t, then I will take it into my hands to enforce my boundaries in the clearest, calmest way possible.
And, if I get terrified and squirmy on the inside and don’t do what I know I need to in order to take responsibility for my own life, then I will go within myself and use NARP Modules to clear out any terror, fear or insecurity, the feelings that mean I’m handing my power away to outside forces and not being a generative Source to myself.
By going within myself and using NARP Modules, I know I will be emotionally secure, fearless and clear enough to DO what I know I need to do as a calm, mature, powerful, authentic adult.
The old me before my Thriver Healing Trip used to squirm, cringe, not lay boundaries, be terrified of speaking up, and constantly avoided my own self-development by focusing intently on everything about THEM.
Why? Because I was not yet taking responsibility to meet my own inner traumas to develop beyond them.
Now here’s the thing that may blow apart your normal human understanding when people are acting like rubbish and take you to the full Quantum Understanding that is the Truth that will change your life forever…
That women blocking my driveway was a SYMPTOM of something deeper – the real SOURCE of the issue was my unhealed parts that were at that time incapable of laying boundaries and being a self-generative Source, regardless of what other people were or weren’t doing. And, if this woman hadn’t turned up in my experience showing me how I needed to heal my boundary function, someone else would have taken her place. (The truth was, this stuff was going on in my life everywhere!)
I promise you with all of my heart that narcissists and narcissistic abuse are the same…
They bring the evidence of the trauma we need to turn inwards to, and heal, in such an accentuated way there is NO missing it.
It wasn’t until I fully dedicated to quitting focusing on the problem and meeting and healing these parts instead that I was able to create a healthy abuse-free life.
How many times have we done this – focused on the problem and not know how to ‘be’ the solution?
How many times have we heard someone in our life whine and complain about someone when they haven’t even spoken to them?
A girlfriend of mine has often said how her housemates don’t help in the house. My response is: ‘You need to speak to them’. Her normal response is: ‘What’s the point they won’t listen’. And she just gets angrier and angrier.
I know that the housemates are all SYMPTOMS of my girlfriend’s inner unhealed beliefs ‘I am not important’ and ‘everything is up to me’. Until she goes directly to the CAUSE that is generating these symptoms – these beliefs playing out to the letter – nothing will shift. She will have all the excuses and justifications to stay stuck in this pattern and will keep handing her power away giving all her energy and to the problem – them.
Are you getting this?
You may think that these examples have nothing to do with narcissists and narcissistic abuse, but I promise you they have EVERYTHING to do with it.
The following section of this video will help you understand even more…
Education Is Not The Answer – Becoming The Solution Is
When, for over a decade, you have been in narcissistic abuse communities and worked with helping people recover their souls and lives to Thriver status (as I have), these are the kinds of powerless conversations you regularly hear from people who haven’t stopped researching narcissism and the symptoms of narcissistic abuse.
They commonly say things like this:
‘There are so many narcissists on the planet, who can I trust?’ And, ‘I would never risk opening myself to another love relationship again.’ and ‘I have the symptoms of narcissistic abuse which means that I will probably suffer PTSD for the rest of my life.’
Despite all their intent research, these people can’t open their heart to connection and unity with others intimately and they are struggling with everyday anxiety, depression and triggers.
And I promise you with all my heart that these people continue to experience narcissist after narcissist in their life, because narcissism and narcissistic abuse lives on inside of them as their everyday reality.
These are the people who have been led to believe that educating themselves about narcissists and narcissistic abuse is the answer – but it’s not. It is only miring them deeper in the problem, without granting them a solution.
The solution, clearly and obviously, is this:
Healing yourself. This means going within to find and release the original traumas, insecurities and false beliefs that are not allowing you to be a powerful, healed, solid, self-generative source that is impervious to narcissists and detoxed of the abuse symptoms. Your traumas will disappear automatically when you heal in this way because gloriously you are freeing yourself to create a higher, better and more authentic life than the one you had access to previously when you were still carrying unhealed unconscious parts.
Which is exactly what myself and countless Thrivers have done, to not only heal from narcissistic abuse symptoms but also be free of all the hooks, obsessions, pulls and binds that were keeping us in the abuse dynamic. Then narcissists lost all power against us as we became our authentic selves, showing up in authentic, powerful ways that innoculated us against being taken in or down by narcissists.
In NO way did we achieve this by researching and learning all we could about narcissists.
We emancipated ourselves by deeply and devotedly turning inwards to discover and heal all those parts of us that were wounded and susceptible.
Did this help?
Are you realising now that what you have been told to do is getting you in deeper and not out?
Are you a serial narcissistic abuse video watcher and still suffering massive symptoms like I used to also?
If so, write ‘I’m getting OUT now!’ below
If you are ready to go within, unravel and heal and truly get free of EVERYTHING to do with narcissists and narcissistic abuse and begin your REAL LIFE, then hold my hand and let’s go on this ride together.
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And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.