Have you ever asked yourself, “Does the narc even care about me?” Or “When are they going to contact me?” and “Are they sorry for all the chaos, heartbreak and terror they have caused?”
The REAL question we all want to know is this – “What does the narcissist REALLY think of me?”
In this Thriver TV episode I’m going to deliver the truth regarding this question.
Remember – the truth really will set you free.
This Thriver TV may be hard for you to hear.
But it is powerful to understand this, and truly it will help you detach, pull away and heal.
It will also stop you going for and trying to get from the narcissist what doesn’t exist.
So, buckle in, and come on the ride with me – where the truth will set you free.
But before we start I want to thank you if you have already supported the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and if you haven’t yet, please do! Also, if you like this video give it a thumbs up.
Now let’s get going on today’s episode.
How Narcissists Think of People
If you don’t already know this – please know that how the narcissist thinks about you is NOT personal – even though it deeply feels as if it is.
A narcissist as a No-Self (not a functioning authentic True Self) does not connect to your humanity. You are not a flesh and blood person to him or her, you are an object; a necessary tool to use to extract and feed off narcissistic supply.
With the narcissist’s empty insecure inner self, he or she needs constant feedback, and the necessary attention to know that he or she exists.
At the start of the relationship you were likely to gush and supply tons of attention, acclaim and praise.
Then, as the relationship deteriorates, when anguished, triggered and abused, you react intensely and emotionally. This grants energy to the narcissist, which supplies them with the feedback, ‘I can affect another SO much, I DO exist, I AM significant!’
This is gold to a narcissist, just as much as gushing over them is.
In fact, it is a compliment to a narcissist to know how much someone is devastated, distraught and even suicidal because of them.
And in any capacity of a relationship with a narcissist, whether it be a family member, work colleague, boss, or friendship etc., the narcissist receives a hit of significance every time you dance around their wounds gingerly, take on their abuse as the dump master and try to appease, bargain, reason with or earn their approval.
ANY attention feeds their False Self.
Because the narcissist’s inner landscape is so drastically unconscious, when you are connected to a narcissist, their inner torment becomes your fault, and as far as he or she is concerned you deserve to be uncomfortable, distressed, paying penance or grovelling.
The narcissist’s catch-cry is, ‘If you pay for how I feel, then I will feel better.’ But it’s a bottomless pit, it never changes and they don’t feel better no matter how much you suffer.
How Can They Be Like This?
Please know our mind-set to start recovering from their abuse can’t be this – ‘Why are they like this?’
If you are trying to understand narcissists from a normal human construct, then you will be forever tormented by what they have done to you.
How they think is not normal.
It is not about mutuality, win-win or caring about another soul’s needs and feelings.
It is a complete one-way trip, all about the False Self, without the resources to BE different.
It is what it is.
When we Go Quantum – which is the only way to heal for real from narcissistic abuse – we understand the true nature of things.
This… that ALL relationships come from the integral relationship every person is having with their own Inner Being.
Narcissists HATE their own Inner Being profoundly.
They believe it to be insipid, powerless and ineffectual. This is why they purposefully divorced it, threw it to the side and assigned a False Self – a fictitious character – to take its place.
If this is how they view themselves, how do you think they COULD view you?
People can only engage with another, in the way they engage with their own TRUE Inner Beings.
You, like the narcissist’s Inner Being, don’t exist as a worthwhile or valued entity.
The narcissist is relentless with their own Inner Being – they literally despise its feelings and insecurities. They ignore it, don’t listen to it, refuse to have empathy for it, and will never hold, love or heal it.
It is only a ‘thing’ to be treated with contempt whilst they go after whatever it takes to self-medicate the pain away and try to feel worthy of being alive.
You, identically, are only being used as a tool to get stuff, acclaim and significance. The narcissist despises your real self, and finds it totally irrelevant and a pest yet needs you as ‘the object’ to get things.
It’s no different to how they really feel about themselves.
What Do You Really THINK of YOU?
This is where we start to turn this whole thing around – from the most horrible breakdown process of our ENTIRE life, to the profound breakthrough our True Self and Life was always waiting for.
It’s about waking up to these incredible truths we were never taught.
- People do not treat us as we treat them. We accept and connect with their treatment of us at the level that we really feel about and love ourselves.
- Our own level of love, approval, security and survival as adults, is not another adult’s job to provide for us – this is the relationship we must develop with ourselves. Then we will generate MORE identically healthy relationships.
- We have the ability to be whole and healthy regardless of whether other specific people have the resources to love us or not.
- There is an entire world of possible people to establish healthy relationships with, and our existence and survival is never reliant on abusive people getting their act together.
- What we develop as truths between us and ourselves is exactly the life that will start generating and laying boundaries of truth for ourselves, and will also determine the life that is no longer appropriate for us and that we refuse to continue engaging in. (That power was within us all along.)
I really want to share with you the profound understandings I had about myself that caused me to be the other half of narcissistic relationships and kept me hanging on whilst being HORRIFIED that he didn’t REALLY love me.
And what I knew I had to change and heal WITHIN myself if I was to have different relationships with people going forward.
I believed at some deep level:
- I was wrong, bad and defective and didn’t deserve to be treated well.
- I was forsaken by God because of the above.
- Life was hard and I was always battling something.
- If I didn’t do everything perfectly, I would be punished and penalised.
- No matter how hard I tried I was not good enough to be loved.
- I was not worth my own tenderness, care, and consideration, and instead self-criticised to force myself to take action with things.
- My faults (insecurities and fears) were unacceptable, and therefore I needed to disown them, cover them up and pretend they didn’t exist.
- When things went wrong in my life, it must be someone else’s fault, because after all my faults were always hidden and covered up. (I was totally a victim.)
I am honest about these things because I want to help you wake up, just as I did, and realise that this really isn’t even about the narcissist. And certainly, if you make it about them you are in Wrong Town with no way out of the pain.
Let’s all say this mantra together:
‘I now know how you think about me, it’s exactly the way I have been thinking about myself. And I know that when I heal my false beliefs and trauma that have been inflicted on me by people, by you, and even perhaps long before you, and by the human condition itself, I will no longer have any bond, feelings, and pain connected with you whatsoever.
Instead, I will have my evolution into a whole new relationship paradigm where I will connect, accept and have relationships with people who think about me the way I think and feel about me. As it has always been.’
Can you feel the way home?
Do you REALLY know what it is now?
Can you see the total ‘meant to be’ gift in this?
Do you understand this was always about your glorious soul and life evolution all along?
I want you to open the cells up in your Being and soak this in.
Let your cellular wisdom tell you the truth – it knows.
I want you to Re-member who you really are – that is what your coming home, coming back together is – remembering.
These truths are already coded into you, as the spectacular being that you are, waiting for you to awaken again.
Let me know how this feels in the comments below.
What the Narcissist Really Thinks About You Is Totally Unimportant
Do you understand now that we have been granting way too much energy and dependence on the narcissist?
I know it’s normal and excruciatingly painful to go through what has happened to you. But the utter truth is that he or she was a catalyst to help us wake up to the only foundational relationship anyone can ever have.
The one with themselves.
I promise you with all my heart that when you make your inner self-relationship your entire mission as the centrepiece of your life, you will not just get out of the torment and pain, you will come home to the greatest confidence, joy, life force and love that you could ever imagine experiencing.
It is so NOT true that narcissistic abuse leaves you forever diminished.
In fact, when you have the process to find the exact false beliefs and traumas that brought this human trauma experience on unconsciously, and heal those, you will emerge evolved and free in ways and in a time frame that you could not even imagine yet.
Join me and I will I show you how this is possible, as well as connect you to the exact solutions to get the true inner work done.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.