Maybe you know or suspect you have a covert narcissist in your life now and perhaps you are BEYOND TERRIFIED of experiencing another one AGAIN.
Covert narcissists are amongst the slipperiest and most dangerous, because they are the hardest of all to detect!
Yet…TRULY, it is NOT true that you are defenceless against them.
It is my greatest wish that this Thriver TV Episode will take away the fear of covert narcissists forever, and even excite you about your possibilities going forward…
Today I want to expand on recent TTV episodes helping you empower yourself against narcissists, and in this video, I want to talk about how to flush out the sneakiest and most cunning of narcissists of all – covert ones.
These are the ones who slip through and take you in – cleverly and expertly. Think con ‘person’. People will tell you there are no defences against these people but there is – truly.
And this is really important knowledge whether in love, friendship, family affairs or business. Thank God we have the way to recover from covert narcissists now, and those of you healing and rebuilding from this, just as I wanted, there is NO WAY you wish to repeat another relationship like this again.
So, watch this video today to learn how this is JUST not possible.
Now, before we get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Now, let’s start learning how to flush out a covert narcissist before it’s too late…
I’m going to start backwards from the END goal and grant you all the stuff in-between to do this. And today is a workshop, where if you really are serious about empowering and inoculating yourself against this, I’m giving you some homework to do.
All the looking out for them in the world, may not allow you to spot one, and also if you are still unconsciously handing power away, even when things may seem a little off, your brain will organise itself around the still unhealed inner parts of yourself and make excuses as to why not to listen to or back yourself.
So, let’s start with the end goal which is looking at what it would look like to be impervious to the deceptions of a covert narcissist.
It would mean being secure enough in yourself to take your time to get to know this person, whether it be romantically, in a business sense or even a friendship. Meaning you do not let people fully into your heart, life, body, bed, bank account and resources until you have taken the time to get to know them.
And then when ‘stuff’ arises that is questionable, you get straight to the point, question this person, calmly and clearly without guilt or remorse, require accountability, honesty and proof regarding who they profess to be, and if you don’t receive the validation and truth and solidness that you need then you don’t proceed, let go and move on.
So the real questions here are – are you willing to take your time to get to know someone?
Are you able to stand up and speak up without the fear of the repercussions if necessary?
Are you able to say ‘no more’ and leave this person without trying to fix, change and hope to make questionable deals work?
These are the real questions and criteria (if you graduate) that make you TOTALLY impervious to any narcissist no matter how covert they are.
And the real question under all these questions is this … (which you may have heard me talk about at times) ‘Are you empowered enough to LOSE it all to GET it all?’
These are all your end goals. These are the only way you can ever, as a healthy adult, be the generator of your incredible life and FULLY get out into life without fear no matter what anyone else is or isn’t doing.
Let’s start peeling all of this back one at a time.
Taking Time To Get To Know A Person
This is the deal, narcissist – even cunningly covert – screw up. They have gaps, over-inflated egos, the inability to process delayed gratification, disappointment and not getting what they want healthily. They need to move things along whatever their agenda is, quickly, in order to get the energetic payoff of the energy expended on it. They have chinks that become obvious if you are assessing someone’s character and past and taking your time to ascertain them.
If you let someone move on you and in too fast, which is foolhardy anyway, and only possible if you are bewitched by someone’s love-bombing’, then you can be taken in. Otherwise you can’t.
This is where I want you to deeply self-investigate any gaps that you may have, emotionally inside allowing yourself to be love-bombed whether it be a friendship, love relationship or business deal, or by any narcissist in your life.
What I want you to do, is when doing this, is to take a few deep breaths and really connect with the feelings inside you. Please know your answers are NOT in your head, they come deeply from within your Inner Being. This is why the Thriver Way to heal is so powerful and effective, because we get to the truth of what is going on inside you and work with you there. This is the only way we heal from patterns that aren’t serving is and break through into becoming a New Self where Life and Love does work.
Start with this question:
‘With whom did I hand over my trust, love, sex, resources, time, efforts or money, quickly without getting to know the character of this person?’
Take your time to really be honest with yourself and write your answer.
Then let’s go deeper. I want you to ask yourself,
‘What did I think I would gain from them by trusting them so quickly?’
Again, be lovingly self-honest. Was it love and companionship? Was it a better life than the one you felt you were having without them? Was it relief from loneliness and sadness?
What was it? really tune in and feel deeper into this. And write as much about this as you feel compelled to write.
Now let’s move on to our next level of deep understanding and self-transformation…
Listening To Your Inner Voice When ‘Stuff’ Happens
Believe it or not, all of Life and your soul is designed to back your Highest and Best Life, and we GET the warnings we need. These come in the form of inner cues – but the greatest issue is that we have been so disconnected from our Inner Beings that we don’t trust them.
Narcissists know this, and when ‘stuff’ crops up with them – the usual cracks that all narcissists display, and/or we deeply feel in the form of ‘something isn’t right’, they will look you in the eye and know that most people – despite the inner warnings will choose to believe them.
Or if they need to take it to another level, they will have already identified an inner gap you have, such as fear of confrontation, inability to speak up, feeling like you don’t have the right to be heard, or feeling wrong when trying to be, and will guilt and confuse you out of investigating and finding out the truth as well as laying clear, non-negotiable boundaries.
We SO have to work our way past this.
This was huge for me. I was the person who liked to be humble, speaking up to me felt like grandstanding, demanding and I even felt like exposing someone that was ‘wrong’ was too uncomfortable and horrific to do. I much preferred to brush things under the carpet and just hope for the best.
Now I know how deadly that is. That pattern in my life nearly killed me. We really need to agree, after being smashed and nearly destroyed by narcissists, the price is way to big to pay to keep doing this. If you are with me on this – and you are ready to stand up and stop doing this – write in the comments below – The price is TOO big to play! No more!’
Not long ago I had a massive graduation on this score. Someone in my life delivered a BIG pathological lie that was a narcissistic betrayal. I didn’t have proof. They tried to guilt me out of my questioning for answers. I trusted my gut and investigated and caught out the deception. Then more lies came, which I again investigated to discover more deception. I obtained this knowledge by questioning people about the person’s purported activities, who knew this person and got my evidence – without being worried about what these people may think. The health of my soul was more important, and I was thrilled to know this person had no place in my life anymore (which I had suspected for a while) broke all ties and applied block and delete.
Also, not long after that, I had an event when my gut fired, and I wasn’t sure about someone else’s claims in my life. I told them I would check this out for my own benefit – and if they had not supported this, our deal would have ended there and then. It all checked out and I was able to proceed to the next level with them.
If there are times where I feel uneasy, I will do all that I can to back myself, have the necessary difficult conversations and know that real people are not threatened by this, when it’s done with love, authenticity and self-honour.
So really this is a huge area of a minefield for us – because of the fears of C.R.A.P., being the fear of criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment if we speak up. The old me was in dire straits with this – I didn’t speak up or investigate or stand up for my rights at all. I had to do a lot of work on my Inner Being with this, which many of us after narcissistic abuse must do.
Our necessary inner reflection starts with these questions:
‘When I ignore my Inner Being – why do I do that?’
‘What am I scared about happening if I was to confront and speak up?’
‘Do I let people talk me out of investigating and following through to find out the truth? Why?’
‘When I discover truths that aren’t aligned with my values, do I self-abandon and make excuses? Why?’
Please know by connecting to your Inner Being lovingly and supportively and really feeling deeply into the true reasons why you have been stuck in these patterns, you will start to know what you need to work on to never be taken in by any narcissist again.
The truth is if you don’t do this work, then Life will keep delivering you one narcissist after the next, after the next, no matter WHAT you learn about them because these people are only catalysts; this is really about healing YOU.
Okay so now let’s look at this huge BIGGIE …
Leaving the Person and the Deal You Thought You May Have With Them
I’m going to cut straight to the chase here with a truth bomb.
The only reason we hang on to abusive people and hold them responsible for our lives is when we are not being the Source of what we want from them in our own lives.
I know so many of you may say, ‘But it’s not that simple, I have children, connected businesses and property. I can’t just leave this person’. The truth is hanging on doesn’t bring any relief, happiness or health. And many of the people in this community who did let go, despite enmeshments and even co-parenting, discovered that when they healed and rose into their power to be the Source to themselves and their children without reliance on the narcissist (who absolutely uses this as a hook against you) that the narcissist ceased to have power over them, and that they and their children fared so much better.
The real truth is, there are hooks that keep us connected and until we accept that these are the things that we need to turn inwards and heal within ourselves, we will cling to people who hurt us, and experience the same narcissist – or narcissist upon narcissist in the future.
I so hope you are getting this from a deeper perspective now. No amount of researching or learning about narcissists is going to save you from this fate. Only healing yourself ever does!
And we can be really deluded about this. I was. I thought because I was intelligent and capable that I wasn’t needy, empty and suffering survival fears. Yet I was, absolutely. I had shocking inner beliefs and traumas about there being something wrong with me if I was single, and also that I needed a man to survive.
I also had terrible fears of abandonment. It wasn’t until cleaning these up that I knew 100% no matter who it was in my life, I would leave in the face of abuse. And I have ended relationships, friendships, business deals and anyone who oversteps my boundaries and values. It’s clean and easy now because I don’t need anything from these people. Rather, I am now a firm and solid source to myself able to share my life with healthy others – but I can assure you it took much NARP work to get there. Thank goodness I did it! The relief is indescribable now! I barely resemble my Old Self!
Okay, so these are the questions, to ask yourself regarding this and close your eyes, connect with that deep inner truth of yourself and ask these questions.
‘What are /were my fears about leaving?
‘Why do/did I hang on, even when it is/was incredibly abusive to do so?’
‘What was it or is it that I don’t feel like I can provide for myself?’
Please know these questions will grant you some very valuable clues about what you need to heal, to never again hand you power over to people who hurt you. If you heal these inner parts up into a healthy solid inner adult, you will easily say when the abuse starts, ‘NO deal. And you are NOT my reality!’
Okay, so in closing this is all leading to being willing to Lose it All to Get it All.
Which means giving up the notion of Life the way we thought we were going to have it, when it clearly isn’t being healthy for us – and be willing to let it go, go empty, be aligned with our truth and values and let all of Source, Life and Creation itself deliver to us more of Who We Are BEING – which is what these forces are always doing.
What you will tolerate and accept is Who You Are.
What you already feel as warm and solid and complete as a feeling inside you is Who You Are, regardless of any real physical evidence of it yet.
THAT Is your organic state when you release and reprogram the traumas that are not allowing you to be this person.
Covert or any kind or narcissists have absolutely no part in our lives with this level of inner development.
Does this help?
Have you had enough of the pain yet of trying to work them out, the narcissists – instead of sorting yourself out– to change your life? If so, it is time for Thriver inner development, and I promise you it is incredibly liberating and fun and such a relief to do it. Your True Self and Life will start to glow and grow in time frames and ways that will stun you.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.