It’s a beautiful day when you feel NOTHING for an abuser and it’s called ‘You are NOT my reality’.
We all WANT to get there, and I know that includes YOU!
You can be forgiven for believing, because of how traumatic, painful and devastating the abuse is, that it will be IMPOSSIBLE to get there.
I once believed that too … but I promise you this is NOT true.
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to help you understand EXACTLY how to get to this place of complete EMOTIONAL FREEDOM from abusers, that myself and so many Thrivers enjoy.
I LOVE it when we get to this powerful place…
‘You are NOT my Reality.’
People ask me all the time, ‘Will I ever be able to stop thinking about this person?’ and ‘Will I ever have an attraction like this to someone else?’ and ‘Will I ever be able to get him or her out of my system?’
I want you to know the answer is a resounding YES.
And today in this Thriver TV Episode I’m going to tell you exactly how to achieve this.
Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my Channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
So let’s start off with how you WON’T achieve this – just so you don’t waste your time.
Willpower Will Not Stop You Thinking About A Narcissist
If someone tells you to NOT think about something, the very act of trying NOT to think about it usually makes you think about it.
In fact, it is the same for any energy we try to put into opposition to something – meaning an ‘anti-movement’ where we actually feed energy to the thing that we DON’T WANT.
People say all the time, ‘I’m over that now!’. Believe me, when you hear this it is a sure-fire way to knowing that they aren’t over it at all.
Here is the deal with the way our subconscious traumas work – they control our mind. The brain is always following the body. The reason is that we are thrown into survival programs – those parts of our brain trying to keep us safe, are repeatedly thinking about the trauma living on inside us that is still hurting us.
This also relates to peptide addiction, meaning that we are literally addicted to the painful thoughts that we are having. It is because our brain wants to keep manufacturing the feelings, the emotions, and the somatically felt chemicals that match the trauma.
So around and around we go, continually thinking about what happened to us, how it could have been different, why we didn’t or couldn’t ‘whatever’ and, of course, the possibility and fear of it happening again.
In this state, we are locked down in survival and don’t get to ‘go free’ to find the space inside and outside of ourselves for creation.
It’s exhausting. Burning all that mental and emotional fuel on our past – the constant re-living of it and the trying to push over or through it. Is it any wonder our adrenals are stressed and that we don’t seem to have any energy, joy or inspiration?
This is the bottom line – if when you think about something you still feel the emotional charge in your body, then you will keep thinking about it. This is because your brain is being directed by your cellular being to do so. Your cellular being – your subconscious programs and nervous systems –controls 95% of your life. Trying to NOT think about this is like trying to stop a tsunami with a few sandbags.
If you don’t get to the bottom of why you think and feel the way you are, then the only way to escape the constant thoughts and feelings of the trauma and to get free, is to pick up addictions to numb it out or to take medication.
And generally we still keep getting driven back to abusers, as we try to get them to take away the trauma for us.
So how do we turn it all around … for REAL?
Make It All About You
Because we are usually the type of people who commonly get targeted and hooked in by narcissists, we have made a career of making it all about OTHER people.
This is our normal.
‘If I just check in with you and make you happy and provide you with what I need to, to prove my worth and lovability, you will provide me with love, approval, security and survival.’
Because we aren’t able to anchor into our own rights, values, deservedness and self-generative power, we hand away our own lifeforce as we try to make someone else love us.
Those of you already NARPing and Thriving, will get what I am about to say – which is a really radical way of looking at narcissistic abuse. In fact, it is counter-intuitive to what most narcissistic abuse people will tell you.
Here it is…
THIS is NOT about the narcissist – this is ALL about YOU.
When we look at things from a deeper, Quantum soul and spiritual perspective – everything happens for a reason.
Everything is happening FOR you.
The situations that come into our outer life are showing us what is going on in our inner life. The further we are out of alignment to our True Self and True Life, the more the situations, the evidence of misalignment, hurt.
When we come home and start making the decisions that honour our True Self and True Life, the pain and situations stop.
Yet no-one can bring us home but ourselves. And it’s our job to do this, as adults, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing.
Yes, what is happening is awful, and narcissists are terrible and do disgraceful things. However, us making it ALL about ourselves is NOT excusing them … it’s simply acknowledging the truth.
I got to evolve myself GLORIOUSLY by really believing and accepting this truth, and it is the basis of tens of thousands of personal resurrections that I have had the joy of witnessing and continue to see emerge in this community every single day.
The narcissist’s ‘purpose’, at a deeper, wider, soul-evolutionary level, is to bring all the ways that we are not as yet self-partnered within ourselves smack bang into our conscious, like a sledgehammer.
Waking Up In Order to Heal
Here are some of MY greatest gaps which narcissistic abuse put me firmly on my BUTT to heal, if I was to have any chance of living, let alone Thriving.
- The ways in which I was so self-critical and self-punishing. (He reflected that back, and then some!)
- My inability to connect with, be with and soothe myself. (When I was distressed, he mirrored this by abandoning or punishing me harder.)
- My terror of speaking up because of my unhealed fears of criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment. (I had no voice and stayed with the narcissist, trying to keep the peace continuously – even when everything was screaming inside of me not to.)
- My fears and terrors of not being able to survive on my own. (My greatest fears in this department were brought to life by him.)
- My fear of other human beings and believing ‘I’m not safe in life’. (I ended up with crippling agoraphobia and a psychotic/adrenal breakdown because of this marriage.)
My list goes on and on.
Here is the thing – these traumas were already in my energy field before narcissistic abuse. Many were inherited, past life and collective female wounds, that were further supplemented in childhood trauma because our childhoods match our pre-birth traumas. Then, in my adulthood, they all blew up into a massive crescendo.
Because my soul wanted to make the unconscious conscious so that I would finally WAKE UP and free myself of these traumas.
We may think narcissists are using us for narcissistic supply, which they are doing, but WHAT if we, at a soul level, are using the narcissist as the instrument to deliver the evidence of what we need to heal?
And what an astounding instrument they are!
Narcissists have an UNCANNY ability to zone in on EXACTLY what it is that we have missing within ourselves.
My stuff was about not loving, seeing or embracing me, and these beliefs were ones that he supplied me in spades! He seemed so TOUGH and STRONG – ‘Finally I’ll feel safe in life with you by my side!’ Plus his façade was one of ‘wealth’ – ‘Thank God I’ll never be destitute!’
Then, as narcissists do, he turned back on me ALL these gaps, my issues, with ruthless ferocity. And my response was to cling on as I tried to resurrect the original ‘saviour’.
Of course, in my situation, the narcissist abandoned me, both literally and mentally. He turned on me physically, emotionally and sexually, leaving me SOOO unsafe. And the financial abuse I went through left me desecrated.
Need I say more?
My story is your story. This lure and switch game is what EVERY narcissist does. But I promise you – this is still about YOU.
Here’s the important part…
When you heal, you will no longer cling to someone hurting you, because you will be whole and full of self-love and self-worth. You won’t need to.
When you are already SAFE in life within yourself, you will never tolerate being with or enduring people who are unsafe and abusive.
When you become a self-generative force, who knows how to create a life with other available healthy components, regardless of what any other person is or isn’t doing, you will let go of unhealthy ones.
Not only are narcissists reflecting back to us perfectly the physical, real-life evidence of our inner unhealed shadows – they are also engaged in a spiritual contract with us. If you let go of holding them responsible for your unhealed parts and turn inwards to do the work to evolve yourself, the soul contract is completed and the narcissist leaves your experience.
I promise you this is true.
You may say, ‘But I’m tied up in co-parenting.’
I can assure you that there are people in my community who very successfully parallel parent with the same narcissists who used to make their kids and their lives hell. They are able to do this because their soul contract with this abuser has been healed and completed.
These people are unaffected by the narcissist, and their kids are doing an amazing journey with a healthy evolving parent leading the way.
The stories of ‘this hell will never end’ are NOT true – no matter what you may logically think, what abuse forums may tell you, or even what anyone still not awake to their soul contract will tell you.
What IS the true determinant is ‘where your soul is up to’ (see, again, it’s ALL about YOU!). When you get on board with what your soul wants to be up to – your healing, growing and evolving beyond your traumas and painful subconscious programs to come home to Who You Really Are – then there is no need for the hard grist to keep happening.
Just Having Too Awesome A Time
We know we are graduated when we are deeply immersed in the embodied understanding that ‘Your abuse brought me to my own glorious evolution’, and this becomes our focus.
Personally, I’m so grateful narcissistic abuse happened FOR me because if it didn’t I wouldn’t be living the astounding life that I do.
I feel AMAZING. And I love unpacking ANY trauma that does arise, because I know, on the other side of it, my relationships with me, life and others will be much more amazing.
I never had ANY of that before narcissistic abuse. In fact, when I look back at the person I was, even before being abused, I don’t recognise her. I used to hand power away, was always scared, never spoke up, put my faith and trust in others – often with really bad consequences – and subjugated my values over and over, all to try to be loved.
Was I happy and Thriving before my Thriver resurrection? No! I was merely surviving and I truly did believe life was hard, lonely, unsafe and hard work.
Now I ADORE Life.
So please, those of you who write in and say, ‘I’m sorry Melanie for what you went through’, I love your compassion, but there is no need to write this. I promise you, I would go through it ten times over, if necessary, to feel and live the way I do now.
Can you see why I’m so passionate about this topic? It’s because I know that all this awaits every single one of you – no matter what your circumstance – IF you make your situation all about YOU.
Because, then, like me, as you start releasing trauma by doing the inner work of purposefully evolving yourself – which is what my NARP Program was created for – then you will start LOVING your life too.
If you want this please write below, ‘I am creating MY awesome Life, and you are NOT my reality!’
You WILL see the joy and the beauty, and you WILL have feelings of love and wholeness and happiness, simply because you exist.
Things will start coming into view, and you will start flowing forward into your life as your True Self, experiencing things that you once only dreamed about.
This is what happens for all Thrivers in this community, who start releasing their inner trauma and painful programs. They reset back to Wellbeing, which is who we are all naturally coded to be. It is your organic state, no matter what your life looks like now.
Abuse and painful programs all dissolve away, along with the people and situations who represent them and all your connections, emotional or otherwise, to them.
Narcissists are ONLY the catalyst. If they hadn’t shown up to do the job on you, someone else would have had to come along to fill their shoes.
Have you ever wondered why narcissists KEEP coming?
Now you know why. It’s because you have been missing the soul contact – the necessary turning inward to do the work to evolve yourself beyond what is being triggered off in you.
When you do this, I promise you it will be: ‘Narcissist who?’ and ‘Woohoo, what is next to create and experience in my life?’
THAT’s the life myself and other Thrivers live.
Join us – seriously. I can show you how to start claiming your soul contact graduation today – by clicking this link.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.