Narcissistic parents affect children profoundly.
There are many people, maybe you, who suffered parenting from a mother and/or father who was entitled, self-absorbed, demanding and no matter what you did it was never good enough.
Or maybe this parent was simply too busy or entrenched in their own stuff to be available emotionally for you.
Of course, parents do the best they can with the resources they have … yet narcissistic parenting takes abuse to another level.
Those affected by a narcissistic caretaker, struggle to develop into adults feeling whole, capable, emotionally solid and able to generate their own life healthily – because of not being able to establish their own values, needs, voice or rights.
I know that many of you are also deeply concerned about what will happen to your children whose other parent is a narcissist – wondering it they will be able to survive the damage and ever emerge as healthy human beings.
In this video I take you into a deep dive that I hope can inspire you to understand that there are solutions and a way out of this mess and pain for every child who is enmeshed, or has suffered parenting with a narcissist.
It is my deepest wish if you have suffered abuse from a narcissistic parent or have children with a narcissist that you watch this very important episode.
Now more than ever, our world is starting to realise that emotional programming is big. It affects children profoundly. And abuse doesn’t have to be what everyone once thought it was, physical hitting or not providing food or shelter adequately.
Today, I want to take you on an epigenetic as well as a spiritual journey into what I believe is the truth about abuse, trauma and the patterns that occur within families.
I often DON’T go this deep, but today I feel really compelled to. As my disclaimer, if you have beliefs that don’t include past lifetimes you may wish to not proceed with this video. If you do, or you are not sure about past lives but are openminded, I’d love you to come with me on this journey and discussion.
Okay, I’d like to share with you what I believe about the trauma that gets passed on by parents, what it’s about, the purpose for it and how it can be repaired, no matter where it came from or what it was about, including narcissistic parents.
If you yourself have been abused by a narcissistic parent and/or, if you have serious concerns about your children being co-parented with a narcissist, then it is my deepest wish that this video and transcript grants you relief, comfort and the knowing of how to heal from this.
Trauma gets genetically passed on, regardless of the programming that we receive after birth.
Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about this in one of his talks, how he met a mother who had adopted an Asian baby soon after her birth, who was so proud of her and had raised her with love, yet her young beautiful, talented daughter, who had the world at her feet, was manically depressed and often suicidal no matter what therapist she saw, or what medication she took.
Joe knew the answer, which I 100% believe too. This young lady was full of trauma, the trauma from her war-torn country, her mother and her ancestors and this is why she was struggling horribly to survive the horrible pain trapped in her subconscious programs, in her Inner Identity.
And as Dr. Joe and I believe, there is nothing that would help her other than releasing the trauma from her Inner Identity for her to live free of it.
Here is the pattern that spirituality has believed, by many, for a long time, and now neuroscientists are proving: trauma from each generation gets passed on down the line. Its already imprinted in differing ways in a child’s DNA when they are born. Some children’s organic personalities are more susceptible than others to these trauma imprints. (Read up on epigenetics if you would like more information about the fascinating discoveries that are emerging.)
Then this child generally, is born into the exact family who still carry the imprints and behaviour of the trauma.
So, there is a double whammy of it, nature and nurture.
The Purpose of Activated Trauma
Now let’s look at a bigger picture spirituality of this, which I believe is very helpful and grants a purpose, as well as a way through IF we accept this model. (Personally, for myself, identically to many others Thriving in this Community, I know I would not be alive and living the life I am if I hadn’t accepted the purpose of abuse at a bigger picture level.)
I believe that our souls are all on a journey of evolution, lifetime to lifetime. Ultimately to free ourselves of trauma and return to the Light that we are as our True Selves, a child of God/Creation/Lifeforce (whatever your understanding of a Higher Power is) so that we can be the embodiment of heaven on earth, living as True Selves generating True Lives of ecological wholeness and Oneness and health with Life itself.
It may all sound idealistic and maybe even fluffy to some people, yet when we are living the Thriver Life of releasing trauma and living authentically we know how true, gratifying, all-encompassing and positively impactful our life, and the lives of those we care about, becomes as a result of letting go of trauma and letting our Higher Selves in (which is the Quanta Freedom Healing process of NARP).
Some time ago I wrote an article that I was initially very nervous about sharing, my ‘Life between Lives’ experience, a spiritual regression of many hours long where I experienced in deep and full emotional technicolour what it is like to be a soul back home, on the spirit plane between lives, what goes on there, what our purpose as souls is, and what we set up for ourselves completely by choice lifetime to lifetime.
I shouldn’t have been nervous – because rather than people thinking I was a lunatic, there were record responses from those of you resonating with this information.
My life between lives experience confirmed strongly for me what I already believed, that the families that every soul chooses, no matter how it seems is NOT a mistake, regarding the experience and evolutionary opportunity that particular soul is choosing.
The choice of personality that we connect with and enter as souls, and the families that this soul is born into, are all about making the traumas we haven’t yet healed in our previous lifetimes, remerge so that we can heal them. Because it is only through releasing this trauma that we get to integrate more Light and ascend higher.
These reactivating (becoming conscious) traumas are imprints from past lives, in our DNA epigenetically and retraumatised via the people we start sharing a family life with. And then of course, if unhealed, represent the same adult relationships we experience.
It’s all the same pattern.
How Children Form Healthy Inner Identities
Children living with unconscious parents who are entrenched in their wounds, and certainly not evolving themselves, are helpless. It’s not like a child can look at their addictive, neglectful, self-absorbed, out of control, absent or severely narcissistic parent and state their values and boundaries and then leave when this person doesn’t honour them.
Rather, this child is looking to this parent for the forming of their own Inner Identity which is positioned around these four commodities necessary for a healthy Inner Identity to form: love, approval, security and survival.
How a child forms a healthy Inner Identity is with the outgrowing incrementally of the co-dependent neediness of requiring love, approval, security and survival from outside of themselves; to be able to have modelled to them the becoming of the inner fullness of these things, by parents who are have also established inner fullness of these things.
With most of our parents in survivalist, outer seeking, extremely limited emotional and subconscious programming intelligence, this just didn’t happen. What is a lot more likely is that epigenetically and through programming, parents were operating out of their wounds, that they acquired through their parents.
As a result, rather than being embodied in inner peace, power and effectiveness, our parents were operating from their heads, their egos, sourcing life from the outside in. They were not demonstrating how to powerfully master and unfold life from the inside out.
Let’s get very clear, unconscious parenting, which is all most parents knew, and certainly the parenting we too may have perpetrated on our children before healing ourselves up into a whole, and solid Inner Identity does not help a child form a healthy inner being themselves.
This child, as many of us had to, to start generating a healthy happy, fulfilling life, would need to as an adult take full 100% radical responsibility to go inwards and heal themselves (which is the Thriver Way to heal) rather than fruitlessly wait around for damaged others to repair them.
Abuse to Children With Narcissistic Parents
Of course, abuse can take on frightful levels with narcissistic parents, because there is no True Self leading the way. There is only a False Self where everything and everyone, including one’s own children are on the play-stage of this person’s life as objects to provide narcissistic supply, and/or be the dump master for narcissistic wounds.
In the first instance, one child is often the Golden Child which the narcissist can pump up their ego and flaunt accomplishments with, and another child the Scapegoat, who doesn’t fit the narcissist’s requirement for ego tripping and is lined up and ripped down instead.
I spoke in detail about narcissistic parents in these videos How to Heal The Wounds of Narcissistic Mothers, and Narcissistic Fathers – Healing Yourself And Protecting Your Children From A Toxic Upbringing and I really suggest watching these if you haven’t already.
Narcissistic Abuse is terrible and so painful for children, and it’s heartbreaking for parents watching it happen when you are the other parent. Our children are our most precious people, and I don’t believe there is anything more traumatic than helplessly watch your child suffer.
Trauma does impact children profoundly. As it was believed Aristotle said, “show me the boy at 7 years of age, and I’ll show you the man.” Children are open sponges with no developed cognitive filter to say ‘no’ to certain messages. Everything enters their subsections as a ‘yes’. As an event happens, there is an emotional reaction forming the ‘belief’ about that incident, which then becomes that child’s template. How they feel about the world, what they accept as their truth, and who and what will be their patterns for life, until reprogrammed (which is where the inner work comes into it).
The Bigger Picture Solution
For the purposes of today’s video, I won’t go into the damage in detail that children endure from narcissistic parents, the other videos I just shared with you have this information. Today, I want to go more into the purpose and the solution to all of this so that I can inspire you at a deep cellular level to have a consciousness shift and awaken what is necessary to get your children, as well as yourself, free from trauma and abuse.
This is a delicate topic, and I want to say this as compassionately and honestly as I can to help you and your children. I believe I can help you understand what I now embody, know and have lived through reagrding my own story with my son.
Previously I had so much guilt about what my son went through with his malignant narcissistic step-father and my near demise, and how Zac ended up with chronic depression and life-threatening addictions that nearly took him out. Seeing my amazing, talented, handsome, kind son nearly destroy himself naturally made me despise what we had been through, naming it all as a terrible mistake and hating myself for bringing him into an environment like this.
In these states, as his mother, steeped deeply in my victimisation nothing improved. In fact, it only worsened. I was constantly living more of the strong emotional traumas that I was fully invested in, the absolute evidence that confirmed these beliefs.
And of course, as an active, concerned parent I was trying EVERYTHING I could to fix it and stop what was happening. But what hadn’t dawned on me yet was this, I can’t fix his wounds from my own woundedness. No amount of ‘doing’ was ever going to create a powerful shift with all this epigenetic trauma that myself and he carried.
What was really required, powerfully, was a change of consciousness, a change of beingness with me leading the way.
Then I had an epiphany about all of this. ‘What IF at soul level this was what Zac chose for his evolution purposes.” And “What IF I chose this experience of him going through this for my evolution purposes too?
What IF there are no mistakes here?”
I knew this was it, and I also knew absolutely nothing else was working, because every day my son was falling deeper and deeper into helplessness, hopelessness and self-destructive addictions. He was barely even functioning, and he was refusing all interference and help.
So I got to work, I did Quanta Freedom Healings on the trauma inside me about how I felt about Zac’s seemingly hopeless situation, my guilt, the victimisation of it all, and all my terrible feelings towards the ex-narcissist for what had happened.
I worked hard on my Inner Being related traumas and painful beliefs night and day until they were nonexistent, and then what replaced them was relief and space and a powerful inner knowing ‘all is as it should be’ even without the outer evidence being any different. Which is a True-Self state of beingness when we are trauma-free on any topic. These feelings just ‘are’.
Then I got to work on Zac’s Inner Identity through my own body as a proxy with Quanta Freedom Healing, setting intentions that he would awaken to his innate organic inner incredible wisdom, no matter what that needed to be for him.
I released everything blocking that happening … all the traumas I felt of hopelessness, helplessness etc. until within my own Inner Being, I felt Zac’s as shining and alive and awakened.
Very soon after that Zac stopped all his addictions and switched to that awakened, ‘out of the trance’ young man on a dime, truly.
Now, today Zac is the CEO of my incredible business, we work together, and he is SO on his global mission and purpose with me it is breathtaking. Could he have been this young man without going through what he did? Could he be so heartfelt and passionate about helping people suffering narcissistic abuse release their trauma if he hadn’t suffered from it so much himself?
No, of course not! His soul worked all of this out perfectly. Just as yours did and your children’s have. We just have to wake up and realise what is really going on here.
The Way Home For Us and Our Children
I believe ALL of us here, going through the mega make or break experience of narcissistic abuse are here on BIG soul missions, to be submerged into darkness, to release it, remerge, open up and bring down through us, as us, incredible Light.
We are doing God’s work here, freeing ourselves, our children, their future generations and even the collective from horrific trauma, so that we can heal and live as True Selves.
Zac’s and my experience was a dramatic example, yet a very real one. And I have seen others’ experiences which are just as sudden and completely non-coincidental. So many people in this community have shed their own trauma with NARP that they sustained in their family of origin, and I have seen countless parents do this and then lead the way for their children whilst co-parenting with narcissists.
The awakening, power and growth of these children, seeing their healthy Thriver parent navigate their life is profound, even when they are spending 50% of the time with the narcissistic parent.
I have seen children reunited with alienated parents, and all sorts of miracles occur as a result of us accepting that what has happened was for the purpose to awaken and heal, for all those who take the opportunity to evolve.
As the parent, we can lead the way. Where our energy goes is where our children’s energy goes. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have read posts across all my forums and received emails of the profound changes children are having out of all sorts of anxieties, depressions and even diagnoses because they are awakening cellularly in their DNA as a result of a Thriver parent leading the way.
Really, at the deepest level, this is as the soul always intended, the awakening experience, the fast track, power-packed experience of needing to shed pain, fear and darkness, to become power truth and Light.
Our children are our most important teachers. They show us the results of where we are at, and they show us how we need to change ourselves if we want to change life for them and patterns for our world.
And I can’t tell you how the children who have been narcissistically abused, who are evolving as a result of their Thriver parents, become, like Zac, the most incredible children you can imagine.
I really want to appeal to the parents out there who have experienced shifts with your children, as a result of healing yourself, to help encourage parents with your posts below.
So, if you know it’s time to heal from your own childhood wounds and for your child and their future generations, I’d love to help you get started the Thriver Way, which you can do by signing up to free 16 day course which has many resources for you as well as my transformational free Quanta Freedom Healing workshop where I show you how to release your trauma, and live free of it, for real.