Many people in this community have been narcissistically abused as a child and my heart goes out to you if this has been your plight.
Today, I share with you the seven top signs I believe typify a narcissistic parent and how their behaviour can affect you as an adult.
The binds and trauma may still be present between you and your narcissistic parent – whether he or she is alive or not, and so it is my deepest wish that this video gives you answers, relief and a true solution to your pain.
Maybe you do not realise that your parent was a narcissist because what you experienced as a child was your ‘normal.’
Or perhaps you do know.
Truly, it can be terribly devastating for those who did suffer a narcissistic parent, and my heart goes out to you if that is you.
In today’s TTV Episode I want to share with you the seven signs that I believe are indicators your parent is a narcissist – what these signs look like and how having a narcissistic parent may have affected you.
At the end of this episode, I also want to share with you hope … A knowing that even if abuse is all that you have ever known, you can heal from this.
Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Alright, let’s look at this…
Number 1 Invalidation
Sadly, a narcissistic parent is self-absorbed and only interested in their own thoughts and feeling. It is common for this parent to not listen to you, not care what you are feeling, and to either force their will upon you or ignore your appeals to them, regardless of what is going on for you.
Because of this, you grew up believing that your thoughts, feelings, and desires were unimportant and, if expressed, would only bring further invalidation and disappointment.
This means, as an adult, you will tend to fit in with others, submerge your own needs, and you won’t speak up to express either your own needs or your values.
Maybe you have found it extremely difficult to even know what your values and needs are.
Number 2 Instability
Narcissistic instability means that one minute your parent could be engulfing and fawning over you and the next they are triggered, angered and even verbally or physically violent – and certainly emotionally malicious.
As a child, you may not have known what this parent was going to be like on a day-to-day, or even minute-to-minute basis.
Because there was be no rhyme or reason to your parent’s behaviour, and therefore nothing you could have done to predict or negate the outburst, as a child you learnt that ‘love’ was unstable and even dangerous.
If this is what you experienced, it is likely that you have suffered the anxiety of not knowing how to be safe in life in your own body, and especially with people who are close to you.
This means you might try to read people’s energy to be safe, and try to please them and calm them down to survive.
It can also mean you run towards abusive people, trying to fix them to make them love you and look after you, rather than detaching yourself and getting away from them.
As a child, you had to do all you could to keep your parents around and to survive with them.
Number 3 Exploitation
Commonly, a narcissistic parent will use a capable or attractive child to further their own cause of gaining narcissistic supply.
Rather than wanting their children to succeed for the child’s sake, this parent makes it all about themselves – the fulfilment of their own ego, complete with the admiration and envy of others.
Often a child will be pushed into a direction, with high demands and pressure, that the child may not necessarily want to do or perform. This child is the golden child, who receives a ton of attention and energy, yet is being exploited for the narcissist’s own need to feel significant.
This child loses his or her personality, dreams and wishes, and becomes a mere extension of the narcissistic parent. And when he or she doesn’t perform that role, is punished or downgraded.
If this happened to you, you will have embedded within your Inner Being programs of conditional love. This means that you will be very hard on yourself. Also, you may find it very hard to relax and take time out, because you are always trying to get the job done and done right.
You may believe that people will only ever love you for what you can achieve, and not for who you are.
Number 4 Manipulation
Guilting is a very common weapon used by a narcissistic parent. This parent may remind you constantly of what they do for you and how ungrateful you are if you don’t abide by their demands.
The guilting can turn into abusive shaming, if this parent has set upon you as the scapegoat – meaning blaming you for the state that parent is in or the way the family is.
Maybe you were compared to a sibling, and insulted regarding how you didn’t measure up to him or her.
This will cause the adult you to be susceptible to being blamed for other’s problems, which they refuse to take responsibility for themselves. You may also find yourself taking the blame, feeling shameful and guilty, and trying to fix things that are not your fault.
Number 5 Neglect
The neglect of a narcissistic parent can come in many different shapes and forms. Common are the ignoring of the needs of their children – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.
When it is all about the narcissistic parent, then others are unimportant. It’s narcissistic selfishness and self-absorption. A narcissist’s primary driver is narcissistic supply, which means getting attention and acclaim from others.
It is very common, whilst the parent is seeking supply through career, socialising, self-indulgence or pastimes, that the child will be left with the other parent or even, from a young age, on their own.
Also, many narcissists suffer from the secondary addiction (narcissistic supply being the first) of substance abuse. Addicts are unavailable parents. Narcissistic addicts are doubly so.
If this was your plight, then you learned from an early age that your life was up to you. You found it difficult to trust others and let them in. You may struggle to delegate, let people in or play team with others. You most likely hold the belief, ‘It’s always up to me. Others don’t support me.’
Or, you may crave attention and affection so much that you are highly susceptible to bonding with and trusting people far too quickly, rather than taking your time to get to know them.
Number 6 Superficiality
People think the narcissistic parent is lovely and has a beautiful nature; that they love and adore their family. Little do they know the truth of what goes on behind closed doors when ‘others’ are not around.
Image, pretences and having others envy and think that the narcissist has the ‘perfect’ life, is all part of a False Self constructing a False Life.
If you experienced this as a child, you may be hard on yourself regarding how you appear to others and believe that people will only accept you if you are ‘perfect’.
You will have gone through the devastation of being treated like an object, so as to present a perfect image, rather than as a blood, flesh and soul human being with feelings.
You may get into relationships with people who objectify you, and you may even do this to yourself (rather than connect to your own true feelings and needs).
Number 7 Control
If a child wants to express their individuality and seems to be breaking away from the family mould, then there are methods that a narcissistic parent may use to exert control.
One of them is demeaning the child’s worth, dreams and wishes, to stop him or her succeeding in breaking free. Another is to express jealousy and hostility with anything that the child wants to do away from the family. This can be directed at friends or this child’s love partner.
By keeping the child stuck and minimalised, the narcissist gets to boost his or her own insecure ego.
Another method of control can be to wrap the child up in duties and chores or a family business, or even family commitments, so that they can’t have a life of their own.
The guilting and demanding of service from a child can continue even when the narcissist is elderly, keeping the child bonded throughout their adult life.
If this has been your experience, it is likely that you feel obligated and tied to the burden of looking after others and don’t feel free enough to pursue your own dreams and goals. You may believe it is selfish to do so.
It is NOT true that You Can’t Heal!
If this video related to you, I so hope it has validated what you have been through.
I want you to know, with all of my heart, that it is NOT true that it will take decades (or a lifetime) of therapy to recover from the terrible traumas you suffered as a child.
Likewise, it is NOT true that it will take years and years for you to learn how to BE different in relationships, or for you to have healthy, reciprocal relationships of kindness, love and trust, where you can get your needs met (as well as keep healthily loving others)!
It is also NOT true that you are stuck with a narcissistic parent and the hooks that they have in you for the rest of your life.
If this has been your struggle, please come with me and let me show you how you can break free in the fastest, most guilt-free and direct way you could ever know possible.
I promise you it IS possible, and today I can help you start by clicking this link.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.