Standing up for yourself against a narcissist can trigger the terrifying fears of CRAP – meaning the fear of being Criticised, Rejected, Abandoned and Punished.
Many people experience a white-hot fear of trying to speak up, their brain turning to mush and an overwhelming feeling of terror rising inside, that leaves them speechless and a quivering wreck. Maybe you have never asked for what you needed in personal relationships, for fear of being abandoned, or are afraid to speak up at work in case you lose your job or that promotion?
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’m going to take through some steps so that you can crush these subconscious fears and step into your power to become a healthy source of ‘self’, willing to lose it all to get it all.
It’s not that scary when you turn inwards and start to work through these subconscious beliefs. Because you WILL see the results of the Life you want to live unfolding!
Today we are going to talk about CRAP.
The version of CRAP that we often talk about in this Community – how we can hand our power away because of the fear of being Criticised, Rejected, Abandoned and Punished.
This is a terrible human problem that all people who get taken in by narcissists suffer from. And these fears make us HUGE glowing targets for narcissists.
Today we are going to learn how these traumas are derailing our ability to be impervious to narcissists. I promise you when you clean these fears up, narcissists can’t and won’t target you. It just won’t be possible.
Before we get started, however, I want to say how grateful I am to my existing and new subscribers for supporting the Thriver Mission, and if you haven’t yet subscribed please do. Also, if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up.
Alright, let’s get moving into this episode…
How We Get Set Up For This
I want to share with you this story about Megan because her story is a lot of people’s story.
As a little girl Megan had a dominating, non-available mother. When Megan asked her mother for something, her mother told her not to interrupt whilst she was doing the housework, for example. When Megan’s mother asked Megan for something, and Megan didn’t automatically comply, she yelled at her or would smack her.
As an adult Megan worked for Henry. Henry often told Megan she needed to work back late. He never granted her extra pay and, as his personal secretary, he was incredibly demanding of her. Unreasonably so. And whenever anything went wrong, she got the blame.
Henry, as you probably guessed, was a narcissist.
Megan was exhausted. Her health wasn’t great and she had no social life. When Megan felt upset or angry with Henry’s demands, she imagined what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t ever formulate the right words. When she thought about saying something to him and standing up for herself, her brain went to mush and she felt a terrible, anxious feeling inside of her.
It felt unthinkable to try to stand up for her rights, and the truth was – inside her – it literally felt terrifying.
When Megan told her friend Cindy what was going on, Cindy told her she was being treated atrociously and needed to do something. Yet Megan had every excuse why she couldn’t speak up and she shouldn’t risk it.
Megan was stuck in the program of: ‘If I try to have my own rights, I will be criticised or punished.’
Then there was Donald…
As a baby his mother was a fall-down drunk; a single mother who would pass out and leave him crying for hours unattended.
As an adult, Donald struggled to maintain love relationships. In his relationship with Amanda, she demanded more and more from him, and she had absolutely no consideration for Donald’s needs.
The truth is Donald never asked for what he needed or wanted. Whenever he thought about saying something to Amanda about her unfair treatment and exploitation of his time, effort and money, he felt like she would not hear him (and may even leave him). He really believed he had to keep her happy to have this relationship – even though it seemed as though there was no end to her demands.
Donald’s inner subconscious programming went like this: ‘If I need something from people, I will be abandoned.’
For all of us, as little people, if we didn’t make the transition into being whole, healthy adults, knowing it’s okay and healthy to connect to, share and speak up for our values and truths; that we are worthy enough to have them fulfilled by healthy people and aspects of life, we will not have the inner subconscious beliefs to know:
- I am of worth and value to myself and therefore I have the right to honour me.
- If people don’t value my values, boundaries or self, and criticise, reject, punish or abandon me, then they are NOT a match for me. I can and will let go, move on and generate healthier realities.
- People don’t treat me how I treat them; they treat me according to the beliefs and power I have anchored into myself.
- When I get clear and clean on the inside regarding my worth, power and truth, then all of Life-force will support these beliefs, just as I support myself in them.
The Releasing of the Traumas Generating the Fear of CRAP
Megan came for Quanta Freedom Healings to deal with her pounding migraines. These were a manifestation of the trauma trapped inside her, appearing to get her attention so she would turn inwards and heal herself.
The trauma was coming from her being abused and was a replay of the unhealed trauma from when she was abused by her mother as a child.
And this is the thing, the trauma energy we still have stuck inside us from our past creates beliefs that later play out to the letter. Bosses can absolutely serve up the same patterns as parents in our life – as authority figures who we feel dependent on for our survival. That is until we become a healthy source of ‘self’.
In the session, Megan deeply understood that nothing changes if nothing changes. That her trauma would further compound and she would continue disintegrating if she stayed with Henry making excuses and doing nothing. The only way out for her was to face and deal with the situation.
In real time, in real life, Megan needed to lay boundaries and then, if her boss couldn’t meet her healthily, walk away and get another job.
Knowing this was her goal, to achieve this she had to confront the traumas that were not allowing her to powerfully do what she needed to do.
When we turn inwards and target the trauma relating to whatever we need to heal, we can get quite a shock as to what and how much trauma may be there. Then we realise ‘It’s no wonder my situation has been so difficult!’
The subconscious is the keeper of all knowledge and energy. And when we do go inwards to start working with it, our revealed body wisdom is both fascinating and extremely accurate.
Megan had multiple traumas wedged in her subconscious, such as: female collective pain body trauma, ‘As a woman I have no rights’; and past life traumas of, ‘If I speak up I will be put to death’, as well as traumas about not having a voice or rights, which she had taken on genetically from ancestors.
It was no surprise that with all of this trauma in Megan’s energy field (in her DNA makeup pre-birth), that she had been born smack bang into an environment where AGAIN she had no voice and rights – with her Mother.
So we can see the continuation on Megan’s timeline of being locked into these beliefs and playing them out with prominent people in her life. And this was Megan’s pattern with her two previous husbands as well.
When these traumas were released, and Source brought in to transform them, Megan came back to her True Self state (our natural state when we are without our traumas and false beliefs). She became a Being who was anchored in having worth, rights and a voice. She also knew that Source had her back whenever she was authentically herself – because she was Source (True Self).
She requested a meeting with Henry and his boss, the three of them together. She directly and truthfully spoke about her concerns, what wasn’t working for her, and what she required to continue working for Henry.
Megan had Gone Quantum with this. She knew ‘as the generative Source of my own experience, all will unfold for the highest and best that will match me and support me no matter how this goes.’ She had no concern whatsoever about how this would turn out. She was truly invested in evolving herself and breaking out of this terrible pattern of handing her power away and being abused. A pattern that had plagued her for lifetimes.
In the meeting Henry unravelled, as narcissists do when exposed with a whopping great light of truth. He was brought undone in front of the big boss. Megan was relieved of her duty with Henry and granted another position in the firm that was higher pay and with much better conditions.
It turned out to be her dream job.
This is the power of Life supporting us in the most miraculous of ways when we support ourselves with Quantum evolution from the inside out.
Donald was doing NARP and had a couple of healing sessions with me after realising that Amanda was a narcissist who was destroying him. When targeting the traumas that were not allowing him to honour himself, the subconscious trauma of being a baby abandoned, appeared.
As always, these abandonment traumas ran deeply – through previous pre-birth trauma experiences and genetically acquired beliefs, all amounting to: ‘The people I love leave me to die’ and ‘If I give them everything they need, they might never leave me.’
This had played out to the letter with Donald’s mother and love partners. He never dared put any pressure on them about his needs, and he gave and gave despite their terrible physical and emotional abandonment of him.
After clearing these traumas of being abandoned, he graduated within himself into new and powerful True Self beliefs on this topic.
He then knew he couldn’t care less whether Amanda abandoned him or not, because as the self-generative source of his own experience, Donald was never going to abandon himself again.
He laid it on the line to Amanda – about who he was and what he needed to continue the relationship with her. She did what narcissists do, unravelled, twisted, turned, threw blame, name-called, insulted and then, when he refused to hook in or argue and was walking out the door, she launched at him and started hitting him.
Donald left and then came and picked up his stuff later. He was finished with her. Amanda pleaded and begged in emails and text messages for him to come back. He blocked her and never looked back.
No more was this woman a match for his previous Love Code of being with self-absorbed people who had no consideration for him whatsoever.
Donald, true to form, after his shift from the painful Love Code to a healthy one, had zero attachment, addiction or attraction to Amanda.
For all of us who do this inner work, it becomes unthinkable to be with the narcissist anymore!
Within six months Donald was in a relationship with a lovely lady, Becky, with whom he has rights and a voice. Becky cares for and loves him. For the first time, probably for lifetimes, Donald has reached a loving and healthy love trajectory.
The Graduation Out of CRAP into Health
Let me outline for you here the steps on how to do this:
- Know we have to change ourselves on the inside to make a change on the outside.
- Turn inwards and face the traumas that are not allowing you to speak up, stand up and confront and generate what you need. If you just walk away without doing this, you will be presented with exactly the same pattern again.
- Know that when you Go Quantum you have to be prepared to lose what you have, to get what is your True Self and True Life
- No one else ever needs to get your boundaries – only you do. Then you will know who represents your True Self and True Life and who doesn’t.
I know that moving past the fears of C.R.A.P. can seem like the scariest journey of your life – but I can’t tell you the graduation, expansion, joy, power and life-force that awaits you on the other side.
Do you relate to Megan or Donald? Does this make sense? Do you realise that there is a way out of this?
If so, please share this below.
Are you ready to stand up, lose these fears, state and walk your truth, and generate it powerfully – regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing?
Can you feel how this is the place where true freedom, power and life begins?
I hope so because it does!
And you can start connecting to this powerful, fast and joyous journey of your True Life here – by clicking this link to my free 16 Day Recovery Course.
Also, please know I have a special free live Masterclass coming up next Tuesday called How To Live Trauma Free & Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse… I’m really excited about! If you’re still feeling hurt, lost or struggling and want to get on the true path to healing and thriving then I highly recommend that you join me. You can reserve your spot here.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.