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Want to resolve your Texas family law case outside of court? Remember these rules of engagement

Safety, Substance Abuse and Mental Health: Helping yourself through a Texas family law case

Originally published by The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC Blog.

Family law cases are among the most difficult of all areas of the law because of how intimate the subject nature is. True, you may not be worth millions of dollars like a multinational corporation but your family case deals with subjects that are more important than money. Your marriage, your children, your personal behaviors and that of your spouse are all relevant in a family case. While an investment banker’s work habits may require some embarrassing information to be disclosed in a trial, nothing compares to having to discuss your marriage to a room of strangers in a divorce trial.

Sometimes the material that is relevant in a family law case is more than just intimate or embarrassing. On occasion there is subject matter that relates to family violence, the safety of your children and even mental health disorders that become a huge part of family law cases. In these situations, you need to be able to know what to expect to encounter when dealing with problems associated with matters that are best kept private but are nonetheless relevant to your current family law case. Whether you are concerned for the well-being of your kids, yourself or even your soon-to-be ex-spouse I want to share some tips on how to handle these sorts of circumstances in your own family case.

What to do when you are worried about the safety of your children

If you find yourself worried about the safety of your children there is no time to waste in attempting to do something to remove those concerns from your life and theirs. Imagine being in a position where you had suspicions or thoughts about a hazard in your child’s life but did nothing to remedy that hazard. The next thing you know, something bad happens to your child and you end up blaming yourself for having identified a problem but having done thing to stop that problem from impacting your child.

This happens all too regularly with family law cases, I am afraid to say. For some reason our instincts as parents are inhibited by all of the hoopla associated with a family law case. This is ironic because at the core of what you are doing, no matter if it is a divorce or child custody case, is a desire to improve the lives of your children. The best advice that I can give to you is that you can improve your child’s life by addressing any concerns regarding safety immediately after you learn about them.

First and foremost, concerns about your child’s safety should be addressed by police and Child Protective Services (CPS). It is probable that the police will contact CPS anyways, but you should see to it that the police are aware of any concerns that you have for your child’s well being. If your child comes home from their mother’s house and tells you that her friend is acting inappropriately, your first step should be to talk to your child about any incidents that have occurred. Next, contact the police if that voice in your head tells you to. Better to be safe than sorry.

You need to know that if your spouse has a history with CPS, that will be an especially relevant bit of information that will need to be discussed with the judge. Family violence is a serious subject as judges want to, above all else, keep your children safe. Any words that you or your spouse use towards one another that could be construed as violent or threatening can and will likely be brought up again.

What does this mean to you on a practical level? Well, for starters, you need to get into the mindset that anything and everything that you say can be recorded and documented. This means those words can be taken out of context, potentially, and used against you and to the advantage of your spouse. Meaning: choose your words carefully. Especially choose how you text and email your spouse. Take a moment before responding to a particularly mean or nasty email to consider how your response can be utilized against you by your spouse.

Next, certainly never put your hands on your spouse for any reason. Even if you are justified in touching your spouse do not do it. Remove yourself from any situation that may rise to violence, animosity or anger. It is not worth it to you to be involved in any discussion that is heated. Use your attorney to convey difficult messages if you don’t believe that your spouse can be respectful of you and your opinions. Even if you are merely defending yourself, it can be a disaster to your case if you were to injure your spouse (especially if you are a man).

One thing that I have seen in recent years is people fighting over cell phones. Grabbing for a phone to see if someone has contacted your spouse or for any other reason can be dangerous. Mostly because those sort of actions can quickly escalate and lead to further use of violence or at the very least coarse language. Nothing contained in that phone is worth potentially losing time with your kids over- or even going to jail for. Be aware of your surroundings and do what you can to de-escalate any situation that you believe could lead to heated tempers.

Is protective order relevant to your situation?

A lot of clients ask about protective orders at the beginning of a child custody or divorce case. The thought being that one could potentially serve the purpose of de-escalating potentially dangerous situations. A protective order can serve a purpose when family violence has occurred in the home recently and that the violence is likely to continue but for the obtaining of a protective order.

If you get a protective order against your spouse that can be severely detrimental to his case in a divorce or child custody matter. You would need to decide whether or not to pursue a protective order that protects you and your kids or just you. While in today’s world we do not ordinarily consider these situations all that often, the fact is that men can be abused, as well as women. Think about all the information we are told about how women are reticent to come forward with details about abuse that they have suffered. The same can be said for men. Men are typically even less willing than women to come forward with details about abuse that they have suffered.

Handling issues regarding mental health in conjunction with a family law case

These are two subjects that come up all the time in family law cases. In some cases they are the primary reasons why there are child custody issues or circumstances that have led to discussions about divorce. Whether your spouse has been diagnosed with having a mental impairment or other mental health difficulty, or you suspect him or her of having a condition like this, mental health problems shine through brightly in many family cases.

Do you suspect your spouse of being bi-polar, having anxiety or being depressed? Some clients of mine in the past have commented that their spouse must be bi-polar considering how hot and cold he/she is. One minute they could be having a conversation together, and the next minute that same spouse could have grabbed a knife to attack our client. Behavior like this that is inconsistent and aggressive can be downright dangerous.

Another problem that clients frequently run into are issues related to a parent’s inability to take their medications as prescribed. The result is comments that relate to how good a parent your spouse might be when he or she is taking their medication, but if that medication is not taken as prescribed your spouse may be the most disagreeable person on earth. It is understandable to not want to take medication when those medicines cause you to feel out of sorts, but that concern needs to be balanced against the desire to keep your safe.

Finally, you need to speak to your attorney about your own history involving drugs and alcohol. The reality for many parents is that if there is a history of drug or alcohol abuse, you probably do not want to share those details with anyone. However, the worst thing that you can do is to keep that history a secret until a mediation or hearing date. Having your lawyer blind-sided by an opposing attorney who disclosed a history of drug and alcohol abuse is not a good plan to have.

Beware of back and forth bickering

Sometimes it is inevitable that you and your spouse will get into an argument. That happens even in the best functioning of marriages. Those arguments usually go nowhere and just leave everyone involved stressed to the max and angry that the discussion was ever started in the first place. Many times, we can see these discussions/arguments happening ahead of time and it takes a little bit of self-control to simply avoid them altogether.

There is nothing more awkward and potentially detrimental to your case to get into an elaborate game of bomb throwing in a courtroom. It typically will happen like this: both you and your spouse have allegations that the other acted inappropriately, was emotionally abusive or generally did something that was harmful to the kids. You then use your time on the witness stand to defend yourself and then hurl a few bombs her way.

What this ends up being is a back and forth game of unsubstantiated allegations. Instead of using your time productively to testify credibly for yourself and against your spouse, you are going to alienate your judge and distance yourself so far from the facts of your case that you may have trouble getting back on track. I have seen this happen many times in other cases and even in my own cases. Emotionally it may be satisfying to fire back at your spouse when he or she makes allegations against you, but in the long run that sort of behavior rarely if ever turns out to work to your advantage.

The people in your life that you trust are there to be your support system

We all have moments in our lives that require the support of others. Whether it is during a difficult family law case, a death in the family or the loss of a job, we cannot always be at our best. It is during those times that we rely on others to prop us up and support us. With that said, keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with doing so. At some point in the future it is likely that you can repay that person by being there for him or her when they need you.

Remember, also, that your mental and physical well-being matters. Staying in a marriage for the sake of your kids is noble, but ultimately self-defeating. Your kids deserve a parent who is at their best. You cannot be at your best when you are involved in a marriage that is emotionally

unfulfilling or worse yet- violent. We will discuss this topic when we pick up where we left off today in tomorrow’s blog post.

Questions about family law cases in Texas? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan

The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan would like to express their sincere appreciation for your interest in today’s blog post. We post articles like this every single day in order to share some of the knowledge that we can have gained through serving people in our community just like you.

In order to speak to one of our licensed family law attorneys about your case, please do not hesitate to contact us today. A consultation at our office is absolutely free of charge and can go a long way towards helping you better understand your circumstances and how to help your family and yourself.

Curated by Texas Bar Today. Follow us on Twitter @texasbartoday.



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7 Steps To Getting Healthy After Narcissistic Abuse

7 Steps To Getting Healthy After Narcissistic Abuse

 

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most devastating things you could ever go through.

However, this does not have to be a life sentence.

There are steps that you can take to rise up and out of abuse symptoms, and into your true and new healthy relationship with self, others and all of life.

Today, in this a very special Thriver TV episode, I have the absolute joy of sharing with you the seven steps that myself, and many other Thrivers in the community, have used to not just merely survive abuse, but to truly enter the life of our dreams.

 

 

Video Transcript

After being narcissistically abused there is a necessity to get healthy .…

Because you are probably going through the worst time in your life, you may feel like you’ve lost your life force, your well-being, your hope for the future, and possibly even your will to try to move forward and rebuild your life.

I know, 100% you may feel like your life is over, and you can’t even imagine what it would feel like to be healthy again.

I promise you that how you feel, and what your life looks like, isn’t going to be your reality for the rest of your life, if you work on these seven points that I’m going to be sharing with you today.

But, before I do, I’d just like to take a moment to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver mission, and if you haven’t yet done so please do, and also if you like this video please make sure to give it a thumbs up.

Okay so let’s start off by having a look at the first step to reclaiming your health after narcissistic abuse.

 

Step Number One – Start Self-Partnering

Self-partnering is vital. In fact, it’s crucial. And the reason that it is so foundational for Thriver recovery after narcissistic abuse is because it puts us back inside our body. Here we find and reverse all the unconscious reasons that led us to be narcissistically abused in the first place.

Initially, it is a very hard pill to swallow – understanding that we can be very susceptible to narcissistic abuse as a result of suffering a disconnection from ourselves. One that is extreme enough that unknowingly we are trying to seek the missing parts of ourselves, from outside of ourselves.

However, the truth does set us free. Because when we understand that there was a fracture within us, we can take our power back and heal it.

If we are not fully anchored in our body, being an inner emotional experience of knowing that we are lovable and worthy and as an adult capable of generating our own security and survival, then we are seeking these essential commodities from other people to try to feel whole on the inside.

Ironically, this lack of inner wholeness has nothing to do with how intelligent, capable or accomplished we are. These are emotional gaps within us, that often cause us to overcompensate and be even more practically high functioning than most people.

Narcissists know and sense these gaps within us. They know how to appear as the saviour of these parts of ourselves that we seek from the outside, whilst mining and sucking dry our capabilities and resources.

When we are not in our body, self-partnered, and integrated as a whole emotional source to ourselves, we dismiss our inner warning signs and we may even rationalise away the traumatic feelings of being abused. We are also likely to cling to the person who is the source of the abuse, trying to get them to change what they are doing so that we can feel safe and whole.

To rectify all of these patterns of being codependently abused by others requires self-partnering. It means rather than look to the outside to solve our problems, heal our wounds, and take away the pain, we realised that the work has to be done between us and ourselves, within ourselves.

When we turn within with the right intention toward our Inner Being, we are moving out of Wrong Town, and back home to ourselves.

I want you to repeat after me, ‘I am here for you. I will love and accept you – wounds and all. I am here to help you heal with everything I have, and I am never leaving you again.’

This is when we make the switch from living life ‘from the outside in’ to living life ‘from the inside out.’

It’s the only way to heal and Thrive.

 

Step Number Two – Engage Self-Devotion

It’s one thing to know that we have to turn inward and start becoming a source of self instead of trying to get others to give us ourselves … but it’s another to know how to start treating ourselves nicely.

I really want you to understand that you need to let go of trying to blame and shame and punish and criticise yourself into shape.

Can you see how, if you have been doing this – treating yourself with conditional love, and harsh expectations, why you have drawn into your life and tolerated someone who has been reflecting back how you have been treating and talking to yourself?

Self-devotion means this: ‘I am going to talk to myself lovingly the way that I would talk to a small child I adore.’

After narcissistic abuse you are healing, and you require your own tenderness and kindness. You need to be able to say to yourself every day, ‘I am proud of you, I love you and I’m here to support you all the way. You will get through this.’

And in times of triggers and fears, this is about learning how to be kind, supportive and present with yourself, and teach yourself how to breathe, while remaining in your body. The times when we make our most self-annihilating decisions are when we self-abandon.

Thriver self-devotion means not running away from these feelings anymore and making choices that only hurt you more – such as attempting to self-medicate with abusive people, terrible food choices, active addictions, mind-numbing distractions and all sorts of things that take you away from becoming your best lover, supporter and healer.

When we are doing these things to ourselves, we are not in control of our own lives, and we are highly susceptible to being controlled by people who hurt us.

Thriver self-devotion can also mean becoming extremely healthy with self-care, good nutrition, healthy exercise, regular sleep and maybe seeing a holistic practitioner who can help get your mineral and vitamin levels balanced and healthy again.

I want to share with you this vital fact – we will never tolerate a level of abuse that is beyond what we are capable of doing to ourselves. If we ignore the calls for help from our Inner Being, self-abuse ourselves with terrible choices, and continue to criticise and blame and shame ourselves, as well as feed ourselves with toxic food, then the identical treatment from the outside is what is familiar and what we will tolerate.

Treating ourselves with love, respect, devotion, and tenderness reverses all of that.

 

Step Number Three – Taking The Healing Time

A big mistake that many people make is trying to just get on with life.

I know that as a result of narcissistic abuse, you may have lost a great deal of ground, years, resources and the like. It’s very usual to try to just get up and get on with it again, and many people are shocked to find out that they just don’t have the capacity within themselves to achieve that.

This happened to me too. I had always been a doer, a high achiever who believed that my value and ability to be accepted depended on my accomplishments. After narcissistic abuse, I was forced for the first time ever in my life to place my soul and Inner Being as the number one priority. And I wasn’t going to survive until I did.

What I discovered, as a result of fully dedicating myself to healing and knowing that that was my greatest mission in life, was to repair my relationship with my Inner Being, in order to create true relationships with life and others.

This was the first time in my life that I understood how to get life right at the core base level where I needed to.

You will too, when you accept what I did – that it’s time to put your outer life on hold. It’s time to say ‘no’ to things and people outside of yourself and say ‘yes’ to you and your Inner Being. By doing so you will discover that you can self-partner and self-devote and start truly healing within your own being in order to change yourself.

Then the changes in your life will follow automatically.

I liken this to being a bird with broken wings, going into the bird hospital to spend the appropriate amount of time there, who then comes out and soars high in the breeze with the world literally at its feet.

This is exactly what you have to look forward to if you take this necessary hiatus and treasure your healing time. All of your real life does depend on it.

 

Step Number Four – Meet The Trauma In Your Body

We are so blessed in this space-time reality, right here right now, to be able to have the Quantum tools to bypass our logical brain, meet the trauma in our body, load it up, release it and replace it, so that we can literally shift out of who we were being, into the Being who can actualise the life, love and interpersonal relationships that work.

The old paradigm was about trying to manage the trauma in our body without ever living free of its effects, whilst trying to survive having the thoughts, feelings, people and situations that simply matched our already existing trauma.

Clearly, living trauma free is so much easier, cleaner and more powerful and so much more fulfilling.

This is where my NARP program comes in. You may have seen the incredible results that NARP regularly produces for the members of this community. The reason for these results is that these people, by releasing the trauma from their Inner Beings, opened up space to allow organic well-being that is naturally coded into all of us, namely life force itself, to enter.

Meaning that the old battle with trauma and its symptoms such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, fibromyalgia, agoraphobia, adrenal malfunction all simply melt away. Which means our natural life force fills the space where the trauma once was – joy, creativity, inspiration, and excitement for the future and complete closure from the past, regardless of the age of the person, how much they have suffered or what they have lost.

This is what you can look forward to if you are willing to meet, and do the work, on the trauma in your body.

 

Bonus Step Number Four – Say ‘No’ To Your Old Patterns

This is where you need to get very clear with yourself. You may have released the trauma, but now you need to have boundaries and clear definitions regarding what it means to start experiencing your new life, which may be a life that you have never been able to access before.

So, for example, if your patterns used to be having unavailable people in your life who treated you like you were invisible, then it’s vital that you start showing up with the key people in your life asking for what you need.

It is also going to be vital to do the work on releasing the fears and traumas of being invisible, and knowing that you deserve to have healthy, connected, more committed relationships in your life.

Then you will see who will meet you at the more evolved level of relationship that you are now taking a stand for directly, honestly and lovingly. And in many cases, those who do have the resources will step up and meet you at this higher level of relationship as a reflection of the higher relationship that you are now living between you and yourself.

And, if there are people in your present life who don’t have the resources for communion and connection and intimacy or existing people who refuse or don’t have the resources to meet you there, then you will let go and move on as a fully integrated individual with yourself to be the generative force of taking a stand for what your reality is now.

We can’t continue to participate in our old programs and patterns and believe that the universe will deliver us a different reality. It just doesn’t work like that. What you accept is what you will get, point-blank.

 

Step Number Five – Expand Yourself

Comfort zones are never comfortable. If we stay stuck in comfort zones, then we are not growing. Of course, we stay in a comfort zone because we have a fear of expansion. And there may be many traumas deep in your DNA, which are even survival programs, such as ‘if I try to expand to be fully myself, I may fail or I may be targeted, or even annihilated.’

You may think I am kidding, but I’m not. I can’t tell you the amount of people I have worked on with Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) who have come up with these deep powerful programs which are stopping them from moving forward into the life that they really want to live.

The easy and powerful way to defeat these is to use Quantum tools to go inside and find these opposing limiting beliefs, load them up and release them and replace them. Then you will easily flow into your desires with confidence and without the powerful emotional resistance that has been holding you back.

As a Thriver, I love to expand. This is one of the most powerful ways I’ve challenged and grown myself by stretching into areas, trajectories, and experiences that I could never access in my previous reality because it was riddled with trauma.

I can’t tell you the joy it is to get free on an inner level so that you can fully shine, glow and expand on any level. Because this is where the juicy, incredible stuff in life really is.

 

Step Number Six – Connect To Your Purpose

One of the most beautiful things that we can ever do to live a healthy life is to connect to our true mission and purpose.

All of us are here for some divine purpose. I totally believe those of us who have gone through narcissistic abuse are here for an incredible purpose. We are all angels, spirits who have been submerged into an experience of extreme darkness and trauma, in order to release the trauma out of our Inner Beings, not just for ourselves but for all of humanity.

When we actualise our true mission of meeting and releasing the trauma, we clear the space for who we really are to start flowing through us, as us. It is then that the connection to our mission comes. It is seeking us as much as we are seeking it. When we get ourselves, our old traumas and limitations, out of the way, that is when we connect.

It is incredibly usual for Thrivers who do the work with NARP, to start getting the inspiration within them about what it is that they truly feel passionate about doing. Many Thrivers within this community, just like myself, have found that calling. It may be similar to what I do, helping others to awaken and recover from abuse for real, and for others, it’s a completely different track.

What is vital to understand is that connecting to that truth is not possible when we’re stuck in surviving the trauma inside of us. We may think that the mission will take away the trauma, but it’s the other way round. When we take full responsibility and address the trauma ourselves, then the mission comes.

Because when that trauma is released, all of the energy that was trapped trying to survive the trauma is freed up to become pure creativity, mission and service.

This is the exhilaration and pure miracle of yourself that you will start experiencing as a result of this step.

 

Step Number Seven – Become Love

I believe that one of the greatest joys of Thriver recovery from narcissistic abuse is to reach the becoming of love. What I mean by this is the return to the truth.

We come home, we understand the truth about the illusions we have been fed, and the need to wake up from them. The knowing that we are all souls on journeys to release ourselves from the darkness and the trauma, to move into the truth and the light of Who We Really Are.

It is from this place of living without trauma that we see the truth that all of this, no matter how it looks, was all meant to be. To have the experiences required to lose those false aspects of ourselves, the lies, the false beliefs, the taking on thinking that we were unlovable, defective or unacceptable, and knowing that everyone who is hurt or hurting others, is still stuck in that lie.

From this place, we have acceptance, gratitude, and compassion for those still stuck in the trance. And we know that our greatest purpose, regardless of what our individual specific missions are, is to be love and to see the truth. It’s then that we let go of our righteousness, demonising and judging which only helps to cement our victimisation and powerless states.

To become love, without fear, is the coming home to the truth. This is where we are set free and we get to experience heaven on earth as we are, right here, right now.

It’s only then that the pain ends and the beauty of our life starts to unfold as the new and true belief systems that we’ve worked hard to heal ourselves back to.

If it wasn’t for the narcissistic abuse happening for us, we would never have had to effort so courageously and consistently to bring ourselves home to the truth.

I hope that these seven steps have helped inspire you to know where you are heading, and the incredible evolutionary gifts that you can claim, with Thriver recovery, after narcissistic abuse.

So, if this is where you want to go, you can get started by working with my NARP program. Join me on this incredible and spectacular journey of self and life, by clicking the link at the top right of this video.

And, if you are already a NARP member, and you are looking for the next steps after abuse to claim your highest and best life, then I’d love to introduce you to my Empowered Self course, which is going through a very powerful upgrade very shortly, which you will receive free of charge as a result of being a member.

You can check out the details of this course also by clicking this link.

Okay so I hope that this video has inspired you, and if you like my videos and you would like to be notified each time a new one is released then please subscribe to my channel. Also remember to give this a thumbs up if you liked it.

Please also share with the people you love so that you can help them wake up out of the human trance as well.

And as always, I am totally looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Parents call for reforms to protect families from mistaken child abuse allegations

Parents call for reforms to protect families from mistaken child abuse allegations

Parents call for reforms to protect families from mistaken child abuse allegations 1

Texas lawmakers pledge to “learn from past mistakes” as parents recall the pain of having children taken following disputed doctor reports.

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#MiracelsofFaith

Texas parents falsely accused of child abuse seek legislative change in 2021

Texas parents falsely accused of child abuse seek legislative change in 2021

Texas parents falsely accused of child abuse seek legislative change in 2021 2

The committee is discussing the system of checks and balances between DFPS, the judicial system and medical professionals when abuse reports are submitted.

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#MiracelsofFaith

9 Stages of Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

Everyone’s experience of recovery from narcissistic abuse is different but through our work with hundreds of people, we have seen the same impact crop up over and over again.  “One of the things that happened when I was going through the shitty relationship, as I call it, was that I lost any identity of who I was or what I felt. I’d spent so many years being told what I was and felt and needed.”

I didn’t trust my own feelings anymore. I didn’t trust my own thoughts anymore.  Every decision felt like a fraud.

I have personally been through recovery and remember exactly what it feels like.  So it is with true empathy for you I write this blog which in turn I hope gives you the strength to heal.  My wish for you is you have a secure base to explore your own feelings and to regain the trust in yourself needed to delve deep for true healing.

I remember we were snuggled up on the sofa. I saw a message come through that said, let me know when I can come f**k you.  And I read that with my own eyes.  And my partner denied that message even existed.

It is important that you understand these stages because you can’t get from Despair to Self Actualising in one step.  It is a process.  The stages are not linear, they are more of a spiral.  A journey around the stages. There is no timescale and no step by step approach, stages are often revisited as things are re-triggered or re-evaluated with a new level of awareness.  But it’s not as scary as it sounds once you know how to spot the stages and exactly what to do to move on.

  • Grief… yes you are experiencing loss

    Empty. Can’t feel anything. Numb. Something is missing. It wasn’t all that bad. No in fact we had some amazing times. What if I just….

    Conflict between your feelings is a common first step. Everything from sadness and missing the person to the stark reality that it’s for the best.

    Grief is felt along with things like anger, physical symptoms, anxiety peaks, frustration with yourself and the narcissist, depression, overwhelm,

    It’s no wonder then most people are doing a lot of bargaining at this point!

    The first first few weeks after I left, I say left, It had been another one of those mornings of “get the f**k out of my house”. It was like it wasn’t happening.

  • I guess this is really it…

    Eventually you just know its done. For good this time. It feels different to all the other times somehow. There’s a realisation you can’t go back. Everything has changed.

    Then often it’s back to shock and denial. What just happened? You’re googling stuff to see what’s normal. You want answers from the narcissist. Is this what love really is? Struggling with your own emotions has become a daily (hourly thing!)
    You maybe even became obsessive about the narcissist. Remembering good times and minimising bad ones. Making their excuses for them like you always have.

    And of course, there’s still things you have to go and collect, you know, if you’re allowed, I was allowed certain belongings and not others.

  • What did I do wrong?

    Google becomes your best friend, you read everything you can on crappy relationships. The words toxic and narcissist keep popping up. You start to see that this is on them. That this isn’t your fault. They did this to you. And that brings up so many feelings.

    Suddenly, I just felt violated and crazy.

    Every conversation and situation is dissected with new eyes. Some articles mention dependency and co-dependency and maybe you start to see the patterns in every relationship you’ve had. Somewhere along the line you ask… why does this keep happening to me? And maybe you can take the next step to thinking about how to protect yourself in the future too.

  • Taking Back Control

    It is all my doing. I’ve allowed it. In a way that was quite empowering when I got to a later stage. Because if it had been all them, if everything was just their responsibility, and I have no role to play, this was going to keep happening again and again and again, in every relationship that I ever had.

    Actually being able to say, well, alright, so I created this, in some weird way, created the opportunity for me to ask, how do I change? What do I do differently? What do I choose for me? How do I make sure that firstly, I never go back? Because I know, despite just being absolutely devastated, I’ve lost the love of my life. And then, how do I make sure I don’t go through this again?

    You feel powerful when you think about the future. Taking control of your life for you. At first you may be over-cautious and harsh with boundaries, seeing red flags when there are none or being hypersensitive. Sometimes that throws you back to the relationship feelings all over again. And it’s natural to be second guessing at this stage. It can be quite isolating too. But this stage of understanding what you do and don’t want in your life is the start of the future.

  • Rebuilding YOU

    Signed up for a boxing class? Taken up an old hobby?
    Been to the pub? You’re starting to feel a bit more like your old self. Getting back into those old routines but as you now see the world differently, it isn’t as comfortable as it once was. There’s still safety in it. Maybe you’re noticing more and more narcissists around you and want to withdraw into your shell. Or perhaps you’ve turned vigilante and want to expose them all?! It’s normal to feel a lot of anger and external blaming. But those first tentative steps back to you have started….

    And to get to the point where you have everything stripped away. And you can just say, this is how it is for me, is a ridiculously powerful thing.

  • Returning

    Some days you will drop back into old feelings. A trigger or event will flip you back.
    But you can see it now for what it is. You have a new sense of the feeling being separate to your identity.
    You feel useless. you are not useless. You feel angry.
    You are not anger. Having a different perspective on the situation gives you that chance to observe whats happening without being drawn in. Wondering how you would have done things differently still floats around but that’s your imagination playing with your new reality. Of all the stages this can feel the most painful because you just want to get over it and it feels never ending.

    I can recognise my feelings. And I understand that they are mine. I own them. Nobody can take away my anger. Nobody can tell me that I shouldn’t be sad. Nobody can tell me that I shouldn’t feel this way. Because I get to choose how I feel. I get to believe my reality.

  • Surviving

    The most important and powerful thing that I learned was how to set my own boundaries. Learning to say no without justifying myself was just mind blowing, truly mind blowing.

    Feeling like you are back on track is weird. There’s not so much that triggers the old feelings these days and sometimes you can even laugh things off. I know. That doesn’t sound real. Your physical symptoms have subsided, maybe you even get a good nights sleep a few times a week or more. Your comfort zone feels safe but lonely. You stop seeking others in pain as want to forget it and not keep reliving it. There is a real glimmer of future for you.

  • Emerging

    You are actively wanting to pop your head out of the comfort zone, experience more, you have a feeling of hunger in your soul, the abuse has been a catalyst to wanting so much more out of life. Recognising your own toxic behaviours and wanting to be better person is where you are at. You can forgive. Yourself especially. And the personal growth journey is strong.

    And the freedom was the thing that scared me the most I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t know how to live my life without somebody else telling me what I should be thinking for you to do it. I just didn’t, It is something I’ve never done as an adult, I’ve never done it.

  • Winning!

    Congratulations! You’re fully functioning as YOU. You have found your purpose and you’re living from your heart. You understand what it means to have unconditional love and you’re strong on the forgiveness of yourself and others. Fully responsible for your own emotions and physical environment, you’ve probably delved into some woo-woo stuff you didn’t think mattered. Finally you are feeling powerful because you are now in full control of your existence. No longer seeking external validation, realising it all comes from you. Self love is your priority.

    I know that I’m truly free

Therapy can be incredible helpful in moving you through these stages.  It’s tough going it alone.  And often there are very real physical changes that make it harder.  It’s not just all in your head.  It never was.  It was always mind, body and soul.  Here’s to you for getting this far, my guess is you’re at stage three already or you wouldn’t have read this far.  You’ve got this.  And I’m here to support you every step of the way.

The post 9 Stages of Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.

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Texas Parents Lose Custody Of Their Kids After Doctor Wrongly Suspects Child Abuse

Texas Parents Lose Custody Of Their Kids After Doctor Wrongly Suspects Child Abuse

Texas Parents Lose Custody Of Their Kids After Doctor Wrongly Suspects Child Abuse 3

These Texas parents lost custody of their kids after a doctor wrongly diagnosed their son and suspected child abuse.

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Elgin parents accused of child abuse meet with Texas lawmaker to prevent misdiagnoses

Elgin parents accused of child abuse meet with Texas lawmaker to prevent misdiagnoses

Elgin parents accused of child abuse meet with Texas lawmaker to prevent misdiagnoses 4

In 2015, a doctor evaluated the Troys’ infant son after his head continued swelling. The doctor diagnosed the child with shaken baby syndrome, according to the family.

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Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome: Could This Be You?

Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

 

Narcissists are masters of disguise and narcissistic abuse is a form of thought control, it’s emotional manipulation of another person into handing over their mind and will, and thus their thoughts, desires for the narcissist’s personal gain.

A woman suffering from narcissistic abuse syndrome is often disconnected from her own emotional pain. She tends to obsess over her own failures after years of buying into the flaws her narcissistic partner identified in her.

Her mind is often spinning, preoccupied with trying to sort the confusion — the effects of the use of tactics such as gaslighting and word salad on her mind, with intent to distort her reality and impose his own — seeking an explanation for why the narcissist is so miserable, why he treats her the way he does, why he’s so insecure, why they cannot communicate, why he still doesn’t “get” what she’s trying to tell him, and so on.

In other words, what the victim of narcissistic abuse syndrome feels and thinks about herself, life and the narcissist, in most areas, mirrors to some or greater extent what the narcissist wants her to think, believe, feel.

Not every woman involved with a narcissist will suffer from narcissistic abuse syndrome. Those who are in long-term marriages or relationships are more apt to suffer the repercussions of the narcissist’s attempts at controlling, gaslighting and manipulation.

The result of being on the end of narcissistic abuse is the development of PTSD like symptoms. Some of the symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome are as follows.

Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

Cognitive

  • confusion
  • nightmares
  • uncertainty
  • hypervigilance
  • suspiciousness
  • intrusive images
  • poor problem solving
  • poor abstract thinking
  • poor attention/ decisions
  • poor concentration memory
  • disorientation of time, place or person
  • heightened or lowered alertness
  • increased or decreased awareness of surroundings

Behavioral

  • withdrawal
  • antisocial acts
  • inability to rest
  • intensified pacing
  • change in social interactions
  • loss or increase of appetite
  • hyperalert to environment
  • increased alcohol consumption
  • change in usual communications

Emotional

  • fear
  • guilt
  • grief
  • panic
  • denial
  • anxiety
  • agitation
  • irritability
  • depression
  • intense anger
  • apprehension
  • emotional shock
  • emotional outbursts
  • feeling overwhelmed
  • loss of emotional control
  • inappropriate emotional response

The end result of a relationship with a narcissist is a slow, insidious, breaking down of the self-esteem of his victims until there’s next to nothing left, at which point, the narcissist will frequently throw his partner out in order to look for someone new and full of life to make his next target. Leaving his victim an emotional wreck wondering what she did to destroy their once “perfect” relationship.

Victims are not only spouses. They can be coworkers, employees, children, or friends of narcissists. When the narcissist is the victim’s mother or father, it’s a difficult spot to be in, as most children (even grown children) find it almost impossible to leave the relationship. And the abuse continues for years.

If you think that you or someone that you love is struggling with narcissistic abuse syndrome, it’s important that you seek help. Not only should you make a conscious effort to put the narcissist out of the picture, but you should seek some treatment from a certified professional trained in treating PTSD.

4 Ways to Deal with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

Educate Yourself

Learn all you can about narcissistic abuse. Don’t learn all you can about the narcissist. Knowing what makes him tick, won’t undo the damage he has done. Focus on the symptoms you’re experiencing and the tools you need to utilize to help you heal.

Respect Your Boundaries

The key to setting boundaries with a narcissist is to stick to them. You will want to communicate clearly and directly each time. If you make a mistake and find that you “lose it” or say something wrong, just keep practicing and be accountable for your behavior.

Assert Yourself

Know what you want and fight for what you want. Don’t engage in power struggles with your narcissist. In fact, don’t engage with your narcissist at all. The best way to be assertive with a narcissist is to go completely no contact.

Get Help

Get support, seek therapy, and figure out how to move forward with your life without the narcissist partner involved. You don’t need to stick it out with him; it’s your life, and they don’t own it.

Prioritize your own happiness and sanity. In many cases, you might not have a choice, so when you do – get out, now.

The post Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome: Could This Be You? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Chronic Health Conditions After Narcissistic Abuse? Watch This

Chronic Health Conditions After Narcissistic Abuse? Watch This

 

Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is almost synonymous with narcissistic abuse.

So is adrenal malfunction, Fibromyalgia and a host of other nasties.

Tragically many people, as a result of sustaining so much trauma, break down into terrible chronic illnesses.

Are you wondering how on earth you are going to survive your physical conditions and somehow rebuild and have a healthy and happy life?

It is my greatest heartful wish today that you watch this Thriver TV Episode so that you can have some hope. Chronic illness, in most cases, does not have to be your life sentence.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissistic abuse creates grave issues for your health.

Stress is a huge contributor to illness because when you are at dis-ease, your inner environment is at its most rampant for disease to occur.

Also, how hard is it to try to do the things that necessitate good health when you are in a battle zone trying to survive?

Naturally, you are not likely to eat and sleep well and do healthy things to maintain a healthy equilibrium.

What health issues does narcissistic abuse cause?

Can these health issues be healed?

If so, how?

All of this and more will be answered in today’s Thriver TV Episode.

Okay, so before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay … let’s continue!

 

What Happens to Your Levels of Stress When Abused?

I believe, in our evolving world now, it is incredibly naïve of us if we believe that stress isn’t a major condition affecting our health – including physically.

From the Quantum and Thriver Healing perspective, it is toxicity, namely stress, that generates the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, including health issues.

When you are being belittled, degraded, confused, manipulated and mined, you will experience a decline in vital life-force.

What does that really mean?

It means that you start to lose self-belief, self-worth and the knowing of your internal compass in the world. Reality becomes skewed and it’s difficult to be safe – not just in your environment and with the person abusing you, but maybe with many other aspects of your life as well.

You may feel incredibly alone in this experience, and even unsupported and misunderstood by the people you used to have safe connections with.

You may wonder, ‘Who can I trust?’

And as you become more isolated, you may even start to blame yourself: ‘Is it me with all the problems?’

Here we have the breakdown of the fabric of your foundations as a human spirit, in your own body, in the world.

Memories of your past are traumatic; your present is full of anxiety and depression; and your future is daunting and overwhelming. You have no idea who you will be or how you will end up, going forwards.

Those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse, usually report that it was the most stressful time of our entire life.

Truly, unless you have been through this, you couldn’t even begin to imagine it.

 

What Are the Physical Effects of Stress?

We start to realise in and after narcissistic abuse that we are having incredibly different feelings and visceral experiences inside our body.

It’s akin to having a horrible virus inside us. It feels like a black ink is running through our veins and we are stuck inside ourselves – feeling oddly disconnected from and unable to connect with our outer world.

We also feel unable to access our desires and dreams, and maybe even connect with those we love and care about.

And … maybe everything we try to do to shake this horrible soul dread, that has taken hold inside, just isn’t working.

But what is really going on chemically within us for these obscene feelings to become so all-consuming?

 A lot is now understood by neuro-scientists about the effects of trauma on our chemical and cellular selves. We now know that events that traumatise us, create brain synopsis messages and the hard wiring of fear and powerlessness. These feelings then generate more of the same and cement the continuation of the traumatic emotional ‘rushes’ that we feel.

We then suffer a peptide addiction to the terrible emotions that are traumatising us such as ‘fear’, ‘heartbreak’, ‘powerlessness’ and ‘victimisation’. All of these emotions have their own corresponding peptide that becomes sought after by our body’s cells, which in turn have become addicted to the ‘rushes’ of pain (even though they are destroying us).

Painful emotional peptides, which literally hurt us physically as our cells receive them, destroy our cells’ capacity to absorb oxygen and nutrients. This then creates an environment where our entire being is prone to dis-ease.

Our body biology is all out of whack, and our immune systems start to malfunction.

Ironically, when we are stuck in deadly peptide addiction, generating more internal trauma, then we make choices that add to the toxicity.

To try to escape the trauma that we are feeling in our bodies, we are prone to pick up drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, or other addictive substances or behaviours, to try to numb the pain. This then causes more damage to our Beings and only adds to the trauma.

Our actions and addictions may include looking up the Ex on social media, being addicted to information about narcissists, or ranting on abuse forums to other victims. There may be some relief in the moment – which truly is about your addiction to victimisation getting chemically fulfilled – but then the pain comes back again, twice as strong.

Obsessive thinking about the trauma, talking about it and researching it, only compounds and cements the trauma, and fulfils the chemical addiction of being a traumatised victim.

Like all addictions, the fulfilment level is ever increasing, as is the urge to self-medicate with thinking, talking and researching. But it’s like picking a scab that never heals and always grows back bigger.

Sooner or later your Inner Identity has embraced your situation as a victim as the absolute truth for you.

This is why abused people, even decades after the actual abuse, keep breaking down more and more as the years go on. If you have been on contemporary abuse forums and have read people’s posts decades after narcissistic abuse, you will know what I am saying is true.

Even trying to ignore the trauma by distracting yourself is not healthy. Unattended to trauma is as faithful as housework – it only piles up, increases and does push-ups in the background while waiting for a gap to burst through!

Of course, the strain of the unattended and growing trauma within you is making your interior toxic and is taking you towards breakdown. This is because trauma that is not addressed, will start to express itself more than emotionally and mentally – it will appear physically.

Already the nervous system is affected, because the emotional/visceral and nervous systems, where trauma impacts and accumulates, are all deeply inter-related.

The nervous system starts breaking down with things like Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), panic attacks and agoraphobia. Anxiety and depression are also by-products.

Then the dis-ease moves into the body. Fibromyalgia can set in as well as adrenal malfunction, hair loss, and other associated break downs. Terrible auto-immune diseases are common, as are even more serious diseases, which can take hold as your cellular and immune systems degrade because of the unhealed trauma – the literal toxicity – inside you.

It is, in fact, extremely common for those suffering narcissistic abuse to have to get to the point of body breakdown before they are ready to heal.

After all, most of us have been very capable of simply ‘getting up and getting on with it’ until this point!

 

The Truth About the Ability to Heal from Chronic Health Issues

Sadly, our medical profession is in the business of treating symptoms of abuse but not actually curing the cause of these symptoms.

You may have been told that you will have C-PTSD for life, or that any cure will be very gradual and will take years.

This is simply NOT the truth.

The same goes for the host of other emotional and physical conditions that you may be suffering, as a result of narcissistic abuse.

Over the years people have asked me this question: ‘If it was the stress of this person that caused me to get so sick, then why didn’t I get better after I left this person?’

It can be shocking to us that even when we get away from an abuser we still don’t heal.

That used to shock me, too.

Why is this the same for all of us?

Because if the trauma that has wedged within you, remains, you are facing a lifetime of trying to survive and manage the trauma – instead of living free from it.

The trauma has to be healed, for real, to get better – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and physically. There is no other way.

I and so many people within this community suffered incredible disorders that we were told we would NEVER recover from.

My personal diagnosis was that I would need anti-psychotics for the rest of my life; that I would never again function as normal, and my brain and body would never repair.

All of that was a complete lie.

When I released and replaced the traumas from within me that were responsible for my dis-eases, I started to heal in ways that I couldn’t even imagine.

Within months my symptoms were completely gone and I had evolved into higher states of health and confidence and expansion than I could have ever dreamed of.

It is another lie that you will need to be institutionalised into a system of medication and therapy for years or decades to survive what happened to you.

 

Please Be Inspired

I couldn’t even begin to tell you the thousands of incredible stories of healing and resurrection on all levels, including of course physically, within this community.

There are very few Thrivers who have NOT received health improvement, healing or complete remission of previous conditions, after using NARP to release the trauma of the abuse they suffered.

And if that was not possible, because health was just too far gone, these Dear Souls have been able to reach a peace of Self, that they couldn’t previously access.

What is consistent for anyone who experiences narcissistic abuse, is that under the stress of the abuse we BREAK down.

Yet, in most cases, we CAN come back from that.

Just like Frances…

Who was with a narcissist in her late 40’s.

She had a breakdown due to his affairs and triangulation. Things were so bad, even her beloved sons abandoned her. When Frances was diagnosed with serious stomach cancer, she knew she had to heal.

Frances broke away and addressed, released and uplevelled her internal trauma with NARP, until she felt nothing for him, even though he lived in the same neighbourhood.

Her sons returned to the mother they had always loved, but who they previously couldn’t watch destroy herself.

Frances, six years on, is cancer free and has a new and beautiful husband, vocation and home. Her life is a testament to completely changing her life from the inside out.

Then there is Nancy, who at 61 years of age and had only ever known abuse, even as a child.

Nancy was diagnosed with severe Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), an auto-immune disease, which when she was in abusive relationships would flare up to almost intolerable levels that even her most powerful medications could not ease.

After only a year of committing to do the inner work with NARP, Nancy reported that not only was she was free of her painful and narcissistic relationship patterns, but that all the symptoms of RA had either reduced tremendously or disappeared entirely.

And then there is Anki…

Who was suffering from the several chronic illnesses of Fibromyalgia and severe ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis), a devastating multi-system disease that causes dysfunction of the neurological, immune, endocrine and energy metabolism systems.

Anki was housebound, almost always in bed, and could only crawl to the bathroom. She couldn’t stand or walk because her muscles were too weak.

She would also suffer exhaustion or fever from the smallest of things like brushing her teeth or washing her face. Certain lights or sounds knocked Anki out for days.

Anki couldn’t work or even leave the house.

She was told she would never be able to work again and would only get worse; that she would never recover. Anki, at the time, was 47 years of age.

But all this was before Anki started healing with NARP. In less than two months, she felt totally different and could take walks outside. Also, Anki started working part-time.

After five months Anki was off much of her medication, some of which she had been on for 25 years!

Within 18 months Anki was working fulltime, was completely medication free, and was exercising and walking for up to an hour a day. Her diagnoses/chronic illnesses were taken away from her medical journal by her doctor.

 

You Are Worth Your Healing

Okay, so I really want you to know, with all of my heart, that regardless of your abuse situation, when it started, who it was from, and what chronic conditions you may have had (even for life), the healing path for you is IDENTICAL to my healing path and that of all the other Thrivers.

Namely – get the trauma out and start to see the healing begin – which is what the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) does.

I’d love you to learn more and experience exactly how to do this in my FREE Masterclass.

You can do this by clicking this link – FREE Masterclass on Wednesday, 16 October 2019.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Elgin parents accused of abuse lose custody of children after doctors misdiagnose infant

Elgin parents accused of abuse lose custody of children after doctors misdiagnose infant

Elgin parents accused of abuse lose custody of children after doctors misdiagnose infant 5

Lorina and Jason Troy had a picture-perfect life. A good job, a beautiful home and two happy boys. But it was all taken from them after several doctors continually misdiagnosed their sick child.

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#MiracelsofFaith