Many people in this community struggle to trust again after being smashed to pieces by an abuser. This is completely and utterly understandable.
Yet, there is a way to turn all of this around.
There is a way to engage in interpersonal relationships, be confident, healthy and safe, and to be able to open up our hearts again.
If this is deeply what you DO desire and would love to know how to be safe to trust again, this Thriver TV episode is a must watch video for you.
This is such a big question.
CAN you ever trust again after being abused?
I promise you with all my heart that you can.
And, even more than trust again after being abused, you can be more confident, powerful and capable of retaining your boundaries and creating trustworthy relationships than you ever were able to be, even before being abused.
Is this because you now know what to look out for and avoid?
Or is there a deeper and more powerful reason that you can be safe within interpersonal relationships?
Please watch on to find out!
Okay, so before we get started, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission and promoting the awareness that it is possible to heal for real after abuse, by subscribing to my channel. And if you enjoy this video please give it a thumbs up.
Alright, so let’s get started on today’s episode.
How Trust is Shattered After Abuse
Abusers capture your trust. They are highly skilled at winning your confidence and making you believe you will be safe regarding your business, money, health, heart and soul.
It tears apart the very fabric of our lives when we begin to understand that this person is not trustworthy at all. In fact, whatever deal they have garnered with us was completely and utterly for them, at our expense.
Of course, after somebody has so deeply penetrated and violated your inner sanctum, you feel like you may never trust again.
After being abused you may feel completely disillusioned with humankind.
I remember doubting that I could trust anyone at all in my life.
I even believed, “humans are not to be trusted”. I know it’s likely that you have felt or do feel the same.
We can be forgiven for thinking this because the history of abuse and atrocities on this planet have been horrific.
We may even suspect other people in our life as being abusive and not to be trusted.
These are all very normal feelings in the shellshocked aftermath of abuse.
At first, this is not a bad thing, because after narcissistic abuse our most powerful position in order to get well is to self-partner and start self-healing.
The most important person we need to regain trust and connection with is ourselves.
This is a time in your life to shut down and heal. It’s appropriate to not let people deeply in right now. Yes, trusted people can help support you, but they can’t take the pain away for you, or do the inner work for you.
This is your time to heal and deeply learn how to trust yourself.
Let’s explore this necessity at a deeper level … to help you really understand it.
Our Life is Not About Trusting Others, it’s About Trusting Ourselves
Initially, this was a very difficult concept for me to understand.
I wanted to trust others. I wanted other people to be strong, solid and reliable in my life so that I could durably feel safe.
But what I hadn’t yet understood was that until I could feel strong, solid and reliable in my life, I couldn’t have experiences with other people where I could take care of and generate my own safety.
I wanted other people to look after my boundaries for me. I didn’t want to have to speak up. I didn’t want to have to be the one who would make the decision as to “yes” or “no” regarding important life choices.
I didn’t want to take control of the health and safety of my life. As a result, I handed my power and control of my life over to other people, including those who reflected back to me the lack of care of my life, that unconsciously I wasn’t granting myself.
I didn’t realise this immediately, I promise you.
And, as you know, this ended up very badly for me.
Thank goodness, I did realise the truth, and rather than blaming other people for not being trustworthy, I became fully dedicated to the mission of healing myself up to become the person who I could totally trust and ensure that my own values, health and life was respected.
I knew it needed to be up to me now, and I knew that I had a lot of work to do on this.
I healed so many of the fears that I had always carried inside of myself. And I addressed these, in the privacy of my own home on my own couch with NARP. This didn’t have anything to do with anybody else, it was firmly between me and me.
Then a startling transformation took place within me.
I realised that it was nobody else’s responsibility to treat me kindly, honestly and safely.
I realised that it was my responsibility to take my time to conduct my own life solidly and healthily.
Meaning, getting to know people at a healthy rate, rather than being so hungry and reckless for connection. Defining and expressing my values and truths and disconnecting from people who didn’t have the same values or capacity to meet me at the levels that were true for me.
What I discovered, as a result of this personal evolution, was that people who disrespected my boundaries and values and treated my rights with abuse and contempt, never were people who have the resources to be healthy for me anyway.
They were simply behaving as themselves!
These realisations created a huge shift in me.
Because no longer did my life feel like, “who and what can I trust?” I had taken my power back, I knew that I could trust myself and create my own life healthily, regardless of what anybody else was being or doing.
Is There a Need to Look Out For Abusers?
Within this huge shift, after cleaning out my traumas and feeling peaceful, safe and healthy inside, I no longer had the feeling of having to look out for abusers.
I knew a deeper more empowering truth now.
It didn’t matter who and what other people were, it only mattered who I was being within my truth, boundaries and values.
True to Quantum Form – the feeling must proceed the actual change in events – and change they did.
Now that I no longer had the horrible fear inside of me continually asking, “who can I trust?” Healthy, real and trustworthy people started showing up in my life.
These were not people with dark agendas, and who were getting bent out of shape, triggering anxieties within me, over things that most humans wouldn’t even blink an eyelid at.
But you see, I had become very different. The OUTER was matching my newly established INNER.
The truth was I didn’t even have any fear or condition over ‘who’ people were anymore – because I knew I could and would deal with it.
No longer was I ever going to abandon my Inner Being and my gut feelings. I was now committed to showing up honestly, meaning backing myself and asking the difficult questions and asking for verification and doing the due diligence to never put my finances, heart, soul and literal life on the line again.
My motto was – be sensible with boundaries whilst being openhearted, proceed at a healthy pace if all good, and investigate honestly anything funky, and let go of people and situations which do not align with my Inner Being’s values and truths.
The Universe was extremely helpful in my newfound evolution. I was sent some dodgy people. I was delivered some incidences and situations where I could have easily been taken in again if I had abandoned myself.
I promise you there were still people who got through the cracks. But it only ever happened when I was too busy or too involved with other things to not do my due diligence properly.
Or when I dismissed my inner feelings and didn’t follow them up.
We always get the warnings!
The Confidence Trusting Yourself Grants You
I really want you to feel the incredible shift in your life that will occur when you deeply understand that no one else is responsible for your life apart from you.
This I want you to know with all my heart, there are beautiful and incredible people in the world.
This is not about having to have perfect people in your life for you to be safe. This is about you journeying with people who have the basic decent human values to be good people and then grow with you as a result of you being honest about your values, rights and truths.
When you are prepared to be this person who leads the way with honesty and respect for yourself, you give permission for others to do the same, and then you will start to have the most satisfying, gratifying and loving relationships of your life.
Then, you can start to open your heart and enjoy your interpersonal experiences. This is because you know if things were to change and one day someone did not share the same values as you, you are already self-partnered and whole enough to let go and move on, and keep creating your life with what and who does.
Only then are you truly free to live and love, without fear and pain.
I promise you, it is not until you stop fearing change or loss that you can be free to love, and this is only possible via the inner healing with yourself.
When you achieve this, you know that you have finally come home to the truth.
I hope that this is inspiring you to know that it is possible to have healthy and happy relationships after your trust has been shattered.
In fact, you will be able to reinstate your ability to love and connect with people in ways that you never thought possible – far more healthily than even before suffering abuse.
If you want this with all of your heart, and you are ready to come on this journey to get to where I am, as well as so many other Thrivers, then click this link.
I hope that this has really helped, and if you like this video please make sure to give it a like and share it with people who you know are struggling with trusting again.
And as always, I so look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.