Boundaries are everything – especially if you are an Empath!
Being an Empowered Empath means that you care for yourself and others enough, to be honest. You do this to stop enabling poor behaviour and to invite people into more evolved ways of being with you.
The connection between boundaries and emotions can lead to a Thriver’s life full of prosperity and fulfillment through self and others.
Discover in this Thriver’s Life episode, Quantum Understandings and empowered ways to deal with your emotions AND do boundaries at the same time.
Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series … the creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.
I can’t tell you how vital boundaries are.
They are everything.
Especially for Empaths.
When coupled with emotional alignment they literally carve out the life that you desire – piece by piece, and in no way do you have to compromise the health, wellbeing, and lives of others.
In fact, you offer people, through your boundaries, the opportunity to claim their own evolution and happiness.
In today’s episode, I want to talk to you about the connection with boundaries and emotions and getting clear on how to be in the driver’s seat steering towards your most prosperous, fulfilling and healthily contributing to self, life and other’s lives.
Okay, before we get started, thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Okay, let’s dive in.
What Are Our Emotions?
Our emotions are our personal GPS signal that is letting us know what IS or ISN’T the path to our super conscious/Source intended life (true flourishing, wellbeing, love, and prosperity).
Now here is the thing – we may think that our highest super conscious life consists of ‘stuff’.
That’s not accurate at all. Our highest life is the feeling of fullness and being whole.
Then stuff can come. Stuff that is genuine and which genuinely adds more to what we are already feeling.
When you have the fullness, ‘stuff’ is an awesome bonus that we can be so grateful for, but we actually had no need for anyway.
Why am I telling you this?
Because it’s a foundational understanding that you need to know regarding boundaries and your emotions.
This is what took me a long time to realise about my emotions. I thought they were being controlled by everything outside of me and were letting me know about the state of ‘out there’. Now I know a different truth. Our emotions fundamentally are telling us how ‘whole’ we are ‘in there’.
There is no real independent ‘out there’. It’s not separated from ‘in there’.
Your greatest mission in life – number 1 – is to have whole, balanced internal emotions.
Quantumly, emotions are king or queen.
They dictate and unfold our outer experiences from in there, and as such, I discovered that with any troublesome, missing or desired issue in my life, the most powerful place I could ever create was from solidness and calm on that topic. Unconditionally – not dependent on any external evidence being presented.
Some people may call this faith.
Others may call this surrender.
I believe is it Quantum Just Isness – meaning this is your natural state.
You may think it isn’t, but it is.
What has thrown all of us off of having this as our natural state is the trauma that has been inflicted on us by the human condition – and the beliefs that we are damaged, defective and unworthy (somehow separated from God, ourselves and others).
It may feel normal to feel this trauma of separation, but in no way is it natural. It is also unnatural to have to spend your whole life trying to manage your emotions, as a result of taking on the trauma of the human condition.
Without trauma, your emotions simply balance themselves.
I promise you that once enough trauma is released, wholeness and calm just ‘is’ and you will know it as a natural state.
Then everything else becomes easy to ‘add’ onto that.
When we have dishevelled emotions and often feel sad, let down, broken, anxious and the like – it DOESN’T mean that we are defective.
It means we have internal trauma generating these emotions.
Methods of Dealing With Our Emotions
There are four ways we can deal with the traumas generating negative emotions.
1) Face and release the trauma and move forward into a healthy Thriver’s Life.
2) Try to manage it with ways that will quieten it down.
3) Ignore it and attempt to get on with it, or
4) Blame someone or something outside of ourselves for these emotions.
All of these things are perfectly okay, and understandable because where you are at is where you are at.
Nothing is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. The only effective Quantum question – meaning the REAL truth that we need to be interested in is: ‘What works and what doesn’t work, regarding what I want to create in my life?’
Regarding the effectiveness of generating the true power and success of your life, the second option will cause you to feel stuck and dependent on trauma management, the third example will worsen the experience of painful emotions hijacking you randomly, and the fourth will cause more and more traumatic experiences to enter your life, compounding the original ones.
Universes away from these outcomes, the first example gives you a way out into the inner transformation and then the outer transformation of your life.
I want you to understand this more than anything – your inner emotional state needs to shift before your outer life can follow. Your life is never about changing the outer to feel different on the inner.
Because it doesn’t work.
Please know that.
Now we can move on.
How To Understand Working With Emotions PLUS Your Outer World
People ask this question, ‘So do I just work with my inner emotions and NOT do boundaries and try to change things in my outer real life?’
This is SUCH a great question.
And it’s one that took me a long time to really understand, balance out and formulate.
The truth is you do BOTH simultaneously.
But let’s dissect this with a useful example.
Let’s say that someone in your life is being abusive. Now let’s get very honest about this – ‘abusive’ is subjective. When we are on the journey of taking responsibility for our own wounds, we know that people are allowed to have opinions and their own lives and choices. These may not agree with us – yet there are things of course that are abusive, and that is what I am talking about here.
Maybe this person in your life is someone that you would love to continue a relationship with, yet there are things they do that are not okay for your health.
Here are your choices with a situation like that:
1) Make emotional peace with the way they are (of course this may not be possible or healthy if they are blatantly abusing you).
2) Invite them into a higher relationship with you, whereby you are both honest about how you feel, what you need and what is going on for you both emotionally, granting the opportunity for more communion, trust and love together.
3) After inviting them into this higher relationship with you, if they still project abuse at you and don’t have the desire or the resources to meet you there, walk away from the relationship, knowing you granted it and them an opportunity to heal and evolve.
All of these choices, 1 to 3, are intended to generate emotional peace, strength and solidness and the resolution of your troubled emotions.
If we were to consider another option, option 4, which would be to try to lecture and prescribe to this person … or, give them what you think will make them love you better … or, just continue on the same, feeling victimised, hurt and resentful – you can see how these would all be powerless acts. They are about trying to get something else to change outside of you, for you to feel better.
This only enables someone to stay stuck in their poor behaviour abusing you.
It also makes them able to sidestep personal responsibility and keep blaming you for the way they feel.
No-one gets well.
Whereas, when you take your power back and create THIS ultimate boundary with yourself, ‘I am responsible for my emotions and the choices I implement in my life to take care of my emotions healthfully’ then you truly do understand how boundaries and emotions interconnect and work.
In choices 1 to 3 it does not matter what someone else is or isn’t doing – it is ONLY important what you are choosing to do.
Now here is the other important connection between your emotional inner world and your outer choices and actions.
No amount of doing is a substitute for being.
If you were to try to just ‘forget it’ (choice 1) and get on with it with this person, then you haven’t done the inner work on what is triggering you with them and this means you are going to continue to be hurt and triggered no matter what you try to disconnect from.
With choice 2 if you haven’t done the inner work to lose the personalised feelings of being mistreated and unloved by this person, then it will be very hard to show up as calm, loving and honest with them. Rather, your words may come across as a victimised attack, or some other funky energy that is not going to generate a healthy response.
Also, you will still be attached to the outcome of ‘them getting it’ and may be deeply distressed when they don’t.
Whereas, if you do the inner work and then show up in a space of authenticity and love, this person is granted a beautiful opportunity to choose love and evolution, and if they don’t – well then you will feel no guilt and shame, rather clarity and relief in the knowing that this relationship is not your truth anymore – and that you did the right loving thing.
In choice 3 – the real letting go, if you have not done the inner work, you may be traumatised at the thought of this, and susceptible to guilt trips, smearing, hoovering and the transition out of this persons’ life may not be smooth, empowered or lasting, and could bring a host of other issues, still leaving you with unresolved emotions.
Simplifying Life To Make It Powerful
I want to grant you these Quantum Understandings that changed everything for me.
1) My emotional wholeness is always the first necessary ‘go-to’.
2) I am completely responsible for living my values, truths and real life, to generate my emotional wholeness. It isn’t anyone else’s job.
3) By being honest and lovingly authentic with others, I grant them the ability to awaken, heal and evolve.
4) If I blame others for how I feel, I am being a victim, forfeiting my power and will stay stuck at this point.
5) If anything or anyone hurts me, I always have the choice to a) make peace with it internally, b) invite the situation or person into a higher relationship with me and c) walk away if there is not the desire or the resources to meet me at my truth.
6) Any problems with implementing ANY of the former, means I have more inner work to do so that I do show up EMOTIONALLY authentically and powerfully, whilst DOING what I need to do.
Being Connected To All Of It
So many people may think that defining our values and truth, and being willing to walk away from people and situations that are not our truth, means that we will be isolated, alone and an island to ourselves.
That, I promise you, is so NOT true.
You are at one with ‘The All’.
Who You Really Are, is bigger than you can imagine.
If you stop living in lack, limitation and trying to ‘turn crumbs into cookies’ and instead keep generating the truth and deservedness of your expansive self, then you will enter into The Field of expanded and connected support, opportunities, love and miracles that IS your super conscious self.
I hope this inspires you.
If you’d like more help with mastering your emotions, boundaries (and so much more) then I highly recommend taking a look at my Empowered Self Course, which you can do by clicking this link.
I also have a really exciting update just around the corner which all ES course purchasers will receive for free as well… More information on this coming soon!
Okay, so after narcissistic abuse recovery, let’s evolve as far as we can, with grace and grit.
Because we CAN!