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surviving your kids christmas break

6 Tips For Surviving Your Kid’s Christmas Break

surviving your kids christmas break

 

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…except your kids are sprinting through the house, screaming like banshees and swinging from your newly-dusted chandelier. It’s enough to make you want to yell, “Bah humbug!” and head straight for the spiked eggnog.

But before you turn into a (slightly tipsy) Scrooge, try these 6 tips to stay blissful when the anarchy threatens to take over the house.

Tips For Surviving Your Kid’s Christmas Break

Break up that long school break.

Unplanned, unstructured days at home with your kids are necessary and wonderful… but an entire week of them will seriously test your sanity. Long school breaks need some balance and a plan. Alternate relaxing days at home with play dates, visits to the museum, and outdoorsy field trips. And extra time with their Dad!

Put your kids to work on Christmas morning.

Once the initial excitement over new toys wears off, sibling fights and cries of boredom tend to start. Redirect their energy by having them make mini smartphone videos, showing off their cool new loot, for family members who don’t live nearby. This task will keep your kids occupied, make the video recipients smile and buy you a little extra peace and quiet.

Say no—and mean it.

Turning down invitations and putting the kibosh on unrealistic plans doesn’t mean that you’re ruining the holidays (no matter what your kids say). It means that you’re being realistic about your limits.

Say it nicely but firmly, and you won’t be as likely to overextend yourself or argue with your kids. Here are three sentences to practice with: “No, we can’t go to another party tonight since we’re already committed to two this weekend.” “No, 7-year-olds can’t have their own smartphones, but maybe in another few years.” “No, you cannot have candy canes for breakfast.”

Take a deep breath before reacting.

A deep, belly-filing breath has the power to calm your body and your brain. Do this as soon as you feel general holiday anxiety starts to creep in… and when your kids push your buttons. It’s amazing how many conflicts can be avoided—or at least not escalated—when you wait a few seconds to respond.

Escape the room.

You may not think you have a spare second to spend on your own, but believe it or not, the world will keep spinning if you take an hour to get a massage, watch Stranger Things or indulge in a much-needed nap. Find the time by asking your babysitter to stay an extra hour, doing a kid swap with a mom friend, or giving your ex the gift of extra time with the children during the holidays.

Keep it all in perspective.

You won’t emotionally scar your kids if you don’t make the cookies from scratch or buy them matching reindeer pajamas. All this holiday madness is supposed to be fun, and if it’s not, take a step back, reevaluate and make a change. Your kids will be happy if you’re happy and if you’re truly present with them. That’s when the magic happens, and that’s what they’ll remember.

The post 6 Tips For Surviving Your Kid’s Christmas Break appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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non-physical cheating

Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage?

non-physical cheating

 

The question “is cheating a reason for divorce” is highly personal. The answer depends on the state your marriage was in before the alleged ‘cheating’ occurred. An unstable marriage is more likely to reach a breaking point if infidelity is suspected.

Ultimately, the question can only be answered after you first take a closer look at what YOU define as ‘cheating’ and what YOU feel is acceptable or unacceptable in your marriage.

Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage?

For some women, cheating is having a physical relationship with someone outside the marriage (i.e. kissing, fondling, oral sex and/or intercourse). Other women have more liberated ideas about fidelity when they allow a third person to join them in the bedroom for a threesome.

They don’t consider this ‘cheating’. For others, having an emotional relationship with another woman counts as cheating. Some men still talk openly to ex-girlfriends and this is accepted in the marriage. In other marriages this is an absolute no-no, especially if this is happening secretly.

Then there are gray areas where no specific third person or emotional involvement is involved.

Would you consider going to a strip club as cheating?

Does watching porn in magazines or on the web qualify as cheating? In this case, it seems to be only the fantasy of another body that the husband is looking for.

What about more indirect contact like ‘friending’ an ex on Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn? Would it make a difference if communication is open or hidden?

How you define cheating depends on your personality, your threshold, your level of self-confidence, how strict you set the rules at the beginning of your relationship and your level of trust.

Over time, relationships change. If you were comfortable with allowing other women close to your man and felt secure in your relationship at the beginning, your level of comfort and security may change as life and the relationship changes. In long term relationships, the focus gradually shifts from physical attraction to love and intimacy.

That initial spark may wear off as you get caught up in daily routines. If you have kids and your daily life gets busier and more focused on the children, the relationship needs to be nurtured to keep the connection alive. Regular date night and effective communication can be the key.

Before you make the decision to file for divorce when you feel hurt and betrayed… pause…Decisions made in a highly emotional state of mind are not always the wisest.

Consider the consequences of divorce for everyone (especially the kids) and weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. If infidelity is your reason to consider divorce, make sure your definition of what is ‘cheating’ is clear to you and your spouse.

Bottom line is that every relationship has ‘rules’ that need to be clear to both partners. If boundaries are vague, they can easily be crossed. Open communication is key. If one of the partners is hiding something, it is time to have a serious talk together. If you feel that talking doesn’t get you the results you want, couples counseling could be an option.

A therapist can help both of you clarify your needs, set healthy boundaries and help resolve trust issues you may have.

For suggestions on how to weigh the pros and cons in your marriage, improve your communication and spend quality time together, I highly recommend reading self-help workbook To Stay Or Not To Stay.

For an insight into what challenges children face when they do end up living in two houses, I suggest to read children’s book Nina Has Two Houses. The book also contains helpful tips for parents.

The post Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Orange County DA Todd Spitzer to Break Up Family Court Corruption

According to a source connected with  newly elected Orange County DA Todd Spitzer, the FBI has been called in to investigate  several court clerks, judges and divorce attorneys  for obstructing justice in CPS, divorce and custody cases following the transfer of court executive David Yamasaki from Santa Clara County in early 2017. 

Orange County  has been fraught with jailhouse snitches and federal investigations of the county’s traffic court cases, Recent emails leaked from the DA’s office indicate family courts are being investigated for covering up money laundering, drug enterprises and sex trafficking rings. 

RECRUITMENT

Ambulance chasing is to personal injury lawyers as case rigging is to  California’s family law attorneys. These lawyers chase divorces involving private businesses with crimes to conceal and family homes with millions of dollars in equity. 

Divorce can put companies at risk. Inflated expenses, cash funds, and tax evasion secreted away from shareholders can be exposed when an ex spouse’s lawyers and accountants dive in to determine the value of community property. 

According to sources involved with the investigation, since 2000 ,  small groups of lawyers have been rigging cases to get before certain elected judges or appointed private judges. 

Emails discovered in a private email account of Mr. Yamasaki and  a Silicon Valley divorce lawyer known as “Black Tulip”  indicate large payments flowing to lawyers, family court services and experts who are handsomely paid for court appointments. 

Cases appear to be  rigged when court clerks assign a case to a judge during an exparte request, or when cases are originally assigned. Clerks investigated during the 2015 traffic case scandal who were not indicted, appear to have moved either to divorce cases, or into private businesses benefiting from the criminal activity.  These individuals troll new divorce filings and in some cases work with lawyers before the case is filed to get it before a corrupt judge. The ” clients ” have no idea this is occurring such that a disqualifying 170.6 challenge can be lodged. 

SILENCE THE SPOUSE 

A critical component of this enterprise involves the emotional, financial and physical abuse of former spouses who may know too much .  Secret surveillance, personal computer hacking and cell phone Stingrays are regularly  used to discover what a spouse knows. If that spouse is determined to be a threat based on an ability to expose a former spouse’s secrets, the enterprise moves in to have reports issued to a judge that  that  claim a former spouse is ” crazy” . ” abusive ” or mentally unfit to parent children, or to remain in the family home. Stripping women in particular of their home and their children is so destabilizing, it changes the game for the enterprise.

Staffers in Family Court Services, or CPS,  appear to issue reports favorable to the enterprise such that the report can be rubberstamped by a judge, which helps the enterprise avoid detection.

Spouses busy fighting move out or supervised visitation orders are too fragile to challenge the financial aspect of a divorce case.  

Before mandatory JCC,  or emergency screening hearings occur, the enterprise has already rigged the outcome of custody decisions  with judges working for the enterprise in return for future employment in private judging, mediation and arbitration once they leave the bench 

 The FBI investigation has focused on Dr. Rebecca Bailey, and her reunification camp following news reports by NBC Bay Area.  Parents scouring the courthouses for other victims of the enterprise have also become investigators best sources, as few DA offices are prepared to properly investigate family courts and related cases. 

SECRET AGREEMENTS- FLEAs (Family Law Elite Attorneys)  

Divorce lawyers calling themselves ” Elite” Family Law Attorneys  (FLEAs)  have been known to law enforcement, and the courts since 2000. Little has been done to stop these lawyers, whose work  and misdeeds remain largely underground. 

FLEAs operate regular legal practices in the area of family law, where 80% of cases are quickly resolved or settled. For the other 20% , FLEAs identify a spouse with secrets to hide and focus on destroying the other spouse in a divorce case in order to protect secrets could result in criminal charges. This conduct serves to protect clients who are  vulnerable to a criminal enterprise orchestrated to protect the secrets from the IRS, the DOJ and the FBI. 

Businesses in the  marijuana  industry, transportation, professional sports organizations and tech are the main flow of cash to the FLEAs. Bad cops collecting cash and turning away from drug and sex traffickers act as a freeway for cash payments and bribes to elected politicians, judges and private divorce lawyers. Above board these lawyers are paid with the sale of the family home, or rental properties, but behind the scene far more money is moving in illegal payments. 

Well paid lawyers are loyal and protective of the criminal enterprise. 

In Orange County, as designed first in Santa Clara County, lawyers, minor’s counsel and private judges are assuring payments of cash to pay off loans on the properties and investments of the judges whose disclosures are carefully monitored by the press. 

CALIFORNIA’S REAL ESTATE HOLDS THE KEY

Divorcing spouses are often surprised to learn a former spouse is willing to sell real estate to pay legal costs in effort to drag out cases. And many spouses are surprised to learn courts willing to sell these houses to pay the enterprise, rather than preserve community property as the law provides. 

Victims of the criminal enterprise report high conflict custody disputes left them ill prepared to recognize the scheme to sell the family home. 

Most alarming has been the discovery that elected judges in Santa Clara, San Mateo, San Diego, San Francisco, LA and Orange County regularly fail to disclose their real properties on the required From 700. Worse are cases involving private judges with real estate holdings that are not required to be disclosed.

Emails between Black Tulip and Court CEO David Yamasaki indicate Rebecca Bailey has been one of bad actors assisting the enterprise in laundering money, abusing children and silencing the parents who dare to speak up. It is estimated that Mr. Yamasaki has orchestrated the illegal transfer of billons of dollars of California home equity in the state’s family court cases caught up the web of a criminal activity designed to separate children from their families, and sell off the family home in order to operate.   

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