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non-physical cheating

Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage?

non-physical cheating

 

The question “is cheating a reason for divorce” is highly personal. The answer depends on the state your marriage was in before the alleged ‘cheating’ occurred. An unstable marriage is more likely to reach a breaking point if infidelity is suspected.

Ultimately, the question can only be answered after you first take a closer look at what YOU define as ‘cheating’ and what YOU feel is acceptable or unacceptable in your marriage.

Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage?

For some women, cheating is having a physical relationship with someone outside the marriage (i.e. kissing, fondling, oral sex and/or intercourse). Other women have more liberated ideas about fidelity when they allow a third person to join them in the bedroom for a threesome.

They don’t consider this ‘cheating’. For others, having an emotional relationship with another woman counts as cheating. Some men still talk openly to ex-girlfriends and this is accepted in the marriage. In other marriages this is an absolute no-no, especially if this is happening secretly.

Then there are gray areas where no specific third person or emotional involvement is involved.

Would you consider going to a strip club as cheating?

Does watching porn in magazines or on the web qualify as cheating? In this case, it seems to be only the fantasy of another body that the husband is looking for.

What about more indirect contact like ‘friending’ an ex on Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn? Would it make a difference if communication is open or hidden?

How you define cheating depends on your personality, your threshold, your level of self-confidence, how strict you set the rules at the beginning of your relationship and your level of trust.

Over time, relationships change. If you were comfortable with allowing other women close to your man and felt secure in your relationship at the beginning, your level of comfort and security may change as life and the relationship changes. In long term relationships, the focus gradually shifts from physical attraction to love and intimacy.

That initial spark may wear off as you get caught up in daily routines. If you have kids and your daily life gets busier and more focused on the children, the relationship needs to be nurtured to keep the connection alive. Regular date night and effective communication can be the key.

Before you make the decision to file for divorce when you feel hurt and betrayed… pause…Decisions made in a highly emotional state of mind are not always the wisest.

Consider the consequences of divorce for everyone (especially the kids) and weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. If infidelity is your reason to consider divorce, make sure your definition of what is ‘cheating’ is clear to you and your spouse.

Bottom line is that every relationship has ‘rules’ that need to be clear to both partners. If boundaries are vague, they can easily be crossed. Open communication is key. If one of the partners is hiding something, it is time to have a serious talk together. If you feel that talking doesn’t get you the results you want, couples counseling could be an option.

A therapist can help both of you clarify your needs, set healthy boundaries and help resolve trust issues you may have.

For suggestions on how to weigh the pros and cons in your marriage, improve your communication and spend quality time together, I highly recommend reading self-help workbook To Stay Or Not To Stay.

For an insight into what challenges children face when they do end up living in two houses, I suggest to read children’s book Nina Has Two Houses. The book also contains helpful tips for parents.

The post Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Divorce Attorney Elise Mitchell's Private Files Document Blow Jobs to Judges

Judge Zayner Links Court to College Cheating Scandal


Stanford University Law School
was hoping this video would not be found. It was.

This video  connects Judge Zayner of the Santa Clara County Superior Court with the recent college cheating scandal and implicates him in a criminal medical fraud scam involving Stanford University hospitals. 

A criminal investigation is now underway to see if Zayner used his power and position as an elected judge to rig probate and divorce cases as well as civil cases involving Medicare Fraud and antitrust activity in the area’s medical industry. 

Zayner’s wife, Dawn Neisser,  was recently overheard talking about this 2012 video and how she and her husband used to skinny dip and do drugs with others on the campus in a manner that would be considered highly embarrassing to a sitting judge.  Zayner’s involvement in the pharmaceutical industry and Stanford Healthcare is also drawing attention following the exposure of the College Cheating  Scandal, where Zayner repeatedly violated the law and refused to recuse himself in cases where he was trying to rig outcomes to benefit is almamater. 

A review of Zayner’s family law and probate cases show Zayner, through his associations with the Inns of Court,  Judge Zayner provided favors and favorable rulings to lawyers with a Stanford degree. In  the county’s divorce, probate and conservatorships, Zayner allowed court fiduciaries and private judges to take over money management of the elderly and disabled in a manner that resulted in the conversion of estates to Zayner’s closest Stanford University buddies. 

An investigative  report by the San Jose Mercury News
, highlighted some of the worst cases, but what Zayner did in the county’s divorce cases may have been worse. 

Known for his stoic bench conduct, Zayner may have not been the legal mind he wanted the public to believe. A core group of local judges, lawyers, Stanford professors  tapped Zayner years ago. His political rise in the courts appears to directly correlate to family and probate cases where “winners” became big donors to Stanford’s hefty endowment., or Stanford Hospital. 

Former clerks and interns secretly kept  files of Zayner’s contacts. Those contacts are now being cross-referenced with others  indicted in the college cheating scandal, as Zayner’s family law and civil  cases are getting a new look.  

The investigation has also brought scrutiny to Judge Lori Pegg, the county’s family court presiding judge and former County Counsel for Santa Clara County. Pegg and Zayner have reportedly been working in concert to cover up scandalous child support abuses, and protect Stanford University professors  who were charged with child abuse and domestic violence in their divorce cases. Worse Lori Pegg and Theodore Zayner appear to have been working to toss out civil cases involving police misconduct, in order to save the county billons in embarrassing lawsuits. 

Zayner was also the subject of a recall effort in the summer of 2016, but a secret deal with Stanford Professor Michele Dauber and Santa Clara County District Attorney Jeff Rosen saw that recall foiled and Persky recalled instead. 

All those dots are now being connected and Judge Zayner, known for favorable rulings for  Stanford lawyers, and in cases where Stanford alum will benefit, as Zayner remained  silent on judges engaging in misconduct may get a new look. 

The innocent video produced by a sitting Judge’s wife, may not be as innocent as Judge Zayner would like it to be as a core group of disgruntled parents and students set out to do the investigation the courts refuse to do. 

If you had judge Zayner in a probate, divorce or conservatorship case- email us at: CalJohnQPublic@gmail.com

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what role does biology play in cheating

What Roles Does Biology Play In Cheating?

what role does biology play in cheating

 

Cheating is fairly common behavior. And, according to the video, The Science Behind Infidelity, biology plays a role in why some people cheat. It would seem, the choice to cheat may be driven by a strong biological urge.

Not something that excuses the cheating but, something to consider when dealing with a spouse’s cheating. Maybe. We all have biological urges; some we must respond to or damage or health. Urination for example.

The biological urge to have sex with someone other than your spouse won’t damage one’s health if that urge is denied. So, even though biology plays a role in cheating, we don’t have to give into the biological urges.

What Role Does Biology Play in Cheating?

1. Gene coding for a dopamine receptor plays a key role in cheating and sexual promiscuity for men and women. Research shows that individuals with at least one 7-repeat allele (7R+) report a greater categorical rate of promiscuous sex.

Dopamine is called the “happy hormone” and is released after pleasurable activities (Sex). Research shows that 50% of people who have the long allele variant of the dopamine receptor have cheated on their spouse compared to only 22% who have the short allele.

People with the long allele dopamine receptor also have a tendency to be risk takers and to abuse alcohol and drugs. So, the phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater” may be true for those long allele dopamine receptor folks.

Want to make sure you aren’t marrying one of these long allele variant folks? Take them to a local lab and ask for collected buccal wash sample that is genotyped for the DRD4 VNTR. Or, marry them and trust they won’t give in to that particular biological urge.

2. Levels of the hormone vasopressin also play a role in cheating on a spouse. Vasopressin effects trust, empathy and sexual bonding. The higher the level of vasopressin receptors a man has, the more likely he is to cheat. And, the less likely they are to bond to a spouse emotionally.

3. Money or, how much more you earn than your wife, plays a role in cheating behaviors. Males who earn significantly more than their wives are more likely to cheat. Not good news for stay-at-home moms who earn no money!

But, on the other hand, stay-at-home Dads are more likely to cheat than stay-at-home Moms. According to Dr. Christin Munsch, “In an average year, there was nearly a 5 percent chance that women, who are completely economically dependent on their husbands, will have affair— while there’s about a 15 percent chance entirely dependent men do.”

It would seem women find being financially dependent on a husband easier than men who are dependent financially on a wife. Only when there are similar income levels between spouses does money not play a role in cheating.

Life Factors That Increase The Risk Of Cheating:

Unresolved emotional issues:

Unresolved emotional childhood issues can cause people to repeat negative relationship patterns. If you grew up exposed to parents who had a high conflict marriage due to their own inability to solve marital problems, you will take those patterns into your own relationships.

If you grew up with an obsessively controlling mother or father, you may carry resentment toward men or women into a relationship. Cheating is a subconscious way of “getting even” with a parent. In the end, it’s a spouse that pays the biggest cost, not the parents.

Baggage from past relationships:

People who haven’t let go and dealt with baggage from a previous marriage are more likely to cheat with a previous spouse. Be careful when becoming involved with a man or woman who still harbors negative or positive feelings for an ex.

Most think that “I hate my ex” means he/she is done with the ex. Not true! Hate and love share the same side of a coin. Hate is an emotion, meaning that person still has an emotional connection to their ex. That isn’t a relationship you want to become too involved in.

Bottom line, there are many reasons someone cheats. Be it unresolved family issues or biology we still have free will that allows us to make choices based on our moral beliefs.

The post What Roles Does Biology Play In Cheating? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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