parental alienation

What I Learned About Parental Alienation When I Was Alienated From My Children

parental alienation

There should be no doubts as to the very real existence of parental alienation syndrome. A rose by any other name is still a rose.


Shortly after my divorce was final my ex started a systematic brainwashing of my children. For her, divorce was unacceptable and when I chose to leave our problem-riddled marriage she viewed it as me abandoning the family as a whole. And, she made it her job to make sure our children felt the same way she did. Within a year of our final decree, neither of my 3 children would see or communicate with me.

My children were my life and, being unwilling to do without them in my life I started researching and learning everything I could about parental alienation. Below is a bit of what I’ve come to believe about PAS, the parent who alienates and what needs to be done in such situations.

I’m happy to say that, with the help of an outstanding therapist, an educated family court judge and a psychiatric evaluation of myself and my ex wife, within two years I had my children back in my life. Some, though, aren’t as lucky as I and can end up alienated from their children for life.

No child or parent (mother or father) should ever have to live the horror of alienation at the hands of a personality disordered ex.

The best way to prevent the abuse of parental alienation is to have all families where there is a conflict issue go through specialized, court-ordered counseling with a parental alienation specialist. Or, at least someone with a high success rate who specializes in working with families in grief management, anger management, and impulse control.

Why these specialties? Because in 99% of the cases of PAS (parental alienation syndrome), the alienating parent may be borderline narcissistic. They have extremely low self-esteem and believe they have to be perfect or they are not loveable. And if they are not loveable, then they will be abandoned. And this is their biggest fear, being abandoned.

For this reason, they will do anything to make sure that they are seen as the perfect and only parent for the children. You can add to this the fact that they are stuck in the anger stage of the grieving process of divorce and cannot move forward. They constantly project their issues and anger onto and through the children or what I call Borderless Boundaries. These parents need help to grieve properly as do the children.

It is imperative that proper parental alienation education and training be provided to divorce attorneys, counselors, therapists, child agencies as well as to the family court and judges.

Without proper education and awareness, the damages caused by aligning the children with only one parent will be horrific and permanent.

Children have the right to both parents in their lives. There is no room for false allegations and contempt of court orders. The courts need to start penalizing for these transgressions. Until this is done, families will continue to be ripped apart and the children made to suffer.

Regrettably, this suggestion MAY serve to help only the PAS child, someday but not immediately. It may have no impact in facilitating the reunification between a parent and their child, at least not initially. This may offer only the hope that your legacy to your child will be aware of the truth.

Many knowledgeable professionals have likened parental alienation to cult indoctrination.

But this issue is immeasurably more insidious: whereas victims of cult indoctrination are not initially in a dependency relationship with the cult leader and therefore had the option to reject the indoctrinator, children are very much dependent upon their brainwashing parent.

Because of the dependency needs of children, resisting the alienating parent, who is generally but NOT ALWAYS, the residential parent, can be terrifying to them. So as despicable as these children treat their targeted/alienated parent, they have no good options for escaping this dysfunctional family dynamic.

They are in a no-win situation, a double bind, a catch 22. Their situation is crazy-making, which explains why the psychiatrists who eventually founded the family therapy movement in the 1950s first observed ON THE PSYCHIATRIC WARD the characteristic family dynamic of parental alienation syndrome.

Child psychiatrist, Murray Bowen, had labeled this dynamic as the “Pathological Triangle.” He was so convinced as to the detrimental effects on children of this dysfunctional coalition between one parent and a child to the minimization and disengagement of the other parent, that when he hospitalized the child, he also hospitalized the entire nuclear family!

Yes, although it is accurate to credit child psychiatrist, Richard Gardner, to have first labeled this family dynamic as PAS, the family dynamic has nonetheless been observed and systematically documented by psychiatrists/family therapists for more than 60 years.

For the naysayers, like Janet Johnston, Joan Kelly, Stephanie Dallam of the Supervised Family Network, there should be no doubts as to the very real existence of parental alienation syndrome. A rose by any other name is still a rose.

The post What I Learned About Parental Alienation When I Was Alienated From My Children appeared first on Divorced Moms.



Judge Persky Recalled: Victims Issue Final Word

                  Do Judges Hear the Victims Yet?


​James McManis has profited from the rape culture in Santa Clara County for years, and he was the major donor for the No on Persky Recall Campaign that went down in flames on June 5th is Santa Clara County. 

​On one side of the recall where judges and lawyers who vowed to keep the “independence ‘ of the judiciary. This side was led by former Santa Clara County judge La Doris Cordell, who was not very nice to the protestors on the other side, showing the judge culture still runs deep in her veins. 

​On the other side, the Recall Persky side,  were moms, a few dads,  and an army on social media. An army that is  fed up with a judiciary that was anything other than impartial and independent. An army La Doris Cordell and the aging judiciary were ill prepared to face in a local election. 
​                                                       POOR PERSKY? NOT ! 

​Yes, Persky had a family. Yes, Persky was a nice guy. Yes, Persky was one of the county’s smartest and best judges, but Judge Aaron Persky was still part of a Judge Culture that voters and the #metoo movement said must go. 

​Before he went though Persky, who could have retired , cost Santa Clara County tax payers over $5 million dollars in security, recall ballots and other costs merely to make a point for the judiciary. A point he will never make now that he is the first Superior Court judge to be recalled in California after 86 years. 

​Persky will forever be linked to his ruling in the sentencing of Brock Turner. Persky will live out his days with that being his judicial legacy. His children will see it, and his family will feel the financial pinch that all families who were trapped in Persky’s court felt for years. When Persky’s grandchildren look him up on line, they will see the recall, the protests and perhaps they will see where history changed in California’s courts. 

​Persky loses his $150,000 a year pension, but more importantly he loses the millions he could have made working at JAMs and as a private judge, referee or Special Master. 

​Some say Persky will not lose and that law firms like  McManis  Faulkner are already cashing  in on hopes of getting  Persky assigned in complex cases. 

​The  issue that failed to come out before the election, was related to Persky’s  rulings in family court. That is where Persky was seduced into the culture of criminal activity  that would eventually be his downfall in the recall election. 

​Judge Persky oversaw the Wahl v Perkins case, a case where divorce attorney Bradford Baugh was disqualified, but Persky never appears to have reported Baugh, as Canon 3D2 required. And while attorney misconduct appears to run rampant in Santa Clara, very few judges ever do anything about it.  ​Persky has personal knowledge of lawyer and judge crimes, and ironically, Persky is the one being tossed from the bench, not the criminal judges and  family law attorneys. 

​As the judges and lawyers who endorsed the No on Persky Recall scratch their heads in amazement, several fractions of the Persky Recall are turning their attention to District Attorney Jeff Rosen, who is said to have known about Antitrust activity in Santa Clara County divorce cases that serves to harm women and children, and he did nothing. 

​                                            SOLANO COUNTY MOVES JUDGES – #METOO! 

Santa Clara had the signs ……..and media attention, but  a small group of women who are true warriors continue to impeach and recall bad judges who are violating rights where  children are concerned.

​These moms, labeled a “MOB”, have had enough and are supporting each other in court watching, letter writing and yes, that dirty  deed, protesting. 

Soon all judges will learn they just might want to start worrying about social media and protestors because they are not going away.

Trying to get DA Jeff Rosen to worry about the crimes Mary Ann Grilli, James Towery, Nat Hales, James Mc Manis, Bradford Baugh , and countless others committed in divorce and custody cases, is point less. So Jeff Rosen is about to see what voters have planned for him. 

​Molly O’Neal, of Santa Clara County’s Public Defender’s office, called victims who supported the recall of Judge Persky a “Mob”. Funny, look at the MOB in Solano County, they look more like a group of moms angry at judges who took their children, for no legal reason. 

​Bye Bye Persky. Bye Bye Carringer.

Who is next in 2018? Still time to recall or impeach judges, the DA and the politicians who protect them over protecting victims and children. 



5 Tips To Guide You Through Father’s Day After Divorce

Father's Day after divorceWhen you are first issued your divorce decree, it might not hit you how uncomfortable Father’s Day can be the first year after your divorce.

The major holidays are significantly more complicated after divorce and require careful planning to avoid conflict and hurt feelings. Father’s Day can be especially tough since this day in particular is supposed to be all about you.

Here are some tips to guide you through your first Father’s Day after divorce.

Talk to your ex

Ideally, your parenting time will fall on Father’s Day and you will be free to celebrate however you please. Sometimes, this is not the case and other arrangements must be made in order to accommodate any festivities you have planned.

She might be the last person you want to talk to, but it is worth reaching out to your ex to work out a plan. If Father’s Day does not fall on your scheduled weekend, ask her if you can work out a compromise. Offer to let her have the kids an extra weekend, so you can have them for the holiday.

It will help your case tremendously if you were cooperative on Mother’s Day. As with all aspects of co-parenting, working out holiday custody arrangements requires clear communication and flexibility.

If, for whatever reason, your ex tries to withhold parenting time from you on Father’s Day, you should get in touch with your family law attorney immediately.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Be honest with your children

Previous Father’s Day celebrations were probably whole-family affairs. Adjusting to a more low-key holiday is going to be different for your kids as well, so be aware that they also might be dealing with some difficult emotions.

Acknowledge that Father’s Day feels a little different this year and let them know that it is OK to feel sad. You can admit that you are feeling a little down about things too. Make sure you reinforce that even though things are different, you and your kids still love each other.

Help them out with gifts

In years past, your wife probably helped the kids pick out a gift for you for Father’s Day. Depending on their age, your children might not know what to do now that Mom is not around to help out. This could be a source of anxiety for them if they are worried about you being disappointed on Father’s Day.

You might consider enlisting the help of a relative or close friend to help them figure out a gift idea. You can even supply them the money to pay for it. This is not about making sure you get a Father’s Day present but rather ensuring that you and your children are able to happily enjoy the day together.

Celebrate on a different day

The worst-case scenario is that you have to spend Father’s Day separated from your kids. In that case, just celebrate Father’s Day on a different weekend.

Just because you are celebrating on a day that is not designated as “Father’s Day” should not make the day any less special. The holiday is about acknowledging the special bond fathers have with their children, and that is something you should be able to celebrate on any day.

Take everything in stride

The most important thing to do on your first Father’s Day after divorce is to take everything in stride.

Keep in mind that the sad emotions you are feeling are entirely normal. It is OK to feel that way.

“It’s normal for a dad to be experiencing some sadness, some anger, some feelings of loss and just the sense that this isn’t what I wanted to have with my child,” said author, speaker, and teacher Laura Petherbridge. “Just knowing that those emotions are normal and that he’s not losing his mind or weird or something because he’s experiencing that is three-fourths the battle.”

Even if the day is a bummer, remember that it is just one day on the calendar. Even if you do not get the ideal Father’s Day celebration, the role you are playing in the lives of your children is crucial. Nothing can change that.

The post 5 Tips To Guide You Through Father’s Day After Divorce appeared first on Dads Divorce.


divorced dads reestablishing trust

How Divorced Dads Can Reestablish Trust With Their Children

divorced dads reestablishing trustOne of the greatest challenges divorced dads face is the process of rebuilding trust and maintaining a positive, healthy relationship with their children.

As a father, your children tend to look to you as a source of protection and stability. When they see their parents argue and then divorce, that secure foundation is rocked.

Depending on the age of your child, they might blame you for the divorce and side up with their mother. That can be even worse if your ex-wife engages in the process of parental alienation, which should be considered a serious threat to the child’s overall well-being.

The period immediately following your divorce is a critical time for your relationship with your kids. Depending on the circumstances of your divorce, you might need to devote considerable time toward rebuilding a level of trust with them.

Here are several ways divorced dads can build back trust with their children.

Encourage open communication

It is important to be considerate of the emotional turmoil that your children have experienced and encourage them to talk about what they are feeling.

Repressing emotions is extremely harmful and can lead to long-term mental and physical health issues. Let your children know that it is OK to express whatever they are feeling. Be aware that this might mean you hear them talk about feeling anger towards you, but that is better than letting them harbor hidden resentment that festers.

You also should offer to answer any questions your kids have about your divorce. You do not necessarily have to tell them all the details about your breakup, but you should not be secretive either.

Your children might not feel comfortable discussing everything with you. They might feel like that means they are taking sides with you or their mother. If that is the case, you should consider whether your kids would benefit from seeing a licensed professional therapist or counselor who can help them work through everything they are going through.

It is important to be considerate of the emotional turmoil that your children have experienced and encourage them to talk about what they are feeling.
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Be a good co-parent

The major dilemma children of divorce face is that they love both of their parents, even though their parents no longer love each other. Maintaining strong, healthy relationships with both parents is a challenge due to the inherent complications of divorce.

This is problematic because having two active and engaged parents is the best way to offset many of the risks children of divorce face.

With that being the case, the onus is on you and your ex-wife to put your personal differences aside in order to find a way to effectively co-parent. This involves swallowing some pride and acknowledging that your children are better off having their mother involved in their lives, even if she is a person who has wronged you.

Good co-parenting requires clear communication, flexibility, and cooperation. Co-parenting takes effort from both sides, so you only have so much control if your ex is particularly disagreeable. If that is the scenario you find yourself in, consider parallel parenting, which is a high-conflict co-parenting model.

If you have done everything you can think of to get your ex to cooperate with you and she is still starting arguments and failing to live up to her end of the deal in your co-parenting arrangement, you should contact your family law attorney. An attorney who focuses on men’s and father’s rights can determine whether there are any legal remedies available that could improve your co-parenting situation.

Always keep in mind that co-parenting is about doing what is best for your kids. That should give you more than enough incentive to find a co-parenting system that works.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Be engaged

You are now sharing custody of your children, which means it is critical to make the most out of the parenting time you do have. It is not enough to just spend time with your kids. You need to ensure that you are actively engaged and present every second you are together.

“Being present is really about how much of yourself you really give to your kids,” said Han-Son Lee, who runs DaddiLife, a website and community for modern dads. “We see a lot of parents who are sometimes on the phone and there physically in the same space as their kids but not emotionally or mentally there. I think being present is about really being there for our kids and making sure there aren’t those digital distractions and various notifications and beeps and buzzes so that way you can really be present in the time that is most necessary for Dad.”

This should not be an issue for most fathers. The latest fatherhood research tells us modern dads are finding new and creative ways to stay active in their children’s lives more so than previous generations of fathers ever did.

The post How Divorced Dads Can Reestablish Trust With Their Children appeared first on Dads Divorce.



Judge Persky Divides  Silicon Valley:  Vote June 5th

Parents from Home & School Clubs Protest Persky (Above) , Judges and lawyers Protect Persky by costly Anti- Recall effort (Right) 
 San Jose, CA – June 5, 2018- All around local schools, banks and businesses, people are talking about how they will vote on the issue of recalling Judge Persky this coming Tuesday, June 5th. . Also up for discussion is the highly contested Sheriff’s race, and elections for Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors. The election has brought moms, and dads, out in droves to protest local government and courts. 

Maria Hernandez, a virtual unknow, is running for Santa Clara County Supervisor District 4, out of frustration based on how women and whistleblowers have been treated in Silicon Valley for decades. District 5, Mike Wasserman’s seat is up for grabs, and Wasserman is reportedly facing a scandal related to sexual abuse and harassment in his local Synagogue, Shir Hadash. 

Judge Persky became the subject of a recall vote following his light sentencing of Brock Turner in the Sandford Sexual Assault case. The recall is being led by  Stanford’s Professor Dauber, but has brought women out in droves to protest on the streets, speak in local Supervisor’s meetings, and campaign to reform a local judiciary that is biased toward women, children, the elderly and the poor. 

As the world focused on the light sentence Persky was inclined to give Turner, following a jury conviction, campaigns on social media that included;, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram began to expose that Persky is not alone.  

Few people know that Persky merely adopted a probation report (reportedly issued by a woman) , and in doing so did nothing legally wrong. For mothers of sons, the ruling , and the life long designation as a registered sex offender was punishment enough for Brock Turner, but for others, Persky rubberstamping the probation report was similar to his rubber stamping of custody and vocational reports in family court, where Antitrust and RICO activity appears to be alive and well. 

The Persky recall has sharply divided Santa Clara County residents. On one side, the judges and lawyers, led by La Doris Cordell, call for independence of the judiciary. On the other side, moms, dads, teachers, bankers, and others who are fed up with how courts are treating people, making the local courts more about lawyer popularity than the law. 

An independent judiciary  seems to be a farce where this year’s  election is concerned. Local judges have been lining up for their 15 mins. of fame trying to get the media spotlight. 

A recently leaked email appears to indicate judges, and corrupt insider, seeking to unseat Sheriff Laurie Smith may also be getting some help from  Sean Webby, a former reporter from the  San Jose Mercury, who now is employed as the Public Information Officer for the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s Office. 

 A flurry of negative press appears to be connected  to Jeff Rosen, through, the San Jose Mercury News, where rumors abound that . Smith has reportedly refused to play ball with Rosen in recent years. This appears to be  especially true  in high profile cases involving 49er football players, and teen suicide, where Rosen has advanced his career,  and that of his wife’s, Amber Rosen, who was recently appointed to the Santa Clara County Family Law Bench. 

Persky is no doubt  part of a white male culture that has made women a commodity through local court rulings in Santa Clara County in recent years, a culture that just might not last so long if the #METOO movement has anything to say about it.  


5 Challenges Divorced Dads Must Overcome

5 Challenges Divorced Dads Must Overcome

5 Challenges Divorced Dads Must Overcome 3Divorce is a tough process for everyone, but it can be especially brutal for dads. There are a number of societal, cultural, and legal factors that seem to conspire to make life for divorced dads difficult.

The good news is there also are some upsides to the divorced dad life, but there are some obstacles to overcome first. To get to that healthy place where you can enjoy your newfound freedom and quality time with your children, it is imperative to find a divorce attorney who focuses on fathers’ rights, whom you can trust to keep yours and your children’s best interests in mind.

If you are at the beginning of the divorce process, a divorce lawyer for men can help you understand what you are up against and figure out realistic goals you want to achieve.

Here are five of the biggest challenges divorced dads must face.

System that seems predisposed against them

The frustrating and sad truth that many dads discover is that at every turn, the family court system seems to be predisposed against fathers.

The shared parenting movement has gained a lot of momentum in recent years, as more courts are recognizing the importance of fathers, but the child custody statutes throughout the United States still do a poor job of promoting the equal involvement of both parents.

There still are too many gender stereotypes that stem from the traditional nuclear families of the 1960s, where the father supported the family financially while the mother stayed home to take care of the kids. This is unfortunate because society has evolved drastically and it is no longer safe to assume that the wife is taking on the primary domestic and childrearing responsibilities.

Data from the Pew Research Center shows that the employment rate of married mothers increased from 37 percent in 1968, to 65 percent in 2011. At the same time, an increasing number of dads are quitting their jobs and staying home to raise their children while Mom advances her career.

Not only are divorced dads less likely to get custody of their kids, but they also are more likely to get saddled with alimony and child support, which is a whole other challenge.

Many dads hit the pause button on their own careers for the good of their families and then feel shame about asking for alimony, even when it is deserved and necessary.

These double standards make divorce seem like a lose-lose proposition for many fathers. With so many factors working against you, it is especially important to get in touch with a family law attorney who focuses on men’s divorce. They will understand the unique challenges dads face during the divorce process and can guide you through the steps needed to take in order to ensure your rights are protected.

The frustrating and sad truth that many dads discover is that at every turn, the family court system seems to be predisposed against fathers.
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A broken child support system

Since divorced dads are less likely to gain primary custody of their children, they are thus more likely to be ordered to pay child support. In theory, child support would ensure all the necessary expenses required to raise a child are taken care of. The items your monthly payments can be used on should be limited to only those items that contribute directly to your child’s upbringing and well-being.

In practice, the system is flawed, archaic, and tends to take a disproportionate toll on low-income fathers.

This is how the system ends up working for many fathers: They are given a monthly child support order that is based on their current income (or, in some states, that income is imputed, which is a whole other issue). However, life changes and a man’s employment is fluid, so perhaps that dad is laid off and temporarily out of work.

Just because he is unemployed, his child support does not automatically pause. He must file a motion to modify that order, which usually requires the help of an attorney – an additional cost for someone who already is struggling financially. The process is so confusing that a lot of guys do not even bother with it.

Child support arrears quickly start to snowball, and suddenly, there is a mountain of debt. If he falls too far behind, he can be sent to prison for contempt of court. While he is locked up, those child support payments keep coming, unless he acts to stop it. This crushing cycle goes on and on.

If you find yourself in a situation where you cannot afford your child support payments, it is critical to get in touch with a family law attorney as soon as possible to see what  you can do to modify the order. The cost of the lawyer pales in comparison to the debt that can add up by failing to act.

Unfair stereotypes

Part of the reason that the child support system is so harsh on divorced fathers is because for years, there has been an overemphasis on collecting payments. The system priorities enforcement over fatherly involvement in children’s lives.

This punitive system is largely the product of the myth of the deadbeat dad. There is an assumption in society that there are a bunch of dads out there who are capable of making child support payments but refuse to do so. This stereotype originates from a 1986 CBS report that profiled a man named Timothy McSeed, who bragged about having six children who he refused to support financially.

While there certainly are irresponsible fathers, and mothers, out there, it is dangerous to generalize based on anecdotal evidence. Empirical data paints a much different story about dads in the child support system.

According to a U.S. General Accounting Office Report, 66 percent of all child support not paid by fathers is due to an inability to come up with the money. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that most economically disadvantaged fathers still did what they could to provide non-monetary contributions, such as baby products, clothing, and food.

Cordell & Cordell Founder and Principal Partner Joe Cordell has been helping men and fathers through divorce and custody issues for more than 25 years, and he says it is wrong to paint with such a broad brush.

“I know most of these men are not bad people; they love their kids, they want what is best for their kids, they want to be there for their kids,” Mr. Cordell said.

Dads frequently are the butt of jokes in marketing campaigns and often relegated to the second-string parent. Just a couple years ago, Amazon sparked an online protest for naming its parent-focused program Amazon Mom instead of the more inclusive Amazon Family. Old Navy also sneered its nose at dads two years ago with the release of this Father’s Day T-shirt that read “It’s Father’s Day,” but with the words “It’s Her Day” bolded.

Popular culture also tends to treat fathers as bumbling doofuses. The images of Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin would lead you to believe dads are crude, unintelligent brutes capable of little more than lounging on the couch and annoying their wives.

However, the emerging field of fatherhood research shows that modern dads are finding unique and creative ways to emotionally engage with their kids more than ever before. These fathers are doing a lot more than providing financial support. An enormous part of their identity centers on their roles as fathers, and they are committed to doing whatever possible to make sure their children’s emotional needs are met.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Tougher to find a support group

For a number of reasons, recovering from divorce is harder for men than it is for women. The emotional devastation of the divorce process hits everyone, but men and women mourn the end of relationships differently and research shows guys take longer to get back on their feet.

One of the primary reasons for this is that men tend to get more of their identity from their spouse. Couples usually share the same social circle, and when the relationship ends, their friends usually choose sides. Often, the guy will feel like his friends are abandoning him and it can be tough to develop a support group.

There also is a stigma against men displaying any sort of emotional vulnerability, which can lead to a harmful suppression of emotions and feelings. If you are struggling with divorce, do not try to be a tough guy. The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale lists divorce as the second-most stressful life event behind only the death of a spouse or child.

There is a natural tendency to shut down in the wake of divorce. It is tempting to wallow around in your apartment with beer bottles and pizza boxes strung all over the place, but this is not the road to divorce recovery.

Reach out for the help that you need. If you cannot find support from friends and family, contact a licensed therapist or counselor.

Health risks

All the stress that is thrown at dads during the divorce process often ends up having an impact on their overall health.

Not only are there health risks in the present, but men face an increased risk of developing long-term problems. Divorce increases the rate of early mortality for men by up to 250 percent. Other studies have shown greatly increased rates of cardiovascular disease, hypertension, depression, suicide, substance abuse, and cancer.

It is so easy to get caught up in the financial and familial challenges that divorce presents, but the physical health problems that can develop are just as important. Understanding these risks can help you take action, so that your chances of developing any problems are mitigated.

Cultural and societal factors devalue the importance of self-care for men. Just take a look at all the self-care sites on the Internet. They are largely focused on the needs of women. Meanwhile, men are much more reluctant to go to the doctor for regular check-ups, which likely contributes to their shorter life expectancy.

“Men are naturally looked at as strong, impenetrable and pride-driven creatures who build their worth on  how much the can ‘bear’ or handle, so it’s perceived by many men as weak for needing to take care of themselves or take downtime that doesn’t make them seem lazy,” Eliza Belle, a psychologist who focuses on men’s health, told Mel Magazine. “[That’s why] it’s taken society a long time to outwardly recognize the need for male self-care.”

Although you have a lot on your plate, it is essential to carve out time for daily exercise, even if it is just a brisk 15-minute walk around your neighborhood. Exercise is proven to fight against depression and many other health issues, and is a great way to clear your head and make sure you stay in the right frame of mind.

It also is key to make sure you are eating healthy. This can be difficult if your wife did most of the cooking, but you need to take the time to meal prep and avoid eating pizza and fast food every night. This is doubly important when your kids are with you because proper nutrition is vital to their healthy development.

The post 5 Challenges Divorced Dads Must Overcome appeared first on Dads Divorce.


Investigative Reporter Lilia Luciano of ABC 10 and SF Rappers Tell Problems in Family Court


Lilia Luciano of ABC 10 in Sacramento is the first mainstream media reporter to dive into problems in California’s divorce and custody matters, exposing the problems in family court and with CPS workers and court appointed experts. 

Perhaps the greatest loss of trust in our legal system is bubbling in family court issues, where courtrooms have become modern day popularity contests overseen by incompetent and overworked judges. False claims of abuse, the lack of judges following the law and abusive parents who conceal abuse with high paid divorce lawyers and experts are the problem. 

In CPS cases people without money or education often find their children susceptible to federal funding that encourages CPS workers to get children into the system and placed in foster care. 

Lilia has featured pioneers in the family court reform movement from Kathleen Russell of the Commission on Judicial Excellence, Joe Sweeney of Center for Modern Courts and Family Court Legal Custody expert Robin Yeamans of Campbell, California. Parents including Shane Down from social media #NOTYOURRIGHT to Kathey Lester, a retired federal court processor are also being covered by Lilia who is diving deep into social media to find the truth. 
Michelle Chan, a writer and mom who lost her child to a corrupt CPS process, has worked with folks like social media guru Jenny Wells  and Cathy Cohen to get these stories  out to mainstream media. 

(Lilia is reportedly a Jane and John Q Public regular reader, as are many underground lawyers sympathetic to the family court reform movement.) 

At the heart of the issue is money and corruption. Family courts in California  have been largely ignored by state lawmakers and judicial managers. The State Bar has been a runaway train, failing to discipline lawyers who use family law cases to create an underground economy that benefits themselves.  In today’s modern courts property is no longer simply divided as lawyers use domestic violence to loot from victims and  where abusers can buy verdicts that allow them to continue to emotionally and financially  abuse,  or intimate,  partners who  try to escape, or expose,  the abuse. 

The modern judge appears more prone to rule  to benefit lawyers they favor, or CPS and other Family Court Service workers who help judges keep a lid on dissent. 

In Santa Clara County, Family court service workers have been pointing investigative reporters like Luciano to problems and corruption in the system. 

In San Francisco CPS victims have joined with family court victims and organized large protests, created music and art, and used social media to investigate corruption that is harming families and children. 

Transparency and public attention will be the key to undoing the damage done in secret courts and confidential reports that are designed to profit a select few yet that  act to harm so many children. The story will be told in mainstream and social media with off shoots of creative music, art and film that seek to expose the problem in our modern family courts. 


Can My Child Come Live With Me?

Can My Child Come Live With Me?

child custodyQuestion:

My son has really struggled academically over the last couple years since his mom and I divorced. He has persistently expressed the desire to come live with me so he can get better help in school.

My wife and I have discussed this option, but she is insisting on waiting until next year until letting him move. I think this is an urgent matter as our son has really struggled coping with all the change our divorce has brought.

The reason he is struggling is a simple matter of his mother not spending enough time with him to help him with the subjects he struggles with. Could I take her to court to get the child custody order modified this year?


While I am not licensed to practice law in your state and am unable to give you legal advice, I can give you some general observations on this issue based on the jurisdiction where I practice.

Where I do practice in Virginia, to modify child custody requires a two-step process.

First, you must prove that there has been a substantial and material change since the entry of the last order, and then, you must prove that the change you are requesting would be in the best interest of the children.

Virginia Divorce Attorney Charles Hatley
Virginia Divorce Attorney Charles Hatley

Regarding the children’s desires, that would come in under the best interest of the child. The child’s desires are just one element of a multi-element standard.

Child custody is very jurisdiction-specific and requires a specialized knowledge of local law. For these reasons, I would suggest you contact an attorney who focuses on family law matters in your jurisdiction.

Remember, I am unable to provide you with anything more than tips on these matters, so please contact an attorney in your jurisdiction to obtain specific advice as to the laws of your state and how they impact your case.

To arrange an initial consultation to discuss rights for men with a Cordell & Cordell attorney, including Virginia divorce Lawyer Charles D. Hatley, contact Cordell & Cordell.

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children of divorce

3 Ways Children Act Out During Divorce

children of divorceChildren of divorce are forced to adjust to so many dramatic changes. As difficult as your divorce might be for you, at least you have the prospect of starting your life anew and escaping an unhappy relationship.

Children of divorce must reconcile the fact that their parents do not love each other anymore. Sometimes, one parent will demonize the other and attempt to engage the child in parental alienation, a serious threat to the child’s well-being.

On top of all that, children of divorce must deal with a new living situation, new routines, potentially a new school, and much more. Divorce turns their entire world upside down and puts them at risk for many different negative life outcomes.

All these changes can result in behavioral problems that can lead to larger issues if they are not addressed. How your child responds to your divorce can vary depending on their age, but here are some common behaviors to look out for that might indicate they are struggling and need more help.

Of course, the best way to make sure your child has a healthy adjustment to your divorce is by ensuring that both you and their mother remain actively involved in their life. Shared parenting is proven to be the best post-divorce arrangement for children.

With that in mind, the impetus is on you to do everything you can to make sure you receive a fair child custody decision and the best way to achieve that is by making sure you have a family law attorney fighting for fathers’ rights in your corner who will keep your child’s best interests in mind.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Problems socializing

Some children of divorce tend to shut down, especially in social settings. In situations where they used to be lively and active, they suddenly appear shy and timid. This might be because they are feeling depressed.

It also is common for otherwise friendly children to suddenly start acting overly aggressive with their peers. This could be because they are hurt by your divorce and struggling to come to terms with those feelings of anger.

Keep an eye on your child when they are around other children. Ask close friends, family members, and your child’s teachers to be on the lookout for unusual behavior, so you can address the problem before they develop into a larger social issue.

Trouble sleeping

Another common problem children of divorce often deal with is trouble sleeping. This is understandable considering the amount of stress they are under.

In addition to all the heartache of seeing their parents break up, they are trying to adapt to new routines and a new living situation. You and your ex need to work together to co-parent and establish regular routines as much as possible. Regular times to do homework, eat dinner, and get ready for bed can go a long way toward ensuring your child gets plenty of shuteye.

If your child persistently fails to get enough sleep, the problem could snowball into trouble at school and lead to other health issues.

Loss of appetite

Some kids struggling to adjust to their parents’ divorce will experience a loss of appetite. This is important to be on the lookout for because a proper diet and nutrition is critical to a child’s healthy development.

Make sure you plan ahead and prepare healthy, balanced meals for your child. (Teaching them how to cook also is a great opportunity for bonding time with Dad.) If your child tries to push away their plate, set rules so that they must eat finish their veggies before moving on to another activity.

What you can do

The most important thing you can do as a dad is be observant and conscious of how your child is acting so that you immediately recognize any abnormalities. Communicate with your child and encourage them to speak up about how they are feeling both physically and emotionally.

If you notice persistent problems in their behavior, it might be worth seeking the help of a licensed counselor or therapist. You can ask your family law attorney if they have any recommendations as it is common for them to have working relationships with mental health professionals.

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Judges Blink Under Threat of Social Media and Contra Costa County Family Court & CPS Protest

Judges Blink Under Threat of Social Media and Contra Costa County Family Court & CPS Protest

The Only Thing More Dangerous than Lots of Money, is Having Nothing Left to Lose! 

CPS and indifferent judges need only look in the mirror on May 8, 2018,. as hundreds of batshit crazy, disgruntled litigants, and parents denied custody of their own children will descend on Walnut Creek’s Civic Center to demand change. 

​Parents are coming from Sacramento (#notyourright) and Santa Clara County ( #freeScotttheProtestor) to demand changes in the state’s family courts. 

​The have been painting signs, posting on social media and ordering t-shirts to make sure their message is heard. 

​ABC 7 and KRON, along with a host of print reporters will be on hand learning the person survival stories involving good parents and children trapped in CPS, foster care and our family courts. 

​Sanctions- False Charges- DVRO- Parental Alienation are all on topic for the day as Judge Fannin, and Judge Lucas sit by, nervously aware such protests could end their career. 

​Retaliation being very real, protestors may wear clothing to  disguise their identity  and  to avoid the harassment and intimidation Santa Clara County routinely imposed. 

​Protesting and picketing parents intend to return to Santa Clara County to keep protesting complicit judges and cash greedy lawyers. 

The March starts at 10:15 am at the Walnut Creek Civic Center. 

​Email us for questions: