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dating mistakes

8 Dating Mistakes To Avoid When Dating After Divorce

dating mistakes



You didn’t expect to wind up back in the dating pool when you exchanged vows in front of your family and friends. Now you are alone again and longing for a new relationship. Whether you are happy or sad about it, it’s definitely not easy.

Are you still hoping to find love again? If so, don’t despair.

There is a great chance of finding just the right partner for you. In order to get to that goal, you will most likely have to go on a few dates.

Avoid these 8 dating mistakes in order to give yourself the best chance of dating success.

1. Not taking time to heal is one of the costliest dating mistakes

This is one of the most important dating mistakes that you need to avoid. Due to feeling panicky, you may wind up jumping into the dating pool right after your divorce in order to reassure yourself that you will not spend the rest of the life alone. This, however, can lead to fiascos and disappointments and make you feel even worse. There are three aspects of emotional healing that you should address prior to considering dating after divorce. This will help you avoid many other dating mistakes.

2. Being coy in terms of what you truly want can deter good men

I’ve seen many women in the dating scene trying to fit in and avoid showing their true colors. This is not because they are fake, bad personalities,  or liars. Many women are influenced by societal norms to think that they are not good enough the way they are. They’ve read articles that say “Don’t come across as too desperate to hop into another relationship.”

So, they go on dates being shy to express what they are truly after, a committed, loving relationship. And, you shouldn’t be too desperate. But, dating should be purposeful. This is the place to show your true authentic self so that you can find a guy who will be thrilled to be with you.

Avoid this dating mistake by being clear and assertive about what you are after. This exudes confidence and helps you eliminate the guys that are not on the same path as you are. Men love this anyhow.

3. Taking the dating process too seriously leads to high expectations

This dating mistake can lead to making you feel and possibly come across as desperate. Dating is meant to be fun. Although your goal is to find a life partner, your agenda for a specific date is to have fun, enjoy dinner, and getting to know the person you are meeting. With this approach, you will feel less anxious and you will be able to pick up important information about your date. You will be able to get a better sense of how this particular man relates to you.

4. Not dating more than one person at the time

If you date only one man, you don’t get a chance to open yourself up to various opportunities. This dating mistake can lead you to put all your eggs in a wrong basket. Consider dating as a job interview where you are the interviewer who is selecting the candidates. Think about how many candidates a company interviews for a position. You are selecting a life partner. I think you get the picture.

5. Jumping too quickly into another committed relationship

Committing too early can strip away the joy that comes with initial courtship. Why not allow this process to unfold naturally? Put some brakes on. Allow the men who are courting you prove to you that they are worthy of your heart and commitment. Doing so will allow you to make an informed decision regarding your lifetime partner. When you allow more time to pass, you will be able to see the guy in potential crises situations and how he reacts to your ups and downs, etc.

It’s reassuring to see when he is able to handle these kinds of situations with grace. After all, you are not seeking to have just any relationship, but you are seeking to find the one that you will be stoked about.

6. Expecting that happiness will come one day when you find “the right one.”

Going on dates with this mindset will only turn away good prospects. Remember, the law of attraction? If you are happy, you are more likely to attract and be attracted to a happy person. If you are not basically happy within yourself, it’s not likely that your relationship will be a happy one. Besides, this expectation puts a great deal of burden on another person and it leads to failure. The quest for making someone else happy can’t be fulfilled and relationships based on this attraction (depressed person and someone who will rescue and make them happy) often lead to frustration.

7. Giving up too early if you don’t see initial sparks

This dating mistake stems from the notion that we need to have an epic initial attraction in order to continue dating someone. You have to remember that you are not 17 anymore. With divorce under your belt and your hormones being more mature, you may not be able to have the same kinds of reactions as when you were younger. This is a good thing actually. Being less excitable will allow you to build a bond based on deeper attraction and compatibility.

So, give it a chance. See how it develops. Enjoy the friendship and dating the person for a while before you throw in the towel.

8. Being stuck on the same selection criteria as when you were in your 20t’s 

You did your best to find the right partner for your marriage when you were young. You two seemed like the perfect pair and everyone wondered why you divorced. Usually, when we are getting married the first time when we are young, we rely on specific criteria. We want to find a compatible partner, and we look into his education, job, looks, cultural background, etc. These are very important aspects, but it’s evident that we may not be a good match in spite of all these aspects aligning well.

At this point in your life, what matters is that you can have a good supportive friendship and that you can enjoy spending a lot of time together. This discussion goes back to healing process where you determine what works for you at this time of life. You’ve changed who you are, and you will not have the same values in life. Even if your new partner is not on the same academic level as you are, you two may be able to have the most interesting stimulating conversations and a great emotional connection.

Avoid these dating mistakes if you want to have a successful dating life after divorce. Start with healing, and when you are emotionally ready to date, enjoy the process of dating without too serious agenda. Go get to know people and have fun!

The post 8 Dating Mistakes To Avoid When Dating After Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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kickstart online dating conversations

5 Tips To Help Kickstart Your Online Dating Conversations

kickstart online dating conversations

 

So, you’ve done everything you need to get your dating profile ready for the world. You’ve touched up and perfected your bio, you’ve taken the perfect selfies, and you might even have a couple of matches already lined up to start chatting with; but then comes the biggest obstacle of them all; what are you supposed to say?

Easily the most difficult part of online dating is figuring out what to say, which can be a lot different to face-to-face conversations because it’s through a screen, and hey, what are you supposed to say?

Today, we’re going to be taking a look into everything you need to know to help kickstart your online dating conversations.

1. Start Strong

It’s a well-known fact that sending a traditional and bland ‘hey’ or ‘hi’ is not the best way to start a conversation online and will probably end up getting your messages ignored. This is because, unlike in real life, you have information you can work with from their profile, so give it a spin.

“Start off with something nice, like ‘hey, how are you?’, or say hello in another language, and then including something from their profile. Don’t be too forward, aggressively flirty, or too complimentary, it just doesn’t seem to work” explains Danny Mac, a relationship blogger at Writemyx and 1Day2Write.

2. Use Profile Information

Not sure on what to say? There’s a whole load of information on the person you’re speaking too in their profile, so read it and show that you’re interested in them. Of course, this will depend on what’s written there, but feel free to ask a question about something, or say how amazing something is that they’ve done or how you’d love to do that thing.

3. Write Complete Messages

Writing single, one-sentence messages with not a lot of detail isn’t going to grab anyone’s attention and it’s certainly not going to get an interesting and engaging reply that you’re going to want to respond to.

Instead, don’t be afraid to hold back. In the past, I’ve sent messages that have breached the dating app word-limit twice and managed to get an interesting and detailed response back which really helps to drive the conversation forward.

“This is great for so many reasons because not only is there a ton of stuff for you to talk about, it also shows you’re proactive and willing to have a conversation to actually get to know the person, rather than just mindlessly wasting time and chatting” shares Jack Harper, a lifestyle writer and editor for Britstudent and Australia2write.

4. Be Personable and Concise

You’re both on a dating website, so there’s no real reason to hold back and not say what you think. Saying lines like ‘your profile made me smile’, ‘reading your profile, I think we’d get on really well’, or even something like ‘I think we’d make a really great pair’, is a great way to start. After all, you both swiped to match with each other.

Also, make sure you’re writing proper sentences and using proper grammar to talk. Talking in broken sentences with typos and mistakes can put people off.

5. Be Yourself

People are going to want to date you because they like your personality, so you need to make sure you’re showcasing this in your messages! This relates directly to every point we’ve listed above, and you need to make sure you’re not generic, and you’re actually yourself.

Of course, this is much more difficult than if you were talking in person because you’re using written words which can sometimes be hard to show emotion and feeling in what you’re saying, but if you don’t know, then this is never going to happen.

Talk about books or movies you like, talk about your profile pictures, talk about your passions and interests. Talk about your neighborhood whatever you want that represents you.

Conclusion

As you can see, there are lots of things to think about when it comes to writing your first messages on your dating app. Remember, just be yourself and the person you are, because if you’re not, the relationship is never going to work anyway. The right person who clicks will come along in time!

The post 5 Tips To Help Kickstart Your Online Dating Conversations appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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field guide to dating after divorce

A Woman’s Field Guide To Dating After Divorce

field guide to dating after divorce

 

Dating after a divorce is both an exciting and difficult game for women. After years of marriage, going back to the dating game can be a daunting task. I know. After 18 years of marriage, 15 happy years and 3 years of hell, my divorce was finalized last year. Here’s what I learned out in the field of post-divorce relationships.

Times have changed and it’s a bit of a pain to prepare what to wear or what to say. But with dating apps all within your hand’s reach, meeting new people shouldn’t be a burden after all.

Many women feel reluctant to date after going through a divorce. The pain of the process may make them aloof of relationships, while others needed more time to heal. Many divorced moms tend to feel vulnerable at this point. One reason is that they used to have a spouse to protect them and there are children to consider.

Love is tough, but you don’t have to shut yourself out of the world. Dating again can make you feel alive and happy. You just have to know how to step out into the field again.

A 6 Step Field Guide To Dating After Divorce

1. Determine if you’re ready

Are you pressured by friends? Or are you emotionally and mentally ready? If you feel more of the latter, congratulations! You’re finally prepared to explore new relationships.

Don’t rush yourself into another relationship just to compensate for the emotional longing your former spouse left in you. Regardless if you’re in Year 1 or Year 5, being prepared is a case by case basis. Some take time while others get back up faster. And guess what, it’s all normal and okay.

If the idea of dating makes you feel off, it means you’re not yet ready. Give yourself more time.

2. Accept that you’re afraid

You don’t have to pretend that you’re a tough cookie just to date again. Accept that you’re afraid, your marriage has failed, and that you’re willing to start again.

It’s totally fine to “mourn” your failed relationship. However, don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s true that divorce may feel like an upheaval or betrayal, but you shouldn’t let yourself be consumed by negative thinking.

If you think you’re prepared, take a step forward and gamble with the idea of meeting and welcoming new people into your life.

3. Know what your intentions are

Before you go back to the dating game, ask yourself first, “what’s my intention of dating again?” If it’s to seek revenge on your ex, forget about it. It can be looking for a life-long partner, a short-term relationship that may lead to something, or purely for fun.

This intention will guide you on how you’ll deal with people while dating.

4. Join dating apps

Gone are the days when you’ll rely on someone else’s friend just to meet a new guy. You should decide first what kind of dating app you’ll want to join in. Are you into casual encounters without serious commitments or more of a serious meet-up thing?

If your end goal is to become sexually active, there are many sex dating apps that you can join in. However, take note that most men and women here have the end goal of being laid alone.

In case this isn’t what’s in your mind, it’s better to hop into casual dating apps. It always boils down to your intention of dating. As you see, it will determine how you will deal with a possible relationship: are you just testing the waters or looking for a life-long partner?

5. Learn from your mistakes

Now that you’ve decided to jump into the dating game, there’s one thing that divorce will teach you: learn from your mistakes.

Admit that you’ve committed mistakes from your past marriage. It might be bitter, but this will be your guiding light so you won’t repeat it on your next relationship.

Figure out what caused you to lose your husband or partner. Have you been too possessive? Have you lacked the intimate aspect? Each divorcee will have her own story.

6. Don’t stick to online contact

Once you’ve met someone online, don’t drag the communication on the web. Meet up after two or three weeks so you’ll know if the feelings or intentions are mutual. Is he someone just planning to get laid? Or is he someone looking for a partner for life?

It’s easy to fantasize over someone you met online. This is why it’s better to meet the person as soon as possible to check where the two of you are in terms of your relationship.

Still, practice caution: tell a friend where you’re going and invite the person to a public place first.

Remember that dating is a numbers game. About 4 out of 5 people you’ve dated will walk away. When this happens, don’t wallow into self-doubt. Just move forward and keep dating until you find your perfect match.

The post A Woman’s Field Guide To Dating After Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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