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regret your divorce

What If, Like Me, You Regret Your Divorce?

regret your divorce

 

I am a divorced mom and I regretted my divorce. Even though some time has passed, I still think about my marriage, my children and my husband and all the moments we had together. After some time spent separated from my husband, I came to the conclusion that divorce was rather the easy way out.

Let’s see how had it all started.

I met my ex-husband while volunteering at an NGO organization in my college years. We had about three years of friendship before realizing that we were made for each other. Or at least this is what we thought at the moment. The first years were full of beautiful moments, traveling adventures and getaway weekends. We both loved animals and nature. After a while, he proposed to me. I still remember that magical moment when I was surrounded by a wave of happiness and excitement.

Years passed, and we started a family. We have two beautiful daughters that are the light of our eyes. We started to concentrate more on children, and less on our relationship. We stopped keeping the passion and fire of our love alive. Children became our priority and I regret nothing about this. After reading a few articles on DivorcedMoms.com I realized that there are a lot of moms who go through this. There are a lot of couples who struggle to make their children happy and keep them safe.

Of course, no parent can be blamed for this. But those articles made me realize that there are a lot of couples who forget to keep their passion alive. In their quest of offering their children the best options, they forget about themselves as a couple. And the passion slowly decreases. And the love is not so alive anymore, but rather asleep or even dying.

Without realizing what was happening, we decided to divorce. It was a decision we both agreed with. We saw it as a solution to avoid arguments we were having too often. It was a solution to offer our children a peaceful and pleasant environment where they can develop properly. We thought that if they see us not having an argument will only make them happier. And, of course, we thought that if we do not see each other and do not live together anymore, we would be happier.

It turns out, I regretted getting divorced.

In all the time I spent as a single mom, I have realized that it is more difficult than it seems. Whether most of my time I was busy with my job and keeping my children clean and happy, I was starting to feel lonely. I started to appreciate the support my ex-husband had offered me. I read an article on DivorcedMoms.com which made it obvious for me that I was not the only one who was feeling lonely, sad and angry.

I started to accept my condition as a single mom and I wanted to create my own life. I started running. I started going out with some friends and trying to meet new people. I went through all the stages after divorce until I realized something. I realized that my divorce was a mistake. It was a decision taken under the control of negative emotions. It was a decision taken because of our egos, not because it was the right one. We thought that everything would be ok, and life would be easier if we were separated. While this might be the best decision for some couples, it was not for us.

So, what to do next?

I needed to communicate my feelings with the father of my children. I wanted to let him know what I was thinking and feeling. So, even though we met from time to time because we needed to talk about children, I invited him on a walk in the park. He accepted. After I read an article on DivorcedMoms.com, my strong opinion on why we divorced in the first place was that we lacked communication. It was a nice walk and we both openly communicated about what we thought went wrong. I discovered his perspective on our relationship. I discovered that he is still in love with me, although we did not make time for each other. The time spent without him made me realize the same thing.

We got back together and now we are happier than before. I am so glad that we got through this. Because even if this period was full of sadness, loneliness and low moments, it made me realize something very important. It made me realize that we have forgotten so much about ourselves and our love. And we forgot to communicate, which is the most important thing in a relationship.

What to extract from my personal experience? I have realized that communication is the most important thing in a relationship. And I have realized that in some cases, divorce might be the best solution. But, the most important thing I got aware of is that only time will tell. Only time will tell if it was a good decision to divorce or not.

And if you come to the conclusion that it is not, the best way to approach the situation is communication. You need to think that reconciliation is not as easy as it seems. There are sacrifices and compromises to be made. It is not easy, but if you are willing enough to do it, you can make it.

The post What If, Like Me, You Regret Your Divorce? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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8 Life Lessons You Can Teach Your Kids During Divorce

8 Life Lessons You Can Teach Your Kids During Divorce

One of the most important things you can do is to maintain a good relationship with your children during and after the divorce.

The post 8 Life Lessons You Can Teach Your Kids During Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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How to Handle an Angry Ex During Divorce

How to Handle an Angry Ex During Divorce

Out of all the emotions that can arise between exes during divorce, perhaps the hardest one to deal with is anger.

The post How to Handle an Angry Ex During Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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How to Get a Low-Cost Divorce: The Definitive Guide (2019)

How to Get a Low-Cost Divorce: The Definitive Guide (2019)

Learn how to arrange a cheap and quick divorce, free of regrets

The post How to Get a Low-Cost Divorce: The Definitive Guide (2019) appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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How to Have a Good Divorce: Tips to Help You Through the Process

How to Have a Good Divorce: Tips to Help You Through the Process

As you navigate the process, the following suggestions may assist you in making it a bit more graceful.

The post How to Have a Good Divorce: Tips to Help You Through the Process appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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letting go

Letting Go: The Prerequisite for Healing From Divorce

letting go

 

Your marriage is on the rocks and you’ve done your best to save it.

You have been doing the work. After careful reflection, you realize that things don’t look good.

You have worked on improving yourself, gone through counseling, but things between you and your husband are not any better, and the marriage is not likely to work out long term.

What next?

Make peace with your situation, learn your lessons and let go.

The importance of letting go!

Hanging on is inevitably going to bring you additional disappointment and will stop you from beginning a new life.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said that “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Looking at your marriage in a different light breaks the chains that bind you and opens up a world of possibility.

Attachment to anything, person or outcome brings suffering, because losing it, or just the fear of losing it, makes you unhappy.

The important lesson here is that you cannot move forward until you make peace with the situation you are currently in and let go of the attachments. Attachments to what happened, to what you think should have happened, to what never happened. Attachments to the man he was, to the man he is not, to the man you hoped he’d be.

Resisting “what is” is the root of suffering. Simply stated, you cannot receive blessings if your hands are tied up hanging on to baggage. As long as you hold on to the disappointments, mistakes, and hurts of the past, you won’t be able to accept a future of unlimited possibility.

Likewise, self-recrimination and regret in no way will change what has happened in the past, and also needs to be released. Living trapped in a space of regret over the things you did, the things you didn’t do or the opportunities missed will not bring you peace nor heal what’s wrong in your relationship.

Make peace with your situation and release it.

Letting Go of Dreams

You need to let go of the dreams and hopes you created around your relationship with your husband, and instead, open the door to new opportunities that can come into your life only if you are emotionally free and receptive.

It is a hard thing to do, I know. For me, it was hard to imagine a new life, and I was paralyzed by fears of the unknown. I couldn’t imagine dating other men or giving up on the future I had envisioned for myself. It is alien to conceive of a new life when you are still hung up on what could have been or, more importantly, what you think “should have been.”

But if I hadn’t made the move, I might still be stuck in a bitter marriage, with all the lack and limitation that came with living with my ex-husband. And because I was finally able to let go, I opened the way to a new life, with a new husband and blessings I never imagined.

Letting Go of Wrongs

Similarly, it is just as easy to hang on to the wrongs done and embellish them with thoughts of revenge. But what good is it? I know a woman who is still seething over her ex-husband’s infidelities. And guess what? He has moved on. He has a new love in his life while she is alone with her anger. Wouldn’t it be more productive to direct that energy towards creating a life of bliss for herself where her ex-husband is not even a thought?

When you fixate on what’s wrong, you won’t notice anything else around you, including what’s good and worthy.

Letting Go of the Past

Make no mistake…the past is over and done and cannot be changed. Dr. Wayne Dyer advised to let go of the notion that you can have a better past. How true. Take one last look at what happened, reflect on the lessons learned and don’t look back. The future is ahead. Free your hands from baggage and make room for the blessings that await you.

Letting Go of Your Mistakes

Perhaps, at some level, you feel guilty for some conduct you have engaged in that caused harm to your spouse or your relationship. We all make mistakes. Can you forgive yourself for your mistakes? Can you ask for forgiveness for those mistakes? Are you willing to make amends?

There is no benefit to living with regret and self-recrimination. Seek forgiveness, make amends where feasible and release the charge of past mistakes. Forgiving yourself and looking to the future with the resolve not to repeat these mistakes is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.

Letting Go of Attachments

You are not served either by an attachment to an unlikely script in which you and your husband live happily ever after. It feels comfortable and familiar to cling to a fantasy in which your husband is the perfect husband, not the tormentor who makes your life miserable.

But, if you’ve done everything possible on your end, living that script would require him to change. And you cannot change him. You can only change yourself.

Accepting the limitations of your husband and your relationship is the first step you can take to propel you to start over.

Accepting and Blessing What Is

If, after careful reflection, you conclude that your marriage is not working, and most likely never will, you need to accept it and move on.

Life is not going to happen until you recognize that this relationship is not the path to happiness you envisioned. To the happiness that you deserve.

Once you come to terms with it, you can objectively view your marriage as a stepping stone that got you to where you are now. It is your springboard to the future, all the wiser for it, grateful for all its lessons and character-building opportunities.

You attracted your husband into your life for a reason. Reframe your situation and learn to see him as a teacher who taught you a lesson necessary for your personal evolution. Be grateful for the lessons and thank your husband in your mind. Then release your husband and your marriage and bless them both with love.

It is now time to heal. The best is yet to come.

The post Letting Go: The Prerequisite for Healing From Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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i kicked divorce stress to the curb

How I Kicked Divorce Stress To The Curb

i kicked divorce stress to the curb

 

The dreaded divorce, it finally happened. While that wasn’t the best time of my life (not by far), there are a few great things that came out of it. My entire life I battled with stress and anxiety and the issues escalated during my divorce.

However, separation from my husband also gave me the time and will to tackle my mental health problems and kick stress to the curb. There were some activity and sporting attempts that failed for me, but others hit the spot head on!

I kicked divorce stress to the curb with the following activities.

Meditate on it

The first thing I tried during my battle with stress was meditation. There are so many amazing benefits this practice can bring you—it helps with stress, anxiety, worry, and depression. Through meditation, one can find peace of mind, return to balance and stay in the present. It’s overall great for mental health as well as panic attacks. Now that I know a few meditation techniques, as soon as I feel panic creeping in, I know how to control it and prevent it from escalating.

Boxing

Boxing is an activity that truly saved my life after divorce! I was looking for something that would help me banish the stress (and anger) out of my body and keep me fit in the process—I certainly found what I was looking for. And don’t be intimidated by the fact that boxing and other martial arts are predominately male sports. There are wonderful programs that concentrate only on women and girls, so you can feel completely safe.

But, make sure to keep a few things in mind before attending boxing classes for girls, such as equipment, warm-ups, cooldowns and various techniques that await you. Luckily, you can find plenty of info online, so you’ll be 100% prepared. However, nothing can prepare you for the sense of relaxation and satisfaction you’ll feel after your first sparring—it’s so therapeutic! Plus, the community is amazing and very supportive.

Run your way to stress relief

Another thing I tried in order to get that stress, negative energy and tension out of my body is running. Running is a great way to sweat it all out and it really helps with sleep. It’s especially beneficial to run outdoors in nature and fresh air. While I still do it periodically to keep me in shape for my boxing classes, running just wasn’t an activity for me. Honestly, if find it a bit boring. What can I say, I’m a social person!

Get Zen with yoga

Yoga is still a huge part of my life, even though I concentrate on boxing more. It’s just such a great tool that not only helps people relax but it also relieves anxiety and minimizes sleep issues connected to stress. Plus, it’s much harder and physically demanding than you might think! It activates every part of your body and keeps your mind in balance. While I prefer something more high-paced, yoga will surely help many of you out there battling with stress.

Hit the beach

Or your local swimming pool and do some laps. What’s great about swimming is that it’s perfect for all ages, all fitness levels and even for people with joint and mobility issues (it’s very low-impact). While you’re in the water, you allow your brain a break that provides clearer thinking. However, swimming is not exactly a social sport, so if you’re looking for a way to meet new people and have fun while working out, pick something else (boxing, seriously, try it now!)

While my divorce ended a few years ago, I still struggle with a few things and get that oh-so-familiar nausea in my stomach when I think about it. Luckily, I’m no longer a slave to my stress and while it’s still there, I manage it a thousand times better thanks to these amazing activities. Go give them a shot today!

The post How I Kicked Divorce Stress To The Curb appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Divorce: It’s Hard to Say Goodbye to The Memories

Divorce: It’s Hard to Say Goodbye to The Memories

Divorce turns you into strangers with shared memories.

The post Divorce: It’s Hard to Say Goodbye to The Memories appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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It’s Time to Divorce Your Story and Move On

It’s Time to Divorce Your Story and Move On

Our life is a book and sometimes we lose control because of what we’ve been through. If you’ve lost control because of the end of your relationship, it’s time to divorce your story.

The post It’s Time to Divorce Your Story and Move On appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Domestic Violence + Divorce = Murder

Domestic Violence + Divorce = Murder

On April 8, renowned Toronto neurosurgeon Dr. Mohammed Shamji pleaded guilty to the second-degree murder of his wife, Dr. Elana Fric Shamji, whom he beat and choked to death just 2 days after she served him with divorce papers. His plea brings to light the dangerous consequences that can occur when domestic violence & divorce […]

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