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The Narcissist And The Fear Of Not Knowing The Outcome

The Narcissist And The Fear Of Not Knowing The Outcome

 

Fear is a really big part of narcissistic abuse.

Not knowing how things will end up when you’re being emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially smashed, fuels that fear.

It totally feels like your outcome is bleak … but is it?

Beyond the threats, the devastation, powerlessness and lack of support there is a way to bypass the brain and let the body lead you out of fear.

Let me explain this Quantum Truth to you in my latest Thriver TV episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

One of the most terrifying things about a breakdown with a narcissist is that you have no idea how it will end up.

Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially you’ve been smashed.

You know that if you stay you will continue getting ripped to pieces, despite all your efforts to make it otherwise.

You know that if you leave that things could get even worse.

You may be facing court battles for property, businesses, resources and even your children.

The narcissist might already have seized control and ownership of many things, threatening you with how horrible they can make your life in the future.

Your outcome looks bleak.

But is it?

That question is what today’s episode is all about.

Before I get started, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission which is about a true solution to heal from narcissistic abuse.

And also remind you, that if you haven’t yet subscribed, please do.

Okay, so on with today’s episode.

 

How The Mind Perceives This

When you are in the throes of narcissistic abuse looking at the devastation of your world around you, absolutely you feel powerless.

And, it feels like you don’t have the health, sanity and resources left to go on with.

Additionally, it seems like other people don’t get it, aren’t being supportive and are not holding the narcissist accountable. They may even believe that you are the problem.

To add insult to injury, commonly legal personnel and the court system aren’t helping you either.

Things absolutely are bad, and no matter where you look there is no logical, physical proof that things can get better.

Yet, there is a deeper possibility of resurrection here that you may have never come into contact with yet.

And that is really normal because we’ve all been separated from our innate power, which is to know yourself as the Creative generative force of your experience.

We’ve been programmed to look to the outside world to try to get our answers and our power there instead.

I so know what it is like to be in this place, as I know many of you have or still do. It is completely typical of the breakdown of narcissistic abuse. And 100% understandable. However, I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

This is happening because you haven’t yet done the journey from the mind into the body to become the true Creator of your future.

Here is the divine dichotomy with this – when feeling traumatised and out-of-control, this is exactly the time when you need to make that shift the most, and it is the time when it’s the hardest to do it.

Let me explain …

 

When Traumatised, The Mind Is Energised

In narcissistic abuse breakdown the trauma is off the charts. You’re lucky to be able to make yourself a cup of tea let alone formulate a way to survive, break away and successfully rebuild your life.

Of course, you are terrified about what the future holds. You feel horribly unsafe in the present, and the horrific things in the past haunt you. Why would you have hope for the future?

Please let me explain to you the way your mind works so that you can understand why it is virtually impossible to think your way into a positive outcome.

Your brain is following your body.

The trauma that has infiltrated you, and is now literally inside you smashing your Inner Being, has a life of its own. This produces the intensely hijacking chemicals of fight and flee.

Once upon a time adrenaline and cortisol were incredibly effective to force blood and energy to your limbs to be able to run up a tree to get away from a predator. It was designed as a short-term solution, then when the threat disappeared, your system could reset to normal.

In the extreme trauma of narcissistic abuse, this isn’t happening. Because of the unpredictability, pathology, toxicity and life-sucking aspects of narcissistic abuse, you are constantly in trauma.

This means other critical processes within you are starved of nutrients and energy. Things like the ability to think straight, calmly and solidly. Your immune system is also depleted. This can make you very sick.

When you are in constant trauma, you have become a lesser, more ineffectual being.

Please know this is not your fault at all, it’s just the truth!

What this means is planning, finding solutions and the ability to inspire and generate support with familiars and authorities is seriously compromised.

This is why most people in the devastating breakdown of narcissistic abuse fare very badly. The narcissist often wins, leaving you stripped bare and even more traumatised.

It’s awful, but again it doesn’t need to be this way.

How can your future not end up on the scrap pile of life after being desecrated by a narcissist?

This is how … By doing the switch to putting your body in charge so that your brain can follow.

What does that mean?

I can’t wait to help you understand this, because it’s everything regarding your future outcome.

 

The Difference Between “Being” And “Thinking”

I really want you to understand the meaning of the word “be-come”.

It means that if you “be” it, then it will “come”. It’s vital to understand “being something” does not mean “thinking something”, it means BEING something.

I want you to feel the word “being”, as opposed to “thinking”.

Can you feel the word “being” as being in your body, in your visceral? Meaning it is anchored inside you. Which means it just is. It’s who you are being. It is Who You Are.

Now let’s think about “thinking”. When you are thinking something, it is a concept. It’s in your head but hasn’t yet transferred down into your Being. It’s not who you are being yet, it’s just what you are thinking.

To distinguish between the two is very important because this has everything to do with your future and how your life is going to unfold for you.

If you are thinking about what you want, and you are not yet anchored in the solid wholeness of your Being, in your body, then no matter what you think it’s not going to be-come your life.

Many of you may know that I am not a fan of the principles of Law of Attraction. The idea is great, but there are so many components missing, especially for people who have suffered high levels of trauma.

There is no way that you are going to be able to hold the thoughts or the visualisations of positive and incredible things happening in your life, such as ample money, a new home, people who love and support you and a wonderful intimate partner, after you’ve been smashed to pieces.

The trauma is just too horrific. There is too much adrenaline and cortisol. There are far too many unhealed inner traumas that you haven’t yet freed yourself from which are causing you to think in ways that completely match that trauma, rather than be able to move into an empowered knowing of the future.

There is the constant battle with these internal traumas, just by trying to survive them and overcome them.

The only way to truly overcome extreme trauma is to turn inwards and do the work directly in your Inner Being. Then you can go free from these traumas and automatically you will start thinking differently.

 

The Truth About Your “Beingness”

When you are dedicated to releasing your trauma, you will find that your Beingness was underneath the rubble of the trauma all along. This is your true essence, which is already unconditionally self-loving, self-accepting and able to honour yourself in life.

This is the True You who with so much less effort knows how to be self-generative and make your life work, regardless of what you have been through or what you’ve lost.

The activation of your True Beingness is probably what you have been trying to get from outside of yourself frenetically. For decades I was doing the same until I turned inwards and realised that it already existed within me.

Before this shift, that is everything, we are usually trying to put the “getting” with “thinking” in front of the “Being”.

I used to believe, while stuck in my trauma, that if I just tried hard enough to visualise the resurrection of my finances, and a new home, loving supportive people and a wonderful intimate partner that somehow I would be able to land up there.

It didn’t work.

Why?

Because I was attaching all of my Beingness to these outcomes. It made me stay clinging in my destructive marriage. A big part of me didn’t want to let go unless I was somehow able to create these things straightaway. I believed that my very Inner Identity, my Beingness relied on these things.

It certainly didn’t.

I didn’t realise until I let go, turned inwards with total self-dedication and self-love, finally realising that my healing of my Beingness was everything.

Not the Beingness of being able to hold visualisations of money, a home, people and a partner. Rather simply the self-partnering into wholeness with my Being.

I had no idea what that would bring, other than know I needed to do it. To my delight what started to arise very quickly was feelings of inspiration, awakening, wisdom, joy, love, appreciation, energy, health and every other positive emotion you could possibly experience.

None of this was artificial. None of this was produced from things outside of me. It just arose from within.

And, I noticed people and situations started to gravitate around me to support me. The most crazy good things started to happen, incredible synchronicity and support bringing me whatever I needed, appearing literally out of thin air.

Why?

Because I was self-partnered and life had started to partner me profoundly.

This is our natural organic Beingness without trauma.

I promise you that with all my heart.

That’s the alchemy. That’s the power.

That’s the shift.

What do you think your future will be from this place?

Do you think that you need any particular future in order to feel okay?

Or do you believe that you have an open heart connected to astounding resources to magnificently create and enjoy and love the journey?

I know of so many Thrivers, including myself, who have created the most incredible outcomes, that are continually unfolding every day. I am proud to say I have absolutely no idea of my ultimate outcome and destination.

And, so many of us came from narcissistic abuse devastation where it was virtually deemed impossible for us to ever make a comeback.

But I promise you, from a place of deep devotion and dedication to your Beingness, as a result of releasing your trauma, you will know yourself as an unlimited Being.

Maybe today’s Thriver TV episode is one that you will need to watch a few times to absorb these Quantum Truths. Or maybe they hit home straight away!

If this does hit home, I want you to pause the video and write below, “I totally get it!”

Okay, so I’d love you to truly anchor this in as Beingness, rather than it just remaining as a concept to consider.

The way I can help you get that shift is in my free webinar. You can come and join me in that process, by clicking this link and reserve your place.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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narcissistic men fear the most

10 Things That Narcissistic Men Fear The Most

narcissistic men fear the most

 

Narcissists are not brave individuals. Despite their puffed up chest, they are scared little paper tigers that can easily be blown away by anyone who catches wind of their antics.

In this article, I will go over 10 things narcissists hate & fear the most.

I think you will find that their fears and hatred are comical in nature, as well as outstandingly pathetic.

10 Things Narcissistic Men Fear the Most

1. Shame

Shame is unpleasant for everyone but for the narcissist, it’s absolutely horrifying. The main reason is that shame could negatively impact his reputation and give him a lower status in his social circle.

Since narcissists live for being admired and their pride is of great importance doing something that could make the narcissist look bad in the eyes of others or make them feel ashamed is one of the most dreaded experiences for them.

2. Rejection

The narcissist usually puts on a mask so that they can be accepted and liked by others. They wouldn’t admit that anyone could be put off by their egotistic character.

If a person decides to leave the narcissist’s life, the latter will take it personally and will surely try to bring the other person back.

However, if they don’t succeed they’ll probably start slandering about their former friend.

The reason for such a behavior is that behind the narcissist’s fake attitude lies a frightened, little soul who is terrified that they aren’t good enough, but they would never say it openly. They’ll be likely to do whatever it takes to keep their reputation.

3. Failure

Narcissists fear failure or being outshined. They just can’t accept there’s someone out there who’s better than them. On top of that, if a narcissist can’t achieve their goal, they will always blame someone else about it, even if it is obvious that it’s entirely their fault.

They usually blame their closest people to have hindered them from succeeding. This is actually the only way to feel a bit better about their failure.

4. Getting Called Out on Their Lies

Narcissists are famous for lying or exaggerating certain things to make themselves appear more important or impressive. They also do this to make themselves feel better about their own standing in society.

So it’s only logical that one of a narcissists’ greatest fears is having those lies and exaggerations exposed. It’s not just that getting called out would bring them shame, or show them as less than what they are – it’s the fact that it reveals to the world how weak and insecure they really are.

It brings their whole fake world crashing down around them, and as already stated, narcissists think the world revolves around them. And while they are spinning their lies and exaggerations about their own accomplishments, part of them knows deep down that they’re stretching the truth. And from the minute they start telling these lies, they become incredibly paranoid about the fact that someone might one day uncover them. 

5. Feeling Remorse 

Another key characteristic of narcissism is the inability to feel remorse. It’s not just that they can’t feel remorse, it’s that they actively refuse to show remorse. This fierce rejection of the very notion of feeling bad about hurting others is indicative of very deep fear.

It’s a total denial of remorse. And why do they fear remorse so much? It’s simple. To them, remorse is a characteristic of weakness. Remorse, to them, shows vulnerability and emotional frailty. And to feel remorse is to open yourself up to that weakness.

Remorse is also in its basest form the acceptance that you have made a mistake. And for proud and haughty individuals such as narcissists, this can be unthinkable. More than that – it can be a major source of fear. Remorse is also a way of apologizing, and this is also unthinkable for self-aggrandizing people with narcissistic traits.

6. Feeling Gratitude

Another feeling that narcissists reject and fear is gratitude. Gratitude, like remorse, is another emotion that is perceived as a sign of weakness by people who are narcissistic. To the narcissist, gratitude is in a sense giving other people power over yourself.

It’s the acceptance that you owe something to someone. It also forces you to come to terms with the fact that you might have needed someone else’s help. To narcissistic people, they think of themselves as these all-powerful beings that rise far above others in superiority.

The acceptance that someone else did something valuable for them brings them crashing back down to earth. The notion that someone else gave them something they needed not only puts them on the same level as others, it also makes them feel like they’re weaker, or lower down on the social ladder. And this is one of the narcissistic man’s greatest fears.

7. Public Humiliation

When a narcissist feels that he’s losing face or failing at something in front of an audience, it creates a lot of psychological distress and cognitive dissonance. Narcissists are unable to tolerate failure of any sort and public humiliation is considered the worst type of failure that could happen.

A narcissist’s ego is an extremely fragile thing and when he feels he is being laughed at or is losing the respect of others, it can be tremendously upsetting. The narcissist’s ego is the only protection they have from the world and when their ego integrity is breached, narcissists often respond in ways that seem markedly out of proportion to the circumstances for average people.

Unfortunately, the ego of a narcissist is already so inflated that they never focus on self-growth when in relationships. Their own self-assessment of their worth and value confirm to them that they are already significantly evolved and accomplished.

They are unable to fathom why a partner may be disappointed in their behavior or in the relationship. By being so out-of-touch with the realities of relationships, their reaction to the dissatisfaction of their partners is driven by fear.

8. Abandonment and rejection.

Narcissists are afraid of being rejected or abandoned. That’s why they fly into rages and punish and threaten you if you threaten to leave them, and love bomb you if you do manage to get away.

To reject a narcissist means you are rejecting the false self they have so carefully constructed to impress you. To reject that false self negates their entire reason for existing since whatever true self they may have left is completely inaccessible to them and the false self cannot survive on its own; it’s completely dependent on the approval and attention of others, who it feeds from like a vampire.

When you reject a narcissist they are forced to confront their own emptiness and nothing scares them more than that. They will fight tooth and nail to avoid it, even if it means they have to destroy you in the process.

9. Being ignored.

This is a no-brainer. Ignoring a narcissist means giving them no supply at all, and without narcissistic supply, the narcissist dies a slow death. Or believes they will.

That’s why some narcissists would even rather being hated to being ignored. Negative attention is still attention, and at least it provides an acknowledgment that they still exist.

When you ignore a narcissist, it’s as frightening to them as being killed. They’re no longer confident they exist without your attention.

10. Exposure.

Exposing a narcissist and their false lives cause deep anger in them. Their anger might be expressed in rage or in more covert means such as the silent treatment or gaslighting you. They don’t like to be held accountable for the things they do to others, because that means they have to admit they are less than perfect.

It also means they have to acknowledge the humanity of someone else, which they aren’t capable of doing. Narcissists are all too aware of their imperfections, but only at the subconscious level, and the way they handle this is to project their own imperfections onto you.

So a narcissist might tell you that YOU are the narcissistic one, or that YOU are the abuser. They’re also good at getting others to side against you, and those people become their flying monkeys. They will accuse you of doing things that they themselves have done and everyone believes them and not you.

The post 10 Things That Narcissistic Men Fear The Most appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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The New Decade: Will You Choose Freedom or Fear?

The New Decade: Will You Choose Freedom or Fear?

2020 begins a new decade, will you choose to have the decade be one of freedom or fear?

The post The New Decade: Will You Choose Freedom or Fear? appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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How To Deal With Fear and Uncertainty During Divorce

How To Deal With Fear and Uncertainty During Divorce

It is possible to navigate your divorce well despite the fear and uncertainty and the use of your support anchors is a key strategy in your success.

The post How To Deal With Fear and Uncertainty During Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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fear of the unknown after divorce

How To Overcome The Fear Of The Unknown After Divorce

fear of the unknown after divorce

 

All most everybody worries about what will happen in the future after they get divorced. The prospect of not knowing if something good or bad will happen in the near future can produce a lot of fear and anxiety.

As a result, here is a list of techniques and suggestions on how to manage the fear of the unknown after divorce.

1. No one can predict the future with one hundred percent certainty. It is impossible to predict what may or may not happen in the future because there are kinds of circumstances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to your advantage. For instance, let’s say at your place of work that you miss the deadline for a project you have been working on for the last few months. Everything you feared is coming true.

Suddenly, your boss comes to your office and tells you that the deadline is extended and that he forgot to tell you the day before. This unknown factor changes everything. Remember that we may be ninety-nine percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference.

2. A lot of times, our worrying can make the problem even worse. All the worrying in the world will not change anything. All you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and when something does happen, take it in stride.  If you have trouble moving forward after a divorce, then talking to a someone can be of great help. There are ways to help manage your fear of the future and all it takes is some effort to find those answers.

3. Focus on one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. When the time comes, hopefully, you will have learned the skills to deal with your situation.

4. Create goals in your life. Set achievable goals on a regular basis and then take small steps to accomplish them. Make sure your goals are measurable and monitor your progress. Don’t get upset if you don’t accomplish all of your goals. You can always change your goals so that you can be more successful as you move forward after your divorce.

5. Talk to others on a regular basis. It is important that you talk to others in order to get a better perspective of your life. Listening to other people’s challenges and accomplishments can go a long way in feeling better about yourself. You can also learn how to overcome the obstacles in your life after your divorce.

6. Remember your successes. Some people downplay their successes and focus on those things they struggle with. Always remind yourself of your past accomplishments no matter how small they may be.  Stop focusing on what may happen down the road and remember your past achievements. This will give you the confidence to move forward.

7. Don’t dwell on your negative thoughts and feelings. A person must not dwell or focus on their fearful thoughts and emotions when getting their life back on track after a divorce. The more a person tries to reason out their thoughts the worse you will feel. Instead of thinking negatively, read some positive statements from your favorite self-help book or focus on doing something you like to do. If you still have trouble then talking to a counselor could help.

8. Finally, always be persistent as you move forward. Do not give up in achieving what you want out of your life. Learn from your mistakes and try to improve your situation. Do not make excuses on why you should quit or give up. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to be successful. The key is to keep at it until you get what you want. Eventually, you will find the happiness you are looking for if you remain persistent and dedicated in overcoming anything that is in your way.

The post How To Overcome The Fear Of The Unknown After Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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