Posts

safe as a single mom

4 Tips To Help You Feel Safe As a Single Mom

safe as a single mom

 

While living alone can come with a series of benefits for one’s mental well-being, it is also associated with a litany of challenges. One of these prominent challenges includes personal safety. Fortunately, there are easy ways to begin your journey as a single mother safely and securely. Here is how you can start today.

How to Feel Safe As a Single Mom

Have a Home Security System

In today’s day and age, technology can help people in a variety of ways. When it comes to your house, getting a home security system would be an excellent first step in ensuring your safety. This is because having this security system will not only ensure that people who are not supposed to be in your house stay out, but you will be alerted of any danger before it arises.

There are a series of components that can make a home security system even more powerful. For example, a motion detector will be able to track if someone suspicious that you were not expecting approaches your house. You will also be able to interface with the system so that it recognizes only you as the primary entrant. Wire-free cameras that latch onto the outside of the house is another cost-effective alternative to give you a view of what is taking place outside.

Build a Rapport With Neighbors

Moving into a new neighborhood can be a fun experience, but that does not mean you should ever let your guard down. One of the best ways to approach this is by establishing a support system in the form of your neighbors. When you move in, introduce yourself kindly and try to get their personal information. That way, if something were to happen and your family isn’t around, you can always rely on those next door to you.

Many people do not like trying to establish a relationship out of fear. However, do not let fear get in the way of helping out with your safety. You never know when an emergency may arise and if you will need swift assistance.

Do Not Reveal Your Status

There is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to being a single mother living alone in a home. However, you should realize that revealing this fact could prove to be a huge safety hazard. Unfortunately, many would-be criminals or thieves see a single mother with no one else living in the household as an easy target.

You can be confident in yourself all you please, but understand that many home invasions occur in groups and not just singular adversaries. Take pride in being independent and do not be ashamed of it. At the same time, be wise about it and do not make it obvious that it is only yourself and furniture inside your home.

Use Common Sense

Finally, you will always want to use common sense, especially to deter potential criminals. What does this entail? First, you will want to close all of the curtains so as to not reveal how many people are currently inside. Also, you will want to keep some of the lights on until late in the night. After all, the key for criminals is stealth and the ability to commit a crime without having their identity exposed. Also, make sure that your windows are shut and your doors are locked. You can spend money on security systems, but common sense helps.

As you can see, living alone can be fun, but it comes with great responsibility. Follow these tips and you will feel more safe and secure.

The post 4 Tips To Help You Feel Safe As a Single Mom appeared first on Divorced Moms.

Read More –>

5 Ways to Feel Safe As a Single Mom After a Divorce

5 Ways to Feel Safe As a Single Mom After a Divorce

As a single mom, it’s important that you take every possible precaution to protect your family against potential dangers, therefore adding home improvements should be among your top priority.

The post 5 Ways to Feel Safe As a Single Mom After a Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

Read More –>

feel more confident

Want To Feel More Confident? Stop Apologizing!

feel more confident

 

Ever been in a situation like this before?

You don’t pick up the phone in time and when you call the person back, the first words out of your mouth are “I’m sorry.”

You bring store-bought cupcakes to your friend’s party and you utter “I’m sorry.”

You vent to a good friend about something going on, and you say, “Sorry for rambling.”

Notice the pattern going on?

You’re apologizing. Way too much. And it’s those apologies that are impeding your divorce recovery.

Want To Feel More Confident? Stop Apologizing!

Uncomfortable Truth #1: We’re raised to be people-pleasers.

We are natural caregivers. From an early age, you were most likely following your mother around, hoping to help her out, or taking care of your younger siblings. Or, you may have had a parent say to you at one time, “I need you to watch your brother/sister and make sure they don’t get into trouble.”

And what did you do? Well, in order to make your mom “proud” of you, you most likely did everything you could to please her. And that mentality probably stuck. You probably worked hard to get good grades to get your parents’ and your teachers’ approval. Because you didn’t want to disappoint them.

That mentality carried over into adulthood. You did everything to be a good partner and a good mother because you didn’t want to disappoint anybody. Society put unrealistic expectations on you to be a Stepford Wife. You were given a choice to either give up your career to be a stay-at-home mom, never getting paid or recognized for all the work you were doing, or to have a career, where you were still expected to do most of the household and child-rearing work.

And the only way to avoid disappointing others, and to shield yourself from conflict, was to say “I’m sorry.”

Even when it wasn’t your fault. Or didn’t warrant an apology.

Uncomfortable Truth #2: We were never taught to put ourselves first

Can you think of any time when you were growing up that your mom, or dad, or teacher, or some other adult close to you sat you down, and said, “Your dreams and goals matter just as much as anybody else’s. Let your voice be heard.

Instead, you were probably raised to be obedient and to not make a scene. Which is why, when we get divorced, we feel this crazy unnecessary guilt.

Oh, what a shame! You two have been married for so long!

Can’t you find a way to work it out? Your retirement will be so much harder now!

Ever find yourself saying “I’m sorry” as a response? To keep the peace?

Well, what about your feelings? And your happiness?

If you’re not sure where to even begin with being happy and not paralyzed by guilt, there’s one thing you must do.

Put yourself first for a change.

Here’s what you need to know.

There are dangers to saying “I’m Sorry.”

Danger 1: Frivolous apologizing = a signal that people can take advantage of you.

The reflexive apology you say sends the signal to that other person that you’re:

  • Willing to accept the blame for something you didn’t do
  • Sending them an invitation to wrong your or disrespect you again, because they don’t have to be held accountable to their actions.

Danger 2: Constantly apologizing makes it harder to stand up for yourself.

Even when you’re in a benign situation where you think you’re expressing regret, and you’re not saying “sorry” to keep the peace, there’s still an underlying danger.

Danger 3: Apologizing puts somebody else’s pain on you.

A simple “I’m sorry” may make you feel like you’re making a situation better, but what you’re actually doing is taking that person’s pain and shouldering it for them. That’s not helpful for anyone in that situation, and there are other ways to express support than just apologizing.

Alternatives to “I’m sorry.”

These alternative phrases do double duty in the best way possible. First, they convey empathy for another person without shouldering their pain. And second, they reinforce your boundaries without giving them up in the name of diffusing conflict or placating someone.

If your ex, your current partner, or a friend says they’re angry at something.

Instead of: I’m sorry.

Say: Are you upset at something? Let’s discuss it.

When someone is having a hard time.

Instead of: I’m sorry.

Say: This sucks that you’re going through this hard time. Please know that I’m here if you need anything.

You’re 15 minutes late to a meeting.

Instead of: Sorry I’m so late.

Say Instead: Thanks for your patience.

If there is a miscommunication between you and someone.

Instead of: I’m sorry for bothering you.

Say: There seems to be a communication issue here. What can we do to get this back on track?

If you bump into someone or are trying to get through a crowd.

Instead of: I’m sorry.

Say: Excuse me. I need to get through.

See how that works? You’re acknowledging empathy, but not at the expense of your well-being. Plus, you’re asserting your own needs and internalizing that you matter.

It can be challenging to shake off years of social conditioning. But at the end of the day, remember that you are not responsible for pleasing everybody, especially when it comes at the expense of them disrespecting you and taking advantage of you.

As you recover from divorce, remember that you matter and that you can express sympathy in ways that are authentic that continue to build you up, not tear you down.

So, how about you?

Do you apologize too much, especially when you don’t need to?

What can you say instead of “I’m sorry” next time?

The post Want To Feel More Confident? Stop Apologizing! appeared first on Divorced Moms.

Read More –>