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domestic abuse victim

Domestic Abuse Victim? Where To Find Help

domestic abuse victim

 

There is help if you are a victim of domestic violence!

“Look at this food you have fixed for me! Do you call this dinner? I wouldn’t even feed this to a dog!” he screams as he swings his lengthy arm across the table knocking the food onto the floor.

Quickly she kneels to the floor. Her eyes dare not to look at him for she knows what will happen. She picks up the broken plates with her shaking hands and holds back the tears until she is alone.

Suddenly, a blow to the back of her head causes her to fall unconscious to the floor. The room is dark. There are faint cries in the background. It is her youngest son. She knows she must get up. If she does not, she fears his anger will be redirected to her son. She struggles to open her eyes, but she cannot. She tries to move her arms, but they will not move. She wants to cry out to her son to comfort him, but the words will not come. Slowly her son’s cries become more distant and then…nothing.

Every three minute a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend.

More women die from domestic violence than heart failure. Most abusive men have grown up in an abusive household.

Domestic violence happens every day. You are not alone. There is help out there.

Choosing to escape a violent relationship is scary. There are so many reasons you think of to stay. He might change or is just having a bad day. Maybe I should have done something better. Maybe it is all my fault. No one deserves to be abused in any form whether it is verbal or physical. And, statistics show that without help, an abuser will not stop and will only become more violent.

So you may be wondering how you will live. I do not know if I can afford it on my own. There are many sources out there willing to help you to get back on your feet in a safe environment.

Where will I go where he will not find me? He swore if I ever leave him he will kill me. You do not have to live in fear. There are many resources online, and you can find a local number to a crisis center in your phone book.

The first thing you need to do is to realize you are a domestic abuse victim.

Once you have done that then you need to make a plan.

When you get a chance to be alone, you can call the domestic violence helpline. They will offer you suggestions on what to do next. If you are in immediate danger call 911. If he is only in jail for a few hours then pack a bag and run to a shelter.

If that is not an option and you have the time to plan your escape then here are some suggestions to help you when you are ready. Pack a suitcase and hide it in a bus station or a friend’s house. Get a cell phone. A pre-paid cell has no contract, so there will not be any bill sent to your home. If you can stash a little money back if it means you have to tell him that you spent more at the store than you did.

Find a friend that you can trust. Whether it be a family friend or someone from the crisis center. Let them know of your plan and let them help you to make your getaway.

There are many support groups and advocate agencies out there. It is up to you to make the first step.

The post Domestic Abuse Victim? Where To Find Help appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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help you find your voice

Afraid To Speak Up? 5 Tips To Help You Find Your Voice

 help you find your voice

 

Over the years I’ve mentored and coached a lot of women. Sometimes these are formal, ongoing relationships, other times it might be a quick cup of coffee, and then there is the “fly by” bits of encouragement doled out in quick tips in support groups. I was thinking about the questions I’ve gotten most frequently over the years and realized they all centered on ways to speak up.

Especially from women experiencing divorce. Some find it difficult to speak up and advocate for themselves and end up feeling defeated emotionally and legally. Whether it is divorce, relationships, career issues or anything else, if you don’t use your voice and share your point of view you’ll not have any role in life other than being a peacekeeper.

5tips to help you find your voice.

1. Raise a Ruckus

Make a statement, express an opinion. If your points are sound, let them fly!

Too often women sit back and stifle their own viewpoints in the name of peacekeeping. Remember, this isn’t about you, this is about getting to the best decision for you. Your viewpoints are essential to challenging groupthink. Play it out. You raise an opposing perspective. The group debates and discusses. At the end, they stick with the original idea. Now everyone, including you, is more comfortable with the decision. Good outcome. Alternatively, the group debates and discusses and decides to change course. Again, good outcome.

2. Say No & Multiply the Impact of Your “Yes”

Stop saying yes to everything! You are not superwoman. Both inside and outside of work, get better at saying no. And when you do say yes, ask yourself, “Can I multiply the impact of this yes and accomplish more than one goal through this single activity?” You might be surprised how easy that actually is. Listen to Stanford professor Jennifer Aaker talk about multipliers and how we can all rethink time. Only you can define how you spend your time. Being able to say, “NO” means spending time on things that are important to you achieving what you want in life.

3. Stop Using Submissive Language

To be most impactful, keep your language strong. Two words in particular often creep into women’s speech, and they aren’t particularly useful. The two words? “Sorry” and “just”. Think about these two sentences:

“I just need this one piece of information.”

“Sorry, but I need to find out where we are on that project.”

Compare that to, “Hey Dave, I need one piece of information to finish up my presentation.”

Or, “Mary, I’m calling to find out where we are on that project.”

Or, “Ex, your offer of child support is nowhere near the money I need to make sure our children are provided for.”

Without modifiers, both sentences are stronger. Which means the speaker will be perceived as stronger.

We’ve all done it. Last week I said “sorry” twice. And there was nothing to apologize for! We lessen ourselves without even realizing it. Amy Schumer has done an entire skit on the word sorry. It would be funnier if it wasn’t so true.

4. Demand Feedback

I met with a talented young woman recently and discovered that none of her male supervisors were giving her candid feedback. And she was giving them a pass on it because she didn’t want to create a kerfluffle.

Let’s be clear. No matter who you are, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for them, leaders are there to help you grow. It is their JOB to give you constructive criticism. If they aren’t, demand it from them. Ask about competencies, and then run down the litany of things they might be unwilling to bring up themselves. Appearance, manner of dress, vocal tone, speaking style, body language, and the list goes on. If they’re uncomfortable, make it clear that you aren’t.

5. Fill Your Own Well

I know many women who take care of everyone else around them, at work, at home, in their community and never take care of themselves. Whether it is time to exercise, read, connect with others, a hobby or a passion, take time to invest in yourself.

Hopefully, you already know what fills your well, the things that replenish you when you’re drained. For me, it is writing and painting, and lots of family time. They’re what I turn to over and over again when I am in most need of peace and recharging. And I don’t apologize to anyone for needing that. Why? Because I know I’ll be a better version of me, both at work and at home, when I return. In short, if I don’t do #5, numbers 1 through 4 get a lot harder.

So speak up ladies! We need to hear your voice. The world will be better for it.

The post Afraid To Speak Up? 5 Tips To Help You Find Your Voice appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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