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7 Ways To Make Room For Spiritual Healing After Divorce

7 Ways To Make Room For Spiritual Healing After Divorce

Going through a divorce can really rock your world, leaving you feeling confused and fragile. It’s tough to see the path that will lead you out of the fog…now that it’s over and you’re officially done with the whole divorce system, how do you let go and move forward?

How do you create space for your body, mind, and spirit to heal?

Spiritual Healing After Divorce

You are the author of your story. You are your own champion. You can turn your loss into leverage. Take charge of your happiness and feed your soul with these seven directives.

1. Allow yourself time to grieve.

Divorce can hurt physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Allow yourself space to get through raw feelings of grief, to truly honor the struggle before diving into recovery and reinvention. Be patient and grace-driven with yourself in the healing process.

2. Learn to control your thoughts.

Our thoughts trigger our emotions. Our daily thinking patterns lay the stage for what we believe and how we live our life. During times of stress, we tend towards negative thinking. Try to notice when your thoughts lead you to shut down emotionally, and take time to reflect on those thoughts; how can you release and redirect them so you can make room to heal?

3. Free yourself from a victim mentality.

Many of us fall into a habit of blaming, especially when it comes to how we treat ourselves. Often, we self-blame because we see ourselves as the victim. Unfortunately, playing the victim can become a habit that excuses us from accountability and shackles us to shame. But do you really want to convince yourself that you’re at the mercy of other people or a situation? Or do you want to live an empowered life?

4. Notice your fears.

Common fears that result from divorce are abandonment, rejection, judgment, and isolation. Notice your fear “trigger points”, and think about how that played out in your relationship. Are there ways that you can learn to recalibrate and recover from these fears? When you’re conscious of your mind and body balance and you feel secure, you begin to deactivate your fear center which allows you the freedom to walk into spiritual healing.

5. Lean into your emotions.

To heal, it is necessary to face the pain of your divorce. There are feelings you ignored which became stored in your body. When you are in patterns of denying and storing emotions, your brain identifies suppression with trauma. To recover from trauma, you have to face the thing that was painful enough to make you deny these feelings and overcome it. By allowing yourself to honestly face reality, you’re starting the healing process. Facing your vulnerability makes you more able to grow spiritually.

6. Renew your mind.

Pray for the wisdom to discern truth from lies when it comes to your divorce. Surrender the lies, and fill your mind with truth, thereby lifting the burden of guilt. When let go of the parts of your circumstance that you can’t control, you create space to think clearly.

7. Be Present

After divorce, it’s easy to ruminate on where you may have gone wrong. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t be anxious about the future. Being in the present moment, taking part in vital energy that all human beings share, is the essence of spirituality. It enables us to escape from regret and anxiety. All you’ll get from dwelling on the past is bitterness, and that will only stunt your healing. Ground yourself in the present.

This process will take consciousness, choice, accepting responsibility, time to reflect, and an awareness of your energy and thought processes. But things will get better over time. You can heal from the brokenness and reemerge new, whole, and healthy.

The post 7 Ways To Make Room For Spiritual Healing After Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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not healing from your divorce

4 Reasons You’re NOT Healing From Your Divorce

not healing from your divorce

 

We all know that the pain that follows a divorce is horrible, and can probably be multiplied by a very large number if the divorce was sudden and/or unexpected. When we’re in the midst of heartache it can truly feel as though our broken parts will never heal, and that we will never feel whole or normal again.

Yet healing is a very natural process. We can all heal. Some of us may be stuck in a loop of grief, not knowing how to help ourselves move through and past the pain. We may be unknowingly committed to outdated beliefs and stories – beliefs that are holding us back from creating a new life and story for ourselves.

I’m a firm believer that TIME is one of our best friends when it comes to moving forward and healing from heartbreak. Yet all the time in the world will NOT help if you’re not giving it a bit of a helping hand. When people say that time heals nothing, I say yes and no. Time DOES heal – but not time alone.

Sitting around waiting to feel better will probably not be enough to make you feel better. If you feel that something is missing – that you’re not moving forward and healing from your divorce, it may be time for a few life and mindset adjustments.

Here are 4 reasons you may not be healing from your divorce:

1. You’re stuck in RESISTANCE mode

When ‘bad’ things happen to us, it is a very normal thing to struggle and resist against what is happening. Yet here’s the thing: hard as it may be to come to terms with, accepting the change to your circumstances, rather than resisting it, is extremely important in helping you navigate what is happening. If the decision to divorce is final – whether it was your choice or not – stop wishing it otherwise.

You will only prolong the pain, and delay your progress in moving through the grief if you spend time and energy wishing and hoping for things to be different.

I have learned that nothing is truly permanent in life – good or bad. Once you accept that situations and people naturally evolve, you’ll find that change becomes a lot less daunting. A huge obstacle for a lot of us after divorce is learning how to get over our preconceived notions of how things ‘should’ be. Yet all of us can learn to change our thought processes, and as a result, let go of outdated beliefs and stories.

It is normal and healthy to grieve. Allow the grief, and allow it to pass when it’s time. Learn about the grieving process – know where you are at in the process. And know that with allowance, it WILL pass.

2. You’re still stalking/speaking to/spending time with your EX

It is a very noble idea to want to ‘stay friends’ with the ex. Sometimes, its best left at that – an idea. Why? Because in order to move on and heal from our divorce, we simply must learn to emotionally detach from him.

Some context: when we have spent a good portion of our time with another person in an intimate relationship, emotional bonds, and ties will have formed – this is a normal and natural process. During a break-up, those bonds are ties must be severed, and this naturally hurts.

We don’t like the hurt, so we fight it. We often do everything we can to hold on – to our partner and to our memories – and this is where our troubles begin. We simply don’t know how to let go, or emotionally detach. The good news is that with a little time and a little effort, we will get through the hurt and begin to feel better.

Accepting that the relationship is over and allowing the grieving process are important first steps to getting your ex out of your headspace.

The next focus needs to be on maintaining separate lives and ending the reliance on him. RESIST the urge to know what he is up to, who he’s seeing, where he’s going. DON’T stalk him or her on social media, and don’t ask others (especially your children) what he is up to. If you do need to be in contact – focus on keeping it simple and business-like.

This is truly the best way to emotionally detach and most importantly, HEAL.

3. You’re not spending ample time LOVING yourself

Most of us lose a part of ourselves whilst in a long-term relationship or marriage. I lost a BIG part of myself during my seventeen-year marriage. I married young and over the years somehow managed to forget that I was somebody outside of the marriage at all.

Needless to say, when my husband left I had quite the task both rediscovering and learning how to love ME. I had to re-learn a lot of self-care, and a lot of self-love. And so it may be for you now.

Truth is, most of us struggle with self-love. And the struggle is never more real than in times of change and upheaval – when we are pushed WAY out of our comfort zones, dealing with a broken heart, and naturally feeling our crappiest and lowest.

Yet the time just after a divorce is the perfect time to start learning how to truly love yourself. It is the perfect time to go deep within yourself and find out what it is that makes you tick – what fires you up, what gives you comfort, what it is that you need to do to fix your broken parts for GOOD.

Do your best not to spend all of your time thinking, obsessing or worrying about your ex – or when your next relationship will be. Learn to use this time alone wisely. SPEND time alone. Learn to love being alone. Learn to love and care for yourself – TRULY love and care for yourself.

4. You’re not setting GOALS for the future

During a significant life shift such as divorce, there is a definite healing power to be found in intention or goal setting. After having just completed one chapter of your life, it makes sense to lay some plans for how you would like the next chapter to be.

Your goals may change over time as your psyche slowly adjusts to your new life and reality, but that’s OK. Even if you don’t achieve a particular goal, or it changes significantly to accommodate your changing feelings and circumstances, there is still power in letting yourself envision some concrete plans for your future, doing what you need to do to make them reality, then letting go and allowing the universe to take care of the rest.

Use your newfound knowledge of yourself – who you really are and what you really want in life – to start setting some goals – big or small. And remember at all times to have FUN with it. Good luck.

The post 4 Reasons You’re NOT Healing From Your Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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The Healing Power of Forgiveness in Remarriage

The Healing Power of Forgiveness in Remarriage

Remarried couples who practice forgiveness are able to let go of large and small transgressions that occur due to the complexity of their daily lives.

The post The Healing Power of Forgiveness in Remarriage appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Accelerate Healing After Divorce

Openness And Acceptance: Qualities That Accelerate Healing After Divorce

Accelerate Healing After Divorce

 

Before my divorce, I was not a very open person. In other words, I had very little interest in new experiences and I rarely thought “outside the box” that was my world. I liked tradition and predictability and didn’t like anyone messing with the life I had built for myself and my family.

Needless to say, I had a hard time accepting and healing from my divorce. The less open a person is to change and thinking “outside the box”, the more difficult they will find it to adjust when someone screws with the life they have designed for themselves. In this article, I want to share with you things I’ve learned over the years that will help you become more open and accepting of change, whether that change is of your choosing or not.

Qualities That Accelerate Healing After Divorce

Try Something New:

You may feel as if something new has been forced upon you and the last thing you need is “something new.” You are wrong, though. Now is the time to become an explorer. Your life is in transition, like it or not, so you may as well take control of where you will end up by being open to all possibilities. Do something you’ve always wanted to do but never thought yourself capable. You are both capable of doing it and enjoying it.

I have a friend who went to Spain for a month after her divorce…ALONE. I started my own business after 14-years of being a stay-at-home Mom and had to make “cold calls.” That was so out of my comfort zone! But, you know what, it set me on the path to becoming who I am today, a woman who is secure in her ability to do whatever I choose to do.

Learn To Give And Take:

Let go of your inflexibility. People who are not open to change are generally inflexible toward others and their differences. If your ex has turned into someone you no longer know, instead of doing battle with him on every issue, become more flexible…willing to give and take. Be open to suggestions, willing to consider and deal with something that would usually cause you discomfort. Being flexible will make others more likely to give in when an issue is really important to you.

I used to stand, staunchly on my principles and beliefs, regardless of how skewed they were. It’s probably one thing that played a role in my divorce. I learned just because I believed something, didn’t make it true. I learned that by being open to new ideas, examining my deeply held beliefs and being willing to give and take even if I thought the choice may be wrong. The cool thing, most of the choices I questioned turned out to be the right choice!

Take Stock Of What You Are Missing:

If you refuse to try new things or fight accepting change as it comes, you are limiting the experiences you can have in life. Divorce is an opportunity that can open one’s mind. It may be an opportunity that comes with emotional pain but it is an opportunity nonetheless. Be open to the chances for change and learning that come along with this opportunity. If you permit, you can become receptive to change and more understanding of who you are and what you want.

The post Openness And Acceptance: Qualities That Accelerate Healing After Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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