Posts

11 Things Men Need To Hear From Their Partners

11 Things Men Need To Hear From Their Partners

 

 Unsplash Couple2.jpg

 

I grew up in a traditional family. My dad went to work every day. My mother worked too, but she was a school teacher. This meant she was home earlier in the afternoon, fixed dinner, did the dishes, and saw to it that we had our baths and a bedtime story.

My father read the newspaper or watched TV in the evenings. On weekends, my mother cleaned the house, while dad did the yard work or changed the oil in their cars. Each had their roles to play. My mother was the “softer” person; my father the harder tough “fixer.”

We have long lived in a society in which the differences between men and women in relationships have been discussed. Women are the romantics, the half of a partnership that craves physical and verbal affection.

Men are the less demonstrative half who crave compliments about their deeds, who want respect for their positions as the heads of the households. Women value emotion; men value logic. But these traditional roles have become murky and gray over recent decades, and what men want to hear from their partners may now be quite different.

Here are 11 things men need to hear from their partners

1. I appreciate you. In a healthy partnership, both members sincerely want to help and support one another. When a man has shown his support and help, he does want to be recognized for that. In fact, don’t we all? It is important for him to know that his partner has understood his contribution and can verbally tell him so. Being appreciated fosters inner feelings of self-worth.

2. I understand. When a man is going through a rough patch, when he is upset about situations and events, when his career is not going as he wishes, he does not want criticism or “should do’s.” He wants empathy. Far better for a partner to say, “I ‘get’ that you are upset and angry. I understand the feeling. If you can think of any way I can help or if you just want to talk, I’m here.”

3. Take What Time You Need. Sometimes men just want to be alone. It is not a statement on the relationship or a lack of feeling for their partner. It is a genuine need to get off by himself and think things through that may have nothing to do with the partnership. Perhaps he is considering a career change, or going back to school, or how to deal with an issue at work. He needs space, and the wise partner will allow him that time.

4. I Apologize – Please Forgive Me. We all make mistakes in our relationships. We “blow up;” we say hurtful things; we’re inconsiderate. Men want to hear words of apology when they are warranted, and they need for the words to be sincere. When they hear these things, they are far more prone to do the same when they have been in the wrong.

5. You did such a great job. Whether he has decided to clean the garage, help with the laundry, or finish the chapter of that novel he is writing, a man wants the praise that should be given. While we often think that adults ought to be able to pat themselves on the back for their accomplishments and be satisfied with inner pride, this is not the case. Other people recognizing accomplishments, even smaller ones, and giving verbal acknowledgment, is important to all of us, and men are no different.

6. You are sexy/hot. Men may not communicate the need to be seen as attractive, but they appreciate being told that they are. Tell them in words such as “sexy” or “hot,” and you will have a guy who acts that way.

7. Why don’t you go spend some time with your friends? What a welcome statement! Especially if he has been stressed at work or taking care of you while you have been sick or involved in a major home improvement project. It’s time for a break, and he needs to know that you see this and want him to have it.

8 — Thank you. Say it often for little and big things. Again, it says that you notice the nice things he does and that you appreciate them. Earning your gratitude is important.

9. Tell me your dreams. Most men are future-looking. They know where they would like to be in five, ten, etc. years. They may have dreams that include striking out on their own someday or getting a degree. There may be hobbies they want to pursue. When you ask this and truly listen, they know their goals are important to you.

10. I need you. When men hear this from their partners, they beam inside. Everyone loves to be needed by those they love. It’s not that you must have him in your life for financial support. It’s because he completes you in so many ways. He provides encouraging words when you are down; he adds humor when you need it; he provides you with greater insight and perspective. And there is no greater feeling for a man than this.

11. I believe in you. This relates to being supportive, but it is more than that. When you tell a man you believe in him, you are really saying that his decisions are good, his plans are based upon his best thinking, and that you know he has the skills and talents to accomplish whatever he wishes. And this needs to come from you because you are the person whose opinion he values the most.

Relationships are complicated. Individuals in them will never always agree; and there will be bad feelings, anger, and disappointment in even the most “perfect” partnerships. Men, like women, are also complicated, individuals. They have thoughts, feelings, and emotions that they do not always show (vestiges of cave protection and other ancient roles), but they are certainly there within. They need validation; they need to be appreciated, and they need the inner joy that comes from being told how much they matter. Relationships can withstand a lot of tough challenges and dangerous waters if these 11 things are said and said often.

The post 11 Things Men Need To Hear From Their Partners appeared first on Divorced Moms.

Read More –>

if you abandon your child

If You Abandon Your Children, I Don’t Want To Hear About Your “Father’s Rights”

if you abandon your child

 

A couple of years ago the Huffington Post ran an article the day before Father’s Day that got the Father’s Rights guys a bit upset. But when a woman writes an article about a less than perfect father those guys normally respond with dismissal, disdain, and disregard so that was no big surprise

In their mind, if you say something unpleasant about one father you have offended every father. And, they love to make excuses for deadbeat or absent fathers and that excuse normally runs along the lines of, “its all moms fault.”

One comment caught my attention due to its astounding show of immaturity and it’s representation of how I feel some men attached to the Father’s Rights movement respond to divorce and custody issues.

I had printed out the comment and came across it again while Marie Kondoing my house. It still, to this day has the same impact on me.

“Divorce court is a woman’s court. Your man bailed out is probably just like me, it is far better for the children for the father to disappear than to be used as a punching bag by the mother, courts, society, and in the end, the children.”

Granted the grammar is bad but if you try hard you can make sense of it. Evidently, this comment was made by a father who has chosen to “bail” on his children, as did the father who was the subject of the Huffington Post article.

If You Abandon Your Children You Have NO Excuse!

What I find astonishing is the reason the commenter has bailed. He didn’t want to be used as a punching bag by the mother, the courts or society. I had no idea until I read that, that paternal instinct, fathering and loving one’s children was depended upon a mother’s actions, the court’s actions or the actions of society.

No one forced him to leave his children. Nothing happened to cause him to lose his role as a father. He may have had divorce forced upon him along with a custody agreement he wasn’t happy with but, really, is that any reason to choose to no longer father your children?

It’s like saying, “you people were mean to me so I’m taking daddy away from my children.” The guy actually punished his children by withdrawing from them as a father for something someone else did to him. And, in his mind, he thinks he has done his children a favor.

Why can’t I wrap my mind around this justification? Probably because it is irrational and totally out of touch with what his children needed from him REGARDLESS of how difficult he found it to remain in their lives.

Plus, in my experience with divorce, I’ve known of the inability of the Family Court system to deal appropriately with the issues of divorce, custody and all things related BUT, at no time have I formed the belief that that was any reason to bail on my child.

The Problem With the Father’s Rights Movement:

Their seedy underbelly is too vocal and in being so they reflect poorly on the Father’s Rights movement and men who don’t abandon children for any reason. There is a small fringe of this movement that has declared war on women and children and that fringe keeps those who are truly concerned about their rights as fathers from being taken seriously.

Nothing will change in our dysfunctional Family Court until mothers and fathers work together to change the system. As long as some members of the Father’s Rights movement insist on accusing women of victimizing them via the court system and excuse each other for abandoning their children, women and mothers will have no interest in working with them in any capacity.

If men want shared or 50/50 custody of their children they are more likely to change custody laws if they are working in union with women and mothers, not blaming them but working with them. Men, women, and children are harmed during divorce. A lot of that harm comes from a system that is in dire need of reform. That reform isn’t going to take place if fringe elements of angry men are allowed to continue to spew venom and anger from their keyboards.

Let’s face it, as parents, we can’t get what we all want for our children, what is in their best interest until we all come together and stop blaming each other.

The post If You Abandon Your Children, I Don’t Want To Hear About Your “Father’s Rights” appeared first on Divorced Moms.

Read More –>