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post-divorce anxiety in kids

5 Ways to Ease Post-Divorce Anxiety in Kids

post-divorce anxiety in kids

 

The stress of a divorce can manifest differently in children, just as it does in adults, and your kids will naturally experience some anxiety during this tough transition.

Age can be a factor in how they handle the stress. They may have big concerns about changing residences or schools, or how the holidays will change with two households—and anxiety around everyday stressors like test-taking can be exacerbated during this time.

The good news is there are ways that you can help relieve the pressure and help remove some of your child’s post-divorce anxiety.

Ways to Ease Post-Divorce Anxiety in Kids

Get Your Kids Moving

Encourage the same stress fighting activities in your children that you need for yourself. Make sure your kids are getting regular physical exercise, which gives them physiological benefits such as an endorphin boost and reduced anxiety.

Regularly participating in an after-school or community sports program or dance class can help kids get their minds off the divorce or other situational stressors that cause anxiety. Regular exercise doesn’t need to be expensive – you and your child can take walks or go running together, or even try out instructional YouTube videos on aerobic activities like Zumba or cardio kickboxing.

Spending that time together also is a great way to check in with your child and offer the opportunity to talk about what’s causing them anxiety.

Test Time Can Trigger More Anxiety

The stress of a divorce can exacerbate the performance anxiety around testing that many children already have. Fear of failure can weigh on them heavily, particularly during a time when they may worry more about disappointing you.

Tests with higher stakes, such as final exams, can be even worse. Preparation is key. Talk with your kids and make sure you’re not making some of the most common mistakes on test day, such as not carefully reading directions. Prepping your kids before test day will help get them in the right mindset, as will a good night’s sleep and a decent breakfast.

Let them know your expectations are reasonable and that you’ll love them even if they fail. Knowing you’re there to support them will help ease the pressure.

Walk Through the Changes

If your divorce involves shared custody, your child may have some anxiety over living in two places. They may be getting used to a new room, a new house, or a new neighborhood in addition to the major changes in the family structure.

Whenever possible, involve your child in discussions about the new living arrangements. Let them help decorate their new bedroom, whether it’s choosing a new comforter or a paint color to help make it their own.

Ensure they have some familiar things in the new space, either permanently or in a bag that travels from place to place. Eventually, staying in both places will become a new kind of stability, especially when you help create a sense of normalcy and routine.

Keep a Lid on Conflict

Even the most civil of marital breakups has its moments where the soon-to-be-ex-spouses can’t agree. Even without arguing, the tension can be palpable. If you need to have it out with your ex, do your best to take the discussion out of view of your kids.

Never use your child as a go-between or an emissary. Parental conflict can make a child feel caught in the middle, and anxiety increases. Even parents who stay together can cause a great deal of anxiety in their kids if they display a lot of conflict, so take heart in knowing that even with the divorce, you can make things easier by keeping conflict out of view.

If conflict is unavoidable, be sure to give your children lots of emotional support following any confrontations.

Talk It Out

Sometimes kids might be afraid to talk about how the divorce is making them feel for fear of making things worse or causing you trouble. Be sure they know your door is open, and that they know their well-being is a top priority for you.

Ensure they understand that the divorce is not their fault—kids may internalize perceived actions and reactions, and feel guilty over the breakup. Let them know it’s okay to have a lot of different feelings, even positive ones, and help them articulate what they feel.

Their anxiety will lessen if they know it’s not wrong to feel or not feel a certain way, whatever that may be. They may have a lot of questions, and you should try to be prepared for ones about where they’ll live and how the divorce may impact their routine, even if the answer is “I don’t know yet.” You can assure them that you and your ex-spouse are working on all of the answers for them.

Divorce is highly disruptive to a child’s sense of stability, and assuring them you want to keep it as least disruptive as possible can help them regain some footing. Knowing that you’re a constant support in their lives can help them get through times when anxiety seems to grow.

The post 5 Ways to Ease Post-Divorce Anxiety in Kids appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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divorced dad

4 Things All Divorced Dads Should Do For Their Kids

divorced dad

Divorce is incredibly difficult, but it is important for you to keep in mind how your breakup is affecting your children.

As a father, the best interest of your children is always your top priority. You should never lose sight of that.

With that in mind, here are four things all divorced dads should do to help their kids adjust to their divorce.

Don’t expose them to any breakdowns

Two of the most common emotions associated with divorce are anxiety and depression. There is just so much emotional turmoil to overcome that it is impossible not to end  up a little stressed and sad.

It is critical to your well-being to avoid bottling up these emotions. That is one of the most self-destructive habits you can develop during this challenging time.

However, it is important that you find appropriate outlets to vent about those feelings. Reach out to family members and close friends. It is certainly worth looking into seeing a therapist to help you sort through what you are experiencing.

Do not, under any circumstances, use your children as a sounding board. This is already a heartbreaking process for them, and they should not be expected to talk you through your struggles.

This does not mean you should try to feign fake emotional strength. It is healthy to admit that you are sad to your kids and show your vulnerabilities, so that they know it is OK to feel that way too. But any emotional breakdowns you might go through should be away from their eyes and ears and in the company of a trusted confidant who is more emotionally equipped to help you.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Work with your ex to co-parent effectively

Children of divorce are at risk for a number of negative consequences, but those risks can largely be negated by having two active and involved parents involved in their lives.

Effective co-parenting requires clear communication, flexibility, patience, and a commitment to doing what is best for your children regardless of how you and your ex feel about each other.

This is obviously more challenging if there are hard feelings between you and your ex. A lot of couples are utilizing co-parenting counselors to help figure out this process.

“Co-parenting counseling is a specific kind of counseling intended to teach parents who are separated or divorced to communicate more effectively,” said Cordell & Cordell divorce attorney Jamie Spero. “The purpose of it is to talk about the kids’ best interest in a neutral environment with a neutral third party who has special training, and this person is supposed to help you learn to communicate more effectively, so you can co-parent your children easier.”

You might be in a spot where your ex is just too disagreeable to co-parent with. In these scenarios, it might be worth employing a parallel parenting model, which is designed for high-conflict couples.

Avoid bad-mouthing your ex in front of your kids

It does not matter how terrible your ex is, you should never speak ill of her in front of your children. Kids tend to idolize their parents and love them unconditionally. When they hear you breaking her down, it creates confusion and can result in a toxic relationship and even parental alienation.

Again, keep in mind that the best way for you to ensure your children avoid the negative effects of divorce is by ensuring they have a loving relationship with both you and their mother. The negativity between you and your ex should stay between the two of you.

Encourage your kids to talk about your divorce

Just like you, your children need to have a place to talk about the feelings they have about your divorce. Seeing their parents fall out of love and break up is confusing and can lead to heartache, anger, sadness, and a number of other unpleasant emotions.

You should communicate that it is OK for them to feel all of these things and make sure they know you are always available to talk if they need to. Understandably, they might not be comfortable opening up about some things with you, so you might need to find a teacher or counselor who can listen to your children and help them make sense what they are going through.

The post 4 Things All Divorced Dads Should Do For Their Kids appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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10 Co-Parenting Tips to Help Your Kids Thrive During the Holidays

10 Co-Parenting Tips to Help Your Kids Thrive During the Holidays

Show compassion for your kids if they seem stressed or worried about presents, holiday schedules, or other issues.  Assure them that you will help them to navigate through rocky patches and that it’s normal to feel stressed during the holidays.

The post 10 Co-Parenting Tips to Help Your Kids Thrive During the Holidays appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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thanksgiving alone

Thanksgiving Without The Kids? A Few Tips To Keep Your From Going Crazy

thanksgiving alone

You may not have your kids this Thanksgiving but you can be thankful you’re not sitting across the table from a turkey!

 

Holidays after divorce can be hard but they don’t have to be doom and gloom!

Thanksgiving is the big holiday of thanks, though, so it can be hard to be thankful when one of the things you’re most thankful for, your children, are away from you during the Thanksgiving holiday.

But before you decide to cry into your turkey and pumpkin pie, here are a six ways to keep yourself from going crazy with sadness this Thanksgiving alone.

Thanksgiving Without The Kids? 6 Tips To Keep Your From Going Crazy

Join Friends

Hopefully, you’re not completely alone on Thanksgiving without your kids but if you are and have no family you’d like to celebrate with, call on your friends.

This can be awkward; who wants to ask to crash in on another family’s holiday table? Not many, but being alone on Thanksgiving is a heartbreak that no one should experience. Your friends won’t mind you asking to join them but WILL mind if you don’t ask and end up in a depressive stupor all weekend long.

If you’ll be with family for the meal but find going home to your quiet house discomforting, hit up your friends who will be desperate for a break from their families perhaps, and ask them to meet for drinks at the local bar or stop by their home for dessert. If you choose the latter option, bring wine. Everyone loves the “bringer of wine.”

This Shall Pass

This is simply a day. Not a lifetime.

It’s hard to remember that when you are sitting down at a table with family and feeling the big absence of your children, but it’s JUST a day. And remember that even though your children are not there, you can be thankful for having them and thankful that their other parent cares enough about them to want them for a holiday.

There are so many children missing a parent who is now absent due to divorce or other reasons. Try to find peace in knowing your children are very loved.

Enjoy the Junk

If you can’t be bothered by the first two suggestions, dive in for a “junk” day.

Junk TV, junk movies, trashy magazines, and lots of sweets. Your waistline won’t expand in a day and your diet can wait until tomorrow.  If you’re alone, grab as much wine and turkey as possible (if you don’t have turkey, grill up a burger. Don’t worry—the pilgrims won’t roll in their graves) and invest in a day of Hulu, Netflix, and binge-watching television.

No matter what your flavor, NFL or the Real Housewives, indulge your bad feelings with some feel-good laziness, and an American pastime!

Go for Something Wild

If family is absent and friends are too far, why not take the holiday and weekend to go on a weekend getaway? Vegas anyone? Perhaps this night or weekend is the time you go for the fling with that younger man. And hey what happens during Thanksgiving weekend, stays there.

If you don’t have the budget for extravagant weekend trips as many divorced Moms don’t, why not rent a hotel room for one night and relax with a bubble bath and champagne, or that wine and TV combo I suggested earlier.

Maybe this is the day you take a road trip for the weekend. Maybe you go explore a local attraction you’ve never been to before. Whatever you decide, do something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, as long as it’s legal and affordable

Namaste

If you find yourself completely distraught, perhaps it’s time to do some yoga or get yourself a pre-holiday massage to try and loosen up. Take a walk for some fresh brisk fall air. Take a morning jog. Do some downward dog. Read a book. Paint a picture. Enjoy some video games. Call a friend.

Use any and all tools that you used to get through the divorce. For some people, it’s retreating from others. For others, it’s connecting with a friend. And still, for others, it’s getting outside and moving. Whatever it takes to keep you from starting the holiday season in a deep funk, do it!

Acceptance

Lastly, accepting how you feel and acknowledging those feelings are key to a happy holiday season after divorce. Remember to not compare yourself to other people. The holiday “festivities” you see on others’ social media pages aren’t necessarily as happy and bright as they look.

To further illustrate that life is not over now that you’re divorced and sharing your kids during the holidays, remember what it was like to be unhappily married and sharing holidays together.

Wasn’t it fun arguing with your ex during the holidays? Didn’t you love seeing your nasty in-laws that made your life hell? Didn’t you enjoy feeling incredibly alone while coupled and married with little to be thankful for?

No, no, and no!

You may feel sad over not being with your children but you can also be thankful that you have a new life, a fresh start, and the opportunity to love again and show your kids proof of a healthy relationship

The post Thanksgiving Without The Kids? A Few Tips To Keep Your From Going Crazy appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Divorcing Moms: How to Keep Your Kids Resilient During Divorce

Divorcing Moms: How to Keep Your Kids Resilient During Divorce

On top of keeping yourself strong and resilient during your divorce, you’re also going to have to make sure your kids are resilient also.

The post Divorcing Moms: How to Keep Your Kids Resilient During Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Judge Orders Hit On Kids with McDonald's Justice League  Happy Meal Toys and Non- Profits Steal from Victims of Domestic Violence

Judge Poised to Arrest Children for Happy Meals


Victims who have endured years of intimate partner violence, emotional abuse and financial harm got a little justice last week after the
Department of Justice got an Executive Director of a Fairfield Non-Profit to plead guilty to stealing money from victims of sexual assault, domestic violence and dating violence. 

Solano County residents and victims have fought hard for public integrity in their courts and local law enforcement community. Judges have been recalled and pressured to resign and the district attorney has started a perjury unit that investigates false claims of domestic violence. 

Sadly, Contra Costa and Santa Clara Counties have more money and are tougher nuts to crack , but there are breaks in the dam. 

In Contra Costa Judge Jill Fannin, who is on the recall and impeachment hit list,  reportedly has been using court staff and members of the grand jury to investigate protestors and those circulating petitions to remove her from the bench. Such conduct is not only improper governmental activity, it is criminal, and could be charged as a misdemeanor, Parents are now calling on the Contra Costs County DA  to investigate. 


Federal Government to Investigate Silicon Valley Courts and County Lawyers

A deep investigation has found that Lucas has teamed up in pods of government lawyers, including James Gibbons- Shapiro, Jeff Rosen, Steve Mitra, Danielle Goldstein and Cheryl Stevens,  to rig family law cases where domestic violence earns millions for the local courts and corrupt lawyers, and where judges have been using the Santa Clara County Sheriffs to harass and intimate parents to protest family court issues. 

Over $100,000,000of state and federal money has failed to reach victims  since 2010. Irregular accounting audits  shows the money has been misused, misdirected or outright stolen  through non- profits including LIFT 3, that was named in the Solano County indictment, as well as  Silicon Valley Faces, and the Victim- Witness Services program housed in the Santa Clara County DA’s office since 2015.  

Recently it was learned that Judge Patricia Lucas’ issued  orders  that had Scott Largent arrested on May 1, 2018, That same order  could have thousands of children arrested for using  toy megaphones found in the newest Happy Meal Toys offered for sale to parents at McDonald’s,  Ironically,  as Judge Lucas continues to issue orders and mismanage judges determined to punish parents who protest family courts,  Fox News has published an Ohio State opinion that describes an in-depth audit that shows just how toxic judges in family courts have become. The report notes family courts are putting children in serious danger. 

Scott Largent, one of the most recognizable family court advocates, and backpack journalists, is calling on lawyers from DC Comics, and McDonalds to help children who are being victimized in California’s family courts. 

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Pissed Off Father Video at Judicial Council Goes Viral

California Can’t Ignore Family Court Crisis

​An articulate hippie father, who lost custody of his 11 month old child , while he had no prior criminal history, ended his quote about the realities of civil rights violations in family courts to California’s Judicial Council like this: 
” I was afforded no presumption of innocence, no jury and no due process”, a complaint echoed by people in family courts daily. Judges are so numb to hearing complaining about their failure to apply the law, they no longer listen, and they are never disciplined. 

The father ended his speech with the following quote: 

“The State must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and any deprivation.”

While the quote has been widely used, it has been slightly modified, but it essentially describes exactly what is going on in family courts as judges fail to properly apply child support for the best interest of children and act more in the best interest of themselves and their favored lawyers. 

This is one of the best public comments available, The father articulately  explains what is happening in family courts and it is not only happening to fathers , it is happening to mothers too. Our children are in crisis with court involvement. 

The father then called out the judges sitting on the Judicial Council, including Patricia Lucas, the ” legal advisor” and described violations of laws and separations of powers. He noted, violations done under the Child Support:

“In what way shape or form can you sit here with a straight face and maintain that the judiciary is   independent, or impartial when you have crawled into bed with the executive branch  for money? “. 

“Worst of all this  corruption is done under the guise that it is in the best interest of our children. Well I got a Newsflash for you………

90%  of all homeless and runaway kids come from fatherless homes, 32 times the average 
85% of children who show behavior problems come from fatherless homes, 20 times the average 
80% of rapists with anger problems , 14 times the average 
71% high school drop outs , 9 times the average” 

” So when the family courts take our children and drive ( parents) into poverty through the racketeering and corruption that is in labeled as being in the best interest of our children, , excuse me when I say ……I  DON”T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT”. 

This is another brave parent who is speaking up and ringing the bell about the millions of families being separated in our family courts for money, and by corrupt judges. We need more people speaking up and not just at the border, This is happening everywhere in America. The judges who are letting it happen need to be held accountable. 

This post is dedicated to Santa Clara County general counsel Lisa Herrick, who has taken it upon herself to contact the media ” in the best interest of children”,  while protecting the corrupt family court judges,  court appointed lawyers,  and experts. It is also dedicated to Judge Patricia Lucas,  who was present at this public comment where,  she was personally  blasted by father Scott Largent who has had his child taken from him in Santa Clara County courts, for no reason. This is how Judge Lucas managed the court that took the child, and kept that child from Largent for two years with the help from corrupt private lawyers like Heather Allan, and corrupt public lawyers like Lisa Herrick and  Santa Clara County District Attorney Jeff Rosen.

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Amazon's Alex Ranks Jane and John Q 9 Million Spots Higher Than Silicon Valley's Bar Associations

​Whoops ! Divorce lawyers couldn’t use their legal might to keep Judge Persky on the bench, and now it seems they can’t even score a decent ranking on Amazon’s Alexa Website Rankings. 

Since investigative reporters crashed the Santa Clara County Bar Association meetings, lawyers in Silicon Valley have had somewhat of an image and PR problem. They also appear to have ranking problems on the internet. 

Divorce lawyers who have dominated the courts, separated families for profit and worked to destroy women as a matter of routine, aren’t doing so well in the court of public opinion. 

Lawyers mentioned on this site now have a social media footprint that will report their misdeeds for generations. Their grandchildren will not need family mapping apps to tell them what crooks they were. Judges will not be revered, they will be recalled, indicted and stripped of their pensions. 

Government lawyers who engaged in misdeeds will be stricken from future jobs as employers and clients will find them too controversial to hire. 

Businesses that profited by assisting these lawyers will pay a price too,  Tim Harper, the vocational examiner who ruined families for lawyers like Catherine Bechtel and Bradford Baugh is rumored to be shuttering his business, his own son disgraced by his father’s  conduct. 

Custody evaluators including Leslie Packer, John Orlando, Phil Stahl and Michael Kerner, will rue the day they helped lawyers separate families for profit,

Judges who were complicit  indifferent and who elevated their careers will be shamed for generations to come. Recalls and impeachments will drain the legal swamp. Judge James Towery, Judge Stuart Scott, Judge Jill Fannin, Judge Patricia Lucas, Judge Julie Emede, Judge Mary Arand, Judge Hyashi,  Judge Drew Takaichi, Judge Lori Pegg, Judge Carrianger, you are an  endangered species, your management of the law is Fake Justice and you will be removed from the bench, and your pension. 

Court Clerks Carla Jackson, Susan Walker, Jaretta Reser, and Julie Lara, you have violated the law to protect crooked judges, you will be prosecuted and removed from the  public payroll, 

Richard Roggia, James Cox, Nat Hales, and Michael Reedy, you have cheated more people in private judging divorce cases than any others and you deserve to be prosecuted for your crimes. 

Michele Hales, your parents are liars and cheats and you have cheated clients and lied to your own family in Hollister. 

Elise Mitchell and Heather Allan, you  tried to reverse protest and record, sorry, day late and a dollar short. Q  got there  first.

Rebekah Frye, you killed Gloria for fees and greed,  while you had sex with a client, cheated on your husband and lied to your own kid. 

Valerie Houghton,  you ruined more families than any other lawyer or MFT in Silicon Valley, then you stole money from an elderly man to pay for a rich lifestyle for you and your children could not afford. No, you won’t  just lose your house as you told your friends. And the lawyers who called you out are not your stalkers, the law and Q will expose you for the criminal you are. 

Walter Hammon, stole kids while promoting his  kids in the  legal community and letting his  brother steal  client’s money held in his trust account. 

Hector Moreno,  used religion and people in their most desperate hour to engage in corruption with the DA’s office and steal food money from kids. There will be no forgiveness, you are a hypocrite and a crook, may you rot in hell.  God sees you, and so does Q. 

Donelle Morgan, fueled  her private jet with money she  took in violation of the law. 

Jeff Rosen, you used your own children and wife, to build your political career, while you cheated on campaign finance, put innocent people in jail,  hid evidence to get plea deals from innocent parents and children,  while you looked the other way on public corruption.  Rosen  used the local courts playing, the  Jewish “victim card”  and the jig is up.

Rosen  stole the election from Carr, when he was  the most corrupt of all. Rosen covered up and protected Rabbis who raped and  took hush money from Shir Hadash to win his DA  office. Rosen paid back emoluments by way of promotion  to Allison Filo, Stacey Capps, Jim Demetriz and Carlos Vega, when they should have been fired.  Rosen  used his  political clout to hitch his wagon to the victims of the Holocaust, as many believe he acted like a Silicon Valley version of  Hitler. 

Brad Baugh covered up for men who sexually abused kids and used his bar card and corrupt connections with Alan Nudelman and the DA’s office to  put people in jail and rob them of their homes. Baugh  will rot in hell, jail and on the internet for eternity. 

Thanks to all who helped Q rank higher in the court of public opinion, and on the internet. Just goes to show dirty lawyers can’t control everything, 

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back to school divorce tips

Transitioning Your Kids Back To School After Divorce

back to school divorce tipsAs the summer is beginning to wind down a new school year is approaching too quickly. Between living in two different places to trying to figure out the new shared time schedule, your child is experiencing a slew of changes.

Stability should be the most important concern you have for your child as you both take on this upcoming academic year.

These are four tips to help you and your kid wrangle the post-divorce changes before tackling the school year together.

Communicate with your ex and your kids

Instead of living as a family, your kids are splitting time between you and your ex, so communicating with everyone is crucial. This includes staying in contact with your ex. Put your feelings aside and don’t play games, because at the end of the day, the most important person is the child and their well-being.

Share information with each other and coordinate schedules so you can both be in the loop. It is important to keep consistent house rules for the kids to follow. Although one parent may want to seem like the carefree more relaxed parent, this does not benefit your children in the long run. They are experiencing so much change because of the divorce, so consistency and stability is crucial during this time of adjustment.

This separation does not only impact you and your ex, but your kids too. Communicate with your children and make sure they are doing okay. Talk to them about their feelings and how this split could be affecting them. Open communication can better assess how they are handling this change and counsel them through any roadblocks and problems they might be experiencing.

Keep a calendar

Your time is being split between your work schedule and sharing time with your kids, so dates can get confusing. Navigating these different schedules becomes increasingly difficult once the kids go back to school.

Using Google Calendar, smartphone calendars, or a planner can be helpful to organize everyone’s schedule. Dance recitals, science fairs, sports practices, and school assemblies are just a few of the many events dads need to keep track of.

It is important to share this calendar with both parties so everyone has the information they need. Whether it is figuring out the carpool schedule to remembering parent-teacher conference, it is necessary to keep both households in the loop.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Update the teachers

The word family just became a lot more complicated in your children’s lives. Let the teachers know what the situation is. You do not need to give them details, but updating them on the family dynamic and schedule differences keeps the teacher informed of the changes going on in their students’ lives.

They can keep an eye out for behavioral inconsistency or academic problems if issues were to arise. Sometimes teachers might even give the student two sets of textbooks, so they do not have to worry about hauling them to both parents’ houses.

Split the school supplies

It is impractical for both parents to buy two sets of school supplies. Financially, it is unnecessary, and the child will end up with a pile of supplies they do not need. It is best to share the list and the price with your ex. The money will not be split exactly, but this is a good way for Mom and Dad to share and compromise.

It is smart to buy extra supplies of the basics such as pens, pencils, folders, etc., so the kids do not have to carry everything to both houses.

Your children’s well-being and their academic development should be your priorities. Both you and your spouse need to put your adversities aside for the benefit of your children. From focusing on their studies to improving their social development, these four tips will help you and your kids stay organized and maintain healthy relationships.

The post Transitioning Your Kids Back To School After Divorce appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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anger

Anger: What To Do When It Gets The Best Of You

anger

 

As you recover from your divorce and move on with your kids, there is one all-too-common emotion that causes you way more headaches than you need.

Anger.  Being ticked off.  The persistent rage that will not leave you but could jeopardize your future relationships.

To start with, there is something that you must remember.

Anger is a thief. Don’t let it rob you of your chance to move on.

You work hard to maintain the things you love. Think about it. You probably keep your house or apartment nice and cozy, and you probably have homeowner’s insurance to protect it in case something happens to it. Your beloved heirlooms and the mementos you treasure are probably tucked away with the greatest of love and care.

You wouldn’t leave your door unlocked and invite a thief in to destroy those things in your home that you love, would you?

Heck no! Those things are yours. You worked your ass off to safeguard the things that give you joy and comfort.

So, why on earth are you leaving the door to your life and the door to your happiness open, inviting anger in on a daily basis? Just as a thief will break into your home, wreck it, and take away everything that is dear to you, so will Anger.

It’s time to lock the door and install one of those baller home security systems. It is time to protect one of the most precious things that anger will rob you of, your happiness and chance to heal.

Anger = other people’s stupid stuff trying to control you.

Why let it?

When you are ticked off at something, our body is all too happy to let us know it. Your blood pressure, breathing, and heart rate increase because your adrenal glands are being set into “fight or flight” mode.

This physiological reaction may have served Neanderthals when it was time to fight off whatever prehistoric beast threatened their survival, but that same anger that disrupts your calm. Why let it control you like that?

The fact that your ex didn’t treat you right, the fact that the marriage is ending or has ended, and the fact that the ex and his lawyers may still be doing stupid stuff is just that. They are only facts, but they are not indicators of how you are obligated to react because of them.

Do you remember the delightful “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow?

 “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”

“Your attitude about the problem” is your anger. The stupid stuff that you are reacting to doesn’t have to disrupt your peace of mind. How you choose to react to the problem—in this case how you choose to react to the facts (the events that are making you angry), is what makes the difference between navigating this process with less drama and stress for yourself, or letting all the madness drag you down and leave you exhausted.

You’re better than getting pissed off at something that you cannot control in the first place. It’s time to focus on the things you actually can control.

And the first step to leaving the anger behind you? It’s simple.

If anger does not serve you, then let it go.

Some years ago, I was sweating my butt off in a hot yoga class, frustrated that I could not get into a backbend because my arthritis decided it didn’t want to play nice, my stomach churning because of the third argument I had had with my boss that week, and my heart sinking because a man who I had been seeing and who I really liked had called the night before to break up with me. I was a knot of rage that afternoon in the yoga class.

“If it does not serve you, then let it go.”

Although the yoga teacher probably meant it for the students to be kind and patient with themselves, reassuring them the back bend would happen when the body was ready for it, those words stuck. And I remember bursting into tears.

It wasn’t about being upset about not being flexible enough during that moment in time.

It was about not letting the fact we were inflexible cloud our ability to just be and move on.

It was about understanding that if a negative emotion was not going to improve our lives, then we needed to show it the door.  There is no place for anger holding us hostage.

The next time you start to feel anger about the divorce drama, do the following.

1.When your pulse starts to quicken, take a step back.

2. Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths.

3. Remember that whatever BS is coming your way does not have the power to piss you off.

4. Remember that if the anger is not contributing to your well-being, then breathe that negativity out.

5. Inhale in the fresh air and focus on the beautiful life and calm that will be your guide.

6. Carry on, because you have waaaaayy too many awesome things going on to waste your precious emotional energy on anything toxic.

What struggles do you experience when it comes to dealing with divorce anger? What steps have you taken to kick it to the curb?

The post Anger: What To Do When It Gets The Best Of You appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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