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The Secrets A Narcissist Will Lose Their Mind Over If You Found Out

The Secrets A Narcissist Will Lose Their Mind Over If You Found Out

Narcissists are very secretive. They truly enjoy hiding the truth from others because it gives them a sense of superiority.

Internally they think and feel one thing while externally they are trying to convince you of the exact opposite.

They will do what it takes to keep their little, and big, lies from you because they want you to believe who they present to be.

In fact their narcissistic drivers are all agenda-based and are designed to feed the False Self and fictitious character they have created.

I’ve got lots to share with you on this and I’m sure you’ll find this Thriver TV truly useful because I go through the main sinister truths narcissists are hiding from you as well as the life remedies to counter them and the healing shifts to eliminate them from your life forever.

Find out exactly what actions to take and how to powerfully target your healings.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I want to take you through the things that narcissists hide from you. These are the sinister truths that they don’t want you to know before getting into a relationship with you, because literally if you did know these things, you would never sign up for this.

Importantly, I’m also going to give you the real life remedies to this and the healing shifts for this as well. Okay, let’s check this out.

 

I Don’t Care About You And Your Life

The first thing that a narcissist never wants you to realize is they don’t care about you and your life. They don’t.

A narcissist at the beginning is going to act incredibly interested in you, whether it’s a friendship or whether it’s a work thing or whether it’s an intimate relationship. This is a lie. It’s to get you to believe in them and trust them and let them into your life.

The real truth is actually this, narcissists believe that they’re far superior than you. Only them and their life activities are important, not yours, and in fact anything that you do of substance is a threat to the monstrous, insecure and fragile ego of the narcissist.

The narcissist only wants you focused on their life and their abilities, and not only will the narcissist be ignoring you and minimalizing your life, he or she may start downright sabotaging it and discrediting it and being incredibly pathologically envious about it.

 

The Real Life Remedy

Now, let’s have a look at the real life remedy about how not to get into a relationship with somebody like this, because, of course, narcissists don’t walk around with a T-shirt saying, “I’m a narcissist. Beware.”

When getting to know people, take your time. Get to know somebody’s character before letting them into your hearth, your heart and your home. Do they have a solid enough sense of self to admire and compliment others and recognize other people’s achievements, or is it all about them?

When they’re in a group with other people, can they recognize other people? Can they contribute to the conversations about other people, or do they bring every conversation back to themselves, and I mean after initially wooing you are making it all about you?

How do they operate around others. These are the things that you need to ascertain before letting people into your life on a deeply intimate or harmful potential level.

 

Powerful Healing Shifts

Now I want to talk about the powerful healing shifts and these are going to be very, very helpful for those of you on the NARP program and something to think about for people that aren’t yet using Quanta Healing but really interested in it.

After being in a relationship with a narcissist and experiencing that they’re not interested in you and they’re not interested in your life – part of the empowering and the necessary self-healing is the going within to heal and reprogram the beliefs.

That means this has been in your life and you’ve had the damage of it, and the beliefs are usually stuff like, “The people I love don’t validate me, they don’t see me, and they don’t support my life.”

This has come from your wishes and self being deemed irrelevant as a child. It was more about somebody else or maybe your parents or another child. It wasn’t about you, and therefore your self didn’t develop into knowing that you and your life are valuable.

That healing from within that you can do in a Quantum way is going to allow you to get out of this trauma and bring a new true self, which will allow the true self beliefs, “The people I love see me, are interested in me and are supportive of me,” as you’ve become to yourself. It shifts everything.

 

You Are An Object And A Tool To Me

Let’s have a look at the second lie about the narcissist and who they present to be and the thing they don’t want you to find out. It’s this. You are an object and a tool to the narcissist. That’s what’s really going on.

The narcissist doesn’t love you. They only love what they can get from you. The narcissist has buried their own True Self. They’ve created a False Self, which is a fictitious character of their identity of who they’d like to be rather than how they really feel about themselves. And they have no ability, because they are a False Self, other than to view other people as cardboard cutouts as well, not as a blood and bone and Soul individual.

The narcissistic drivers are all agenda-based, meaning, “I’m with you to receive a feed for my False Self and my fictitious character, a hit of superiority. I’m with you because it gets me attention because you’re attractive. You’re intelligent. Maybe you’ve got stuff and resources I don’t have. Maybe you can give me sex, which feeds my False Self.”

Or, “Through you, I can gain access to the things that are going to feed my False Self and get me ahead in the world.”

The narcissist at the beginning may be high on the scintillating company you provide for the moment, which allows him or her to escape the inner pool of the demented unresolved wounds that the narcissist is always trying to get superiority from the outside to try to self-medicate away those horrible inner feelings. These are things like money, position, contacts, living arrangements, whatever it is.

Now, here is the really painful part of the narcissist seeing you as a tool and as an object only. This is what’s so hard about it for you. If you are no longer providing exactly what the narcissist’s False Self wants – which is impossible for the medium or long-term – the narcissist can discard you and replace you without a second thought as if you never existed, because you were merely a tool and an object.

Also, the narcissist is going to mercilessly attack you, emotionally torture and punish you, if you are not performing the tasks that the narcissist intended you to fulfill. That’s what happens, and I know you’ve experienced it.

 

The Real Life Remedy

Let’s have a look at the real life remedies, so you don’t get hooked up with somebody like this again. You need to be able to have a life and retain your life. I’m going to explain.

You need to be able to say no to somebody who is trying to use you for their agendas. Listen to this, because it’s really important.

If you don’t feel like sex, say no. If you don’t feel like handing over those contacts, say no. If you don’t feel like giving the narcissist the key to your home when you’ve only known them two weeks, say no.

The narcissist is going to start trying to get the payoff. They’re going to get the thing that they’ve intended you to provide for them. They’re going to start harvesting, so this is where you have to trust yourself, and if something feels off, assert a boundary.

They’re going to start maneuvering and demanding. Have your rights and your values that you live by and stick to. Do not drop everything for this person or march to their drum or give in to anything that feels uncomfortable for you.

This is why it is so important for us to heal after narcissistic relationships, to love being in our body and our life and heal up ourselves so that we can have a whole self, so that on our own, we can have a healthy life and know that we value ourselves enough to keep our interests, our missions, and our life going rather than give it all away to be somebody else’s pawn and object and tool.

I promise you no narcissist will stick around for your boundaries and your sensibility, and you’ll know. Or when you bring it forth, they’re going to test you. When you say, “No,” or, “I’m not comfortable with that,” they may try to manipulate you and guilt you out of your boundary to try to monopolize your time and use you as an object, and then you’ve got your answer. You absolutely have your answer if somebody’s not going to respect your “No” and your healthy boundary.

 

Powerful Healing Shifts

The powerful healing shifts for this if you’re a NARPer and you’re working with Quanta Freedom Healing and you’re healing from a narcissistic relationship, I would suggest the following shifts on that trauma in your body of, “if I’m not worthy of being loved for me,” and “I have to earn love and approval from others.”

This is all about conditional love, people using you for their agenda so that you can get love from them. When you free yourself from that, I promise you the relief and the power you will get will be so big that it’s going to lead you to be able to generate relationships where you can actualize and stand in and be recognized for your worth and your lovability for who you are as yourself.

 

I Can Say And Do Whatever I Want

The next thing that the narcissist is desperately trying to hide from you that you don’t know about, what you’ll be signing up to is this, “I can say and do whatever I want.”

Now, it’s so incredible how a narcissist is going to hold you to account, meaning that according to them, if you say or do the wrong thing, they’re never going to let you live it down. They’re going to hold it against you forever. They’re never going to get over it, but there’s a complete other set of rules that applies to them.

Now, this is the thing. It’s so big. Narcissists lie. They say whatever they want. They also believe they’re entitled to lie.

They will tell you what you want to hear to shut you up or to get one of their agendas fulfilled. They will stretch the truth. They will omit the truth, and they will completely butcher it if they think it’s going to get them more of what they want – which is to secure more narcissistic abuse, attention, stuff, and energy from you, or to avoid the accountability of what they are really up to behind the scenes.

Because narcissists lie and they don’t really care what they say, their stories change. The discussion you had last week goes out the window with the conversation you’re having this week. You think you’re losing your mind. The narcissist will even deny they said that, even though you know they did.

If you feel like you need to start recording your conversations to play it back to somebody, you’re in a toxic relationship, and you will catch them out on a lie, and then they’re just going to double down with another lie.

The narcissist will tell you and other people that they’re going to do something for them, and then they don’t even show up. They go missing, they make excuses. They don’t care how it affects people, and maddeningly, if confronted with these, they have an excuse, a justification or a projection, or they’re going to change the topic, or they’ll pull up something about you that you’re not doing, and they start firing bullets.

The real truth is this, the narcissist doesn’t care what they say or do. They’re superior. You or anybody else should be greatly appreciative for anything you received from the narcissist, even if it’s just a passing thought.

Who do other people think they are by holding the narcissist to something that the narcissist has decided not to do? The narcissist doesn’t care who’s left waiting, who gets messed around or who misses out, because it’s all about the narcissist.

“Who do these people think they are to expect the truth from a narcissist, when he or she has no need to give it to them? Why should they want to hold the narcissist to a conversation last week when the narcissist was only saying whatever was necessary to shut that person up? Seriously, who do these people think they are?”

I hope you get the picture.

The narcissist also doesn’t believe that they should be held accountable for the disgusting things that come out of their mouth or the horrific acts of vengeance they commit when they are being pushed by somebody for accountability.

“How dare these people think I should either have to apologize for something I’ve said or done. How dare these people not serve and adore me no matter how I treat them.”

Can you see how warped this is? Can you see how the narcissist has such a twisted perception of reality, especially if you so much as say or do something that the narcissist even faintly perceived as disrespectful to them – it’s off with your head, and you’re never going to be forgiven for it.

 

The Real Life Remedy

So what’s the real life remedy to avoid getting hooked up with somebody like this?

Get to know a person’s character ­ – it really is always getting back to this – before letting them into your body, your bed, your business deal, or your life. Do your due diligence and get to know them at a respectful pace.

Do this person’s actions match their words? What are other relationships like in their life? Do these people know that they can trust and rely on this person? Does this person have consideration, conscience, and care for other people? Do they give of themselves to assist others genuinely and not just for the accolades and the supply?

If you feel something is off or not right, show up, question if you feel like you’re being lied to. Ask for the facts. Do your own research and investigation and do not be embarrassed about your right to the truth. Command it and know if somebody is trying to balk, cover over, not be transparent and smears and attacks you for looking for the truth – they’ve got something to hide. You have your answer. They are not to be trusted. They’re lying to you.

Your motto needs to be no proof means no truth. How does this person deal with constructive criticism? Can they be humble and apologize genuinely if they slip up, are arrogant, hurtful, or disrespectful or thoughtless to others? Do they care about other people’s needs and feelings?

These are the things you need to ascertain and check out before you commit at a deep inner level to somebody.

 

Powerful Healing Shifts

Let’s have a look at powerful healing shifts that you can do with NARP.

To heal from the betrayal of lies and the torture of narcissistic gaslighting, which is everything we’ve just talked about, I suggest these deep inner healing shifts on the trauma of, “the people I love lie to me, invalidate me and don’t care about me.” Get that up and out of your body and bring in Source and see what changes in your life.

 

I Will Always Blame You

Let’s get into the last big thing that the narcissist is hiding from you. They never want you to know this. It’s this, “I will always blame you.”

At the inevitable collapse of a narcissistic relationship and even before it in the devalue stage, the narcissist is going to blame you for all of the problems and all of their unhealed wounds that they are never going to take responsibility for.

At the end of the relationship when you are discarded, you’ll be demonized and smeared to all and sundry. This is how a False Self operates.

At the beginning of the relationship, you are childishly pumped up. You’re the greatest thing since poached eggs, paraded all over social media and gushed out to family and friends, and probably introduced way too quickly to all of the narcissist’s circles, probably as well as the kids, and you’re probably being thrusted in the face of the previous discarded supply that the narcissist is finished with.

Then as time goes on, of course you start being devalued and then eventually discarded, and you’re going to be put on the rubbish heap with all the other sucked out Souls that the narcissist False Self has thrown into the gutter.

As far as the False Self is concerned, if you’re not great, you’re terrible. There is no in between. There is no Real Self operating within the narcissist, therefore there’s no, self-awareness, there’s no self-responsibility, and therefore it’s all of your fault.

 

The Real Life Remedy

The real life remedy to how do you not get involved with somebody who has the capacity to be like that?

If somebody does not take personal responsibility for their life, then if you can join with them and create a life with them, it’s going to be your head on the chopping block in the future. These are the people that blame everybody else. They play victim.

They’re going to tell you you’re so different from all the others, and you’re going to think, “Oh, well, they’re going to love me even though it didn’t work with the others.” These are people who can’t be humble and real about their issues and their mistakes and their part in it. These are the people who are not committed to inner personal growth and a commitment to be a better self.

Don’t fall for somebody telling you a story about how spiritual they are and how into personal development they are. Check out how they operate in real life in regard to that. Humility and realness are key.

Anger, blame and unresolved issues with people from their past is a strong indication of not taking responsibility for their own wounds, and therefore you could be in for a very toxic and painful relationship. So look out for those things. You want somebody humble and real taking personal responsibility. Absolutely.

 

Powerful Healing Shifts

The powerful healing shifts to heal from horrible discards and scapegoating and being blamed and projected on, and – they’re going to hate you forever, and it’s always your fault, and you’re never going to get them to change their mind – I really suggest these deep inner healing shifts on the traumas of, “the people I love blame me, discard me and punish me for their problems.”

Get rid of that stuff. Shift it and the relief will be incredible.

 

In Conclusion

In conclusion, these are the secrets the narcissist has hidden from you, and what it is really about is this … this is the truth, “I never cared about you and your life. You were just an object for me to use to get what I wanted. I said and did what I wanted. You didn’t deal with it. You didn’t serve me adequately, so now I need to get rid of you and blame you for all of the things that I was never prepared to face and sort out within myself.”

That’s the truth. That’s it. That’s the truth. Imagine if you knew that from the beginning. You would never have gone there. Now you do know. Now you know how to look out for this.

Even more powerful than that, now you know what to heal within you to break free and never be an inner match for that stuff again.

I want you to know this more than anything. To never again get taken in and down by a False Self, you need to be a True Self. You need to heal yourself, to have a Real Self, which means doing the inner work on your Inner Being, and then you will walk through life never having to deal with this insanity and this Soul destruction ever again.

How myself and so many others achieved that upgrade was with NARP. It is the most powerful way I know to heal our previous painful programs so that we can enter real, true and fulfilling relationships. You can check out NARP by looking at the link that comes up with this video, or have a look at the link in the show notes.

I know that this may have been really difficult to acknowledge and come to terms with, but I want you to know the truth to set you free.

I’m so looking forward to the conversation with you and the comments and your questions below.

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Broken: How I Managed To Lose An Incredible Man

Broken: How I Managed To Lose An Incredible Man

 

The morning of February 18th, I had a very vivid dream. It was the night before my wedding and I was in a dimly lit bedroom looking at my dress. I hear two voices from another room.  One is of an older woman and the other of a man my age. I think I recognize these voices, but I cannot place them. I move to the door to listen more carefully.

The woman says: “Why are you doing this?  She doesn’t deserve you. Why?” The man’s response: “Because I love her; I’ve always loved her and I want her to be mine.” I push the bedroom door open a bit and walk out quietly to see whom these voices belong to. What I see, shocking. Instead of seeing my current fiancé coming to my defense and declaring his love. It was my college boyfriend Chad.

I wake up immediately finding myself sweaty and disoriented. I try and dismiss the dream as nothing more than my anxiety from wedding planning and home remodeling. I laugh at myself, go downstairs, and read my horoscope:

Self-improvement is the name of the game for you this February, Virgo. You’ll start off the month even more interested in attaining perfection than usual. At the same time, however, you’re ready to implement an innovative approach to achieving this. After all, you know very well that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Although you are grounded by nature, you’re also extremely flexible. Because of this, you know that it’s time for some changes and you’ll be very willing to make them. Whether it’s a new health habit, work routine, or other personal shift, it’s as if you know that you need to be your own handyman this month, and you’re more than capable of managing a personal DIY project on yourself.

In other news, a major, unexpected expense might rattle you near February 13. This might be a tax bill you didn’t see coming or a sudden increase in your insurance rates or interest rates connected to a loan. Fortunately, it appears to be a one-time situation, so once the initial shock of it arrives, you’ll handle it and then forget about it.

I couldn’t wait to show this prediction to my fiancé. I had been different lately-moody, tense, anxious. And no wonder: everything my horoscope said was true. My perfectionism had turned me into an angry bitch. My realization that I couldn’t eat and drink everything I wanted and still fit into the wedding dress of my choice had made me cranky and bitter. And the fury I felt from seeing my tax return cut in half left me simmering with rage.

Strangely, though, after reading my horoscope, I felt better. I had a succinct explanation to share with him. Then I would apologize, lean in for a kiss, and wait for him to wrap his arms around me…

Had I known that 256 hours ago I would be getting my last hug, my last opportunity to smell that earthy masculine Right Guard deodorant smell, or the last time I would feel those back muscle grow tight when holding me, or the last time I got close to that face-that face with the softest beard and warmest lips, well then I would have spent every second remembering all of it-all of him.

I also didn’t know that 258 hours later, I would be writing an essay about how I managed to lose this incredible man, who only after a month of dating proposed to me on our first Christmas together. I didn’t know that 88 days later he would tell me that he was too broken to marry me that he was living a fantasy narrative, that the engagement was off and that he hadn’t been honest with me. And that I would hear these haunting words: “I’m not the man you think I am.”

Of course, I texted him the next morning, thinking there is absolutely no way he means this. Our wedding is planned; the honeymoon booked, and our kids already consider themselves siblings. He told me he loved me as he left and so I will find the words to bring him back to me, to us.

My words failed. His response was cold and terse, explaining that he was resolute in his decision, that he would not change his mind, and that I must leave him be.

For the first time in my life, I honored the request of someone who said they wanted to “be left alone” and for the first time in my life, I didn’t demand answers. I believe this means I love him more than I love myself, but then again, I might just be too afraid to feel more hurt.

If on this tenth day without him I got a chance to say anything, it would be this:  

I have mourned many people; this is the worst. My grief is compounded by my sons’ tears.The first 36 hours were the worse. I cried hard and when the tears didn’t come, I walked through my house, looking. I have no idea what I was looking for, possibly you. Instead, I found reminders. These reminders were crippling. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think. I could only feel.

On the third day of this gut-wrenching pain, I asked my friends if they had Xanax or something that would dull the ache in my chest. No one had anything but kind words and sympathetic apologies. I called my doctor; she refused. She wasn’t sure what the side effects would be since the chemo and hormones would still be in my system. She said that sometimes mood-altering drugs make depression and emotional distress worse.

I laughed through the phone at such a ridiculous concern-nothing could be worse. I looked again in my kitchen cabinet; I found expired children’s Benadryl and drank the whole bottle. I reasoned that sleeping would be a respite for feeling. I slept for five hours. I woke up dreaming that you hadn’t really left. I was so convinced that when I walked to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself, I sank to the floor.

The hell I had gone through was no ugly terrifying nightmare; it was real.

You say you are broken; I say I am equally or more so. Before you left, I had spent weeks consumed with anxiety, worry, and insecurity. With my tax return cut in half, I wouldn’t be able to provide what I promised: a bedroom for each one of our children and a bathroom for our only girl. I spent my free time trying to think of ways that I could make it all work. I went over numbers; I tried selling jewelry and plasma.

I begged my ex-husband to do some of the remodeling. I couldn’t give up. I’ve never been one who can hear the word “no” or “can’t”; these words reveal weakness and vulnerability and a lack of effort. And this isn’t who I am. I dug in, and in this inner turmoil, I became distracted, sullen, and distant. I began to feel like a failure. Most likely from years of feeling like a failure in my parents’ eyes, I became desperate to not return to this feeling. Thus, in my brokenness, I most likely hurt the very people, I wanted to love the most.

I didn’t trust that I was loved enough. I didn’t trust that I could share my worries, my insecurities, and my vulnerabilities. I didn’t listen to my mother who was always reminding me: “Worry doesn’t change tomorrow, but it may destroy today.”  She was right. My worrying about our kids having silly squabbles about privacy and space, bedrooms and bathrooms, diminished my last days with you.

I was looking for the train wreck-a wreck that may have never happened- before we even left the station. I let my past: the pain, the traumas, the losses rob me of my self-love and the love I should have been freely giving to you. I believe the definition of broken is most likely something like this: a person who finds love, but losses it only 123 days, five hours, and 13 minutes later because she didn’t know what to count on. I bet on my past and lost on my future.

I let past trauma dictate how I would approach life- with self-doubt and loathing. Instead of believing that I might be enough for you and for our kids (even though you tried to tell me this), I assumed that you would leave-just like everyone else. Perhaps I was trying to be perfect or trying to build up some kind of collateral. Maybe I was aware that my struggle with being vulnerable might be mistaken for a lack of love.  Possibly I was obsessing about all that might go wrong in the future.  I suspect it was a combination of all of that.

It is no wonder that I turn to the stars; I often don’t believe in me.  My overcompensating didn’t show you the depth of my love for you and your kids.  It showed you a fool, who despite her college degrees, never thought this:  I could have bought a fucking bunk bed and told the boys to pee outside when the bathroom was occupied. Let me tell you about broken.  Broken means I get to think about how we could have been curled up together counting our lucky stars that at last two long lost lovers came together to be whole.

And then I would say…please come home.

The post Broken: How I Managed To Lose An Incredible Man appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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