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Millennials, Marriage and Mortgages

Millennials, Marriage and Mortgages

Originally published by The Law Office of V. Wayne Ward.

For generations, Americans tended to (or at least aspired to) get married, buy a house, and have kids—in that order. For many reasons, economic ones particularly, the millennial generation hasn’t fallen into that pattern. This change in the order of big life events brings changes to the legal world as well, at least in the context of divorce.

Financial Struggles Lead Millennials to Delay Marriage & Home Purchases

The youngest millennials are now entering their mid-20s.  The older members of the generation are approaching 40.

Older millennials were impacted heavily by the Great Recession, which struck as many of them were graduating college and trying to start a career. Those who did find work often found it lower paying than they were counting on, due in part to a challenging job market where older workers, whose retirement accounts took big hits during the Recession, stayed on the job instead of retiring.

Burdened by huge student loan debts and skyrocketing housing prices in most large cities, many millennials found that the only way they could save enough to buy a home was to move in with their significant other. But they did not necessarily feel the need to get married, often reaching the homebuying milestone before decided to marry.

An Example Scenario

Let’s use an example to illustrate how a millennial couple might progress through their relationship (and what happens when the relationship ends).

Lisa (33) and Brian (35) were in a relationship for nine years before they married. Brian proposed to Lisa seven years into the relationship.

About a month after they got engaged, Brian bought a house. He took out a mortgage in his name only, and his name was the only name on the property deed. The couple intended that the house would be for both of them, and they decided together that buying before marriage made financial sense.

After closing, Brian and Lisa moved in together. They lived in the house for about a year, and then got married. Before the marriage, they each paid half of the mortgage and bills from money in their own personal accounts. After the wedding, the couple opened a joint account and paid from that.

After two years of marriage, Brian filed for divorce. The question is: what rights do Brian and Lisa each have to the house?

How Texas Law Applies to This Scenario

Texas is a community property state, so the house is treated as Brian’s separate property because he bought it before marriage and his name is on the deed. As a result, the judge will not award the house to Lisa.

Can Lisa seek reimbursement of any house payments? Well, each party was paying half the mortgage before marriage. Most likely, Lisa’s payments would be considered gifts to Brian and she is unlikely to be reimbursed for these pre-marriage payments.

Now, the mortgage payments made during the marriage are a different story. Lisa can request reimbursement for her portion of those payments, because they were made with “marital funds.” She would argue that Brian’s estate benefited from those marital funds, which were partially hers, so she should get money back.

However, under Texas law, Lisa would only be entitled reimbursement of funds that were allocated to mortgage principle, not to mortgage interest. The judge would have full discretion to decide how much Lisa receives.

Millennials, Marriage and Mortgages
The Fort Worth divorce lawyers of the Law Office of V. Wayne Ward help people of all ages through divorce. Call 817-789-4436
for a consultation.

Cohabitation Agreements Can Help in These Scenarios

Unmarried millennial couples (and any other unmarried couple) can protect themselves and their property better than Brian and Lisa did by creating a cohabitation agreement. Such a document could have stated that Lisa would get full reimbursement for mortgage payments made before marriage. This would prevent her from having to start over financially after the breakup.

The attorneys of the Law Office of V. Wayne Ward in Fort Worth can advise you on cohabitation agreements and all other legal issues affecting the end of any relationship. Contact us anytime to arrange a confidential attorney consultation.

Sources:

www.cnbc.com/2018/07/09/these-are-the-reasons-why-millions-of-millennials-cant-buy-houses.html  www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/02/21/young-adults-after-the-recession-fewer-homes-fewer-cars-less-debt/

The post Millennials, Marriage and Mortgages appeared first on Fort Worth Family Law Attorney.

Curated by Texas Bar Today. Follow us on Twitter @texasbartoday.



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7 Signs Your Marriage is Over, According to Expert

7 Signs Your Marriage is Over, According to Expert

One of the signs your marriage is over is if you constantly find yourself thinking about leaving your partner. That and these other 6 are sings it may be time to divorce.

The post 7 Signs Your Marriage is Over, According to Expert appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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non-physical cheating

Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage?

non-physical cheating

 

The question “is cheating a reason for divorce” is highly personal. The answer depends on the state your marriage was in before the alleged ‘cheating’ occurred. An unstable marriage is more likely to reach a breaking point if infidelity is suspected.

Ultimately, the question can only be answered after you first take a closer look at what YOU define as ‘cheating’ and what YOU feel is acceptable or unacceptable in your marriage.

Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage?

For some women, cheating is having a physical relationship with someone outside the marriage (i.e. kissing, fondling, oral sex and/or intercourse). Other women have more liberated ideas about fidelity when they allow a third person to join them in the bedroom for a threesome.

They don’t consider this ‘cheating’. For others, having an emotional relationship with another woman counts as cheating. Some men still talk openly to ex-girlfriends and this is accepted in the marriage. In other marriages this is an absolute no-no, especially if this is happening secretly.

Then there are gray areas where no specific third person or emotional involvement is involved.

Would you consider going to a strip club as cheating?

Does watching porn in magazines or on the web qualify as cheating? In this case, it seems to be only the fantasy of another body that the husband is looking for.

What about more indirect contact like ‘friending’ an ex on Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn? Would it make a difference if communication is open or hidden?

How you define cheating depends on your personality, your threshold, your level of self-confidence, how strict you set the rules at the beginning of your relationship and your level of trust.

Over time, relationships change. If you were comfortable with allowing other women close to your man and felt secure in your relationship at the beginning, your level of comfort and security may change as life and the relationship changes. In long term relationships, the focus gradually shifts from physical attraction to love and intimacy.

That initial spark may wear off as you get caught up in daily routines. If you have kids and your daily life gets busier and more focused on the children, the relationship needs to be nurtured to keep the connection alive. Regular date night and effective communication can be the key.

Before you make the decision to file for divorce when you feel hurt and betrayed… pause…Decisions made in a highly emotional state of mind are not always the wisest.

Consider the consequences of divorce for everyone (especially the kids) and weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. If infidelity is your reason to consider divorce, make sure your definition of what is ‘cheating’ is clear to you and your spouse.

Bottom line is that every relationship has ‘rules’ that need to be clear to both partners. If boundaries are vague, they can easily be crossed. Open communication is key. If one of the partners is hiding something, it is time to have a serious talk together. If you feel that talking doesn’t get you the results you want, couples counseling could be an option.

A therapist can help both of you clarify your needs, set healthy boundaries and help resolve trust issues you may have.

For suggestions on how to weigh the pros and cons in your marriage, improve your communication and spend quality time together, I highly recommend reading self-help workbook To Stay Or Not To Stay.

For an insight into what challenges children face when they do end up living in two houses, I suggest to read children’s book Nina Has Two Houses. The book also contains helpful tips for parents.

The post Is Non-Physical ‘Cheating’ a Reason to Break up Your Marriage? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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sexless marriage

Sexless Marriage: Should She Stay or, Should She Go?

sexless marriage

 

Relationships are hard. Divorce can be harder. And one of the HARDEST decisions you may ever be forced to make is Should I Stay or Should I Leave?

This was not a choice I’ve personally had to make – in my marriage, the choice to leave was very much my husband’s, and it took me very much by surprise. I don’t know if my ex ever asked himself the ‘stay or leave’ question. I hope he did. I like to think that there was at least some thought put into his life-changing decision.

Somebody I know is currently dealing – battling – with this situation. She and her husband have been married for more than twenty years; the last few at least have been challenging. He is not one to talk about problems, about what’s really going on in their marriage; they haven’t been physically intimate in years; they are almost living as flatmates. Conversations center on what the kids are doing, where the money’s going and who’s buying what for dinner.

Sexless Marriage: Should She Stay or, Should She Go?

This woman is miserable and spends a lot of time thinking about what her life – her marriage – will be like once both her children leave home. Of course, a lot of married couples go through something similar to this. A lot of people wonder and worry about what they’ll do to fill their time once the nest is empty.

Some people prepare for this by having the occasional date night with their partner, by taking the occasional holiday without the kids, or by generally trying to work on their relationship so they are not at a complete loss when there are no kids around to act as a buffer to the relationship and its problems.

This is a good thing, a great thing, for those couples that still feel at least a little spark, a little hope, a little love. But then there are those that struggle to feel any of these things. Those, like my friend, who is comfortable enough in the house and comfortable enough financially, but who are otherwise completely miserable, and have been so for many years.

Marriage counseling is the obvious option – but both parties need to agree to this. My friend’s husband isn’t interested, and the fact that he’s not speaks volumes to her.

Her predicament is not an enviable one.

Not wanting to stay; not knowing how to leave. Her head is a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions, and contradictions:

She doesn’t want to ‘throw away’ the last two decades of her life. She doesn’t know how she’ll cope financially on her own. She has some good memories that are hard to let go of. She knows she is not being authentic to herself by staying in a marriage out of convenience – convenience to everyone and everything but her. More than anything, she can’t shake the almost gut-wrenching feeling that life is slipping her by.

Here’s the thing:

Finding the courage to become your true self is never an easy thing, and it’s harder still if you’ve made a life habit of pleasing others and giving your power away. But eventually, more than likely, something will give. One day it will dawn on you that you don’t need to live life this way. That in fact, you were never meant to live life in a fearful and half-hearted manner. That being authentic to YOU is actually the most loving thing you can do – for you and for those you love.

Why? Because regret is not an easy thing to let go of. Regret breeds resentment. And resentment is even harder to shake than regret. Resentment, left unattended, permeates the very fibers of our being, and the beings of those we love.

Staying in a marriage or situation that has long since died, a relationship where both parties have given up, or a relationship where only one party is making any effort is simply not a requirement of life. Staying in a toxic environment ‘for the kids’ is not always the honourable thing to do. Teaching kids that it is OK (or worse – a requirement) to stay in an unhealthy environment is surely not something that any of us want to do.

I don’t know what decision my friend will make.

Would I think she was being terribly selfish if she decided to call it quits on her marriage? No. Would I be happy for her and her husband if they somehow, against all odds, found a way to make the marriage work for each of them? Yes.

I held a lot of resentment towards my husband when he left our marriage – I still believe he could have handled the situation, and how he went about it leaving the marriage, a whole lot better than he did. Yet once I began healing, the resentment eased. Once I was able to let go of my anger towards him I began to see things a little clearer.

My marriage wasn’t perfect – there were cracks. We were evolving and growing at different rates and sadly, in different directions. My husband made the decision to leave, and I eventually accepted his decision. I am now doing my best to live a life that’s best for me, and I sincerely hope that he is doing the same – I no longer wish him any ill. He was a pivotal part of my life for many years, and I am glad that we didn’t end up in an unhealthy situation full of resentment and regret.

And really, that is what this thing is all about. Should I stay or leave is never going to be an easy or comfortable question for anybody who finds themselves in the predicament of having to ask it. What I know is this – life is too short to be lived full of regret.  Some regrets are unavoidable. Some are best dealt with before they morph into full-blown resentments. And we all have the power of freedom and choice.

The post Sexless Marriage: Should She Stay or, Should She Go? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Same Sex Marriage: Can a judge stop you from getting a divorce in Texas?

Same Sex Marriage: Can a judge stop you from getting a divorce in Texas?

Originally published by The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC Blog.

Despite the decision out of our federal Supreme Court a few years ago that legalized same sex marriage across our country there are still some misunderstandings and questions regarding that subject. This is understandable to a degree. The change in laws dramatically altered the landscape of family law in terms of who is and is not able to participate in the family law courts. In addition, some folks I have spoken with in my capacity as a consultative attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan still have questions if marriage and divorce work the same for opposite sex and same sex persons. Today’s blog post will discuss marriage and divorce for same sex couples.

Expected length of time for a same sex divorce in Texas?

There are two roads that your divorce could go down. The first is the path of least resistance- an uncontested divorce. To be considered truly uncontested you and your spouse would need to be in agreement on getting a divorce, have a plan in place for diving up any marital property and if you have children would need to have every aspect of a parenting plan agreed upon as well. This means conservatorship, visitation, support, etc. all need to be decided prior to hiring an attorney. If even one piece of this pie is missing, then your divorce is not uncontested and will therefore require some degree of negotiation.

The second path is unfortunately the more common road that most divorces go down- a contested divorce. All of the above issues that I laid out are in play in a contested divorce. The more substantial your martial property or the more detailed your parenting objectives and plans are the more complicated and longer your divorce will likely take. There is not anything wrong with this as a general rule, but it can get tedious and tiresome for most people who are eager to complete their divorce and move on with the rest of their lives.

Generally speaking, a divorce in Texas must take at least sixty days from the date on which the Original Petition for Divorce is filed with the court. Ostensibly the sixty first date is the earliest date on which you and your spouse can have a judge sign a final decree of divorce. A final decree could be signed and ready the day after your petition is filed but absent extreme circumstances (like family violence being an issue) it is unlikely that a judge would waive the sixty-day waiting period. For those of you wondering, the waiting period exists in order for you and your spouse to make absolutely sure that you want to get a divorce rather than remain married and try to work it out together.

How can you avoid a long and protracted divorce?

The key to a fast-moving divorce is to understand early on that you are not going to get 100% of what you want. I wish there were some way to ensure that all of our clients always got just what they wanted out of a divorce but to this point I have not been able to do the math on how to get there. If any attorney ever does get to that point, then the rest of us may as well give it up and start looking for work elsewhere.

The reason that divorces end up being situations where you and your spouse both give up (and therefore gain) things in order to settle the case is that most family courts in Texas require that you attend mediation at least once throughout your case’s life. Typically, you will attend mediation once before any temporary orders hearings and then again before your trial.

Temporary Orders hearings have everything to do with how you and your spouse will be situated during your divorce from the perspective of making sure bills are paid, the kids are cared for and one another are treated with respect. Mediation involves attending a formal negotiation session with your attorneys in the office of a third-party mediator. The mediator is also very likely a practicing family law attorney him or herself so you will be able to gauge the relative strength or weakness of your arguments with the mediator as well.

In mediating for final orders you will likely be extending much of the temporary orders out into your post-divorce life as well as deciding what will happen with any marital property accumulated by you and your spouse. Texas is a community property state. This means that any property that you acquired during the course of your marriage is considered to be jointly owned by both of you and is therefore subject to being divided up in your divorce case. If it is your contention that something acquired during your marriage is your property separate from your spouse- like a gift of some sort- then the burden is on your to prove by clear and convincing evidence that this is the case.

Tips for preparing for mediation in your same sex divorce case

Attending mediation will be the same for you as it would be for persons going through any other divorce. You and your attorney should come prepared with settlement offers, a list of property that may be in play as far as negotiation is concerned as well as plans and ideas on how to divide up parenting time with your children. The more prepared you are and the more variations you have available to you of the different parenting plans the more likely you will be to reach a relatively pain free settlement.

For instance, it is commonly thought in opposite sex divorces that mothers have the advantage when it comes to being named the primary conservator of your child. Primary conservator means the parent who has the right to determine the primary residence of your child- among other rights. This allows your child to live with you throughout the school year and provides visitation time (mostly on weekends) to your spouse once the divorce has been completed.

In same sex divorces there would not be an apples to apples comparison due to there not being a male and female parent from which to choose from. You and your spouse should have had discussions heading into mediation regarding which of you is better suited to be named as the primary conservator of your children. Having an honest conversation with your attorney about which parent has been more active, more involved, and better acquainted with your children’s day to day needs is a good place to start. My admitting to yourself that your spouse has taken the lead in these areas throughout your marriage or has a work schedule that is more conducive to providing the level of care that is needed to raise a child on a daily basis is not admitting that you are not a good parent. It can, however, help you to eliminate contentious delays in your case and lead to a more developed settlement agreement.

Another aspect of divorce mediation that you need to be prepared for is determining how to divide up your bigger financial assets. Retirement plans, bank accounts, home equity and the like are probably the type of assets that you will have in play for your case. If you have not considered these subjects prior to entering into mediation you will find out that you will need to work through them in mediation. Seeing as how most mediation sessions are only four hours long you will not be optimizing your time by spending an undue amount of time on these sort of brain storming sessions while in mediation. Rather, spend a few weeks prior to mediation using your attorney as a go-between to communicate settlement offers to your spouse.

Finally, it is important to note that what you settle upon in mediation cannot (in most circumstances) be changed. That means that you cannot wake up the morning after mediation and call your attorney in a panic because you think you made a huge mistake in deciding to agree to a geographic restriction for your child when you really want to move back home to Colorado to be closer to family once the divorce is over with.

You can avoid problems like this by asking questions of your attorney about anything that you are agreeing or not agreeing to. If any settlements are reached (either in part or in full) then the mediator will present rough draft copies of what is known as a mediated settlement agreement to you and your spouse. You can and should go over them with your attorney to make sure that you understand everything that is being agreed to. If something doesn’t make sense, or if the wording of what the mediator included does not comport to the agreement as you understood it please raise that issue before mediation is over with.

Will you ever have to go to court in your divorce?

Thankfully you will likely only have one court date that you will have to attend during your divorce. That court appearance will be an uncontested appearance in what is known as a Prove Up hearing. The petitioner (party who filed the Petition for Divorce) will attend a quick hearing with their attorney in court. At the prove up hearing your attorney will be presenting you and your Final Decree of Divorce to the judge for his or her approval. The attorney will ask you questions regarding the divorce decree as a means to show the judge that you and your spouse have come to an agreement and are ready to move forward to close out your case.

In all likelihood your judge will not ask any questions and will send you off on your way. The divorce decree will be signed by the judge later that day and will likely be posted online in the day following. You can pay for certified copies at the clerk’s office shortly thereafter.

One question that I am sometimes asked by clients is how much of your prove up hearing will be heard by the public. It is true that anyone can walk into your courtroom during your prove up hearing and hear some details about your case. If you are at all trying to keep the divorce from becoming an “event” or something like that I understand why you may not be too excited to set foot in court and put your life on display in front of a handful of people.

I cannot emphasize, however, that it is unlikely that anyone in court other than the court report, judge, your attorney and you will be paying attention to a word of what is said. In Harris County, for example, you and your attorney will approach the bench and speak to the judge in a conversational tone. Therefore, a person in the first row of courtroom seats will have problems hearing what is happening in your case. The bottom line is that if you are worried about airing your business for all the world to hear then you should be at ease because a Prove Up hearing is not that kind of court appearance.

Closing thoughts on same sex divorce cases

It could be that you never imagined that you would ever get married in your life. Now you are having to contend with the thought of getting a divorce. This cannot be an easy time for you and your family. However, the attorneys and staff with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are here to tell you that our office will stand with you throughout your case until your process is complete.

If you have any questions about the material that we have covered please consider contacting the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. We offer free of charge consultations six days a week with our licensed family law attorneys. It would be our pleasure to talk with you and to answer your questions and concerns in a comfortable, pressure-free environment.

Curated by Texas Bar Today. Follow us on Twitter @texasbartoday.



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Marital Mediation: Could it Save Your Marriage?

Marital Mediation: Could it Save Your Marriage?

Marital Mediation is an important, effective Alternative Dispute Resolution Process that is worthy of continued practice and development.

The post Marital Mediation: Could it Save Your Marriage? appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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i had a great marriage

I Had a Great Marriage, Or So I Thought

i had a great marriage

Book Excerpt from Divorce Inked Out

 

So here I am, years married, two kids down and…… not happy. Shocker!

I had a great marriage, or so I thought, until one day, I didn’t. If you asked me to pinpoint where things went wrong, I couldn’t tell you exactly. Of course, we had our issues. What marriage doesn’t? But to single out a specific reason for its demise is difficult. I can tell you one thing, married life after children is never the same.

Married life B.C. (before children) is fun and exciting. I mean really, what is the difference between a serious relationship and marriage? Most likely you live together anyway, so the only real change is the title. We still had a great social life; parties, dinners, nights down by the shore, vacations. We came and went as we pleased. There are no limitations, no responsibilities and thusly, much less stress.

I remember we were watching the cooking channel one night; These incredible sandwiches were being made. Homemade bread fresh out of the oven, imported cold cuts and cheese from Italy, mouthwatering spreads- all combined and toasted into a panini of perfection. I still recall how we started to salivate over them. As luck would have it, they were from a restaurant in the city. We jumped out of bed, got dressed and drove there. It was that simple. Freedom…nothing to run home for, no obligations except him and me.

People do not realize how much children stress a marriage. I am not saying children are responsible for divorce, but they definitely limit your freedom and apply a layer of pressure that wasn’t there before. A typical day for me was basically spent taking care of my kids. My husband would go off to work and I was home all day with them. I don’t know about you, but there is just so much yum-yum, baba and go sleepies, a person can take.

Add that to severe sleep deprivation and colicky kids and you can find yourself, one twisted sister. My daughter used to scream for hours on end. We were trying to “Ferberize” her. I’d like to meet this Ferber guy and give him a piece of my mind. Let’s just say one night my husband came home to find me sitting on the couch with a tall glass of scotch- neat.

Now here is a scenario that wreaks havoc on a marriage. You are tapped out. You do not want to change another diaper, speak any more goo-goo language or watch another episode of Elmo getting his groove on. You are dying for some stimulating adult conversation. Your husband has just dealt with tons of people all day long. The last thing he wants is to be bombarded with a chatty Kathy and raging kids as soon as he gets home.

I have witnessed first hand and heard from many others, the scenario I will describe now. The husband walks in from a crazy day at work. He is exhausted and just wants a hot meal to eat with peace and quiet. The wife, 5 Starbucks in, is trying to calm hyperactive kids down and is desperate for some adult talk. The last thing the husband wants to do is deal with screaming children and a caffeine driven hyperactive spouse.

The wife so desperately wants a helping hand and some attention. If proper communication is not already established, a compromise to help the husband and wife is very difficult to reach. Being home is no longer a quiet relaxing place. There may be after school activities, homework, studying and much more. Schedules are a must, and before you know it, it’s time to go to sleep and restart the day again. Is there any real communication with a life so engulfed in routine? If it’s not already established, it probably doesn’t exist.

This is where, in my opinion, the marital problems begin. You used to experience butterflies in your stomach when the key would turn in the front door. You were so excited to greet the person on the other end. Now, the key turning is met with a sick feeling and an eye roll. Bickering becomes constant. The only real conversations are those regarding the children’s schedules. The days of snuggling on the same couch are long gone. If there is any time for television, it is either in separate rooms watching different shows; or the same room on separate couches.

Again, lack of communication. So now let’s take it to the next level. No communication leads to separate spaces which then leads to the extinction of intimacy. After all, why would you be romantically interested in someone if you hardly speak to them? You have just added another level of non-communication in a sexual way. Barely any communication of any kind then leads to methods of avoidance; workdays become longer, dinner meetings run over, any possible reason for you to avoid interaction is given. It reaches such a severe level that you truly don’t know what to say to each other if you are alone.

Some people try to keep things cluttered and completely ignore the huge pink elephant in the room. They busy themselves with kids’ activities; and host as many parties and social events as possible. They may even seem like the “perfect couple” to on-lookers, but that is just the pretty picture they portray. For example, take a Monet- beautiful from afar, but fake and not so attractive the closer you look.

No sooner is the communication chain broken both verbally and intimately, do you start to criticize your significant other. You begin to pick on every little thing that, all of a sudden, bothers you about them.

“She doesn’t even put on makeup anymore.”

“He has man boobs and a sunken ass.”

“She packed on the pounds.”

“He drinks too much.”

Anything that bothers you in the slightest way has become an annoyance tenfold its amount. This person that you were once so enamored with, now completely turns you off; and little quirks that have always been present, now irritate the ever, loving, crap out of you. Ironically, the things that attracted you to each other in the first place, eventually become the things you hate the most.

I remember my husband used to love the fact that I was tough and protective of those I loved. I would get extremely heated if I felt someone was out to hurt them. However, years later, that same attitude turned him off. There was a child constantly “pinching” my daughter at school. She came home very upset one day and I immediately lost it. I marched right back up to school with both kids and went straight to the principle’s office. I boldly explained the situation and demanded actions be taken to resolve it. Needless to say- it was addressed properly.

The mother of the child apologized to me and reprimanded her son. The boy also wrote my daughter an apology letter. Ironically, I think the little boy had a crush on my daughter, but I digress. Instead of being happy that I defended my child and made her feel safe, my husband commented, “how can you just barge into the school like that? What are you a gangster?” My reply, “Yes, when it comes to my kids, YES I AM.” The previous feelings of admiration do not exist. You become condemned for the person you always have been but for some reason, it is no longer acceptable.

Now is the stage where the excuses become pattered. Any reason you can think of to avoid contact with your partner is given.

“I don’t feel well.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“I have my period.”

It becomes so bad, you even start using the kids as your “get out of sex card free pass.”

“The kids want me to lie with them. I’ll be down as soon as they fall asleep.”

Coincidently, you fall asleep too or at least pretend to- crisis averted. Then there are nights when you are positioned on your separate couches and you say a Hail Mary hoping he falls asleep. You quietly glance over and to your excitement, he has dozed off. Finally, you can relax; watch your chick flick and enjoy your night. As you unwind you start to question how things got this bad. You are nothing more than roommates, residing in the same house, co-parenting children.

divorce inked out

Available for purchase on Amazon

 

The post I Had a Great Marriage, Or So I Thought appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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My Marriage Exit Plan: I Hope You Find it Helpful

My Marriage Exit Plan: I Hope You Find it Helpful

It took over a year of planning and preparation, of course, hoping and praying I wouldn’t really have to pull the plug on my marriage. I did eventually have to and I hope you’re able to learn from my experience.

The post My Marriage Exit Plan: I Hope You Find it Helpful appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Avoiding the Mistake of the Middle Marriage:  Your Brain on Divorce

Avoiding the Mistake of the Middle Marriage: Your Brain on Divorce

Meditating for even a few minutes daily has been shown to positively calm anxiety and increase clarity of thought. It’s certainly better for you than rushing into a middle marriage!

The post Avoiding the Mistake of the Middle Marriage: Your Brain on Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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bad outweigh the good in your marriage

Does The Bad Outweigh The Good in Your Marriage?

bad outweigh the good in your marriage

Does the Bad Outweigh the Good in Your Marriage?

 

Does every situation, no matter how seemingly trivial, evolve into a fight?

Do you or your spouse continually refer to hurtful events in the past?

Is all the respect gone from your relationship? Do you feel it is impossible to bring that respect back?

Have your goals and directions changed but your spouse stayed the same?

Is your spouse no longer encouraging your independence and individual growth?

Have you and your spouse both changed so much that you no longer share moral, ethical, or lifestyle values?

Have you and your spouse lost the art of compromise? When you disagree, are you unable to create a path together that is acceptable to both?

Do you and your spouse have a basic sexual incompatibility?

Do you find yourself no longer attracted to your spouse?

Despite help from a professional therapist, marriage educator or coach have you stopped making love, continued to argue and seen no change in the dynamics between the two of you?

The above questions focus on the negative aspects of the marriage. You can’t say for sure that you are ready for divorce without first taking into consideration any positive aspects.

Conflict and frustration due to marital problems can skew our view of the benefits of marriage, especially when compared to some of the negative aspects of divorce.

Have you considered the following and come to terms with the changes divorce will mean in each situation?

Post Divorce Parenting and Isolation:

If you have a child have you taken into consideration the possibility of becoming the primary caregiver on a day to day basis? For the custodial parent, divorce means parenting on your on for the majority of the time. It is an intense responsibility; truly single parenting is the hardest job one can do so think carefully before voluntarily taking on that responsibility.

On the other hand, if you are to become the non-custodial parent have you considered the pain to both you and your child of no longer being part of their daily life? For non-custodial parents, divorce means a part-time, every other weekend relationship with children. This should be your most important consideration before taking any steps toward divorce.

Divorce doesn’t only end the marriage; it changes relationships that were established due to the marriage. Will you miss your in-laws, neighbors, if you have to move, and any friends who could be considered his /her friends?

The Downside of Being Newly Single

Have you given any thought to the solitude and loneliness that come along with being newly single? It takes time to rebuild a life, in the beginning, there will be more solitude and time to yourself. If you are someone who doesn’t like time alone make sure you have a good support system of friends and family in place before moving on to divorce.

If you can honestly say that you’ve taken all the above into consideration and are sure you are ready for the next step then, you are at a point of acceptance which is a significant sign that it is time to divorce.

The post Does The Bad Outweigh The Good in Your Marriage? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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