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The Narcissist Has No Power Over You

The Narcissist Has No Power Over You

 

Narcissists can leave you feeling overpowered, helpless and hopeless and wondering if you will ever feel safe and healthy again.

I understand these feelings as this is how I felt at the hands of narcissists too.

When we are in the middle of narcissistic abuse it is easy to hand over all our power to someone we believe is powerful but into today’s episode, I want to share with you why I believe that a Narcissist is NOT powerful and why Quantum truths will set you free.

The irony is that the WAY to do it has been there waiting for us all along, in an accessible place – we just may not have realised it.

 

 

Video Transcript

I know that narcissists seem all-powerful. Many people, myself included, have likened them to Terminators – relentless machines that just do not give up when they seem determined to destroy your life.

Today I’m telling you this is not the truth. There is a way where you can take your power back and know that narcissists do not have power over you.

If you are suffering the horrible, unspeakable trauma of what a narcissist has done or is doing to you, you really need to know what I am about to share with you.

This information literally saved my life. And I know it could save yours from almost certain destruction as well.

So … before we get started I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s move on into this information.

 

Some Quantum and Energetic Truths

Those of you who are logically based, you may find the following pretty woohoo. Once upon a time I would have too. Yet I will say this – when you have had enough of being defeated and smashed at every turn by a narcissist, you will try radical things to stop it.

This I believe and live with every part of my Being – so within so without.

Which means quite simply and succinctly: ‘If I change my inner emotional experience about something, then the experience must change in my outer experience.’

Why is this the case?

Because Quantum and Neuro Scientists are now proving what spiritualists have known for a very long time. That our consciousness is directly connected to everything and everyone as interconnected wave functions. Therefore, we are no longer a part of a random ‘separated’ Universe – we are Quantum Creators able to change our outer Universe by consciously adopting a new inner Universe.

I don’t know about you – I was always spiritual and very much in the belief of ‘interconnectedness’, however, I was never forced to truly ‘get’ this until narcissistic abuse. The reason I wasn’t was because NEVER in my life had I lived the experience of being attacked so mercilessly and cruelly in ways that were obviously without conscience – and therefore to me were senseless.

Why would anyone want to destroy someone’s life?

Why would someone want to bring another person to their knees with pathological lies and malicious acts and treat them with such contempt?

It defied everything that I believed to be ‘human’.

Like most of us, I tried to combat this is the human way. I was distraught, devastated and incensed and I tried to fight back. I went to authorities and friends, family and associates to tell them what was happening to me.

Yet I was powerless to make any headway with these people – they didn’t believe me. Even when I had proof, they didn’t believe me. I didn’t get any help from them. Instead I was distrusted and blamed by them, and I became further traumatised and abandoned. People thought I was the crazy one and that he was the abused one.

I was missing the biggest piece of the puzzle – so within, so without.

I didn’t realise that narcissists and narcissistic abuse is an energetic phenomenon of epic proportions showing us the utter Quantum Truth of matters – Our inner, unhealed, traumatised state is exactly what the narcissist continues to deliver to us.

Please know in no way am I invalidating what you have been through. Of course, you will be traumatised! I remember being so traumatised that even getting an hour’s straight sleep or eating a few mouthfuls of food was a major accomplishment. My life-force ended up so disturbed and dysregulated from narcissistic abuse that I had a complete psychotic and adrenal breakdown.

I need you to know in no way am I being glib or dismissive about the shocking mind-boggling trauma that narcissists inflict on us.

But rather than bang on about that, my mission and my job is to save your life-force just as I did my own. That is why I am here to help you awaken to the ONLY way we can do this, which is to release and up level beyond the trauma inside and become emotionally calm and clear regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing – and then narcissists can no longer be the experience of trauma in our life.

 

A Quantum Leap

A narcissist’s supposed unstoppable terror campaign can be shocking.

Judy had been divorced for five years from her narcissistic husband. She reported to the police still random suffering break-ins to her apartment (she had moved twelve times in the last five years), her tires being slashed, tracking devices put on her car, her technology, including bank accounts, being hacked, and every time she got a new job being fired unexpectedly because of covert smearing.

She said the narcissist had bombarded her with all sorts of horrific episodes that had left her beyond deranged.

Of course, to outside people it seemed like Judy was making all of this up and that she was suffering paranoid delusions. Many of us have experienced ‘things’ with narcissists that are stranger than fiction. Things that people can’t even fathom as believable.

This was the thing – I knew that it was possible for Judy to be suffering these attacks, and I also knew that if she continued being destroyed on the inside that she would be disintegrated on the outside and would forever remain powerless.

Many people like Judy, sadly, who are at this level of feeling smashed by a narcissist, are not responsive to doing inner work and releasing their highly activated trauma. And I understand why – I’ve been there. The more traumatised we are, the more we are in hyperarousal with our survival brain focused on trying to combat the outer world to try to get change and relief.

Yet, we have no power there – at all. The only power we have is inside, in the unseen world, the Quantum interconnectedness with what a narcissist is doing within the wave function of our visceral and emotional self.

Something in Judy clicked. Maybe when you already feel dead inside, hopeless and helpless, you know there is nothing else to do. I understand this because that was my experience too – I like Judy only turned inwards after exhausting every other option.

Most people who are ‘doers’ struggle with this – and quite understandably!

Judy started her NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) healings. She took all focus off what he would do next and worked the healings as if there was nothing else to do – and there wasn’t. She had no job, no friends and family supporting her (they had all turned away); no way to pay her bills and absolutely nothing to look forward to.

She was past the point of caring to try to ‘do’ anything – and so she got down to the job of attending to her Beingness.

Small things continued to happen to her, but she ignored trying to combat them. ‘What’s the point?’ she said. She went inside herself with NARP and released all the trauma that was being triggered within.

A little after a month, Judy couldn’t care less what he tried to do; she fully felt like ‘Life’ had her back and would work out in her favour. She was sleeping, eating and had a new job. She had no terror of losing her job, and she didn’t.

Not long after that, while doing a Quanta Freedom Healing with me, she told me nothing had happened – at all. Everything had stopped. We worked on her fear of it starting up again and she shifted into the inner space of ‘If it does, I’ll just go within and release that traumatised trigger as well – that’s all I have to do!’

That was the day the fear was completely gone. Judy had fully anchored into her Quantum Truth – ‘On every topic in my life I am the Creator if it. My inner experience generates my outer – always.’

She never experienced anything happening to her again.

I have seen over the last ten plus years, in thousands of cases, how this formula irrefutably works – it’s a Law as absolute as gravity. I have seen countless people in custody and property battles, and dealing with stalking, harassment, smearing and other obscene things, all get peace, resolution and an end to the narcissist being able to hurt them, when they go inside and embrace and release the corresponding trauma.

Of course, when we are flooded with trauma there may be things we think are happening that aren’t. Or maybe they are. It didn’t matter whether Judy was suffering all of these previous attacks for real or not. Trauma is trauma and when it is purged from our inner experience, then our real life experience shifts – no matter what the source of the inner experience was.

Belief In The Unseen

I know it can be hard to believe in a force that you can’t see. As I’ve mentioned, I used to be very left-brain focused as well.

However, think about this: How does your subconscious instruct your entire being to process billions of tasks in ways that your left brain can’t even begin to understand, and isn’t even consciously aware of happening?

Trauma experts and neuroscientists now know that the subconscious brain is responsible for 95% of the unfolding of your entire life experience by the time you are 35 years of age. Your subconscious is in your body; it is all going on in your visceral and emotional experiences. This is where your attention, focus and efforts need to be to change your life.

I totally agree with the experts, and this is why my healing system humbly works. It is what the Thriver Movement is all about – getting us into our Beings to get the real healing work done where it needs to be.

True healing is an inner, unseen, somatically felt journey that I created in a practical, step-by-step way. A journey where you don’t have to work any of it out, you just need to follow the instructions and try it for yourself.

If you have had enough of the fear and the pain of what the narcissist in your life is doing to you or the trauma continuing in your inner world, even if he or she is gone from your life, it’s time to release yourself

If you are with me, please write below, ‘It’s time to turn inwards and release myself NOW!’.

To start turning your fear into relief and personal power today, click the link at the top right of this video, to connect with my free inner transformational resources.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

Please write your comments and questions below, as I love answering them for you!

 

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leave a narcissist

Why It’s Hard To Leave a Narcissist

leave a narcissist

 

When we fall in love, it’s natural to become attached and form a romantic bond. But once in love with a narcissist, it’s not easy to leave, despite the abuse. Although you’re unhappy, you may be ambivalent about leaving because you still love your partner, have young children, lack resources, and/or enjoy lifestyle benefits.

Outsiders often question why you stay, or urge you to, “Just leave.” Those words can feel humiliating because you also think you should. You may want to leave, but feel stuck, and don’t understand why. This is because there are deeper reasons that keep you bonded unlike in other relationships.

Why it’s Hard to Leave a Narcissist

Narcissists, especially, can be exceedingly charming, interesting, and enlivening to be around. Initially, they and other abusers may treat you with kindness and warmth, or even love bomb you. Of course, you want to be with them forever and easily become dependent on their attention and validation. Once you’re hooked and they feel secure, they aren’t motivated to be nice to you. Their charming traits fade or disappear and are replaced or intermixed with varying degrees of coldness, criticism, demands, and narcissistic abuse. (See “Narcissus and Echo:  The Heartbreak of Relationships with Narcissists.)

You’re hopeful and accommodating and keep trying to win back their loving attention. Meanwhile, your self-esteem and independence are undermined daily. You may be gaslighted and begin doubting your own perceptions due to blame and lies. When you object, you’re attacked, intimidated, or confused by manipulation. Over time, you attempt to avoid conflict and become more deferential.  As denial and cognitive dissonance grow, you do and allow things you wouldn’t have imagined when you first met. Your shame increases as your self-esteem declines. You wonder what happened to the happy, self-respecting, confident person you once were.

Research confirms that it’s common for victims to attach to their abuser, particularly when there’s intermittent positive reinforcement. You may be trauma-bonded, meaning that after being subjected to prolonged belittling and control, you’ve become childlike and addicted to any sign of approval from your abuser. This is referred to as Stockholm Syndrome, named for hostages who developed positive feelings for their captors.

You’re especially susceptible to this if the relationship dynamics are repeating a pattern you experienced with a distant, abusive, absent, or withholding parent. The trauma bond with your partner outweighs the negative aspects of the relationship. Studies show that victims of physical abuse on average don’t leave until after the seventh incident of violence. They not only fear retaliation, but also the loss of the emotional connection with their partner, which can feel worse than the abuse.

Additionally, codependents, who are usually preyed upon by narcissists and abusers, often feel trapped and find it hard to leave any relationship. They can be loyal to a fault due to their codependency.

After You Leave a Narcissist

Narcissists and abusers are basically codependent. (See “Narcissists are Codependent, too.”) If you distance yourself from them, they do what it takes to pull you back in, because they don’t want to be abandoned. Narcissists want to keep you interested to feed their ego and supply their needs (“narcissistic supply”). Being left is a major humiliation and blow to their fragile self. They will attempt to stop you with kindness and charm, blame and guilt-trips, threats and punishment, or neediness, promises, or pleas―whatever it takes to control you so that they “win.”

If you succeed in leaving a narcissist, they usually continue their games to exert power over you that compensates for their hidden insecurities. They may gossip and slander you to family and friends, hoover you to suck you back into the relationship (like a vacuum cleaner). They show up on your social media, try to make you jealous with photos of them having fun with someone else, talk to your friends and relatives, text or call you, promise to reform, express guilt and love, ask for help, or “accidentally” appear in your neighborhood or usual haunts.

They don’t want to be forgotten but keep you waiting and hoping. Just when you think you’ve moved on, you’re reeled back in. This may reflect their intentional spacing of contacts. Even if they don’t want to be with you, they may not want you to let go or be with anyone else. The fact that you respond to them may give them enough satisfaction. When they contact you, remember that they’re incapable of giving you what you need.

You might feel guilty or tell yourself that your ex really still loves you and that you’re special to him or her. Who wouldn’t want to think that? You’re vulnerable to forgetting all the pain you had and why you left. (See “Why and How Narcissists Play Games.”) If you resist their attention, it fuels their ambition. But once you fall into their trap and they feel in control, they’ll return to their old cold and abusive ways. Only consistent, firm boundaries will protect you and disincentivize them.

How to Leave a Narcissist

As long as you’re under their spell an abuser has control over you. In order to become empowered, you need to educate yourself. Come out of denial to see reality for what it is. Information is power. Read up on narcissism and abuse on my website. If you’re unsure whether you want to leave, take the steps in Dealing with a Narcissist to improve your relationship and evaluate whether it’s salvageable. Regardless of your decision, it’s important for your own mental health to redeem your autonomy and self-esteem. Take these steps:

  1. Find a support group, including a therapist, 12-Step group, like Codependents Anonymous (CoDA), and sympathetic friends―not ones who bash your spouse or judge you for staying.
  2. Become more autonomous. Create a life aside from your relationship that includes friends, hobbies, work, and other interests. Whether you stay or leave, you need a fulfilling life to supplement or replace your relationship.
  3. Build your Self-Esteem. Learn to value yourself and honor your needs and feelings. Develop trust in your perceptions and overcome self-doubt and guilt.
  4. Learn How to be Assertive and set boundaries.
  5. Learn how to nurture yourself. This is a life skill and also insulates you from abuse. See “12 Tips to Self-Love and Compassion.” Get the Self-Love Meditation.
  6. Identify the abuser’s defenses and your triggers. Detach from them. On my website, get “14 Tips for Letting Go.”
  7. If you’re physically threatened or harmed, immediately seek shelter. Physical abuse repeats itself. Read about the cycle of violence and actions to take.
  8. Don’t make empty threats. When you decide to leave, be certain you’re ready to end the relationship and not be lured back.
  9. If you decide to leave, find an experienced lawyer who is a family law specialist. Mediation is not a good option when there is a history of abuse. See “Do’s and Don’t’s of Divorce.”
  10. Whether you leave or are left, allow yourself time to grieve, build resilience, and recover from the breakup.
  11. Maintain strict no contact, or only minimally necessary, impersonal contact that’s required for co-parenting in accordance with a formal custody-visitation agreement.

The post Why It’s Hard To Leave a Narcissist appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Is My Adult Child A Narcissist? When Helping Them Is Hurting You

Is My Adult Child A Narcissist? When Helping Them Is Hurting You

 

Is my adult child a narcissist? is one of the most devastating questions a parent can ask.

Some years ago, I went through this terrible trauma myself.

In today’s Thriver TV I want to help you realise what is necessary for you to know whether or not your child is narcissistic…

…and how to BE your most healthy and powerful, for all concerned, and possibly able to discover that your adult child isn’t narcissistic and is capable of being respectful and loving.

Regardless of the outcome, there is an even more powerful truth that you will need to watch today’s video to understand.

It’s my most heartfelt wish today, if you are struggling with the agony of your child being narcissistic, that this episode will help grant you peace, strength and direction.

 

 

Video Transcript

Many people in this Community have asked this question.

In fact, once upon a time I asked this question myself.

In Today’s Thriver TV Episode, I want to help you understand whether or not your adult child is being narcissistically abusive and, even more than this, I want to help you understand how you need to BE to help yourself regardless of the outcome.

Please listen up, because I know if this is your situation this episode is going to help you a lot.

Okay … before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s get started…

 

What We Thought WOULD Help

First of all, I want to address many of the false premises we often believe as parents that do not help our children in any shape or form.

The main ones are:

That we help our children by giving them all we can to help them.

It doesn’t help!

When we don’t allow our children to experience actions and consequences and disappointments, and by doing so allow them to become self-generative, they don’t have to take responsibility for themselves or get well.

Let me tell you about a father I know called Laurence who had his 23-year-old daughter Emily living with him. Emily, a highly intelligent and capable girl, had been through a lot due to Laurence and her mother’s breakup.

Laurence felt extremely guilty because of this. She lived with Laurence rent free, didn’t contribute any money to bills, and stayed at home all day because she said that she was too depressed to work.

Emily constantly demanded money from her father for cigarettes and her entertainment costs, which Laurence gave her every time she threw a tantrum to get her own way. It could be argued that Emily absolutely was acting narcissistically – the way she talked to her father and treated him was abysmal.

Nothing was changing and Emily did not have to be any different. She had a guaranteed roof over her head and could get pretty much anything she wanted.

Which brings me to the next point…

Our children are never going to be self-generative or respectful and grateful if we try to shoulder them and let them take the easy way out. We may believe that by taking the burden for them we are helping protect them and allowing them to get well. However, really what is happening is that we are holding our children back, just as a mother bird would be by not nudging her babies out of the nest.

When our children have never had to flap their wings and learn to fly for themselves, their self-esteem is diminished and they are held back from branching out, taking risks and growing.

For our children this means that they are likely to be depressed, feel inferior and incapable, and as a result lash out and take it out on the people closest to them.

I went through this too, with my son Zac. Whilst he was depressed, addicted to drugs and stuck at home, with me allowing him to be there and looking after him he didn’t get better. Of course, whilst this was happening I was still lecturing and prescribing – which were my futile attempts to try to get him motivated. It was when I forced Zac to move out at 19 years of age and I started working diligently on myself to stop seeing him as broken and hopeless, that he came into his power and light.

Truly, I was so close to believing he was a narcissist – and yet he is anything but. Rather he was sick and was being enabled by me to stay sick. Also, whilst my son Zac stayed at home, I was receiving the abuse from him that I didn’t yet understand wasn’t my reality.

When I became clear and stood into my power, values and truth for my life, he followed.

 

What Is Necessary When Suffering Trauma From Your Child?

How do you know if your child is narcissistic or not? The truth is you won’t know until you get clear on your own healing, solidness, values and truth.

And I really want you to know this from the very bottom of my heart. If you have an adult child who you suspect is acting narcissistically, you are not going to help them get well or make them start treating you decently and respectfully until you start respecting yourself and take a stand in your truth.

I have seen parent upon parent in this community, as I did myself for a long time too, try to stop the terrible trauma that their adult child was causing them when they themselves (the parent) were still broken and traumatised.

It doesn’t work … I have NEVER seen it work.

I really don’t think there is any time that Quantum Law is more important and more vital for us to get right than when we are dealing with the challenges and heartbreak we are suffering with our children.

Quantum Law is so within, so without.

What does that really mean? It means ‘be the change you want to see’. I think it would be fair to say that we want to see decency, respect and integrity from our children who are hurting us.

This means that you need to be this for yourself for this to show up outside of you as your experience in your experience – from anyone you are struggling with, including your child!

What would decency, respect and integrity to ‘self’ look like?

Let’s go back to Laurence and Emily. To Laurence these things would mean getting money for board and bills, and to only accept non-abusive communication. Also to lay down boundaries and time limits that Emily would need to honour otherwise she would need to move out.

We may not realise at the time that maybe it is our own guilt we are pandering to, or the fear of our children not loving us, rather than thinking about the consequences of enabling our children in their stuckness. Emily wasn’t getting well any more than any of our children do when we leave things the way they are, hoping something will change.

Quantum Law is absolute – nothing changes in your experience that isn’t pleasant until you change who you are being in the dynamic. Laurence wasn’t changing. He was doing the same thing – trying to make Emily change whilst he wasn’t loving and respecting himself.

How was she ever going to love and respect herself and him when he, as her parent, wasn’t being this for himself. She wasn’t and couldn’t. She continued smoking, drinking, refusing to work and contribute, and being abusive towards his father.

Because Laurence was being abused and drained of his lifeforce and resources, he got sicker and sicker. He started drinking as well, to numb out his pain. He couldn’t expand on his business ideas, and had unsuccessful dating experiences, all because he couldn’t be present and healthy in his Life as a result of Emily’s pressure and demands.

This is the deal with our adult children – if we allow them to stay sick we get sick and we drown with them.

There is only one way out and that is to lead the way. And it is only after we do this that we then see if they are narcissistic or not.

In the cases of my son Zac and Emily, they were never going to get well the way things were and neither were Laurence and I. However, I am so happy to report that Laurence and his daughter finally understood what I did.

It was several years after my situation with Zac that I helped Laurence get very clear on what was necessary. This is what I told him, ‘When you know that loving and respecting yourself is the most important thing here, then Emily will have the chance to move up and join you. Otherwise it can never happen.’

Laurence did a lot of work on himself with NARP to shift out of his terrible feelings of guilt and obligation, as well as the fear of losing Emily altogether. Then he calmly and clearly told her she had a month to get a job and that she would need to pay for board and bills from this date on.

She didn’t take him seriously and when the date came, Lawrence told her calmly and clearly to pack her stuff and leave. She called him every terrible name she could think of. He held his ground and did not capitulate. Emily moved in with a girlfriend, who naturally was not going to put up with paying Emily’s way.

Emily got a job in a café within a week. Every time she asked Laurence for money he said ‘No’. Emily stopped drinking and smoking and started saving for the things she needed and wanted.

Today, only three years later, she works as a successful graphic designer in her own business that she loves. She and her father have a great relationship.

When Emily moved out, Laurence said he would hang up or refuse to talk to her if she was abusive – and he did. Two years ago Emily thanked her father profusely for setting those boundaries with her and has apologised liberally for her past behaviour towards him. She loves and respects her father immensely. His door was always open to her when she was being like that!

Emily did a complete 180 degree turn on the way she used to treat her father, because he loves and respects himself.

Absolutely Laurence had to go through a great deal of discomfort and pain – he had to keep holding his boundaries and continually let go of his guilt and his wanting to rescue her. Look at the results – just as it was with my own son Zac. Walking our truth powerfully and calmly, and keeping working on ourselves inwardly with NARP, created the solid healthy inner and then outer template for our children.

Our children often follow and develop into where we go. Emily may have turned out to be narcissistic if Laurence had continued with his own powerless, co-dependent behaviour. As it turned out both he and his daughter ended up being whole, healthy, self-generative people.

Honestly, as parents it only takes us to lead the way.

 

When Your Adult Child Is a Narcissist

I do know many people within this community who devastatingly have suffered a child who is narcissistic. In the case of your adult child being this way it can be terrible, especially if they have children as well. Many a grandparent has had the grandchildren used against them horribly by their narcissistic adult children or step-children.

I want to share with you this story about Jeanee and David whose adult narcissistic daughter Marina was abusing them terribly.

Marina would use her parents constantly for babysitting duties for her four young children. Jeanee and David loved their grandchildren but struggled greatly with their daughter’s demands, accusations, anger and inconsistencies.

Often they went through the gut-wrenching times when Marina would threaten to never let them see the children again. The children, whilst in their grandparent’s care, would tell them what terrible things their mother had said about them. This broke their hearts, especially as Marina expected them to do so much for the grandchildren – things that she wasn’t taking responsibility to do herself.

There was never gratitude, just abuse for their love and efforts.

When Jeanee contacted me, she said that Marina had been difficult all their lives, and now that these four precious babies were in the mix as well it was literally killing her and her husband. I convinced Jeanee that the most important thing for her and her husband, as well as her grandchildren – and even Marina – was for her, Jeanee, to lead the way and get well.

Jeanee worked with NARP, letting go of the trauma within her that Marina was inflicting. She also did healings on her husband and her grandchildren by proxy. Jeanee felt calmer and more confident with what she was dealing with, and saw a bigger picture that she was working towards.

Jeanee started laying boundaries with her daughter, requesting she contact them ahead of time to make arrangements and to end the last-minute demands. And Jeanee stopped allowing her love for her grandchildren to allow her to be manipulated and abused. If they missed a doctor’s appointment or didn’t get to school on time, that was not her responsibility.

At times it broke her heart not jumping to Marina’s attention for her grandchildren, but she understood that often you have to lose the battle to win the war – and she was determined to be the model of love, truth and integrity that she wanted these little ones to become in their lives.

The inevitable happened. With the boundaries she set came Marina’s nasty efforts to rip the boundaries down. That didn’t work and so the next, quite common, thing happened – Marina pulled her trump card on Jeanee telling her she wouldn’t see the children again.

Through a torrent of tears Jeanee shared this with me, and I kept lovingly bringing her back to the Quantum Truth of so within, so without. I said, ‘If you look after emotion first, if you release all of this trauma from inside, the space opens up for positive and healthy change.’

Jeanee got to work, and that is exactly what she did. She got stuck into her NARP Modules daily to keep upholding her truth and strength. A week and a half later Marina contacted her asking her to look after the children. Jeanne responded by saying she would send Marina an email laying out the limits to this – the healthy boundaries Jeanee needed to have respected to be a part of Marina’s life.

Jeanee got an abusive email back from Marina, but rather than reply Jeanee went inwards again to release what this exchange had brought up within her. Two days later Marina sent her an email agreeing to the boundaries.

Jeanee to this day has to walk a determined line with Marina, and has also had to let go of any expectation of having a healthy and happy relationship with her. However, she sees her grandchildren regularly and she and her husband have them during school holidays for extended periods of time, which they love.

The grandchildren are all so much healthier since Jeanee’s shift, and I have no doubt that their grandmother’s dependable, empowered role modelling of aligned values, truth and respect is calling them to follow.

Can you imagine if this hadn’t happened? They would have had even more role models of trauma, powerlessness and victimhood.

 

The Ultimate ‘Lose It All To Get It All’

I remember once hearing the expression about enabling others to hurt us and take from us, is like watering their lawn whilst ours turns brown and dies.

Not only are we not teaching them to be self-generative and inwardly fulfilled, we are killing ourselves in the process. The truth is, if we stay sick and are sick in any dynamic, we are not in a position to help anyone and we only contribute to the toxic sickness.

In Emily’s case, Laurence had to risk her failing at looking after herself and leaving him for good. But something spectacular happens when necessity becomes a driving force – people step up. Something else extraordinary happens when we start to love and approve of ourselves and actualise what that really is in real-time – key people in our life start to love and approve of us unconditionally too.

In the case of Jeanee and Marina, Marina didn’t want to have full responsibility for her children. She needed her mother and was going to treat her as badly as her mother would allow it. When Jeanee no longer allowed that bad treatment, it stopped. More than this – as it is for all of us – when we release the painful trauma of the losses of those and that closest to our hearts, and reach the full resolution of being the example we wish to be, live and see in our world, calmly and lovingly, then we often receive these people and things back in our life.

Gosh, it’s huge. And when our children and grandchildren are concerned it takes everything we have – but what choice do we have when we break it all down and understand the deeper layers of the Quantum Truth of all of this?

If we want to be healthy and have a healthy world, and for our future generations to be well, there is nothing else to do but heal ourselves and lead the way.

So, I hope that this TTV had helped grant you some goals, direction, and power regarding your difficulties with your adult children.

Also please know there are beautiful people in this Community who have had no option other than to let go and go No Contact with their children. We may think that this would be a trauma that would destroy us, yet I promise you that the people working with NARP who have made this decision have been able to get to peace and free themselves to live their full lives. Such is the extent of detoxing from trauma that NARP creates.

It ALWAYS comes back to the same thing – heal ourselves and then all that is healthy can and will follow. We can’t make other people healthy – we can only lead the way by being that ourselves.

Is that clear – does it really make sense?

If so, I want you to write: ‘If my mission is my healthiness, then I inspire all of life in the healthiest of ways.’

If you are ready to make your inner and then outer worlds healthy, for you and your future generations, join me by clicking this link. Today you can start a deep dive into the step-by-step proven formula to make this happen.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Ignore A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You

How To Ignore A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You

 

When a narcissist acts up – it can be brutal! They say and do things that are conscienceless, malicious and horrifically nasty.

Believe me I KNOW how hard it is NOT to react! I used to FIGHT BACK nearly all the time.

But it didn’t work.

And I know, like me, that your reactions don’t bring RELIEF or SOLUTION, and instead you just feel more broken and traumatised and like you are going mad.

This is why learning how to IGNORE a narcissist is not just healthy; it may even SAVE your Life.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists are nasty people. They know – specifically – how to get to you.

We know this – you have been through it or are going through it. The absolute devastation of getting hit with such low blows that you can’t help but be triggered to react.

And we may think we are sticking up for ourselves and that we are not letting the narcissist get away with it by reacting. But no positive results are forthcoming.

In fact the more we react, the more we hand power over and the more the narcissist gets the feed to keep punishing us.

I will go as far as say when you continue to react you are putting yourself in such critical positions that it could empty you all the way out to your demise. It could literally take you all the way to the end of your life as you know it – and even your life itself.

This is why learning how to ignore a narcissist is one of the most powerful tools you will ever have. Not just to save your life, but also to render the narcissist powerless and to create the room for your real, abuse-free life to begin.

Today I’m going to give you everything I’ve got to both empower you and give you the confidence to do this.

Okay, so before we get started I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s start with one of the greatest motivations you could ever learn regarding the narcissist’s disordered psyche…

 

Being Ignored is the Narcissist’s Greatest Fear

To combat narcissists effectively begins with understanding that their model of the world is not the same as ours.

Narcissists do not wish to obtain togetherness, harmony and solution – they are all about getting narcissistic supply. This means the attention that allows them to know they are ‘significant enough’ to exist. Attention from others coupled with other people’s BIG emotional content and focus, to the exclusion of all else, grants the narcissist A-grade narcissistic supply.

To the narcissist this means: ‘For good or bad right now, I am the centre of your Universe.’

In contrast, if you have your own identity, interests and life, then this is a great ego injury and so the narcissist needs to pull you off these things and back onto them.

Of course, at times the narcissist will feign ‘care and niceties’ to get your energy and focus back, but if that isn’t working or appropriate for them to do, then it will be whatever and however your attention can be harvested. Targeting and smashing your weak points, the things that hurt you the most, is a powerful way to achieve this.

If and when we heal, no longer react, let go and finally exit this crazy and painful game of keeping attached to someone who is sucking our life-force and continually retraumatising us, then…

We deliver the most terrifying reality to the narcissist: ‘You no longer exist or have any power over me.’

Let’s check out EXACTLY how to get there!

 

Realise the Truth About ‘The Punishment’

When we haven’t yet healed our own Inner Identity to the point of actively knowing – ‘It isn’t important what other people think about me or do; it is important what I think about and do.’, we hand our power away to life and others rather than being in our own power centre.

If we are not yet safe and anchored in our own bodies about our truths and values, and are still dependent on other specific people validating and approving of us, we can be targeted and punished by others. We then live by the false and dangerous premise of ‘My life is dependent on how this person thinks about me and treats me.’

Oh gosh, don’t narcissists get their hooks into us in this place? Just like a lion can attach to an injured gazelle at the edge of a pack.

We may not have realised that we are always teaching people how to treat us and love us. When we allow abuse by staying around to receive it, no matter how much we may jump up and down about it, what we are actually saying is, ‘that’s okay’. Whatever we tolerate DOES and WILL become our reality.

Narcissists are highly intuitive beings who find and belt up on people’s unhealed wounds. The same narcissist will punish people differently depending on the person. In the case of one of my ex narcissists, he punished me with engulfment and control and constant accusations. He was always stalking me and micro-managing me. However, his next partner experienced him detaching, disappearing and throwing other women in her face.

How interesting all of this is!

My inner subconscious wounds concerning love were: ‘People who love me control and judge me and don’t trust me.’ Her inner wounds were: ‘The people who love me leave me for others.’

I would never tolerate for a millisecond someone who went missing in action and threw affairs in my face – so of course, he would never have used this tactic to punish me, keep me coming back for more, and extract narcissistic supply from me.

And I know one hundred percent that someone like her would never have tolerated being stalked and smothered for a moment either.

Is the penny dropping? Are you getting this? It’s vital you understand, otherwise you will always be looking for your solutions and healing where it simply does not exist.

Why on earth would you even consider trying to work out why and how a narcissist is punishing you, when he or she is plasticine and can morph into any shape or person to fulfil the quest of obtaining narcissistic supply?

The answers, solutions and healing can only be obtained from inside of you. It’s the only place relief and solution exists, and you do this by working out YOUR wounds, what the narcissist is triggering off within you, and then healing them.

This is not about blaming ourselves or saying, ‘Okay, so if I didn’t have wounds the narcissist can’t punish me.’

If you didn’t have wounds you would not be with a narcissist – you would have flushed out him or her and detached yourself as soon as the abuse started. You would say, ‘not my reality’ just as I would have if I had had women thrown in my face (and what the next women would have done with someone engulfing her). If we don’t have wounds on the topics narcissistic use nastily against us, we just DON’T PLAY!

The only reason we stayed connected was because we had wounds specific to our past and emotional injuries that the narcissist could hook us and hurt us with whilst extracting narcissistic supply.

When we have done the inner work to be whole and anchored in our own body and clear on our values, truth and Self, we don’t tolerate anyone loving us any less than the level we treat ourselves.

Is the narcissist’s motivation, and the part we play, clearer to you today, perhaps more than ever before?

This is NOT about the narcissist. This is about healing ourselves and taking our power back so that we no longer connect with people who will destroy our lives, hearts and souls.

If you do get this, and you are past the ridiculous notion that healing ourselves and taking our power back is about ‘victim blaming’, I want you to write below ‘I get it. My salvation is not about the narcissist, it is about healing ME!’

Now let’s get onto the physiological reasons why ignoring the narcissist – making it NOT about them but all about you – ABSOLUTELY equals taking your power back.

 

Self-partnering – The Essential Connection Back to Self

At first we may be motivated to ignore the narcissist because we know that this hurts them a lot more than trying to ‘make him or her get it’, ‘be accountable, atone or apologise’ or ‘pay for what they have done’.

Please know all of these things – trying to bring a narcissist to justice – are fruitless and re-traumatising unless you have detached, healed and are simply living your truth with powerful boundaries and in no way needing specific outcomes in order to be ‘whole’.

So we may be settled on the idea that ignoring the narcissist is the best way to hurt him or her the most, and at first this can help you do this. But truly, if you use ‘ignoring the narcissist to self-partner and heal yourself’ as your greatest motivation, before long you truly won’t care less about what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

The relief and healing you feel will make you incredibly motivated to keep going with what you are now engaged in – namely love and dedication to your own development, healing and growth. You will start to feel the love and wholeness you have been searching for your entire life, just in all the wrong places.

As Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolt, the world’s leading expert on trauma, tells us: to start moving into safety within our own Being and away from trauma reactions only happens when we take our attention inside us. This activates the areas of our brain associated with ‘interoception’. Dr Van Der Kolt believes that we can’t get the parts of our brain that can integrate and heal from extreme trauma as well as anxiety, depression and feelings of powerlessness – all synonymous with narcissistic abuse – on line if we don’t go within.

I totally concur, and as myself and so many Thrivers have discovered, it was when we took our attention off the narcissist and fully turned inwards to make it about healing and rescuing ourselves from all the horrific traumas activated by narcissists, an incredible transformation, emancipation and liberation occurred within ourselves and then in our outer lives. And this is exactly what the healing power of NARP facilitates for us.

 As Pema Chodron famously said, ‘If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart…’

This is where it is crazy, thinking that focusing everything we have on narcissists and not ourselves is going to help. It doesn’t. It just keeps us bleeding out and our lives further disintegrating. Such is the path of victimhood.

Okay so you may say, ‘Sure Melanie, but how can I detach and ignore the narcissist when my life is fully under siege; when the things and people that I care about the most are under threat?’

Okay, let’s look at this.

 

The Power in Letting Go and Letting God/Source/Life Take Care of Things

For most mere mortals, like me and you, initially it is almost impossible not to react to a narcissist’s cruel behaviour when the punishment CLEARLY does not match the supposed crime. Especially if you are like me, a high-powered, passionate person who has specific beliefs about life and others, and how people should treat each other with integrity.

I used to be one of those people who HATED injustice vehemently. For me, to sit back and shut my mouth when something was blatantly ‘wrong’, ‘unfair’ or ‘ridiculous’ was unthinkable.

But I learned, oh boy I learned, that this righteousness, when it comes to narcissistic abuse, is totally Wrong Town.

Rather than ‘me’ trying to control, fix things and bring the narcissist to justice, I had to learn to step aside, let go and let a Bigger, much more Intelligent, Force than me take over.

You may want to accuse me of being all woohoo or even religious, or trying to get you to have blind faith in ‘another’ power. What I am talking about here – for me anyway – is Quantum. It’s not just ‘Source’, it is your ‘Higher Power’; it’s the Field that you are intrinsically connected to.

Quantum Scientists like Dr. Joe Dispenza and Brice Lipton are on the forefront of helping us rise from our previous victimhoods into our Quantum Power, by showing us that when you address your subconscious, which as Dr. Lipton states is processing 40 million bits per second as opposed to our conscious mind which can only process 40 bits per second, that we are working with the most powerful processor of all that is connected to all of Life in our experience as our Life.

This is where narcissistic abuse pushes us to step out of doing Life the way we used to – ‘from the outside in’ believing that Life was happening ‘to’ us instead of ‘through’ us – to discover the powerful Quantum Creators we really are. And what this means is that when we address and change our inner beliefs and programs, then we change our emotions, our feelings, our actions and our world.

We also signal the entire Field differently in the way that it responds to us. We start to access trajectories of experiences and opportunities that we simply didn’t have access to before our inner shift.

Finally we understand the truth. That the way our subconscious was programmed meant that unconsciously we would collude to ensure that these programs played out to the letter. Because that is the purpose of the subconscious – to fulfil the physical, lived reality of the inner program. That is until we awaken and go within to address the very core of what is really going on – which is ALWAYS inside of us.

Myself and so many others have discovered, usually because we have tried everything else to no avail, that when we let go of what the narcissist was doing and trying to control and went inside to meet and release the trauma and the terror within, triggered by the narcissist’s punishment, that not only did the trauma and terror go, the narcissist’s terror campaign also dissolved into nothingness. They stopped being able to do to us what they were previously doing.

It may seem like a miracle – yet it’s Quantum Law – so within so without. When we change our inner state FIRST, then the outer MUST follow.

With everything I have seen over the last ten plus years, I know narcissistic abuse is an energetic phenomenon that can only be addressed this way. It’s the only way we can properly detach, heal and break free for REAL.

And, maybe like me it took a lesson so hard and absolute as narcissistic abuse to truly find your real Quantum Power and change your entire life beyond description for the rest of your Life.

That is exactly what the path of ignoring the narcissist and fully turning inwards to yourself, incredibly and magnificently, produces.

And don’t for one minute think that this means you will be lazy and won’t act or protect yourself or get your life going – that’s not true. Because when you do clear the trauma and get safe and powerful in your body, then all that energy that used to be bound up and crippling you with trauma, is freed up and available for powerful creation – regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.

That is when you enter and become your own personal nirvana and powerhouse of life-force.

That is Thriving.

Are you ready for this? Have you had enough of being enmeshed in the punishment of narcissists and the punishment of your ongoing thoughts and obsessions and trauma – if you have already got away?

If so, enough is enough. It’s time. Join me to learn a better way to heal your Core Identity – a powerful, direct way that REALLY works. You can start accessing this information and true relief today by clicking here.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The 4 Steps to Becoming Narcissist Proof

The 4 Steps to Becoming Narcissist Proof

 

Have you been narcissistically abused and fear it happening again?

Are you worried that the world is ‘full of narcissists’?

There is a very specific Quantum reason the narcissist came into your life – to blow open the wounds inside of you so you can turn inwards to heal and enjoy the best life you have ever known!

Today, we delve deeper into the TOP four Quantum Ways to inoculate yourself against narcissists for good because I NEVER want you to be susceptible again!

 

 

Video Transcript

Not everyone can be abused by narcissists.

If you don’t agree with me now, by the time you watch this video through to the end I hope you do.

If you want to never again be susceptible to a narcissist in your life – I’m going to share with you today the four absolute steps to being completely Narcissist Proof.

And the awesome thing is – as you will discover – this is not just about being free in life to play, create, enjoy and love without being worried about toxic people derailing you. More importantly, it’s about freeing you to be a more actualised, empowered, happier self than you ever believed was possible.

Okay, so before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alrighty, now let’s jump right in…

 

Step Number 1 – Turn Inwards to Heal

If you are watching this video, chances are that you have been narcissistically abused and very understandably fear it happening again. Maybe you also feel totally disillusioned, angry and upset that the world contains so many narcissists.

I don’t know how many times I have shared the following truth with this community about narcissists: when you have no more inner wounds for narcissists to appear in your life as being the saviour of, draw you in with, trap you with and start attacking, there is no place for them in your life.

It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without. It is a total fallacy that narcissists come to you because you are already ‘whole’. They get in through our wounds, enmesh with us and then take our energy.

When we are whole, and even when we are dedicated to healing ourselves to wholeness, we can no more be infected and affected by a narcissist than a germ can infiltrate a sanitised surface.

Like so many of us, narcissists used to hook me through my fears of speaking up, the terror of abandonment, the inner feeling of emptiness and the anxiety that I couldn’t be safe and whole in life on my own.

It doesn’t matter how capable, resourceful and hardworking we are, if this is how we really feel on the inside then we are a prime target for a narcissist – especially if we have succeeded and achieved practically in life and have goodies on offer.

Just as so many others in this community have done, since I turned inwards and devoted myself to my most important mission – to clean up and heal my underdeveloped and insecure parts to wholeness – profound narcissistic inoculation has occurred.

I am no longer needy enough to give in to love bombing. I check out people thoroughly before committing any aspect of my life to them, and when doing so I make sure that things are solid and safe in a practical sense. And, I am very prepared to say ‘goodbye’ to someone who won’t take responsibility, care for other people’s emotions, or be honest and decent.

The old me never used to take time to get to know people. She was so steeped in the fears of ‘I need this to help me/complete me’ that I would throw all caution to the wind. Now, I can hold my space and ascertain things because I am generating my life with healthy inner and outer components. Addressing the inner first was totally necessary. When I hadn’t healed my inner traumas responsible for handing my power away – I was often duped, lied to and manipulated. This is what happens when we think other people are our Source and we don’t trust ourselves to be. We believe what we want to believe.

Here is the absolute formula to work out what your gaps are that you need to heal so as not to be suspectable to narcissists again. Ask yourself:

  • What did this person seem to offer me that I thought I needed from them?
  • What part of me thought that I couldn’t create this for myself?
  • What previous unresolved wounds do I have on this topic in my life?
  • What was I trying to receive from others in my past that I didn’t get, and that I was trying unsuccessfully to get from the narcissist this time?
  • Do I realise NOW that only I can turn inwards and love and heal this part of myself back to wholeness to stop this painful pattern and the possibility of narcissistic abuse in the future?

This person in your life is a False Source, pushing you to come inwards to heal and become your own True Source.

And when this happens, there is absolutely no desire, hook up possibility or susceptibility to choosing or staying with a False Source ever again.

Not your reality!

 

Step Number 2 – Stop Trying to Work ‘Them’ Out

If you want an amazing life – narcissism is not that life. It’s very interesting in my life how I help people recover from narcissistic abuse every day, and I’d like to share with you how my everyday reality goes.

I’m not in tune with at all who someone else is or isn’t being. This may sound crazy, but there is a much deeper truth going on here – I’m deeply in tune with who I am or aren’t being.

I’m the only entity I DO have control over, and working out and on me is my optimal position in Life because my entire experience, in my experience, is manufactured from the beliefs and alignment going on within me.

I know, as my own generative source, that if I keep releasing my fearful programs that made me terrified of people and their capacity, and if I don’t hide, shrink or sell out, or tip-toe on broken glass around people – then I CAN be a calm, clear, solid adult in my own body.

Just yesterday I was questioned by a person who I know can be confrontational. I told her the absolute truth, including my concerns about her, calmly and directly. If when I did this she had popped and even decided to leave my experience – so be it. That would have been meant to be.

I know that if I walk truthfully and honestly and confront and speak up as my authentic self, my life shapes around me accordingly, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.

I get asked all the time, ‘What if your ex narcs read or watch your stuff?’

My answer is, ‘So what if they do?’

People even say, ‘Maybe they get narcissistic supply from doing that?’

I reply, ‘So what if they do?’

Why on earth would I care about what other people think of me and what I do, and what they get out of it, when all that is important is how I feel about who I am and what I do?

What have I got to fear other than fear itself? And now, because of focusing and working on me and not them, I’m so thrilled I get to do it the easy way – with Quanta Freedom Healing I can release and live free of any fear.

When we are focused on developing ourselves and an amazing life, why would we focus on what narcissists are or aren’t doing and the possibility of running into one? I used to all the time – and I understand why we do this – because we are still carrying so much of the trauma of what happened with them inside us.

Hence why the inner work to release this trauma is so important.

When we start to live free of the fear, we know there is no purpose in deciding ‘the world is full of narcissists’, ‘I have to look out for them’, and ‘I have to protect myself against them’.

This is the truth about narcissists: they are False Selves who are infected with a terrible virus of unconsciousness. There is NO Real Self at the helm, and through people’s fear and pain (unhealed wounds) they attach and then drain out their lifeforce.

The complete inoculation from the narcissism virus is to stop making it all about them and make it all about healing, developing and extending you. Then they can’t touch you any more than a vampire can exist in the presence of a bright shining light.

As I was creating this episode in a café, I could have been dining with five narcissists in the room – and I couldn’t care less – I’m just doing my life fearlessly.

 

Step Number 3 – Enjoy the Journey of Releasing Yourself

Step Number 3 may not be obvious to you initially – but hear me out because this Step is vital!

When we finally start the journey of turning inwards and healing and releasing ourselves from our narcissistic abuse wounds – we may want to ‘get it all done NOW’. Can you relate? I used to be so like this. I was the A-type compulsive obsessive person healing my butt off morning, noon and night so that I could be all trauma free, evolved and clean and never have to heal myself again!

I know this sounds familiar to a lot of you.

Now I know the truth about this – we are imperfectly perfect. And, personally, I know that as I ascend more wounds appear to be released, because as I become lighter (more filled with Light) any dark and dense energy that is not my True Self must come up. It simply must be unpacked if I want to continue moving upwards in consciousness.

I promise you that the same truth exists for all of us.

Now I love this process of dense energy emerging from within or being triggered off by some event in my outer world; and no matter how busy I am, being committed to doing Quanta Freedom Healings on myself whenever I’m in need.

I know that if I don’t go within, I go without. I know that every time I turn inwards and release trauma energy and replace it with Source, the energy that was tied up in me trying to survive that wound is now freed up and available as a pure creative force.

When we release the uncomfortable, painful, anxious or even terrorising feelings from our body and fill where traumas were with Source, we immediately shift and feel free, at peace and extended.

It’s so funny how sometimes people ask me, ‘What are you thinking?’ and I say, ‘I am not thinking; I don’t like thinking.’

It’s true. The more Light that enters my Being the less I need to think, because I just have more and more Source running through me as me. Inspiration comes, things come, amazing things happen – it just is. I don’t need to think about much anymore except showing up to do whatever I feel good about doing.

Mind you, when trauma comes up it feels like trauma – and I love that it does, because each time I do the work to release it I just keep going up to a freer, more spacious trauma-free level.

Here’s the deal on this point – if we hate that trauma keeps coming up and we try to do all the work now so that it never will again, we are not living the process of becoming more whole one wound at a time.

Then we will resist the calling to go within and heal. We beat ourselves up for it, do a spiritual bypass, try to resolve it with our mind, and all the while keep the trauma’s energy trapped in our Being.

This makes us toxic and keeps us connected to people who represent this trauma and toxicity, no matter what we try to learn. The rule of thumb is – the more activated you feel to research how to get out of trauma rather than just releasing yourself from it, the more you will remain stuck in it.

Rather, if we just love and accept the process of the true reason why ‘stuff arises’ – to give us the opportunity to midwife our breakdowns of the Old Order into the grand breakthroughs of our True Self Order – then we are totally OUT of the loop of narcissists.

They are not on a frequency of applying this to their life at all!

So within, so without – unconsciousness can only connect to ongoing unconsciousness.

 

Step Number 4 – Be Grateful For Your Evolution

Of course, at first this can be so difficult because of the trauma and losses you have suffered.

If I can be so bold as to share with you what many of you already know, and understandably many of you don’t yet, narcissistic abuse is a powerful experience which wakes us up to the unhealed limitations, fears and insecurities that had always been standing between us and our True Life.

When I say True Life, I mean the life that is aligned with our True Self – being the only life that was ever going to gratify us.

When we turn inside to heal the things that get smashed by narcissists, our breakdowns turn into divine breakthroughs where we start enjoying the greatest joy, comfort and wholeness that we have ever known. So many people report this, even before real-life compensation appears.

As we heal our wounds and come home to ourselves, we start to experience a feeling of connection with Source, and ourselves and Life without fear and pain, and we realise that finally we are integrating back to Who We Really Are – free of human illusion, traumas and beliefs that have been plaguing us forever.

Life is forever changed as a result of narcissistic abuse, and not, as many people would have you believe, in a bad way. I have said to people over and over – you couldn’t give me 10 million dollars to go back to the person I was before narcissistic abuse. I have also replied many times to people who have said to me, ‘I am so sorry you had to go through what you did’ that I feel so blessed and grateful for going through what I did. Because, before narcissistic abuse I was carrying so many unhealed traumas that were my ‘normal’ that, if this hadn’t happened to me I would never have been forced to heal.

Here’s the real deal that I believe with all of my heart. There are no mistakes in what we go through – we are getting the evidence of our shadows so that we can wake up and make the unconscious conscious to turn inwards and finally release ourselves into our True Self and True Life.

When we can be gloriously grateful for this opportunity and grab it with both hands – why on earth would we require ‘more’ of the message (aka narcissists)?

The truth is we don’t!

We heal beyond the fears of speaking our truth.

We ascend above the terror of not being able to generate our own life.

We know how to connect to people with discernment, sensibility, truthfulness and maturity.

We are able to leave when abuse starts knowing that we are already whole within ourselves and will not accept less.

We can honestly tell people what we need from them and co-generate evolving healthy relationships with able others.

No longer are we trying to turn crumbs into cookies!

I loved what a dear Instagram Lady said, ‘Nah girl, I’m making bread!’

Love it!

So darling Thriver peeps – how about it? If you are with me write below, ‘I’m done with crumbs, I’m making bread!’

And, let’s go do this work together…to truly be narc free and Thrive. This is about going within and finding our gaps, up-levelling them and bursting forth into our True Self and True Lives, and leaving all this crap behind in the dust.

If it’s your time, come join me here, in my Thriver world, by clicking this link .

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

Oh, and I have mentioned it on my blog, but I want to share with my YouTube listeners too, that I am incredibly humbled and surprised regarding being nominated for the Kindred Spirit Awards 2019 – Personality of the Year!

It’s apparently a pretty big deal – Eckhart Tolle won it last year. I would be thrilled if you could take a moment to vote for me because this is really about voting about worldwide recognition for the Thriver Movement so that we can help end narcissistic abuse.

You can vote for me here:
ONLINE: Go to kindredspirit.co.uk/vote
VIA FACEBOOK: Go to the KS Facebook page: facebook.com/kindredspiritmagazine
The voting lines close on 30 June 2019.

Thank you Dear Thrivers!

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 



Read More –>

Quote on divorcing a narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist

Getting divorced is tough no matter what, but be prepared for a battle if your spouse has narcissistic tendencies.

Read More –>

How To Flush Out A Covert Narcissist BEFORE It’s Too Late

How To Flush Out A Covert Narcissist BEFORE It’s Too Late

 

Maybe you know or suspect you have a covert narcissist in your life now and perhaps you are BEYOND TERRIFIED of experiencing another one AGAIN.

Covert narcissists are amongst the slipperiest and most dangerous, because they are the hardest of all to detect!

Yet…TRULY, it is NOT true that you are defenceless against them.

It is my greatest wish that this Thriver TV Episode will take away the fear of covert narcissists forever, and even excite you about your possibilities going forward…

 

 

Video Transcript

Today I want to expand on recent TTV episodes helping you empower yourself against narcissists, and in this video, I want to talk about how to flush out the sneakiest and most cunning of narcissists of all – covert ones.

These are the ones who slip through and take you in – cleverly and expertly. Think con ‘person’. People will tell you there are no defences against these people but there is – truly.

There is no way I am going to tell you what to look out for regarding a covert narcissist, rather I am going to tell you WHO to be.

And this is really important knowledge whether in love, friendship, family affairs or business. Thank God we have the way to recover from covert narcissists now, and those of you healing and rebuilding from this, just as I wanted, there is NO WAY you wish to repeat another relationship like this again.

So, watch this video today to learn how this is JUST not possible.

Now, before we get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now, let’s start learning how to flush out a covert narcissist before it’s too late…

I’m going to start backwards from the END goal and grant you all the stuff in-between to do this. And today is a workshop, where if you really are serious about empowering and inoculating yourself against this, I’m giving you some homework to do.

All the looking out for them in the world, may not allow you to spot one, and also if you are still unconsciously handing power away, even when things may seem a little off, your brain will organise itself around the still unhealed inner parts of yourself and make excuses as to why not to listen to or back yourself.

So, let’s start with the end goal which is looking at what it would look like to be impervious to the deceptions of a covert narcissist.

It would mean being secure enough in yourself to take your time to get to know this person, whether it be romantically, in a business sense or even a friendship. Meaning you do not let people fully into your heart, life, body, bed, bank account and resources until you have taken the time to get to know them.

And then when ‘stuff’ arises that is questionable, you get straight to the point, question this person, calmly and clearly without guilt or remorse, require accountability, honesty and proof regarding who they profess to be, and if you don’t receive the validation and truth and solidness that you need then you don’t proceed, let go and move on.

So the real questions here are – are you willing to take your time to get to know someone?

Are you able to stand up and speak up without the fear of the repercussions if necessary?

Are you able to say ‘no more’ and leave this person without trying to fix, change and hope to make questionable deals work?

These are the real questions and criteria (if you graduate) that make you TOTALLY impervious to any narcissist no matter how covert they are.

And the real question under all these questions is this … (which you may have heard me talk about at times) ‘Are you empowered enough to LOSE it all to GET it all?’

These are all your end goals. These are the only way you can ever, as a healthy adult, be the generator of your incredible life and FULLY get out into life without fear no matter what anyone else is or isn’t doing.

Let’s start peeling all of this back one at a time.

 

Taking Time To Get To Know A Person

This is the deal, narcissist – even cunningly covert – screw up. They have gaps, over-inflated egos, the inability to process delayed gratification, disappointment and not getting what they want healthily. They need to move things along whatever their agenda is, quickly, in order to get the energetic payoff of the energy expended on it. They have chinks that become obvious if you are assessing someone’s character and past and taking your time to ascertain them.

If you let someone move on you and in too fast, which is foolhardy anyway, and only possible if you are bewitched by someone’s love-bombing’, then you can be taken in. Otherwise you can’t.

This is where I want you to deeply self-investigate any gaps that you may have, emotionally inside allowing yourself to be love-bombed whether it be a friendship, love relationship or business deal, or by any narcissist in your life.

What I want you to do, is when doing this, is to take a few deep breaths and really connect with the feelings inside you. Please know your answers are NOT in your head, they come deeply from within your Inner Being. This is why the Thriver Way to heal is so powerful and effective, because we get to the truth of what is going on inside you and work with you there. This is the only way we heal from patterns that aren’t serving is and break through into becoming a New Self where Life and Love does work.

Start with this question:

‘With whom did I hand over my trust, love, sex, resources, time, efforts or money, quickly without getting to know the character of this person?’

Take your time to really be honest with yourself and write your answer.

Then let’s go deeper. I want you to ask yourself,

‘What did I think I would gain from them by trusting them so quickly?’

Again, be lovingly self-honest. Was it love and companionship? Was it a better life than the one you felt you were having without them? Was it relief from loneliness and sadness?
What was it? really tune in and feel deeper into this. And write as much about this as you feel compelled to write.

Now let’s move on to our next level of deep understanding and self-transformation…

 

Listening To Your Inner Voice When ‘Stuff’ Happens

Believe it or not, all of Life and your soul is designed to back your Highest and Best Life, and we GET the warnings we need. These come in the form of inner cues – but the greatest issue is that we have been so disconnected from our Inner Beings that we don’t trust them.

Narcissists know this, and when ‘stuff’ crops up with them – the usual cracks that all narcissists display, and/or we deeply feel in the form of ‘something isn’t right’, they will look you in the eye and know that most people – despite the inner warnings will choose to believe them.

Or if they need to take it to another level, they will have already identified an inner gap you have, such as fear of confrontation, inability to speak up, feeling like you don’t have the right to be heard, or feeling wrong when trying to be, and will guilt and confuse you out of investigating and finding out the truth as well as laying clear, non-negotiable boundaries.
We SO have to work our way past this.

This was huge for me. I was the person who liked to be humble, speaking up to me felt like grandstanding, demanding and I even felt like exposing someone that was ‘wrong’ was too uncomfortable and horrific to do. I much preferred to brush things under the carpet and just hope for the best.

Now I know how deadly that is. That pattern in my life nearly killed me. We really need to agree, after being smashed and nearly destroyed by narcissists, the price is way to big to pay to keep doing this. If you are with me on this – and you are ready to stand up and stop doing this – write in the comments below – The price is TOO big to play! No more!’

Not long ago I had a massive graduation on this score. Someone in my life delivered a BIG pathological lie that was a narcissistic betrayal. I didn’t have proof. They tried to guilt me out of my questioning for answers. I trusted my gut and investigated and caught out the deception. Then more lies came, which I again investigated to discover more deception. I obtained this knowledge by questioning people about the person’s purported activities, who knew this person and got my evidence – without being worried about what these people may think. The health of my soul was more important, and I was thrilled to know this person had no place in my life anymore (which I had suspected for a while) broke all ties and applied block and delete.

Also, not long after that, I had an event when my gut fired, and I wasn’t sure about someone else’s claims in my life. I told them I would check this out for my own benefit – and if they had not supported this, our deal would have ended there and then. It all checked out and I was able to proceed to the next level with them.

If there are times where I feel uneasy, I will do all that I can to back myself, have the necessary difficult conversations and know that real people are not threatened by this, when it’s done with love, authenticity and self-honour.

So really this is a huge area of a minefield for us – because of the fears of C.R.A.P., being the fear of criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment if we speak up. The old me was in dire straits with this – I didn’t speak up or investigate or stand up for my rights at all. I had to do a lot of work on my Inner Being with this, which many of us after narcissistic abuse must do.

Our necessary inner reflection starts with these questions:

‘When I ignore my Inner Being – why do I do that?’

‘What am I scared about happening if I was to confront and speak up?’

‘Do I let people talk me out of investigating and following through to find out the truth? Why?’

‘When I discover truths that aren’t aligned with my values, do I self-abandon and make excuses? Why?’

Please know by connecting to your Inner Being lovingly and supportively and really feeling deeply into the true reasons why you have been stuck in these patterns, you will start to know what you need to work on to never be taken in by any narcissist again.

The truth is if you don’t do this work, then Life will keep delivering you one narcissist after the next, after the next, no matter WHAT you learn about them because these people are only catalysts; this is really about healing YOU.

Okay so now let’s look at this huge BIGGIE …

 

Leaving the Person and the Deal You Thought You May Have With Them

I’m going to cut straight to the chase here with a truth bomb.

The only reason we hang on to abusive people and hold them responsible for our lives is when we are not being the Source of what we want from them in our own lives.

I know so many of you may say, ‘But it’s not that simple, I have children, connected businesses and property. I can’t just leave this person’. The truth is hanging on doesn’t bring any relief, happiness or health. And many of the people in this community who did let go, despite enmeshments and even co-parenting, discovered that when they healed and rose into their power to be the Source to themselves and their children without reliance on the narcissist (who absolutely uses this as a hook against you) that the narcissist ceased to have power over them, and that they and their children fared so much better.

The real truth is, there are hooks that keep us connected and until we accept that these are the things that we need to turn inwards and heal within ourselves, we will cling to people who hurt us, and experience the same narcissist – or narcissist upon narcissist in the future.

I so hope you are getting this from a deeper perspective now. No amount of researching or learning about narcissists is going to save you from this fate. Only healing yourself ever does!

And we can be really deluded about this. I was. I thought because I was intelligent and capable that I wasn’t needy, empty and suffering survival fears. Yet I was, absolutely. I had shocking inner beliefs and traumas about there being something wrong with me if I was single, and also that I needed a man to survive.

I also had terrible fears of abandonment. It wasn’t until cleaning these up that I knew 100% no matter who it was in my life, I would leave in the face of abuse. And I have ended relationships, friendships, business deals and anyone who oversteps my boundaries and values. It’s clean and easy now because I don’t need anything from these people. Rather, I am now a firm and solid source to myself able to share my life with healthy others – but I can assure you it took much NARP work to get there. Thank goodness I did it! The relief is indescribable now! I barely resemble my Old Self!

Okay, so these are the questions, to ask yourself regarding this and close your eyes, connect with that deep inner truth of yourself and ask these questions.

‘What are /were my fears about leaving?

‘Why do/did I hang on, even when it is/was incredibly abusive to do so?’

‘What was it or is it that I don’t feel like I can provide for myself?’

Please know these questions will grant you some very valuable clues about what you need to heal, to never again hand you power over to people who hurt you. If you heal these inner parts up into a healthy solid inner adult, you will easily say when the abuse starts, ‘NO deal. And you are NOT my reality!’

Okay, so in closing this is all leading to being willing to Lose it All to Get it All.

Which means giving up the notion of Life the way we thought we were going to have it, when it clearly isn’t being healthy for us – and be willing to let it go, go empty, be aligned with our truth and values and let all of Source, Life and Creation itself deliver to us more of Who We Are BEING – which is what these forces are always doing.

What you will tolerate and accept is Who You Are.

What you already feel as warm and solid and complete as a feeling inside you is Who You Are, regardless of any real physical evidence of it yet.

THAT Is your organic state when you release and reprogram the traumas that are not allowing you to be this person.

Covert or any kind or narcissists have absolutely no part in our lives with this level of inner development.

Does this help?

Have you had enough of the pain yet of trying to work them out, the narcissists – instead of sorting yourself out– to change your life? If so, it is time for Thriver inner development, and I promise you it is incredibly liberating and fun and such a relief to do it. Your True Self and Life will start to glow and grow in time frames and ways that will stun you.

So, to get started click this link and join the thousands of Thrivers in this Community.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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The Real Reason Why The Narcissist Came Into Your Life

The Real Reason Why The Narcissist Came Into Your Life

 

Was the narcissist coming into your life a senseless, cruel mistake?

Was it to destroy you and what is important to you?

Trust me I know you could 100% believe that.  I used to too…

However, know there is a REAL reason – an incredible one – that not only holds the key to your full Thriver Recovery…

But also, the most incredible resurrection of you and your life that you could imagine.

BY knowing this TRUTH you can be set FREE.

Watch today’s Thriver TV episode to find out EXACTLY what it is.

 

 

Video Transcript

Most of us have believed that the narcissist coming into our life was senseless and completely and horribly ‘wrong’.

But I want to challenge you in the most loving and direct way today, by saying this: only if you are interested in deeper Quantum Truths that can shine a huge light on this mess and offer you the truth that will set you free watch on … otherwise maybe don’t.

Because truly, if you are still in the process of feeling deeply victimised and want to be there indefinitely (which I understand, because I’ve been there myself), this video isn’t for you.

However, for those of you who are Quantum and Truth seekers, I promise you the deep exploration of the following question holds the key to your true recovery: What is the REAL reason the narcissist came into your life?

Today I’m going to give you that answer, in various ways where I hope you won’t miss, by sharing my own journey from victim to survivor to Thriver.

I’m passionate about what I learned and applied regarding the real reason why the narcissist came into my life, because it saved my life. Me sharing it with you means this may save your life too.

So, if you are still with me watching this video, let’s get started by flipping perceptions – from outside in to inside out – because it’s vital.

 

The Outside In Version

Within narcissistic abuse, by looking outwards at what is happening to us we see that this person, the narcissist, is doing all sorts of unspeakable things to us and the people and things that are dear to our hearts.

It seems tragic, cruel and senseless.

To make matters worse, whatever we are trying to do to stop this person hurting us, it doesn’t seem to be working. And, to add insult to injury, we feel so mentally trapped in it.

Why can’t we walk away? Why can’t we leave? And even if we have physically moved away, we can’t seem to emotionally.

And why do we keep getting drawn back in time and time again? And even when we finally don’t go back, why can’t we stop obsessing about what happened with this person?

What is REALLY going on here?

If we stay in our normal human reality of looking outwards, we actually never get to work it out. The abuse continues, and even intensifies, and our feelings of being powerless and out of control seem to get worse.

 

The Inside Out Version

When we turn inwards, to the only person we do have the power to heal and change, then we CAN heal and change what is happening.

Yes, we are being traumatised beyond measure by narcissists, but it’s not until we let go of our focus on them and come deeply inside to find and heal the parts of ourselves hooked on them, that we can move out of our powerlessness and trapped and traumatised state.

From a Higher perspective, as well as my own personal journey and co-generating liberation from abuse with thousands of others, I know exactly why most people don’t get better after narcissistic abuse – because they are not working with the truth.

For many of us it takes a long time to know the real reason why the narcissist came into our life. I didn’t know the real reason until I was within a millimetre off dying, in my breakdown on my bathroom floor, when the answer filled me with such blinding clarity that there was no missing it.

Here is the absolute truth.

The trauma I am receiving outside of me, matches already existing trauma trapped inside of me. Now that these unconscious wounds have become conscious, I can go to them, release them and start finally living free of them.

 

Is This Victim Blaming?

The biggest problem I see in narcissistic abuse circles is when people are determined to uphold, ‘I didn’t ask for this, and there was no reason for this to happen to me.’

My recent video about peptide addiction explains the results of this thinking, which has dire and far-reaching negative results.

I understand this thinking; I used to be vehemently attached to it too, and sadly it nearly killed me. Because, when I was not willing to go deeper and heal my inner trauma I was fruitlessly trying to get others to change to make me feel better.

It wasn’t happening and the reason it wasn’t is because it is a false premise. It is the definition of handing our power over and being stuck in a state of personal powerlessness.

We also may not realize that this is the very co-dependency, looking for self outside of self, that allowed such horrific abuse to happen to us as a continuation into our adulthood where we DO have the power to stop it happening.

It’s Wrong Town on steroids and sadly the most destructive path we can take after being abused.

I believe the following is the issue: people thinking going inwards to heal our wounds means accepting ‘blame’, and that we are being ‘shamed’ by receiving the information that our inner work is necessary.

This is the EXACT thinking that has led us into the madness of our own self-abuse – being so horrified to think that we may be ‘defective’ that we refuse to meet our own Inner Being with tenderness, love, care and support.

Instead, we have self-medicated away our pain with food, other substances, workaholism, over giving to others, and all sorts of other ways – including having relationships with sick and unhealthy people – to self-avoid the cries to come inside and meet and heal ourselves.

By going inside the Quantum Way, we are not beating ourselves up with self-repulsion (which is horribly self-defeating). Rather, we are acknowledging there has been a ton of trauma in the human experience that was inflicted on us by other people who were steeped in their own trauma and unconsciousness. And like a virus this unseen force, wedged in our Inner identity, is leading us into more of these situations that continue to hurt.

I can assure you I have lived both ways, asleep to this fact and awake to it.

As the victim thinking that there was absolutely NO reason at all for a narcissist to come into my life and smash me so hard, I wasn’t getting the healing and evolution gift of freeing myself and future generations from ongoing generational trauma. The smashing continued.

When I woke up and realised that there was a great deal of inherited abuse trauma as well as many childhood knots for me to unwind – all of which had accumulated to toxic overload, hence experiencing narcissistic abuse – then, finally, I turned inwards and started meeting and releasing and reprogramming these inner traumas.

Soon afterwards I started to get well and free in ways that exceeded my wildest dreams, which was a miracle considering I was told that there was no way back to heal from my trauma conditions.

 

What Deeper Truths Are Narcissists Showing Us?

Narcissists enter our lives pretending to be the ‘answer’ to what we need to heal within us – a need that we may not even be aware of yet – and then cease the faux support and start to smash those exact parts, making the pain so horrific that unconscious parts become fully conscious.

The narcissist first appeared to be the saviour of our wounds and then became the messenger of them instead.

Let me grant you my own example. I used to suffer greatly from fears of abandonment and not being valid and seen or being ‘good enough’ to be loved. This was deeply unconscious because it was all I had ever known as my ‘self’ and my reality.

Like many people who are narcissistically abuse, I was over-functioning and over-compensating for my inner unconscious traumas and was very practically capable. I seemed strong and other people would have sworn I had it together. Yet on the inside I was battling anxiety and depression, which to overcome I had to keep myself very busy and to keep achieving goals.

Naturally, because it is how this stuff goes, I was never gentle, tender or supportive with these inner parts. Rather, I was constantly self-abandoning my internal pain, not making my feelings important at all, and being incredibly self-critical and demanding of myself. Again, this was my version of ‘normal’, being the only way I had ever known to be with myself; this was exactly what people in my life had always modelled to me.

It wasn’t until narcissistic abuse that these parts I had been surviving and covering over, came screaming to the forefront. The narcissists in my life initially appeared in my life validating and approving of me as well as claiming a full commitment to me. However, things switched and my fears and gaps were, over time, attacked with full ferocity. I was rapidly and cruelly abandoned, invalidated and regularly accused of being a horrible person.

My story is your story – in this way our stories are all pretty much identical. We see the narcissist as the ‘answer’ to our wounds – often unconsciously hence the powerful unexplainable bond to them – yet their actual message to us is to find and heal these wounds within ourselves.

When we awaken and get very self-honest, this is how we know there are parts of ourselves which are unhealed; that we are still sticking around and frantically trying to make the narcissist think and do it differently.

We are clinging onto that person trying to force them to provide us with the relief of these traumas, yet the only way out of the nightmare is to let go of them and attend to those parts that are screaming out deeply within ourselves.

If we are a whole and healed source to ourselves, it becomes a clear-cut thing: ‘I don’t agree with your warped version of me, and I have NO need to try to change you to have a great version of myself! Goodbye.’

We are thrilled to discover that we have ZERO urge for the narcissist to provide us with ourselves, and the longing, desperation and missing ends.

As does the narcissist’s power to hook you and hurt you. If you get the inner healing job done well enough and the narcissist becomes totally irrelevant, while you become a force of fearless, calm power, they will let go and move on with their life.

False Selves cannot exist in healed and whole environments, no more than germs can in a healthy, clean environment. There is nothing for them to feed off.

You may think this is glib and unrealistic. I promise you it’s not. Absolutely there can be complications with narcissists that need to be unpicked and sorted such as custody with children, property, businesses and all sorts of enmeshments. Yet no matter how difficult these challenges are, I really want you to understand that the greatest and most deadly binds with narcissists are the ones we are suffering emotionally through our wounds.

When we heal from those, all else can follow.

Myself and thousands of others have granted the overwhelming evidence time and time again that when we use Quantum Tools, such as NARP, to find, release and heal what the narcissist brings up in us, then our soul contract with them is concluded.

That’s when the healing message – posing as a holocaust to get our attention – ends.

The same happens with people with cancer. When individuals have gone inwards to discover what the cancer is calling them to heal and then address that at true causation level, the cancer, due to having delivered the message, may suddenly and completely leave their experience.

Narcissists, like serious illnesses, are RELENTLESS and their incredible purpose as a False Self is to NOT STOP delivering the torture until you get the message.

I dearly hope with all my heart that you made it here with me to the end, and that you are absorbing the message regarding the REAL reason why a narcissist came into your life.

And if you do know it now, it is time to turn inwards, self-partner and do the healing work to free yourself not just from the narcissist but from every internal trauma and false belief that has been limiting your incredible True Self and Life.

That’s the work I live as a lifestyle for myself and which I love assisting others with so that they too can claim their highest and best lives.

If you are ready to not just merely survive but truly Thrive join me in my 16-day free course where you will start shedding trauma and coming home to you. You can connect to this right away by clicking this link.

And, if you liked this video please click the Like button. And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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What It

This Is What It’s Like To Co-Parent With a Narcissist

What It's Like To Co-Parent With a Narcissist

 

“Imagine every other weekend, your life and family are put on hold, hindered and incomplete – that’s life with divorce and visitation.”

It’s easily one of the most frustrating and difficult situations in divorced families with children where co-parenting is not an option. And, unless you live this life, chances are you don’t understand.

You won. You were awarded full custody and now you are in charge and everything just goes your way, right? Wrong!

First, winning shouldn’t be a term in child custody, and neither should be awarded.

When my ex-husband took me to court for full custody – I was sickened with worry, stress, potential heartbreak, and fear.

Basically, I am expected to go into a courtroom, with a stranger whose sole purpose is to judge me, going against the only person in the world who gains a sick satisfaction out of manipulating, emotionally and mentally breaking me down and hates me for sport. And then, convince this judge in a limited time frame that not only am I a good mother but that I am a better mother than their father is a good father.

That is essentially what it comes down to; who is the better parent for the children. And, one wins, and one loses – but truthfully in our case, one wins and three lose, either way. There are a handful of days in my life that I can remember in vivid detail – and the day I “fought” for full custody is one of those days I still play back regularly.

While that day is not really the point of this post, I will just say a couple of things that are relevant. The words “full custody awarded to the mother” echoing in the half-empty courtroom were the loudest, emptiest, angriest and most relieving words I had heard up to that point.

That morning I came prepared to fight for my life, for my children and I was not going to lose them. Thankfully for me, I didn’t lose them. But, their father did, and looking back now you can see that day was the beginning of the quit.

What It’s Like To Co-Parent With a Narcissist

The beginning of all the “I can’t make it’s”, the schedule conflicts, the manipulation tactics, reverse psychology and narcissism that, we live with today. And, when someone else sees it or hears it, they say the same thing – “don’t let your children go there, stop the visits” and I have to explain that is not how it works.

There are a set of unspoken (but written) rules in divorce decrees that have a trailing visitation order. If you are the custodial parent, you are expected to encourage and foster a relationship with the non-custodial parent and the children you share between you.

This includes their family and friends as well. You are expected to not speak ill of the other parent or withhold visitations out of pure distaste of the other parent. Sports, extracurricular activities, school events etc. are supposed to be avoided if at all possible, during their weekend, and if they do land on the other parents’“time” they are not required to take them – because it is their time. Their time, not your child’s time.

You learn to maneuver around the schedule, and you do your best with what you get.

There were a few civil standbys when the selfish stubbornness kept my children from attending games simply because their father didn’t feel like going in the beginning. Those days sucked for everyone but him, I’d ultimately have to leave without the children, the kids would miss their games/events and he would essentially win.

The officers didn’t enjoy it either, they know the situation, they see it, but they can’t get involved and most don’t want to. It started with school events and games, and then slowly oozed into birthday parties, family events, holidays etc.

The first time I had to tell my child they couldn’t attend something because it was important to spend this time with their father it was okay – but the more frequent they became – the harder it was. And, not because they shouldn’t want to spend time with their father – but because he refused to spend time with them doing the things they enjoyed.

Co-parenting with a narcissist is like being the tin man from the wizard of oz, having motion sickness, on the downward spiral of a roller coaster, with a loose harness, after eating ice cream and 5 corn dogs – doing the tango with a peg leg and an eye patch all the while sewing back together and re-stuffing down feathered pillows your dog chewed up and scattered throughout the back forty – it’s freaking difficult!!

Not everyone is able to join the elusive and all-inclusive co-parenting club, no matter how hard they try or pray. And, people don’t register the impact this has on your family’s life. What looks to friends and family as a minor schedule change, is an asteroid headed for earth sure to destroy life as we know it.

I always love when someone asks if I would like them to call dad and tell him he needs to bring them to an event – as if that would do anything?! He doesn’t care, plain and simple and there is nothing anyone can do to change that than God, and he isn’t a believer, so… ya!

So, what does a parent do when you really have no control or say every other weekend? We don’t. We literally don’t do anything. We found that we stopped doing things. We stopped making plans. We stopped inviting people over or going out as a family – because now someone is gone.

And, truthfully that hindered the weekends the kids were home to because we wanted to be with them, so we would not do anything, ever. Plus, everyone always asks “where are the kids? Why aren’t the kids here? They get out of everything” etc.

And, sometimes I want to scream “NO THEY DON’T GET OUT OF ANYTHING ACTUALLY, THEY DIDN’T CHOOSE THIS LIFE, WE COULDN’T FIX OUR “ISSUES” AND NOW THEY ARE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS WHO ARE PAYING THE PRICE! THEY ARE WITH THEIR OTHER PARENT WHO DOESN’T GIVE ON SHIT ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT OR NEED, AND THEY’RE MISSING OUT ON EVERYTHING AND WE ARE HERE JUST TRYING TO NOT FOCUS ON THAT FACT, THEY NEED YOU VERY MUCH!”

But, just as much as people don’t understand, we can’t expect them too either.

They can’t just decide – there is a COURT ORDER that requires them to go. It is not a suggestion, it’s a requirement. The only way they are allowed to miss or skip a visit is if they get permission from that parent – or go back to court.

Which makes our situation all the more complicated because my daughter did just that – she requested through the court to not be required to visit her father anymore when she was old enough. He will never tell this story because no one wants to say the part that makes themselves look bad – but he had to okay it – which he did.

So, we have one child who is still court ordered and one who is permitted to not attend. Navigate that one…

As a parent, a normal parent, you want what is best for your children. It is your job to not only provide for them but teach the importance of opportunity, achievement, dedication, commitment, work ethic all while loving, encouraging and supporting them.

When you have one parent who is against every part of these – how are you supposed to make it work? We have our children in 4H, FFA, sports, etc. to teach them the importance of responsibility, the importance of teamwork and working hard for the things they want in life.

But every other weekend – it’s a headache. And for my son, every Wednesday too.

My son was excited to sign up for Track, which he has never done, and to be honest, I was slightly dreading it because track meets drag on all day. But I was supportive because it was something new, something he was interested in and running keeps him active – so heck ya! go for it bud!

Then Wednesday comes around and he is gloomy because his dad already questioned him last week if he was going to get his Wednesday visits back now that basketball was over – and he didn’t have the heart to tell his dad he signed up for track. So, now he stands in front of me at 6:30 am and has to choose – either track and telling his dad or quitting track and going to his visits.

Our family is serious about sticking to a commitment, once you start a sport and the fee is paid, you have to finish it out.

But I can’t force that in this situation, so I tell him my thoughts and that I support him in whatever he chooses.

On the car ride to work, I am having a serious discussion with God and I get a text from my son saying he chose to give up track, so he doesn’t upset his dad – and I am equal parts heartbroken and pissed. He asked if I was mad and for the first time I responded with the truth about his dad, “No, I am not mad at you for wanting to not upset your dad, I’m mad that your father has put you in the position where you care more about letting him down than letting yourself down – and I can’t fix that and it breaks my heart for you.”

And, that is the truth folks – we are stuck a lot of the time, and we aren’t supposed to say the other parent is bad, or wrong, but damn it – he is wrong, and it is not fair. But as the repairer, I called his coach and explained the situation and we were able to come up with a plan for him to still practice 4 of the days and remain on the team and make visits with dad.

That’s what we do I guess, we rearrange, we maneuver around and come up with other options to still afford them the normalcy of childhood, opportunities, and a healthy life – even if we are the only ones doing it consistently.

So, the next time you see a blended family jigsawing their way through life – maybe you’ll understand a little better that they are simply attempting to navigate a different normalcy.

The post This Is What It’s Like To Co-Parent With a Narcissist appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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The #1 Trick For Bringing A Narcissist To Justice

The #1 Trick For Bringing A Narcissist To Justice

 

Narcissists fight DIRTY.

In battle with a narcissist, whilst trying to get resolution, sanity or even a scrap of decency, it may seem like all you get is MORE traumatisation.

Narcissists can feel IMPOSSIBLE to defeat.

But … this isn’t the case.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to hand you the REAL way to bring a narcissist to justice.

 

 

Video Transcript

I’m really hoping that today’s Thriver TV will wake you up, in a good way. In a way that gives you more than just hope. In a way that grants you the True Solution to bringing a narcissist to justice.

This is important because many people believe this is impossible to achieve. But truly it’s not, and after watching this episode I know you will understand how to do this.

In many ways, this video is an extension of my last video, which was about how to protect ourselves as highly sensitive people. This one takes this further by putting an end to a narcissist lining us up – and spinning the tables once and for all.

Today we’ll break this down, one step at a time, leading all the way to the revealing of the number 1 tip regarding bringing a narcissist to justice, which myself and so many other NARP members have achieved … powerfully.

Okay, now before I go any further into the unravelling of this, make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

Okay … let’s start, with the first necessary understanding for today.

 

The Challenges To Overcome To Bring Narcissists To Justice

Many of us struggle or have struggled to bring a narcissist to justice.

The first common stumbling block is that we don’t want to hit people hard and hurt them, it’s not in our nature. Especially someone we wanted to or once deeply loved.

Yet, we need to realise, when dealing with a narcissist, that there is no middle ground. It’s simply stand up in full power, rights and truth, or you WILL be taken down.

The other sticking point is that we have been scared regarding what the retaliation and nasty possibilities will be. However, narcissists are not powerful or even well-armed. They are bullies who use another person’s fear against them. When we aren’t as yet anchored into our power, trusting ourselves and Life to deliver powerful and solid results, we hand our power away with fear. This is where narcissists thrive, able to use this against us to their advantage.

 

Deeply Investigating How Powerplays Happen with Narcissists

There are many martial artists who know that one of the most effective ways to defeat an opponent is to use an assailant’s energy against them. Steven Seagal in his movies, with Aikido, demonstrated this tactic perfectly

To discover the answer of how to bring a narcissist to justice begins with understanding exactly how they bring us undone. How do narcissists control us and hurt us?

The answer is: they find our weaknesses and exploit them.

Things like struggling to honour ourselves with setting boundaries and limits and not wanting to rock the boat …

And, being able to be manipulated through guilt and over responsibility for others to the detriment of ourselves …

And, being so attached to needing this person to love and approve of us that we continue trying to assert our goodness and loyalty no matter how badly we are being damaged …

Or, being empathetic and compassionate toward someone we should not be continually granting another chance to …

And the list goes on and on.

Narcissists find these gaps, these unhealed parts within us (our unresolved inner wounds not allowing us as yet to honour ourselves healthily) and twist and turn these parts of ourselves to fulfil their agendas.

They play on these parts, belt them or withhold from them, depending on what manipulation tactic will yield the greatest results.

I have talked over and over again (just as I had to firmly realise myself) about the necessity to heal these parts within, to close up the gaps that the narcissist can continue to target, hook us in and keep abusing us with.

It’s only when we find, release and heal these inner parts of ourselves up to being self-honouring adults on the inside, that we no longer are trapped by narcissists.

 

What Happens When We Close Our Gaps?

It’s so important to understand there is a necessity to be solid on the inside (which NARP can powerfully help you become) before stepping into the ring to take down a narcissist.

As a result of doing the inner work, you have a powerful opportunity to become ‘anti-fear’. Meaning you are continually meeting and uplevelling your triggers on the inside and therefore the narcissist can no longer emotionally trap you and derail you.

Because of not reacting and handing over any emotional attention, you have stopped granting the narcissist narcissistic supply.

So many things start to shift from this place; you can go free of the notion that you need the narcissist to do anything for you to get a positive outcome. Rather, you have started anchoring into your own being to begin generating this reality yourself.

There is no more fruitlessly trying to make deals with them, hoping for them to come around to your way of thinking, and you cease hoping that they can be reached with compassion, fairness or empathy, or start acting like a normal and reasonable human being. Additionally, you are way past any yearning or heartbreak for the person you wish the narcissist could be, and simply see it for the Truth, which is:

Your journey with the narcissist, including this pivotal time, of incredible stress and needing to find and anchor into your True Self and True Power is for this reason –

Fulfilling your soul contract with this person to take your evolution to self-love, self-respect and self-honour. Which includes healing yourself beyond the comfort zones of fear, hiding and shame, to rise into standing fully, calmly and clearly in your rights and truth and openly walking them powerfully.

 

The 3 Choices in Dealing with Narcissists

It’s important to understand that narcissists in battle do not seek what non-disordered people do. They don’t want resolution and solution so that they can get on with their lives. There is no life for a narcissist without narcissistic supply and with peace and harmony in its place.

They feed and thrive off pain and drama and knowing that they can hurt you and get attention from you. The longer this goes on for, the more the narcissist’s ego receives its vindication.

So here are the three choices for you in order of less preferable to most preferable.

  • Try to hang in there waiting for the narcissist to do the right thing … by trying not to rock the boat, giving them what they want, or trying to help them get over it by supporting them in the separation.

All of this just grants the narcissist a feed that energises them to drag it out, to keep you hooked in, and your suffering going.

By using these ‘play it safe’ tactics, you are bypassing your own healing, evolution and uplevelling and continuing to hand your power away. A likely outcome is that you will be locked in stagnation and ongoing battle with the narcissist with no end in sight.

  • Capitulate and walk away losing a great deal, if not everything, to the narcissist.

Before I knew how to stand up to narcissists and win against them, this was the choice I took. I let everything go to save my life.

Absolutely it can mean a narcissist loses all physical and practical holds over you (you still have the energetic one to heal yourself from), but it also means that you may have to restart your life possibly from scratch (which is possible – many Thrivers including myself have achieved it).

It’s also important to understand that no matter what you grant the narcissist to appease them or try to do the right thing, ease your own guilt, or finally get them to recognise that you are a good person … according to them, you will always be the villain, smeared to all and sundry, who destroyed their life.

  • Stand and deliver your True Self and power.

Without any of the old fears and inner programs that were derailing you, you can completely cut off narcissistic supply and disempower the narcissist, and then hit them at their weakest point (which I will explain to you shortly.)

If you choose number 3 and do it the right way, you could defeat the narcissist quickly and receive more than you thought would be your result.

This happens REALLY because all of life celebrates and rewards powerful soul graduations.

 

Finding and Exposing the Narcissist’s Gaps.

The absolute number 1 tip to bring a narcissist to justice is finding their weakest point and exposing it.

A narcissist’s weakest point is this:

Lack of integrity.

Narcissists are delusional, entitled and disordered. Their version of reality is not one that the rest of the world accepts as true.

In every narcissist’s behaviour is lies, loose actions based on egoic hubris, false versions and skewered realities.

They leave themselves open to the exposure of this where they drastically lose credibility and power.

Here are some examples:

  • By remaining calm and totally factual in any communication electronically, many narcissists will ‘pop’ with horrible replies that expose their sickness.
  • A narcissist I once dealt with, lied to authorities regarding not receiving notification from me. I had sent them registered mail that they signed for which exposed that lie. Their case fell apart shortly after this. (The moral to this story is to make every dealing recorded and therefore accountable.)
  • Megan, one of my clients, exposed in court how her husband had not contributed to the mortgage or bills for years, which completely short-circuited his lies and overentitled property settlement claim.

I really want you to know, when you have no fear of delivering everything, within your rights that is the truth and fully expose it CALMLY and CLEARLY without being emotionally derailed, then False Selves crumble.

It’s a narcissist’s biggest nightmare, just as it is a vampire when a whopping great light is shone on them.

 

The Step-by-step Formula

This is the absolute formula to bring a narcissist to justice.

  • Heal up your gaps to the level where the narcissist no longer ‘matters’ to you, and the narcissist knows it.
  • Treat the narcissist as a non-being, without any emotion whatsoever and stay firmly on the matter at hand.
  • If the narcissist still plays games, start legal proceedings powerfully yourself.
  • Gather and use every bit of arsenal you have against them, calmly and factually. Don’t diagnose or cite ‘narcissism’, just expose behaviour.
  • Let go of your attachment to results and be empowered in the knowing that you are graduating (evolving yourself) to the fearless power of self-love, self-respect and self-honour, regardless of what anyone else isn’t or isn’t doing.
  • Continue releasing all traumas and triggers that arise and keep bringing in more of your True Self to replace them, with NARP, so that you stay on course.

If you are prepared to do what it takes to evolve to this level of power and True Self, you will become a force impervious to False Selves. This is the truth that countless Thrivers in the NARP community have achieved.

What happened for most of us is the narcissist capitulated. They let go, grant you what you want and exit the scene. They must – they cannot bear being irrelevant to you, treated like a nobody and exposed as their disordered self.

I know this path is not for the faint-hearted. It’s not something we can attempt from our mind, born from fear, resentment, retaliation or righteousness. If you try to bring a narcissist to justice from an inner emotional resonance of victimisation, you will only receive more victimised results which will traumatise you further.

Your actions must come from a choice of personal evolution and rising into it as your greatest life mission. It can’t be for ANY other reason if it is to be authentic.

There is also the need to see this opportunity, to heal and rise, as a gift and a blessing.

Right there is the most powerful force you can harness.

If you are serious about seeing an end to your holocaust, and if you are bravely ready to stand up and get this done, I will help you.

Today’s the day it can begin, right here by signing up to my free 16-day course, which was the starting point for many NARPers who brought the narcissist to justice. To get started click this link. 

And, if you liked this video, click the Like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also share with your communities, so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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