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The Real Reason Why The Narcissist Came Into Your Life

The Real Reason Why The Narcissist Came Into Your Life

 

Was the narcissist coming into your life a senseless, cruel mistake?

Was it to destroy you and what is important to you?

Trust me I know you could 100% believe that.  I used to too…

However, know there is a REAL reason – an incredible one – that not only holds the key to your full Thriver Recovery…

But also, the most incredible resurrection of you and your life that you could imagine.

BY knowing this TRUTH you can be set FREE.

Watch today’s Thriver TV episode to find out EXACTLY what it is.

 

 

Video Transcript

Most of us have believed that the narcissist coming into our life was senseless and completely and horribly ‘wrong’.

But I want to challenge you in the most loving and direct way today, by saying this: only if you are interested in deeper Quantum Truths that can shine a huge light on this mess and offer you the truth that will set you free watch on … otherwise maybe don’t.

Because truly, if you are still in the process of feeling deeply victimised and want to be there indefinitely (which I understand, because I’ve been there myself), this video isn’t for you.

However, for those of you who are Quantum and Truth seekers, I promise you the deep exploration of the following question holds the key to your true recovery: What is the REAL reason the narcissist came into your life?

Today I’m going to give you that answer, in various ways where I hope you won’t miss, by sharing my own journey from victim to survivor to Thriver.

I’m passionate about what I learned and applied regarding the real reason why the narcissist came into my life, because it saved my life. Me sharing it with you means this may save your life too.

So, if you are still with me watching this video, let’s get started by flipping perceptions – from outside in to inside out – because it’s vital.

 

The Outside In Version

Within narcissistic abuse, by looking outwards at what is happening to us we see that this person, the narcissist, is doing all sorts of unspeakable things to us and the people and things that are dear to our hearts.

It seems tragic, cruel and senseless.

To make matters worse, whatever we are trying to do to stop this person hurting us, it doesn’t seem to be working. And, to add insult to injury, we feel so mentally trapped in it.

Why can’t we walk away? Why can’t we leave? And even if we have physically moved away, we can’t seem to emotionally.

And why do we keep getting drawn back in time and time again? And even when we finally don’t go back, why can’t we stop obsessing about what happened with this person?

What is REALLY going on here?

If we stay in our normal human reality of looking outwards, we actually never get to work it out. The abuse continues, and even intensifies, and our feelings of being powerless and out of control seem to get worse.

 

The Inside Out Version

When we turn inwards, to the only person we do have the power to heal and change, then we CAN heal and change what is happening.

Yes, we are being traumatised beyond measure by narcissists, but it’s not until we let go of our focus on them and come deeply inside to find and heal the parts of ourselves hooked on them, that we can move out of our powerlessness and trapped and traumatised state.

From a Higher perspective, as well as my own personal journey and co-generating liberation from abuse with thousands of others, I know exactly why most people don’t get better after narcissistic abuse – because they are not working with the truth.

For many of us it takes a long time to know the real reason why the narcissist came into our life. I didn’t know the real reason until I was within a millimetre off dying, in my breakdown on my bathroom floor, when the answer filled me with such blinding clarity that there was no missing it.

Here is the absolute truth.

The trauma I am receiving outside of me, matches already existing trauma trapped inside of me. Now that these unconscious wounds have become conscious, I can go to them, release them and start finally living free of them.

 

Is This Victim Blaming?

The biggest problem I see in narcissistic abuse circles is when people are determined to uphold, ‘I didn’t ask for this, and there was no reason for this to happen to me.’

My recent video about peptide addiction explains the results of this thinking, which has dire and far-reaching negative results.

I understand this thinking; I used to be vehemently attached to it too, and sadly it nearly killed me. Because, when I was not willing to go deeper and heal my inner trauma I was fruitlessly trying to get others to change to make me feel better.

It wasn’t happening and the reason it wasn’t is because it is a false premise. It is the definition of handing our power over and being stuck in a state of personal powerlessness.

We also may not realize that this is the very co-dependency, looking for self outside of self, that allowed such horrific abuse to happen to us as a continuation into our adulthood where we DO have the power to stop it happening.

It’s Wrong Town on steroids and sadly the most destructive path we can take after being abused.

I believe the following is the issue: people thinking going inwards to heal our wounds means accepting ‘blame’, and that we are being ‘shamed’ by receiving the information that our inner work is necessary.

This is the EXACT thinking that has led us into the madness of our own self-abuse – being so horrified to think that we may be ‘defective’ that we refuse to meet our own Inner Being with tenderness, love, care and support.

Instead, we have self-medicated away our pain with food, other substances, workaholism, over giving to others, and all sorts of other ways – including having relationships with sick and unhealthy people – to self-avoid the cries to come inside and meet and heal ourselves.

By going inside the Quantum Way, we are not beating ourselves up with self-repulsion (which is horribly self-defeating). Rather, we are acknowledging there has been a ton of trauma in the human experience that was inflicted on us by other people who were steeped in their own trauma and unconsciousness. And like a virus this unseen force, wedged in our Inner identity, is leading us into more of these situations that continue to hurt.

I can assure you I have lived both ways, asleep to this fact and awake to it.

As the victim thinking that there was absolutely NO reason at all for a narcissist to come into my life and smash me so hard, I wasn’t getting the healing and evolution gift of freeing myself and future generations from ongoing generational trauma. The smashing continued.

When I woke up and realised that there was a great deal of inherited abuse trauma as well as many childhood knots for me to unwind – all of which had accumulated to toxic overload, hence experiencing narcissistic abuse – then, finally, I turned inwards and started meeting and releasing and reprogramming these inner traumas.

Soon afterwards I started to get well and free in ways that exceeded my wildest dreams, which was a miracle considering I was told that there was no way back to heal from my trauma conditions.

 

What Deeper Truths Are Narcissists Showing Us?

Narcissists enter our lives pretending to be the ‘answer’ to what we need to heal within us – a need that we may not even be aware of yet – and then cease the faux support and start to smash those exact parts, making the pain so horrific that unconscious parts become fully conscious.

The narcissist first appeared to be the saviour of our wounds and then became the messenger of them instead.

Let me grant you my own example. I used to suffer greatly from fears of abandonment and not being valid and seen or being ‘good enough’ to be loved. This was deeply unconscious because it was all I had ever known as my ‘self’ and my reality.

Like many people who are narcissistically abuse, I was over-functioning and over-compensating for my inner unconscious traumas and was very practically capable. I seemed strong and other people would have sworn I had it together. Yet on the inside I was battling anxiety and depression, which to overcome I had to keep myself very busy and to keep achieving goals.

Naturally, because it is how this stuff goes, I was never gentle, tender or supportive with these inner parts. Rather, I was constantly self-abandoning my internal pain, not making my feelings important at all, and being incredibly self-critical and demanding of myself. Again, this was my version of ‘normal’, being the only way I had ever known to be with myself; this was exactly what people in my life had always modelled to me.

It wasn’t until narcissistic abuse that these parts I had been surviving and covering over, came screaming to the forefront. The narcissists in my life initially appeared in my life validating and approving of me as well as claiming a full commitment to me. However, things switched and my fears and gaps were, over time, attacked with full ferocity. I was rapidly and cruelly abandoned, invalidated and regularly accused of being a horrible person.

My story is your story – in this way our stories are all pretty much identical. We see the narcissist as the ‘answer’ to our wounds – often unconsciously hence the powerful unexplainable bond to them – yet their actual message to us is to find and heal these wounds within ourselves.

When we awaken and get very self-honest, this is how we know there are parts of ourselves which are unhealed; that we are still sticking around and frantically trying to make the narcissist think and do it differently.

We are clinging onto that person trying to force them to provide us with the relief of these traumas, yet the only way out of the nightmare is to let go of them and attend to those parts that are screaming out deeply within ourselves.

If we are a whole and healed source to ourselves, it becomes a clear-cut thing: ‘I don’t agree with your warped version of me, and I have NO need to try to change you to have a great version of myself! Goodbye.’

We are thrilled to discover that we have ZERO urge for the narcissist to provide us with ourselves, and the longing, desperation and missing ends.

As does the narcissist’s power to hook you and hurt you. If you get the inner healing job done well enough and the narcissist becomes totally irrelevant, while you become a force of fearless, calm power, they will let go and move on with their life.

False Selves cannot exist in healed and whole environments, no more than germs can in a healthy, clean environment. There is nothing for them to feed off.

You may think this is glib and unrealistic. I promise you it’s not. Absolutely there can be complications with narcissists that need to be unpicked and sorted such as custody with children, property, businesses and all sorts of enmeshments. Yet no matter how difficult these challenges are, I really want you to understand that the greatest and most deadly binds with narcissists are the ones we are suffering emotionally through our wounds.

When we heal from those, all else can follow.

Myself and thousands of others have granted the overwhelming evidence time and time again that when we use Quantum Tools, such as NARP, to find, release and heal what the narcissist brings up in us, then our soul contract with them is concluded.

That’s when the healing message – posing as a holocaust to get our attention – ends.

The same happens with people with cancer. When individuals have gone inwards to discover what the cancer is calling them to heal and then address that at true causation level, the cancer, due to having delivered the message, may suddenly and completely leave their experience.

Narcissists, like serious illnesses, are RELENTLESS and their incredible purpose as a False Self is to NOT STOP delivering the torture until you get the message.

I dearly hope with all my heart that you made it here with me to the end, and that you are absorbing the message regarding the REAL reason why a narcissist came into your life.

And if you do know it now, it is time to turn inwards, self-partner and do the healing work to free yourself not just from the narcissist but from every internal trauma and false belief that has been limiting your incredible True Self and Life.

That’s the work I live as a lifestyle for myself and which I love assisting others with so that they too can claim their highest and best lives.

If you are ready to not just merely survive but truly Thrive join me in my 16-day free course where you will start shedding trauma and coming home to you. You can connect to this right away by clicking this link.

And, if you liked this video please click the Like button. And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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What It

This Is What It’s Like To Co-Parent With a Narcissist

What It's Like To Co-Parent With a Narcissist

 

“Imagine every other weekend, your life and family are put on hold, hindered and incomplete – that’s life with divorce and visitation.”

It’s easily one of the most frustrating and difficult situations in divorced families with children where co-parenting is not an option. And, unless you live this life, chances are you don’t understand.

You won. You were awarded full custody and now you are in charge and everything just goes your way, right? Wrong!

First, winning shouldn’t be a term in child custody, and neither should be awarded.

When my ex-husband took me to court for full custody – I was sickened with worry, stress, potential heartbreak, and fear.

Basically, I am expected to go into a courtroom, with a stranger whose sole purpose is to judge me, going against the only person in the world who gains a sick satisfaction out of manipulating, emotionally and mentally breaking me down and hates me for sport. And then, convince this judge in a limited time frame that not only am I a good mother but that I am a better mother than their father is a good father.

That is essentially what it comes down to; who is the better parent for the children. And, one wins, and one loses – but truthfully in our case, one wins and three lose, either way. There are a handful of days in my life that I can remember in vivid detail – and the day I “fought” for full custody is one of those days I still play back regularly.

While that day is not really the point of this post, I will just say a couple of things that are relevant. The words “full custody awarded to the mother” echoing in the half-empty courtroom were the loudest, emptiest, angriest and most relieving words I had heard up to that point.

That morning I came prepared to fight for my life, for my children and I was not going to lose them. Thankfully for me, I didn’t lose them. But, their father did, and looking back now you can see that day was the beginning of the quit.

What It’s Like To Co-Parent With a Narcissist

The beginning of all the “I can’t make it’s”, the schedule conflicts, the manipulation tactics, reverse psychology and narcissism that, we live with today. And, when someone else sees it or hears it, they say the same thing – “don’t let your children go there, stop the visits” and I have to explain that is not how it works.

There are a set of unspoken (but written) rules in divorce decrees that have a trailing visitation order. If you are the custodial parent, you are expected to encourage and foster a relationship with the non-custodial parent and the children you share between you.

This includes their family and friends as well. You are expected to not speak ill of the other parent or withhold visitations out of pure distaste of the other parent. Sports, extracurricular activities, school events etc. are supposed to be avoided if at all possible, during their weekend, and if they do land on the other parents’“time” they are not required to take them – because it is their time. Their time, not your child’s time.

You learn to maneuver around the schedule, and you do your best with what you get.

There were a few civil standbys when the selfish stubbornness kept my children from attending games simply because their father didn’t feel like going in the beginning. Those days sucked for everyone but him, I’d ultimately have to leave without the children, the kids would miss their games/events and he would essentially win.

The officers didn’t enjoy it either, they know the situation, they see it, but they can’t get involved and most don’t want to. It started with school events and games, and then slowly oozed into birthday parties, family events, holidays etc.

The first time I had to tell my child they couldn’t attend something because it was important to spend this time with their father it was okay – but the more frequent they became – the harder it was. And, not because they shouldn’t want to spend time with their father – but because he refused to spend time with them doing the things they enjoyed.

Co-parenting with a narcissist is like being the tin man from the wizard of oz, having motion sickness, on the downward spiral of a roller coaster, with a loose harness, after eating ice cream and 5 corn dogs – doing the tango with a peg leg and an eye patch all the while sewing back together and re-stuffing down feathered pillows your dog chewed up and scattered throughout the back forty – it’s freaking difficult!!

Not everyone is able to join the elusive and all-inclusive co-parenting club, no matter how hard they try or pray. And, people don’t register the impact this has on your family’s life. What looks to friends and family as a minor schedule change, is an asteroid headed for earth sure to destroy life as we know it.

I always love when someone asks if I would like them to call dad and tell him he needs to bring them to an event – as if that would do anything?! He doesn’t care, plain and simple and there is nothing anyone can do to change that than God, and he isn’t a believer, so… ya!

So, what does a parent do when you really have no control or say every other weekend? We don’t. We literally don’t do anything. We found that we stopped doing things. We stopped making plans. We stopped inviting people over or going out as a family – because now someone is gone.

And, truthfully that hindered the weekends the kids were home to because we wanted to be with them, so we would not do anything, ever. Plus, everyone always asks “where are the kids? Why aren’t the kids here? They get out of everything” etc.

And, sometimes I want to scream “NO THEY DON’T GET OUT OF ANYTHING ACTUALLY, THEY DIDN’T CHOOSE THIS LIFE, WE COULDN’T FIX OUR “ISSUES” AND NOW THEY ARE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS WHO ARE PAYING THE PRICE! THEY ARE WITH THEIR OTHER PARENT WHO DOESN’T GIVE ON SHIT ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT OR NEED, AND THEY’RE MISSING OUT ON EVERYTHING AND WE ARE HERE JUST TRYING TO NOT FOCUS ON THAT FACT, THEY NEED YOU VERY MUCH!”

But, just as much as people don’t understand, we can’t expect them too either.

They can’t just decide – there is a COURT ORDER that requires them to go. It is not a suggestion, it’s a requirement. The only way they are allowed to miss or skip a visit is if they get permission from that parent – or go back to court.

Which makes our situation all the more complicated because my daughter did just that – she requested through the court to not be required to visit her father anymore when she was old enough. He will never tell this story because no one wants to say the part that makes themselves look bad – but he had to okay it – which he did.

So, we have one child who is still court ordered and one who is permitted to not attend. Navigate that one…

As a parent, a normal parent, you want what is best for your children. It is your job to not only provide for them but teach the importance of opportunity, achievement, dedication, commitment, work ethic all while loving, encouraging and supporting them.

When you have one parent who is against every part of these – how are you supposed to make it work? We have our children in 4H, FFA, sports, etc. to teach them the importance of responsibility, the importance of teamwork and working hard for the things they want in life.

But every other weekend – it’s a headache. And for my son, every Wednesday too.

My son was excited to sign up for Track, which he has never done, and to be honest, I was slightly dreading it because track meets drag on all day. But I was supportive because it was something new, something he was interested in and running keeps him active – so heck ya! go for it bud!

Then Wednesday comes around and he is gloomy because his dad already questioned him last week if he was going to get his Wednesday visits back now that basketball was over – and he didn’t have the heart to tell his dad he signed up for track. So, now he stands in front of me at 6:30 am and has to choose – either track and telling his dad or quitting track and going to his visits.

Our family is serious about sticking to a commitment, once you start a sport and the fee is paid, you have to finish it out.

But I can’t force that in this situation, so I tell him my thoughts and that I support him in whatever he chooses.

On the car ride to work, I am having a serious discussion with God and I get a text from my son saying he chose to give up track, so he doesn’t upset his dad – and I am equal parts heartbroken and pissed. He asked if I was mad and for the first time I responded with the truth about his dad, “No, I am not mad at you for wanting to not upset your dad, I’m mad that your father has put you in the position where you care more about letting him down than letting yourself down – and I can’t fix that and it breaks my heart for you.”

And, that is the truth folks – we are stuck a lot of the time, and we aren’t supposed to say the other parent is bad, or wrong, but damn it – he is wrong, and it is not fair. But as the repairer, I called his coach and explained the situation and we were able to come up with a plan for him to still practice 4 of the days and remain on the team and make visits with dad.

That’s what we do I guess, we rearrange, we maneuver around and come up with other options to still afford them the normalcy of childhood, opportunities, and a healthy life – even if we are the only ones doing it consistently.

So, the next time you see a blended family jigsawing their way through life – maybe you’ll understand a little better that they are simply attempting to navigate a different normalcy.

The post This Is What It’s Like To Co-Parent With a Narcissist appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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The #1 Trick For Bringing A Narcissist To Justice

The #1 Trick For Bringing A Narcissist To Justice

 

Narcissists fight DIRTY.

In battle with a narcissist, whilst trying to get resolution, sanity or even a scrap of decency, it may seem like all you get is MORE traumatisation.

Narcissists can feel IMPOSSIBLE to defeat.

But … this isn’t the case.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to hand you the REAL way to bring a narcissist to justice.

 

 

Video Transcript

I’m really hoping that today’s Thriver TV will wake you up, in a good way. In a way that gives you more than just hope. In a way that grants you the True Solution to bringing a narcissist to justice.

This is important because many people believe this is impossible to achieve. But truly it’s not, and after watching this episode I know you will understand how to do this.

In many ways, this video is an extension of my last video, which was about how to protect ourselves as highly sensitive people. This one takes this further by putting an end to a narcissist lining us up – and spinning the tables once and for all.

Today we’ll break this down, one step at a time, leading all the way to the revealing of the number 1 tip regarding bringing a narcissist to justice, which myself and so many other NARP members have achieved … powerfully.

Okay, now before I go any further into the unravelling of this, make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

Okay … let’s start, with the first necessary understanding for today.

 

The Challenges To Overcome To Bring Narcissists To Justice

Many of us struggle or have struggled to bring a narcissist to justice.

The first common stumbling block is that we don’t want to hit people hard and hurt them, it’s not in our nature. Especially someone we wanted to or once deeply loved.

Yet, we need to realise, when dealing with a narcissist, that there is no middle ground. It’s simply stand up in full power, rights and truth, or you WILL be taken down.

The other sticking point is that we have been scared regarding what the retaliation and nasty possibilities will be. However, narcissists are not powerful or even well-armed. They are bullies who use another person’s fear against them. When we aren’t as yet anchored into our power, trusting ourselves and Life to deliver powerful and solid results, we hand our power away with fear. This is where narcissists thrive, able to use this against us to their advantage.

 

Deeply Investigating How Powerplays Happen with Narcissists

There are many martial artists who know that one of the most effective ways to defeat an opponent is to use an assailant’s energy against them. Steven Seagal in his movies, with Aikido, demonstrated this tactic perfectly

To discover the answer of how to bring a narcissist to justice begins with understanding exactly how they bring us undone. How do narcissists control us and hurt us?

The answer is: they find our weaknesses and exploit them.

Things like struggling to honour ourselves with setting boundaries and limits and not wanting to rock the boat …

And, being able to be manipulated through guilt and over responsibility for others to the detriment of ourselves …

And, being so attached to needing this person to love and approve of us that we continue trying to assert our goodness and loyalty no matter how badly we are being damaged …

Or, being empathetic and compassionate toward someone we should not be continually granting another chance to …

And the list goes on and on.

Narcissists find these gaps, these unhealed parts within us (our unresolved inner wounds not allowing us as yet to honour ourselves healthily) and twist and turn these parts of ourselves to fulfil their agendas.

They play on these parts, belt them or withhold from them, depending on what manipulation tactic will yield the greatest results.

I have talked over and over again (just as I had to firmly realise myself) about the necessity to heal these parts within, to close up the gaps that the narcissist can continue to target, hook us in and keep abusing us with.

It’s only when we find, release and heal these inner parts of ourselves up to being self-honouring adults on the inside, that we no longer are trapped by narcissists.

 

What Happens When We Close Our Gaps?

It’s so important to understand there is a necessity to be solid on the inside (which NARP can powerfully help you become) before stepping into the ring to take down a narcissist.

As a result of doing the inner work, you have a powerful opportunity to become ‘anti-fear’. Meaning you are continually meeting and uplevelling your triggers on the inside and therefore the narcissist can no longer emotionally trap you and derail you.

Because of not reacting and handing over any emotional attention, you have stopped granting the narcissist narcissistic supply.

So many things start to shift from this place; you can go free of the notion that you need the narcissist to do anything for you to get a positive outcome. Rather, you have started anchoring into your own being to begin generating this reality yourself.

There is no more fruitlessly trying to make deals with them, hoping for them to come around to your way of thinking, and you cease hoping that they can be reached with compassion, fairness or empathy, or start acting like a normal and reasonable human being. Additionally, you are way past any yearning or heartbreak for the person you wish the narcissist could be, and simply see it for the Truth, which is:

Your journey with the narcissist, including this pivotal time, of incredible stress and needing to find and anchor into your True Self and True Power is for this reason –

Fulfilling your soul contract with this person to take your evolution to self-love, self-respect and self-honour. Which includes healing yourself beyond the comfort zones of fear, hiding and shame, to rise into standing fully, calmly and clearly in your rights and truth and openly walking them powerfully.

 

The 3 Choices in Dealing with Narcissists

It’s important to understand that narcissists in battle do not seek what non-disordered people do. They don’t want resolution and solution so that they can get on with their lives. There is no life for a narcissist without narcissistic supply and with peace and harmony in its place.

They feed and thrive off pain and drama and knowing that they can hurt you and get attention from you. The longer this goes on for, the more the narcissist’s ego receives its vindication.

So here are the three choices for you in order of less preferable to most preferable.

  • Try to hang in there waiting for the narcissist to do the right thing … by trying not to rock the boat, giving them what they want, or trying to help them get over it by supporting them in the separation.

All of this just grants the narcissist a feed that energises them to drag it out, to keep you hooked in, and your suffering going.

By using these ‘play it safe’ tactics, you are bypassing your own healing, evolution and uplevelling and continuing to hand your power away. A likely outcome is that you will be locked in stagnation and ongoing battle with the narcissist with no end in sight.

  • Capitulate and walk away losing a great deal, if not everything, to the narcissist.

Before I knew how to stand up to narcissists and win against them, this was the choice I took. I let everything go to save my life.

Absolutely it can mean a narcissist loses all physical and practical holds over you (you still have the energetic one to heal yourself from), but it also means that you may have to restart your life possibly from scratch (which is possible – many Thrivers including myself have achieved it).

It’s also important to understand that no matter what you grant the narcissist to appease them or try to do the right thing, ease your own guilt, or finally get them to recognise that you are a good person … according to them, you will always be the villain, smeared to all and sundry, who destroyed their life.

  • Stand and deliver your True Self and power.

Without any of the old fears and inner programs that were derailing you, you can completely cut off narcissistic supply and disempower the narcissist, and then hit them at their weakest point (which I will explain to you shortly.)

If you choose number 3 and do it the right way, you could defeat the narcissist quickly and receive more than you thought would be your result.

This happens REALLY because all of life celebrates and rewards powerful soul graduations.

 

Finding and Exposing the Narcissist’s Gaps.

The absolute number 1 tip to bring a narcissist to justice is finding their weakest point and exposing it.

A narcissist’s weakest point is this:

Lack of integrity.

Narcissists are delusional, entitled and disordered. Their version of reality is not one that the rest of the world accepts as true.

In every narcissist’s behaviour is lies, loose actions based on egoic hubris, false versions and skewered realities.

They leave themselves open to the exposure of this where they drastically lose credibility and power.

Here are some examples:

  • By remaining calm and totally factual in any communication electronically, many narcissists will ‘pop’ with horrible replies that expose their sickness.
  • A narcissist I once dealt with, lied to authorities regarding not receiving notification from me. I had sent them registered mail that they signed for which exposed that lie. Their case fell apart shortly after this. (The moral to this story is to make every dealing recorded and therefore accountable.)
  • Megan, one of my clients, exposed in court how her husband had not contributed to the mortgage or bills for years, which completely short-circuited his lies and overentitled property settlement claim.

I really want you to know, when you have no fear of delivering everything, within your rights that is the truth and fully expose it CALMLY and CLEARLY without being emotionally derailed, then False Selves crumble.

It’s a narcissist’s biggest nightmare, just as it is a vampire when a whopping great light is shone on them.

 

The Step-by-step Formula

This is the absolute formula to bring a narcissist to justice.

  • Heal up your gaps to the level where the narcissist no longer ‘matters’ to you, and the narcissist knows it.
  • Treat the narcissist as a non-being, without any emotion whatsoever and stay firmly on the matter at hand.
  • If the narcissist still plays games, start legal proceedings powerfully yourself.
  • Gather and use every bit of arsenal you have against them, calmly and factually. Don’t diagnose or cite ‘narcissism’, just expose behaviour.
  • Let go of your attachment to results and be empowered in the knowing that you are graduating (evolving yourself) to the fearless power of self-love, self-respect and self-honour, regardless of what anyone else isn’t or isn’t doing.
  • Continue releasing all traumas and triggers that arise and keep bringing in more of your True Self to replace them, with NARP, so that you stay on course.

If you are prepared to do what it takes to evolve to this level of power and True Self, you will become a force impervious to False Selves. This is the truth that countless Thrivers in the NARP community have achieved.

What happened for most of us is the narcissist capitulated. They let go, grant you what you want and exit the scene. They must – they cannot bear being irrelevant to you, treated like a nobody and exposed as their disordered self.

I know this path is not for the faint-hearted. It’s not something we can attempt from our mind, born from fear, resentment, retaliation or righteousness. If you try to bring a narcissist to justice from an inner emotional resonance of victimisation, you will only receive more victimised results which will traumatise you further.

Your actions must come from a choice of personal evolution and rising into it as your greatest life mission. It can’t be for ANY other reason if it is to be authentic.

There is also the need to see this opportunity, to heal and rise, as a gift and a blessing.

Right there is the most powerful force you can harness.

If you are serious about seeing an end to your holocaust, and if you are bravely ready to stand up and get this done, I will help you.

Today’s the day it can begin, right here by signing up to my free 16-day course, which was the starting point for many NARPers who brought the narcissist to justice. To get started click this link. 

And, if you liked this video, click the Like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also share with your communities, so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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12 Survival Tips to Help You Survive Divorcing a Narcissist

12 Survival Tips to Help You Survive Divorcing a Narcissist

It WON’T be easy, but it WILL be worth it.

The post 12 Survival Tips to Help You Survive Divorcing a Narcissist appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Things a Narcissist Will Never Be Able To Do For You

6 Things a Narcissist Will Never Be Able To Do For You

Things a Narcissist Will Never Be Able To Do For You

 

During my divorce, the one thing my ex insisted on was fighting me for full custody of our sons. This, of course, meant me fighting back for what I felt were my rights as the mother who had spent most of my time caring for and raising them.

You see, my ex was never interested in them other than in peculiar ways. He never went to any of the athletic related games, never went to a parent/teacher conference or a doctor’s appointment. When his lawyer asked him what grades they were in, he couldn’t remember.

He did, however, want the boys front and center to show off to his parents. It was my job to make sure they were properly dressed and behaved and his job to take credit for what great kids they were. It was the same with any career functions that included family. He showed them off as if they were a reflection of him.

Our fight over custody became so heated and he was so certain that he was the better parent that he asked his attorney to request a psych evaluation for both of us via the court. That is when things got interesting and he cost himself any small amount of custody of our sons.

According to the psych evaluation, he was a malignant narcissist with anger issues. Not only did that diagnosis mean full custody for me but, it also helped me understand what I had lived with during our marriage.

Narcissism is one of the most toxic personality traits a person can have and can do untold damage to the people around them. Their lives revolve around their own wants and needs, how much other people love them, admire them and show deference to them, and how best to manipulate other people to get their own way.

After some research, I realized there were things I’d never gotten from my ex and, although, I longed for them. Being married to a narcissist, they would never have come.

6 Things a Narcissist Will Never Be Able to Do:

1. Care about your feelings.

A narcissist will do horrible things and not give one hoot about how their actions cause you or their children to feel. They lack the ability to empathize or own their own bad behavior. They are literally incapable of giving a f*ck about the pain or discomfort they cause other people.

And they become quite arrogant and offended if you even hint at them that they’ve done something you find objectionable. If you’re attached to a narcissist in any way, your job is to keep him happy with no return on the investment you’re making into his emotions.

You are responsible for THEIR feelings, they are in no way responsible for YOUR feelings.

2. Be interested in your problems.

Not unless your problems impact him in some way. Telling them about things that are bothering you or hurting you in your personal life will be shrugged off or ignored, and they’ll immediately launch into a diatribe about all the crappy things they’re dealing with.

Your problems are boring.

The narcissist isn’t someone you can go to for comfort or understanding about life issues you may be struggling with. Having problems at work? Expect him to roll his eyes over your menial issues. The kids driving you crazy? Expect him to tell you a better way to parent. They belittle you and your problems but, when they have a problem, expect you to be all ears and compassion.

After all, it’s all about them, all the time.

3. Say “I’m sorry.”

During my 9-year marriage, I never heard my ex say he was sorry about anything. Even when caught red-handed his response was to try and make me doubt myself. The narcissist will try to convince you, you didn’t see what you saw with your own two eyes. Or that you aren’t recalling it correctly.

They don’t apologize for wrongdoing, they try to turn it around and make it about a problem with you.

Remember, they never do anything wrong. They’re perfect and wonderful and if you have an issue with something they’ve done, then that’s all on you.

4. Offer you emotional support.

Not unless it suits their agenda, anyway. Example: It was very important to my ex that my parents viewed him in a positive light. When they were visiting, he was husband and father of the year. When they or someone he was trying to impress weren’t around, he treated me with contempt for being “too emotional.”

In fact, the more off-kilter I was emotionally, the more he liked it. The more he could dismiss me and treat me as if I were helpless and nothing without him. You see, the more emotional or fragile you are, the better they look.

Suffering from post-partum depression? Don’t expect empathy. Lost a parent or friend? They’ll belittle you if you don’t “get over it” on their timeline…a very short timeline.

5. Appreciate what others do for them.

The narcissist only cares about his wants and needs. For that reason, anything you do for him is expected, he has earned it by the mere fact that he exists.

My ex was fond of say, “I don’t owe you anything.” Our good friends helped us move across the country and then flu home after we got settled into our new home. I suggested we buy their airline tickets home to return the favor. His response to my attempt to show them appreciation was, “We don’t’ owe them anything.”

The narcissist has a grandiose sense of self. Grandiosity refers to an unrealistic sense of superiority, a sustained view of themselves as better than others that causes them to view others with disdain or as inferior, as well as to a sense of uniqueness. My ex didn’t feel he should express appreciation because whatever someone did for him, he was owed.

6. Love you.

They will treat you kindly as long as your presence fits into their agenda. They form an attachment to others but only based on how you can better their lives. There is no give and take, only take, take, take.

A narcissist can seem to love you. A narcissist can make it look like love. A narcissist can say the words of love. A narcissist can think it’s love. Unfortunately, when involved with a narcissist, you are enmeshed but not in love. You can be enmeshed and mistake that for love. But enmeshment and love are not the same things.

You exist for the purpose of the narcissist. You are an “extension” of the narcissist. He doesn’t view you as separate from himself with wants, needs, and desires of your own. You are part of him, there to do his bidding.

You, as a separate, distinct individual cannot be appreciated, you can’t be loved because if he viewed you as autonomous, he would also view you as a threat to him getting his needs met.

If you’re in a romantic relationship with or married to a narcissist don’t expect too much when it comes to getting what you want or need from the relationship. In fact, you need to either resolve to do the relationship their way or get out before they do too much damage to you.

The post 6 Things a Narcissist Will Never Be Able To Do For You appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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