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Is Your Friend A Narcissist? 5 Ways To Know

Is Your Friend A Narcissist? 5 Ways To Know

 

Do you have a friend who leaves you feeling drained, uncared for and even EXPLOITED?

Is the relationship one-sided, with you holding the SHORT end of the stick?

Maybe this person is just selfish and needs a talking to – where you are honest about what is going on for you, and what you really need to have a healthy and happy friendship with them.

Maybe you are too scared to do this or you don’t know how to start the conversation (or even want to have it).

Maybe you know deep inside that talking with them will never work, and would only make matters worse – because this friend is a NARCISSIST.

How can you know? In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’ll help you know and HOW to deal with them.

 

 

Video Transcript

Over the years many of you have asked me, ‘Do you think my friend is a narcissist?’

Or maybe you wonder if some of your peers, or even your bestie, might be just a tad (or a lot) narcissistic.

I haven’t done this Thriver TV episode before, but I really think that it is now time to deeply investigate how to know whether or not your friend is a narcissist and what to do if he or she is.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.

#1 Puts Other People Down

One of the sure-fire ways to know that your friend is a narcissist is when he or she trashes other people behind their backs.

We all know that talking about people, especially for us women, is usual. But there is a big difference between discussing people with empathy and awareness and simply being derogatory, accusatory and nasty.

Does your friend seldom have nice things to say about people? Are they lovely to people’s faces and really happy to get what they can from them, but then pull apart their character, relationships, work-life, or anything else they can dig their teeth into, as soon as these people are not there?

If you are really honest with yourself, do you sometimes think, ‘I wonder what you say about ME when my back is turned’?

Be aware that this person might gush all over people at times, but this is during the idolising stage – the period when the narcissist’s ‘subject’ is granting them copious amounts of narcissistic supply and is the next best thing since sliced bread. It only lasts for a short length of time.

And, yes, this could be you if the friendship is new. But give it time, sooner or later you will become the person who is no longer ‘wonderful’ and is, therefore ‘terrible’.

#2 Is Entitled and Exploitative

Narcissists push boundaries – period. They feel they are entitled and they like to take. This can be very confusing with a narcissistic friend, who makes out that they are super-generous.

It could be with their replies on Facebook, their offers of support and their supposed generosity, love and care for others. Yet, if this person is narcissistic, they will expect renumeration for their efforts. At the very least attention and recognition.

Yet usually there is more…

If the narcissistic friend is parasitical, then in return for their efforts they may wish favours for free. Your time and resources or lunches, coffee and drinks, at your expense.

How do we know when a narcissistic friend is playing this game? They sit back. They let you pay. They don’t initiate picking up a bill themselves. In their head, they believe they are entitled to whatever they can get because they have earned it from you.

They don’t thank you – they just expect. And they don’t discuss reciprocating.

I have found that high-character friends not only speak up, but usually will also fight you in their offering to grab a bill! They also insist on delivering what is gracious and fair in the future. They don’t EXPECT!

A narcissistic friend’s entitlement could extend to many aspects of your life, whereby they will help themselves without the filter of checking in and seeing if it is okay or not.

Asking permission, or returning favours, especially when there is no audience or narcissistic supply to achieve, is not a narcissistic friend’s deal.

Also, they generally want to make plans with you on their time and will not put themselves out when it’s not convenient for you. Yet they expect you to drop everything for them.

But where is this person when you really need their assistance?

#3 Drains the Hell Out of You

At first, when this friend came into your life, there was their ‘I’m so nice’-bombing or some sort of exciting mutual shenanigans (narcissists love drama!), as a reciprocation of energy.

But now things have settled in beyond that initial period, you have possibly discovered that spending time with this person exhausts you. You may even feel ‘slimed’ after being with or listening to them.

Meaning that they dump a whole heap of toxic energy on you and suck your good energy dry.

Does this person, every time you get together, tell you another story about their victimisation?

Is this a person who has no respect for, and may not even ask about what is going on in your life, making everything absolutely about them?

Every time you try to talk, do they interrupt, take over and leave you feeling like you have to fight for air-time?

Narcissism is an energetic physic phenomenon. Truly, these people are soul vampires. If you are hanging out with someone like this, then it is unhealthy for you.

#4 Doesn’t Want Your Advice

Naturally, when someone you care about is always having dramas, issues and battles with people and life, you want to help them. And just as much as you don’t want to see them going through this stuff, which is soooo self-imposed, you also don’t want to have to keep listening to the same ‘crapola’ over and over!

Therefore, it would be normal for you to intercept with some good, old-fashion solutions to the issues at hand.

Maybe, if you have already Gone Quantum, and you know that life works from the inside out, you are trying to get this person to go within and heal the part of themselves that keeps playing out the same painful beliefs and victimisations, again and again.

But your words go through one ear and out the other.

This person doesn’t listen, butts in, doesn’t get it, or simply tells you what you need to hear so you think they may do something about it – to shut you up, so that they can keep banging on about themselves.

Yet each time you talk with them, nothing has changed. It’s the same drama; you are being dumped on all over again; and this person has not given one ounce of credence to your advice, let alone their own personal development and growth.

So repeatedly you get the same stories, complete with the same toxic, in-repeat, energy sliming you.

#5 Gets Nasty When You Have Had Enough

This last bit is how you TRULY know if this friend in your life is a narcissist or not.

What do narcissists do when they are presented with a boundary?

They do EVERYTHING they can to get under it, around it or to blow it up, and if they can’t they attack the person laying it.

The following is how to set a REAL boundary with a narcissistic friend:

‘(Friends name), I now love me enough to desire healthy relationships. I haven’t been honest with you about some things in our friendship that haven’t been working for me. It affects me when you do (what they do), and I know that for our friendship to continue I need to receive (what it is that you need) from you. Are you willing to look at this and work in with me, so that we can have a healthier friendship together? Because I know I can’t continue unless we can.’

I promise you if this person is decent, cares about you and has the resources to be conscious – they will own it, be apologetic and work in with you. They will want to change.

They may even thank you for helping them see something that they didn’t realise they were doing.

If this person is a narcissist, however, stand back and watch the three-ring-circus come to town.

Excuses. Justifications. Denial. Accusations. Even ATTACKS on your character and person. This is all about trying to get you to take the boundary down, eat it and choke on it, apologise and spin back to being a compliant, workable energy supply again.

And when you refuse to…

He or she may just be so ‘called out’ that they will do the famous ‘Poof, I’m gone’ narcissistic dump-and-run act. Which means, ‘I’ll block you on social media before you get to do it to me, and I’ll start smearing the heck out of you to anyone who will listen!’

Which is all to do with saving their precious ego.

Or maybe for a while you will be hoovered with attempted guilting, threats, appealing to your compassion – whatever it is that the narcissist thinks could get you re-hooked.

NONE of it will be about taking 100 percent responsibility and lifting his or her game.

I nearly cried laughing with an ex-narcissist friend, who a year after the showdown messaged me with ‘I have decided to forgive you!’

Typical (and hilarious!) non-existent narcissistic ownership!

Up-Levelling Friendships

We truly are WHO we connect with.

And what and who we tolerate is the level that our life will run at.

I know for many of you it is really painful to have to say goodbye to a person, or maybe even lots of people because you know they are narcissistic.

Try setting the boundary, and really mean it when you do.

You will have to be prepared to lose it all to get it all – there is no other way.

And, whenever you do this, you will have to be healed enough inside to truly move beyond victimisation to know that you ARE creating your life by setting the values and the limits that you desire as your life.

Then, I promise you, for every door that closes, ten more beautiful ones will open – when you truly get and actualise this.

To finish, I want to do a big shout out to this Community that it is soooo NOT true that my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is just for people healing from Intimate Partner relationships.

The healing in NARP is for any and every narcissistic person in our life, because it is all about us healing within us, and becoming what we need to be as the Creators of a clean, empowered and truly interpersonal healthy life.

Many NARP members are working the Program to heal ALL SORTS of narcissistic abuse. In fact any type of narcissist or toxic or difficult individual. They do not have to be diagnosed as narcissistic.

If you are ready to get your happy, healthy, loving life, then I’d love you to check out my Introductory Healing Offer which you can do by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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relationship with a narcissist

15 Rights You’ll Give Up In a Relationship With a Narcissist

relationship with a narcissist

 

The following is a list of basic rights that should always be present in any relationship, but are missing in a relationship with a narcissist.

What you will get in a relationship with a narcissist, however, is emotional abuse. That’s what narcissists do; they emotionally abuse others to get their needs met.

Victims of emotional abuse are unsure if their experience can be justifiably defined as emotional abuse. Simply put, emotional abuse can be defined as any kind of behavior that is meant to subjugate or control another person by using humiliation, fear, and verbal assaults.

It can be as obvious as constant criticism and verbal abuse or as subtle as manipulation, intimidations, and consistently being impossible to please. It works as a form of brainwashing, tearing away at a person’s levels of self-confidence, self-worth, their trust in their perceptions, and their general sense of self. It can be done through belittling, constant berating, or intimidation. Sometimes, it can be hidden and disguised as advice, teaching, or guidance.

If you have experienced emotional abuse from a narcissist, it is okay for you to feel like you deserve better. It’s also okay to not know what better is, or what you deserve.

The following list is not only rights you give up in a relationship with a narcissist, but they are also rights you’ll have when in a healthy relationship.

15 Rights You’ll Give Up in a Relationship With a Narcissist

1. The right to receive emotional support.

2. The right to make your own choices without fear of judgment or criticism.

3. The right to feel as though your partner has nothing but good intentions towards you.

4. The right to receive encouragement from your partner.

5. The right to not fear rage or any other form of angry outburst from your partner.

6. The right to not fear your partner blaming you or accusing you of things.

7. The right to be called only names that you approve of.

8. The right to have your own views and opinions, even if they differ from your partner’s.

9. The right to be asked to do things instead of ordered by your partner.

10. The right to not fear physical threats or emotional harm from your partner.

11. The right to receive concise answers that deliver clear information on any matter that is of any legitimate concern of yours.

12. The right to feel as though your personal experiences and the things that you feel are real and valid.

13. The right to feel heard by your partner and communicated with on a polite and equal level.

14. The right to resolve any conflicts and receive a genuine apology for jokes that hurt or offend you.

15. The right to feel as though your hobbies, interests, and work are respected.

It is common for those who’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist to have a warped view of what they deserve from a relationship. If you believe you deserve negative treatment, you’re more likely to find yourself in a position where you’ll end up in another emotionally abusive relationship.

The list above should cement, in your mind and heart what you are deserving of in a relationship. Your road to recovery from narcissistic abuse begins with how you feel about yourself.

Do you believe you are worthy of better treatment?

Do you believe you are worthy of value and respect?

Do you treat yourself kindly and desire the same from others?

If you answered yes to those questions, with the list above and the knowledge that you deserve better, you’re well on your road to recovery.

If those questions tripped you up, if you aren’t in a healthy place as far as self-esteem, I’ve gifted you a list of what you deserve, not only from yourself but a relationship partner. Now, take that list and go get to work on healing your damaged self-esteem.

The post 15 Rights You’ll Give Up In a Relationship With a Narcissist appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Can A Narcissist Change In A New Relationship?

Can A Narcissist Change In A New Relationship?

 

Narcissists habitually move very quickly on to new partners. They seem SO loved up and happy with this new person!

Is it possible that your ex-narcissist can change and be different with someone else?  And what is it about, when your ex seems to LAST with another partner for years or even decades?

Is your prior partner CAPABLE of having a healthy and loving relationship with SOMEONE ELSE?

If these questions burn you up inside with the terror that perhaps another person is GETTING the man or woman that you wished you did… Please read this article.  I KNOW how much PEACE it will give you.

So many of you have asked, ‘Can a narcissist change in a new relationship?

I promise you this burning question used to be my own, too.

And understandably so, because when narcissists get into new relationships we believe they are totally loved up and everything is completely wonderful for them with the new partner.

But is this real?

Will the narcissist’s behaviour change and they become the wonderful partner who you missed out on?

In today’s article I am thrilled to be able to give you the REAL truths, in a way that can really help, about the question ‘Can a narcissist change In a new relationship?’

Let’s get started.

 

The Dichotomy of the Question ‘Can a Narcissist Change In a New Relationship?’

The answer to this question is both YES and NO.

The reason it is a YES is because narcissists can be distinctly ‘different’ from relationship to relationship.

The reason it is a NO is because happy, healthy, solid and durably loving relationships aren’t possible for a narcissist.

You will understand more about this soon!

 

Narcissists Being Completely Different With Different Partners

Let’s check out this example…

When Mandy joined the Thriver Community, I discovered she had married Sam three years prior and the poor lady had barely crawled away alive.

Sam, in his relationship with Mandy, was controlling, insecure and extremely jealous.

When Mandy went deeply inside to heal her trauma with Sam using the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), she discovered many fractures from her childhood that were to do with her being controlled; having her boundaries violated; not being believed or trusted, and being continually questioned.

Growing up, Mandy had felt like she was constantly trying to prove her innocence, explain herself and reassure others in order to be awarded any freedom or rights.

When Sam, the narcissist, came into her life, he quickly worked out that she had been engulfed and distrusted, not just by her parents but also by other love partners. Knowing this, he professed he would trust her, give her space and never question her integrity.

Mandy thought she had finally hit the jackpot with Sam. She fell madly in love.

They got married within months, after a whirlwind romance, but before long the cracks appeared. Exactly what Sam had professed to be, became the exact opposite. He started hurting her with accusations, distrust and intense jealousy.

Mandy was devastated. At the time, she didn’t realise her original traumas were being ripped open yet again, with full ferocity. Mandy was trauma-bonded to Sam, fighting desperately not only for her sanity, but to get this ‘wonderful’ man, who had originally seemed to be the saviour of her traumas, back.

Of course, initially this was all deeply unconscious for Mandy. She just knew she was panicked and emotionally terrorised.

She felt like she would die, even after she did get away from him – which is how our big, unhealed traumas FEEL once activated by narcissists.

Holding ‘No Contact’ was originally very difficult for her, like it is for many of us when we still have trapped trauma within our subconscious programs.

Anyway, thank goodness Mandy started working with NARP. She found, released and healed herself from the exact traumas that needed healing, stayed away from Sam, and completely rebuilt her life.

Predictably, life her life was better than ever, and she never again was attracted to men like Sam. The men that she started to meet and date, were not love-bombing her and Mandy was VERY clear that any signs of possessiveness and control were not something that she would ever have in her life again. Mandy started a committed relationship with a beautiful man who DID genuinely allow her space and grant her trust.

Two years later a woman named Corrine contacted Mandy, telling her that she was Sam’s partner after Mandy and that she had recently been discarded by Sam.

Corrine shared with Mandy how he was detached from her in their relationship, was never home, played up on her, and even threw other women in her face.

Mandy was shocked that Corrine said this about Sam’s behaviour. She couldn’t understand how he had changed so much – from being so possessive with her, always monitoring her, to not being around or giving a crap about what Corrine was up to!

I told Mandy this was normal; that narcissists commonly behave completely differently with different people, and that Corrine’s wounds would have most likely been from an absent father, a man who probably played up on her mother and who was completely unavailable and disinterested in Corrine as well.

Mandy checked in with Corrine and this was the truth. Corrine told Mandy that Sam had initially appeared in Corrine’s life as attentive, granting her love and devotion, which was what she had desperately been craving for.

He had worked out EXACTLY what was necessary to hook her in.

Then, of course, over time, he started HURTING her with the exact wounds that he had said he would HEAL for her.

Narcissists do this with every relationship.

Narcissists are not real, solid people with their own energy and identity. They are whoever they need to be to get people to trust them enough to gain narcissistic supply from them. Identifying and then carefully granting the missing piece to someone, is the fastest and most sure-fire way for a narcissist to get their fix.

Then, when that person inevitably falls from grace as a result of not supplying enough A-grade narcissistic supply, the narcissists turns on them. They have worked out the weak spot to hit – their partner’s greatest unmet, unhealed wounds.

 

Why the New Relationship Seems SO Loved Up

Narcissists usually love-bomb their targets in new relationships.

They ‘seem’ to have the same interests, values and want the same lifestyle as you.

They will say and do what pleases you to make you fall in love with them and trust them. They appear as your soul-mate; the life-partner who you have always dreamed of. This is so that they can quickly get into your bed, body and life.

All the while, they are being this delightful person only so they can identify your inner wounds and appear to be your saviour.

Narcissists, like fishermen with not much bait, have to hook a fish for a meal quickly. Otherwise, they starve.

Narcissists can’t manufacture their own emotional energy. They have No Self on the inside, which means the energy they expend quickly requires a payoff. This is a precarious balancing act. Narcissists will go over and beyond to do all that it takes to get their next love partner hooked. Champagne, flowers, trips, exotic experiences and expensive effort are extremely seductive to new potential partners.

And it doesn’t stop there.

When a drug addict secures a drug – they often binge on it. And it’s no different for a narcissist. He or she can get totally carried away with the high, the drug – you supply them with. But what this is really is self-medication for an inner tormented reality that the narcissist (drug user) doesn’t want to face – their true feelings about themselves and their unresolved trauma.

For the narcissist, narcissistic supply is their escape from the inner annihilating feelings of being defective, empty and self-loathing.

New partners are an excellent source of heady and high narcissistic supply, and a narcissist initially milks it for all it is worth.

If a narcissist has secured you as their next target, then they will be telling themselves that you are the BEST thing since sliced bread. You will be idolised to the point of the ridiculous, and the narcissist will tell you gushingly, and everyone else too, how you are the best sex, the most attractive, the smartest, the most successful – whatever it is that the narcissist is getting off on.

Of course, you are going to fall off this lofty pedestal – get thrown off, actually. It’s only a matter of time. A narcissist’s False Self is NEVER appeased for long.

This happens to all new sources … eventually.

 

But WHY Have They Lasted So Long?

You may think, because a narcissist was, or is in a long-term relationship, that they must have been successful in the relationship and maybe they really loved or love this person.

Please know, as I know, how wrong this is!

I know of so many people in this community who had been with narcissists for up to thirty plus years and had a horrific time much of the time.

The length of a relationship is absolutely no indication of its success. In fact, many Thrivers have had to dig very deep to heal the long years of abuse and painful programming.

Generally, the ending was terrible in these longterm relationships.  Because of being discarded, often brutally, by the narcissist for new and fresher supply, or they became so sick, including serious illness and emotional and financial devastation, that they had to get out to save their lives.

That is nothing to be envious of.

And I know that if they had stayed in the relationship, their lifeforce would have continued to be sucked out of them.

Okay, enough about the narcissist and the ‘what’ and ‘why’ – let’s now take your power back by talking about what YOU can do.

I hope I can help inspire you by sharing with you what I NEEDED to do.

 

Your Necessary Focus and Healing

Most of us have been through the agonising feelings of being replaced and someone else getting the life we were having or thought we should have.

This used to be VERY big for me – just the thought of it threw me into a panic both before and after narcissistic abuse. I had to dig deep and really focus on healing the parts of me that were:

  • Stalking exes on social media to see who they would hook up with next.
  • Trying to dissect the new partners to see what they had that I didn’t.
  • Obsessing painfully, and even having nightmares, about new partners and the wonderful life they were having with ‘my man’.

‘Can a narcissist change in a new relationship?’ used to be such a loaded and distressing question for me.

I KNOW, how many times I previously hung onto bad relationships because of the utter TERROR of being replaced by someone else.

And yes, ‘being replaced’ happened to me.

The first time it did, I felt like I was going to DIE, the grief and trauma was so bad.

I had to go inside and FACE these fractures and HEAL them. (As well as the ones that had led me into narcissistic relationships in the first place!)

Like many women, I carried deep in my DNA the fractures of my female forebears. Fractures that were primarily based around: ‘Without a man, I can’t survive.’

Supporting these deep fractures was the fact that my mother and her female relatives had NEVER not been in a relationship. And it was the same for the females on my father’s side.

Every time a relationship had ended in my life, narcissistic or non-narcissistic, my terror of being alone or replaced was off the Richter scale – no matter how successful, financially sound and capable I was.

Thank god I healed from THIS!

When you heal your fear of being replaced and alone, as myself and other Thrivers have, you will know THIS following truth:

Your ex-narcissist’s new partner is doing a soul contract dance with the narcissist just as you did – to have their unconscious wounds become conscious so that they can heal them.

And you will deeply bless his or her journey with the ex-narcissist, and hope for their soul’s sake that they awaken – just as you have – to not only relief from trauma with that person, but also to no longer needing to play out your same unhealed patterns with other people in their future.

For you, the relief that this relationship is NOT WITH YOU any more is indescribable! And you can become INCREDIBLY grateful that finally you can go inside, heal what has been limiting you and generating terrible trauma in relationships (just as Mandy did in our example today) and get free into a whole new Love Code that is healthy and happy for you.

Are you ready to heal and get out of the agony of being replaced?

It’s wonderful on this side, let me tell you! I and SO many Thrivers are here, and we want nothing less for YOU than to help you get here too!

If you are ready to heal, please sign up to my free Course where you will learn how to release yourself from the agony and how to attract and sustain relationships that are filled with love, truth and honesty instead.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The Thriver’s Guide To Co-Parenting With A Narcissist

The Thriver’s Guide To Co-Parenting With A Narcissist

 

Narcissists don’t co-operate with joint parenting, and co-parenting with one can seem IMPOSSIBLE.

They like to disagree with anything you suggest; refuse to turn up or stick to prior arrangements and mess with your children’s appointments, possessions and their heads!

Are you feeling POWERLESS to get this person to see sense and act decently for the sake of the children? Are you sick of watching your children get hurt, distressed, disappointed and even blatantly abused?

If so, then I offer you this complete guide to a different way to parent with a narcissist that offers real healing solutions.

 

 

Video Transcript

When it comes to co-parenting with narcissists, it really seems impossible because they are not cooperative.

When co-parenting with a narcissist, he or she will commonly use the children to trigger you, affect you, keep you bound up in court and custody battles, and mine narcissistic supply from you.

This is a common way that narcissists continue to abuse ex-partners.

What can help significantly is Parallel Parenting, because this can create space, healing and power for you. It keeps your children removed from their parents’ battles, and also helps you have enough healing and detachment to be the solid, powerful influence that your children need you to be.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now, let’s dive in.

 

What Is Parallel Parenting?

Parallel Parenting is a co-parenting experience where the parents are disengaged from each other and have limited direct contact. Parallel parenting is about enforcing boundaries and then holding them.

Parallel parenting means that you have separate parenting experiences. At first it can seem really counter-intuitive to do this, yet I promise you that this is the healthiest thing for your children.

One of the ways that continued contact between you and your narcissistic ex damages your children – even more than you could possibly imagine – is if they see you traumatised, feeling powerless, acquiescing and handing away yourself, rights and boundaries.

This sets up your children’s template to be abused or abusive when they get older. It’s what they will likely work from because it forms the foundations of their inner, learned Love Code.

The narcissist can also line you up by triggering you to then turn your children against you – by making you out as the ‘bad’ one.

Naturally, it can be very confronting for you to adopt that level of detachment, especially when the narcissist has your children.

Most definitely we would love to have input into our children’s wellbeing when they are with the narcissist. But the narcissist knows this, and it becomes one of the greatest hooks he or she will use to abuse you and potentially your children.

 

Doing What is Instinctively Natural DOESN’T Work.

Monitoring, lecturing and prescribing to a narcissist does not make them better parents. In fact, it energises them to act up against you and the children, and to use whatever it takes to keep triggering and punishing you.

This doesn’t just result in the children being disappointed, let down, neglected or abused. It also means that you become more traumatised and distraught, which then affects your ability to be a solid, stable, calm and peaceful influence for your children.

So, above all else, you want to take this power away from the narcissist. The more victimised, brutalised and resenting of the narcissist and the situation you feel, when trying to co-parent, the more painful the feeling of being victimised, brutalised and resentful will be, and the more you will co-generate, with the narcissist, these experiences.

Narcissists are a spiritual soul mirror of the most ferocious magnitude. Simply feeling traumatised by them, even without contact, feeds these people the physic energy to keep doing what they are doing.

I know it’s tough; I know it’s horrific.

My heart goes out to you in spades, because I don’t think there is anything more traumatising and serious than when our children are affected.

To survive this and then Thrive for you and your children, regardless of the narcissist co-parent, means that you need to find another way to deal with the situation – a way that works.

You need true solutions for you and your children, and now I’m going to give them to you in four significant steps.

 

Step Number 1 – Acceptance

To get started on the healthiest track for you and your children, it’s vital to accept that this co-parenting experience is happening; that you are not dealing with a reasonable person; and that the normal rules of engagement don’t apply.

Stop expecting this person to do the right thing, comply or make co-parenting harmonious. Let go of that requirement, and all your triggered trauma regarding it, and start focusing on your Being and generating what you CAN to make the best of the situation.

Know that you are in for the long haul, and accept this too. If you keep mired in the victimised feelings of the situation, not only is it going to be hard to emerge from it victorious, it is also going to be deeply detrimental to your children.

The greatest gift we can ever grant our children, is the knowing that life can deal lemons and that we DO have the resources and the way to make lemonade – regardless of how awful it is.

Passing on our victimisation to our children, means they too will remain trauma ridden and will continue the cycles of abuse/abused in their life and their future generation’s lives. The cycle will continue with them attaching themselves to people who make them feel victimised, let down and abused.

I promise you it is NOT true that both us and our children can’t heal when co-parenting is involved.

There are more people in this community having parallel parenting healthy experiences with narcissists than you could imagine. This isn’t some fluke – it’s because they have accepted their situation, rolled up their sleeves and worked very hard at their Beingness and putting in place what is necessary to achieve this.

What else is there to do?

 

Step Number 2 – Emotional Healing and Detachment

What it is that feeds the narcissist the energy needed to keep hurting you, are your emotional triggers.

Triggers that if left unattended inside you, above all else, will derail you. There are no bigger terrors, I believe, than the ones attached to our children being hurt, or the fears of losing them. And I know this is some of the most difficult inner work you can ever do.

Yet, no matter how counter-intuitive it is and hard it is to do, if you release these traumas you will emerge from them powerful and solid. You will absolutely be able to take action in powerful, clear ways without being derailed by your inner triggered trauma.

Then, in everyday shenanigans with a narcissist, you’ll know when a certain message does not require a response, whereas before it might have sent you into a spin.

You will be able to have boundaries, hold them and enforce them without fear.

And you will be able to gently, lovingly and solidly respond to your children, in ways that empower them rather than make them drown in deeper victimisation.

This STEP is completely foundational, essential and is truly the difference between struggling with co-parenting and achieving parallel-parenting that works. I can’t emphasis this enough!

If you try parallel parenting, whilst still feeling non-acceptance of the situation, triggered and victimised, you won’t be able to create solidness and safety. This is because the entire time the narcissist is still receiving the psychic energy from you to keep going after you for narcissistic supply.

Also, you will discover that the right people, assistance, answers, and breakthroughs DON’T come if there are unreleased traumas still screaming inside you.

What comes instead, is Life generating within you, to the letter, more of your already existing traumatised inner programmed beliefs about your situation.

My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) helps you release the trauma of co-parenting with a narcissist. It is the tool, these people who successfully parallel parent, use.

Over the years, I have had parents tell me that they don’t have time to NARP, because of the kids and the battles with the narcissist. But, truly, this is when we need to be doing this inner work the most. It is the only way I know of to start getting off the trauma hamster wheel with a co-parenting narcissistic ex.

 

Step Number 3 – Create Boundaries and Accountability

The key to successful parallel parenting is to legally create a strict Parenting Plan that contains as much detail in it that you feel necessary.

The Parenting Plan is about parenting separately. It means you don’t do children’s birthdays together. You have your own designated times for school and sporting events. You don’t have contact when dropping off or picking up the children. And it also means your ex can’t just turn up at your house at any time.

It’s vital to put a lot of thought into the Parenting Plan so that there are no grey areas and all contact – other than third party channels – is eliminated.

Also, you need to include a third-party communication hub such as Our Family Wizard (OFW). OFW is a favoured parallel-parenting communication tool in the Thriver Community.

Once set up, this portal is the only way you and the narcissist communicate. All communication is recorded, can’t be erased, and is admissible in court.

If the narcissist changes the plan for the parenting access or doesn’t even make contact – it is recorded. There is no need for you to, react, fix or mop up the pieces – and it is most important that you don’t!

Your boundaries – coupled with working hard with NARP on any triggers that go off within you – means that you can answer any request that comes through OFW as, ‘This is what I am prepared to do and this is what I am not prepared to do.’ Do not comply to the narcissist’s demands and changes. Stick to your agreed Parenting Plan.

Then just record, date and collate every incidence. Stay calm, keep shifting out what arises, and DON’T bite back.

The golden rule of using OFW is this: ‘Anything personal or abusive or accusatory, I remove myself from it and don’t reply to it – period. Any changes to the plan, I don’t comply to.’

See your solicitor to enforce necessary boundaries. Don’t try to bargain, reason with or get the narcissist to understand – that feeds them exactly the attention they are trying to get from you.

Again, every step of the way, keep shifting out any fear or pain that is triggered off within you with NARP.

When you use the portal correctly, keep releasing inner triggers, and don’t respond, the narcissist gets no payoff. He or she can’t extract narcissistic supply, and what they are trying to do gets completely exposed.

The narcissist will despise getting nothing from you. And if you are in court, give them nothing either. Don’t look at the narcissist or his or her solicitor, and only speak directly to the judge.

Then, when finally you have become emotionally disinterested in reacting to the narcissist’s games, and are simply dealing in your empowered, inwardly calm and solid way – everything shifts.

Many narcissists truly stop their ridiculous behaviour at this point. And I’ve even seen countless narcissists capitulate and give people exactly what they asked for regarding custody and settlements.

There is nothing more disconcerting for a narcissist than trying to affect a person, who is no longer affected by them. Additionally, this empowerment and calmness often enrages narcissists, who then metaphorically hang themselves with huge outbursts of nastiness. A narcissist unravelling may be recorded on OFW or appear for all to see in a courtroom.

From your side, please don’t ever diagnose the narcissist as having a personality disorder. Don’t try to expose character, but rather calmly present factual evidence regarding their behaviour.

Many a Thriver has legally won against a narcissist, because of this happening. I promise you, the narcissist is nowhere near as powerful as you may think.

Step Number 4 – Become A Thriver For You and Your Child

I totally believe that all of us, including our children, have at soul level made no mistakes about the learning, healing and growing journeys that we go through.

I know how well my son and countless children of other Thrivers have fared in this Community, because of what we went through with them and because we led the way. Instead of staying victimised and telling our children how bad our life and their lives were because of being with narcissists – we do something completely different.

We keep shifting out trauma and becoming wiser, more real, solid and true, regardless of what happened to us, what we lost or what the narcissist continued to try to do.

Leading by example, we teach our children incredible healing and empowerment because of what happened to us.

As a result of working hard on our inner wounds, we can clean up all the internal barriers to being self-generative. We can start emerging healthier and more able to create security, lifeforce, joy and resources. We are able to release the hooks of dependency that make us hand our power away to abusers.

By doing so, we become more evolved parents, despite circumstances, than we have ever previously been.

When Zac, my son, and I did a Facebook live presentation together recently, he shared how previously he couldn’t stand being around me – my victim energy was so toxic. Because of not healing myself effectively, I was completely absent for him. It wasn’t until I knew my biggest mission for Zac was to get well – that he did as well. And thank goodness I realised, because I nearly once lost him to parent alienation and then again to a drug and alcohol addiction.

All of these things are now in the past – and we couldn’t be closer as Mother and Son.

Such a shift within us as parents means that when our children are dismayed by the narcissist’s poor, disappointing or hurtful behaviour, you can fully validate how hurtful this feels, but stop reinforcing their helplessness and victimisation. This will happen when you don’t rubbish the other parent but empower your children instead.

You can do this by teaching them their worth, boundaries and rights through your own calm, clear actions. Also, by expressing to them how much you love them, see them and believe in them, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing (including the narcissistic parent).

I have found that so many Thriver’s children gravitate to the Thriver parent, detach more and more from the narcissistic one, and become wise and empowered beyond their years.

And I can’t tell you how many special children, who are connected to Thriver parents in this community, are doing their own internal, organic versions of Quanta Freedom Healing, as a result of living with their Thriver parent. Even young children.

Imagine being four years of age and letting go of internal trauma and filling up with Source Energy, as a result of living with a parent who does this! It is happening. We are leading the way for these little Quantum Beings!

As adults, these children, as the result of a healing and evolving parent leading the way, will not need to continue unconsciously being involved in abusive relationships in order to awaken to their healing and evolution back to themselves.

What an incredible gift to get this out of the way so young! Can you imagine if we could have? Can you understand how this sets up the future generations to be conscious, authentic and free from abuse?

I so hope this video has helped.

As I said before. It is completely my belief that if you are co-parenting you need all the support, power and inner shifting you can get – for you and your children.

I invite you to join me in my free webinar, where I will take you through a Quanta Freedom Healing to get you started.

You can do this by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

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How To Talk To A Narcissist Without Going Insane

How To Talk To A Narcissist Without Going Insane

 

How do you talk to a narcissist without going insane? The easy answer would be NOT to talk to them.

But sometimes we can’t go No or Modified Contact. Maybe you work with this narcissist. Or perhaps they are a family member, who you need to see at functions. Or possibly you are still hooked in, trying to work through things and you are not quite ready to call it a day.

I understand … this happens.

So, with all of that in mind, I want to help you get very clear in this article – WHY talking to a narcissist can make you feel like you are going insane, and how to navigate things so that you don’t. 

Why Narcissists Get Under Your Skin So Much

This is why talking to a narcissist without going insane is so difficult – they simply don’t have the same agenda with conversations that normal people do. In fact, normal, non-narcissistic people simply don’t have agendas with conversations. They just have conversations.

The narcissist’s agenda is disordered. It is to get control over you; to avoid accountability; to manipulate, mine, dump pain and anger, affect, trigger and get an ego feed by significantly affecting another emotionally (obtaining narcissistic supply).

Therefore, a conversation with a narcissist is not just a conversation.

It is an exchange with an unwholesome, false self-agenda attached to it. When the narcissist is in the love-bombing stage, unfortunately our false self, our ego, is attached and running with it.

Meaning our unhealed, unresolved parts, which don’t subconsciously believe that we are worthy or lovable, or worth validating or being cared for, gobble up the manipulative compliments and promises like any starving man or women would.

Yet, something inside knows this is unwholesome. Something feels a little off, but of course we ignore it. We want to believe that this person is our Source of love, security or survival, and absolutely, in our defence, we may have no idea that people like this exist and therefore what we were really walking in to.

Over time, not only do we see this ‘oh so delightful’ person lose so much of their ‘previous genuineness’. We also come face to face with the verbal onslaughts, twists and turns and, quite frankly, overt lunacy that goes with a narcissist’s conversations.

I call it the narcissistic three-ring circus, and at least one of those rings is a total freak show.

Let’s have a look at the conversation methods that I wrote about in my article ‘Are you with a narcissist’.

  • Avoidance: Refusing to recognise or acknowledge the incident as real or important to you.
  • Excuses: Making up stories or reasons for the behaviour that are not genuine or valid excuses.
  • Accusations: Blaming someone else for the wrongdoing.
  • False Apology: Saying a ‘sorry’ that is not a genuine apology and expecting you to accept it.
  • Ignorance: Claiming you never said that; that was never discussed; or the narcissist never said that.
  • Confusion: Creating antics over trivial points in the conversation to shift and confuse the focus.
  • Projection: Stating ‘what you did wrong’ regarding the particular topic, by using ammunition from the past that has nothing to do with the present incident.
  • Using Allies: Quoting people, real or imagined, to back their ‘story’ of excuses or to discredit you.
  • Shutting down: Unwillingness to have a conversation or abandoning the scene to avoid scrutiny.
  • Shifting Focus: Responding with displeasure to your body language or the tone of your voice to steer the conversation away from the wrongdoing.
  • Persecution: Stating how bad your accusations are, and what a terrible person you are to accuse them.
  • Denial: Stating that it was incidents in your past, and it is your fears and insecurities which cause you to make these accusations.
  • Discrediting: Stating that you are such a negative person and always look for the ‘conspiracy theory’ in your conversations.
  • Threatening: Citing abandonment or punishment if you continue with the accusation.
  • Entitlement: Demanding that you recognise the positive things they have done for you and that it’s unfair for you to focus on the negatives.
  • Lying: Stating they did grant explanation and reassurance, or did the credible thing when these actions were not forthcoming.
  • Condemnation: Continuing the story of ‘I did do the right thing’ and then being incensed at you for calling them a liar.
  • Justification: Stating ‘I did it’ because of your behaviour and because you make me do these things.
  • Triggering: Using a maiming comment, related or unrelated, to incite you to anger and shift blame.
  • Competition: Stating all the things that they are not happy about with you, as a ‘tit-for-tat’ retaliation, rather than addressing the issue at hand.

These are all elaborate defence mechanisms that are so COMMON amongst narcissists. As you read through this list, you may recognise many or all of these tactics. They are out-of-bounds behaviours that mean you are dealing with someone who is personality disordered and drastically unhealthy to be having conversations with.

The truth of the matter is this – if you are trying to have a sane, reasonable conversation with a sick person, you are going to get sick.

It DOES drive you mad.

 

Changing Expectations and Rules of Engagement

Here’s the thing, once you know you are dealing with a narcissist you have to completely drop any expectations you would have in normal human interactions.

This person is not going to get it.

You are not going to get understanding, harmony or resolution.

This person does not want to play ‘healthy team’ with you.

This person does not have win-win in mind. Rather, they are out to get what they want at your expense.

If you cater to this person and give them what they want, this is not going to earn you clemency, decency or favours. In fact, it will only make matters worse, because if you give an inch they will take a mile.

Nothing you say, argue or fight for will make one scrap of difference – so it really is key for you to stop doing this.

 

The Switch – Make It About Your Truth, Not Changing Them

There is a very simple rule in dealing with anyone who is abusive or insane – stop worrying about what they are saying and doing, and get very clear about who YOU are Being and what you are Doing.

This CHANGES EVERYTHING!

Let me explain…

I’ll give you this example regarding what one of my clients was dealing with. Frances was quite frankly a psychotic narcissist, who was constantly trying to stalk and agitate Graham at every opportunity.

She contacted his family and friends, smeared him, and did everything in her power to affect him.

He used to buy into it. He used to meet her and try to reason with her, which was really just about her guilting, blaming, dumping anger, and horrifically abusing him – to the point where he admitted that one night he was so distraught he nearly drove off the road and into a tree.

By doing the inner work with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), Graham released the traumas that were keeping him hooked into her, traumas that were mostly about HAVING to be the good and right guy for her.

Then he was able to see her disorder; to know that nothing he did could ever appease her, fix her or save her. He went No Contact and ended up putting an intervention order on her. He took her belongings to her mother’s house and severed all ties.

Graham’s truth had become: ‘I deserve and will only engage in healthy, adult relationships of respect.’

Another one of my clients, Barbara, whilst co-parenting with Tony, had long ago realised he was a narcissist. So rather than be dragged down with his horrible treatment of her and the children, she did the inner work on all of her triggers, which used to get shaken up by him.

As a result, Barbara managed to get Our Family Wizard, as the only way that they would communicate, approved through court, and was effectively parallel parenting with Tony. How she achieved this, was that when he tried his knee jerk reactions, with ridiculous narcissistic attempts to disrupt the parenting plan, Barbara’s responses were firmly in her power. They were all about her and not about him.

She would say, ‘I am not prepared to do that. This is what I am prepared to do.’ And then would say no more, regardless of how he reacted. Without any feed or attention from her, he stopped the ridiculous antics.

When we become FULLY our truth, without being derailed by narcissists, we are usually shocked at how easy it is to get their CRAP to stop. But it wasn’t EASY for us to get there!

For all of us, we have had so much fear regarding ‘being ourselves.’

I know for myself, my previous terror used to be: ‘What will these people do to me and my life if I don’t appease them?’

In this global, on-line business, there have been times when narcissistic people threaten and attack. Not often, but occasionally it does happen. Interestingly enough, this doesn’t come from narcissists but from victims of narcissistic abuse, who want me or my team to fix everything for them and then attack us abusively when we can’t!

When this happens, as much as I feel for them, and I’m very disappointed we couldn’t co-create their healing with them, I am clear – I’ll be me, have boundaries and will not tolerate abuse.

If there is any fear about their reactions with my boundaries, I meet that fear in my body, shift it out with Quanta Freedom Healing, and completely honour my truth and rights for an abuse-free life.

I also protect the space of this community with this solid self-truth and determination.

No more is it about – trying to fix, smooth over, appease, cajole or play it safe with these people. And it is certainly not about trying to get them to get it and change.

Those days are gone.

I hope you understand; it needs to be the same for you. Narcissists push us into our truth and power and boundary function, so that we can end these ridiculously insane, brain and soul-twisting conversations, where narcissists can truly make mincemeat out of our minds and insides.

It’s then that we can lose our fear and walk straight, solid and sane lines, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

Then you will realise how powerfully you can create your life, once you are anchored into the internal integrity that all of Life, Source and Creation GETS and backs – when you GET it and back it.

I promise you that narcissists are powerless in the face of that.

If this article resonates with you powerfully, I’d love you to come with me and get out of fear and into your truth – where you are no longer affected, triggered and participating.

You can do that by joining me here and getting started on my 16-day free course, which will help you get empowered and free from all the internal reasons why you have felt trapped in the insanity.

And I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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Narcissist Who? Becoming Apathetic To An Abuser

Narcissist Who? Becoming Apathetic To An Abuser

 

It’s a beautiful day when you feel NOTHING for an abuser and it’s called ‘You are NOT my reality’.

We all WANT to get there, and I know that includes YOU!

You can be forgiven for believing, because of how traumatic, painful and devastating the abuse is, that it will be IMPOSSIBLE to get there.

I once believed that too … but I promise you this is NOT true.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to help you understand EXACTLY how to get to this place of complete EMOTIONAL FREEDOM from abusers, that myself and so many Thrivers enjoy.

 

 

Video Transcript

I LOVE it when we get to this powerful place…

‘You are NOT my Reality.’

People ask me all the time, ‘Will I ever be able to stop thinking about this person?’ and ‘Will I ever have an attraction like this to someone else?’ and ‘Will I ever be able to get him or her out of my system?’

I want you to know the answer is a resounding YES.

And today in this Thriver TV Episode I’m going to tell you exactly how to achieve this.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my Channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

So let’s start off with how you WON’T achieve this – just so you don’t waste your time.

 

Willpower Will Not Stop You Thinking About A Narcissist

If someone tells you to NOT think about something, the very act of trying NOT to think about it usually makes you think about it.

In fact, it is the same for any energy we try to put into opposition to something – meaning an ‘anti-movement’ where we actually feed energy to the thing that we DON’T WANT.

People say all the time, ‘I’m over that now!’. Believe me, when you hear this it is a sure-fire way to knowing that they aren’t over it at all.

Here is the deal with the way our subconscious traumas work – they control our mind. The brain is always following the body. The reason is that we are thrown into survival programs – those parts of our brain trying to keep us safe, are repeatedly thinking about the trauma living on inside us that is still hurting us.

This also relates to peptide addiction, meaning that we are literally addicted to the painful thoughts that we are having. It is because our brain wants to keep manufacturing the feelings, the emotions, and the somatically felt chemicals that match the trauma.

So around and around we go, continually thinking about what happened to us, how it could have been different, why we didn’t or couldn’t ‘whatever’ and, of course, the possibility and fear of it happening again.

In this state, we are locked down in survival and don’t get to ‘go free’ to find the space inside and outside of ourselves for creation.

It’s exhausting. Burning all that mental and emotional fuel on our past – the constant re-living of it and the trying to push over or through it. Is it any wonder our adrenals are stressed and that we don’t seem to have any energy, joy or inspiration?

This is the bottom line – if when you think about something you still feel the emotional charge in your body, then you will keep thinking about it. This is because your brain is being directed by your cellular being to do so. Your cellular being – your subconscious programs and nervous systems –controls 95% of your life. Trying to NOT think about this is like trying to stop a tsunami with a few sandbags.

If you don’t get to the bottom of why you think and feel the way you are, then the only way to escape the constant thoughts and feelings of the trauma and to get free, is to pick up addictions to numb it out or to take medication.

And generally we still keep getting driven back to abusers, as we try to get them to take away the trauma for us.

So how do we turn it all around … for REAL?

Make It All About You

Because we are usually the type of people who commonly get targeted and hooked in by narcissists, we have made a career of making it all about OTHER people.

This is our normal.

‘If I just check in with you and make you happy and provide you with what I need to, to prove my worth and lovability, you will provide me with love, approval, security and survival.’

Because we aren’t able to anchor into our own rights, values, deservedness and self-generative power, we hand away our own lifeforce as we try to make someone else love us.

Those of you already NARPing and Thriving, will get what I am about to say – which is a really radical way of looking at narcissistic abuse. In fact, it is counter-intuitive to what most narcissistic abuse people will tell you.

Here it is…

THIS is NOT about the narcissist – this is ALL about YOU.

When we look at things from a deeper, Quantum soul and spiritual perspective – everything happens for a reason.

Everything is happening FOR you.

The situations that come into our outer life are showing us what is going on in our inner life. The further we are out of alignment to our True Self and True Life, the more the situations, the evidence of misalignment, hurt.

When we come home and start making the decisions that honour our True Self and True Life, the pain and situations stop.

Yet no-one can bring us home but ourselves. And it’s our job to do this, as adults, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing.

Yes, what is happening is awful, and narcissists are terrible and do disgraceful things. However, us making it ALL about ourselves is NOT excusing them … it’s simply acknowledging the truth.

I got to evolve myself GLORIOUSLY by really believing and accepting this truth, and it is the basis of tens of thousands of personal resurrections that I have had the joy of witnessing and continue to see emerge in this community every single day.

The narcissist’s ‘purpose’, at a deeper, wider, soul-evolutionary level, is to bring all the ways that we are not as yet self-partnered within ourselves smack bang into our conscious, like a sledgehammer.

 

Waking Up In Order to Heal

Here are some of MY greatest gaps which narcissistic abuse put me firmly on my BUTT to heal, if I was to have any chance of living, let alone Thriving.

  • The ways in which I was so self-critical and self-punishing. (He reflected that back, and then some!)
  • My inability to connect with, be with and soothe myself. (When I was distressed, he mirrored this by abandoning or punishing me harder.)
  • My terror of speaking up because of my unhealed fears of criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment. (I had no voice and stayed with the narcissist, trying to keep the peace continuously – even when everything was screaming inside of me not to.)
  • My fears and terrors of not being able to survive on my own. (My greatest fears in this department were brought to life by him.)
  • My fear of other human beings and believing ‘I’m not safe in life’. (I ended up with crippling agoraphobia and a psychotic/adrenal breakdown because of this marriage.)

My list goes on and on.

Here is the thing – these traumas were already in my energy field before narcissistic abuse. Many were inherited, past life and collective female wounds, that were further supplemented in childhood trauma because our childhoods match our pre-birth traumas. Then, in my adulthood, they all blew up into a massive crescendo.

Why?

Because my soul wanted to make the unconscious conscious so that I would finally WAKE UP and free myself of these traumas.

We may think narcissists are using us for narcissistic supply, which they are doing, but WHAT if we, at a soul level, are using the narcissist as the instrument to deliver the evidence of what we need to heal?

And what an astounding instrument they are!

Narcissists have an UNCANNY ability to zone in on EXACTLY what it is that we have missing within ourselves.

My stuff was about not loving, seeing or embracing me, and these beliefs were ones that he supplied me in spades! He seemed so TOUGH and STRONG – ‘Finally I’ll feel safe in life with you by my side!’ Plus his façade was one of ‘wealth’ – ‘Thank God I’ll never be destitute!’

Then, as narcissists do, he turned back on me ALL these gaps, my issues, with ruthless ferocity. And my response was to cling on as I tried to resurrect the original ‘saviour’.

Of course, in my situation, the narcissist abandoned me, both literally and mentally. He turned on me physically, emotionally and sexually, leaving me SOOO unsafe. And the financial abuse I went through left me desecrated.

Need I say more?

My story is your story. This lure and switch game is what EVERY narcissist does. But I promise you – this is still about YOU.

Here’s the important part…

When you heal, you will no longer cling to someone hurting you, because you will be whole and full of self-love and self-worth. You won’t need to.

When you are already SAFE in life within yourself, you will never tolerate being with or enduring people who are unsafe and abusive.

When you become a self-generative force, who knows how to create a life with other available healthy components, regardless of what any other person is or isn’t doing, you will let go of unhealthy ones.

Not only are narcissists reflecting back to us perfectly the physical, real-life evidence of our inner unhealed shadows – they are also engaged in a spiritual contract with us. If you let go of holding them responsible for your unhealed parts and turn inwards to do the work to evolve yourself, the soul contract is completed and the narcissist leaves your experience.

I promise you this is true.

You may say, ‘But I’m tied up in co-parenting.’

I can assure you that there are people in my community who very successfully parallel parent with the same narcissists who used to make their kids and their lives hell. They are able to do this because their soul contract with this abuser has been healed and completed.

These people are unaffected by the narcissist, and their kids are doing an amazing journey with a healthy evolving parent leading the way.

The stories of ‘this hell will never end’ are NOT true – no matter what you may logically think, what abuse forums may tell you, or even what anyone still not awake to their soul contract will tell you.

What IS the true determinant is ‘where your soul is up to’ (see, again, it’s ALL about YOU!). When you get on board with what your soul wants to be up to – your healing, growing and evolving beyond your traumas and painful subconscious programs to come home to Who You Really Are – then there is no need for the hard grist to keep happening.

 

Just Having Too Awesome A Time

We know we are graduated when we are deeply immersed in the embodied understanding that ‘Your abuse brought me to my own glorious evolution’, and this becomes our focus.

Personally, I’m so grateful narcissistic abuse happened FOR me because if it didn’t I wouldn’t be living the astounding life that I do.

I feel AMAZING. And I love unpacking ANY trauma that does arise, because I know, on the other side of it, my relationships with me, life and others will be much more amazing.

I never had ANY of that before narcissistic abuse. In fact, when I look back at the person I was, even before being abused, I don’t recognise her.  I used to hand power away, was always scared, never spoke up, put my faith and trust in others – often with really bad consequences – and subjugated my values over and over, all to try to be loved.

Was I happy and Thriving before my Thriver resurrection? No! I was merely surviving and I truly did believe life was hard, lonely, unsafe and hard work.

Now I ADORE Life.

So please, those of you who write in and say, ‘I’m sorry Melanie for what you went through’, I love your compassion, but there is no need to write this. I promise you, I would go through it ten times over, if necessary, to feel and live the way I do now.

Can you see why I’m so passionate about this topic? It’s because I know that all this awaits every single one of you – no matter what your circumstance – IF you make your situation all about YOU.

Because, then, like me, as you start releasing trauma by doing the inner work of purposefully evolving yourself – which is what my NARP Program was created for – then you will start LOVING your life too.

If you want this please write below, ‘I am creating MY awesome Life, and you are NOT my reality!’

You WILL see the joy and the beauty, and you WILL have feelings of love and wholeness and happiness, simply because you exist.

Things will start coming into view, and you will start flowing forward into your life as your True Self, experiencing things that you once only dreamed about.

This is what happens for all Thrivers in this community, who start releasing their inner trauma and painful programs. They reset back to Wellbeing, which is who we are all naturally coded to be. It is your organic state, no matter what your life looks like now.

Abuse and painful programs all dissolve away, along with the people and situations who represent them and all your connections, emotional or otherwise, to them.

Narcissists are ONLY the catalyst. If they hadn’t shown up to do the job on you, someone else would have had to come along to fill their shoes.

Have you ever wondered why narcissists KEEP coming?

Now you know why. It’s because you have been missing the soul contact – the necessary turning inward to do the work to evolve yourself beyond what is being triggered off in you.

When you do this, I promise you it will be: ‘Narcissist who?’ and ‘Woohoo, what is next to create and experience in my life?’

THAT’s the life myself and other Thrivers live.

Join us – seriously. I can show you how to start claiming your soul contact graduation today – by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Shutdown A Narcissist Who Won’t Leave You Alone

How To Shutdown A Narcissist Who Won’t Leave You Alone

 

Narcissists can seem like terminators, who just won’t stop hurting you.

So, how is it possible to shut down a narcissist who won’t leave you alone?

Is it even possible?

People report all the time, even years later, that the narcissist is still terrorising them, making their life hell and continuing to turn up, over and over again.

Why is this? Haven’t these people got better things to do?

I know that if you are suffering from this, as I used to as well, you may believe: ‘It is because this person wants to make my life a living hell.’

Yes, narcissists are very capable of not leaving you alone, even years later – but truly that is not the reason why they are doing this.

In today’s article, I want to grant you the true reason why the narcissist won’t leave you alone, and how you CAN powerfully shut down a narcissist who previously wouldn’t leave you alone.

 

The Soul Contract

Let’s just get straight to it – my favourite quote of all time that encapsulates narcissistic abuse.

It’s by Pema Chodron and it’s this: ‘Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.’

In line with this quote, the most important understanding that you can ever have about a narcissist who won’t leave you alone is this – they are on a Soul Contract with you.

You may ask, ‘What does that mean?’

It means that they are activating within you something that is hurtful, namely they are triggering trauma within you and causing you great angst. But once you go inwards and claim this triggered emotional trauma within, and shore it up, then the narcissist will never again hit that trigger within you.

You may think I’m crazy, if you’ve not gone through incredible and profound Thriver Recovery, yet those of you who have, just as I have, know that what I am saying is incredibly true. When you heal within whatever the narcissist is pummelling, that’s when the narcissist can no longer trigger you, affect you or have any impact on you whatsoever.

It’s then, after your emotional graduation, that the narcissist will disappear from your experience.

You see, narcissists need the feed; they need narcissistic supply to be energised to keep attacking and hurting you. Your fear and pain are like the other half of the toxic magnet that feeds them – the bullets to keep shooting at you.

When your painful emotions no longer exist – when you truly couldn’t care less – then the narcissist has nothing. No energy, ammunition or impetus to keep hurting you.

But it goes deeper than this – to Quantum Reality – which is really what is going on at a soul level for you. Now, let’s get to the truth of what this means.

 

Your Soul’s Purpose and Mission

I thoroughly believe we are all here to unpack our false beliefs and traumas, which we have accumulated as humans and need to release, if we are to live as Who We Really Are.

Who are we?

We are Beings of love and light and personal power – to be ourselves, express our truths and bring forth our divine contribution to this planet. We are here to help birth heaven on earth, and to free this planet of the stranglehold of darkness and trauma that it has been submerged in for centuries.

There you have it – the REAL truth as I see it!

If you haven’t yet awoken to this consciously, I invite you to listen to what your Inner Being feels about this idea, because something cellularly within you knows it to be true.

This awakening back to your True Self, your True Power, is coded in your DNA and is simply waiting for you to meet and re-activate it.

So … how do we achieve this?

By stopping the focus and distractions on the outside that have caused us to serially self-abandon and self-avoid, and instead turn inwards to release the trauma we have accumulated in our energy fields and to organically live as ourselves.

When you do this and live without the trauma and false beliefs, you will see that a narcissist can no more exist in your reality and do what he or she has been doing to you, than an iceberg can exist in tropical waters. They just don’t go together.

I know that your brain may not want to accept this is true, because logically you can’t fathom how it works. But, can you logically explain why gravity works? Probably not – yet it is a Law that just IS.

Quantum Law is the same – so within, so without. The composition of your Inner Being is what you will choose, participate with and experience in your life. If you have come home to your True Self, then no matter what a False Self does to you, it will not impact, register or even be your reality. And once that graduation is reached, these attempts leave your reality – just as Pema Chodron quotes.

You will have learned what you needed to know.

 

What IS the Narcissist Teaching Us?

The narcissist brings to us EXACTLY the unhealed, unresolved wounds we have within us. All of the traumas we are carrying that are NOT our True Self.

It is with this idea, that it is something within us that we need to resolve, that people get really bent out of shape with and, of course, so want to hang onto their victimhood. And I understand this, because I used to be there myself.

However, I know I am not going to be able to help you heal by reinforcing your victimhood. Rather, I’m on the mission of saving souls and lives, by helping people evolve in the Thriver Way. So, my purpose is to spin these catastrophic experiences in our lives, into the grandest evolution possibilities imaginable. (Because they ARE!)

Narcissists are doing an incredible service for humanity – they are pushing people’s unconscious wounds up to consciousness so that we can finally wake up, turn inwards and release ourselves from these wounds.

And if you don’t, as Pema said – It ALL keeps going.

But if you DO, then the abuse stops and you will go up to your grand graduation, beyond abuse and abuse symptoms, into personal power and freedom. You will experience your own ascension into higher and more fulfilling trajectories.

And with this, finally, you will LOSE all fear of being abused in your future, because you have cleaned up all the traumas within that were allowing you to unconsciously hand power away.

This is the hero or heroine’s journey, through the bowels of hell into the light and love of heaven – and you can experience it here on earth … absolutely.

I want to share with you the BIG truth the narcissist is teaching us – that we are Quantum Creators from the inside out. It is NOT our Doingness that creates our life, it is our Beingness.

This is where science and spirituality and Quantum Truths are now connecting as powerhouses of healing and awakening, and they completely match our real-life experience. We know (Oh, we know) through the experience of narcissistic abuse, that when we try to survive and resurrect our outer life, whilst we are still mired in a traumatised inner life, that it doesn’t work in a positive or restorative way.

And from this traumatised inner place, you will find it impossible to shut down a narcissist who won’t leave you alone. The abuse continues, and may even be in your life for decades, regardless of whether the narcissist moves on with someone else, or you remain together.

What is it that you need to learn to avoid this?

You need to learn to love and honour yourself enough to turn inwards to meet and heal your unhealed parts. By turning inwards, with the intention and methods to Go Quantum, means you no longer try to work Life out logically.

Rather, you are connecting with the Infinite Wisdom you have within, that is stored in your visceral Inner Being.

Your answers are within – truly. And when you know how to naturally and organically find them, and work with yourself at this True Core level, you will wonder how you ever previously missed knowing this.

In fact, you will realise you always did know it. You just didn’t remember that you did.

And when you do re-member, that’s when you will come home.

 

Rising Above Fear

In the ten plus years that I have been helping people STOP narcissists attacking them and tearing their lives apart, I have observed that individuals only get true results the Quantum Way – whch means attending to the fearful emotion first and shifting their Beingness, before trying Doingness.

It’s then that the outer changes – it’s Quantum Law – it must do so.

In ALL ways. These individuals show up differently, in their power. They begin to attract and manifest support, situations and even miracles that grant them additional power and breakthrough.

They have become a master of their Life, from the inside out (which is the only place True Power resides), rather than a victim to it.

I’d love you to join me to get started on this ‘switch around’, that will grant you your power and truth, and release you from the narcissist’s prison – forever. 

 

P.S. Yesterday I made a special announcement that the MTE team is going to be hosting in-person Workshops in major cities around the world later this year!

I created a video to tell you all about it and also have a special little request for you… We want to know where the biggest Thriver Tribes and what kind of events you’d like to see.

We created a quick 2-min survey for this and if you complete the survey you will go in the special early-bird list, giving you the first opportunity to get tickets when they go on sale.

You can find out all the details here.

And I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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why does the narcissist emotionally and psychologically abuse others

Why Does The Narcissist Emotionally And Psychologically Abuse Others?

why does the narcissist emotionally and psychologically abuse others

 

I’ve researched narcissism for years. Have worked with narcissistic clients and those who’ve been harmed by a narcissist. There is one thing they all want to know, “why am I this way, or, why is he that way?”

Why does the narcissist emotionally and psychologically abuse others?

If you’ve ever suffered narcissistic abuse, you’ll spend a lot of time trying to understand what makes a narcissist tick. Why they behave the way they do, why did you fall prey to your narcissist?

If we’ve been hurt by someone we love it’s only natural to want to find understanding in what happened. We believe that if we can only understand our pain will lessen.

So, whether you’re a therapist, researcher or victim, there is an interest in knowing why the narcissist emotionally and psychologically abuses.

There are many theories. Probably as many theories about why the narcissist is narcissistic as there are people wondering why.

Some of the possible reasons’ the narcissist emotionally and psychologically abuses others:

  • They were abused as a child.
  • They were emotionally abandoned by their mothers as a child.
  • They were abandoned by their fathers as a child.
  • They suffer from a form of attachment disorder.
  • Their needs weren’t met as a child.
  • They weren’t shown love as a child, as a result, never learned how to love.
  • They weren’t taught how to love themselves as a child.
  • They were raised to believe that they are better than others.

Here is what I’ve determined: It doesn’t matter why the narcissist emotionally and psychologically abuses others.

The why, I’m definitely sure has to do with family of origin issues and the reasons may be as varied as the damage done in a particular narcissist’s family.

If you’re ever going to understand why your narcissist abused you, the answer more than likely lies in his family history. You’ll get a better understanding of what happened to you by understanding what happened to him as a child.

But, again, why does it matter?

Why spend the time and energy on trying to figure him out when your time it is better spent on healing and moving forward with your life?

I can tell you from experience that no amount of understanding is going to lessen your pain. Once I fully understood my ex’s behaviors and actions, my pain was still there. Nothing was going to take care of the emotional pain I felt after years of abuse and losing someone I loved except TIME.

I also exhausted myself and put more focus into trying to figure him out than I did taking care of myself. The deeper I dug into information online and his family history the more I became entangled with him and we were divorced!

When I thought about the stories I’d heard about his mother and his absent father the more empathy I felt for a man who was trying to destroy me via the family court system. That isn’t when you want to feel empathy for someone!

Narcissistic men attach themselves to empathetic, kind, and caring women. We’re an easy target during the dating period, marriage and even during the divorce process. Our tender hearts can hold us back from doing what needs to be done when divorcing a narcissist…fight fire with fire!

I remember my neighbor telling me about seeing my ex in the grocery store shortly after he’d left home. Her words, “he looks like the walking wounded,” wounded me. I instantly wanted to bring him home, take care of him and fix him.

I wanted to excuse his behavior, just as I’d done during the marriage and make excuses for him instead of setting boundaries WITH him instead of taking care of myself.

If you’re like me and have dealt with or, you’re now dealing with understanding why the narcissist emotionally and psychologically abuses, I’m sure you’ve made excuses for them also.

  • “He had a rough childhood.”
  • “He had a terrible mom who never loved him.”
  • “He had an absent father and craves love and attention that he didn’t get in childhood.”
  • “He is wounded, so he is lashing out at me from a place of pain.”
  • “He is afraid to be vulnerable with me because he is afraid of abandonment.”
  • “The stress of years of damage has caused him to snap.”
  • “If I had a second chance, I could love all that damage out of him.”

After he left, I made the same excuses for his deplorable treatment of me that I had made during the marriage. Such excuses on my part not only kept me emotionally tied to him but also kept me from moving toward healing from what he had done to me.

Not all people who were abused grow into abusers. I was in bed one night, ruminating on him and his behavior when it hit me…I didn’t have a perfect childhood, but I CHOOSE not to abuse others.

My father was an alcoholic. My mother enabled his alcoholism. I was sexually abused as a child by a family friend. I experienced a tremendous amount of trauma as a child. You know what I did about it, I got therapy! I learned to deal with my childhood to keep it from impacting others negatively.

I lay there and thought to myself, “Hell compared to my childhood he led a pretty cushy life.” That’s when I realized exactly why narcissists abuse emotionally and psychologically others.

Because they can!

They have free will. No one is holding a gun to their heads and making them abuse those closest to them. They know right from wrong. I had witnessed my ex doing the right thing many, many, many times during our marriage.

With certainty, I finally knew he was mistreating our children and me because he was making the choice to mistreat us. It was within his power to treat us civilly and respectfully; he was choosing not to.

I talked with my therapist about my thoughts and his response was, “emotional problems are no excuse for bad behavior.” And he was right. I didn’t have to make excuses for my ex, I no longer felt the desire to understand why he did the things he did. I was ready to focus on myself and recovering from the abuse.

Narcissists emotionally and psychologically abuse because they are bullies. They destroy women, families, and children and cause grave harm because they are bullies. Bullies with bad childhoods but it isn’t my job or your job to fix a bully who doesn’t want to be fixed or feel he needs to be fixed.

You are not responsible for their actions. You are not responsible for their feelings. You are not responsible for their actions. You are not here to take abuse from them or anyone else and that’s what your quest to “understand” is causing…more abuse for you.

When we let go of the need to understand and figure out “why,” we let go of the narcissist and begin to heal. Are you ready to let go? Are you ready to heal?

The post Why Does The Narcissist Emotionally And Psychologically Abuse Others? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Smearing – How To Defeat A Narcissist Who Makes You Out To Be Crazy

Smearing – How To Defeat A Narcissist Who Makes You Out To Be Crazy

 

One of the most painful aspects of narcissistic abuse is SMEARING.

Being discredited with any available information and even fabricated lies, is a horrible tactic that narcissists use to undermine your credibility and even to try to rip lives apart.

It’s completely usual for this to happen to you. Often after your relationship ends with a narcissist – and even during it – and certainly when problems arise within the relationship.

The feelings triggered within you may be so INTENSE that you may even feel like you are going to DIE.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I deeply and candidly share with you my journey with smearing – what I discovered and how I recovered QUICKLY in ways that ASTOUNDED me.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists smear, it’s just what they do.

And when they do, they will undermine your reputation and often state that you are the one with massive psychological problems.

And boy do we feel like saying, ‘Would you like to look in a mirror?’

Anyway, today’s Thriver TV episode is all about how to NOT come across as the crazy one and feed the lies, and how to not just survive a narcissist’s smear campaign, but to actually defeat all attempts to discredit you.

To do this, I’m going to share with you my personal story with smearing – because I know it will help you a lot.

And I know you will want to watch this, because chances are you have been, or are being, smeared.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now let’s get started…

The ‘Genuineness’ of the Smearing

It is unthinkable for anyone with a conscience to tell downright lies about another person. And it is deeply hurtful when someone does this against you, and with such conviction as narcissists do.

You may not have realised this about narcissists, but they literally believe in their own BS. I know it’s unfathomable but it’s true – the narcissist’s disordered thinking has them firmly convinced that it is YOU who is the culprit, crazy and the problem.

Deeply unconscious people, who refuse to take any personal responsibility for their feelings and behaviour, are skilled at automatically flicking their internal switch to projection. In fact, it’s an automatic response that they have no control over.

And then there is the hardened psychopath type, who can chillingly look people straight in the eyes and tell them the most horrendous lies about you – without flinching.

Either way, when dealing with a narcissist, they are highly believable. I promise you this, narcissists know how to smear people in expert ways. They are skilled at making the smearing sound balanced and non-judgemental, to the point where other adults think ‘surely no adult would say that unless it is true’.

Whereas, as highly agitated victims, when we try to retaliate with OUR truth of versions, we are angry, devastated and come across as non-balanced and incredibly judgemental.

Who are people going to believe?

I really want you to think about this – whether you are talking one-on-one with your sister or on a stand in a courthouse.

 

Being Triggered in Relation to the Smearing

Of course you are triggered! There is nothing more devastating and unjust than having someone spread horrible lies about you – especially when those lies are usually exactly what that person themselves did to you!

However, I really want to set you straight here. It’s incredibly important you understand the truth in this.

Your triggers are handing the narcissist bullets to keep shooting you with. They make you look crazy, and they make the narcissist’s job of ripping you apart easy, destroying your credibility and life. The harder you try to get people and authorities to believe you and see the truth when traumatised, the less likely it will happen.

It may just seem like such a horrible deal, but it’s PURE Quantum Law – so within, so without – meaning if you attempt anything whilst being in a level of trauma, the only results you will get are more things to traumatise yourself about.

We always get MORE of who we are BEING.

This is why the DOING is totally ineffectual.

I have seen people smashed repeatedly, when stuck in the premise of trying to thwart the outside with ‘doing’ whilst traumatised. Tragically and horrifically I have seen people lose everything, even their children, when trying to defend against narcissist’s smear campaigns.

I wish it wasn’t the case, and I wish such horrors didn’t happen – but they do.

Rather than stay in our victimised beingness, there is another way to tackle the smears and to emerge victorious, a way where we don’t suffer the complete and utter devastation.

And it all starts with healing beyond your triggers.

 

The Deeper Reasons This is Happening

Those of you who know my work, know that I believe in past lives.

Those of you who really know my work, know that I believe when traumas are in our life, this is showing us that we already have an existing and matching trauma trapped within our energy field – otherwise whatever that is happening would not be in our experience today.

And here is the key…

When you do inner healing work with NARP, it takes you directly to the matching core wounds in your genetic, past life, childhood and collective human trauma history, and then releases them so that you can finally evolve beyond that experience.

When it’s gone from the inside, it MUST leave your experience on the outside. And it does.

In my previous experiences, before Thriver Recovery, there was always someone wanting to take me down, discredit me or smear me … and I mean always. And it was the narcissist’s smearing and dismantling of my Life that was the Big Bad Wolf, and the thing that completely blew my house and life down.

Having departments, authorities, family, friends and colleagues, and even my son, side with the narcissist, was so traumatising that I thought I was going to die. I had no idea how I was ever going to win my life and key people back.

Of course, initially, I did the predictable. I tried to justify, explain, stop it, go into damage control – it was beyond terrible. I was being destroyed everywhere and nothing I was doing helped, instead I was losing out horrifically.

When I finally woke up to the truth, I stopped what I was doing because I KNEW I had existing persecution programs in my subconscious. I finally understood that these attacks upon me were showing up as the BILLBOARD evidence in my life, of my inner wounds, as a result of what had happening to me before.

Evidence SO big and obvious that there was no avoiding this truth anymore.

No longer was I going to suffer the devastation – I was on to it. I completely took my focus off what was happening on the outside, and with Quanta Freedom Healing went diligently and purposefully to the inside where I found these persecution programs. Programs where I had been tried and found guilty, and even put to death, and as a result I had a literal terror of anyone thinking badly of me.

This realisation made so much sense to me. Even as a little girl, I had been terrified of doing anything wrong, and what would happen to me if I did.

I want you to understand that collectively this is a REALLY common wound amongst narcissistic abuse sufferers, and it is a terrible wounding that narcissists can use to try to destroy you.

Now I want you to also understand a deeper truth here, something REALLY important…

Narcissists will ALWAYS deliver to you the EXACT wounds that you need to heal. The wounds that you need to heal to go free and have your Highest and Best life.

Even before the narcissist, this subterranean terror of persecution, which I had carried for many lifetimes, was holding me back. It had stunted me and hurt me in more ways than I can describe. It had caused me to people please, hand power away, not rock the boat, and had stopped me from being fully myself.

 

Shifting Out of Persecution Programs

As I diligently met and cleared all my inner fears of persecution, the following miracles started to happen without me DOING anything – they were generating from my BEINGNESS.

I discovered that I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me. I no longer felt like I was going to be court marshalled, executed or abandoned by people and Life when they didn’t believe in who I was.

I knew who I was now, and I also knew that Source had my back. I felt safe and anchored in my body, regardless of what other people were thinking.

It was a miracle; I had never felt this way before.

That’s when everything shifts … the inner feelings precede the outer change.

People started turning their back on the narcissist and coming back to me in droves. My key people saw the truth. He screwed up with them, and the police caught him out! He became exposed.

Justice came. But here is the thing – I hadn’t even needed it too, because I was at peace BEFORE it came.

And, true to Quantum Law, more things arrived to grant me peace.

All the smear campaigns and attacks stopped. Abruptly – they just stopped.

I discovered, going forward, that I was able to start speaking up, confront things, be myself. I no longer felt the angst of people judging me or believing I might be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. In fact, the releasing of the persecution programs is what has allowed me to be so easy and open and revolutionary in my presentations with you.

The bottom line is, I’m just being me. I’m not worried about being judged or what people think. No longer am I living in the internal terrors of the times of being stoned to death or burnt on a stake!

 

What You Can Do Right Now

I really want you to know this – when you release all your fears, as a result of healing your internal persecution programs, the narcissist has no power over you.

Can you understand and admit what you have been trying hasn’t been working?

Are you willing to look for and live a deeper way of life that IS the truth?

If so, please write below – ‘I am going to find, release and live free of my persecution programs NOW!’

I promise you, when you start living like this, you will wonder how on earth you were ‘doing’ life any other way other than from your own CORE.

Whether you are still carrying the traumas of past smearing that has ripped your life apart, or you are in the middle of a horrific smear campaign, I promise you that when you find and release the resident trauma within you, all of it will disappear.

I have seen families reunited after decades after people did this inner work – because those who had been turned against them come back into their lives. I’ve seen narcissists defeated in court cases regarding property and custody after people diligently worked on their Inner Universe first and foremost.

Can something in you sense this is true? Your cellular inner being always knows the truth, when you listen to it.

Please come with me and find out more about how to heal all the internal traumas that have been causing you so much pain, including your persecution programs. Let’s end these horrible smear campaigns once and for all.

To do this, click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The Definitive Guide To Going No Contact With A Narcissist

The Definitive Guide To Going No Contact With A Narcissist

 

Going No Contact can be excruciatingly difficult to do.

Narcissists are curly – they are very capable of manipulating, duping or guilting you into succumbing, and feigning the remorse necessary to get you back into the relationship.

Maybe you are feeling the intense trauma of loneliness, panic and longing … so much so that you can’t stop yourself caving in and making contact again.

Please know this is NOT your fault. You just haven’t learnt the rules and the HOW to deal with this yet!

It is completely usual for most people to break No Contact repeatedly. That is until they know the information that I am going to share with you today.And this is my greatest wish today, that this Thriver TV episode grants you the vital information to KNOW what an empowered No Contact looks like and HOW to do it.

I want you to be able to break away, stay away, and start your Thriver healing journey for REAL.

 

 

Video Transcript

Going No Contact with a narcissist can be such a difficult thing to do.

It’s not just difficult on an emotional level. Many people don’t know the practical steps to take to make it happen, and this is why I wanted to create today’s TTV episode for you – to help you understand and get clear about how to do No Contact as well as hold it.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my Channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

So … let’s dive in.

 

You Don’t Need to Explain That You Are Ending Contact

People ask me all the time, whether you need to tell a narcissist it’s over. My answer is this: if you do, make it the final statement and then block and delete immediately.

The danger, if you don’t immediately cease communication, is that the narcissist will throw a hand grenade at you – something that hurts you, hooks you back in, and gets you defending or justifying yourself.

You want to avoid this at all cost!

Going No Contact means that you have had enough. It means that you know there is no point going around in a three-ring circus of arguments with the narcissist anymore. It means that you know you have no choice other than to end the relationship, because it is not getting better, resolution isn’t ever going to be reached and that there is simply no point in trying – because nothing works.

More than this, No Contact is an act of self-love. It means, ‘I love me enough to save my life and my soul for this torture, devastation and destruction.’

In fact, what it really means is, ‘I am going to stop destroying myself.’

Going No Contact without explanation is absolutely fine. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Block and Delete

This is where we need to stand up to ourselves and not leave any lines of communication open. There will almost definitely be times when we will think, ‘I wonder if he or she is missing me; if he or she will get in touch’. Yet, truly, I want you to know, with every fibre of my being, our job in recovery is to release these thoughts and not to get mired down in them.

My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) Healing System helps you powerfully achieve the release (if you are diligent about doing inner work with the Modules when these times strike).

When you know you have done No Contact to save your soul, you will know that it’s time to take the stand with yourself to block and delete this person. With all the technology now available, you have the ability to do this. And if you are not sure how, you can Google it.

Trust me. Block and delete is a great thing for you to do for yourself. You don’t want to be wondering every time you receive a phone call, email or a text message, ‘Is that him or her?’

Don’t answer unregistered numbers or random text messages. Just delete!

 

Vital Boundaries with Social Media

When you are serious about going No Contact, this means no stalking their social media. You have decided you can’t have this person in your life anymore, and your mission is to heal and create your own life.

There is no purpose or value whatsoever in looking on social media to see what he or she is up to. I’ll give you this tip: all of us who have recovered from narcissists have gone through being replaced with fresh and new supply. Until doing your Thriver healing work, of course, this can be excruciatingly painful.

You obsessing, trying to find out about what is going on in your ex’s life, researching the new partner and all the other things that can go on, are one of the surest ways to traumatise yourself and delay your healing into your incredible Thriver Life of real love and relationships.

Make sure you block all this person’s accounts so that you can’t see what they are up to. Also, block other people connected closely to him or her, or unfriend them, which leads me to the next section.

 

The Narcissist’s Friends, Family and Pets

The real questions here are: ‘Can you still see these people without having the need for any conversation about the narcissist?’ and ‘Are you concerned about what news may get back to the narcissist?’

I know you may be in the same social circles. Or maybe people from the narcissist’s life have been in your life for many years and you have close relationships with these people. Maybe you have been very close to the narcissist’s children, or even their pets.

I understand deeply the trauma of leaving people behind. I have had to do it myself. There is generally a great deal of loss involved when leaving a toxic, narcissistic relationship – both practically and personally.

However, this I know for sure, we have to be willing to lose it all to get it all – we have to LET GO. It is the hardest thing to do, but it is the only way that we get to reclaim our life, our soul and start generating our True Life.

Be very clear, to go forward there can’t be the muck – the conversations, the checking in, the staying connected by proxy. Yes, you may have to start again, but what a start it will be. Honour what your soul really needs – a complete detox of the narcissist – and you will be filled with glory, beauty and truth.

My suggestion is to break ties, as much as possible, and don’t get caught up in the anger or retaliation of ‘Why should I have to do that?’. It won’t serve you well. Only YOU making the moves that look after your soul and health will.

 

Keeping No Contact

It’s usual for a narcissist to try to get you to break No Contact.

Be aware that this will be attempted by getting to you through your ‘gaps’.

The narcissist may send a message to you, from someone else, about something sweet and lovely. A delivery of flowers may arrive. He or she will only be trying to appeal to your sentimental nature.

This could push your buttons, and you may feel guilty if you don’t reply.

Alternately, you may receive word of smearing and accusations, which the narcissist knows will make you irate and retaliate.

Or there could be a seemingly innocent request, through someone else, that you think is harmless.

The narcissist could send a message that he or she is sick or desperately needs your help; or that they have ‘seen the light’ and are willing to get help.

The list of ways a narcissist can hoover you back, goes on and on.

If you still have parts within you that you need to shore up, that are susceptible to being manipulated, you will be triggered.

My strongest recommendation in these times is to get very clear – if this person is a narcissist and meets the criteria that I share in this article Are You With A Narcissist? then they are not going to magically morph into a healthy, safe person for you to reconnect with.

Time and time again I hear reports from people who capitulated and went back hoping that things would be different, only to discover that things got worse.

To not fall for the hoover, it is vital to turn inwards to heal the triggers that are haunting you. You can then go free and be even stronger and more resolute about continuing to detox this person and move forward.

 

Enforcing No Contact

I love it when people get tough with narcissists.

When we are done, we are done.

And when we are done, we need to mean it. Yes it hurts; yes it is disappointing; and of course there is a whole lot of angst, uncertainty and fear in creating our new life. But when we know that going back is never an option – we mean it.

Myself and many others have had to get to the point where if stalked and confronted it’s like, ‘I am calling the police’. Meaning – you have by word or action told this person you wish no contact from them and that they are compromising your boundary.

You have the right to put an intervention order on someone who is harassing you, making you feel uncomfortable and is not respecting your personal self and your ‘no more’.

This is the thing… Narcissists feed off fear, like sharks do from blood. If you are not scared and stand up and enforce your boundaries, narcissists cannot be in your space. They will take their narcissistic behaviour somewhere else.

 

Being Fearless Moving Forward

People purport that narcissists never stop terrorising them.

This is NOT true

As Pema Chodron said, ‘Nothing ever leaves our experience until it has taught us what we need to learn.’

If you are stuck in trauma, unhealed beliefs, and fear, then yes the narcissist will keep terrorising you.

If you are diligently working on healing your inner trauma and belief systems, that the narcissist has made conscious for you, then he or she will leave your experience.

Your goal is to heal all of this so that you live authentically and without fear.

What does that mean?

It means this…

So WHAT if he or she tries to stalk me?

So WHAT if he or she looks up my social media?

So WHAT if he or she tries to smear me?

So WHAT if he or she does a drive by?

If you just keep releasing with NARP everything that is triggered, stay cool and calm, and get on with being yourself and doing your life, then it will all melt away.

Then you will heal and be free. And I promise you that the narcissist not getting any narcissistic supply from you – physically and even vibrationally (oh yes, please know that does feed them) – means they will have to go and hassle someone else.

 

For More About No Contact…

I really hope this TTV episode has helped you with how to navigate No Contact. If you haven’t claimed it already, please know that my 16-Day Course has a comprehensive guide on How To Do No Contact, where you can learn even more.

And it’s my totally FREE gift to you! No Contact is a vital piece of your recovery.

To claim, please click on this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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