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7 Signs Your Parent Is Narcissistic

7 Signs Your Parent Is Narcissistic

 

Many people in this community have been narcissistically abused as a child and my heart goes out to you if this has been your plight.

Today, I share with you the seven top signs I believe typify a narcissistic parent and how their behaviour can affect you as an adult.

The binds and trauma may still be present between you and your narcissistic parent – whether he or she is alive or not, and so it is my deepest wish that this video gives you answers, relief and a true solution to your pain.

 

 

Video Transcript

Maybe you do not realise that your parent was a narcissist because what you experienced as a child was your ‘normal.’

Or perhaps you do know.

Truly, it can be terribly devastating for those who did suffer a narcissistic parent, and my heart goes out to you if that is you.

In today’s TTV Episode I want to share with you the seven signs that I believe are indicators your parent is a narcissist – what these signs look like and how having a narcissistic parent may have affected you.

At the end of this episode, I also want to share with you hope … A knowing that even if abuse is all that you have ever known, you can heal from this.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s look at this…

 

Number 1 Invalidation

Sadly, a narcissistic parent is self-absorbed and only interested in their own thoughts and feeling. It is common for this parent to not listen to you, not care what you are feeling, and to either force their will upon you or ignore your appeals to them, regardless of what is going on for you.

Because of this, you grew up believing that your thoughts, feelings, and desires were unimportant and, if expressed, would only bring further invalidation and disappointment.

This means, as an adult, you will tend to fit in with others, submerge your own needs, and you won’t speak up to express either your own needs or your values.

Maybe you have found it extremely difficult to even know what your values and needs are.

 

Number 2 Instability

Narcissistic instability means that one minute your parent could be engulfing and fawning over you and the next they are triggered, angered and even verbally or physically violent – and certainly emotionally malicious.

As a child, you may not have known what this parent was going to be like on a day-to-day, or even minute-to-minute basis.

Because there was be no rhyme or reason to your parent’s behaviour, and therefore nothing you could have done to predict or negate the outburst, as a child you learnt that ‘love’ was unstable and even dangerous.

If this is what you experienced, it is likely that you have suffered the anxiety of not knowing how to be safe in life in your own body, and especially with people who are close to you.

This means you might try to read people’s energy to be safe, and try to please them and calm them down to survive.

It can also mean you run towards abusive people, trying to fix them to make them love you and look after you, rather than detaching yourself and getting away from them.

As a child, you had to do all you could to keep your parents around and to survive with them.

 

Number 3 Exploitation

Commonly, a narcissistic parent will use a capable or attractive child to further their own cause of gaining narcissistic supply.

Rather than wanting their children to succeed for the child’s sake, this parent makes it all about themselves – the fulfilment of their own ego, complete with the admiration and envy of others.

Often a child will be pushed into a direction, with high demands and pressure, that the child may not necessarily want to do or perform. This child is the golden child, who receives a ton of attention and energy, yet is being exploited for the narcissist’s own need to feel significant.

This child loses his or her personality, dreams and wishes, and becomes a mere extension of the narcissistic parent. And when he or she doesn’t perform that role, is punished or downgraded.

If this happened to you, you will have embedded within your Inner Being programs of conditional love. This means that you will be very hard on yourself. Also, you may find it very hard to relax and take time out, because you are always trying to get the job done and done right.

You may believe that people will only ever love you for what you can achieve, and not for who you are.

 

Number 4 Manipulation

Guilting is a very common weapon used by a narcissistic parent. This parent may remind you constantly of what they do for you and how ungrateful you are if you don’t abide by their demands.

The guilting can turn into abusive shaming, if this parent has set upon you as the scapegoat – meaning blaming you for the state that parent is in or the way the family is.

Maybe you were compared to a sibling, and insulted regarding how you didn’t measure up to him or her.

This will cause the adult you to be susceptible to being blamed for other’s problems, which they refuse to take responsibility for themselves. You may also find yourself taking the blame, feeling shameful and guilty, and trying to fix things that are not your fault.

 

Number 5 Neglect

The neglect of a narcissistic parent can come in many different shapes and forms. Common are the ignoring of the needs of their children – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.

When it is all about the narcissistic parent, then others are unimportant. It’s narcissistic selfishness and self-absorption. A narcissist’s primary driver is narcissistic supply, which means getting attention and acclaim from others.

It is very common, whilst the parent is seeking supply through career, socialising, self-indulgence or pastimes, that the child will be left with the other parent or even, from a young age, on their own.

Also, many narcissists suffer from the secondary addiction (narcissistic supply being the first) of substance abuse. Addicts are unavailable parents. Narcissistic addicts are doubly so.

If this was your plight, then you learned from an early age that your life was up to you. You found it difficult to trust others and let them in. You may struggle to delegate, let people in or play team with others. You most likely hold the belief, ‘It’s always up to me. Others don’t support me.’

Or, you may crave attention and affection so much that you are highly susceptible to bonding with and trusting people far too quickly, rather than taking your time to get to know them.

 

Number 6 Superficiality

The narcissistic parent may have a completely different persona in public to within the home.

People think the narcissistic parent is lovely and has a beautiful nature; that they love and adore their family. Little do they know the truth of what goes on behind closed doors when ‘others’ are not around.

Image, pretences and having others envy and think that the narcissist has the ‘perfect’ life, is all part of a False Self constructing a False Life.

If you experienced this as a child, you may be hard on yourself regarding how you appear to others and believe that people will only accept you if you are ‘perfect’.

You will have gone through the devastation of being treated like an object, so as to present a perfect image, rather than as a blood, flesh and soul human being with feelings.

You may get into relationships with people who objectify you, and you may even do this to yourself (rather than connect to your own true feelings and needs).

 

Number 7 Control

If a child wants to express their individuality and seems to be breaking away from the family mould, then there are methods that a narcissistic parent may use to exert control.

One of them is demeaning the child’s worth, dreams and wishes, to stop him or her succeeding in breaking free. Another is to express jealousy and hostility with anything that the child wants to do away from the family. This can be directed at friends or this child’s love partner.

By keeping the child stuck and minimalised, the narcissist gets to boost his or her own insecure ego.

Another method of control can be to wrap the child up in duties and chores or a family business, or even family commitments, so that they can’t have a life of their own.

The guilting and demanding of service from a child can continue even when the narcissist is elderly, keeping the child bonded throughout their adult life.

If this has been your experience, it is likely that you feel obligated and tied to the burden of looking after others and don’t feel free enough to pursue your own dreams and goals. You may believe it is selfish to do so.

It is NOT true that You Can’t Heal!

If this video related to you, I so hope it has validated what you have been through.

I want you to know, with all of my heart, that it is NOT true that it will take decades (or a lifetime) of therapy to recover from the terrible traumas you suffered as a child.

Likewise, it is NOT true that it will take years and years for you to learn how to BE different in relationships, or for you to have healthy, reciprocal relationships of kindness, love and trust, where you can get your needs met (as well as keep healthily loving others)!

It is also NOT true that you are stuck with a narcissistic parent and the hooks that they have in you for the rest of your life.

If this has been your struggle, please come with me and let me show you how you can break free in the fastest, most guilt-free and direct way you could ever know possible.

I promise you it IS possible, and today I can help you start by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Narcissistic Abuse Is A Journey… But It Doesn’t Take As Long As You Think

Narcissistic Abuse Is A Journey… But It Doesn’t Take As Long As You Think

 

I don’t subscribe to narcissistic abuse recovery being a long drawn out process, simply surviving the effects of it, AT ALL.

Maybe you’ve been told that to heal from Narcissistic Abuse is a LONG hard road that could take you many years and even decades? And even then you will need to manage your symptoms – possible for life?

In today’s Thriver TV episode I want to help you heal – REALLY heal!

So, join me on a journey where you’ll experience deep soul mantras that will start to set you free in times and ways you never thought were possible.

 

Video Transcript

I know it is really normal to believe that recovery from narcissistic abuse is going to take you a really long time.

People will tell you that; people report this all the time.

And the reason they do, is because if the trauma from narcissistic abuse remains inside us, then it takes a long time to move past the insidious effects of it, and that’s if we can at all.

But there is a better way to do this journey of recovery.

A faster, more direct way that works. And this is what I want to talk with you about today.

It’s the way I recovered and thrived from symptoms and life events that seemed unhealable. It is also the Thriver Way that so many people, thousands in this Community, have successfully used as well.

It’s about mind and heart perspectives.

It’s about truths that set you free.

And these truths are everything.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now, to get started, I want to share with you the understanding of trauma and what it really means, along with how to switch to a Quantum understanding of it, to be in the driver’s seat to heal for REAL!

 

The Trauma of Abuse and What It Really Is

The trauma from abuse is horrific, and the trauma from narcissistic abuse is arguably the worst of the worst. It feels like a terrible black ink permeating your mind and emotions, which literally eats our soul alive.

When this horrifying trauma strikes, people are shocked that they can’t just ‘get up and on with it,’ like they possibly could do in the past.

What is this trauma really about?

It is about every inner survival fear and insecurity that any particular human can carry being FULLY activated, separating us from our True Self and Life.

The more power we hand away to False Selves (narcissists), rather than partnering directly with our Inner Being and all of Life in Quantum connected ways, the more we feel separated and cut off. We feel controlled by the narcissist, and everything we do is at the whim of what this False Source is or isn’t doing.

These people don’t provide us wholeness, solidness and safety. Instead, they bring to conscious life every unconscious fearful, limiting and generational past life and human collective wound that has been unmet and unhealed within our subconscious programs and psyches.

As human beings, these have all been a part of our human experience.

And it is these inner parts that they hook us in with, terrorise us with, and keep ripping us to shreds with.

These are the exact reasons we stay enmeshed and addicted to narcissists. It is why we are unable to let go, create healthy boundaries and render these people incapable of continuing to hurt us.

Here is the thing … when we don’t understand the truth that sets us free, then we are in for a long, hard road to recovery.

I really want to share with you this following truth. It is fundamental to you starting your recovery, or resetting it, in a way that will provide you a direct, straight line out to the other side – to your emancipation from pain and then Thriving.

Please repeat this after me.

‘This person in my life has found and is targeting and smashing the EXACT wounds that are holding me separated from my True and Thriving Life. If I stop making it about THEM, and make it all about ME and turn inwards to fully own, claim, release and heal from these wounds, then this person will have NO power over me.’

Feel this in your body.

It is the absolute cellular truth that your Inner Being KNOWS it is the truth. And you can only align with this truth if you are prepared to get out of blame and shame, looking outwards and working through your ego – which adores keeping you separated from yourself.

What we just said together is a coming home statement, which means you get into your body and start working with the one entity that you can control – you. They open you up to taking your life and your power back.

Now let’s move on to the next fundamental understanding of trauma that will set you free.

 

The Purpose of Trauma

To set the scene for this understanding, I really want you to know that Source/Creation/God wants for you EXACTLY want you want. Additionally, your soul wants to set up all the conditions to help you align with BEING the actual being who can generate this in your life.

The system of ‘so within, so without’ means that your inner composition needs to have the corresponding belief system to be able to experience what is desired as your real-life experience. Subconscious programs are absolute. They generate with life the validity of the belief system to the letter, without any preference or condition.

So, what this means is: the things in our life that aren’t working, including HORRIBLE abuse, must have a corresponding inner trauma connected to it.

If you want to remain victimised, you won’t want to accept this truth – which is totally understandable (I used to be there too!). But what this means is that there is no way out of the agony of more victimisation, powerlessness, and pain. And this is why I am so passionate about you Going Quantum and finding a way to free yourself from the victimisation, the pain and the ongoing trauma that DOES WORK.

This is done by knowing that the trauma you are feeling, which the narcissist is smashing mercilessly, is the signal of the internal beliefs and fractures that are the barriers to your True Self and True Life.

It is powerful beyond measure when we stop condemning the trauma and instead KNOW that every emotional trigger felt is granting us our greatest emancipation opportunity. It is your key to freedom. You are being led UP and OUT of what you are currently experiencing. But not only this, it is opening you up to the ongoing possibility of emancipation from established patterns and further limits in your future.

I ADORE this next mantra, which I really want to share with you because it encapsulates perfectly what I’ve just been saying. So, repeat after me:

‘I bless and accept this trauma as Divine and so meant to be, because I know that it going off in my body is letting me know exactly what to turn towards, load up and release to emancipate and exalt my life way beyond the life I am living. Because of this trauma becoming consciously known, I CAN claim my True Self and Life free from these wounds and limits.’

Okay … breathe and feel this cellularly in your body. Your body knows it’s true, if you open up, breathe and allow this statement to soak through you.

I promise you that is my credo – I adore and embrace all my triggers. I love them. I know their purpose. I know that my soul and all of Creation is totally geared to flourishing me with my True Self and Life. And what this means is that anything that is NOT just that, will come up as dense, painful energy to release and live free from, so that I can make inner space to experience Who I Really Am.

I know it can seem really tough, but it’s so important to bless this time and honour it. Because, truly, you are not just shedding months or years of trauma, you are releasing generational, childhood, past life and collective traumas.

Without this method, it will take you lifetimes to release all these accumulated traumas…

If you ever could.

You are also releasing trauma for humanity itself. Each time you shift, you are freeing the collective from internal programmed wounds.

We are on Divine assignments here, and I promise you that when you embrace it and bless it, you are on your way to fast-track recovery.

Now I want to talk about why breakdowns are vital.

 

Breakdowns Leading to Breakthroughs

If you were to build on an allotment on the site of an old, broken-down house, the most effective way to do this would be to demolish and rebuild.

The same applies with the emotional traumas in our life.

Of course, it is terrifying to let go of what we know and to allow the breakdown/breakthrough process to happen through us.

Yet, I want you to know, with all of my heart, that night-time is it’s darkest just before daybreak.

It is when we are in the worst possible breakdown, thinking that we cannot handle any more pain and darkness, that we are totally on the cusp of the breakthrough – IF we let the breakdown energy of the old GO.

As humans, this has been our greatest struggle – to recognise the divine order that is always generating wellbeing, if we get ourselves out of the way.

We miss these breakdown opportunities. We freeze, hang on to the horrific inwardly triggered trauma, create defences around it, and even fight to righteously reinforce it in our lives. We have all the reasons why we should hang on to the trauma.

This is akin to being taken down a rapid river and not going with the ecological flow, but trying to stop the process, only to get smashed disastrously against the rocks.

Triggered trauma is your breakdown – it is telling you ‘This is NOT your True Self and True Life’. If you meet this trauma, feel the energy of it in your body, and then release it, accepting your breakthrough, then you fill where that trauma once was with Source. This is the shift in Quanta Freedom Healing and the main Quantum Healing component in NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program).

The breakthrough happens within (in your Inner Universe) before it happens without (in your Outer Universe).

This means your emotions regarding the trauma must FIRST shift before the situation in your life can.

How do we know that we have successfully midwifed a breakdown to the beginning of our breakthrough?

We know because the feelings of negative emotions, victimisation and powerlessness are gone and replaced with feelings of peace and inner calm. You may even sense that ‘everything is in perfect order, no matter what it looks like’.

People may think it is ‘magical thinking’ that a shift on the inside will change your life and how narcissists react to you.

But to think like this truly is NOT realising the grand ramifications of the shift you achieve inwardly.

When you become different, your life becomes different. And this has nothing to do with what other people are or aren’t doing, because what has changed is HOW you respond to them as a different being.

As the Quantum Creator of your Life, you are always generating your life to the letter as per your beliefs, choices and actions – whether unconsciously or consciously. Narcissists in our life experience are giving us the evidence, in hardcore brutality, of what we must clean up.

When you shift to inner calm – your beingness WITHOUT that trauma – and make this inner calm your highest priority, you will discover your emotional triggers become significantly reduced or even non-existent.

You stop being derailed by your wounds. You cease to react in ways that hand the narcissist the narcissistic supply that incites them to keep wanting to abuse you for more narcissistic supply.

By cutting off narcissistic supply, and building your own inner integrity and power, you take back your power. And then you discover that you have aligned with all of the Field on that topic you were previously struggling with.

All of a sudden solutions and support show up where there was none. The right ideas, inspirations, people, synchronicities, information and events will come into your life experience to support you and to add to your wholeness and freedom (because you are BEING that BEING on the inside).

When you live this way of life consciously, you know these are not opportunities to be missed.

This is beyond powerful.

Okay, let’s anchor into this Quantum Truth by repeating the following mantra together.

‘I know that when I am in my darkest, most painful times, if I pledge to meet it and release it and bring in my Light to replace it, that I will powerfully and quickly transform to a New Self, generating the Life that I was always meant to live. And so it is amen!’

Now, after feeling that statement in your body, I would love you to pause this video and tell me in the comments below how this feels for you? Does it feel congruent in your body, or do you have some doubts and questions still?

 

The Way to Thriver Recovery

The three perspectives and understandings I’ve just shared with you, in my opinion, are the biggest and most impactful – they change everything about recovery.

It doesn’t mean that the road to recovery is always a straight line and always easy.

Absolutely it’s inner self-work; it takes effort and full, loving self-commitment. But the results are not just amazing – they are life-giving. They promise, hold and then deliver the only life that was ever going to truly gratify us – a life of living free of our limiting beliefs and wounds.

I feel so blessed every day that I have the best, most gratifying and glorious job helping people achieve a way of life, which narcissists have forced us to find, so that we can save our souls.

Furthermore, I personally live this life every day as a complete Quantum lifestyle.

It’s the only life I’ve ever found that really works – and it continues to bring me such joy every day. So much joy that my heart can barely hold it all.

I want that for all of us.

Those of you already NARPing – if you require assistance to get your Thriver Recovery going, please come into the Private NARP Member’s Forum. Here you have unlimited, free lifetime support from the best Quantum Abuse Recovery Specialists in the world.

To access this please click this link.

And, for those of you ready to start NARPing, because you want this True Life too, please check out the complete Program now by clicking this link. 

I so hope this video has helped.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Deal With Narcissistic Neighbours

How To Deal With Narcissistic Neighbours

 

It is frighteningly COMMON how often people suffer narcissistic neighbours!

I know this because many of you write in about it, and it has also happened to me!

What happens when you are living next to a deranged person who is NEVER happy, constantly complaining and even doing TERRIBLE things to you and your property?

How DO you stop these people ripping the sanctity of your home, hearth and health apart?

Does a narcissistic neighbour mean that you have to move home?

Or … can you defeat them and return your life back to HEALTH and PEACE?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you my journey regarding a narcissistic neighbour, and the sure-fire way I learned to deal with it, to help you get free of the horror and bullying of this kind of narcissist.

 

 

Video Transcript

One of the horrors that many people in this Community have experienced is Narcissistic Neighbours.

Maybe you are battling with one right now.

You are not alone … I have been through this too!

It’s awful because our homes are supposed to be our sanctity; our soft place to relax, unwind and recuperate. It’s delightful when we have lovely neighbours – people who we can connect to for support, community, friendship and even a helping hand when in need.

But what happens when you have the nightmare neighbour, whereby you can be perpetually on edge or even terrorised in your own home, literally?

How do you survive these people?

Can you turn it all around?

Or do you have to move to a new home?

Let’s get into it and find out in today’s TTV episode.

But before we do…

Thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.

 

Always Complaining

A common trait of narcissistic neighbours is their victim mentality, when they think that other people are always encroaching on them or doing the wrong thing by them.

They may state that your bins should not be placed where they are for garbage removal, because it affects them driving in or out or getting access to the mailbox.

They may complain that your pet walked across their lawn, without their permission.

If your child’s ball goes over the fence and lands in their garden, they may rant and rave about it – and even refuse to return it.

If you, or someone visiting you, parks across their driveway, even if they only overhang an inch or are there for a moment, this neighbour may knock on your door and blast you for it.

Your narcissistic neighbour may even go to authorities, such as the council or a body corporate, and make petty or fabricated complaints about you.

I used to live next door to a horrible narcissistic woman who would complain incessantly about everything on the unit block. Being her immediate wall-to-wall neighbour, I copped it the most.

The depth and breadth of her complaints seemed endless.

At the time, it seemed like this woman was showing up at my doorstep every day, complaining about something I had or hadn’t done. Even poor Tiggy, my cat, was targeted by her. She told me that he hunted birds, but he is seriously too well fed and lazy to be bothered.

I spent a great deal of my time on edge. Every time I saw her walk up the driveway I would feel the distress. This was especially true when I had someone over, in case they made a noise that she could hear.

But not only did I have to deal with these day-to-day complaints. She once tried to report me to authorities for several things, and often she would make unrealistic demands to try to get things done to her property for free. Quite frankly, she made my life a living hell.

It’s so interesting that people like this – especially narcissists – live by the rules ‘Do as I say and not as I do’.

Commonly, if not always, this type of person will be a serial offender themselves, doing similar or even worse things than what they are accusing you of doing.

This was certainly the case with my horrible neighbour, who constantly complained about any little thing out of place on my property whilst hers looked like a tip.

 

Sense of Entitlement

Narcissistic neighbours, like all narcissists, have all the justifications for what they accuse you of doing.

Maybe your nightmare neighbour regularly blocks your driveway, starts power tools up late at night, or dumps rubbish on your property. Or perhaps he or she plays loud music into the early hours of the morning or has raucous fights with their partner or family, which disrupt your peace.

Maybe this neighbour’s yard or front porch is full of rubbish and mess, and they don’t care about how it affects other neighbours.

Perhaps they have started erecting, building or modifying things on your joint boundary without your permission.

Possibly your narcissistic neighbour has a pet, who is creating damage or serious noise pollution and he or she refuses to do anything about it.

This neighbour may ask to borrow things from you and then return them damaged, saying that they were already like that (and that’s if they return the items at all).

The truth is narcissists don’t have a peripheral sense of others. They don’t care about other people and their comfort needs – it’s all about them and their own agenda.

 

The Malignant Narcissistic Neighbour

I know that some of you have had to deal with narcissistic neighbours with zero conscious and truly criminal intent, and my heart goes out to you.

Maybe your experience with a narcissistic neighbour has been so terrible that you have been physically threated, or suspect or know they have broken into your home. Maybe this sociopathic person has performed malicious acts designed to intimidate and harass you, or have even hurt your loved ones or pets.

Naturally, this could be terrifying and cause you a great deal of trauma and distress.

 

How Do You Know If Your Neighbour Is Narcissistic Or Not?

As Thrivers learning to be healthy, healed, authentic people in every area of our life – we need to raise up and get past the fear of confrontation.

Let me explain to you with this example.

Many years ago I had a neighbour who was constantly blocking my driveway. It disturbed me greatly, and I felt violated. If I was on the phone to a girlfriend, I would look out the window and tell her how terrible it was that this was happening to me.

But … was I being responsible for my own boundaries and wellbeing? NO, I wasn’t!

Back then I was terrified of confronting people and having the difficult conversations, because I was dealing with my own inner terrors of CRAP – the feelings that if I spoke up about my needs I would be criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished.

After doing the deep inner work to heal these fears, I knew it was my responsibility to knock on the neighbour’s door and have a conversation with that houseowner and ask for what I needed.

Nowadays, if I have friends in my life complaining about people in their life I ask them, ‘Have you gone to this person and told them honestly what is going on for you?’ Invariably they haven’t, and I know exactly why. They are terrified of asserting their truth and maybe pissing others off. Instead, they make excuses for not speaking up – just as I used to do.

But here is the thing… With anyone in our life – narcissist or non-narcissist – it is up to us to confront them and to be honest and solid about what we need, in clear and powerful ways.

This person may or may not respond healthily, however, by confronting them we grant them the opportunity to respond and for the situation to be rectified.

If the person is non-narcissistic, he or she will generally acknowledge you and work with you to rectify a situation. And in most cases the result will be wonderful.

People aren’t mind readers, and we need to get past the righteous belief that ‘people should just know what the right thing is to do’.

The truth is that it’s our job to teach other people how to treat us. People who don’t treat us respectfully are A.I.D.s (Angels In Disguise posing as thoughtless people). These A.I.D.s are awakening us to anchor into our own inner power of authenticity, self-respect, and truthfulness, in accordance with the care, value, and respect we should have for ourselves.

All of us as Thriving Adults have to be able to heal and mature ourselves up enough to speak up honestly and truthfully, and we must be prepared to have the difficult conversations.

 

What to Expect If Your Neighbour Is a Narcissist

After working on your inner terrors of NOT being able to put your best foot forward while speaking up for what you need (my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is the Quantum Tool to help you breakthrough in this area) you will know whether this person is capable of working with you in harmonious ways or not.

Traditionally a narcissist will refuse to be remorseful or take responsibility. He or she may reject any notion that they did anything wrong, or that there is any need for them to correct or cease what they are doing. He or she will commonly throw back at you tit-for-tat comments about what you have been doing to them.

 

How to Keep Stepping Up to Combat a Narcissistic Neighbour

This is where the inner work is so important.

People ask me all the time, ‘How does doing “that” (whatever “that” is) work with this narcissist in my life?’

I want you to understand that the foundation to HOW we deal with ANY narcissist in our life is identical.

These are the steps:

  1. Know it is our own job to honour and walk our truth and boundaries, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing, and
  2. Go inside, self-partner and use NARP to address, release and reprogram the fears and traumas that the narcissist is triggering off within you – and then emerge fearless and emotionally solid to take action in your next steps.

By creating this inner foundation first and foremost, you are no longer able to being derailed and emotionally hijacked. You can be clear, systematic and methodical in how you challenge the situation.

When my narcissistic neighbour upped her anti and started pulling in authorities and neighbours to bully me, I knew I had to do something.

I knew I needed to Go Quantum.

So I did…

I stopped playing victim and complaining to everyone about her, recognising that this was an incredible opportunity for me to evolve into my own power and truth, and to generate my healthy life regardless of her attempts.

Below is what I did. It has helped clients and NARPers to combat their troublesome narcissistic neighbours as well, and I know it will help you too.

However, please note, without the inner work and keeping on top of purging and detoxifying all inner trauma triggered, this method may not, and usually won’t, work.

We have to get very CLEAR. It doesn’t matter what you are DOING to combat a narcissistic abuser in your life, if you are not taking care of your BEINGNESS, as your first point of action, then your results (so within, so without) will reflect MORE of your traumatised beingness and won’t reflect any of the doingness – regardless of how much effort you are putting into it.

Okay, having worked on yourself to lose the fear of your narcissistic neighbour, here is the powerful formula I followed.

First, I created an email regarding all her complaints against me. I then unemotionally listed her grievances and the dates and the times they were made, and copied in on the email the other owners and the body corporate.

I then wrote down what I was prepared to do to resolve the complaints and what I wasn’t prepared to do to comply. I made sure the tone I used was calm and logical.

For every unresolved point, I asked for her to respond to the group email with her suggestion for resolution.

I then hit send!

I enjoyed creating and adding to the list, sending a new email with each and every new grievance and threat she inflicted on me, each time stating what I wished for as resolution and inviting her feedback as a solution.

She was now exposed. Other eyes were watching. She had no suggestions for resolution, and suddenly she stopped complaining to me about things.

As well as this, the other owners, to whom she had been smearing me, came to me shocked by her behaviour and what she had been demanding and threatening. They apologised for believing all the horrible things she had said about me.

I then wrote another group email, regarding my grievances with her and asked for what I wished for as resolution and invited her input for a solution.

Again, nothing was forthcoming from her.

I was doing so many shifts on myself with the NARP processes about her – any time I felt any triggered emotion within – that it was no longer uncomfortable bumping into her on the apartment property. I was just simply going about my life, holding my head high, without feeling any dread about her whatsoever.

I was, by this stage, revelling in the opportunity for my up levelling inner solidness, boundaries and the knowing of how to live powerfully narc-proof. It was an exciting time for me!

She, on the other hand, switched from stalking and terrorising my every move to leaving me alone.

At the next Body Corporate meeting, I was armed with all the facts – my email correspondence and invitations to seek resolution, and her non-compliance with any of it.

She unravelled in front of everyone, as I unemotionally and factually read out the details. She got nasty and blamed her behaviour on her health problems. She had nowhere to hide.

Not long after that she put her house on the market, sold up and moved out.

Just another narcissist not getting narcissistic supply and not being able to operate as a narcissist. As with all narcissists, she had to get out. There is no other option.

My new neighbour is BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t ask for a more delightful lady to live next door!

See what happens when we change ourselves from the inside out and then show up in life as our New Self?

We generate a soul-graduation and then everything shifts to match that.

 

The Necessary Inner Shift Into Freedom and Power

This is the thing – narcissistic neighbours, like all narcissists, trigger off within us our unhealed terrors. And when this happens, they grant us the incredible opportunity to heal these terrors and evolve ourselves. The healing we generate means not just emerging safely from what we are going through, but also living free of these terrors forevermore.

I am so grateful for my narcissistic neighbour and her shenanigans. It was because of my time with her that I was able to release, heal and resolve my inner fears of authorities – being thrown out by my community and people, feeling guilty, bad or wrong for things I was or wasn’t doing, and also my terrors of trying to have my rights to my own privacy and life – whilst people were violating my boundaries.

I really want you to understand that every narcissist in your life is granting you a soul journey of incredible power, divinity and evolution – when you are prepared to turn inwards and do the work. This soul journey then allows you to enter the arena with a narcissist in a way that you have never before.

A way that works.

I know you may feel like the narcissist in your life is TOO bad for you to do this with. Yet I promise you that the person behind the mask will be powerless once you heal within you the traumas that they have been using as the bullets against you to keep firing at you.

This goes for ANY narcissist.

I so hope this video has helped.

Now, if you know it’s time to graduate, stand up and get powerful – I’m here to help you. Let’s make this happen together. All you need to do to get started is to click this link to my free 16 Day Recovery Course.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

Does this information about narcissistic neighbours resonate with you? Are you excited about up levelling and taking this newfound power on to combat any narcissist who is bullying you?

I’d love to hear about this in comments and questions below.

 

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narcissistic ex-husband

4 Things To Keep In Mind When Dealing With a Narcissistic Ex-Husband

narcissistic ex-husband

 

Marriage is meant to be a beautiful thing experienced between two individuals who care for and support one another as equals. It is a rarity for someone to be dealing with a genuinely narcissistic individual as a life partner, but these situations do exist.

There are times when even after the divorce has been finalized, the other partner still has to deal with their narcissistic ex-husband for one reason or another.

These reasons can include having mutual friends or even having children with each other. Regardless of why there are ways that you can keep your distance and deal with having to face your narcissistic ex-husband once in a while for reasons that are out of your control.

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Keep Everyone Involved in Mind

Even if you were not married, there was still a “divorce” of sorts that took place between you and your now ex-partner. When two individuals decide to part ways, especially if they were together for a long period of time, it is generally more than just the two of them that are affected.

If you do not maintain boundaries for yourself, if you have children together, then this type of boundary-stepping can also affect the dynamic there. Being raised by a narcissist does its own kind of damage.

Maintain Your Personal Boundaries

By coming to the understanding that you have experienced a real separation for a purpose, it can become easier to deal with the definitive ending of your relationship with a narcissistic individual. Sometimes narcissistic individuals will try to hang on to some semblance of a relationship with their ex-spouses, even after the separation. If this is allowed to happen, then the relationship between them continues in a dysfunctional and unhealthy way.

Many narcissists like the idea of having multiple wives, in a sense. One to take care of their emotional needs and another to take care of their physical demands at home. Being firm with your ex-husband and setting boundaries between you can help to prevent this type of inappropriate “sister wife” situation from forming.

Personal Safety is Key

If you do not feel safe in your own home, then there are steps you can take to reestablish your sense of personal safety. Let’s say that you live in a home that you shared with your narcissistic ex-husband for many years. Perhaps he knows the home and the area like the back of his hand and you no longer feel comfortable living in the area, now that you have divorced.

Whether you have a restraining order on your ex-husband or not, there is no reason why you should have to live in a state of constantly looking over your shoulder. You can either choose to move to a new home or you can invest in something like a high-tech smart security system to protect yourself.

Remember That It’s Your Life

While you may have to interact with your narcissistic ex-husband, unless they are court-ordered to maintain a certain distance from you, that does not mean that you have to deal with them in any way outside of the necessary interactions. If you have to speak to your ex, due to matters having to do with your children or business-related manners, there is no reason to give in to any of their expectations on what they want from you beyond these short interactions.

Being polite and civil is different than spilling all of your most intimate information. You do not have to answer any of their personal questions if you do not feel comfortable in doing so. Since you are split up, there is no longer any reason why you should have to answer any questions they may have on your whereabouts, who you are seeing, and what you have been doing without them around.

Photo by Niklas Hamann on Unsplash

The post 4 Things To Keep In Mind When Dealing With a Narcissistic Ex-Husband appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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8 Signs You Are Suffering From Narcissistic Abuse

8 Signs You Are Suffering From Narcissistic Abuse

 

Many people are not sure whether or not they are suffering from narcissistic abuse. Cognitive dissonance and the confusion that goes with abuse can have a lot to do with this.

Today I want to grant you eight signs to know that you are suffering narcissistic abuse, so that not only can you have clarity, but also you know where to go from here.

If this is your first time dealing with narcissistic abuse, you may not realise that by the time you’re suffering these eight signs things are serious, and if you don’t get clarity and start making decisions to protect yourself it’s going to get much worse.

Those of you who are going through this again, like myself and many others did twice or more, we really need to face up to the facts about what toxic relationships look like and who we need to be to get out of them and stay out of them.

This is exactly what today’s article is all about – the awareness and solutions to empower you up and out of narcissistic abuse. Please know this article is about absolutely any narcissist in your life – all the signs apply to any toxic relationship such as a spouse, lover, family member, neighbour or friend. Anyone.

 

Number 1: Your Relationship Is Not Kind, Caring Or Sane

Now, this is where we need to get really clear. Toxic relationships can be very confusing at times, making it difficult to know ‘who is who in the zoo’. This happens because a toxic person will spin it back on you, blame you and will not be accountable.

I really want to say this about the first of the eight signs that you are suffering from narcissistic abuse: if someone hurts you and is not capable of a genuine apology, and you keep hanging out with this person, they will continue to hurt you. They will never be remorseful and, of course, will continue the same behaviour.

We do need to understand what out-of-bounds behaviour is. It can range all the way from name-calling to physical abuse; to mental abuse and pathological lying; to having no regard for your property or the people you care about … the list goes on and on.

I have included here a link to my article Are You With a Narcissist?  so that you can get very clear about what narcissistic behaviours are.

If you are in a relationship with a person who repeats out-of-bound behaviours that are violating and hurtful, first of all know our Inner Being always registers this! This means you are being abused. If this person makes false or non-existent apologies, has no respect or care for your feelings, blames you for the problems, and even smears you to others telling them you are the bad guy or girl and that it is he or she who is being abused, then this is absolutely narcissistic.

The Truth About This

People either have a decent character or they don’t. We are not going to change who people are – it is us who needs to change for us to have any chance of a healthy, loving and happy life.

That entails letting go of our connection to someone like this, healing ourselves by doing the inner work, and getting very clear about our own self-love, self-worth, boundaries and how to generate real, loving and responsible adult relationships in the future.

A person like this simply does not have the resources to grant us this – but we can.

Now let’s look at the second sign that you are suffering from narcissistic abuse.

 

Number 2: You Are Dealing With Immature Behaviour and Give Up Pieces of Yourself To Comply

A hallmark of narcissistic relationships is this person gets bent out of shape on hair-line triggers that mature adults just don’t get upset about. Also, they believe they are entitled to and expect preferential treatment, and can be nasty, demanding, punishing and even explosive if they don’t receive it.

You discover that there are certain things you just can’t naturally or normally talk about. Likewise, there are things that you would normally be free to do, that may be unacceptable or risky now.

Maybe if this person doesn’t get their own way, they will abandon you or threaten to leave you, and again you start doing things outside of your comfort and value systems to stop this happening.

Often your inner being is screaming ‘no’ when the narcissist asks for something, but you know what could take place if you don’t comply, so you give up your time, resources, and even life, trying to keep this person happy, which ironically doesn’t work and the walking on broken glass doesn’t stop either.

The Truth About This

You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t, and it doesn’t matter how many shapes you twist yourself into, they are still not happy.

You will never make this person happy, and it’s not your job to either. Your true soul mission is to align with the truth of your soul and then you will serve others and life in holistic and healthy ways. By staying with someone like this, not only are you being destroyed but you are also hurting the people who care about you. By staying with them and trying to please them, you are enabling this person to continue being an abuser.

No one wins in the healthy stakes in this dynamic.

Okay, so the third sign that you are suffering from narcissistic abuse is this…

 

Number 3: You Are Angry, Disjointed and Are Behaving In Ways That You Normally Don’t

I believe a good indication that you are being narcissistically abused is seeing the discrepancy with how you feel with this person in relation to your everyday dealings with other people.

If you know that you have integrity, can listen, have empathy, are capable of having sane conversations and get along with most people in your life, and yet there is ‘this’ person who brings out the worst in you – this is generally because your boundaries are being violated and the normal modes of human operations don’t stand.

The circular arguments you are having make your head spin, because they go around and around on unrelated tangents – points that make no sense. Narcissists use these tactics when confronted, or they argue with you to manipulate you into something unwholesome:

Toxic people:

  • make excuses for their behaviour.
  • minimise an incident altogether.
  • accuse someone else of wrongdoing.
  • confuse you with antics or trivia to take you off the subject.
  • use allies, real or fabricated, to back up their argument.
  • use ‘tit for tat’ behaviours relating to something you did in the past.
  • state how disloyal your accusations of them are.
  • discredit your observations, owing to your ‘unstable’ past.

And the list goes on and ON! You feel like your head is spinning and the frustration, pain and trauma is beyond intense.

The Truth About This

Please get VERY clear about this – when you are enmeshed with a sick person, you get sick.

If you are experiencing these type of instances in your relationship, it is time to pull away, get away and heal. You may not realise it, but what you are doing is granting what this person wants – the drama and significance of knowing they can hook you in and affect you so much. It’s called narcissistic supply. You need to cut this off to have any chance of getting your soul and life back.

 

Number 4: You Find Yourself Trying To Prove That You Are A Good Person

Because the narcissist is regularly accusing you of all the things that they are and do, such as lacking integrity and love and care for people, being unfaithful, lying, making it all about yourself, wanting to use people for your own gain, etc., naturally you will be incensed and try extremely hard to prove and convince them otherwise.

You will be shocked at the allegations regarding things that you don’t do and aren’t capable of doing, which, in actual fact, you know are what the narcissist does.

You may have said in total shock and horror to the narcissist, ‘Do you have a mirror?’ or ‘You have no idea who I am’ or ‘If you really think that about me, why are you with me?’

The Truth About This

This is another deadly hook that narcissists can get us enmeshed with them on. If we believe that our integrity, character, wellbeing and safety is dependent on what other people think of us, then we are really susceptible to this narcissistic behaviour.

To truly heal we need to detach from other people who have warped versions of us and then heal inside to get to the solid place of knowing. It’s only our version of ourselves that is vital. And when we are true to our ‘self’, who and what is healthy will follow, and those that don’t we will easily leave alone.

 

Number 5: You Are Mopping Up the Messes

Being connected with a narcissist has lots of drama, rough edges and quite frankly means that disasters are always looming.

Narcissists usually aren’t good with detail, accountability or sensibility. They fly high, seeking narcissistic supply and acclaim with not much thought for ‘doing the right thing’. It’s normal to have all sorts of things pop up as a result of the narcissist’s loose and non-accountable behaviour, which of course is always someone else’s fault.

If your life is connected with one of these people, it is usual that you will be paying their fines, sorting out their messes and dramas, and even lying for them to cover their tracks.

It’s like this analogy – as you are watering their back lawn trying to keep it green, yours gets parched, turns brown and dies.

The Truth About This

This is how narcissists roll, and this is what happens to the sensible, well-meaning, responsible people who narcissists like to recruit into their lives.

Know that when you are emptied out you will be discarded and the narcissist will then find some other good, responsible person to take on the mopping-up task for them.

One of the greatest gifts of our recovery, when we walk away from people like this and do the inner work, is we learn how to be responsible for ourselves and generate lives with people who take responsibility, and we stop enabling people who don’t.

By walking away, healing and re-starting our life with self-responsibility – being left to ‘mop up messes’ won’t happen to us again.

 

Number 6 – Your Boundaries Are Being Disintegrated

In a relationship with a narcissist you will find it difficult to speak up, stand up for yourself or hold boundaries. And when you try to do so, you are criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished.

To try to minimalise the trauma and mayhem that breaks out – you start to give up on trying to assert your needs.

Or maybe, because you have dissolved into so many feelings of powerlessness, helplessness and despair, you find yourself begging or pleading for your boundaries to be respected. Discovering that the narcissist has zero empathy for you and won’t comply, takes you down into an even deeper place of helplessness.

The Truth About This

It’s extremely common for people with poor boundaries to get involved with narcissists. When we get away and start healing and recovering our True Selves, we can become someone who has a healthy boundary function.

Then we know going forward that it isn’t about other people getting our boundaries, rather it is about us knowing our values, limits and truths; and if people can’t respect that, then these people can’t be in our life – no matter who they are.

For most of us this is our most important recovery work – because when we were young we weren’t able to establish and develop our inner truth, values and needs.

 

Number 7: You Feel Addicted, Disjointed and Manic

A perverse addiction happens with narcissists. There are many reasons we get trauma-bonded to them, and I’m sharing these resources on trauma bonding and peptide addiction to help you understand what it is all about.

Trauma Bonding – Is It Love Or Something Else?

The Answer To Narcissistic Abuse That No One Is Talking About  – Peptide Addiction

Suffice to say, before you understand what is going on with you physiologically – meaning within the cells in your literal body, which is hijacking 95% of your feelings, thoughts and your nervous system – you may feel manic and unable to stop trying to contact or hook back up with the narcissist, even when you know how much you continually get hurt by doing so.

We can be horrified with how addicted we are to someone who treats us so terribly. It just doesn’t make logical sense, hence why you really need to look at these resources above that I have provided you with.

I have had ex-heroin addicts tell me that getting off a narcissist is ten times harder than getting off heroin. After going through the horrifying narcissistic addiction myself, which nearly claimed my life, I can see what they mean.

The Truth About This

It is of course very serious when it gets to a stage where we simply can’t talk ourselves out of doing the actions that we know are putting ourselves back into the fire to get burnt again.

Deep inner healing in our subconscious is so necessary to start shifting out the trauma; to be able to be in our inner beings with ourselves, self-soothing, looking after ourselves and no longer handing power away in ways that are dangerous and possibly even tragically self-disintegrating.

 

Number 8: You Are Suffering Abuse Symptoms

Things are now very serious. When our emotional Inner Being has been screaming out for our attention and we haven’t as yet pulled away and turned inwards to heal and tend to our own soul and life-force, then physically we start breaking down for our soul to fully get our attention.

It is likely that anxiety and depression, and even greater issues like fibromyalgia, adrenal issues, PTSD and agoraphobia, start to develop. You lose interest in the activities, people and self-care, which used to grant you energy, as the toxic person in your life takes up more and more of your energy and focus.

As we get stripped away more and more, and keep handing our power, energy and attention away only to become less and less, the shame and pain becomes so great that we may start hiding out from the world, lying to people, covering up and feel even more isolated in our traumatic feelings and symptoms.

The Truth About This

How bad does it have to get before we awaken to the truth?

If we stay things get worse. And if we leave and don’t attend to our inner healing, things get worse.

We may lose a lot by leaving, as many of us have, however, by leaving we can achieve the greatest gain – finally turning inwards to integrate with ourselves so that we are in a position of wholeness and can be in control of our choices and have the power to look after ourselves and create a healthy, happy and truly loving life.

 

In Conclusion

Okay, please know this – there are varying degrees of narcissism and there also are people who can just be clueless and selfish but not necessarily afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

If someone in your life does not share your values and doesn’t care for your feelings, then this is not a healthy relationship for you. As soon as we try changing other people, it’s time to pull away and say to ourselves and them, ‘This is who I am and what I need for us to continue.’

The person then either steps up, because they wish to change and meet us there or doesn’t – and if they don’t, we care and love people enough, regardless of who they are, to let them have their version of life for themselves – even if it is not what we want.

But the real question is: Are YOU whole enough to walk away if they don’t or can’t meet you where you are at?

That’s the Thriver development that we all need to do if we are to be whole and safe and powerful regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

That’s my favourite personal inner work, and I love to help others get there too – hence why I’m inviting you now to join me in my 16-day free course, which you can access immediately by clicking this link.

Or if you think you are ready to truly ready to heal for real from abuse, I’d love to guide you every step of the way in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.

Please share this article with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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7 Signs You Are Going To Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

7 Signs You Are Going To Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

 

Narcissistic abuse recovery can be confusing.

It is not always a straight line!

And … I know you need support and information from people like myself who have been through it, to know WHAT to EXPECT.

That’s why in Today’s Thriver TV Episode I wanted to share with you seven signs to help you know that you ARE on track with recovery.

I also want to help those of you who are not doing Thriver Recovery yet, to get clearer about what REAL recovery looks like and how to start aligning with it.

Wherever you are at – this episode will bring you validation, clarity and much needed answers!

 

 

Video Transcript

I love today’s TTV Episode because I know it will give you hope, and that’s so important because in narcissistic abuse recovery it’s not a straight line, and that can be confusing.

We may come so far and then think we have gone screaming backwards – but in fact we haven’t.

It is my greatest hope today that this episode will demystify recovery for you and help you know what it means to be on track. Also, to powerfully get you on track, I am granting you a NARP Version 3 Goal Setting Statement with each of the seven points.

Okay, before we get started, thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s dive in.

 

#1 You Come Home To Being In Your Body

Such a big part of abuse symptoms is dissociation. The truth is, if we didn’t have a parent modelling for us how to process our troubled emotions through to calm and safety, our unhealed emotions became trapped trauma within.

As trauma builds, it may be impossible to withstand the painful feelings inside, so as a coping strategy from a young age we may have learned how to ‘check out’ and not ‘be’ in our bodies.

Absolutely as adults when we experience the emotional assaults of narcissistic abuse, that we haven’t processed through to completion and healing yet, the levels of inner trauma are so great that we become dissociative. We may be so checked out that we feel numb and spaced out and possibly can’t even feel our extremities and body parts.

Our life coming back online is about being able to reconnect with and get safe and solid in our bodies. The more we start releasing trauma when we turn inwards to self-partner, the more we can bring in Source to where the trauma once was. We start navigating our life from our truths and values inside us, rather than handing our power away to others.

After being dissociative, if you are doing the essential inner work to release your trauma and heal, you may start ‘feeling’ like yourself again. You will become aware of body parts and emotions and feelings inside of you.

A large part of our essential healing is becoming more able to be with our feelings and name them.  The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) helps you do this powerfully – creating a safe way to reconnect inside, release trauma and heal yourself from the inside out.

To get back into our bodies, even though at first it seems highly uncomfortable, means that our life starts to reflect the glory and success of Life and others partnering us, just as we are now doing for ourselves.

And we discover, after a time, just how comforting, empowering and loving it feels, as well as completely natural, to be with ourselves self-partnered in our own body.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement that goes with this is: ‘I return into my body, release my trauma, and nestle into my values and truths.’

 

#2 Having Self-Compassion and Healthy Self-Talk

One of our greatest realisations after narcissistic abuse, is that the outer critical condemning person was often mirroring our own internal critic. How we were never good enough, hadn’t done enough and couldn’t live up to our own conditional standards.

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is a profound journey to realise that self-criticism, self-rejection and self-abandonment is no way to heal, get better and do better. When we start to become conscious of being our own lover and supporter, we start to gather wholeness, courage and capacity to change from the inside out.

This is a huge turnaround from the shame and blame we continually inflicted on ourselves, which contributed to us accepting bad treatment from other people because it mirrored the way we used to treat ourselves.

It is so true – we accept the level of love at the level we love and accept ourselves.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I now support and speak to myself lovingly. It’s my love that my inner being seeks the most.’

 

#3 You Accept and Settle Into the Healing Process

We can carry all sorts of inner beliefs about not being lovable or worthy of love or anything good until we are ‘perfect’. That is a ridiculous and false premise that has been a part of ingrained human conditioning that in no way serves us.

When you start loving and accepting yourself – flaws, wounds and all – you will discover something very powerful: your healing is much easier, because you no longer have conditions on it.

When we have accepted that we are all wounded and imperfectly perfect, and take responsibility for healing our wounds and releasing ourselves into happier, healthier higher trajectories of living – to benefit ourselves and the All – this changes everything about our healing.

Then you can check in with yourself about what to do to love and hold yourself in times of need. You can work with NARP healing Modules and self-care practices, rather than trying to push and force yourself into shape.

By supporting ourselves with unconditional love, and being in the joyous process of eternal evolution, we get to experience the right support, information, miracles and synchronicities as well as unconditional love from others in our life.

We realise the process of evolving ourselves and self-love right now is the key, not the destination of being ‘healed’.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I accept that I am in an eternal process of evolution with no requirement. I simply get happier, healthier and more whole and serve others and Life in Higher Ways.’

 

#4 You Start To Love Your Own Company and Peace and Tranquillity

Abusive situations are full of highs, lows, and drama. We may not realise that we are or were carrying all sorts of crisis consciousness patterns, keeping us unconsciously stuck in situations where we needed to fight battles and put out fires.

Because of our unhealed inner trauma, drama allowed us to self-avoid because we didn’t know how to be alone with our unresolved feelings, beliefs and inner traumas.

However, when you purposely turn inwards to self-partner and meet your emotions to release trauma and bring in the Light to heal, you will start to adore peace, calm and tranquillity.

This is when you will start to see the joy and value in the small things, nature, and Life itself.

No longer will you have the stomach for issues, turmoil, and drama.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘I settle into the richness of peace and stillness, from where all opportunity is born.’

 

#5 You Feel Great and Then A Massive Trigger Goes Off Inside You

I really wanted to include this one, because it can be so deceiving. When a trigger goes off inside us, many people think that they have gone backwards in their recovery.

This is not true! These triggers can happen often in narcissistic abuse recovery such as in the time of breaking No Contact. This has happened to many of us after days, weeks, months or years.

There could be, of course, other triggers rather than breaking No Contact that go off for you such as when the ex-narcissistic partner gets a new partner, your kids get involved with a new step-parent, or the narcissist takes you to court. The list is endless.

Or maybe it is a feeling, a trigger that gets set off within you for no logical reason.

Please know this is totally on cue for your recovery. What it means is that now, after reaching a certain level of your evolution and healing, the next BIG wound that is ready to go has appeared for you to unpack it. This happens so you can go UP even higher and freer into your True Self and True Life.

If you feel like the trauma is so big that it’s a 10/10 in intensity – I promise you that if you meet it, release it and bring in Source to replace it (the NARP process), that the graduation, great feelings and bursting forth into your empowerment on the other side is a 10/10 as well.

That’s all you have to do!

These times, during absolute breakdown, are where your greatest acceleration in healing takes place. But only if you meet the trauma in your body and do the inner work, rather than get dragged into your head and ‘stinking thinking’ about it.

These are golden breakdown/breakthrough times of HUGE power and healing!

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By meeting my trauma as it arises, I burst free into the higher trajectories of my soul’s dreams.’

 

#6 You Drop the Need to Attach to a False Identity

Before narcissistic abuse, most of us were inner identified with labels and achievements. We may have believed we were only as good as the security we had, what we achieved, what our last pay cheque was, how we looked, what people thought of us – the list goes on and on and on.

After we are narcissistically abused, very often the things that our previous identity used to be reliant on are wiped out. Many of us have had so much stripped from us, including our security, resources and health.

This means that we are left with only one thing to turn towards and value – our soul.

From here you make the transition into living free from conditions, achievements and outcomes in order to be whole.

When our Identity is no longer reliant on what we have or become, and is generated on the state of our Inner Being without props, this changes everything. Because we finally go about the healing of our shattered feelings instead of trying to get something from the outside to try to fix them.

Once we achieve this, which NARP powerfully does, then the doing and getting become effortless because it is an expression of who we are already Being.

We also no longer do the clinging to people and things, because we know that everything other than the worth and wholeness of our own soul is transient.

This is the true personal freedom that many of us never glimpsed, let alone experienced, until going through Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By valuing and healing my soul, I know Who I Am and create more of myself with freedom and joy.’

 

#7 You Have Made Yourself Your Greatest Mission

Many people try to ‘get’ to ‘be’ until we realise the Quantum Law of so within, so without. This is perfectly understandable. We simply didn’t realise that life is about becoming an integrated, functional whole Being and that once we realise this our life mission will unfold.

What we are seeking to be and do is seeking us just as much – but we have fractures and false beliefs and traumas in our way that are not allowing this Source to flow through us as us.

We may also have the mistaken belief that what Source/God/Creation wants us to do is not what we want to do. This is completely a false premise because this higher benevolent force is you, and once aligned with it you will be flourished and nourished beyond your wildest dreams. You will be living the only life that was truly going to gratify you – the life you were born to live – if you only get yourself out of the way.

I don’t know of any force more powerful for you to align with your True Self and True Life of gifts and aspirations than narcissistic abuse recovery– as myself and countless Thrivers in this community have done.

Virtually all of us before recovery were trying to find our missions out there in life, not realising they were inside us ready to flow out once our traumas were out of the way.

Our soul urge coupled with all of Creation is too big not to happen, once you clear your trauma and fill with the Light that is you and your mission.

The healing of your soul is your biggest and most important job – and all else comes from that.

The NARP Goal Setting Statement is: ‘By assigning me as my greatest mission, my true mission outflows from me effortlessly.’

I so hope this video has helped.

Okay, if you want to start getting aligned with these truths to boost and actualise your recovery beyond your wildest dreams, then I’d love to help you.

So partner with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Narcissistic Ex? Here are 5 Communication Tips

Narcissistic Ex? Here are 5 Communication Tips

What do narcissists want more than anything? Approval and adulation from others. So if you really need something from him, you may have to compliment him.

The post Narcissistic Ex? Here are 5 Communication Tips appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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narcissistic ex-husband

Maddie’s Story: I No Longer Blame Myself For The Harm My Narcissistic Ex-Husband Caused

narcissistic ex-husband

 

blame – adj : expletives used informally as intensifiers; “he’s a blasted idiot”; “it’s a blamed shame”; “a blame cold winter”; “not a blessed dime”; “I’ll be damned (or blessed or darned or goddamned) if I’ll do any such thing”; “he’s a damn (or goddam or goddamned) fool”; “a deuced idiot”; “tired or his everlasting whimpering”; “an infernal nuisance” 1: an accusation that you are responsible for some lapse or misdeed; 2: a reproach for some lapse or misdeed.

I was 45 years old, divorced and raising two sons on my own and for six years I had needed someone to blame for my predicament. I was finally able to blame someone after a conversation with my son. He was having some difficulty, emotionally, with the financial problems we faced to keep him enrolled in his college courses.

He was struggling at a time when his only concern should have been what courses he would take and living the carefree life of a college student. He was upset and through his tears, he said to me, “Mom, if we had played a role in this I might be able to deal with it. If I held some responsibility for the way things are with Dad it wouldn’t hurt so deeply.”

I began to reflect on my role in the pain of my divorce and the damage done to my children. Isn’t it human nature to want someone to blame your problems on? If there is someone to blame then we might be able to extract some justice and feel vindicated for our suffering.

As I sat thinking back I realized that the ultimate blame lay with me, the person who had fallen in love with and married his father. I had looked across a room one night a little over two decades ago and with one momentary look at his face, my fate and the fate of my children had been sealed. What came in between then and now has been, at times, powerfully loving and incredibly cruel.

How I Met my Narcissistic Ex-Husband

Connie and I chose a table close to the door and ordered a couple of drinks. We hadn’t been there long when I glanced over at the bar and noticed a group of guys sitting at the bar. I had an immediate and intense attraction to the looks of one of them.

He had a square jaw line, full lips with a perfect receding hairline. If there is such a thing!

He had a little boy look about him. He smiled at one of his friends and there were dimples, deep dimples that lay right below beautiful, icy blue eyes and rosy cheeks. He had a sweetness to his face and before I had even spoken to him, I knew, from his look, that he would be able to grab my attention and hold it.

I look back now and realize that look was the look of the “walking wounded” and that my attraction to it had to do with my need to rescue, take care of and love unconditionally anyone who needed to be fixed.

And, wounded he was. Wounded beyond fixing no matter how hard I tried. He was one of nine sons raised by a devout Catholic mother who thought it her religious duty to procreate but not mother and an absent father who thought raising the children was women’s work. He became the love of my life, the father of my children and a man who would do immeasurable harm to those who loved him most.

To be continued…

The post Maddie’s Story: I No Longer Blame Myself For The Harm My Narcissistic Ex-Husband Caused appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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10 Things To Look Forward To After Narcissistic Abuse

10 Things To Look Forward To After Narcissistic Abuse

 

After narcissistic abuse we can feel that life will never be good again.

We crave for something new and different.

Today, I’m going to share with you ten beautiful Thriver Gifts that come naturally to you when you heal from the inside out.

These include learning what it means to love, support and approve of yourself while no longer accepting toxic people in your life, how to be present in the Now and have a greater connection to Source accepting that everything is perfect just as it is, and experiencing being open-hearted and authentic, therefore uplevelling relationships so that life just gets better and better!

Also, for those of you who are NARPers, I share with you some of my favourite Goal Setting Statements to help you anchor deeply into these Ten Thriver Gifts!

 

 

Video Transcript

For many of us in the world, today is Mother’s Day.

I’d love to take this opportunity to say Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful mother, Lorraine, as well as all the lovely Mothers in our Thriver Community.

I know that this day can be quite a painful day for many of our Thriver Tribe, because you may be estranged from your mother or even your children. If this is the case, please feel a big, warm hug from myself and the MTE Team. I want you to know how special you all are and how loved by us.

Today, I want to focus on some positive things as my Mother’s Day gift to all of you – including the lovely guys in our community. This is information regarding the ten greatest things that we get to look forward to after narcissistic abuse. I hope you will find this information inspiring, regardless of where you are on your journey.

Also, I want to share powerful statements for those of you NARPers using the Goal Setting Modules as well as a BIG acceleration with the new Thriver’s Life Modules in NARP Version 3.

So, before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s jump in.

 

Number 1 – Loving, Supporting and Approving Ourselves

We discover through our brokenness and associated victimisation after narcissistic abuse, that the more we try to get love, approval and support from others, the less we get it and the more broken we become.

It may seem that other people are not ‘getting’ what we have been through. Family, friends, systems and legal personnel turning away and not helping is beyond horrific.

However, truly, this is all part of the divine plan, because we are meant to be stripped back to leave us no option other than to turn inside – to go to our Inner Being and Inner Child and do what we have always needed to do – to come home to love and accept ourselves.

Little did we know that this is the template that will bring ‘more’ from others.

After healing the Quantum Way and accepting the Energetic Law of so within, so without, we realise the real reason we were susceptible to narcissistic abuse was not because we were bad people but because we had been unknowingly ‘bad’ to ourselves.

If we aren’t self-partnered we try to blame and shame ourselves into shape. We are our own worst critics. We apply conditional love such as ‘I will only love and accept you if (and then comes the never reachable list of conditions)’.

We didn’t realise that what we are really battling is the inner critical parent; the inner narcissist. This meant that we accepted levels of love and pain at the same levels of painful love that we were treating ourselves with.

After narcissistic abuse and we go inside to release our trauma, we return organically to our True Self state of natural love, acceptance, support and kindness to ourselves. No longer do we struggle to get to these states because of wounds holding us separated from them – we just come home to them.

We know that loving and accepting ourselves IS natural when we are unwounded; it’s organically who we are. From there we get the pleasant shock of discovering just how possible it is to accept and love being in our bodies, on this planet and in life itself.

Everything starts from within.

Many people ask me what are the NARP Modules to achieve this. The answer is every NARP Module brings about this shift, however, Modules 7 and 10 especially grant boosts to get there.

The Goal Setting statement that goes with this is: I love and accept myself unconditionally without limits. It just is.

I also suggest you do the Source Healing and Resolution Module work to target and clear the traumas in your body that are not allowing you to love and accept yourself.

 

Number 2 – Being Present in the Now

Crisis consciousness is synonymous with narcissistic abuse. When we are traumatised, many parts of our brain and Being become dysregulated. We are thrown into states of hyper- or hypo-arousal – that is we are either too over stimulated to perceived threats or we shut down and are unable to interact because our willpower and belief in ‘Self’ has collapsed.

This means we are frozen in the traumas of the past and the fears of the future, and unable to be present and functional in the present. In our previous existence of trying to manage our traumas with medications and strategies, they still existed and it was exhausting having our energy tied up trying to survive our wounds. It meant that we were always trying to stay one step ahead of what could happen.

When we release the traumas and deep survival programs that narcissistic abuse brings up, we can deeply just BE and discover a surprising thing – the mind stops overanalysing everything.

Also the previous energy tied up in trying to manage and survive your inner wounds is released as pure creative energy. This means you have the inspiration, knowing and excitement to be yourself and do wonderful things in life.

You also discover that without your logical mind in the way, you are open to receive Infinite Intelligence – the direction, answers and guidance from a much deeper, wiser, expanded part of yourself. Your True Self who you organically are without your traumas.

Module 1, 3 and 8 in NARP are powerful steps to get into the Now as your natural state without battling to try to stay there.

The appropriate Goal Setting statement is: I release myself from the past to know I am blessed and safe right now. Without my trauma I can just Be.

I also highly recommend a Source Healing and Resolution Module to clear the traumas of ‘My over-active mind’, which will free you from the traumas pulling you out of your Being to be safe in your body.

 

Number 3 – A Greater Connection to Source

Whether we are religious, spiritual or simply acknowledge that there is an unseen force in all of life that keeps our heart beating and masterminds the beauty of nature surrounding us, the following applies: when we detach from False Sources for attempted soothing and love, and start filling ourselves with our Higher Power of lifeforce and wellbeing instead, we discover what it is to be truly nourished and flourished by All of Existence.

After releasing the traumas that were making us dependent, needy, broken and contracted, and opening up our hearts and mind to something bigger than us, we discover how incredible life becomes when we are connected to ‘the Field’ of Quantum possibility which allows life-force and wellbeing to flow through us.

This connects you to trajectories where you organically experience synchronicity, love, support and incredible connections that just can’t be conjured up by your cognitive self. This is because our left-brain limitations can’t comprehend the permutations of how things energetically line up and the intricacies and perfection of the symphony that we all are – wave functions interconnected with each other and everything.

Without our traumas we start to experience Who We Really Are – not self-disconnected from the All, but a part of this greater system of Life, fully loved and accepted, knowing ourselves as Source knows us – inherently worthy of our highest and greatest life.

This connection, which is a spectacular by product of Thriver Recovery, shows us that what our soul seeks is just as determinedly seeking us – and easily becomes our life when we get the trauma of ourselves out of the way.

Modules 7 and 10 in NARP specifically caters to this beautiful alignment in our life.

The Goal Setting statement is: I now open up to receive Source flowing through me as me. I see myself in all my glory and truth as Source knows me.

 

Number 4 – No Longer Accepting Toxic People

When we come home to being whole within ourselves, we are no longer needy for junk. Just as Don Miguel Ruiz explains in his book The Mastery of Love about the Magical Kitchen, if we have a beautiful well-stocked kitchen to prepare and make delicious nutritious food, we would not accept a dodgy deal of being controlled by someone just so that we can partake with them in greasy pizza.

When we are self-generative, we no longer accept bad behaviour from toxic people. We already feel whole and full and so we can say ‘No’, not take it personally, stop trying to turn crumbs into cookies, and cease trying to fix and change people so that they can soothe our wounds and make us happy.

Instead, we can affirm our values and truths and let go to allow them to have their journey with whatever and whoever it is at their level of development, whilst we take full care for our own journey.

The NARP Modules which assist us to generate this level of personal power and inner solidness are Modules 2, 4, 5, 6 and 9.

The Goal Setting statement is: I bless and let you go. I devote now to healing me and connecting to the Life, people and situations which is my truth.

 

Number 5 – Being Able to Be Open Hearted and Authentic – Safely

When we were narcissistically abused, of course we felt we had to hide, shut down and protect ourselves from toxic and bad people.

When we went inside to heal the traumas that were unconsciously allowing us to be susceptible to these people, then we emerged feeling impervious to them.

My motto is to be powerful and graceful, simultaneously and, as I learnt in my recovery, that in no way do we need to shut down and be secretive or defensive in order to be safe. All we need to do is be ourselves, no longer being derailed because of fears and traumas.

This means being lovingly heart-centred and direct. It means speaking up if you need clarification, asking for what you need honestly, and no longer handing your wounds to people hoping that they can ‘fix’ them for you.

The bottom line is, if you are doing the work to address your traumas as your first and foremost mission, in order to get honest, solid and whole in your body, then you can fully be yourself shining a bright light no longer dancing around other people wounds, get sucked in by or dimming down and hiding out.

When we were previously doing these things, we were like injured gazelles at the edge of a pack ready to be picked off by a predator. The strongest, most buoyant boundary beast won’t be touched, and, in fact, we become bright lights of authentic power with Source flowing through us.

This is far too powerful for energy vampires to be near.

All the NARP Modules will help you get to this place.

The Goal Setting statement is: As my True Self I am impervious to all that is not my truth, worth, reality and values.

 

Number 6 – Uplevelling Existing Relationships

After taking on the journey to heal from narcissistic abuse, if we are doing it for real we get very honest about how we have been showing up in ways that have cogenerated the experience of disappointing and painful relationships.

We start to investigate, without judgemental and with fascination, how we have been people pleasing, not laying healthy boundaries, handing our power away in order to try to be loved, or being indirectly passive aggressive because we don’t believe in our worthiness enough to speak up for our needs and be honest about what our values and truths are.

Like so many of us, this was huge for me too. I went from being completely stuck inside, feeling like I had no rights, voice or value in so many of my critical relationships, to understanding I needed to show up differently and be honest. The transformations in my life were incredible. Some relationships ended; others raised up into evolutionary relationships. And my relationship with my family and son evolved in record time with such love and beauty. I was able to use my ‘anchored in my body’ skills, truth and authenticity in intimate love relationships – with the beautiful results that I live today.

From this incredible graduation of self, regarding boundaries, authenticity, relationships and love, we have the courage and skills to create and generate new relationship as well as vastly improve existing ones.

The NARP Modules for this are Module 2, 3 and 6, but in reality all of them.

The Goal Setting statement is: I now show up healthily and honestly in my relationship to generate my true value. I do this with power, grace and kindness.

 

Number 7 – Being Self Generative and Then Experiencing Even More in Life

The dire pain of narcissistic abuse, and even before narcissistic abuse, is that we can feel alone, unsupported and unloved by life and others. Most of us have gone through extreme periods of feeling like this. What we discover is that if we try to hook up with people to ease these feelings, we continually suffer rejection, toxicity and abuse, which leaves us feeling even more empty and unfulfilled.

This is because we are looking for love in all the wrong places.

Whether you are religious, spiritual or neither, I promise you there is only one place to feel ‘filled’ from and that is Your Super Conscious/Higher Power – whatever this Higher Power is to you – it could just be Life-force. I love this about the Quanta Freedom Healing. Every time we release a trauma and bring in Source to replace where that trauma was, we fill with MORE wholeness, love, wisdom and True Self.

We organically reconnect back to our true essence – which is a part of the Whole and is ALL these things.

In this state we feel incredible love, belonging and acceptance just as we are.

The loneliness is gone and the emptiness is filled. Because we have turned inwards to self-partner and self-heal, we have become our greatest lover, supporter and healer and, coupled with the almighty power of our Higher Self (Source), we now have the partnership of love that we have wanted all of our life.

Then we discover the miracle of so within, so without – that when we are releasing fear and pain (trauma) and filling continually, situations and people naturally come towards us to add more to that fullness.

We find that relationships, support, synchronicities, possibilities, opportunities and miracles start arriving. With our now established self-loving and self-respecting boundaries we can investigate these potentials fearlessly, mindfully and sensibly.

All the Modules relate to this point, because the complete NARP system is delivering you to be self-generative. Doing the healings is profoundly self-generative.

The Goal Setting statement is: By becoming my True Self, The Field naturally grants me more of me.

 

Number 8 – Expanding Beyond Previous Comfort Zones

When we are traumatised we are shut down and can’t take action. We are limited in our lives and seem to keep generating at the same level of disappointing limitation with no access to a bigger, richer and more fulfilling field of possibilities.

In releasing our traumas, we know ‘growth’ means growing past where we used to be.

I used to be so agoraphobic that I had to stick to a very small number of safe places and routines to avoid massive triggers going off. I know you can probably relate. Yet when I met and released these triggers within me, I had space inside and outside to move and grow and explore. Plus I was determined. I knew I could confront and release any triggers inside me with Quanta Freedom Healing. Now I never have to hide, shrink and contract. And why would I want to? That wasn’t the real me!

One of the greatest joys of Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse is the unlimited expanding that is possible. Life begins to fill with a richness and possibilities that you may never have known existed.

Finally we understand that the only limitations to our life have been the blocks (traumas) within ourselves. When these go, a whole new world and life opens up.

I adore how unlimited, expansive and miraculous my life has become, and I adore watching so many of you NARPers also living the same expansion that bares no resemblance to your previous traumatised self.

This is what I want for everyone.

For those of you NARPers ready for this level of accelerated expansion, my suggestion is the Empowered Self Course.

 

Number 9 – Knowing How to Lose It All to Get It All

When we are full, we know that we have unlimited permutations and continual generation of more from The Field. There is no lack. We know that if something doesn’t work out there is more from where that came (The Field). We also know that when we stop participating and say ‘no’ to something and are prepared to go without before the real thing shows up, it is the universe signalling in powerful ways to supply us a graduation that we have never accessed before.

This is where we know we win either way – either that the person or situation will step up to meet us at the level of our values and truth or they leave our experience and the real thing will enter.

You must know this – if you tolerate something it IS and WILL be your reality. If you are willing to lose it all to get it all, then you are honouring and creating your True Self and True Life.

All of the NARP Modules help you reach this level of development.

The Goal Setting statement is: I release all that is not me and open the space within and without for it to enter my life.

 

Number 10 – Accepting That Everything is Perfect

Acceptance is key. Without it we can’t create our grandest and truest life. This is one of the most powerful mantras to ever adopt – This is happening for me and not to me. What this really means is: Thank you for signalling within me the understanding of another trauma I can now release and live free from.

This is powerful Quantum growth. This is the ability to bless everything, no matter what it looks like, and to work with it in the most positive and powerful way regardless of whatever anyone else is or isn’t doing.

This is the thing. When we give up the notion of trying to control and change other people and things in order to have a great life, and go inside when we are triggered to resolve our Inner Being back to peace and solidness, then we KNOW what wisdom we have gained, what action to do (or not to do) and which direction to take.

And it all unfolds beautifully. In fact, it means our life just gets better and better. Our growth, relationships and success all heal. We stop having to experience the same painful patterns and traumas over and over again because we are resisting the triggers of blaming ourselves and others for feeling that way, and therefore missing the Healing Graduation opportunity.

This is all perfectly and exactly what our soul intended. We understand this when we wake up from the trance, see the magnificent bigger Quantum Picture and start working with it.

All the Modules in NARP allow you to achieve this level of acceptance because that is exactly what you are using the Modules for!

The aligned Goal Setting statement to help you get on board with this powerfully is: I accept that life is working FOR me, in all circumstances, to deliver me to my greatest joy and truth.

Do you know how powerful gratitude is? Wait and see what it will do for your life. The ultimate gratitude is the acceptance of this truth.

 

For those of you who have not as yet started the inner work to step onto the Thriver Recovery path, I’d love to explain more to you about it with an invitation to sign up for my free resources. These resources will help you understand how true inner healing works and how to start actualising it.

You can get started with me by clicking this link. 

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

Okay … just before I close off. I’d love to ask you for your feedback about these ten blessings regarding Thriver Recovery – where you are with them (no matter where that is). Also I would love you to ask any questions that you may have about them. And for all you NARPers, please let me know if you want extra direction with the ten Thriver expansions.

Please write your comments and questions below, as I love answering them for you!

 

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The Soul Graduation of Narcissistic Abuse

The Soul Graduation of Narcissistic Abuse

 

People can experience STUNNING results after narcissistic abuse where not only do they survive and rebuild from the depths of despair, they also claim true joy, purpose, abundance, love, expansion and confidence…and to a far greater extent than before suffering abuse, even when abuse is all that they have ever known.

Is this a fluke or have they discovered a magic potion? How is this even possible?  Maybe these are questions that you are asking yourself.

In today’s Thriver TV I am going to take you through the answer –  Soul Graduation – by explaining what it is, how you can access it, and how by accepting the truth of it and claiming it you will not only break free from the pain of what you have suffered, but will also start to live as your True Self creating your True Life.

 

 

Video Transcript

What does a Soul Graduation mean?

It means we haven’t just saved our lives – it means, literally, we have saved our souls.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to explain to you what a Soul Graduation is, how to take it, and how it will grant you, virtually on a silver plate, the Life you had always wanted – the Life of your dreams.

Many of us know the nicest people in the world have been narcissistically abused. You deserve an incredible life – not the horrible things you have been through. Today, make sure you watch this full episode because I am going to explain the Life compensation that awaits you and how to take it with both hands.

Okay, so before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now let’s get going…

 

The Force Pushing Us to Graduate

Narcissistic abuse is agonising; it brings us to our knees. And when it does, we are shocked to discover that we can’t seem to think our way out of it – the terrorised feelings, heartbreak and obsessing about what has happened to us.

We can’t just get on with it as we have before. Willpower and determination just doesn’t seem to cut it, and we are shocked about this because in the past we used to pride ourselves on our tenacity. When we reach inside to try to harness our usual formidable resources, it’s like our spirit is missing; our soul is shattered and there is no hope, drive, inspiration or interest, or maybe even health, to continue with. I understand this; I’ve been there. I was there in the bottom of that black pit, like so many of you have been or possibly still are. My heart goes out to you if you are there, because unless you have been through it no-one could even begin to imagine what it feels like.

We really only have two choices: we stay as victims, having a diminished life for the rest of our life, or we take the Thriver path and say, ‘NO! There has to be more than this!’

And there is more – it’s a Soul Graduation. Taking your Soul Graduation means we don’t just go through a mere ‘survivor’ recovery, where we are often stuck with the trauma symptoms of abuse for the rest of our Life – PTSD, agoraphobia, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue, and things like premature aging and progressively reduced health, as well as limited ability to trust, connect, love, generate financial freedom and abundance and a greatly compromised ability to experience lasting and durable joy and expansion.

However, if we take our Soul Graduation we became healthier, younger, more confident, loving and connected to ourselves, life and others than we were even before abuse. We start to connect to our True Life of grand love, purpose, possibilities, miracles, aspirations, joy and fulfilment – more so than we ever believed in our wildest dreams was possible.

We feel safer and more at home in our bodies and on this planet than we ever have – without fear and defences – which is a huge accomplishment from our previous selves. We become Grace-full and Power-full simultaneously – such is the freedom of Soul Graduation.

Okay, so, I want to ask you these questions.

  • Do you want to feel free of anxiety, depression and pain – even more so than you ever remember feeling?
  • Do you want to be able to regenerate your life in powerful, joyous and loving ways without the fear of being devastated and destroyed again?
  • Do you want to finally be free of all your limitations and to expand into life truly as yourself, living your highest calling, your true A-life, whilst sharing your unique self with the world?

If you do, this video is for you – because I don’t know of any bigger springboard to achieve these things from than from narcissistic abuse.

I personally always wanted these things all my life, and I applied myself to masses of personal development for decades to try to achieve them. It didn’t work – what did work was healing for real from narcissistic abuse.

And I know why it worked – because finally I turned inwards to take my Soul Graduation.

Narcissistic Abuse is a make or break deal.

We evolve or dissolve.

We integrate or disintegrate.

We are submerged in the bowels of hell into such darkness that the only way out is to release our trauma and fill ourselves with profound Light where that trauma was.

How do I know this to be true? Because against all odds I chose to actualise and received my Soul Graduation, and I have been honoured to see so many others achieve this too.

We did this by turning inwards to self-partner and meet our traumas within with an energetic healing process that accesses our subconscious traumas, loads them up, lets them go and brings in Source – our superconscious Higher Self – to fill up where those traumas once where.

This shifted us from the Old Self and fearful painful programs, to our True Self who knows how to be whole and healthily connected to life – organically.

Quanta Freedom Healing is the subconscious super-tool in NARP that myself and many Thrivers in this community have used to load up and release the previous inner traumas that were eating us alive. These were emotional wounds stuck in our Inner Beings that no amount of logical thinking could heal, integrate or let go of.

And god knows, before using Quanta Freedom Healing we tried!

 

What Does Our Soul Graduation Produce?

Your Soul Graduation allows you to be released from the emotional pain that is tearing you up. This is, ironically, the very same emotional agony that is pushing you to take the graduation. The trauma is the signal to self-partner, meet and release Self from those inner parts that are not your True Self, so that all else can follow.

The state must precede the event, which means that when we deal with our Inner Universe (our emotional inner composition) the Outer Universe that we are intrinsically connected to must shift as well – it is Quantum Law.

This means we have graduated past ‘that level’ of people/events/occurrences in our Life and our Being now has access to higher levels of existence than the ones we were previously experiencing our life at.

Let me explain in a deeper way with an example. Let’s say that you had unhealed traumas from your epigenetic, past-life and childhood history of ‘the people who love me abandon me’.

Because this is a strong emotional charge and therefore a subconscious program that connects the topic of ‘love’ as a TRUTH for you, you will try to logically choose people who are available to love you healthily, yet your subconscious pre-programed ‘love code’ is stuck onto the painful truth, like a heat-seeking missile locked onto a target.

Therefore you will unconsciously collude again (and again) to connect with people who are highly suspect of doing this, and you make all sorts of justifications and excuses for being with them (which we TOTALLY believe to be real excuses when we are stuck in emotional subconscious programs that our brains are wired to fulfil no matter what). Each time you do this you have the exact trauma ripped open again, as well as other previously unhealed epigenetic, past-life, childhood and adult accumulated wounds.

Then you have even more trauma connected to this belief/subconscious program, which gives it a greater force to live on inside of you and keep playing out to the letter, no matter what you do to logically try to change it.

Taking a Soul Graduation halts the vicious circle by waking us up, and this is the consciousness that we awaken into:

  • Our entire purpose here is to take back our God-like Creator Self – meaning that we have the ability to be the generative source of our own experience regardless of what others are or aren’t doing.
  • Ceasing thinking that life is happening to us and realising that life is happening through us.
  • Understanding we cannot be unconsciously participating in and experiencing a trauma unless we have the matching trauma already programmed within us.
  • Realising that having unresolved previous trauma means we are carrying this susceptibility, and if it is powerful and emotionally charged enough we are a continual target for that same trauma reappearing in our experience.
  • If we release trauma from our being and reprogram our subconscious programs back to our organic True Self state (which is Who We Are without trauma trapped inside), then the people and situations that were delivering ‘more’ of the same trauma must and will dissolve out of our experience – it’s Quantum Law.
  • All of Existence and Life is positioned for our Soul Graduation and is rooting for us to break free into the highest and truest expression of ourselves, and blesses us with wisdom, inspiration, love, possibility and miracle every time we let go of trauma and make space for Source to enter us as us.
  • We are not here to suffer. We are here to claim our Soul Graduation and be exalted, despite what it all looks like.

 

How Do We Deny Our Own Soul Graduation?

This is how we know if we are still stuck in our painful Love Codes – we continue to feel like a victim. If we can still feel inside us the trauma of other people hurting us, abusing us, punishing us, annihilating us, not showing up to love us healthily – or whatever else it might be – it is because we have not yet healed beyond this hurt. It means we still have the existing trauma wedged within us.

We may feel like we are ‘unsafe in the world’ or ‘it is not safe to be ourselves’ – many people who have suffered horrific relationships and narcissists absolutely have these entrenched inner programs playing out. I was one of these people, and these beliefs were very impactful for me.

I know I used to believe, as so many of us have done, that it is impossible to heal from past emotional devastation – and that it will live on within us forever and we can only hope to somehow manage this trauma.

However, with every cell of my being and fibre in my heart I want you to know this is NOT true – with Quanta Freedom Healing (you may have heard many people in this community bang on about the effectiveness of NARP!), you can totally purge the trauma from your cells and Inner Being and live without it – because it simply isn’t there anymore!

That is the reality Thrivers live by.

Many people may view ‘taking our Soul Graduation’ as victim blaming and allowing abusers the easy way out by not holding them accountable. This is not true. I have seen more abusers come into accountability than ever before, when people take their Soul Graduation. This is because when we are healed, healthy and solid, toxic people no longer have power over us. We have the strength to go in and fight the good fight for both our Self and our rights without our traumas derailing us and granting them the bullets to keep abusing us with.

Some people also get very upset about personal healing responsibility and taking our power back in relation to young children being traumatised and powerless against abusive adults. Absolutely this is true. Children are powerless to heal and help themselves. Many of us in this community suffered abuse and unconscious parenting as children. A huge proportion of the population in our generations and previous ones suffered significant, and even unspeakable, abuse at ages where they were powerless to take action, have boundaries or hold abusers accountable.

However, as adults, if the trauma is still trapped in our body, waiting for others to fix us is fruitless. And as adults, when we do turn inwards to heal what we discover – as myself and so many others have – is that deep within our beings are terrible human accumulated traumas that, as well as traumas from our childhood, we have been carrying from the collective, possibly our gender, race, ancestors, and our past lives.

We also begin to understand organically as trauma leaves and bigger picture truths arise within, that the unconditional Universe Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without’ was in the families we arrived into, matching us up with the continuation of our already existing predisposed traumas that we were born with.

If we wish to stop the patterns, there is only one way to do so – create a change within our Inner Beings to become the change that we seek to live.

Then not only do we put an end to abuse patterns in our lives, we also choose different partners to cogenerate parenting with for our future children, and/or we impact and heal our children who have already experienced abuse – by leading the way for them – which is essential.

And then we send out a ripple effect of healing for our existing and future generations. We are not just healing ourselves, we are helping heal humanity.

In stark contrast, if we stand for victimisation and righteously believe abused children need to grow up to become aggrieved adults, we will not generate a healing change. Rather, we stay firmly wedged in the pain, fear and judgement that keeps the abuse/abused cycles going.

How do children of victimised parents grow up? Either as victims or perpetrators – it is two sides of the same coin.

Only being actively responsible for our own Soul Graduations, one person at a time, can free ourselves and our world from this.

 

Graduation In Real Time

A true Soul Graduation is a two-part process. The first is changing ourselves on an Inner Level to be different regarding a particular topic – when we release the painful trauma around a topic then there is no more pain regarding it. We start to think completely differently about it – because our brain’s neuro wiring organises itself around our subconscious inner programs – the brain follows the body, always.

This means wisdom, acceptance, hope, inspiration and even joy and excitement concerning this topic replaces where fear, pain and confusion once reigned.

This means that once you have done the appropriate inner NARP work, no longer will you believe you are ‘not enough’, ‘incapable of getting love right’, ‘unable to speak up when in need’, ‘unsafe in the face of a toxic other’, and the list goes on and one. And the crazy good thing is that you didn’t have to LEARN anything to get there. When you bring in Source to where the trauma once was, you shift into BEING the change you seek.

Then the real thing can come.

Be it and it comes. That is what be-come means.

Yet, there is second essential step to a Soul Graduation – to be prepared to meet the topic and do it differently in real time.

Life is forever generous and completely supportive of your Soul Graduation, granting you everything you need to fully get your certificate, which is access the next highest level to your True Self and dreams.

Let me be really clear with you… When I hear that people are TERRIFIED of being in the company of a narcissist; are not willing to speak up; are not able to be truthful, direct or have the difficult conversations and shirk the responsibility of laying boundaries and doing ‘the right thing’ to honour their True Self, which before the inner shift is usually the VERY thing we are most terrified to do – I know that not only are they nowhere near their Soul Graduation, they are doomed to keep living painful patterns over and over and over again. This is because Life is never going to give up on them and will grant as much pain necessary to give them the opportunity to go within, shift out trauma, bring in Source and be-come different and then DO differently in real time.

What does that look like?

It looks like and is saying, ‘Bring it on!’ to:

  • Narcissists showing up in your path so that you can be fully yourself without handing power away, dimming down, hiding, running away or getting hooked in.
  • People crossing your boundaries so that you can speak up and place limits, and be willing to lose it all to get it all.
  • Life pushing you to the next level, by not shifting until you do the necessary act of courage; show commitment to Self, and self-love and respect to live aligned with your soul truth and values, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.
  • Dependencies that you thought were your Identity breaking down so that you are forced to value and come home to yourself – to start generating your True Self and True Life powerfully.

When you know that all of Life is granting you everything you need for your Soul Graduation, then you will accept it with both hands and a loving grateful heart. You will be awake and excited and punching the air with joy at the results you achieve by showing up and doing the thing you most need to do, because you start to be free of fear and pain and able to fully be yourself in Life.

When you reach this level of joy and wonder and growth, then you will see exactly what Life will grant you – more joy, wonder and growth – in the most stunning abundance and glory you could ever imagine.

This is Soul Graduation – experiencing that when you are no longer fearful of walking under ladders then all ladders will be removed from your path. The almighty cogs of Creation itself say, ‘You Graduated, you have passed go, you blitzed that level, now you are released into the next Higher One that is filled with abundance and blessings for you.’

Do you want this?

If so, Thrivers write below, ‘I am shifting my fear OUT and walking under ladders NOW!

Okay, so the ‘shifting’ part is what makes the doing so much easier and more powerful. I would love to show you how this can be your reality by you learning about NARP and my Thriver healing techniques in my free 16-day course and free workshop. You can do so by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always, I look SO forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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