Posts

Why Do Narcissists Lie So Much?

Why Do Narcissists Lie So Much?

 

Sooo many people have wondered why narcissists lie so much!

It is gut-wrenching to be with someone who pathologically lies.

About small things, big things and things that they don’t even need to lie about.

Does a narcissist know they are doing it?

Do they intend to do it?

Why do they do it even when it is not necessary to do it?

What would it take for them to stop doing it?

There is an old expression that goes around abuse communities – ‘If a narcissist’s lips are moving, they are lying.’

It’s not always true – but sadly often it is.

Today’s article answers the question ‘WHY do narcissists lie so much?’ – and how you can detect it and start to live a life where truth, honesty, and safety are your constants.

Before we get into this information today, I’d like to thank all of you who have supported the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my blog, and if you haven’t yet done so, please do.  Also, if you like this article make sure you give it a like and share it with others.

OK on to today’s article.

 

What Constitutes A Lie?

I just want to start off by getting very clear about what is or isn’t a lie.

We all know there are times that we are not 100% truthful to people. We don’t lie as much as narcissists do, but maybe at times, we do lie a little. We may tell someone that their outfit looks lovely when we really think they shouldn’t be wearing it. We could tell people what they want to hear to keep the peace, or we may even lie by omission and simply leave out facts that we don’t want people to know about.

I personally believe, as we evolve into an authentic True Self, that we do become more honest. Meaning we become more willing to say the truth to people to help give them genuine feedback, that possibly another outfit (in our opinion) many be more suitable, or we will reflect back to them their blind spots in perceptions or behaviours to help them heal and grow.

Often ‘not telling the truth’ is something we think we are doing to not hurt someone else’s feelings, but usually, if we are brutally honest with ourselves (which is what Thriving is all about – leaving our self-delusions behind) we know that really we are ‘lying’ to try to avoid having uncomfortable confrontations with others – and risk being criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished by them.

When we start healing and thriving healthily, we know that honesty and integrity really do serve ourselves and everyone else in the highest ways, because if you love and care for someone you are going to have an authentic relationship with them. After all, in virtually every case, the power of truth does set everyone free.

When lies are intended to not just ‘spare confrontation’ but are used to cover up pathological behaviour, then they are even more horribly impactful.  Things that the other person would not be thrilled about – such as cheating, embezzling, smearing and manoeuvring things for one’s own self-serving benefits – are all the types of lies that narcissists are famous for.

And … discovering the ‘love’ that you thought you were sharing with a narcissist was a lie – is beyond devastating.

Lies severely damage relationships – period.

They destroy communion, connection, and trust. After knowing you have been lied to, how do you know what is real or what isn’t? Many of us even discovered after being lied to and catching out lies, that we became paranoid, that we started stalking, checking up and reading and looking into things we normally would not have.

It’s a shocking way to live.

Yet even if lies are NOT big things – and it is mere embellishments that are found out – this is also very disturbing and causes a lack of trust, respect, and connection.

Narcissists exaggerate. They insert their own delusional version of things. Generally, things that make them more significant, dramatic and noticed.  And these things often bear little resemblance to facts – it is their fictitious rendition of how they would have liked something to be, or what is necessary for them to get attention (narcissistic supply) from people.

Let’s look at WHY they lie as easily as taking their next breath.

 

A False Self’s Life

When a person submerges their True Self, believing they can’t get their needs met by being this person, the only option is to recreate themselves as someone else.

This ‘someone else’ is a False Self, a fictitious character who is being a person and living a life that isn’t the truth.

This is the number one reason why narcissists lie so much.

Because of stepping outside of this integrity and authenticity, one’s self and life becomes distorted. The default brain wiring is on ‘stories’, ‘make-believe’ and ‘delusional excuses’.

Many times, a narcissist doesn’t know that they are lying, because their reality is so far off-tap that they don’t know what is real or not anymore.

Narcissists embellish stories. They exaggerate. They lie about themselves being more unique, better, more dramatic, accomplished, interesting and the like. They do this to get attention, favours, trust, and empathy – all valued aspects of narcissistic supply and positioning for gain.

Sometimes they lie to protect themselves from narcissistic injury – truths that the ego simply can’t handle. Things like, ‘It was my decision to leave the relationship’ after someone else dumped them, or they walked away from their job after being replaced … or whatever it may be.

At these times, because the truth is too much of a threat to the damaged insecure self-image, the narcissist has adopted the lie as a necessary buffer.

Another example of when the narcissist believes their own lies is when he or she projects onto you – these are the times when a narcissist blames you for everything that he or she does and sounds so convinced that it is you doing these things. The reason is because the narcissist thoroughly believes it is you doing these things.

There are reasons for this.

The narcissist’s severely disowned inner self which is beyond reproach – never wrong and never to be held accountable – the inner core that the narcissist is actually disgusted with, is projected outwards onto someone else. This disowned damaged part is then externalised and the narcissist beats it up mercilessly through you.

The truth of the matter is this – living in unconsciousness brings delusions – the greatest being the constant lying to oneself and being stuck in unconsciousness as a result.

 

When the Narcissist Does Know He Or She is Lying

 A narcissist lies so much because in reality he or she is a drug addict.

The drug of choice is the constant unstoppable need for narcissistic supply – attention, acclaim, energy and stuff that feeds the False Self and keeps a narcissist from falling into the all-consuming black hole inside themselves of defectiveness and nothingness that is always threatening to eat them alive.

Like any addict who needs their drug, lots of lying is involved. A narcissist can’t tell people their TRUE motives, they have to create fabrications to get what they really want.

Like telling someone they are their newly found soul mate and the love of their life – simply to get a hit of sex.

Like telling someone that they have all this experience and qualifications, that aren’t real, to get involved in something that will benefit them.

Like stating ‘I care about you and what can I do for you?’ when this is really about getting the ego feed of you telling them how wonderful they are.

Or … sidling up to people with compliments and granting attention to promote one’s own advancement.

These are the things that a narcissist is having to work at every day – it is the only way to regulate enough constant narcissistic supply.

The narcissist is deeply aware of his or her defence mechanisms and beliefs of ‘having to have the upper hand’ and ‘me versus you’ in order to survive. Because the narcissist knows he or she thinks and behaves like this, they believe everyone else also does this.

The narcissist doesn’t trust anyone.

At the times when the narcissist does know they are lying, and constructs the fabrication, there is always the perfect excuse constructed to do this. The narcissist deems themselves deserving of lying because of what has been done to him or her, or whatever they believe their entitlement may be.

They also imagine that if they don’t get in first, that you will. They believe that you are out to get them.

The truth is narcissists don’t think there is anything wrong with lying – it’s just a way of life. They don’t feel bad about it or guilty – rather they are just terrified of being caught out for REAL, which is people discovering the crippled inner defective self that is hiding beneath the fictitious omnipotent False Self.

 

How To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Lies

There is only one way to make ourselves no longer susceptible to narcissistic people and how and why the narcissist lies so much.

I’m going to be really straight with you about this – as I had to be with myself – STOP … lying … to … yourself.

This is what I mean by this.

Stop being with someone who has shown their hand at being a pathological liar (not to mention all the malicious things that narcissists do) because I promise you real and healthy people just don’t do this.

Stop ignoring the terrible feelings in your body that allow you to know you are trauma bonded, you know this person is not healthy for you, is severely damaging you, and yet you are trying to find justifications and excuses to find a way to make it work with them.

You know how it goes, we all did when we ignored the screams of our Inner Being and continued regardless. We paid a shockingly, hefty price.

I promise you that when you listen to, and start to honour, support and align with the truth of your Inner Being, all of life and the healthy supportive resources of life will do so with you too.

It’s Quantum Law – so within so without.

I know it is the hardest thing to do initially – to face the truth.

But we know, deep in our core, in our true selves that this person is not real, doesn’t have the capacity to be safe and is destroying us.

And the reason we do hang on is because we don’t know yet that we can be REAL for ourselves – we can be True Selves, generating truth, safety, power, honesty, and decency with other people.

We can BE authentic and have our needs met.

We CAN come out of the trance of hiding and dimming down, handing our True Selves away trying to get others to be REAL for us.

I know it is easier said than done, and that is exactly why I created a step-by-step healing process that not only allows you to go free, but fully supports you to lose your trauma, reignite your True Self and start navigating and creating your life from that place – which is what True Thriving is about.

You can access the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Course, known as NARP, by clicking on this hyperlink.

So, I hope that this article has helped you a lot, and if you enjoy my blog please make sure to subscribe to my free newsletter below so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.

Also please make sure you share this with somebody who you know is being lied to.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

Read More –>

How Narcissists Use Sex As A Weapon

How Narcissists Use Sex As A Weapon

 

Let’s talk about the horror of sex with a narcissist. Even if you feel like the sex was (or is) great, there really is a much more sinister game going on.

Why does sex with a narcissist come with so many highs and lows? Why do you feel so empty, used, and even violated after sex with a narcissist?

What is really going on in the sexual, energetic and soul exchange with a narcissist?

I can’t wait to help enlighten you, as well as help you know how to escape a narcissist’s sexual clutches, and detox yourself from their sexual pollution.

 

 

Video Transcript

For today’s Halloween special, I want to talk about something that is gruesome.

Sex with a narcissist!

Why is it so unwholesome? Because narcissists use sex as a weapon against you.

This can happen powerfully and quickly, or be an induced trauma-bonding over a period of time. Whichever way it happens it can feel almost impossible to break free from.

Many people report ‘the sex is so great’ and find it incredibly hard to break away and stop being abused. Others may not believe the sex is great, but still be bonded energetically through sex to the narcissist.

Today, I want to talk to you about the psychological, physical and also deadly… yes, deadly… psychic ways narcissists can use sex as a weapon against you.

So, watch on to find out…

Okay, so just before I get into this episode, I would like to thank everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do so. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright. On to it, sex … and what that means with a narcissist!

 

Why Is Sex What Many Narcissists ‘Hunt’?

Many narcissists are very sexually active and hunt people sexually. This is true for narcissists in and not in so-called committed relationships.

Via sex, narcissists are able to gain A-grade narcissistic supply – which means having people show them masses of attention and being controlled by what the narcissist is or isn’t doing. If a narcissist is the centre of someone’s Universe that is a prime position – because it means he or she has secured attention and energy that the narcissist can then regulate with ‘I want you now’, ‘I don’t want you now’ games.

The narcissist’s total necessity to stay emotionally functional requires getting the significance from others that can keep self-medicating away the trauma of their broken insecure inner self. Sex is a powerful tool to secure a constant supply of valuable narcissistic supply.

Sex is not just a ‘connecting’ mechanism for narcissists; it works for many non-narcissistic people as well.

We all know that sex can take involvement with someone to another level. For most women, this starts a deep chemical, cellular and emotional bonding process, where she will feel ‘coupled’ and start desiring a deeper relationship with that person. She may start believing in and wanting a commitment and a life-partner relationship.

Men, when being drawn into a narcissist’s sexual net, can be mesmerised by the narcissist’s sexual performance which is designed to provide the attention, compliments and fantasy that makes him feel sexually met and gratified, as well as providing the possibility for lasting love.

To gain narcissistic supply through sex is generally very easy for a narcissist to do. The winning formula is this: identify what someone has missing in their life emotionally or some past grievance or unresolved hurt, pretend to be the remedy for that, and many people will automatically trust you and even be extremely attracted to you.

This formula is especially powerful to snare unsuspecting females who have been hurt and struggle to find someone who they believe they can trust. The narcissist feigning ‘a saviour’ to them, appears to be their dream come true in spades.

For men, often it is the sexuality and aesthetics – the physical beauty – as well as interest in and care for him that lures men into sexual relationships with narcissists. It’s very interesting that men who are captured sexually by narcissists may not have started off considering a relationship with this person, but discovered that very quickly they found themselves in one.

This is because, once a narcissist connects sexually, they have more ability to induce trauma bonding and get control over their prey.

The Emotional Sexual Hooking Game

Being in a sexual relationship with a narcissist is not trustworthy, soothing or secure.

Rather, your sexual times are mingled with all sorts of insecurity and lack of safety.

You may wonder who they are talking to when their phone rings and they walk off around a corner. Or a trigger goes off within you when they start texting or engaging in social media on their computer.

You may question your own paranoia, but if you are honest with yourself, you know something feels off.

The narcissist may be all loved up with you one minute and then verbally and even physically disregarding, or even discarding you the next.

Maybe the narcissist has told you they are re-evaluating the relationship or don’t know whether they want to be in it anymore. The narcissist possibly, at times, goes missing in action.

Yet … at other times this person seems to not be able to get enough of you, including under the sheets.

Possibly there have been affairs you have discovered with exes or new targets, or porn involvement or you have caught him or her on internet dating sites.

Then the narcissist will convince you that it is all a mistake, or it didn’t happen or even appear to take responsibility and apologise – if that is necessary to snare you back in.

Or he or she will offer ONLY as much as it will take to retain you, which in advanced stages of narcissistic abuse isn’t much, and then you are having sex with the narcissist again.

WHAT is going on here?

I promise you that this is trauma-bonding. This is not how healthy, safe, kind sexual relationships go at all.

The narcissist knows that if you are suffering unease, uncertainty and trauma, and then he or she gets back together with you, the relief of that rollercoaster ride is such a HIGH, that it feels like LOVE.

It’s not love. It’s abuse, and it’s terribly unhealthy because what happens is that you chemically start to chase the ‘relief’, the high, and start tolerating greater dips down and down into the ‘lows’ to try to recapture that sense of ‘relief’.

If this is what you are going through, (as I promise you I once was too) you are severely and dangerously addicted to a person who can and will destroy you.

You’ve lost your boundaries as well as your self-worth bargaining chips.

Once you are hooked and traumatised and suffering from dire emptiness within and craving the narcissist to fix it, the narcissist can start relaxing on behaviour, allow his or her mask to drop and abusively demand even more compliance and acts to satisfy the narcissist’s insatiable and insane control and takeovers.

This could include having you accept sexually degrading acts like threesomes, getting you to agree to an open relationship, and even worse things.

Maybe now sex is withheld purposefully to punish you.

At this point, you need help to recover – badly.

Sucking Your Soul

Without going all Harry Potter Dementor-ish, I really want to offer my opinion about this.

If you are having sex with a False Self, who is a No-Self, you are getting your soul sucked out of you.

Narcissists don’t make love, they don’t have the ability to connect with you soul-to-soul, because they have divorced themselves from their True Self, which is the gateway to soul health.

Self-love, humanity, oneness and a connection with their Higher Power has all been obliterated by the narcissist’s False Self takeover. What is left is a relentless, unappeasable black hole. No matter what you do or give, it will never be enough.

Sex with a narcissist is only performed by them to self-medicate away the inner screams of their catatonic, disowned severely damaged Inner Being, and to feed the False Self with importance. Or to manipulate you to give them something that you normally would not.

To a narcissist you are no more than a masturbation and self-acclaim tool. The sex is not about you, or the union, and never will be.

This is why sex with a narcissist, no matter what happens in the act, leaves you feeling empty, and even violated afterwards.

True Intimacy means ‘in-to-me-see’. It is a sharing of one’s complete self with trust and love with another. A narcissist is never going to let you in or share his or her True Self with you. You are having sex with a fictitious character who is not soul connected with you at all.

In fact, the lack of soul health that the narcissist suffers from means that this False Self is stealing energy from you to buffer up the False Self, the narcissist’s core identity that can’t create and maintain energy of its own.

Sex provides a very direct way for you to be mined for your psychic and energetic resources. You are literally being pillaged of your soul energy.

You may have noticed that after sex with a narcissist you feel exhausted, drained or even unwell.

Now you know why.

How To Protect Yourself

Getting sexually involved with a narcissist is damaging on multiple levels.

Once they have infiltrated your body, not only are they sucking your soul and sanity, it is also likely that they will try to get their tendrils into other aspects of your life, such as your finances, resources and contacts, as well.

As a player in the dramatic stage show of the narcissist’s life, with them positioning themselves as the leading star, you could become entrenched in the drama of it all.

You may be used as sexual punishment against one of the narcissist’s other supply objects, be included in a traumatic love-triangle, or be the next dramatic discard and ‘lunatic’ that the poor narcissist has suffered from … all of which gains him or her wonderful compassion and supply from others.

I have said it so many times, and I will say it again, not everyone can get taken in by a narcissistic person.

If we are too eager to trust and connect and don’t do our due diligence to ascertain someone’s character accurately, then we are potential targets.

If we feel empty, needy, and unloved or unlovable we can be as susceptible to being love-bombed and complimented into being the next supply, as a dying person in a desert will dive headlong into a mirage.

Yes, narcissists love the thrill of the chase and to snare, take control and have people be submissive to them – but they are short sprinters. They need a payoff quickly – just like a lion does when he strikes upon a limping gazelle at the edge of the passing herd.

A narcissist has limited energy to expend to secure new supply. He or she is not going to keep trying if you have been tested and found out to be a robust bison. Meaning, you are not needy, falling for the love-bombing or found out to have scanty or non-existent boundaries (I promise you narcissists work it out pretty quickly).

Take your time to get to know someone. Let go of the beliefs that sex is how you will get someone to commit to you, or that if you don’t hand over sex, someone will discard you. None of that applies for decent and whole people seeking decent whole relationships.

And above all, be full and healed and developed enough within yourself to feel inwardly secure, full, self-assertive and honest, before becoming sexually involved with anyone.

Then you will flush out a narcissist by not caving into their demands to enmesh and hook up quickly. You will retain your interests and life whilst dating respectfully. You won’t jump to someone else’s beck and call, and you will honour yourself by questioning something and saying ‘No’ if your boundaries are pushed and something feels uncomfortable.

The bottom line being – you are TOTALLY prepared to lose someone else from your life than risk putting your soul and life in jeopardy.

Healthy love in NO WAY carries those risks!

I promise you that when you have all of that in place, narcissists will unravel and expose themselves right in front of you, or will disappear as quickly as they appeared. ‘No food for me here’ is their total understanding.

The Sexual Truth About Narcissists

Sadly, narcissists are damaged and polluted beings.

Not only is it common to run the high risk of sexually transmitted diseases, because of their non-discriminant sexual behaviour, they are also intensely toxic energetically when you combine your sexual energy with theirs.

If you have already been intimately narcissistically abused, is it worth the risk again?

If you know you have work to do to never get taken in by a narcissist again – then please check out my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), which is the complete healing and training package to reprogram your Inner Love Code so that this can’t happen again.

And if you know you need to detox from the terrible sexual addiction to, torment with and traumatising emotional and psychic pollution from a narcissist, then please consider NARP to get this done. Humbly I don’t know of any tool that works so powerfully to achieve this, and in record time.

You can find out more about NARP by clicking this link.

Also, I am so excited to share with you that I am going to be hosting my Premier Live Events in Australia. They’re in my home country.

Early December this is happening, and myself and the MTE Global Team will be hosting these in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane where we are going to birth your recovery, by sharing with you the most potent and powerful tools (humbly) there are in the world for people to recover from abuse.

So, I would so love to see you there so you may join in these events with a support person, so that they understand more deeply what your recovery is about and what you are going through. Or maybe bring friends and family who you know have gone through abuse as well, who could benefit from this.

And, for a limited time, I’m offering a $100.00 discount off tickets.

I’m so excited about this, I can’t wait– so click this link to find out dates and to secure your tickets.

And I am so looking forward to connecting with you in your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

Can Narcissists Really Move On Like Nothing Happened?

Can Narcissists Really Move On Like Nothing Happened?

 

Going through the agony of seeing the narcissist has moved on like you don’t exist can feel like a knife going into your heart.

Seeing the narcissist and new supply can evoke feelings of worthlessness, obsession and jealousy.

Discover why the narcissist is behaving this way and how you can heal for real from this in this Thriver TV episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

It certainly appears as if he or she has…

Sailed off into the sunset with the new supply. The big bounty – which probably used to be yours –looking all loved up, enjoying all that life has to offer.

The narcissist will tell you that they are happy to see the last of you and that their new life is SO much better.

You, on the other hand, can barely crawl out from underneath your bedclothes, and feel like you have been blown to pieces by a landmine.

Is it true?

Has the narcissist moved on like nothing has happened?

Are they capable of this? And what does it really mean?

The answers that you receive in today’s Thriver TV episode may shock you because they most likely will not be what you expect.

 

Okay, before we deeply investigate this, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video, give it a thumbs up!

Deep breath now and let’s plunge in!

 

The Questions and Devastation On Your Mind

Of course, it is emotionally devastating to believe that someone has moved on from you as if you never existed.

To us, that equals – ‘I wasn’t meaningful to this person’. And that terrible question, which initially threatens the very fabric of our Inner Identity – ‘Did this person even love me?’

As well as all the insidious things that we can think about ourselves regarding ‘not being good enough’ and ‘what does the new supply have that I don’t?’

Okay, if this is you please pause the video and let me know in the comments below what it is that you are feeling.

Yet, truly we are applying all these questions and thinking to the normal human equation of things – which narcissists simply don’t fit into.

 

Can Narcissists REALLY Move On Like Nothing Happened?

I’m going to drop the bombshell on you immediately … the answer is YES. The narcissist can and does move on like nothing happened.

This is not because you are unlovable or unworthy of love.

I know you might think that, and you always will if you hold other people’s character, actions and behaviours as the barometer of your worth – which naturally we need to address and heal!

The REAL reason being – nothing REAL did happen.

And the reason that nothing real happened, is because the narcissist is not a real person. He or she is a fictitious character; a False Self playing life as a stage play of their life to feed their ego (False Self).

When the play isn’t turning out how the narcissist needs it to – to gain enough narcissistic supply (attention and significance) – the narcissist needs to exit stage right and walk onto another stage as quickly as possible.

Here is another bombshell – you are MEANINGLESS to the narcissist when you are no longer the chosen self-medication fix to feed their ego.

That isn’t an insult and it doesn’t mean that you are meaningless. It’s actually a severe limitation of the narcissistic personality. Them not being real, means others are not real either. Other individuals are merely inanimate objects to the narcissist; extras who have a necessary role in a particular play at a particular time. This was you.

I personally know the total agony of wondering incessantly, ‘Can he REALLY move on so fast as if nothing happened? And ‘Was I that meaningless to him?’

My heart goes out to you with a big cyber hug, if you are going through this. And I want you to understand HOW to get free from the place you are in very quickly and powerfully – by inviting you into a radical way to accept the truth and heal.

I promise you that I am not granting you the truth to shame you, blame you or make you feel worse.

I am telling you this truth to help empower you, set you free and heal you.

I know of people who have waited years for the narcissist to return to them – and have never accepted the discard.

That is a living hell – and you truly can start to heal and access your personal heaven.

Now, let’s continue to peel this back…

 

When the Narcissist Hoovers You Back In

When we understand the motivation of a narcissist, who uses people as props to feed their ego, this explains the hoovering phenomenon.

Narcissists are famous for circling back to you and telling you that they miss you; that he or she made a mistake, still loves you, wants to work things out, and so on and so forth.

Or they will incite an argument with you, whereby you get upset and hook in and he or she then smooches up to you again.

This will make your head spin: ‘Hang on, you moved on. You were with a new person or at the very least told me you didn’t love me. You wanted to be away from me and now you want to get back with me?’

Many a person has fallen for it. I did too. And it leads to more pain, even worse abuse, and harder discards.

Why does the narcissist do it?

They do it because they feel needy for the ego feed of knowing that you still want them, or perhaps because the new supply is not turning out as well as expected.

The real truth is that narcissists are greedy for ego feeds and are indiscriminate. With ‘tortured love’ there is lots of drama and emotional energy to mine. Many narcissists will have sex with their Exes with zero regard for the new supply.

Isn’t it interesting that you thought you were meaningless and worthless? If we are using the measuring stick of integrity, loyalty and monogamy, this means the new supply is also.

Who does the narcissist really love?

No-one.

The narcissist’s allegiance is with one entity only – his or her False Self; the relentless Master who requires insatiable feeding of significance. And not only at a current or former partner’s expense –at the narcissist’s too.

Can you imagine the insanity this sort of life creates?

Can you imagine lying and having to triangulate effectively? Sneaking around covering tracks and living with the possibility of being found out and their life exploding at any moment.

Welcome to the narcissist’s ‘normal’ world, which is forever cracking, breaking, burning people out and needing the ‘up and leave and begin again’ effort to survive.

 

If You Are Not Hoovered Again

I know that initially this can be terrible for you.

You may feel after the narcissist has moved on with someone else like, ‘What is so wrong with me that I am no longer being hoovered?’.

This is what I believe is the absolute truth about narcissists – they deliver to us the THING that hurts the most. This is both because they have identified it and because narcissists in our life provide an incredible opportunity for us to heal our unhealed parts, that they painfully trigger.

My greatest recommendation to you is to take this as a blessing (the silence) and use the opportunity to turn inwards and heal what you are feeling. Then, I promise you, you won’t give two hoots about who the narcissist has run off with.

I promise you also that when you do the inner work – just as I did on the reasons why I was assigning another person as my level of lovability, worth and value, and came home to being a beautiful, full source to myself – the pain and the longing will totally go.

And … after you do the inner work … you will no longer accept any hoover attempts (if they do come) any more than you would nail yourself to the back of a burning door.

I assure you, if you start NARPing you will know exactly what I mean!

 

Personal Happiness Is Determined By Growth

Anyone can look like their life is AWESOME on social media.

BUT … are they at peace and do they feel whole within?

Are they able to be real, honest and communicate healthily in relationships, in order to create healthy partnerships of mutuality?

These are questions we can investigate when reflecting on the narcissist and also about ourselves.

People who refuse to turn inwards and process and heal their previous relationship pain to completion – meaning healing previously unintegrated and unhealed parts – are stuck in the same cycles, going through the same relationships, just with different faces.

As much as people try to get a person that is going to be different ‘this time’, it doesn’t happen.

Narcissists don’t take time out to reflect. They don’t heal. They don’t learn from their mistakes.

The narcissistic motto is: ’You are my life to provide me with ego attention and significance and let me mine you so that you fulfil all of my needs And when you stop playing that role, I will punish and discard you.’

This is not a relationship.

You NEVER had a REAL relationship with this person.

It’s a dictatorship – no matter what wrapping it appears to be disguised in. Sooner or later any new supply is going to see the mask fall and come face to face with the terrible trauma of what their relationship is really about.

And, of course, they are likely to go through the same journey of denial again and again, as they try to make each relationship that never was, be real.

That is until they realise the same truth that you are FACING now – what this is REALLY about is turning inwards to love and heal yourself back to value, worth and wholeness.

It never is anyone else’s job to grant us that!

 

The Shift In Perception

When I removed myself from my narcissistic relationship, I lost almost everything I owned. My life went from being financially secure and successful, from before meeting him, to being significantly diminished.

Here he was now living in the home I had bought us, living the high life, and making a ton of money in a business that I had set up for him.

Did I feel cheated, defiled, ripped off and destroyed? Yes, initially, I did.

Was I suffering agoraphobia so badly that I couldn’t even walk out my front door without having a panic attack? Was I so crippled that I could barely function? Yes!

Was the ex-narcissist romancing women, wining, dining, buying new and better cars and having a wow of a time? Yes!

With Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), I let go of my envy, pain and fears about money and possessions. I let go of the need for bigger and better things in my life. Instead, I focused on finally healing my Inner Being as my highest mission.

I valued my soul above all else.

Then an incredible inner peace and love came, as I released more and more trauma. Everything started to fall into place. Yet I no longer needed it to be so in order for me to be happy and whole; I was JUST Being happy and whole!

Then I understood the truth. The absolute devastation of all the pain of a False Life with a narcissist had forced me to my knees to finally turn inwards and partner with myself.

The rest is history.

I am THRILLED beyond measure that this happened FOR me.

Is this resonating with you? Are you feeling a shift in perception? Can you sense that what I am saying is the truth? Are you already living from the Thriver perspective? Pause this video and let me know in your comments below.

 

Time To Get the Real Thing

Now, here is the thing for you … it’s healthy for you to not jump straight into another relationship. If you try to, you know it is likely to be a terrible experience.

Why – because your soul knows that the opportunity you really want, more than anything, is to heal, evolve and grow towards the sustainability of fulfilling relationships that ARE real.

The narcissist can’t have real relationships.

False, broken, unfulfilling relationships are what he or she, living excessively from the False Self, is doomed to have. However, YOU can have REAL relationships if you are willing to do the work.

Relationships where you will experience being valued at the level that you value yourself.

Relationships where you will know and connect to people with true characters, kindness and conscience.

But this only becomes possible through growth and healing.

If you don’t do the work to come home to the knowing of your own self-love, worth and fullness within, then you will always seek it from outside of yourself.

I promise you that when you get determined to get off this terrible ride of painful, unsustainable relationships onto REAL and HEALTHY relationship trajectories, you will know that being discarded and ‘not mattering’ were actually powerful gifts to you.

They forced you to get REAL. To REALLY partner with yourself with devotion, love and purpose; to repair the relationship with yourself to become a completely different person going forwards.

You will become a person who is no longer being unconsciously a broken, unhealed child within an adult’s body, trying to find a parent. Rather, you will heal up to become a solid, self-loving adult in your own body, seeking and accepting other whole and healthy adults in partnerships.

And I’d love to get you started on exactly that path – the one away from pain and resentment towards health, love and excitement for what you can create in your life.

So, let’s do this together. Click this link to get started accessing my FREE empowering resources.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist

What Personality Traits are Narcissists Attracted To?

Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist

 

I’m going to say that narcissists are attracted to everything they aren’t. If you want to feel wealthy you dress well, act superior and surround yourself with wealthy people. You may not have money in the bank, but your lifestyle says WEALTHY.

We all know there are certain traits missing in the narcissist’s makeup. The narcissist knows this also so, he is going to be attracted to those who, as he needs, make him look good. The narcissist is an empty shell but, they are intelligent enough to know that if they are going to appear likable and become socially accepted, they must attach themselves to someone whose skirt tails they can ride.

Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist:

  • Intelligence.
  • Being empathetic and compassionate.
  • Having humanitarian interests.
  • Showing heart.
  • Able to express empathy and compassion.
  • High moral compass.
  • Sincerity, warm-heartedness and inner beauty.
  • Being genuinely concerned about the wellbeing of others.
  • Emotional maturity.
  • Friendliness and a love for life. Positive mental attitude.
  • Spirit- an open and happy spirit.
  • Success and achievements.
  • Hierarchy or societal place on the ‘social ladder.’
  • Resources- materialistic blessings or achievements.
  • Unique talents, gifts, and abilities.
  • A genuine care for others, animals and the world.
  • Shyness and insecurities.
  • Someone easily shapeable.
  • Inner beauty.
  • External beauty and someone they can ‘show off.’

You’ll notice, grouped in with those traits is, shyness, insecurities and easily shapeable. That’s the key, they want someone who appears to have it all together on the surface but struggles with self-esteem issues, codependency issues and will to change to please the narcissist. They want a woman to reflect well upon them, but they also want one they can manipulate.

I remember being constantly complimented by my ex because of my volunteer work, my looks, my chosen career, and my love of animals. On the other hand, he was very interested in family of origin issues I dealt with and how those had impacted me.

I made the mistake of confusing his interest with caring and concern. I know now that what he was doing was arming himself with ammunition to use when we got to the manipulation phase of our relationship. Feigning interest in issues you find difficult to deal with is all part of the manipulation game they play.

How Does a Woman Keep from Being the Victim of a Narcissist?

Below are some questions you need to ask yourself. Protecting yourself from a narcissist has a lot to do with how secure your boundaries are and how much bad behavior you’ll accept in a relationship.

Have you ever ended a relationship because the other person was too selfish? 

Or, do you make excuses and blame yourself for not giving enough in the relationship?

Do you have clear boundaries that you enforce about what types of behaviors you will or will not tolerate from a romantic partner?

If a relationship began wonderfully, but quickly goes downhill, do you stay in it hoping that it will improve?

Does being “in love” trump being treated well?

Do you put up with being devalued?

Do you make excuses for the other person’s bad behavior? They don’t really mean it. They had a hard day.

If the person’s behavior turns abusive do you leave immediately?

If you answered yes to any of these questions or, you’re unsure how you would respond in the situation, you’re exactly the type of woman a narcissist is attracted to. You’re the woman who will hold on when she should have let go. You’re the woman who’ll find herself trying to recover from narcissistic abuse and wondering what the hell happened to that wonderful man she fell in love with.

Don’t be that woman!

Bottom Line:

If you find yourself in a relationship with a man who makes you feel uncomfortable or regularly manipulates you into doing things you don’t want to do, he is probably not right for you. Whether he is a narcissist or not, it’s imperative to learn to trust your gut and not accept bad behavior regardless of how you feel about a man. That is what will keep you from ever becoming the victim of a narcissist.

The post What Personality Traits are Narcissists Attracted To? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

Read More –>

Say These Three Powerful Words To Dispel Narcissists – Not My Reality

Say These Three Powerful Words To Dispel Narcissists – Not My Reality

 

I know you may scream from the rooftops that narcissists are NOT your Reality.

You don’t WANT them in your life.

You can’t stand them and you’re firmly OVER them.

But why is THAT particular narcissist still making your life a living hell?

Or, if you did get free of that one, why can’t you seem to shake other narcissists off and have a life completely FREE of them?

Today, in this VERY important TTV Episode, I want to teach you WHY your ‘NO’ to narcissists may actually be a ‘YES’.

And HOW to once and for all, start living your life narcissist free. A life where you can honestly say and know ‘You are Not My Reality’.

 

 

Video Transcript

In today’s Thriver TV episode I want to talk to you about Law of Attraction.

What it really is and does with regard to narcissistic abuse, and how to finally say, embody and mean ‘Not My Reality’ – and effectively dispel narcissists forever.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now let’s get going…

When You Think You Are Saying ‘No’ but Aren’t

When you are trying to create an abuse-free life from a logical perspective, it’s very limited.

Your real-life experience will show you that what I am saying is true.

You may logically be saying ‘Not My Reality’ with intense passion and conviction, yet the narcissist’s antics, nastiness, and poison still continue in your life.

And no matter how much you declare you don’t want it and haven’t chosen it as your reality, it continues to be so.

Why is this your experience?

Because what is in your life experience is not being chosen by you logically. It is being called forth by you emotionally.

Much of this is unconscious. It is all to do with your almighty subconscious programs that not only control the billions of biochemical processes that define you as a living, breathing human being but also control, to the letter, your participation, application and connections in your life – both positive and negative.

Our painful inner traumas and beliefs are felt as fear, pain, righteousness and adamant ‘Nos’. These are the things we are most passionate about eliminating in our life.

Yet, the incredible irony is … these are the things that continue to enter our life experience over and over again.

I adored listening to an Ester Hicks message about making a pie in a kitchen many years ago, where a person was paranoid about the possibility of getting garlic in their pie.

Sure enough, garlic got in the pie.

The reason it got in the pie is because the ‘No’ that was being passionately declared was in fact a whooping great ‘Yes’. The subconscious program, with intense emotional energy of ‘garlic horrifies me’ connected to it, generated the reality of that subconscious program to the letter.

How the garlic got there is irrelevant. The almighty subconscious has unlimited permutations and ways available in The Field to unfold itself. Your subconscious fulfilling the subconscious program is as absolute as the Law of Gravity – and WILL always find a way!

Can you understand now that you vehemently declaring that the narcissist is not your reality, can make him or her even more so?

Should You Ignore What the Narcissist Does?

Okay, so does this mean that you are meant to ignore what the narcissist is doing so that you are not emotionally affected by their behaviour?

In my experience, it is a very rare individual who just decides to let it all go and actually manages to do so.

And this is where I am totally NOT a fan of the stock-standard Law of Attraction processes that are generally this: ‘Take your focus off what you don’t want and put it onto what you do want.’

When subconscious programs are entrenched in trauma energy, they activate survival programs. These survival programs mess significantly with our nervous and limbic systems and hijack not just our emotions but also our minds.

These inner programs, such as ‘The people who are supposed to love and care for me hurt me, abandon me, and even annihilate me’, have incredible power driving them. The cognitive mind is only responsible for 5% of our life, and it is the servant of the almighty subconscious not the master of it.

By trying to choose a new path that simply has a different ‘focus’, only makes the subconscious program reinforce itself more firmly.

This is why, in regard to trauma recovery, if we try to think ourselves into indifference, positivity and relief, it is a gruelling uphill battle that invariably leads to you sliding back into even more pain, helplessness and feelings of failure and being defective.

By trying to do this, when trauma is involved, we don’t get better, and we don’t do better or experience better.

Addressing the Horrible Reality In A Way That Works

Okay, so if we wish ‘Not My Reality’ to work for real with a narcissist, we know that adamantly declaring the statement doesn’t work. We know also that ignoring what is happening in your reality doesn’t work either.

The truth is: presently the trauma of the narcissist IS your reality.

How do we get the switch to ‘NOT my reality’?

By understanding where our reality REALLY comes from, which is from inside of ourselves. It unfolds from our all-powerful, subconscious programs that are interconnected with everything and everyone in The Field within our personal life experience.

Therefore, nothing that you do OUTSIDE of yourself – no pushing back or ignoring it – is going to work.

What is going to work, however, is changing your subconscious programs that are matching what is taking place with the narcissist.

How do we do that?

Much more simply than you can ever imagine. In fact, it requires no cognitive effort. All it takes is for you to take your focus off the outside world, which you have no control over, and move it onto your inner emotional world.

The ‘what hurts’ right now, in regard to what the narcissist is triggering off inside of you, IS the reality creating the reality.

Our subconscious programs appear in our consciousness, letting us know what they are via our emotions.

By using an effective Quantum Tool to reach your subconscious, emotional energy, you can load up and release this energy directly from inside of you.

This means you can LET IT GO.

And when you do this for real, it means the original belief systems that were underpinning the trauma energy, wrapped up in your Inner Being, leaves too.

This means the subconscious program no longer exists inside you.

This means it is no longer creating the validity of the painful belief in your life.

How do we know when we have effectively let go and eradicated a limiting, painful inner subconscious belief?

We know, because when we think about the thing that previously was hurting us, there is no painful energy on it anymore.

Let me explain…

Previously when we thought about what the narcissist was doing to us, it triggered pain, fear, dread and anxiety. The thoughts we had connected to this were of helplessness and powerlessness, no matter how much rage and righteousness we had onboard as defences.

After such a subconscious shift, when we think about what the narcissist did or is doing, those feelings of fear and pain are no longer there. We have completely different thoughts. We see it for what it is. We no longer have the internal match to personalise and internalise the behaviour, making it about us.

Now there is a separation – a distinctly different feeling.

Which goes like this: That is YOU, but this is ME!

Meaning: I am no longer sucked in, sucker-punched, triggered or handing power over. RATHER I am deciding and taking action regarding what IS my reality.

In certain cases, this may be doing nothing because there is no need to – you deeply know with your newfound wisdom inside that there is no point doing anything, responding or acting in any way.

Just starve it of energy.

This is not a logical decision. It is a solid, anchored inner knowing of the thoughts and feelings connected with your True Self state on the topic of this person in your life now.

Or, you may know deeply inside you that without the previous emotional derailment of your triggers, you can now factually, calmly and in a concise documented way, take action to create boundaries and accountability with this person.

And you have ZERO fear about their reaction to this.

And you know if fear does comes up – meaning that there is another inner subconscious program to be addressed – that you will turn inwards, go to it, and release it.

When you become the true inner subconscious programs of ‘Not My Reality’, and you say it as a calm, untriggered, solid inner state, you will feel, think and do in alignment with ‘Not My Reality’.

You will line up with all the ideas, inspirations, support, people, synchronicities, and even miracles, that unfold ‘more of that’.

Remember how your subconscious has unlimited access and availability to all the permutations of The Field in your reality, to help unfold the reality of the subconscious beliefs?

I promise you, with all my heart, that when you release the trauma that the narcissist is triggering within you – and all the painful beliefs that were connected with it organically leave your being as well – you will be able to say authentically ‘Not My Reality’. And you’ll be able to say this because that is the absolute truth of Your True Self and your True Life.

False selves and abuse are Not Your Reality.

Can you deeply feel into the results of addressing your reality where it is really going on?

Okay, if you want to start getting aligned with these truths, to boost and actualise your recovery beyond your wildest dreams, then I’d love to help you.

So please partner with me in the Thriver Way by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

5 Reasons Why Narcissists Move On So Quickly

5 Reasons Why Narcissists Move On So Quickly

Narcissists always seem to land on their feet, like the proverbial cat.  Whilst you are at home still feeling hurt and healing from the break up of your relationship, they are happily posting photos all over social media of how wonderful their life is now.

It’s like a real kick in the stomach!

So why do they move on so quickly?

Well aside from the well-known and accepted reason, which is that they are incapable of love so everything is superficial and therefore your relationship was never “real”, there is actually a lot more to it.

Studies have revealed differences in the brain structure of those with diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder which shed a lot of light on this subject.

  1. The area of the brain responsible for empathy (the frontal lobe) is much less developed in a narcissist that the rest of the average population.  Therefore they are physically less able to understand others feelings and so will struggle to recognise love.  We learn how to love from others but if our brains are less capable of performing this function, we won’t learn how to love meaning relationships are much more superficial for narcissists.
  2. The same area of the brain is also involved in problem solving.  So when problems occur in a relationship, the narcissist will not have the necessary skills to stay and communicate and try to resolve the issues.  Instead they will move onto a new relationship where there are no problems.  Once problems begin to occur, which they inevitably will, the narcissist will once again move on.
  3. The frontal lobe is also linked to sexual behaviours.  According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, sex is a basic human need but sexual intimacy is higher up the hierarchy, meaning that when narcissists are in stress or crisis they will go into survival mode and seek only to meet their basic needs – they will cheat.  It’s as primal to them as eating when hungry is to the rest of us.
  4. The cerebral cortex has also been found to be less developed in narcissists and this area is responsible for memory, emotions and behaviour.  Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don’t form memories in the same way the rest of us do.  For most of us it’s the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on.  The narcissist doesn’t have this problem.  Their brain hasn’t stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
  5. We know that childhood abuse plays a role in the development of NPD and this can be emotional, physical or sexual.  As a child, the narcissist will have developed a coping strategy to deal with the abuse which could include compartmentalising their emotions to reduce the pain.  Long term exposure to abuse can therefore lead to new neural pathways being formed which simply bypass emotions completely.  It’s protective evolution of the brain.  And means that narcissists never feel hurt, pain or love.  Therefore they can move on without a care in the world.  Literally.

So the next time you see a smiling picture of your narcissist ex with his new supply, know that it’s just a mask.  There are no real feelings.  They are simply resorting to their survival mode.

And remember, the fact you feel sad is a good thing because it shows you have developed normal brain functioning and for you it was real.  Never be ashamed of that.

The post 5 Reasons Why Narcissists Move On So Quickly appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.

Read More –>

Why Narcissists Are So Cruel To You And Kind To Everybody Else

Why Narcissists Are So Cruel To You And Kind To Everybody Else

 

Narcissists can be so lovely, charming, friendly and downright accommodating with everyone else but SO moody, dark, nasty and even cruel to you.

Why is getting the narcissist to do ANYTHING for you near impossible, or when assistance is forthcoming, uses this as a bargaining chip or guilt tool against you?

How can the narcissist in your life treat you like DIRT and other people like GOLD?

If this describes your relationship, then this is a must-read article for you.

You will learn exactly WHY this happens as well as how to escape from the horror of it – forever.

 

So many people shake their head at this.

Why are narcissists so cruel to you and so kind to everyone else?

It really is like living with a Street Angel/Home Devil.

How can this be possible?

And, it may not just be you they are cruel to – it may be the people you care about – such as your children or the family.  You may discover that the narcissist doesn’t give two hoots about them, yet will bend over backwards and grant the world, even to total strangers.

What is this about?

I promise you there are absolute reasons for this – and by reading this article you will know 100% why narcissists are so cruel to you and kind to everyone else!

You will also know, exactly how to heal from the trauma of this and have people flood into your life who do get it, validate you, and know the truth.

In today’s article, I want to start with validating EXACTLY how this feels and how damaging this has been for you.

 

The Trauma of No-One Understanding What Is Really Happening!

I can’t tell you how often, I have heard stories like the one that Caroline shared with me.

This is what she said … Joseph her father was a gloomy, angry tyrant at home, yet all of the neighbourhood loved this apparently jovial, funny and larger than life man.

The following is why she was so upset ….

He was forever helping people out with odd jobs, advice and even going as far as giving the elderly rides to their doctor’s appointments.

Everyone loved him, yet Diana, Caroline’s mother, did not dare ask Joseph for anything from him, because he would argue, bluster, call her terrible names and storm out on her.

Caroline had learnt from a very early age, not to ask her father for anything. It was easier and more peaceful to stay out of his way and hope that he wouldn’t be home. If he ever he did say he would do something for her, it was on his own time (usually far too late) and would never be finished anyway.

Caroline’s school friends told her how wonderful her father was, and how their parents loved having him around. Joseph was regularly invited places and hung out with people. He would much rather do this than spend time with his family – even though of course he told other people about all the supposed things he did for and with them.

Then there was Paul married to June.

June was controlling, angry, jealous and insecure. She demanded Paul’s full allegiance to her and told him repeatedly how their friend’s husbands were granting and caring for their wives much better than he did.

Yet, when Paul and June entertained, she was a gracious, friendly, generous and attentive hostess. She did not argue with Mark or belittle him in public. People used to tell Mark what a beautiful and lovely wife he had, without having any idea what June was like as soon as the last car left their driveway.

She would dissect the evening, criticising, judging and being jealous about what Mark did or didn’t do that evening.

When Mark came forward in this community, completely bewildered, his burning question was: ‘Why is she so cruel to me and so kind to everyone else?’

Of course, it’s terrible when people have no idea who you are really dealing with and may even label you as complaining and out of line when you try to explain facts to them. You may even be pinned as ‘the abusive one’, and told that you should be incredibly grateful for this ‘wonderful’ person in your life.

Maybe you are questioning your own sanity, or wondering whether you must make this person like this!

This is so common in narcissistic abuse, and I know that it’s incredibly likely that you went through this too.

You may have even suffered the terrible confusion of being connected to the Altruistic Narcissist – wondering whether everyone else did have it right and you were the sick one imagining things! After all the Altruistic Narcissist can also be LOVELY as well as incredible CRUEL, at times, to you too!

Okay … I REALLY want to help you with all this horrible confusion (that I lived through too), so let’s look at the REAL reasons why narcissists are so cruel to you and kind to everyone else.

Reasons that are NOT your fault.

 

Reason # 1 – Requiring Constant Narcissistic Supply

It’s all about Narcissistic Supply – the number 1 driver of any narcissist.

A narcissist is a False Self, a consummate actor – being whoever they need to be to get narcissistic supply effectively and efficiently – which means the attention, accolades and acclaim that feeds the empty black hole that is their Inner Being.

Without narcissistic supply, as a drip feed continuously, a narcissist no longer has a buffer to numb out (self-medicate away) the inner screaming wounds of defectiveness, emptiness and feelings of not being worthy of existing.

Which in other words are the by-products of a severely stunted and fractured self-identity, and the resulting dire insecurity of this.

To get their drug (narcissistic supply) on a regular basis, means people providing them attention. To secure ‘prey’ (the food source) means getting people to like and trust them.

It’s so important to understand winning people’s confidence has nothing to do with genuine ‘giving’. The niceties, charitable acts and putting themselves out for people is purely agenda based. The narcissist receives no pleasure from making a difference to people’s lives, he or she is getting a hit of narcissistic supply by getting their ego stroked every time they are told how wonderful they are.

 

Reason # 2 – Familiars Don’t Provide Constant A-Grade Narcissistic Supply

Now you may ask – okay if the narcissist is after narcissistic supply – why are narcissists so cruel to me and kind to everybody else?

Why doesn’t he or she do lovely things for me or my family or my children, to gain narcissistic supply from me?

The answer to this is simple.

You are not going to fawn over the narcissist every time they do something ‘nice’. Mature family or love relationship members know that they are a part of a kind, caring team who naturally does things for each other.

It’s usual that a husband, wife, or other family members will be responsible,  decent and giving without jumping up and down and needing their own personal agenda fulfilled, or having a red carpet rolled out complete with a fanfare every time they do something for someone.

Yes, children and teenagers go through their selfish stages of not wanting to contribute – but this is all a part of learning about responsibility, caring for others and growing up.

Narcissists have never grown up, it is all about them, and it’s not just about selfishness. Narcissists take it a step further, by needing the constant attention and accolades to emotionally survive.

People outside of familiars offer a fertile hunting ground for this.

Narcissists know that to retain these many sources of supply, they can’t be nasty to them. Things are different with familiars who the narcissist has hooked to them – family members, love partners or the like – he or she knows they can treat them abysmally and they will still hang around.

With an outside source of supply, if the narcissist is not getting enough of a hit of narcissistic supply, rather than rip shreds off these people, they will just slink away and chase up the next target for it.

And because these sources may dry up, then the narcissist is on the hunt, always, for more.

Now let’s further investigate why narcissists are so cruel to you and kind to everybody else.

Especially the cruel part …

 

Reason # 3 – Punishing You For Not Providing A-Grade Narcissistic Supply

You may be horrified by how demanding, childish and entitled a narcissist behaves when they actually do something for you and require your recognition afterwards.

Of course, this behaviour was not taking place in the early days (in the case of a love relationship) and is not the case when the narcissist is hoovering you – love-bombing you to try to stop you leaving.

Things are pretty black and white with a narcissist – they are either ‘lovely’ or downright sullen and even nasty. All the giving that a narcissist performs is agenda based, the deal is brokered in their favour no matter what it looks like, and if there is not any foreseeable payoff of narcissistic supply, he or she will be resistant, angry, argumentative, and want retribution.

Such as: using guilt trips held against you regarding ‘what I do for you and you don’t do for me.’ (Regardless of course of what you have done or do.) Or, doing the task in a terrible way that has not helped you at all; starting it and refusing to finish it off; refusing to start it and then accusing you of being controlling and uncaring if expecting them to do it now.

Or telling you that it will be done, dangling it like a carrot and enjoying the fact that you are left hanging indefinitely.

And even, extremely painfully, creating an argument or a separation with you so that he or she can get out into the world and suck A-grade narcissistic supply from someone else.

The narcissist needs to punish you for even thinking you could minimalise them by trying to force them to act normal – like everyone else is supposed to.

The narcissist, when hurting you in these ways, is not going for ‘positive’ narcissistic supply such as of accolades anymore. For them it is now about gaining ‘negative’ narcissistic supply: ‘I am significant because I can affect you this intensely’.

Now you ARE supplying additional A-grade narcissistic supply to the narcissist, via your dismay and devastation. It makes the narcissist feel omnipotent.

You may think that you can be gracious and grateful and train a narcissist to stay around and be nice by providing enough narcissistic supply. Yet it doesn’t work … here’s why …

Every narcissist has a seething inner self of self-damnation and self-loathing that has to be spewed onto someone.

Close intimates are the narcissists preferred and really only constant dumpmasters, because these people have been groomed and trauma bonded enough to stick around and fulfil this role. So even if you try to be the loving, dutiful, congratulatory person, if you stay with a narcissist, you will not love and congratulate your way out of abuse.

Many people have tried it.

You may have, I did too – but so much of our awakening is knowing that people will treat us how we allow them to, and if we stay around for the inevitable abuse, that the narcissist bit by bit tested to see what we would remain for – it will just worsen, no matter how much you try to please, love and be kind to this person.

I also know of people who let narcissists not help or contribute in any way, yet then the narcissist accuses them of not including them in their lives and attacks them mercilessly about that! (I tried that one too!)

You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t by the time someone is narcissistically cruel to you and you stay connected to them. That is enabling them to continue doing so.

Okay, so I really hope these three reasons have helped you understand, in DEEP detail, why narcissists are so cruel to you and kind to everybody else.

Now let’s bring this back to YOU, so that you can escape and heal from this terrible agony, and start getting validation, care and genuine love into your life.

 

Bringing the Power Back to You

Many people in this community already know the powerful secret to coming home to yourself and taking your power back.

It’s this: Detach from the source of the pain, turn inwards, go to ‘what hurts’ inside, stop holding other people responsible for it and HEAL it within.

That formula is the ONE thing that will always heal and turn your life around beyond description.

Let me explain in this instance, what I mean, by sharing my journey with narcissist number 1.

The number of unfinished pieces and incomplete aspects of anything he had to do for us in the marriage was mind-boggling. In fact, my life was a constant drama of mopping up all the loose ends, practically, legally and financially, whilst being battered and accused of causing all these problems, whilst everyone believed he was incredibly talented, attentive and dutiful.

So much so, my mother was still doing his ironing for him, even after I had fled from my own home because of the abuse. At that time my son believed he was the good guy and I had been having affairs. My best friend deserted me and started up a business with him. My accountant took his side and went into business with him too. Most of my colleagues and students thought I was nuts and he was wonderful.

No-one believed me!

Man – can you even imagine how devastating that was for me? When I look back, I have no idea how I even survived those abandonments and betrayals. I really thought I was going to die.

Thank god I found the way to heal this utter trauma and change EVERYTHING in order to FINALLY be validated by life and people beyond measure.

To achieve this, I had to let go of NEEDING and even WANTING other people to get who he was and what he was doing to me.

I had to realise that this wasn’t even about him – it was all about me supporting, validating, and getting myself.

You see, before narcissistic abuse (without knowing it because it had always been my normal) I had been living life from the outside in. I had always been seeking recognition, approval and love from people outside of myself in order to try to feel whole on the inside.

How ironic that he came into my life, mirroring this back to me – as a narcissist always on the hunt for narcissistic supply because of his own lack of inner wholeness!

This didn’t mean that I was a conscienceless, cruel, narcissistic person also. What it did mean was that I was empty within and precariously needy on how other people saw me and felt about me.

In my Thriver Recovery I went inside to ‘what hurt’ and I found the wounds of not knowing and believing who I really was, and not having my own established Inner Identity. I realised that the narcissist in my life was the other side of the same coin, of me not being healed.

After leaving the narcissist and finally embarking on my true Quantum Inside Out Healing Journey, I went inwards to these particular fractured beliefs creating these feelings of ’what hurts’, loaded them up and released and replaced them with my Superconscious Self  (The Quanta Freedom Healing NARP process) and emerged from these healings without my triggers and trauma.

That was when I discovered, I couldn’t care less anymore about him pulling the wool over everybody’s eyes and them not believing me. Suddenly, I felt the most whole and content I ever had about my self-identity, without needing anyone to validate it.

Then an astounding thing happened VERY quickly (all of the following took a few short months).

My mother and son caught out his lies and came back to me.

The business with my best friend went horribly wrong with the narcissist and again I was validated.

My accountant reported in, saying the horrible things that had happened with his dealings with him.

Countless other people ‘got’ me, and the truth about him (including authorities and police who he had previously manipulated constantly.)

I was fully vindicated.

But my vindication had already happened INSIDE of me – I had no need for it.

As of today, I have seen the same happen for thousands of other people worldwide – regardless of their circumstances.

I have seen all sorts of people, family, friends, even alienated children, judges, and police ‘get’ the truth.

That’s how powerful our Beingness is – so within so without.

This following is the TRUE gift … even if life didn’t shift in your favour in this way, if you free yourself from your inner trauma, then you are able to live and create your new life regardless.

The ‘state’ is what you are chasing – then ALL else can follow.

I really want you to understand something that I am SO grateful for today…

Thank goodness people didn’t ‘get’ the truth and turn back to me BEFORE I went through this process. If that HAD happened, I would have missed my own healing back to wholeness and my evolution that has changed my life so beautifully and magnificently ever since.

Okay, I’d love you to join me to heal from this, in direct, powerful ways that you couldn’t have known existed yet – until you connect to them.

You can do so by signing up to my 16 Day free course, which has so many FREE empowering healing resources for you,

And, I’m really looking forward, as always, to answering your questions and comments below.

 

Read More –>

What Happens When Narcissists Get Old?

What Happens When Narcissists Get Old?

 

An elderly narcissist without narcissistic supply can be very difficult to be around.

Maybe you are wondering if they will mellow with age or whether you are finally going to see Karma make amends for all the horrible things they have done to you.

What is the fate of an ageing narcissist?

Wanting to know this is normal and TOTALLY understandable!

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am excited to share with you the TRUTH about what is going on with narcissists as they age.

 

 

Video Transcript

People ask this question a lot.

They want to know…

‘Does their behaviour improve?’

‘Do they mellow or do they get worse?’

‘What is their fate as they age?’

These are all such great questions, and in today’s TTV episode I’m really looking forward to answering them for you.

But before I do, I want to thank each and everyone who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, please do so. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s get started.

 

Unconsciousness Creates Big Cracks

This is what I believe about living unconsciously – lack of integration and peace with Self will show up in one’s life.

We know narcissists shove and plunder their way through life in conscienceless ways, taking by charm or force or manipulation other people’s energies and resources to feed their insatiable False Selves.

On the surface it may seem like they are having a wonderful time – prospering even.

But are they really?

I used to believe that the ex-narcissist in my life had it all, much of it at my expense, and was even thriving, whilst my life was stripped bare, with no hope of recovery.

Now I know what a grand illusion that was.

Because, after my own soul recovery and self-partnering to come home to me, I now know how agonising it is to be disconnected from Self and not being integrated and at peace.

And this is regardless of what stuff, results and successes are achieved.

For the narcissist – stuff and people are ‘things’, mere commodities, that are only attempts at self-medicating away the pain that is the narcissist’s constant inner trauma. But no achievements, people or things can ever resolve this trauma.

I love what George Carlin said, which supports this idea: ‘Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.’

This is the thing – the narcissist is always hungry and never satisfied. Their actions are the urges of a disordered egoic self that is insecure, empty and self-loathing. It is the ‘always trying to seek salvation’ from outside of self, rather than self-partnering and healing oneself back to inner wholeness.

It is a never-ending, fruitless hamster wheel with no way off, that they are on.

The narcissist has crossed the line into being out of alignment with inner authenticity.

He or she lies, schemes and has agendas. And every time the narcissist is not operating from a place of inner and solid truthfulness, he or she is damaging the integrity of their inner being even more.

The narcissistic personality grows in intensity, and as it grows so does the need for more lies and falsities, to cover a fictitious life.

The damage of a life lived out of integrity means that there is always another responsibility to avoid, bullet to dodge, scheme to hatch, and another source to groom because of the inevitable destruction of the current one.

 

Losing the Ability to Get Narcissistic Supply

Mining the acclaim, notoriety, attention, and energy from others, to buffer the narcissist’s empty inner self with significance, takes a lot of effort.

This is a delicate balancing act for a narcissist.

As a hugely insecure person, who requires a BIG feed of narcissistic supply to escape the inner torment of feeling unworthy, empty and insignificant, narcissists need to be effective when it comes to the amount of energy expended for the harvest reaped.

As narcissists get older, they start losing charm, energy and ways to get narcissistic supply.

When the glory days start fading into the background, and they lose their ability to garnish supply, narcissists traditionally take it out on the people who are still attached.

In relation to ageing narcissists, this could be their spouse or a child, who they have groomed to dump their anger on and have made responsible for their needs and abuse.

If this is your plight – I’d really love you to watch my video ‘How To Handle an Elderly Narcissist’ so that you can understand how to take your power back and heal from being abused in this way.

 

An Elderly Narcissist Without Narcissistic Supply

This really is the same as a sick narcissist who can’t get narcissistic supply. When they run low or empty, without their primary drug of choice – the attention and significance that self-medicates away the inner pain of being themselves – narcissists can become totally delusional, manic, unreasonable, abusive and, quite frankly, may go insane.

Their mask may drop completely, leaving their disorder front and centre for all to see.

He or she may throw all caution to the wind and attempt frenetically, and even pathetically, to try to get narcissistic supply.

It is a shock when you see an elderly narcissist unravel in this way, and become a shadow of their former fictitious self. And it is when they age that the truth always, eventually, comes out.

I believe we die as we live. A life authentically lived, shows the successful results even in declining years. Whereas a life lived as a False Self, ends up where it was always going to go – a fall from grace that never was real in the first place.

 

As Narcissists Age Does Karma Pay Them Back?

The answer to this question is ‘yes’. However, despite any acquisition or outer appearances, it is important to know that the narcissist’s karma – the intense emotional disintegration and pain from living a life out of alignment with self, life and others, is ever present.

One’s soul is not durably happy as a result of ‘getting’. Every soul can only reach wholeness as a result of ‘being’. The state of the inner beingness of a narcissist is disastrous; their emotions being ever reliant on the precariousness of obtaining narcissistic supply, are damaged and unstable.

As narcissists age, their out-of-alignment disintegration often extends to health issues as well as emotional and mental delusions. It’s also common for them to have financial disasters, as they lose the ability to hold up the house of cards that their life really was. Family and friends often turn away from them in droves – especially as the mask falls.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard exactly those reports.

Let me just share this true-life story that encapsulates all of this.

A friend of mine had a narcissistic father who was a high roller – throughout his life he owned Sunshine Coast penthouses, fancy cars and married several, much younger, women.

As an old man in his 80’s, he married a young Asian lady. This lady got him to build her a home overseas and then divorced him. She kept the lot.

He returned to Australia with Parkinson’s Disease and dementia, and was under surveillance in the nursing home because of his inappropriate, and often nasty, behaviour toward staff and other patients.

His phone was confiscated because he constantly went on dating and gambling apps.

This narcissistic man ended up with nothing but humiliation, shame, and failure, and his family only visiting him when it was absolutely necessary.

If you know of an ageing narcissist who has fallen from grace, please pause this video and share the information below.

 

Bringing Our Focus Back to Healing Ourselves Rather Than Focusing on Narcissists

Of course, I understand why you are asking this question about ageing narcissists.

Maybe you have an elderly narcissist in your life, who is driving you crazy.

Or possibly you have been hurt so much by a narcissist in your life, you are wondering how their life will turn out – and dearly hope it won’t be good.

But I really want to invite you to take your focus off the narcissist and firmly on healing yourself. And I’m asking you to do this so that you will not only break free from the terrible affliction of narcissistic abuse, and enter the trajectory of your True Self and True Life, but also so that your life will in no way be conditional on what does or doesn’t happen to the narcissist as he or she ages.

Truly he or she is in emotional hell every second of every day – there is nothing to envy here!

I know that you may be feeling like you too are in a total emotional hurricane, with no way out, and that your life could be horrific, on many levels, as you age. I promise you this doesn’t have to be your reality at all.

Unlike the narcissist, who is not going to turn inwards and start generating his or her only REAL emancipation and healing from emotional trauma, which is achieved regularly in this Community by doing the Quantum Inner Work – you can.

And once you do this, you truly won’t care less about what does or doesn’t happen to the narcissist. You will know that your highest mission is always about honouring your inner being and health.

When you get that part of it right, I promise you that you will no longer be shackled by the guilt, obligation, and pain that may have been allowing a narcissist to suck you dry.

It’s then that your True Self and True Life can begin – no matter what age you are or what you have lost as a result of narcissistic abuse.

To help you truly understand what I’m saying I want to share this resource, which I’d love you to watch: What To Do If You Feel Like You’re Too Old To Recover From Abuse.

 

Okay, so if it is time to heal, to let go of wondering and claim your resurrection freedom and joy – come join me.

Because I will show you how in time frames and ways that you did not even know were possible. To do this, simply click on this link. 

I so hope this video has helped.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

How Narcissists React When You Leave

How Narcissists React When You Leave

 

Leaving a narcissist can be confusing, painful and terrifying.  Narcissists do not like being LEFT by someone – it is a BIG insult to their ego.

So, what does that mean? It means that the narcissist will try to get BACK at you – HURT you, CONFUSE you, cause CHAOS for you and they do this in many ways.

In this Thriver TV episode, I share with you the NASTY things I have seen narcissists do when people leave them so you can be prepared for any fallout.

This is information that you REALLY need to know if you are going to leave or have just left!

 

 

Video Transcript

Leaving a narcissist is not like leaving a normal relationship.

Of course, all relationship endings can be very painful. In any relationship breakup people may not behave nicely for a time, because of being hurt. But relationship endings with narcissists take it to another level and can be fraught with lots of confusion and trauma.

Okay, before we get started, I’d like to remind you, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do, and thank you so much if you already have. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s get going. Let’s have a look at what you could be up for.

 

#1 – False Promises and Crocodile Tears

It’s quite common with narcissists, when you leave, to suddenly become apologetic and remorseful, promising to be better, do better and to make it up to you.

With narcissists this is not about genuine remorse and love for you – it is purely about re-hooking you up for narcissistic supply.

This is where we have it get very clear – words are cheap, and behaviour is the determinant of whether someone is not just genuine, but also has the resources to change.

People don’t just change because they say they will. People change because they are genuinely remorseful and are genuinely prepared to be accountable; to do the inner work to heal the reasons why they behave so abusively in the first place.

This is a long, hard process of healing, and is in no way an overnight thing.

Please note, if a person shows NPD characteristic – see my blog Are You With A Narcissist – it really is my recommendation that the chance of this person changing is negligible or non-existent. In no way does their proclamation and apologies mean their behaviour will alter.

So many of us have got back with narcissists time and time again only to realise that all that did happen was the abuse cycles became worse.

 

#2 – They Tell You They Were Ending It Anyway

There are two reasons a narcissist will tell you they were going to leave anyway, when you say you’re leaving them: to preserve their ego, so that they get the final say, and to try to freak you out and into thinking that you’ve been the one discarded.

They do this to hurt you, and so you become righteous and distraught when trying to explain to the narcissist why it is your choice to leave and not the other way around.

If this happens, you will fall right back onto the hook, trying to get the narcissist to understand you. You will end up capitulating, giving away more of your rights so that you end up back under the narcissist’s control, again.

See this for what it is, and don’t fall or it!

#3 – Stalk and Harass You

This can happen when a narcissist doesn’t want to lose control of you and the narcissistic supply they get from you.

This is especially prevalent when narcissists are the controlling and jealous types. Their approach and contact is likely to vary from situation to situation and could range from begging, crying, and trying to bargain, through to abusive and even violent words, threats and actions.

Please know, if you are being treated like this that it is SO important to work on releasing your fear to create solid and powerful boundaries. It is every person’s right to live free of harassment and intimidation, and remember you DO have the ability to place an intervention order.

#4 – Punish You

If a narcissist turns to vengeance, you’ll definitely know about it.

This is when they are likely to take things from you that are precious and attack what is most important to you. They might help themselves to your money and take possession of your things; turn people against you; refuse to give up your pets; or cut you off from your finances.

Therefore, it is really important that you leave quietly. Plan carefully and make sure that you have all your things secured before the narcissist knows it’s over.

If you have seen this person act maliciously in the past, absolutely don’t give them the benefit of the doubt and think they would not be capable of doing the same again. A narcissist who feels scorned, because of being a conscienceless entity, is capable of some pretty dirty things.

Also, be prepared for the smear campaign that undoubtedly will follow – virtually all narcissists do this. The best thing you can do is not feed it and try not to defend yourself, unless it becomes legal. If you do need to defend yourself, then work hard at releasing all your fears about the smear campaign, and just walk a straight, calm and honest line. Narcissists’ smear campaigns fall apart when you do this.

#5 – Replace You Quickly and Let You Know About It

A hallmark of narcissists is that they move on very quickly. I jokingly say it takes a narcissist as long as it takes to boil an egg to be back on a dating site! We all know that real people, who really love people, just aren’t capable of doing that!

Of course, this can be intensely painful. Narcissists love rubbing their ex-partner’s face in it. Please note, replacing you is likely to happen whether you leave the narcissist or the narcissist leaves you.

It’s so important for you to heal all the terrible feelings that can come up regarding being unlovable and replaced. I promise you that when you do, you will totally feel nothing but compassion for the narcissist’s new partner, and relief that it is no longer you in a relationship with this person.

#6 – Being Prepared

Please know that narcissists know where to hit. What I mean by this is that it will be the thing that will hurt you, confuse you or hook you in the most that the narcissist will do. If completely ignoring you after you leave is what will hurt you the most, I promise you that is exactly what will happen.

Why?

Because that is just what narcissists do!

The greatest way to get through whatever ways the narcissist responds to the breakup, is to be prepared to turn inwards to the scared and confused parts inside of you; to tend to any feelings of guilt, abandonment and fear, and heal them back to wholeness.

By doing so you will be able to leave, keep away and start to heal and flow into your new, abuse-free life.

That is my greatest passion and joy – helping individuals achieve this for real. People just like you.

So to get your journey started with me, you can sign up to my free 16-day course by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

Read More –>

7 Painful Tactics Used By Narcissists To Control Their Victims

Control is important to narcissists. They need to control their environment because they believe they know best. They have to exert themselves to stop anyone from challenging them.

Through conversations with victims, I have noticed patterns in their behaviours and this list encompasses the main themes of their controlling behaviour.

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1) They Create Anxiety in Their Victims

A Narcissists moods can be very volatile. They can rage at the slightest provocation and take out their wrath on their nearest and dearest. As a result a codependent, who is already accustomed to ignoring their feelings, learns to tip toe around the precarious moods of their partner. They walk around on egg shells, never knowing when the next proverbial shoe will drop. If this anxiety continues for a prolonged period of time and goes untreated physical ailments have been know to occur.

2) They Wear Down Your Self-Esteem

Either overtly or covertly they take aim at those parts of you that you are most ashamed of. They criticize everything you do, how you look, how you behave, even your very existence. The assault can be so pervasive that you become like a shell of a human being, believing that you can’t do anything right and little by little the Narcissist takes over every aspect of your life. You get to a point where you leave everything to them, believing that they know better. You lose yourself in the relationship and let go of your autonomy.

3) Gas Lighting

Gas lighting is the most recent buzz word surrounding Narcissists. It’s a manipulation tactic used by Narcissist to get their victims to question their memory, perception and sanity. They plant seeds of doubt and confusion to further weaken your grasp on reality.

4) They Display a Complete Lack of Empathy

They fail to celebrate or acknowledge anything that is important to, or about their partners. They don’t buy gifts, or recognize their partner’s achievements. They may pick fights right before a birthday, or the holidays to give themselves justification for their behavior. They don’t want their partners to get too confident. A confident partner is a partner who might decide they’ve had enough of their abuse and leave. A Narcissist fears abandonment and will guard against that at all costs. Making their partners feel small and insignificant is a great way to do that.

5) They Isolate You From Everyone You Love and Trust

There is always a big fuss anytime you want to spend time with people you care about. They berate and rant about how awful your friends or family are and anytime you talk about them or want to see them a confrontation ensues. They do this because they have spent so much effort into making you doubt your reality and they don’t want that messed up by people that have the ability to make you see the truth. The problem is that you have likely already bought into the Narcissist’s game plan. Your friends and family will tell you to get the hell out of there, like any sane person would, but they don’t understand the dynamic you’re stuck in. When you continue to stay, after revealing horrific details of the abuse, they get frustrated with your behavior to the point where you don’t want to tell them anything anymore, because you can’t deal with their criticism and disappointment, you stop talking and continue to hide your feelings.

6) They Play Mind Games

A Narcissist is always playing a game of one-upmanship. If you think you’ve caught them in something they will lie and make up a story. If you accuse them of bad behavior they will profect that behavior back on you and accuse you of the same thing. They are always trying to outsmart their partners and stay one step ahead of them, everything is a game and keeping you in the dark in regards to their behavior, true feelings and motivations feeds their ego. It makes them feel superior and reinforces their belief that you are lacking intelligence and are in fact inferior.

7) They are Vengeful

Fear of punishment and retribution are powerful motivators. If you know that you will be yelled at, physically harmed, humiliated, insulted, have your children harmed, your property destroyed or have anything that holds meaning to you taken away, you can be trained to be obedient. In Narcissistic/Codependent relationships there is always a power differential and they use that power as a means of control. They will teach you that everything is their way or the highway and when you do not comply you will be punished, in one way or another, until you comprehend that everything is always all about them. This constant erosion of boundaries, expectations, and the irrelevance they put on your needs and want is another hit to an already fragile sense of self.

Essentially Narcissists control people around them by using negative conditioning. When a Narcissist’s partner stands up for themselves, acts independently or in a manner they disapprove of, a Narcissist will use negative reinforcement to keep them in line. It’s a form of operant conditioning coined and identified by F.B Skinner. It’s the removal of a stimulus the subject wants or requires. Like taking a cell phone away from a misbehaving teenager, a Narcissist will remove themselves by disappearing or giving you the silent treatment. We learn through both positive and negative reinforcement. Conditioning is just another tool a Narcissist uses to subjugate their victims.

This list is not exhaustive so do feel free to add your own.

Read More –>