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The Simple Reason Why Narcissists Have To Hurt You

The Simple Reason Why Narcissists Have To Hurt You

 

Narcissists hurt you… a LOT.

In ways that seem senseless, cruel, barbaric and insane.

Why do they ALL seem to do this without any sense of remorse for the damage they cause?

We know narcissists are self-absorbed and lack a conscience, but what is really going on for them to be able to do to people the things that they DO?

 

 

Video Transcript

From our human framework it seems atrocious, horrible and unthinkable that narcissists hurt people like they do.

In fact, this can be one of the most painful things to try to recover from – WHY do they do that?

So, in today’s TTV episode I want to help you understand why narcissists do what they do. Also, I want to explain how we can protect ourselves against this.

Before we get started, thank you to all the new and existing subscribers, and if you haven’t yet subscribed I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.

Alright, let’s get going on today’s episode…

 

Hurt People Hurt People

You may have heard the expression ‘hurt people hurt people’ and think ‘that’s no excuse – there are people who are hurt who don’t treat people like that!’

I get that and I understand it. There are great people despite what happened to them, and there are people who are damaged and emotionally stunted, who do what they do. And they do this because of their model of the world, which they have established due to being traumatised.

There are two things I really do know, as a result of my own personal evolution. When I am in my most solid and whole place, even under stress, I am in the best possible position to treat others with kindness, love and respect, and…

When I am emotionally triggered and not well within, this is when I am the most likely to not be a particularly nice human being.

A person’s belief systems and emotional stability within, I believe, are the true gauge as to what they may or may not be capable of at their worst. Most of us can’t imagine being able to go to the pathological or malicious lengths that narcissists can. We simply aren’t capable of it.

However, when we were under siege in narcissistic relationships, and having our souls shredded, most of us said and did some things that we are certainly not proud of. It’s not just true that hurt people hurt people, it’s also very true that when you are around sick people, who are not taking any responsibility to face and heal their own inner demons, you don’t just hurt, you also get sick.

In regard to abusive people – I adore what Neale Donald Walsch says, ‘What is it within you that hurts so much that you need to hurt me?’

That question is the essence of what today’s discussion is really about.

 

A Narcissist’s Brutal Dumping

For those suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is a very disordered, delicate emotional balancing act going on. The inner True Self is damaged and disowned and is constantly bubbling up to the surface with feelings of ‘I am defective. I don’t belong. People don’t accept me, aren’t to be trusted, and will hurt me if I don’t get one up over them.’

This creates a state of constant anxiety, hypervigilance and the activation of internal survival programs. Because the true Inner Self is too damaged to generate a solid and healthy ‘self-identity’, the False Self is constantly in need of hits of self-medication. This is to try to feed the narcissist with energy to offset the inner self-damnation that is always threatening to engulf him or her.

This is ‘narcissistic supply’, and the ego is very exacting about what the quality of this needs to be. It needs to provide ‘Look at me. I am significant’.

It is such a small window of ‘correct attention’ that if you don’t supply the feedback that provides the narcissists with ‘entitlement above all others’, as well as acclaim, praise, recognition and the fawning that the narcissist’s ego may demand, then you will be punished.

Because a narcissist is not taking responsibility to do what is necessary for emotional trauma recovery – turn inwards to heal their inner wounds causing their dysfunction – they truly believe that the triggers going off within them are your fault. You are an extension of their ego – a tool with which they self-medicate, to try to save themselves from their own inner annihilation.

If this isn’t done adequately – which of course is an impossible job – then the narcissist’s erupting inner wounds will be your fault. He or she will tear into you without conscience, with the full brunt of the anger and trauma that he or she is presently experiencing.

Letting off this spew of internal trauma onto you grants the narcissist some temporary relief. But, of course, because nothing is ever resolved internally the same trauma and behaviour keeps coming back.

There is another piece to this. The narcissist recruited you because he or she believed you were A-grade narcissistic supply. The narcissist’s False Self is childish and loves to indulge in fantasies. Something about you was so idealised and put onto a pedestal that the narcissist feels convinced that you being their drug will grant them the self-medication – the ego feed – to keep the inner demons at bay. Of course, when this started to wear off, as all mature relationships do in the real-life necessity of two people cooperating and doing a workable partnership together, the narcissist starts hating that you are not the durable, self-medication object that he or she assigned you as.

Then, inevitably, the narcissist will start devaluing you and blaming you. He or she will start sourcing newer, fresher ego supply elsewhere.

Naturally, at this point, you wonder where the ‘wonderful’, ‘adoring’ person went… That person wasn’t ever in love with you. He or she was merely getting off on the narcissistic supply that you were providing.

 

The Divorcing From Humanity Within the Narcissist

When we ask ourselves ‘How are people capable of that?’, what we need to understand is that their connection to humanity, internally, has been disowned.

Our Inner Being is our connection to everything – ourselves, Source/Life/God and others. I believe that this is the holy trinity; that it is essential for us to realise this if we are to be an integrated and holistically connected to The Field Being. It must all start through ‘Self’ first.

If we are divorced from Self, as narcissists are, having buried their True Selves deep within, then we are doing what everyone does… Only being capable of relationships at the level of relationship we have with Self. We all see in others what we see in Self. We love others at the level that we love ourselves.

How much self-rejection and self-abandonment is there within a narcissist who declares, ‘I will not be me. I need to be a fictitious character instead.’?

How do narcissists see others? As fake. As people who are also in it for themselves, who are ‘objects’ – just as the narcissist’s False Self is – trying to manipulate people to get a slice of the good stuff.

To the narcissist, you are an object who requires controlling in case you get control of him or her.

The narcissist has no comprehension of your soul, and realness and feelings, any more than they do of their own.

People believe that narcissists get malicious delight out of shredding people’s souls, but I don’t really believe this is the case. They punish you for not helping them feel better. They don’t really think that you are capable of such hurt, and this is because when hurting, they have very little awareness of any self-love, self-soothing or self-care for themselves. Narcissists have severely stunted, or non-existent, empathy.

They just try to get up and go again by grabbing the next hit of narcissistic supply, significance, or an addiction to self-medicate – anything they can get hold of.

Sentimentality and emotional hurt, compassion, sensitivity, and remorse are not emotions that narcissists can understand, let alone access. The truth is that narcissists have zero comprehension of what they have done to you, and firmly believe they are the victim that you have treated terribly.

 

The Dark Side of the False Self

When there is only a False Self, there is no True Self taken into account. Then there is no True Self recognition in others outside of oneself either.

The False Self is the only entity – and it is all about the False Self.

Nothing else.

This is why a narcissist doesn’t care about how it affects you when playing with you like a cat with a mouse. ‘I’ll throw you away, then I’ll reel you back in – because if I get your tears, apologies, attention, and even anger, it feeds my ego and makes me know that I am significant enough to affect another person in this way.’

You will be pathologically smeared to others because it’s great fodder to get sympathy off people. If you lose face with family, friends or colleagues, or lose your job over it, so be it.

The narcissist may be toggling you with other lovers or stealing your resources and contacts behind your back. According to the narcissist, this is all fair game.

This is the product of the dire ‘separation’ illusion of narcissism and the False Self – which is the most dangerous fracture in all of humanity – not realising that at the Quantum level everything and everyone is interconnected.

Look at what our world does, as per its arrogance with our entire eco systems. It’s the same thing. The ego believes that it is all that exists and there is nothing and nobody else who should be worthy of consideration – as long as the ego is fed.

This is an insatiable black hole, just like the literal one in space, which sucks neighbouring celestial bodies up whole and then keeps going – because it is never ‘filled up’. The truth is there is nothing there to fill.

The terrible fate for the narcissist is the same: I’m going to be alone, no matter what, because I destroy everyone I am with, and even if I don’t I can never connect to care for and love them anyway. They are simply an object to serve my False Self, which can never achieve wholeness and peace.

 

The Real Truth – You Don’t Matter – And You Need To

Of course, initially when we realise we don’t matter – and that we weren’t loved and the relationship we endured with this person was because of this – it can feel intensely personal. We are shocked when we are treated without consideration and discarded or replaced, or even maliciously abused.

The truth is we either outlived our usefulness or the narcissist is now trying to hurt us horribly to get reactions that make him or her still get narcissistic supply.

The real truth is we didn’t matter, because the narcissist is not ‘matter’. They are a False Self, that is not real. Nothing matters other than the False Self. He or she is not capable of internally mattering or recognising this mattering in others.

Now here is the clincher and our incredible soul lesson in this: we need to matter to ourselves, regardless of whether we matter to a specific other.

If you get this, really get this, I want you to write below: ‘From today forward I MATTER to ME!’

If we try to get ‘us’ from False Sources, that is from anyone who is not ‘us’, then we are in very hot water. Wrong Town, in fact. Where the people we cling to and get hurt by are the people who are really reflecting back to us our own inner disconnection, divorcing and lack of self-partnering.

I promise you with all my heart, when you let go of the narcissist and turn inwards to face and heal your wounds of not feeling like you matter between you and you, and Source/Life/God and others, then you will never accept a relationship like this again. Rather, you will generate real, healthy relationships with people who do have the resources to matter to themselves and recognise that others matter also. And you will easily let go of people who you realise just don’t have these resources.

I want you to understand the total truth that can help us wake up – we cling to people who hurt us when they are not providing us with what we haven’t yet healed.

So, as the full circle with this Thriver TV episode, which all of mine really are, this is not actually about the narcissist hurting you – this is a given, that’s just what narcissists do. This is REALLY about your turning away from them and turning inwards to heal you so that you can stop being stuck in this pattern of hurting yourself.

Do you realise that as much as the narcissist is punishing you for not granting the perfect, ever-constant, narcissistic supply, you are holding the narcissist responsible for not giving you healthy love and inner solidness and peace? The insanity has got to stop. The narcissist is not going to take self-responsibility, but you can.

Okay, so to start healing from this pain and madness I invite you to join me on my 16-day course, where you will get relief and clarity – and it’s all free.

Come with me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How Narcissists Keep You Sick, Traumatised And Helpless

How Narcissists Keep You Sick, Traumatised And Helpless

 

Many people are shocked by how sick, traumatised and helpless a narcissist makes them feel.

Even if you have completely gone No Contact, it’s as if the abuse lives on inside of you – like some terrible virus.

And, of course any contact or news can be like a new batch of poison coursing through your Being.

What is going on here?  How can we get out of this?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you a very important story that is all our stories. It is my greatest wish today, that this story offers you an incredible opportunity to understand deeply what being sick, traumatised and helpless really is about…

As well as how to HEAL from it for REAL

 

 

Video Transcript

I know that you know what it feels like to be stuck in the continual obsession of someone hurting you.

It feels like they are under your skin, crawling around inside you – and your brain is frantically trying to find some solution to the psychic infiltration; the terrible sickness that has infected you.

I remember feeling like this.

I see people still stuck in this every day.

In today’s Thriver TV, I’m going to share with you an important, real-life story that just happened.

This story is not just this lady’s – it’s yours and mine and everyone else’s who has been narcissistically abused. We are truly all in this together.

It is my greatest hope today that this story brings you the answers, peace, and power to get out of feeling sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist, forever.

All right, so before we get started I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for subscribing to my channel and helping support the Thriver Mission and way to heal. If you haven’t as yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video please give it a thumbs up!

 

A Beautiful Person Who Is Hurt

I talked to such a lady a few days ago. A friend of mine – a lovely kind, giving, caring lady. She is in her sixties, and she adores her children and her grandchildren. This is a lady who loves unconditionally; who would give the very clothes off her back for other people.

Yet she is plagued, infected and suffering every day with the trauma of the narcissists in her previous and present life.

Since childhood she has lived through a father and other family members abusing her narcissistically.

She was the child who looked after her siblings; who helped raise them, protect them and care for them within a family that was toxic and abusive.

Devastatingly, the present narcissist in her life is her brother. One of the siblings she gave her devoted care, attention and support to. She literally raised him.

Her brother has it all – seemingly. The perfect, abundant, successful life. But he completely disregards my friend – this beautiful lady, who is renting, on welfare and has numerous health afflictions. Despite this, the brother attacks my friend constantly, bad-mouthing her to other family members and even her own children and nephews and nieces, whom my friend loves and cherishes.

Every day the obsession of wanting her brother to repent and stop smearing her plagues her. She wants her brother to wake up and recognise what she did for him. And apologise, love her, support her and stop desecrating her. My friend can’t stop herself checking in with family members about what has been said and what is going on with this brother’s functions and events.

So many of us know this story – giving everything we had, and then some, to care for and love a person, only to see them run off into the sunset with the goodies, while we are left behind broken and shattered on the ground in pieces.

My friend is strong and such a survivor, yet the feelings of being sick, traumatised and helpless remain. She admitted today that a couple of years ago the trauma had got so bad she wanted to give up, and that presently she is feeling like she is battling every day to get up and get on with it because her health conditions have become so acute.

She has been through so much and it hasn’t destroyed her, yet is only ‘surviving’ the end goal?

I don’t believe it is at all, because I know there is another way, and if we don’t find it, then we stay sick, traumatised and helpless, and our life continues to break down.

 

The Truth About All Of This

My friend is spiritual; she is a really beautiful soul. She is the usual type of person that I see get devastated by narcissistic abuse every day – good people. People who are giving, loving and caring, who believe that being ‘a good person’ is enough.

It’s not.

Well, not in the context we thought it was.

To be a good person means that we must be good to ourselves first. And the truth is no one taught us the truth about this. In a world where power over was the programming we received – the needs of a few catered to at the expense of the needs of many – we were brought up to believe in the self-sacrificial model of ‘Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.’

Did this work? No it didn’t!

It actually defies all Quantum Law – because if we believe this model works, then we will give and give until it hurts and then when we don’t receive the love, approval, and validation from these people, we feel incredibly hurt.

And if these people turn on us and start smashing us, as narcissists do, then we become traumatised.

Which is exactly what this lady, very understandably, is.

In Quantum Law – so within, so without – the absolute truth is the outer universe responds to us in the exact way that we create our inner universe. It also means that the choices we make in our outer universe will correspond directly with our inner universe.

In short, the only way to honour The Field (everyone and everything) in honourable ways is to align with and be true to our own emotional resonance and inner knowing for ‘Self’. Giving and staying attached to people who are not healthily respecting us hurts. And if we continue this, we get more hurt.

People do not treat us as we treat them, they treat us as we treat ourselves. We, in effect, train people how to treat us with our own self-love, respect and healthy boundaries.

If we pull away from abusive people, heal our inner emotional state, which can only be performed by us, then these people will either rise to meet us at a healthy level of relationship or they leave our experience.

Either way we are living congruently to Inner Quantum Truths.

For my previous self and this lady, if we have the beliefs ‘I haven’t got rights’; ‘I can’t speak up or I’ll be criticised, abandoned, rejected and punished (C.R.A.P.)’, then we disconnect from the needs of our Inner Being and start tuning into and catering to everyone else, trying to get them to love and respect us. Yet, because we have self-abandoned, they don’t. We will stay attached trying to get the love and approval from Sources who have no capacity to give unconditionally.

The astounding thing is, even if people do show up in our life, supporting and granting us love and approval, we may feel guilty and obligated and revert back to the old programs of ‘giving to stay safe whilst trying to get love’, rather than being able to accept love and support healthily.

Our Inner Love Code may not be aligned with healthy relationships – this becomes especially apparent in intimate love relationships usually – and we get deeply distraught in unhealthy ones.

I will say this – the most beautiful, empathetic souls are the ones who suffer the most. They are the people most likely to be abused, who feel the most devastated by abuse and who struggle greatly to see the truth.

When you are in this victimised state of knowing what a good person you are and being dismayed by the behaviour of others, this is the dialogue that of course happens:

‘I want you to suffer for not loving me and understanding what you have done to me’ (And then there is the horrific guilt of knowing that you are a good person but can think like this!)

And…

‘I can’t stop thinking about all the terrible things you have done to me, and the horrible things you say to people about me.’ (Because I can’t stand people not thinking I am the lovely, giving, kind person that I am.)

(Oh gosh – personally this was one of the HARDEST things I had to heal from narcissistic abuse. But the freedom was sooooo vital in doing so!)

When we haven’t yet understood the truth, come inside, self-partnered and healed our inner beliefs, we are stuck in this terrible victimhood – with no relief.

That is a total formula for staying sick, traumatised and helpless.

 

The Insidiousness of Persecution Programs

Beautiful people who carry deep inner persecution programs have this in common. They are:

• Kind and genuine with high integrity.

• Very concerned about what other people think about them, often apologising or over-explaining for things they don’t need to.

• Very attached to needing people to know that they have a good character.

These people often do the over-checking in, the making sure, the being scared to assert their rights and needing permission to be themselves. It could be termed as over-consideration.

In stark contrast, narcissists act over-entitled without consideration.

These are the people I often see really stuck in being traumatised, sick and helpless at the hands of narcissists.

Let’s investigate deeper beliefs; core primal survival beliefs about this.

There are deeply embedded traumas within us that we all carry in our cells.

The history of humans has been brutal. We now know through the studies of neuroscientists and epigenetics, that trauma is passed on from generation to generation. If you believe in past lives and that we are a soul evolving to free ourselves of trauma lifetime to lifetime, then you can appreciate that we may have come from terrible histories where we were persecuted, and even have energetic memory within us that makes it terrifying to try to have rights, a voice and be ourselves.

I can’t tell you how many people, including myself, who used to freeze, panic and would always hand power away rather than stand in their truth, and all because of terror and carrying these following inner traumatic subconscious programs…

‘If people don’t believe in me, I could be persecuted and die.’

‘If I don’t prove myself to people, I am not safe.’ And…

‘If people think badly of me and I don’t get them to see the truth, I am going to be put to death.’

Please know inner subconscious programs are not logical – they are deeply felt somatic experiences that are emotional-based and run our lives.

This is the inner topography of so many nice people who have been brutalised by narcissists horrifically.

If you suffer emotionally from a narcissist smearing you, I want you to say these beliefs to yourself, go back to them on the video, or check them out on the blog transcript and sit with it, and see if your body responds. Can you feel emotional charges within you that resonate with them?

If so, you are carrying them.

And that’s important to understand, because your almighty subconscious, which generates 40 billion bits per second of processed information in your life as opposed to your logical mind that only operate 40 bits per second, is running your life on autopilot. By the time we are 35 years of age, 95% of our life is controlled by these programs no matter what we try to think.

It’s only by going inside and addressing them that they stop doing what subconscious programs do – play out in real life to the letter.

 

How to Heal from This

If we were to look at being sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist from the victim perspective, we could say my friend’s trauma is because her brother is a revolting person.

That’s certainly been her human story.

When I asked my friend what would help her feel better and well, she said to me, ‘Everyone understanding what a good person I am and my brother not being able to lie about me anymore.’

And then she said, ‘Him coming to me apologising and telling me he loves me.’

I looked this lovely lady straight in the eyes and I said to her, ‘The way things are, that’s not going to ever happen and it’s not even meant to happen?’

She looked at me in horror.

I said, ‘The real question I have for you is, “What is it within you that needs these things to happen for you to be healthy and whole and at peace?”’

She looked at me in astonishment.

I shared with her my story and how I used to feel the same as her and how I ended up as a victim a millimetre off death.

I then asked her to have an open mind and heart to hear what I was going to say next – I set the intention that her soul, not her logical mind, would hear me.

And then I took a deep breath and unleashed it in one big outpour.

This is what I said:

• You probably have been through lifetime after lifetime of being kind and loving to people, and being smashed no matter how loving you were.

• Before you came down ‘this time’ as your soul evolution, which is the real reason you are here, you wanted to heal from this – you wanted to come home inside your body to navigate your True Life from your Inner Being.

• Your brother and all the other narcissists in your life have been belting you to bring forth the unconscious wounds from your past lives and genetic family trauma history to do with ‘Other people have power over me and I don’t have my own rights and truth.’ and ‘My life is in the hands of what other people believe about me and how they treat me.’ that were already inside you.

• You are now in a time of evolution where you can release yourself from all the trauma that has accumulated within you, which is bringing you to your knees, and all the painful beliefs that have formed around these traumas, so that you fill with Source, became your True Self and go free.

• Then you will no longer have the obsession about your brother’s behaviour, and you won’t require anything from him or anyone else in order to feel whole.

• By achieving this soul graduation, your brother’s smear campaigns will fall over; people will come to you and your children, who have been suffering at his hands, will also heal and disconnect from him.

• You will discover from this evolution of yourself that this wasn’t about him at all. It was always about freeing yourself from the traumas within to go forth into life in empowered safe ways, no longer tiptoeing around people or being with broken people trying to get them to love you.

Her eyes were as big as saucers.

She was in tears as she said, ‘I know what you are saying is true.’

Okay, let’s just stop right here everyone – YouTube Thrivers. Can you feel this inside to be your truth too? My intention today was that this episode also spoke to your soul – just like every episode I do.

If your soul resonates, I want you to write below: ‘I know this is what has been happening FOR me and not TO me as well.’

Okay, so, I thought to myself, ‘My goodness, I’ve just smashed this lady with so much information!’

She asked me, ‘What do I do now?’ I said, ‘Heal’ and I gave her my link to my 16-day free course.

This is the text I received from her: ‘Hi Melanie, thank you for all your information. So much to read and take in. All so real and true. Loving it!’

And I’ve received more nearly every day!

I am so thrilled that she could be on her way to healing and freeing and saving her health, life and soul, and not have to keep coming back lifetime after lifetimes suffering these people so as to heal.

The buck can stop for her here!

This is what I want for all of us. To awaken, go within and heal at the cellular subconscious level, where we need to, rather than stay sick, traumatised and helpless trying to battle this logically, which simply doesn’t work.

So if you’ve had enough of the pain – enough is enough – then my pledge to you is that I will do everything in my power, as my life’s mission, to help you break free into the life and love that you deserve – instead of this painful nonsense we all can get trapped in.

It all starts here, as it did for my friend, by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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My Personal Dating Plan For Weeding Out Narcissists

My Personal Dating Plan For Weeding Out Narcissists

 

So many people are terrified about dating again especially after being narcissistically abused.

But is there a way to navigate dating so that you will never be susceptible again?

Is it about ‘where’ to look for a potential mate?

I really don’t believe so – because our fears and wounds find us no matter where we are.

So … therefore what we really need to look at and understand is WHO you are Being whilst dating – the definite steps you need to make to call in a beloved whilst remaining completely Narc Proof!

 

 

Video Transcript

I love this topic because I’m passionate about people understanding this information.

Many individuals have a huge aversion to purposefully dating – they literally despise spending time going out on dates and meeting potential partners. They may loathe wasting their time with the wrong people, as well as the effort and even the money spent when dating.

Shouldn’t the Universe just deliver your perfect partner to you?

Why date anyway?

I’m going to have so much fun answering these questions very soon!

And what about those of us who have been shredded to pieces by narcissists? Maybe we met these people whilst going out on dates.

Many of us have fallen into relationships with narcissists that nearly claimed our lives, so how can we date and not have that happen again?

That’s another question I can’t wait to answer!

So, stay watching because we are going to get into lots of juicy information today about how to date and align with a beloved, whilst safely weeding out narcissists along the way.

Okay, before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

 

Is Internet Dating Dangerous?

Many narcissistic experts will tell you that Internet dating is dangerous … because people lie, misrepresent, and get all sorts of inside information on you to manipulate you, etc.

This amuses me because people we meet during normal day-to-day interactions can lie and misrepresent themselves too. Your next-door neighbour, who you have known for years, could be a compulsive liar and a total sociopath – yet you don’t know it.

Also, so what if people know what your likes and dislikes are and what you are looking for in a partner? This is not a threat if you are not too needy to be susceptible to being love-bombed and if you have healthy boundaries. Which means that you are ready and capable to confront things that feel uncomfortable and you are prepared to have any necessary difficult conversations.

When we get serious about taking responsibility for our life and being a healthy adult, we don’t connect with people at intimate levels before working out what their integrity and ethics are.

If you are a sensible, whole, together human being, then you won’t let a person into your home, bed and body before it’s healthy to do so.

You also won’t let a stranger come to your house or meet them somewhere that isn’t a public place. And you won’t capitulate to do any of these things, even on a second, third or beyond date, if you don’t feel comfortable to do so.

That’s not being paranoid – it’s being real and caring for and valuing both yourself and other healthy adults. It’s about respecting and valuing yourself to take your time to get to know a potential love interest before trusting them.

Regarding the arguments against internet dating – I believe it is the best opportunity to date for virtually everyone who is no longer in their 20’s.

When you are in your 30’s, 40’s and beyond, where are you going to meet easily the right potential partner? Do you have enough friends with single friends? Are you involved in enough clubs to give you a wide variety of choices? These are the questions you should be considering rather than letting in the first attractive person who turns up.

Are you going to try to meet someone at a nightclub?

There are wonderful people on internet dating and there are narcissists, just as there are both in every aspect of life.

People ask all the time, ‘Which site should I go on?’ If you are after a committed relationship, choose a site that is not about hook-ups. I would strongly suggest also joining one with paid membership, as that is a sign of a more genuine intent. But apart from that, your success comes down to the Quantum Truth – which has nothing to do with everyone else.

It is all about WHO YOU are Being.

There are people on the same sites having dreadful experiences and there are people on these sites having wonderful ones. None of this has anything to do with luck and other members on these sites – it is to do with consciousness and inner personal development.

 

How to Meet Future Narcissists and How to Avoid Them

Regardless of whether you are on an internet dating site, at a party or a friend’s gathering, or walking around a supermarket or a nightclub, living in fear of who you could meet and NOT being your authentic whole self is your biggest danger point.

We attract what we fear – no difference to someone swerving off the road and being focused on and going straight into a tree.

If we have our traumas and fears stuck inside us, then inevitably we will hide out and avoid potential relationships – which means they are eating us alive anyway. And if we try to find love, we risk someone coming in who matches these internal trapped traumas.

Ironically we will think this person is the saviour of our wounds; that they will take the pain away. But they end up smashing us so hard that there is no avoiding our stuck traumas – the disowned parts of ourselves that we were not previously dealing with and liberating ourselves from.

In matters of love, once we start embracing these fears and have a plan with how to deal with them to FULLY become our radiant power and authentic self, I promise you that narcissists will become repulsive to you. And as the strong, buoyant, self-loving boundary beast that you will be – a narcissist will run away and towards much easier prey.

There will be NO taking you down!

If you want to be this man or woman and if you are with me, write ‘Boundary beast here I come!’ below.

Okay, let’s get into the real meat of this…

 

Be Ruthless With Rejecting Your Old Pattern

The Field of ‘relationship’ at the Quantum Level brings to us the evidence of our Inner Love Code. So let me be really straight with you about this – if you are trying to look for a different person to have a different experience with, you are in Wrong Town.

YOU need to BE the different person who is now aligned with the Love Experience you seek. So how do you break out of your old Inner Love Code and into the new one you want to have? With self-investigation, complete self-honesty and a devotion to reprogramming your Love Code with diligent inner healing.

Most of us in this community have, or had, an Inner Love Code that doesn’t serve us, and it up to us to up-level from the Inner Code to much healthier realities. Let me explain…

My painful Inner Love Code was making me take part in love relationships with controlling, possessive, jealous men. I didn’t have rights; I didn’t have a voice; and heaven forbid if I chose my passions, freedom or self-expression.

I incessantly put up with being controlled and ‘owned’ like this, terribly.

Thank God I realised the pattern needed to stop – and I needed to be the women who no longer lived it. There were many inner beliefs and traumas I needed to shift so that I would no longer be derailed with guilt or fear by these men, thus handing over my independence and individuality.

I also realised that the men I dated had to have the emotional security to not only allow me to have my own life, interests and success, but also to encourage and support it.

I got very clear and had to do a lot of work on confronting, standing up and no longer tolerating – by leaving – if the old pattern emerged again. I am happy to say now I would not tolerate for ten seconds that behaviour, and it simply does not exist in any shape or form in my love-life today (and hasn’t for many years).

There are many different defunct Love Codes. Yours may be unavailable partners, and so there is no way you would tolerate the engulfing, interrogating twenty text messages a day I used to put up with, all the while telling myself ‘It’s because he loves and misses me so much’. Just as I wouldn’t put up with a man going missing for three days and tell myself ‘Oh he must just be busy.’

Back then, even though I was doing my Love Code extremely unhealthily, I was very clear on unavailable men. If one even looked like being that way I’d say, ‘This is not the kind of relationship I’m after. Are you interested or not? Because if you aren’t, don’t waste my time.’ I had zero tolerance and therefore barely ever came across unavailable people, and when I did I could end these relationship potentials easily.

The truth was I had ZERO attraction to these types.

Just as you may say to a controlling date, ‘Do not think I’m going to tolerate you breathing down my neck every minute of the day. You don’t own me!’ and walk away and never look back.

This is the deal – not only are we attracted to the people who represent our painful Love Code, we also unconsciously collude to keep them going.

I used to believe attached, possessive love meant I was adored and wouldn’t be left (I was terrified about abandonment), so I would make excuses for this behaviour and not lay strong boundaries to it out of the fear of being dumped for not complying.

You may tolerate unavailable partners, because a parent was unavailable and you are used to hanging in there waiting for crumbs of affection and attention. Therefore you will make excuses regarding ‘why’ this person doesn’t have the resources or the desire to commit to you.

Maybe you are distraught about how people who are only interested in sex present in your life, and yet when communicating with people you have an unconscious belief that you have to be sexually attractive enough to have a chance with them.

Maybe unconsciously you have been objectifying yourself, rather than being solid inside regarding your worth and value, and therefore commanding that a potential partner will want to spend time to get to know you rather than sexualise you.

This is the thing, when you get very serious about changing your previous painful Love Code you will go through major discomfort – because getting out of the Love Code takes effort. It takes confronting and healing the parts of ourselves that we may not want to own and be honest about.

I had to get super honest about my fears of abandonment, which were causing me to call in and tolerate engulfers. I had to fully go into that terror inside me, hold it, release it and heal myself beyond it. Otherwise, if I didn’t do this, it was always going to give me every excuse – our brain always makes up stories to justify the fulfilling of the Inner Love Code – to keep gravitating towards these people and hang on to them despite their abuse.

I can’t urge you enough to get serious about fully facing and owning what your painful Love Code is. Do you know what to heal within you to no longer partake in this Love Code? What type of potential partner do you need to say ‘No’ to now – just like an addict needs to give up the drug that has been destroying them? What work will you need to do on yourself so that you reprogram your Inner Love Code to be aligned and attracted to healthy people rather than the old painful pattern?

I promise you, if you do the inner work on your Love Code you will get there. I and so many others have achieved this. Personally, now I find engulfers completely off putting. I have zero attraction to them. Today I am so happy to report that I am with and attracted to a decent, caring man who allows ‘me to be me’.

If you would like to –  how about sharing your revelations regarding your Inner Love Code below.

I’d love to hear about them!

 

Employ Gratitude and Growth from Your Previous Painful Relationships

I think it’s safe to say, all of us in this community have baggage. If we have been narcissistically abused, we have lots of experiences about having our souls and lives torn to shreds.

The question is: how are we dealing with this baggage?

Are we being a victim just ‘going’ through this trauma or are we determined to be a Thriver ‘growing’ through it?

The victim believes someone else has to take their pain away for them and grant them the love, approval, security and survival that they don’t feel they can grant themselves.

I used to feel like this too. It doesn’t work. Rather this is a recipe for ongoing relationships of abuse, victimisation and traumatisation.

It is no one else’s job to heal us – it is our own.

The Thriver accepts that their previous trauma exposed what was as yet not whole within. The Thriver has taken on their own inner development so as to not just escape abusers in the future, but also to up-level themselves to a place of self-love, self-worth and self-generative ability that they have never felt before being abused, even if abuse is all they have ever known.

There is no more positive way to grow beyond patterns of being in abusive and toxic relationships than employing gratitude and growth – because when you do this there is no longer a desire to have other people be a source to ‘self’. It means moving beyond being a damaged inner child in an adult’s body, unconsciously looking for a parent to heal you.

When we accept that we must do the inner work, we can grow up inside and then seek another healthy adult to share a healthy life with.

I really believe it is only this generation now that is waking up to understand that someone else doesn’t complete you. To be with a soul mate there is a necessity to mate your own soul first, otherwise, you will find yourself with yet another cell mate – a person who doesn’t heal your inner wounds for you, but rather grants you the evidence of them.

I promise you with all of my heart, one of the biggest inoculations you will ever have against narcissists whilst dating is to be anchored into your gratitude and growth from your previous experiences.

A narcissist is looking for your weaknesses, your unhealed wounds to hook you with.Victims are easy targets for narcissists, because they talk about what has hurt them in the past thus allowing the narcissists to pretend to be the saviour of it. Then, like a parched human in a desert finding an oasis, the victims are snared and in the narcissists’ clutches.

I promise you this used to happen to me too!

However, when you tell a narcissist that you are focused on self-actualisation, being grateful for you your self-awareness and growth and being committed to your evolution, you may as well be holding up garlic to a vampire.

Narcissists detest authenticity and healthy self-ownership and power.

They truly have to get away from it, because it is such a painful reminder of how they are powerless to affect you. Narcissists can only operate in your experience by using the energy of your wounds against you.

If you completely own them, are grateful for them and have them in hand, there is no way to get hooks into you.

 

Multiple Date with Real People

I truly mean this…

Think of dating like a sales funnel. You are putting yourself out there to more than one person so that there will be a level of interest expressed possibly by several. Then with each of these people, there is follow up qualifying to see if there is a match in order to connect further.

Ultimately the goal is for a real transaction to take place – in this case, the exclusivity commitment between you and one other person.

I know this sound ‘unromantic’. However, please know dating with multiple potential people can be so healthy and incredibly fulfilling. Imagine meeting lovely people – who you have qualified to have integrity and compatible values to you via emails and a phone call before meeting – and enjoying a glass of wine and a meal whilst conducting yourself like a lady or a gentleman getting to know people at a respectful pace.

It’s great fun! Instead of just hoping to be chosen, it brings you so much growth and development as you experience how you can lay boundaries, have difficult conversations if needing to speak up and ask questions, all the while knowing that you are ascertaining whether or not this person is suitable for you.

In the old days, when I was unhealed and not in my power at all, I was terrified of dating and my experiences with it were horrific. To stop going through such ‘horror‘ and potential ‘torture’, all I wanted to do was grab the first likely candidate. No way could I have contemplated multiple dating, let alone thoroughly enjoying it!

Since learning about myself and dating, and determinedly healing myself from my previous painful Love Code, I have loved dating respectfully. I was looking for a potential suitor with similar values, character and integrity, as well as someone who I was attracted to, to commit to a relationship with.

When I started multiple dating, my current partner showed up very quickly. I believe it was because I was completely clear regarding who I was looking for. Also, I believed in abundance and plenty and I was enjoying the dating process without requiring a set outcome.

Importantly, make sure you get out on a date quickly with someone you are in communication with. Don’t get sucked into a pseudo relationship that doesn’t exist. If someone doesn’t want to meet up, move on to someone who does. And don’t get bogged down with or disappointed by one person. If someone doesn’t work out – it’s not meant to be. Look at it as a chance you’ve been given to heal yet something else within you.

There are plenty more opportunities and blessings from The Field. In fact unlimited, if you keep being the person aligned with and generating your healthy truth.

 

In Conclusion

I truly could go on so much more with this topic, and I can of course in answering your questions!

For those of us who have been narcissistically abused, let’s just go over this again – what I believe are the most important points.

They are:

• Do the inner work so that you are not leading with your wounds.

• Ensure you are very clear that from now you firmly say ‘no’ to partaking in your old painful Love Code pattern.

• Be grateful for your evolution and growth, rather than seeking someone to take the pain away.

• Don’t get stuck, disappointed or bogged down on one person.

• Know that you can be authentic and empowered and are no longer needy of instant hook-ups.

• Make sensible decisions regarding aligning with healthy people with integrity, people with whom you take your time to get to know.

Those of you who are NARPing, you have the perfect opportunity whilst dating to meet and release any triggers of fear within, to keep up-levelling and showing up more and more in your power.

This will generate the reality of a relationship with a beloved – someone healthily aligned with your True Self and True Life. Also you can receive guidance from myself and other successful Thriver daters in the NARP Forum to help you get there!

I so hope this video has helped.

If you know it’s time to get started on the realising and healing of your painful Inner Love Code, I can help you powerfully with your first step to generating a beloved mate – simply click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How Childhood Trauma Makes Us Susceptible to Narcissists

How Childhood Trauma Makes Us Susceptible to Narcissists

 

Over the years, so many people have asked me this: ‘Did my childhood have anything to do with me being narcissistically abused as an adult?’

You may have made the link between a painful childhood and sustaining narcissistic abuse as an adult. Maybe abuse is all you have ever known.

Or maybe there was something more subtle going on that made you susceptible to narcissists – without you even understanding what that could possibly be.

In today’s VERY IMPORTANT Thriver TV episode, I want to help you understand vital physiological truths about how your ability to deal with stresses was formed as a child; how this may have been compromised and what that has to do with sustaining trauma as an adult.

I know this is going to answer some very important questions for you – as well as allow you to learn how to heal for REAL from these fractures and traumas today.

 

 

Video Transcript

So many people ask me often, ‘Has my childhood contributed to me being narcissistically abused?’

The answerer is a resounding ‘Yes’.

Is it enough to know this to get out of the horrors of narcissistic abuse? It’s a starting point but not the complete answer. True healing and solution can only come from rectifying the traumatic emotional inner imprints of our childhood. Because then we can have a solid and healthy Inner Identity which is no longer susceptible to abuse.

Today, in this very important Thriver TV episode, you will understand how your childhood has set you up for abuse and also how to heal for real, even if healthy relationships, love and connection have never been modelled for you.

Okay, so before we get started I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Today there is so much I could cover, but I want to address the most important points. This is vital because I believe that we could spend decades in therapy without a result if we don’t just cut straight to the chase.

I have done episodes on narcissistic parenting before and I will share these resources with this video, but today I want to talk especially about our impaired emotional development as children and how this has lined us up for narcissistic abuse – as well as how to heal it for real.

Before I explain the trauma received in our childhoods, let’s just lay some foundational understandings about trauma.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is the inability to deal with a certain stressful situation, which causes feeling overwhelmed and powerless.

Trauma, in short, is not being able to process difficult emotions to completion and then enact the solution. This is when trauma is internalised and has a life of its own inside our brain and nervous systems. It impacts our emotions, our thinking and often every part of our life.

Please understand the trauma centres and functions of your brain that deal with stresses are in your right-brain section. Trauma is generated within your emotional and nervous systems centres and therefore is stored in and affects your body.

When we are in tune with our Beings, we know how true this is. What I mean by this is that when you receive a trigger relating to an unhealed trauma you feel the ‘pang’ in your body. It may be a heaviness, a feeling of butterflies in your stomach, a shock of ‘cold ice’ through your veins, or you may start sweating and shaking. All sorts of processes start firing off in your body, including the urge to flee, react into defences (fight) or even shut done where you literally can’t think, answer or even move (freeze).

These are all right brain, instinctual functions; survival mechanisms that fire up when wise, clear and ‘safe’ problem-solving centres within your nervous system and brain are not on-line.

Unresolved stresses become traumas.

Stresses occur in life and will always be a part of our everyday life, forever. Whether or not they take us down and out into trauma depends on how we deal with them. A life of CPTSD (Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and anxiety and depression and powerlessness (victimhood) versus continually up-levelling ourselves and situations into more and more opportunity, growth and joy, evolution and greater interconnectedness with ourselves, life and others (powerful-ness).

The ability to do this depends on how healthily the emotional centres of our right brain and our nervous systems are functioning.

One of the gravest mistakes we can make regarding trying to regulate and manage our trauma is thinking that the answer is cognitive. It isn’t – in fact our left-brain logical functions can’t communicate with our right brain. They don’t help us process trauma through to completion and they don’t assist in developing these centres to deal with challenges and stresses effectively.

Truly, left-brain interception only invalidates and injures the right-side trauma centres even more – as you will discover later in this episode.

The Vital Understanding of What Trauma Does

Trauma is the culprit through and through.

If we have received trauma that has impacted us, it not only affects our brain and our entire nervous system, it also creates embedded belief systems that form our Inner Identity.

These traumatic beliefs become our reality and we can easily remain a victim to them – because they become self-fulfilling prophecies that keep us replaying the same traumatic patterns and disappointments over and over again, despite how hard we may try to avoid them. This is absolutely the case with narcissistic abuse when we find ourselves stuck in grave, and even life-threatening, trauma that is tearing us apart. Even though we know it is shocking and extremely bad for us we can feel powerless to let go.

Trauma does this – we feel like we have no voice or rights and that there is nobody dependable to step in and be the buffer, protect and help. We feel alone, isolated and confused.
Powerlessness takes over.

In our helplessness with trauma, the shame and guilt of not being able to cope is overwhelming; we don’t believe we are good enough or capable enough or strong enough to have a solution. Often we blame ourselves from the problems and stay connected to the narcissist, trying to fix things or be ‘better’ no matter what is happening to us. We feel defective and damaged and ‘wrong’.

This is why it’s important to understand what happened in your childhood to set you up for this and how it is not your fault. One of my greatest wishes for this TTV episode is to let you know that you are NOT defective, no matter how much you may feel like you are. What has happened to you is the ‘normal’ consequences of unconscious parenting, which sadly has been a product of parenting in our former generations. No-one taught anyone better!

Let’s have a look at what happened to us as children.

How Trauma Occurred as Children

Firstly, I want to start off by being very clear about one very important thing – this episode is in no way about blaming our parents. And I really mean that because no matter what they did and how they behaved, they were also a product of trauma – the way they were parented and the levels of trauma that preceded them in their families.

Once you understand this, you will realise how the feeling and emotional centres of our brain are formed and therefore appreciate the capacity each and every human being, including abusers, has in relation to relating to themselves, life and others.

Okay, let’s start right from the beginning – disappointments, challenges, and threats begin as a very small child.

These include being hungry and requiring food; hurting oneself or being scared and needing comfort; or feeling physically distressed and requiring restoration such as in the changing of a soiled diaper. Little children are completely codependent on a stable caregiver granting survival necessities as well as emotional comfort when in need.

If we have a present caregiver, who models safety and comfort for us, then the parts of our right-brain, which is the first side of our brain to develop when we are little, and our connected nervous systems can start to form healthily.

These are our emotional and social centres responsible for developing our beliefs about ourselves, our place in the world and other human beings. This healthy development is essential to having a solid and whole Core Identity.

I want you to understand that the ‘presence’ of a stable caregiver is imperative for the development of our right-brain emotional centres, so as to instil in us the vital ingredients of love, comfort and safety. This has to be ‘age appropriate’ to the child. We have to ‘feel’ the connection somatically in our Being for it to be real for us.

Logical action and provisions and purely ‘adult’ reactions do not translate to right-brain communication.

‘Come on snap out of it!’ to a small distressed child is never going to provide the comfort and healing that a heart-to-heart cuddle and soft cooing will. In fact, it is only going to compound the trauma of feeling ‘unsafe and unsupported’ even more.

To reach and soothe the compromised emotional centres, the input has to be things like caring physical touch and heartfelt words and sounds. Trauma is created from emotional sensory input that registers in the right brain, and the resolution can only come through the physical and emotional senses – the body being an effective way to deliver this.

I have had so many clients and NARP members over the years who, when I talk to them about the necessity to heal core trauma, say to me, ‘My parents were awesome, they always encouraged me and supported me in everything I wanted to do.’

My questions in response to this are, ‘Did they have time to just be with you, hold you in times of need, look you in the eyes and tell you how much they loved you? Could you confide in your parents and have them hear you and be there for you? Would they listen, allow you to be you and let you know how special you are?’

Yes, of course children need boundaries, to learn limits and how to handle disappointment, and to experience cause and effect (personal responsibility), but unless they know they are loved and valuable for who they are, then the emotional centres responsible for self-worth, self-love, self-value and resilience to challenges are seriously compromised.

I know your parents may have been terribly busy in survival mode, most of ours were, either practically or trying to deal with their own trauma. Could they be right-brain present with us so that our own right brain could develop properly?

Probably not.

Now, here’s the thing – right brain and nervous system centres begin forming when we are a foetus in utero. It is now scientifically proven that the mother’s emotional state and her ability to regulate her own emotions is a big contributor to how a child’s right brain centres start developing. If she is stressed without her own resources to integrate these stresses to completion, this directly compromises the child’s right-brain formation.

But the plot thickens and deepens even more, because the scientific study of epigenetics now tells us that the ability of certain genes to switch on or off is inherited. If we have come from ancestors who suffered trauma, then the parts of our right brain that could handle stress effectively for us may be shut down from birth. We may have over-formed, hyper-aroused centres and amygdalae, meaning rather than anchoring into our Core Identity to deal with stresses (which is the centre for our personal power), we will dissociate from our own Being, look outwards and get hooked into trying to control the uncontrollable (which is anything and anyone that is not us).

All of this brings in increased fractures within and without our lives – meaning more trauma and more traumatic events.

How Disassociation in Childhood Leads to Ongoing Trauma

If we didn’t have a functioning developed Core Identity (dependent on right brain and nervous system health), then we were carrying trauma after trauma because we had limited ability to integrate stresses to completion.

The biggest traumas to have impacted us as children were not the disappointments, frights, lack of safety or discomfort that we experienced – they were the traumas we experienced because a safe, functional caretaker did not show up to help us integrate these things back to calm and safety.

As children, we simply did not have the developed inner-resource centres to do this for ourselves, and therefore it became too traumatising to be ‘ourselves’, alone with these unresolved feelings inside of us – it was far too overwhelming. Then shame and guilt joined in, as well as self-blame for having painful emotions and possibly for causing angst or disruption to our parents for expressing them.

We learned it was wrong to feel. We disengaged from our bodies and from our emotions to survive. We checked out and zoned out – we self-medicated our feelings away with fantasy, distractions and even addictive and self-compulsive behaviours.

As we were growing up, rather than becoming more developed in our right brain, which is our connection and gateway to Self, Life, others and our Higher Power (True Source), we became more reliant on our left brain, which is not the master or healer of our right brain.

In fact, the left brain follows the body – it is ruled by the painful and fractured right brain beliefs we have about certain topics. Our left brain will agree with these beliefs and grant us all the excuses and justifications to bring these painful beliefs to fruition.

This is where the traumatic self-fulfilling prophecies that were established in childhood come into play. It’s so important to understand that trauma affects every part of the brain, both left and right.

Let’s say that when we were young no one was there for us to know in a right-brain way that we were supported and protected. We grew up believing ‘It’s up to me. No one is there for me.’ The result is that we will continually connect to people who we co-generate lack of support with – by rejecting any genuine support offered and trying fruitlessly to get it from people who are unavailable to give it.

Then we say, ‘See I’m right!’

Of course, all this is unconscious! Until we wake up and start healing and integrating and coming out of the self-generative trance, we believe that this is happening ‘to’ us rather than ‘through’ us.

The same goes for the traumatic beliefs about things like ‘People who are supposed to love me aren’t interested in me’. And even with tons of cognitive therapy and awareness of this, we may still connect with people who are ‘apparently’ recovering workaholics or who have been in therapy for previous adultery. We believe them to be healed, even though they still act out high-risk behaviours. And then we experience ‘being unimportant and discarded’ again.

The fuel to ‘be’ with people and situations who represents ongoing trauma comes from the right-brain, pre-programmed belief systems we established in our childhood which is then supplemented by the elaborate ideas and justifications that our left brain makes up to follow these beliefs – regardless of what we try to think and formulate.

This all happens because we are not healed and integrated or anchored to inner core truths and values in our body. We are dissociative. We are not yet safe to ‘be’ in our body.

Until we resolve our core trauma through our nervous systems, cells in our body and our right brain, and are able to be self-partnered in our body, this is the sad reality and the prison that we can be continually stuck in – and understandably it makes our trauma pile even bigger.

It makes it even harder to ‘be’ with ourselves – present in real time, in our own Being. We disassociate even more – to the point where we may not be able to feel anything except the rushes of our trauma, which are possibly now being triggered off randomly and continually within us.

This is exactly what Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is. We may believe it is to do with what has happened to us, however, the truth about this chronic reoccurring and ever-constant unsafe feeling is that we are NOT home within.

When we aren’t self-partnered, we are not in touch with Who We Are or what is or isn’t healthy for us. We don’t have access to our True Self power – we are a Being without a compass or rudder being tossed around mercilessly by Life.

This makes us highly susceptible to narcissists – beings who are highly exploitative, manipulative and pathological who pretend to be the person we need for us to feel safe and loved while using our disconnection with ourselves to mine our energy, life-force and resources.

When we awaken, we realise that the answer to all of this is NOT to try to control, research and monitor things and people outside of us or to keep believing and fuelling the self-fulfilling prophecies that our emotional centres keep playing out incredibly convincingly. The only remedy comes from waking up to the truth and turning inwards to do the necessary inner work to repair – where it needs it be repaired – at our Core.

The True Solution to Our Childhood Trauma and Ongoing Adult Trauma

Have I explained to you enough that the issue, the seat of this, is to do with your right-brain and nervous system?

I hope so, because this is where so many people go horribly wrong – trying to heal and restore themselves with left-brain tactics.

Your healing is going to be no more effective with research, cognitive therapy, investigating and learning, than your right-brain development was as a child when being told to ‘Snap out of it!’

I have found that the solution is turning inwards to your feelings, connecting with your Inner Self, experiencing shifts of trauma releasing, which are performed through direct visualisation, and then somatically feeling the subsequent healing.

These are all strategies that communicate with your right brain and nervous system, and start releasing the fractures and healing these centres back to wholeness.

The greatest minds in neuroscience and trauma recovery now understand that bodywork is key – that it’s through movement, feeling adaptation and sensory input that the right brain shifts, releases and integrates trauma so that people can finally feel resolved, safe and at home in their bodies.

Speaking from total personal experience – the entire success of our life is about being safe and whole in our own body. Without that we are constantly in trauma trying to survive ourselves, life and others.

I’ve lived both ways and I promise you the difference between them is heaven and hell.

Your greatest mission to get your life right is to be whole in your body. Everything else will come from there.

The startling thing that completely astounded me when I started healing myself from the inside out – at my Core Identity – was that I didn’t have to try to learn how to manage my trauma anymore. It was simply gone. I also didn’t have to learn how to be different for my life to work, or even how to love and accept myself.

When I effectively released trauma from within, these things organically came on line without me trying to learn anything.

This was a far cry from my previous belief that the best I could ever expect after a complete adrenal and psychotic breakdown (due to extreme trauma overload) was a lifetime of ongoing therapy and drugs to try to survive and manage my trauma.

Until Quanta Freedom Healing, which I developed as my right-brain/nervous system super-healing tool, I hadn’t realised the incredible Higher Power organism that we are and the ability we have to repair ourselves when we release our trauma and fill where it was with Source, through specific visualisations that evoke specific feelings.

I didn’t realise that we have the power to simply come back on-line and re-member and be-come Who We Already Are.

This is where science and spirituality come together as a powerhouse of healing. When you work with the physiological facts as well as enlist a Higher Power that can heal what we logically can’t and connect to it in a somatic, right-brain way, everything heals and becomes more whole than you have ever known it to be.

The new science of epigenetics teaches us this: if we change the environment, which is ourselves, then we can completely change our genes and our life – beyond recognition.

This is what I’m talking about – and what myself and so many people in this community are living. You need to know, to heal your right brain effectively you can’t just keep reading articles or watching YouTube; you have to start the real inner healing work.

And I’d love you to let me show you how, gently, safely and powerfully, by clicking this link.

I really hope this episode has helped you.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Stop Playing the Narcissist’s Game – And Win

How To Stop Playing the Narcissist’s Game – And Win

 

There is nothing more frustrating than trying to make a narcissist accountable, responsible and behave like a decent human being.  We try everything to make life happy, peaceful and sane but nothing works.

We are looking to have a game of friendly croquet in a deadly hell zone with machine guns, rocket launchers and missiles – all designed to hit hard and render you powerless enough to be fully controlled and to hand over what the narcissist requires to feed their insatiable False Self.

Most of us, like my former self, have no idea WHAT the narcissist’s game is and why we will never win at it.

However, in today’s Thriver TV episode we are going to peel all this back to firmly understand the narcissist’s game as well as what our TRUE game is and how to make sure we WIN our rights, happiness, values and truth back.

 

 

Video Transcript

Is there anything more frustrating than having a narcissist beat you at every turn?

The more you try to make them see sense and decency, the less they do.

The more you try to hold them accountable, the more it’s your fault.

The more you try to stop them doing obscene things, the harder they do them.

Why don’t your efforts work?

Truthfully – it’s because you are playing the game the WRONG way! (Believe me, initially I had no idea either!)

Today, all of that changes because you are going to discover exactly what a narcissist wants and how to cut them off from it and create your life healthily and FINALLY win.

Not possible you may say!

I promise you it is not just possible, it’s inevitable, and today I’m going to show you how.

Okay, so before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s get going…

 

The Narcissist’s and Our Respective Games

The narcissist’s game is simple – drama, attention, significance, dumping emotional agony onto others and belting them up for it.

Nothing pleasant really…

How did we get caught up in this game?

The answer is we combined our ‘game’ with their ‘game’.

This is OUR game – love, togetherness, peace, happiness and joy – these things are nothing like the narcissist’s game. In fact, in an interior landscape, which is firmly about ‘self’ and ‘how to be superior’ at all costs, these things don’t even figure to a narcissist. These are not desired results for their life and certainly they don’t fit into their pathological ego construct.

These things only diminish narcissists. It makes them ‘usual’ and ‘normal’ and incredibly vulnerable to the annihilation of the False Self into harmony and peace where they can no longer remain separate and significant.

So for starters, we are looking to have a game of friendly croquet in a deadly hell zone with machine guns, rocket launchers and missiles – all designed to hit hard and render you powerless enough to be fully controlled and to hand over what the narcissist requires to feed their insatiable False Self.

Here there is no lush green lawns; no sipping Pimm’s and enjoying club sandwiches.

And it doesn’t matter how much you try to make the narcissist settle into a healthy relationship, play nicely or care about you. It’s just not possible. This doesn’t supply what the narcissist wants and needs – the attention and drama to stop them sinking into being with and feeling their True Self wounds; the trauma of being defective and not good enough as themselves to get their needs met. Hence why the narcissist completely divorces his or her own self-assessed ‘pathetic, damaged’ True Self – which is how they really feel about themselves – and created a False Self in its place.

It also doesn’t matter how shot up, bleeding and writhing in agony you are whilst trying. The narcissist is not going to come and pick you up, love you and stop hurting you. He or she would rather throw you under the next oncoming tank.

You see, the narcissist has been projecting on to you those parts that the narcissist hates about themself, and unconsciously has been trying to kill off your Being in an attempt to annihilate their own disowned projected Self.

You are the enemy.

So, therefore, if we REALLY want love, togetherness, peace, happiness, and joy, WHY are we in this war zone experiencing horrific brutality and treatment when we know our life and everything in it that matters to us is being ripped to shreds?

It truly doesn’t make sense – well not logically anyway.

Let’s investigate deeper.

 

We Don’t Know Better

Logically we may believe or know there is better. We know that other people experience love, happiness and being treated well by others. So why are we still connected to someone who is NOT these things?

It may seem like we see glimpses of the lovely person – we think they have the capacity in some sense to do the right thing. They may have turned on the crocodile tears and granted us many promises, and other people may have even given us hope about them.

But I really want you to KNOW this is NOT why you are hanging in there.

The reason all of us have been or are stuck in war zones with narcissists is because our inner subconscious programs are still a match for pain and trauma.

We have believed our game is love, togetherness, peace, happiness and joy – and absolutely we want these things – but could we really handle them if they arrived?

According to Quantum Law, so within, so without, this is all very difficult for us to obtain when our subconscious programs regarding love and relationships are painful, conflicted and messy – resembling that of, well, quite frankly, a battlefield.

Let me explain to you what I mean with my own story.

Like many of us who have been narcissistically abused, love and relationships were often a minefield for me. I went through painful, addictive, adulterous relationships – where I chose partners based on ‘attraction’, who weren’t healthy relationship material.

After doing a lot of personal development, I ‘grew up’ enough to be much more sensible in choosing love partners. But then I chose people who had been ‘bad’ in their past, yet professed to ‘now’ be evolved, spiritual and ‘changed’.

I believed them. After all hadn’t I been less than sterling in my ‘lost’ years?

Anyway, the drama came up, as did the pain, the highs and lows and, of course, so within, so without, the two greatest narcissistic relationships came into my life when I professed black and blue that I wanted peace, love and harmony in my relationships.

However, when I started doing the inner work, I discovered these following things that HAD been keeping me in the narcissist’s hell game.

I found normal, non-edgy people boring, just as I had grave trouble just ‘being’ with myself in a state of peace, low-ebb and tranquillity. In fact, my levels of still-existing ‘crisis-consciousness’ had made me so obsessive-compulsive and highly anxious that I literally believed if I ‘stopped’, ‘rested’ or ‘wasn’t doing something’ that my whole world would cave in.

How this state of being manifested consciously in my life was ‘always needing to be busy and industrious’ and ‘not having time to nurture and be kind to myself’. I know many of you relate.

The warzone of narcissistic abuse fulfils crisis consciousness perfectly. It grants us a JOB of being busy in damage control, ALWAYS! It wasn’t until I went deeply inside with NARP Modules to find and release the traumas generating these anxious states of myself that I was able to just ‘be’.

Phew, I am now so much more able to play croquet!

Okay, then there was the matter of ‘significance’, which is one of the dire rules of engagement in the battlefield with a narcissist.

Before healing my deep inner programs, I never felt good enough or truly loved and appreciated. All my life I had wanted to be recognised just for being me, and I felt so insignificant and hurt again and again with all of the narcissist’s accusations and condemnations that I would fight for recognition.

Narcissistic abuse supplied that battle abundantly for me – it fulfilled the self-fulfilling prophecy of ‘not being good enough to be valued and loved’ that I was already immersed in.

Once all my old wounds that had existed way before narcissistic abuse were healed within me, I was able to unconditionally love and accept my own value and worth. Before, however, there was no known way that I could have played croquet – the compliments and recognition there were too foreign, and therefore unacceptable, to me.

Additionally, there was the narcissist’s anger and malicious missiles hitting their targets and blowing me apart. Little did I know, until later, that my old traumas being triggered into fully blown activation with these attacks granted me the permission to retaliate – to dump my devastation and rage somewhere. So much so, that there were times when I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognise who looked back at me – I seriously doubted my own sanity and humanity.

It wasn’t until I was able to release the trauma of cruelty and abuse from my Inner Being, and all my panic, desperation and anger that was generated from these wounds, that I had zero desire to be participating in the war zone.

After healing me on all these issues, as well as many others, I realised that when we get better, we do better.

I left the battlefield and croquet became very enticing.

Playing the Right Game

The narcissist’s game is not our game. We don’t win at love, happiness and joy in war zones. We can’t, don’t and won’t beat narcissists on battlefields.

We beat narcissists and win at our Life by exiting the game and walking onto our green lawn no matter WHAT the narcissist does to try to pull us back into the mayhem.

How are we going to accept the lush healthiness of love, peace, harmony and happiness?

By changing and healing our inner terrain to healthy programs – which is what happens automatically when we target, find and release the trauma that has been subconsciously conscripting us to war.

Is that what you want? To get free of this rubbish?

If you are with me, write ‘I’m walking away to play croquet NOW!’ below.

Okay … so now that you have done that, I promise you this is not just a logical choice. It’s got to be so much more than that. It must be an inner powerful shift and I’m going to show you how to achieve it.

If this video woke you up and you know your True Life awaits you, join me on this side, where you will Thrive, by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How Narcissists Draw You In By Identifying Your Gaps

How Narcissists Draw You In By Identifying Your Gaps

 

A narcissist knows how to target you.

It’s no different than a lion sizing up an injured gazelle.

ESPECIALLY after narcissistic abuse, you need to KNOW how they do it…

As well as close up all your GAPS – the things they LOOK for that MAKE you susceptible to them.

If you are TERRIFIED of running into a narcissist again, this may be the most necessary TTV episode you have ever watched.

Video Transcript

Narcissists are very manipulative and they know how to draw you in and empty you out, sending you all the way to your demise.

People believe that narcissists can target anyone. So if you believe this, I really hope today will help you understand that they can’t.

Mind you, if you have been drawn in this is NOT about blaming and shaming you. I was too! What today’s Thriver TV is about is you identifying your ‘gaps’ and closing them firmly up, so that never again can a narcissist identify you as a target, hone in and ensnare you.

How does that sound?

I promise you this – when you become inoculated against narcissists, you’re free to be yourself, powerfully and radiantly in the world. No more hiding, shrinking and being scared.

What could be better?

Do stay with me on this today, because I’m going to take you through powerful, real-life examples to explain to you HOW to achieve this.

Okay, before I get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, make sure you hit the like button.

 

Closing Your Gaps While Dating

Understandably, people are terrified to date again after being smashed by a narcissist.

So many people ask, ‘What if I get sucked in again?’

I really want you to know that dating, when you have these fears, is dangerous. This is because fear is a powerful magnet that draws to us exactly the experiences we fear. Fear does NOT keep us safe. The reason why is because our most important human soul lesson is to know that people outside of you are NOT responsible for your experience – you are. If you fear them, instead of being solidly you, then life will show you HOW you are not being solidly you.

If your beliefs are that sharing a meal and a glass of wine with a narcissist means they can trick you, draw you in and start destroying your life, then you will continue to get what you believe. If you believe ‘This previously happened to me because I had gaps that I was unconscious about, however, if I shore them up this will never happen to me again’, then you don’t need to ever worry who you are sharing dinner with.

In fact, you will welcome the experience of seeing how DIFFERENT you are as your own powerful protector and healthy Source! How else will you have the confidence to know your life is firmly in your own hands and isn’t susceptible to others?

I know in my previous life I used to hand my weaknesses and victimhood (gaps) to narcissists on a plate. It was my ‘normal’ and I had no idea I was doing it.

One of the greatest mistakes that makes us as easy prey for a narcissist as an injured gazelle is for a lion is this: telling them about all ways that previous partners have hurt us. This is because it means all a narcissist needs to do is tell us how much they are NOT that person. Then we think we have hit the jackpot with this person, whereas the narcissist is actually skilled in telling us what we want to hear.

If we do instant relationships and don’t take the time to ascertain someone’s values and character, we are playing Russian roulette with our soul and life.

Look at what happens when we discover that we are hooked to someone who is not a nice person, who doesn’t have our best interests at heart, and who doesn’t even have the resources to be healthy – we lie to ourselves that we are ‘in love’.

Real love has certain criteria to even be possible, and without these requirements love is obsession, addiction and toxic rather than genuine.

Likewise, if we try to be everything that we think someone else needs and wants in order to be loved and accepted, then we are not being real and are hugely susceptible to being matched up to a False Self – a narcissist.

Yet, if we are firmly in our body, anchored in our values, self-love and self-acceptance and take our time to see if people match our values and truths, we no longer accept and try to change people who aren’t compatible into people who will make us happy.

Rather, we will be content to wait until the right match comes along.

Let’s imagine a few different scenarios:

Craig is on a date with Amber. She looks and smells great and Craig finds her to be stunning. They start a sexual relationship very quickly. Amber is a narcissist and starts abusing Craig and draining his resources. Only a few weeks into the relationship already Craig is hooked because of the great sex and he doesn’t believe he can meet anyone as attractive as Amber.

***

Then there is Scott, who is on a date with Joy. She wants to move things along very quickly. Scott knows that sensible women, who honour themselves, take time to ascertain men. Anyway, he’s not interested in sex without feeling and connection. He refuses to sleep with Joy, wanting to take his time to get to know her. Joy, after a couple more dates when Scott will not capitulate, sends him a text accusing him of being gay and telling him he has lost the best dating opportunity he’ll ever have.

Of course, Joy was a narcissist needing to secure narcissistic supply very quickly. Scott dodged a bullet.

***

And then there is Georgia on a date with Darren, answering his intense questions about her life and her past. She replies with how disappointed she has been with men not making her a priority, and how this hurts her. Darren looks her in the eyes, leans over and says, ‘Any man would be honoured to have you in their life. These men were stupid; they had no idea what they had.’ Georgia’s heart fills with love and joy – just as if she was a parched woman in a desert finding an oasis and taking a deep drink.

At first the honeymoon period was amazing, but it turns into horrific rejection, abandonment, disdain and abuse. Darren was a narcissist who had quickly and expertly hooked Georgia in by pretending to be the saviour of her wounds. Naturally, he was the messenger of them, because these were her gaps, her unhealed inner parts that he could abuse her with, while she clung on, desperately addicted to him and trying to make someone love her better THIS time.

***

Finally, there is Anna who is on a date with Peter. Peter asks Anna about her previous relationships and Anna explains to him how blessed and grateful she was for her journey, because of the work on herself and how it helped her love and accept herself and be free of her wounds.

Peter visibly seems confused. He says to Anna, ‘I’m the same. I have learned so much from my relationships. I love personal development and growth as well.’

‘Oh’, says Anna, ‘What exactly did you learn and from what experience? I’m all ears!’ Peter’s conversation with Anna showed he had no grasp of either personal development or taking responsibility for his own development or growth.

At the end of the night, when Peter asks Anna if she wants to catch up again, Anna answers, ‘I think not. Good luck with dating and thanks for an interesting evening.’ To which Peter replies, ‘You’re right, there isn’t enough attraction for me to see you again anyway.’

Anna was nearly crying with laughter when she got into her car. This was such a powerful graduation where she was punching the air with joy. ‘I just flushed out a narc EASILY. Yay!’

High five to her!

 

Closing Your Gaps In Family Relationships

Let’s have a look at how this translates in situations with people we already know, such as family relationships or friendships.

John is a married man, a grown adult with his own family, yet his father Gary controls him. Gary is always asking John to drop everything for him, and rather than show gratitude and appreciation, Gary constantly criticises and abuses him.

John is hooked, and even when his wife threatened to leave him because of money, energy and time drained on his father, he couldn’t stop jumping to attention every time Gary summoned him.

John’s unhealed wounds were responsible for these unconscious pulls; his entire life he had been trying to earn his father’s love and respect, but nothing he could do was ever good enough.

***

Gayle used to hand her power and time to her narcissistic sister Colleen. Colleen was a single mother and used Gayle for money and babysitting, and whenever Collen got a man in her life, she would use him instead, and dump Gayle like a hot potato.

Gayle was previously heartbroken, confused and wrung out, and she lived in hope that one day she would have the healthy loving relationship with her sister that she had always dreamed of.

Finally, Gayle did the work on her inner traumas regarding her relationship with her sister and released the hooks and pulls of responsibility and guilt that she’d suffered. Gayle stopped handing money over and, after the last discard from her sister, was very clear – without an apology, and respect, the relationship was over.

The relief Gayle felt by claiming her life, power and soul back was immense. When her sister tried to smear her, Gayle let go of that trauma. She had no need to try to prove anything, and just kept her eyes on her side of the road, continuing to heal and generate her own healthy life, letting go of anyone and everything that didn’t represent this.

Now, let’s look at the business side of things.

 

Closing Your Gaps In Business

Andrew is brilliant yet shy. He had incredible ideas, development processes and loads of money, yet he didn’t have the confidence to be a public front man. Andrew met George, a charismatic salesman, through joint friends.

Over a few drinks, Andrew shared his dreams with George. George’s ears pricked up. He looked Andrew intently in the eyes and assured him he could help him with contacts and connections.

Andrew felt the relief of ‘Finally someone with the confidence and persona to help me’ and he and George joined forces. Twelve months later, after George disappeared with half a million of Andrew’s money, Andrew realised he had been conned by a sociopath.

Andrew didn’t take the personal responsibility to stop blaming George, and realise sensible adults do due diligence, check out people’s credentials thoroughly and draw up contracts and retain control and security along the way.

His lack of belief in himself had caused him to willingly, and far too quickly, hand complete power to George – which is what everyone, without exception, does to narcissists that abuse them.

***

Alice was a client of Jeanette’s when Jeanette shared her dream to open her own shop in a prestigious area. Alice told her she had the same vision and they should consider a partnership. After investigating Alice’s proposal, which Jeanette requested, Jeanette realised that she, herself, would be taking on all the risk and financing, and that Alice’s references weren’t credible.

After calling Alice out with the discovered truth, Jeanette never saw her again as a client and felt no loss at all.

 

The Absolute Formula To Not Get Taken In By A Narcissist

Now, let me condense these different scenarios and make it really clear cut for you.

1) Don’t express your weaknesses to people you don’t know.

2) Stop holding other people responsible for your life – such as believing you need to find someone else to fix, save or complete your life.

3) Don’t fall in quickly with people. Narcissists need a payoff of narcissistic supply rapidly for their expended energy. They will not hang around for your due diligence.

4) Know your values and retain your boundaries. Other people don’t need to get it – you need to get it.

5) Release your hooks and gaps within so that there is no more neediness, recklessness and emptiness driving your choices.

6) Be excited about every experience and opportunity which presents and strive to be your best self without any fear or concern about how other people are being.

It’s so important to understand that we all have patterns of behaviour and emotional hooks – unresolved wounds – in our life that have caused us to hand our power away.

As shown in these examples that I have shared with you today, Craig, Georgia, John and Andrew, as a result of remaining unconscious, are stuck in historic patterns indefinitely with no sign of relief, growth and change. Narcissistic abuse is an ongoing soul lesson for them – until they wake up.

Whereas, as a result of taking firm responsibility to be the generator of their own lives, Scott, Anna, Gayle and Jeanette are living on trajectories where their Life delivers them the same genuine support and authenticity with people and situations that they are showing themselves.

So, is this clear now?

Has the penny dropped?

Do you know the powerful way home out of narcissistic abuse now?

If this is not 100 per cent clear in your body, which is where it needs to be, then come with me while I help you heal your gaps and traumas that have made you susceptible. And, I promise you, together we will find them and release them, turning you into a boundary beast – firmly in your power, saying ‘narcissist who?’ because they will cease to have any power over you at all!

This journey starts by clicking this link.

If you are with me write ‘Boundary Beast!’ below.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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The Healer in Disguise – Spiritual Narcissists Explained

The Healer in Disguise – Spiritual Narcissists Explained

 

Spiritual narcissists hit HARD.

They devastate your belief, soul and life – and they do it under the most manipulative guise of healing you.

It’s BEYOND devastating.

HOW do they do it?

How CAN we stop it?

What is the incredible transcendence for us out of this?

Watch today’s TTV episode because I’m about to explain ALL of this … and more!

 

 

Video Transcript

In today’s Thriver TV I want to get right down to the gist of how spiritual narcissists operate and how they get their hooks into you.

I also want to deeply investigate how spiritual healers very easily get you to hand your power to them and how you can ensure that stops happening to you.

Also, I’m going to explain to you how even if a spiritual narcissist is not healing you, they are granting you the most incredible opportunity to finally come home to healing yourself.

If you have been abused by a spiritual narcissist, whether it be in love or in therapy or church, this is a must-watch video for you.

It will explain a lot.

Okay, before I get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s start by checking out the different types of spiritual narcissists.

 

Who Are Spiritual Narcissists?

They can range from church ministers and worshippers who have incredible scripture knowledge, through to Eastern and personal development gurus and an endless assortment of spiritual healers and followers.

The spiritual narcissist in your life may be a person who reads spiritual books and professes to be spiritual who is holding up their indoctrination to you, professing that you need to live by it. This could be any impactful person in your life, whether they are connected to a church or healing profession or not.

 

How Do Spiritual Narcissists Infiltrate Us?

Many of us have known spiritual narcissists personally and collectively. Only recently a prominent spiritual narcissist within the Catholic church has been exposed through the mass media.

Narcissists are all dangerous and covert in that they wear a mask appearing to be who they are not. Spiritual narcissists totally personify the expression ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’.

What is so insidious and horrifying about spiritual narcissists is that they exploit positions of trust. If we are not yet aware that the only true authority to how we connect and relate to people is our inner being, we can easily believe that someone else has authority over our life and soul – even when our inner wisdom doesn’t agree.

And so sadly, we can justify these feelings away easily believing spiritual narcissists; we hand over our power and put our soul in their hands.

A dear girlfriend and I were having the discussion the other day about how ‘Playing it safe, despite your inner cues that something is wrong, is probably the biggest recipe for being abused by someone.’

Spiritual narcissists absolutely capitalise on people doing this.

The twist in the story of abuse by spiritual narcissists is that they can appear to be our remedy, our guru and the person who will heal us. However, like any source outside of ourselves that is a substitute to our own wholeness, this again is a False Source. Like all narcissists do, they appeal to a gap within us and profess to be the person to fill it.

False sources come in two versions:
1) Temporary relief that never provides a true durable solution, or
2) Abusive substitutes that we get hooked on for our supposed salvation, yet they bring about our destruction instead.

 

Who Is With Spirit Genuinely and Who Is Not?

We may trust spiritual narcissists and hand our power to them because they have professed to be with spirit and therefore immediately seeming credible. Maybe we want to trust them in the hope they can heal us.

Beware of anyone telling you that they are the person who will heal you back to a spiritual oneness. They can’t – only you can generate that for yourself. Someone can only empower you to deeply partner with and start healing yourself – they CAN’T do it for you. Rather than getting you to follow them, a true spiritual healer will take you deeply within yourself for you to connect to your ‘self’.

If someone is fostering a dependency with you, you need to be extremely wary of their motives. Is it for your money, body, resources, energy or life-force that they are creating this symbiosis?

Someone who is with Source will encourage you to become your own sage and guru and a person who no longer needs them – and they dearly wish that for you. They will want for you to have a direct relationship between you and Source, in its purest form, because they deeply know that you are Source itself and can experience and know this for yourself.

They know God is within.

They know your salvation lies in YOU knowing ‘Who You Really Are’ – God/Source/Salvation itself.

If someone who professes to be spiritual is not helping you come to this authentic place of peace, power and truth, then in my humble opinion – narcissist or not – this is creating co-dependency and powerlessness within you.

 

The Healing Necessity (Message) That Spiritual Narcissists Deliver To Us

All narcissists, without exception, are teaching us an incredibly brutal yet powerful message about the necessity to be self-partnered and to be a Source to ourselves.

This doesn’t mean that our life is meant to be spent ‘alone’. It means that according to the absolute Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without’ that we need to become the inner template of how our life goes.

The true Source of power and wholeness comes through sourcing life directly through ‘Source,’ which is our Higher Power and Higher Consciousness. I believe this is one and the same as our True Self, when we know Who We Really Are and cease handing away our power, truth, values and authority to outside influences.

When we are riddled with human trauma and false beliefs, we don’t trust ourselves. We may find it extremely difficult to have a solid connection to our inner innate wisdom – our Higher Self (God if you like) – which communicates to us in the form of emotions and intuition.

If we are in our head, disconnected from ourselves and self-abandoning this integral inner relationship, then we are prone to clinging to and hoping to receive support and love from others in order to be whole – but it doesn’t work.

This is metaphorically the lost, alone child trying to find a parent who will do the job properly this time, which doesn’t happen, instead of healing these parts within us ourselves.

As children we couldn’t be a source to ourselves and were hugely susceptible to abuse without defences to protect ourselves, including from spiritual narcissists. Yet as adults we can heal ourselves to be whole and self-actualised once we know what it is that we need to heal.

Rest assured, you will begin to understand what it is that you need to heal when you take your focus off what others are doing and have done to you and turn inwards to the traumas that are in your own being, traumas that you can release and bring Source into the space where they once were.

It is only when we believe we are not whole and are in some way defective and damaged that we go against our Inner Being, who is warning us by ‘not feeling right’. We second guess ourselves, hand our power away and get sucked into the web of the narcissists.

We are only traumatised and hooked – horrifically addicted – to someone, despite them abusing us, when we haven’t yet turned inwards to heal the corresponding fracture within ourselves.

The powerful truth about this process is: NO ONE can do that for you. It can only occur between self and self.

This ‘Self’ goes against the entire culture of the narcissistic/co-dependent setup that our entire world is based on – people feeling empty and traumatised on the inside being promised solutions outside of themselves to try to get better; and people who are inner black holes (narcissists) preying on these people by pretending to be the solution and then infiltrating their inner beings and sucking them dry.

 

The Remedy To All Of This

What is required here is a conscious shift away for the programmed lunacy of being told we are carnal, defective and not in God’s graces and need to earn our way back there, which we have all suffered.

We were additionally brought up by parents who also believed they were defective, carnal, soiled and had to earn love and acceptance. Insidious inner shame and deficient self-love and belief is a chronic human condition.

Such a programmed conditioning, coupled with a world steeped in an overload of toxic trauma and dire separation from Source, Love and Oneness, has meant that the toxic environment for spiritual narcissists has been able to flourish.

What is our remedy from all of this?

This… SEEK the God Within; BE your own guru; RELEASE your trauma and fill with the True Source Light that is your Source True Self, and see how you evolve into a force of love, truth and wisdom that exceeds anything you have ever known before.

You will no longer unconsciously be drawn into toxic relationships of symbiosis, dependency and narcissistic abuse, and you will inspire others to be free, authentic and filled with Source as well.

Something I hugely discovered in my journey of dire self-abandonment and not going within, is that I always sought experts, healers and therapists outside of myself.

I didn’t realise for a very long time that these people were my supplements and that they could never truly heal me; that the ongoing dependency of the management of my wounds, instead of truly healing them, or sustaining spiritual abuse that nearly destroyed me, was all for one reason – to push me back inwards to myself.

I learned the true Holy Trinity – myself, my Inner Being and my Superconscious (God) – and that it was when all these parts became integrated, which they naturally are when we are without our inner trauma separating us for ourselves, our Inner Beings and our Superconscious Self (and therefore all of Life and others), that I became whole.

More whole that I ever believed was possible.

Okay, if this makes profound sense out of all the nonsense we have been told, and if you want to find out more about how to meet your Inner Being so that you can integrate your Holy Trinity and your True Self and True Life, I’d love to show you the way home to you.

The first step is by joining up to my 16-day free course by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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Protecting Yourself From Narcissists As A Highly Sensitive Person

Protecting Yourself From Narcissists As A Highly Sensitive Person

 

It is so DIFFICULT being a sensitive person, who feels another person’s energy acutely.

Most of us, who have been abused by narcissists, are highly sensitive people, including me …

It can make us feel TOTALLY anxious and unsafe.

ESPECIALLY when in the vicinity of a NARCISSIST.

We know they have dark moods and can turn into horrible people who hurt us, at the slightest provocation and without warning,

So … HOW can we navigate this?

Can we be a sensitive person, feeling their shocking energy, and still be safe?

Yes .. absolutely we can!

Watch today’s Thriver TV Episode to discover how.

 

 

Video Transcript

Sensitive people like you and I are magnets to narcissists, or at least I used to be … and today’s Thriver Tv episode is all about HOW as a highly sensitive person you can protect yourself from narcissists for good … forever and NEVER again have them suck your energy dry or tear you down.

In fact, I am confident that if you apply what I’m going to show you in this video, that you will discover, even as a highly sensitive person, just how POWERFUL you are and how POWERLESS a narcissist really is.

Okay, now before I go any further into this information to empower you today, please make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

Alright … let’s start by first understanding how our high levels of sensitivity have made us susceptible to narcissists.

 

Feeling Other People’s Energy Intensely

Narcissists emit stacks of weird energy. They feel unstable and ready to spin out on a dime. That’s if we have been around them long enough to start experiencing their mask cracking and their true narcissistic personality bursting through.

If we just meet a narcissist, they still feel ‘intense’. They use a lot of focus and psychic energy to ensnare, manipulate and deceive people – as do all people acting out a ‘role’ rather than simply being themselves.

Think about this, people who are comfortable to be themselves are authentic; they are easy and peaceful to be around. There isn’t the funky energy about them as there is with narcissists.

Our susceptibility to this, as highly sensitive people, is we feel funky energy drastically.  And, if we are intensely tuned into other people’s energy, trying to gauge them in order to work out what to say or do, we lose touch with ourselves.

Let me give you an example.

Joanne was a narcissist giving her partner Rob a hard time. Nothing he did was good enough. The moment Rob walked in the door after work, he felt Joanne’s black mood and immediately started thinking, Do the bins need taking out? Should I offer her a foot rub and cook her dinner? His mind was frantically searching … What I have I missed? What is she going to complain about now? 

Of course, with Rob, as a highly sensitive soul, the more he feels Joanne’s funky energy and tries to fix it for her so that he can feel at peace, the more he is in Wrong Town, losing more parts of himself – namely his voice, rights and life, whilst she is abusing him mercilessly and sucking his energy dry.

Here’s another example of a highly sensitive soul called Marcie, meeting the narcissist Greg for the first time on a date.

Marcie finds Greg to be charming, intelligent and confident. Even though his questions feel probing and a little uncomfortable she feels flattered that he is attracted to her. After their date ends, he asks her to go home with him.

She feels his energy intensely as if he expects this from her and is going to be offended if she doesn’t agree to follow him to his house. Marcie remembers the dating and safety advice from one of her best friends regarding not having sex with any man you don’t know and before getting a commitment from him.

Yet, against her better judgement Marcie capitulates, because she doesn’t want to risk his funky energy escalating.

So, this is the thing … when we are not as yet whole adults in our Inner Being, tuning into and aligning with our own values and truth, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing, or will or won’t do, then we are always going to be catering to other people’s version of life, even if warped and abusive for us.

This is what handing our power away really means – a very common thing that highly sensitive souls do – hence why they are perfect fodder for narcissists.

Giving Up the Notion of ‘Keeping the Peace’

As a highly sensitive soul, I want to challenge your comfort zone of trying to keep the peace.

I understand this desire; you don’t want to rock the boat and experience people’s nasty and unpredictable behaviour. You just want peace and harmony, which not surprisingly was very unlikely to be the environment you grew up in.

I would love you to understand, just as I had to firmly face and realise, this comfort zone of trying to keep the peace is far from comfortable.

Us handing over our energy, kindness, service, money, resources, sexuality and souls in an attempt to ‘keep the peace’ with narcissists doesn’t work. Rather, it’s like bleeding out in water with a shark circling in on you.

Enough is never enough for a narcissist. When you hand over more pieces of yourself to try to keep them happy, calm or stop abusing you, it escalates their demands for more.

Give an inch they take a mile.

Give a mile they take a continent.

There is no deal to be made, loyalty to gain, reciprocity realised, or compassion earned … there is only the evidence to the narcissist that you’re dropping your boundaries and exposing more bounty for them to pillage from you.

According to the narcissist (a no-self who refuses to take any personal responsibility), everything that feels like suffering to them is your fault, and it’s your duty to tend to it, fix it or pay for it.

The regular rules of humanity don’t apply with narcissists at all. Nor does the notion people will treat us as we treat them.

To try to get a narcissist to recognise kindness, fairness and love is NOT the soul lesson we are undergoing as a result of being caught up with a narcissist.

Rather, it is this:

To have true soul peace, without the stress and trauma of other people’s energy affecting you, you must identify and align with your own truths, values and live them authentically – regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

How else are we ever going to feel safe and whole in our own bodies, instead of trying to tune into other people, catering to them fruitlessly in Wrong Town whilst they are abusing us?

We can’t …

 

Becoming ‘Ourself’

Earlier in this video, I said that narcissist’s energy feels funky to highly sensitive people because they are putting on an act, they are not being themselves.

This is where (as I always do) want us to get really real with ourselves and take our power back, inside us, so that we can change and heal the only person who we have the power to – ourselves.

So let’s do this. Let’s get really honest. These following questions are so important:

Why are we telling people what they want to hear instead of living in our own truth and healthy values?

Why are we dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating ourselves in the process?

Why don’t we let go and risk losing that abusive person and life we had with them, and know and live out the truth that we deserve better?

The simple generic answer to these questions is because we have wounds in our genetic, past life and childhood history that are preventing us fully being in our own self-generative power – able to be a source of love, approval, survival and security to ourselves – regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

Rob was doing all these things in his relationship, because as a child he was punished if he disagreed with his narcissistic mother’s demands. He learned at an early age that to minimise the abuse, catering to her was necessary.

Marcie was doing all these things with repeat narcissists because as a child if she didn’t go along with whatever her father believed and wanted, he ignored her. She learned from an early age that her needs were completely irrelevant, and attention from him only came from serving his.

Personally, I handed my power away because of the terror of abandonment if I didn’t. Also, I believed that unless I proved my worth, I would never be loved. I was totally hooked on trying to convince narcissists, despite their allegations, condemnations and abuse of me, that I was worth loving.

Until I healed these inner parts of myself, I couldn’t stop dancing with toxic and abusive people.

 

I’d love you now to reflect – this is going to be powerfully healing for you.

Ask your Inner Being these questions:

Why am I telling people what they want to hear instead of living in my own truth and healthy values?

Why am I dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating myself in the process?

Why don’t I let go and risk losing that abusive person and the life I had with them, and know and live out the truth that I deserve better?

I’d love you to stop this video, tune in to yourself and share in the comments below – this will help you and others so much (we are all in this together).

 

It is familiar for us to be hooked into people trying to get love, approval, security and survival from them; people who are self-absorbed in their own wounds and not available to grant this.

It is familiar for us to feel obligation or guilt and want to fix and rescue others who are not taking responsibility for themselves and who are being abusive towards us.

As children, we may have used all sorts of strategies to try to figure out what would make our caretakers less anxious and angry so that they could be whole to try to make us feel whole. If we did this, we became sensitive souls – people who feel other people’s energy intensely.

You may have thought this was because you are an empath and a kind, giving person. That’s very likely, but really where this came from is your necessity, as a child, to read other people’s funky energy to try to remain safe as well as trying to be loved based on how well you appeased this person’s wishes whilst forfeiting your own.

As children, we were powerless. There was no way to have our own values, opinions, wishes and dreams, and maybe even basic human rights fulfilled.

Now dear Thriver there is!

Let me explain …

 

Aligning With Self

This Thriver mantra is our focus today.

Okay… I want you to repeat this after me:

“I relinquish reading your energy and appeasing you to feel safe and loved. Today, I take my power back, by feeling into me and healing what I need to, to start generating my own truth.

You can kick, scream, shout, guilt and blame me, yet I no longer listen to you. No longer am I obligated to you and you have no obligation to me. Your happiness is your own job, just as mine is my own.

Today I stop dancing to and feeding your wounds. Instead, I turn inwards to heal my own – to know my values and truth and live aligned to them, no matter what, and detach and let go of who and what no longer is.

I take back my soul to generate my life with the people and resources who match my values, truth, heart and future.

I release you back to your truth and free myself and claim my own.

And so it is.”

Okay, I want you to feel the truth of this in your body, which always lets you know if something is right and true. Your body knows you are in soul truth after saying this mantra, even though you may feel some pain and doubt with it, which is your opposing inner programs that require healing to live the truth of this mantra.

Let’s have a look at what this truth looks like – in real time.

Rob after doing the inner healing work with NARP to release and reprogram his traumas from his abusive narcissistic mother, left Joanne, stood up to her legally, went No Contact and is in a new relationship with a woman he adores, who treats him with care, love and respect.

Marcie with NARP healed that part of her which had been without love and attention from her father, and when she became whole on the inside, she went on dates with men honouring herself by saying ‘No’ to their request for sex.

In fact, as soon as it steered that way, she easily deleted these men’s profiles and had no further contact. Suitors who were respectful and wanted to take their time to get to know her, started entering her experience, because they were the only ones she would participate with now.

After getting to know Mark for 3 months and establishing that he was a great guy with lovely values and compatibilities, she entered a committed, exclusive intimate relationship with him. Eighteen months later her and Mark were deeply in love, married and starting a family – a desire that Marcie in her late 30’s had never been able to fulfil until now.

The moral to these stories is there is real inner work involved – the finding and healing of our blocks and subconscious beliefs holding us in the pattern of handing our power away to narcissistic people.

When you do this inner work, I promise you that calmly and powerfully you will stand up and have non-negotiable boundaries.

You will stop trying to fix and get the narcissist to change, and feeding the monster who has been stripping your bones bare.

And, you will have no fear of what the narcissist can or will do to you anymore. There will be no more trying to negate, make deals or play it safe. Rather you will just honour and respect your rights and truth – delivering whatever is factually and unemotionally necessary to do this.

When you do this and are willing to lose this person and abuse in your life, the narcissist crumbles and leaves your experience. Your graduation has been achieved and the soul contract with this person has ended. It has delivered what it needed to …

This hands you back to BEING YOURSELF and being free to start generating your True Self and True Life, which was the only way to live that was ever going to truly gratify you and allow you to be in service to self, life and others in healthy and real ways.

I am very passionate about people understanding more about the essential inner transformational work, and trying it for themselves, so that they understand why it is vital and how it works.

If you have had enough of feeling other people’s funky energy as well as unsure of yourself and unsafe, I’d love you to join me to start unravelling and healing from this by signing up to my 16 Day free course.

You can do so by clicking the link here.

And … if you liked this video, please click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, you can subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also, I’d love you to share this video with other highly sensitive souls, so that they too can heal their energy gaps where they were handing power over to abusive people.

And as always, I’m looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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What’s Behind the Narcissist’s Mask?

What’s Behind the Narcissist’s Mask?

A new study reinforces what many of us who deal with narcissists already know:

1) Narcissists tend to be less trustworthy, less loyal, less accountable and less remorseful than others

2) Narcissists tend to be more deceptive, more manipulative, more antagonistic and more vindictive than others

In some cases the gap is huge. Drawn from a study of 14,000 people, an analysis of 403 participants with distinct traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder found that narcissists are six times more likely to be deceptive, four times more likely to lie, and three times more likely to be antagonistic and vindictive than non-narcissistic people.

The study is a portrait of the many ways narcissists tend to posture and shape themselves — while at the same time using others — to shore up a fragile sense of self.

For example, the study found the following percentages of narcissists who do the following behaviors, compared to non-narcissists:

Narcissists Non-narcissists
Point out others’ mistakes, no matter how minor 73% 7%
Strongly believe they are superior to most people 84% 3%
Prefer to associate with people who are successful or popular 84% 7%
Cast aside anyone who doesn’t live up to what they want 69% 5%
Change their appearance, personality and opinions to be accepted 62% 18%
Seek to be the center of attention 80% 10%
Endlessly seek reassurance they are liked 60% 16%
Become defensive when given negative feedback 61% 32%
Refuse to acknowledge or admit when they are wrong 67% 16%

“Being a narcissist is likely to be a tiring and draining endeavor, emotionally and psychologically. It’s like wearing a mask all the time,” said the study’s author, Ilona Jerabek.

Here are three ways to cope with the manipulation and pretenses used by narcissists:

1)  Don’t expect them to change. They may change behavior from time to time, but someone with narcissistic personality disorder is unlikely to change their personality. What you see is what you get.

2) Don’t take their blaming and lack of accountability personally. Their actions are designed to gratify themselves and keep others from seeing their flaws. It’s all about them, not you, so how can it be personal?

3) Do ask yourself: “At what cost? There is nearly always some cost when dealing with narcissists. Only you can decide whether the cost in any given situation is worth it.

 

Photo by Mike Focus



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Why Narcissists Inevitably Discard You

Why Narcissists Inevitably Discard You

 

A narcissist will always eventually, one way or another, discard you. It doesn’t matter whether you leave, they do, or how the relationship blows up.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with is this:  the narcissist doesn’t care about me and can live without me.

We experience this from their words and actions, lack of understanding, non-existent empathy, accountability or remorse regarding what they have done to us.

We discover that our feelings and life mean nothing to the narcissist; he or she may even hate us now and be hell-bent on trying to destroy us.

My heart goes out to you if you are still suffering the trauma of this, because truly until we heal from this, the trauma is unspeakable.

However, it is my greatest wish today that this article will not only explain why the narcissist will always discard you but also the deeper truths that will help grant you relief, healing and the power to move on and create real relationships with people who do have the resources to genuinely care about you.

 

The Shock of Narcissistic Discard

Falling from the dizzy heights of being idealised is such a heavy shock.

We may have believed that we were the narcissist’s ‘everything’, and certainly this appears to be the case in the love-bombing stage of the relationship and reappears when a narcissist is hoovering us back into their clutches in order to retain us for narcissistic supply.

What we may not have realised until much later, is that we were ‘necessary’ to the narcissist, but not as a flesh and blood human being with a soul and feelings. Rather, we were the object to grant them their addiction – their feed of energy, significance, resources, sex, money and/or any attention that allows them to self-medicate themselves away from their inner screaming wounds of defectiveness and insecure feelings of insignificance.

A narcissist is never ‘in love’ with you, they are incapable of that. They are only ‘in love‘ with the feelings of relief you grant them from their inner wounds, no different to a heroin addict being in love with heroin. You are a necessary commodity, and therefore when you prove to be no longer useful to self-medicate with, the narcissist will immediately devalue and discard you and replace you with someone else who can fulfil that task.

The replacement person may have been groomed and waiting for quite some time, if not already enlisted in the narcissist’s life.

In relation to Family of Origin narcissistic relationships, as well as those with toxic neighbours, business partners, friendships or any other capacity – the narcissist’s involvement with you is all about what they get out of it. The narcissist seeks to make you responsible for tending to and dancing around their wounds, by using you to their advantage and scapegoating you as the person to blame for why they have such disgraceful and regular all-consuming negative emotions when their inner traumas are not being offset adequately enough with narcissistic supply.

This is heart-breaking when we understand that a parent, sibling, or some other significant person in our life is supposed to have the resources to be loving, supportive, empathetic and caring. The sad truth is, if a person is suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, regardless of who this person is in your life, they simply can’t help being a narcissist.

When a narcissist discards you, things don’t end pleasantly and in a way that can be processed humanely. The methods of discard are brutal; you will be accused of all and sundry, possibly even being the narcissist yourself. The narcissist will assert that they were honest, loving and credible and that you threw their love away and acted with a lack of integrity and care for them. There will be zero responsibility taken for their behaviour, actions, words and lies, regardless of what you discover about what they have really been up to.

Once you are no longer adequately serving their False Self, you need to be completely delisted – meaning you will be smeared and discredited to anyone who will listen.

You will be dismayed to discover that there is no empathy, compassion or concern for your life now. In fact, if the narcissist can make you pay dearly for not serving their False Self adequately, by pillaging and raping everything from you that they believe they are entitled to (like a vulture ravaging a dying animal) this further vindicates their nasty insatiable ego.

And enough will never be enough – if you allow it.

All of this is shocking because YOU regard humans as human beings, not objects. You care about their heart and soul rather than objectifying or sexualising them and using them for ego feeds and agendas. It is unthinkable for you to be able to grasp how the narcissist operates.

We have to wake up …

The relationship was never about you, team or ‘us’, it was about being with a severely damaged individual whose thoughts and actions were always about them, without consciousness or remorse.

 

What Constitutes Narcissistic Discard?

We may think it is a narcissist leaving our life and never wanting anything to do with us again, but really this narcissistic delisting is something we experience over and over with a narcissist even when still attached to them.

We are discarded every time we are dismissed, deemed irrelevant, or dehumanised, which of course is part and parcel of narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse tears up the very fabric of our soul, and our humanness – the place of feeling whole, valued and safe.

 

Why Must the Narcissist Discard You?

To preserve his or her False Self, the narcissist must deny and reject your True Self.

Deep within, your True Self knows it deserves honesty, team play, empathy and real love. The trauma screaming inside you is because you are not living aligned with your True Self. The emotional pain is the signal to tell you how far off track this relationship is.

If your needs, feelings and opinions were valued by the narcissist, this would mean that you would no longer be dancing around the narcissist’s wounds, pandering and catering to them.

This is why the narcissist will not listen to your grievances, take responsibility or value your feelings. He or she does not want to work towards solutions and harmony with you or amend their narcissistic behaviour.  They want you to stay asleep and keep feeding their egoic significance. Each and every time they hook you and you respond with any energy towards them, they achieve this.

You waking up, pulling away or starting to assert your own needs, boundaries and rights by no longer marching to their drum, or arguing with them or justifying yourself whilst trying to get the narcissist to change, stops feeding the narcissist.

Then they must discard you and move on to more fertile narcissistic supply.

This also happens when you became so sick, needy or emptied out that there is nothing left for them to gain.

Hopefully you can move yourself into the first category, and heal from this, so that you truly embody that to be discarded by a No-person is not about being betrayed and ditched by someone who was capable of love – rather it was a blessing, releasing you into a true life of loving yourself and now being free to  generate true love.

 

Deep Quantum Truths Regarding Narcissistic Discard

The horrible, never-ending and disastrous eventuality for narcissists is that all relationships with others will end up being discarded, discredited and delisted by them.

The real reason for this is because the narcissist has completely discarded themselves.

The narcissist has attempted to kill off their own True Self; they have disowned and divorced themselves from it and put a fictitious character in its place (the False Self).

When the deeply damaged, wounded and abandoned True Self emerges, the narcissist lines someone else up, projects their pain onto them and tries to destroy them, which unconsciously is all about trying to destroy their shameful True Self – the inner vulnerable parts that they have no desire to meet, heal and resurrect in order to become whole.

The narcissist does not relate to him or herself with empathy, love, kindness, vulnerability or self-honesty or self-soothing. Instead, the narcissists self-relationship is delusional; it operates in egoic and pathologically disordered ways, designed to prop up the False Self and grant this fragile insecure identity the feed of significance.

The narcissist has no resources to relate to you as a valued human with a soul, because people cannot grant what and who they are not Being to themselves.

When we realise this deeper truth, we can stop trying to hold narcissists responsible for caring about us and valuing us. They have NO ability to.

Which then leads us to our true liberation …

How can we take our power back by healing what we need to?

 

Healing Our Own Self-discard

We were all discarded by narcissists.

We all discovered that, we were not important to this person in the ways that we wish to be valued by those we love.

Where we can go so wrong is to try to force the narcissist to be like a normal person – to have empathy, care, compassion and real love for us. Now I hope that you can understand why this was never going to work.

Our salvation, healing and emancipation from the terrible trauma of a narcissist’s discard, only comes by turning inwards with self-inquiry, and then committing to the inner work to heal.

These questions are vital:

How have I discarded my own inner being, truth and soul by remaining attached to someone trying to force them to care for, value and love me?

Where am I struggling to be my own source of love, acceptance and support?

What traumas in my life have left me feeling so discarded – unworthy, unloved and unsafe – that I am repeating this with other incapable and damaged people now?

Have I had enough of painful relationships with toxic people, to turn inwards and heal my love trajectory, so that I can be healed and whole and access real relationships with other whole and genuinely loving people?

(How do you feel about these questions? Are you on this journey of self-healing yet? Are you ready to start? I’d love you to answers in the comments below.)

I promise you these are all the questions and conclusions that I came to myself when I took my power back and decided to take matters into my own heart and hands to heal this.

I used to experience relationships of continued abandonment – being thrown under a bus and being brutally and cruelly repeatedly discarded. These relationships impacted on me so severely I truly would have died if I kept continuing this pattern.

I knew I had to heal and uplevel myself into a healthy self-partnered relationship, one where I would never again discard or abandon myself, regardless of who anyone else was or wasn’t being or doing.

This is the work that I passionately encourage and help guide others to do, after narcissistic abuse, as a step-by-step process which to date has liberated thousands of people from over 90 different countries worldwide from the torturous trauma of narcissistic discard.

If you relate and you have had enough of the pain, I’d love to show you how … here

Maybe you’ve been reading my blogs and listening to my videos for a long time but have never taken the first step to start doing the real work – the inner transformational healing – that is so needed to heal from this.

If this is you, it’s time! You can begin working with myself and thousands of other thrivers in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain (your whole real life) by doing so.

And as always, I am so looking forward to answering your questions and comments.

 

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