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How Narcissists Draw You In By Identifying Your Gaps

How Narcissists Draw You In By Identifying Your Gaps

 

A narcissist knows how to target you.

It’s no different than a lion sizing up an injured gazelle.

ESPECIALLY after narcissistic abuse, you need to KNOW how they do it…

As well as close up all your GAPS – the things they LOOK for that MAKE you susceptible to them.

If you are TERRIFIED of running into a narcissist again, this may be the most necessary TTV episode you have ever watched.

Video Transcript

Narcissists are very manipulative and they know how to draw you in and empty you out, sending you all the way to your demise.

People believe that narcissists can target anyone. So if you believe this, I really hope today will help you understand that they can’t.

Mind you, if you have been drawn in this is NOT about blaming and shaming you. I was too! What today’s Thriver TV is about is you identifying your ‘gaps’ and closing them firmly up, so that never again can a narcissist identify you as a target, hone in and ensnare you.

How does that sound?

I promise you this – when you become inoculated against narcissists, you’re free to be yourself, powerfully and radiantly in the world. No more hiding, shrinking and being scared.

What could be better?

Do stay with me on this today, because I’m going to take you through powerful, real-life examples to explain to you HOW to achieve this.

Okay, before I get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, make sure you hit the like button.

 

Closing Your Gaps While Dating

Understandably, people are terrified to date again after being smashed by a narcissist.

So many people ask, ‘What if I get sucked in again?’

I really want you to know that dating, when you have these fears, is dangerous. This is because fear is a powerful magnet that draws to us exactly the experiences we fear. Fear does NOT keep us safe. The reason why is because our most important human soul lesson is to know that people outside of you are NOT responsible for your experience – you are. If you fear them, instead of being solidly you, then life will show you HOW you are not being solidly you.

If your beliefs are that sharing a meal and a glass of wine with a narcissist means they can trick you, draw you in and start destroying your life, then you will continue to get what you believe. If you believe ‘This previously happened to me because I had gaps that I was unconscious about, however, if I shore them up this will never happen to me again’, then you don’t need to ever worry who you are sharing dinner with.

In fact, you will welcome the experience of seeing how DIFFERENT you are as your own powerful protector and healthy Source! How else will you have the confidence to know your life is firmly in your own hands and isn’t susceptible to others?

I know in my previous life I used to hand my weaknesses and victimhood (gaps) to narcissists on a plate. It was my ‘normal’ and I had no idea I was doing it.

One of the greatest mistakes that makes us as easy prey for a narcissist as an injured gazelle is for a lion is this: telling them about all ways that previous partners have hurt us. This is because it means all a narcissist needs to do is tell us how much they are NOT that person. Then we think we have hit the jackpot with this person, whereas the narcissist is actually skilled in telling us what we want to hear.

If we do instant relationships and don’t take the time to ascertain someone’s values and character, we are playing Russian roulette with our soul and life.

Look at what happens when we discover that we are hooked to someone who is not a nice person, who doesn’t have our best interests at heart, and who doesn’t even have the resources to be healthy – we lie to ourselves that we are ‘in love’.

Real love has certain criteria to even be possible, and without these requirements love is obsession, addiction and toxic rather than genuine.

Likewise, if we try to be everything that we think someone else needs and wants in order to be loved and accepted, then we are not being real and are hugely susceptible to being matched up to a False Self – a narcissist.

Yet, if we are firmly in our body, anchored in our values, self-love and self-acceptance and take our time to see if people match our values and truths, we no longer accept and try to change people who aren’t compatible into people who will make us happy.

Rather, we will be content to wait until the right match comes along.

Let’s imagine a few different scenarios:

Craig is on a date with Amber. She looks and smells great and Craig finds her to be stunning. They start a sexual relationship very quickly. Amber is a narcissist and starts abusing Craig and draining his resources. Only a few weeks into the relationship already Craig is hooked because of the great sex and he doesn’t believe he can meet anyone as attractive as Amber.

***

Then there is Scott, who is on a date with Joy. She wants to move things along very quickly. Scott knows that sensible women, who honour themselves, take time to ascertain men. Anyway, he’s not interested in sex without feeling and connection. He refuses to sleep with Joy, wanting to take his time to get to know her. Joy, after a couple more dates when Scott will not capitulate, sends him a text accusing him of being gay and telling him he has lost the best dating opportunity he’ll ever have.

Of course, Joy was a narcissist needing to secure narcissistic supply very quickly. Scott dodged a bullet.

***

And then there is Georgia on a date with Darren, answering his intense questions about her life and her past. She replies with how disappointed she has been with men not making her a priority, and how this hurts her. Darren looks her in the eyes, leans over and says, ‘Any man would be honoured to have you in their life. These men were stupid; they had no idea what they had.’ Georgia’s heart fills with love and joy – just as if she was a parched woman in a desert finding an oasis and taking a deep drink.

At first the honeymoon period was amazing, but it turns into horrific rejection, abandonment, disdain and abuse. Darren was a narcissist who had quickly and expertly hooked Georgia in by pretending to be the saviour of her wounds. Naturally, he was the messenger of them, because these were her gaps, her unhealed inner parts that he could abuse her with, while she clung on, desperately addicted to him and trying to make someone love her better THIS time.

***

Finally, there is Anna who is on a date with Peter. Peter asks Anna about her previous relationships and Anna explains to him how blessed and grateful she was for her journey, because of the work on herself and how it helped her love and accept herself and be free of her wounds.

Peter visibly seems confused. He says to Anna, ‘I’m the same. I have learned so much from my relationships. I love personal development and growth as well.’

‘Oh’, says Anna, ‘What exactly did you learn and from what experience? I’m all ears!’ Peter’s conversation with Anna showed he had no grasp of either personal development or taking responsibility for his own development or growth.

At the end of the night, when Peter asks Anna if she wants to catch up again, Anna answers, ‘I think not. Good luck with dating and thanks for an interesting evening.’ To which Peter replies, ‘You’re right, there isn’t enough attraction for me to see you again anyway.’

Anna was nearly crying with laughter when she got into her car. This was such a powerful graduation where she was punching the air with joy. ‘I just flushed out a narc EASILY. Yay!’

High five to her!

 

Closing Your Gaps In Family Relationships

Let’s have a look at how this translates in situations with people we already know, such as family relationships or friendships.

John is a married man, a grown adult with his own family, yet his father Gary controls him. Gary is always asking John to drop everything for him, and rather than show gratitude and appreciation, Gary constantly criticises and abuses him.

John is hooked, and even when his wife threatened to leave him because of money, energy and time drained on his father, he couldn’t stop jumping to attention every time Gary summoned him.

John’s unhealed wounds were responsible for these unconscious pulls; his entire life he had been trying to earn his father’s love and respect, but nothing he could do was ever good enough.

***

Gayle used to hand her power and time to her narcissistic sister Colleen. Colleen was a single mother and used Gayle for money and babysitting, and whenever Collen got a man in her life, she would use him instead, and dump Gayle like a hot potato.

Gayle was previously heartbroken, confused and wrung out, and she lived in hope that one day she would have the healthy loving relationship with her sister that she had always dreamed of.

Finally, Gayle did the work on her inner traumas regarding her relationship with her sister and released the hooks and pulls of responsibility and guilt that she’d suffered. Gayle stopped handing money over and, after the last discard from her sister, was very clear – without an apology, and respect, the relationship was over.

The relief Gayle felt by claiming her life, power and soul back was immense. When her sister tried to smear her, Gayle let go of that trauma. She had no need to try to prove anything, and just kept her eyes on her side of the road, continuing to heal and generate her own healthy life, letting go of anyone and everything that didn’t represent this.

Now, let’s look at the business side of things.

 

Closing Your Gaps In Business

Andrew is brilliant yet shy. He had incredible ideas, development processes and loads of money, yet he didn’t have the confidence to be a public front man. Andrew met George, a charismatic salesman, through joint friends.

Over a few drinks, Andrew shared his dreams with George. George’s ears pricked up. He looked Andrew intently in the eyes and assured him he could help him with contacts and connections.

Andrew felt the relief of ‘Finally someone with the confidence and persona to help me’ and he and George joined forces. Twelve months later, after George disappeared with half a million of Andrew’s money, Andrew realised he had been conned by a sociopath.

Andrew didn’t take the personal responsibility to stop blaming George, and realise sensible adults do due diligence, check out people’s credentials thoroughly and draw up contracts and retain control and security along the way.

His lack of belief in himself had caused him to willingly, and far too quickly, hand complete power to George – which is what everyone, without exception, does to narcissists that abuse them.

***

Alice was a client of Jeanette’s when Jeanette shared her dream to open her own shop in a prestigious area. Alice told her she had the same vision and they should consider a partnership. After investigating Alice’s proposal, which Jeanette requested, Jeanette realised that she, herself, would be taking on all the risk and financing, and that Alice’s references weren’t credible.

After calling Alice out with the discovered truth, Jeanette never saw her again as a client and felt no loss at all.

 

The Absolute Formula To Not Get Taken In By A Narcissist

Now, let me condense these different scenarios and make it really clear cut for you.

1) Don’t express your weaknesses to people you don’t know.

2) Stop holding other people responsible for your life – such as believing you need to find someone else to fix, save or complete your life.

3) Don’t fall in quickly with people. Narcissists need a payoff of narcissistic supply rapidly for their expended energy. They will not hang around for your due diligence.

4) Know your values and retain your boundaries. Other people don’t need to get it – you need to get it.

5) Release your hooks and gaps within so that there is no more neediness, recklessness and emptiness driving your choices.

6) Be excited about every experience and opportunity which presents and strive to be your best self without any fear or concern about how other people are being.

It’s so important to understand that we all have patterns of behaviour and emotional hooks – unresolved wounds – in our life that have caused us to hand our power away.

As shown in these examples that I have shared with you today, Craig, Georgia, John and Andrew, as a result of remaining unconscious, are stuck in historic patterns indefinitely with no sign of relief, growth and change. Narcissistic abuse is an ongoing soul lesson for them – until they wake up.

Whereas, as a result of taking firm responsibility to be the generator of their own lives, Scott, Anna, Gayle and Jeanette are living on trajectories where their Life delivers them the same genuine support and authenticity with people and situations that they are showing themselves.

So, is this clear now?

Has the penny dropped?

Do you know the powerful way home out of narcissistic abuse now?

If this is not 100 per cent clear in your body, which is where it needs to be, then come with me while I help you heal your gaps and traumas that have made you susceptible. And, I promise you, together we will find them and release them, turning you into a boundary beast – firmly in your power, saying ‘narcissist who?’ because they will cease to have any power over you at all!

This journey starts by clicking this link.

If you are with me write ‘Boundary Beast!’ below.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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The Healer in Disguise – Spiritual Narcissists Explained

The Healer in Disguise – Spiritual Narcissists Explained

 

Spiritual narcissists hit HARD.

They devastate your belief, soul and life – and they do it under the most manipulative guise of healing you.

It’s BEYOND devastating.

HOW do they do it?

How CAN we stop it?

What is the incredible transcendence for us out of this?

Watch today’s TTV episode because I’m about to explain ALL of this … and more!

 

 

Video Transcript

In today’s Thriver TV I want to get right down to the gist of how spiritual narcissists operate and how they get their hooks into you.

I also want to deeply investigate how spiritual healers very easily get you to hand your power to them and how you can ensure that stops happening to you.

Also, I’m going to explain to you how even if a spiritual narcissist is not healing you, they are granting you the most incredible opportunity to finally come home to healing yourself.

If you have been abused by a spiritual narcissist, whether it be in love or in therapy or church, this is a must-watch video for you.

It will explain a lot.

Okay, before I get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, make sure you hit the like button.

Let’s start by checking out the different types of spiritual narcissists.

 

Who Are Spiritual Narcissists?

They can range from church ministers and worshippers who have incredible scripture knowledge, through to Eastern and personal development gurus and an endless assortment of spiritual healers and followers.

The spiritual narcissist in your life may be a person who reads spiritual books and professes to be spiritual who is holding up their indoctrination to you, professing that you need to live by it. This could be any impactful person in your life, whether they are connected to a church or healing profession or not.

 

How Do Spiritual Narcissists Infiltrate Us?

Many of us have known spiritual narcissists personally and collectively. Only recently a prominent spiritual narcissist within the Catholic church has been exposed through the mass media.

Narcissists are all dangerous and covert in that they wear a mask appearing to be who they are not. Spiritual narcissists totally personify the expression ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’.

What is so insidious and horrifying about spiritual narcissists is that they exploit positions of trust. If we are not yet aware that the only true authority to how we connect and relate to people is our inner being, we can easily believe that someone else has authority over our life and soul – even when our inner wisdom doesn’t agree.

And so sadly, we can justify these feelings away easily believing spiritual narcissists; we hand over our power and put our soul in their hands.

A dear girlfriend and I were having the discussion the other day about how ‘Playing it safe, despite your inner cues that something is wrong, is probably the biggest recipe for being abused by someone.’

Spiritual narcissists absolutely capitalise on people doing this.

The twist in the story of abuse by spiritual narcissists is that they can appear to be our remedy, our guru and the person who will heal us. However, like any source outside of ourselves that is a substitute to our own wholeness, this again is a False Source. Like all narcissists do, they appeal to a gap within us and profess to be the person to fill it.

False sources come in two versions:
1) Temporary relief that never provides a true durable solution, or
2) Abusive substitutes that we get hooked on for our supposed salvation, yet they bring about our destruction instead.

 

Who Is With Spirit Genuinely and Who Is Not?

We may trust spiritual narcissists and hand our power to them because they have professed to be with spirit and therefore immediately seeming credible. Maybe we want to trust them in the hope they can heal us.

Beware of anyone telling you that they are the person who will heal you back to a spiritual oneness. They can’t – only you can generate that for yourself. Someone can only empower you to deeply partner with and start healing yourself – they CAN’T do it for you. Rather than getting you to follow them, a true spiritual healer will take you deeply within yourself for you to connect to your ‘self’.

If someone is fostering a dependency with you, you need to be extremely wary of their motives. Is it for your money, body, resources, energy or life-force that they are creating this symbiosis?

Someone who is with Source will encourage you to become your own sage and guru and a person who no longer needs them – and they dearly wish that for you. They will want for you to have a direct relationship between you and Source, in its purest form, because they deeply know that you are Source itself and can experience and know this for yourself.

They know God is within.

They know your salvation lies in YOU knowing ‘Who You Really Are’ – God/Source/Salvation itself.

If someone who professes to be spiritual is not helping you come to this authentic place of peace, power and truth, then in my humble opinion – narcissist or not – this is creating co-dependency and powerlessness within you.

 

The Healing Necessity (Message) That Spiritual Narcissists Deliver To Us

All narcissists, without exception, are teaching us an incredibly brutal yet powerful message about the necessity to be self-partnered and to be a Source to ourselves.

This doesn’t mean that our life is meant to be spent ‘alone’. It means that according to the absolute Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without’ that we need to become the inner template of how our life goes.

The true Source of power and wholeness comes through sourcing life directly through ‘Source,’ which is our Higher Power and Higher Consciousness. I believe this is one and the same as our True Self, when we know Who We Really Are and cease handing away our power, truth, values and authority to outside influences.

When we are riddled with human trauma and false beliefs, we don’t trust ourselves. We may find it extremely difficult to have a solid connection to our inner innate wisdom – our Higher Self (God if you like) – which communicates to us in the form of emotions and intuition.

If we are in our head, disconnected from ourselves and self-abandoning this integral inner relationship, then we are prone to clinging to and hoping to receive support and love from others in order to be whole – but it doesn’t work.

This is metaphorically the lost, alone child trying to find a parent who will do the job properly this time, which doesn’t happen, instead of healing these parts within us ourselves.

As children we couldn’t be a source to ourselves and were hugely susceptible to abuse without defences to protect ourselves, including from spiritual narcissists. Yet as adults we can heal ourselves to be whole and self-actualised once we know what it is that we need to heal.

Rest assured, you will begin to understand what it is that you need to heal when you take your focus off what others are doing and have done to you and turn inwards to the traumas that are in your own being, traumas that you can release and bring Source into the space where they once were.

It is only when we believe we are not whole and are in some way defective and damaged that we go against our Inner Being, who is warning us by ‘not feeling right’. We second guess ourselves, hand our power away and get sucked into the web of the narcissists.

We are only traumatised and hooked – horrifically addicted – to someone, despite them abusing us, when we haven’t yet turned inwards to heal the corresponding fracture within ourselves.

The powerful truth about this process is: NO ONE can do that for you. It can only occur between self and self.

This ‘Self’ goes against the entire culture of the narcissistic/co-dependent setup that our entire world is based on – people feeling empty and traumatised on the inside being promised solutions outside of themselves to try to get better; and people who are inner black holes (narcissists) preying on these people by pretending to be the solution and then infiltrating their inner beings and sucking them dry.

 

The Remedy To All Of This

What is required here is a conscious shift away for the programmed lunacy of being told we are carnal, defective and not in God’s graces and need to earn our way back there, which we have all suffered.

We were additionally brought up by parents who also believed they were defective, carnal, soiled and had to earn love and acceptance. Insidious inner shame and deficient self-love and belief is a chronic human condition.

Such a programmed conditioning, coupled with a world steeped in an overload of toxic trauma and dire separation from Source, Love and Oneness, has meant that the toxic environment for spiritual narcissists has been able to flourish.

What is our remedy from all of this?

This… SEEK the God Within; BE your own guru; RELEASE your trauma and fill with the True Source Light that is your Source True Self, and see how you evolve into a force of love, truth and wisdom that exceeds anything you have ever known before.

You will no longer unconsciously be drawn into toxic relationships of symbiosis, dependency and narcissistic abuse, and you will inspire others to be free, authentic and filled with Source as well.

Something I hugely discovered in my journey of dire self-abandonment and not going within, is that I always sought experts, healers and therapists outside of myself.

I didn’t realise for a very long time that these people were my supplements and that they could never truly heal me; that the ongoing dependency of the management of my wounds, instead of truly healing them, or sustaining spiritual abuse that nearly destroyed me, was all for one reason – to push me back inwards to myself.

I learned the true Holy Trinity – myself, my Inner Being and my Superconscious (God) – and that it was when all these parts became integrated, which they naturally are when we are without our inner trauma separating us for ourselves, our Inner Beings and our Superconscious Self (and therefore all of Life and others), that I became whole.

More whole that I ever believed was possible.

Okay, if this makes profound sense out of all the nonsense we have been told, and if you want to find out more about how to meet your Inner Being so that you can integrate your Holy Trinity and your True Self and True Life, I’d love to show you the way home to you.

The first step is by joining up to my 16-day free course by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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Protecting Yourself From Narcissists As A Highly Sensitive Person

Protecting Yourself From Narcissists As A Highly Sensitive Person

 

It is so DIFFICULT being a sensitive person, who feels another person’s energy acutely.

Most of us, who have been abused by narcissists, are highly sensitive people, including me …

It can make us feel TOTALLY anxious and unsafe.

ESPECIALLY when in the vicinity of a NARCISSIST.

We know they have dark moods and can turn into horrible people who hurt us, at the slightest provocation and without warning,

So … HOW can we navigate this?

Can we be a sensitive person, feeling their shocking energy, and still be safe?

Yes .. absolutely we can!

Watch today’s Thriver TV Episode to discover how.

 

 

Video Transcript

Sensitive people like you and I are magnets to narcissists, or at least I used to be … and today’s Thriver Tv episode is all about HOW as a highly sensitive person you can protect yourself from narcissists for good … forever and NEVER again have them suck your energy dry or tear you down.

In fact, I am confident that if you apply what I’m going to show you in this video, that you will discover, even as a highly sensitive person, just how POWERFUL you are and how POWERLESS a narcissist really is.

Okay, now before I go any further into this information to empower you today, please make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

Alright … let’s start by first understanding how our high levels of sensitivity have made us susceptible to narcissists.

 

Feeling Other People’s Energy Intensely

Narcissists emit stacks of weird energy. They feel unstable and ready to spin out on a dime. That’s if we have been around them long enough to start experiencing their mask cracking and their true narcissistic personality bursting through.

If we just meet a narcissist, they still feel ‘intense’. They use a lot of focus and psychic energy to ensnare, manipulate and deceive people – as do all people acting out a ‘role’ rather than simply being themselves.

Think about this, people who are comfortable to be themselves are authentic; they are easy and peaceful to be around. There isn’t the funky energy about them as there is with narcissists.

Our susceptibility to this, as highly sensitive people, is we feel funky energy drastically.  And, if we are intensely tuned into other people’s energy, trying to gauge them in order to work out what to say or do, we lose touch with ourselves.

Let me give you an example.

Joanne was a narcissist giving her partner Rob a hard time. Nothing he did was good enough. The moment Rob walked in the door after work, he felt Joanne’s black mood and immediately started thinking, Do the bins need taking out? Should I offer her a foot rub and cook her dinner? His mind was frantically searching … What I have I missed? What is she going to complain about now? 

Of course, with Rob, as a highly sensitive soul, the more he feels Joanne’s funky energy and tries to fix it for her so that he can feel at peace, the more he is in Wrong Town, losing more parts of himself – namely his voice, rights and life, whilst she is abusing him mercilessly and sucking his energy dry.

Here’s another example of a highly sensitive soul called Marcie, meeting the narcissist Greg for the first time on a date.

Marcie finds Greg to be charming, intelligent and confident. Even though his questions feel probing and a little uncomfortable she feels flattered that he is attracted to her. After their date ends, he asks her to go home with him.

She feels his energy intensely as if he expects this from her and is going to be offended if she doesn’t agree to follow him to his house. Marcie remembers the dating and safety advice from one of her best friends regarding not having sex with any man you don’t know and before getting a commitment from him.

Yet, against her better judgement Marcie capitulates, because she doesn’t want to risk his funky energy escalating.

So, this is the thing … when we are not as yet whole adults in our Inner Being, tuning into and aligning with our own values and truth, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing, or will or won’t do, then we are always going to be catering to other people’s version of life, even if warped and abusive for us.

This is what handing our power away really means – a very common thing that highly sensitive souls do – hence why they are perfect fodder for narcissists.

Giving Up the Notion of ‘Keeping the Peace’

As a highly sensitive soul, I want to challenge your comfort zone of trying to keep the peace.

I understand this desire; you don’t want to rock the boat and experience people’s nasty and unpredictable behaviour. You just want peace and harmony, which not surprisingly was very unlikely to be the environment you grew up in.

I would love you to understand, just as I had to firmly face and realise, this comfort zone of trying to keep the peace is far from comfortable.

Us handing over our energy, kindness, service, money, resources, sexuality and souls in an attempt to ‘keep the peace’ with narcissists doesn’t work. Rather, it’s like bleeding out in water with a shark circling in on you.

Enough is never enough for a narcissist. When you hand over more pieces of yourself to try to keep them happy, calm or stop abusing you, it escalates their demands for more.

Give an inch they take a mile.

Give a mile they take a continent.

There is no deal to be made, loyalty to gain, reciprocity realised, or compassion earned … there is only the evidence to the narcissist that you’re dropping your boundaries and exposing more bounty for them to pillage from you.

According to the narcissist (a no-self who refuses to take any personal responsibility), everything that feels like suffering to them is your fault, and it’s your duty to tend to it, fix it or pay for it.

The regular rules of humanity don’t apply with narcissists at all. Nor does the notion people will treat us as we treat them.

To try to get a narcissist to recognise kindness, fairness and love is NOT the soul lesson we are undergoing as a result of being caught up with a narcissist.

Rather, it is this:

To have true soul peace, without the stress and trauma of other people’s energy affecting you, you must identify and align with your own truths, values and live them authentically – regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

How else are we ever going to feel safe and whole in our own bodies, instead of trying to tune into other people, catering to them fruitlessly in Wrong Town whilst they are abusing us?

We can’t …

 

Becoming ‘Ourself’

Earlier in this video, I said that narcissist’s energy feels funky to highly sensitive people because they are putting on an act, they are not being themselves.

This is where (as I always do) want us to get really real with ourselves and take our power back, inside us, so that we can change and heal the only person who we have the power to – ourselves.

So let’s do this. Let’s get really honest. These following questions are so important:

Why are we telling people what they want to hear instead of living in our own truth and healthy values?

Why are we dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating ourselves in the process?

Why don’t we let go and risk losing that abusive person and life we had with them, and know and live out the truth that we deserve better?

The simple generic answer to these questions is because we have wounds in our genetic, past life and childhood history that are preventing us fully being in our own self-generative power – able to be a source of love, approval, survival and security to ourselves – regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

Rob was doing all these things in his relationship, because as a child he was punished if he disagreed with his narcissistic mother’s demands. He learned at an early age that to minimise the abuse, catering to her was necessary.

Marcie was doing all these things with repeat narcissists because as a child if she didn’t go along with whatever her father believed and wanted, he ignored her. She learned from an early age that her needs were completely irrelevant, and attention from him only came from serving his.

Personally, I handed my power away because of the terror of abandonment if I didn’t. Also, I believed that unless I proved my worth, I would never be loved. I was totally hooked on trying to convince narcissists, despite their allegations, condemnations and abuse of me, that I was worth loving.

Until I healed these inner parts of myself, I couldn’t stop dancing with toxic and abusive people.

 

I’d love you now to reflect – this is going to be powerfully healing for you.

Ask your Inner Being these questions:

Why am I telling people what they want to hear instead of living in my own truth and healthy values?

Why am I dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating myself in the process?

Why don’t I let go and risk losing that abusive person and the life I had with them, and know and live out the truth that I deserve better?

I’d love you to stop this video, tune in to yourself and share in the comments below – this will help you and others so much (we are all in this together).

 

It is familiar for us to be hooked into people trying to get love, approval, security and survival from them; people who are self-absorbed in their own wounds and not available to grant this.

It is familiar for us to feel obligation or guilt and want to fix and rescue others who are not taking responsibility for themselves and who are being abusive towards us.

As children, we may have used all sorts of strategies to try to figure out what would make our caretakers less anxious and angry so that they could be whole to try to make us feel whole. If we did this, we became sensitive souls – people who feel other people’s energy intensely.

You may have thought this was because you are an empath and a kind, giving person. That’s very likely, but really where this came from is your necessity, as a child, to read other people’s funky energy to try to remain safe as well as trying to be loved based on how well you appeased this person’s wishes whilst forfeiting your own.

As children, we were powerless. There was no way to have our own values, opinions, wishes and dreams, and maybe even basic human rights fulfilled.

Now dear Thriver there is!

Let me explain …

 

Aligning With Self

This Thriver mantra is our focus today.

Okay… I want you to repeat this after me:

“I relinquish reading your energy and appeasing you to feel safe and loved. Today, I take my power back, by feeling into me and healing what I need to, to start generating my own truth.

You can kick, scream, shout, guilt and blame me, yet I no longer listen to you. No longer am I obligated to you and you have no obligation to me. Your happiness is your own job, just as mine is my own.

Today I stop dancing to and feeding your wounds. Instead, I turn inwards to heal my own – to know my values and truth and live aligned to them, no matter what, and detach and let go of who and what no longer is.

I take back my soul to generate my life with the people and resources who match my values, truth, heart and future.

I release you back to your truth and free myself and claim my own.

And so it is.”

Okay, I want you to feel the truth of this in your body, which always lets you know if something is right and true. Your body knows you are in soul truth after saying this mantra, even though you may feel some pain and doubt with it, which is your opposing inner programs that require healing to live the truth of this mantra.

Let’s have a look at what this truth looks like – in real time.

Rob after doing the inner healing work with NARP to release and reprogram his traumas from his abusive narcissistic mother, left Joanne, stood up to her legally, went No Contact and is in a new relationship with a woman he adores, who treats him with care, love and respect.

Marcie with NARP healed that part of her which had been without love and attention from her father, and when she became whole on the inside, she went on dates with men honouring herself by saying ‘No’ to their request for sex.

In fact, as soon as it steered that way, she easily deleted these men’s profiles and had no further contact. Suitors who were respectful and wanted to take their time to get to know her, started entering her experience, because they were the only ones she would participate with now.

After getting to know Mark for 3 months and establishing that he was a great guy with lovely values and compatibilities, she entered a committed, exclusive intimate relationship with him. Eighteen months later her and Mark were deeply in love, married and starting a family – a desire that Marcie in her late 30’s had never been able to fulfil until now.

The moral to these stories is there is real inner work involved – the finding and healing of our blocks and subconscious beliefs holding us in the pattern of handing our power away to narcissistic people.

When you do this inner work, I promise you that calmly and powerfully you will stand up and have non-negotiable boundaries.

You will stop trying to fix and get the narcissist to change, and feeding the monster who has been stripping your bones bare.

And, you will have no fear of what the narcissist can or will do to you anymore. There will be no more trying to negate, make deals or play it safe. Rather you will just honour and respect your rights and truth – delivering whatever is factually and unemotionally necessary to do this.

When you do this and are willing to lose this person and abuse in your life, the narcissist crumbles and leaves your experience. Your graduation has been achieved and the soul contract with this person has ended. It has delivered what it needed to …

This hands you back to BEING YOURSELF and being free to start generating your True Self and True Life, which was the only way to live that was ever going to truly gratify you and allow you to be in service to self, life and others in healthy and real ways.

I am very passionate about people understanding more about the essential inner transformational work, and trying it for themselves, so that they understand why it is vital and how it works.

If you have had enough of feeling other people’s funky energy as well as unsure of yourself and unsafe, I’d love you to join me to start unravelling and healing from this by signing up to my 16 Day free course.

You can do so by clicking the link here.

And … if you liked this video, please click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, you can subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also, I’d love you to share this video with other highly sensitive souls, so that they too can heal their energy gaps where they were handing power over to abusive people.

And as always, I’m looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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What’s Behind the Narcissist’s Mask?

What’s Behind the Narcissist’s Mask?

A new study reinforces what many of us who deal with narcissists already know:

1) Narcissists tend to be less trustworthy, less loyal, less accountable and less remorseful than others

2) Narcissists tend to be more deceptive, more manipulative, more antagonistic and more vindictive than others

In some cases the gap is huge. Drawn from a study of 14,000 people, an analysis of 403 participants with distinct traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder found that narcissists are six times more likely to be deceptive, four times more likely to lie, and three times more likely to be antagonistic and vindictive than non-narcissistic people.

The study is a portrait of the many ways narcissists tend to posture and shape themselves — while at the same time using others — to shore up a fragile sense of self.

For example, the study found the following percentages of narcissists who do the following behaviors, compared to non-narcissists:

Narcissists Non-narcissists
Point out others’ mistakes, no matter how minor 73% 7%
Strongly believe they are superior to most people 84% 3%
Prefer to associate with people who are successful or popular 84% 7%
Cast aside anyone who doesn’t live up to what they want 69% 5%
Change their appearance, personality and opinions to be accepted 62% 18%
Seek to be the center of attention 80% 10%
Endlessly seek reassurance they are liked 60% 16%
Become defensive when given negative feedback 61% 32%
Refuse to acknowledge or admit when they are wrong 67% 16%

“Being a narcissist is likely to be a tiring and draining endeavor, emotionally and psychologically. It’s like wearing a mask all the time,” said the study’s author, Ilona Jerabek.

Here are three ways to cope with the manipulation and pretenses used by narcissists:

1)  Don’t expect them to change. They may change behavior from time to time, but someone with narcissistic personality disorder is unlikely to change their personality. What you see is what you get.

2) Don’t take their blaming and lack of accountability personally. Their actions are designed to gratify themselves and keep others from seeing their flaws. It’s all about them, not you, so how can it be personal?

3) Do ask yourself: “At what cost? There is nearly always some cost when dealing with narcissists. Only you can decide whether the cost in any given situation is worth it.

 

Photo by Mike Focus



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Why Narcissists Inevitably Discard You

Why Narcissists Inevitably Discard You

 

A narcissist will always eventually, one way or another, discard you. It doesn’t matter whether you leave, they do, or how the relationship blows up.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with is this:  the narcissist doesn’t care about me and can live without me.

We experience this from their words and actions, lack of understanding, non-existent empathy, accountability or remorse regarding what they have done to us.

We discover that our feelings and life mean nothing to the narcissist; he or she may even hate us now and be hell-bent on trying to destroy us.

My heart goes out to you if you are still suffering the trauma of this, because truly until we heal from this, the trauma is unspeakable.

However, it is my greatest wish today that this article will not only explain why the narcissist will always discard you but also the deeper truths that will help grant you relief, healing and the power to move on and create real relationships with people who do have the resources to genuinely care about you.

 

The Shock of Narcissistic Discard

Falling from the dizzy heights of being idealised is such a heavy shock.

We may have believed that we were the narcissist’s ‘everything’, and certainly this appears to be the case in the love-bombing stage of the relationship and reappears when a narcissist is hoovering us back into their clutches in order to retain us for narcissistic supply.

What we may not have realised until much later, is that we were ‘necessary’ to the narcissist, but not as a flesh and blood human being with a soul and feelings. Rather, we were the object to grant them their addiction – their feed of energy, significance, resources, sex, money and/or any attention that allows them to self-medicate themselves away from their inner screaming wounds of defectiveness and insecure feelings of insignificance.

A narcissist is never ‘in love’ with you, they are incapable of that. They are only ‘in love‘ with the feelings of relief you grant them from their inner wounds, no different to a heroin addict being in love with heroin. You are a necessary commodity, and therefore when you prove to be no longer useful to self-medicate with, the narcissist will immediately devalue and discard you and replace you with someone else who can fulfil that task.

The replacement person may have been groomed and waiting for quite some time, if not already enlisted in the narcissist’s life.

In relation to Family of Origin narcissistic relationships, as well as those with toxic neighbours, business partners, friendships or any other capacity – the narcissist’s involvement with you is all about what they get out of it. The narcissist seeks to make you responsible for tending to and dancing around their wounds, by using you to their advantage and scapegoating you as the person to blame for why they have such disgraceful and regular all-consuming negative emotions when their inner traumas are not being offset adequately enough with narcissistic supply.

This is heart-breaking when we understand that a parent, sibling, or some other significant person in our life is supposed to have the resources to be loving, supportive, empathetic and caring. The sad truth is, if a person is suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, regardless of who this person is in your life, they simply can’t help being a narcissist.

When a narcissist discards you, things don’t end pleasantly and in a way that can be processed humanely. The methods of discard are brutal; you will be accused of all and sundry, possibly even being the narcissist yourself. The narcissist will assert that they were honest, loving and credible and that you threw their love away and acted with a lack of integrity and care for them. There will be zero responsibility taken for their behaviour, actions, words and lies, regardless of what you discover about what they have really been up to.

Once you are no longer adequately serving their False Self, you need to be completely delisted – meaning you will be smeared and discredited to anyone who will listen.

You will be dismayed to discover that there is no empathy, compassion or concern for your life now. In fact, if the narcissist can make you pay dearly for not serving their False Self adequately, by pillaging and raping everything from you that they believe they are entitled to (like a vulture ravaging a dying animal) this further vindicates their nasty insatiable ego.

And enough will never be enough – if you allow it.

All of this is shocking because YOU regard humans as human beings, not objects. You care about their heart and soul rather than objectifying or sexualising them and using them for ego feeds and agendas. It is unthinkable for you to be able to grasp how the narcissist operates.

We have to wake up …

The relationship was never about you, team or ‘us’, it was about being with a severely damaged individual whose thoughts and actions were always about them, without consciousness or remorse.

 

What Constitutes Narcissistic Discard?

We may think it is a narcissist leaving our life and never wanting anything to do with us again, but really this narcissistic delisting is something we experience over and over with a narcissist even when still attached to them.

We are discarded every time we are dismissed, deemed irrelevant, or dehumanised, which of course is part and parcel of narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse tears up the very fabric of our soul, and our humanness – the place of feeling whole, valued and safe.

 

Why Must the Narcissist Discard You?

To preserve his or her False Self, the narcissist must deny and reject your True Self.

Deep within, your True Self knows it deserves honesty, team play, empathy and real love. The trauma screaming inside you is because you are not living aligned with your True Self. The emotional pain is the signal to tell you how far off track this relationship is.

If your needs, feelings and opinions were valued by the narcissist, this would mean that you would no longer be dancing around the narcissist’s wounds, pandering and catering to them.

This is why the narcissist will not listen to your grievances, take responsibility or value your feelings. He or she does not want to work towards solutions and harmony with you or amend their narcissistic behaviour.  They want you to stay asleep and keep feeding their egoic significance. Each and every time they hook you and you respond with any energy towards them, they achieve this.

You waking up, pulling away or starting to assert your own needs, boundaries and rights by no longer marching to their drum, or arguing with them or justifying yourself whilst trying to get the narcissist to change, stops feeding the narcissist.

Then they must discard you and move on to more fertile narcissistic supply.

This also happens when you became so sick, needy or emptied out that there is nothing left for them to gain.

Hopefully you can move yourself into the first category, and heal from this, so that you truly embody that to be discarded by a No-person is not about being betrayed and ditched by someone who was capable of love – rather it was a blessing, releasing you into a true life of loving yourself and now being free to  generate true love.

 

Deep Quantum Truths Regarding Narcissistic Discard

The horrible, never-ending and disastrous eventuality for narcissists is that all relationships with others will end up being discarded, discredited and delisted by them.

The real reason for this is because the narcissist has completely discarded themselves.

The narcissist has attempted to kill off their own True Self; they have disowned and divorced themselves from it and put a fictitious character in its place (the False Self).

When the deeply damaged, wounded and abandoned True Self emerges, the narcissist lines someone else up, projects their pain onto them and tries to destroy them, which unconsciously is all about trying to destroy their shameful True Self – the inner vulnerable parts that they have no desire to meet, heal and resurrect in order to become whole.

The narcissist does not relate to him or herself with empathy, love, kindness, vulnerability or self-honesty or self-soothing. Instead, the narcissists self-relationship is delusional; it operates in egoic and pathologically disordered ways, designed to prop up the False Self and grant this fragile insecure identity the feed of significance.

The narcissist has no resources to relate to you as a valued human with a soul, because people cannot grant what and who they are not Being to themselves.

When we realise this deeper truth, we can stop trying to hold narcissists responsible for caring about us and valuing us. They have NO ability to.

Which then leads us to our true liberation …

How can we take our power back by healing what we need to?

 

Healing Our Own Self-discard

We were all discarded by narcissists.

We all discovered that, we were not important to this person in the ways that we wish to be valued by those we love.

Where we can go so wrong is to try to force the narcissist to be like a normal person – to have empathy, care, compassion and real love for us. Now I hope that you can understand why this was never going to work.

Our salvation, healing and emancipation from the terrible trauma of a narcissist’s discard, only comes by turning inwards with self-inquiry, and then committing to the inner work to heal.

These questions are vital:

How have I discarded my own inner being, truth and soul by remaining attached to someone trying to force them to care for, value and love me?

Where am I struggling to be my own source of love, acceptance and support?

What traumas in my life have left me feeling so discarded – unworthy, unloved and unsafe – that I am repeating this with other incapable and damaged people now?

Have I had enough of painful relationships with toxic people, to turn inwards and heal my love trajectory, so that I can be healed and whole and access real relationships with other whole and genuinely loving people?

(How do you feel about these questions? Are you on this journey of self-healing yet? Are you ready to start? I’d love you to answers in the comments below.)

I promise you these are all the questions and conclusions that I came to myself when I took my power back and decided to take matters into my own heart and hands to heal this.

I used to experience relationships of continued abandonment – being thrown under a bus and being brutally and cruelly repeatedly discarded. These relationships impacted on me so severely I truly would have died if I kept continuing this pattern.

I knew I had to heal and uplevel myself into a healthy self-partnered relationship, one where I would never again discard or abandon myself, regardless of who anyone else was or wasn’t being or doing.

This is the work that I passionately encourage and help guide others to do, after narcissistic abuse, as a step-by-step process which to date has liberated thousands of people from over 90 different countries worldwide from the torturous trauma of narcissistic discard.

If you relate and you have had enough of the pain, I’d love to show you how … here

Maybe you’ve been reading my blogs and listening to my videos for a long time but have never taken the first step to start doing the real work – the inner transformational healing – that is so needed to heal from this.

If this is you, it’s time! You can begin working with myself and thousands of other thrivers in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain (your whole real life) by doing so.

And as always, I am so looking forward to answering your questions and comments.

 

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What Makes Narcissists Irresistible And How To Rid Your Cravings For Them

What Makes Narcissists Irresistible And How To Rid Your Cravings For Them

 

The pull we have towards narcissists is OFF the planet!

Even when they are hurting us SO much that it’s literally killing us, we usually stay connected …

Hoping they will wake up … change … get it … and stop doing what they are doing to us.

But they don’t.

If we can’t stop the cravings for a narcissist, just like anything in our life that is destroying us, they continue to do so.

Piece by piece by piece.

So how do we release ourselves from the cravings?

How do we get away, stay away and get on with the creation of our healthy abuse-free lives?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’m going to explain the REAL reason why we have such intense cravings for narcissists, as well as share with you what no one else is talking about – namely exactly how to heal beyond these cravings and get free and well, once and for all.

 

 

Video Transcript

Have you been treated horrifically by someone and yet can’t let go of them, no matter how much you are being damaged and destroyed by them?

Have you been anguished about WHY you just can’t get away and stay away, and can’t seem to stop yourself trying to fix things and be with this person?

You are not alone. Ex-heroin addicts have told me that it is harder to give up a narcissist than it is heroin.

In today’s episode, I’m going to explain to you why narcissists are so addictive, and why they get their hooks into you in all-consuming ways, as well as why it is so hard to let go of your cravings for them.

And, I’m also going to explain exactly how the Thriver Way to heal will get you up and out of this severe addiction, no matter how much it’s had its hold over you. And, I’m thrilled today to explain to you how the Thriver Way to heal is the true solution to getting away and completely free from narcissistic relationships, in ways that no one else is talking about.

Now… just before we take this deep dive, I want to remind you to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already and leave a Like if you enjoy this video.

Okay so to get started … today’s Thriver TV lesson contains stories that you may deeply relate to.

 

Being Invalidated and Abused

Joseph was brought up in a family with a narcissistic mother who continually shut down his opinions, voice, and dreams and guilted and bullied him into doing everything she believed he should do, namely cater exactly to her needs and wants.

When Joseph met Barbara, he felt an instant connection and desire for her. She seemed so lovely, beautiful and attentive towards him. Not long after their relationship started, Joseph discovered she was selfish and disinterested in his preferences, invalidated his opinions and belittled him in public.

Despite this hurting Joseph greatly he was convinced that he deeply loved her and wanted to marry her. He did this, and afterward, her controlling, nasty nature intensified.

 

Being Invisible and Dismissed

Then there was Angela whose father was always absent, and who showed her very little attention. Nothing she could ever do would make him spend time with her or lovingly connect to her. Angela’s entire childhood was spent trying to win love and approval from her father.

When Angela met Mike, she felt his interest in her and almost instantly started a relationship with him.

Not long after Mike was much less caring. In fact, he seemed to be losing interest and even pulling away. Yet Angela felt incredibly in love with him and hung on for any crumbs of love or attention that she could get.

 

Being Bonded to Our Wounds

Despite feeling incredible pain and anxiety, and even when Joseph and Angela’s friends and peers would view their relationships and wonder why on earth these two were putting up with the way they were being treated, Angela and Mike were mesmerised, making excuses and terribly hooked to their partners.

So much so that they couldn’t even begin to imagine having a relationship with anyone else, despite knowing how much anxiety and depression they continually felt.

As you are watching this video, I want you to check in with yourself now. Are you going through this too? Do you feel in love with, or as if you can’t disconnect from the person who is hurting you greatly? If so, pause this video, and please let me know in your comment below.

Okay, let’s investigate. What is REALLY going on here?

Why is this the usual plight of being in a relationship with a narcissist? Finding them completely irresistible despite their horrible behaviour, and when trying to leave them and stay away, finding the cravings to reconnect almost unbearable to not give in to.

There is ONLY one true answer for this … unfinished internal business.

And it has nothing to do with the narcissist. The narcissist is only the catalyst. It actually has everything to do with ourselves.

The unfinished business is our unhealed, underdeveloped wounds that create the continuation of our already existing traumas with the people we choose, who choose us, to continue playing these traumas out with.

Narcissists fit this bill exactly. They appear as being the bringer of the healing to our unresolved traumas. Yet as time goes on, we discover they are in fact the messenger of our wounds. They smash our unhealed parts so hard that what was once unconscious within us, that we were surviving in our life as our ‘normal’, becomes so front and centre and painful that it fully gets our attention.

With Joseph, his traumas generated from his childhood were, ‘I’m unimportant. To survive and minimise being damaged I must give the woman I love what she wants and vanish myself and my needs completely’.

Joseph’s Inner Love Code is set on this belief and superglued in place with a ton of emotional energy (trauma), which has cemented this belief in place.

As far as Joseph’s Inner Being is concerned, his chemical attraction to women will be exactly the match for that belief, and he will be as bonded, attached and addicted to such a woman as the ‘right fit’ for his Love Code, as any drug addict would with the drug that brings the reality of their self-destructive Inner Identity.

The painful choice and enmeshment with an abusive partner or a drug (or any substance or pastime that is self-destructive) is NOT the real issue. It is a symptom of something deeper.

If Joseph does somehow extricate himself from this relationship (generally only after horrid abuse), or if Barbara discards him, then his unhealed Inner Love Code will line him up again with another woman who represents the same belief.

Angela’s Inner Love Code of ‘the man I love abandons me, and I am unworthy of his love’ means that she is starving for love and attention, just as a parched woman in a desert is dying of thirst.

Naturally, as soon as she does receive attention, she is prone to attach frenetically, only to be bonded to a man who provides the same trauma that she experienced in her childhood. Again, her subconscious programming is extremely literal, it simply connects her to the people and conditions to re-create, over and over, the validity of her Inner Love Code to the letter.

Again, because Angela has a great deal of traumatic energy connected to this painful belief, it has a powerful life of its own within her Inner Identity.

 

The Craving For the Bringers of Our Wounds and How To Reverse It

The craving part that we all suffer with narcissists is this: Unconsciously we want a source of the same trauma to do it differently this time. And if we stay looking outwards, trying to lecture, prescribe, love enough, support, or use any method whatsoever to fix and change the person who is hurting us, we are hanging out in Wrong Town.

So, what is the answer to break the narcissist’s irresistible hold and our cravings for them?

There is only one answer, change our Inner Love Code.

How do we do this?

Firstly, let me assure you that you can’t do this logically.

Both Joseph and Angela may decide they deserve different treatment from their partners, yet no matter how much they THINK this, they will not have the inner resources to generate it.

The idea of who they need to be to deserve different treatment is not going to convert into real life anchored action because their feelings and thought processes are always going to default back to the inner subconscious programs, which some neuroscientists believe are controlling up to ninety-five percent of our entire life by the time we reach thirty years of age.

The brain follows the body! We can only ever think within the level of consciousness of our already existing trauma. Therefore, we make excuses, we suffer cognitive dissonance, and we keep finding all sorts of insane ways to keep handing our power away to abusers and enabling their abuse of us, whilst hoping they will change.

Our brain is always going to organise itself in a way that will agree with the validity and unfold more of the reality of our Inner Love Code.

Understanding this means we now know that the only change must happen within ourselves. The first step to achieving that is realising it’s the traumatic emotional energy connected with the belief that grants its life-force and power inside us.

Hence to change our subconscious beliefs, releasing the related trauma is the key! And this is why Quanta Freedom Healing, the healing component in NARP, was created to take us inwards to locate these traumas, load them up, release them and bring in Source, our super-conscious Higher Self to fill the space where the previous traumas were.

This creates a shift which heals what the logical mind has no ability to heal. This is exactly how I and so many other Thrivers in this Community have changed our Internal Love Codes.

 

The Shift From Trauma Bonding To Freedom From Abusers

Let’s examine Joseph’s Quantum Healing progress. Joseph came to NARP because he realised he was married to a narcissist and being terribly abused but felt powerless to stop loving her and let go.

Within two months of working NARP Modules, Joseph found his Inner Love Code original traumas and painful beliefs, released and reprogrammed them and started organically rising into his deservedness, power and boundaries. He stated what he would and wouldn’t tolerate any more to Barbara. True to narcissistic form she upped her ante and tried to smash him even harder.

Because Joseph was no longer stuck in his previous Inner Identity programs and had shifted to much more powerful self-honouring ones, his feelings of addiction and craving to her were completely gone. He now found her behaviour intolerable and unpalatable, and Joseph separated successfully from her with strong boundaries in place.

Now let’s check out what happened with Angela. She has been in therapy for years regarding her absent relationship with her father and her pattern of falling in love with unavailable men, yet felt powerless to let go of Mike. (It’s so important to understand that no matter what we learn logically, our Inner Being trapped in trauma remains set on a trajectory no matter what we think or even ‘learn’, hence why logical therapy is often completely ineffective for trauma recovery.)

After Mike went missing and made no contact with Angela for a week, and she suspected he was a pathological lying narcissist seeing other women, she joined up and started healing with NARP.

When Angela tracked the trauma she was feeling over Mike, back into her subconscious programs (which NARP teaches you how to do) she was able to find, release and reprogram her Inner Love Code. Not long after that she easily rejected Mike when he tried to hoover her back in.

Feelings of love and longing had shifted to feelings of repulsion. Because of her dedicated inner work with NARP, Angela was free of any attraction to Mike and KNEW deep in her Being that she deserved real commitment and devotion from a man, which he clearly couldn’t grant her.

Seven months later after easily and solidly rejecting some unavailable men whilst dating (which was her ‘graduation’ in REAL time), Angela met Gary who she is now married to. He is devoted, committed, and her Inner Identity easily accepts his love because this is a match for her Inner Love Code now.

Previously Angela could simply NOT have been matched up with a man like this. Her subconscious programs would never have permitted it.

Does this make sense? Is the penny dropping? I can assure you the acceleration in people’s healing, and recovery to Thriver status starts to happen incredibly when they get this, what I’ve shared with you today, and start working on their Inner Love Code with NARP to heal it.

To find out more about this, I’d love to invite you over to connect to my Thriver Community with my free 16-day course, which includes a free Quanta Freedom Healing with me, where you can start releasing the cravings and regain your life immediately. To get started, click the link this link.

And, if you liked this video, click the Like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share with your communities, so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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Protecting Your Children From The Narcissist’s Damage

Protecting Your Children From The Narcissist’s Damage

 

I’m always SUPER PASSIONATE about this topic.

The reason being is because I SO want our children to heal, and for our world to shift out of narcissistic abuse patterns.

I nearly lost my own son due to my and his trauma from narcissistic abuse, so I deeply know the loss, trauma and suffering so many parents have been through or are going through.

There is nothing more devastating than watching our children be abused, neglected or manipulated and feeling POWERLESS to stop it. And, when reaching out to authorities for their help discovering, to our dismay and disbelief, that they often turn away and even further abuse us and our children.

What can we do?

Is there anything that does work in this heartbreaking and devastating situation?

Truly, there is.

Myself, and so many others, in this community, have turned around the most HOPELESSS situations you could imagine regarding what is happening to our children.

This Thriver TV episode is for you and every parent suffering the unspeakable trauma of trying to help your children who are suffering narcissistic abuse.

 

 

Video Transcript

This topic today is very serious. If you are a parent dealing with your child being hurt by a narcissist, I really want you to watch this.

Our children are precious to us, they are innocent and defenceless, and it is up to us to protect them as much as we can.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to share with you why what we instinctively do to try to help our children doesn’t work with narcissists, and how to turn this around so that we can truly help our children.

And I promise you this, after going through terrible events with my own son suffering as well as helping countless adults with their children over the last ten plus years, that what I am sharing with you today works and it’s not reliant on the narcissist changing or even other people helping you.

You alone can set in motion what is necessary to protect and help your children.

Okay … so before we dive deep into the meat of today’s episode, make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

 

What Not To Do As A Parent

I’m going to be really straight with you, and I know that this can be so hard to hear – but I want to do everything I can to help you and your children because I am so passionate about this topic.

Our children are our future, and if we want narcissistic abuse to stop, the buck must stop here, so that this terrible scourge of abuse / abused it is not passed down through the generations.

Of course, there is no greater trauma than watching our children suffer at the hands of another. I’ve been through it too, I know how agonising it is to feel completely powerless to stop your child being hurt. And, what usually happens to every parent going through this is, no matter how hard you try to help your child, or get them to see reason, or get systems and authorities to help, that just doesn’t happen.

This is WHY we have to work with this ANOTHER way, a way that works. A Quantum Way, where we enlist the indisputable Laws of Life that are as absolute as gravity.

I want you to know that when you do this, you aren’t powerless.

But let’s first look at the ways we have been trying to help our children, ways that only make matters worse. These were all the things I used to do too.

The first huge issue is being in JUDGEMENT of what is happening. And I know you may already be jumping up and down and wanting to throttle me, for me telling you this being in judgement to the horrible situation your children are going through with a narcissist is ‘wrong’.

I’m not saying it is ‘wrong’ I totally understand why you would see it is ‘wrong’. I personally don’t give a damn about what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, I’m much more focused on what is going to be effective. What I am saying is you judging this as wrong is NOT going to help your child in any shape or form, which of course isn’t the result you want to produce.

Let me explain why ‘judgement ‘doesn’t work.

A powerful Quantum Law is this:

Whatever you are in judgement about you deeply cement further in your experience.

And …

Whatever you are in acceptance of and start working WITH to transform healthily, means you can change it.

As well as, if you try to change anyone outside of you to make your emotions feel better it won’t work (including things with your children). And of course, this is the same with the narcissist when we have tried to stop them doing what they are doing to our children.

It has certainly been my personal experience that when I tried to lecture and prescribe to my child, and control what he was or wasn’t doing, that he would only push back and do it more. It was the same with the narcissist. Can you as a parent relate? If so, I’d love to hear from you about this in the comments below!

In Quantum Truth you have to shift YOUR feelings first and then everything can shift. You are in a position to be able to influence that person and situation to meet you where you already are at.

This was my 100% proof of the truth of this (and I’ve seen the same happen for many parents with their children), when I let go of damning my son’s state because of the narcissistic abuse and damage he and I had gone through, and instead accepted that his and my soul journey was perfect for his and my healing and evolution, everything shifted.

And then I got down to the business of deeply devoting and applying myself to my own inner healing to lead the way.

It was then that I stopped being distraught, lecturing, prescribing and controlling, which of course had been coming from my own inner place of brokenness and helplessness. Instead, I started to show up for myself and my son seeing and believing deep within my soul that his innate inner wisdom could and would do the same. I recognised that his journey was unfolding perfectly for him, and my greatest duty was to be as healthy as I could and lead the way.

With this orientation my son, Zac very quickly emerged from a hopeless situation of trauma fuelled addiction to awakening into his power. Not from a place of my ‘doingness’ but in response to my ‘beingness’.

 

What We Must Let Go of ‘Doing’ Whilst Trying To Help Our Children

  • Holding them responsible for our emotions
  • Requiring our children to be a certain way for us to be healthy
  • Carrying guilt and shame regarding what has happened to our children
  • Fixating on and obsessing about what is happening to them
  • Trying to fix, lecture and prescribe to them
  • Blaming and shaming our children or others in front of them
  • Telling them about ours and their victimisation and how bad other people are.

All of the above only causes more of the pain and trauma that we and our children are stuck in. It increases victimisation, which then means more victimisation happen. So within, so without.

 

What We Need To Do To Help Our Children

I go into great detail in Chapter 18 in my book You Can Thrive after Narcissistic Abuse about my journey with Zac as well as the shift from Unconscious to Conscious Parenting. And I promise you this doesn’t just happen for older children, it can for younger ones too. The truth is at ANY age, where our energy goes is where our children’s energy goes too.

It is vital that we focus determinedly on our own healing so that we can be the safe, solid, wise and calm parent who is there for our children.

I love the aeroplane metaphor – about how we are told if the aeroplane loses oxygen to always put your oxygen mask on first before assisting anyone else.

This is the worst mistake I see parents commonly make (and I made it too) they are trying to help their own children heal and get empowered when they are failing to take responsibility to lead by example. They are not first and foremost healing themselves. This is as dangerous for our children as it is someone trying to save another person when they themselves are suffocating and distressed.

If we are devastated about what is happening to our child at the hand of a narcissist and we see and feel it like this, then this is exactly what will continue as the experience we experience from our children in our experience. It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

However, if we have enough of our own healing underway, we are into a place of calm, power, and solidness that is much less distressing and destabilising than our previous victimhood. When we are sane and safe with enough oxygen (consciousness) then we are in a position to help our children for real.

There is also the very real phenomenon of Quantum Entanglement meaning that where our energy goes our children’s does as well, often there is nothing we must do for them to get well, as we do ourselves, they organically do as well.

And this has nothing to do with what the narcissist is or isn’t doing. What it means is even if our children are very young, they have the ability to navigate, be themselves, not be exploited by the narcissist as they were previously, and as they get older they are able to anchor into their own authenticity and true identity without the narcissist being able to derail them. No longer are they being personally poisoned by a False Self, they become a True Self, empowered, impervious to abuse and incredibly evolved, capable and flourishing.

I wrote about Beatrice, a highly dedicated Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program member, and her young son who she shares custody with a narcissist with, in my book on Page 228.

This is what she said:

“Two years ago I was a wreck; I had severe insomnia if I did sleep. At the time my son was given the labels of having ADHD, anxiety, depressive symptoms and much more. He was only twelve months old. Now he no longer has these ‘labels’, which were due to him being triggered terribly by trauma., and I can proudly say that at thirty-nine years of age, I’ve never been in better shape physically, mentally and emotionally myself.

Today’s my son’s brilliance is staggering; his comprehension of the entire situation boggles my mind., and his ability to discern situations and ‘vote with his feet’ has become so obvious that I have little concern for him navigating the world or with the narcissist … and he’s not yet four! As I have emerged, my child has show strength and fortitude well beyond his years. He is thoughtful and highly empathetic, he is quick to express his emotions and he is able to express that emotions are just sensations in his body – and he’s rather let them out! He has many wonderful ways in which he does this. After me doing the work on him by proxy, he organically and intuitively started following my lead! I am awed by him and he just gets brighter and brighter and more and more gorgeous!”

I really hope Beatrice’s story helps give you hope because we receive these messages of breakthroughs for parents and their children most days in the NARP Community.

Let’s now look at what happens for us and our children when we make the shift to lead the way:

  • We accept and bless the growth lessons our children go through and support them with love and space, rather than judgement and control.
  • We model for our children honesty, humility, authenticity, and vulnerability.
  • We show our children by example how to anchor into and create a relationship with their inner selves.
  • We teach our children detachment from unhealthy others without judgement, no longer handing our power away by making them responsible for ourselves.
  • By example, we teach our children that their inner state and power doesn’t depend on what other people are or aren’t doing.

Additionally, we:

  • Grant trust and space to see and feel that our children have the inner wisdom and resources (and they do!) to find their way, and …
  • We help them develop and grow into solid, whole actualised beings, beyond neediness, even for us!

Truly we cannot take anyone where we have not gone ourselves. Are you really starting to understand this now?

Gosh, I hope so because our and our children’s wellbeing, as well as their future generations, to evolve beyond abuse abused trauma patterns so depends on this!

 

Helping Your Children In Every Narcissistic Situation

Please know your empowerment and leading the way helps for every situation your child may be facing regarding narcissistic abuse – such as a narcissistic friend, narcissistic boss or a narcissistic spouse.

The formula is the same, heal yourself and how you feel about it and then you will find your child starts becoming what you now feel about them, coming into their true power, and/or will seek you for advice regarding their situation, where through your own empowerment you know how to guide them.

Your child doesn’t have to live with you for this to happen, truly.

Also please know this formula has also proved to be incredibly effective for parents who have been alienated from their children, in reaching peace and then being reunited through often the most miraculous of circumstances.

 

Okay, so, I can’t wait to continue this discussion and answer your questions regarding this, because as I said this is a topic very dear to my heart. I’m deeply committed to helping us lead the way for our children and changing our world.

If you are ready to take a stand for you and your children, I want to invite you to come over to my 16 Day free course, where you start healing you and your children and become the generative force leading the way.

You can get this started by clicking this link.

Okay so if you liked this video, click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos subscribe and so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share with other parents this video, so that they can help their children for real too.

 

 

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Narcissists And Sex

Narcissists And Sex

 

Why is it that sex with a narcissist can be soooo unfulfilling?

Why is it that after such sex you could feel completely empty, dissatisfied and used?

In this Thriver TV episode I cover this off intimately …

I also want to share with you exactly what HEALTHY soul communion sex really is, and why it is sooo different to disconnected NARCISSISTIC sex.

Let’s get personal and truthful about all of this together.

After all, we are adults.

 

 

Video Transcript

Some time ago I wrote an article regarding narcissists and sex called 50 Shades of the Narcissist.

This described the intense hooking and addiction that occur with narcissists sexually, but it wasn’t the full story.

Sex can seem to be great with a narcissist when we are not self-partnered with ourselves, and my first article on sex with a narcissist was about that illusion and what we could heal to awaken from that trance. However, in this Thriver TV episode, I want to talk about how, when we are aligned enough to desire sexual soul communion, that we can identify the difference between narcissistic and healthy sex.

 

What Does Sex Mean To A Narcissist?

We know with narcissists that their greatest driver is to get narcissistic supply – meaning the energy, attention or acclaim that can momentarily grant them enough significance to escape themselves.

What this means is the narcissist’s addiction to narcissistic supply is no different to any other junkie, ‘grant me a self-medication that takes me away for a time beyond my screaming unmet unhealed inner emotional wounds.’

Sex is a very powerful way for a narcissist to do this, because that grants the ability to obtain energy, life force and copious amounts of attention from another.

 

Can We Truly Be Naked?

And here is the thing that many spiritual teachers have talked about, anyone can get naked with each other, but can they REALLY share their inner being? Can they be open, transparent and merge with another at the most divine and true level of love and connection?

Many people may say they would love that experience, yet it may not have happened for them yet. Many people may want that experience, yet are terrified of being so open and vulnerable, to partake in it. Narcissists, however, cannot comprehend, let alone meet another at this level, because sexual soul Oneness is never what a narcissist wants, or is even capable of.

To them, this equals a dissolving of their personality and thus themselves into oblivion. Other people in their life, including sexually, are merely there as objects to feed the narcissist’s internal master, the False Self, which cannot generate divinity on its own, let alone share it.

 

The Quality Of Sex We Are Having

How do we know when we are connected to someone who is sexually a devourer of life-force rather than a co-generator of divinity?

The answer is simple, our soul feels empty afterward. Regardless of whether we had an orgasm or not, something feels missing, incomplete or even ‘wrong’.

We may not want to think we were used to feed this person’s ego, without any care for our heart and soul, because this isn’t what we thought we were signing up for. But this is why we are left feeling this way.

And here is where we can get very real with ourselves regarding the quality of sex that we desire and what we are really aligning with. If we start relationships from a position of lust, without getting to know someone’s character and values and creating a platform of healthy connection with them prior to sex, then (especially if we have unhealed childhood and relationship wounds) we could be very prone to getting into a sexual relationship with a narcissist.

In a heterosexual sense, a female narcissist may be passionately performing so that she ensures your wallet will cater to her superficial egoic needs. Or maybe she’s using you to punish another lover who isn’t granting her everything she wants.

If your lover is a narcissistic male, he could be using you as a fling or someone to punish the current or ex-lover with. Or maybe he has decided how you look and what you offer fulfils his ego enough to want you as his current relationship partner.

Of course, gay narcissistic lover agendas can contain all of this, and more, as all versions of narcissism can.

You need to be very aware of who you are connecting with because the truth is narcissistic people are rarely NOT in sexual relationships. They frenetically seek them as if their life depends on it because emotionally it often does. Most narcissists desperately need an ‘intimate partner’ for regular narcissistic supply and feel dead on the inside if they are not in a relationship. Narcissists do not have their own real identity, they must always be feeding off someone else’s.

Therefore, if a relationship is struggling, they will start searching for new sources of narcissistic supply on the side. If a relationship ends, they are out dating again by the time you have boiled an egg, regardless of their professions of love.

Even in a ‘committed’ relationship, their extra curriculum is usually affairs and porn. It’s just how narcissists roll.

A narcissist may call sex with whoever it is at the time as ‘making love’ but how it feels to the other person will be the true authority.

Let’s look at the difference between narcissistic sex and true sexual soul communion.

 

Narcissistic Sex

• ‘Compliments’ you with fantasies and objectifications about you, rather than relating to you as a person.

• Sexual initiation is approached in emotionally disconnected and ‘entitled’ ways, such as grabbing your genitals or shoving one’s tongue down your throat.

• May manipulate you into sexual acts with them against your will, such as take your hand and put it on their genitals.

• Sexual communication includes objectifying your body parts, not necessarily sexual, leaving you feeling reduced to ‘a thing’ rather than a valued human. Other comments are made during sex that feel ‘weird’ ‘perverted’ and ‘off’.

• Due to porn addictions and getting stimulated from non-connected sex, a male narcissist may not be able to sustain an erection without chemical help such as Viagra.

• Due to getting stimulated from non-connected sex, a female narcissist may not be able to sustain arousal without play-acting, talking dirty or other auto-erotic stimulation.

• The sexual act itself lacks lovingness, finesse, connectedness and tenderness.

• You are used as an object for the narcissist to masturbate with.

• Narcissists speed up to gain friction to orgasm, rather than feeling conjoined and connected to climax.

• A disconnect is felt after the sexual act, and you feel empty, non-cherished and even used and violated.

Please know in no shape or form am I a prude or have any judgement whatsoever about who with or how you have sex. Also, sex in a soul connected ways does not always have to be just slow and tender! However, it really is my belief that if we desire a true soul and sexual communion that there is a need to give up lustful sexual connections for the sake of them. If you desired a healthy body and mind would you have junk as your food of choice?

If we start having sex with people believing we are having a relationship with someone who doesn’t have the same values, who isn’t really a nice person, and who we would never dream of choosing as a close personal friend, then why on earth would we think we could have happy, healthy, sacred love-making with them?

The truth is we can’t.

Now let’s look at healthy soul love-making.

 

Healthy Love-Making

• Compliments are made by addressing you as a person, like “Babe, honey, (Your name) you look fantastic/lovely/beautiful.”

• Sexual initiation is approached in emotionally connected and loving ways. Such as a genuine hug, a tender rubbing of your back or a sensual or passionate kiss.

• Includes tenderness and gentleness with a genuine intention to please and meet a partner where they wish to be sexually met.

• Your soul and body are cherished during the love-making process.

• Comments during sex are made that feel loving, connected and healthy. They heighten feelings of sexual and soul communion.

• Sexual arousal can be maintained in slow, sensual love-making as well as faster intercourse.

• Orgasm is reached through deep soul communion. Connection intensifies before and during the climax.

• The cuddling and conversation after love-making contain feelings of bliss and connection, and you feel satisfied, glowing, safe and cherished.

 

How Do We Choose Sexual Partners Healthily?

Love-making at this level is only possible when we are whole and healthy enough to take our time with people to get to know them first. Then we can know that we are connecting with someone else who is whole and healthy enough to have healthy love and love-making with.

Narcissists are empty, needy and disordered. They simply do not have this capacity. You are merely an object for them to get off with.

Be very aware that past behaviour, as well as these following sexual signs, are very real red flags.

Does this person have a past of adultery, porn addiction, and lying to exes about other sexual partners? Have they treated past people as sexual objects for their own gratification, even knowingly at other people’s expense without conscience?

If this person admits to this behaviour, it doesn’t mean they are reformed. If they say they will stop or have stopped that behaviour, you will generally be shocked to find out in the future that they can’t and won’t.

In order to align with true love and sex that will nourish and flourish your soul instead of tear it down, I strongly suggest leaving sex out of it initially. Date and court each other as friends and potential lovers and take your time.

And, ask yourself these questions before becoming sexually involved with someone:

• Is this a person who I share aligned values with?

• Is this someone who I would love to have as a best friend?

• Is this someone who I believe is a beautiful, true and good person?

• Can I see myself, plus my family and friends, spending wonderful time with this person?

• Is this a person who adds to my spirit or drains it?

• Do I look up to and respect this individual?

How will you know until you take your time to find out? The truth is you can’t … Real sexual connection depends on soul connection first, truly, and this is why we should never compromise it.

I hope this really helps and if you want to get solid and real enough to connect with your healthy true and divine lover, I’d love to help you heal beyond narcissistic love and sex. And the first step is by signing up for my free 16-day course.

I really look forward to answering your comments and questions about this VERY candid topic!

 

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How I Exposed The Narcissist’s Smear Campaigns

How I Exposed The Narcissist’s Smear Campaigns

 

Smear campaigns are some of the most horrible things that narcissists do.

The extent of the means, methods and lengths that narcissists will go to, to lie about and turn people against you is chilling.

I know that it’s very likely that you – like me – know how devastating it is to have the people who used to support you to turn against you.

And the more you try to expose the truth, the more people don’t believe you.

When this happened to me … having family, friends and colleagues and even my son side with the narcissist, I was so traumatised I thought I was going to die. I had no idea how I was ever going to win my life and key people back.

But I did …

And that’ is what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about – how I was able to finally beat the narcissist’s smear campaign and emerge not only exonerated but renewed and forever freed from the fear of being smeared again.

If you have been smeared and taken down and apart by a narcissist’s lies, then the truths in this video will be invaluable for you too.

 

Video Transcript

One thing you need to know about narcissists is that they smear you virtually in every case.

Why? Because it is unthinkable to the narcissist to take responsibility for their poor behaviour, self-reflect and do something about it.

The False Self is beyond reproach; therefore, it must be someone else’s fault, and if you have been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, according to them, it’s yours.

Why Narcissist’s use Smear Campaigns

How a narcissist appears to other people is ‘everything’. When there is no True Self available to know self and feel whole within the self, all supply is required from others. Therefore, it is unthinkable to the narcissist to be exposed for being pathological, defective and ‘wrong’. If people were to disown the narcissist and turn away in droves, this means the narcissist can no longer extract narcissistic supply (attention and acclaim) or ‘stuff’ from these people.

In a black and white world of ‘dog eat dog’ which the narcissist’s ego is firmly entrenched in, this means that for he or she to be ‘right’, someone else must be ‘wrong’. The narcissist also believes that the best defense to their potential exposure is to crucify you publicly first.

This happened to me with narcissist number 1 horrifically, as I know it has happened to so many of you.

 

My Smearing Experience

This is what today’s Thriver TV Episode is all about … my personal story of how I got caught up so terribly in the smearing, how I fed it and got even more lined up and then how eventually I found the exact keys to break free from him smearing and reverse its effects.

The problems in my narcissistic marriage were numerous, with the most obvious being his intense jealousy and possessiveness. According to the ex-narcissist, I was constantly on the lookout for an affair, probably having one and was never to be trusted.

Those of you who have also experienced this, know how devastating it is to have ‘eyes for one person’ and nothing you can do will ever make them feel secure. His extreme jealousy and control were pathological, malicious and dangerous and it was breaking me. Yet so many people never saw the insane and violent outbursts behind closed doors. To them, he was charming, intelligent and lovely.

What people also saw was my steady disintegration, I was losing my mind, and it showed. One night I overheard him on the phone talking to a family member about my irrational behaviour and how I had terrible psychological issues. I also found out that he told one of his workmates that I was ridiculously possessive and controlling of him.

When I would confront him, he told me I had heard things wrongly, that’s not what he said at all, which of course made me feel like I was losing my mind even more. At this point of the game, I had no idea that people can make up stories about other people in such convincing ways.

And little did I know that, because he was a narcissist, he believed his own lies! As the marriage fell apart more and I was trying to get away from his emotional, mental and physical violence, I started to realise that he was dismantling my support structures.

My parents were seriously questioning my fidelity, and even my son started to side with the narcissist. Friends, including a previous best friend, colleagues and even my accountant, who had been a lifelong family friend were all deserting me and siding with the narcissist.

 

Why Narcissists Are So Believable

And this is the thing, narcissists have no conscience and boundaries. They are capable of saying literally ‘anything’ to people to get them on-side. This is what normal adults think when hearing the narcissists lies, ‘Someone who looks me in the eye and tells me this terrible information, wouldn’t make up something like this. It must be true!” And narcissists are so convincing when they do it, they know how to manipulate people and have them eating of their hands (which the ex-narcissist used to tell me how skilled he was at doing). And he was, like many narcissists.

Narcissists, unlike triggered victims, who don’t get people’s belief and support, know how to be calm, cool and collected and present a story that ‘seems’ balanced and ‘non-judgemental’. It would go something like this, “I am so worried about my wife. She is manically depressed and angry, and I’m trying to help her and suggest she gets help. Last week I discovered information on her computer about an affair she has been having. I’ve confronted her about it, and she went crazy and attacked me. I’m trying to work through this with her and I don’t know what to do.” (With of course the appropriate accompanying look of concern, care and helplessness.)

Of course, people believe this! Even people who have known you for a long time. They see how depressed, angry and fragmented you are whilst the narcissist appears cool, calm and concerned.

I love what a dear friend of mine, who works in Domestic Violence told me recently, that police are starting to be educated regarding sociopaths when they are on domestic callouts. A partner, who alleges that his partner has lost her plot and started acting crazy is NOT going to be cool, calm and collected. He will be beside himself… truly.

Yet, when smeared by a narcissist what happens is the calm person is believed and the person hugely triggered by injustice and trauma and not being believed by people, comes across crazier and crazier and has people turn away and against them.

 

Why Fighting Back Didn’t Work

That’s what happened to me, the sicker I got, the more I was smeared, and the more I was smeared, the more I lost the plot trying to prove my innocence to people who were siding with the narcissist. My entire life and support structures were all crumbling around me including certain people who I thought would never desert me. They did.

I hadn’t realised Quantum Law at this stage, the energetic truth of so within, so without.

Rather, I was enmeshed heavily in the deep, terrible trauma of the terror of what people thought of me. The injustice of lies, the narcissist’s lack of accountability, the unfairness of it all and the horrific lack of support from my people.

If we were to rate the level of my trauma about these things, it was intense. Much more like 100/10 rather than just a 10 on the scale.

How could Life be so unfair and cruel after what I had suffered? As a victim, I didn’t realise that Life was always only poised to grant me more of my Beingness, which I had firmly made about ‘what was goes on outside of me’. In ‘reaction’ to that, my Beingness was emotionally vibrating very loudly with trauma, injustice and victimhood.

Life/Source/God then granted me more of that as it always does. That’s how much it loves and responds to us, unconditionally without any judgement at all.

 

How I Defeated The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign

I believe I was truly blessed by the narcissist’s smear campaigns, for this following reason: I lost everything and everyone, and there was only one place left to turn, inwards to myself.

Before this time in my life, I had always been positioned in life as a co-dependent. My feelings and states relied on what other people and situations were doing in my life, because I hadn’t yet discovered how to create my own feelings, states and realities despite what other people are or aren’t doing.

When I did turn inside to heal, because there was nothing and no one left on the outside and nowhere else to turn, a miraculous thing happened. In my epiphany on my bathroom floor, I realised that all of this ‘stuff’ hadn’t been happening ‘to’ me it had been happening ‘for’ me.

The narcissist being a catalyst, a soul contract in my life to bring forth the painful and vital evidence regarding how I had not been whole within myself.

When I started healing the terrible traumas (100/10 in intensity) regarding smearing with Inner Identity Quantum Tools (Quanta Freedom Healing) what I discovered was what gets triggered off with most of us when smeared – ancient, past life, epigenetic and very young survival programs about the terror of ‘being wrong’.

Shocking fears of being persecuted, punished, cast out and even executed for being judged as ‘bad’ ‘wrong’ or ‘defective’. Literal terrorising survival programs that were so powerfully activated within me, that it felt like if I didn’t change other people’s ideas about me that I would surely die.

And I realised how these deep primal terrors had limited me so much from expanding and going for my life. They had caused me to people please, hand power away, not rock the boat, and they had never allowed me to be fully myself.

When I healed these fears deep inside me, what I discovered is that I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me. I no longer felt like I was going to be court marshalled, executed or abandoned by people and Life if they didn’t like me. I started to feel whole, alive and safe even though there were so many of my support structures, contacts and connections that were probably gone forever.

It didn’t matter now, because I had firmly come back home to myself.

I discovered, going forward that I was able to start speaking up, confronting things, being myself and there was no longer the angst around people judging me or believing I might be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’.  I realised how much this had haunted me my entire life.

And, here is the BIG thing, if it hadn’t been for the narcissist bringing me to my knees regarding my terrors of what people thought about me thus bringing up my persecution programs, I would never have healed this which already existed within me.

This is the miracle that happened after this – people started turning their back on the narcissist and coming back to me in droves. My key people saw the truth. He screwed up with them, and the police caught him out! He became exposed.

The justice I wanted came, not because of anything I did, but because of my Beingness! So within, so without. When I validated and came home to knowing, believing and loving and accepting myself despite all outer conditions and regardless of what people thought about me, the outer conditions had to shift to match this! It’s Quantum indisputable Law.

 

The Quantum Way to Expose A Narcissist

I hope my personal story inspires you to know that Life can only grant you more of your Beingness. No amount of doingness from a shattered Beingness will grant you the shift you want. There is only one place to tend to regarding narcissistic smearing, inside you. To heal everything that is being triggered and terrorised by the behaviour.

Then you will discover what I did, that when you no longer require anyone else to believe you, support you or know who you are because you have shored all of that up within yourself, that is precisely when they do.

We never get what is missing, we only ever get more of Who We Are.

Additionally, you also get to evolve beyond a previous limiting belief and inner program that was stunting you in your life, in more ways that you can imagine.

Narcissists are a mega push towards our evolution, they force us to do it, and smearing is one of the ways they do.

If something inside you knows what I am saying is the way home and out of this, then let me show you the Quantum Way to heal from narcissistic abuse, the way that works. This is the way that so many people report every day on my numerous channels and in gratitude emails to our support team, and I know once you get started you can be on your way to relief, power and breakthrough too.

To get this started you can sign up to my free 16-day Course which has so many other free empowering resources for you as well.

You can sign up for immediate access by clicking here.

It could save their life emotionally and literally.

And I look forward to conjoining with you to have a conversation about your smearing experiences and any questions you may have.

 

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The 5 Types Of Narcissists To Look Out For When Dating

The 5 Types Of Narcissists To Look Out For When Dating

 

It’s very likely you know what it feels like to meet someone who you thought was kind, charming intelligent and attractive … who turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

The whole experience and aftermath of having your life and soul terrorised by a narcissist can be so shocking, many people understandably, may never even want to attempt dating again.

It can feel terrifying!

I understand … I truly know what this is like. My previous self felt so unsafe whilst dating after narcissistic abuse.

However, after helping people recover from narcissistic abuse for the past 10 plus years, as well as committing to overcoming my own fears around dating, I was able to decipher and recognise the 5 main types of narcissistic dating approaches and know how to safeguard myself against them.

In this important episode, I share with you the 5 warning signs, which I believe can assist you to detect narcissists early on, to save yourself from the soul devastation that they bring.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today is going to be a bit of a fun day on Thriver TV … because I want to talk to you about the 5 types of narcissists that you may meet whilst dating.

These are fun if you can realise them and not much fun if you miss them!

These are things that I realised, as a result of being involved in helping others detangle and heal from narcissists over the last 10 plus years, and also as a result of my own dating experiences.

I know there are many of you out there who are very opposed to dating – the thought of it might even horrify you. Maybe you believe that your beloved should just turn up, because you don’t want to have to go through the time wasting and rubbish that goes with dating.

I disagree, and when I have been single, I have thoroughly loved dating. I find it wonderful to meet people and see where I am at with my inner programs whilst doing so.

Plus, people are awesome, and it’s wonderful to have intellectual and stimulating conversations and even end up with friends and contacts as well as of course having the goal of a love partner.

This was a far cry from my previous self. When I was filled with trauma, I was terrified whilst dating about who I could or couldn’t trust – and men triggering my fears and wounds. Now, because I don’t have those fears and wounds and because I fully trust myself to show up,  I have a ball when I date!

Even though I’m sharing 5 warning signs with you today, I really want you to know that there is absolutely no substitute for doing the inner work – period.

If we still have trauma regarding abusers and painful ex-partners that we are not emotionally reconciled over (meaning haven’t received and actualised the healing gift for ourselves that they presented us with), we can be in for a very hard time.

Going through breakups is not the same as growing through them.

If we haven’t done the work since a breakup, then we are likely to continually have disappointing and even abusive experiences with potential people, or we will not meet anyone at all that we are attracted enough to, to even consider a relationship with.

For this reason, I can’t recommend having a healing hiatus enough, known as a ‘relationship fast’, to take the time to heal and establish the most important relationship you can ever have – the one with yourself.

In my opinion, this is when you are ready to date again.

When you:

  • Are no longer traumatised by past partner(s).
  • Are feeling fulfilled, happy and content in your own skin.
  • Have purpose and a life that fulfils you.
  • No longer feel needy and lonely.
  • Are ready to share a life with someone, instead of trying to find someone to get a life.

Okay if this is you – and many of your NARP members have got to this stage of your personal love journey, known as ‘mating your own soul’ first – this is what I believe are 5 signs of a narcissist that will be very apparent early in the dating process.

And this is helpful, because narcissists can be covert and charming and get through our cracks. If one does infiltrate, it’s because they are seeking to hook you in for their own agenda, regardless of whether they are after a one-night stand or a long term relationship with you.

Let’s check the 5 main types out!

 

The Powerbroker

This narcissist is extremely overt. He or she will wear arrogance like a badge. This extremely overt narcissist suffers from a total lack of filter and appears not to care. They are easy to spot – yet people can get taken in by them regardless.

Think of the wealthy and successful or extremely ‘hot’ looking person, who uses success and/or their appearance to get what they want, including hooking people in.

What you will discover is this person barely listens to you, and really is not at all interested in what you have to say. They will interrupt constantly and spin the conversation back to themselves. This person has a delusional view of themselves that there is no one better than them – which of course is the fictitious character that they have created in their heads about themselves.

The ego understandably is massive. Therefore, this person is going to crack quite easily if they don’t receive the preferential treatment, they believe they deserve. He or she could be rude to the waiter – for example.

If we get sucked in by this type of narcissist it means that we are ticking boxes in our head, and not concerned about someone’s character or human aspects such as compassion, kindness and decency.

Of course, a relationship with someone like this is going to be horribly disappointing and unfulfilling.

 

The Grandstander

One step away from the overt Powerbroking Narcissist is The Grandstander. He or she is someone who pretends to listen attentively, but you will notice that they are only listening to get some information to spin it back to being about them or someone they know.

This person is a bore, who doesn’t ask any further questions about you and is not interested in your life or who you are as a person. Again, you are only going to be an object to feed their ego and will be involved in a very unfulfilling one-sided relationship with someone who is this self-absorbed.

This is not a person you will share a deep connection of soul mutuality with, or real love. This person will also be highly entitled and lack empathy drastically.

 

The Factfinder

Here we have a more covert and higher-functioning narcissist, and one who is harder to detect.

This narcissist seems totally interested in your life and will ask questions, as well as additional questions, whilst listening attentively. The purpose of this is to cunningly find out information about you. This person may also grant you compliments and mimic your body language to get you to trust them.

This narcissist is looking for an ‘in’, something about you that has hurt you in the past and then appear to be the person who can fulfil this ‘gap’ for you. For example, you might tell them how partners in the past have cheated on you.

This narcissist then knows, if they tell you convincingly that monogamy is a big value for them, they may have you hooked.

It’s vital when meeting people dating to be an empowered person and come across as a healthy adult looking for a partner, rather than a wounded child in an adult’s body subconsciously seeking a parent – because this is a huge green light for narcissists to swoop in and claim you as their next supply.

Take note that this is one of the most sneaky weapons, highly malignant narcissists use, and unless you are powerful, solid and whole in your own body – then you may act like a person is a desert who just found their oasis and dive straight on in.

Of course … not realising that you have just entered treacherous waters.

It’s so interesting when you have a date with a narcissist and watch them try to be The Factfinder, and they get stumped, confused and highly put off when they can’t find a weakness within you.

They know they can’t hook you and the date ends with you saying, ‘No I’m not interested in another date’, leaving and punching the air with excitement because you are so empowered that you didn’t get sucked in.

 

The Lovebomber

If we are needy, empty and hungry for love we may be highly susceptible to this idealistic, fantasy lover who is a match made in hell, not heaven.

This is the intensely charming type of narcissist. This narcissist comes on hard and heavy with proclamations of undying love. He or she will tell people they had a dream about them being their soul mate, or was told by a psychic, or by God that the love of their life would look like you, etc.

Why would a narcissist do this – because they are desperate. They are very low on narcissistic supply and need to move things along very quickly. If they find a target empty enough to eat that malarkey up – they can quickly get supply.

Please know romantic books, fairy tales and movies have not done us many favours. Yes, we all know of the healthy ‘love at first sight’, quick hook up stories – occasionally they do exist. But if you are in this community watching this video it is because you have serious abuse programs and patterns to heal and have suffered painfully in relationships.

Therefore, you would be as safe as getting into a relationship like this as you would jumping off a cliff. We all need to grow up, be adults and realise that healthy people don’t do instant relationships and love-bombing. They take their time to get to know people – they ascertain people’s character, values and life before letting them into their hearts, homes, bodies and souls.

If someone acts like this with you – then truly they are not healthy – and neither are you if you accept this version of fickle, manipulative love.

 

The Boundary Pusher

When you start dating someone you must retain your boundaries. If you have your own identity and life this wouldn’t be hard to do, because this is already your life. You won’t just drop everything to be with them – and nor should you.

This is vital in your defence against narcissists because most of them will not tolerate you having your own life, pastimes and interests – it has to be all about them.

If someone tries to pull you away from your necessary life, and guilt or schmooze you into spending more time with them – or appears needy when you want time alone or away – this is not a healthy adult that you wish to have a relationship with.

Emotionally solid adults want to support their partner’s interests and allow them and encourage them. If anyone is not being this person, do not consider a relationship with them.

If you do, your boundaries will be eroded, and you are potentially entering a highly abusive and controlling relationship.

 

How To Empower Yourself

Be very aware, these five ways a narcissist can present, can be the same narcissist with different people. Narcissists read you, they are chameleons who will be whatever they need to be to get narcissistic supply.

Therefore, I hope that you understand how your fullness, self-love and respect and boundaries are everything. This is about your inner healing and development.

Because if you haven’t done the inner work – even though you may recognise some of these things – you may say to yourself ‘Ill just let it go for a little while to see before I say something’ or ‘I’m not sure he or she is really doing that – I’ll give them some more time to decide’ or make other excuses.

By which time it is far too late, you could be hooked and signed up for more narcissistic abuse in your life.

Wouldn’t it just be much better to be an empowered, healthy dater?

I’d love to help you achieve this – as I have many women and men, as well as myself, to date in confidence and truth … thus able to meet awesome healthy people!

The first step is to sign up to my 16-day free course which includes a ton of free resources, as well as a workshop with me, where you will experience the subconscious reprogramming super-tool Quanta Freedom Healing – which fast-tracks healing from abuse more than anything else I know.

Get free access to my 16 day recovery course here.

And, as always, I look forward to having a discussion with you below about this topic!

 

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