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Why Narcissists Need To Suck The Goodness Out Of You

Why Narcissists Need To Suck The Goodness Out Of You

 

It may make no sense that a narcissist needs to suck all the goodness out of you.

What is the point in destroying someone until they barely exist?

Why do narcissists pursue connections with people so fanatically, only to empty them out and throw them aside?

It’s completely illogical until you understand EXACTLY why!

 

 

Video Transcript

 

Many people wonder why narcissists act the way they do.

You may be distraught regarding the way the narcissist behaves, having zero consideration for your well-being.

Why do narcissists do this? Why does a narcissist have to suck you dry of your love, good nature, health, resources and even your very soul?

What is the point of being in a relationship with somebody, only to empty them out, and then throw their corpse into the gutter?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain to you exactly why narcissists do this.

But before we get started, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver mission. Also, if you haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love to remind you to please do and share this video so that you can help people globally know that it is now possible to heal for real from abuse.

Okay so let’s get started with today’s episode.

 

The Vampire Myth

The vampire myth bears such a strong resemblance to narcissism. Many believe that the myth was modelled on narcissism.

Vampires are the walking dead. They were purported to be lifeless souls sucking the blood (Life Force) out of humans in order to survive.

Narcissists are eerily similar. They feel dead on the inside, and it’s not until they get the feedback of somebody else’s energy (narcissistic supply) that they can feel alive.

Just like vampires without blood, narcissists without attention can’t exist. They don’t function.

Vampires had to hunt humans in order to exist.

Similarly, narcissists hunt other people’s energy in order to exist. They are as much hardened addicts, as any drug addict is, and also as much as vampires purportedly were.

Narcissists don’t just stop at attention; anything that feeds the insatiable ego (a bottomless deep black hole that can’t be filled) is fair game. This means commodities like sex, money, resources, and anything that is for the taking, including people’s time, health, years and emotions.

When you stay connected to a narcissist whilst trying to get them to change and behave like a normal, sensible, non-vampirish person, you are available as a source to be sucked dry.

Staying with a narcissist doesn’t earn you love, approval, security or survival. Rather, it smashes all of these things to pieces, emptying us out to our very demise.

 

A Narcissist Can’t Retain Their Own Energy

There is another phenomenon that explains why narcissists suck people dry.

I want you to think of a black hole. This is anti-gravity. Things disappear into this black hole never to be seen again.

The vacuum source of a black hole is so intense that it will gobble up complete celestial bodies into itself.

The black hole is empty, it’s nothing, yet it has an insatiable appetite that can never be appeased.

No matter how much it consumes, it stays black, it stays as “nothing”.

Narcissists are the same. Because their ego cannot be appeased, any external hit of significance only offers temporary self-solidness and peace, which doesn’t hold.

The narcissist is always chasing attention, stuff and other people’s resources and energy to try to fill their inner black hole that can never be satisfied. Sooner, rather than later, the narcissist is back to craving more to try to offset the horrific feeling of living with an internal black hole that is an emotionally annihilating self-prophecy.

Now let’s take this understanding even further.

 

The Narcissist Is A False Self

The narcissist does not have an active True Self core. The narcissist as an incredibly damaged and insecure individual has decided that his or her True Self is inadequate, and has assigned a fictitious character (a False Self) to be at the helm.

The False Self is a fragile construct. The ego is not solid, confident, or organically experiencing feelings of peace and wholeness. The False Self is not connected to one’s Superconscious/Creation/Source/God (a Higher Power).

Therefore, the False Self is out on the edge of survival all on its own. The narcissist has never faced the inner traumas that have caused such a grave disconnection from his or her True Self and All of Life.

As an empty entity continually in the trauma of separation from Creation Itself, the narcissist is alone, hungry and desolate. He or she needs copious amounts of stuff, acclaim and significance in order to try to feel remotely okay.

It’s a full-time fruitless job to feed a bottomless False Self.

In stark contrast, those of us who did turn inwards to self-partner with our True Self (no matter how damaged) and did the diligent inner work to heal our Inner Beings from trauma and false programming up to wholeness, have discovered the relief of being connected to ourselves and Life healthily.

Narcissists, sadly, don’t ever get to experience this Oneness.

When you move into the light of your healing, you come out of the danger space of narcissists. Think when a bright light is shone on a vampire, they recoil back into the shadows.

Without your pain and fear, a narcissist cannot exist under your bright light.

If you get this, I want you to pause this video and declare below, “I am claiming my light, that dissolves away your darkness NOW”.

 

Our Lesson In All of This

I wrote an article a while ago about how codependents and narcissists are two sides of the same coin.

The link to this article is here.

We may believe that opposites attract. On the surface this looks very true, that narcissists who are takers like to get with people who are givers.

For sure this is real. However, there is a deeper truth to this regarding the bonding together of co-dependent people and narcissists.

If we are suffering disconnection from our Inner Beings and carrying trauma and trying to get our outer lives to take the inner trauma away, rather than being self-partnered and doing our inner work, then we are susceptible to narcissists.

Which means WE need to heal.

This is where I come in. I can help you get free from inner emptiness and pain, just as I did, and no longer be susceptible to narcissists latching on to you and sucking you dry.

To start this path with me all you need to do is click this link. 

So, I hope that this episode has really helped, and please remember to subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new Thriver TV episode is released. I publish two each week. And if you liked this, click on the like and share buttons!

And as always, I look forward to responding to your questions and your comments below.

 

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Why Are Narcissists So Damn Entitled?

Why Are Narcissists So Damn Entitled?

It can be a shock when you realise just how entitled narcissists are. Of course, there are people who have healthy self-interest and know how to get their needs met.

Narcissists, however, are not displaying healthy deservedness. Rather they are a model of obscene self-entitlement, causing great pain, destruction and devastation to others.

Why do narcissists act in this way? Why are narcissists totally oblivious to anybody else’s emotions, needs, values or rights?

Discover the answers to these questions and the signs to look out for in this video.

 

Video Transcript

I know that many of you in this community are nice and humble people.

Maybe you are totally happy for other people to take the limelight.

Maybe, you have even secretly admired people who seem to be confident and are able to get their needs met.

Yet, what seems to be confidence and healthy deservedness, takes a sinister turn when we start experiencing just how entitled narcissists are.

That’s what I want to talk about today, exactly why narcissists are as entitled as they are, and how this behaviour manifests, as well as how it affects you.

But before we get into this conversation, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and supporting the Thriver Mission.

It’s so important that more people understand that there is a way to heal for real from abuse and your participation helps make that happen, so please make sure that if you haven’t yet subscribed that you do.

Also, please like and share my videos so that together we can help spread this message.

Alright, so let’s start peeling this topic back so that you can understand why narcissists are so entitled!

 

I Deserve It!

Narcissists believe that other people should grant them what they want and that they are entitled to have specific and special treatment.

One of the earliest warning signs that you may discover about this is how in a group or a social setting the narcissist expects to be the centre of attention, and if someone else is receiving energy from people, that the narcissist will appear uncomfortable, anxious and even angry.

He or she may discredit this person later and will usually attack you if you were impressed with this person or granted them energy at the time.

Narcissistic supply needs to be regulated so closely and ferociously, that if somebody else is taking energy then the narcissist perceives this person as a threat. If this person continues to obtain what the narcissist believes is his or her share of supply, then the narcissist will desire to eliminate the threat.

Now let’s look at how a narcissist treats you in relation to entitlement.

A narcissist believes that he or she is entitled to all the goodies that you can provide.

What this means is: “You will do what I want you to do. You must grant me your energy, attention, resources, contacts and money when I ask for them and want them.”

The narcissist will also expect the following: “You are supposed to grant me what I want even when I’m not asking for it. You are supposed to just serve me unwaveringly.”

Narcissistic entitlement is certainly not about “healthy deservedness.”

Those who feel that they healthily deserve are whole and solid on the inside already. They are not suffering from the emptiness, neediness and desperation that leads to the non-holistic, non-ecological system of wanting attention and stuff.

Narcissists are in dire lack on the inside. They feel empty. They don’t feel they deserve the good stuff simply for being themselves, because there is no real self on the inside. The narcissist divorced their Inner Being believing that it was ineffectual, inadequate and unacceptable.

As a result of living through the persona of a fictitious False Self, the narcissist must lie, manipulate, intimidate, charm or steal to get their share of the goodies.

The real truth to all of this is that it doesn’t matter what a narcissist gains, the temporary relief is short-lived. Sooner rather than later, the narcissist is back to feeling the inner empty gnawing of his or her internal self-critic, which is a wasteland of a crippled and disowned True Self.

This is why the narcissist is always trying to get or gain something to try to self-medicate away these feelings.

 

How Narcissists Get Away With It

It is unlikely that the narcissist initially acted entitled, because you may never have teamed up with him or her if this happened. Rather, the narcissist may have appeared to be incredibly giving, caring and generous.

After a narcissist has secured you as a source of narcissistic supply, they are incredibly skilled at testing your boundaries bit by bit. He or she may make a request seeing if you will go along with it, or not. If you do speak up, he or she may say that they were joking, or didn’t mean it, and wait for another opportunity to see if they can push your boundary and get through it.

For many of us, this wasn’t too hard to do.

Maybe we were brought up in families where our boundaries were broken down from the time we were very young.

We were used to saying “yes” and going along in order not to risk the feelings of C. R. A. P. – criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment, and we were used to handing our power away to people to try to keep them happy enough to love and care for us.

Therefore, in our adult relationships it can be very familiar to try to keep the peace, at the cost of our rights, values and needs.

If the narcissist in your life is a family member, then it is likely that this has always been your “normal”. You are used to acquiescing to the people who you want to love you because it’s all you’ve ever known.

Yet, familiar or not, it is intensely painful being with a person who is in it all for themselves, and completely and utterly capable of taking all that they can at your expense, as well as your Life Force and Soul.

Of course, there have been times where you have tried to say “no” and received the horrific reactions that narcissists are prone to when their False Self isn’t adequately appeased.

Disagreeing with the narcissistic version of life which is total entitlement to your agreement without question, can send the narcissist into a spin where he or she lashes out in cruel and conscienceless ways.

The narcissist may have asked for money or something else that completely goes against your grain, yet the fear of the repercussions, or the losing of this person, because he or she has threatened abandonment if you don’t comply, has made you hand over many parts of yourself to your detriment.

Possibly, the narcissist feels entitled to control you and own you. He or she may be accusing you of all sorts of terrible things that they purport are disloyal to him or her. He or she may even feel entitled to your passwords, putting tracking devices on your car or phone, or demanding that you give a full report every day of who you spoke to and spent time with.

He or she may even convince you that if you love them and care about them that you will comply with these demands.

Until you know that this sort of pathological jealousy is not ever acceptable, or something that can be appeased, reasoned with or healed in a narcissist, you may hang on trying to do just that.

Quite possibly, the narcissist is practicing exactly these acts of infidelity and affairs themself, which commonly narcissists feel entitled to indulge in, and yet lying to you or purporting to give it up and do the right thing.

Maybe he or she is even feigning remorse, or twisting things around blaming you for it all, and now you are trying to get the narcissist to see how insane this is. Or maybe you are taking responsibility for the narcissist’s betrayals.

All of these things will allow the narcissist to continue doing what he or she is doing, possibly whilst you are believing this behaviour can stop.

 

The Signs That You Are With An Entitled Narcissist

The following are signs that you are being abused by an entitled person:

  • You start to feel guilty, wrong or criticised for having your own needs and interests.
  • You get less and less support from this person.
  • You feel like you are walking on broken glass and that what you do is never good enough.
  • If you ask for anything from this person, they become aggravated, angry or anxious and/or won’t deliver these promises or do things for you in a timely or proper manner.
  • Anything this person does do for you is held against you as an example or a punishment regarding what you don’t do for them.
  • Your energy, health, resources and Life Force are diminishing.
  • Your needs are invalidated and unmet.
  • You are supposed to hear out and understand everything about how this person isn’t happy yet are totally unable to voice your own concerns.
  • If this person is having a bad day, they make sure that your day is equally as bad or even worse.
  • You are accused of all the things that the narcissist’s entitlement causes him or her to do.

 

The Devastation of Entitlement

Narcissistic entitlement is only the beginning of the pathological issues that are happening here.

It’s devastating that incredibly malicious and even criminal acts of entitlement can be twisted around, and that you are the one smeared and discredited with them.

Narcissistic double standards are another part of the narcissist’s entitlement.

Such as I can be late or unreliable but how dare anyone else treat me like that.

Or, I can talk to you however I feel, but don’t you dare talk to me like that.

One of the most perverse and dangerous aspects of narcissism is that he or she will feel entitled to hurt you if the fragile ego is not served by you adequately. As far as the narcissist’s disordered thinking goes, if you did not do the right thing by them, then you must suffer. Revenge is a very common by-product of narcissistic abuse.

This bends people’s non-narcissistic brains – until they realise that there is not a real, rational person inside the narcissist doing this stuff.

So, this I can’t recommend enough, if you are painfully being emptied out by a narcissist’s entitlement – let go, turn inwards and heal up those parts of you that have been familiar with this, and/or are unconsciously susceptible to this.

Then I promise you that you will go free into healthy equal relationships of true mutuality and respect as well as genuine love.

That’s exactly what I did, I healed my stuff with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), which so many people in this Community have also done.

If you are at the stage where you want to directly and deeply reprogram your subconscious and heal from narcissistic relationships for real, NARP is a proven and powerful way to achieve this.

You can check out this revolutionary program by clicking this link.

Okay, I really hope that this video has helped, and please remember to give it a like if it spoke to you.

And, please make sure that you have subscribed to my channel to receive notifications of all of my new episodes. I release two new ones every week.

And, as always, I look forward to your comments and your questions below.

 

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The Many Faces Of Narcissists – What They Really Mean

The Many Faces Of Narcissists – What They Really Mean

 

Why is narcissistic behaviour so up and down?

How can a narcissist appear to be so considerate and caring one moment, and incredibly childish, abusive and unreasonable the next?

Is this the same person? Why does a narcissist spin on a dime?

In today’s Thriver TV episode I explain to you the many faces of a narcissist and what it really means.

If you have felt bamboozled and distraught as a result of the dire mood and behaviour swings of the narcissist, then this episode is a must watch one for you.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists can be so incredibly confusing.

People have called them Jekyll and Hydes.

People have referred to them as Street Angel/Home Devils.

It is likely that you have experienced times where the narcissist is a pure delight, and then without warning switch and be your most terrible nightmare.

There is even more complexity to the many faces of the narcissist, which I am going to be talking to you about in today’s TTV episode.

However, before I do, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and supporting the Thriver mission. Please know how deeply grateful I am for your belief in my work.

If you haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love to invite you to please do so, and also remember to give this episode a thumbs up if it resonates with you.

 

Grandiosity Versus Insecurity

Narcissists appear to be powerful, confident and capable.

Yet, it’s very important to understand that people who are solid and healthy on the inside and do believe in their own self and capacity, don’t need to grandstand or publicise themselves.

Narcissists self-promote, a lot. A narcissist commonly will interject into conversations with what he or she has or hasn’t done, and thinks or believes, as if he or she is the authority on all topics.

If a narcissist can’t assert their authority, or bring the attention back to themselves, he or she will usually change the subject, exit the scene or create some form of diversion or drama.

People with healthy self-esteem who don’t suffer the dire insecurities that narcissists do, are comfortable to allow others to shine or know more than themselves, and can ask questions and be genuinely interested.

Narcissists, however, need to have centre stage complete with people seemingly being mesmerised by the narcissist’s accomplishments, brilliance and talents.

He or she will be deflated, sullen and moody if this is not the case, or even downright nasty, such as discrediting anybody who stole the attention that he or she so desperately needs in order to try to feel “normal”.

 

Care and Consideration Versus Cruelty and Condemnation

A narcissist can be so “lovely”. He or she can appear to be helpful, generous and totally concerned for your well-being.

But there is a more sordid truth to this.

This behaviour is not consistent. In fact, you will start to understand that this person can suddenly become accusatory, paranoid, childishly nasty, and even maliciously cruel.

What is so disturbing is that this ugly shift can emerge very quickly, and without any real provocation.

This is for a variety of reasons. The narcissist is often “giving” for an agenda to get something. Then, when the narcissist doesn’t get the payoff because of the conditional acts of “care” that were extended to you, the narcissist is likely to unravel into a narcissistic rage.

Or, the narcissist is suffering another bout of his or her inner demons arising and starts blaming you for this self-annihilating emotional state.

Because the narcissist is so disconnected from consciousness, which requires taking personal responsibility for his or her emotional traumas, naturally this will always be somebody else’s fault.

If you are being abused by a narcissist, then you are one of, if not the narcissist’s favourite target.

 

Sincerity Versus Pathological Lying

Narcissists have an uncanny ability to look you straight in the eyes and appear to be 100% empathetic and sincere. He or she additionally can mirror back to you the body language and postures that make you feel deeply understood.

Yet, you are stunned to discover that the words held no weight whatsoever.

The horrific truth is that the narcissist can say anything and everything that is required in the moment to fulfil an agenda.

This can happen when love bombing you at the start of a relationship in order to secure you as narcissistic supply, or grooming you after you are hooked as supply so that you hand over your energy, sexuality, money or resources. Or, it is used when hoovering you back into the relationship when you are threatening to leave.

So many have discovered that despite the claims of monogamy, loyalty and undying love that he or she can turn and commit obscene betrayals that make your head spin.

Literally tearing your life to pieces.

It’s so important to understand that words mean nothing. It’s the actions and real-life applications that define an individual, regardless of how apparently sincere they are.

I really want you to understand this, and even make note of it.

If you’re ready to take your power back on this point, I want you to pause this video and write below, “I understand that it’s a person’s actions and not their words that define their character!”

 

Altruism Versus Seeking Supply

There are many narcissists who are community minded, granting apparent service, time and altruism to others.

This can be extremely confusing when ascertaining somebody’s character and thinking, “He or she is so spiritual/kind to animals/caring for the elderly/community minded/donating time and effort so tirelessly to others …” And the list goes on and on.

This is often the narcissist who is the “Street Angel/Home devil”.

The public persona of this person is amazing and he/she represents themselves as a pillar of society. Yet, when this person is at home, they rip to shreds their nearest and dearest when no one else is around to see it.

And what is so devastating for the people connected to the altruistic narcissist, is that he or she will do very little to contribute or care for them. There is minimal supply to be gained from close intimates who are not going to bow and scrape and tell the narcissist how wonderful they are every minute of every day.

This person appears to be such a lovely person to those who do not have to share a full-time life with them, because there is a great deal of narcissistic supply (attention and acclaim) to receive as a result of going over and above the call of duty with non-intimates.

Yet, often the cracks appear. When others don’t appease the narcissist’s fragile ego with enough recognition, or do something that the narcissist deems as not adequate to appease their ego, then the narcissist is just as likely to smear this person, discredit them or wipe them completely out of their life without notice.

This is the reason why so many narcissists have transient relationships that just don’t last, and frequently new people can be idolised and become the next best friend, colleague or associate.

 

Brokenness Versus Impenetrable Defences

There may be times when you have met the inner broken child of a narcissist. This is when he or she appears vulnerable and even remorseful and self-aware of his or her inner demons.

Your heart goes out to this person and you may feel protective, and that you really do love him or her and will do anything to help them survive themselves, heal and evolve into somebody functional, decent and happy.

Yet, it can be extremely difficult to gauge whether these bouts are real or not. Moody narcissists are incredibly capable of feigning such episodes to pull you back in through your heartstrings, to get you to lower your boundaries and rights again.

If this is genuine, it’s likely to be when the narcissist has suffered a massive narcissistic injury and the ego is unable to uphold itself, momentarily exposing the terrified, broken child inside that the narcissist really is.

The big problem is, as soon as the narcissist gets enough narcissistic supply from outside of him or herself to prop the ego back up again, then the formidable, impenetrable defences are back in business.

A narcissist will “bite their nose off despite their face”. A narcissist would rather be right than happy. A narcissist would rather maintain their False Self, which means taking zero personal responsibility and being completely absorbed with their own veneer, than anything or anybody else in their life.

Of course, this is disastrous for relationships and for any true trust, communion or connections to be possible.

 

How Can You Escape the Madness?

Okay, so I hope that this episode has helped to explain to you some of the many complex dichotomies of a narcissist.

These different narcissistic faces are black-and-white. The narcissist is an “all or nothing” character who swings from one extreme to the other.

And these opposing behaviours are virtually consistent with all narcissists, regardless of who the narcissist is in your life.

Identically, your relief and true recovery process from narcissistic and toxic people, is the same, regardless of who the narcissist is in your life.

I would love to connect you with my powerful recovery resources which will ensure that you get the right information, clarity and true healing solutions that you need. You can access these by clicking this link. 

If the video resonated with you, I would love for you to leave a comment below. And as always, I love answering any questions that you write into me.

 

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How Do Narcissists Treat Their New Supply?

How Do Narcissists Treat Their New Supply?

 

When a narcissist replaces you, it may be so excruciatingly painful that you feel like you’re going to die.

You may wonder, “Are they in love?”

And, “Is it possible for them to have a successful relationship together?”

This Thriver TV episode will grant you some much-needed relief, truth, and perspective about all of this as you discover the real truth of how a narcissist will treat the new supply.

 

 

Video Transcript

It is so painful, initially, to be replaced.

Excruciatingly painful!

It may even be so painful that you feel like you are dying. I promise you I understand, I’ve been there!

And, of course, you may be agonising wondering how the narcissist is treating the new Supply. Are they happy as a couple? Is there a possibility that this relationship can really work?

I’m going to answer these questions and many more in today’s Thriver TV episode.

But before I do, I’d like to thank you if you have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, please do. And if you enjoy this video please remember to click the like button.

Alright, let’s dive into today’s episode.

 

The Honeymoon Period

Narcissists love bomb.

In the pursuit of narcissistic supply, narcissists are over the top. They get off on exclamations of desire, piling on the compliments, and incredible gestures of care and gifts.

From the outside, it can appear to be about “love” or even “infatuation”. Infatuation is definitely a lot closer to the mark than love, yet the reason why narcissists go after new Supply so convincingly is not at all romantic.

It’s purely about securing an object to self-medicate with.

I know that this can be a bitter pill to swallow, yet it’s very helpful to understand the truth of what our relationship with the narcissist was, to not have any envy about their future relationship(s).

It’s not personal – the way that narcissists objectify people as a source of supply. It’s not because these people are unlovable, rather it is because the narcissist is not capable of genuine love.

Genuine love is not about securing people as a supply source to be used. Genuine love, from one healthy adult to another, is about sharing power and love and granting care, affection and love without an agenda.

As beautiful and attentive and caring as the narcissist appears to be, there is a deep, dark agenda attached, which is, “you are being groomed so that I can secure you in order to prop up my False Self and help me survive my inner gnawing emptiness. You mean no more than this.”

Yes, things can look incredible between a new loved-up narcissistic couple on social media, and even from what you hear via other people. And the narcissist may cruelly tell you how in love they are with this new person.

But it will only be for a certain period of time.

Many people like to keep up pretences. Certainly, narcissists live within fictitious scripts, and even partners of narcissists are usually in denial of how things have switched and become so awful. They were so convinced and convincing of others that this person was their “soul-mate” that it becomes hugely shameful to admit that this is not the case.

Before you go through your Thriver Healing journey, you may stalk the two of them on social media, or ask other people about them, trying to find out if their relationship is working or if the cracks have appeared.

I want you to know from the bottom of my heart the following: there is no salvation or healing in this pursuit.

It is complete and utter Wrong Town, that will keep you stuck in the trauma and won’t allow you to be released from it.

The irony is, no physical or logical evidence is going to give you relief from this. The only relief that comes is from your healing within yourself, to find, release and reprogram the original wounds within you that have been keeping you trauma bonded to the narcissist.

It’s also really important to find and release and reprogram the extreme trauma that goes with being replaced.

One day, this is exactly the path the new Supply will need to take for his or her own healing. Because this person is extremely likely to be discarded and replaced just as you were.

It’s quite incredible, how in this community, there have been Thrivers narcissistically abused by the same narcissist, who are now wonderful friends within the community healing with NARP!

 

The Fall From Grace

This is how it goes with all narcissists and their new partners – the initial honeymoon period of love bombing idealisation starts to crack.

You see, at the beginning, the narcissist childishly declares that this person is the “best thing since sliced bread”. He or she to the narcissist is the shiniest, most incredible new Supply. This feeds the narcissist’s ego monstrously, granting them a massive hit of narcissistic supply.

But this is not based in reality. Sooner or later this person is not going to fulfil the narcissist’s insecure ego continually. When the high levels of initial narcissistic supply start to decrease, the narcissist will start feeling the familiar feelings of inner anxiety and rage again.

Narcissists always project these self-annihilating inner feelings onto somebody else and make them that person’s fault. Intimate love partners are common targets. They are also easy targets when the narcissist has secured this person as narcissistic supply. We hang around for the abuse.

So, just as it happened to you, the new partner is going to start becoming terribly confused and shocked when this previously “perfect” and “adorable” person starts to get sullen, moody and even inappropriate with their behaviour and comments.

This is the beginning of the devaluing cycle. And, as soon as the new partner starts to question it, not bow to it, and no longer grants the compliments, admiration, sex or adoration that they previously were supplying, the “iffy” comments will escalate to becoming more severe and devastating, and even lead into the discard phase.

The narcissist may say that he or she is having second thoughts. Or withdraw the commitment. Or choose some other action, display or tactic to create incredible fear and confusion for the new source of supply.

The narcissist may even decide to punish the new Supply by trying to hook up with you, the old Supply, and create a horrible triangulation situation.

All of this is incredibly common. In fact, it is usual for narcissists to do this. Don’t take it as a compliment if he or she hasn’t done this. It’s certainly not a compliment to be treated as an object for somebody’s self-serving soulless agendas, just as it is not a compliment to be used as a punishment tool against somebody else at whim, only to be discarded again.

 

The Cycle of Violence

Drama is what narcissistic relationships are all about.

The more compliant and gentle the new supply is, the less drama will be visible to all. However, the drama will still take place. The more triggered and reactionary the new Supply is, the more the cracks will be apparent, and the relationship is likely to go through many breakups as well as many episodes of reuniting.

That is until the new Supply is completely clear and free of any desire or compulsion to reconnect with the narcissist, or the narcissist has mined them to the point of complete brokenness and decided that there is nothing more to gain.

The same goes for all narcissistic relationships.

Even if the partner is quiet and compliant and keeping the home fires burning while the narcissist is being a narcissist, which means being selfish, loose, unaccountable and reckless, the narcissist is still likely to take them through the cycles of idealisation, devalue and discard.

Idealisation happens when the new Supply is leaving or has had enough, and the narcissist needs to hoover him or her back into the relationship to retain narcissistic supply. Such as for the convenience of what this person does for them – providing the veneer of the perfect life or to keep paying the bills and mopping up the messes, etc.

Or, the narcissist is charming them in order to manipulate them into handing something over.

Further into the relationship, the devaluing happens virtually at all other times, when not needing to idealise. This is because the narcissist is constantly suffering the horrific inner emotional traumas regarding themselves, needing to project them onto the new Supply.

Then the discarding happens to punish the new Supply for not appeasing the False Self adequately (which of course is impossible to do).

The discarding could even be done on the side, allowing the narcissist to feel vindicated for being treated “so badly”, by taking lovers, prostitutes, or seeking sexual supply from past partners or even friends of the new Supply.

The new Supply may know nothing about this.

And, to the outside world, all may seem well.

Unless you are living within the four walls of their homes, you really have no idea how other people’s lives are actually going.

 

Your Healing In All of This

You may be focusing much of your energy on what is going on between the narcissist and the new Supply. I understand this. Before my Thriver Healing journey I did this myself.

The trauma from this is horrific. If you are honest with yourself you know how rank this feels in your body. You know how much this is draining your life force and making it almost impossible for you to function.

When the traumas in your body are screaming at you, they’re telling you that you are adding to them and not healing them.

I promise you this … when you let go, and take on your healing journey with NARP, you will start to emerge from this with incredible relief and know there is nothing here to envy.

No money, lifestyle or even privileges are worth anyone’s soul being desecrated.

The love that you thought you should have received, that possibly this person is now getting from the narcissist, does not exist!

There is nothing real to gain or have!

And please know, you are further along your evolutionary path than the new Supply. You are in the prime position to turn inwards and heal, so that you can claim your True Self and True Life.

The new Supply still has to wait for this relationship to finally blow up into pieces that simply cannot be put back together, or to drag themselves out of there shaking and quaking and barely alive.

Or, they stay, and get their soul sucked out of them.

The best thing you can do for you, and for all people who have been through narcissistic abuse, is to claim your healing, and become a shining force of inspiration for those who are still stuck, if they seek you out.

Which is exactly what myself and other Thrivers in this community do.

I hope that this has helped and inspired you to heal for real from this.

If this video has helped grant you relief, I’d love to hear from you about how it has helped, by pausing this video and writing to me below.

So, if you have had enough of the agony of wondering about the narcissist and the new Supply and going through the crippling feelings of that, it could be time for you to start healing with NARP.

You can check out NARP by clicking this link.

I really hope that this video has given you the hope that there is a way to get out of this trauma.

So, if you enjoyed this video, please hit the like button. And remember to share it with people who you know are terrorised by the narcissist moving on to a new partner.

If you would like to be notified each time I release a new video, please remember to subscribe.

And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Exactly How Narcissists Screw With Your Mind, Toxify Your Body And Destroy Your Life

Exactly How Narcissists Screw With Your Mind, Toxify Your Body And Destroy Your Life

 

Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending and many people are shocked at how hard it is to recover and reclaim your mind, body and life.

Obsessive thoughts can continually haunt them so they feel like they have been taken over by a hideous emotional virus.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain how this happened, as well as how to take your power back to not only emerge from this as healed, whole and vibrant …

But also, completely inoculated against this ever happening to you again in the future.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending.

Being hit by a narcissist is akin to being hit by a freight train. So many people are shocked to discover that they simply cannot get up off the ground and just get on with life anymore.

I know that is likely to have been your experience as well.

And, it is terrifying how much your brain feels scrambled.

The obsessive thoughts continually haunt you and you feel like you have been infected with a hideous emotional virus that literally takes over your nervous system and ability to function.

In addition to this, so many areas of your life may be under siege and falling apart.

Narcissists commonly destroy people’s lives and literally rip them to pieces emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. The effects of this also impact everyone and everything that is dear to you.

This is a total breakdown experience that no one could even begin to imagine unless they have been through it themselves.

Alright, so before we delve deeper into exactly how narcissists destroy your life, as well as how you can recover from this, I want to thank all of you for supporting my Thriver Mission.

And, if you haven’t yet subscribed I’d like to remind you to please do. Also, please give this episode a thumbs up if you enjoy it.

Now let’s go deeper with this information today.

 

How Do Narcissists Get In?

Narcissists are highly skilled at infiltrating your mind, emotions, soul and life.

How do they do this?

I really hope that you are ready to hear this with openness and the desire to heal from narcissistic abuse for real. Because the truth really does set us free, when we accept it.

100% I validate that narcissists are predators who are on the lookout for sources of supply, meaning they are after what they can take from people. And it is shocking what they do. Yet, it is a fallacy that a narcissist can abuse just anybody.

As was the case in my life, and so many others, we did not, as yet, have a solid enough Inner Identity to have powerful boundary function. Meaning the ability to trust ourselves, speak up, say no when necessary, and be emotionally whole and powerful enough to do the necessary due diligence before letting somebody into our life.

This provided a way in. It was a crack in our integrity of self. Narcissists are skilled at identifying where your boundaries aren’t solid and capitalising on this.

This is how narcissists do this – they sum you up and they fact find. They know how to discover what it is that you feel still hurts in your life, what is missing, or whatever it is that you believe you can’t generate for yourself.

Now, all the narcissist has to do is position themselves as the granter or saviour of this “missing piece”. Then we feel like we can trust them. Then we even feel like we need them. We may even feel like this is the person we’ve been waiting for our entire life.

This creates a powerful chemical connection to this person.

This is one of the most confronting things that I had to face myself. Yet, it was what finally emancipated me from not just the trauma of my abuse symptoms but granted me the confidence and power to know I would never allow abuse in the future.

What were my susceptibilities, fears and insecurities that made me a prime target for narcissists, and allowed them to get in through my boundary gaps?

The following … I was too trusting of people. I didn’t do my necessary due diligence to firmly ascertain their true character before letting them into my heart, bed, body, businesses and finances.

I was scared of backing my inner warning bells and having the difficult conversations that meant that I might be susceptible to people reacting to my questioning, or boundaries, or rights, meaning that they could reject, abandon or punish me for speaking up.

So many people who have been soul penetrated by narcissists have also carried the fears of C.R.A.P.

I am certainly not alone!

The members of this community, who have become successful Thrivers, have also done their inner inventory and devoted the time and effort to heal up those parts of themselves, like my own, that made them highly susceptible to unscrupulous people who did not have their best interests at heart.

A dear friend of mine, Cheryl, also suffered some “gaps” that narcissists were able to slip into her life through. Because she didn’t believe she could be safe and uphold boundaries on her own, unconsciously (like so many of us) she wanted somebody big, strong and assertive to do that for her.

As a result, the people who came into her life, were not a rock for her, they turned out to be a hammer instead.

These people were not relieving Cheryl of her inner insecurities, rather they brought her the evidence of them.

It’s so important to understand that this doesn’t mean Cheryl was blaming and shaming herself for being abused, just as she wasn’t excusing narcissistic behaviour.

Rather it granted her the true solution!

By realising this susceptibility, this granted her the personal power to heal these parts of herself to stop handing power over to people who were hurting her. After healing these parts, Cheryl discovered that she no longer felt any attachment or a need to try to change these people, so that they would love and care for her.

Rather, she felt a complete disconnect from them, and absolutely no desire to be with them anymore.

Thus, breaking free into a completely different love and relationship trajectory.

Cheryl is now in a relationship with a beautiful man, who reflects back to her the care, love and power that she has now been able to take full responsibility for and establish within herself. By becoming her own rock, she received the matching partner.

We may not have realised the following, because it has been our “normal” – that we may have unconsciously been trying to get somebody to love us to take away the pain.

Yet, as a match for our unhealed Inner Being, they were only ever going to supply more of the same pain.

This is what narcissists do.

 

How We Have Been Programmed to Be Exploited

The sensible, healthy adult thing is to do what Cheryl did, heal oneself up in order to achieve the healthy outcome – taking your time to get to know people before committing your emotions, soul and resources to them.

Sadly, so many of us have been indoctrinated into the “fairy tale illusion”. We have been conditioned to be emotionally reckless; believing that getting caught up in the moment is the right thing to do.

I often jokingly say that I used to put more effort into choosing a pair of shoes than a love relationship.

In many ways, this was true and very frightening!

I was incredibly susceptible to love bombing and someone purporting to be the provider of what I wanted. If a potential partner was tall, charismatic, and intelligent and seemed to empathise with me feeling unseen, unheard and unsafe, then I really used to believe that I’d hit the jackpot!

We believe in love at first sight! We believe in an instant bond with our soulmate!

But what we may not realise is these deep chemical attractions can be a deep inner part of us desiring the resolution of our childhood wounds. The wanting of our mother or father to do it differently than what they did.

Here is the grand dichotomy in all of this – the person who appears in our life, who we feel chemically bonded to, is offering the promise of taking away the pain of our unresolved childhood wounds. Yet, as it turns out, they end up being the person who delivers an even more severe level of the trauma of our childhood wounds.

At first, we are not initially awakened enough to realise what is really going on, and why we are experiencing such a powerful chemical hit and attraction. Generally, we simply fall straight into this relationship, because it feels so “right”.

Plus, people in your life are telling you to get out there and meet somebody new. You may feel the stigma of being un-partnered or unmarried. Maybe you feel like your biological clock is ticking away and you need to find somebody to settle down with to start a family.

Or maybe you have seen your ex-partner move on quickly and feel the desperate injustice that you haven’t been able to yet.

It is only conscious and evolving people who will tell you the truth. A healing hiatus is needed with yourself, to change your inner love code and the relationship patterns that have been playing out, so that you can go forward into life experiencing a completely different reality.

And what it takes is this: to become at one, whole and fulfilled within yourself first.

Sadly, our programming has always kept us separated from the taking back of our power with radical personal responsibility, to get out of this terrible pattern.

Rather, we have been programmed to be victims and blame people who have hurt us, and then try to change them so that they can love us healthily.

And, we can jump up and down and exclaim that it is disgusting that people behave like this. But in no way does this allow us to heal and get better and get out of these patterns. All it does is further entrench us in them.

And when it doesn’t work, we may try to find somebody else to take the pain away. And then discover that often we are falling into the same pattern and meeting the same person, just with a different face.

If you are sick and tired of these quick fixes which don’t provide durable happiness, you may be ready to understand that only one truth will suffice. You must turn inwards to heal your relationship with yourself, and only you can do that.

One of the benefits of narcissistic relationships, as brutal as they are, is that they bring us to our knees to realise this. And this is where personal catharsis can begin.

The real truth is, as adults we are responsible for our own boundaries, it is not anybody else’s job. We are not children anymore. If we hand our power away and blindly expect somebody else to look after our well-being, emotions, boundaries and life-force, then we are highly susceptible to being not just taken advantage of, but also horribly abused and even desecrated.

Such is the case with narcissistic abuse.

 

How The Damage Deepens

Because the narcissist purports to be the person who will finally love us like no other and grants us our wholeness, this creates a powerful and quick bond.

Sooner or later the mask will drop. The mirage can’t continue, and the narcissistic behaviour starts to appear.

Far from being the saviour of our deficiencies, insecurities or things in our life that we feel like we can’t generate for ourselves, the narcissist now switches and starts attacking these things.

So, the person who was loving, romantic and truly was seeing you and being there for you, now starts emotionally and literally criticising, rejecting, abandoning and punishing you.

He or she will start messing with your head and emotions and start sucking resources from your life. The entitlement becomes apparent; the relationship becomes less about you and so much more about what the narcissist is or isn’t getting.

By remaining attached, you will be trauma bonded beyond description, fighting with insanity trying to get sanity, safety and comfort. Yet, every time you try to force the narcissist to be healthy, they will line you up and damage you even more ferociously.

Now you’re on a sinking ship, trying to salvage what you can, whilst the toxic levels of trauma and stress in your being reach a critical mass, breaking down your nervous system health, sanity and emotional structures until you literally feel like you are crumbling.

Your capacity to be able to deal with virtually anything becomes severely diminished.

Narcissistic abuse, before awakening to the truth, is a one-way trip to your personal demise, on so many levels and can even become extremely dangerous for you personally, as well as seriously impacting those you love.

What is the lesson in this?

At the Quantum Truth level, the message is clear – “Let go and heal”, that’s what this soul contract was always about.

 

How To Reverse This

There is no way you can engage with a narcissist and get relief and emancipation from this.

True evolution from this is an inside job.

The narcissist is not your solution. You are, and this requires detaching, facing and doing the necessary healing within yourself.

This is a make or break deal.

If you really get this now and understand, please pause this video and write below, “I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour now!”

This is vital, because the breakdown either continues and increases, or the breakdown transforms into an incredible breakthrough of personal evolution – where you can heal and claim your true essence which is: self-love, self-worth and the sanctity of your own soul, emotions and life.

I hope that this has helped you understand how the narcissist has, or does, rip your life apart, and has started to grant you the hope that there is a true solution to get up and out of this.

I really want you to know that there is a definitive way to heal and release yourself from all of the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, as well as never being susceptible to having your soul, heart and life torn to pieces again.

It is such a beautiful feeling when you realise that you have made it through to this level!

I can’t wait to help you get there!

The best way that I can help you get there, is by you joining my Free Masterclass. If you didn’t make it, you can watch the replay, by clicking this link.

I can’t recommend enough that you do this!

Because in this free event you will learn about the exact step-by-step process, which has proven successful for thousands of people from over 120 different countries, to help you make a full Thriver Recovery too.

And, if you enjoyed this video please give it a thumbs up and please know that if you subscribe to my channel, you will be automatically notified when my two new episodes are released each week.

And as always, I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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Narcissists Are Predictable! 10 Things All Narcissists Say

Narcissists Are Predictable! 10 Things All Narcissists Say

 

Narcissists would like to think that they are unique. But they’re not.

It’s astounding how narcissists say the same things and it’s actually FREAKY!

In this Thriver TV episode I share with you how virtually all narcissists behave in certain situations, how they will react, and the exact (or close enough) words that commonly come out of their mouths.

I also explain what you can do to not be affected by this ridiculousness!

 

 

Video Transcript

 

I remember over a decade ago, when I started reaching out to people about my narcissistic abuse experience, people commonly said, “That’s exactly what the narcissist said to me too!”

Narcissists would like to think that they are unique. But they’re not.

They are in fact incredibly predictable, and that’s what I want to share with you today – how virtually every narcissist will behave almost identically, in the following situations.

So, watch on to find out how they do!

Okay, so before we get started, I would just like to say that I am extremely excited to share with you that I have released my next Free Masterclass, which is coming up in only a few days.

After watching this video, you will know just how this Masterclass can help you regarding getting clear and healing from narcissistic abuse, which you may not have been able to achieve before taking this free class.

You can register for this Quantum Healing Event by clicking this link. 

Now, let’s get into this juicy topic for today, regarding the ten things that virtually all narcissists say.

#1 When Asked For Your Needs To Be Met

“It’s always all about you!”

When trying to negotiate with the narcissist, a lot of what you’re asking for is just common decent behaviour.

You are not asking for the narcissist to fly to the moon for you.

As examples, if you asked to be spoken to nicely, or to be allowed to know the narcissist’s plans and how they may affect you (simple human requests) the narcissist will take umbrage and tell you how unreasonable, and even selfish, this is.

This is where you can feel like you are going crazy, trying to get a child in an adult’s body to understand that a healthy relationship requires care and consideration for one another.

The narcissist simply does not get this, even about basic things, let alone the extreme bad behaviour that he or she does act out.

When you heal for real from narcissistic abuse, I promise you that you will deeply embody that it is healthy for you to speak up for what you need, and know that you deserve to have your needs heard and met by another healthy adult.

And, you will never accept less than this again.

#2 When You Are Leaving Them

“You will never find anybody like me!”

Other variations to this expression are, “You will never find anybody who loves you as much as I do” and “You know that you can’t live without me.”

It’s not until we heal that we realise how ludicrous this really is – we don’t want to ever find anybody like them again and live the torturous life that we’ve been having!

Yet, when you are still emotionally enmeshed with the narcissist, one of their greatest tactics to keep you hooked as supply is to make you feel dependent and helpless without them.

It’s about having you believe that your life going forward on your own will be one of terrible loss.

I promise you that when you go through your Thriver Healing process, you will discover that this is totally not the case! Rather, you will be thrilled that you are free, and you’ve left all of this pain, confusion, and abuse behind.

And you will become self-generative – meaning happy, confident and whole in your own skin.

#3 When Being Confronted

“Here we go again!” (Accompanied with a sarcastic eye roll).

Other variations of this one are, “You are crazy” and “You are the only person I ever have this trouble with.”

This is invalidation at its finest. This is how the narcissist can make you start to doubt your own sanity and believe that there is something wrong with you.

Invalidation of your feelings and being unwilling to meet you and talk about what concerns you is painful enough, yet narcissistic abuse takes this to another level.

Narcissists know how to not just invalidate you, but to also demean your character and sanity at the same time.

It’s little wonder that so many people feel like it must be their fault and suffer terrible assaults on their self-esteem and personal identity.

I really want you to know that my Thriver Healing process, that is the NARP Program, transforms you to a wholeness and self-validation which means you will no longer try to get understanding from somebody who refuses to give it to you.

Rather, if you have confronted somebody deficient in resources to be humble, real and to engage in healthy communication with you, and they are unable to, then you will disengage, move on and create healthy relationships with those who can.

#4 When Treating You Horribly

“But I love you!”

When this happens it feels so crazy, because it could be said when the narcissist is telling you all the things that are wrong with you.

Or whilst the narcissist is telling you that he or she is going to leave you.

It could even be said to you amongst the most horrendous insults, name-calling, and so much worse.

As many people discover, these words hold very little weight when the actions simply don’t match them. Additionally, the narcissist is capable of horrific discards and even replacing you with fresh and new supply at a moment’s notice.

Of course, someone who really loves you doesn’t behave like this!

This I can assure you, after going through your true recovery from the inside out, you will know what real love is. No longer will you be emotionally dismayed that somebody does not have the resources to love you genuinely. This is because you now have solid and real authentic love already going on within yourself.

This is an absolute truth that we discover after Thriver Recovery – you will never accept a level of love below the level that you have been able to establish in your self-partnering with yourself.

You will no longer agonise about someone’s lack of capacity to love you. It’s just not a match for who you are now.

This is when real love that is genuine and wholesome can and will come into your life.

#5 When Confronted For Adulterous Behaviour

“You have jealousy issues!”

Generally, the narcissist will start attacking you with counter-accusations if you are getting close to catching them out.

The narcissist is totally invested into proving that you are wrong, and they are above reproach.

He or she does this by trying to get you to doubt yourself and start to believe that maybe you are insecure and don’t have a right to believe or think the things that you do.

After healing yourself into being a whole and empowered individual, you will know what you do and don’t deserve in your life. You will be willing to take a stand to lose it all to get it all, meaning that unless there is proof there is no truth.

And if there is no truth then you move away, heal and start to generate healthy, trustworthy and genuine relationships instead of ones filled with deception and betrayal.

#6 When You Want Accountability

“You are damaged from your past!”

If you ask the narcissist for clarification, he or she is likely to tell you that you have trust issues as a result of the problems that you’ve experienced in your past. And of course, the narcissist purports that this has nothing to do with his or her behaviour now.

Many of us, who have been narcissistically abused, are good people who take personal responsibility. It is very usual for people like us to try to fix ourselves to try to make our relationships better.

The narcissist may capitalise on this, especially if we don’t know how to create healthy boundaries, honour ourselves and leave if these boundaries are not respected.

This I can assure you, whilst healing from narcissistic abuse with NARP (the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program), you will know that your boundaries and truth reside in the present. You will also know that the past has absolutely nothing to do with you knowing your values and your rights today.

NARP grants you the potential to never be derailed again from stating and knowing what your boundaries are with a narcissistic individual.

#7 When Using Circular Arguments

“Stop raising your voice!”

Another version of this is, “I’m not talking to you until you speak to me respectfully!”

Narcissists have all sorts of nasty tools in their arsenal to make you feel like your head is spinning in an argument with them. They refuse to stay on topic and use all sorts of defensive comments and nasty projections that are so violating, that it is usual for you to lose all emotional stability.

Then, when you get triggered and angry, the narcissist goes from bait to switch and turns it all back on you.

Those of us who have been abused by narcissists know exactly how epically maddening this is.

During Thriver Recovery, you go through a powerful evolution where you know how to stay only on the topic and refuse to go down rabbit holes with the narcissist (which is where he or she loves to take you).

Then, if the narcissist won’t comply, you detach, detox from him or her and take what is necessary to the next level. When you know how to no longer be triggered and have your facts straight and in line, it is far easier to defeat the narcissist than you might think.

#8 When Gaslighting You

“They know who you are!”

The narcissist will tell you how selfish, immoral and nasty your character is and how other people have found you out and are even talking about your defectiveness behind your back.

This is the narcissist projecting his or her disowned inner parts onto you and making out that these disordered things are coming from you.

Because you do have a good character, it is beyond devastating to be accused of things that are not what you do and also frustratingly know that they are actually how the narcissist behaves.

After healing for real from narcissistic abuse, you will no longer get hooked in by this.

Because you are now totally comfortable in knowing who you are, and are no longer attached to what other people do or don’t think about you. You know that the people who are meant to be in your life will know you for who you really are, and the ones that don’t are totally entitled to their opinion.

It’s not important what other people think about you. It’s important what you think about you.

#9 When Breaking Promises

“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”

Narcissists don’t like to comply. They have no desire to be a team player or do things for you that would make you happy (unless there is an agenda attached).

It’s much more preferable to the narcissist to use promises to manipulate you, to get what they want, and to let you down and hurt you when he or she wants to lash out and punish you.

Then the narcissist will twist it all back on you and make it your fault, telling you that your expectations are unreasonable.

During your Thriver Recovery, statements like this will no longer affect you. You will know that they are utter lunacy because real healthy people not only want to commune, care and assist those they love, they also have the emotional resources to do so.

#10 When Abusing You

“You make me behave like this!”

This is the classic narcissistic way of not taking responsibility for horrible behaviour and blaming you for it.

If you believe it, you will try to change your reactions and responses to have a better relationship with the narcissist. However, you will discover that none of this works; the narcissist will still behave terribly regardless of what you try to amend or do differently.

As a result of healing from the inside out with NARP, you will no longer be scapegoated for someone else’s disgraceful and abusive behaviour. Never again will you take responsibility for it. Rather you will leave, heal yourself back to wholeness, and enter and maintain relationships with people who would never have the capacity to behave like this.

Healing From All Of This!

It is eerily freaky how narcissists say the same things!

You may wonder how this is possible. Really, this is simply the product of a disordered Inner Self who refuses to take personal responsibility and suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Until we know better, of course we argue with this behaviour and try to sort it out to make this person see sense and behave decently.

But to no avail!

I hope you can understand that these types of behaviours are narcissistic defence mechanisms that can’t be reasoned with.

This is why you have to find another way, a way that works.

To explain in detail what I have been touching on in this video, I have just opened up my next Free Masterclass where we go through exactly how to create your true Thriver Recovery.

I will show you how it’s done.

So, come join my next Free Masterclass by clicking this link.

Also please share this video with others who you know are suffering from the insanity of narcissistic abuse.

And as always, I look forward to answering your questions and your comments below.

 

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Do Narcissists Ever Regret Their Behaviour?

Do Narcissists Ever Regret Their Behaviour?

 

Narcissistic behaviour is unfathomable. Yet, even after experiencing the horrible, malicious things that a narcissist is capable of, you may be wondering the following …

Will he or she ever wake up? Will the narcissist ever regret their behaviour?

Is it possible for this person to have remorse for what they’ve done to you?

In today’s TTV episode I’m going to bring you the raw, unadulterated truth about these questions, and more … In such a way that hopefully you will never need to ponder this again!

 

 

Video Transcript

These are the questions on so many people’s lips …

Do narcissists know what they are doing?

Do they ever regret their behaviour?

Do they ever atone for what they’ve done?

If you want to know the truth to these questions, then watch on because I’m going to answer these questions and more in today’s TTV episode.

Before we get started, thank you everyone, who has supported the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and I’d like to remind you, if you haven’t already, please do. And if you enjoy this video make sure to give it a thumbs up!

Now let’s get started on this very important episode by looking at a humanity-based system of regret, and then we can move on to what narcissistic regret really is.

 

Understanding Genuine Regret

Genuine human regret contains the following vital points:

• Remorse for what happened to others.
• A desire to resolve damage caused to others.
• Wanting to atone and amend future behaviour.

Does this sound to you like what a narcissist is capable of?

Of course, it doesn’t, because it isn’t even what a narcissist wishes for. He or she does not want to be vulnerable, real, genuinely apologetic or hand over anything to others that may leave them susceptible to them.

In stark contrast, people who are not narcissistic, want to connect, care and can join with others in healthy ways. They desire teamwork and trust and know these are essential commodities in order to experience healthy relationships.

 

General Narcissistic Regret

Narcissistic regret contains these antisocial elements:

• Zero compassion, concern or care for others.
• Feelings of loss as a self-absorbed failure of their personal agenda.
• Comebacks that are equal to, or greater than, the previous pathological lies and manipulations.

Can you see the difference?

The narcissist may be feeling incredibly regretful about what didn’t work, or what was exposed. But this is purely about the narcissist, no one else.

A prime example is when a narcissist is dumped by someone else. He or she may feel the terrible regret of losing narcissistic supply. However, the object of supply is simply an object. This person was being used as a tool to regulate the narcissist’s emotions, without the exchange having anything to do with the other person’s feelings, rights or identity.

The narcissist may feel such ‘terrible (narcissistic) regret’ that he or she may feign responsibility or remorse, which may even come complete with crocodile tears.

Likewise, the narcissist may regret discarding you, if you don’t crawl back to him or her. But it doesn’t mean they feel sorry for the horrible things they did to you. They regret losing their narcissistic supply, sex, money, free living place and other privileges.

Yet, despite the act of trying to win you back, this person is likely to be scouting for new supply on the side simultaneously. As soon as a new source of supply (object) has been secured, then there is zero regret in the losing of the old source.

Of course, it comes complete with total malicious discard, much like one would eliminate an old pair of boots that one no longer wishes to wear.

 

Extended Narcissistic Regret

This next bit may really shock you.

I hope it does because it will allow you to stop trying to believe that a narcissist can adopt the genuine regret and remorse that normal people have, or that somehow you are going to be able to help them reach this level of humanity and emotional maturity.

The reality of narcissistic regret, in regard to their behaviours, is more sinister than you may have ever believed.

Not only do narcissists have a stunted ability to have genuine regret for what they have done to other people, they have actual regret regarding NOT being able to be more of a law onto themselves, and inflict even worse, conscienceless acts.

Examples of this are:

• Married or committed narcissists having to fit in with socially acceptable monogamy, and not being able to have sex with just anybody they want.
• Failing to exact revenge on people who they deemed to have betrayed them (not appeased their False Self enough) to the level that they really wanted to.
• Not being able to smear and defame another successfully enough to not be exposed by that person.
• Having to expend so much energy manipulating and charming their way to the goodies that they believe they should just be entitled to.
• Not having achieved more, or constantly having to construct elaborate lies, to make sure other people don’t steal the limelight from them.

I could write about another ten examples, but I hope that you get the point.

The narcissist does not fit into the normal humane construct that those with a soul and conscience do. Narcissism is a rogue system that is positioned on the constant requirement of filling an insatiable black hole within.

The narcissist’s fragile and highly disordered inner identity does not know how to operate in any other way.

The Short Answer to The Original Questions

Let’s go over this again …

Do narcissists know what they are doing?

Yes, they are doing whatever they are doing in order to secure narcissistic supply. There is no regret or remorse for doing that.

However, it’s important to understand that they have very little if any comprehension of how this affects other people. The truth is, to the narcissist, that’s irrelevant. They don’t care. People are only objects anyway.

Do they ever regret their behaviour?

Yes, a narcissist can regret their behaviour, but only ever in the context of it being only about the narcissist and their agenda.

Do they ever atone for what they’ve done?

A narcissist will not genuinely atone for what they’ve done.

They can feign genuine remorse and even apologise (fleetingly) but this is simply to reinstate the personal agenda, which sadly has nothing to do with care, compassion or love for others.

Once the cracks appear in relationships and dealings with others, it is usual that the narcissist will start looking for fresh supply on the side, and once secured, the old supply will be discarded as if it didn’t ever exist. Which, then is followed by the destruction of devaluation and smearing.

Of course, this happens until there comes a time when the new supply can be punished with the old supply, in which case triangulation can take place.

I hope that this episode has helped clear things up for you and made you realise that wanting a narcissist to be regretful, remorseful and atone in ways that have anything to do with you, is as fruitless as trying to play fetch with a crocodile.

The narcissist simply does not have the inner resources, or brain wiring, to comply.

What is vitally important for you is to let go of needing the narcissist to atone for you to heal. By focusing on him or her and not working on healing your woundedness of what went down, you are enslaving yourself to your own trauma prison indefinitely.

I can show you another way, a much better way to start healing and breaking free from this prison and narcissistic person, today.

To access this please click this link.

And, if you would like to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.

Please also share this episode with those who you know are hung up on wanting the narcissist to be remorseful, which of course is a really common thing, until we work on our Thriver healing.

Also, if this resonated with you, hit the like button.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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When Narcissists Are Hurting The People You Love … How Do You Help Them?

When Narcissists Are Hurting The People You Love … How Do You Help Them?

It is can be disturbing and devastating to watch a loved one struggling with a narcissist.
 
You may have a child whose partner is a narcissist and you feel isolated and powerless to help them.
 
Or you may have a parent, sibling or friend who is experiencing narcissistic abuse and you don’t know what to do.
 
There is a way to help them, other than lecturing and trying to get them to wake up. In this episode, I’m going to explain to you exactly how to do this.

 

 

Video Transcript

So many of you have often asked me, how can I help my child who is now isolated and controlled by the narcissistic spouse?

Or maybe your sister, brother or dear friend is hopelessly enmeshed with a narcissist abusing them at work, in a love relationship or even in a friendship.

You may be beyond concerned that the person you care about isn’t waking up to this and seems to be slipping further and further away from you.

Maybe you have grandchildren that you don’t see anymore because of a narcissistic in-law.

How can you help the person you love who is deeply in the clutches of narcissistic abuse?

In today’s TTV episode I explain to you the only way I know that works and does work to help your loved ones recover from this.

But before we get started on this episode, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who have subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet done so please do, and also give this episode a thumbs up if it resonates with you.

Okay, so now on to this very important information.

 

The Deeper and Necessary Understanding of Quantum Law

There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing the people whom we love suffer. There is nothing more frustrating and unjust than seeing them ripped away from us by a pathological narcissist.

What is doubly frustrating is the more we try to talk sense to the person we love, the more they can pull away from us and even side with the narcissist.

You may be agonising over why this is happening, but what I always like to do is to just get down to the pure truth of things – which is this:

Whichever way we are powerfully emotionally vibrating about anything (including somebody we care about), is exactly the experience that we will have in our personal experience.

Let me put it to you simply. If you feel that someone in your life is being emotionally smashed, abused and isolated from you, then that is the experience you will continue to Quantumly generate in your life.

This is especially true if you see this person as broken and powerless.

Now, before you think that I am blaming you for the experience that they are having, please hear me out. I am not blaming you in any shape or form, I am just explaining how energetic law and true manifesting takes place.

It is a human and beautiful part of our nature to deeply care for, be concerned about and have compassion for those whom we love. Yet, when you understand Quantum Law, you will realise that this is not necessarily helping those you love get better and get away from toxic circumstances.

Rather, it contributes to them being deeply stuck.

To truly help those you love requires a deeper understanding of Quantum Law, which I am beyond inspired to share with you.  In order to be able to help, you need to know the actual steps to Quantumly – which means for real – help the person who is not, at this point, helping themselves.

So, let’s dive in and get started.

 

Step Number One: Acceptance

The greatest barrier to us trying to change our life experience, including the experience of others we care about, is resistance to what is happening in the present moment.

Of course, from the human perspective, we judge what is happening to them as ‘wrong’. Yet, by doing so, we are not understanding the grand design deeper truth of their soul’s evolution and journey.

I personally believe 100% that there is a reason for ‘all of it’, meaning that anyone’s personal evolution is about calling forth and participating in the experiences that are going to make their unconscious programs conscious, and lead them inwards to healing and resolving what is necessary in order to generate a different life experience.

That is exactly what happened to us regarding our own narcissistic abuse which then led us to entering and activating our Thriver Recovery.

When you can take the evolutionary high road of understanding that what your loved one is going through is a necessary transaction for their own personal awakening and evolution, then your deepest wish is not so much for that experience to be removed or brought to an end, but for their soul to awaken and become empowered, self-loving and self-defining within the experience.

And, when you truly love another, then you will bless the experience and not make it so personally about yourself.

How often have we wanted to try to force somebody to change in order for us to feel better?

Usually, if we are honest with ourselves, this is the case. It is understandable and even intensely loving towards others, yet it defies getting a positive result from Quantum Law, as much as trying to defy a natural law such as gravity would be.

It is impossible to generate a change in your life experience by trying to change something outside of you, including somebody you love, in order for you to feel better.

What is much more likely to happen as per Quantum Law – so within, so without – is that this person you are trying to rescue from their situation will supply you more evidence of the inner emotional experience that you are already having. Namely, them not being well.

There is only one way to change your experience of anything or anyone, and that is to find the way to feel better about ‘what is’ so as to create the base foundation to go emotionally inward to then create a different experience that will spill out and have an influence on the outer experience.

This starts with acceptance.

A powerful mantra that you can say often in regard to this person who is being abused by a narcissist is, ‘I bless and accept your experience as sacred. No matter what it looks like, I know that it is offering you the highest possible evolutionary path that your soul yearns for.’

 

Step Number Two: Shifting Your Emotional Response

You have to know that trying to go in and change things, whilst you feel devastated for this person, is not going to work.

If anything, you run the risk of pushing them further away from you and more into the arms of the abuser.

There is a better way to deal with this, and the great thing is that it is activated by working on the only person that you do have the power to change – yourself. And, you can be totally available for this mission.

This is how it works …

By fully understanding and accepting that the way that you create change for yourself and others you care about, is by changing yourself. This doesn’t mean changing the way that you interact with them, even though this is a natural by-product of this … rather it means completely changing your inner emotional composition about this person and what they are going through.

Let me explain to you what I mean with this example.

A NARP member called Gail was devastated that her daughter who was married to a narcissist, was becoming more and more isolated from her and the rest of the family.

To add insult to injury, Gail’s daughter had three children under the age of ten whom Gail adored. Her ability to visit her grandchildren was getting reduced, as she continually received opposition and excuses. Gail knew that her daughter was being twisted and turned against her and her husband by her daughter’s husband.

Gail wrote into me asking me what she could do. I related to her the only solution I have ever known to work. I invited Gail to join NARP and start using the healings to target the traumas in her body regarding what her daughter was going through and how it was impacting Gail.

Gail put in the hard work with NARP and kept moving these terrible traumas in her body and shifting them out, until peace replaced the previous fear and anxiety.

Gail reached the place which we all do, on any topic in our life, when we work with the Quanta Freedom Healing processes of NARP; where the trauma was released, truth entered.

Gail realised that her daughter was going through a soul growth lesson with this man, and she also realised that everybody involved including the children, herself and the family were also going through their own personal evolution as a result of this.

Gail knew that her true power to assist in this solution was to accept that everything was in perfect and divine order, and then to powerfully contribute by shifting herself to ‘feel’ and ‘know’ that her daughter had an infinitely wise Inner Being who could also wake up to the truth.

The more Gail did this work, the more she was able to let go and allow, and keep working on herself to hold her daughter in this emotional vibration.

What happened next is what happens next in virtually every circumstance – Gail’s daughter approached her only a few weeks later. She asked her mother for help to take herself and the children in because she was divorcing her husband.

The spell had been broken.

Gail’s daughter also started working with NARP so as to detox the narcissistic husband out of her system, parent and create healthy powerful boundaries.  By doing this, he lost the advantage of her previous fear to abuse her with. She also set up powerful parallel parenting plans.

I know 100%, because I’ve seen it happen so many times in other people’s lives as well as in my life with my own son Zac, that if Gail had stayed in the same emotional devastation that she was previously in, none of this would have happened.

If you want your life to change regarding the people you love, then you need to become the change that you seek, from the inside out.

 

Step Number Three: Replace Blame and Resentment With Love

One of the most vital transitions you need to go through to help the people whom you love is to stop blaming and shaming them. It’s very common and of course understandable, to be angry and upset with this person you love for turning their back on you or siding with the narcissist against you.

Many people get confused regarding boundaries versus resentment. To help somebody awaken and re-enter your life, and their own life healthily, you must engage the power of love. Which means seeing and holding them in love without any personal hurt of your own being involved.

You may have to work really hard at this with NARP in order to shift out all vestiges of blame, resentment and hurt.

Remember, love heals, resentment hinders.

This does not mean drop your boundaries. If the person whom you love is infiltrating and damaging your boundaries, then enforce them, lovingly and directly and honestly.

That is what real love does. You are not loving another honestly by forfeiting your boundaries and hurting yourself to try to make them happy or love you. That’s a false love economy.

Let me share with you the following example.

Don is another NARP member who was doing the inner work regarding his son being in business with a very toxic narcissist determined to keep him away from Don and the family.

Yet, his son would come to Don to borrow money because of his business losses. The interactions went like this, every few months or so Don’s son made contact, but it was only about money. At all other times, he refused to be in contact with the family.

Before working with NARP, Don used to grant money to his son to try to stay in contact, yet after working with NARP and losing his trauma about what was happening with his son, Don started saying ‘No’.

Predictably all contact stopped and was unanswered when Don and his wife would reach out.

However, Don kept working with NARP as instructed to release all his guilt and obligation and trauma and just kept bringing in the highest possibility of resolution, which was his son awakening into his own infinite inner wisdom, thus evolving beyond the abuse.

It’s what happened – Don’s son left his business partner, returned to the family fold and started taking legal action against the narcissist.

 

Having to Work With This Differently

Until you understand Quantum Law, you may think that what I am talking about is some new-age fluffy theory.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Our own awakening is to realise how intrinsically and powerfully our own emotional energy is connected to the entire field; especially to those we are bonded to through love.

I know that so many of you in the community are reporting to me that you are really ‘getting it’. There is such a big difference between receiving information and fully embodying it as truth. The latter is what grants you power.

If you are really getting this, I want you to pause this video and write below ‘the cells of my body really get this!’

Until now you may not have realised that through your care and concern you have actually been adding to the situation rather than resolving it. This is why you need to learn to go about this in a different way, and I know that you will be stunned and shocked (beautifully) when you start working at this from the inside out.

In the only way that can truly work – Quantumly.

I can’t recommend enough becoming a NARP member to help those who you love. The wonderful by-product is that, not only will you discover how much you can genuinely assist them, you will also discover your own unlimited expansion, resolutions and breakthroughs that previously only seemed to be a life dream.

To become a NARP member click this link.

And, if you enjoyed this video, and would like to be notified each time a new episode is released, then make sure that you subscribe to receive all of my updates.

Also, please share this episode with those you know who are agonising over what is happening to the people they love.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Top 6 Traits Narcissists Look For In Their Victims

Top 6 Traits Narcissists Look For In Their Victims

 

Narcissists know how to target people.

They know what to look out for.

Many people think that narcissists can con anybody and start to destroy their lives. This isn’t true. There are many people who the narcissist will quickly ascertain are not on their snack list.

In today’s TTV episode I share with you the top six traits that narcissists look for in their victims.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists hunt.

They know what they are searching for in regard to their victims. They are looking for lovely people with certain characteristics, which really means people who are not necessarily nice to themselves.

Narcissists need narcissistic supply very quickly. They can’t provide their own internal energy source and need to strike rapidly. This is why narcissists are incredibly skilled at knowing who to strike and how.

By you knowing the six traits that narcissists look out for in the people that they hone in on, it means you can shore up these susceptibilities within yourself so that you will no longer be on a narcissist’s menu.

Okay, so just before we investigate these six top traits, I’d like to thank all of you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel. If you haven’t yet done so please do. Also, if you like this video please make sure that you give it a thumbs up and share it with your communities.

Okay so let’s get started on this very important information.

Trait Number One: Unhealed Traumas

The number one universal tactic for a narcissist to enmesh with another, such as a love or business partner, friend, neighbour or even in regard to a family of origin narcissist trying to retain another family member for supply – is this:

Find the ‘need’ and propose to be the grand supplier of it.

Narcissists question potential intimate partner targets to find out what is still hurting them or missing in regard to their previous love life.

If you say that you were treated like you didn’t matter, the narcissist will supply the information to make you believe that to him or her you will completely matter. If your previous traumas have been about adultery, the narcissist will profess to be 100% monogamous.

The list goes on and on.

In a business context, the narcissist will purportedly have the smarts, experience, confidence and contacts that you don’t have.

When a family member is ready to pull away and walk away, the narcissist may pretend to be the caring, considerate person that the other family member has craved all their life.

If you feel empty, disappointed, powerless or ineffectual in some area of your life, you are susceptible to being duped and abused by a narcissist pretending to be the saviour of this trauma.

Of course, we all have things that we desire, yet if we are not taking personal responsibility to heal those feelings within ourselves, we will be needy. We will grab an outside solution rather than doing the inner work to become an emotional healing solution to ourselves.

This means we can make risky choices, rather than take our time to ascertain the character of people and ensure that our boundaries, values, body, heart, mind and property have been granted the healthy due diligence to keep them safe.

When we are whole, we don’t rush things. When we are empty and needy we become reckless to try to get relief from our inner emptiness and anxieties about the future.

This is where narcissists come in.

Trait Number Two: Not Honouring Your Inner Being

Narcissists know how to test people’s boundaries. When a narcissist targets you as a potential source, they are trying to find out whether or not you honour yourself, your values and your truth.

Because if you are in your power, as soon as the narcissist starts violating your boundaries and mining you with their own self-serving agendas, you will put an end to the relationship.

A person aligned with living their values and truths will not be a match for such behaviours.

Narcissists can easily test your boundaries, especially if he or she has been able to hook up quickly with you, and infiltrate your time, emotions and life. At this point, you may already be feeling an emotional dependency on this person as the provider of the love, approval, security or survival that you haven’t yet resolved within yourself.

This now means that you don’t want to lose this person.

You may even believe that this is THE person who will be your salvation and bring you wholeness.

Now the narcissist is going to start saying or doing things to test your boundaries to see how far he or she can go. The actions start not matching the words. He or she will start acting entitled, selfish and inconsiderate.

He or she may make a disparaging, nasty comment about you or someone or something that is important to you.

Where there was previously support, the exact opposite starts becoming evident.

You may even start experiencing obscene violations of your values and rights that start tearing your soul apart. At some point in your relationship with the narcissist, these horrific experiences are inevitable.

If you start acquiescing to try to keep the peace, or even fight back because this has hurt you, rather than create ultimate boundaries, pull away and know what you will or won’t have in your life – the narcissist will now know that he or she can violate you, mine you and get what he or she wants.

Identically, upon meeting a narcissist, he or she has ways of testing your boundaries and seeing if you are going to do your due diligence and take your time to assess his or her personal character or not.

If you start automatically trusting and gravitating towards a narcissist, despite the warning signs that your Inner Being is absolutely supplying you with (this happened to all of us), then the narcissist has a green light to proceed.

From this point things can only get worse.

Trait Number Three: Not Having Your Own Whole Life

One part of being that injured gazelle at the edge of the pack, able to be picked off by a predator, is not having a whole, happy and productive life.

You see, this is how it goes – narcissists need to create dependencies.

If you feel lonely, empty and have simply been going through the motions waiting for something to change outside of yourself, or for somebody to turn up in order to start granting you a happy productive life, you are at risk. That someone who you want to be the saviour of this emptiness is someone who you will struggle greatly to let go of – no matter how badly he or she treats you.

If, when you start connecting with somebody at a healthy pace, you don’t retain your own life, happiness, and purpose then this person becomes your ‘everything’.

This is dire; it is unhealthy co-dependent attachment. It means that this person’s choices, values and life will become your own, no matter how abusive and disordered they may be.

It also means that this person can monopolise your emotions, time and life very quickly.

In stark contrast, retaining yourself, your life and your values is one of the greatest safeguards in regard to not being taken in and down by a narcissist. He or she will not tolerate it and will need to leave your experience.

Trait Number Four: Not Being Willing to Lose It All to Get It All

If you are not prepared to love yourself first and foremost, then you are susceptible to being abused by somebody who you are trying to get your own sense of worth and love from.

A healthy life in regard to interpersonal relationships must start with self-love. Meaning, if someone starts treating you in unhealthy and abusive ways that you love yourself enough to pull away and align with the self-love, ‘I love myself enough to know longer endure abuse’.

Generally, narcissists do something inappropriate, uncaring or even abusive early in the relationship. Or you may discover information or questionable activities about this person that just don’t add up, or point-blank expose him or her to be not a nice person.

If you make excuses to stay attached, and if you are not prepared to pull away and create safety around the sanctity of your soul and life-force by declaring the truth of your values and what you will and won’t accept in your life, the narcissist knows that he or she can be a monster and you won’t leave.

The narcissist knows you will stay attached trying to change them in order to try to have a happy life. This provides the narcissist with copious amounts of narcissistic supply – the drama and attention he or she gets from knowing how severely you are affected by them. He or she also now has you as a target to beat up and to offload their inner demons onto.

If you are a person who is willing to lose it all to get it all, meaning lose another person rather than lose yourself, you will never be susceptible to a narcissist. You will leave as soon as things start to feel and become ‘off’. You will set the limits as to what you will and won’t accept, and you will very quickly see that the narcissist does not have the resources to genuinely meet you healthily.

If you are presently healing to get into this newfound True Self Power, you will finally get out of the clutches of narcissistic abuse and start to carve out the life that is reflective of your True Self.

Naturally, to be solid enough on the inside to do this requires doing the inner work on your original traumas in order to become whole. Otherwise, you may capitulate and keep handing your power away.

Trait Number Five: Trying to Change Other People to Stop Them From Hurting You

Narcissists seek out people who are co-dependent. These are people who make other people’s business their business in order to try to feel loved, safe and happy.

Narcissists make a mess.

They are often edgy, irresponsible, live high on the hog, and show little respect for rules, finances and responsibility – after all it is about feeding their insatiable False Self in order to feel significant, regardless of the cost.

If you are someone who is covertly controlling, meaning taking responsibility for other people who don’t take responsibility for themselves, in order for you to feel safe on the inside, then you are a perfect match for a narcissist.

He or she wants somebody to mop up the messes. He or she wants someone to keep the fires burning while the narcissist pursues new supply outside of the home. He or she wants somebody to hang around and stay focused on the narcissist regardless of how badly the narcissist behaves.

We may believe that it is caring to look after irresponsible and out-of-control people, but really this is an attempt to try to get people to be stable and safe so that they can love us and look after us healthily.

As children, we may have been connected to unsafe others, trying to fix things for them so that they would be safe. The truth is we had no other option. As adults we do, and we can never fix other people’s behaviour to get our own source of love, approval, security and survival.

We only ever achieve these things by letting go of people who we believe need fixing, and turning inwards and fixing the real reasons why we have had the tendency to do this and stay connected to abuse in painful relationships.

Trait Number Six: You Are Not Self-Partnered and Loving Yourself

When the narcissist starts behaving in inappropriate and abusive ways, and you stay attached to him or her instead of pulling away to look after yourself, the narcissist knows that he or she has become the centre of your universe.

Now the narcissist can keep hurting you, mining and taking from you, and know that you have been secured as a source of supply while this takes place.

When you stay, which means tolerating things that you never believed you would tolerate, the narcissist has full permission to relax and drop the mask even further.

He or she may realise that even if caught out with adultery you won’t leave.

This is soul destroying for you, when you realise that your bottom line is almost completely extinguished, or even non-existent now.

This is the reason why being self-partnered is the number one step to take, to start pulling away, healing, bringing yourself back to wholeness and wellness and being impervious to abusers in the future.

It is the absolute foundation of healing in the Thriver Way in order to create a full recovery of not just your abuse symptoms, but also your abuse patterns.

If you are not self-partnered, meaning you are committed to loving yourself enough to heal and create yourself as a whole and healthy individual who is no longer susceptible to abuse, then your life will be dictated by other people’s values and choices rather than your own.

Narcissists know how to look out for this to ascertain where people are in regard to being anchored in their own being as self-love to themselves or not. People who have been assigning other people as their source of love, approval, security and survival are clearly not self-partnered.

If this is the case, narcissists know that they can easily slot into that position, enmesh with people, and start taking over their soul and life.

How to Recover From These Six Traits

I hope that going over these top six traits that narcissists look out for in their victims has helped you understand just how you may have been susceptible to narcissistic abuse.

Most people are extremely aware of the symptoms that they are suffering, and that they have been abused, but do not realise the real rectifications that are necessary to graduate out of the pain and trauma to evolve yourself beyond handing your power away to abusers again.

If you need further clarification and understanding on exactly how this has played out in your life then I invite you to join me in my free webinar where you will start to understand exactly how you can heal from not just your abuse symptoms, but also the abuser’s ability to hurt you, and, going forward, the fears of getting involved with any narcissistic people in the future.

To gain this vital understanding and training please click this link.

And, if you liked this video please give it a thumbs up and share with the communities and people who you know can heal as a result of this information.

Also, please remember to subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new video is released.

So, I hope that this video was insightful for you and I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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Gaslighting: How To Demystify And Protect Yourself From The Narcissist’s Smoke-Screen

Gaslighting: How To Demystify And Protect Yourself From The Narcissist’s Smoke-Screen

 

Gaslighting is a term that most abuse communities are very familiar with.

But what does it mean?

How does it affect people?

Why is gaslighting so hard to identify, and so mentally and emotionally damaging?

How can you get clear that you are being gaslit, remove and protect yourself and recover from its insidious effects?

The answers to these questions are very important because if you are being abused, there is every chance that you are being gaslit.

 

The Origins of the Word Gaslighting

If you are not sure what the expression ‘gaslighting’ means, Wikipedia describes it like this – a  form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity.

The term owes its origin to a 1938 play called Gas Light and its 1944 film adaptation.

Gaslighting is commonly used by toxic and abusive individuals to diminish others, which often means close intimates or other people who they wish to gain control over, as well as punish.

Let’s examine how this gaslighting plays out.

 

The Main Tactic of Gaslighting – Confusion

If you are feeling confusion regarding what is real and what isn’t real, there is a good chance that you are being gaslit.

An example of this would be that you have a conversation with someone and you know what was actually said. Then this person, as narcissists often do when confronted, flatly denies ever saying it at all, and will tell you that you completely misheard what was said.

You know you didn’t, yet, you start to doubt yourself. You believe there is a possibility you misheard things. Worse still, you might begin to think that you are losing your mind. After all, this person is apparently so convinced that you are wrong.

Confusions of this type are an incredibly common occurrence with an abuser, and this is only the beginning of how far it can go and how devastating gaslighting can be.

The following is a classic example of how gaslighting can take place. Tracy, one of my clients, experienced a situation of confusion and horrific punishment through the use of gaslighting.

This lady’s mother had very recently died, and friends and family gathered at her home in deep commiseration together. Her narcissistic husband was incensed because the attention wasn’t on him.

Tracy had too much to drink in her state of deep grief, and when she woke up the next morning her husband was gone. He went missing for three days with his phone turned off.

When he returned, he told Tracy that she was seen in the kitchen kissing her own male cousin. He said that he wasn’t the only one who caught her out, and there were other family members who were also disgusted by her actions.

Tracy was mortified. She was drunk that night, she couldn’t remember. She was horrified thinking she may have done it, even though she had never felt any attraction or romantic inclination towards her cousin.

In our Quanta Freedom Healing session together, we shifted out not only the grief of losing Tracy’s mother but also the terrible trauma of her husband’s accusation.

Because the terrible feelings had shifted out of her Inner Being, Tracy got very clear about showing up in integrity and confronting these allegations. She contacted people who were present at the house that evening. When Tracy told people what her husband had said, they were shocked. They told her that she had done nothing of the kind, and that her husband’s mood and behaviour towards her that night had been totally unsupportive and horrible.

This is the thing when we’re not in our power, we recoil in shame and don’t check out the facts. Tracy’s husband had not expected her to do that. When she confronted him about his abusive behaviour he quickly changed to the next gaslighting tactic, ‘Of course people aren’t going to admit what they saw, it’s too disgusting’, and ‘Not only should I leave you for what you did but why would I stay with a wife who believes other people’s lies instead of her own husband?’

Of course, this threw Tracy into an even worse spin. That’s exactly what gaslighting is all about.

Gaslighting truly is an incredibly malicious tactic. It’s used to punish people by stripping their power and getting them to distrust themselves. It’s also about destroying a person’s own character to themselves and anyone else who will listen.

And sadly, many outside people do listen. Most decent people have been conditioned to believe that when another adult looks them in the eyes and says something horrible about another person, that it must be true.

In this case, Tracy’s narcissistic husband told joint friends and work colleagues his twisted version of what she did that night. Most of these people believed him, including him purporting she had cheated on him numerous times previously.

So, what was his motivation for doing this?

Hurting Tracy – pure and simple. Taking out his rage on her because that evening he couldn’t regulate narcissistic supply and be the centre of attention.

It is important to understand that narcissists will use the tactic of gaslighting to fulfil any agenda necessary for him or her to feed the False Self, or punish someone who hasn’t adequately done so.

 

When to Suspect You Are Being Gaslit

Being gaslit is probable if you are facing mind-bending confusion with one specific person in your life.

In other words, if you don’t suffer confusing accusations, information and conversations with other people, this is generally a very strong indication that you are being abused by the person that it is happening with.

If there is no real evidence regarding the information you are being told and if you believe that it was a different version of the events being presented, and especially if the confusing times happen on a regular basis, there is a good possibility that you are being gaslit.

If this person is often unkind, unsupportive, envious, pathologically jealous or prone to try to sabotage your interests and happiness, and takes umbrage when life is not all about him or her, make no mistake – the confusing times are gaslighting episodes.

Gaslighting is cruel – it’s conscienceless – it’s malicious. And it defies what we would like to believe humans are capable of doing.  Truly, only a pathologically disordered person is capable of doing it.

 

The Parts of You Susceptible to Being Gaslit

Your emancipation from being gaslit is to realise first of all that anybody who is hurting you is not healthy for you – regardless of what they are saying or doing.

When situations are confusing, you may not be able to make logical sense of what is going on. This is normal. However, when you go inside and start addressing what is being triggered within your Inner Identity with my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), you will get to the core of the problem.

These are the unhealed parts of yourself which are susceptible to being lied to, manipulated, twisted and confused.

If you have been susceptible to being scapegoated and blamed when you were little or told that whatever you did was never good enough, or parented with guilt tactics, or told how bad and worthless you were, then all of these original traumas can make you highly susceptible to being gaslit.

If you have struggled to trust yourself and believed that other people have more power, jurisdiction or better skills at organising your life than you do, then you are also highly susceptible to being lied to and manipulated through gaslighting.

Gaslighting is one of the narcissistic tactics that prey on our already existing gaps – the parts of ourselves that haven’t been healed and shored up yet – meaning we hand over our rights and value to another person’s opinion of us.

We can easily fall for this, especially if we have a terror of persecution and being criticised rejected, abandoned or punished by those who don’t believe we are a good person.

If you believe that your love, approval, security and survival depends on a key person’s thoughts and feelings about you, then the more they maliciously gaslight you, the more you will cling to them trying to fix their version of you, and to get safety and clarity from them.

Yet, you can’t create sanity out of insanity. Trying to is a dangerous recipe to potentially go fully insane.

You may even capitulate, apologise and hand your values, rights and boundaries away to retain this person in your life, trying to make them love you. Not only does this not work, it will leave you drastically devastated and diminished, and you will become more and more unwell.

 

How Do You Heal and Become Impervious to Being Gaslit?

I promise you that when you heal your susceptibilities to abuse, you will never be gaslit again.

In the case of Tracy, when her husband started smashing her with continued gaslighting tactics – threatening to abandon her due to her purported adulterous behaviour and betrayal of him – understandably she was hit with further doubt and panic.

Yet, rather than caving in to him, and handing her power over even further, Tracy went inside herself with Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) and targeted these intense traumas that were activated within her Inner Being.

The belief systems and original traumas that were at the core of Tracy’s susceptibility to believing him, were how she was scapegoated as a child. These were the unhealed traumas of how she was blamed for her father’s dysfunctional and abusive behaviour. As a child she had taken the blame and the shame on for her father.

Thank goodness that with NARP processes, Tracy was able to load up her original childhood traumas, and release and replace them.

It was then that she anchored into her power and truth.

No more was she a broken little scapegoated girl in an adult woman’s body. Rather, Tracy had clarity and knew that her narcissistic husband was abusing her, was unsupportive and pathological, and that this behaviour was no longer a match for what she wanted or deserved in her life.

This was the beginning of the end of the relationship.

She took action to get a solicitor, moved out and her husband was blindsided regarding her newfound power. She was no longer scared of him, tiptoeing around him or handing him her power.

He then switched to love bombing, apologising and trying to win her back. This predictably triggered her feelings of guilt and obligation and wanting to try to fix things. (Which were other unhealed traumas that had taken place between Tracy and her father during her childhood).

The triggered painful feelings meant that there was just more stuff to heal!

Fortunately, when Tracy was close to capitulating, rather than reconnecting with him, she went inside again with the NARP healings and shifted out the parts of her that were triggered. These were the parts of her that had previously given abusive people repeat chances, time and time again. But finally, Tracy felt impervious and unmoved by her husband’s crocodile tears and false promises.

Now, who he was and what he stood for no longer appealed to her in any shape or form.

Because of being unmoved by him, within six months she received her settlement and he was fully out of her life.

The truth was that Tracy’s emotional attachment and trauma symptoms were healed and finished many months before this.

Such is the case for all of us, when we finally heal the original traumas that the narcissist is presenting as the current evidence in our life. This is because we have awakened, healed and reset our Inner Identity and relationship code to one that no longer matches the abuse that the narcissist in our life delivers.

I promise you the same will be true for you.

Tracy, just like so many of us (myself included) who were gaslit, became a confident, solid human, anchored into her own Inner Being with self-value.

When you have released the trauma that has made you susceptible to being gaslit and shift into your True Self on this topic, you will finally be free of this hideous and malicious form of manipulation.

Okay, so … I dearly hope that this article has helped grant you clarity and power. I also hope that it has given you a roadmap to get up and out of the pain and susceptibility to being abused by someone else’s malicious tactics – otherwise known as gaslighting.

If you know it’s time for you to get serious about healing your original traumas so that you can escape abuse and enter a true, healthy life where you are treated with respect, then it may be time for you to take the next step and start my NARP program.

This holiday time could be the perfect opportunity for you to get serious about healing your Inner Identity and getting relief, clarity and your power back very quickly.

You can get this process started today right here.

And as always, I am so looking forward to our discussion on this topic below.

 

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