Posts

The Narcissist And The Fear Of Not Knowing The Outcome

The Narcissist And The Fear Of Not Knowing The Outcome

 

Fear is a really big part of narcissistic abuse.

Not knowing how things will end up when you’re being emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially smashed, fuels that fear.

It totally feels like your outcome is bleak … but is it?

Beyond the threats, the devastation, powerlessness and lack of support there is a way to bypass the brain and let the body lead you out of fear.

Let me explain this Quantum Truth to you in my latest Thriver TV episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

One of the most terrifying things about a breakdown with a narcissist is that you have no idea how it will end up.

Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially you’ve been smashed.

You know that if you stay you will continue getting ripped to pieces, despite all your efforts to make it otherwise.

You know that if you leave that things could get even worse.

You may be facing court battles for property, businesses, resources and even your children.

The narcissist might already have seized control and ownership of many things, threatening you with how horrible they can make your life in the future.

Your outcome looks bleak.

But is it?

That question is what today’s episode is all about.

Before I get started, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission which is about a true solution to heal from narcissistic abuse.

And also remind you, that if you haven’t yet subscribed, please do.

Okay, so on with today’s episode.

 

How The Mind Perceives This

When you are in the throes of narcissistic abuse looking at the devastation of your world around you, absolutely you feel powerless.

And, it feels like you don’t have the health, sanity and resources left to go on with.

Additionally, it seems like other people don’t get it, aren’t being supportive and are not holding the narcissist accountable. They may even believe that you are the problem.

To add insult to injury, commonly legal personnel and the court system aren’t helping you either.

Things absolutely are bad, and no matter where you look there is no logical, physical proof that things can get better.

Yet, there is a deeper possibility of resurrection here that you may have never come into contact with yet.

And that is really normal because we’ve all been separated from our innate power, which is to know yourself as the Creative generative force of your experience.

We’ve been programmed to look to the outside world to try to get our answers and our power there instead.

I so know what it is like to be in this place, as I know many of you have or still do. It is completely typical of the breakdown of narcissistic abuse. And 100% understandable. However, I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

This is happening because you haven’t yet done the journey from the mind into the body to become the true Creator of your future.

Here is the divine dichotomy with this – when feeling traumatised and out-of-control, this is exactly the time when you need to make that shift the most, and it is the time when it’s the hardest to do it.

Let me explain …

 

When Traumatised, The Mind Is Energised

In narcissistic abuse breakdown the trauma is off the charts. You’re lucky to be able to make yourself a cup of tea let alone formulate a way to survive, break away and successfully rebuild your life.

Of course, you are terrified about what the future holds. You feel horribly unsafe in the present, and the horrific things in the past haunt you. Why would you have hope for the future?

Please let me explain to you the way your mind works so that you can understand why it is virtually impossible to think your way into a positive outcome.

Your brain is following your body.

The trauma that has infiltrated you, and is now literally inside you smashing your Inner Being, has a life of its own. This produces the intensely hijacking chemicals of fight and flee.

Once upon a time adrenaline and cortisol were incredibly effective to force blood and energy to your limbs to be able to run up a tree to get away from a predator. It was designed as a short-term solution, then when the threat disappeared, your system could reset to normal.

In the extreme trauma of narcissistic abuse, this isn’t happening. Because of the unpredictability, pathology, toxicity and life-sucking aspects of narcissistic abuse, you are constantly in trauma.

This means other critical processes within you are starved of nutrients and energy. Things like the ability to think straight, calmly and solidly. Your immune system is also depleted. This can make you very sick.

When you are in constant trauma, you have become a lesser, more ineffectual being.

Please know this is not your fault at all, it’s just the truth!

What this means is planning, finding solutions and the ability to inspire and generate support with familiars and authorities is seriously compromised.

This is why most people in the devastating breakdown of narcissistic abuse fare very badly. The narcissist often wins, leaving you stripped bare and even more traumatised.

It’s awful, but again it doesn’t need to be this way.

How can your future not end up on the scrap pile of life after being desecrated by a narcissist?

This is how … By doing the switch to putting your body in charge so that your brain can follow.

What does that mean?

I can’t wait to help you understand this, because it’s everything regarding your future outcome.

 

The Difference Between “Being” And “Thinking”

I really want you to understand the meaning of the word “be-come”.

It means that if you “be” it, then it will “come”. It’s vital to understand “being something” does not mean “thinking something”, it means BEING something.

I want you to feel the word “being”, as opposed to “thinking”.

Can you feel the word “being” as being in your body, in your visceral? Meaning it is anchored inside you. Which means it just is. It’s who you are being. It is Who You Are.

Now let’s think about “thinking”. When you are thinking something, it is a concept. It’s in your head but hasn’t yet transferred down into your Being. It’s not who you are being yet, it’s just what you are thinking.

To distinguish between the two is very important because this has everything to do with your future and how your life is going to unfold for you.

If you are thinking about what you want, and you are not yet anchored in the solid wholeness of your Being, in your body, then no matter what you think it’s not going to be-come your life.

Many of you may know that I am not a fan of the principles of Law of Attraction. The idea is great, but there are so many components missing, especially for people who have suffered high levels of trauma.

There is no way that you are going to be able to hold the thoughts or the visualisations of positive and incredible things happening in your life, such as ample money, a new home, people who love and support you and a wonderful intimate partner, after you’ve been smashed to pieces.

The trauma is just too horrific. There is too much adrenaline and cortisol. There are far too many unhealed inner traumas that you haven’t yet freed yourself from which are causing you to think in ways that completely match that trauma, rather than be able to move into an empowered knowing of the future.

There is the constant battle with these internal traumas, just by trying to survive them and overcome them.

The only way to truly overcome extreme trauma is to turn inwards and do the work directly in your Inner Being. Then you can go free from these traumas and automatically you will start thinking differently.

 

The Truth About Your “Beingness”

When you are dedicated to releasing your trauma, you will find that your Beingness was underneath the rubble of the trauma all along. This is your true essence, which is already unconditionally self-loving, self-accepting and able to honour yourself in life.

This is the True You who with so much less effort knows how to be self-generative and make your life work, regardless of what you have been through or what you’ve lost.

The activation of your True Beingness is probably what you have been trying to get from outside of yourself frenetically. For decades I was doing the same until I turned inwards and realised that it already existed within me.

Before this shift, that is everything, we are usually trying to put the “getting” with “thinking” in front of the “Being”.

I used to believe, while stuck in my trauma, that if I just tried hard enough to visualise the resurrection of my finances, and a new home, loving supportive people and a wonderful intimate partner that somehow I would be able to land up there.

It didn’t work.

Why?

Because I was attaching all of my Beingness to these outcomes. It made me stay clinging in my destructive marriage. A big part of me didn’t want to let go unless I was somehow able to create these things straightaway. I believed that my very Inner Identity, my Beingness relied on these things.

It certainly didn’t.

I didn’t realise until I let go, turned inwards with total self-dedication and self-love, finally realising that my healing of my Beingness was everything.

Not the Beingness of being able to hold visualisations of money, a home, people and a partner. Rather simply the self-partnering into wholeness with my Being.

I had no idea what that would bring, other than know I needed to do it. To my delight what started to arise very quickly was feelings of inspiration, awakening, wisdom, joy, love, appreciation, energy, health and every other positive emotion you could possibly experience.

None of this was artificial. None of this was produced from things outside of me. It just arose from within.

And, I noticed people and situations started to gravitate around me to support me. The most crazy good things started to happen, incredible synchronicity and support bringing me whatever I needed, appearing literally out of thin air.

Why?

Because I was self-partnered and life had started to partner me profoundly.

This is our natural organic Beingness without trauma.

I promise you that with all my heart.

That’s the alchemy. That’s the power.

That’s the shift.

What do you think your future will be from this place?

Do you think that you need any particular future in order to feel okay?

Or do you believe that you have an open heart connected to astounding resources to magnificently create and enjoy and love the journey?

I know of so many Thrivers, including myself, who have created the most incredible outcomes, that are continually unfolding every day. I am proud to say I have absolutely no idea of my ultimate outcome and destination.

And, so many of us came from narcissistic abuse devastation where it was virtually deemed impossible for us to ever make a comeback.

But I promise you, from a place of deep devotion and dedication to your Beingness, as a result of releasing your trauma, you will know yourself as an unlimited Being.

Maybe today’s Thriver TV episode is one that you will need to watch a few times to absorb these Quantum Truths. Or maybe they hit home straight away!

If this does hit home, I want you to pause the video and write below, “I totally get it!”

Okay, so I’d love you to truly anchor this in as Beingness, rather than it just remaining as a concept to consider.

The way I can help you get that shift is in my free webinar. You can come and join me in that process, by clicking this link and reserve your place.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

Read More –>

Infidelity Affect the Outcome of Your Divorce

Will Infidelity Affect the Outcome of Your Divorce?

Infidelity Affect the Outcome of Your Divorce

 

Infidelity is a common cause of divorce throughout North America. However, the effect that an affair might have on the outcome of your divorce case will vary depending on your jurisdiction. Different laws set out different standards for how infidelity impacts a divorce, and the following is some information about adultery and some examples of how your divorce outcome might be swayed if your spouse was unfaithful.

Adultery as Grounds for Divorce

For a long time, a spouse had to state “traditional” grounds for divorce that were based on marital misconduct, such as adultery. While all jurisdictions in North America now allow no-fault divorce based on the irretrievable breakdown of a marriage, some jurisdictions still allow spouses to claim fault-based grounds for divorce. In many cases, fault-based grounds can eliminate the need to be separated for a period of time before obtaining a divorce.

If you allege infidelity as grounds for a divorce, your spouse will have the opportunity to contest your allegations. If your spouse does contest, you will need to sufficiently prove the adultery occurred to obtain your divorce. This does not mean that you need to catch your spouse in the actual adulterous act, though you do need to present credible evidence that infers they were engaged in extramarital sexual conduct. Such evidence may include:

  • Statements from friends, family members, or other witnesses who knew about the affair
  • Credit card charges for gifts, hotel rooms, romantic meals, trips, or other expenses related to the affair
  • Emails or text messages
  • Not coming home often or another departure from normal routines without explanation
  • Seeing your spouse with another person

If you are unable to present evidence to support your claims of infidelity, the court can deny your petition for a divorce based on those grounds. You might need to file for no-fault divorce, which might require a period of separation before the case can get underway.

Adultery in a No-Fault Divorce

Many people file for no-fault divorce because it seems simpler or because their jurisdiction does not allow fault-based grounds. In this situation, infidelity may or may not play a role in the divorce process. While you can end your marriage without the court considering infidelity, your spouse’s conduct could still come into play when deciding certain issues in your divorce.

Property Distributions

In some cases, your spouse might have wasted marital assets on an affair. If you have records showing your spouse racked up credit card debt or otherwise spent money on gifts, meals, vacations, or other expenses related to their infidelity, you can claim your spouse wrongfully wasted assets that were rightfully half yours. In this type of situation, the court can decide to award you a larger property award to make up for the funds your spouse wasted for extramarital purposes.

Spousal Support Awards

Whether infidelity affects spousal support (or alimony) awards will depend on the law and policies in your jurisdiction. The laws can vary significantly, including the following:

  • Some jurisdictions prohibit judges from considering infidelity when it comes to spousal support, as the focus should be on the financial need of the recipient spouse
  • Some jurisdictions prevent a spouse from receiving alimony if they were unfaithful
  • Some jurisdictions entitle a spouse to a higher spousal support award if their spouse was unfaithful

It truly depends on where the divorce is occurring, and a knowledgeable divorce lawyer in your jurisdiction can advise you how infidelity might affect your alimony award.

Child Custody

Some spouses might think their children should not be around a parent who sets an immoral example by having affairs. However, a spouse’s infidelity does not make them automatically unfit to parent under the eyes of the law. Instead, the court will consider what is in the best interests of the child when determining custody arrangements. Some factors the court might consider include:

  • Is the adulterous spouse engaged in affairs with numerous people at the same time?
  • Does your spouse expose your child to inappropriate situations as a result of his affairs?
  • Is the adulterous behavior accompanied by substance abuse, being gone for long hours, or other behavior that puts the child at risk of harm or neglect?

If the court believes that your spouse’s parenting abilities are impacted by the circumstances accompanying the infidelity, it might impact the custody determination.

Resolving Your Divorce Case

Even if you are rightfully angry and hurt by your spouse’s infidelity, this should not be the driving force leading to a certain outcome of your divorce. Family courts encourage divorcing spouses to focus on resolution instead of blame and fault, as this often makes it easier to compromise and reach out-of-court agreements. In some cases, raising the issue of infidelity can improve your divorce outcome while, in others, it might simply distract from the important issues and not impact the outcome at all.

If you are filing for divorce because your husband was unfaithful, it is important to examine all of your options and strategies with an experienced divorce lawyer. This way, you can take the best approach to ensure the best possible outcome of your case.

The post Will Infidelity Affect the Outcome of Your Divorce? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

Read More –>