SOME ADVICE FOR MICHELLE SMITH – GET THE FACTS BEFORE YOU DO DAMAGE CONTROL
Josh Jaros took to Facebook live on the Americans for Parental Equality page to discuss his hearing on September 16, 2021, …
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Josh Jaros took to Facebook live on the Americans for Parental Equality page to discuss his hearing on September 16, 2021, …
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Gone are the days of staying together for the children. Divorce is rough on everyone, but kids are not a reason why you should stay in an unhealthy or unhappy relationship. We’ve developed our co-parenting skills until we’ve got it down to a science, but one that can be difficult is helping our kids form a relationship with their grandparents — especially our ex’s parents. How can you help nourish your children’s relationship with them?
How often do your kids talk to your parents? Calling grandma and grandpa can be a fun way to stay in contact, but it shouldn’t be limited to one set of grandparents. If they call your parents once a week, or video chat since visiting is currently discouraged, they should be doing the same thing with your ex-in-laws.
It might sound like an easy step, but if you’re only talking to your ex’s parents on holidays or during major events, you’re leaving them out of a large part of their grandchildren’s lives. That makes it hard to build a relationship. If you’re not sure what they could talk about during their weekly calls, maybe schedule them for later in the evening. That way, grandma and grandpa can read them a bedtime story over the phone or video chat.
Even if you and your ex aren’t on the best of terms, you should create a set of co-parenting rules that help define your behavior around each other and the kids. If nourishing a relationship between your children and your ex’s parents is important to you, make sure it’s defined in your expectations.
Rules help outline your behavior so you don’t have to spend a lot of time conversing with one another outside of the context of your children. This is helpful if you’re not on good terms. They can also ensure neither one of you is going to interfere with the relationship your children are building with their respective grandparents.
If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that we need to be prepared for everything. The spread of the coronavirus has made visiting friends and family members — especially those that are elderly or have underlying health conditions — anathema because we could be putting them at risk.
Make sure you’re prepared for the unpredictable. That might sound impossible, because how can you get ready for something you can’t predict? However, if you take the right steps, nothing will surprise you.
This should be one of your most important co-parenting rules, whether grandparents are involved or not. Everyone should be required to keep things civil. Don’t talk crap about your ex or their parents around your kids. Don’t let your ex or your former in-laws disparage you and your parenting methods.
This can be a deal-breaker, so if you want to foster a relationship between your children and your ex-in-laws, make sure everyone is on the same page. If anyone breaks that rule, you may need to limit contact with them until they understand the consequences of their actions. It sounds harsh, but even if you’re not in a relationship anymore, co-parenting is still a partnership. Everyone has to be on the same page, or it all falls apart.
This step might require a bit of creative scheduling, especially if the two halves of your family aren’t on the best of terms. However, holidays are an important part of relationship-building, especially for grandparents. You’ve got a lot of options here. You can have one big joint holiday gathering if everyone is on speaking terms with one another and can remain civil for a few hours for the sake of their grandchildren.
If that isn’t possible, consider multiple holiday celebrations held on different days. Visit your parents one day and your ex’s parents next. The following year, visit the ex’s parents first, and then yours so everything is balanced. Whatever you do, make sure you’re keeping everyone involved in the holidays they celebrate.
Even if things fell apart between you and your ex, once you have kids together, your in-laws are still family. They deserve to have a relationship with their grandchildren. While there may be situations where this kind of relationship isn’t possible or wanted, you need to do everything in your power to keep communications open.
You don’t have to compromise your parenting style to help your children build a relationship with your ex’s parents, but you owe it to them to help them connect with their grandparents on both sides of the family. Your kids will be happier for it, and you can show them the value of strong family connections.
The post How to Nourish Your Children’s Relationship Your Ex’s Parents appeared first on Divorced Moms.
Thirteen insights and messages children of divorce want their parents to know and understand that parents often overlook or don’t want to hear.
The post What Divorced Parents Don’t Know That Their Kids Wish They Did Know! appeared first on Divorce Magazine.
Because my parents had a cooperative divorce, the evolution of our family was a relatively easy process for me. There were a rough few months during the initial adjustment period, but then I settled in and truly began to enjoy my two-home lifestyle.
At the time, I was simply having fun and going with the flow. I was ignorant of the gravity of the situation and oblivious to the life lessons I was absorbing. Years of adult-style research and reflection have helped me realize the gifts that came from my parents’ separation. When I think about the divorce, I’m grateful because…
As my parents recoupled, I gained a handful of pseudo-step-relatives, one of which became my best friend. I wasn’t particularly close with all the members of my new family, yet I continued to benefit from a larger circle of people who cared and supported my academic and extra-curricular pursuits.
Throughout the divorce process, I saw my mom and dad struggle with their emotions as well as their ever-increasing responsibilities. The changes in our family unmasked a host of vulnerabilities that forced us to meet on common ground instead of maintaining the superiority model of a traditional parent/child relationship. The breakdown of those walls made it easier to confide in my mom and dad about tough issues, and to this day I believe that I’m closer with each of them as a result of the divorce.
My primary childhood home lacked a male presence and excessive funding. As a result, we adapted to live with a messy house, mismatched curtains, dog-eaten linoleum and a faucet that operated only with the aid of pliers. It wasn’t a big deal. We still had clothes, shoes, food and heat, as well as plenty of laughter. I never did learn the value of a tidy bedroom, however, I don’t feel that’s a great loss.
It was obvious to me that no matter how rich their history and how deeply my parents cared about each other, they couldn’t maintain their life together. They were different people. People who needed to fulfill separate destinies. As a result, I learned to stand up for myself and my goals while realizing that others must do the same. In my own marriage, I refused to sacrifice to the point of suicide, and I wished my husband well as we shook hands and parted ways. It’s OK to want different things.
I’m sure my mom and dad disagreed from time to time, but they kept it out of my earshot. For the most part, the strongly-worded arguments halted when my parents stopped living together. Because of the divorce, my home was peaceful once again and my stress levels returned to that of a normal adolescent.
To be completely honest, the reality of divorce shattered my fantasies of becoming a housewife. This might sound a little sad, but I know it was for the best since I’m a terrible cook and I hate to clean. On the other hand, I’m pretty darn proud of my education, career(s) and ability to support myself regardless of my relationship status.
My parents’ divorce helped to shape me into who I am, and I’m quite happy with the result. I’m always disappointed to hear parents confess their guilt over a divorce. Of course, I can only speak for myself, but personally, I carry a lot of gratitude and wouldn’t change a thing about the way I grew up.
The post 6 Gifts Of Growing Up With Divorced Parents appeared first on Divorced Moms.
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