It’s completely understandable why you would want to warn people about the narcissist. Because narcissists seem to keep getting away with it.
Innocent people get torn apart and hurt.
However, myself and so many people, have experienced that trying to warn other people just didn’t work.
It only made things even more traumatizing and devastating for us, and turned people, including family and friends and even authorities, against us.
This is a very important question. So many people ask, “Should I warn this person about the narcissist?”
Those of us who have tried in the past have suffered some very poor results when doing this. I know that many of you would like to help other people so they do not go through what you have, especially people who you love.
However, this usually doesn’t turn out well.
In today’s Thriver TV episode, we investigate why warning people usually doesn’t work, and what you CAN do to help people leave and recover from narcissists.
Okay, so before we get started, thank you for subscribing to my channel and supporting the Thriver mission, which is the raising of awareness that it is possible to heal for real from narcissistic abuse, in a much shorter time frame than with contemporary processes.
Okay now let’s get started on today’s episode.
When You Are Traumatised Don’t Act
Most of us, when trying to warn somebody about the narcissist, were still very deeply entrenched in the trauma of what this person had done to us.
Like Bill. His wife Denise left him for Jeff, one of her work contacts. Denise had always been the “street angel, home devil”. This person had no idea what she was like behind closed doors.
Of course, Bill had been smeared to Jeff and Jeff believed Denise’s version of things. Bill, traumatised beyond measure, tried to get Jeff to understand what had happened and what Denise was really like – but it only made Bill look even more guilty of what Denise had portrayed him as.
I want you to know with all my heart that there is a very profound and absolute Quantum Law, and it is this: if you try to take any action from a place of being traumatised, the results of your actions are only ever going to bring you more trauma.
This Law of so within, so without is as absolute as gravity.
Think back through your life, and you will know that what I’m saying is completely and utterly true. Your real-life results are the proof.
This applies when we try to warn the new supply, our children, family and friends and even authorities.
This happened to me horrifically. The harder I tried to warn people and prove my own innocence the more his family, my family, my friends, colleagues and all legal and police associations completely believed that I was the problem.
Even my son believed him.
Of course, we want these people to know the truth. We want to stop the horrific smearing that is happening to us. We want to warn those who are being bewitched and mesmerized by the narcissist.
However, if you try to achieve this while you are still suffering from intense trauma, forget it. It only makes matters worse for you.
In fact, the narcissist will use your trauma against you, as the bullets to shoot you with.
Let Go of Your Dismay
Marie, like most of us before Thriver Healing, was distraught by how many people believed the narcissist and thought badly of her.
Her family was even still socially inviting the narcissist to functions!
The trauma was so horrific for Marie that she thought she was going to die.
She felt intense resentment and betrayal toward these people.
I promise you, even though you may feel justified in feeling this, you will be stuck in Wrong Town. There is no healing or resurrection of your life in this orientation.
It can be helpful to understand that narcissists are very skilled at appearing calm, cool and measured. In stark contrast, you are likely to be completely dishevelled and distraught and feel out of control.
Who appears to be more believable?
Narcissists are able to cross all boundaries and borders by lying about anything and everything that will suit their agenda. Normal adults have been conditioned to believe that when somebody looks you in the eyes and appears to be credible, that they are telling you the truth.
I remember some years ago a very dear friend of mine John was married to Grace. I started to discover that Grace was a deeply troubled woman and had quite a few narcissistic traits.
Yet, she told me stories about John that were so compelling that I started to believe them. This was even after I had become a global narcissistic abuse recovery expert!
One morning, whilst staying at their home, I overheard a conversation that Grace had with John. She later relayed a completely different version to me. It was then that I realised she had been lying to me all along, and I broke off all contact with her.
Why had I believed her instead of John? It was because I’m a normal human being who can still be susceptible to someone’s narcissistic Academy Award performance.
Don’t blame these people, it can happen to anybody!
The People Involved Are on a Soul Journey
Those of us who’ve been narcissistically abused and have actualised our Thriver Recovery understand a very deep truth.
This … the narcissist in our life smashed our unhealed wounds and insecurities up to the surface so that we could let go of them and turn inwards to self-partner to heal these parts of ourselves.
There, in a nutshell, within the healing of these wounds, is the gold of our personal evolution.
If we hadn’t done this, we would still be traumatised and diminished, living in mere survival stuck with all the abuse symptoms of ongoing PTSD, agoraphobia, diminished trust in self, life and others and all the other nasties that go with failed recoveries.
But, because we went through a very real healing journey, we are incredibly grateful to be not just released from narcissistic abuse, but also from all of our previous insecurities, limitations, anxieties and depression that were holding us back as a result of not yet being fully self-partnered.
Narcissistic abuse generated the grist that forced us to finally turn inside to do this essential inner work.
As such, this brings a completely different perspective regarding wanting to warn others. You know the truth now, that everyone who is hooked into a narcissist is also going through an incredible soul journey themselves.
They now have the opportunity to also heal and evolve those parts of themselves that are susceptible and being targeted and smashed up to the surface.
This I know with every ounce of my Being, if people are saved prematurely from this journey with a narcissist, they still have to meet up with another abuser in the future who will deliver the same agonising trauma.
Why? Because this is a soul contract. This is what this person’s soul and true Inner Being wants more than anything – for this person to give up trying to seek outer false sources to take away the pain, and come home to being self-partnered and healed within themself.
What soul wouldn’t want that?
There are no mistakes here.
How do you feel about what I just shared with you? I would love you to pause this video and write to me how this feels for you below.
The Most Powerful Thing You Can do to Help
I know that the most powerful thing that I can ever do regarding helping somebody who is with a narcissist, is to heal myself regarding how I “see” them.
If I see this person as a powerless victim, then I add to the Energetic Field, where we are all interconnected, regarding them being a powerless and helpless victim.
If I heal within myself how I see this person and reach the true knowing that they are an evolving being awakening to their own empowered and wholeness evolution, then I add to THAT reality occurring.
It is because of understanding all of this powerfully that my greatest mission is to hold the space for all of us, to awaken into the glory of this experience and exactly what our soul intends for us.
When I do this, for those whom I love and care about, I’ve experienced the sheer miracle, time and time again, of people rising up to claim this higher level of vibration.
Those of you who are NARP members I cannot recommend enough, for the people in your life who you love to do the healing on yourself regarding how you feel about it.
Heal that and then see the incredible results unfold.
So, to wrap up this episode, my total recommendation is not to try to warn people.
Rather, heal you and be the example who will change the world.
At the moment healing our world is very important because it is deeply in crisis. There is a greater need now more than ever for us to claim our personal solidness, peace and power for ourselves personally, and for those we love and our world.
Please know that my Quanta Freedom Healing programs are all home-based and backed with an incredible global support system that you have access to 24/7. This means that you don’t need to travel anywhere and that you can stay in the peace and sanctity of your own home while you deeply heal.
And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.