There are many ways to describe Codependency, but for the sake of intimate relationships, I will use this one. This definition was given by Scott Wetzler, Ph.D., “Codependent relationships signify a degree of unhealthy clinginess, where one person doesn’t have self-sufficiency or autonomy. One or both parties depend on their loved one for fulfillment.”
I believe we are all codependent when we are not standing in our truth. When we don’t know who we are we look to those closest to us, in this case, our partner, to fulfill our own needs: financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. That’s a tall order! Imagine one person having the job of making you happy? This is like saying your partner is your one-stop-shop for meeting all your needs, and when they don’t meet all your needs because that is an impossible undertaking, you create toxic expectations.
The truth is nobody can make you happy. Nobody can “complete you.” Sure there are some people that like having a codependent relationship, but typically it’s because they want power over you. Eventually, the soul craves freedom; freedom to be who you are, and if it doesn’t get that freedom, fulfillment will never come.
So why bring up codependency in the aftermath of divorce? Because how you do anything is how you do everything. If you were codependent in your marriage you will still be codependent in divorce. You may still be very codependent with your ex-spouse. Most marriages do not come to an end consciously on their own, many times one of the parties doesn’t even want to divorce. They may not know who they are without their partner, because their identity is tied to who they were as a couple. This is by definition what it means to lack autonomy…”I don’t know who I am without you.”
I get it. I started dating my partner when we were teenagers. We were just kids. We had no idea who we even were yet. We were together for 19 years. It was as if we had morphed into the same being. It was not until my mid-thirties that my soul craved autonomy. It craved to know who it was, apart from being a wife and a mother. I had no idea who I was because I depended on my partner to carry me…to carry us. It was unfair, not only to him but to my spirit.
It didn’t stop there. Even in the aftermath of divorce, I was still codependent. There I was, wanting out of this marriage, craving the freedom to be who I was, yet still giving my power away. This was so subtle that the naked eye couldn’t even catch it.
I needed him to make me feel significant, I needed him to validate me as a good mother, I needed him to respect me, I needed him to know that I was capable of being on my own, and I needed him to know that I was powerful.
I NEEDED HIM. I STILL NEEDED HIM. I WAS GIVING MY POWER AWAY TO HIM.
This was the energy I was giving him, the power I was giving away as if I was screaming to the universe that I wasn’t enough. I was saying that I needed someone else in order to feel worthy, in order to be fulfilled. How was it that I needed someone so much that I was trying to separate from? It was the ultimate contradiction. My soul needed autonomy, yet my ego needed validation to feel worthy. It was a need that was impossible to fill by someone else.
This energy was the ignitor for a tug-of-war throughout my divorce, and it kept me energetically attached…it kept us attached. This is what it means to be physically divorced but still energetically married…to be energetically attached to a person you were previously bonded with intimately. Your souls connected at one point, and in divorce, it doesn’t disappear after signing divorce papers. This takes awareness. I talk about this in more detail here are-you-divorced-but-still-feel-like-you-are-energetically-married
I finally realized all the ways in which I was giving my power away, and what I needed to do in order to reclaim it. You know when you are no longer codependent when you are no longer triggered, and they no longer have the power to bring you to your knees. When nothing anyone does, says or takes away causes you to react any longer. No more energy is given away, no more power is handed over carelessly. You begin to start remembering who you are, and you remember how powerful you are.
I was done playing tug-of-war. I spent too many years holding onto that rope so tight that letting go felt like absolute freedom to my soul. It was a freedom that I never knew existed but internally remembered it as my true essence. Freedom came from knowing that I didn’t need anyone to make me feel worthy and that it was time to rediscover who I was and what I was capable of in this lifetime. This came from slowly disconnecting to what was taking my power away and reconnecting to myself, to my truth.
The post Codependency in the Aftermath of Divorce: Why Are You Still Giving Your Power Away? appeared first on Divorced Moms.
I’ve no doubt that today is going to be a very spirited conversation. (Pardon the pun!)
Because I want to talk to you about your Higher Power – and what I believe from the Quantum perspective that it is.
Today’s Thriver TV is about how our connection with our Higher Power links into the relationships we have with ourselves, life and others – and how we can holistically integrate effectively and become at one with ALL of these parts.
Many of you in this Community have asked me over the years, ‘How CAN I connect to my Higher Power?’, so it is with absolute joy that today I talk to you about a topic very dear to my heart.
Many people want to know how to connect to their Higher Power.
Or maybe you haven’t thought about connecting to your Higher Power and so wonder what that may be like. Maybe you don’t even know that you would like to connect to a Higher Power, and therefore haven’t thought about whether this is necessary or not.
Maybe you have had religious experiences that have turned you off the ‘God thing’, and therefore you’re not sure whether you even want to believe in a Higher Power, let alone connect to one.
Whatever your thoughts, feelings and circumstance, I am really thrilled to be having this conversation about a Higher Power with you today, because it is a topic really close to my heart. And I hope with all my heart, that this video will enlighten you and clear up some important questions for you, as well as give you access to the joy, truth, relief and love that your heart and soul yearns for.
Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do.
And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Now, on to the episode!
What Is Your Higher Power?
I think the answer to this question is very personal, and I really don’t believe there is any right or wrong answer. I’ll give you my personal take on a Higher Power, and I would really love it in your comments about this video that you please respect other people’s beliefs or versions of their Higher Power.
There have been enough judgement and atrocities, including countless murders, on this planet already due to people demonising other people’s Higher Power views and beliefs. This is not what this Thriver space is here for.
If you want to do that, I ask you respectfully please do it somewhere else.
Anyway, this is what I believe – God/Source/Creation/Lifeforce is everywhere and is in everything. I believe my Higher Power is the space from where everything came and is the part of my Inner Being that governs and controls my cells and processes. Also, I believe our Higher Power is the miracle of life and all that ‘is’. I believe God is Quantum and the Creator of Quantum Law.
I believe this God-force does not look at us as lesser, unworthy beings, but is showing us, through life experience, that we are magnificent God-like Quantum Beings.
I believe this God-force is loving and benevolent and non-judgemental and does not impose conditions of love and acceptance. I believe that these are man-made constructs.
I believe All That IS …. already IS …. and has NO Requirement. What could God want when God is already everything?
I believe that we are SO unconditionally loved by God, and that the God Quantum Energy state says, ‘Whatever you are Being – I will give you more of THAT, without any judgment.’
I believe God does not choose our destinies, but allows us to choose and create them ourselves, and that God is always calling us forward with all that we need to choose differently, if what we are choosing is not our True Self and True Life.
I feel so blessed in my life today, to experience incredible love and partnership with my Higher Power. I feel adored without conditions, and I feel that Source has my back and is always striving to bring me exactly what I need in order to release myself to the next highest level of love, joy, success and glory.
This is the partnership I have with my Higher Power now – but it certainly was not always like this.
So, let me explain what it was like – and the shift I had to make to live with this Higher Power relationship.
My Previous Fractures With God
I used to have many personal and painful beliefs regarding my Higher Power.
I believed God thought I was wrong, defective, and even ‘bad’.
It’s interesting … when I have worked with people with Quanta Freedom Healing, who have been abused by narcissists, how often these painful beliefs have been trapped in their subconscious also.
And to me, it stands to reason how in real life we get and accept the treatment that relates to the subconscious feelings we really have about ourselves.
But more than this, it really is how we feel about our Higher Power’s relationship with us.
I absolutely used to believe that this Higher Force was judging me, punishing me and had even forsaken me.
On the inside, I felt like God must have turned his/her back on me; that I was all alone, out on the edge without love, guidance or a way back home.
In fact, I felt so disconnected from God that I thought I must be a horrible mistake, some abnormality that wasn’t even meant to be here.
When I got deeply into my Thriver Recovery, I knew that an integrated being is someone who feels whole within their relationship with their Higher Power and Self and Others/Life. I knew I had to heal this, because it became apparent to me that for these relationships to be real and functional, I could not have one without the other.
If deep down we believe God doesn’t love us or is punishing us, then how can we love and accept ourselves?
We can’t. And this is why we look to False Sources for our salvation – for our sense of inner wholeness, love, approval, security and survival – rather than have a relationship directly with our True Source.
And this is why we go through horrific experiences with narcissists.
In my awakening on my bathroom floor, when I saw the truth about my disconnection with myself and God and Life in general, I knew I had to heal all of it. I knew I had to find and connect to the truth with my Higher Power. I had seen the truth of Source in my breakdown epiphany; I had felt the unconditional love and the devotion of how everything had happened FOR me and not TO me.
But how was I going to come home to live that truth every day?
The Truth of Our Relationship With God
What I really know as my personal truth now is that we are never not partnered with Our Higher Power, because God is so big we can’t miss him/her.
I also know God and we are One, eternally – and yet we can absolutely have the experience of NOT being with God.
As the God like Creators we are, in the hologram of our personal experience, we are unfolding to the letter our believed experience, according to the emotional experiences and belief systems we have taken on from others.
If we were not taught about our Oneness with God, and instead believed in separation, judgement and conditions, then our soul, which is NOT these things now, will have turned away from this lack of love.
In previous times, having a relationship with God through some of God’s finest presence, such as in plants, nature, healing arts and the ecology of medicine and intelligence of our planet, literally meant death to millions of women who were demonised as witches.
This trauma is still in all our female psyches.
It was not God at work; it was humans using God as their vehicle to do such things.
Likewise, it is frightening the number of adults I have done deep healing with, who were sexually abused through church groups or beaten maliciously by nuns, in the name of God.
I have also done healings with people who carried the terror of being terrified to fall asleep if they hadn’t said their prayers as children, as an example, in case they died in the middle of the night and went to hell instead of heaven.
(Now, I don’t believe hell is a place. It is a state, and that state is the ‘separation trauma’ of not knowing the truth about God.)
I don’t believe any of these ‘rules’ and ‘behaviours’ have anything to do with God. I believe they were man-made constructs portraying God as a needy, judgemental and vengeful human, instead of our True Higher Loving Power.
Is it any wonder so many of us have had fractures with God?
I know mine were horrific.
I believe in the human psyche and that on both personal and collective levels, these fractures ARE shocking and are incredibly responsible for the relationships that we have with ourselves and with each other.
How to Heal Our Relationship With God
This I know – when we find and release and up level all of the terrible fractures we have internalised about our Higher Power, we come home to our True Relationship with God.
This relationship is what we already have coded within us as our organic truth. There is nothing we need to do to GET it, because we already ARE it. We already are at ONE, unconditionally, with God.
These traumas and false beliefs that have been inflicted upon us, taking us out of our Creator Truth and Power, are what disconnects us from knowing this relationship.
The following is what we experience when we get these traumas out of the way:
We know we are safe, eternal, immortal and will never not exist. We know we are already ‘home’, no matter where we are.
We know we are love and loved.
We know that if we honour our Inner Being, we honour all of Creation – The Field and Life and Others – and that God backs, support and honours this truth.
We know that what we want deeply at a soul level is what God wants for us too, just as much, and that God is always co-partnering with us to grant us this.
We know that we are flourished, nourished and adored beyond measure.
We deeply understand that when we take a wrong turn and things seem bad, that God is still loving us enough to grant us the evidence to awaken us back to our True Self and True Life.
The Filling of the Light With Quanta Freedom Healing Shifts In the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP)
In every NARP Healing shift experience, you are loading up the traumas and false beliefs that hurt, on any and every topic in your life, and then filling the space with your Higher Power.
NARP is so effective and heals what our logical mind simply can’t because it enlists a Higher Power to enter you where the trauma previously was.
And this Higher Power is not a needy, judgemental, conditional human construct of a God. Instead, it is your superconscious – the highest, wisest, infinite potential on any particular topic you are working on at the time. Because that is WHAT God JUST is!
This is what grants the spectacular shifts away from traumatised, broken states into fulfilled, whole, empowered ones instantly with NARP, and is why it regularly heals the unhealable in this Community.
To really accept and fill up and expand with this Light, it has been essential for some NARP members, myself included, to do specific healings on releasing the inner fractures with our Higher Power.
NARP addresses this specifically in certain Modules, recognising how essential it is, and these fractures can also be targeted with Module 1 or the Bonus Modules, in ways that are highly specific and effective.
If you are already on NARP and you want more specific direction, please ask here on the blog – I am really happy to answer your comments and questions about this.
If you are not a NARP member yet, and you want to release all that is NOT you and start filling with your Higher Power – your superconscious Self – then I can’t recommend enough doing the Module healings.
It is EXACTLY what healed me.
Okay, you can get started on NARP by clicking this link. And please know that you have a complete guarantee with my program – there is nothing for you to risk in trying it.
So, in closing, please let’s respect each other’s Higher Power choices and views, and please know I am totally not offended in any way if you don’t agree with my views.
I look forward to your comments and questions.
Narcissists can leave you feeling overpowered, helpless and hopeless and wondering if you will ever feel safe and healthy again.
I understand these feelings as this is how I felt at the hands of narcissists too.
When we are in the middle of narcissistic abuse it is easy to hand over all our power to someone we believe is powerful but into today’s episode, I want to share with you why I believe that a Narcissist is NOT powerful and why Quantum truths will set you free.
The irony is that the WAY to do it has been there waiting for us all along, in an accessible place – we just may not have realised it.
I know that narcissists seem all-powerful. Many people, myself included, have likened them to Terminators – relentless machines that just do not give up when they seem determined to destroy your life.
Today I’m telling you this is not the truth. There is a way where you can take your power back and know that narcissists do not have power over you.
If you are suffering the horrible, unspeakable trauma of what a narcissist has done or is doing to you, you really need to know what I am about to share with you.
This information literally saved my life. And I know it could save yours from almost certain destruction as well.
So … before we get started I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Okay, let’s move on into this information.
Some Quantum and Energetic Truths
Those of you who are logically based, you may find the following pretty woohoo. Once upon a time I would have too. Yet I will say this – when you have had enough of being defeated and smashed at every turn by a narcissist, you will try radical things to stop it.
This I believe and live with every part of my Being – so within so without.
Which means quite simply and succinctly: ‘If I change my inner emotional experience about something, then the experience must change in my outer experience.’
Why is this the case?
Because Quantum and Neuro Scientists are now proving what spiritualists have known for a very long time. That our consciousness is directly connected to everything and everyone as interconnected wave functions. Therefore, we are no longer a part of a random ‘separated’ Universe – we are Quantum Creators able to change our outer Universe by consciously adopting a new inner Universe.
I don’t know about you – I was always spiritual and very much in the belief of ‘interconnectedness’, however, I was never forced to truly ‘get’ this until narcissistic abuse. The reason I wasn’t was because NEVER in my life had I lived the experience of being attacked so mercilessly and cruelly in ways that were obviously without conscience – and therefore to me were senseless.
Why would anyone want to destroy someone’s life?
Why would someone want to bring another person to their knees with pathological lies and malicious acts and treat them with such contempt?
It defied everything that I believed to be ‘human’.
Like most of us, I tried to combat this is the human way. I was distraught, devastated and incensed and I tried to fight back. I went to authorities and friends, family and associates to tell them what was happening to me.
Yet I was powerless to make any headway with these people – they didn’t believe me. Even when I had proof, they didn’t believe me. I didn’t get any help from them. Instead I was distrusted and blamed by them, and I became further traumatised and abandoned. People thought I was the crazy one and that he was the abused one.
I was missing the biggest piece of the puzzle – so within, so without.
I didn’t realise that narcissists and narcissistic abuse is an energetic phenomenon of epic proportions showing us the utter Quantum Truth of matters – Our inner, unhealed, traumatised state is exactly what the narcissist continues to deliver to us.
Please know in no way am I invalidating what you have been through. Of course, you will be traumatised! I remember being so traumatised that even getting an hour’s straight sleep or eating a few mouthfuls of food was a major accomplishment. My life-force ended up so disturbed and dysregulated from narcissistic abuse that I had a complete psychotic and adrenal breakdown.
I need you to know in no way am I being glib or dismissive about the shocking mind-boggling trauma that narcissists inflict on us.
But rather than bang on about that, my mission and my job is to save your life-force just as I did my own. That is why I am here to help you awaken to the ONLY way we can do this, which is to release and up level beyond the trauma inside and become emotionally calm and clear regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing – and then narcissists can no longer be the experience of trauma in our life.
A Quantum Leap
A narcissist’s supposed unstoppable terror campaign can be shocking.
Judy had been divorced for five years from her narcissistic husband. She reported to the police still random suffering break-ins to her apartment (she had moved twelve times in the last five years), her tires being slashed, tracking devices put on her car, her technology, including bank accounts, being hacked, and every time she got a new job being fired unexpectedly because of covert smearing.
She said the narcissist had bombarded her with all sorts of horrific episodes that had left her beyond deranged.
Of course, to outside people it seemed like Judy was making all of this up and that she was suffering paranoid delusions. Many of us have experienced ‘things’ with narcissists that are stranger than fiction. Things that people can’t even fathom as believable.
This was the thing – I knew that it was possible for Judy to be suffering these attacks, and I also knew that if she continued being destroyed on the inside that she would be disintegrated on the outside and would forever remain powerless.
Many people like Judy, sadly, who are at this level of feeling smashed by a narcissist, are not responsive to doing inner work and releasing their highly activated trauma. And I understand why – I’ve been there. The more traumatised we are, the more we are in hyperarousal with our survival brain focused on trying to combat the outer world to try to get change and relief.
Yet, we have no power there – at all. The only power we have is inside, in the unseen world, the Quantum interconnectedness with what a narcissist is doing within the wave function of our visceral and emotional self.
Something in Judy clicked. Maybe when you already feel dead inside, hopeless and helpless, you know there is nothing else to do. I understand this because that was my experience too – I like Judy only turned inwards after exhausting every other option.
Most people who are ‘doers’ struggle with this – and quite understandably!
Judy started her NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) healings. She took all focus off what he would do next and worked the healings as if there was nothing else to do – and there wasn’t. She had no job, no friends and family supporting her (they had all turned away); no way to pay her bills and absolutely nothing to look forward to.
She was past the point of caring to try to ‘do’ anything – and so she got down to the job of attending to her Beingness.
Small things continued to happen to her, but she ignored trying to combat them. ‘What’s the point?’ she said. She went inside herself with NARP and released all the trauma that was being triggered within.
A little after a month, Judy couldn’t care less what he tried to do; she fully felt like ‘Life’ had her back and would work out in her favour. She was sleeping, eating and had a new job. She had no terror of losing her job, and she didn’t.
Not long after that, while doing a Quanta Freedom Healing with me, she told me nothing had happened – at all. Everything had stopped. We worked on her fear of it starting up again and she shifted into the inner space of ‘If it does, I’ll just go within and release that traumatised trigger as well – that’s all I have to do!’
That was the day the fear was completely gone. Judy had fully anchored into her Quantum Truth – ‘On every topic in my life I am the Creator if it. My inner experience generates my outer – always.’
She never experienced anything happening to her again.
I have seen over the last ten plus years, in thousands of cases, how this formula irrefutably works – it’s a Law as absolute as gravity. I have seen countless people in custody and property battles, and dealing with stalking, harassment, smearing and other obscene things, all get peace, resolution and an end to the narcissist being able to hurt them, when they go inside and embrace and release the corresponding trauma.
Of course, when we are flooded with trauma there may be things we think are happening that aren’t. Or maybe they are. It didn’t matter whether Judy was suffering all of these previous attacks for real or not. Trauma is trauma and when it is purged from our inner experience, then our real life experience shifts – no matter what the source of the inner experience was.
Belief In The Unseen
I know it can be hard to believe in a force that you can’t see. As I’ve mentioned, I used to be very left-brain focused as well.
However, think about this: How does your subconscious instruct your entire being to process billions of tasks in ways that your left brain can’t even begin to understand, and isn’t even consciously aware of happening?
Trauma experts and neuroscientists now know that the subconscious brain is responsible for 95% of the unfolding of your entire life experience by the time you are 35 years of age. Your subconscious is in your body; it is all going on in your visceral and emotional experiences. This is where your attention, focus and efforts need to be to change your life.
I totally agree with the experts, and this is why my healing system humbly works. It is what the Thriver Movement is all about – getting us into our Beings to get the real healing work done where it needs to be.
True healing is an inner, unseen, somatically felt journey that I created in a practical, step-by-step way. A journey where you don’t have to work any of it out, you just need to follow the instructions and try it for yourself.
If you have had enough of the fear and the pain of what the narcissist in your life is doing to you or the trauma continuing in your inner world, even if he or she is gone from your life, it’s time to release yourself
If you are with me, please write below, ‘It’s time to turn inwards and release myself NOW!’.
To start turning your fear into relief and personal power today, click the link at the top right of this video, to connect with my free inner transformational resources.
And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
Please write your comments and questions below, as I love answering them for you!
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