Due Process is a Thing? – My Advocate Center

Often in domestic law, especially in child custody matters, parents wonder why reasonable notice, ability to present evidence or things that make or break their right to be involved in their children’s lives seems to not matter.

Fairness is just glossed over like a sizzling ad campaign to make it seem safe to enter a legal process as a parent, but which fades after you make it far enough in past the storefront. It is not just a disappointment when laws providing for a fair process are not applied, it is traumatic. In watching the video of the oral argument shown below, you’ll see that the Georgia Court of Appeals panel is quite passionate about this subject.

This makes no sense in light of that passion:

I’ve actually heard lawyers in domestic circles say that due process does not matter or does not exist in family law, even though there are rules and there is plenty of case law that talks about the ramifications if a party is deprived of due process, if a specific civil right is denied. How can lawyers have this attitude that conflicts so dramatically with the beliefs of appellate court judges?

After years of seeing enormous, life-altering – and in a bad way for children and safe, loving parents – voids (a black hole likely to allow no safe return) when it comes to having opportunity to be heard and having rulings, let alone timely rulings, I was encouraged to see this issue argued so passionately in our Court of Appeals. I saw it because a news media team featured it on The Reveal, a unique show produced by Atlanta’s 11 Alive, and I hope it makes its way to the eyeballs, through the brains and into the hearts of our domestic lawyers and family court judges. Yes, I believe anything is possible.

Grab a seat and be ready to take notes. For sure send your comments through social media or contact me here.

How many more arguments of this kind would you like to see in our appellate courts where you can learn directly from our Judges this way? If you have a case you believe is heading towards oral argument which involves parental rights, relief to restore parent-child bonds and ensure due process in child custody and other domestic matters, please send me a note with a case number.

Thank you!

Deborah Beacham


9 Issue that Will Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process

9 Issue that Will Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process

Changing your estate plan, qualifying for a mortgage and going back to work may be things you face post-divorce. The sooner you start to address these issues, the better off you will be.

The post 9 Issue that Will Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


9 Issue that Will Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process

9 Issues that Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process

Changing your estate plan, qualifying for a mortgage and going back to work may be things you face post-divorce. The sooner you start to address these issues, the better off you will be.

The post 9 Issues that Need Your Attention During the Divorce Process appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


divorce when you still love him

4 Ways To Deal With The Divorce Process When You Still Love Him

divorce when you still love him


In my divorce mediation practice, I often work with couples where one party is still, deeply in love with the spouse who wants a divorce. In this article, we’ll focus on advice for wives who find themselves in this painful situation. To be honest, I’ve found it’s just as often true that it’s the wife who wants to end the marriage and the husband who is still in love.

In any event, these are heart-wrenching divorce cases and over the years I have given this topic a lot of thought. Here are my thoughts.

4 tips for dealing with divorce when you still love him.

1. Do not retaliate or act out

The momentary urge to “get even” or act on hurt feelings can be difficult to resist. Taking action in the midst of hurt or anger may be satisfying and feel good in the moment, but be aware that acting on this urge will have consequences.  In one of my early cases, I observed the consequences of a young wife and mother who acted on those feelings when she was angry at her husband whom she deeply loved. During a marital argument, he moved out and demanded a divorce.

In the midst of their argument, he had made a caustic comment about her haggard appearance and post-pregnancy weight retention. The comment was understandably deeply hurtful to her. Reacting to the pain of his callous remark and his decision to move out, she retaliated. She had a short fling with one of her husband’s close friends.

A few weeks later the couple patched things up and he moved back home with his wife and their two young children.  A few weeks later she discovered that she was pregnant (…the pregnancy was not the result of make-up sex with her husband).

They stayed together for a few more years rationalizing that since he was the one who had left, he really shouldn’t complain about her behavior during the breakup. Meanwhile, the husband’s former good friend was paying child support every month and had visitation with the baby. As you can guess, this arrangement just kept reminding the husband of his wife’s retaliation; eventually, the marriage failed.

So my best advice is to avoid taking any action which will harm the man you love or the marriage you say you want. Examples of what NOT to do may seem to fit a stereotype. Even so, I’ve found them to be very common in cases where the husband seeks divorce and the wife is still in love, but hurt and angry. (Could this same advice be given to husbands who still love their wife who’s asking for a divorce? You bet.)

 Here is a partial list:

  • Don’t bad-mouth him to your girlfriends or your parents. If you need to process your feelings, find a therapist or support group.
  • Don’t buy things for yourself which you have wanted but cannot readily afford. Divorce often centers on money issues. Racking up credit card debt or draining a bank account on an impulse purchase usually brings more grief than joy in the long run.
  • Don’t act out by damaging his car, destroying his tools or lashing out in any way. If you want to physically express your anger, take a brisk walk or enroll in a martial arts class. (Don’t even think about anything which would end up as a YouTube video!).

I do not mean to promise that he will come back to you, but I can attest that you make it a lot harder if you retaliate or act out when he delivers the news that he wants to leave.

2. Try not to escalate

If while still married you and your husband are fighting and he threatens divorce it is imperative that you remain as calm as you can. Yes, he may truly want a divorce and be committed to that path. However, it’s also possible that while he may have said that what he wants is a divorce, what he may truly want is to stop fighting with you.

Divorce may seem like the way to get the fighting to stop. He may also be yearning for the dynamic that existed in the early years of your relationship but not know how to reclaim it. When arguments escalate it’s common for one or both parties to say things in anger they later regret.

Of course, when the prospect of an unwanted divorce raises its head, it is wise to protect yourself and look out for your own interests, even if you still love him and would prefer to stay married. Depending on the circumstances, hiring an attorney at this stage may seem to be the best course of action.

Just keep in mind that hiring an overly aggressive lawyer may preclude a smaller step like one-on-one mediation. Being a divorce mediator, I may be biased, but I’ve seen mediation work wonders in these situations.

Remember that divorce attorneys make their money by litigating divorces. Mediators thrive by creating harmony through mutual effort to resolve conflict. Many men have told me they find divorce mediation far more satisfying than marriage counseling because it is focused on problem-solving, (often their strong suit) rather than therapy which is focused on exploring feelings (often their weak suit).

If you need legal perspective, talk with a mediator with legal experience or call a lawyer from a town far away just to get some general advice. If you still love your husband and the marriage still has a chance of survival, jumping into litigation is highly unlikely to yield the results you seek.

3. Consider whether addiction is a factor and if so, get help.

One of the frequent coping mechanisms of couples going through the hard times prior to a divorce is to escape the pain of their lost romantic feelings using addictive behaviors. If your husband has shown any signs of addiction, then it is likely that you have reacted with your own countermeasures. Sometimes they are co-dependent behaviors like nagging, trying to shame him into good behavior, lying to cover up problems and so forth.

Whatever the details, when a couple is in this addictive cycle the marriage has almost no chance to thrive unless the addictions are addressed. If you have addiction anywhere in your marriage, then start with an honest assessment of your own reactions. If he has a problem behavior, and you still love him, there are proven ways to maintain your dignity and sanity in the relationship. Try Alanon or another 12–step program geared to support the friends and family of someone with an addiction problem.

4. Explore Your Deepest Truth

The hard truth is that I have seen cases where there are wives who love their husbands and there are other cases where the wives are attached to being married but seem to be indifferent toward their husband as a person. These might seem the same, but there is a world of difference.

Explore your deepest motivations about your relationship and your marriage because at some level your husband can probably tell how you really feel about him. If you are clinging to the idea that you love him but actually, deep down, you are insecure about not being married, that will tend to energetically push him away.

On the other hand, if you truly love him and that is the priority in your heart and soul, then living in accord with those emotions may have the effect of drawing him toward you.

What might this look like? Every relationship has its own qualities and dynamics; there are as many ways to put this advice into motion as there are couples. It takes some self-examination and wisdom to know what is a kindness you can genuinely offer without feeling like you are being taken advantage of or becoming a doormat. Healthy boundaries vary from individual to individual and relationship to relationship. This is definitely not a case of one-size-fits-all.

Here are a few approaches I’ve seen succeed in drawing a couple back toward each other rather than driving them further apart:

  • If you have children, and abuse is not a concern, consider allowing as much access as possible during the first phase of your separation. Show him that you value his role in their lives as a father even if he wasn’t the greatest dad before the divorce started. Invite him to visit with the kids in the home and be gracious when he shows up. Preparing extra food for dinner so he can eat with the kids is an act of kindness which he will notice and may appreciate. If the children are engaged in after-school sports, be sure to give him notice of all the games and ask him to sit next to you when he attends. Make an extra effort to include him in family gatherings and celebrations.
  • If he has moved out, you might provide him with a generous share of the linens and silverware, maybe even spare furniture so that he does not need to go buy replacements. Consider letting him store his big-ticket items in the garage rather than force him to move them to a storage locker.

It may be counter-intuitive but sometimes making it easy for him to leave, makes it easier for him to come back.  At the same time, only you can determine what crosses the line into unhealthy co-dependence and being overly generous for the situation.


Every case is different because every couple is different. If you still love your husband and he says he wants a divorce, you will have many opportunities to choose how you show up when whatever happens next unfolds. Over the course of my mediation practice, I’ve witnessed couples move toward reconciliation after one or the other, or both, initially thought divorce was inevitable. Of course, many couples do complete the divorce process, even when one of them really wants to stay married.

Either way, these four principles help provide the best chance of moving forward with a positive outcome. 1) Don’t retaliate, 2) try not to escalate, 3) if addiction is a factor, get help and 4) explore your deepest truth.

The post 4 Ways To Deal With The Divorce Process When You Still Love Him appeared first on Divorced Moms.


How to Have a Good Divorce: Tips to Help You Through the Process

How to Have a Good Divorce: Tips to Help You Through the Process

As you navigate the process, the following suggestions may assist you in making it a bit more graceful.

The post How to Have a Good Divorce: Tips to Help You Through the Process appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


How your spouse behaves during divorce settlement negotiations will have a direct impact on whether or not you get a fair divorce settlement.

Will Your Ex Fight Fair During The Divorce Process?

How your spouse behaves during divorce settlement negotiations will have a direct impact on whether or not you get a fair divorce settlement.


How your spouse behaves during divorce settlement negotiations will have a direct impact on whether or not you get a fair divorce settlement. Unless of course, you are able to head him off at the pass.

Will Your Ex Fight Fair During The Divorce Process?

I’ll use my personal experience with divorce as an example of the point I will attempt to make in this article. During our marriage I had certain expectations of my husband; once the divorce had been filed I had the same expectations. BIG MISTAKE!

I knew my husband to be a kind, considerate and respectful man. I thought those character traits would carry through and play a role in the way we settled our lives during the divorce process. I failed to adjust my expectations and by doing so, I failed to protect my legal rights to the best of my ability.

During a marriage, we feel a sense of responsibility for the well-being of a spouse. For some divorce takes away that sense of responsibility and it becomes about protecting their own interests at the expense of the other.

If you want to come away from your divorce with an equitable settlement you need to anticipate how your spouse will choose to “defend” his/her position during the process. Just because your spouse was not aggressive during the marriage doesn’t mean they won’t be during divorce.

Behaviors That Can Predict What Legal Strategies Your Spouse Will Use:

Financial Power During the Marriage:

Will your spouse attempt to swoop down and take all the spoils? Was he the top earner in the marriage? Does he legal connections? Has he hired a divorce attorney with a reputation for engaging in adversarial divorce?

If your spouse was the one with the power during the marriage divorce isn’t going to change him into someone willing to give up their power. If anything, divorce will make them more relentless when it comes to retaining both financial and emotional power over you.

If your spouse has big money, hires a big name divorce attorney more than likely he is gearing up litigate to the death. If it is at all possible you should arm yourself with the same legal arsenal and attitude.

Emotional Instability:

No one is more dangerous during divorce than a spouse who has come unglued emotionally. If your spouse is not able to let go of negative emotions and use logic during this time then if you are not careful you are in for trouble. You will need to take into consideration that you are attempting to negotiate financial issues with someone who is not thinking and behaving rationally.

All bets are off with this kind of person. They are so unstable that they can’t take care of their own financial welfare let alone put much thought into what might be in your best interest. You will not only want a qualified divorce attorney, but you will also need to consult with a psychologist who is able to help you understand your spouse’s irrational behaviors.

Your Spouse Wants a Divorce Right Now:

Here is an example of the “right now” divorce that can leave you reeling emotionally and financially. Your spouse is having an affair; he is in love and chomping at the bit to build a new life with the new love interest. They, of course, are going to want to take as much with them when they leave the marriage as possible. Building a new life with the other woman can be money intensive and you should expect and prepare for a battle during the divorce process.

On the other hand, the spouse who gets dumped for the new love can attempt to drag out the divorce process by dragging out the process of litigation. He may try to wear you down, make you wait as long as possible to start building your new life in anticipation that they will come away with a sweeter financial settlement. In some cases, a spouse’s desire to move on quickly can be used against them in favor of the left behind spouse.

If you don’t want to end up living from pay check to pay check post-divorce you need to strategically prepare for divorce based on behaviors you are seeing in your spouse. If your spouse is behaving like an enemy you need to take up arms and use any weapons at your disposal.

The post Will Your Ex Fight Fair During The Divorce Process? appeared first on Divorced Moms.